Finding New Ways to Live...

Calling out your name loud

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 30 Jul 2016 11:20:00 +0000

Your nick name is echoing in my head always.
It has become difficult for me not to call it out loud.
When in bed I roll restlessly.
When nobody is around, I call it quiet.
But its not helping me.
When at work, I'm afraid that I might scream.

Probably, I'll go to a mountain top,
And call it out loud till I feel a little better.

Just to feel better;
Not to make me understand I can never call you that again.

Perfect me

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sun, 08 May 2016 19:08:00 +0000

When I am yours and you are mine;
What is wrong saying anything bw us?

When we are ready to forget all the past;
why you kept a heap of things to resolve bw us?

When we both have dreams and we fight to fulfill them(I think you do),
How could you hold me back and make me answer the things I've no idea how to answer.

And you, keep analyzing the sentences. Check all the meanings of the words I say.
Sit, think and derive the things one can never think of.

Let me tell you dear,

This is the perfect me. With all the flaws you have seen. If you found me better anytime;
That's pure luck.

Or if you thought I was better,
That was pure mistake.

But I promise, I will keep trying.

Plans!

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sun, 08 May 2016 18:15:00 +0000

You know we should go to Goa.
Yes
Do they allow on beach at the night nowadays?
Yes. They do.
Great. Then we should go at night. Lie down on the beach and drink beer. Not too much but not too less. Until we float. And we should look at the stars and talk nonsense.
Awesome. We will do it.
Then we should go to that hill. That hill in the movie Rang de basanti. We should go there early in the morning. Sit on those rocks staring at the horizon drink Tropicana and eat roasted peanuts.
Wow. Now you making me long for the trip.

Well that's the plan. Fingers crossed.

Disturb.. Disturb

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Tue, 20 Oct 2015 16:59:00 +0000

I haven't read anything recently. This thought was disturbing in mind that "What are you doing? You haven't read anything for a while!"

Then I decided to buy a book. Like any Sunday the lonely me decided to watch a movie in theater. I chose "The Intern" and went three hours before the movie to the theater thinking that will go to the Landmark and check some books.

Before that I randomly checked some sites about good books and noted down this book by Murakami.

It was all planned by someone. I went there and this boy in the Landmark was waiting for me. I said the book's name and he searched in the portal. It wasn't there. But he was sure the book was there and we went to search and within a minute he is back with the book! Wow!

It was costly but I bought it and went to PVR and picked up my ticket from the kiosk. I sat on the staircase and started reading it.

2pages.. 5pages.. 10pages.. 20pages.. 30pages... Movie time!

I ran to the theater entrance and they asked me to wait for 20minutes outside.

As there were no chairs, I stand there, leaning to the wall and resumed reading. As I liked the book, I was not aware of what is happening around me. Then this happened!

A ~20y'old lady came and tapped on the book twice and said "Disturb.. Disturb" and walked away smiling.

I was like! I always expected this. I always expected something from the strangers. I always wished if someone put color on me on Holi. And I always knew someone will do this, when I am reading.

The sad thing is that, I just smiled back and resumed reading! What the heck! I dont even remember her face! WHY?!

For the girl who tapped on my book;
Cheers

Your absence

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 17 Oct 2015 20:44:00 +0000

Your absence creates a void in my life,
I sit and worry about you.
The things that could happen to you fear me.

Suddenly there is a strong feeling,
to have you in my arms right now, right here,
Holding you to my chest and kissing you on your forehead.

But the silence makes it worse.
I'm afraid of the void becoming permanent,
And us forgotten in that void.

Stay close to me.
Where I can see you and hear you.

Be Brave

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Fri, 03 Jul 2015 19:21:00 +0000

Do you remember the time when you discovered fear?

Do you remember when did you face it for the first time

Even though you knew you were doing the right thing?

When did you surrender your life because of fears?

Do you often beat it and march towards the glory?

And when did you find fear in loving someone or something!

When can we all overcome our fear and hug the love of our life?

