Fighting Back Mentor Program

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Tue, 07 Apr 2015 21:12:00 +0000

This is an old blog for the Fighting Back Mentor Program and is no longer in use. Please visit our wonderful new website for current information about the program. Thank you! www.mentor-center.org

Clair McCune: June Mentor of the Month!

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Wed, 10 Jul 2013 01:01:00 +0000

Join us in celebrating Claire McCune as June’s Mentor of the Month! Claire joined the mentor program in January 2012 after she heard about the rewards of mentoring a child in need through our Mission for Mentors Telethon. Like many of the kids referred to our program, Claire did not feel heard growing up and struggled with peer relations during adolescence, so when she saw the Telethon she felt called to help other youth struggling as she once did. Her experience as educator for more than twenty years, a mother of two grown children, and a child in a large family prepared her to be a creative and compassionate mentor and instilled a desire to help guide at-risk youth in making their own positive decisions.

When it was time to choose her mentee, Claire decided on a seventh grader from La Cumbre Junior High School who suffered from a poor attitude towards life and school, difficulties with peer relations, and who really needed someone that she could trust and talk to. Claire had all the qualities her mentee needed to help relating to her peers and gave her the boost in confidence to be a successful student. Although her mentee had always possessed these inner strengths, Claire helped draw them out by being a friend who listened, cared, and guided her in the right direction.

From the first day Claire and her mentee met it was clear that they were going to be close friends. Not only did they have a lot in common, such as loving the outdoors and a silly sense of humor, but they found out they had very similar temperaments and could instantly relate to each other. Claire could understand how the gossip and teen drama was made her mentee feel negative about being at school and friends in general, and she was able to help her overcome those obstacles and encourage her mentee’s personal and academic growth. Over the last year their special bond has strengthened into a wonderful friendship, and it is clear in the joy they feel in each other’s company that their relationship has positively impacted both of their lives. Today, her mentee is a very social and animated girl who always brings a positive attitude. She is eager to work on academics and has set big goals and accomplished them. Claire is an advocate for responsibility and has taught her mentee how to be accountable for herself, which has helped her become a hardworking student with the desire to learn. Claire is an incredible role-model and we are grateful to have her as part of the mentor program family! Congratulations Claire and thank you for investment in our youth! You truly deserve to be our June Mentor of the Month!!

Learn how to become a mentor like Claire at our website, www.mentor-center.org

April's Mentor of the Month: Molly Alliano

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 20 May 2013 14:00:00 +0000

April has come and gone, and a new mentor of the month has been selected. Congratulations Molly Alliano for being our April Mentor of the Month!!

Molly has been matched with her mentee since May 5^th, 2009, and they recently celebrated their four year anniversary! We have been so impressed with her dedication to her mentee and the mentor program over the years and are excited to show it. This school year we hosted a total of four mentor trainings, only requiring mentors to attend two out of five; however, Molly has gone above and beyond the required trainings by attending all four of the trainings, including an extra community event held by CADA! Not many mentors do this, so we truly appreciate Molly taking the extra time to seize every opportunity to educate herself, share her knowledge, and grow as a mentor.

When Molly and her mentee first met her mentee was only in fifth grade, and this year she will be graduating from junior high and entering as a freshman at Santa Barbara High School. As many of you might know, junior high is one of the most challenging times for our mentees, and in many cases mentors have to work hard to ensure that their mentee commits to their own success and the mentoring relationship. Molly has done a fantastic job of weathering these difficulties, and throughout her match she has provided her mentee with the resources and skills to ensure she becomes a healthy and productive teen. From helping her with her homework to making sure that she is always prepared for Karate practice, Molly is guiding her mentee through the challenges of adolescence with consistency and grace. On top of her work as a mentor, Molly recently started to volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club of Santa Barbara after attending our Winter Festival in December. We all know that personal “me” time is a precious commodity, and for Molly to give up her valuable time in order to volunteer for not one but several youth programs is truly something to applaud. This is why we have selected Molly as April’s Mentor of the Month. Thank you Molly for being a fantastic mentor and friend to the youth of our community!

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 13:00:00 +0000

March Mentor of the Month: Sally Green

Congratulations to Sally Green, our March Mentor of the Month! Sally has been a mentor for over two years, on our advisory Task Force for nearly as long, and just last month began mentoring a second little girl in Carpinteria. Sally joined our program as a mentor in January 2011 when she retired as the Principal of Canalino Elementary school in Carpinteria. She knew how important mentoring was from seeing it happen at Canalino, and throughout her 30+ years of being an educator, and was excited to give back upon her retirement.

Her first mentee was one of the students at Canalino that Sally personally knew needed a mentor due to her difficult family circumstances. Her mentee was ecstatic to have her former Principal be her new friend and mentor and they continue to have a special relationship today. Sally knew her mentee would need more personal and emotional support, rather than just academics, and has been a consistent friend and confidant throughout the past two years.

With her mentee now in middle school Sally felt she had the time to mentor another child, and just over a month ago was matched with her second mentee, a wonderful 5th grader at Canalino. Sally wanted a mentee who would be open to working on academics and meeting outside of school, and her new mentee is a perfect fit! They spent their first meeting getting excited about all the fun activities and cultural outings they want to do together, including visiting Santa Barbara City College and preparing for her future.

Sally continues to be a great supporter and advocate of mentoring in the community as well as an important member of our advisory Task Force. The program wouldn’t be the same without her insight from the educator’s perspective, and we look forward to many more years of working together. Her dedication to the youth of our community stretches back far beyond her years of mentoring with us, and her devotion to helping her mentees grow and thrive is an inspiration.

Thank you for everything you have done for the mentor program and your mentees Sally! You truly deserve to be our March Mentor of the Month!!

Mentor of Month: Jim Roehrig

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 18:47:00 +0000

Congratulations to Jim Roehrig, February’s Mentor of the Month! Jim and his mentee David just celebrated their one year anniversary on Saturday. Their story began when Jim heard about our program from a friend and decided he wanted to help make a difference in a child’s life, especially with all the difficulties of growing up these days. As a child Jim was shy, and as a teen he hated school, and wanted to support a child with similar difficulties. Ideally, Jim was looking for a younger mentee who needed emotional support and would be excited to hang out with a mentor at school and off campus. His mentee, David, a fifth grader at the time of their match, fit the bill perfectly. He was very shy and needed help building his social skills and confidence. They also bonded right away over their love of dogs, and David was so excited to take Jim’s dogs on walks together. Since they have been meeting, Jim has been able to give David more than emotional support, but also the structure he needs during young adolescence.

Jim goes above and beyond the 1 hour a week, and meets with David multiple times each week, helping him with homework afterschool and taking him on educational and recreational trips around Santa Barbara. Although there have been challenges, Jim works hard to overcome them and find solutions, and is always the best role model he can be for David. As David grows from a boy into a young man, all of the valuable skills and life lessons Jim has taught him will carry on throughout his life. We can already see the great impact Jim has made when David smiles and looks you in the eyes where he once just stared at his shoes. Jim’s great dedication, consistency, and sense of humor are what have earned him February’s Mentor of the Month. Congratulations Jim, you deserve it!

Valetine Card Soliders

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 22:38:00 +0000

I found this craft online but I wasn’t able to find the instructions on how to create these awesome valentines cards. So I decided to create them myself and make some instructions for anyone who would like to create these sweet card soldiers.

What you will need:

Red construction paper
Yellow Construction Paper
Red Marker
Playing Cards or Index Card
Goggly Eyes
Two Red Pipe Cleaners
Tape
Scissors
Glue
Lollipop (optional)

I didn’t have any extra playing cards so I decided to make my own, which was pretty easy and cost efficient for me. If you would like to use playing cards then that is perfectly fine and will also save you some time.

The second step is to make a medium size heart by folding a piece of red construction in half and cutting half a heart out, this will make the perfect heart shape. Make a smaller heart using the yellow construction paper.

Glue the red heart upside down at the top of the card. Afterword’s glue the yellow heart onto the upside down heart to create the face of the solider. Glue the googly eyes to the yellow heart and draw a nose and a smile.

Cut out two holes at the top of the card and two holes at the bottom of the card. We will use these holes for the legs and hands of the solider.

Cut your pipe cleaners in half, so you have a total of four pipe cleaners. Insert to two of the pipe cleaners at the bottom of the card, folding the ends of the piper cleaner behind your card. Tape the end of the pipe cleaner to the back of the card to secure it in place. At the other end of the piper cleaner, fold it to a 90 degree angle and cut it to make it the foot of the solider.

Insert the other two pipe cleaners to the holes at top of the card. Fold the end of the piper cleaner towards the back of the card just like the bottom holes. I didn’t tape down then so the soldiers could easily move their hands up and down.

Your card solider is now ready for action! I added the lollipop as a staff and a name card incase you decide to use this as a valentines card.

Happy crafting!

Luis Gomez

Mentor Advocate

Service as a Spiritual Path by Kanta MacDermott

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 17:51:00 +0000

The Fighting Back Mentor Program is a youth prevention program of the Council on Alcoholism and Drug Abuse. I became a mentor in this program over four years ago. My mentee had her ninth birthday a few weeks after we met for the first time.

She was referred to me by her 3^rd Grade teacher who saw that she needed support with her school work as well as with her self-esteem. At first we met at school during her lunch break and I discovered that she loved to draw and to play card games. We joined other mentors with their mentees on field trips to the zoo, on the Condor Express Whale Boat and to Zodos’ Bowling. We baked pies, enjoyed beach outings as well as our personal trips to the Natural History Museum and numerous visits to the local library.

Now in junior high school, my mentee enjoys her new teenage status and seems a little reluctant to meet with me on campus, so we usually get together on Saturday mornings. She plays soccer on her school team and displays much more confidence in herself . I look forward to our time together and feel privileged to be part of her life. I was recently invited to her 13^th birthday celebration at her grandmother’s home and felt honored to be included in this family event.

I feel blessed to have this young person in my life and this involvement brings me a feeling of service and spiritual nourishment.

If you are interested in being a mentor or know someone who might be, there are currently 82 kids on the waiting list.

Please contact Ann Cowell, Tel.(805)963-1433 Ex.113 or

E-mail acowell@cadasb.org

Mentor of the Year: Lisa Gosdschan

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 23:15:00 +0000

The Fighting Back Mentor Program Coordinator, Ann Cowell, told me while choosing the Mentor of the Year that she is looking for someone who not only demonstrates the time commitment to their mentee, but a commitment to the community as a whole. She looks for a mentor who supports and cares for their mentee in every way that they can: in school, in their personal lives, and by encouraging them to always learn and experience new things.

This year we are so proud to announce and celebrate Lisa Gosdschan as our 2012 Mentor of the Year, because she embodies all of those qualities! Throughout her long, and sometimes rocky, relationship with her mentee she never gave up, never stopped caring, and is a perfect example of what a mentor can be given enough time, heart, and devotion. Her work with her mentee, who is now an 8th grader, is beyond the expectations of a mentor, and therefore comes directly from her own intrinsic motivation and spirit. Her story is important to share because it shows how, when given the opportunity, people are capable of immeasurable generosity and compassion.

When I sat down for an interview with Lisa, she told me of all the ways she supports her mentee with her physical, emotional, psychological, and even spiritual health. Lisa is extremely hands on, very involved, and an incredible model of humanitarian work. She is a valuable member of numerous volunteer groups: Mentor Task Force, Kiwanis Club, Catholic Charities (Food Pantry, Special Olympics) and on the board of Alpha Resource Center. Her volunteer work with Ed Cue at Kiwanis, exposed her to the need of mentoring, and inspired her to get involved with more programs within the Santa Barbara community.

Nearly three years ago, Lisa and her mentee met for the first time at their match meeting at her elementary school. It was clear from day one that they were a good match. When I read over her mentee’s pre-match interview, I found that when she was asked 'What type of person would you like to be matched with?' she responded, "Someone who is nice, who cares about me, and knows other languages." It turns out that Lisa speaks French, German, and English. But this is only one small connection among many, such as their shared love of cats, and going to Yogurtland, that make them great. Lisa brought Jolly Ranchers to the match meeting for her mentee and it turned out that that was her favorite candy! The candy was a great conversation starter and it allowed for her normally shy mentee to open up. They were both very enthusiastic about the relationship and her mentee fed off of Lisa’s energy. Lisa identified with her because as a young girl she remembers being shy and reserved also. And then as she grew older Lisa overcame her shyness, became a cheerleader, and got more involved in school and the community. Lisa was immediately excited to share this experience and knowledge with her mentee, to help her blossom, just as Lisa had.

