tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564Wed, 28 Aug 2024 22:54:46 +0000depressionparentingbipolardepressedreligionspiritualityanxietybipolar IIdaughterdisfunctional familymedication6 year oldLaneealcoholanti depressantsfriendshipinner peacemotherpsychologistsmokingsoul connectionADDADHDCaitlinMessages from MichaelMichael TeachingsPsychicalcoholismangeranti-spankingarnobeliefschild psychiatristchoicefanatasismlove of otherslownarcissistic motherpositive parentingreadingschoolsoft parentingsoul matestop smokingtherapy4th Internal MonadBoundariesLoveadversityatheismatheistattention issuesblogbookschildhoodfearfreedomfrustrationfybromyalgiagastroscopyhealinghealthlessons learntmusicteacher3 year oldADHD medicationAgnosticApathyAuditory MemoryBad placeBalanceChildhood BipolarDean KoontzDeathDiversionEpitecFairnessFamilyFeeling goodFluanxolFree WillHTC FlyerHalloweenHoobastankLiveMessagesMichael handbookMoodsMy Drunk KitchenNeed for approvalNew Age TeachingsNew YorkPC WorldPIPAPraisingPsychometric testingRaising a childSOPASOPA StrikeSam HarrisSaskia DavisThe GuardianWikipediaabuseacceptanceallan carrandroidanti biotics allergiesanti-theismarthritisassholeasthmaatheisbad feelingbad parentingbeingbelongingboredbraaibreakdownchristianitycircular realitycold turkeycomradeconfessionconfusedconspiracy theoriescorporal punishmentdecisionsdietitiandraineddreamseasyway to stop smokingemotional blocksenergyentertainmentexcersizeezonecomfacebookfantastic dayfatfatherfavourite thingsforgivenessfreaking outgiving upgood jobgrumpy husbandguitar.happyheat wavehelpinghighhopehormonalhypomaniainsomniainsulin resistanceinternal monadsjob huntingjoykarmakeep on keeping onlightlooksmelanomamemeticsmiscarriagenegativityneighbournot going to schoolobsessionsover thinkingpaediatricianperfectionpositive reinforcementpotty trainingpsychiatristpsychoticrealisationreligious educationrepressed angerresponsibilityroutinescarysecular humanismselective memoryself diagnosisself doubtsharingspankingstrict teachersuicideteachingtechnologythe gardentiredtriggersupdateweight gainhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)Blogger125125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-2235727822295300042Wed, 29 Jan 2014 11:26:00 +00002014-01-29T13:26:07.334+02:00ADHDanxietyChildhood BipolarparentingThe hardest thing I have ever done in my life is being a parent. Trying to do the right thing. Figuring out between all the literature and research, and parenting fads, the one thing that will, not only work, but will make things bearable and easy. Generally my daughter is a really GOOD child. She is happy and loving. I've also noticed a huge difference in her behaviour, and functioning since http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2014/01/hardest-thing-i-have-ever-had-to-do-in.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-6010938665112724778Mon, 20 Jan 2014 10:09:00 +00002014-01-20T12:10:52.127+02:00ADHDanxietyschooltriggersI know it's been a long time since I posted. Which generally indicates that I'm feeling okay so no need to vent. I have become more and more aware of my anxiety issues, and triggers and trying to manage those. Shopping is a HUGE one. I have found myself being okay with general anxiety and managing it unhealthily with smoking. Specific triggers like shopping, and news reports about children beinghttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2014/01/long-time-no-post.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-797557062052621119Fri, 15 Nov 2013 07:33:00 +00002013-11-15T09:33:20.761+02:00daughterdepressionsmokingI'm not so good with secrets. I had been hiding my return to smoking from my daughter, and it has been eating me up. The constant sneaking behind her back, and also the idea that she might catch me at it, and what that would do to her. So I decided to talk to her about it, and try to explain it in a more open way. I want to have an open dialogue with her, and in order to achieve that I need to http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/11/secrets.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-7536523398949976949Wed, 06 Nov 2013 09:33:00 +00002013-11-06T11:33:05.346+02:00daughterdepressionFamilyI'm feeling so concerned. DH is sitting with,what looks to be major depression coming on, and I feel so powerless to help him. This is not a place where I would like to discuss his issues, but it is complicated and he needs urgent help. We can only afford that early next year, but in the mean time I really think I should go to our GP, and see if she would put him on some anti depressants. It's http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/11/so-concerned.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-6529704530933353136Mon, 04 Nov 2013 10:59:00 +00002013-11-04T12:59:20.543+02:00anxietydepressionHalloweenteacherI haven't written in a long time. Mostly because I have been avoiding some issues and I have tried to deal with other issues, in different ways. Things still seem better still I have been providing my brain with nicotine, and it has definitely helped my anxiety issues. I've been spending a lot of time on studying. I signed up for a couple of course on Coursera. Think Again: How to reason and http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/11/dealing.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-3626389189851442761Wed, 02 Oct 2013 10:26:00 +00002013-10-02T12:26:04.666+02:00depressionhappysmokingI'm not sure how many people are going to understand this. And to be honest I don't really care. Anyone who has read my blog for the last two years, and who knows me would know that I have been having a hell of a battle against depression, anxiety and plain despondency. Yes I have been hit hard by life, the universe and everything, but somehow I was struggling with no skills to handle the knockshttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/10/what-relief.