Fermo's got a blog

My Buzzfeed Audition Post

2017-03-21T01:11:00.002-04:00

I've noticed for the most part that all the internet is nowadays is memes, cooking videos, some website ranking things. or some quiz telling you what you are. All of this climaxed for me when a certain website put out a quiz asking "Which one of Jesus's disciples are you?" At that point I figured it would be a good time to stay away from that site and maybe start to filter what I was reading. Unfortunately it was a little harder to avoid than I had hope. Now here I am writing something that you can find on any of thousands of websites/blogs. You win internet, as always. So without further ado, my audition post for Buzzfeed.

The Definitive Reveiws of SiriusXM channels

(.....according to my presets)

2 - SiriusXM 1 Hits
The station for the person that doesn't have an FM radio. Every city has their one pop station. So since this is satellite radio, I guess this is universe's? This is the place to go when you just need that Taylor Swift or Katy Perry fix.

8- 80's on 8
Let me start by saying that the simplicity of the name of this station (along with channels 5, 6, 7 & 9) is a big selling point for me. As far as content, you really can't go wrong with some good 80's music. I'm sure you've been to an 80's themed party at one point or another in your life, well this is the soundtrack to that drunken night where you wore your uncle's Member's only jacket.

9 - 90's on 9
Another great station for some classics. Wide range of music here going from grunge all the way to over abundance of boy bands that emerged in the late 90's. If you're my age this will take you back to a time where your biggest worry in life was how you were going to scrap enough change to give to the ice cream truck.

10 - Pop2k
I'll be honest, I'll hear some songs come on this station and think to myself "Holy crap, I'm getting old." I mean we're at a point that there's a whole decade in the 2000's that already has it's on channel. I'm not entirely sure how to describe this channel except I always seem to find myself stopping here whenever I hear a rap song as this was the point in my life where I started to listen to it. Country Grammar forever!

11 & 12 - KIIS (LA) / Z100 (NY)
Basically everything you get on channel 2 just with the DJ's talking about some local stuff. Kind of pointless if all you want is music since channel 2 is commercial free. (I say it's pointless but they are on my presets)

17 - SiriusXM Love
Well, this station is filled with baby making music. Enjoy.

18 - SiriusXM Limited Edition
This is a hit or miss. This changes every week or two with a different theme. As I'm writing it just so happens to be a great week, it's Neil Diamond radio week. One of America's greatest songwriters. But it's not always Neil. During Super Bowl week they had stadium anthems which was another winner. Those are really the only two that I can remember but I'm sure at one point they'll have something you'll like.

24 - Radio Margaritaville
I basically just have this station on standby hoping when I sporadically switch to it "Fins" is on. Go Dolphins!

34 - Lithium
It's just the 90's on 9 station with only rock songs. Officially it's alternative/grunge but it's rock from the 90's. It's always good, espicially on those days you get hear Spin Doctors - "Two Princess"

36 - Alt Nation
To be frank, I have no clue why this is on my presets. I couldn't even tell you what New Alternative Rock sounds like. 21 Pilots? Is that even rock?

39 - Hair Nation
OH YEA! Now thats what I'm talking about. Takes you back to those glamour rock days where VH1 Behind the Music got 92% of it's episodes from. This time was all about "sex, drugs and rock and roll" and these Hair Bands took that to the max. Just a great station where you can just bang your head and enjoy the good times.

43 - Classic Hip Hop
Basically when you weed out all the pop hits from channel 9 and the rock hits from channel 34 you're left with this. Great for those who like hip hop when they actually rapped about something. We all have that older cousin that will tell you about he remembers when this song came out.

71 - Siriusly Sinatra
Old Blue Eyes. Easy listening station that's all Sinatra, all the time. I tend to find myself tuning in here after I've had a few too many. Great for singing along and remembering a time where men would dress in suits all the time, smoke anywhere they wanted and drank so much alcohol that they were basically always drunk.

72 - On Broadway
Ok, no judging. I accidentally came across this station and a song from Book of Mormon was playing so I let it ride. My girlfriend was in the car and realized what the station was. And her being the giant fan of musicals that she is, naturally the channel stayed.

80 - ESPN Radio
Pretty self explanatory. Sports. People talking about sports. That's basically everything. Nothing really special just what you get on TV without pictures.

85 - SiriusXM FC
People talking about soccer and your occasional game on the weekend. Solid station. You'll get some good insight from some personalities that usually don't have a platform.

Overall I really enjoy my SiriusXM radio. What I don't enjoy is the price. I had my 3 month free trial when I got my new car. I got a promo of 5 months for $25 to try to keep me locked in, it did. Then when that was done I paid $10 a month for a few months. Then when I went to cancel, I was offered the 5/$25 again, which I took. To be honest though, if you could afford it, go for it. It's quality entertainment with high quality sound, and no commercials!

