The Finite Times

Source: Steele Christmas Album in The Works

admin — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 14:18:35 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - In a sign that embattled Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele’s tenure may be drawing to a close, a close associate of the chairman tells The Finite Times that Steele is putting the finishing touches on a Christmas album that he hopes to release in time for the holidays. “The album will contain some [...]

Poll: Obama Really A Woman? 32% Say Yes

admin — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:51:26 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - Fresh on the heels of a couple of polls showing strong support for the idea that the president is a Muslim, a new poll suggests that he may even have trouble trying to shore up his manhood with voters. Just over 32% of respondents taking part in a Fox News poll believe that President [...]

“Bring a Minority To Work Day” Set For September 20

admin — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 15:40:48 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - One of the recurring claims that has hounded tea partiers across the country over the past few months is that the movement has a thread of racism woven through to its core. Several regional tea party organizations have banded together to refute this claim in an innovative way. “We’re calling it ‘Bring a [...]

M. Obama Welcomes M. Antoinette Comparison

admin — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 16:14:03 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) In a brief statement, the White House has responded to the recent GOP Michelle-Obama-as-Marie-Antoinette fixation by stating that Mrs. Obama “welcomes the comparison” and will in fact be using Marie Antoinette-period travel during an up-coming trip to Seattle. According to the statement, “Said trip will consist of eight horse-drawn carriages, which will carry the First [...]

Armstrong On A Fast Break To Cleveland?

admin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 12:45:09 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - Conventional wisdom holds that if you fall off a bike, you get right back up on it, and Lance Armstrong has embraced this advice wholly with his announcement today that he’ll be playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers this fall. “I’ve had sex on a bike, surgery, gone potty… how hard can dribbling a basketball [...]

Source: BP Fabricating Another Gusher Solution

admin — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 12:16:39 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - With top kill a dismal failure and cut & cap still an unknown in-progress, a source close to BP says that the company has decided upon yet another strategy to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico, and is even now hurriedly building what the source is calling “a sure-fire [...]

OPEC: BP To Win “Gusher of the Year” Prize

admin — Thu, 27 May 2010 18:07:43 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - While British Petroleum has been getting nothing but bad press lately over it’s oil well problems in the Gulf of Mexico, an announcement on Thursday by the Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries (OPEC) may put a little silver in the lining of what has been a bad month. According to OPEC, BP [...]

American Airlines To Charge For Blankets, Stewardesses

admin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:58:44 +0000

In an expected move, American Airlines announced today that it would begin charging $8 for pillows and blankets on some flights. A bit more surprising was news that they'd also begin charging passengers for stewardess -- now called in-flight consultant -- use.

Vancouver Offers Winter Olympics To Washington, DC

admin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 17:55:39 +0000

In a stunning move, sources are telling The Finite Times that the city of Vancouver has approached Washington, DC about possibly hosting the 2010 Winter Olympic Games that are slated to open this Friday.

Sarah Palin’s Palm Notes Not So Odd, Says Political Historian

admin — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 18:54:22 +0000

(FiniteTimes.com) - If you’ve been too busy recovering from a Super Bowl hangover or digging out from several yards of snow (howdy Washington), you might have missed the news story that’s been raging through the blogosphere, left wing: Sarah Palin wrote crib notes on her hand for a Q&A session at the so-called Tea Party [...]