Finding Joy in the Little Things

Horse Therapy

2013-01-06T19:49:00.000-08:00

I am finding horse therapy is not limited to riding to meet the physical and mental improvements in the rider. A few months ago I saw the picture of a draft horse waiting at a rescue to be adopted. I was drawn to this horse, but pushed all thoughts of horse ownership out of my mind. We had only moved to GA a few months prior and felt it was just not the right time. I kept being drawn to the picture and every time I saw it, I began to cry. I had no reason to, I just did which I thought was absolutely strange. It got to a point I felt a need to have him. We set up a visit for me to meet Sandman and that's when the magic started.

We went to visit and having 6 kids and a friend in tow, it was a little chaotic. I asked everyone to stay back so I could get to know him, but Gabby came over and the next thing I knew Sandman was looking at her with his ears pricked up and alert. She was the only other person he would allow near the fence while I was in with him without backing off. That night, Gabby and I were talking about Sandman's trust issues and why he's so scared. The next thing I knew, she was sobbing - deep, whole body shaking sobs. She didn't know why she was crying, but I had a clue and it all had to do with the kindred spirits between her and Sandman. Gabby may have come to us as a baby, but with her terrible past, trust has never been something that comes easy to her.

The first boarding situation did not work out, but we found a place where Sandman is respected and loved for who he is - with people that understand that he has worth even though he cannot be ridden and deserves to just be pampered and loved. We are able to have daily access to him where we can really work on his own trust issues since this big, beautiful boy was starved and, as well as I can tell, beat since I'm finding scars now that he can be groomed.

From that first visit, Sandman has looked at Gabby differently than anyone else. He unnerves her and yet she is drawn to him. She would not approach him the first few times and then she got his "blessing" when he approached her and allowed her to reach up and touch his blaze. Since he is food driven, the only time anyone can do this is if they have food in their hand or a bucket. Not with Gabby. She had no food, she was no where near a bucket, and yet he did this for her.

Today she wanted to pet him on his side, but was too scared to do it. Gabby had to finally put her whole trust in me to succeed, which is just as scary as petting a horse that has hooves as big as her head. At first Gabby just stood there and looked at me petting him. I coaxed her into holding my hand while I pet him. Then finally, very timidly, she reached out to touch Sandman and he flinched and drew back. I told her he's very scared and if anyone could understand what it's like to be afraid of trusting, it was her. At that moment, Sandman lowered his head to her height and stared at her and she stared right back. Eye contact is not her strong suit, but there was something mesmerizing between the two of them. It only lasted a few seconds, but whatever passed between the two was more than any human words could ever mean. She reached out hesitantly to touch him again and he didn't move. She stroked him and he stood there. I dropped her hand and she kept petting him, neither backing away from each other.

Tonight she has struggled dealing with old, scary feelings. I never thought just a few minutes of petting a horse could reach her so deeply, but it most definitely has. It has left her emotions raw, but finally in a way that they can heal. Sandman may have started out as a horse no one wanted and felt was worthless, but his purpose was greater than anyone could ever know - he is saving a child.

The Post That Almost Wasn't

2012-06-30T05:41:00.001-07:00

I have not written lately as I have had a bad case of writers block. The process has been write, erase, repeat over and over. I do not know why - maybe being sick, maybe the stress of the realities of life, or maybe just children constantly interrupting. I feel the fog of the block lifting but not quite there yet so do not expect anything profound or witty.

The eight chicks we got has now become seven. We got up one morning to find Gabby's chick looking rather odd. Over night it had almost feathered out all of it's wings and looked scruffy. She would not stay with the other chicks and appeared tired. I wanted Gabby to know she had done what she could for the little thing so we took the chick out and let her run around in the bedroom with one other chicks for company. The chick did seem to perk up a little but was still not walking tall like the others, her little neck just seems to be contracted in a hunched position. I had told Gabby to pray but be prepared for the worst. The next morning her chick was dead. She handled it at best as she could and Crystal the chick is now buried in a box in our backyard.

Being one that always believes God will provide, but also know that God has His own paths for us which is not always our first plan or thoughts, I have been praying a lot about how I am going to support us as the children grow up and move on with Jim being disabled. This week a neighbor said I could sell my crafts in her store, another neighbor we found out has a restaurant and will buy all of her eggs from us (15 more chicks ordered today), and I purchased an antique vanity to restore. The same neighbor that will let me sell my crafts in her store also said if I do a good job on this restoration, she will have me do all of her restoration work. I also found a second walnut tree on the property and since I am allergic, I will be able to sell all of the walnuts that come from the tree. God is providing in more ways than I ever thought.

On the note of blessings, a dear neighbor has given us so much food from his garden that my new to me freezer (thank you to a new friend at church for that gift) is almost completely full of green beans, zucchini, summer squash, corn, peppers, and tomato sauce.

I do not know what we have done to deserve so much love from so many. I do not know how I will ever give back as much as I have been given. I am beginning to wonder if us coming into contact with so many other foster parents and all of these good tidings is not a sign for us to go back into foster care. We cannot until we have lived here six months and honestly, I do not feel emotionally ready for it, nor would I bring a foster child into the home when we have a teen that has almost been arrested three times due to his anger issues around the other children. I am praying on this a lot but feel God's path is heading us towards medically fragile children again. We will see what He has in store for us.

2012-06-16T10:18:00.001-07:00

It has been a week of hurrays for us.

First, the great news about the repairs on the house (see last blog). Then, Jim got a second letter from Social Security confirming he will be getting SSDI and with back pay from December. I am shocked since this was his first application for SSDI and we know many people are denied. It reinforced in both of us how disabled he truly is.