Having said all of that there is an alternative. If you have an iPhone, I highly suggest Apple Music. It's a great way to access the entire iTunes library and if you have a college email you get it for only $4.99/month (a steal). And if you need some talk radio in your life, there's countless podcasts out there that you can listen to.

.....much like there's thousands of blogs out there. Which makes me think why are you reading this? Why am I writing this? I'll tell you why....

....in my next post 😉

Sports Medi-ugh

2016-02-16T01:20:00.001-05:00

Just realized I never posted this from May of 2015.....I'm not very good at this blogging thing.

There's no more sports in sports media. ESPN is more E!-SPN than anything nowadays, and Fox Sports is leaning more towards Fox News....neither of those are a good thing.

The reason I'm writing this because of this Frank Clark story that's in the news. He ~~beat~~ allegedly beat his girlfriend and that got him kicked of the Michigan football team. The Seahawks "investigated" him and still drafted him. A horrible story. My concern is why is this something that needs to take up several segments on a sports show. I know if there's something on TV I don't like I can always change the channel. Thats why I don't watch E!, Bravo, A&E, Lifetime, Oxygen, O! Network, WE, TLC, CNN, Fox News, Showtime, HGTV, CBS, CSPAN, CNBC, MSNBC, Golf Channel, MTV, or VH1. But when all the channels I do watch are talking about the same thing, it's difficult to find alternatives. I just saw Fox Sports 1 have a panel discuss Frank Clark for five minutes. Get the story out there, let people know what happened and that's it. What bothers me most is that we're subjected to watch these people talk about a man who is accused of doing some horrific things to a woman, when there is hundreds and hundreds of other athletes performing that aren't accused of these things and we're not hearing anything about them.

Floyd Mayweather is another great example of all of this. It seemed like the only thing people were interested in talking about the week leading up to the biggest fight in years was his history of domestic violence, which is horrid. There was talk of trying to get people to boycott the fight. You know what would've been a great way of getting people to boycott the fight? How about informing the public of what a boring fight it was going to be? The man hasn't had an entertaining fight since 2007. I am no expert by any means, but I knew going in it was going to be a snooze fest.

Let me be clear about one thing, the above is terribly written. I've had too much ice cream and been listening to sports stations talk about domestic violence for about the 567th time in the last 6 months. I'm just tired of it. I can't blame them for talking about. And the thing that pisses me off more than anything is that they have to. Because there's still these stupid "men" that see the need to lay their hands on a woman. My strife with the media is really a strife with all these people that continue to do these horrific acts. Maybe I'll just become Batman and stop all the violence in the world.

No need to TGI Friday's

2014-08-10T23:25:00.001-04:00

For some reason, that I immediately regretted, I went to TGI Friday's today. Needless to say that it wasn't too good. I was unhappy with my experience, so I did what any rational person would do and wrote a nice letter (that will probably never get read and/or responded to) to their customer relations on their web site. It went like this...

"Let me start by saying that growing up TGI Friday's was my favorite restaurant. If anyone asked me where i wanted to go, Friday's was always the answer. I went every year for my birthday for years. The atmosphere was great. The restaurants had personality and the food was good. Over the last few years though I've noticed there has been a rebranding. I understand that in your business you constantly have to update your look and style to keep up with the competition. The look and feel changed but the food was always good. Until recently.

Like i said, Friday's was always my go-to spot growing up. The main reason was the potato skins. They were great. The skin of the potato, followed by that ever so slight layer of baked potato, topped off with melted cheese, chives and, most importantly, bacon. They were the best, most phenomenal appetizer out there. So much so that, there were many times that was all I would eat. I loved them so much that when they started selling them frozen at the super market I made it a point to get a box every visit. The frozen store bought ones weren't the same though. And of coarse they weren't. But I figured I could always get the real thing at the restaurant. Which brings me to my most recent visit.

I went to Friday's today with my father and sister while visiting the mall. I wasn't too hungry but I figured I'd get a nice order of potato skins. I was very disappointed with what i received. The order came out and it looked something took out of my microwave. The potato was no longer "skin" it was a 2 inch thick piece of very crunchy potato. The cheese didn't look like cheese. Rather a "paste" like orange substance. The bacon was there and good, but not very prevalent. There weren't even chives! Needless to say I won't be ordering them again anytime soon. Which is sad as that leaves a literal bad taste on a very fond memory i had of your restaurant.

Thank you,
A disappointed customer"

Clearly I was passionate towards Friday's as a kid. But how could you not be? The place was great. It was like if a hoarder's house served drinks and bar food. I gotta imagine that the "pieces of flair" bit in the movie "Office Space" didn't help. But like I said, the place isn't what it used to be, and that saddens me.

and one last note that I ran out of space for on the letter I wrote them. I asked them to put on the Marlins for me, but the guy tells me that someone else had asked to put what was on the TV for them, so I understood that. He offered to put it on a different television, which I had to move seats for, and then after about 10 minutes of waiting he comes back at me with a "I don't know where the remote is." What the hell is that? But whatever, Marlins lost anyways.

