Finishing the Hat

Adventures in Zombieland... Or, Leap Day at Disney!

2012-02-29T04:35:00.001-08:00

Good morning! For those readers in the Eastern time zone, you may just have woken up. For those who share my Pacific time, you're undoubtedly still asleep. With good reason! It's 4 am as I write this.

"What are you doing up?" you may be asking. Or, possibly, "what are you doing blogging at this hour?"

And to that, I say: Happy Leap Day! It isn't usually celebrated (except by pirates from Penzance and 30 Rockians)... but this year, Disney is throwing an unusual celebration called "One More Disney Day," keeping Disneyland open for an unusual 24 hours - an extra park day for an extra day of the year.

Now, I was born into a Disney-lovin' family, and my husband Tom is a convert (so to speak.) So I was surprised when Tom suggested that we not only attend the park today, but we attend the park for the entire 24 hour period. And that, my friends, sounded like an adventure!

So for today's Adventure Wednesday post, I'll be liveblogging our journey through the day, at least once an hour (barring nap time at Snoozy Moments With Mr. Lincoln.)

Check back with me today for my adventures in zombie Disneyland! And take good care of you!

5:35 AM, February 29
After some oatmeal, banana and a shower, we've made it to Pumbaa parking lot and found our spot in line to get in. Lucky we got our wristbands earlier - there's a lot of early birds today!

5:48 AM
Bag check! And the Disneyland Band is playing nearby! Man, the overnight line reminds me of the "tent city" at DCA, 3 AM before the 50th anniversary!

6:08 AM
In the gates! Yay!

6:20
Caught in the crush for free ears. Fluster cluck! Helped find a list girl and finally got my free ears!

6:37
In line for Pan, both of us feeling excited about the day. Tom is taking one photo every 10 minutes to commemorate the day. I'll post a link when he uploads in a few days.

7:06
We've already found friends!

7:38
Beautiful morning. So beautiful. I just added a few photos, though I'm not sure how they're integrated from the Blogger app.

8:40
Oh my gosh!!! Modern Family is filming here! We're rubbernecking at Rivers of America... Can see Claire, Alex, Haley, Jay, Gloria, and Manny!!

9:36
Stopped in for a spot of breakfast since we've been up and at 'em since 4. Our friend got a cinnamon roll, and we watched as they used an ice cream scoop of frosting - whoa!

11:12
We seem to be an hour early for a traditional noon meet... But we're all mostly here!

11:22
First yawn. Bad sign?

11:54
Warm enough that I'm down to my coolest single layer! I just got a personal best score on Buzz Lightyear, but only cause we were paused mid-ride.

12:53
Another Modern Family shoot - this time, Cameron, Mitchell and Lily! Just Phil and Luke left to spot. Wish us luck!

2:03
I'm on a boat! The Sailing Ship Columbia. It is not technically a pirate ship, but it sure looks like one.

3:15
Rode Haunted Mansion with my head resting on the side and my eyes closed. The sensory deprivation is sublime. I couldn't tell where I was or what direction I was moving. You should try it sometime!

3:27
Breaking with our gang for the Afternoon Nap portion of the day. On the hunt for best in-park napping locations! Turning my phone off to preserve battery for the time being. Back online in a few hours when I'm rested!

4:00
Couldn't resist popping back online to note that we just saw the cutest marriage proposal. Groom and bride stood by the Rivers of America as their friends and family went by on the Sailing Ship Columbia, holding a huge "will you marry me" banner. She said yes! Tom's ten-minute photo alarm went off just in time to get a photo for his series today. OK, back to napping.

6:22
I'm officially a No Nap Harry Cat. Not for lack of trying... on the train, in Lincoln... I couldn't fall asleep! In line for coffee now, with the promise of free refills later. Just gonna ride this night out!

6:57
Sitting with friends and having a mock meta-argument about Victorian versus Edwardian architecture and how it should or should not be used for the Jolly Holiday Bakery.

9:18
Back online after running out of phone charge! We are having such a fantastic time. So many of our friends are here, and we haven't had a big old-fashioned Disneyland meet in so long that it's a genuine joyfest!

6:47 AM, March 1
We. Did. It.

Despite mobile network failure and drained batteries preventing all updates... With the fuel of coffee and the support of our friends, we made it through 24 hours, riding Pan one last time on the way out to bookend the amazing experience.

We have Tom's pictures, plus my missing nighttime commentary, coming soon. For now...

....zzzzzz

Another Media Monday Without TV? Plus Oscar Thoughts.

2012-02-27T21:57:00.001-08:00

Hello from Hollywood, where our neighborhood was still overrun with party rental trucks mid-morning today, long after the last Oscar after-party guests have stumbled into their limos, barefoot with their stilettos in hand.

We live almost exactly two miles from the (formerly known as) Kodak Theater, and this became abundantly clear Sunday morning, while the Goodyear Blimp hovered over our local farmer's market. (Also as we tried to commute home from the market, as they began to shut down all useful streets to non-limo traffic.)

We typically keep our distance from the neon lights of Hollywood and Highland during the days that lead up to the Academy Awards, but one year we had tickets to see something at the nearby Egyptian Theater, so we took the opportunity to walk the just-laid red carpet. It was a total trip.

This year's awards were pretty on the mark, I thought - though I admit I'm sad for Viola Davis. (Not that I don't love Meryl Streep.) I was especially pleased for "Man Or Muppet," though I find it completely disappointing that the songs weren't performed. It's the first time that's ever happened - and I hope it's the last, too.

We watched the awards with a small group at our friends' home, and I was proud to have won yet another consecutive Oscar pool (by default - the host took himself out of the running.) Call it a weird talent (or too many movies watched) but I've been a solid prognosticator since Titanic swept. Next year I'm hoping we can host again, as hosting Oscar is a favorite activity of Tom's and mine. We usually go all-out with themed food and bingo cards and what not. This year, since we weren't hosting, we only came up with our menu concept - we didn't actually cook it. Here's what we came up with:

The Artist: Black-and-White cookies
The Help: Chocolate pie (though a friend actually did bring one!)
Hugo: French baguette
War Horse: roasted turnips
Extremely Loud: bagels & lox
The Descendants: Hawaiian chicken
Moneyball: peanuts and Cracker Jack
Midnight in Paris: French cheeses
Tree of Life: broccoli trees

I'm slated to tell you that Sunday was, as planned, my first TV of the week, but it wasn't. And, actually, I'm glad! We kept the TV completely off from Monday morning until Friday night. On Friday, we discussed how we felt about the TV diet... and it turns out we both really LIKED it! We liked it so much that we wanted to make every work-week a TV-free zone. But in order to do that and still watch TV (as aspiring television writers really must do), we needed to do some watching over the weekend. Which we did - but now it's back to our non-TV dinners!

Man, I was so surprised that it was the case. I expected to grit through the week and then cling to our "TV: teacher, mother, secret lover" (credit: Homer J. Simpson) again, if less than before. Instead, I found myself appreciating how much better I felt without looking forward to TV each night. I created other things to which I could look forward. My productivity AND my creativity increased, as did my mood. And it did interesting things to my appetite. More on that tomorrow.

I didn't manage to blog after the first two days last week, so I'm thinking this week I'll stick to my gradual increase. I'll aim to write 3 days out of 5, and pretty soon I'll be back at my old blogging rate.

I will be back tomorrow, though, and I have special plans for Wednesday's adventure blog, which I'll tell you about tomorrow! Til then, keep taking care of you!

At long last, Weigh-In Tuesday

2012-02-21T16:02:00.000-08:00

It's Weigh-In Tuesday - or WIT, if you will - and I don't feel like I have any good wit to offer today. But here I am, for the second consecutive day, writing anyway.

Now that it's day 2 of my TV fast, I'm beginning to run out of cleaning projects, so I'm going to have to get more creative. This is exactly what the fast is designed to do - drag me kicking and screaming from my stasis. But it's mental fists a-flyin' while I try to punch my way out of my rut.

Wanna guess what else is in a rut? The scale. The holiday season was tough, but I thought I got through it OK. When I hopped back on the scale upon my return, it was up ten pounds from before I left. That is a terrifying feeling - knowing how hard you've worked to move in one direction, and how long it took. And seeing it reverse in a matter of days. I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I didn't like it.

I've lost about four pounds since that weigh-in. My progress is compounded, I'm sure, by the lack of exercise. As I've mentioned before, I've haven't been exercising (flu, depression, flu, simultaneous surgery recovery and depression) all year with the exception of one week between the first depression and the second flu. And I am STILL not healed enough to work out today. It's really bugging me that it's taking so long.

Food hasn't been ideal, either. Not terrible, but not mindful. It's been a little too erratic -- waiting too long to eat and getting too hungry, for instance. I'd indulge in a craving moderately, but indulge another craving the next day. That adds up. So although I'm down from where I was at the beginning of the year, I feel frustrated with myself. And when I feel frustrated with myself, I talk shit about myself.

Hell, I talk shit about myself even when I feel good. An example. This Christmas, I had a blast playing Just Dance III with my nieces and nephews. It was great to get moving after holiday meals, and dancing is such a playful way to connect with family. I was kicking butt (I am seriously good at it) and after awhile, I got warm and wanted to remove my jacket. But it meant that I'd be shaking my arms to the beat, and I know what that looks like in the mirror... I spent three days a week at Slimmons last year, watching my arms jiggle in the mirror. And as I lost progressively more weight, the jiggling didn't get better... it got worse. You see "before/after" pictures everywhere you turn (lately even on billboards) but you don't hear so much about the challenges of skin and sagging. Which, with 70(-minus-twelve) pounds lost, are now my challenges. So, as I took off my jacket, I tried to make a joke about it. "OK, everybody. Flying squirrel alert!" I got some puzzled looks, so I explained that my upper arms sag, that if I jumped, I could fly like a flying squirrel. I expect laughs. All I got was some firm eye contact from my niece M, who pointedly asked me to cut out the negative self-talk. So wise for a thirteen-year-old.

It hit me hard. It's true... sometimes I make jokes about myself, and it's one way I can make light of life when it's challenging. But it's also one way I can tear myself down. And I need to stop tearing myself down.

That's why, this week, I'm working on building myself up. Turning off the TV and the phone. Cooking and savoring healthy and nourishing meals. Writing, on the blog and for my portfolio. Centering. Generally turning on the creative juices. Or trying to summon them, at least. I still feel stifled and just plain off... but less so than last week. Little steps are still progress.

The best I've felt so far was last night, when - after a long day of laundry and showtunes - I decided to decorate a pretty shelf we mounted last fall. I loaded it up with my Disneyland collection. It was a creative act, and a little out of my ordinary, and it felt... satisfying.

Thanks again, Dad, for helping us mount the shelf.

Annotated version, for the nerds.

I hope you will you do something that satisfies you today. Something that helps you take care of you.

Media Monday, Oscar 2012 Edition

2012-02-20T20:59:00.000-08:00

OK, OK. I said I'd "be back tomorrow" a week ago, and then I disappeared into the ether again. But I was thinking about you, my readers, my friends, my family. I was.

My computer finally came back from the shop, and we seem to be OK for the moment. We being my computer (which is functioning enough to post this blog) and myself. I've been battling depression lately. (Always? No, not always. But lately.) It's been hard to even send a text-mesage, let alone an email, let alone a full blog. The challenge of chemical depression is that sometimes there isn't a great reason to be blue, but you're indigo and cornflower and cerulean all the same.

When I'm in such a rut, I refer back to a phrase we say commonly in our home, that I "need to fill my well." I first learned the phrase from my mother, referring to the general ennui and emotional exhaustion when one isn't taking care of oneself (or from taking care of others and not receiving care in return.) Tom first learned the phrase in an artistic context, from Julia Cameron - author of The Artist's Way, a favorite book of ours. It's the same basic concept - you're running dry of resources - but in the realm of creativity, it's about needing a steady input of inspiration before you can create a steady outflow of creation. I find that when my well is running low in one way, it's also running low the other way.

