Felon Fiercely

False Prophet

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 03:45:53 +0000

My name’s Bob I lost my job Overseas Negro please I was forlorn So I watched some porn I found on the internet Looked up from the double penetration feat I went to Twitter to check my tweets There was a call for a job to fill I’m unemployed, so I think I will be a CHORUS False Prophet Or Anti-Christ Either one Sounds real nice I’ll have it made All expenses [...]

Felon Fiercely is on Twitter!

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 11:56:16 +0000

Now you can follow the mind-blowing minutia of Felon Fiercely’s rise to superstardom on Twitter! Our username is felonfiercely. Chew on our tweets!

Pokey the Placenta

wakkowax — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 20:43:47 +0000

Joe Fiercely checking in… I dreamed last night. Only this dream didn’t have the lesbian vampires it usually does. It still had the midget, though, but this time she was just eating vanilla ice cream. Anywho, there was this large pool of water, and I was hanging by a thread over it. This evil, oh let’s [...]

You Call That Martyrdom?

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 12:43:39 +0000

John Felon’s Grandpa here. I’ve been outta sorts lately and out of commission, so I’ve been taking the last few days to catch up on some news I missed. So what’s this business about some nutjobs flying planes into the Twin Towers? They’re gone? Gone?! Have you read this shit? Christ, you get a little bout [...]

Phelps Caught Smoking Trees? Rock On!

Mon, 02 Feb 2009 16:34:08 +0000

Amid the public outcry against Michael Phelps for a photo of his apparent audition for the next Cheech and Chong movie, we at Felon Fiercely want to declare our unwavering support of him, and to say that his stock has only risen in our eyes. Not only did he win 8 gold medals in the 2008 [...]

Brushing Teeth At Work

Sat, 31 Jan 2009 08:07:56 +0000

Has this ever happened to you? You’re at work. You have to go to the bathroom. Maybe you have to do number 2. Maybe you definitely have to do number 2. Maybe you have to do number 2 so badly that you’ve brought all the briefs of the Baxter Meyer case with you. You barrel into [...]

Don’t Hire Handymen!!!

Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:51:55 +0000

In the early 1970’s, a child named Stephen Stayner was abducted and held for seven years by Kenneth Parnell, a drifter…who occasionally did odd jobs as a handyman. Years later, a young girl named Lindsey Ryan was abducted by a man named Terry Drake. He was a convicted murderer. He was also a handyman. More [...]

Jerking With the Force

Sun, 25 Jan 2009 08:08:17 +0000

Of all the great things Yoda taught Luke, you’d think he would’ve taught him how to masturbate with the Force. Yoda taught him how to do one-armed handstands, back flips, and how to choke a Gommorean Guard, but he never taught him how choke one off Jedi-style. It would’ve come in handy. Imagine the typically boring war [...]

No They Didn’t

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 02:28:02 +0000

Did anyone watch the inauguration coverage on CNN yesterday? Did anyone see the interview they aired with the descendants of slaves owned by John McCain’s ancestors? It reminds me of what happened to my friend, McCready. He wanted to be the President of the United States more than anything in the world. He fought a [...]

Porn Party

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 02:23:52 +0000

John Felon here. A few months ago my associate Mr. Fiercely invited me to a party in Old City. That’s in Philadelphia for those of you who don’t live within walking distance of the Liberty Bell. I asked where we were going and he said, “Somewhere on Chestnut, I think.” Not a good sign, if [...]