FELIX IBIZUGBE

THE BIRTH OF A NEW YEAR

2010-12-29T14:54:00.001-08:00

Each year most people all over the world look forward to celebrate the end and, of course, the beginning of a new year with good health and great fun. To many, it represents a moment of celebration involving heavy eating and drinking. Some say it is just a new day with a change in secular calendar. Others consider it a time to evaluate their progress in life, viz a viz, their expectations. Irrespective of beliefs,one thing stands out;

an increase in ones age must occur in each year. The expectations of many lead to a resolution, a firm decision taking to do or not to do something, popularly called NEW YEAR RESOLUTION.

In view of this, I see expectations and faith as friends of a new year. Why? It is because everyone expects something, no matter the state, and for those who are religiously minded faith in their God may result in the realisation of their expectations. Expectations towards New Year differ and ranges from very high to very low or nothing. This is due largely to the differences in individuals’ physical, economic and spiritual state. For those that consider themselves optimist, a positive blood of expectation runs through their system. It starts from the first day, sometimes does not stop until the very last moment of the year. This is in contrast to the pessimist as their year is run and managed by uncertainty,fear, discouragement and complaint.As for Resolution, irrespective of the time made,it serves as a friend of change when making it and as judge of commitments when evaluating implementation.

However, as the year continues its journey of chapters wrapped in days, weeks and months, situations may change. The unexpected becomes the ruler of life for some individuals, organisations and even nations. Risk taking, beliefs, pragmatism, passion and tenacity become active part of life for those determine to succeed. At this time it could be felt that a New Year resolution is often easy to make but difficult to keep. Since change is inevitable in life, there will always be various expectations for the leaders and the led, employers and employees, parents and children, sellers and buyers. I believe resolution is a decision and thus should be planned and executed effectively.

I am an optimist, I believe in God and I have expectations. My expectations vary each year but I resolve to live my life to please my God, Jehovah, every year. I shall seek his counsel in matters and think reasonable before acting. As regard work, I shall be industrious, invest in business that benefit humanity, uphold good moral standard and save. Amid unforeseen contingencies, I shall support my brothers and sister financially and morally when it is within my powers to do so.As for you,what do you make of each day you live and what have you decided to achieve?Remember,you cannot see the picture when you are in the frame!Life has so many distraction. It is better to be yourself than be others.Be positive and expect positive change with Action,Belief and Consistency.The control of the mind is essencial because you cannot be different from your thought.

I SEE HOPE IN THE EYES OF DREAMS

2010-11-07T01:27:00.000-07:00

It is another day, a day full of surprises. No one knows what exactly it will bring but I can only expect the best to happen. It is a time when expectations are, not to say the least, high.For some, The heart is full of what ought and should be done but reality is full of uncertainty, mistakes, poor wages and rash decisions. In the island of determination, hope is an essential food of life that should be consumed reasonable.

When dreams drive you to set goals, goals become your mirror of self examination.Hope represent your strenght to hold on.Without hope it is impossible to achieve enthusiastic confidence, the energy to achieve greatness. To make a dream come true, one needs to work with realistic tools, determination and courage.

When I talk about dream, it is not just the wish to acquire material success, fame or the wish to be materially prosperous. It also includes wish to be positively transform in every aspect of life. In other words, dream is the wish to become something or something in the future, especially one that appears to be difficult to achieve,due to unfavourable circumstances. It could be emotional, material or spiritual. Dreams, I think, are often wrapped in faith irrespective of ones religious belief or background.

I never really knew the value of freedom of good association until I lost it. Then I realised that I have wasted most of my adulthood painting a picture of what is not real. I allowed ‘if’ to flood my thinking faculty and did not explore the opportunities I had in my environment.But now I am aware and know better.What about you?Do you always bemoan your lack of opportunities,educational advantages,influence and time? Or have you been dreaming for long time without taking active steps to realise your dream? Dreams are hard to follow but the greatest hardship comes, psychologically, when you allow anyone to tear your dreams away.I beleive that when hard work is marched with faith in JEHOVAH GOD, setbacks will not prevent you from achieving your dreams.Although I abhor poverty in any form, materially or spiritually.But,it is not wise to aspire to get rich at all cost or any means.Personal principle and focus should be allowed to isolate you from friends and people who do not believe that you can work out something good,or that what ever one does to acquire wealth is justified by the wealth in the end ----‘the end justify the means’syndrome.This will not encourage or bring out the best in you.