Next, Gabby started attending camp for the first time. After her initial fears wore off, she has loved it and is disappointed that it only lasts one week. She has asked if she can do an all day camp even.

Dustin has a job with our neighbors doing whatever they need at their consignment shop and helping the husband clean out abandoned buildings. The first building he will get to help with is an old jail that is on the historical registry. Dustin has denied any payment for now since these wonderfully, kind people have been giving us clothing for the children, plants for our garden and Jim a new office chair he liked. I told Dustin that is very admirable of him, but he needs to think about getting paid at some point so he has spending money.

Towards the end of the week I took Cameron, Ben, Gabby and Bella to VBS. Bella did not want to go and was very adamant about not going. I insisted since she had not made any friends yet. I am so glad I did! She had fun, made a friend, and there was a boy there she liked. She came home and spent hours on the phone talking or texting with a friend in California about it. It was so nice to see her acting like a typical child instead of the defiant, angry one that we have seen for weeks. By Saturday Dustin had heard so much about VBS, that he decided he would go - but only this once and it was just to help with Cameron and he wasn't going to pray or anything like that. I just sat there smiling and nodding at him.

I met another homeschooling mom of six at VBS. We did not get much time to talk since she was a tribe leader and I had Cameron to chase. Before we left on Friday, she offered a freezer to us for free. We are arranging to pick it up next week and our neighbor is going to help us get it. Neither one of them will allow us to pay them. I guess I will be doing a lot of baking in the near future.

I am thanking God every day for the wonderful blessings he has brought to us. We are definitely blessed and hope we can show the same love and caring for others in the near future.

Amazing

2012-06-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

I have not written in a few days as I have had many things on my mind. I have tried to write but nothing came out the way I wanted. Today was a day of miracles though so I had to write.

Jim got a letter last Thursday about his SSDI claim stating he met the requirements for medical disability. This was such a blessing, but in the same breath it set things in black and white that Jim is not capable of doing everything we had hoped. He is not pushing himself to work as hard and we are noticing some improvements in his health when he takes things a little easier. That made me realize he was not going to be able to complete the repairs on the house like we had hoped, not without some kind of major help. I have been thinking about our finances for days trying to find some way to pay someone to do the repairs and still continue with the financial plan we have set for ourselves. When the cost appeared prohibitive, I was trying to make a plan for me to do the repairs on my own and still manage my own chronic pain.

Then today I got a call from the pastor of our church. He told me that he had got a call from a woman Jim had talked to at a Wendy's on Sunday. I thought this was odd, but as I listened to what he had to say, I was shocked. The pastor informed me this woman belongs to a Baptist church in Marietta, which is over an hour away, and they have been looking for a ministry to help a family. Our pastor did not know Jim had received the disability letter, nor how disabled Jim really was, but when she asked what our family's biggest needs were, he told her we need the house repaired. He asked my permission to give her my number so she could call us and work out how the members of her church could come in and do all the repairs on the house at no cost. I was flabbergasted! I did not know Jim had a conversation with anyone nor how this woman would know what we needed. Later, Jim told me he had gotten into a conversation with this couple about us moving to Georgia from California with all six kids. The couple asked if we attended a church and Jim mentioned we are going to the Lutheran church in Rome. I was in shock again because the Wendy's he had met this couple at was no where near either of our homes. We were coming back from a gun show that was an hour and a half away in the opposite direction from where they live when this "chance" meeting happened. I cannot believe now that there was any "chance" in this and that God had a hand in their directing this meeting.

Not only were we shocked by this offer, but once we mentioned to the children this could not have been coincidence and His hand must be guiding us, my daughter that has been swearing she is an atheist now wants to go to vacation Bible school in a few days and has asked for some church clothes to go with us on Sundays. I do not know if she is actually starting to believe or if she does not want to be left with a babysitter at her age. I am just happy she is willing to try.

Time For Change

2012-06-10T04:00:00.002-07:00

I have been reading the Dear America Book series to the younger children lately. I love the way it reads and reminds me a lot of the journal entries written for Dances with Wolves. I think I am going to try writing my blog in the same manner to see how it flows and to keep my interest sparked for awhile. So here we go:

We have been in our new home for a little over a month. It has been a month full of ups and downs, happiness, fear and sorrow. The family as a whole and each individual is going through a lot of change. I have a lot of fears for two of the children as they are not dealing well with the move. It looks like Jim will be approved for disability which is good as he will be able to access medical care, but the ramifications for myself and my work load is overwhelming. I am trying to get our little homestead fully functional and easy to maintain as quickly as possible as I do not know how much longer the older boys will be living with us to help with heavy lifting and repairs, nor do I know how long Jim will be able to help. I cannot count on the three oldest consistently either do to their disabilities or just defiance. We are going to start going to a church and hoping I will be able to get help from members of the church when it is needed. Jim is coming to the understanding that he can no longer push his body to do all of the things he wants to do. Accepting help from outsiders will be hard on him though.

I have been thinking a lot lately about blind faith and how much this move was based on just that. The two children that are struggling are my two that have no faith as both are now atheist. I feel that I have failed them, but their lack of believing has made me realize how important faith is as the other children that are believers are thriving. I had prayed on this move for a long time and truly believe it was God's hand guiding us on this path to Georgia and into a new life. Now that we are here, I know this is what He wanted us to do. I did not realize how tormented we had been in California and how impacted I was by it. When one of the neighbors stops by, I still feel my stomach jump into my throat thinking it is someone complaining. I still do not answer the phone when I do not recognize the phone number as I feel like I cannot deal with anything negative without stopping to think things through first. God has blessed us with wonderful, supportive neighbors, a church who will embrace my children and us, and I pray that I can finally let go of this fear. As for the two children who are atheist, I am praying they find a path that does not continue to lead them down a road of anger and resentment. I see their anger turning into hatred and viciousness towards others and all relationships in their lives are being damaged because of it. I pray that someday God's love will fill their hearts and push all of that anger aside. At this point, a mother's love has not been enough.