Be brave and stick to your heart?

Be patient and let time make the path?

Be courageous and prepare to face the worse?

Be happy that tomorrow will be ours.

Withdrawal

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Tue, 03 Feb 2015 15:25:00 +0000

I sat, on the same bed we used to sit.
After a long time I looked at myself.
And I felt Pathetic.

The pain you caused was trying to escape,
through burning tobacco rolls between my lips.

Lower part of my chest was still bleeding
as you stabbed me with your sarcastic laughs.
I tried to sooth it with a cup of alcohol.

My legs still numb,
and refused to stand properly.
They have been working so hard to prepare us to run.

My eyes, they have been unwilling to see things clearly,
Some said its because I stay under the mobile towers.
Who knows, may be they don't like anything clear anymore.

Those were little fears.
But,
my fingers refused to write and memories refused to die,
Those were the things I was afraid of..

And someone just told.
Most of the wounds will heal by time.
But some will remain as half healed scars.

Beautiful You!

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 24 Nov 2014 10:45:00 +0000

I have a beautiful image of you,
Inside my eyes.
A reflection of you, which you can see,
When you stare deep inside my eyes.

Thats the perfect you.
Anything other than that is scary
The changed hair,
tanned skin,
the dresses I feel don't suit you.
Everything.

Its the feeling I get when I see the different you.
Different from my image.
The thought of you, losing your beauty,
Its horrible and I skip a heartbeat every time I see it.

So,
Stop blaming me and keep my beautiful view alive!

The reason behind her silence : 3

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Fri, 15 Aug 2014 09:25:00 +0000

The silence we feel now,
Is just the product of our past.

The hurting words I say,
Is just the remains of the hurt you made in the past.

Even though I don't mind them anymore,
The words just shows how deeply I was hurt.

And your silence will not rub it off,
But your presence can forget the wounds.

Talk. Reply. Listen

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 11 Aug 2014 19:48:00 +0000

We talk a lot.
For the sake of talking.

Oh! Maybe I was wrong.
We argue a lot.
Just to make sure "I" won.

We replied, replied and replied,
Until we tired of replying.
But we never listened.

When one of us said something,
First thing we check was whether it limits our freedom? Our rights.

Then the I in us jump and roar,
Thrash the statement and close the doors. Darkness everywhere.

Then we analyze, listen to.
Doors open again. Light comes in.

What we make of each other

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Thu, 07 Aug 2014 06:55:00 +0000

In last one year I have invested my heart in you.
How well you took care of it?
How good it feels now?
How much it grew?
After all how happy it is now?

Suddenly I felt these questions coming back.
Fights, tears, silence.
I just skipped one heartbeat.

Fears

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:19:00 +0000

Will she finds out my fake identity?
Will she finds out I'm the opposite of her thoughts?
Will she finds out I do most of the things she hates?
Will she finds out I was cheating her?

Will she?
Will she has similar fears?

Sorry

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 28 Jul 2014 20:11:00 +0000

My wishes were small
My needs were simple
My reasons were genuine

I begged you not to
I pleaded you to stop

They were just soap bubbles for you
And you enjoyed bursting them.

Later you said sorry,
When we ran out of bubbles.

Dear you [In case you have forgotten]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Fri, 30 May 2014 09:02:00 +0000

Dear you,

It’s raining here in Coimbatore. It’s very cold atmosphere here right now. Not very still it is. You know I can’t resist cold weather much. When I went to balcony to see the roads, you know I love those sexy black roads after the rain, I saw something which remind me of death or it came to my mind from somewhere, I’m not sure. Then the question came that what if I die? Next hour? tomorrow? Or next week? Then I want you to do something for me.

First of all, in my room, there are two diaries in my shelf written by me. You should burn them to ashes. I don’t want them to be read by anyone, including you. Then regarding my room. My room is a pretty neat one. When compared to yours or my old trafford room in cuba hostel. It’s not because I keep things very neat or I’m a well organized person. It’s just because I don’t have much things for me. Next important thing in my room are books. Well. I’m not yet reached any decision what to make of them. It is up to you. And the other things. You can see some small things here and there which you may mistake as waste or useless things. But they ain’t.