Isn't it ironic?

2014-07-29T01:55:00.000-04:00

Random post about some of the most ironic moments in my life in recent memory. I'm not talking "Alanis ironic." I know the joke has been made a million times that that song isn't ironic, but just a lot of people with shitty luck. I degress....

Remembering a name:

Let me start this by saying that I don't remember every detail of the story but they aren't really important as you'll see. There was a kid in high school that I wasn't really friends with. For the sake of this story let's call him Joey Bobbit (no idea why i chose that name) He just a guy that was there, never talked to him much. Only thing I knew about him was his name. But I only ever called him by his last name. "hey there's Bobbit" "why is Bobbit here?" "Bobbit? Yea i think he's in my english class" are about as much as i ever talked about this kid. Always referring to him by his last name. Fast forward 6 years after high school. Haven't seen this kid since probably our last day at school. I run in to him out one night, probably at a bar, and I say "hey Joey." Joey? I don't remember this guy as Joey. I know i went to high school with him but all those years ago I only knew him by his last name. Now here we are and i can only remember the kids first name. No idea what his last name is and no way I'm going to remember either. Funny how things work out...

Leave me alone:

Publix is probably my favorite place in the world. Food. Beer. Meat. Those subs. The occasional pretty lady to catch your eye. I mean it's as good as a place can get if you have to do a chore. I often go alone to get the groceries or any little thing i might need during the week. Food shopping is a great experience for me, especially doing it alone. Doing grocery shopping is basically planning how much and what exactly what you'll be pooping for the next week. Going alone is extra fun because you have all the power. No one telling you that you can't get this, or so and so doesn't like that brand. It's all up to you.

So I go to Publix, alone, on a Sunday. I decide i want to concentrate and get out of this place quickly today. I decide I'm going to wear my headphones this trip as to not have anyone try to make any small talk with so I can stay focused. It's World Cup season so I'm wearing my "Where's Waldo?" USA jersey to get in the spirit. As I walk in, I head straight to the Coke section and pick up a couple of 12 packs. That's when I hear my music drop in volume. I got a text. "You look really concentrated with your headphones on," it reads. I thought "how nice. A friend of mine is here too." We go back and forth with a couple of messages where I say "You should've said hello" to which she replied "nah, i saw you had your headphones on, figured you didn't want to be bothered." Perfect! My well thought-out plan of wearing headphones as to not be bothered worked! Or so I thought....

I continue shopping and get to the deli. It's packed as usual. I take my number and begin to wait. Minding my own business, listening to my music, until.... "Hey. Nice shirt" someone says to me. Headphones on, I'm not sure they're talking to me. I take the earphone out of one side and say "huh?" "Nice shirt." the stranger says. I thank him and assume that'll be the end of it. USA pride, I like that. I'm not going to be rude. I put my headset back on. This will be the last time I will have the two earphones on the rest of my trip at Publix. "Is that the new jersey for this year?" I pull out my headphone and correct him. "No this is from a couple of years back..." This conversation continued for about 6 minutes. Discussing team USA and whether or not Landon should've been left on the squad or not. Not exactly how I wanted to be spending my time. The man finishes ordering his cold cuts and says good bye. Not 2 seconds later, before I can even try to put my earplug in, I hear "have you been here long?" asks the tall bald man with a faded Portugal football team tee shirt. I tell him i've been waiting about ten minutes but i'm the next number to be called. This begins another 5-6 minute conversation on how the line at the deli always takes so long. I'm bombarded with questions and comments..."how long have you been here? Are they always this slow? When isn't there a line here? Even during the week this place is packed." They finally call my number mid conversation and I begin my order. This doesn't seem to affect Big Z and wanting to converse. I finally finish and bid farewell.

All I wanted from my trip to Publix that day was some time to myself and to listen to my music. I figured wearing headphones would give people the idea that i don't feel like talking to anyone. Ironically the only person I would've not minded taking my headphones out for a conversation with, was the only one that actually seemed to care, or notice, that i didn't want to be disturbed.

I would've preferred a free ride when i already paid.

Reading Lame-bow

2012-04-17T00:17:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty sure not many people will be reading this, but i find it ironic that in this post i'll be making fun of people reading things.

When did reading become such a cool thing to do? Or maybe it isn't? But I will say this, people who do read for fun and/or do a lot of reading seem to think they're better than the rest of us that don't quite enjoy it. I can't be the only one that feels this way either. Hey all you "bookies" (a name i'm giving to people that like to read books) guess what, i finished fourth grade too. You're not any better than me cuz you wasted 2 weeks reading a book thats gonna end up being a TV movie next spring on TNT. Look to each his own, but i dont see the point. Maybe back at the turn of the century i'd be into it, but i got cable and it's pretty awesome.