For Lisa, sharing her childhood and family experiences with her mentee has been a wonderful and important part of their relationship, but dealing with the differences in their backgrounds and perspectives, and relating to her mentee with understanding and without judgment, has been one of her greatest struggles. Not having any children to base a mentoring relationship on, Lisa put forth what she knew about support and encouragement from growing up in a disciplined and structured military household. Sometimes it was hard for Lisa to understand her mentee’s actions, because she describes that from her own experience growing up "I just never [broke the rules], I just never did anything. I knew there would be consequences and I didn’t want to find out what they were. I never got in trouble, never got suspended, never got anything, and when I met my mentee, her family was totally different. You know, with her father incarcerated, uncle incarcerated, broken family with her mother busy all the time, she didn’t have any consequences. But she was a child, so I figured, you know, it doesn't really matter, this dynamic, obviously she needs someone, and I think it was just a really, really good match for us."

Lisa’s mentee is raised by a single working mother with two other children, one of whom suffers from a difficult mental disability, and therefore her mentee often finds herself without attention or help from her overwhelmed mother. Lisa is more than willing to step into this gap to help her mentee and her mother, and make sure her mentee has regular visits to the doctor and dentist, that she is signed up for important school programs such as the meal plans and correct classes, and takes time to have fun with her mentee and go shopping or walking down State St. Lisa also focuses on encouraging her mentee to increase her involvement in her schoolwork, and after her mentee expressed interest in criminal investigation as a potential career Lisa helped her explore this interest even more and turn it into a motivating goal. Throughout their relationship Lisa has helped her mentee embrace the idea of attaining good grades, going to college, and finding a career path that uses her strengths and sparks her interests. It truly is a great relationship when a mentor can help a mentee see their potential and take steps to reach it.

I asked Lisa why she gives so much of her time and energy to her mentee she explained that it is a wonderful opportunity to be an positive influence on a young person at a time when they need it most, and talked about how mentoring enriches her life as much as her mentees: "[A mentor] can make someone feel important and show them how they can make others feel important; when you give, you get a lot back.” And after two years of numerous challenges and growth in the relationship, Lisa told me about a time when she 'got a lot back' and truly saw that she was making an impact. Lisa took her mentee on a trip to visit with Lisa's family while they did spring cleaning: "[My mentee] saw everybody do everything together. Everybody would work together, eat together, and we'd be laughing around the table, I don't think that [her mentee’s family] have a dinner table to tell you the truth. Even though cleaning a house isn’t our regular circumstances she just saw a family that was really working hard together, and she had a great time working along side us. I think that was a changing experience for her and she was happy to give back to me and my family." For Lisa this was such a rewarding time with her mentee, and she cherishes the ability to show her different perspectives and the different ways that people, and families, live. This changed her mentee’s worldview, and Lisa said that after this trip there was a positive shift in her demeanor overall, and her attitude towards school. This story, among many, best illustrates Lisa's inclusive approach and dedication, but it also illustrates the possibilities in mentoring, and how something that may seem random can make the greatest impact.

When we asked Lisa's mentee if she could describe her mentor in one word, she chose the word "generous." Not only does this describe Lisa perfectly, but it also describes the soul of a Mentor, someone who is willing to give of themselves to help another. There are Mentors that give an incredible amount of their time, spirit, and support, and some who can only give that one hour a week, but they all make a difference. And then there are Mentors like Lisa, who demonstrates outstanding generosity, support, graciousness, resilience, passion, and compassion that goes above and beyond anything we ask or expect of mentors within the program.

Congratulations, Lisa, for being our 2012 Mentor

of the Year! You truly deserve it!

~Kiana G. Alzate, Creative Media Intern with the Fighting Back Mentor

Program

What do you think? Divorce and Family Issues

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 07:01:00 +0000

What do you think? Divorce and Family Issues

Scenario- Dean is right in the middle of high school in his sophomore year. His parents always used to argue, but he thought that was normal for every family. Then during the summer, his dad started not coming home until really late at night, or on the weekends. This summer, he overheard his parents talking about divorce, and this year of high school just hasn't felt right. Dean doesn't know who to talk to, his older brother is working all the time up north, his younger sister is too young, and he is worried he will upset her more. She cried one night their parents were fighting, and now Dean feels like he has to protect her. Many of his friends at school don't have a dad around, and have always considered him lucky, so Dean is embarrassed to complain or whine about his family drama. He has decided to simply keep quiet about the divorce and just try and keep his sister happy. Unfortunately his mom has been so busy trying to keep everything at home organized that she sometimes forgets to buy enough food and keep the house clean. It has been a struggle for Dean to be a parent to his sister and take care of his schoolwork, her schoolwork, and the house. Dean feels like he is spinning out of control, forgetting homework assignments and often missing class, and so emotional he just doesn’t know how to handle all the changes. He just wants to make things work at home, and be the man of the house since his dad is not around as much. He is unsure of talking to anyone about it, but doesn’t know if he can keep it together on his own.

Questions for Discussion-

1.) What do you think about Dean's decision to focus on his family and take on adult responsibilities without talking to anyone? What would you do in his situation?

2.) How do you think Dean feels about the divorce of his parents? Would talking to someone about this situation help him? If so, how?

3.) Do you think Dean should ask for extra help in school or work something out with his teachers considering his difficult situation? Do you think that his teachers will understand and give him some leniency?

4.) Have you ever opened up to a teacher, or adult, at school about personal problems that affect your work? What happened, and did it help you?

5.) Have you, a family member, or close friend been through divorce/family problems? How has that affected you?

Factoids-

**Divorce can be a serious trauma for children of all ages and has many serious potential consequences. Children whose parents have divorced are more likely to be the victims of abuse. They exhibit more health, behavioral, and emotional problems, are more frequently involved in drug abuse, and have higher rates of suicide.

**Children of divorced parents also tend to perform more poorly in reading, spelling, and math, are more likely to repeat a grade, and to have higher drop-out rates and lower rates of college graduation.

**Children expect and deserve to grow up in a safe and consistent world. Their parents' role is to nurture and protect them, and help them understand the world and their place in it. The dissolution of the family is the single greatest threat to a child's emotional – and often financial or physical– wellbeing. Having their parents publicly declare that they cannot love each other enough to stay together causes a child's sense of security, and their view of the world, to change completely. While they struggle to deal with this immense change, other areas in their lives, such as academics, become a low priority, and this can cause the variety of problems mentioned above.

**Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their parents. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, or protecting younger siblings, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. They need those around them to let them know these are not their responsibilities, and to support them as they try to find a new clear role in their changed world.

**While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by this immense change. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction, which can cause greater confusion for the child. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, why it is happening, and what will happen to them moving forward. They also need the support of friends or trusted adults outside the family to help them cope and understand what is going on.

**When there is no viable alternative to divorce, parents must ensure their children's emotional well-being by arranging some form of therapy. Divorce certainly does not condemn a child to a lifetime of unhappiness; many children of divorce have successful relationships and happy lives, but the insecurities caused by their parents’ divorce must be dealt with before this can truly happen. Sometimes just speaking with a therapist or trained counselor a few times can be enough to help them move through the crisis in a healthy way by providing them the understanding and coping strategies they need, but they always need this help.

How Mentors Can Help-

**Try to talk to your mentee about their family, and the relationships they have with their parents and siblings, and start by sharing about your own family. This can be difficult, and it often takes time for mentees to build a trust with their mentor before they open up about these things. But it is important to discuss family relationships because most of the time there is a direct correlation between a child's mental and academic stability, and their home life/family dynamic. If one parent is absent, or if both parents are working, it is more likely that your mentee will have parental/babysitting responsibilities towards their siblings. These dynamics can sometimes be detrimental to your mentee's study habits and motivation in school, not to mention their emotional state, as they are already being forced to take on adult responsibilities that eclipse less important things like homework or play. Open communication and updates on their family life are keys to successful mentoring so that you know where they are coming from and can provide support.

**Once you know some of their home situation you can help them by giving them what they may be missing. Sometimes it’s just a person they can talk to who cares, and can help explain why things are the way they are. Someone who can reinforce that their parents love them regardless of how they may be acting. Maybe they need someone to help with school and show them that it is still important, or perhaps they need someone to show them how to be a kid and just have fun and learn experientially. If you are not sure what your mentee needs this is something your case manager might be able to help you with, and we would love to talk about it with you.

**Asking for help is challenging for everyone, but it can be incredibly helpful to have the school staff know what is going on with a student who is struggling. Encourage your mentee to talk to their teachers or counselor about their family situation if it is at all relevant to their academic work, so that there is a support system in all areas of your mentee's life. This is especially helpful if there is divorce or a sudden absence of a parent that is causing great turmoil in their life. Often times if they speak to a counselor about what they are going through and ask for help that counselor can advocate for them to the teachers for leniency and understanding so your mentee doesn’t need to tell more than one person at school about their personal crisis, which can be difficult enough. The point of this is to avoid unnecessary reprimanding at school that can cause more emotional stress in your mentee, and to reinforce that asking for help from school staff is acceptable and positive.

**Divorce, and/or sudden changes in the family structure can dramatically change the way a child behaves in and out of school. There are studies and research that shows a child who experience divorce at a younger age has a greater risk of dropping out of school, using drugs or alcohol, and other behavioral problems. If you see warning signs of any potential behavioral problems like these speak to your case manager right away so we can discuss how to help, and potential services available.

**Sometimes all mentors can do is be there, listen, and support in any way we can. Your mentee might resist anything more than that, and as mentors we don’t want to break their trust by pushing too hard. Remember that you are not responsible for changing everything in their life and just do your best to be the empathetic friend and supportive adult they need in their moment of crisis. Just being there for them will make a huge difference.

Check out these websites for more information and tips-

http://dujs.dartmouth.edu/spring-2010/risk-and-resilience-in-children-coping-with-parental-divorce

http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2000/06/the-effects-of-divorce-on-america

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_and_divorce

http://www.chabad.org/blogs/blog_cdo/aid/708492/jewish/Divorce-Facts-and-Myths.htm

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 19:50:00 +0000

What do you think?: Consistency and Communication

Scenario- Silvia has been struggling with junior high since she entered 7th grade last year. She needs a little extra help organizing all of the homework from all of her different classes. Not only does she feel busy at school, but her family isn't doing very well, and her parents have been stressed out with work, and concerned about paying the bills on time. Silvia feels overwhelmed and gets distracted during classes worrying about her family. Then she gets upset that she cannot focus in class, or on her homework. It feels like an unbreakable cycle and she doesn't know what to do.

Normally she talks to her Mentor, who she has been seeing since last year, but unfortunately they haven't been meeting as much this school year. They don't have a consistent meeting day during the week, and most of the time they try to schedule a meeting it doesn't work out, either because Silvia is helping out at home or her Mentor is booked, and they don't meet at all. Silvia is starting to feel that her Mentor is too busy to meet with her, or maybe just doesn’t want to be her mentor anymore. Silvia doesn't want to bother her Mentor too much, so she stops calling and texting because she is worried it might stress her Mentor out, and she is a little upset at how her mentor hasn’t been communicating with her. When her Mentor calls now, Silvia avoids the phone calls and tries to focus on helping her family.

Questions for Discussion-

What do you think about this situation? Why are they having so much trouble with communication and consistent meetings?
What do you do when you get stressed out about something in your life? Is it hard to open up to someone about it, especially if they are busy with their own drama? Does it help to talk to someone?
What do you think will happen if Silvia focuses on her family and drops out of school? Will that really help her family? What could she do instead?
Do you think that Silvia's Mentor really stopping caring about her? What could the Mentor do to rebuild Silvia’s trust?
What do you think is the best solution for Silvia and her Mentor? How can they both improve their communication and get back on track?