You know, I fell in love very fast and very often. I even love those little useless lifeless things. That’s why I didn’t throw them away. The truth is I couldn’t. And there are lots of useful things also. But, here, listen carefully. I don’t like them to be used by anyone else after me. They can keep it if they want but they are not supposed to use them.

Well, another thing is about the blog and net stuffs. I want you to put a notice for a few weeks that I’m no more. Only for a few weeks. Because there are a lot of people I love, really love, out here. I don’t want them to wait for a reply or to expect to say a ‘hi’. You know this is a place really made me happy. After that, I mean after a few weeks, you can delete all my accounts. You know, it may make somebody feel disturbed. Seeing dead me on net. You got it.

I don’t want you to pass any message to anyone. You know it ain’t worth it. Telling all those things after I’m gone. Anyways It doesn’t make sense to me. But if anybody mention you that any of my deeds made them sad, you should apologize them on behalf of me. But I don’t think you have to face a situation like that. Unless you listen to the mirror.

And there is one folder in my lap where I keep lots of text files written bla bla by me. You can read them if u like. This is one of my another problem. If I start writing to you, I’ll never stop. I don’t think it’s right thing here as we are talking about a real important matter. If I missed anything, you can do whatever u think is right.

In case, if you are planning to ask, what if you die first,
FUCK YOU, you won’t, I know you are an immortal. Well let’s leave that topic here. OK. No questions permitted.

I thought to mail you all this at the first place. But then suddenly a thought passed through my mind as you may die before me if I mail. You know, I believe in such things. Superstitious things. And I follow whatever my mind says.

Then it occurred to me that what if I post this. It ended up posting this. I don’t want you to comment on this. Well I don’t mind if you do. But keep all these things in your dirty mind. ok. I know, now you get one more thing to make fun of me. But I’m fucking serious here. You got that.

Rain stopped now. I think I better go to bed. Night shifts sucks. Thank god, it was not that bright morning today. You know, after a night shift when you look straight, not straight to sun but forward, it will be so white that it will hurt your eyes. I hate it. So I walk back to my room looking downwards. Yesterday I escaped from two accidents. People drive carelessly these days. You know. That’s why I’m afraid to drive, what if I kill somebody, somebody who dreams a lot like me? And you have seen those old people, who can’t hear properly, walk properly, see properly. You have to be careful. They too have people waiting for them at their house. As we wait for our dear ones. But the one who drives only think of destination. That’s sad.

Well, I really don’t want to die. It was just a thought you know. Just wanted to say. How can I die, when I really am in love with life.

Well. Nothing else. Have fun! I know what is in your mind now.

Loving you.
Hugs

Last days.

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 07:58:00 +0000

Last days are always painful.

You calculate,

Worthiness of staying together.

So many yes'/no's pop ups.

You rethink,

Where it went wrong.

Sighs, Stomach aches, sleepless nights.

And then,

Arrives the conclusion.

Love doesn't lie in texting.

Love doesn't lie in caring.

Love lies in understanding the sadness and pain of the other

And making them happy.

Even if its letting them go.

Bitch [2]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 19:31:00 +0000

Reposting this after years. I just love this. There is no hate in this.

It was a dark rainy night.
I was falling from the sky,
I could see the dark wet earth from the sky in the lightning.
I was bleeding. My heart was missing.

Now I can see her
Standing in the rain.
In her black jacket with hood.

In her left hand was my beating heart.
In the right, a shining knife.
She looked at me with her fiery eyes.
I could see her lips starting to make a gesture of happiness.

Before I could open my mouth.
chuuckkkkkkk!!!!!!!!!
She cut my heart with the knife into pieces.
Yelling "Waste"!!!

That was the end.
I never saw her again. Neither she saw me.
We didn't exist in each others world after that.