The other big issue i have is all these books they are making into to movies. And its not so much that they're making the movies from the books, its more the reaction you always see. Whether its the people read the book and now wanna go see the movie or the people that saw the movie and now want to go read the book. The same thing always happens, a movie comes out that was taken from a book and you here this, "The book was better." Really? The book was better? Words on a white sheet of paper was better than an IMAX theatre. Was the book better because the guy that made the movie didn't quite see everything the same way you did? In my opinion the best part of reading a book is that you can interpret it any way you want. Having said that i don't read books so what do i know. I also absolutely love the people that see the movie and then go buy the book. I'm convinced they do it just so they can tell people they read the book and then when they get asked questions about it they won't sound stupid. Honestly reading a book after seeing the movie is like putting a condom on after sex. Not sure if that comparison works....let me try again. Reading a book after seeing the movie is like tying your shoes after you go for a run. Not much better, but i digress.

I am starting to get a little annoyed with all this series of books that continue to come out. If a movie makes 4 sequels they're just "trying to milk" all the money out of the franchise. But every book that is out nowadays seems to be part of a series and it's all ok because they're "masterpieces." Sorry but Twilight is not a masterpiece. And i don't have any quotes of anyone saying Twilight is a masterpiece but millions of people read that crap. Which brings me back to my original point...if millions of people are reading stupid vampire books and millions of people are going to the movies to see stupid vampire movies, it just goes to show you that all those people who are reading are just as dumb as the rest of us who don't want to waste our time doing something that took you 2 weeks to do that we'll do in 2 hours. Not to mention those people are gonna go see the movie anyways.

Some other things to remember when choosing reading over going to a movie:

Food:
Not sure about you but one of the best parts of the movies is the popcorn. I'm not saying you can't have popcorn while you read, but who wants greasy popcorn pages in their books.

Community:
Correct me if i'm wrong but you can't really read a book as a group. I am aware of books clubs by the way. But you can't be reading a book and look over to a friend to see the reaction to different parts of the book.

Handicapped (for entertainment....do not be offended)

2011-02-23T12:02:00.000-05:00

I got nothing against the handicapped; I respect them very much, but if they’re always saying they don't want special treatment, let's not give it to them. Let's take their parking sports, take their special bathroom stalls, and stop letting skip the lines at all the theme parks.(random thought: can paralyzed people feel the weightlessness on roller coasters?) Don't get me wrong, they still need to be accommodated. Keep the ramps and bars in the stalls, but I'm getting a little tired of having to hold going to the bathroom in public places because I don't want to feel bad for using the handicap stall. No offense, but why should I have to wait? Why are they "better than me"? I'm much better than them...I can walk. (It's a joke) I mean they shouldn't even mind waiting; they have somewhere to sit while they wait. (Sidetrack...here's an idea, chairs in the bathroom so you don’t have to stand while you wait.)

As for the parking spots, they're not that big a deal. They get maybe 4 spots to every 1200 regular spots. (Random thought: is there extra handicap parking at hospitals?) My problem with the handicap parking is the people that don't need the spots using them. Being old isn't a handicap. I don't need some geriatric that’s at the mall trying to "exercise" taking the good spot by the food court keeping me from my chicken teriyaki. And if you're too old that you can't walk an extra 85 feet maybe driving yourself isn’t the best form of transportation. And the rest of you that steal your parents/grandparents handicap sign for your car, go fuck yourselves.

These are just some thoughts I had, I hope I didn’t step on anyone’s toes when they read this, but let’s be honest if you're handicapped you can't feel them anyways.

Proof of purchase

2010-09-30T11:07:00.001-04:00

I never understood why things you buy have the proof of purchase thing. When are you going to have to show proof that you bought season 4 of Smallville on DVD? And in the rare case that you do need the proof of purchase, its almost impossible to take off. Its on the bottom of the cereal box by the UPC so you have to open both sides of the box to get it off and then you're stuck with a cereal bag with a broken box. Or its under that clear lining on DVD cases that's a pain the ass to get under. The only time I'd ever see the need for one of these is in this scenario...

Two boys are discussing what they got for Christmas. One boy says, "I got the new playstation 4" the other boy says, "na ahh" and the first boy says, "oh yea, I got the the proof of purchase."

Highly unlikely scenario, but its the only case where I see one can be useful.
I'm not sure who to direct my frustration to, but to whom it may concern, you know that paper that comes out of the register that says the product we bought and how much we payed for it? Its called a receipt and that's our proof of purchase.