Homesteading with Children

2012-06-02T17:42:00.000-07:00

The fun to be had with children on open land with neighbors that don't complain about children running around and being loud. My industrious husband recently got a cart to move things around the property with - soil for the garden, grass and clippings to the compost piles, heavy tool boxes from here to there, etc. My children had a different purpose for it.

We've been discussing getting chicks so we could eventually have fresh eggs. We are planning the brooder, hen house and yard. During one of the discussions about spacing needed, Benjamin pops up and asks, "If I squeeze the chickens, will eggs shoot out the chicken's butt?" Anyone that knows the way I think can just imagine me giggling as I had this comic strip thought of Ben running around squeezing chickens and shooting eggs at his siblings.

There is something interesting about looking into the backyard at night to see a teen swinging a light saber near the bug zapper. Turns out hitting bugs out of the air is a new pass time.

Then there is my sweet daughter that loves the outdoors, horses, dogs, well any kind of nature, except flying insects that buzz - which here in Georgia I think is 90% of the bugs. It has become a daily ritual for her to come in whining/yelling "There's a wasp in the house!" or other such flying creature she is afraid of. This is the same child that donned a bee keepers hood and held pieces of a bee hive just a few months before we moved. Somewhere between California and Georgia, she became afraid of flying, buzzing insects.

We will see what the next adventure holds another day. They are really keeping me on my toes, or at least laughing regularly.

What I've Learned in Georgia

2012-05-28T14:08:00.000-07:00

Since moving to Georgia, I've learned a few things.

1. The bugs are BIG here. Very big!
2. Teenagers can get up by their alarm even on the weekend by 7:00 and not melt.
3. Children of all ages can learn to say Yes Mam and No Sir without being sarcastic.
4. Bear skat really stinks but it comes out of a dog's hair with vinegar.
5. You may see interesting things along the road like someone barbequing out of the back of the truck.
6. Drivers are more patient.
7. People actually pull over and stop for funeral processions.
8. Fire flies are camera shy.
9. Sweet tea is better than soda on a hot day.
10. Sheets dried on a clothes line smell heavenly after a hard days work.
11. TV is not a necessity. Children are actually happier without it.
12. There's something relaxing about hanging clothes on the line while kids are laughing and playing.

13. Fire flies can make everything right after a hard day.

14. Teen boys from California think they've died and gone to heaven with all the southern beauties.
15. Teens don't have to walk around plugged into things or texting and they will survive. Not only that, there are teens here that actually communicate with adults and help out around the house!

16. People reach out to help others just because that's what you do.
17. Men are still gentlemen and open doors for ladies and tip their hats to them.
18. A family of 8 can live with just one refrigerator.
19. It is possible to feed a family of 8 without a stove for over a month. Meatloaf on the barbeque is quite yummy.
20. There are people that don't pity or baby children with disabilities.

Catching Up

2012-05-23T05:04:00.001-07:00

It's been an interesting few weeks since the move. Our things finally got here a week late and items were either lost or broken. We are still documenting all of the things that we are going to have to replace and praying we get reimbursed from the movers insurance company as it is going to turn into a hefty amount. What saddens me are the things that can't be replaced like my mom's wedding china or all the canning I did last summer. I guess technically the canning could be replaced but so much time went into it and they won't compensate me for that. Most of my inventory and some of my looms for the business were destroyed. I'm having to replace all of that too before I can get the business off the ground again.

The house has proven to be in worse shape than what we thought and needing a lot more repairs. We've been here two and a half weeks and I still don't have a stove. We finally got an electrician out to look at the electrical issues. I have no 220v to plug a stove into so we are stuck now until after June 1 before he can come back out. So for now I use the electric griddle, camp stove, BBQ and roaster. I'm able to prepare meals just fine, but I have to say it will be very nice to have a real stove again.

The kids are thriving though! We have done away with TV until the fall when the days get longer and they have to be in the house more. The kids have not even asked to watch anything. They are having fun playing outside, playing games, reading and doing art. We will hopefully have their play structure and playhouse delivered in the next week. Cameron is talking more and physically just taking off - literally taking off, down the road. We now have gates put up to keep him on the decks. Ben is much more organized and able to process things better - slowly still but he can consciously make himself focus. Gabby is her usual little bundle of energy but is completely over her fear of bugs and turning quickly into a little "farm girl". Gabby's fear of bugs was transferred to Bella though as she is now afraid of anything that buzzes and/or flies. Bella is loving the frogs and toads that come to visit. Speaking of which we have Toad Buddy who comes onto the front deck most nights. Bella picked him up one night to find a moth half hanging out of his mouth. The older boys, well, Donald likes it here, and let's just leave the update on them at that. Oh, I guess I could say Dustin is great at mowing the property as he has had plenty of practice lately. Hard labor is good for the troubled soul.

Overall this has been a wonderful change for us. I feel at home here. People are friendly and helpful, the terrain is beautiful and teens don't walk around texting or plugged into an iPod. There is a different level of respect for people here. There was a little old man crossing the street one day. He was shuffling along as fast as his wobbly legs would take him. He was barely half way across the street when the light changed. No one honked, no one hurried and went around him, and no one started yelling. They just let him cross the street and then went along their way. It was heart warming to see. I'm hoping the respect rubs off on my teens.

After two and a half weeks of being here, I honestly believe this was the right move for us.