How Mentors Can Help-

**When it comes to building a relationship and trust, with your mentee or anyone, the most important aspects are consistency and communication. It is the mentor’s responsibility to move the relationship forward and do the majority of the communication and reaching out to set up meetings, at least at first until a rhythm is established.

**It is important for Mentors to establish consistency with their Mentees early on in the relationship, and especially during the beginning of the school year. A consistent start is a good start, and usually leads to development of good routines and habits. In the beginning of the school year try to set up a consistent day and time for your weekly meeting, and then add on extra time to hang out outside of school if you want, while keeping that same weekly meeting. You can change or experiment with your meeting place(s) depending on what activity/assignment you're doing that day.

**The hardest part of setting up these meetings is communication with your mentee, so if you run into trouble contact your case manager for information on the teacher or school counselor as they are excellent assets to help with this process.

**However, we know that you have your own lives and responsibilities that can throw your routine off track sometimes. When this happens its important to communicate with your mentee not only that you need to reschedule the meeting, but why, and reinforce that you look forward to meeting them on the rescheduled date. This is so that they don’t feel you are just ditching them or that you no longer want to mentor them. Many of the kids we work with are sensitive to rejection so it’s important to be aware of this. If you cannot meet with them try to stay in touch with a text message or phone call so they know you are still there for them.

**Show your emotional support by asking about them and their about their family. Share what’s going on in your own life so they feel more comfortable opening up and sharing in return. Talk to them about school and how that is going for them. Maybe it is best to separate school and family time; suggest that they do their assignments with you, after school in the library, or during their supervision period so they can focus on fun and family when they are home. When your Mentee knows you understand both their school life and their home life, then they are more likely to reach out when they need help or need advice about something.

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 14:30:00 +0000

September 4th, 2012

What do you think?: Back to School

Scenario-

Martin just started junior high last week and is already feeling a little overwhelmed about having so many different classes, with different teachers, and each having different homework! He sees other kids with lots of binders and folders, color coded pens, and always writing things down. He wonders how he will keep track of his notes and assignments, and if he should buy a binder and folders. His mom never made it past 6th grade so she doesn't know how to help him when he asks her about classes. He thinks about going to one of his teachers and asking him about what he should do, but Martin feels intimidated asking for help since he doesn’t know them. He feels too nervous and thinks it is it's too much work to ask for help. Martin decides he is probably fine to do what he has always done, so he puts his homework away in his backpack to pull it out later at home. He decides this and quickly feels better and goes outside to play with his friends.

Questions for Discussion-

What do you think will happen if Martin does not get organized for school and just tries to keep on using his old methods? What would you do in his place?
When you get confused about an assignment or anything school related do you ask for help? Who would you go to if you did?
What do you do to get organized for school? Do you have a binder? Folders?
How do you keep track of your assignments? Do you write things down anywhere?
What happens when you just put things in your backpack? How might this method make it difficult to do well in junior high or high school?

Factoids-

** The basic advantage of doing homework is : in a well-run class, doing the homework prepares students for taking the exams. This does not mean that exam problems are like homework exercises; it means that students who put a lot of time and effort into homework tend to do better in exams than students who do not. But there's an additional advantage: doing the homework helps students to learn the material better. By reading a text, a student can memorize facts; by doing homework, a student can learn how to use those facts [1].

**Beliefs regarding the positive non-academic effects of homework include that it:

• develops or improves attitudes about school and learning,

• develops or increases organizational and time management skills,

• increases the opportunity for independent problem solving,

• develops positive attitudes toward learning and school,

• develops self-direction and self-discipline,

• promotes inquisitiveness and exploration, and

• promotes the understanding that learning extends beyond the school walls [2].

** In a 2007 study data collected showed 95.0 of elementary student and secondary students reported that they completed homework outside of school [3].

** Average hours per week spent by elementary and secondary students who do homework outside of school was 9.2 hours for elementary students and 8.8 hours for secondary students [3].

**A higher percentage of Black students (83 percent) had parents who reported that they checked to make sure that their students' homework was done, compared with parents of White students (57 percent), Asian students (59 percent), and students of two or more races (66 percent). In addition, 76 percent of Hispanic parents reported checking homework, higher than the percentage of White or Asian parents who did so [4].

** Homework has shown to have a positive impact on achievement in comparison to no homework. The impact of homework varies by grade level and is greatest for older students. Homework had twice as large an effect at high school as at junior high. In turn, the impact at junior high was twice as large in comparison to elementary school. Marzano and Pickering (2007) note the following effect size and average percentile gains [1]:

Grades 4-6: Effect Size = .15 (Percentile gain = 6 points)

Grades 7-9: Effect Size = .31 (Percentile gain = 12 points)

Grades 10-12: Effect Size = .64 (Percentile gain = 24 points)

How Mentors Can Help-

**Ask your Mentee about their daily routine with school and homework, and share your own experiences with school. Help them identify areas that they might be able to improve their organization or practices to make their life easier and less stressful. The beginning of the school year is a great time to create new and better habits!

**If they are transitioning to Junior High ask them how they feel about having more than one teacher. This can help you gauge their levels of anxiety, excitement, maybe if they are overwhelmed, and then help them find fun ways to organize themselves and explain how that might help ease the transition into their new schedules and routines and reduce stress.

Some people love to color code while others may want multiple binders or colored folders etc, so be open to their ideas about how they want to organize.

**Ask your Mentee if they ask for help on certain assignments or if they talk to a teacher at school, maybe an AVID teacher or counselor.

**It is important as a Mentor to begin every school year with consistent meet-ups. It is essential for the relationship to have a routine and consistency (especially at the beginning of the school year), so that you can establish that you are there for them. Make it known to them that you are available during this busy transition time and try to set up a consisted day and time to meet with them on or off campus.

**Talk to them about their homework habits, especially where and when they do their work. If they feel overwhelmed by all of the work talk to them about ways to make it easier like breaking it up into manageable chunks with short breaks in between for fun and games or relaxation. And definitely try to reinforce the idea that work gets done before play. This website explains how "creating a homework station" can improve good study/assignment habits: http://www.simplify101.com/back-to-school-organizing-tips.php

http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/764-ready-set-back-to-school

http://www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/738-eating-sleeping-and-learning

http://www.healthychildren.org/english/news/pages/back-to-school-tips.aspx?nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

References:

1. McColm., G. (n.d.). About homework . Retrieved from http://shell.cas.usf.edu/~mccolm/pedagogy/HW.html

2. George , M. (2007). Got homework?. The Association of California School Administrators, Retrieved from http://www.acsa.org/FunctionalMenuCategories/Media/PositionPapers/GotHomework.aspx

3. Youth indicators 2011, america’s youth: Transitions to adulthood. (2011, December ). Retrieved from http://nces.ed.gov/pubs2012/2012026/chapter4_35.asp

4. Digest of Education Statistics http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d11/tables/dt11_166.asp

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 13:00:00 +0000

On paper, mentoring can seem a bit overwhelming, maybe even daunting, for someone who doesn't have children, or doesn't trust themselves to give the right type of influence to a malleable mind. With our busy schedules we doubt our ability to give an hour a week to someone who may need a bit more attention and advice, let alone a child who may truly need a strong mentor. These fears are understandable, but I hope that as we celebrate all of the amazing work that Edgar Diaz has done we can also use his words and experience to better understand the true nature of mentoring and why we should move past our hesitation and reach out to change the life of a child.

Edgar joined the Mentor Program as a Mentor Advocate at the very end of 2010, and within one month was matched up with his first mentee, MP, a 6th grader with a difficult family situation and problems managing his anger. Edgar quickly made a connection with MP by helping him open up about his feelings while playing basketball or just walking around campus during lunch, encouraging him to try new things, and even helping him get into an excellent private school by personally speaking to the dean in his favor. As their relationship progressed Edgar realized that he was truly helping to change MP’s life.

This experience was so rewarding and meaningful for Edgar that just over 4 months after being matched with MP he took on his second mentee, CL. A rambunctious 3rd grader who struggled to follow the rules, often fought with his classmates, and also lived in a tumultuous household. Over many months Edgar helped CL understand and respond more appropriately to his emotions through role playing and problem solving, taught him to write his thoughts down in a journal and “draw his emotions” so he didn’t bottle them up, and gave him a friend to talk to about his struggles at home. They grew so close that one day CL told Edgar he looked up to him like a father, and Edgar was so proud to have made such an impact on a child in so great a need. Edgar continues to be in touch with MP and CL and looks forward to continuing their relationships for many years to come.

Taking on two mentees within a six month period seems a bit ambitious to me at first, and I wondered how Edgar became so enthusiastic about mentoring. What experience had he had prior to becoming a mentor that drove him to give back and volunteer so much of his time. I asked Edgar what motivated him to become a Mentor and he first spoke about his Aunt:

“My aunt was the first to go to college. She attended UC Riverside. When I was in fourth grade I spent my spring break with her and she took me to her classes and around campus. We had so much fun and I remember being amazed at how awesome college was! Because of that experience I was determined to go to college. She sparked something in me. To her it probably wasn’t such a big deal but to me it meant so much. I spent most of my junior high and high school years wanting to go to UCR and I eventually decided on UCSB. As I grew older I didn’t need her as much, but she was always there for me when I needed her to review some homework assignments or if I had questions about college. I want to give someone that spark and support that I once received from her.”

Edgar’s was extremely motivated by this family experience, but as he continued to speak he made it clear that its not just family that influences a child, but also the outside environment.

“Also, what inspired me was that I have seen a difference in the lives of people who have someone to care about them and those who don’t. I came from a high school where maybe about 60% of the incoming freshmen actually make it to graduation. My older brother was almost one of them. His teachers weren't pushing him to do better which is why he barely graduated. Of course at one point everyone should become responsible for their own education, but it always helps when someone is encouraging you.”

There are two main places that affect the development of a child, the home and family, and the school community of teachers, peers, and other types of mentors. Talking to Edgar showed that the community outside of the home, especially the school, have just as great an impact on a child’s potential and outlook on life than their home environment, for better or worse. Edgar knows from his time as a mentor, and from being an Advocate for over a year, that just having someone who cares about you and encourages you can make all the difference. I was curious about how this change comes about, so I put together a questionnaire for Edgar to showcase his perspective on the influence, challenges, positives, negatives, and overall rewards that come from participating as a Mentor in the Fighting Back Mentor Program.

Q: What was your favorite part of working as a Mentor Advocate? And what will you miss most about working with the program?

E: I think my favorite part was matching up a new mentor and mentee. I loved calling the child into the office and tell him/her that I found a mentor for them. Their excited smiles were so cute and it made me feel so good to know I was helping to change their life. Then doing the match meeting and seeing how the mentor and mentee click is always amazing. I became pretty good at finding the right mentee-mentor match, and took a lot of pride in this ability. Then after they are matched up I loved hearing how their relationship was going and how the kids were improving. I also liked hearing how the mentor were enjoying the experience, especially because it was often a surprise to them to realize how much they were growing and how much fun they were having.

Q: What do you think has been the most challenging part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship? How did you deal with/overcome it?

E: The changes, as I mentioned before are fun and exciting, however there are changes that can make the relationship challenging and difficult. This goes for both the mentor and the mentee. The mentor might have a family or have a busy job schedule, which can make it more difficult to meet. And as the mentees get older they often get more involved in sports or organizations at school, get caught up in socializing, and start dating.

These transitions, especially from elementary school to middle school can be challenging and different for everyone, but it is always important to remember to welcome the changes with open arms. Both mentor and mentee need to communicate and be honest about what is going on. The mentor will probably have to be more upfront in the beginning because the mentee might feel embarrassed to talk about their feelings. Communication is key with any relationship, especially with kids who aren’t always the best at it. All these kids are smart and they pick up on everything, including how we talk and interact with them. There are many ways of communicating and staying in touch, even if you're not meeting with each other as consistently as you’d like.

Q: Off the top of your head, describe the first moment that you realized that you had made an impact in your mentee’s life? -> How did this make you feel?

