This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 – Intro
• 0:00:52 - Movie News
• 0:05:34 – Host Stephen Falk presents this episode’s theme: The Coen Brothers
• 0:36:24 – Movie Jail
• 0:42:00 – The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:45:18 – Straight to DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog
• 0:51:38 - A Cold Reading from RAISING ARIZONA
• 0:57:22 - Trivia!
• 1:11:25 - The Bottom 5: Worst Coen Brothers Movies
• 1:12:21 - A Moment Of Positivity
• 1:12:55 - Outro

Three Pigs went into Haywire…but only two came out. Forced by fanatics to see two more January releases, Todd and Skelton brave the endurance test of the year in an effort to rescue Falk from his captors. Liam Neeson was unavailable to rescue Falk, due to a problem with wolves, leaving two Pigs standing tall in the fight of their lives!

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 – Intro
• 0:00:50 - Movie News
• 0:04:39 - Host Todd Robert Anderson presents this episode’s theme: Zombies!
• 0:29:33 - Movie Jail
• 0:42:34 - The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:47:27 - A Cold Reading from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD
• 0:52:16 - What’s Your Opinion?!
• 1:01:53 - The Bottom 5: Worst Zombie Movies Todd’s Ever Seen
• 1:04:58 - A Moment Of Positivity
• 1:05:59 - Outro

(Side note: why are DVDs ejected from a Redbox machine all warm? It feels dirty.)

Like I figured, the entire movie is a long version of the disjointed trailer. Considering there are SIX writers credited on the script (God knows how many there really were) this isn’t much of a surprise. It ends up being one old western movie cliche after another with an occasional alien attack. This is what I took away:

• I enjoyed the opening scene where an amnesiac Daniel Craig shoots three dirty bounty hunters. Movie kinda goes downhill after that.
• Harrison Ford’s character is introduced as a ruthless sonofabitch who has a stranglehold on the local town and draws and quarters his own employees when he thinks they’ve blown up an entire herd of his cattle. Even though that’s something clearly impossible for one drunk guy to do and was obviously an alien attack.
• Later, Harrison Ford’s character is portrayed as a loving father and understanding businessman. The town doesn’t seem to care how shitty he was to them before the aliens. This town is very cool about stuff like that, apparently.
• Daniel Craig has three flashbacks that tell us the exact same information: he was abducted by aliens, which is where he got his awesome laser blasting wristwatch. I personally believe if you use more than one flashback, and the story structure isn’t playing with the flashback convention, you’ve sort of screwed up. Especially if you use your multiple flashbacks to convey the same information over and over again.
• I missed all the Olivia Wilde backstory because I fell asleep for a bit and woke up in the middle of the scene where they’re around a campfire with the Indian tribe. But that’s cool, the trailers had already made it pretty clear that she was an alien. You know, the “good” one. Barf.
• I ate two cupcakes during the playback of this movie. One before I fell asleep and one after.
• Olivia Wilde tells Daniel Craig that in order to remove the alien wrist weapon he has to “stop thinking”. Then she makes out with him and the weapon falls off. Ha ha. This means the aliens design their weaponry to malfunction when they get boners.
• The alien physiology is what I can only describe as anti-natural selection. They have two arms but can open up their chests to extend a second set of arms (I guess the really nice ones) to grab at stuff, but doing so EXPOSES THEIR BEATING HEART SO IT’S REALLY EASY TO STAB AND KILL THEM. Also, I would imagine it makes them susceptible to lots of infections. Instead of traveling from planet to planet to steal gold they really should be hunting for antibiotics.
• Harrison Ford actually speaks the line “I wish I had a son like you” as his Indian ward dies in his arms during an extended death scene. The movie is full of stuff like this. Is there an Insert Cliche macro in Final Draft I’m not aware of?
• Lots of underused actors that I normally love to see: Sam Rockwell, Walton Goggins, Keith Carradine, Clancy Brown.
• This was a movie that had absolutely no surprises and almost zero character growth. Pretty much every plot point developed exactly as you thought it was going to. It felt like the script had become so screwed up by multiple rewrites that they just gave up and did what they could to smooth out the structure and started shooting.

