Fire Goat Earth Monkey

Lessons from My Grandmother

2016-02-26T09:21:00.003-08:00

On Tuesday, Olivia, Zoe and I flew to Phoenix to meet my parents and join them in celebrating my grandmother's 105th birthday on Wednesday.

In early January it did not look like she would make it to this birthday as her health took a dive and she was admitted to hospice. But, true to her nickname at the nursing home, "The Hockey Player", she rallied after getting knocked down, steadied herself and skated off for more days on earth.

When I think about her longevity and determined spirit, three things come to mind.

First, she exercised and stretched every morning. Well in to her 90's she would get down on the floor for leg lifts, toe touches and back stretches. As recent as last year, she told my dad she had to get off the phone to go to her workout at the nursing home.

Second, for the majority of her life, she cooked the food she ate. I don't ever recall her eating fast food, nor relying much on processed food. She understood the value of and the art of cooking real food.

Third, she was an avid reader of current events and the sports page. Every time I visited her I read the front page stories of the New York Times, the cover story of Time Magazine and any articles about the Phoenix Suns because I knew she'd ask for my opinion and give me hers.

I do not know if these are her secrets for a long life, but I can't image one doing any better than exercising daily, eating well and staying curious.

For the record, she went to her longtime hairdresser today to get her hair done. When it's your birthday, even if you are 105, you still want to look good.

More power to you grandma.

A Rough Flight

2016-02-22T12:43:00.000-08:00

On our trip to Honolulu yesterday, the gods were conspiring against us.

Fifteen minutes after takeoff, the Hawaiian Airlines pilot announced we needed to return to SFO due to an engine problem. The airline had to send a replacement aircraft from Honolulu, so our 8:45 a.m. flight was rescheduled to 12:10 a.m. We thankfully returned home to pass the time.

The rescheduled flight took off without issue, but an hour and thirty minutes from Honolulu a 71 year-old Chinese woman collapsed with a heart issue in the aisle next to me. She was briefly unresponsive until her son fished a Chinese OTC nitroglycerin tablet from her purse. Doctors on the flight cared for her while I translated and used my phone's Chinese dictionary apps to help the doctors communicate with the woman's family. The woman survived and walked off the plane without assistance, which was not the outcome I expected when she collapsed.

We finally checked in to our hotel just after 4:30 a.m., thankful to have arrived safely, but exhausted from the journey.

Today we are letting the ocean and sun work their magic. Oh, does it feel good.

Big Bed

2015-10-15T16:14:00.000-07:00

Our daughters like to sleep together and have done so in one twin bed for years now. Last weekend, we moved a big bed into their room to give them more sleeping space.

Anne asked, "Will you still sleep side-by-side or spread out in the bigger bed?"

Olivia replied, "We'll sleep side-by-side because we like to hold hands when we fall asleep. That way we know where we are."

Anne and I immediately looked at each other and, I swear, you could see our hearts melt simultaneously.

#twins

Alexa Cafe

2015-09-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

Our daughters favorite camp this summer was the Alexa Cafe coding camp. When my wife enrolled them, my first thought was this might be a disaster as coding was not one of their favorite activities at school.

The camp was a hit with our daughters because it was a girl-positive experience where coding time was complemented by singing, dancing, and a fair amount of Taylor Swift and Katy Perry tunes.

Our daughters felt comfortable learning to code in an all-girl environment. The majority of the counselors were college-aged women pursuing mathematics, computer science, or other science degrees. They shared their love for coding and computers with the campers, which ignited potential development path ideas in our daughters.

With their love for animals, our daughters often say they want to pursue careers in veterinary science or animal research. Following their experience at Alexa Cafe, they are motivated to improve their coding skills and now talk about using coding to help them become a better vet or researcher.

It is not lost on me that the success of this camp was due in large part because it was coding for girls taught by young women. Our daughters gained confidence in the all-girl environment and could directly relate to their counselors. I expect the outcome would have been different if tech-savvy boys were also present.

On the final day of camp, our daughters were excited to demonstrate the programs they created with Scratch and a mad libs game they wrote on Brackets.

Considering the initiatives in Silicon Valley to develop women in tech talent, I found Alexa Cafe to be a wonderful coding starter program for girls. Our daughters will be back next year and I’m encouraging their girlfriends to join them.

Find out more about Alexa Cafe and their coding camps around the US here.

Godzilla

2015-09-01T10:51:00.002-07:00

Summer 2015 is a wrap. Our daughters went to several camps and we traveled with family and friends giving our girls the full-Americana experience. Returning home two days before the start of school, we may have overdone it a bit, but the amount of fun we had compensated for how tired we were.

Our daughters school does not serve lunch, so 6:30 a.m. every morning I’m a pre-caffeinated short-order cook. Flames on the stove, knives chopping and slicing, all to get breakfast on the table and lunch boxes filled.