However, it is not always easy to realise dreams without support. Dreams fulfilment may be a long journey when you face the world alone. When anxiety, discouragement and fear come, no one reaches out a hand of encouragement for you to hold. As I have seen, you are tempted to believe that the sky of success and achievement is out of reach. At this point errors are likely to come. I believe errors are part of life. Thus, it should be viewed properly. When errors manifest in activities geared towards realising dreams, setback may occur. This setback often referred to as failure, can be learned from because any failed attempt could be used for another venture successfully when given proper attention. Rejecting failure as the best one can offer is a recovery step towards success, but learning from the past shortcomings and making positive, active changes is a tonic towards achieving greatness.

Frankly, no matter how bad or precarious situation looks as long as there is good health and life,always fight against discouragement and self–centeredness.keep the faith,a necessary tool for hope. I well know that an emotionally disturbed mind can’t recognise opportunities let alone explore. So be cool.Take active steps to make things happen.In time,you shall find the way,the point of break—through and explore. At the point of sustainable break—through dream will eventually become reality.Yes,in the eyes of dream,you can see hope.

INJECT HAPPINESS INTO YOUR RELATIONSHIP

2010-09-11T04:44:00.000-07:00

After a heartfelt discussion with a friend about what I personally consider a dark cloud in her relationship,I was compel to look at the entire idea of having a relationship.Moreover,what is the main essence of having a relationship between a man and a woman when happiness is not attached?Let me state that "relationship",as used in this article,refers to emotional connection between people.My focus is on the relationship between a man and a woman,especially during courtship or dating.

John Wesley once said, "do all the good you can,by all the means you can,in all the ways you can,at all the time you can..." This will best suit the actions of anyone who intend to get the best out of a relationship. It is not just what you say but also what you do.You have your part to play and so does your partner.It will be important to stress that my intention in this topic is not to play God or "Mr perfection" but to express my view as much as I can based on what I have experienced,read,learned from people and most importantly my belief.

Sometimes in life,you get to a level where you find that special one you feel means a whole lot to you.At that point you may find it difficult to express,in word, how you feel emotionally.The early part of most relationships looks charming.You are never bored or upset when together and as such anything he/she says or does is just great.You may think you have found the most wonderful,understanding,attractive and considerate person ever.

Nevertheless,as the relationship opens its chapters of realities and challenges,that new shine you felt when you first met begins to wear off.You feel secured or insecure depending on the knowledge you have of your partner.Your behaviour is an expression of your secured or unsecured feelings.When you are no longer worrying about impressing him/her,you are secured.However,when you start doubting,not ready to accept anything about each other without verification,it is a reflection of your insecure state.

This is normal because relationships take time and work to grow. As you get to know each other better,you relax and stop trying to be on your best behaviour anytime you are together.When a relationship is growing,you start noticing some strange attitude/habits in each other personality.You discover it is not everything your partner says or does is funny,meaningful or impressive.The "real you" appears.It may take mere weeks,months or years to arrive at this emotional state of reality.And when it comes,there is no pretence.It is either you are happy in the relationship or you are not,similar feeling rules your partner.

Happiness is vital in any true relationship.You,as well as your partner,deserve to be happy.Humans vary. what brings happiness to a man,in a relationship,may not be the same as that of the woman.In the words of Charles Caleb Colton,"Our minds are as different as our faces:we all want to travel to one destination;--Happiness;but we're not all going by the same road".

Material wealth contributes to happiness but it is not the defining factor of true happiness.The defining factor is contentedness.No wonder James Hurdis advise that,"To be secure,be humble.to be happy,be content".I defined true happiness as a state of mind coated with contentedness.When happiness is in a relationship,it shows the relationship is healthy.When a relationship is healthy,it means:

You enjoy each other's company and laugh when together
You respect each other
You share ideas and feelings openly
You feel safe and supported as a partner
You provide safety and support as a partner
You do not always find errors in each other

A healthy relationship is not selfish,both partners feel it,and it gives it the best chance to grow.This is a precise definition of love in a relationship.

