Fiction is an Addiction

Circle of... Existence

2012-07-22T09:46:00.001+01:00

Existence... the rot!
It's a funny little thing
One second you're here
The next... you're not

Where did life go?
Every moment filled with glee?

Some things were good
Some things were bad
The rest I forgot
I just did what I should

So a typical day?
Was your life fulfilled?

I worked all day
Slept all night
The rest of the time...
Mostly wasted away

The money you earned...
It must have given you joy?

I paid so I could exist
I paid so others could too
The rest might as well have been nought
Into blur, into mist

So you struggled through life so that you could contine to live?
That's so bland
That's so basic
A boring tale to give!

It's what we humans do in our blunder
Live our lives
Wait for death
Never risking the former
Due to fear of the latter
Yet here it is and I wonder...

Did any of it really matter?

Identity

2012-06-05T00:33:00.000+01:00

Sorry

I didn't mean to do it

But I did

But it wasn't me

Not really

Because it wasn't the me I want to be

It wasn't you?

That's your excuse?

Don't twist the truth

It was you doing what you do

You'll never be who you want to be

I'm trying hard to change from me

I hate myself

Hate what I see

In the mirror, the man

He needs to die for a clean slate

Change is hard

Won't come easy

Look at yourself more positively

There's no such thing as full rebirth

Take what you have reshape and mould

Reality is the key

Don't hate yourself destructively

We all have qualities good and bad

Nobody is perfect

No need to feel sad

Keep the love you have

The things that bring joy to your day

Break off what is bad

Let it rot and decay

No amount of money

Determination

Will

Denial

Sacrifice

Will change you forever

You are who you are

Accept it

Its fact

Take the good with the bad

Bound

2011-10-26T01:46:00.001+01:00

I just want to apologise to all my followers/regular readers for my untimely absence over the last few months - I won't be able to post as often as I did but I'll try to write and post as often as I can.

Bound

I am bound by my situation

Bound by rules and regulations

Imprisoned

Bound

To do what I must

Forsake any lust

That may tempt me

While I long to be free

I am bound

Lock and key

Enclosed

Four uninspiring plain walls

Captive

Ignoring freedom

It calls

In my dreams

It calls to me

Take away my bondage to this life

It causes me pain

Anger

Strife

As I struggle.in my mind

I must do what I must

However unfair

However unjust

My needs must priority

Over my wants and my lusts

Yet they define me

So I keep them quite safe

Locked away safe and sound

One day I will set them free

Until then they are

Bound

British Summer Limerick Style

2011-06-28T07:01:00.000+01:00

I decided to write about the British Summer in four limericks here.

Because it is a joke.

(If you're British You'll know what I mean)

Enjoy!

The sun's shining bright

Our big burning ball of light

Opportunity's thin

This is a rare thing

Today barbecue; then party tonight

Go shopping for food and fuel

Pushing and shoving; a duel

Those fresh sausages are mine

You can have those there in brine

Get to the tinned aisle you idiot fool

Now it's time to pick up the booze

This is a fight, a race I can't lose

Nobody's willing to share

When the shelves are near bare

Glad I'm wearing my running shoes

Back at home at long last

It seemed ages but was fast

I've got a pain in my brain

Through the window I see rain

Summer's already a thing of the past

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What if fear didn't exist...

2011-06-27T00:18:00.001+01:00

I'm sure if you read my blog on a regular basis you're getting fed up lately of reading this subject matter but unfortunately this week's Maffick Monday is:

What if fear didn't exist...

What would I do if fear didn't exist? That situation provides endless possibilities, would I do all the things I haven't done more through lack of courage rather than fear? Perhaps. Yet if I was asked to describe myself I would use the word inquisitive, not in the "nosy neighbour" sense, no, I hate all the celebrity gossip the world seems to revolve around in current times, but in a "wanting to know how everything works" sort of way. I would look for the answers I was too afraid to seek.

It may seem strange to many people but those questions, to me, are what most would call ludicrous or crazy. Perhaps I belong in a mental home for wondering and wanting to know such things but that's just how I am. The questions I would like to self discover the answers to are a trio:

Firstly I would like to know how it feels to be stabbed, not fatally, just to be stabbed in the torso area. I can't imagine it is as painful as the media and the movies make out.