Via BoingBoing

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 – Intro
• 0:00:40 – Movie News
• 0:07:18 – Host Stephen J. Skelton presents this episode’s theme: War Movies
• 0:30:48 – Movie Jail
• 0:37:20 – The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:42:48 – A Cold Reading from FULL METAL JACKET
• 0:48:02 – Movie/Character/Actor!*
• 1:07:26 - The Bottom 5: Worst Moments In War Movies
• 1:08:56 - A Moment Of Positivity
• 1:10:09 - Outro

* Once again, Skelton proves to be an incompetent scorekeeper, but at least this time it didn’t affect the actual winner.

PLEASE NOTE: you may wish to put the kids to bed before screening, unless you want to expose your precious little ones to William Sadler’s inexplicably naked Tai chi routine. You’ve been warned.

The Pigs see two summer blockbuster sequels and don’t hate them! Plus, this time they somehow lure a woman into their car. Poor woman.

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 - Intro
• 0:00:46 - The Bacon: Stephen Skelton
• 0:38:12 - Outro

• This new Muppets movie is strangely segregated. There are large portions of the movie that have either humans or Muppets, but not both. Previous Muppet movies always depicted a world where Muppets were a part of the general population, always mixed in with human characters. This made me feel strange, mostly because I don’t know what the word is for being prejudiced against Muppets (Muppcist?).
• The tone early on is aggressively sad. There’s so much weepy nostalgia slathered on the front-end of this picture (the Muppets used to be great, now we’re not even friends anymore) that it might bum you out.
• The script spent way too much time on the relationship between humans Jason Segel and Amy Adams. This is a Muppet movie. I do not care about Jason Segel or Amy Adams. I care about Muppets.
• Musical numbers felt oddly paced and generally went on too long. Especially the excruciating Amy-Adams-Singing-Alone-In-A-Diner-With-No-Muppets number (which later became an awkward sort-of duet with Miss Piggy). The exception is the Chris Cooper rapping number (mercifully short). I felt the movie could have used more original songs, in shorter numbers spaced throughout the running time.
• Strange choices for popular song covers. Although not outside the realm of the original Muppet Show, Nirvana and Cee Lo Green were odd selections. And “We Built This City” during the theater cleaning montage was just a bad idea (an original song was needed here).
• Frank Oz is a cranky old man.  He’s quoted as saying “I don’t think they respected the characters.” (Wired) which is total bullshit. Despite my complaints, I think it’s clear in the movie that there’s a lot of love for the Muppets from the filmmakers. Some questionable choices, sure, but it was hardly disrespectful.

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 - Intro
• 0:00:40 - Movie News
• 0:05:11 - Host Stephen Falk presents this episode’s theme: Female-Driven Action Movies
• 0:22:53 - Movie Jail
• 0:33:15 - The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:06:24 – Taglines!
• 1:02:25 - The Bottom Five: Worst Female Action Characters
• 1:03:24 - A Moment of Positivity
• 1:04:16 - Outro

You see, while you can hijack a concept, you can’t hijack an entire medium. And maybe horror concepts can’t sustain themselves when you are dealing with an open-ended series. If you are talking the BBC, then it can work because those series are finite. Even if you have to stretch your story a little thin in the middle to fill up time, you can get more forgiveness from me, Tonn. Because the storytellers know where they are going. Now, a lot of people Stateside wear rose-colored glasses when something is exciting when it first starts, and they never take them off. But I don’t wear rose-colored glasses because they give me a headache. So I see where the shit is already going off the rails. And it’s pretty simple.