When all these and many other positive traits are not in your relationship,do not give up yet.You can both make it work if you really want to.To do this,you have to believe you can do it and work towards improvement.Everything begins with you.You cannot change the whole world but you can change you.Are you prepared to make the needed changes just to make your relationship work and attain a healthy status?If your answer is yes,then these six tips to a happy relationship will help you to succeed.

(1)You have to be honest and trust worthy.

It takes time to trust someone and honesty brings trust.If you want your partner to be honest with you,you have to demonstrate in both words and deed that you are honest and trust worthy.A good relationship should be built on true friendship.True friendship,on the other hand,is a product of love and honesty.

(2)Keep communication line open and sound
Talk regularly about what is happening in your life and how you feel about it.sharing opinions and feelings helps, you build a greater understanding of your partner's likes,dislikes,values and goals.This,in turn,will help you speak your thought and listen to that of your partner's.

(3)Give attention and focus to your partner
When you are with your partner,be there in mind and body.You can do this by dedicating your focus to the moment you are having and try to get the best out of it,no matter how boring.

(4)Share your belief together
"Sharing is loving".We are informed by Norma Mac Ewan that,"Happiness is not so much in having as sharing.We make a living by what we get,but we make a life by what we give". A shared life philosophy and faith can help you build a connection of something greater.

(5)Accept each other's differences
Everyone has,at least,one area of life that he/she is not pleased with.Often times,you find partners with different family background,childhood experiences,desires,ideas and opinions.At times,because of humans' imperfection,accepting each other's opinions becomes difficult.this is where tolerance is needed.it is nice to discuss differences calmly.As mentioned earlier,learn to respect each other.If you want your opinion and choices respected,learn to respect the opinions and choices of others.

(6) Respect each other's freedom
We live in a world where rights of individuals are increasingly valued.Everybody wants freedom. One man's freedom is limited by the freedom of others.Having this in mind,give each other the freedom to spend time,when necessary,with family and friends from time to time.Everything should be built on trust.Time spent with others helps expand your interest and gives you something new to share amongst yourselves when you are together.

Finally,get the spark that brought you together back,if it is within your capacity to do.Often times,a relationship becomes boring and without new positive nor interesting things happening.Everything done at a point seems to be annoying and a repetition of what has been done before with no romance left.One way to get things back is to indulge in something creative together.Above all,you need to change from being a flaw finder to a strength finder.In that way,you will see your partner in a completely positive new light that creates inner satisfaction.That inner satisfaction will inject the much needed happiness in your relationship.Yes,everything starts from you!You can do it because it is possible.

REJECT FEAR AS A SOLUTION TO OBSTACLE

2009-09-17T06:44:00.000-07:00

Take a moment out of your time and think about what you wish to achieve months or years back and compare it with the position you are now.what do you find?Is there any obvious difference between your present state and what you hope to achieve?If yes,then it opens the way to another question;is it positive or negative?if it is positive then you need to maintain and/or build on it.But if it is negative, why?

What is it that is holding you back,keeping you in the same or worse condition?Have you concluded that you can't positively changed your studies,relationship,job or spirituality.You can have your freedom of joy if attention is paid to solution(s)and action is taken.I have had my own share of obstacles.In my attempt to change my situation to the better,satisfying and purposeful life of my dream,I resolve to learn from myself,experienced but wonderful writers,counsellors and the environment.Sometimes,I pay attention to the unknown just to see if lesson(s) could be learned.

My findings from a question put to people was that,many people,today,would sabotage their effort at transforming their lives and get emotionally or mentally stuck because of fear.Yes,fear has become the tool used by some individuals to overcome obstacles and they may not even know it.You may wonder,how?There are instances where fear keep people from getting what they want everyday.Fear,whether the threat is real or imagined,may be describe as the feeling or condition of being afraid.One writer simply put it as"the result of uncertainty about a situation".

Granted,all of us at one time or the other are driven by fear.That does not mean it should deny us our success and keep us in perpetual regret or emotional prison of unhappiness.Engaging in some few simple things,to relax the mind,will change the structure of your mindset.But,first, you have to recognise that fear is an obstacle in itself and not a tool needed to overcome obstacle.