Secondly I would like to know, similar to my first question, what it is like to be shot. My reasons mirror my ones for being stabbed.

Finally, there is one question that has niggled at us for eternity and will continue to do so... what happens when you die? Yes, I would die. The world would be chaos without fear anyway, fear is what controls us and therefore if fear of the repercussions of our actions was non-existent then why the hell not. Trust me, I've pondered on that thought before as it is, ultimately, what the novel I am writing climaxes with.

So I'm a weirdo who'd answer the questions, that really, we would rather not know the answer to.

It's safe to say I'm glad fear exists.

Hate in Silence

2011-06-26T09:58:00.001+01:00

This is for Jingle Potluck. This week's theme is:

Saints, Monks and Meditations

This poem is a Meditation of my own.

Unfortunately I can't find a picture to go with this one.

Hate in Silence

When you feel a hatred so pure

If it ignited the earth would be burned

Forgiveness cannot endure

A hatred so volcanic and violent

You need to starve it of food

Let it wither and decay

Ignorance may seem to be rude

Yet it's the choice of the wise

Revenge is hatred's banquet, it's feast

We can't allow it to feed

It will transform into a beast

If you allow it to nourish and hydrate

So throw the beast in it's cage

Turn the key and dispose

Let it grow old, tire and age

Give it no voice with which to speak

Hatred given voice creates war

Battles; victims needlessly lost

Bloody, ravaged and raw

All so that hatred can speak

Rather than hatred by violence

Rip out it's lungs

Hate in silence

Forget hatreds' enemy exists

Soon you'll discover

Ignorance is bliss

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Russian Roulette

2011-06-25T01:46:00.000+01:00

I have absolutely no idea what made me come up with this story but I've spent the last half an hour writing it for your reading pleasure. I was considering incorporating it into a longer tale.

Russian Roulette

Russian roulette. One revolver, six chambers, one bullet and a million dollars on the table for the winner. If I win I'm loaded and if I lose I'm dead, literally.

This billionaire knows how to entertain himself, wine in one hand, a cigar in the other with some twenty something, barely dressed, little slut sat on his lap. He's at least in his sixties, it must be lonely having all that money and no wife or children. I suppose my current situation proves that a lack of love in your life can send you crazy, but hey. I was living on the streets and someone was probably gonna shoot me sooner or later so I might as well risk it being sooner.

The night air is refreshing. I stand here in the middle of a huge courtyard, artificial lights only dimly lighting the place. "Begin boys." The old man has called for it to start. I load the bullet into the chamber and spin it. I then pass it to the guy opposite me.

"Spin it again and you go first." The guy looked like he was gonna wet himself with fear. He doesn't understand death like I do. I know that death is coming sooner or later, probably to drag my ass down into hell, and there's nothing I can do about it. It's gonna happen one day, maybe tomorrow, then I definitely would regret not doing this if I only have one day left anyway.

The guy can only be about twenty, he probably needs this for college or something. He's signed the contract now, theres nothing he can do to back out. I can see the fear on his sweat soaked face and in the shake of his arm as he raises his hand with the revolver. I look straight down the barrel and nod my head... CLICK. Empty barrel. Now it's one in five.

He passes it over to me. The thing is soaked in sweat from his hands. "Don't be scared kid." I try to reassure him. "If you go down do it like a man." I aimed, readied myself and... CLICK. I could see the urine stain traveling down his trouser leg until it dribbled out onto his feet and onto the floor. "Better?" All he can do is rapidly nod his head as I had him the gun. One in four.

"Sorry if I kill you." His high pitched voice was pitiful.

"No worries. Just do it."

I'd like to say he's shaking but that doesn't do it justice. Vigourously vibrating, that better suits his present state. He's just standing there pointing it at me.

"Just shoot me kid for God's sake!" This kid's really pushing me now. CLICK. "Finally." One in three.

I grab the gun out of his hand and don't give him chance to say or do anything... CLICK. Down to a fifty fifty.

