In a community or environment where things don’t seem to be going fine or where everything seems to be the other way round in a negative way. An environment where pollution (noise, air) and stress is the order of the day, one becomes tempted to participate in such routines.

It is said that “the shape your mouth takes when you wake up defines the way your day will go” how then can one influence how ones day goes?

First of all, before I make known to you how to influence it, it is very important to unlearn some routines and determine to take a new turn of change.

Personally, I have met people who follow through this routine almost every day and it works for them, you will notice it in the way they relate with others around them as well as the way they take care of their own body and self generally.

However, have you ever noticed that what happens during the morning hours often sets the tone for the rest of the day?  If you haven’t noticed or do not agree to that, try and study your body for the next two weeks. Try and take an inventory of your daily behavior. Get a small notepad, write the days of the week(Sunday to Saturday) in a vertical order,the  horizontally write at the top “1^st week” and “2^nd week”. Below each week , write “morning” and “night”.

During the morning period, write how you feel, then at night after the day’s work, put down how you feel. Do that for the next two weeks. At the end of it, check through what you have written down and take a close look and study the pattern. You will realize that if not all the time, most of the days, your morning mood decides your night mood.

Here are some few tips that have been verified by experts that can help boost your mood on a daily basis:

• Create a “spoil-me” task: when you wake up in the morning, think of something exciting that you can do for yourself. It could be to go to the movies after work, if you don’t have access to a cinema, watch a movie you haven’t seen on your laptop or try get some from your friends. Buy something for yourself-it could be a nice dress you have been waiting to get. Another way is to make yourself fresh food rather than fast food. Try something different that will elevate your mood.
• Eat well: sometimes, because of our busy schedules and early morning wakefulness, you could be tempted to skip a meal or might not be able to eat till lunch-break or noon time. If you do not have time to make yourself a good meal in themorning, some of the quick-breakfast that you can have include: a cup of tea(Lipton or moderate amount of caffeine) and bread; oatmeal takes less than 10minutes to prepare. Include in your shopping list: custard, oatmeal, bread, milk, cocoa(milo or bournvita) and honey or sugar. This will save you from developing impromptu stomach upset at work and would help set your day alive.
• Inhale freshness: Mother Nature provides us with fresh air. Try some outdoor exercise it could be walking round your compound. Researchers found that people experienced an enhanced mood and higher self-esteem after just five minutes of various types of green exercise including walking. Try listening to recorded nature sounds such as running water and birds sound; open your window in the morning so you can hear Mother Nature’s sound as you get ready for the day’s work. Or invest in alarm sounds that soothe you and eases you awake with nature sounds there are various alarm sounds on your phone.
• Feel good, feel peace: decide to feel good when you wake up in the morning. Take a couple of deep breathes so even when you encounter any frustrations or surprises you will remember to breath and be calm. Music can make you feel good on your way out, to listening to mind-soothing songs.
• Assess yourself: when you wake up in the morning, take time to assess your body and notice if you feel any stiffness. Stretch lightly and breathe deeply. You will find that you feel present and better equipped for the day.
• Reflect and be grateful: think about a positive event in your life-how you got into school, how your got your job, when you bought your first car, when you graduated from school, when you started your business, or when you met your ideal partner and imagine what your life would be like if the event(s) hadn’t happen, by envisioning the negative, that way your mood becomes elevated.
• Smile: Smile has been given to everyone freely. It is something that can be done anytime or anywhere by anyone. You can boost your mood and influence the mood of those around you by smiling. How powerful that is.

Mood boosters are beneficial for your mental health, they help you overcome the chances of getting depresses. By boosting your mood, you are boosting your general health which leaves you feeling fresh every morning.

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Writer: Soremekun Eniola is a Psychologist, a writer and a mental health advocate. Here is her blog: www.supersoullifters.wordpress.com or follow her on twitter @supersoullifter

By Unyime-Ivy King

This weekend, my daughter sat for the common entrance examination into one of the numerous private schools that have sprung up in the wake of government’s inability to meet the educational needs of her citizenry. While she and her fellow pupils wrote the exams in another hall, the management representatives gave parents a pep talk about the school, and its outstanding academic achievements/standards, which has accorded the school recognition, not just nationally, but internationally as well. After the talk, which was followed by a question and answer session, the vice-principal pastoral, as she was so designated, gave parents a guided tour of the school and its facilities.