Take The Walking Dead, for example. It was fun at first because there has never, ever been a zombie-themed horror series. But this season, and I’m sorry if you are one of these people who loves it no matter what, there is a serious lack of zombies on the show. And if a show is about a zombie apocolypse, then the only threat that matters is zombies. This was the case in the first half of the first season, but now halfway through the second season the show is about young romance, the difficulty of raising children, and hassling with unhinged human beings. I often forget from act to act that there are even zombies…somewhere. And nothing will get me turning to the Twitter feed on my iPhone in the middle of a show faster than fifteen to twenty minutes or more without a single zombie sighting. Remember Night of the Living Dead? That’s the movie that launched the modern concept of a “zombie” which aren’t really zombies at all but ghouls if you understand the origins of the zombie myth. (It’s a Haitian thing, you see, and zombies were just drugged and enslaved people without thought, they had no interest in eating flesh…or brains. The brains thing, by the way, was an invention of the eighties, introduced in Return of the Living Dead, a horror comedy.) Night of the Living Dead was about people trapped in a farmhouse surrounded by an infinite amount of ghouls, or “zombies” as they are now called, that wanted to eat them alive. Very scary, indeed. The second season of The Walking Dead has been about a small number of zombies locked in a barn, surrounded by a bunch of people bickering with each other outside. Not so scary? Why? Because the zombies are not constantly growing in numbers, and are fairly well contained. Maybe they will turn it around, make the zombies a bigger threat as the series progresses, and I will of course keep watching it because THERE ARE NO ZOMBIE SHOW ALTERNATIVES. (Well, that’s not true. MTV’s Death Valley features zombies as well as vampires and werewolves, and it is a way more entertaining show than The Walking Dead. But it is meant to be a very silly comedy, and while I personally think it is hilarious, I have always preferred the serious zombie tale to the comic ones, however slightly.)

Then there is Terra Nova, a Spielberg produced show about people living in dinosaur times (which is scientifically ridiculous given the changes in our atmosphere that have occured since dino times, but whatever. There’s dinosaurs. Or at least there’s supposed to be.) In addition to having a similar problem to The Walking Dead, namely that there aren’t very many dinosaurs, it tends toward schmaltz, but that is what you get in Spielberg land. I don’t mind the schmaltz, really (I didn’t mind it so much on the Spielberg produced “Falling Skies” either, but that show had more encounters with the evil aliens.) My big problem is the severe lack of dinosaurs. I know the show is called “Terra Nova” and not “The Walking Dinos” so I guess you could give it a pass, but really the main selling point of the series is people trying to survive in a dinosaur infested land. On the rare occasions that the show has featured dinosaurs, which are CGI creations only a couple steps above those on the SyFy Channel’s saturday night junk features, it has been fun. I can forgive the effects, as long as people are fighting them. However, most of the show is about spies from a neighboring camp and families struggling with their little relationship nonsense as opposed to struggling with the only thing that matters in a dinosaur infested land: dinosaurs. And I’m sure that’s because despite the giant budget of the show, they can’t afford a lot of dinosaurs. (Well, they could have spent less on the cheesy sets and the talent, if you ask me, leaving more room for monster fights.) But if you can’t afford dinosaurs and you want to make a dinosaur show…should you be making a dinosaur show at all? With a contained story like Jurassic Park, you can make the whole damn thing about dinosaurs, you see. And that’s why it works. Of course, I’ll keep watching Terra Nova. BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ALTERNATIVE DINOSAUR SHOWS. (And no, the crap on the SyFy Channel does not count. It does not, it does not, it does not.)

Finally, I’d like to talk about American Horror Story. This is the most entertaining of the three horror shows I’m currently watching, mostly because it is completely bananas, entirely inappropriate, and Connie Britton often rubs lotion on her gorgeous legs. (Stephen Skelton, whose trash I enjoy picking through as well, is a particular fan of this last element.) But I have to say, after having suffered through the last seasons of Lost just to find out that it was all in purgatory which is what I assumed from the beginning, and suffering through the last season of Battlestar Galactica only to find out “it was because of god,” I can’t imagine a series like this will reach any kind of satisfying conclusion. Any of these examples would have been better served by a more finite and cinematic running time. Because if you know you can wrap something up soon, then you can decide from the get-go where the story is going. If you want to keep the damn thing going for seven years and make as much money as possible, you can’t help but leave your audience wanting. And that is why, even in its first season, the last couple episodes of American Horror Story have really dragged, because they are already recycling the elements of the story that made it interesting in the beginning. The last episode in particular was (SPOILER ALERT, which is a stupid thing to have to write because if you are reading about a show you haven’t watched and you don’t want spoiled you are most likely a complete idiot) basically a rather obvious reveal at the beginning followed by an hour of cannibalizing its own story lines, and ending with Connie Britton going to a loony bin which doesn’t bode well for the moisurizing of the legs. There are of course a lot of ghost show alternatives, but I don’t care about a doctor having to treat people for free because his dead wife is giving him shit or anything like that, so this will be the only one I watch. But THERE IS NO OTHER SHOW with Connie Britton having sex with a guy in a rubber suit, so I can’t stop looking at it.