I look at the kid. "Make it quick." He takes the revolver from me. "After three. One, two..." Click. We both freeze at the sound. One left. "It looks like I'm gonna have to kill you kid."

"I don't want to die." Tears flow from his eyes and drip from his chin, like an overfilled cup still having water poured into it. His squeaky voice in audible in this quiet courtyard.

"You know what you signed up for you scrawny little girl." That billionaire's really starting to annoy me now. Why can't he let the kid absorb that it's his last moments. Maybe he want us to pass on a last message or something, we could at least pay him that respect.

"Let him take it in." I tell the pompous idiot before I turn to the kid. Dammit, this is gonna be like shooting a puppy or something. "Anything you want to say? A message for your mother?"

"You know the deal you morons!" The old man's on one now. "The contract clearly states that one of you must die for the other to get the money and neither of you can leave this courtyard while the other is alive. I don't care how but one of you is going to die tonight whether you like it or not!"

"True." I turn to the kid. "Do me a favour and cremate me. Do what you will with the ashes. I put the revolver to my head and turn to the bastard who put us in this position, other than ourselves. "One of us will die. Me"

In notice a sly grin on the billionaires face as I close my eyes and pull the trigger...

What do we think? If I prolong it would it be into the afterlife, the lesson the kid learned or perhaps the old billionaire's joke is that the gun doesn't even work. That's why I stopped where I did. Too many options... :-D

Your tears say you lie

2011-06-24T19:20:00.000+01:00

I stumbled upon this image and it inspired the following haiku.

What you said isn't true

Your emotion tells me fact

Tears speak love not hate

The Fatal Wrong Conclusion

2011-06-24T02:13:00.003+01:00

This is for Romantic Friday Writers

This weeks' theme is "Love Hurts"

William had been working overtime for months. His crystal wedding anniversary was approaching and he almost had the money for his gift to Catherine. She'd been pestering him asking why he was at work so much, but he never told her. They would be going on a luxury Caribbean cruise, renewing their wedding vows and he had arranged for their friend to surrogate a child for them as Catherine, for all her efforts, could not conceive. This was going to be a huge surprise.

It was late when he got home. The he'd been working sixteen hours in the factory, packing chocolate for a living wasn't the ideal career path, but it paid the bills. Just the thought of the roast dinner Catherine would have prepared him made his mouth water, even though he would have to microwave it. Yet upon opening the door he wasn't greeted by the aroma of his favourite meal. Instead he saw the sight of his wife at the kitchen table, she could pass as asleep if it weren't for the crimson liquid puddled on the table, dripping to the floor, along with the gun next to her lifeless hand. In front of her on a plate lay a note, placed upon it was her wedding ring.

William

We've been married for nearly fifteen years now and neither of us are getting any younger. I know I could never provide you with children, however much our hearts desired them. I see now where you have been. You don't need to work as much as you say you are and I haven't seen any of the extra money, which leads me to conclude that it doesn't exist. I can only hope you enjoy your life with your new woman, perhaps she can provide what I can't. I just wish you could have told me, maybe we could have sorted something out about surrogacy or adoption. It's too late now. I hope your future wife can provide what I couldn't. May all your wishes come true. Just know that I will watch over and protect you and any children you may have. I love you. Goodbye.

All my love

Catherine

Tears streamed down Williams' cheeks as he read. He placed Catherin's ring back upon her finger, took the gun and placed it to his temple. "Our children will live in heaven my sweet Catherine."

BANG!

Word count: 400

I'm terrible I know. My stories always involve pain and death but hey, this theme calls for that. I still can't write romance but I promise I'm trying.

My wandering mind

2011-06-23T03:10:00.002+01:00

This is simply a taste of where my mind goes when I let it just wander. In other words I sat for too long in front of a blank computer screen unable to find inspiration so I wrote what I thought of as my mind wandered, pondered and wondered.

As my mind wanders down the lonely road of pondering I wonder. What is possible and what isn't?

I take a detour through history and find people there who believe things that I know as possible are absurd impossibilities. Perhaps I meet an emperor such as Julius Caeser who would no doubt have me killed for even suggesting that such a thing as an aeroplane, a gun or a skyscraper were possible. So what does that make us to the people of the fifth millennium Anno Domini? Will that time even exist as we overpopulate our planet, removing, out of necessity and greed, all Earth's natural resources.