When you accept fear as a way of dealing with obstacles,it becomes an absolute truth in you.There is a difference between recognising fear as an obstacle and accepting it as an absolute truth to situations.If you recognise fear as an obstacle,you act.You take active step(s) to resolve it.On the other hand,when you refuse to act or get to know why and how you've come to your conclusion,you are accepting that particular fear that you have about any situation as an absolute truth to that situation.This is dangerous,it stagnate progress,block opportunities and prevent development,especially the ones you so desire.

To explain further,we need some examples.Imagine a man standing next to a lady he admire and like so much.He want to ask her out on a date,the desire is there but he couldn't because he feels he doesn't know the person's expectations or whether he will be rejected.this feeling keep holding him back.To me,This is simlpy fear,the fear of rejection and should be recognised as such and dealt with.This kind of fear that is preventing the man,mentioned, from going out with someone he like so much can be overcome if it is seen as fear and not as a situation that is unchangable.If it seen as a made-up,unchangable situation then there will be no need for solution as it is not a problem.

What about business?You may like the idea of starting your own business but feel you may not succeed.When you take time to find out why you feel you may not succeed,it is because you've identify your feeling as fear -the obstacle of starting your business.But when you do not see the need to do that and simply jump to conclusion that you will fail if you start -no matter what- then it is no longer your fear.In your mind set,starting your own business means failure -the absolute truth.This is the fear of going broke or not being able to support yourself in the event of failure.But you've accepted it as the truth to the situation,therefore you will never think of how to solve it because you don't consider it as your own problem anymore.

Another example is in the labour market.An employee may be having problem asking his/her employer for a pay rise or improve work condition because he/she doesn't know what the outcome might bring.Again,this is associated with the fear of being sacked,jobless or not able to find a better job.If attention is paid to overcoming any fear raised by the thought of pay rise,it is because it is seen as a problem -an obastacle.There are chances that the employee might not be sacked but still,the opportunity to get a pay rise is thrown into the wind because of the believe that it will not be granted and result to lay off.

If you are in those or similar instances cited above,the obstacle to getting or doing what you like best is the fear you have.Obstacles that fear brings prevent you from getting what you want,whether you accept it as such or not.Not recognising your fears means you accept as true, your reason not to do or get what your really need and thus you will never do it and or get it,even when it is obvious.How you arrive at your conclusion is no longer known just that it is so.This is very dangerous because it limits progress and you do not even know it.That is why I advise you to try as much as you can to recognize your fear and accept it as an obstacle.It is just like a computer.When it is down,first the fault is identify before it is fixed.

You cannot run away from your fear neither can you take it as a solution.If You do,it will remain your obstacle and limit your progress forever.Are you afraid of upholding good moral standard because of isolation?.Is it that you are afraid of taking a particular course ,even though you like it,because you do not know what people may say in the event of failure or when looking for a job?Are you not telling the truth because you don't know what it might lead to?Have you been compel to accept that "if you can't beat them,you join them"?And how have you come to your conclusions?

Do not forget,what fear does is that it create seemingly insurmountable obstacles that exist only in your imagination.You have to reject this kind of feeling.people have been trapped,they have been stuck in a world that reach out only as far as they can see.Not because that was all they had available but because that was all they believe to be the absolute truth,their imagination.Replace your imaginary fear with a positive,productive and realistic imagination.

When fear comes, do what Daniel McBill said in a comment,"burn the bridge behind you and take action!You have to do something that makes it impossible for you to turn back.You have to face your fear".Yes,identify your fear,then figure out what you will do if the identified fear occur.It is not possible,though,at all times to do this.This is because some fear come unexpectedly.There are countless numbers of way it could come.It can be a daunting task to face fear.It may involve a lot of anger,feeling of complacency,frustration and even tears.In any way, Imagine the best outcome,see yourself coming out of obstacle successful and work towards that.

No one is without obstacles.The different ways in which people handle obstacles define success or failure.Obstacles,be it in school, home, relationship, work or business,religion,etc, are temporary and should be view as such.Obstacles can and do inspire the desire to solve a problem.What you need to overcome it is, adequate and appropriate control of fear.Try never to accept fear as a tool for facing obstacles nor as an absolute truth to your imagination.

Above all, have a definite purpose in life that surpasses all situations.In this way,I assure,you will always have something to fall back on when unexpected fear comes and you do not know what exactly to do.Learn to replace your fear with a new reality that expresses your positive strenght.You can fight and overcome your fear. As long as death or permanent injury is not involve,face your fear.