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-5882197634357599212Mon, 30 Sep 2013 10:18:00 +00002013-09-30T12:18:21.833+02:00I slipped. 13 October will be 2 years since I quit smoking, and I slipped. Quitting smoking was not as easy and straight forward as I thought it was. I just re-read this posts.one, and two. I sounded a bit sanctimonious I think. The truth is, when I stopped smoking my brain went into chaos mode. I can't remember how long it was after I stopped that I begged my GP to give me anti depressants. http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/09/stopping-smokingagain-two-year-journey.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-3090907524111418977Sat, 14 Sep 2013 18:46:00 +00002013-09-14T20:46:44.880+02:00 What if everything around youIsn't quite as it seems? Well isn't that the understatement. I have had rugs pulled out from under me before, but this one takes the cake. Yes, everything around me is Not the way it seems. What if all the world you think you know Is an elaborate dream? And then you wake up into a nightmare of reality. And if you look at your reflection Is it all you want it to http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/09/is-it-right-where-it-belongs-nine-inch.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-7829205599488878530Tue, 10 Sep 2013 08:41:00 +00002013-09-10T10:41:24.771+02:00anxietyparentingOkay, deep breath... Caitlin does have an auditory memory issue. It has been tested, and it is there. BUT as usual I saw something and my mind just ran with it and made myself go into anxiety mode. Something I have to deal with. Yes, after talking to some level minded friends I have come to the realisation that maybe Harry Potter is just a little too advanced for her. Yes, we read Alice in http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/09/update-on-auditory-issue.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-4878850805871644395Mon, 09 Sep 2013 07:21:00 +00002013-09-09T09:21:45.584+02:00ADDAuditory MemoryparentingreadingOk I've been spoilt. Caitlin has always done pretty well with everything, and other than the problems with concentration and finishing her work that popped up this year, I would never have thought anything was wrong. So the whole story of her diagnosis and evaluations were very stressful for me. Of course me being me, my first thought is always, "What did I do Wrong?"So yes her evaluation said http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/09/auditorycrap.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-1207285204345534874Fri, 06 Sep 2013 17:39:00 +00002013-09-06T19:39:30.037+02:00bad parentingpositive parentingI read this yesterday and felt so shitty. I've been going down hill with patience. It's like the moment I try to bring more structure into our house, which Caitlin needs. Then I get more authoritarian. Like a drill sergeant. I'm struggling to still impliment the positive parenting things with structure. I know the two are not incompatible. but aparently I am. Or the way I think about them are.I'mhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/09/failing-mom-test.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-2124166901170949605Tue, 06 Aug 2013 08:45:00 +00002013-08-06T10:45:24.415+02:00anxietydepressionfreaking outI've calmed down a bit since yesterday  I'm not myself yet. Depression is setting in again, and I'm not feeling well at all. As usual I am turning to writing to get through this. I'm turning to sharing as it feels like that is the only way to dilute these horrid feelings. I just don't want to be touched, or looked at, or talked to, or anything I'm unhappy that I left a message for my http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/08/ive-calmed-down.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-1931862312294820822Mon, 05 Aug 2013 09:43:00 +00002013-08-05T11:43:05.172+02:00I've been in denial... I'm breaking down again. I've been trying to hide it from myself, and everyone else, but I'm not all of a sudden just falling apart just today. It's been happening for at least 3 weeks already. The crap thing is, if I could admit it to myself I could have discussed it with my therapist before our last session last week. But no, I had to be the strong one. Everything is http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/08/no-no-no-no-no.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-1865183314397624186Thu, 01 Aug 2013 13:56:00 +00002013-08-01T15:56:44.918+02:00daughterstrict teacherI am very proud of myself for not losing it today. In the car on our way home from school my 7 year old was in tears because she doesn't want to go to swimming anymore, because her new teacher is too strict. This after she begged me to do swimming lessons again, even though it is winter here in South Africa. I told her calmly that she will have to do the lessons because they are already paid forhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/08/a-small-victory.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-2713058202971186417Fri, 19 Jul 2013 06:08:00 +00002013-07-19T08:08:26.793+02:00ADHDADHD medicationPsychometric testingMy daughter (turning 7 next week) has just this week had an educational/ psychometric evaluation done after the teacher asked us to have her assessed for ADHD. I chose the psychometric evaluation above just going to the psychiatrist and getting given meds, cause I wanted to make sure there are no emotional issues, as she has always been very emotionally sensitive, and anxiety issues run rampant http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/07/getting-answers-creates-more-questions.