Anyway. I’m Tonn.

Anyway. I put over a hundred bucks on my credit cards going to movies with my family over the past week. There were a lot of movies marketed to families this Thanksgiving, more than usual. You usually get a couple. But this year, there were four. I saw all of them. I want to address my experiences, and how they juxtapose with the nation’s critics’ opinions (according to Rotten Tomatoes rather haphazard ratings system.) If you are a person with a family, and you had the money for a proper vacation instead of my poor man’s stay at home and go to the multiplexes to escape vacation, then you may not have seen all of them. Hopefully, this will give you a more clear idea of what you are getting into because both the critics and the marketing campaigns can be very misleading.

HAPPY FEET 2. As far as the critics are concerned, this is the one I am most in line with. It scored poorly on Rotten Tomatoes. And it deserved it. I liked the first one, very spirited and well animated, and I enjoyed all the singing and dancing, even if the use of current popular music can be considered a cheap trick (used less effectively in movies like Alvin and the Chipmunks.) The sequel has animation that looks similar, but somehow feels less dynamic. That may simply be because it was more of the same, or perhaps less time and care was put into it. It felt like it was assembled by office drones promoted from their usual positions as data entry clerks, something that simply had to be done in order for a corporation to remain responsible to its shareholders. The story itself seemed assembled in the same way…if you can call a bunch of penguins trapped in a big ice hole a story. I felt like I was caught in a nightmare loop. The penguins are trapped, but if the animals not stuck in the hole can dance just right, they will be set free. But then the dancing is not enough, so Elijah Wood’s penguin has to go off and find more animals to dance. Then another dance sequence, but that doesn’t quite work, so off Elijah’s penguin goes to find more animals. Over and over until I really had no idea when the crescendo was finally reached. I didn’t get to breathe my usual sigh of relief during a bad family film when I can clearly see the third act resolution coming to fruition. The movie just stopped. My six-year-old was banging his head against the back of his seat for the last thirty minutes of the movie. Of course, he said he liked it.

HUGO. I was excited to see this one, as it was Martin Scorsese’s first family movie, and the trailers made it look like a fun fantasy adventure picture. Hugo features the most misleading ad campaign since that of Drive, because the movie is neither an adventure nor a fantasy. It is a long-winded drama about a boy helping an old man rediscover his joy of living. That’s it. The trailer is filled with action sequences, and what you see in the trailer is all you get…and in dream sequences no less. Action sequences that take place in someone’s head may be visually interesting, but they pack no wallop because there is no real threat in a dream sequence. Have we learned nothing from Sucker Punch? I suppose if all your children are in graduate film school, then you could consider this a family movie. It does utilize the 3D gimmick quite well, with long hallways and floating, shiny clock gears as well as falling snow to accentuate the illusion of three dimensions. And it is quite beautiful. But like any 3D movie, after about twenty minutes the wonder wears off, and I started getting restless waiting for the “adventure” to finally take off. It didn’t. And the plot itself is pretty thin, a boy has a mechanical man made up of clock gears that will write him a note if he finds the right heart-shaped key. That guy who played Borat chases him around a lot (he is actually kind of funny, and while a lot of critics say this character was out of place, I welcomed the humor because the rest of the movie is so damn earnest.) And in between chases the boy winds the clocks in the big train station. He eventually does find the key, but he never is terribly aggressive about it, he just lives his odd existence until he stumbles upon it during one of said chases. His little clock man, which the trailer suggested would actually come alive, simply writes a single note, essentially telling the boy to go to the movies. And then the boy and his little girlfriend (both fine actors, by the way) discover the wonder of the movies, blah, blah, blah. I had hoped the two children I was with would discover that same wonder, but unless constantly taking 3D glasses on and off and looking back at the projection booth to see where the light is coming from and smashing your body around in your chair is wonder, then the movie failed to capture what it was supposed to be about. The critics gave this movie 97% positive reviews according to RT, which is baffling to me. Do they feel compelled to like it because it is Scorsese, because it imparts lessons about film history, or because its cinematography is well realized? I don’t know. But they seemed to have forgotten that it is supposed to be a “family film” and as far as that genre is concerned, it fails completely. Just because a movie is not inappropriate for children doesn’t mean it is a family film. It is merely something you can watch in the presence of children, which is only good if you are in your own living room and the kids can get out there toys. I spent most of the running time asking the kids to sit still and be quiet so they didn’t disturb the other patrons. Of course, my kid said he liked it.