E: For MP, the first time I realized I made a difference was when I took him to California Pizza Kitchen for our one-year celebration. All I did was sit there and listen to him. He just kept talking and talking. I knew this was a shift in our relationship because he was shy when I first met him; very polite, respectful, and quiet with a lot going on under the surface. A year later he is sitting there telling me everything about school and how happy he is that he isn’t getting in serious trouble. He was so happy at his new school, with his new friends, and he told me “thank you” for helping to get him in. I was so grateful and happy that he was doing better and staying out of trouble, and it felt great that he identified me as the reason that he was in such a good place.

For CL I think it was when he started the fourth grade. We made short term goals for him to stay out of trouble. First we started with a goal of three days. Honestly it took him a while but eventually he accomplished his goal of three days, then we began to extend the number of days. The lunch lady at his school would always give me updates about how he was doing, and one day at the end of January, she told me that he had not been in trouble for an entire month! I was so happy with this news, I told CL how proud of him I was, and encouraged him to stay out of trouble. After this event, he went on to stay out of trouble for three straight months! Even if he had another moment, he learned to trust me and opened up to let me know if he got in trouble. More importantly this also opened up a place for us to talk about his family and helped us grow closer in our mentor/mentee relationship.

Q: Describe the first moment that you realized your mentee had made an impact/affected your life? -> How did this make you feel?

E: Well, I have a little brother who is 9 years old now, and I missed him because we don’t live nearby. Meeting and maintaining relationships with both of my mentees was a great way of filling that void, because if I can’t be there with my brother at least I can spend time with kids around the same age and energy level, and do my best to guide them. The opportunity to hang out with someone younger, like a younger sibling, also allows me to do all the fun activities people usually stop doing as adults. It is a way to step out of my adult stresses and simply have fun with two great kids, while also knowing I’m helping to enrich their lives.

Q: What do you think has been the most influential and positive part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship?

E: I think that the most influential and positive part of maintaining a mentor/mentee relationship is that the mentee has someone who cares about them no matter how old they get or what they are going through. I always tell my mentees that no matter where I go or where they go or whatever happens that I will always be there for them. Any kid simply wants someone who’s going to be there and support them, and someone who will simply show up. It is also very rewarding to maintain a mentoring relationship over time because you can see how you both change and learn from every new experience that comes into each other’s lives. The privilege of not just watching, but positively influencing the course of a child’s life and seeing them grow over time is an amazing satisfaction for me.

Edgar shows us that becoming a mentor and has its ups and downs, challenges and rewards, growth and regression, exactly like any relationship you maintain over time. It is a choice to participate, encourage and support another individual in whatever it is that they do. Edgar took an opportunity to provide an hour or more a week of his attention to someone who was at risk, who may or may not have been getting it from their family, or teachers at school. What impresses me about Edgar is his patience, not only in hindsight or retrospect, but currently, even as he moves on to a new home, new job, and maybe more education, he looks at his mentoring relationships as current and ongoing. He still makes the time to meet with his mentees and stays in touch over the phone when he cannot visit. Edgar’s experiences illustrate how truly rewarding, challenging, eye opening, and life changing being a mentor is. His words show what many of us already know first hand, that being a mentor doesn’t just affect the mentee; it also deeply resonates within the mentor and can be a wonderfully life changing and fulfilling experience. As Forest Witcraft famously wrote:

“One Hundred Years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much money was in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like. But the world may be a better place because I was important in the life of a child.”

In Edgar’s case he has made the world a better place through the lives of countless youth in Santa Barbara by his incredible volunteerism and work as a Mentor Advocate. Because of his commitment to his two mentees, and the community as a whole, we are proud to celebrate Edgar Diaz as our Mentor of the Summer!! Congratulations Edgar, you deserve it!

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Scenario: Showering

Julie’s parents work very early in the morning, and come home late. She is in charge of getting her brothers and sisters ready for school and bed. Sometimes she is in such a rush to get things done that she forgets to shower. Julie doesn’t feel it’s that important anyways. She says she’ll take a shower once she gets dirty. One day at school as the class is going to recess, some kids start laughing when they are around Julie. One of the kids says, “Ew, what’s that smell?” They tell Julie she smells funny and jokingly back away. Julie starts to cry and runs off to the corner of the playground.

Questions for Discussion

1. Why do you think the kids are making fun of her? What would you do if one of your friends came to school smelling weird, would you talk to them about it?

2. Do you think showering is important? Why or why not?

3. How often do you shower?

4. What are some consequences of not showering?

6. What products can you use to smell better?

Factoids:

** Personal hygiene may be described as the principle of maintaining cleanliness and grooming of the external body.

** Kids with poor hygiene face medical consequences and are more prone to developing rashes and infections.

** Poor personal hygiene is a contributor to the spread of infectious diseases. Touching the hands, clothing or bodies of people with poor hygiene spreads colds, ringworm, head and body lice, and other parasites and viruses.

** Cleaning your body is also important to ensure your skin rejuvenates itself, as the scrubbing of your arms, legs, and torso will slough off dead, dry skin and help your skin stay healthy and refreshed.

** Instead of sharing a bath towel, it's suggested to use your own towel. This will prevent cross-contamination.

**Avoiding certain aromatic foods like onions, garlic, or spicy dishes can reduce body odor.

** Remember: nothing smells better than clean skin. Perfumes are not a good substitute for a shower or wash.

** Underclothes are right next to your skin and collect dead skin cells, sweat and possibly other unmentionable stains. Overnight bacteria start to work on these stains so your clothes do not smell as nice on the second day of wearing. If you have to wear a school uniform then take it off as soon as you get home and hang it up to air before you wear it the next day.

** It’s so important to keep your hair clean and conditioned to ensure it stays healthy and strong. Washing your hair at least every other day is important to keeping your hair healthy and in good shape. If you wash it too frequently, your hair will become brittle and dry, making it difficult to grow and keep strong. If you wash it too infrequently, it will become greasy and will also stunt its growth.

** Social aspects can be affected, as many people would rather alienate themselves from someone who has bad personal hygiene than to tell them how they could improve. Bullies may use bad personal hygiene as a way of abusing their victims, using social embarrassment as a weapon.

** In the 'olden' days all water had to be boiled on a fire or wood stove, and then carried to a washbowl or bath. Often families would only have a bath once a week (or less often) when all the family would use the same bath water, one after another.

How Mentors Can Help:

** Start the conversation by talking about each other’s daily routines. For instance “I wake up, shower, brush my teeth, eat breakfast and go to work, what do you usually do when you wake up?” This is a non confrontational way to open the door on these sensitive issues.

**Discuss the pros and cons of daily hair washing. Some teens may prefer to skip days to prevent their hair from drying out. Others may want to wash their hair daily -- especially if they have oily hair, which can both look greasy and aggravate acne.

** It’s also important to consider that for children who are going through puberty, which can start as early as 7 to 9 years of age, this is a major transition. Simply put, their bodies need more care than they have in the past in order to remain clean. Talk to your mentee about the changes in their body and why good hygiene is important.

** If your mentee associates showering or bathing with relaxing, they are less likely to fuss when it comes time to clean up. Tell your mentee to use this time in the bathroom to calm down, think about the day, relax, and plan for the week ahead.

** Compliment your mentee when they take the time to look good. They should know that people notice their efforts, and that personal appearance in terms of cleanliness does matter.

** It's easy for kids to go overboard on colognes or body sprays. Be sure you explain that a little bit goes a long way. Smelling good doesn’t always mean they are clean.

Additional Resources

* http://www.livestrong.com/article/85452-personal-hygiene/ (article on Personal Hygiene)

* http://www.moneyinstructor.com/art/goodhygiene.asp (tips for good hygiene)

* http://www.ehow.com/about_5410437_information-personal-hygiene.html information on personal hygiene

* http://www.prokerala.com/kids/parenting/child-hygiene-and-wellness.php Wellness and hygiene tips for children

What Do You Think? Transitions Part 1: Elementary to Middle School

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 25 Jun 2012 13:59:00 +0000

Scenario:

Emilio has had a mentor with the mentor program since he was 9 years old, and now he is graduating from elementary school and going to middle school. He is excited to make new friends and start at a new school, but he is also a little embarrassed to have his mentor come meet him at his new school because there will be new people to meet and older students there he wants to impress. He really enjoys having his Mentor in his life, and wants to continue seeing his Mentor, but is nervous and worried what other kids and his new friends might think of him hanging out with an adult at school. He also doesn't know if it's possible to meet his Mentor off campus somewhere every week, and if he will have time to meet his Mentor because of more homework, new friends, and new activities. Emilio really wants to continue meeting with his Mentor because he enjoys all the help and encouragement, but doesn't know what to expect from the change from elementary school to middle school.

Questions for Discussion:

1. What would you do if you were Emilio? How might Emilio benefit from continuing to meet with his mentor through middle school?

2. How do you think Emilio’s mentor would feel if he knew how Emilio felt about this transition? Do you think he would understand?

3. How do you think Emilio can talk to his Mentor about this? What are some of the ways he can still meet with his Mentor outside of school?

4. Are you ever embarrassed or have you been teased when your Mentor comes to meet you at school? If so, how did you deal with it?

5. Do you feel like Emilio will be too old for a Mentor when he gets to middle school? Are you worried about being teased by your peers if you meet with your Mentor as you get older?

Factoids:

**Self-esteem and self-perception of academic competence also may decline when students transition to middle school, especially for girls. One study found that girls who remained in a K-8 setting rather than transitioning to a middle school had higher self-esteem ratings than girls who had made a school transition (Crockett, Peterson, Graber, Schulenberg, & Ebata, 1989).

**A number of studies point to a drop in achievement as students move to new schools and new structures, and the drop may be more significant for girls than for boys.

**When researchers asked kids what aspect of moving to middle school most concerned them, the top answers related to how things at the new school worked (Akos, 2002).

Student motivation and attitudes toward school tend to decline during the transition to middle school, as students begin dealing with the rapid physical, cognitive, and social transformations associated with early adolescence (Urdan & Klein, 1998).

**Young adolescents have a strong need to belong to a group. Peer approval becomes more important and they are likely to turn to friends first when experiencing a problem. As they mature socially, they often have opposing loyalties to peer group and family.

**Though young adolescents may be rebellious toward parents and adults, they still depend on them and desire their approval. They tend to test limits and challenge adult authority figures. (Adapted from Caskey & Anfara, 2007)

**Young adolescents begin to seek independence and to develop a strong sense of individuality and uniqueness. At the same time, they are highly sensitive to criticism, want to fit in with their peers, and are likely to have low self-esteem. They may be moody, restless, self-conscious, and unpredictable as they experience intense emotions and stress.

How Mentors Can Help:

**As your Mentee begins to transition out of 6th (or 5th in Carp) grade, make a plan or offer to help them set up their schedule for middle school/junior high. Maybe take them on a tour of their new school during the summer so they can get familiar with its layout and what to expect. Then you can segue into talking about how and where you would like to keep meeting with them as they transition.

** Go over the change from one teacher and one classroom to multiple teachers and multiple classrooms, and help them prepare for how this will create more distraction and a greater need for organization (binders etc).

** Give your Mentee options and places to meet off campus, outside of school, but keep it consistent. Your Mentee will be more social, a bit more resistant to parents, teachers, Mentors, and adults in their life at this transition so just try not to take it personally. Be accepting of them and their needs, treating them like a child will push them away, while showing them respect will bring them closer.

** Make note of your Mentee's current social life, and how excited or nervous they are about changing schools. If your Mentee is already very social and influenced by their social life they will be more sensitive about meeting on campus. If they are quiet and shy they may be very scared about this big change and will need your support. Tell your mentee about your experience with this transition and let them know you understand what they are going through and are there for them no matter what.

** Encourage extracurricular activities in middle school, as there are tons of sports teams and groups on campus, and many ways to explore their interests and hobbies through school. Mention that this will allow for them to make new friends at a new school, and you can come to the games to support them without embarrassment.

** Peer pressure will be even more present in your Mentee's life, as drugs, alcohol, weekend parties and socializing can make an appearance. Try to keep an open dialogue about these topics so they feel they can always talk to you about whatever is going on in their life.

**And just remember, they are becoming teenagers with all the difficulties that implies, so expect some odd changes and behaviors and just try to be as accepting and supportive of them as you can, because they will need you now more than ever.