I put myself in a dearth of self-care and inspiration. And when I do it, I often half-heartedly attempt to fill my well. Oh, I'll watch some dumb TV. Oh, I'll play some silly mobile game. Oh, I'll watch something clever but only give it part of my attention. Instead of well-filling, it becomes further well-draining. To truly turn myself around, I have to be conscious and mindful -- not only about my self-care, but about the creative inspiration too.

And almost never am I more mindful about entertainment than while watching the Oscar-nominated films. Ten of which I watched this weekend! It felt good to get out and spend time with friends while watching the Oscar-nominated short films (an outing I mentioned in last week's Media Monday post.)

The films are still playing at the NuArt in West LA.
Photo courtesy of Rochelle

It was a pretty good batch this year! I found something to appreciate about each of the films, which is perhaps the first time that has happened. Often in the past, we've joked that the live action films are 80% cancer- or holocaust-themed (and nearly 100% of the time, a cancer- or holocaust-themed short wins.) But this year, I was surprised to find that none of the films were malignant or swastika-ed . The one film that included illness didn't focus on the main character being sick, but on the eccentric hobbies he indulged in during his illness.)

Of the live-action films, I am torn between several, but I probably land on "The Shore" as my favorite.

When it comes to the animated films - which I tend to prefer - I'm fond of many of the nominees, but one definitely stood out. I highly recommend "The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore," a fanciful and elegant love letter to the warmth and soul-satisfaction of books. The short brought my bibliophile friends and loved ones to mind - Rena and Audra chief among them. The two of them ought to see it... and so should you. And, luckily, you can -- it's available on iTunes for FREE!

A still from the film, as Mr. Lessmore enters the library for the first time.

We're big Oscar-watchers here, and as of last weekend, we've seen all 9 of the best picture nominees, all but 2 of the acting nominees, and all but 2 of the writing nominees. Here are my picks for the winners (of the categories that matter most to me) as well as who I'd vote for, were I voting.

Best Picture
Who I think will win: The Artist
Who I'd vote for: The Artist. I loved it. My favorite film of the year (and my favorites are not always nominated.)

Best Director
Who I think will win: Hazanavicius for The Artist.
Who I'd vote for: Hazanavicius for The Artist.

Best Actor
Who I think will win: Jean Dujardin
Who I'd vote for: Jean Dujardin

Best Actress
Who I think will win: Viola Davis
Who I'd vote for: Viola Davis

Best Supporting Actor
Who I think will win: Christopher Plummer
Who I'd vote for: Christopher Plummer. I just saw - and LOVED - Beginners.

Best Supporting Actress
Who I think will win: Octavia Spencer
Who I'd vote for: Honestly... this is the strongest category I've ever seen. I have a deep appreciation of every one of these performances, and I'd be perfectly happy if any of them won. If pushed, I'd vote for Spencer.

Screenwriting, Adapted
Who I think will win: The Descendents
Who I'd vote for: Hugo, but The Descendents was also strong.

Screenwriting, Original
Who I think will win: The Artist
Who I'd vote for: The Artist, but I loved Midnight in Paris, too.

Best Song
Who I think will win: It had BETTER be "Man Or Muppet."
Who I'd vote for: I've been declaring it publicly since the day the film opened: "Man Or Muppet" needs to win the Oscar.

Best Score
Who I think will win: The Artist
Who I'd vote for: The Artist

I usually care a great deal about animation, but we couldn't see 2 of the nominees this year, so I'm not going to weigh in with a guess or a vote.

Wow! There's usually far fewer categories where I'd vote for my predicted winner.

It's funny to me how long this post became. Because it's about entertainment... and as of this morning, I'm on a self-imposed entertainment diet. I put a moratorium on passive entertainment, for one week. As I described earlier in this post, my well-filling has been half-hearted, and I've too easily leaned on passive entertainment to distract me from self-care or active creation. So this week, I will not be watching TV or movies, nor playing games that aren't social with someone in person. I've tried this a few times in my life (while I was reading The Artist's Way - though Cameron's recommendation is for no reading. Reading is not my particular vice.)

During this week, I plan to create my own entertainment. I'll write, I'll blog, I'll photograph. I'll clean, I'll organize, I'll call a friend. I'll stop zoning out, and start tuning in to my surroundings. It will give me the freedom to focus on self-care... which I'll share more about tomorrow. Really, for-real, tomorrow. Because I have no excuses - entertaining you will be my way of entertaining me. That or braiding my cat's fur. I don't know how crazy I'll be after several days without watching anything. My hope is that when I finally turn that TV back on - for the Oscar ceremony - it'll be well-filling instead of creativity-crushing.

I'm off to take care of me, with a prompt bedtime and some calming music. I hope that you will come back to visit here tomorrow, and that in the meanwhile, you will take care of you, too.

On last lines and Oscar shorts

2012-02-13T17:50:00.000-08:00

Greetings to you all on this fine Media Monday.

First -- an explanation of my whereabouts.

Holy, hell... this year has been a crazy gerbil wheel of circumstances. It's like a pattern repeating itself. We got back from the holidays. I got sick for a week+. I got better enough to want to do things, but not well enough to do things. This phase is a perfect recipe for depression (which I already battle.) Then, finally, I'm better. We settle in to write, and... the computer breaks down. Off to the shop for a week+, and then, finally, it's back. And the day it gets back... sick. Again. And the whole cycle repeats, almost exactly.

I've finally beaten the flu, and the computer is in the shop... but this time the wheel of circumstances has changed a little bit. I would ordinarily think this was a good sign, but... alas, no. A week ago, I went in for a routine dermatology check-up, and my doc decided I needed a mole on my hip removed. So... just as I was starting to feel well enough to exercise again, I can't. I tried to do some low-impact walking on Saturday, which felt great... until that night, when we discovered my whole hip had become irritated and inflamed. My area formerly known as mole is sensitive to a little chemistry equation known as "bandage adheisive + sweat = flaming hips," which is apparently not uncommon.

What does this all mean? Well, on the good side, we nixed a spot of skin that won't become cancerous. Got the biopsy back today, it's all clear. On the frustrating side, I haven't been able to exercise... really exercise... except for a total of two workouts. ALL YEAR. More on that tomorrow. It also means I've either been out of a computer, booked with writing work (which is good), or too sick to think straight... which, in turn, means I haven't been blogging. Which you already know.

I'd planned for my first entry back to be about my favorite comedy of all time, Billy Wilder's brilliant Some Like It Hot, starring Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon, and Marilyn Monroe. I was all ready to tie it in to a mention of Michelle Williams' performance in My Week With Marilyn. I was going to recommend the excellent new show Smash, which follows the development of a play-within-a-show, a Marilyn musical. And last but not least, I was going to expound on the brilliant writing and delivery of the last line in Some Like It Hot. I had even art-journaled the line.

But my laptop's away. And my scanner is thus useless. And it's taken all of the creative oomph I've got, just to come here and post what I've already posted.

And to that... I say... "well, nobody's perfect."

I've been away too long, but tomorrow I'm going to give you the best imperfect post I can.

In the meanwhile, I'd love for you locals to take a look at your calendars. My very favorite movie outing of the year - a screening of the Oscar-nominated animated and live-action short films - is coming up this weekend, and we always invite our friends nearby to come check them out with us. It's always a mixed bag, but the best part of watching them is that we only have to slog through the less-appealing ones for a few minutes before another good one starts.

We will be going to see them at the NuArt theater in West LA this Saturday February 18. The animated shorts begin at 2:40 PM, the live-action at 4:50. You can buy tickets for one or both.) We'll probably head out to dine and discuss after the live-action screening. The group always votes for their personal favorites, and it's an annual tradition to be elated or furious when our winner wins or loses the race. Let me know if you want to join us on Saturday... I hope we see you there.

And until then... take care of you!

2012: Looking forward

2012-01-23T18:28:00.000-08:00

Back again! As I was drafting this post, my computer died a horrible death. But the kindly doctors at our local Mac shop were able to revive it (finally.) It's been a challenging couple of weeks, but I'm back with you, and hope to keep up some regular posts from now on. Here's that post from a few weeks ago... and I'll be back tomorrow with more reminders that we ALL should be taking good care of ourselves.

Since I did a post about looking back on 2011, I want to spend some time looking forward, too.

What are your goals for the year?
I'd like to keep on with the goals I made last year. I aim to exercise regularly (at least an hour a day, and I'm aiming for 6 days each week.) I'll strive to eat mindfully, setting up a food plan each week and adhering to it. I've returned to my food journal, and that really helps. I want to keep expanding my freelance writing career. I plan to blog regularly. Tom and I have a schedule in place for our screenwriting projects; before the end of the year, I would like to send out queries to agencies.

What are you looking forward to in 2012?
Over the holiday, I was invited to ~~kidnap~~ babysit my nephew B, my niece J, and my godson (also nephew) C this summer, for as long as I am able. We haven't worked out specifics yet, but I'd like to host them here in Los Angeles for a good long chunk of it. My nephew Z and niece T also expressed an interest in visiting over their spring break. We've already gone mad with ideas for various entertaining outings with all of them. It's going to be a challenge, I'm sure - we don't have kids of our own yet - but one that I'm really excited to undertake.

Are there any big changes on the horizon?
Not that I can see. Last year was full of change, and I am hoping this year will be a year of building on those changes. Of course, so many big changes come by surprise.

Do you have any vacations in the works this year?
We were hoping to make it out to NYC in February, to spend time with family and catch a couple of shows that are on our radar. It's looking less likely, as Tom's on hiatus between shows, and we splurge less during hiatus times. I'm sure we'll swing at least a weekend getaway before he's back and active. And I'm hoping we can take a trip later in the year - we've been talking about Hawaii, Florida or London over the past few years. Of course, considering our house guests this year, we always love playing tourist in our own town. And LA's an excellent place to do that.

Any film/tv/music/book you're looking forward to?
I can't wait for the return of Mad Men. It's been too long!

At the end of the year, what would you like to have accomplished?
Ideally I'd love to be signed with a screenwriting agent. And I'd love to lose another 70 pounds (continuing my progress in a moderate, healthy way.) Also, before I left for Christmas, I saw a very slight woman take her photo opportunity with Richard by holding him up in her arms. When I saw that, I thought, "hey, that's a great goal. By the end of next year, I want to be able to lift Richard Simmons up in my arms." How weird am I?

What small changes can you include in your life right now, to move you in that direction?
My food journal and daily exercise will help me with the weight and strength goals. My daily writing schedule is helping me toward the agency goal.

Imagine it's the end of 2012. Presuming the Mayans were incorrect about the apocalypse (because they were), how would you describe the year in four words or less?
Good rewards for good work.

2011: Looking back

2012-01-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

Hi, everybody. I still exist -- and I'm committed to blogging regularly in the new year.

For starters, here is an end-of-year survey that I try to do every year. It helps me take stock of what I've done, and how far I've come. In 2011, it was pretty far.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I lost my job. I became a freelance writer. I worked with my own clients. I finished a spec script. I started a blog. I reached out for help with my food addiction. I lost 70 pounds. I no longer needed blood pressure medication. I started Supper Club 600.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn't make any specific resolutions, exactly. But I made a lot of strides on two specific paths: the journey to better health, and the journey to a fulfilling creative career. This year, I'd like to keep making goals on those two paths, and following through on them.

3.Did anyone close to you give birth?
My niece was born in March! Also, three friends (Ashley, Aimee & Cindy) and one cousin (Jenny) all had kiddos in 2011.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, but a few people close to me lost loved ones.

5. What countries did you visit?
We stayed close to home this year. It was a year of reflection, of looking inward in all ways.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
I'd love for all of the work I've been doing to come to fruition. I'm down by 70 pounds, but I'm still not fully healthy, not fully strong, not fully capable of the kind of movement I'd like to be doing, so I want to put in the same hard work on my health this year, and see/feel stronger and more agile by the end of 2012. Likewise, I've done a significant amount of screenwriting, and my goal for 2012 is to make that into a full career.