Yet the fact remains that, as we have that thought to ponder, it has in truth, opened our minds to endless possibilities as a species. There are countless contraptions created of the imagination, such as a time travel machine, that many can argue is impossible. Yet the way I view such a thing is that the Egyptians and Romans knew nothing of fuel biology (unless you count getting an animal or slave to physically do something as such) and therefore couldn't comprehend the use of a car, plane or even space shuttle, just as we may know nothing of what in the future could fuel time travel. Yes we may be very educated, having discovered copious amounts of information, but our education as a species is constant and ever improving. The fact that we are where we are today is down to human natures' innate function of curiosity and inquisitiveness driving us. We want to learn and will never quit until we know everything, which we never will.

I also wonder how much of the information people were killed or outcast for even thinking is lost. You don't even need to travel back half a millennium to find that any information, especially that seeming to disprove God's existence, was destroyed along with its publisher/writer/discoverer. Science versus religion was considered a war, a global civil war. Yet as we know now that facts found in science that can disprove events like the creation of the world as he Bible tells it are actually facts. Science was discouraged so we have to wonder how much was lost and how much has actually been rediscovered.

This leads me onto another world where history has been distorted and the world has always embraced all scientific discovery. What would the world look like now? It has to be admitted that if science were accepted from the start then the world would be very different. Perhaps the plane would have been invented in 17th century Britain and flown across the channel. What would it look like? When we consider the idea that the things we know today were invented by different people of a different time the it goes without saying that it would visually be very different. It would be interesting to see something like a Roman bicycle, maybe made entirely of wood, (the pedals perhaps connected to the wheels rather than a chain) in a museum.

Sorry for rambling. I was lost as of what to write today and my mind wandered, so I wrote as I thought, as my mind wandered... :-D

Striving for Perfection

2011-06-22T02:23:00.000+01:00

This is for One Shot Wednesday.

Also for all the people who tell me they've done nothing with their lives because they didn't do exactly what they wanted to do.

Try and try and try

Put in all your effort

All your might

Mentally

Physically

Your soul

Be the best

Perfection your one true goal

Fail and fail and fail

Yet you'll persevere ahead

It consumes you life

Your heart

Your body

Your soul

Your mind

Perfection your one true goal

Grow and grow and grow

Age creeps up on you time

Perfection elusive

A phantom

Impalpable

Obsolete

Non-existent is your one true goal

Yet you never gave up

You never achieved your true goal

Yet on reflection you've done a lot

You haven't failed with your life

You didn't sit in a whole

You're satisfied

You've truly lived and enjoyed life

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

2011-06-20T20:56:00.000+01:00

Carry on Tuesday #110

Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Muhammed Ali

Letting air carry my weightless form
I can conserve my energy and float
Like a butterfly
I perform
Waiting in disguise
Ready to attack
Revealing my true self
As my opponent steps back
I sting
Sending him to sleep
He just discovered
What's unique about me
I can float like a butterfly
But I sting like a bee

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Windy Limerick

2011-06-20T03:25:00.000+01:00

This is for One Single Impression - Wind

The planet it tried to grow

'Til we decided to pollute as we go

Mother nature got pissed

Took a swipe with her fist

Now look how hurricanes and tornadoes blow

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Express Yourself

2011-06-19T23:58:00.002+01:00

This is for the brand new Maffick Monday. The idea is to be given a prompt and write whatever you want from it, whether it be a story, song, poem, script... whatever!

Let the fun begin!

This week's prompt is to write about a terrible dancer. This poem is what I would tell him/her.

Can you sing?

Can you dance?

If you can't

Take a chance

You're name's not shy

Give it a try

Don't sit on the shelf

Express yourself!

That's what it's about

Not looking good

Not being cool

Or being a fool

It's about self expression

Just go with the flow

Take this as a lesson

Feel the beat and just GO!

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When sadness rules your heart...

2011-06-19T18:05:00.002+01:00

This is inspired by the whole idea that some people who get named as heartless because they don't seem bothered by things. There is a reason for it.