Half Way There

2012-05-23T04:17:00.000-07:00

I had originally started this post while driving to Georgia. Since we didn't get internet back until recently, I was unable to post it until now.

We are past half way now on our move to Georgia. We knew it was going to be a long drive when Gabby asked, "Are we close to our new house?" and we weren't even out of Sacramento yet. For the most part though, the kids have been troupers. We got a chance to stop and see a friend in Tucson, even if just for a few minutes. It was so good to see her. We are staying in a hotel room tonight in Abilene TX as Jim and I are too tired to drive any further and there are thunderstorms just ahead of us.

Just this morning we saw wild horses which was an amazing sight. The desserts of Arizona, New Mexico and Texas became very monotonous and we are looking forward to the "greener pastures" of the east. Cameron cannot take much more in the car and Gabby's hips just will not allow her to sit for longer. We will drive all the way through to the new house for our next leg of the trip so tomorrow we will finish going through Texas, then through Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama to our little home on the northeast side of Georgia. Then for a few days of camping while we wait for the water to be turned on.

Honestly, I couldn't have made this move without the help of a dear friend. She has been there to support us emotionally and now to clean the house for us. There is the saying that you can't pick your family, but in this instance I was lucky enough to do just that and have a sister by choice. Thank you Erin from the bottom of my heart.

Moving Van Day

2012-05-02T22:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a long day of packing, loading and emotions. The highlights and lowlights - the movers charging us extra (including $100 for tape), spending an afternoon with wonderful friends, stopping to put out a grass fire on the way home from picking up the kids, a teen filled with testosterone, a mouse running between one of the kids' feet at bedtime, and then getting to sleep on an air mattress because the movers were so late getting done we couldn't leave like we wanted to. We will see what the first day of travel unfolds for us. Right now, I'm ready to attempt sleeping on the air mattress and praying my back doesn't give out because of it.

If Today Were Perfect

2012-05-01T20:28:00.000-07:00

If today had been perfect....

I would not have woken to a puking child.

The dog would not have tried to bark as she swallowed and ended up gagging to the point of puking on the kitchen floor.

I would have had the aforethought to think the puking child was starting to feel better before I told his dad he needed to stay home to rest instead of going with dad to run errands.

I would have realized that dad was also taking the more helpful teen to get his braces removed and I was going to be left to fend for myself with a rambunctious 5 y.o. (previously puking child that found all of his energy plus more), an overtired 7 y.o., a 6 y.o. that has mischief to spare, and a happily defiant 10 y.o.

My mischievous son would not have found a pair of scissors and cut a chunk out of his sister's hair.

The same mischievous son would have forgotten the lessons I taught him about the Forbidden City and not tried to recreate it out of Chinese food boxes that had our lunch in them.

The 5 y.o. would not have tried to get the puppy (which outweighs him) to ride the rocking horse.

There would not have been huge puffs of dust flying of my son's head due to his sister putting dirt on his head to make his hair a lighter color, nor would there have been bits of grass in my daughters hair because she "needed a beautiful hat" courtesy of the dusty headed brother.

My preteen daughter would not have had her rambunctious 5 y.o. brother constantly going in to the bathroom saying, "Suuuupise Sissy!", while she tried to bathe to get rid of her allergy attack and sinus headache and I would not have had to keep stopping what I was doing to pull him out again as he did his evil laugh.

A teen would not have taken his frustrations out on the one apple gourd that I was able to grow in the garden last summer.

Someone would have told me I had bits of red frosting on my forehead the youngest child had so artfully applied before people stopped by to pick things up and not wait until I saw it in the mirror.

My dogs and 5 y.o. son would not have doorbell ditched the new neighbors when the children were coming into the house after being out.

At least at the end of the day, the children got to spend one last night at Bounce U and I got a wonderful dessert with a friend. I also guess, in it's own strange way, it may not have been a perfect day, but it was a typical day for us.

The Pioneering Spirit

2012-05-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted because so much has been going on. After Jim made two trips to Georgia, we bought a house that closed escrow in two weeks and we are preparing to move. It's hard to put into words all the emotions we have been going through. Jim and Isabella are the only ones who have been to Georgia to see the house. The rest of us have only seen pictures and have only ever lived in CA. We have traveled as far as Reno, NV and I've been over the AZ border once. Now all of a sudden we are packing up to trek across the nation to a house we've never seen, to a state we've never been to, leaving our family here in CA.

I know the pioneers had a much harder time than us leaving their family and friends behind for parts unknown, traveling over harsh terrains and experiencing cultures they never knew existed. I admire them for the spirit they had to have to do such hard things. The thought of driving across the country with six special needs kids with two dogs and a 14 y.o. cat which doesn't travel well, in the middle of a medicine increase for Ben to try to control his latest increase in seizures, all the while trying to keep peace with our teens that don't travel well either, makes me wonder how our ancestors did it and kept their sanity in tact. We have one day until the movers are here and all I see and hear is chaos, wild emotions and kids who have lost their brains and must be looking for them as they run through the house like total banshees. It sure didn't help to start the morning with a child puking and blowing out diapers.

It will be interesting to document the next few days of our adventure as we finish the packing, load the moving van and head off for a new life that includes three days of camping until the new city can get our water turned on in the new house. I am hoping my children will be blessed with the pioneering spirit to get them through the next few days, and that I have the strength of the pioneer women to carry my family into our new adventure and onto our new life with the stability and fortitude they will need.

Our Homeschooling Day

2012-01-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

I've been very hard on myself lately about not getting enough school book time in. Not enough worksheets completed, not enough experiments done, and just not enough anything that resembles school.