Coffee sip

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 23 Sep 2013 19:09:00 +0000

[He]

Drink,

Till you finish last drop of my love.

Wipe,

Your rosy lips,

As I lose the last hope of having someone to love.

Sigh,

As I close my teary eyes,

In response to the forbidden love and the beauty of life.

[She]

I loved the sound of you knocking at my door.

And that's why my dear,

I always hesitate to open.

you [2];

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Mon, 04 Feb 2013 11:26:00 +0000

you were like a train.
you came very slow. giving so much anticipation.
when u reached: u rocked the station.
when i realized you were gone; it was too late.
but in between, you left a lot of memories for a lifetime to cherish.

Suicide

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 07:22:00 +0000

Why couldn't he discuss about this to us
his friends asked.

He tried to talk to you all this.
But when he called you, you were busy,
you seemed happy. You talked a lot about your company, friends and fun.
So he thought of not disturbing you.

Why couldn't he discuss with his parents
his relatives asked.

Lol.
They were busy providing facilities.
They never cared how he felt.

Does he has girl friends? Somebody asked.

He thought about her, her and her.
He smiled. There were none.
Some where somebody skipped a heartbeat,
Thinking whether he will spell her name or not.

He had thought about all these.
All those questions they can ask.
He had answers. Perfect ones.
For all these questions.
But not for his problems.

He loved everyone.
Helped everyone.
He used to say,
"When you find happiness in helping others,
You will never stop doing it".

And
one day, he felt lonely,
as never before,
he couldn't bear it anymore.

He called everyone.
And listened to never-ending hello tunes.
He sent a lot of smilies, to everyone.
He believed smilies are the best thing artists ever created.
He cried loudly.
and felt like muted TV set.

Then he decided.

He didn't write any letters.
He found no point in it.
But he tried to recollect all the faces he loved,
earth felt his tears.

He went to kitchen,
searched for the blade.
But he wanted a never ending journey.
No come backs.
So he decided with rope.

He tied the rope to the fan which he always stared at.
Put the other end over his neck.
He felt like getting married.
He pushed the wooden stool.

Rope tightened, he saw many colors.
red-blue-green and finally white.
He felt like floating. in the air. above all.

Finally, may be he felt like being pulled to another womb.
But he believed in no God to prove it.

Last year I lost two friends. One was my +2 classmate. He committed suicide. Next week after his engagement. I still believe its my fault. I couldn't talk to him for months. If I'd I could have changed his mind. I failed as a friend. And office boy in my office. He had heart attack. I wanted to meet him, talk to him. But I was too busy. I feel bad saying it. He left leaving my wishes unaccomplished. Please pray for them. If you don't mind. Thank you.

Independence day message

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 16:15:00 +0000

We all are going through a difficult phase, in which we see, talk and hug people on basic of their religion(at least some of us DO!, sadly). And want to get whole country(later the whole world, I don't know what after that) under one religion. And we will fight for that, just to make our God, the winner. I never understood the fact that when the God can't take care of him/herself, how he/she will protect us. I don't think that, one cant live in a world because he/she believe in a different religion. I have wrote about this before. In an older post "I believe in one and only one god. I don't think there are separate gods for Hindu, Muslim and Christians. You can reach a destination by different methods right? By bus, by boat, by walk etc. Consider our destination as God and different methods/routes as religions. All problems are solved. Believe in your paths. And respect other ones."

And fighting each other we distroy our Nation. Just think. You belive in a God and you cant worship him/her. You can't go to temple/mosque/church? You have big house and concreate fence but anyone can break it? You have beautiful wife and children and anybody can hurt them? You have big playground in front of your house but you just cant play! Who will protect us from all these? Who is protecting us now? Our Nation. Our System. Lot of people tried real hard to make it perfect. But you know nothing is perfect as our God. So flaws will be there. We can point it out and make it better.