No laughter

No love

No smiling

No joy

When sadness rules your heart

No tears

No weeping

No sobbing

No sorrow

When sadness rules your heart

When happiness is void in your life

When sadness rules your heart

Your ability to act out deep emotions

Is forgotten; true joy and true grief

You've forgotten how to cry

Emotion is energy

True joy is it's high

True sorrow it's low

Yet when joy is unknown

You'll never know how to grieve

Life's abysmal lows

Entered into Poets Pantry
and
Jingle Potluck

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Job Robbers

2011-06-18T11:22:00.000+01:00

This is my entry for Six Word Saturday

Joblessness; zero accountability

Machines burgle employment

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Global Issues: The Source

2011-06-17T19:26:00.004+01:00

This is haiku tells you briefly my theory on the root of the worldwide issues we have in the modern world.

image source: http://www.wallpapershunt.com/wallpaper/crowded-planet-earth_w207.html

Global issues many

Source: overpopulation

Too many use too much

I'll probably write a longer poem on the subject another day but this is to prove to someone that I can put my point across in "less than ten minutes." :-D

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Love or Mars

2011-06-16T15:49:00.003+01:00

This is for Romantic Friday Writers. The prompt this week was the most difficult yet (and I've found them all difficult) "Up, up and away". Hopefully you enjoy it.

In youth Suzie boasted that she dated a guy who worked for NASA, training to be an astronaut. She dreamed of the day she could say "My husband works up in space."

Howard celebrated passing his Astronaut Test by proposing to Suzie, marrying her a just few months later. A year later Suzie gave birth to Jake and life was perfect, until Howard's job kicked in, forcing him to travel into space on a regular basis.

For seven years he would leave for a few months at a time, working with a team repairing satellites orbiting Earth. He was only back from a three month absence a month when it was announced; NASA wanted Howard to captain the first human expedition to Mars. This gave him the choice, his wife and child, or his career. It would last twenty years, too long to force Suzie (thirty) to wait loyally.

He met some friends at a local bar to discuss his predicament. They were equally as split as himself. The eternal glory of being the first man on Mars or raising his son into manhood with his beautiful wife. He decided it would be best to talk to Suzie and get the perspective of someone he loved and loved him in return. Suzie could choose for him as she would know what was best.

Howard returned to an empty home. On the table sat an envelope labeled with his name in Suzie's handwriting.

Howard

I love you more than I can say, so I'm leaving. Sorry I didn't stay to tell you in person but I couldn't allow myself time to change my mind. I know you want to go to Mars so I decided to wave the white flag for Jake and myself, allowing you to go. Don't think I'm happy to be rid of you. I'll weep rivers every day but I believe that if you have considered, even for an instant, to leave us and go to Mars then that says enough. You should go. Remember me and remember Jake. We're proud to have been a part of your life and you will be forever in our dreams as you live out your own.

All my love

Suzie

The letter concluded with a kiss, her lipstick printed on the page. He kissed the image of her lips and wept. She was right... but that didn't make it any easier.

Word Count: 401
I'm sure we can allow one word. I unfortunately wrote 580 first draft.

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Lost Motivation

2011-06-16T10:07:00.006+01:00

Motivation 

Absent with no sick note

No reason for missing this stage in life

 No answer when I phone or knock on it's door

It's presence is noted as missing 

It won't help my team score

Information

 Craved to discover it's place

Will it return in the near future?

Will it return when afterlife gives birth?

Has it retreated and abandoned?

Has it allocated me no worth?

Faithful

Convinced it will return

I'm sure it has become lost

I'm sure motivation is my lifelong friend

We persist; our paths amalgamate

We unite; proceed till the end 

Jingle Potluck

Poets Pantry Entry

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Fortitude

2011-06-15T06:02:00.001+01:00

This is for Sensational Haiku Wednesday

This week it's a word I was previously unfamiliar with:

Fortitude

Persevere, endure

Though foresight shows sparse cheer

Chance it's deceit; hope

I chose the image based on the fact that the prompt reminded me of a song:

Tupac Shakur - The rose that grew from concrete

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