Today I took a deep breath and really looked at what my kids were learning since we had done no book work as it was Saturday. Today's lessons included: a teaspoon and tablespoon can make a huge difference in a recipe, washcloths too close to an open flame do catch fire, not getting clothes into the laundry means wearing dirty underwear or go without which led to the lesson of waiting to do a load of whites until after the dishwasher is done and you have showered to make sure you have enough hot water, mom and dad's expectations aren't so bad when you get to do the things you want, that maybe mom does know that hot tea with lemon and honey and a hot tub will help a sore throat, that even if momma gets upset with you she never stops loving you, taking responsibility for something done wrong is much easier than arguing, that not slowing down to let little brother explain what he wants makes for a very mad little brother which led to the lesson of a mad little brother is not fun, putting dog hair on the table does not make for a happy momma, and when times get tough mom and dad have your back even after you have treated them terribly.

All of my children have learned to read or learning to read, they are all learning math, and they will be exposed to everything they are supposed to for history and science. I guess the most important things in life aren't taught in schoolbooks.

Teaching Multiple Grades, Mutliple Abilities

2012-01-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

I hear from credentialed teachers, especially those that teach special education, that they too teach multiple grade levels and abilities. I have frequently been talked down to about my not being a "real" teacher because I don't have the same college education as a teacher and yet insist on teaching my children. My continual questions for them are how many of them teach children that are at a preschool developmental level all the way up to those that are reading and comprehending at a college level. Do they have children with severe mental health disorders in their classrooms with their kids that are significantly delayed? Do they have monthly IEP's to readdress where the child is making progress and tweak anything if need be? And the one that I love to ask the most, does each child have separate curriculum specifically suited to each individual child's needs so that lesson plans have to be done for each individual child and taught separately, at the child's pace, in order to benefit from said curriculum the most?

By the time I get to the last question, I'm usually being looked at with glassy eyed stares. The thought of doing all of that for each individual child is mind numbing to any that are involved in the current system. For many very good teachers, it is what they would love to be able to do for their students as they do have the child's best interest in mind. The problem is there is no way for it to work within our educational system.

I try to be understanding of those in teaching professions. I also support those families the public school system works for. I'm a strong believer in doing what is best for the family - parent and child alike, so I am not anti-public schooling. I am though anti bash-me-because-I-homeschool.

It is possible to teach multiple grades at multiple levels all in one day and kids get an education. It is just time consuming. I do not have time to hang out with friends as much as they or I would like. I cannot organize all these wonderful outings as much as my friends would like for our kids to attend together. I am busy getting kids here and there for classes, clubs and events, teaching, doing lesson plans for 4 kids ranging from PreK through 8th grade (depending on the subject and child). Yes I have to do lesson plans because my kids thrive on structure and I need a way to see if they are making progress because of their abilities, see if they are regressing, and monitor grades to see how well I am teaching them for their needs.

No, I am not super mom or wonder woman. I am a mom of amazing children that don't fit in with the given system. I do what I have to do so my children get the best education possible. This is the "least restrictive environment" not the most because they can learn at their pace and when they can learn the best, not at some predetermined time frame decided by a group of people that don't even know my child or their abilities.

Yes, I have to keep up the house, grocery shop, prepare meals, keep up the laundry, take care of my disabled husband, get everyone to their doctor's appointments, and still educate my children. Again, I am not super mom or wonder woman. I am a woman blessed with a family life that allows us to be together, help each other, and us come out stronger for it. I am a woman that does what she needs to do without complaint as this is the life God has given me and it is truly my calling.

My little boys "reading"


One day of schoolwork for 4 kids

Ear Infections and Puppies

2012-01-10T08:50:00.000-08:00

After two nights of little sleep with the youngest having an ear infection, I thought we would finally get some sleep. He had gone to sleep easily, stayed asleep a long time, and had a better day in general. So what does the puppy do, get into everything and chew things right next to my side of the bed all night long instead.

The sweet puppy, Spirit, has been so in tune with our littlest ever since we brought her home. I don't know if she picked up on him having Down Syndrome or their having a common past of neglect, but whatever the case may be, there was an instant bond. She loves to lick our little man which definitely has it's purposes when he needs the sensory input, but has been trained not to lick him in the night. Now with his ear infection, she has been following him around all morning trying to lick his ear and make his owie all better. He keeps telling her, "No Spiwit. My eawr." She will stop for a minute or two, but then back to following him so worried about her boy.

We have to go to the ENT this morning to get his ear looked at. I hope the house is in one piece when we get back.

2012-01-07T17:25:00.000-08:00

It was a long holiday season and after a lot of time, stress and tears, this just put everything in perspective. This was my Cameron a year ago during Christmas 2010.

And this is my Cameron now.

After second guessing everything I do with the kids, how often I wonder if I'm really doing the right thing by homeschooling them, questioning if I really am meeting their needs, this just is a reassurance that I have done something right somewhere along the way.

All I can say is, what a difference a year makes!

A Mother's Christmas

2011-12-10T23:05:00.001-08:00

Twas the days before Christmas and all through the house
Nothing but chaos was looming about
The stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care
And poor momma was ready to pull out her hair

The children were trying to nestle into bed
When something popped into one teens head
Out of his mouth it came without thinking
And poor momma just stared at him without blinking

Mom does not clean?
The house is a mess?
Even after momma cleans up her best?
This could not be!
It could not be right
Momma thought that pre-Christmas night.