So on this independence day we should also take independence from our narrow religios thoughts. We should see everyone as human being rather than categorizing them on basis of cast, creed, color, language, region or religion. We know all of them divides us. Only love for humanity unites us. We all took birth. We all will live, here for a short span of time, with a small number of people, in a small region of earth and we will all die. So why would we fight, hurt and kill each other? We can believe in whatever we like and live happy and peacefully. Every religion tells that "You will feel the real happiness only while helping the needy ones". So lets help each other and make our nation more strong and more beautiful.

Jai Hind.

The reason behind your silence [4]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 08:35:00 +0000

I was heavily drunk yesterday night and have no idea how I got to my bed. But I woke up with this head with full of thoughts about you. Even though I have a bad stomachache and body pain I feel very fresh and happy. Like a sunny day after the rain. I have no idea why you! May be its because I used to write about you while I float.Yes, in past. Long back.

The thoughts was about a phone call. You may not remember it. It was your birthday. I had only one rupee balance as usual. I called and wished you. And you called me back and we talked for an hour. I still remember it. The place, the words. Everything. It was a lovely night. I was sitting in the balcony of BTM room. In that red chair with my legs on the iron grill. Watching the white clouds drifting in the sky, though the branches of the tree which spreads over the house roof and talking to you. I can still feel the cold breeze of that day. Its like I'd bottled that whole night and drinking it now. Once Anais Nin told that, "Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born". In those days I lived in a world created by you. By you and only with you. And when you were gone I bottled that whole world and kept it in my memories. I used to visit that world often. When I missed you. But not recently. That's why it is surprising. The morning thoughts about you.

Those where colorful days. You know. A boy is hopeless when he has no girl to think about when he goes to sleep and when he wakes up. To think about, to worry about and to miss and lastly to hope. Do you remember our chats and phone calls. We talked like kids. We used to discuss everything under the sun. Your silly tensions, my crazy ideas everything. The books we read, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, lyrics everything. Nowadays when I read a new book or watch a nice movie I get this quick feeling to share it with you. And when I find that you are not there anymore I feel that vacuum which cant be filled and to be missed forever. I still talk to you when I'm alone. About these things. Don't my words echo in your ears?

I told you. We were like kids. The face which appears when I think about you is still that little girl who stands on the window grill singing ABCD. And I always felt like a small boy who walks with you holding those little fingers and talking those big things we don't understand.

I'm still wondering why you came to my thoughts today morning. But I feel very happy now. because you happy face makes me forget a lot of things.

I know what you want to tell me now. Grow up. right? Please don't. Yeah some people never grow up the way you do. Or you may say everyone should grow up their own way. Understanding the limitations, duties, life and all. But I don't understand it. May be I don't know how to or I don't want to. I have read somewhere that we never grow up. We just learn to act matured. I even failed in learning to act.

I miss you.

You name it [5]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 18:15:00 +0000

Loyalty, Perfection,
Dedication, Passion,
Marriage, Cheating,
Lies, Death,
Deadlines, Freedom,
Crap.

******
Still...
How sweet each our meetings are.
There is sweetness, even, in those waiting. Long ones.
The warmth of the first glance of you after the long wait.
The flow of happyness from eyes to lips
and then to the hands and the sudden hug.
And that pause just before the endless words.
And the fire of the first touch.
And the memories you give.
And lastly the hope.

Another train Journey [4]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 05:00:00 +0000

It started with the Chicken curry my roommate made. It was nonstop then. At first we tried local remedies like lemon tea, buttermilk etc. They couldn't help much. At last I decided to consult a doctor.

The day started from the toilet. While walking to the room I hit my head on one pointed edge of the kitchen door and fell down. For a few minutes I couldn't understand what was happening. I ran my fingers on my scalp. Thank God. No blood. I got up and headed for the doctor.

It was a normal Bangalore morning. Girls in light leggings walked to offices with laptop bags bumping on their bums. The dog uncle who stays opposite to our room took the meter reading (He does it daily. Only he and his wife live there. I don't even think the meter rotates) and fed the dogs with tiger biscuits. I walked 1km to the left, 2 km to the right and finally got back to the room to see the clinic just opposite to our room.