NY Times article on Middle School

Resource:

Making the Transition to Middle School: How Mentoring Can Help

Transitions to and from Middle School Research Article

May Mentor of the Month

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 28 May 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Deborah Pontifex

When Deborah’s mentee won the first place prize in the Santa Barbara Young Poets Contest Junior High Division, and walked up onto the stage to read her winning piece about her absent father, she was not just reading a poem, but bravely taking the most important leap of her young life. In facing a fear of public speaking and a deeply personal emotional wound, she proved to herself, and to the world, that she is strong enough to take on anything she sets her mind to. The transformation of this shy young girl into a glowingly confident young woman would not have been possible without the help of her mentor, Deborah.

Deborah’s mentee and her mother moved to Santa Barbara from Mexico in her 4th grade year, speaking no English. Her father remained in Mexico. Her mother requested a mentor for her daughter in hopes of providing her with the academic and emotional support she desperately needed as a new and shy student, with a working single mother, and a new baby sister to take care of at home.

Deborah’s mentee was matched up at the beginning of 6th grade. Deborah raved about her young mentee’s amazing focus on her goals of going to college and becoming a doctor or dentist, and her sweet personality. However, Deborah’s mentee’s shy disposition and other challenges have, on occasion, slowed her progress. In their nearly three years together Deborah has tirelessly focused on improving her mentee’s confidence in any way she could; by helping her excel academically, by being her friend and confidant, and always encouraging her to take on new opportunities like applying for summer camps and scholarships. Several times Deborah’s mentee succeeded in winning these scholarships, but when faced with the scary, new responsibility of actually attending these programs, she deferred. While Deborah couldn’t help but feel frustrated to see her wonderful mentee on the edge of success but too scared to step forward, she continued to support her decisions no matter what, knowing that it was just part of the process. Deborah arranged to pick her mentee up from school the day that she was to read her winning poem. As her mentee practiced reading the poem aloud at a quiet coffee shop, she began to cry with the emotion the poem evoked in her, saying “I can’t do this.” Deborah coached her through it, talking to her about her father and what the poem meant to her. After dropping her mentee off at home, Deborah kept expecting a call from her to cancel the reading, but it never came. And when she picked her mentee up that evening she remembers her looking ready, glowing, and confident like never before.

Walking onto that stage was Deborah’s mentee’s big moment of facing her fears and the painful emotions of the loss of her father, of rising to a challenge. “This was the first time in since I began mentoring that I had seen her do something so difficult, something so intimidating to her,” said Deborah, “and to see her sense of achievement and empowerment because she rose to the occasion was the greatest moment of our time together.” For Deborah’s mentee, this was a moment of transformation from child to young adult, and she will never look back.

This moment would not have happened if Deborah had not been there to support her all the way, so thank you Deborah for everything you do, and congratulations for being our May Mentor of the Month!!

Here is Annel’s winning poem:

Nothing

One pair of golden earrings is what I have treasured since I was three years old.

Just one pair of simple, super small, slippery soft, shiny, golden hoop earrings.

This is all, nothing else.

They are as valuable to me as my life.

My mom just laughs, saying, “Oh, you silly girl, they are just earrings.”

I stopped wearing them, and hid them in a box, for that same reason.

But, to me, they are more than earrings.

They are a memory of little things that I can hardly remember, from when I was small.

But, as I grew older, these memories grew bigger each day of my beginning life.

They are my past, and yet part of me now.

They have been touched by someone’s hands with my own blood.Someone very important and missed,but only by me.

They have been through my first day of kindergarten in Mexico to my first day in the U.S.

They have been through my sixth grade graduation, and through my first year in junior high.

They have been through my first communion.

They will be with me when I graduate high school, go to college, and get my first job.

Even when I meet my true love, marry, and have children, they will still be with me.

I don’t mind remembering him; I don’t care what others say.

No, I don’t regret anything.

I don’t regret who I am; I don’t regret any of my past, not one second.

Because my past has formed me, has made me who I am today.

I am proud of who I am today.

These earrings have been hanging from my ears for 10 years.

They have a precious value that nothing else has.

They never judge me; they just hug my ears, as if they are always listening to me.

These golden earrings are the only thing I have from my father.

They symbolize half of me; they hold half of my memories, and half of my blood.

They represent my father’s absence, and all that I could have had with him.

Especially his love for his only daughter.

What Do You Think?: Snacking

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 28 May 2012 13:59:00 +0000

Scenario:

Sara loves to snack, especially on candy, soda and other things from the vending machines at school. She is always hungry, but rarely eats a full meal unless she's at home for dinner. Sara never has time for breakfast at home, usually because she is rushing to school, and there aren't a lot of breakfast food options at home. Her parents don’t really eat breakfast either so they never bother her about it.

Sara has been feeling tired, and sometimes dizzy, during classes while at school. She only feels better after drinking a soda or getting a candy bar at the vending machines, but then she becomes tired again and it's hard for her to pay attention in class, especially at the end of the day. Sara is confused because every morning when she gets a soda, she usually feels energized and awake, but throughout the day she becomes more and more tired and craves more sugar or soda to get her through the day.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Why do you think Sara is tired throughout the day? What can Sara do to feel more energized?

2. What kinds of food do you think Sara should be eating?

3. Do you think that breakfast is the most important meal of the day? How often do you eat breakfast? Do you think that if Sara ate breakfast she wouldn't be as tired?

4. Why is healthy snacking important? Do you think your food choices affect your energy? How? List what you would eat on a school day with your mentor.

5. What kinds of food do you think are "fun" and tasty? What kinds of food do you think are "healthy"? Are there any foods that you think are fun and healthy?

Factoids:

**If you are hungry a lot, this is natural- during adolescence, a person's body, AND you're brain, demand more nutrients to grow and develop in a healthy way. Snacks are a great way to get more vitamins and nutrients in between meals.

**Snacking can help hold you over in between meals, and if you're hungry in between breakfast and lunch, pack snacks like fruit, trail mix, or cheese and crackers to keep you satisfied.

**Nuts have 'healthy fats' which help with brain function and concentration. They have a perfect combination of fat and protein so that you can feel full, satisfied, and stay focused while working on that math homework right after school. A good snack would be peanut butter on rice cakes, or a handful of almonds.

**Snacking throughout the day keeps your blood sugar levels balanced and even, so you don't feel tired. If you can't focus throughout the day, you might need more health snacks in between meals. Pack snacks like fruit, milk (regular or soy), and nuts to keep yourself from feeling hungry or tired between bigger meals like breakfast, lunch and dinner.

**Breakfast is an important meal to remember! Count the hours from when you fall asleep to when you first eat the next day. There are probably over 8 hours that you don't eat! This semi-starvation mode on a person's body, especially a growing boy or girl, can be harmful to physical, intellectual and behavioral development.

**Kids rely on breakfast and regular food intake because their growing bodies and developing brains need the nutrients and vitamins.

**Studies report that those who start the day with breakfast think better, have a better mood, maintain a healthier weight, and have more energy to burn!

How Mentors Can Help:

**Make a list with your mentee of the type of snack foods they usually eat, and help them differentiate the bad snack foods from foods that have more nutritional value.

**Ask them about their meals at home, whether or not they have family dinners, or breakfast. What kind of food does their family keep at home? How can they incorporate healthy snacking with what is available to them at home?

**Offer suggestions for breakfast like oatmeal, juice, and water. Also suggest easy ways for them to pack a lunch, or at least a few snacks.

**Make it a game: Have them focus on healthy snacking and eating for a week and have them journal their progress. Go over how they feel; if they feel more energized and focused etc, and where there are challenges in maintaining this type of eating, such as accessibility to certain foods and family habits. Make sure to not criticize the family and their eating habits, but gently suggest different choices and their benefits.

**Compare and contrast the difference of sugar and nutrients in certain foods. How much sugar is really in a coca cola can? What kind of energy can one get from sugar? What kind of energy can one get from apples? (sugar stacks link)

**If your mentee is interested you can have the school nurse talk to you both about nutrition. Education is the first step towards making healthy choices!

Additional Resources:

*Smart Snacking for Kids and Teens

*The 20 Best Snacks for Kids

*Snacking Ideas for Kids

*Sugar Stacks in Soda

*Article on soda

*10 Best snacks for Kids

What Do You Think?: Dental Hygiene

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Scenario:

Lucas loves to eat candy, especially anything with caramel. He likes to eat a Twix or Milky Way from the school vending machine almost every day. He has noticed recently that his teeth have been hurting more and more when he bites into food, but he doesn’t know why and keeps forgetting to talk to his mom about it because she is always busy. One day, he and his friends go to Rusty’s to eat pizza. He bites into his first slice and yelps in pain and grabs his jaw. His friend says to him, “You should go to the dentist. When was the last time you went?” Lucas can’t remember when the last time he went to the dentist was. He tells his friend, “I think it was like over 6 years ago when I was 7. I don’t know why my teeth hurt so much. I brush my teeth like every few days.”

Questions for Discussion:

1. Why do you think Lucas’s teeth hurt?

2. What can he do to take better care of his teeth?

3. How do you take care of your teeth? How often do you think you should brush, floss, and/or use mouth wash to have a healthy mouth? And how often do you actually do it?

4. How did you learn to take care of your teeth and mouth? Who taught you?

5. Why is brushing your teeth important? What might happen if you don’t?

6. Who can Lucas see to get more information about dental health? Who would you go to?

Factoids:

**The toothbrush was invented more than 500 years ago by the Chinese. Dentists recommend you change your toothbrush every 3 months. Visit your dentist for a checkup and you’ll usually get a free one.

**People who drink 3 or more sugary sodas daily have 62% more dental decay, fillings and tooth loss.

**What is a cavity? Cavity develops when a tooth decays, or breaks down. A cavity is a hole that can grow bigger and deeper over time. Cavities are also called dental caries, and if you have a cavity, it's important to get it repaired.

**To prevent cavities, you need to remove plaque, the transparent layer of bacteria that coats the teeth. The best way to do this is by brushing your teeth twice a day and flossing at least once a day. Brushing also stimulates the gums, which helps to keep them healthy and prevent gum disease.

**Tips on Proper Brushing

Hold your brush at a 45-degree angle against your gum line. Gently brush from where the tooth and gum meet to the chewing surface in short (about half-a-tooth-wide) strokes. Brushing too hard can cause receding gums, tooth sensitivity, and, over time, loose teeth.

Use the same method to brush all outside and inside surfaces of your teeth.

To clean the chewing surfaces of your teeth, use short sweeping strokes, tipping the bristles into the pits and crevices.

To clean the inside surfaces of your top and bottom front teeth and gums, hold the brush almost vertical. With back and forth motions, bring the front part of the brush over the teeth and gums.

Using a forward-sweeping motion, gently brush your tongue and the roof of your mouth to remove the decay-causing bacteria that exist in these places.

Use an egg timer or play a favorite song while brushing your teeth to get used to brushing for a full 2 to 3 minutes. Some electronic toothbrushes have timers that let you know when 2 minutes are up.

**78% of Americans have had at least 1 cavity by age 17

**Tooth decay is the single most common chronic childhood disease.

**More than 51 million hours of school are lost each year by children due to dental related illness.

**Early tooth loss caused by dental decay can results in failure to thrive, impaired speech development, absence and inability to concentrate in school, and reduced self-esteem.

**The main reason for going to the dentist regularly — every 6 months — is prevention.

The goal is to prevent tooth decay, gum disease, and other disorders that put the health of your teeth and mouth at risk.

**Considering more than 200,000 injuries to the mouth and jaw occur each year, dentists support the use of mouthguards in a variety of sports activities. Mouthguards are effective in moving soft tissue in the oral cavity away from the teeth, preventing laceration and bruising of the lips and cheeks, especially for children who wear braces.

How Mentors Can Help:

**Encourage you mentee to eat regular nutritious meals and avoid frequent between-meal snacking.

**Have them drink fluoridated water.

**Practice brushing your teeth. Teach your mentee the motions of brushing their own teeth.

**Clean to the beat. Brushing, flossing, and rinsing are all rhythmic activities. Playing music will help your mentee enjoy oral care routines. On average, brushing should last two minutes and rinsing 60 seconds. Together these activities last the length of a typical song.