Momma got up and she started to clean
She cleaned high and low and everything in between
And as she scrubbed both high and low
An idea in her mind started to grow

She looked around and was proud of the sight
And quickly realized her son's ideas were not right
She could clean and do just fine
But her children's cleaning skills were way out of line

Bright and early the next morn
Sweet momma was no longer forlorn
She woke each child all bright and cheery
Knowing soon their day would be dreary

Cleaning training - start it must
Without it their lives would be a bust
Momma dealt the chores out
To which each child gave a pout

And on those joyous pre-Christmas Days
My sweet children learned to change their ways
No more chaos would be about
As thoughtless statements would no longer come out.

Christmas Island

2011-11-21T09:25:00.001-08:00

I love the idea of the Island of Misfit Toys in the Rudolph show each year. It clearly reminds me of my own family and how my kids fit in, or don't, to society. Not just my kids, but my family in general. But just as the toys felt left out, so do families like mine. My family is blessed with many of the colors God intended skin color to be - not like most families. My kids are so unique in their disabilities not because of rare disorders, but due to the conglomerate of issues that arise from prenatal exposures. I mean how many people have a child that is highly gifted with attachment issues, has sensory issues, is a happy defiant so can't get an ODD diagnosis and went into precocious puberty? I've never met one no matter how many people I have reached out to. All of my kids are quirky in their own way with their abilities very wide ranging.

The idea of being an island is the best way I can explain the way it feels to parent children like this. I can put out bridges to other islands, bridges to connections with hopefully other islands that have similar issues. Some days it feels there are only a few secure bridges as the torrent life bombards my island with all the fury it can let loose. Other days it's a tropical dream of many bridges but a nice place to retreat to for time alone.

Christmas Island is a special place I hold in my mind. Christmas Island is the place I let myself go to once a year when the holidays roll around. I allow myself to think of how the holidays should be, the Normal Rockwell version. I don't try to replicate a Norman Rockwell Christmas scene because I know it would be a dismal failure (I tried numerous times in the early years) leaving all of us feeling empty. Instead we fill our days with our typical structure with little extras thrown in here and there to keep the stability in life for my kids, but my mind is going wild with all the things we would do but for their disabilities. Surprisingly it's not sad for me to think of things this way though. When I see something the children do that is anywhere close to what is in my imagination, it almost takes my breath away. It shows their growth and it shows me a bit of a dream. I've always like the saying Life is not measured by how many breaths we take, but by how many times are breath is taken away. That's what those moments are.

God has given me a lot to deal with raising these children, but somewhere in His infinite wisdom He has given me the ability to see the beauty in these moments. I have been told frequently God does not give us things we cannot handle, but somewhere in my heart I know He gives me these moments so I can handle the ones He challenges me with.

A4cwsn

2011-11-13T20:00:00.001-08:00

What an amazing project and group of people. A4cwsn - Apps for Children with Special Needs - is changing lives of children and families around the world. The latest endeavor has Gary James traveling all over the USA delivering iPads to families with special needs children. The Facebook page for A4cwsn is one of the most supportive pages I've ever had a chance of being a part of.

Tonight on the Facebook page for A4cwsn a parent donated a refurbished iPad for another family. Gary James asked those that did not have an iPad to reach out to others at least 3 states away, get to know one another, and nominate someone for an iPad. The response was overwhelming. People could not wait to talk to one another and nominate people they had just "met" without thought for themselves.

Tonight was an incredibly uplifting and inspiring. It allowed me to see the good in people again. It rekindled my hope in the human spirit. It may sound silly, but as a parent of special needs children there are many days I go to bed at night feeling the world is against our endeavors. Tonight I am thinking of the wonderful people I have met at A4cwsn and Gary James' efforts to make lives better just because. He is not getting any kickbacks or monetary benefit for it. He is giving of himself because that is what he is called to do. If we all took a little time each day to give of ourselves like I saw tonight and to keep the same giving spirits in our heart the Gary James has every day, the world would be a better place.

I was telling my children about the wonderful things happening at A4cwsn and how unselfishly Gary James gives. I mentioned we would be sending a Christmas card with $1 in it to help support A4cwsn. The children asked if they could each make a card and send in some of the money they have saved. So tomorrow as part of our homeschooling day, the children will be making cards from their hearts. I asked them what if they don't ever get an iPad from A4cwsn. They responded by staring at me with total disbelief and all said, "So!!!!" I was informed people are being helped and that's all that matters.

Please go to http://a4cwsn.com/ipad2-4u/ to find out more about A4cwsn and apply for an iPad. Look them up on Facebook too.

Wild Ride

2011-11-12T08:45:00.001-08:00

It's been a long, wild ride this past year that has let us see and experience the good, the bad and the ugly. Too bad we had more bad and ugly than good. As the name of the blog states Joy in the Little Things, that is what I will focus on as we've lived the negative and we are ready to move on.

To start off the positives, my dad won his five year battle with cancer. He is in remission and going strong. We also had a wonderful new addition to the extended family this year with the birth of my grand-nephew.

The next year will be filled with change for us. I am eagerly looking forward to what the future holds, but sad at the same time. The move across the nation is one I am eagerly awaiting. The thought of traveling for awhile is exciting for all of us, especially when the goal is finding our new home. The move will seem strange as it looks like only five children will be going with us instead of six. it is hard to believe my oldest will be 18 and moving on with his life.

Homeschooling has taken yet another turn this year. My oldest returned to high school last year and this year my 16 y.o. son followed suit. We found a small charter high school and he is trying very hard. His grades are not the best, but he is learning life skills that I was concerned he would never learn. For someone with a social anxiety disorder and Aspergers, a high school settings is beyond intimidating. He has given oral reports, is making friends, and is riding public transit. I would love for him to have great grades, but the fact he is succeeding at life is making me just as happy as if he had straight A's.