The facilities at that school could put some Universities to shame; from the dormitories, rest rooms, tuck shop, common rooms, salon, classrooms, laboratories, kitchens, to dining hall, and a lot more, we saw excellence in display. I admired the self-confidence which some of the students, who were on ground because of the JSS/SSS exams, exuded, and the manner in which they interacted with parents. After the tour, which left us exhausted because the school grounds were quite expansive, we were directed to the dining hall for lunch. One parent, jokingly asked, “what next after the lunch?”  To which another replied, “then they give you your bill” and again, everyone broke out in laughter.

We saw the breakdown for incoming students, and though the fees caused some raised eyebrows, another parent told us that compared to the bill she has seen for some other school, this one was still quite mild. When she mentioned the amount of money that a parent would need to pay for a child as fees in the said school, I could not help but gasp in astonishment.

Jokes apart, it is sad that parents literally have to groan in order to afford the fees that are needed to give their children a good education in the present times. So many government- owned schools lie in ruins, in varying states of decay whilst the private schools hold sway. One cannot really blame the private schools; a gap was left in that sector and private individuals stepped in to fill the gap by establishing schools for those who could afford it. The interesting twist too is that, a lot of these private schools are owned by government officials, who front other people as owners.

Agreed, government cannot do everything, but an amenity as important as education should be top burner, and private sector participation should complement government’s effort, not overtake it. Parents should decide to send a child to a private school, as an option, not as a necessity.

The educational standard should be such that, it equips young people with the skills/expertise to not only secure jobs after graduation, but to be able to compete favorably with the rest of the world in technological and economic terms. Sadly enough, this cannot be said to be the case with our educational institutions.

The dilapidated state of most of these government schools, belie our twisted value system as a nation, and our misplaced priorities.  It is a country where less educated public office holders earn more than university professors; a place where known thieves/crooks are celebrated because of their questionable financial muscle as most do not care how the money was made. We live in the midst of so much grandeur and opulence, but our roads are filled with potholes, and our cities are littered with garbage heaps. Most schools in the rural areas, churn out students who barely understand English, much more, communicate effectively in it. Recently, a news report had it that 9 pupils, who supposedly had the best FSLC results in a state, could not even write their names, when they were re-tested in another exam!

A society that places such little importance on education and educational institutions is clearly a troubled one. While I give kudos to a few of the private schools, who are doing a great job in the educational sector, there are some, who have taken advantage of the lapse in the system to set up half-baked schools and post fictitious/cooked up examination statistics in order to lure more unsuspecting parents into its web of deceit. Public spirited Nigerians should come together and form pressure groups for the resurrection of the educational sector in Nigeria because a well educated populace is an informed one, which is well equipped to take on the challenges of the 21^st century.

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Writer: Unyime-Ivy King is a wife, mother, author, {Burning Hurt}, blogger, and above all, child of God, whose desire is to see a rebirth of strong moral/godly values in the family which will result in a better society; efficient/strong societies can only emerge from efficient/strong families. She blogs at http://www.unyimeivymusings.com

By Fikayo Giwa

In the days of old, engagement list items were fairly static, but perhaps differing in quantity and maybe quality. You would see the usual tubers of yam, palm oil, bible and suitcases full of fabric.

Well, the modern Nigerian bride is not being bound by tradition. You can peruse the engagement list of a yuppy bride of 2013 and not surprisingly find the tubers of yam and the bible. But you may just do a double take when you come across “a white iPad mini”

Here are some of the items I have either seen on a list or heard about:-

• Samsung S3 Phone

• Louis Vuitton Bag

• Louboutin Pigalle Shoes

• Guiseppe Zanotti Sandals

It may seem somewhat mercenary or a shift away from tradition but I completely understand what these savvy young ladies are thinking. If, her husband to be and his family must buy gifts for her, it may as well be something she wants and/or will actually use. What will she actually do with suitcases upon suitcase filled with lace or Ankara (which probably won’t be to her taste)? Why not get that gadget or handbag she’s been lusting after for months. I believe this is the thought process of the modern Nigerian bride when it comes to her engagement gift list. I know I’ll certainly be doing the same when the time comes

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Writer: Fikayo Giwa is the founder and Creative Director of the Simply Kayo brand, a boutique special events company specialising in creating luxury events for the discerning client. Fikayo is passionate about planning weddings, events and bringing together quality suppliers to pull off a seamless event. She loves making her clients’ dream events come true.

By Jessie Guill

While there have been enormous strides made in regards to equality over the last 50 years, there are still numerous games and industries that are primarily geared towards men.  Below we take a look at some women who have no only participate in games dominated by men, but have went on to excel at those games.