**Go to http://www.freeprintablebehaviorcharts.com/oralhygienecharts.htm and print a free Teeth Care Chart. It’s a fun way to keep track of number of times your mentee brushes their teeth.

**Praise your mentee for their awesome brushing.

Additional Resources:

* Oral Health Education Data Base

* Kids Health: Taking Care of Your Teeth

* Sesame Street: Healthy Teeth, Healthy Me

* Teaching Kids, Healthy Smiles

* Santa Barbara Neighborhood Clinics

What Do You Think?: Energy Drinks

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Tue, 24 Apr 2012 00:35:00 +0000

Scenario:

Matt is in 5th grade and loves to drink energy drinks, especially Monster. He and his friends will buy one and pass it around during school when the teacher isn’t looking, and regularly drink them at home. They also love to have one before soccer practice because it provides extra energy and they think it helps hydrate them. In school they are learning about healthy nutrition and the teacher tells them that energy drinks are bad for them and aren’t allowed at school, but Matt doesn't care and thinks those rules are stupid. How could a tasty drink possibly be so bad for him? He likes how they taste and how they make him feel, and its cool to have one at school since it’s a little bit dangerous.

His parents don’t know the nutrition facts about the drinks so they don’t think it’s bad, and have been buying them by the case from Costco. He now drinks at least 1 Monster every day. Recently Matt has struggled to fall asleep and experienced some dizziness and confusion, but he doesn't know why. Today, after quickly drinking a Monster before class, he started to feel a pounding headache, nausea, and his heart felt like it was going to explode. His teacher called an ambulance and he was rushed to the hospital where he was treated for chronic caffeine poisoning and dehydration.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Why does Matt like to drink energy drinks? Do you know anyone who drinks them that much? Why do you think they like it? Could they be addictive?

2. How often do you drink energy drinks, and how do they make you feel? Do you think they are bad for you? How much do you know about the ingredients and their effects on a person, such as caffeine?

3. Why do you think Matt and his friends didn’t listen to their teacher when she tried to explain how the drinks are bad for them?

4. Who do energy drinks target in their advertising? Do you think the energy drink advertising has anything to do with why Matt likes them and thinks they are okay for him?

5. What do you think about kids and young people drinking energy drinks? Do you think they should or should not drink them? What would you say to your younger sibling if they wanted to drink one?

6. Do you think that energy drinks should have warning labels so that people know how dangerous they can be, especially for a young person? Why or why not?

Factoids:

**Adverse effects associated with energy drink consumption include nervousness, irritability, sleeplessness, increased urination, abnormal heart rhythms, decreased bone levels, and stomach upset.

** Taurine is a common ingredient found in energy drinks. It has been linked to illnesses ranging from high blood pressure to strokes and seizures to heart disease.

**According to Drug Information Online, symptoms of caffeine overdose include vomiting, hallucinations, rapid heartbeat, convulsions and death. Toxic side effects may be felt at doses exceeding 200 mg., while death can occur at doses ranging from 3 to 20 grams. avoid overdose, monitor your daily intake of caffeine from all sources. Read food and beverage labels, and learn to identify common caffeine-containing herbs like yerba mate, guarana and kola nut.

**Energy drinks are marketed as healthy, fun and youthful, with many brands using action sports like skating, snowboarding and Formula 1 to appeal to children and young people.

**People tend to refer to energy drinks and sports drinks interchangeably, but they are NOT the same. Sports drinks are designed for those who are involved in physical activity. Energy drinks are a mental stimulant. Energy drinks don’t tend to mix well with exercise, because of the high caffeine content which can lead to dehydration. While Gatorade, Powerade and other sports drinks can refuel the body while replenishing salts and helping the body absorb fluids, energy drinks can only give a quick boost of energy.

**Scientists say that caffeine can have an effect on the growing brain and may cause a decline in the body’s immune system, so it is best to avoid giving children under the age of 10 products containing caffeine, especially energy drinks. The human brain continues to grow up to about age 16 (some even say up to the age of 21).

**Just over 1,100 ER visits in 2005 linked to high energy drinks has grown to more than 16,000 in 2008 and more than 13,000 in 2009.

**Some energy drinks contain high amounts of sugar, equal to around 5 teaspoons per 250 ml can, so a young person is likely to gain weight if regularly consuming these.

**2011 Fourteen-year-old Anais Fournier, died after she reportedly consumed two 24 ounce Monsters (480mg of caffeine) in a 24 hour period. Cause of death was a heart arrhythmia due to caffeine toxicity. There seems to be some conflicting stories as to how much she really consumed and this seems true since 480mg in a 24 hour period isn’t a toxic amount.

How Mentors Can Help:

**Ensure your mentee knows the facts about energy drinks. It is important not to lecture them or ban them for drinking these.

**Teach your mentee the difference between sports drinks and energy drinks.

**Read the nutrition label in the back of the can together. Talk about the different ingredients in the energy drinks.

**Talk to you mentee about the risks of energy drinks including excessive addictive caffeine and the whopping amounts of sugar leading to obesity and diabetes.

**Alcoholic energy drinks combine stimulants with alcohol which is not a good mix.

**Encourage your mentee to drink water. Water before, during and after exercise is typically the best way to keep kids hydrated. Healthy intake of 100% fruit juice and low-fat milk during meals is also recommended.

Additional Resources

*NY Times Article on energy drinks

*Dangers of Taurine in energy drinks

*The "High" Risk of Energy Drinks article

*Tips on how to talk to kids about energy drinks

*Health Risks of Energy Drinks

*Article on Risks of Energy Drinks

What Do You Think?: Anger Management

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Scenario:

Kimberly, a 5^th grader, was known as the “leader” of her friends. No one ever challenged Kimberly because she angered easily. One day during lunch, when all the girls finished their food, they thought they’d play freeze tag. Kimberly didn’t want to play freeze tag; she wanted to play dodge ball, but her friends started to gather people for freeze tag anyways. Kimberly started yelling and told them they weren’t friends anymore. She then kicked the ball to the other side of the playground and walked away.

After school, Kimberly got on the bus to go home, ignoring her friends. At home, her mom told her to start her homework while she prepared dinner. Kimberly yelled back at her mom, “I don’t want to do any homework! It’s dumb!” Kimberly ran into the bedroom, slammed the door shut and started throwing stuff.

Questions for Discussion

1. Why do you think Kimberly got so mad at her friends? How could she have reacted differently to maybe get them to play dodge ball?

2. Have you ever felt angry at someone? Who was it? How did you handle it?

3. Was it okay for Kimberly to get mad at her mom? Why or why not?

4. What did you think of how angry Kimberly got? Were her reactions appropriate?

5. Who do you think you can help Kimberly with her anger? Who do you go to for help when you’re angry?

Factoids:

** According to BBC News almost 1/3 of 2,000 people polled had a friend or family member that struggled with anger.

** The Mental Heath Foundation says that anger is often only dealt with after a violent crime is committed. Since this fact is alarming they highly recommend early education and intervention for anger management.

** Chronic and intense anger has been linked to heart disease, cancer, stroke, colds and flu as well as depression, self-harm and substance misuse. High levels of stress inevitably take their toll on the immune system.

** 12% of people polled say they have trouble controlling their anger. 1 in 4 worry about how angry they get. 64% think they get anger than anyone else in the room.

** Myths about Anger Management:

1. Venting helps get out the rage. It actually reinforces that pattern.

2. Strong words are needed to get peoples attention. Calm clear speech is much more effective. How would you like to be spoken to?

3. If I am not mad I don't care. There are many ways to show that in a much kinder and considerate way.

4. If I back down the other person is right. Debate does not need to be heated or angry and you certainly still have the right to defend your point.

http://angermanagement.net/denial-in-anger-management-problems

** Self awareness is very important to be able to create self control, both of these are keys to be able to work on anger management issues. Learn about yourself so that you can find inner peace, everything else will become much more manageable from that point.

** Yoga and mediation may be an extremely effective way to find an inner calm place to go when dealing with anger.

** Diversion therapy suggests removing your anger from your body literally by perhaps hitting a pillow, kicking a punching bag, or screaming into a pillow.

** Expression therapy is a similar activity that is popular in Japan where "stress bars" have popped up that allow you to throw objects to relieve your angst.

** Suppression therapy is using techniques such as counting to 10 or deep breathing to remove your self from the moment when the anger is building.

** Traditional therapy and communication are highly recommended to get to the route of the anger.

How mentors can help:

** Allow your mentee to calmly communicate what their real life problems are. Build a safe space for them to talk with you.

** Practice mediation techniques together.

** Teach your mentee stress points on their body so they can give themselves mini-massages when anger starts to build to cut off the stress.

** Use humor. Teasing or kidding can often defuse an angry situation and allow a child to "save face." Don't use humor to ridicule your child; use it to make fun of the situation.

** Provide physical outlets and exercise. Play a sport, work out at the gym, cut wood, clean, etc. Kids need physical activity to let off steam.

** Praise positive behavior. Children strive for attention in whatever form it comes-even negative attention. So be on the lookout for those positive things your mentee does and give your attention to those.

** Teach your mentee how to step back. One of the healthiest responses to anger is to step back long enough to rethink the situation, calm down and determine what to do next. Also, teach them how to use self-talk. Try things like counting to ten, taking deep breaths, and saying to themselves, "I'm okay, just stay calm" and "I can handle this."

Local Resources:

* SBCC Personal Counseling and Assessment Test

* Santa Barbara County Anger Management Therapists

* Anger Management Counseling Services

* The Aware Parenting Institute

Online Resources:

* 12 Steps to Calm Down and Get a Grip Anger Management Tips for Teens

* Anger Management for Teens

* How to Help Your Kid Deal with Anger

* Anger Management: Control, Redirect, and Change

March Mentor of the Month

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 13:01:00 +0000

Angela Huffman

Angela and her mentee have enjoyed an amazing year together. The mentee was referred to our program because she needed a positive adult role model who could help her with her self-esteem and academics. Her mentee was moving to a new house and a new school and was a bit worried about the transition. Angela was there to ease her mentee’s concerns by showing up consistently and allowing her to express herself. She became the big sister her mentee always wanted and could confide in.

Angela focused on exposing her mentee to new experiences, and cleverly used her mentee’s love of marine life and art to encourage interest and excitement about a large variety of activities and opportunities. They visited museums, went hiking, spent time whale and dolphin watching, created paintings and drawings together, role played complicated social situations, and worked on homework. Angela even helped her mentee practice public speaking by making presentations to each other on different marine animals, which showed her mentee how academics can be fun and practice can overcome the most difficult challenges. This has tremendously helped Angela’s mentee improve her confidence. Before Angela, her mentee had no interest in attending a college, but now she has been inspired to go to college and earn a degree in Marine Biology!

Even though Angela works and goes to school, she is very dedicated to the program. She attends most, if not all, of Mentor Program events in order to meet new mentors and help her mentee make new friends. Angela also attends the monthly mentor trainings to learn more ways to help out her mentee on various topics. She comes up with creative ways to help her mentee grow as a person, and is always looking for ways to improve. Thank you Angela for being so devoted and doing such an amazing job of encouraging your mentee! Congratulations! You are our Mentor of the Month for March!!!

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 13:00:00 +0000

What Do You Think?: House Parties

Scenario:

Eddie and Diego are walking home on Monday after school to play Xbox at Eddie’s house. As they enter, Eddie’s parents call him into the living room. They tell him they are going to be gone Friday night so he’s going to be home alone. Diego overhears that Eddie is going to have the house all to himself. As they play Modern Warfare, Diego tells Eddie that he should throw a small party. “We can invite Cindy and her friends. It’ll just be something small and chill; I know you think Cindy’s cute…this’ll be perfect!” says Diego. Eddie is hesitant but agrees to have something at his house while his parents are gone.

Friday night comes around and Eddie’s parents are headed out the door. They give him money for pizza and tell him only Diego is allowed to be over. It’s 9:00 pm and as Eddie changing in his room, he hears a knock. He tells Diego to let the girls in. By the time Eddie is done being ready, there’s about 20 people all over his house and more knocking at the door. This small party is turning out to be bigger than Eddie expected. He doesn’t even know half the people there.