Fans

2010-09-14T19:45:00.000-04:00

Fans

Anyone else notice that there are a lot of people out there that don't know what it means to be a REAL fan? If you live in Miami its not that hard to notice. The word fan comes from the word fanatic, which is defined as "a person with an extreme and uncritical enthusiasm or zeal." UNCRITICAL, probably the most important part of the definition. There are times when the teams we support might do things we don't like or don't agree with, but guess what? There isn't much we can do about it. So the only thing to do is take it for what it is and hope it all works out for the best. Take a look around South Florida sports and you'll see stuff that would frustrate fans in every sport.

Lets start with the most obvious, the Marlins. Yes they've been cheap. Yes they've had money they could've or should've spent on players. And yes management has said that it doesn't bother them that they've made decisions they know are not going to be popular with fans. But the bottom line is this. This team has won 2 World Series in their 17 years of existence, that's more than the Heat, Dolphins and Panthers combined in that same time. And they secured their future in Miami with a stadium. There might have been some shadiness in the way the stadium deal went down, but frankly I don't care. Management found a way to keep my team in my hometown for me and my kids. Thank you Florida Marlins!

The Marlins have asked the fans to be patient until they move to the new stadium before they spend more money. The Heat had been asking fans to be patient until the summer of 2010 and didn't receive any of the same criticism for doing so. Obviously it ended up being better than anyone could've imagined for the Heat fan, but the point is the Heat were almost throwing away the past 3 seasons. In those same years the Marlins have never finished last, or close to it. (Except in payroll and attendance) I love the Heat, but I don't remember hearing them getting criticized when they wanted their new arena. They got 2 new arenas before they ever won anything. The Marlins are just now getting their own home after 17 years and 2 championships. Having said those things, the Heat are the best run organization in all of sports. And Florida Marlins, you got until 2012. After that you better start making some moves.

Moving on to the Dolphins…talk about frustrating! No day games in September or October!?!? Stephen Ross, thank you for taking away our home field advantage. I think it's amazing that the one team down here that hasn't won anything or even made it to a championship game in 20 years is still the #1 team. You know why? They have tradition. Our parents grew up with the Dolphins and passed that love on to us. Our other teams don't have that…………..

………I'm gonna stop right there. Mostly because this blog entry went a totally different direction than I intended, but also because I don't want to discuss the Panthers.

I originally wanted to talk about the fans that annoy me. So here we go!

Annoying college football fans:
The fans that annoy me the most. You graduated 3 years ago, act like it. I don't need you to chomp at me, tomahawk me, show me the U or any other hand signal your school does every time I see you. I also don't need to hear how awesome your team is going to be this year. They're going to lose, act accordingly. I especially don't want to hear about players from your school if they're not on my pro team. "Don't boo him he went to the U.' Fuck him! He doesn't play there anymore and we're playing his current team in the playoffs. Also, heres the biggest cop out in all of sports, your school loses and then you immediately jump on the team from your conference's bandwagon. How the hell are you going to root for another SEC team if you're a Gator? Stick to your team and say fucke 'em all, regardless of conference.

Face/Body Painters:
Is there anything dumber?....especially here in Florida? Heres an idea lets go outside in 100 degree weather, paint our entire body and sweat for 6 hours. Do these people have mirrors at their houses? It was cute when I was in high school and I maybe painted a C on my cheek, but for grown men to do this on a consistent basis? I mean come on. I don't want my $80 white Yeremiah Bell jersey stained with your sweaty aqua chest paint. Just because you painted yourself doesn't make you a bigger fan, it just makes you a bigger idiot. I have a suggestion, get all those idiots out in front of the stadium, give fans paintball guns with the team colors and let us shoot them until they decide not to do it anymore.

Rich People at Sporting events:
Notice I didn't say "rich fans." There's a difference. How many times have you been watching a Heat game and you see some rich couple dressed like they just left the latest premier party for the Real Housewives of the Jersey Shore? You're douches!!! Richard Grieko called, he wants his look from "A Night at the Roxbury" back. How about you give someone that actually cares those seats and go eat an overpriced 6 ounce steak at some outh Beach Restaurant.

People in Suites not watching the game:
….see above

Bandwagoners:
Miami gets a bad rap for having only bandwagon fans. But guess what? They're everywhere. The Cubs' fans, the greatest most loyal fans in any sports, they're games aren't selling out now. Why? How about because they're 24 games under .500. The Cleveland Indians would sell out Jacobs Field every night in the mid 90s when they were winning. Now nothing. The Knicks sell out with a bad team yea, but they've got 4 million people in their city. My point is that if you're not going to support the team when they're at their worst, don't come celebrate with me when they win a championship.