Vanessa Selbst

If you are a fan of the game of poker, then you have heard of Vanessa Selbst.  Since 2006, Vanessa has taken the poker world by storm and has quickly become the top female player in the history of the game in regards to money earned in poker tournaments.

For her career, she has won over $7 Million in live poker tournaments, including two open field World Series of Poker bracelets.  Her $7 Million in earnings not only puts her at the top of the female money list, but also 42nd on Poker’s All-Time Money List.  If her poker skills were not impressive enough, Selbst graduated from Yale with a degree in Law.

Awesome Kong (Kia Stevens)

Kia Stevens may not be recognized by her given name, but in the world of pro wrestling she is well known by her ring name of Awesome Kong.  Stevens has been a female professional wrestler since around 2002 and while there are numerous women in pro wrestling, few have the size and power of Stevens.

Stevens under the names of Amazing Kong and Awesome Kong has held numerous titles including the WWWA World Heavyweight Title, the NWA World Women’s Title and the TNA Women’s Knockout Title.

Stevens was recruited by World Wrestling Entertainment in late 2010 and would debut in 2011 as Kharma.  Her career with the company would be cut short due to pregnancy but not before becoming one of only three women to ever participate in the Royal Rumble where she proceeded to eliminate two opponents and knock out the current World Heavyweight Champion Dolph Ziggler.

Irina Krush

Irina Krush is a 29 year old American chess player originally born in Russia who currently holds the title of International Master and Women’s Grandmaster.  Irina became the youngest female in history to win the US Women’s Chess Championship when she won the title in 1998 at age 14.  Since that time she has went on to win the title a total of four time and is the current defending champion.

Krush’s current FIDE ranking is 2470, putting her at 28th among active female chess players and the top US female player.  In addition to her impressive ranking, Irina was a member to the US Women’s team at the 38th Chess Olympiad where her team would win a bronze medal.

”Human beings have the ability to love different people in different ways, and sometimes even at the same time” – Chimamanda Adichie

Jon Snow interviewed  Chimamanda Adichie some weeks ago on Channel 4,  the discussion went from one interesting  topic to another,  but one of the things I find most interesting about the interview is the discussion about  the ability to love different people in different ways.

It reminded me of a post I read on a Facebook group. A woman who is married to a man she loves, is falling in love with another man, she was really confused and needed advice.

It was an interesting story so it attracted many comments, I clicked on the comments to read what other women thought about it and I was a little surprised that a large percentage of them believed that you can’t love two men at the same time. Many of the members believed that what she feels for her husband is the real love and what she feels for  the other man must be lust or infatuation.

I disagree with that school of thought but I wasn’t bold enough to drop a comment, it is a Facebook group for christian women so I was afraid of being an outcast.

Can you really love two men at the same time? I think so. I know it is possible to love two different people especially when they appeal to you in different ways.

Maybe the answers shouldn’t be about trying to prove that what she felt for the other man was lust because the truth is that being married or being in a committed relationship will not always stop you from being genuinely attracted to someone else. Maybe it should have been about how  to stay committed to the man she has chosen to marry.

 By Nkechi Ajayi

Dinner – Check

Dishes – Check

Doors – Check

Trash - Check

All that was left was a nice warm shower and then snuggle in to bed; another great day had come to an end.

Mike was in the toilet, I could hear him whistling a ridiculous number as he did his business, I undressed and just as I grabbed the towel off the bed, his phone fell.

I picked it up and pressed a button to ensure that nothing had gone bad, and was relieved when the lights came on. One of his constant habits is dumping his phone after reading an sms without exiting the page. I was about to press the exit button when I caught the words…”I’m home now…” so I proceeded to read it

 “Oga mi, I’m home now, phew, what an exhausting ride.., Have you had dinner?, guess you’d be turning in soon, see you at work tomorrow and regards to ur wife”.

I smiled and returned the phone to its pouch.

The text was from Evelyn, his subordinate at work…and for me; this had gone on for 3months too long…

For some of us married gals, this scenario may seem familiar, the spouse isn’t cheating, nah…not at all,

“this other person is just a colleague at work, a member of the same unit in church, a fellow volunteer at the orphanage…a harmless other, nothing at all in-between, not ever has there been a night out, a stolen kiss, an inappropriate hug or lingering handshake…nothing”

….That’s how we explain it when the wife gives us the…”what’s with the over familiarity” look…..in fact, most of our men, even when they are not guilty, once you just ask…”what was that about”…ghen ghen!! (cue tense music)…defences are up.

“We were just talking o, there’s nothing, she’s just concerned cos I had a headache at work earlier. it’s just her nature, she’s just generally caring. Haba, but you know she has a guy she is dating….”