Questions for Discussion:

1. What do you think is going to happen at the party?

2. What will Eddie’s parents think of him if they found out he had a party?

3. What would you do if your friend told you to throw a party? Would you of said yes? Why or why not?

4. What could be the best possible outcome of this party? What could be the worst? That’s the possibility of each?

Factoids

** Movies, such as “Project X” and others, glorify large teen parties with minimal consequences, making it seem “cool” and inconsequential to throw large parties with underage drinking and other illegal activities.

** Four Loko, an Alcoholic Energy Drink, has been involved in many fatalities during young people’s partying, with both high school and college kids. Four Loko contains the caffeine equivalent of three cups of coffee, with 12% alcohol and a large amount of sugar. Some states have banned these and other alcoholic energy drinks because of their popularity in underage users.

** Alcohol is involved in nearly half of all teen automobile crashes and 50-65% of youth suicides. Sexual assault, damage to cognitive, physical and social development, injury, death, and future substance addiction are all risks that teenage drinking and partying can cause.

** Police reports of sexual assaults on young females show that around 2/3 of these occur at home parties, some as a result of date rape drugs being slipped into drinks and some as a result of large amounts of binge drinking or other substance use.

** Social Host Liability laws target the location in which underage drinking takes place, focusing particularly on house parties, where a majority of underage drinking occurs. In the city of Santa Barbara, fines for Social Host Ordinance violations range from $1,000-$2,000.

** Parents are often in denial or are not aware that their teenager is partying, drinking, or using drugs.

** Parents and other adults who provide alcohol, drugs, and/or party locations (especially in their homes) often feel they have control over the situation. Not only can they be punished for their actions, but the situations of house parties often escalate out of their control because they cannot monitor everyone at once. The same often applies for underage kids who provide to their peers and/or younger kids.

How Mentors Can Help:

** Kids may not want to open up about their partying, for fear of being punished. This is a conversation to ease into. You could start by bringing up the new movie, “Project X,” or another popular representation of teen partying. Ask them what they think would happen in real life and talk about how movies do not always accurately display the reality of what could happen.

** Allow this to segway into a discussion about some of the risks of teen parties, including: alcohol or drug overdose, injury, death, sexual assault or unprotected sex, drink spiking, gatecrashing, fighting, injury, and getting arrested.

** Ask your mentee if they know about some of the laws involving who is liable (them, the party host(s), and the owners/providers of the location) and discuss some of punishments, such as fines and jail time, that the responsible parties have received. Talk about how someone getting injured at or leaving a house party could also be the responsibility of those who hosted the party.

** Talking about any underage partying you might have undertaken is not necessarily appropriate because you are a role model, and they might want to imitate your behavior. However, if there are situations where you learned your lesson and never did it again, or someone you know experienced a serious consequence (jail time, fighting, injury, fines, death, etc), you could utilize your personal experience as a teaching lesson.

** Discussing peer pressure and ways that people can enjoy their social time with friends while still staying safe is important. Encourage them not to be talked into doing anything that makes them uncomfortable. Ask them their thoughts about hosting a party or providing alcohol to others, what they think the consequences might be. You might be surprised to know that they have a plan or are well prepared for those situations. Then you might not have to do the next point.

** Without lecturing, try to encourage things such as: never getting into a car after drinking or getting into a car with someone who has been drinking, leaving for somewhere safe when they feel they are in danger at a party, caution at parties around pools or other dangerous locations, knowledge about the risks of alcohol and drug usage, and if ever in a situation where alcohol or drugs are being used, do not let anyone give you something (because it might not actually be that substance, you do not fully know the effects, and/or someone could add date rape drugs to it).

** Encourage a plan for attending house parties, such as knowing how you are getting to and from (and having a back-up plan), who is attending, and what might be taking place, not going anywhere alone with strangers, and avoiding potentially violent situations.

** It is important not to encourage illegal substance use, but it is also realistic to make sure that those who are “going to do it anyway” to be safe when they do so. Encourage awareness of consequences, and helping to keep themselves and others safe. Feel free to share some statistics with them in order to make sure some of this is understood, as well as continuing to emphasize the difference between what is seen onscreen and what actually occurs in real life.

Resources

UCSB Student Responsible Party Page
Santa Barbara Social Host Ordiance
Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base
Teens and Parties: Information for Parents and Caregivers of Teens
'Project X' (movie)-inspired party ends in teen's death
Article on underage drinking parties
Adults most common source for alcohol for teens
Partying safely: tips for teenagers

What Do You Think?: Giving Compliments

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 13:00:00 +0000

Scenario:
Cecelia and her friends are walking down the hall talking about the upcoming school play. They are excited because this year’s play will be the “Wizard of Oz.” The bell rings and Cecelia and all her friends split up and go to their different classes. As Cecelia walks to her math class, she stops and looks at the roster for the play. She sees that the lead part of Dorothy will be played by Sally. Cecelia has never talked to Sally, even though they sit near each other in a few classes and pass each other in the halls all the time. When Cecelia gets to class she sits down next to Sally and feels like she should congratulate her on the leading part. Cecelia feels weird giving Sally a compliment since they don’t ever talk, and she normally only compliments her friends. But Cecelia taps Sally’s arm and says, “I saw you’re going to be Dorothy in the 'Wizard of Oz' play. Congratulations and break a leg. I’m sure you’ll be great.” Sally and Cecelia both smile.

Questions for Discussion:

How do you think this made Sally feel? Do you think it meant more to her coming from Cecelia rather than from a friend? Why or why not?
Do you ever compliment people you don’t know, or only friends and family? Why?
Can you remember the last time you got a good compliment? What was it about and how did that make you feel? How do you feel when you give a compliment?
Do you think compliments based on skill, like getting the lead in a play, are more meaningful that ones based on appearance, such as wearing a cute shirt? Why or why not?
What kind of compliments do you usually give? What kind do you usually get?

Factoids:

** Many youth hear negative feedback on a regular basis, such as how they forgot to do their homework or their chores, or even verbal abuse from peers or adults. Positive feedback can encourage them to make them feel like they are doing something correct.

** Complimenting a child or adolescent on something they worked hard to accomplish can make them feel like their hard work has paid off, thereby encouraging them to continue to work hard on tasks.

** Deeper compliments, involving accomplishments and inner beauty, often have longer lasting effects, than superficial compliments on outer beauty or appearance.

** Positive support from people kids know and trust, feelings of belonging, and knowing they can trust people in their lives are important parts of preventing youth violence (including assault, bullying, and suicide).

** Kids who learn to accept meaningful compliments based upon their achievements and identity, in-addition to constructive feedback, will have more positive results with their overall self-esteem and abilities. Meaningless compliments and rewards for minimal efforts could lead to false outer confidence with deeper routed insecurities.

** Over-praise could lose its genuineness, as well as teaching a kid that things every day tasks will only be done for a reward. Rewarding/complimenting a positive effort, such as a kid deciding to befriend the new kid at school without anyone telling them they have to, will provide positive reinforcement and can motivate more positive behavior. If a kid does not elicit a lot of effort and is constantly praised, it can reinforce the idea that they do not have to try as hard to be rewarded.

** Too much or too little praise can teach a kid to be more reliant on the beliefs of others, as opposed to how they think and feel. It is important for kids to have internal motivation, as opposed to just praise-driven external motivation. It may be better in the long run to teach kids to say, “I did it!” as opposed to “Look at me!”

** Consistency in praise and feedback is important in keeping expectations of kids balanced- not too high or not too low.

** The reason praise can work in the short run is that young children are hungry for our approval. But we have a responsibility not to exploit that dependence for our own convenience. A "Good job!" to reinforce something that makes our lives a little easier can be an example of taking advantage of children’s dependence. Kids may also come to feel manipulated by this, even if they can’t quite explain why.

** Specific praise like, "I really like how you held the door open for me," or "Great job taking your time and sounding out those hard words; I know it wasn't easy," is often much more meaningful to kids (and adults) than saying “Nice work,” or “Good job,” because it provides actual feedback on something they did and shows that someone is paying attention, therefore validating their efforts.

** Compliments and praise (from others and the self) can have a positive impact when they come from a place of unconditional love with reasonable expectations.

How Mentors Can Help With This:

** Leave post-it compliments like the ones in the image on their binder, on their homework, on their cell, especially after completing something they put a lot of effort into. It will be a simple reminder of why they are worthy.

** When talking with your mentee about compliments, help them make sure to avoid complimenting peers on appearance. For example, let's say you mentor a 6th grade boy. When he makes that transition into junior high, he's likely to notice his female peers and their physical changes. Encourage him to not make note of the girls' appearances, how they dress, make-up they wear, etc. Explain why it can be detrimental to only notice the "outer beauty".

** Talk to your mentee about times when each of you has received compliments and how that made you each feel. Talk about a compliment that meant a lot to each of you, a compliment that did not mean anything to each of you, and a compliment that actually made each of you feel worse… and why each of you felt that way.

** Discuss compliment giving and how it feels to tell someone else something that might make them feel better. Talk about times when they have put others or themselves down (sharing your own examples when appropriate) and how they think it made the other person feel, as well as how it made them feel. Talk about the motivation behind positive and negative compliments. Encourage people to tell someone when they have done a good job, look really nice, have been a good friend, etcetera.

** Talk about who a compliment comes from and how that may or may not shape the meaning of the compliment. Ask your mentee, of all the people who can or do give them compliments, who it means the most from (parents, friends, teachers, etcetera) and why.

** Consider what the compliment is about. Discuss compliments about achievements, reaching a goal, appearance, and possessions. Let this lead into talking about what kind of compliments are the most meaningful and why.

** Talk about whether or not it is hard to accept compliments and how compliments make us feel. Encourage the use of “thank you” when receiving compliments.

** Ask your mentee if they think there is such a thing as negative compliments. Go over the following and come up with examples of each, as well as brainstorming ways to avoid using these on other people and how to respond when these are received.

False Praises: compliments or rewards for something you did not do (One example of this might be getting an “A” for a paper that you copied.)
Sarcasm: worded like compliments but meant to imply the opposite (One example of this might be if someone says “Nice shirt,” when they are intending to make fun of the shirt.)
Empty compliments: people saying things they do not mean to be please someone, which could be a friend or authority figure, which usually do not have meaning
Back-handed compliments: a compliment and insult in one (ie: “You’re pretty good at this job, for a girl.” Or “You’re very smart… for a boy.”

** On a regular basis, it is important to encourage your mentee. Ask them about things more and praise hard work, kindness, and positive attitudes. Encourage them to have internal motivation and positive self-images. Role modeling these things for them is important as well.

Additional Resources:

Kids host a Compliment Day

5 reasons to stop saying, "Good Job"

Do We Compliment Too Much?

8 Best Ways to Treat Your Teens

Complimenting ADHD kids

How to Take Compliments

Building a Teen's Self-Esteem

Other Tips for Complimenting Kids

What Do You Think?: Music Choice

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 27 Feb 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Scenario:
Arturo is in 6th grade and getting ready to go to junior high. He lives with his mom and two older brothers who are in high school. He never used to pay much attention to music but recently he and his friends have been getting into the rap music their older brothers like. Many of the songs are very graphic, describing gang life in detail from their generally misogynistic views on women to killing rivals and committing various crimes. Arturo’s mother hates that her boys listen to this music so he only listens to it when she's not around. One day when he thought she wasn’t home he was play wrestling with his friends when, in the heat of the moment, he called his friend a horrible name he'd heard in one of his favorite songs. His friends all laughed until Arturo’s mom burst out of the bedroom where she was napping and started yelling at him for saying such a terrible thing. She asked him where he heard it, and knowing she could tell if he was lying, he told her from his music.

Questions for Discussion:

1. Why do you think Arturo is drawn to “gangster rap” when he knows his mom hates it? How do you think it makes him feel?
2. Do you think the fact that his dad is gone makes him more drawn to the strong male rappers, or does that have nothing to do with it?
3. Why do you think his mom hates that music, and is she justified in feeling that way? Why or why not?
4. Do you ever listen to music that uses bad words or negative/criminal themes? If so why do you like it?
5. Do you think the music you listen to influences the way you talk, act, or think at all? Why or why not?

