Felonious Ramblings

8 Years with a Promise of 4

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 18:56:00 +0000

When my sentencing date finally arrived, I found myself shackled in the court room with a few others from the Boulder county jail. I felt rather fly in my blue jumpsuit and imitation Chuck Taylors. I would be leaving the county jail soon after and was pleased to finally have this portion of my...

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How To Miss Work Texas State Style

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:07:00 +0000

I live in San Marcos, Texas, home of Texas State University and the guys featured in the three videos below. I know them both, acquaintances at best, and only managed to cross their paths by having some pretty outrageous parties. Bret (in the blue) repeatedly criticizes pot-smokers, and one night...

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8 Ways to Win (or avoid) a Bar Fight

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 02:31:00 +0000

A post I wrote for sloshspot.com which can be found in its entirety here. There is a humorous video and some choice pics I've left out. Funny thing about the post is that I've never even been in a bar fight, but I had fun with it. It hit the front page of Digg and received some awesome comments....

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20 Memorable Natural Born Killer Quotes and More

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 19:50:00 +0000

The movie Natural Born Killers received 1 star when it was released. Shunned by film critics (except Siskel and Ebert) all over the United States, Oliver Stone's attack on American culture wasn't well received by adults or movie purists. I happen to think it was an ingenious movie that shed light...

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Vacancy...What an asshole.

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 06:56:00 +0000

The humor of Sherriff Joe Arpaio of the Maricopa County Jail in Phoenix, Arizona is priceless. The only issue I have with this guy is that people in the county jail haven't even been sentenced yet. Most haven't even been convicted, but they are still forced to live outside in tents and deal with...

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Prison Weapon Improvisation

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:28:00 +0000

The list below contains a collection of information regarding prison weaponry and ingenuity. Almost all of them are deadly, depending on the person wielding the weapon, and each type may come in a variety of forms. The lesson here...stay out of prison! Shiv or Shank -- The most popular of all...

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Preparing For The Worst

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:09:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. Over the course of the next 9 months, I was visited by my lawyer on numerous occasions, underwent a pretrial evaluation to determine if I was "suitable" for prison or community corrections, and attended several meaningless court...

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...But It Was Just A Few Burglaries Your Honor!

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 07:56:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. I had only been in jail about a week when the day of my second court appearance arrived. The room was small and all of the inmates were crammed tight behind a thick glass partition, separating us from those who didn't call jail home. We...

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The Education Begins

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Fri, 23 May 2008 00:11:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. The gym floor at the Boulder County Jail was a bit slippery. If you didn't want to play basketball, your only other option was the weight machines. I'd take basketball over lifting weights any day of the week. Basketball had been my...

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Welcome to the Boulder County Jail

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:07:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. The Boulder County Jail was unlike any I had ever experienced. It was splendiferous in comparison to those I had been an occupant of in Texas--I didn't have to step over snoring drunks in holding cells, avoid eye contact with other...

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Counting Shaun, 20 Prison Characters Who All Likely Have Stories to Share

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Sun, 06 Apr 2008 20:36:00 +0000

The contents below have nothing to do with my autobiography, but are a humorous and interesting read that should definitely have you checking out the author's own story. His story goes to show that the poor aren't the only people getting locked up (I'm not counting white-collar offenders, they end...

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Unusual Circumstances You Luckily Can't Relate To

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 07:23:00 +0000

Yes, I realize I'm an idiot! A reformed one... 1. Snorting cocaine while in the lavatory of an airplane: Might as well start the list off right. I was 17 and on my way to Utah to meet my biological father for the first time. I had found him on the internet and after surprising him with a call he...

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10 Infamous American Prisons

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 20:22:00 +0000

Name: McNeil Island Location: Steilacoom, Wash. Year opened: 1875 Inmate population: 908 Facts: McNeil Island, at just over 2 miles in width and 3 miles in length, is the oldest prison in the Northwestern United States. This remote Washington state prison is the last of its kind -- located on an...

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Prison Vocab

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 05:36:00 +0000

Below is a list of common prison terms and some other unusual prison tidbits. Spread -- A spread is a meal prepared by a group of inmates. A trash bag is usually filled with 4 to 5 Ramen Noodles packages, diced summer sausages, dehydrated refried beans, beef or chicken sometimes stolen by the...

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A Frosty for my Troubles

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:42:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. I wasn't immediately transported to the police station. I sat in the rear of the cruiser until some brass showed up. They were called in to wring the truth out of me. I wondered if their questions would be asked through barely withheld...

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Separated at Birth -- Karen Corr Colbert

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 23:31:00 +0000

Try to tell me Stephen Colbert and professional pool player Karen Corr weren't separated from birth and I'll call you a liar. They were no doubt birthed by the same mother and almost certainly shared a uterus. That is beside the point though. In the video located below their strikingly similar...

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Go Green or Go Home: Wipe Your Ass w/ 1 Piece of Toilet Paper

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 05:04:00 +0000

This environmentally friendly tip comes directly from an Airborne Ranger who was a drill instructor of mine while in disciplinary boot camp. A few of the recruits had complained about only being provided with ten squares when attacking the head for a number 2. I was sure we were about to be...

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Without a Paddle

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 07:25:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. Fear was an emotion I lacked in those days. In the middle of a crime spree, cops on my trail, and a participant in a pursuit I would likely lose, I could escape it no longer. I remained calm though, and before the officer could have even...

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Up Shit Creek

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 00:42:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. The mother with twins hadn't shaken my conscience for too long. The looting was easy and I accumulated a huge stash of spoils. I was close to having enough money to rent a place of my own, but was hindered when I tried selling a Rolex to...

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Deeper & Deeper

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 16:26:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. I stayed with my soon to be ex-girlfriend that night and woke to the feeling of complete despair. What the hell was I to do now? My problems hadn't disappeared and I wondered if bonding out was the best idea. In jail at least I had a...

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Unlikely Ride to Freedom

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 07:23:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. Hesitation isn't powerful enough a word to describe the feeling which overcame me when I discovered who had arrived to pick me up from jail. Ever trusting and naive, I calmly entered the car, unsure of what verbal punishment would...

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Busted in Boulder

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 01:23:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. With the cash from Mrs. Thompson's bedroom I immediately rented an inexpensive motel room in Boulder, Colorado. The cold would not be leading to my demise after all. However, my ego had driven me to the wrong means of accomplishing ...

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Prison Oddities: A Reflection

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:40:00 +0000

Anyone who has spent ANY time behind bars can attest to at least one odd story or another pertaining to their stay. There is a "What the fuck?" factor to every jail. Just keep your eyes open and you will find some detail that has you either scratching your head or laughing emphatically. One of...

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Homeless, but not for long...

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 04:06:00 +0000

Follow the link if you missed the last post in my biography. After turning the Thompson's world upside down, I found myself sleeping in my car, without even a blanket to protect me from the snow's cold that now masked both my windows and any warmth my rolling home could have provided. I could...

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Cops on Roids? Where the Hell is Congress?

noreply@blogger.com (Nick) — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 21:08:00 +0000

The summary below discusses this weeks corrupt cop stories. Before you read it, I would like to first focus on the gentleman who was distributing steroids. I am an avid sports fan, and while baseball is a sport I am just forced to deal with in my searches for offseason football tidbits, I have...

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