Girlfriends at games:
This doesn't really affect me but I do have certain feelings towards it. If you don't care about the sport or team, don't go. It's a fight waiting to happen. If its just the two of you, that's fine. But if your boy is going with all his friends don't expect him to give you his undivided attention. Also, for the most part, I like to go and watch the game. I don't want to sit there and explain every detail of the game every 15 seconds.
…for future reference, just in case I get a girlfriend and she reads this.
I love having you at the games with me!!! Every second we spend together is magical. I couldn't think of any other person I'd like to spend a sporting event with. And all the questions you ask me about the game are great because that just means I get to here you beautiful voice.
Just to wrap things up let me just say being a fan isn't easy. It takes a lot of work and is emotionally draining. Maybe one day I'll live in a world where all my teams are always undefeated but until then I'll have to settle on the Marlins giving me a heart attack every night, the Dolphins teasing me every 3 years, the Panthers never making the playoffs, and as for the Heat….looks like I'm going to be spending a lot of money on championship gear for years to come.

Vamps

2010-09-13T00:38:00.001-04:00

Quick one on Vampires:

I'm tired of all of you! By you I mean people obsessed with vampires. I can't hate on vampires because they're not real. You heard? THEY'RE NOT REAL. I don't wanna hear about how much you all looove Eric from true blood. He's pale skinned, like 200 years old and will kill you for your blood. How is this sexy? Or romantic? I just don't get it. Someone out there needs to explain how these weirdos have gone from being attractions at Halloween Horror nights to sex symbols. And Robert Patterson or Pattinson or whatever the fuck his name is. The guy looks like Benicio del Toro and Powder had a gay inbred son. The Twilight saga?? You took harry potter and just gayed it up more than it already was. I've already seen movies with vampires vs werewolves. Its called Underworld. There's lots more action and Kate Beckinsale is 10x hotter than any bad actress in any those twilight "films."
All that vampire crap can suck it....and yes there was a pun intended.

"Socializing"

2010-08-31T11:26:00.000-04:00

Let me begin this by saying I use Facebook and Twitter a lot. And I enjoy doing so. But in recent weeks I've been following a lot more people and have been noticing a pattern going on. Two things have come to my attention in the social media craze and it that people need to 1.)Get a life and 2.)Get some REAL friends. All these status and twitter updates are getting ridiculous. Here are some of my favorite status/tweets.

Traffic updates:
I don't need to hear that you're stuck in traffic. Its Miami, it's the morning theres always traffic. If I need a traffic update I'll listen to the radio. I'm not concerned if you're stuck in a school zone and that its raining and you'd rather be in bed. I have a window and I'd always rather be in bed.

Gym updates:
Do I really need to know when you're getting sweaty? Here's an idea post a picture when you're fat and post another when you're skinny, and if anyone cares enough they'll ask you if you've been working out. And attention fat people that are "always at the gym" it won't do you any good if you keep eating out and don't watch your diet. 2 hours at the gym everyday with only 20 minutes of actual workout time on the bike ain't gonna cut it.

Sad/emotional updates:
Is this really the best outlet to share your feelings? Ever heard of a phone? Call one of your friends and talk it out. 547 people that are your "friends" on Facebook aren't going to care if you wish you had someone special in your life. Go out and talk to people. I feel for you, we all have shitty days. But going on the internet posting how sad you are *hoping* somebody asks whats wrong isn't exactly the best therapy.

Random/Attempting to be funny statuses:
Guilty. I fall into this category. But I think I'm rather funny so I don't see a problem here. To be honest though I kind of hope people read them and realize that they take these things way to seriously. I mean I almost felt bad the other day when someone had as their status that they had the worst day ever, and it was right on top op my "I wish Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers was still on TV" status. Lighten up people! It's the internet. It's supposed to be used for porn and reading about people in Hollywood and sports whose lives we wish we had.

TV/Movie updates:
Hey, not everyone has the chance to see their favorite shows the first time they air. Give some of us a chance to watch our DVRs before you go and post every plot twist from the season 4 finale of Dexter. (Someone I know had Dexter ruined by Danica Patrick on Twitter) And I really don't need your opinion on this weeks box office hit. If you want to share it, write a blog and maybe your mom will read it one day. If I wanted a shitty opinion about a movie I'd read the Herald.

And by far my favorite one…..
The "let me tell you every detail of my life every 37 seconds":
Holy shit! Come on! You know why TMZ is so popular? Because the stupid shit they show people doing is of celebrities. Just because you have 800 facebook friends and 100 followers on twitter doesn't make you a celebrity. Corey Feldman buying Ritz crackers at a 7-11 is 10x more interesting than you telling me that you just got out of work and are going to go spend time with your babe. On your way to work? Good for you. But I'm not your boss and we don't work together so I'm not interested. Going to sleep? I wasn't talking to you anyways. Need some coffee? Go to bed earlier and stop being such a bitch. Going out for lunch? If it's better than what I'm having, well fuck you. Just cleaned your room? Is this such a momentous occasion that you have to share it with everyone? You're a pig and it should've been clean already. Got a new cell phone and need everyone's numbers? If anyone really cared they'd call you. Really need a vacation? We all do, how about you take a vacation from being such a loser.