7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Perhaps March 11 - our first Supper Club? Perhaps January 3, when I lost my job (which made possible the amazing year that followed.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I think that my biggest achievement of the year was that it was the most achievement I've ever had in a year. Losing weight and getting stronger; working as a freelancer; writing scripts and starting a blog; cooking healthy food for myself and for my supper club... that's a lot of achievement for one year.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I wouldn't call anything I did this year a failure. I worked extremely hard. My momentum slowed in the fourth quarter, but I do not regret it. I'm a work in progress.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I had surgery in July, and after the recovery, I felt much better.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Healthy food.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Everyone's. I have so many friends who made it through challenges. So many who have helped me make it through mine. I am so grateful for everyone in my life.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
The Hollywood arsonist upset me. I do not understand the impulse to endanger people or their property.

14. Where did most of your money go?
While both of us were unemployed, our money went to the basics. Later on, it went to the things we'd put off while we were only paying the basics.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Slimmons - the strength I got from the workouts, and the support I got from the entire community there, from Richard on down.

16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
Probably Lady Gaga's "Born This Way," in terms of its release, of my sudden awareness of pop music again (from Slimmons) and because it reflects coming to terms with myself, which I did a lot this year.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
Happier. So, so much happier.

b) thinner or fatter?
Thinner. And it was a lot of work - and will continue to be, for the rest of my life.

c) richer or poorer?
Poorer than Dec. 31 2010, but richer than January 31, 2011.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Communicating with my loved ones when I felt off-balance.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Taking it out on myself - or putting myself down - when I felt off-balance.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
I spent time in San Jose with Tom's family, and in Midland with mine. It was a really lovely holiday.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011?
I was already in love with my husband... but I think I actually fell in love with me.

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Modern Family.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I try not to dwell on conflicts with others.

25. What was the best book you read?
Bossypants, by Tina Fey. Totally enveloping, amusing and endearing.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I'm not sure I had one this year. The most recent album in most frequent rotation is probably Book of Mormon.

27. What did you want and get?
Goals fulfilled.

28. What did you want and not get?
The next set of goals fulfilled! Which is OK. They're for this year.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
The Artist, by leaps and bounds.

30. What did you do on your birthday?
I turned 32. I went to a botanical garden with friends. I hosted the first edition of Supper Club 600.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
It was pretty damned satisfying as it was. A random lucky break is always nice - but come to think of it, I actually had one of them.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
I'd call it "Oh crap, I just bought it but it's already baggy." I did the best I could with a limited wardrobe (thanks to the weight loss) and I put outfits together pretty well, considering.

33. What kept you sane?
Tom. Budget spreadsheets. Slimmons. Friends. You.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I don't think there was one I "fancied," but after watching both seasons of Louis C.K.'s show, I'm in professional awe.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Occupy movement - or, more specifically, the ignorant backlash against it - stirred me. Also, the marriage equality debate. (Why is it even a debate?)

36. Who did you miss?
Mom. Always.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
So, so many of them. I met so many wonderful people this year, who became vital to my journey and my life. Among them - Richard, Rochelle, Samantha, Alexa, Joanne and Mia.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
You will feel the most content when you're taking the best care of yourself.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
And so it goes.
This soldier knows
The battle of the heart isn't easily won.
But it can be won.

Bring it on, Adventure Wednesday! Or: I was a plus-sized cheerleader

2011-12-15T12:33:00.000-08:00

Today's post is a rare Multimedia Monday and an Adventure Wednesday combination.

Tom and I are both big fans of Lin-Manuel Miranda - a Wesleyan alum whose Tony award-winning In the Heights was on near-constant rotation in our household for all of 2008. (We saw Miranda star in it twice, once in New York, once in Los Angeles when Miranda performed with the tour as a special engagement.)

So when we found out that he was contributing to a new musical, we got excited. And when the tour of that new musical began in Los Angeles, we knew we had to get tickets to see it. So last Monday, we went to the Ahmanson to see Bring It On: The Musical.

Yes, that's right. Bring It On is now a musical. Or, rather, the franchise built around competitive cheerleading has expanded. The play isn't adapted from the original film - it's clearly inspired by it, but it has its own characters and plot. In this story, the preppy captain of a cheerleading team is redistricted to an urban school across the tracks - a school without any cheerleaders.

I liked the original movie. I have a soft spot for stories about the high school experience, and Bring It On had surprising bite and humor. (Other high school films I enjoy - aside from the obvious 80s ones - include Can't Hardly Wait and Easy A.)

But something about the musical version hit close to home. This version features... a plus-sized cheerleader. (Technically she starts out as a mascot, but she breaks out of her mold.)

And once upon a time, I was a plus-sized teenaged cheerleader. (Technically, I was a pom-pon girl, but outside of former cheerleaders and pom-pon girls, who knows the difference?)

Yes, that's me. I hardly feel like I look plus-sized in that picture, but at the time, my size-16 body seemed enormous to me in comparison with the single-digit sizes that made up the rest of my pom-pon squad. One of the most embarrassing moments in my young life was realizing that there were no pom uniform skirts available in my size. My mom had to take two of the small skirts to the tailor and have them made into one for me.

Maybe it was me - my own hang-ups, my own shyness - that made me feel not a part of the group, either time I was on a pom squad. (Once in eighth grade, once in tenth. I skipped auditioning the other years, because I wanted to focus on theater, journalism and band.) I felt separate. I felt "other." Among the pom and cheer set - with a few friendly exceptions - I felt like a total weirdo. When I was with my goofy theater friends, or editing an article for the paper, I always felt included. My weirdness fit right in.

With many years of retrospect, I'm sure everybody feels weird - even the cheerleaders. High school is tough. (Maybe that's why I like watching it - or writing about it.)

So, no surprise, I enjoyed Bring It On: The Musical. Particularly the music that seemed to come from Lin-Manuel Miranda. The simple pop-style numbers at the preppy school didn't grab me the way that the hip-hop songs at the urban school did. When the main character goes to the first day at her new school, a deep reverberation of the beat sounds out, accompanied by the men's voices shouting "MOOOOOOOVE!" It rips the musical right open. From there it grows into a celebration of personal expression, of crossing lines and being yourself.

The characters grew on me throughout the show, but none more than Bridget, the plus-sized character played by Ryann Redmond.

She's the standard equivalent of the plus-sized-best-friend character, but the writers - and Ryann - bring a lot of spunk to Bridget. As an unconventional quirkster, she fits in better at her new school than her old school, where she joins the dance crew and develops a love interest. It's a lot more for a plus-sized actress to try on than they usually are given, and Redmond wears it well.

It was a pleasant experience at the theater, and for awhile, I thought that might be all it was... that is, until the very end, when an unexpected moment made me cry. The very last dance move - and the most celebratory bird-fly to conformity and coloring inside the lines - was a cheer lift. Coming on the heels of two and a half hours of cheer lifts, that shouldn't be particularly impactful.

But it was a plus-sized cheerleader at the top of the pyramid. And that message - you can do anything you want to do - made sixteen-year-old Heidi (and thirty-two-year-old Heidi) very happy.

The show has left LA, but it's touring across the country, starting in San Francisco and heading to big cities throughout 2012. You should check out the website for dates.

All right. I'll be back with another post soon. Until then - and always - remember that you can do anything. And remember to take care of you.

Weigh-in Tuesday: Slipping up

2011-12-13T13:23:00.001-08:00

I slipped up last week. Literally.

I had planned out a productive and eventful day, which I began with a trip to the mailbox, to sort and manage the bills. It's been unusually cold in Los angeles, so I was wearing my cozy sweater-boot-slippers to keep my feet warm. The day felt full of potential, and I was energized to fulfill it, so I ran up the lobby steps. So eager. So careless.

Until suddenly, everything turned slo-mo. I didn't have my footing, and although everything felt unsettlingly slow, for some reason, I couldn't move my body to react. BAM. My feet were somehow behind me, the rest of me felt jabbing pain.

Somehow I'd managed to simultaneously land on my glasses, my elbow, my breast, my knee, and all of my thigh at the same time. Well, big, stair-shaped stripes of my thigh. My glasses were chipped, twisted up to my eyebrow, which it gashed open. (a shallow gash, fortunately, but it bled nonetheless.). Most of all, my body ached, back twisted and muscles lashed from the impact.

Shaken and in a lot of multi-sourced pain, I pulled myself up and clued the stairs gingerly back to our condo. All the energy and momentum I felt before was completely gone, like it was jarred out of me on impact. On top of that, all I could think about was my Mother's last fall - the camel-straw that brought her life more rapidly to a close. About how much worse this fall could have been, had I taken it last year at this time, 68 pounds heavier. About how much worse it might be if I lose my way on this life-long journey to better health.

I canceled my plans for the day and went back to bed.

Resting was the best choice for me at the time. But the choices that followed? Not so much. A day in bed after a fall turns out very much like a day in bed with a cold. I get bored. And we all know what happens when I'm bored, especially when I'm not feeling well. One less-than-ideal food choice turns into two not-so-great exercise choices turns into ten really-awful moments of negative self-talk. And then I feel even worse. And not surprisingly, that same pound that's been torturing me - the one I had lost last Tuesday - was found again.

Luckily, my weekend was full of previously-scheduled engagements, and when I'm feeling down on myself, nothing helps me see things more clearly than time with friends and loved ones. Today I feel back to normal, with that same momentum I had a week ago. I'm out doing errands and Christmas shopping today, and my gear for Slimmons is packed and in my car (which is currently having an oil change.)

Now, to maintain that momentum for as long as I'm able... And not to be hard on myself when I'm not. That's the real trick. Just gotta take care of me. You take care of you, too.

Multimedia Monday - iSee you!

2011-12-05T17:13:00.001-08:00

Hello from my new iPhone! It arrived this morning shortly after we returned from the airport. We flew in from our weekend with family in Sonoma - more on that in an upcoming post.

I'm posting via the Blogger app, one of a great many with which I'm experimenting. I was warned by several of you that I'd be sucked in by apps, and thus far you've been completely correct.

I've downloaded and played with LiveStrong, IMDb, Facebook, Twitter, and Fandango. I've yet to use Pandora, Amazon or Kindle, but they're in the plans.

Instead of including a list of Short Cuts this week, I thought I'd ask YOU for one!

What are your favorite mobile apps? And why are they worth downloading?

I'm enjoying Tom's last day on hiatus (and he's enjoying his first day ever with a smart phone!)

So I'll be back tomorrow with more bloggery... And next week's Multimedia Monday should include some reviews of the 4S and all the new apps that I hope you'll recommend today!

Til then, as always, take care of you!

Inspired by Miss Piggy on Fashion Friday

2011-12-02T11:43:00.001-08:00

Before I start today's post, have you guys heard about the AdoraOm "New Year, New You" Makeover Contest? You could win a makeover, workout clothes and lunch with the AdoraOm team - and I know from experience that they're terrific ladies who are excellent lunching companions. You find out all the details for entering at their website or their Facebook page.

OK, onto today's post.

Miss Piggy has been a fashion icon of mine for as long as I can remember. She certainly inspired me on Halloween a few years ago.

When we went to see her wardrobe collection at the El Capitan last week, it wasn't too surprising that one of her outfits sparked my fashion creativity. I loved her houndstooth suit.

Ooh la la... Piggy wore this suit while working at French Vogue.

She even had my haircut while she wore it. (Or I had hers. It's not clear.)

Lately, it's helped me to dress for work in the morning before I begin my daily schedule - even though my work is freelance, and I could be in my jammies all day if I wanted. When I snazz it up, it's like I'm making a commitment to being focused and productive in my day. When I saw Piggy's suit, I realized I wanted to work a similar piece from my own wardrobe into my daily wear a little more. So today I'm wearing this more casual - but still put-together - tribute to Piggy's suit.

Blazer by Lane Bryant
Tank shell by JM Collection
Slim-cut jeans by Style&Co
Resin and ribbon necklace by Avenue
Chiffon flower brooch came with the blazer
Boat shoes by Sperry

There are no pearls a la piggy in my wardrobe, but I thought I'd pay tribute to her black-and-pink with the ribbon/resin necklace.