The registration and consultation fee was very high. Still I thought its ok if it is a lady doctor. On the contrary it was an old man. He gave me a few stopper tablets and some good advice regarding the food.

It was just the beginning of the problems. I spend most of the day in bed and woke up in evening to catch train to home. At that time the stomach had come to peace. Renjith dropped me near forum bus stop and I boarded the bus to SBC railway station. Roomie called me while I was in bus, with 4 people on conference and made my day.

The girl who sat next to me in bus was a very beautiful one. Still I couldn't notice her much because of the phone call. But when we reached Majestic I confirmed it with her. She said the stop is Majestic in a real sweet voice. I always do it :P even if I'm 100% sure. when some pretty girls are near :). Oh come on dear. Even she wanted me to ask her something.

I walked to the station from the bus stand. A lot of prostitutes were there. I never saw this many in Majestic. It was as if they can't do it from the next day onwards. But there was something different. Usually these girls disturb the passengers, with rude words and showing those deep cleavages to the face. But today they weren't doing it. They were dressed in salwars and sari's. And there was an inviting shyness on their faces. I scanned all of their faces in a single glance. All looked poor and sad. None of them had an average beauty. Yeah if they had, then there will be agents to hire them. I kept walking. Then my eyes met her. I'd never seen a women dressed beautifully as her. It was a rose colored sari and the street light which shown above her seems to have showering flowers on her. She was fair. She had this long silky hair. And the pose she had had an elegance which is not common in them. She had this discipline which cannot be seen in any of the women I'd met in my classrooms.

I had to take the turn just before her to the railway station. so couldn't see her face properly. Hopefully/fortunately/unfortunately, she might have met somebody and received an earning. It is sad that people have to sell themselves to make a living. But at least they don't sleep with husband's neighbor. May be they know much more about life. Somebody told me only they sell happiness to others.

I reached the station and the stomach had started giving the symptoms. Even the stoppers couldn't stop it. I had to eat something because I had medicine's to take. Doctor had told me to avoid oily food. I asked the shop guy for some food which has less oil. Luckily the shop owner was a keralate and he lead me to the railway emergency medical center and gave me one more stopper tablet. There are still kind people on earth.

I checked the PNR status and found mine is in RAC. I even check with whom I have to share the berth. It was a 50 year old man. Of course I expected a 18year old girl :P Well I really don't mind if it is any pretty lady below 30.

I boarded the train and went to my berth s10,39. There was nobody there. I thought nobody will come. I started thinking about train journeys. I always loved them. I even love railway stations. Because there a lot of life happening out there. I remember a man who talked about his mother who was about to die. He had to return to Bangalore. So he lied to mother and he felt sad about it. And a 100 other people I'd listened to. And I love the railway tracks too. Each turns in them reminds me of the choices we make in life. You know, its always the choices we make which counts. Not what we are capable of or not. I was lost in these thoughts and this guy appeared. With a ticket marked RAC s10,39. He asked me to give the seat to him as the whole berth is his only. I explained him that the seat is rac and we two have to share it. He was a little drunk and made a scene there. Telling the whole seat is his and all. He was a keralate too. Hearing this loud voices other people in the compartment came to us. There were a lot of keralates and they understood the thing. This time the drunk man tried to get my ticket forcefully. Other people told me not to give the ticket and tell the matter to TTR. The drunk man kept shouting. The TTR came and told him that the berth is for both of us and we have to share it. Then he shut his mouth.

When the TTR left for checking the other tickets he started again. I went to TTR and told this. TTR came and scolded the drunk man. And told me he will call the railway police if drunk man create any further disturbances.

I thanked him and thanked all the fellow passengers who helped me and started sleeping. After sometime I nearly fell to the floor and slept there. I woke up sensing the touch of a wooden stick. It was a police. They couldn't walk because of me. A Vanitha police was with them. Some women are always kind. They will tell us lovely words. Always cook tasty food for us. They will be always there for us. She was one of them. A kind one. She found me a vacant berth and told me to sleep there.