Guy…Chill, its not the Spanish inquisition, we just wanna know where to place the babe.

She’s not the other woman, she’s not a bitch, she’s not a snatcher, she’s not a home-wrecker…she’s just the girl who wishes her “man” was as perfect as your husband, or she’s the friend to your husband, who is yet to find another man that understands her and can advise her the way your husband used to….before he got married.
Problem is, while clueless hubby is just being a friend, lil miss “just a friend” is setting her heart up for major confusion, and if she’s not wise enough to learn where to draw the line, someday…maybe when she’s lonely, or when she just gets dumped, or when she’s majorly frustrated with life, or maybe even when she’s just tired of waiting on her man to step up and be man like yours is, shit is going to hit the fan, and God help you if hubby doesn’t have his umbrella up at that point cos shit is going to splatter all over him like fruit juice in an open blender.

Plus, someday “husband man”, those late night “counselling sessions” you honestly and innocently have, advising her on her love life after group vigil in church, might turn ugly …maybe on the night when she’s so overwhelmed with “issues”

Truth is, we never plan for stuff to happen sometimes, but the wise ones understand that in life, prevention is better than cure.

So, set boundaries, let the other person understand that it can be a tad bit inappropriate to keep tabs on the well being of a married person, that’s one of the perks of marriage after-all, so, he’s covered, thank you, and if he’s not….well, that’s a story for another day….(Wife of that man O.Y.O lo wa o).

Don’t encourage the other person…as silly as it sounds, sometimes we women just feel, “well if he isn’t pulling away, its because he likes the attention, maybe he needs more TLC, aww, if only his wife understood how much he deserves it and more“.

And most importantly, don’t set your emotions up for being tested, at some point, you and wifey might have a fall out, most likely, at that point, you would be vulnerable…there’s so much that can go on in a vulnerable heart, so as much as you trust yourself, guard your heart with all diligence.

And wifey, it’s okay to let him know you ain’t comfy with a certain relationship, now this part is tricky, cos some of us are just generally insecure or possessive (jealous). Being any of this can lead us to deal with matters in an immature manner and push our spouse away, but, if we are not any of the two, a calm discuss should pass the right message across.

Bottom line….in the issue of friendship with another person’s spouse..both the “be-friender” and the “be-friended” should learn where to draw the boundary lines…..Have a great weekend y’all, don’t we all deserve to do just that?

PS:….I’m no marriage counsellor, just a married gal sharing my own point of view .

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Writer: Nkechi Ajayi is a blogger at http://jhazmyn.blogspot.com/, she is an architect, lover of God, life and music.

What is a role model?

Someone we aspire to be like or someone that inspires us to be better individuals.
So why have some lost the true value of what a role model actually stands for.
These days we are surrounded by so many things in the world of music, acting, politics, advertisements etc. and at times we don’t realise how many of these things affect the way we think, the way we reason and live our lives on a daily basis.
We see things like Beyoncé as the face of Pepsi, Kate Moss as the face of Rimmel London Make-Up, and Reality star Kim Kardashian showcasing her life for the TV screen.

So the question is…  Who do we qualify as our REAL Role models?

I find that the traditional role models such as our mother’s, and father’s don’t have as much value these days compared to the celebrities of our generation, and the sad part is if you read interviews by these same individuals they give credit to their parents for where they are today.

Let’s break it down a little further:

People who are public figures are doing the same thing you and I are doing, they are working.

Everything they do, they are getting paid to do so. So when the curtains fall, or the director says cut or they put down that microphone. Beyoncé goes back to being a mother and a wife; Kate Moss goes back to being the girl next door, and Kim Kardashian goes back to being a sister, and mother-to-be living as close as she can to a normal life.

Our generation get so carried away with vanity that it has created an ideology and perception of how life should be based on the silver screen.

We need to stop for a second and ask ourselves why do we consider these people as our role models? Is it because of the Bentley’s they drive (bear in mind some do actually rent these) and the mansions they live in? (believe it nor not some do pay mortgages too!) The amount of Christian Loubitan shoes they own (some get given these for free t endorse the brand), or their various sleeping partners? (I will not comment here lol) Or is it because of how they help society in various mediums.

There is nothing wrong in aspiring to be a singer, an actress, or to be a public figure but let it be for the right reasons.

As they say Charity begins at home, look closer to home when seeking a role model like your mother who spent countless of hours and excruciating pain ushering you into the world.