The youngest four are still being homeschooled. We attempted an online gifted program for my 10 y.o. daughter, but after becoming emotionally overwhelmed by skipping two grades and the realization of graduating early we decided homeschooling was much better and went back to her usual course of study.

Three of the kids are now in 4H and loving it. I'm seeing a new level of confidence from both the girls that I have not seen before. There have been requests for taking animals to the fair, but with our move eminent I'm not sure if they will be able to this year. If not they will look forward to it next year once we are settled and hopefully have land to have their animals on.

The other new addition to the family was my early Christmas present of a sweet puppy. We had to put our long time companion, Lacey, down in the spring after she developed a bacterial infection and was too old to fight it off no matter how hard we tried. So a few weeks ago we brought home a 10 week old Queensland Heeler pup we have called Spirit - rightfully named as she came home with her spirit already damaged from abuse/neglect we think she endured, but has found a new way of approaching life and become quite the outgoing little thing we'd hoped we would start to see. She sleeps on our youngest at night and gives him the sensory input he needs so that he's not sensory seeking in his sleep by tensing his muscles or pushing on things (usually me).

Now that we are back on track and we are beginning a new journey, I'm hoping to be writing on a regular basis. This will be an exciting time for us and to share the changes as they happen will be rewarding.

Stress Cooking

2010-12-12T22:30:00.000-08:00

It's the wonderful holiday season with my adopted and prenatally exposed children. Oh let the wildness begin! I have to admit it started much later this year. It usually starts around Halloween and continues until around President's Day. This year the chaos did not totally start until after Thanksgiving and boy has it been gathering steam over the past few weeks. Now in the past few days I've had F bombs and other terms of "endearment" said to me, along with being informed I'm ONLY an adoptive mom and not a real mom. I clearly understand that at this moment there will be no silent nights nor is there any peace on Earth or good will towards man in my house by my older children.

On my path to better health, both physically and emotionally, I'm desperately trying to not emotional eat. As the days have become more stressful, what do I do instead? Stress cook. The young man that stocks the shelves in the baking aisle at the store now knows me and my husband on a first name basis. One day was especially bad and the end result was 3 baked pumpkins pureed, two batches of pancakes for freezing (one chocolate chip and one eggnog), a batch of pumpkin spice waffles for freezing, and a ham, scalloped potato and leek casserole. I also found recipes and printed them to make pumpkin soup, chai tea eggnog cookies and figgy pudding. Which, as the days have been going, will get made very shortly, but not before another trip to visit the nice young man in the baking aisle who will greet me with yet another smile and ask, "Back again? What are you making now?"

On a positive note my 6 y.o. is able to read all the fractions on a measuring cup, can tell the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon, and knows what scalded milk is and how to tell if it's done. I also have people placing orders to have tins of baked goods or jar mixes shipped to them all over the nation which they are happily paying for. Since I modify almost every recipe I try, I started putting together a cookbook for my own use. A friend has suggested publishing it as an ebook when I am done. That could be an interesting adventure but that means I actually have to stop cooking to take the time to do it. Another positive is there are so many dishes, bowls, and pans to wash that my husband and I are getting time to talk while he washes and I cook. The kids are also welcome to help when they are being pleasant. I've done a lot of cooking on my own lately.

This too shall pass as it always does. Life will become quieter again, I won't be covered in flour and spices, and the stock boy at the store will soon forget this crazy baking lady and her husband who seem to be at the store constantly.

Tiring Teachable Moments

2010-11-29T23:17:00.000-08:00

I love teaching my kids. I wouldn't homeschool them if I didn't. There are times when they really need to learn something and the process of teaching them is so exhausting I really question if it's worth my sanity to do it. Case in point, my oldest learning to load a dishwasher. Now you have to remember my oldest is 16 y.o. and has global developmental delays and a serious memory problem. So the following is not what we go through just a few times until he learns something. The same events have been happening for a very long time (a year or more). He is finally showing some improvements and slowly getting it (HURRAY), but the process is mentally and emotionally exhausting. This is how it goes:

I sit at the kitchen table working on lessons, planning meals, doing grocery lists, etc. while he works at the dishes.

Me: Son, open the dishwasher.  .......(pause)....... Quit playing with the cup and open the dishwasher. What are you looking for?  .......(pause)....... Open the dishwasher.

Son opens the dishwasher and then begins to play with a pair of tongs. CLACK CLACK CLACK

Me: Son, stop playing with the tongs. Put them down. (CLACK CLACK CLACK) Put the tongs down on the counter. (CLACK CLACK CLACK) I have asked you to put the tongs down now. Put them down.

Son finally puts the tongs down and then proceeds to pick up a different pair and CLACK CLACK CLACK. I redirect the same for that pair of tongs and after basically the same exchange he puts them down.

Me: Put the cups in the top rack. Stop rearranging the cups that are in there. Don't even touch them. Stop. Get a cup from the sink and put it in the rack. Don't move another one just put it in. Good job. That's what you need to keep doing now.

Son starts talking about something not pertaining to the job and then stops doing the job as I'm telling him I won't discuss anything with him until the job is done (big eye rolls). I have to talk to another child only to find Son no longer at the sink and sitting on his bedroom floor. After repeated queues to get up and come finish the job he finally gets back there and finishes loading the cups. This is where the improvement is! A year ago I would have had to go back through how to load the cups, redirecting him back to the cups, etc. and now he is able to go back to it and finish that portion of the job. Then he has to start on the plates, but since his mind is stuck on the cups this is what happens.

Me: Son stop rearranging the plates. Stop. What is on the plate you are staring at?  .......(pause)....... Don't touch the plates that are already in the dishwasher. Stop. Get a plate from the sink. Put it in the dishwasher. Now you got it! Get another one. Keep going because now you are doing it. Good job.