One thing I like especially is the shape of the outfit. The jacket is a little blocky, but because it's an open cut, the body-hugging shell underneath reveals a little more curve. And the slim-cut jeans taper the look, so I'm not one big rectangle. (Likewise, the loafers - new favorites of mine - don't overwhelm the shape, but don't disappear, either.)

This are actually my first pair of slim-cut pants, outside of workout pants, in... I don't know how long, but probably more than 20 years. I found them by spending a few hours trying on every single kind of brand and style and cut at Macy's. It is surprising just how differently each pair fits... but this one fits me like a glove. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I don't really want to go back to boot cuts again. Macy's seems to be out of slim-cut jeans right now, aside from their new "butt lifting technology" ones. I haven't tried those before.

So, what fictional character inspires your wardrobe? (Or what real person, for that matter?) I have another inspirational character, but I'll save her for another Fashion Friday.

**

In other news, I'm feeling better than I was yesterday. The blues seem to have passed, and I'm sure my weekly therapy session helped - as did the support from all of you.

We leave early tomorrow morning for a family gathering. Traveling is always stressful when you're on a plan for healthy living... mostly because you have to be flexible and there isn't always an easy plan in place. Fortunately, we've stocked up on some healthy snacks to take with us, we have activities scheduled, and I have kind relatives looking out for me. I'll let you know how everything goes when I'm back again on Monday. Until then, let's take care of each other - and ourselves. Have a great weekend!

Holiday blues

2011-12-01T14:45:00.001-08:00

I think the holiday blues have arrived.

Thanksgiving has come and gone - and it's a little late to be posting about it, but today's the first day I got to it, so here it is.

My Thanksgiving was... well, it was fine, I guess. I enjoyed spending time with our guests, my mother-in-law and our friend Alexa, especially when we watched a few episodes of the show Tom's editing.

Our Thanksgiving table

But something our friend Josh had mentioned in class before Thanksgiving really hit home with me. Now that I'm a recovering food addict, holiday eating is - frankly - stressful. It used to be joyful. It used to be one of the rare times in my life that I ate happily... or, rather, I overate happily. Perhaps it was because I always had company. Perhaps it was because the holiday food is always so delicious. Perhaps the warm feelings of the holiday were mainlined into my system via food. Perhaps because in my mother's kitchen, food was love.

Now... food is fuel. Tasty fuel, mind you, but fuel nonetheless. And that made my holiday eating feel kind of... empty. It's hard to explain.

Since I was making much of our food (I covered the cranberries, the low-cal pumpkin pie, the butternut squash, the stuffing and the turkey; Tom made the root veggies, the green beans and the Brussels sprouts) I had control over what was served. I planned fewer dishes - and smaller, less-heavy ones - than we usually make, and adjusted the recipes. I cut down the use of butter by about 300%. And I tasted it.

This is everything I ate for Thanksgiving dinner, save for a piece of my low-cal pumpkin pie and a glass of sparkling cider.

I didn't have any desire to eat more than one plate of the food. Which is healthy, I know. But without it, I was bummed. I missed that butter. I missed having lots of leftovers. Each dish fit into single-serving tupperware, with room to spare. It was all gone by dinner the following day. I was living that joke from Annie Hall. "Two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, 'Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.' The other one says, 'Yeah, I know; and such small portions.'"

Don't get me wrong. I know the food wasn't terrible. But it wasn't emotional. And I missed that. Maybe someday I'll be able to balance bringing in some positive emotion about food without going overboard. For now, I'm just worried about how to handle the upcoming family events - starting this weekend - when I'm not in charge of the menu.

I'm a bit blue today, and I don't quite know why.

The Santa Ana winds are blowing in, knocking out power across town - but other than the damage I do, I really enjoy them. A rare moment of weather in Los Angeles.

Yesterday we were out in the afternoon and evening. Tom wanted to enjoy the holiday offerings at Disneyland while he was on his hiatus, so we went around to the various Christmas-themed things (Small World Holiday, the parade and fireworks, etc.) to get in the spirit. I had a nice time, and made food choices that were in-line with my plan. (I did have dessert - part of a pumpkin yule log - and per Richard's recommendation, I'm allowing myself one dessert each week.)

But I saw something yesterday that I still can't shake. We were boarding pirates with a woman in a wheelchair who reminded me of my mom. The struggle to move her from the chair to the boat was one that was all too familiar to me. It reminded me of recurring nightmare I have, where we're in peril and I'm unable to transport Mom to safety.

I suppose maybe I'm blue because I turned the Christmas music on - or I turned the Christmas music on because I'm blue. Because I'm missing her. Because Christmas really was her time of year.

There's so much to be un-blue about, though. My friends and family. My time with Tom this week - my life with Tom, for that matter. My writing, both personal creative and professional freelance. My health, and how much it's improved over the last year. Funny thing about that word, "improved"...

Thanks to Bella of Bella on the Beach, I'm considering participating in a month-long blog carnival of sorts, called WEverb11. And today's question is:

December 1: Choose one word.
Encapsulate the year 2011 in one word. Explain why. Imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2012 for you?

That would would be "improvement." This year, I've improved my health, my strength, my ability to cook, the way I handle my food addiction. I've improved my freelance career (and definitely improved my life by leaving the interactive marketing behind.) I've improved my blog. I've improved my creative writing. And I've improved my overall happiness. This is probably the year I've been most proud of.

Next year's word, I hope, is "achievement." I'd like to continue toward the goals that I actively began seeking this year, in health, in career, in family. And I'm hoping to be closer to achieving them next year than I am this year. I'm certainly closer this year than last, by miles.

Or maybe the word for both years should be "care." I'm putting so much care into my life. I'm taking care. And almost every day, I remind you to take care.

That reminds me: take care of you today.

Adventure Wednesday with The Muppets!

2011-11-30T11:27:00.001-08:00

It's time to play the music. It's time to light the lights! It's time to go see The Muppets, if you haven't already, because it's pretty damn good. The best Muppet movie since the 1980s. For today's Adventure Wednesday, I take you along on our trip to see the movie, Hollywood-style.

Having finished all of my preparation for Thanksgiving by Wednesday afternoon, Tom and I found ourselves with an uncharacteristically open night before our holiday guests arrived for dinner, so we booked tickets to see the movie opening night at the best possible viewing location -- the El Capitan.

The El Cap marquee, all lit up

This turned out to be especially fun, because El Cap is in the film, as the location of "Muppet Studios." (In real life, the Henson studios are actually on La Brea north of Sunset, in Charlie Chaplin's former studio space, but the Muppets are now owned by Disney, the owner of the El Capitan.)

The real Henson Studios has a tribute to Kermit and Chaplin - the statue of Kermit AS Chaplin.
Photo via Henson Studios

We love going to the El Cap. It's a more expensive ticket than your usual theater, but then, it has so much more to offer than your usual theater does.

Here's the side of the theater, with the nearby Animal billboard.

It may only be a mile away from our home, but we rarely get over to the tourist district (with Grauman's Chinese among other attractions.) There's always something strange and amusing to see there, and going to the El Cap gives us a good excuse to people-watch. Or pet-watch.

For instance, we spotted this very recalcitrant cat being walked - or tugged - on a leash.

The El Cap is also fun because it is such a beautifully restored historical theater. I'm a fan of old theaters, and this is one of the best restorations ever done.

Here's the ceiling above the ticket box and entryway.

And unlike most old theaters, it has a Wurlitzer organ that is in good working condition -- and their organist plays a set before every show! There's nothing like seeing a movie like Pirates of the Caribbean or Lady and the Tramp or The Muppets, (all which we've seen there) and hearing its theme song pour out of the pipes before the movie even starts.

The organist at play.

Plus, whatever is playing at the El Cap, Disney always brings in special displays or events that tie into the movie. This one was no exception, and it was one of the reasons I most wanted to see The Muppets at the El Capitan. They included a pre-show holiday sing-along with a live performance by Kermit and Piggy.

KERMIT AND PIGGY!

Now, I know - and I hope you know I know - that they aren't really people. But... I'd never seen the puppets in action, actually being puppeted in front of me. The holiday sing-along with them was worth the ticket price alone.

My inner two-year-old (and my outer thirty-two-year-old) was totally geeked out by the real Kermit and Piggy, in person.

After the sing-along, we enjoyed the audience's giddy reaction to the pending movie. When the reel didn't roll right away, some fella behind us started doing a Statler/Waldorf impression. It was spot-on and made everyone laugh.

The film was preceded with a Toy Story short that was so packed with laughs from stem to stern that I am pretty sure I need to see it again to catch everything I missed.

Finally, The Muppets began, and I was amused (and kind of moved) that there was as much cheering by our fellow adults in the audience as we'd heard from the tweens seeing Twilight. I'm reminded, with the second coming of these felted weirdos, that I'm not alone in my love for them.

Especially when it comes to Jason Segel, the writer and star of the movie. I was a little worried the film would be jaded and a touch ironic, as is the 'Apatow' style from which he sprung up to stardom. But the movie was filled with real heart, and lots of funny laughs.

I'm a musical fan, and the music numbers did not disappoint. I loved several of them, but my favorite by far was "Man or Muppet," which I hope like hell will be nominated for an Academy Award. There's a terrific cameo for the song, which totally surprised me - I was deeply tickled by it. I'm not spoiling it for you, and you should try to stay unspoiled.

It was fun to spot the hotel on the corner of our street, in its own cameo as Amy Adams' and Jason Segel's hotel room. (I was hoping there would be an exterior shot, but alas, no.)

Once the credits were done rolling (you should stay for them, btw) we headed downstairs for the special exhibit of Miss Piggy's wardrobe from the film - yet another benefit of the El Cap screening.

My favorite was this Zac Posen number. He designs so well for curves!

We didn't realize - I don't think they advertised - that there was also a photo op backdrop down there, plus the Muppet portraits from the film, and some sets and props, too!

Blissed out after the movie.

Tom in front of Kermit's office, complete with his "Standard Rich & Famous Contract"

Me with Miss Piggy's dressing room. I'm holding the Muppets popcorn bucket that came with our VIP tickets.

From there, we headed out through Disney's Soda Fountain, the combination gift shop/restaurant connected to the theater. (You can't exit a Disney ride without exiting through the gift shop, yo.) They had a ton of Muppet merchandise.

They had a whole display just for Animal!

They also sold Muppet Whatnot sets - and though I'd really like one, I'd rather wait until I can assemble my own
at the FAO Schwarz in New York - or if it finally comes to Disneyland, as is rumored.

They even sold the OPI Muppet nail polish series - but I decided not to buy any, in favor of another souvenir I had my eye on.

Sporting my cozy new Kermie hat.

We loved the experience... and we loved the movie, which we'd like to see again while it's still in theaters. (Having had the full El Cap experience, we'll opt for a cheaper theater this time. Once is worth it, but once is enough.)

If you're local and you love Muppets, definitely consider checking it out at the El Capitan... and if you're not local, you should try to catch the movie in theaters. It's a love letter to the original fans, and a cheery introduction for new ones.

OK. I'll be back again mahna-mañana (wocka-wocka), and til then, take care of you!

Media Monday... Movies, Movies, Movies!

2011-11-29T15:49:00.001-08:00

It's already Tuesday, and I missed Monday, so I'm including a quick post of short cuts, all about the movies we saw this weekend!

We always do a movie day on Thanksgiving weekend. By the end of November, the Oscar films are starting to pour into the theaters, and we're usually so busy that we're playing catch-up with them. It started on our very first Thanksgiving together (Kinsey, Finding Neverland, Saw, Sideways) and has continued every year. This year, we caught five great films!