On the first full day of school, I opened the pantry to pull out their lunch boxes and food thermoses, but could not locate one thermos.

With food reaching the burning point on the stove, I morphed into Godzilla and the pantry assumed the role of a small, coastal Japanese village. My Godzilla arms and powerful legs swept every pan, water bottle, and Lock-n-Lock out of the panty and across the kitchen floor. Access access to the backdoor and refrigerator was blocked by a shin-deep pile of debris. The thermos was located in the back corner of the pantry and lunch was rescued just before it reached the charred point.

To top off the day, I was hectically paying bills before pickup and glanced at the clock. “Leave in 15, and I’m good.” My next glance showed 30 minutes had gone by and I was due at school in one minute. Before I could get out the door, a classmate’s parent called to say she was with my girls and wanted to know if she should bring them home.

My takeaway is next summer we’ll be home one week before school starts. This has nothing to do with preparing our daughters for the school year, rather it’s to prepare me.

The 50th

2015-07-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

Last week my family gathered in San Diego to celebrate my parent's 50th wedding anniversary.

My mother brought her wedding album and we enjoyed seeing how beautiful she was in her white gown, my handsome father in his black tails and grey gloves, and relatives, most no longer with us. My parents recalled highlights from their wedding day and their life together.

I arranged a photographer to capture the day and we celebrated my parents with a nice dinner. The pictures will serve as memories we will share for years to come.

I think it is important to spend time with people you care about as those events create rich stories of your life. During this trip our daughters and niece played card games with my mom and turned my parents' suite in to an extraordinary playroom. My nephew and I had the opportunity to discuss his upcoming freshman year in high school, including how to get a date for homecoming, a nice stress test for my sister.

For me, the del Coronado's sunset s'mores on the beach was a great experience. Blue canvas beach chairs and unlimited supplies for s'mores were arranged around a small fire pit. As the sun set behind the promontory holding the Cabrillo National Monument, parents danced around the fire pit to blow out burning marshmallows and catch melting ones between graham crackers and rows of Hershey's milk chocolate. We ate, talked and laughed until well after the stars came out.

I am grateful for our time together, the conversations and the photos. To me, a family is not just the people with whom you share DNA, it is the abounding memories you have made with those people that create enduring bonds.

A Title

2015-07-07T05:30:00.000-07:00

I have struggled to identify a phrase that explains what I do. I've taken to introducing myself as dad, which confuses other men with children who also could be referred to as dad. Stay-at-home-dad doesn't accurately reflect what I do because I'm rarely at home. Proof of this is the 17,000+ miles I've driven in the past 11 months, 90% occurring in a 30-mile radius that includes my daughters' school, their after-school activities, grocery stores, and some mind numbing locations like the Post Office.

If I were to put together everything I do I'd end up with a Jabberwocky-ish title of primary caregiver, short-order cook, driver, launderer, tooth puller, triage medic, snack maker, teacher, homework corrector, IT support, dishwasher, sweeper, tidy upper, grocery shopper, bill payer, investor, travel agent, gift wrapper, card writer, photographer, master scheduler, gardener, bedtime story reader, wine bottle opener, husband.

Attempting to distill my responsibilities into a manageable yet accurate title, I've concluded I'm the Yelling Man at the Nudist Colony.

Because my wife works for a global company that manages their worldwide business on the HQ's UTC -06:00 Central Time Zone, she is up and out of the house early. My first image of her is either in the shower or standing in front of the closet like Botticelli's Birth of Venus contemplating her wardrobe choice for the day.

While preparing breakfast, one, sometimes two tangle-haired daughters shuffle through the kitchen in states of undress asking, "What matches with this?" for which I have two stock responses, "Try a shirt" or "How about some pants?"

From there I fall into a familiar pattern of barking stock parenting and husband morning phrases such as, "Breakfast is ready", "Get out here", "Stop playing and eat your breakfast", "Take your dishes to the sink", "And your milk glass", "Will you be home for dinner or do you have a conference call tonight?", "Here's your coffee", "And your phone", "Brush your teeth", "Comb your hair", "Have you combed your hair?", "Make your bed", "Is this where that belongs?", "It's time to go", "You're running late", "Tie your shoes", "Give me a kiss", "You didn't comb your hair, did you?" "I love you". Door slam. Quiet. Exhale.

For the rest of the day, I don't yell commands until it's pickup time, then it begins again. "Where is your homework?", "Your taekwondo belt is in your bag", "Where's your water bottle or jacket?", "When you change your clothes, don't throw them in the front seat because I might crash", "Take your dishes to the sink", "And your milk glass", "Take a shower", "Put your PJs on", "Comb your hair", "Brush your teeth", "Have you combed your hair?", "Get in bed", "You didn't comb your hair, did you?" "I love you", "Goodnight". Exhale.