THE MUPPETS. This one scored as high as Hugo. But it is actually a family film. It is sweet and has lots of dumb puppet jokes. I liked it, but I am not the best judge, as I am a Muppet apologist. I am eternally tied to the cute little critters the way a generation of fan boys are tied to the Star Wars franchise, finding good even in the doldrums of The Phantom Menace. However, as much as I enjoyed it, I would say it is the least of the theatrically released Muppet adventures. I know a lot of people and critics slam Muppets From Space as a disappointment, but I thought that movie was a lot of fun and had a very original and heartfelt story about Gonzo, a puppet having an identity crisis. See, that’s what the Muppets have always been about: humor and thematic elements that tickled adults while the action and spirited music kept the attention of the kiddies. The new one is just a retread of the Blues Brothers “getting the band back together” thing. And I thought Jason Segel was very sweet, (and I’m sure Amy Adams is very professional, always showing up on time with her lines memorized) but it bothered me that a lot of the musical numbers were about his awkward dancing with other human beings in the street. It took way too long to get to the Muppets themselves. And the voice work for Kermit the Frog never bothered me after Jim Henson passed away, but in this one I felt the voice work substituting for the absent Frank Oz was a pale imitation. Miss Piggy and Fozzie the Bear just didn’t sound right. And the celebrity cameos? I find seeing actors like Ray Liotta or James Coburn being silly a lot of fun, but this one trots out the same comedic cameo performers we see in every single studio comedy that comes out these days (Neil Patrick Harris, Sarah Silverman, Jack Black, and the like) although I did enjoy Zach Galifianakis’s turn as “Hobo Joe.” Also, the funniest Muppet of all time in my opinion is Pepe the King Prawn, introduced in Muppets From Space, and there was precious little of him here. (Although he was featured prominently in the trailer.) Of course, this is just me, and it doesn’t matter. My son was still and enchanted by the whole thing, save for a few restless moments during the forced romantic interludes between the two human leads. He said he loved it.

ARTHUR CHRISTMAS. This was the best realized of the bunch. The animation was inspired, I thought, and the story was fun and clipped along. It was touching in all the right places, and had the kind of jokes that were not inappropriate but clearly aimed at the chaperones and not the kids. It scored lower than Hugo or The Muppets, for reasons I don’t understand, although it is still above 90%, so I suppose it doesn’t matter. The only time it suffered was when its action sequences became too repetitive in the second act because the animators clearly wanted to show off the 3D technology. I saw it in 2D, because even the kids who claim to like 3D don’t really as the glasses are cumbersome and give anyone a pain in the head, and after the two plus hours of Hugo, mom and dad weren’t going to do that again. Maybe in 3D the elongated sleigh rides in the sky might have been more captivating, but they should have trimmed about ten minutes for us 2D folk. But all movies suffer from that these days: an inability to get to the point. Still, the characters in this movie were very well crafted and it was easy to get lost in the story, even for a guy like me who has seen too many movies. Really, my biggest problem with Arthur Christmas was the absolutely atrocious Justin Bieber “Santa Clause Is Coming To Town” music video I had to suffer through before the movie started. My kid? He loved it. Both the movie and Bieber.

So. There you go. Just my opinion. Hope it helps somehow. Happy back to work after Thanksgiving week.

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 - Intro
• 0:02:07 - The Bacon: Stephen Falk
• 0:35:34 - Outro

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 - Intro
• 0:00:38 - Movie News
• 0:09:01 – NEW SEGMENT: I Just Don’t Get It
• 0:18:45 - Host Todd Anderson presents this episode’s theme: John Carpenter
• 0:43:51 - Movie Jail
• 0:54:45 - The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:58:01 - Straight-To-DVD Corner With Tonn Slingdog
• 1:00:19 - Pitch Me!
• 1:45:19 - The Bottom Five: Worst John Carpenter Remakes
• 1:46:25 - A Moment of Positivity
• 1:47:49 - Outro
• 1:49:11 – Secret Bonus Track! Shhh!