The Muppets. Major love. More on this tomorrow, for Adventure Wednesday!
The Artist. An absolute must-see if you're a fan of silent films... and even if you aren't. Take a dash of Singin' In the Rain, a pinch of A Star Is Born, and you have a story about the silent age of cinema told... in the style of the silent age of cinema. There's some really indelible imagery in the film, and it's created in the vintage-retro aesthetic that I love. Plus, the two leads seem as if they were plucked from the 1930s. Hollywood just doesn't make actors - or movies - like this anymore... but it seems France can.
Hugo. Two films in a row that are love letters to classic cinema - though I didn't really expect it of this Scorcese children's pic when I first saw the trailer. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but it's a slow but immersive jaunt to France that entertains while it pleads for the preservation of film. This actually may be my favorite Scorcese film.
Arthur Christmas. The most benign of the bunch, but a pleasant watch nonetheless. I usually expect more of Ardman (the Wallace & Gromit studio) but it's still much better than many animated films.
We Bought A Zoo. It was playing in a "sneak preview" (the kind you buy tickets for, not the kind you're selected for.) I wasn't expecting much, because Cameron Crowe hasn't interested me since Almost Famous... but I was totally won over by the film, the characters, the actors, and the depth of feeling. I won't lie. I cried - a lot. I loved it.

We've also been seeing more and more of our own script. With Tom home this week, we've been going gangbusters, and it keeps getting better and better. Thanks also to a long discussion over dinner with my mother-in-law this weekend, we having been looking into a new avenue for the main character that has been fun and exciting to research. Woo-hoo!

On Weigh-In Tuesday, weighing in on Cleveland's obese foster child

2011-11-29T14:10:00.001-08:00

I'm weighing in today, with the number on the scale, and with my opinions. Specifically, my opinions about what makes weight loss harder, what makes it easier, and how my experiences relate to the case of Cleveland's obese foster child.

First: Hormones & The Long Haul
When I hopped on the scale last Tuesday, I was up. By a pound. Again. I hadn't eaten terribly, but I still wasn't logging what I ate, and my exercise had slowed a bit. It's very frustrating to confront my challenges again and again and again. I try to remember that this is a life-long journey, not a race. I remind myself that so long as I'm committed to taking care of me, speed does not matter - only persistence. It's hard not to feel frustrated.

Aware of my frustration, my mother-in-law recently pointed me to an article in the LA Times. Apparently, a medical study found that "subjects who shed weight on a low-calorie diet were hungrier than when they started and had higher levels of hormones that tell the body to eat more, conserve energy and store away fuel as fat." Even a year later, the subjects' appetite hormones hadn't returned to normal. The good news is that perhaps the study will help scientists find a way to help those who've lost weight maintain their loss. The bad news is that until then, those of us who are struggling to maintain or lose more after an initial loss... we just have to fight what our bodies are telling us, keep active, and stay on our journey as best as we can.

Second: The Team Approach
Tom's been home since last Wednesday night - for Thanksgiving plus a week of work hiatus (he goes back next Monday - and I'm reminded what a difference it makes being one of a team on this journey. While he's working, we're still a great team... but I'm alone in making our dinners, planning our menus, doing our grocery shopping, cooking for myself. I go to the gym alone. To Slimmons alone. (I see dear friends there, but it's not the same as arriving with my best friend.) And since I'm a freelance writer, I work at home alone.

But since Wednesday, it's been much easier to do everything I was struggling to do. We've cooked together. We've exercised together. We planned our meals and grocery-shopped and discussed our plans. We've also done a lot of work together. It supports the very first thing that Richard Simmons ever said to Tom and I. He said, "you have to do this together, or it doesn't work."

Together with Tom, I was able to come back down a pound - even on Thanksgiving week. Soon I hope to be back to my 70 total lost, and move on from there. But I have to be patient with myself, and I have to be pretty vigilant, thanks to hormones that are constantly telling me I'm hungry. I never used to feel this way.

On the Cleveland Situation
Perhaps you haven't heard yet, but there's a debate swirling around a Cleveland social worker's decision to remove a child from his parents' custody because he was obese. The child was an honor student and involved in activities at his school, but he is now staying with foster parents.

Apparently, the state worker was trying to work with the parents, but claims that they weren't following doctors' orders. The parents dispute that claim, that they bought him a bicycle and were working with him.

The Cleveland Plain Dealer article includes this quote from the mother: "Of course I love him. Of course I want him to lose weight. It's a lifestyle change, and they are trying to make it seem like I am not embracing that."

The article also states that the mother is overweight herself, and that when she "found out that other kids and a sibling might be giving her son extra food, she tried to put a stop to it."

It sounds to me like the family was torn. I don't know the specifics of the situation aside from the story, but all I can think about is how the Team Approach helps everything. And if a sibling - or a struggling mother - isn't doing everything they can to help their loved one (or worse, actively sabotaging them), then it's going to be that much harder for their loved one to succeed.

One other quote from the article stuck out to me - it flashed like a blinking red light. "Last year, the boy lost weight but in recent months began to gain it back rapidly."

It sounds to me like the foster child from Cleveland - like the scientific study suggests - has his appetite hormones out of whack after a weight loss. It's hard for me to control myself in this situation as an adult. How much harder would it be for an eight-year-old? Without his parents? Without his friends, in a new school, with life upside-down? I know how my eight-year-old self would have handled it. Hell, I know how my twenty-eight-year-old self would have handled it. I'd eat.

Is it sad that an eight-year-old is over 200 pounds, and suffers from sleep apnea? Certainly. Does it need to be addressed? Yes. Are the parents responsible? Absolutely, to the extent that they are able to control their son.

But does the child need to be removed from their custody? I'd say no.

While he's in danger for future comorbidities from obesity, he only has apnea, and has been treated for it. While a parent can encourage and schedule healthy eating and exercise, there is nothing they can do to stop their child from, say, buying crap at school. Stopping at a convenience store on the way home. Swapping their healthy apple for processed junk from friends. I cite these three examples because they are, in fact, things I did as an overweight child. I remember that our cafeterias had some good salads... but candy, sugary sodas and fresh-baked cookies (3 for a dollar!) were sold at our high school store. Other kids didn't have a problem resisting them... but I did. I know there were others like me, too.

So, what can we do? How can we help this generation of children get healthy, and stay healthy?

For starters, while this branch of the government is removing obese children from their parents, other branches are approving french fries and pizza as vegetables. (Not even veggie pizza, people. Any pizza with tomato paste - a tiny fraction of what goes into a pizza's calories.) It's Regan and ketchup all over again. Nobody's banning food advertisements. How many late-night tacos were born of TV commercial taunting? Who, as a kid, didn't want to go to McDonald's to get the latest toy? Why are we still allowing it to happen?

The answers lie even beyond the ridiculousness of school cafeterias food and marketing. But they're not easily addressed.

It would help if there wasn't such a stigma attached to being overweight. Shame is often a chief reason for overeating - a vicious circle I was trapped in for years.

It would help if there wasn't such a stigma around therapy. Everyone can use guidance. Nobody is "normal." And it's the very thing that helped me begin to address my health.

It would help if sports - especially competitive sports - weren't jammed down every kid's throat. I have no hand-eye coordination. I wasn't strong. And I was scared of every ball ever thrown at me in gym class. I was never taught to kick the kickball. I was tossed aside on the no-cut basketball team. And I was forever losing every race. The lack of positive reinforcement from teachers taught me to hate gym class. The negative taunting from my classmates taught me to fear exercise. So, for a long time, I didn't do it. I didn't realize that the dancing I loved as a kid could be good exercise as an adult. I didn't know that the swimming that made me so happy on vacation could make my every pool workout feel like a vacation. Not every kid is a softball star... and not every kid wants to be. Maybe parents (maybe even schools) should consider an activity program for those kids who are averse to sports.

It would help if parents who struggled with disordered eating would do everything they could to address their own habits before passing them along to their children. And that, my friends, is what I'm doing right now.

To the kiddo from Cleveland: I hope you find your way back to your family, and that they can be a united team to help support you. And I hope that they, along with the others around you, can help you to learn to take good care of yourself.

And everybody reading this: I hope that you're taking good care of you, too.

Week in a day.

2011-11-18T13:08:00.001-08:00

Between vacation recovery, freelance work and... I dunno, sometimes I feel kind of hermit-y... I didn't blog at all last week. But it's never too late to do anything. So, I present:

WEEK IN A DAY.

Media Monday:
Countdown to the Muppets is hitting single-digits.

Is anyone else tired of Fake Amy Sedaris as the spokesperson holiday-shopper for Target? (I'd never be sick of Real Amy Sedaris.)

I'm not embarrassed to say that I looked forward to Twilight. Not because I particularly like the series, but because Tom and I enjoy a good ironic watching... plus, it's our tradition to watch the fans freak out.

Weigh-in Tuesday:
I was down 2 pounds last week. Between very good exercising and cooking for myself, I have felt like taking care of myself. But after the weigh-in, the week felt like a harder fight. More on that soon. In other news, I just read another weight loss blogger comment upon her "before" pictures. She called herself disgusting. I'd like to say to my before pictures: thanks, baby. You are strong, and you're starting out on a journey that is neither easy nor short-term. And you don't deserve any negative self-talk, any more than I do. (We are actually the same person.)

Adventure Wednesday:
Had a wonderful time celebrating my anniversary with Tom. He took me to dinner at The Little Door. The space was beautifully designed, the food was creatively cooked, and the celebrity-spotting was amusing, what with Ricky Schroeder (yes, Silver Spoons Ricky Schroeder) seated around the corner from us at the bar as we awaited our table. Our weekend writing retreat was fun and productive, and the plot is really taking shape.

Themeless Thursday:
I finally caught the weight loss documentary, Fat Sick and Nearly Dead. I'd been putting it off, because I was a little nervous that the film - which advocates juice fasting - would convince me that I should try to lose my weight rapidly, as do the subjects of the film.

As it turns out, it didn't convince me of that, because my own convictions and experiences with weight loss and motivation were strong enough to feel secure in my own path. I think the juice fast might be very helpful to 'reset' the palates of people who eat a lot of junk food and very little produce. I, however, eat a lot of produce, and have not eaten junk food in... wow, I just realized. In a week, it'll be 11 MONTHS since I've had fast food. And I don't purchase processed junk food, and try to limit processed non-junk food.

The side effects of rapid weight loss - like mental disconnection and hair loss, both of which I've already experienced at my relatively slow pace - makes me think that if I tried to lose weight any faster, I'd make myself incredibly sick. So my goal is to continue on the path I've already plotted out... but with the possible addition of a home juicer, so I can add some additional veggie nutrients to my daily intake. I really do enjoy it, and my body seems to respond well, too.

I don't own a machine yet, but I do pick up the occasional serving of freshly-pressed
veggie juice as a treat. Isn't my carrot-ginger juice vivid and pretty?

Fashion Friday
I tried my AdoraOm outfit in action for the first time, while working out at Slimmons. The pants were possibly the most comfortable ones I've ever worn while active. I'd never had flat-seamed exercise pants before, and I was doubtful that it would really make a difference. IT DID. (I do wish the rise on the pants would be a little higher, but that's not a deal-breaker.) The shirt was very cute and I got plenty of compliments on it. The only down-side was that it would ride up a little when I lifted my arms, but I know they company has been very active at soliciting feedback, and I'm sure that it'll only get better from there. Considering how great I felt after the workout - how well it cooled, supported, and wicked away sweat - anything else is gravy!

Here I am, in my AdoraOm outfit, accessorized with Richard in a tutu.

OK. I feel better for having blogged. How are you feeling? Are you taking care of you?

Fashion Friday: one skirt, two ways!

2011-11-11T16:06:00.001-08:00

Happy Friday! And it's a particularly happy Friday for me. It's the seventh anniversary of my first date with Tom.

Last night, in the elevator on the way up to our condo, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat. I asked him what tickled him so, and he let on that he'd gotten "a little something" for me, to celebrate. Oh, no! I hadn't gotten him anything, but he assured me that it was really for both of us. When we got to our door, the package was waiting for him. "That was fast," I said. "Depends how you look at it," he replied.

Turns out that it was a "little something" - a zip drive. He secretly went to our wedding photographer - the amazing Kat Foley - and purchased the digital rights to all of our wedding photographs. We've been married four and a half years, and we never managed to squeak it in the budget. I was so surprised! Bowled over. I'll share more later, but for now, here's one to tide you over:

Look ma, no hands! (Otherwise known as the most dangerous photo I've ever been in.)

Today's Fashion Friday post will have to be quick -- tonight Tom's taking me to a surprise dinner (he won't say where) and then tomorrow morning, we take off for an all-weekend writing retreat together!

