What do y’all wanna know? If you want to ask me something, go here:

http://formspring.me/FFG

You can ask whatever you like. Chances are good I’ll answer, however, if you are hateful, I am going to ignore you. The questions can be anonymous, or you can sign up for a Formspring account and use your info to leave the question. If you don’t want to do that, but you do want me to know who left the question, just sign your name in your question.

Ask me something good, pumpkins!

Like it or not, people do make judgments about us based on our appearance. We can accept that and try to present a good impression – or perhaps I should say an accurate impression – or we can pretend that we are above all of that. That latter is definitely an option but you have to deal with the consequences.

Giving some thought to how you want people to perceive you is a good idea. Do you present yourself in a way that is consistent with the image you want to project? Not all of us need to look the same or *be* the same, obviously. Stella McCartney certainly wants to present a different face to the world than Katie Couric.

Who do you want people to think you are?

What I do *not* think is that you should pretend to be someone you’re not – unless, of course, you’re in the “fake it til you make it” phase. Then, it’s really not so much being someone you are not as someone you aren’t quite yet.

There is more to it than how you look. If you know me, you know that I am smart, articulate, professional (in the right situation), poised, a good public speaker and other things that I was *supposed* to be so that I could do well professionally and all that. If you know me *personally* you know that I am also irreverent, slightly ghetto-fabulous, obsessed with skincare, can spot Christian Louboutin shoes from across the room (even though I can’t bring myself to spend $600+ on them), I am sometimes uber-femme, but I am also all woman. I’m definitely not a “girl”, though sometimes I call myself a girl when what I mean is feminine. I read lots of urban fantasy books (think witches, vampires, werewolves, oh my) and love hip hop and R & B and I sometimes think my mission in life is to refute Biblical idiocy, so I read about various religions and theology.

I tell you all that to say that I have been surprised to find out that people who don’t know me professionally don’t think I’m smart. I met a woman reasonably recently who thought I was ditzy & “way high maintenance.” Which, for the record, she considered a character flaw.

I am smart but I don’t always need to be “intellectual” (which should be read with a semi-sarcastic tone of voice). There are *still* women who think that feminine = ditzy. What-the-fuck-ever, man. Lesbians are as guilty of that as anyone – perhaps more so, given the prevalence of anti-butch-femme in the lesbian world at large.

What stunned me beyond belief once was when someone I knew professionally said that given my calm exterior, he couldn’t imagine me being out of control enough to have had a “misspent youth.” Really?

I will never tell you that you have to look a certain way, that you should adapt a cookie cutter approach to style or personality. I think the world would be a very boring place if we didn’t have the divas, the drag queens, the Goths, the science geeks and skater bois. I love all y’all!

What I will tell you is this: Ask yourself a question. Do you give people an *accurate* impression of you? Is the impression you leave with people working for you? If you wanna be a banker, goth probably isn’t the way to go.

As for me, given what I told you about the woman who foolishly thinks I’m uber-high-maintenance and not smart (and, no, for the record, this is not someone I’ve ever dated) and the man I knew professionally, I decided to work more at integrating both sides of me. Both are authentically me, but surely there is a way to combine bits of both so that I am appropriate to wherever I am but not so segmented. I’ll let you know how that goes.

How do you present to the world? What do you want people to think about you? Do you think you’re successful or do you still need to adjust?

Before we get started, butches and tweeners are more welcome to use all the ideas and products that I talk about. I know you won’t but one can only hope.

Even medium maintenance can be expensive. All the lotions and potions, products and what-have-you. There are ways to do it less expensively. I am, as it happens, something of an expert. As The Ex can testify, I have probably spent $20,000 over the last 10 years or so. I have been peeled and scrubbed, I have lotioned and serumed and who knows what all else.

Since I am obsessed with skincare myself, we’ll start there.
I’ve used damned near every brand of skincare products known to man – from La Mer (the ridiculously expensive) to Mary Kay and everything in between. I *want* to use an organic, all-natural line but, thus far, all of them that I have used have made me break out. Sadly. I had high hopes for the newish Burt’s Bees anti-acne line but it didn’t work for me.

I tell you all that to demonstrate the irony of what I’m about to tell you. The best thing I’ve ever used to wash my face with is so ridiculously cheap and you can get it at Target. It is …

The experts say that facial cleanser doesn’t need to be expensive because it doesn’t stay on the skin long enough for any of the special ingredients to be effective. For example, you likely don’t need an alpha-hydroxy acid cleanser since the acids won’t have time to work.
Scrubs can cost an arm, a leg and your right kidney but don’t buy those. The best scrub I’ve ever used is baking soda. Yes, baking soda. You can either mix it with your Purpose or just add a bit of water to it to make a paste and use it like any scrub.

Lotions can cost hundreds of dollars and those can be worth it. However, if you can’t spend your money that way, then I’d recommend this:

This lotion feels really good, does a good job of moisturizing and doesn’t clog pores. I have pretty oily skin and this works well for me. I try out other things but I always come back to Aveeno, especially after something makes me break out. Another good thing about Aveeno is that you can use it on your entire body. It’s affordable and works well. If you have very dry skin, this might not be moisturizing enough.

There are different lotions for nearly every body part. For example, you don’t need a separate eye cream. Your regular facial moisturizer will work just fine. If you want a special eye cream, and you can afford it, there’s no reason not to use one. It’s just not, strictly speaking, necessary.

Of course, one could argue that none of this is, strictly speaking, necessary. I know people who have gorgeous skin who don’t do a damned thing. Those people need to shut the hell up. Just sayin’.

In upcoming posts, I’ll write about other ways you can do femme on a budget. More products, for sure, but also clothes and other things. What do you spend too much money on? Where would you like to save?

And I need a better name than “Femme on a Budget.” Got any ideas?

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men…

They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don’t take “no” for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution..

They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.

They have compassion and ideas.

They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Don’t forget yours.