Factoids:
** 80% of global top ten music contains violence and the violence is often glorified in the lyrics.

** A study of 522 black girls, ages 14-18, from non-urban, lower socioeconomic neighborhoods, girls who watched gang-related videos for 14 or more hours were more likely to engage in destructive behaviors, including being: 3 times more likely to hit teachers, 2.5 times more likely to get arrested, two times more likely to engage in sexual activities with multiple people, and 1.5 times more likely to get an STD, use drugs, or drink alcohol.

** Rap has gone from urban to suburban environments, and is even part of mainstream advertising. Music and media can influence its viewers and listeners in both positive and negative ways. Parents and other adult mentors who pay attention to what kids are watching and listening to can help the kids gain a better understanding of the messages they are being sent. This could allow them to differentiate between what they see/hear and what is acceptable behavior.

** The hip hop movement began in the early 70s in the Bronx as a means of expression and protest against injustices toward African-American, Caribbean, and Latino immigrants. Rap developed as a way to tell it like it is and “keep it real.” However, it seems that it has moved further from its roots in activism and self-expression toward exploitation of women and negative activity.

** Early 90s rap often referenced the violent rivalry between East and West Coast rappers- a rivalry which led to the loss of Tupac Shakur and Notorious B.I.G., two of the most popular rap artists of their time. Other rap artists, such as 50 Cent, have survived multiple attempts on their lives, while others have not been so fortunate.

** Rap lyrics are often associated with disrespect for women, often displaying them as only being there for male sexual needs. Men hold the power in the videos, with women being subservient, yet the women in the videos seem to be enjoying themselves. This could lead to imitation of these behaviors in both male and females who watch the videos. Girls may feel it is only acceptable to be submissive and subservient, whereas boys may feel that it is their right to use girls only to meet their needs.

** Sex is seen as commonplace and inconsequential in hip hop and rap music and videos. Frequent exposure to this attitude could lead to a higher amount of sexual activity, with little regard for the consequences. With earlier exposure to cable television, younger kids view this and model the behavior, seeing sex as something that is not to be taken seriously.

** Edited versions of hip hop and rap songs on the radio often remove some of the more explicit lyrics, making the songs catchier and less obscene. However, the blanks left in some of the songs often lead kids to search the internet for the “real” versions, which can lead them to even more obscene music.

** Despite the depiction of urban life and tough streets, many who listen to hip hop and rap are suburban, white youth and those who have cable access. One study shows that 75% of those who listen to rap and hip hop are non-white. No matter who listens to or writes rap music, the positive side is that it can often be a form of self-expression for youth who feel they do not have other outlets.

** Negative depictions of law enforcement and the display of general rebellious activity in hip hop and rap music can lead to mistrust and disrespect of police officers and other law enforcement.

** The celebrity status of hip hop and rap artists, including those who engage in criminal behavior, often leads kids to view them as role models and their music in the same way. Even though in 2009 popular artist Chris Brown was publically reprimanded for his violent assault against his then-girlfriend, Rihanna, another music star, he won a 2012 Grammy Award for his music. The public also reprimanded Rihanna for her quick-to-forgive attitude, only supporting the idea that domestic violence is okay.

** Weapons and drugs are often shown in hip hop and rap videos, and many music artists keep both in their possession. Rappers T.I. and Beanie Sigel were both arrested for possession of weapons, and Snoop Dogg maintains major mainstream popularity, despite having been arrested for numerous times for possession of drugs and weapons, including cocaine and marijuana.

How Mentors Can Help:
** Talk with your mentee about what types of music they listen to and talk with them about your music preferences, and how music has changed over the years. This may seem cliché, but it can lead into a conversation about how much more explicit music has become.

** Talk about their music choices, how often they listen to music, and how it makes them feel. Talk about how music can help or hurt someone’s thoughts and opinions of others. Encourage them to use music as a form of expression, but to think through what they hear and see, and not to let these things sway them into negativity.

** If your mentee has an expressed interest in creating music, but lacks the financial means to buy their own instruments and equipment, encourage them to sign up for a FREE membership to the Notes for Notes MusicBox, located in the SB Boys & Girls’ Clubs and the Twelve35 Teen Center. For more information, contact your case manager.

** Ask your mentee about their thoughts on hip hop and rap music. Ask them who their favorite artists are and why. Pay special attention to what attributes they point out and see if this can lead into a discussion about positive role model.

** Talk about the attitudes displayed toward women in the videos and their thoughts about this. If your mentee is female, talk with her about having a voice in relationships and encourage her to respect her body and her worth. If your mentee is a male, encourage him to view girls as being equal and worthy of respect.

** Discuss violence, weapons, and drugs in music and media. If hip hop or rap artists’ names come up and the discussion leads to their behavior, be sure not to encourage glorifying. Contrast the activity in the videos and even the artists’ lives with what happens in real life.

** Ask your mentee their thoughts on law enforcement and talk about the positive side of law enforcement, encouraging them to look at why the law is in place and how it supports them.

** Ask your mentee who their role models are and share some of yours. Talk with them about positive attributes that make up a good role model. If they point out celebrities or artists who have criminal records and/or send negative messages, encourage your mentee to differentiate between these behaviors and reality.

Additional Resources:

Article: Hip hop culture & Ethnic relations

Study: Association Found Between Video Viewing Time and Risky Behaviors

The Effects of Violent Music on Children and Adolescents

Timeline: The Criminal History of Lil Wayne

Rap music blamed for teen pregnancy

A Dream Deferred: The Degeneration of Rap

A Prospective Study of Exposure to Rap Music Videos and African American Female Adolescents’ Health

February Mentor of the Month

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 17:44:00 +0000

Koji Tanaka

Koji Tanaka and his mentee have just celebrated an amazing first year together. His mentee was referred by his mother. Working fulltime and taking care of a new born baby, she felt her son could use a little extra attention, especially academically. After months of being on the waiting list, Koji and his mentee were matched up. They hit it off as soon as they met during their match meeting. Koji and his mentee were both excited to spend time with one another.

Koji has been able to help his energetic mentee focus and work on his reading and vocabulary skills by playing various board games such as Life and Scrabble. He has made learning fun, which has had a positive effect on his mentee’s academics! Koji has also helped his mentee transition into a new school, and improve his self-esteem and confidence. Over the time they have been together, Koji’s mentee has become more open to meeting and interacting with new people. His mentee has gain so much confidence that he ran for class treasurer and won!!! Thank you Koji for being such a dedicated and encouraging mentor! You are our February Mentor of the Month!

What Do You Think?: Teasing the Kid Who Doesn't Sound Like You

noreply@blogger.com (The Fighting Back Mentor Program) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 14:00:00 +0000

Scenario: Casie is in the 5th grade and is very popular with her classmates. Everyone wants to be her friend and play with her during recess. Casie has played with the same friends since she was in the first grade, and they have become a close group of girls. One day, Casie’s new classmate Lisa comes up to ask if she can play with Casie. Casie starts laughing at Lisa because she has a stutter. She says, “No Lisa, you can’t play with us because you sound weird. Why do you even talk like that?” Casie goes on and starts fake stuttering back at Lisa. All her friends are laughing and they start making fun of Lisa too so they can be as cool as Casie. Lisa starts to cry and runs into the bathroom.

Questions for Discussion:

Why do you think Casie reacted the way she did to Lisa? Do you think she thought about her actions before doing them? Might she have acted differently if she wasn’t surrounded by her friends?
Why do you think kids tease each other in general? What did Casie gain by teasing Lisa? Do you think Cassie will get in trouble for this?
How do you think Lisa feels? How might this affect her in the future?
Have you ever made fun of someone because they speak differently? Why did you do it or why didn’t you? How do you feel about that now?
If you saw someone being made fun of, would you try to stop it? What would you do?
Have you ever been teased for the way you sound before? What might you do if you were? Would you tell someone?

Factoids:
* Every seven minutes, a child is bullied at a school yard. Bullying is serious and can range from verbal to physical taunting. It can cause emotional and physical pain which could have long term effects on those who are teased.

* There are often differences in the way boys and girls bully. Boys may use more direct verbal and physical bullying tactics, while girls may use more indirect and psychological tactics for bullying. All of these can be extremely detrimental to a child’s emotional and physical well-being.

* Bullying has changed to now include cyber-bullying, which can involve texting, social media, e-mail, and harassing phone calls. Nearly 42% of kids have reported being bullied online and many have had this happen on more than one occasion.

* Megan Meier was a teenage victim of cyber-bullying when other created a fake web page to gain her confidence, which was then used to taunt her mercilessly until she finally hung herself. She was only thirteen years old at the time. Http://www.meganmeierfoundation.org/ is the site for the foundation that was created to work toward prevention of cyber bullying.

* Children may have access to weapons, and if bullying escalates, the bully or the bullied could bring it to school with devastating consequences. One study estimates that one out of twenty students has seen a gun at school.

* Teasing often occurs most in areas with the least amount of supervision, such as hallways, buses, and on the way to or from school. Without an adult witness, it often has to escalate before it is reported, as many kids are taught that “tattling” is wrong and they often can feel too ashamed to say anything.

* Despite many schools having “No Tolerance” policies for bullying, it still occurs on a frequent basis amongst all grade levels and ages. Studies show that around 30% of kids have been bullied, have bullied others, or both. A country-wide study showed that 74% of 8-11 year-olds state that teasing and bullying occurs in their schools on a regular basis.

* Even some of the kids who are considered to be “popular” can still feel very insecure. They may try to distract from this by making fun of other kids.

* Children will join in with teasing other kids if they feel that it is going to allow them to be part of the more popular crowd, even if they do not feel it is the right thing to do.

* Kids who have more confidence are often less likely to tease others. Kids who have more confidence are often more likely to remain resilient when other kids tease them.

* Children often imitate those around them, especially parents, older siblings and kids, and other older mentors. Positive role modeling has a big influence in how kids carry themselves and interact with those around them.

* Arming kids with tools that help them to be more self-confident, such as humor and positive self-image, will allow them to have better outcomes when encountering peer pressure, teasing, and other challenging situations.

How Mentors Can Help:
* Talk to your mentee about times when they have been teased or when they have teased other kids. Share examples from your experiences. Talk about their feelings and your feelings, as well as what can be learned from both. If your mentee is hesitant to talk about it, you can use your examples and other examples to make them feel more comfortable opening up.

* It is important to take any reports of serious bullying seriously. If someone is causing harm to your mentee, please follow up appropriately. Encourage your mentee to look at some outlets for their feelings, such as this movement: http://www.makebeatsnotbeatdowns.org/movement_new.html

* If your mentee has participated in teasing, talk with them about what guided this decision. Encourage them to step into the other kid’s shoes and think about how they might feel if they were being teased that way. Talk with them about some ways they can treat all of their peers with respect, no matter what someone else does. Make sure not to criticize this behavior in a way that might cause them to shut down; rather try getting them to understand what is motivating them to tease others and helping them to come to the understanding of treating others how they would want to be treated.

* If your mentee has been teased, talk with them about why they think the kid(s) who teased them is feeling and why they might be doing this. They may not respond as well to this right away, so it might be helpful to talk about how someone who is doing the teasing is often insecure about something themselves. Make sure not to excuse this behavior, simply make it so that the kid being teased has a better understanding that it is not about them, even if it feels that way.

* Let your mentee know that, no matter what anyone says, they have nothing to be ashamed about. Encourage them to embrace the things that make them unique and not to be ashamed of anything about themselves.

* Whether or not your mentee has been teased, work with them on ways that they can use humor and self-confidence to avoid being influenced by others in a negative way. Encourage your mentee to stand up for his or herself in a positive and non-violent way and to not let anyone else have power over them.

* For LGBTQ identified mentees, encourage them to look into the messages of hope on the “It Gets Better” website: http://www.itgetsbetter.org/

Additional Resources:

** Tips for responding to teasing
** How to help a child being teased
** "Teaseproofing" a youth
** Helping Kids Deal with Bullies
** Facts about Bullying
** Facts About Cyberbullying