**

I'm in love with a skirt.

I'm always on the lookout for full, swingy skirts -- they are my favorite. And I'd been wanting to add a chambray piece to my wardrobe this fall. Chambray always looks so smart, and is so versatile. So when I saw this swingy chambray number at eShakti, I pounced.

Still available, from size 0 to 26, at eShakti.

I can't stop wearing it, so I thought I'd show you two different outfits I've built around it.

This one, which I wore during the Reagan Library outing, was warm & comfy.
Sweater via Nordstrom Rack
Tank top by JM, via Macy's
Scarf via Nordstrom Rack
Belt via OneStopPlus
Leggings by Lane Bryant
Boots by Comfortview

Alternate view, plus Kate Spade purse, plus friends

The second version on the outfit comes with a bonus hat! Our awesome friend Samantha had a hat party for her birthday, and we all wore our best chapeaus for the occasion.

Sweater by Jessica London
Blouse by Lane Bryant
Hat is vintage, via Junk For Joy in Burbank
Bracelet is vintage, via Dazzles in Palm Springs
Friends are gorgeous, and priceless.

I thought I oughta show you Tom's duds for the day, too - since he cleans up so well.
That's his best fedora, and his grandfather's vintage jacket.

That Tom. After being so thoughtful and setting up our romantic/creative weekend, he even got mooshy on Facebook.

Honestly. I'm every bit head-over-heels as I tumbled on this day, seven years ago.

Please take care of you this weekend - and take care of your loved ones, too! I'm off to take smother mine with kisses. Mwah, mwah, mwah!

On a roll... and in the kitchen with Salmon Rolls

2011-11-10T11:22:00.001-08:00

I cannot begin to tell you how much better I am feeling this week. I don't fully understand it... the previous several weeks were filled with fatigue, depression, and the less-than-helpful choices that come with fatigue and depression. I was skipping exercise classes. I was adding to my portion size. And I was feeling downright crappy. I could hardly talk about it - even when I tried.

But I tried to put tiny actions into place... good, healthy ways of self-care. Solid rest. Menu-planning. Healthy snacks in moderation. Between all of that and the breathing revelation at therapy last week, things just seemed to come together. Mindful eating, regular exercise, writing, blogging, chores... I'm on a roll.

A salmon roll, you might say. Well, maybe I'm not on a salmon roll, but I'm totally eating a salmon roll snack, a few times a week. I started at the beginning of October, as a way to tuck a little extra protein and veg into my weekend in Palm Springs. It's simple, quick and tasty, and I liked it so much that I've added it to my repertoire.

All it takes is a little smoked salmon, Laughing Cow Sun-Dried Tomato & Basil, and some fresh crunchy veg.

Lay out an ounce of the salmon, and open up one wedge of the cheese.

Spread a half of one wedge onto the salmon.

Lay one or two strips of crunchy veg at the far end of the fish.

Roll it carefully toward you.

Wha-la! You can either eat it as a hand-roll...

...or use a serrated knife to carefully slice it like a roulade. Some of your pieces will be very pretty.

Some of your pieces may be pretty ugly.

No matter, it's all ending up in the same place! And it's tasty. The tomato Laughing Cow reminds me of the sun-dried tomato cream cheese at Noah's Bagels (if you're on the west coast, or Einstein Bros. if you're elsewhere.) And it's such a quick fix that it makes the perfect pick-me-up in the afternoon.

What is your favorite pick-me-up? And are you taking care of you? I hope so!

Adventure Wednesday at Reagan Library

2011-11-09T19:37:00.000-08:00

Before I start, I just want to thank all of you for your support and outreach after yesterday's post. I have been struggling, but this week has been leaps and bounds better. More on that in an upcoming post, because today is Wednesday, and it's time for some Adventure!

I don't really talk politics on this blog. It's not that I don't think about politics (though when I was younger, it was more of a focus.) But politics is a fraught topic, and this blog is about the joy of living healthfully and creatively. They go together like peanut butter and liverwurst. (Except if you're my brother, who actually likes that.)

For the record - though you probably already know - I'm progressive/liberal with a basic belief that we shouldn't adhere to just one school of thought (capitalism, socialism, et al) because they keep each other in check. Plenty of my friends and family members are conservative, and that suits me just fine, because, again, we keep each other in check. In general, one really must consider perspective.

Take, for instance, my pal Erik. Among our group of cohorts, he's one of the more conservative. In another group of his friends, he's the hippie-dippy liberal. So I found it apt and amusing that he took all of us - those to the left and those to the right of him - to the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library for his birthday.

We tend toward the rollicking when we're out and about, so I tried to be on my best behavior and keep the inappropriate jokes inside my head (or save them for targets who'd find them amusing) while visiting the museum that pays tribute to the 40th President of the United States: The Gipper.

Photo taken by my friend Audra

I'll admit, it was a little challenging to do that during the first multimedia presentation. It was very much like a movie trailer. They even said something like, "one man braved the challenges..." One of our friends cracked, in a Don LaFontaine voice, "IN A WORLD..."

But I'm getting ahead of myself. We met up in the front garden of the grounds, just past the entrance. I'd never been to Simi Valley, and I didn't realize how beautiful the view from the library would be.

Vista from the meeting place.

It was nice to see a piece of the Berlin wall, which was donated to the museum. Talk about symbolic contrast... the other side was totally bare except for the letter "E" (we presume for "East.")

Photo by Audra.

We started off with a little lunch at Reagan's Country, the cafe inside the library. There was a nice range of options, including a barbecue chicken salad (with dressing on the side) which I enjoyed alongside a diet Snapple tea.


I don't know why my leg is pointed, but I like that we can see my cool kicks. More on my outfit this Fashion Friday. By the way, this, and the rest of these photos, were taken by Tom.

I spotted Reagan's favorite food quirk - jelly beans - for sale, and I couldn't resist picking up a bag for the group. (There were jars of jellybeans tucked around the museum, and for sale in the gift shop as well.) You'll see them on the table in the photo below.

The birthday boy enjoys his lunch. And some jellybeans.

I don't know what Audra is gesticulating about, but check out that VIEW!

The museum included a mix of Reagan's personal and political history, plus some general presidential-type fun, like a chance to stand at a podium and experience the phenomenon of teleprompting. Did you know that teleprompters are basically a version of Pepper's Ghost, my favorite old-timey theatrical trick (and the technology behind the Haunted Mansion?)

I take my podium seriously.

There were several interactive displays. Our group got high marks on the etiquette quiz, and were very confused by the lack of explained consequences of our "break through regulations" game, in which we used a slingshot to break up things like business monopolies. (We had video of it, but alas, it has been lost in the ether.)

We also took a stroll through a recreation of the Reagan Oval Office. Did you know that they redesigned it in unusual rust/coral color scheme to remind them of their southwestern ranch home?

Everything's a reproduction but the chair. The docent said after his presidency,
Reagan enjoyed coming to the library and sitting in his old chair.
Guests would commend them on their excellent Reagan impersonator.

The star of the exhibit, for me, was the decomissioned Air Force One, which we were able to walk through (but not photograph.) We did get some fun shots of the outside (and some people purchased the souvenir photograph they took of us at the gate. I'll post that in an update, later.)

The gang, admiring the tail.

Tom - in a bowling shirt that would come in handy later - looking dapper in front of the 27000.

My favorite of the batch - let's call it "View Beneath the Wing."

How often do you get to stand this close to the bottom of an airplane?
Let alone a presidential one.

From here, our camera battery gave up the ghost, so we missed photographing wonderous things like the very 1980s orange sherbet push-up pop I purchased in the Reagan "pub," plus Nancy Reagan's Second-hand Rose outfit, and the official Just Say No Board Game (still available on eBay, people!)

Thus, we missed out on photos of our dinner at a local pizza restaurant (which had the nicest salad bar I've seen at a non-salad-bar-centric restaurant - they even had jicama!) or our post-dinner bowling... at an alley that looked very much like the one in my hometown. One forgets just how much exercise one can get while bowling. Especially when you're speed-bowling, which is the new sport we just invented. (I think we invented it, anyway.)

Our time with friends was very refreshing... but I have to admit, that much time in a museum honoring a conservative president made my liberal brain feel a tad itchy. Tom's too. Partway through the museum, he whispered to me, "Can we do something really liberal when we're done here?" We pondered through an amusing array of options, but finally decided that the best thing to do would be to donate to Obama's campaign. So we did.

All right! I think I've fulfilled my politics quota for... ever. A big thanks to Erik for organizing our fun day with the Gipper, and to all our friends, who are awesome and amusing and supportive and fun.

And to you. I hope you're taking good care of you. I'll be back tomorrow to tell you about some of the ways I've been doing it this week. 'Til then!

I stopped breathing.

2011-11-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

Last week in therapy, I stopped breathing.

I didn't even realize it.

We were talking about why I think I'm stuck here at 300 (yes, I'm back to 300. Making it only 66 pounds lost this year.) We were going over the things that happened when I first hit this weight.

**

It was 2001. I had just graduated from college. The end of most people's higher education seems to take the shape of soaring crescendo. Mine looked like that pathetic "waaah-waaaaah" of a trumpet that signals ineptitude on a game show. It started looking pretty shaky when my heart was broken (and I mean smashed - and I mean, for years) around semester break, but I pushed through to March for my senior thesis, directing a one-act play by Madeleine George called The Most Massive Woman Wins. The four wonderful ladies in the cast kept me going, along with my roommate, tech director and all-around best friend, Matt.

But when that was over... well, what did I have left? No more theater. No love interest in my life. No clue what to do after school ended. And according to my senior audit, I had two more semesters of school left. Turns out when you're in two different colleges within one big university, they sometimes require 50 extra credits of you, even when you've otherwise fulfilled all of your degree requirements.

There was no final internship or real-world job-search for me after "walking" in my cap and gown. Instead, I spent the spring and summer in Ann Arbor. Other than the first and only math of my college career (an advanced statistics class which my adviser mistook for an introductory class) I decided to take a full slate of film classes, because that's what sounded compelling. (On the up-side, 50 credits of it-doesn't-matter-what-you take did point me in the right direction for my career and eventual move to Los Angeles.)

On my way into that very last final - the inappropriately non-introductory stats - I prayed to any deity that would listen: LET ME OUT OF HERE. I wanted to get to California immediately, but I had no money. So after I passed stats-for-not-beginners, I did what haunts the dreams of all college graduates... I moved back in with my parents.

I love my parents. You know I love my parents. My parents know I love my parents. They are terrific people. They helped me save up money to get a car and a down payment on an apartment, and even loaned me a little extra in case the temp jobs didn't kick in right away. Despite my mom's ill health and my quest for a career in an industry that's breakneckingly competitive at best, they even encouraged me to follow my dreams. My dad even drove with me across country with a truck full of my belongings, toward a city thousands of miles away where no job, family, friends or even apartment awaited. They are/were GREAT PARENTS.

But if you put a 22-year-old, who has lived on her own for four years, back in her parents' house... everybody's in for quite a shock. Those eight months in Midland were possibly some of my darkest. I temped as an office assistant at the Company Town's company from 8 to 5, and then I sequestered myself into my childhood bedroom between the hours of 6 and 8 to watch the first syndicated showings of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on a tiny TV. Around 8, depending on the day, I might or might not have staggered bleary-eyed into the living room. Or kitchen. Definitely the kitchen.

I was lonely. For my friends. For Ann Arbor, and all its Culture and its cultures, and everything it represented. For freakin' sushi. (Oh, timing -- Midland didn't open its first Japanese restaurant until six months after I moved to LA.) I was lonely for my freedom.

Wonderful though my parents were, being back in their home meant being back under their rules. There was a curfew. There was no heading out to a bar alone, which wasn't my style anyway, but I was desperate for some socializing. My one close friend in the area was a bride-to-be/on her honeymoon/a newlywed, and though she was lovely and kind, there's only so much wedded bliss a single bridesmaid can take. Except for Willow and Xander - and they were fictional - I felt very, very alone. (Side note: little did I know that my future husband felt the exact same way at the exact same time.)