Your sister who has elevated themselves in their desired field/industry through dedication and hard work

Your friend who has used their entrepreneurial drive to set up her own business and u can see it going from strength to strength

Your Cousin who donates food to the orphanage every weekend

Role Models should inspire you – be it personal or professionally, their goals or achievement should be in-tune with your objectives and most importantly…

Where they’ve coming from has taught you about the curve ball life can throw at you and where they are going should motivate you to challenge yourself to be even greater.

If you can’t find a good role model,  Be One.

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Writer: Jennifer Oyelade is an entrepreneur and the Managing Director of Transquisite Consulting, a Recruitment and Business Solutions Consultancy (www.tq-consulting.com) Born and bred in the UK, her literature spans from personal experiences, those of her environment, and life in the UK. As a very strong believer in women empowerment, Jennifer is very passionate about how women are portrayed in the media, and how we can be more prominent in various industries and organisations.

Miss O Asks;
I am a designer; I started with a little capital so I decided to set myself apart from the big names in the market by focusing on a niche market and making sure that my designs are really unique. I also made sure my branding both offline and online is very unique, and I am very creative with the use of my social media.

Here is the problem. A designer that has been in the market for long is copying every little thing I do, my branding, colors, designs and even slogan. Everything I do to set myself apart, she copies. It is really getting at me because I spend a lot of time and resources to do these things so that I can have a competitive edge. She copies them and because she has a larger market, I look like the copycat. She follows me on every social media platform and even sends me anonymous emails pretending to be a customer so she can get details of what I am doing.

Customers now ask me if I am copying her! I am frustrated; I have no idea of what to do

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Company founder Ronke Lawal was born in Hackney, East London of Nigerian parentage. Having graduated with honours from Lancaster University and the University of Richmond Virginia (USA) with a degree in International Business (Economics), she started her own business in 2004. In 2011 Ronke Lawal was honoured to receive a Precious Award for Inspirational Leadership. In January 2010, Ronke became the Chief Executive of the Islington Chamber of Commerce where she remained until the end of 2012 and became a non-executive director of The Hoxton Apprentice in 2011. She joined the board of Trustees of Voluntary Action Islington in 2012 and is currently on The Employers Panel for the National Employment Savings Trust.  She is a passionate business woman running RSL Management Services and the Simone Williams fashion label.  Apart from her active and involved business interests, her varied passions outside the business world include food, travel, music, literature and most importantly living a life she loves.

She’s gone, but her words live on. Here are 10 things Margaret Thatcher knew that you should too.

Belief systems in many African societies form basis of a number of their values too. While they have lived with these through generations, some of such beliefs may have been helpful, and some others, damaging to the people. This makes it necessary to embrace change and see how things work in other improved systems.

While the issue of traditional beliefs is still being addressed, many people have also continued to deny themselves of the right and opportunity to access proper medical care due to their religious beliefs.

In a recent study conducted between October 2012 and March 2013 by the One Page Africa Research Team in Lagos, as part of an advocacy to help women with goitre access proper medical care, the effort did not yield encouraging results.

It was disturbing to know that all three different women who were approached by the research team, who did not know one another, who were of different ages, who resided in different parts of the Lagos metropolis, held on to beliefs that caused them to reject an offer for proper treatment.

The first woman, in her mid-thirties, is a trader. She hails from the Niger Delta region of Nigeria and spoke in simple understandable English language. The goitre had grown quite big and appeared to be very disturbing to her.

After explaining to her that she could get proper medical care to remove the goitre, she argued that the remedy was beyond medical care. She was convinced that she had been under a ‘spiritual attack’and that it was only the ‘deliverance’ by her pastor that could bring a solution to her plight. About four months after, her condition hadn’t changed, not even with all the lacerations that were done on the surface of her bulging neck.

The second woman was 62 years old and also a trader. She hails from the Niger Delta region just like the first woman. She communicated well in Pidgin English language. She believed that ‘one of her enemies’ had sent an attack of goitre against her; therefore, it would only be cured by a ‘prayer warrior’ whom she goes to visit on a weekly appointment. She could not turn her neck, owing to the size of the goitre.

The third woman was 40years old and hails from Oshun State. She worked in an office on the Lagos Mainland. Her spoken English was very good. She vowed never to subject herself to the surgeon’s knife, but would continue to pray until the goitre disappeared. She said that her Christian faith does not permit her to take medication, but prayers!

The Christian book- the Bible, says God wants His children to be in good health, and of sound mind. Seeking proper medical help from a trained medical personnel would only be in line with God’s word and not otherwise, in my opinion.

It is sad how some people have allowed beliefs to becloud their sense of reason and keep them bound in ill-health.

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