There was light when I opened my eyes. Fellow passengers smiled at me with sympathy. Train stopped at a station and some girls entered our compartment. Some of them sat to my right and others to my left. Upto trichur station I travelled as a teenage girls sandwich. Lucky me. Yeah. In next post I'll tell you how me and Vivek met Vrinda Shameek the TV anchor :)

Happy New Year

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 19:21:00 +0000

Hi all,

Wishing you all a happy and prosperous new year. :)

With Love,
Randeep

Dear you [2]

noreply@blogger.com (Randeep) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 15:02:00 +0000

Dear you,

Do you know how happy I am to have you? When the word friendship is being talked too much. I don't like that word. That is why I call your nickname always. When I see and hear the stories of how others are, I find how lucky we are. Of course there were ups and downs in our friendship. But I never felt bad about you. Because I know you'll never hurt me. Even though if you say something that may hurt me, I know you didn't mean it. But it never happened from you. I really think there was something from me because I'm not that good in predetermining how my words would interpret. But those are just words. May be one can think of something and when put into words they may come with another meaning. That can happen. And it happens often with me. But as I told before they are just words. Who can read other's mind? I was always happy when with you. Smoking those weeds and listening to your mad ideas.

I always felt happy when you won something. I was always proud of you. I felt happy even when we both tried and only you succeed. Because I never felt lost when victory was with you. But you know some bastards are there. They will come and tease the one who failed, telling he is jealous of the other. They just want to ruin a friendship. You know such people exists. And I hate them. I'm telling you all these because some people made me mad doing all this. And I hate people who make mean comments. You know they just do it to hurt us. And there are some people who even make mean comments before the dining table. I have no idea how much money I owe you on account of the food we ate. But whenever I'd money I used spend it. I know there is no meaning in saving it for future. No one can say we will be alive tomorrow. We are some souls meet in a small space for a small time. So why would one quarrel for such silly matters. But it hurts me when people say about the bills they paid weeks ago. And I hate those people who keeps the things we said carelessly or as jokes and later mention them. Now I know how good you are as a person. And there are people who watch whatever we do and interprets our deeds according to their weird thoughts. They are the most dangerous. They will say things we can't even imagine. I love you so much because we were never like that.

And there was never a competition between us. I think that is the main point. I've seen friendships break just because of it. We never felt that one of us is superior to the other. And another thing is that we never made fun of our parents. There are lots of people who do that telling their friendship is very strong and they don't feel anything doing so. But I don't believe that. Who won't feel sad when one calls bad words on their parents? And if you watch them you can see that their friendship won't survive much time. And I don't understand how people can hurt us and still talk to us as they didn't do anything. Or as they-did-something-and-they-don't-give-a-damn manner. When I get the feeling that I might have hurt you I won't be able to look at you. I'll be feeling guilty. And when I'm really hurt by somebody I can't even say a word.

But one thing I'm afraid of is the situations such you are in trouble and sad. I won't have any idea what to say to u. How to comfort you. I have always found me searching for words in such situations. Or I'll say something very frank. It will be practical but it would be the worst thing one can say at that time. And I apologize if I'd failed in such situations. And it was easy in my case. When I was sad. I just had to look at you. You have a cute funny face. Don't laugh assole. I'm telling the truth. And the things you do will make everybody laugh. I'm happy to have such a wonderful friend.

Several times we had thought we lost the heat of it. When the distance became larger and when the routines changed. But we never gave up. I think it is only because of you, it still survives. You are too good. I wish if everyone has a friend like you. And a friendship just like ours.

I was in hell of a mood. Feel better now. :) And there is a lot of I's me's and you's. Don't think I'm boasting off something. Everything in this world makes me feel too small. And I feel we are still children. And as somebody told. There is no seven wonders to a child. There are seven million. And you and our friendship are among them.

Loving you,
Hugs