So I ate. And I ate. I ate at the first hint of heartbreak in my senior year, ordering the first of many 2 AM deliveries of Pizza House pepperoni breadsticks and milkshakes with my roommate. I ate during my thesis - a play set in a liposuction clinic - having baked Valentine's cupcakes for no Valentine in particular. I ate when we found the Girl Scouts special edition Samoa ice cream. ("Please, sir, I want Samoa," we joked.) I ate sushi when I left the Ann Arbor for the last time. I really ate in Midland. Fast food. Slow food. My parents' food. My own stash. Sometimes all in the same night. Brazenly, not caring who saw me. Secretly, not wanting to share. Not wanting to be judged. I ate.

**

I was finishing this thought when my therapist interrupted me. "I'm sorry, but I really have to ask you to breathe."

What?

I had been expressing all of that pent-up sadness -- and anger, my therapist tells me -- and I had no idea that I'd been hyperventilating the whole time. I took a breath. I tried to make it a deep one. It seemed impossible.

**

Since my therapy session last week, the concept keeps popping up again and again in my brain.

In my life, I have gained so much weight that I now cannot breathe at night without the help of a machine.

When I binged, I binged until I could hardly breathe. And I certainly couldn't move well without breathing well.

When I exercise, I exhale. I breathe out emotional smoke - from the embers of suppressed anger, into which I can so rarely tap.

To fully take care of myself, I must leave enough room to breathe. In my stomach. In my schedule. In my heart.

Today, I will do that by posting on this blog - because holding my words back here is holding me back. I will do that by planning my food, preparing my food, and eating my food mindfully. I will do that by sweating at Slimmons, focusing each breath to release of whatever it is inside of me, blocking my progress.

I hope you'll take care of you today. And I hope you'll breathe.

Supper Club Potluck: Halloween Edition

2011-11-02T13:12:00.000-07:00

Have you been to one of my Supper Clubs? If you haven't - or if you haven't read about them on here - I explain them in my FAQ section. Basically, it's a dinner party with friends, which I plan and create... and I always keep the entire meal below 600 calories per serving.

So far, the fare at Supper Club 600 has been a product of my own test kitchen (with or sans Tom, depending on how busy his job is during planning phase.) It's been great for me because I don't do well when I'm bored, and a regularly-scheduled bimonthly Supper Club keeps me in forward motion, learning new skills in the kitchen, and always trying new things.

But due to some unusual scheduling, I did four consecutive months of SC600, and it exhausted me to the point that I knew if I didn't take a break, I would get burned out on a fun project that has challenged me and fulfilled me in such important ways.

When friends requested a Halloween-themed SC600, I was sad to turn them down. Halloween is perhaps my favorite holiday of the year! But I couldn't shake the idea that I really wanted to see my usual SC crew, all costumed to the nines. So when my usual SC photographer, Rochelle, offered her home up, I didn't turn her down... exactly. I turned it into a Supper Club Potluck! That way I would get to enjoy the day with everyone, but I wouldn't have to do all of the usual legwork it takes me to test and create recipes, plan a menu, do all of the graphic design, organize the decor, buy all the groceries, and spend a couple of days cooking for a big group.

So we sent out our invitations, and on Saturday night, we gathered at Rochelle's home to eat, drink and be spooky. I had such a blast!

I went as Medusa, thanks to a dress by Kische that I found on crazy sale at Nordstrom Rack. I wasn't able to find a wig or headdress I liked, so I found a Medusa Crown tutorial online. Using Sculpy clay and nail polish, I built my own crown. I also used a Medusa makeup tutorial... you can't make it out in the photos, but I made a sparkly snakeskin pattern by using fishnet leggings!

Look, I'm turning you to stone!

Tom went as a meta/deconstructed duck-billed platypus.
This is the most excited I've seen him about a Halloween costume.
Yes, that is a velour track suit. He ordered it for the occasion.

With my co-hostess, Rochelle the Black Swan.

For our contribution to the potluck, I brought the low-cal pumpkin dip I blogged about last week, and Tom made our signature Barbecue Jackfruit sandwiches. I also made punch, and I really liked the recipe I came up with -- it will appear on Finishing the Hat sometime soon.

Our guests also brought some scrumptious dishes to share.

Some of which included baked enchiladas, corn bread, roasted root veggies, bruschetta, and queso.
There were also some dessert treats, not pictured.

My favorite contribution was from Lindsay - her peanut butter/apple/marshmallow mouths. SO CUTE!

Rochelle and I had a blast decorating. We pooled our respective Halloween notions, and put together a couple of fun displays.

Probably my favorite corner - Spanish moss with pumpkins, pumpkin vines,
and the raven that once sat on my father's shoulder for his Edgar Allan Poe costume.

My "Black Hat Society" tin sign at the spiderwebby entrance.

Spiders and a spiderweb runner

Last but not least, my complete Simpsons Treehouse of Horror collection.
I was down in the dumps the year Burger King released these toys,
and my parents cheered me up by helping me collect of of them.
I'm lucky they didn't release them this year... because I haven't eaten fast food in 10 MONTHS!

Our guests had such awesome costumes!

Swine Flu, Pig-in-a-Blanket, Beer Frau, Megan from Bridesmaids,
Medusa & Black Swan.

Patty's costume may have been my favorite from that night - every last detail from her Melissa McCarthy/Bridesmaids costume was spot-on.

Do you want a piece of this?

David wrote about his Jared from Subway costume on his blog, Keep It Up David.

Our gloved duo, Steampunk Big Bad Wolf, and Edward Scissorhands

Steampunk Big Bad Wolf was a part of a costume quartet of steampunk fairy tale characters, which was definitely my favorite group costume of the night. We didn't get a great picture of all four of them together, so I'm sharing one they took.

Steampunk Red Riding Hood, Big Bad Wolf, Mad Hatter and Goldilocks.
Their little costume details were AMAZING.

Sonic the Hedgehog, Wario and Chum-Chum (which is especially cute because
her boyfriend was a storyboard artist for Fanboy and Chum-Chum!)

Our friends above are holding our trick-or-treat goodie bags, which Rochelle and I put together for our guests - including some Skinny Cow candy, some sugar-free Extra Dessert Delights gum, and a bunch of Halloween toys and trinkets to help everybody embrace their inner kiddo.

It was a wonderful night shared with terrific friends - and I'm so glad I took Rochelle up on her offer to co-host! A big thanks to her, and to all of our guests, for such a fun night.

Now we're already into Thanksgiving season. Does everybody have somewhere to be on Thanksgiving? Anybody need a loving home? I'm not doing an official Supper Club for the holiday, but I'm definitely cooking. :)

Fashion (Tues)day with AdoraOm

2011-11-01T13:24:00.000-07:00

Since I started exercising with Richard Simmons at Slimmons last January, I've become more and more active. And the more active I've become, the more I've admired all of the beautiful activewear that other exercisers are sporting. (What an apt word for that purpose, "sporting.")

I admit to having an especially huge fashion crush on lululemon workout clothes, which always seem so well-constructed and cute. I'll be honest - quality is important, but cuteness matters, too. After all, every outfit that Richard wears in class is a major fashion production. Seriously. Have you seen his Black Swan? His Pink Poodle? His Woody? (From Toy Story. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

Alas, lululemon doesn't make anything close to my size. In fact, there aren't a lot of companies that do. I've been using Target's "Long and Lean" tank line, and squeezing into their Champion XXL leggings. Both work, but neither last, and neither are hugely supportive.

So I was thrilled when I was invited to a VIP luncheon hosted by the creators of AdoraOm, a brand new plus-size athleticwear company. The company gathered a collection of lovely Los Angeles ladies from the plus-sized blog and fashion industry, and we had a chance to take a closer look at the new line.

The moment I tried on "My Funky Tank" in graphite, and the "All About Me" capri, and I immediately knew I'd found the workout gear I'd been looking for. The pants are very well-made, with flat, reinforced seams and very high-quality fabric. They are comfortable and supportive, which is especially important for any high-impact work I do in Richard's classes. And they're cute! See for yourself...

The pieces, along with the "I'm Outta Here" Jacket - which has
the unusual detailing of thumb-holes in the long sleeves.

What I particularly appreciate about this line is that the creators fitted each piece on a plus-sized body. It's unfortunate how often plus-sized fashion is simply sized-up from smaller models, because smaller bodies and larger bodies aren't typically proportionate. It's terrific that the AdoraOm team worked together with Danielle Line (a plus model, and an acquaintance of mine) to tailor the details to proper proportions.

Here I am with Danielle, who's sporting the same top in green.

There was a particularly interesting fashion tidbit that I learned at the luncheon. Previously, I had thought that all lycra was created equal... and all of them created that weird sheer/shine effect when you stretched them. It turns out that high-quality black lycra, which is used for the AdoraOm clothes, remains fully matte and opaque.

I'm looking forward to the arrival of my tank (which was a gift from the company) and my capris (which I ordered) so that I can put them to the test in class! I'll follow up here with the details of AdoraOm in action. So far, I only have one note: I wish they carried larger sizes, because I know people in size 26 or 28 who would love supportive activewear. (Others seemed surprised by that, but ladies, I know you're out there. And I used to be one of you!)

If you're interested in sporting your own sporty wear from AdoraOm, I have great news for you -- they just opened for business. You can purchase online, either from their website, or on Amazon.com! If you do try them, let me know what you ordered and what you think!

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One important note for this post: I have not been paid to endorse or sponsor AdoraOm, though I did receive a gift from the company. The opinions I state on this blog are my opinions, and my opinions alone. I will always disclose my material relationships in accordance with the pledge I signed at Blog With Integrity.

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I'm behind on bloggin', so I'll be trying to catch up a bit today (and perhaps tomorrow - we'll see how it goes.) In the meanwhile, I'm working on taking good care of me, and I hope you are, too. Take care of you!

In the Kitchen... with low-calorie pumpkin dip!

2011-10-27T10:17:00.000-07:00

Halloween is the opening bell of holiday eating season. Mini candy bars and gooey caramel apples make way for a tryptophan-laced monster Thanksgiving buffet, which in turn leads to stockings full of chocolate and peppermint and a neverending spiral of ham (and possibly shame, if that's your game.)

In our house growing up, the one constant between these holidays was the pumpkin, starting with the ghoulishly carved fellows (and the peanut butter/chocolate ones), and finishing with the pie to end all pies, the pumpkin.

We've arrived, people. Pumpkin-flavored goodies are going to be available around every corner from now until next year. These days, you can even get hot pumpkin-spiked coffee at every single coffee retailer. It's inescapable.

Since I'm concentrating on my moderation, and on eating nutritious foods, I figure... why beat those pumpkins when you can join 'em? Pumpkin, in moderation and with the right ingredients, can be good for you!

Today I have a recipe for you that I have totally fallen for: a low-calorie pumpkin dip that in no way tastes low-calorie, and that will stand up to all of those other calorie-dense, less nutritious recipes. Everyone who has tried it so far has loved it. Even friends of mine who are anti-health-food dug in and enjoyed.

On top of all that, it's a super-simple recipe, and it doesn't take very long.

Five ingredients - that's all.

In your mixer (or in a bowl with a whisk) - combine 1 cup of skim milk with two small boxes of sugar-free vanilla pudding.

I used Jell-O brand, but next time I'm going to purchase some Splenda instant pudding
so Tom can enjoy it - and also because Splenda is the lesser of two artificially sweet evils.

Mix it until it's smooth, and about the consistency of cookie dough.

Then add the 30-ounce can of pumpkin, and mix for quite awhile.

After a few minutes, it'll still look lumpy with globs of pudding. Eventually it will smooth out.
Be sure to scrape the bottom of the bowl to fully integrate the pudding into the pumpkin.

Once it's smooth, add 1 tablespoon of pumpkin pie spice.

And now, for the fun part!

Spray the entire can of fat-free Reddi Wip into the bowl. Every last bit.

It may be hard to combine the heavy pumpkin with the whipped cream,
so it may be helpful to stop periodically and fold it together.

