Hi there --

If you have been reading this blog and finding it helpful, would you send me an email?

I am really curious to learn more about you --

What situations are you wanting more confidence in?

In what situations are you wishing you could express yourself more? And what kinds of things do you wish you could say or do? What do you most wish for when you think about how you'd like to be able to express and communicate yourself more?

I would so appreciate even a super quick note from you. My email address is sarah at sarahmalik dotcom. Or you can quickly share with me by taking this survey:

Click Here to take survey

There is a difference between pursuing a career (or any other meaningful or important thing you might want to pursue in life) there is a difference between pursuing something that is authentic to you, yet it requiring you to act in ways that are not necessarily authentic or comfortable to you.

For example, you may really love your career. Yet given the external realities of the company, industry or economy you work in, you may decide that in order to successfully pursue the work you love, you may need to Not be so "authentic" all of the time -- like sharing with people how you really feel (hurt by them) all of the time may not be so helpful in reaching your goals.

Yet, even though you cannot really share how you're feeling, (because you're hurt and you don't think it would be appropriate to share that) the work you do remains something that is truly meaningful and authentic to you.

It can be very liberating to develop flexibility and skill in how you think and act to be successful in the environments in which you live and work.

Yet it also requires a leap of faith that you are not a victim of the people and systems around you. It means that you take this opportunity as a chance for you to grow and stretch your abilities beyond your comfort zone. As opposed to being upset that other people are so wrong or incompetent or unkind.

A huge part of feeling more confidence and less fear is actually EXPERIENCING yourself being able to speak -- with some amount of ease.

Once you know that you can speak and do it without feeling frazzled or overwhelmed, then you've experienced that you are capable and that you are the kind of person who can speak to people well.

Then your awareness of your abilities can rise and take its place at the level of your identity and self-image, as you come to know yourself as: a capable person.

This is why having positive, encouraging experiences speaking is so helpful.

There is no magic bullet for self-confidence.

Your pathway may include a wide range of activities you do and support and guidance you receive. You may want to take a course in public speaking, acting or stage presence. You might want to learn communication skills and strategies.

You may want to do some work on your own self-awareness and see what beliefs you have around your self-expression and performing in front of people.

Perhaps you want to start an exercise or eating program which can build strength and energy in your body.

And it may be one thing which you try, which leads you to explore something else, which then leads you to experiment with something else, which leads you to learn a different approach, which all blend together inside of you, to give you what you need, and to take you where you want to go.

The purpose of realizing this is so that you don't give up and so that you stay determined to get what you need. There is a way and your path will be as unique as you.

The cool thing about self-expression and doing what you want to do is that it's not a zero sum game. Which means that for you to be who you are, someone else doesn't have to be less of who they are.

By being yourself, you don't have to take away from someone else.

Which means that expressing yourself is a game of expansion and prosperity in the truest sense of the word.

By choosing to go and do your thing in the world, you are expanding the pie. You are not taking a piece away from someone else by doing what you want to do.

This is so amazing, isn't it?

It's like the world is just waiting for you to add your energy, to grow what's expressed in the world.

It's easy to feel like there's not enough for everyone. And yet you do have a say in how much you create and share and express and bring forth. You can grow the world.

The dirtiest game that fear plays is to create doubt about who you are.

You may be cruising along, thinking you are meant to do something or be someone. But then you are stopped by fear.

Is that because what you're wanting to do was something not authentic to you?

Maybe. But maybe not.

Maybe that is exactly who you are meant to be. And you just need to clear up what's driving your fear. So that you can do what you want to do.

Notice, who do you know that you are? Is it fear that is making you doubt that?

If you are being authentic and who you are, what would you be doing?

What actions would you be taking? What things would you say?

Imagine yourself doing those things. Imagine the words coming out of your mouth. Imagine seeing the faces of the people who you'd be speaking to. Imagine how you'd stand or sit.

What would you be talking about? Why are you there

What's one tiny baby step you can take towards experiencing this kind of thing today?

On the one hand, there are simply people who want to tear you down. And that's just kinda how it is. And it's pretty much a waste of time to worry about appeasing these people.

And then there are some people who have valuable feedback to share -- that you'll want to listen to.

Wisdom comes from knowing the difference. And only you can go inside your heart and sense what is true for you. But the bottom line is: Do your thing. The world has enough followers and critics. Bring your truth to the surface and live it. Spend time distinguishing what is true for you and integrating it into what you do, how you act and what you say. It will be different perhaps than what another person comes up with. But that is why you are here. It is something only you can uniquely express.

The tough truth is that how you feel is your responsibility. Only you can decide to get the help and support you need, to feel better.

And how you feel is driven by what you got inside of you. The world is filtered through you and by you. The world feels like what you got on the inside. (I know, harsh but true)

In you and on you is the only place where you really have the power to feel better, to become more powerful and strong and to learn how to enjoy life and develop the capacity to do and be who you want.

You may not like getting feedback from people. It may be hard to hear what others think of you. It may be hard to hear what other people see you doing.

Yet if people can share with you information about what they see you doing (in addition to just their judgments or interpretations of what they feel inside of themselves as a reaction to what you are doing or saying), then you can use that feedback to (1) act differently, so that you can be more effective with the people who you deal with.

Or (2) you can use it as an exercise in allowing other people to take care of themselves, because you're doing something you believe in and want to keep doing what you're doing even if other people don't like it or don't think it's the right way to do things.

Just realize that there are 2 sides of the story and that you must also have a healthy enough sense of self that you can allow other people to have an experience of you that is not necessarily a positive one, but that you'll still feel okay about yourself anyway. And that you must have a healthy enough sense of self that you can take feedback from others and use it to improve what you are doing, if it seems like effective and accurate information (to you) about how to do things better.

People can be wrong. And you can agree to disagree.