People need to stop taking these things so seriously. We don't measure our importance by the amount of friends we have on Facebook or the amount of followers we have on Twitter. The only true way to measure how much people love us is by the number of people you have on your BBM.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My newest blog......in 3D!!!

2010-07-01T19:12:00.007-04:00

Being that no one reads this its safe to say no one has noticed i haven't blogged in a while. so without further ado i bring you my first blog of 2010.....in 3D!!!(not really but its today's topic)

Does anyone remember Jaws 3D? No? Well theres a reason for that. Here's the scenario; Hollywood introduces this style of movies that will change the industry forever. It's gonna be the next big thing and will be the standard for all movies to come...3D! This all happened before, in the 70s, the 80s, and it's happening again. But guess who's not falling for it, this guy.

There's one movie in particular that is really bothering me in the recent 3D craze. It's not the over-the-top, over-hyped, video-game looking, "Ferngully" rip-off. It's not the real-life sequel to a cartoon from the guy who ruined "Willy Wonka." It's not the unnecessary 4th film of a green monster's movie franchise. And it's not the part 3 of a movie about a "child's play things." It's "Step Up 3D." Talk about wasting a movie studios money. I don't know anyone that's seen either "Step Up "or "Step Up 2 the streets." Btw, "Step Up 2 the streets?" is it supposed to be a double entandre, like is it "Step Up 2: The Streets?" or is it "Step up to the streets?" Whatever, not important. Back to the part 3 of this glorious trilogy. I kind of want to see the first two movies just to see if there was any unanswered questions that will be resolved in the third film. And havent we seen this movie before? I can't imagine its going to be too different from; Dirty Dancing, Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, Save the Last Dance, Stomp the Yard, Step Up 1, Step Up 2, Take the Lead, Dance with Me, Shall We Dance?, You Got Served, or Twilight. Well maybe not Twilight, but do you see the relation? THey're all terrible. My point is I can probably tell you how this movie is gonna go....A rich kid meets up with some kids from the streets, doesn't fit in but when they realize he can dance he's challenged to some giant dance off at the end and they all get along. Or it can play out opposite where theres a street kid going to a rich neighborhood. Either way they're crap. I realized I changed gears from 3D movies to dance movies but in the end the same thing is happening. Two ideas that have been a)used to death and b)should never be combined are now together to create a movie that will probably, actually WILL be bad.

Step Up 3D would be as if after making all three Lord of the Rings Peter Jackson said "I think I'll make a fourth one, but this time I'll use hand puppets!" And what exactly is a third dimension in a dance movie gonna be like? What possibly can there be that we need to see in our face. Theres only one thing i wanna see coming at my face on a big screen, take not "Total Recall" producers.

3D is a thing of the past anyways. Hasn't anyone seen the Muppets 3D at MGM, ahem Hollywood Studios? I wear contact lenses, and you wannna know why? It's because I don't want to wear glasses. And you know who else doesn't want to wear glasses? Little kids! So keep rolling out all these Shreks, Toy Stories, Spy Kids, and any other crap your targeting towards kids, cuz you know what? Kids are retarded, have short attention spans, and after about 10 minutes those glasses are gonna be off and on the floor for some 16 year old high school kid to pick up. and you just wasted 8 cents on a pair of glasses that were, ironically enough, made by a kid in Taiwann who'd have to make about a million of those glasses to be able to afford to see one of those 3D movies. Not to mention another 3 million if he wants popcorn and a coke.

So next time you wanna go see a 3D movie just think about this...Every time you put on a pair of those 3D glasses, there's a kid in Africa that just died of AIDs.

My Hollywood Pitch

2009-11-17T13:48:00.006-05:00

So I've been wanting to go see a movie for a few months now, and I'm not sure if the reason I haven't gone is because i don't have a girlfriend to go with, but I'm almost certain its because theres nothing but crap out theree. By my count in the last eight months there has been 17 different vampire movies. ("by my count" = a stat I made up in order to prove my point or to exagerrate) I mean even Dewey Cox did a movie called The Vampire's Assistant. What? You've never heard of it?...Exactly!!

But back to what i think can help the movie industry. Everyone knows pleasurism is the best form of flattery, and that Hollywood loooves remaking movies so what i've done is made a list of movies that i think should be redone. I've included a movie poster and cast for the movies.

Ladies and gentleman, I present the future of Hollywood.....

Short Circuit 2: Re-deux

Aziz Ansari, David Spade, and Number Johnny 5

.........................ok so in doing some research for this blog i found an article with Steve Guttenberg which led me to stop writing this blog.

In the article "The Gutt," as i so affectionately like to call him, mentions that there are some films that he previously had starred in that he feels are up for a sequel or a remake. Heres some of them...