This too is an improvement over a year ago. At this point a year ago I would have had to continually redirect him back to the sink to get yet another dish to put it into the dishwasher. He would have been so fixated on rearranging the dishes in the dishwasher he would not remember to get another dish out of the sink. He will also keep working independently with less queues and then ask to have me check what he has done which is a huge improvement.

Me: What are you doing? (his hand is down the drain) Remember you are supposed to answer when someone talks to you. Why is your hand down the drain? .......(pause)....... What are you doing?  .......(pause)....... Answer please.

Son: I'm getting something down the drain.

At this point his hand has been down the drain for almost 5 minutes and he finally pulls his hand out but there is nothing in his hand. I then redirect him to the silverware and after another 10 minutes of redirection and almost 5 more to get the soap in, he is finally done. I give him a high five for completing the job and tell him I'm proud of him for completing the job without getting mad.

It's such hard work for him and I hate to see him struggle like this, but if I never push him or make him do things that are hard he will never accomplish anything. It is so exhausting to keep doing this day after day. I know eventually a switch will flip in his brain and all of a sudden he will get it and on that day we will both be doing a happy dance. I'm not saying he won't forget a good portion of it the next day because I'm sure he will. It will just come back quicker each time until he finally remembers it easily whenver he's asked to do the chore. In the meantime, I will keep up my patient reminders and when he finally finishes the job I will take a few minutes to rekindle my spirit so that we can tackle his next endeavor.

Finding Peace Amidst Chaos

2010-11-28T14:54:00.000-08:00

For over a week now I've been trying to write something about finding peace during this time of year and holding on to it throughout the year. Everything I have written doesn't have the essence of what I'm really trying to get across.

For me, peace is a matter of finding the beauty in everyone, everything and every situation - finding the silver lining I guess. It's more than just seeing the good, but a matter of internalizing that beauty into an unbelievable feeling of awe and wonderment of how we can be so blessed to experience such a wonderful thing. Why limit this feeling to only those big things in life? Why not find awe and wonderment in the joyful noise of children playing, someone letting you go ahead of them in line at the grocery store, or there simply being a pretty day.

When we don't take the time to find the beauty in things, it's hard to keep sight of what's important. There are so many moments throughout the day we can be part of this - joining in a child's joyful noise just to see their happiness and what is more important, the fact dinner is 10 minutes later and maybe a little overcooked or that time for shared joy and bonding with your child. What about letting someone go in front of you at the store just to see them smile. Then maybe you are a few minutes later getting out to your car, but you made someone else happy.

I started coming to these realizations years ago. We went through 3 years of having three children in the ICU four times, 2 were not supposed to make it and one was supposed to be in a vegetative state the rest of his life. Then we lived with our one son being diagnosed with a terminal condition for two years before new research pointed to a different diagnosis. Those events taught me that no matter how bad things seemed, there was always something good. Most of all, they taught me that peace has a an equal partner and that is acceptance. If we accept what is negative in our lives instead of fighting all that is bad, we save our energies to see what is good. With the clearer realization of what is negative we are able to think more clearly in order to deal with it.

My favorite quote is Peace ~ It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. Please carry peace with you throughout the year and find joy and beauty every step of your life.

Myomunchie Details

2010-11-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

I love having this myomunchie. We use it daily. We started with putting it in his mouth and making a big deal over it. How fun it was, show the dog, show your toys, making growling noises, etc. It says on the web site to work up to 20 minutes twice a day and I've found that is more than likely not going to happen for Cameron. He just is too impulsive and has very little patience for things that take too long. Not to mention 20 minutes to a 4 y.o. is a LONG time.

Knowing I couldn't follow the protocol recommended, I began keeping the Myomunchie with me all the time. Whenever I heard him begin to grind, in it would go for as long as I could get him to keep it in and as many times as he would allow. There were times it was going in and out of his mouth for close to 10 minutes, each time keeping it in his mouth anywhere from 5 to 20 seconds. At the same time we started telling him his grinding was biting and reminded him that biting hurts. Not that he would hurt anyone else by grinding his teeth but eventually it is going to hurt his own mouth which we want to prevent. Within the first 3 days I noticed I was having to put in the myomunchie less and less. So that's when every time I heard him grind I would say, "Cameron you are biting. Remember owies." Please know I was NOT disciplining him in anyway. There were no owies involved by us, it was just a reminder so as he gets older he will understand that grinding teeth can create owies in his own mouth. Anyway, he quickly learned this so whenever I would mention he was biting, he would ask, "Owies?" Which I could then tell him yes and believe it or not most of the time he stopped grinding at least for a little while. If he didn't, in went the myomunchie.

We are still using it daily but only a few times a day. Usually a simple reminder of biting is all it takes to get him to stop. There are times now he asks to have it too. He chews on it for awhile and then tries to put it in one of his sisters' doll's mouth, then back into his, then back to the doll's.

31 for 21 - Last Day

2010-10-31T22:20:00.000-07:00

It's the last day of 31 for 21. Cameron did his first trick or treat night that he's really been capable of doing. He said trick or treat, thanked people, shook hands, and gave knuckles. He was so tired by the time we got home he climbed up to watch The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown on my lap and didn't even get to the "I got a rock" part. He had so much fun all evening though running down the street signing candy and saying chocolate.

I see him turning into such a grown up little boy. He's more independent and opinionated every day. Thanks to a sweet friend who told me he was up for adoption and God's guiding hands, I was given this sweet boy to be a mommy too. He's taught me so much and makes me so happy every day. So many people say if everyone was more like someone with Down Syndrome the world would be a better place - they are right and because I try to see the world through his eyes, I'm a better person.