I SEE HOPE IN THE EYES OF DREAMS

2009-08-07T02:48:00.000-07:00

DISCOVER YOURSELF

2009-02-09T00:52:00.000-08:00

Do you desire success?Do you feel because of your condition or age that a purposeful and satisfying life is out of reach? Remember that no matter what you are going through,there are two possible outcome:better or worst.For those who choose the better option,there is need for FOCUS.Without focus it is easy for you to forget,after a failed attempt,that good things may still happen.You may not achieve good things with regret over the past but can through a redirected focus,readiness to look at your real conditions in the face and actively resolve to change them.

Anyone who is truly not satisfied with his or her situation do wish for change. This may be in relationship,studies,employment or life in general.Sometimes,though,you want change,you believe in it and you know it is achievable but you still find it difficult to hit the right choice,a vital and most important ingredient for personality and economic change.Each time you stand up for change,do you find yourself chasing what often result in change but which falls below your desired economic and personality change?

If you find yourself in the situation cited above,then pay attention.If not,then learn from this article.It helped me,others and can also help you.It is often said that whatever one wants to become or achieve,starts with the end in mind.That is, it start with the picture of how it will be like when it is finally achieved.But to make it happen,it goes beyond dreams.It involves positive and active steps to turn dreams into reality,which eventually becomes success.In achieving this there is need for you to discover yourself.This personal self discovery includes,among all other things,self examination and your activities both past and present.This will help answer some basic questions and create readiness to act. Ask yourself:
(1) Presently,what are my personality and economic status?
(2) What do I really want to be?
(3) Why am I not yet who I want to be?
(4)How prepared am I to tackle my observed problems,setting aside fear and sentiment?

Now,provide real answers to those questions without deceiving yourself.Then you need to start working towards correcting your observed problem(s).At this stage,there is need for yuo to set goals that are in line with reality.Avoid "if only I have this or that". Hamilton Wright Mabie once wrote: "the question for each man to settle is not what he would do if he had means,time,influence and educational advantages;the question is what he would do with the things he has.The moment a young man ceases to dream or bemoan his lack of opportunities and resolutely looks his condition in the face,and resolves to change them,he lays a coner-stone of a solid and honorable success".Do not forget,there is no need to be afraid that you will fail if focus is maintained.Careful handling of your present situations is vital so as to avoid set-back,or the mistakes of the past.Do not put on false personality with the pretence of dreaming big.Avoid accommodating sentiment and unrealistic goals in the name of faith or hope.

THE FACE OF DETERMINATION

2009-01-21T07:28:00.000-08:00

The word"determination" has been discribed and defined by different people in various way,this may not be new to you.One of such description by Charles A Beard is "When it is dark enough,you can see the stars".But today I am looking at determination as it affects growth in various aspect of life.

In other word,I am looking at individuals determination to effect change in various aspect of life.Determination is a manifestation of courage.And courage,according to one writer,"Is the judgement that what you want is more important than your fear".When you are facing rough walls in life,you need to prepare and consume determination.

Really,most people are living in a life of their dream,some dreaming their life away in fear and negative self-talk,without real fulfilment.I share in Michael Carr's view that,"All kids are gifted:some just opened their packages earlier than others".Depending on how well you explore,determination is needed to capture the reality of life and match it with dreams.

Do not get me wrong.When I say dream,it is not just the wish to acquire material success,fame or material elevation.It includes the wish to be positively transformed in every aspect of life.In other word,dream is the wish to become something or something in the future especially the type that appear difficult to achieve because of ones present condition.It could be material,emotional or spiritual.Dreams,I think, are often wrapped in faith irrespective of religious belief or background.

Sometimes,you never really know the value of what you have when you are dreaming of achieving something with what you do not yet have.Time,influences and means that you do not have become something you bemoan.The things you have may be something if you really know who you are,your strong-hold.Hamilton Wright Mabie once said"Nothing is lost upon a man who is bent upon growth;nothing wasted on one who is always preparing for life.By keeping eyes,mind and heart open to nature,men,books,experience and what he gathers serves him at unexpected moments in unforeseen."

Well,don't be afraid of failure because it is something all successful people hold secretly in common on their way to fulfilment."One who makes no mistakes never makes anything".From time to time we shall examine who we are as an asset and not who we will become if we have the asset.