Short Circuit (remake)
Three Men and a Bride (sequel)
Police Academy (remake? sequel?)

All classics. But this brings me back to what i said in the begining, hollywood loves a remake, and if the rumors are true that any of those movies are in the works, then it looks like the future is bright....with the past.

2009-07-23T20:19:00.006-04:00

">

Well i saw this commercial on TV, and thought it was very emotional.....until i reached the 1:38 mark. I don't want to sound insensitive about the polar bears, because i honestly almost cried when i saw this. But then Noah Wyle, Dr. John Carter of ER fame, starts talking about getting a free WWF t-shirt, and helping the WWF save the polar bears. I can't imagine I'm not the only person out there that thinks its funny when you hear about the WWF saving polar bears, and if I am sorry. But for the better part of my life the most ridiculous thing on TV was wrestling. (I say for the better part only cuz of all the crap reality shows on TV right now.....Brooke Hogan I'm talking to you.) Its been a few years since World Wrestling Federation becan World Wrestling Entertainment, but the WWF will always be a bunch of old men, juiced up with steroids, running around in spandex in a male version of "One Life to Live."
There's just something about this logo with the letters WWF that just doesn't seem right.....

Now THATS more like it!!!!!!!

TLC - The Learning Channel?.....more like The Learning-disability Channel

2009-06-24T23:36:00.002-04:00

TLC, Probably the most inappropriate name for a TV channel since MTV. I remember when TLC used to have shows that actually did teach things. They had doctor shows and really I’m not sure what else because who really watches the freaking learning channel. You took a channel that could actually educate some people and turned it into VH1-Light. I recently started looking at the shows on TLC and began to be very annoyed. Let’s take a look at some of their shows….

John & Kate + 8

Let’s start with the show that pisses me off more than any other one. Why do I care if some stupid stuck up bitch and some Asian looking dude get divorced? Yea, I get they have 8 kids and they have their own show. But who cares? Are people’s lives that pathetic that they gotta stay home on a Monday night and watch some other people’s marriage falling apart? Where’s the entertainment in that? Hey TLC, you’re the learning channel, how many people are learning from a family with eight kids. The only people that have 8 kids are probably on welfare and live in some mid-west hick town with nothing else to do with their time. And let’s be honest, do you really think they have cable?

American Chopper

TLC, what the fuck did you do to American Chopper? Remember when it was a show about motorcycles, and you occasionally got the father and son arguing and yelling at each other. I put it on the other day and they got some random people building bikes, Paul Sr. is writing books, and Paul Jr. is opening a boutique. Geez you took a show made for guys and turned it into a show that that a 12 year old girl invites her friends over to watch after they read the latest twilight book.

Miami Ink

Well here’s a great idea for a show. Let’s get some tattoo artists and follow their customers. I bet the people that came up with this one are the same geniuses that came up with the McRib. Look i'm sure there are some interesting stories of how or why people get their tats, but really do we need to learn about it on the Learning Channel. Hey Miami Ink, take your show to Bravo where the housewives of where ever they’re from can watch you paint a Woody Woodpecker tattoo on some drunk idiot from Indiana.

LA Ink

(See above)

……last but not least,

Little People, Big World

Holy Shit! Is there a creepier show on TV today? I got nothing against the midgets, or dwarfs, or little people or whatever they wanna be called. But to have a half hour show following them around is kind of scary to me. I saw ten minutes of the show once and had nightmares for a month. I didn’t even know what the people on the show did until I started writing this. Apparently they run a farm. Really? A farm? What is it, an ant farm? I hope at least when I go there to get greeted by the lollipop guild.

But I will give you this TLC, you’ve educated me on how with hard work, perseverance, and a butt load of money from the Discovery Channel networks, anyone can be successful as long as you follow them around with a TV camera.

First Post!!!

2009-06-24T11:57:00.002-04:00

Wuddup? Alright i've never done this before, not really sure what i'm supposed to do exactly. I'm thinking maybe I should just be writing some stuff i've been thinking about. Nothing deep, or emotional...thats just not my style.

I'll start with something thats really been bothering me. Transformers. What the fuck man? The first one was one of the worst films i've seen in some time. Don't get me wrong i had a great time at the movies when i went to see it. But i heard people saying "it was fucking awesome," "i can't wait for part 2," and other bullshit like that. The movie was terrible, there was no plot, the acting was terrible, and it looked like every other overhyped over-directed Michael Bay movie. OK I take it back, there was plot, just a crappy one. It was an entertaining movie, shit blowing up, fast cars, hot girl, but it lacked in some of the othere things that make a good film. I'm saying all of this with every intention of going to see part 2 soon, but i just wanted to put it out there that i think this movie will be alot worse than the first one, but we'll all be too distracted by all the explosions and Megan Fox close ups to notice.

By the way, Megan Fox....mehhhh.