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-8367274431124959596Tue, 18 Jun 2013 08:46:00 +00002013-06-18T10:46:36.522+02:00ADDdaughterschoolteacherI'm having such a rough time with this. I don't quite know why I am taking this all so badly. To recap, My 6 year old's grade 1 teacher recommended that she be evaluated for ADD, because she is not finishing her work in class.After talking to the teacher though, I figured out it is more a problem of the relationship between her and the teacher, that has suffered some damage somewhere. Thingshttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/06/struggling-more-than-i-realised-with.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-6528608565246893874Mon, 10 Jun 2013 17:28:00 +00002013-06-10T19:28:43.820+02:00ADDchild psychiatristdaughterschoolI have been going through a difficult time because of some issues surrounding my daughter. Her Grade 1 teacher emailed me last week to say that my daughter has not done any of her work. She is so slow she is more than an hour behind everyone else in class. And the worst is she's not bothered by this. I then sent her a mail back, saying I don't quite know how to address this. I have noticed http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/06/when-does-it-become-problem.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-236504631557568130Fri, 07 Jun 2013 13:08:00 +00002013-06-07T15:08:26.578+02:00atheistconfessionOh Crap, here we go again. I think I posted a while ago about meeting a mom at school, and actually liking her and getting along real well, and then she started spouting bible stuff, and this really hippie religious stuff. Well I ended up being honest with her and telling her straight up that we're atheists, and strangely enough she has become one of my easiest mommy friends to talk to. We spenthttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/06/oops-i-almost-did-it-again.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-3559049767879890450Wed, 17 Apr 2013 10:14:00 +00002013-04-17T12:14:08.968+02:00alcoholismFeeling goodmedicationIt has been a while since my last post. I haven't been very busy I've just not had anything I felt like writing about. My dad is still drinking, and I am still angry and hurt about it, but if I keep focusing on that I'll go insane. I allowed myself to be hopeful when he stopped, but I shouldn't have. A friend of mine has encouraged me to start a Facebook group http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/04/checking-in.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-6026573160116594474Wed, 27 Mar 2013 07:50:00 +00002013-03-27T09:52:07.126+02:00alcoholalcoholismforgivenessMy last therapy session focused a lot on forgiveness, and building bridges that were burnt down, between me and some people. I had to try to make a mental list of which bridges I would like to rebuild and then tackle those relationships, sacrifice my pride, even when I had been right, and try to build those relationships again. The hardest part has been deciding which were trulyhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/03/forgive-and-forget.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-2271596477123513387Mon, 18 Mar 2013 09:13:00 +00002013-03-18T11:18:55.206+02:00alcoholalcoholismfatherI can't remember if I've talked about my dad's drinking here. It has always been excessive  Until he is drunk out of his head. Barely able to walk, and completely out of it. He also has black outs about his behavior. Luckily he isn't violent, but he does extremely embarrassing things. I've always hated hated hated his drinking. I remember when I was around 12, http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/03/alcolism.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-8914374418656692256Tue, 05 Mar 2013 09:35:00 +00002013-03-05T11:35:28.598+02:00hopeThere is some hope chemicals wise. It seems my really dark depression is slowly lifting a bit. I'm hoping it's the meds working and not just placebo effect. I'd hate for this to go away again. So I am slightly more calm, and slightly less gloomy. I'm a bit tired today, but at least not really depression tired. Just running around like a headless chicken tired. Nothing else in my life has changedhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/03/hope.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-2655341909100504935Fri, 01 Mar 2013 09:26:00 +00002013-03-01T11:26:03.735+02:00BalanceFairnessI have this inherent uncomfortableness when someone does something for me. In the first place it doesn't really feel like I deserve it. I feel awkward about it. I feel like I have to immediately balance the scales and pay it back. I struggle to ask for help then. I know I need help lots and lots of the time, but I struggle to ask, and when I do ask I feel incrediblyhttp://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/03/balance.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-3312467401972658166Wed, 20 Feb 2013 09:22:00 +00002013-02-20T11:24:28.673+02:00depressionnarcissistic mothertherapy I had a really good therapy session today. I printed out this article, I've posted before http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html on narcissistic mothers, and highlighted the things I experienced specifically. My therapist was really impressed that I did "homework" and said this is the biggest jump in progress we've made since I started.  It was because at last someone put in http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/02/weapons-grade-plutonium.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1787669404644158564.post-1616705719743238681Fri, 15 Feb 2013 09:32:00 +00002013-02-15T11:32:54.451+02:00angernarcissistic motherI am going to try to explain what I am currently experiencing, and how I'm affected by the things I realised and posted about yesterday  I always feel like I am such a whiner when I write on here, but I do intellectually know that what I am trying to accomplish here is a bit of self therapy. And that is basically whining in a safe environment and hoping those whines brings me http://findingpsychochocolate.blogspot.com/2013/02/i-am-angry.htmlnoreply@blogger.com (Psycho Chocolate)0