The Pigs split up to experience the same movie in different parts of the country, and the results are epic and astounding! Plus, they discuss the other movies they’ve seen in completely different locations and there is an angry cat. Happy holidays, everybody! God bless us, every one.

Pay close attention to the snacks in this commentary – they are particularly vile and you should approach them in real life at your own risk. Learn from our mistakes.

* The game of Impressionivia is scored incorrectly, which is why Skelton has a degree in theater and not, say, math.++

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 - Intro
• 0:01:30 - Movie News
• 0:08:09 - Host Stephen Skelton presents this episode’s theme: Special Effects
• 0:32:38 - Movie Jail
• 0:41:02 - The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:47:58 - Straight-To-DVD Corner With Tonn Slingdog
• 0:51:54 - Impressionivia!
• 1:10:25 - The Bottom Five: Worst Special Effects
• 1:11:52 - A Moment of Positivity
• 1:12:46 - Outro

While Stephen Falk is globe-trotting, the Pigs left behind fight the good fight and head off to the cineplex to take in a sci-fi family film set in a dystopian future where PETA no longer exists and it’s okay to pit live bulls against thousand pound robots in death matches. Here is their immediate and visceral reaction, coming to you from the usual place (inside a car) with the type of criticism you’ve come to expect from The Film Pigs (without thought and fueled by crotchety oldness.)

In terrifying first for our nation, a Keego Harbor, Michigan woman is suing a film distributor because the movie she watched was not enough like Fast and Furious. (The Daily What)

Local news video at ClickOnDetroit

Plus, an exciting game of trivia submitted to the show by Extra Hot Great‘s own Tara Ariano, who is way the hell better at movie trivia than any of us.

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 – Intro
• 0:00:41 – Movie News
• 0:04:56 – Host Stephen Falk presents this episode’s theme: African-American Films
• 0:26:59 – Todd Anderson presents a case to send someone to Movie Jail
• 0:39:27 – The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:42:10 – A Cold Reading from Joe vs. The Volcano
• 0:50:49 – Movie Hotel Trivia!
• 1:08:27 – The Bottom Five: Worst Movies About Race Relations
• 1:10:05 – A Moment of Positivity
• 1:11:35 – Outro

“Awesome! A movie called Drive! About driving! So, Gosling’s a little overexposed right now, at least this will be a fun 80′s-ish exploitation crash-fest. Alright! Kick-ass opening-car chase. Can’t wait for more car chases. Wait, why are you getting involved with the neighbor girl whose criminal husband is in jail and she’s boring and broke and has a kid and just kind of stares at you weepily? And why are you hanging out with a mentor who clearly is trying to exploit you and already has had his pelvis shattered by bad guys for gambling debts? Well, fine. These dumb decisions we can live with because we know there are going to be a bunch of awesome car chases!

Hey, why aren’t you driving? Drive! More talking? Really? Oh, and now you’re just watching TV with the neighbor kid. Hey, why is this shot lingering for 20 seconds. Oh my god, I’m sleepy. Just fucking Drive for the love of god! Or, I suppose, for the ladies, at least take your shirt off. No, not gonna do that either? Great, Albert Brooks has a fork now. I’m leaving.”

This time, on a very special episode of The Film Pigs Podcast:

• 0:00:00 – Intro
• 0:00:48 – Movie News
• 0:03:36 – Host Todd Anderson presents this episode’s theme: Adult Films
• 0:24:47 – Stephen Skelton presents a case to send someone to Movie Jail
• 0:32:26 – The Nic Cage Memorial Bizarre Line Reading
• 0:35:31 – Tonn Slingdog’s Straight To DVD Corner
• 0:39:45 – A Cold Reading from The Devil In Miss Jones
• 0:46:38 – 3-Second Porn Titles
• 0:58:20 – The Bottom Five: Worst Movies About Porn
• 0:59:12 – A Moment Of Positivity
• 1:00:22 – Outro