When it's all together, it'll look like a smooth, whippy version of pumpkin pie.
It'll smell like it, too!

It's especially delicious with sliced apples. Also good with graham crackers or sticks - but I've proven time and time again that I cannot keep graham crackers in my house without the floodgates of food addiction opening. In fact, when I tested this recipe in Palm Springs, I sent the graham crackers home with my friends for their toddler to enjoy.

Creamy, pumpkiny, yum.

This would be a great, easy dish to bring to, say, a Halloween Potluck. (Don't do it if you come to ours, though, because I'm already bringing it!)

I'm thinking it might make a great filling for a low-cal pumpkin cream pie for Thanksgiving, or even as filling for pumpkin "ice cream" sandwiches - which my friend Teresa challenged me to perfect. Or... dare I say... frozen pumpkin cream pie? Maybe I'll have that recipe for you, soon!

And the best part of all? Not counting the apples or graham crackers, 1/8 of the very substantial recipe is only 46 CALORIES.

Serves 8. Serving size looks to be a little bit over a cup.

Of course, eating pumpkin is not the only way to go with my favorite autumnal fruit. Tonight, I'm attending a pumpkin-carving party! It's being hosted (and attended) by some phenomenal artists, so I'm a little intimidated, but, hey, I'm sure it'll help those creative juices keep flowing, right?

For inspiration, here's my favorite pumpkin I've ever carved, two years ago alongside Tom, his mom Jean, and my dad.

I call it "Sometimes They Eat Their Young."

All right! Hope you're all having fun getting ready for Halloween. I'll be back tomorrow with some great news for active plus-sized ladies in search of great workout gear. 'Til then, take care of you!

Adventure Wednesday... Texts From (Last) Horror Night

2011-10-26T12:33:00.000-07:00

This Adventure Wednesday post is rated H, for fans of Halloween, Horror, and Heidi's writing.

So... here's the thing. We haven't really told many people, but Tom and I have slowly been developing a screenplay for a horror film. Horror scripts can be a good toe-in-the-door for screenwriters writing on spec (or, for free/as writing samples) like ourselves. We also needed a little break from the TV spec writing, and I'm close-but-not-quite-ready to finish my Yoga For Fat Girls spec screenplay. Plus, both of us dig a really clever horror flick. So horror it is.

Tom and I first thought about collaborating on a horror script four years ago this Monday - Halloween 2007. I'd gotten out of work on time (for a change) and Tom came to pick me up for a date. We had planned to head down to Disneyland to see what festivities were happening, but this was before Disney realized what a goldmine Halloween can be... and the park was closing at 8 PM. One of us suggested we check out Universal Studios. We'd both heard they did something called "Halloween Horror Nights," but we didn't know much about it.

When we arrived, the crowds were thick at the gate, so we sprang for a "Front-of-the-Line" ticket, like a Disney Fastpass, but for purchase (and without waiting.) We walked through the gates... and our lives were never the same.

No, really. We had so much fun during that first trip that we've gone back to Universal's Halloween Horror nights every year since. And it inspired Tom - who, in turn, inspired me - to write a horror script. Tom describes the experience as feeling like you're actually in a horror movie. The mazes are so well-designed and executed (much like the characters, heh) that you end up feeling like a scream queen, heart pounding, eyes darting from this dark corner to that door ajar, nerves crackling with the fear of knowing that any second, something is going to burst through and scare the living dead daylights out of you.

Plus, I had a photo opportunity with Norman Bates, in front of the really-for-real Psycho house.
What could be more life-changing? He told me I looked like someone he could "bring home to mother."

This year, since we're working on the horror script, we decided to focus on our annual trip to Horror Nights for inspiration and discussion. We had so many ideas and observations from the mazes that we started to forget some of them, so halfway through the evening, we sat down to text each other our shorthand thoughts. Here are our Texts from (Last) Horror Night, in bold - with a bit of explanation for each.

**

Things that are inherently creepy: photos, children, churches, dolls, illness.
One of the new mazes this year, La Llorona, is based on a Mexican legend about a woman who drowns her children. It includes so many inherently creepy visuals and concepts that I bet I'd even be spooked by it without any scare-acters. It might be my favorite maze ever. (It might even beat the Halloween maze from 2009, a lovingly faithful tribute to my favorite horror film.)

Misdirection.
It's the key to surprise. The Alice Cooper maze made great use of it, placing one gruesome duo at the end of the hallway. I couldn't help but stare at them - after all, they were gross, and they were going to turn and scream at me or something, right? But partway down the hall, two other scares popped out at me from either side. All the scarier because my attention was focused elsewhere.

Big and small spaces.
Opposite use of space can be scary. Very big spaces have all kinds of nooks and crannies from which spooks can emerge... and you can't focus on all of them at once. On the other hand, in very small spaces... if something comes at you, you have nowhere else to go. And you're very, very aware of this.

Variation - keep 'em off balance.
For a long-form scare, there must be lots of different kinds of surprises. For instance, silence or darkness punctuated by noise or light is most effective. If you repeat the same kind of gag - say, guy jumps out from a door - people will start to suspect the scare and disengage. You want to keep them engaged - and to do so, you gotta keep them on their toes.

Know your audience.
You need to calculate their fears... what they will be thinking, and how they will be reacting. Some people might be scared by someone jumping out at them. Some people might not... so how do you scare them? One brilliant scare-acter realized that Tom and I were smiling at him, not scared by him. So instead of moving on to someone else, he changed his tactic. He walked straight up to us and stopped inches away from our noses. We stepped to the right, and he mirrored us. We stepped to the left, and he mirrored us without stopping. This was actually far more unsettling than any jack-in-the-box startling. And a good horror film should have as much "unsettling" as "startling."

A single, iconic villain.
One very creepy main antagonist will always be scarier than a variety of less-compelling ones. The "torture porn" mazes are hardly scary at all. Sure, bloody bodies and crazy trap-like contraptions aren't exactly Hello Kitty, but those depictions can verge on comical, and aren't scary, just gross. Gore has its place, but it will be most effective when it follows deep emotional connection, tension, and terror.

A safe place.
The characters and the audience are always looking for a "safe place." A spot where they know that nothing is coming to get them. Denying them that is deeply unsettling. Movie characters, like maze-goers, would try to move quickly from one safe space to the next, rather than at one pace.

The first scene.
What we see at the beginning of a maze (or a movie) shapes how we see the scenes that follow it. For the very effective La Llorona maze, this starts before you even enter. Three signs are placed within the maze line, which tell the story of La Llorona. Then, when you step into the maze, you're in a Mexican church - a funeral, all flickering votives and memorial photos. You're immediately drawn into the maze - and surrounded with several of the "inherently creepy" items listed above.

Emotional connection is what drives everything.
For effective horror, there needs to be some sort of emotional connection - fear of the antagonist, identification with a protagonist, witnessing things with inherent emotional content, etc - for it to really work. In a film, it makes people a part of what's happening, not just an audience member.

**

Our night at Univeral was very well-filling, so to speak. We've since been flush with ideas, and meeting for daily writing sessions before Tom leaves for work. I'm having a lot of fun. I really need to remember that I'm at my happiest - and the days that follow are most productive - when I start the day writing.

One other fun thing I noticed that night is that... I'm stronger! I suppose it should have been obvious to me, since I work out so regularly (and so hard!) but I was still surprised when I hiked up the hill next to the Psycho house, and, for the first time ever, I made it up without stopping, and reached the top without panting. I guess that's what comes of taking care of me! And I hope you'll take care of you today.

If you're local, and a horror fan, definitely check out Universal Horror Nights, which runs through Halloween night.

Weigh-in Tuesday: Dear Twelve-Year-Old Heidi

2011-10-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Twelve-year-old Heidi,

Hey, kiddo. It's me. It's you. It's us.

Here I/you/we are at the spring music program in sixth grade.

I'm 32 now, and the other day I stumbled upon a thought I hadn't had in a long time. I was thinking about you, and your music program in sixth grade, and how you were really having a hard time back then. Because when you're just on the verge of a breakthrough, things can feel especially dreadful.

I remember that you felt isolated.

For one thing, you didn't feel like you were on the same page as the people in your class. It was a small class, with tight cliques, and emotions running rampant as prepubescent hormones blossomed. They grew up into some great people, but at the time, you were drifting apart from them. Couples were pairing off, and it really stung as some your closest friends started holding hands with some of your crushes. Ah, crushes. So called for their ability to crush a little heart. You felt completely unpretty. You definitely felt fat - though you were at a healthy weight - and you believed that the fat stood between you and all good things. It's important that you hang in there, little me. There are kindred spirits in your future. There is great love to come. There is upcoming comfort in your own skin, even when you're actually overweight. (Even when you're morbidly obese.) And there is courage to take care good of yourself, too.

For another thing, you were saddled with a teacher who discouraged you. When you mention to a teacher that you're interested in writing, the last thing you should be told is that you'll never be a good writer. Heck, even if you were a bad writer at the time (which you weren't) a teacher's job is to encourage and enrich the student, not put them down. I hate to admit it, but that one statement will come back to haunt you, long after other teachers award you, bosses promote you, clients commend you for your writing. You'll still secretly worry that your sixth-grade teacher was right, that you'll never be a writer. But you ARE one. Throughout your life, you'll work very hard on it, and you'll keep improving at it. You'll even make a living doing it.

To top it all off, you were getting ready for the spring music program. Two of the 'cool' girls were asked to do a dance together, and you were secretly (or maybe not-so-secretly) jealous of them. I know it wasn't so much about the dancing (though you'd been studying ballet for six years)... it was about feeling lonely. Girls with whom you wanted to fit in were spending extra time together, without you.

Chin up. You have to realize - you weren't really excluded. You were, in fact, invited to sing a solo. But you didn't like the solo, because you wanted to dance with your friends. And you didn't like the song. It though it was unpopular, like you thought you were unpopular.

But you sang that song anyway. Here you are, doing it.

Here's the thing. That song? It's actually one of the most beloved songs in the American music canon. It became famous in a movie musical. One that you will grow to love.

You'll watch it for the first time in a few years, at a cozy cabin while eating raspberry pie with your very first kindred-spirit friend. You'll adore it. You'll quote from it frequently. You'll come back to it again and again.

Later in your life, you'll find yourself sitting in a lawn chair, in a cemetery, in the dark. You'll be snuggled up in blankets, and in your husband's arms. You'll be surrounded by several of your kindred-spirit friends, as you all stare up at a mausoleum wall, aglow with beautiful scenes from your favorite movie musical of all time. A cool breeze will swirl around you, and you'll look up and notice that you can just barely make out the outline of the palm trees in the dark

You won't be thinking of how you sang that song in your sixth grade spring music program. You won't be thinking of anything... except how you feel incredibly - completely - content.

There's a little piece of advice a former (er, future?) boss gave me once. When you're feeling jealous of someone because they... have a boyfriend... spend more time with someone else... have a moment in the spotlight... have an easier journey to good health... are more successful in their career... or for any reason at all... you should:

...Keep your eye on your own plate.

It's a figure of speech. It means that if you're worried about what you don't have, you should focus on what you do have. Don't have a dance to perform like someone else? Work hard on that solo, and really savor the fact that you get to have your own private moment in the spotlight. Haven't sold your screenplays like someone else? Work hard on them. Working hard on your writing has always paid off in the past. (See? I'm taking the same advice.)

I think it's also good advice to take literally. You're going to go through a long process of weight gain, little me. It's going to be hard on you. But in time, you'll find your balance, and then you're going to take good care of yourself - and try to do it in every way you can. That's what I'm doing right now. I'm down a pound this week, but I notice that I've gotten a little bit lax with the measuring, lazy about counting. So I'm going to work on keeping my eye on my own plate.

You've got big things ahead, twelve-year-old me. You've got places to go and people to love, who love you. How's this for a deal? You keep breathing, and keep trying, and keep being yourself. And I will, too. And in another 20 years, maybe we'll get some great insight from 52-year-old Heidi. In the meanwhile... I am always with you, and you are most definitely always with me.

Love,
Heidi