Somewhere in there my wife returns from work and her first activity is to get out of her work clothes, resulting in another woman shuffling around our house in a state of undress with tussled hair. Thankfully there isn't any command barking, quite possibly because I've just opened a bottle of wine, it's 8:45 p.m. and I'm exhausted. Soon thereafter I'm the one stripping off clothes and shuffling around with tussled hair as my day rapidly comes to a close.

So, it's resolved, I am the Yelling Man in the Nudist Colony. Now I just need to come up with a logo for my business card.

Situations

2015-06-01T14:07:00.000-07:00

There are situations as the primary caregiver for our twin daughters that I never expected to find myself in.

Several years ago it were the times, too numerous to count, when I reached inside my backpack or coat pocket only to have my hand land on a pair of Hello Kitty panties. Using my best one-handed magician skills, I'd carefully untangle my keys or wallet from from the essential, backup pair before I slingshotted it across the dinner, meeting or airline check-in counter. During that stage of my daughters' life I felt it might have been a good idea to carry around a laminated notecard stating, "If you find this man carrying young girls' panties, please know he is not a pervert. He's their dad. Sincerely, Anne, his wife."

This past week I wound up in a new uncomfortable situation when Anne found, on our kitchen island, scraps of paper with women's names and numbers. She picked them up and, with a Clint Eastwood "make my day" look, asked, "What are these?" Tout de suite, I explained I had asked several moms at school for babysitting recommendations. Anne did not utter a response, but I know I got the "that better be true or you're dead" gaze.

Boy Scouts honor, it's true. With a little luck, we'll have a couple of new babysitters this summer. And, if Anne and I can get out for date night in San Francisco, I'll make sure to check the pockets of my coat for a long forgotten backup pair.

Bedroom Door Lock

2015-05-01T14:22:00.000-07:00

At breakfast I observed my daughters acting out missionary sex between mom and dad Lego characters. I asked them what they were doing and they replied, "Making a baby."

"Is that how you think it's done?" I asked. There was general agreement from the breakfast table just before Olivia dropped one of those questions you can't unhear, "How long does it take to make a baby?"

My first thought was I needed to be very careful in my response as my answer could set unrealistic expectations they might harbor for the rest of their life. Thirty seconds? Three minutes? Thirteen minutes?

Before I could come up with a thoughtful, non-life damaging answer, Zoe fired off, "Oh you know, it lasts until daddy smashes mommy or he falls asleep."

As those words sunk in and the girls returned to their Legos, my sole thought was to check the lock on our bedroom door.

Equality for All

2015-04-23T15:15:00.000-07:00

On April 28, Douglas Hallward-Driemeier, my fraternity brother, will argue before the Supreme Court for states to honor legal same-sex marriages performed in other states. With only 13 states still banning same-sex marriage, this case, if successful, would render same-sex marriage bans unconstitutional.

In my opinion, we are well beyond the time of tolerating discrimination based on race, abilities and sexual orientation. As a parent, I cannot image having to explain to my daughters they were prohibited from marry someone because of a law or state constitutional ban. You love who you love, and the state should not be involved, especially any cranky-ass, blowhard politician.

It is not lost on me that in 1967 a majority of the states that currently ban same-sex marriage were also the same states that had inter-racial marriage bans. Those inter-racial marriage bans were ruled unconstitutional by the Supreme Court that same year.

In college, Doug was one of the brightest and most considerate persons I met. He was a champion for fairness, honesty and respect. I can think of no person better suited to argue this case. I wish Doug all the best next week and hope his efforts result in marriage equality for all.

The Jacket

2015-03-09T16:14:00.000-07:00

My standard coat is a black fleece pullover, but today I wore my black leather jacket.

As I hustled my daughters out the door at 7:15 a.m. for an orthodontist appointment, Zoe looked at me and asked, "Why such a fancy jacket? Are you going to a hip-hop dance party?"

She earned two points for early morning creativity, I awarded myself one point for having enough dad cred to quite possibly be on the way to a hip-hop dance party, and yes, I will be looking at her browser history to see what in the world she's been looking at.

This Week's Theme

2015-02-26T15:33:00.000-08:00

There is a theme flowing through our house this week and it all has to do with the privates in your pants. I’m doing my best to parent the family boat though the eddies and whitewater these conversations create.

My daughters recently learned the Uranus/Your Anus play on words from, I’m not making this up, a classmate whose parents work at NASA. After dinner last night, my daughter asked, “Why were a planet and a Greek god named after such a dirty place?” My first thought was, “Weren’t the planets named after Roman gods?” A quick Wikipedia check proved Uranus was named after a Greek god and that I’d forgotten yet another thing from my school years.

Her question led us down a path to cover, for what feels like the umpteenth time, the homophones “Your” and “You're”, and that Uranus was just an unfortunate homophone for a phrase you might hear from your proctologist. She was open-jawed at the idea someone would specialize in that area of medicine.

We also covered Greek and Roman gods, etymology, and the solar system. The conversation started to wind down when my other daughter asked, “Do you think they called it Uranus because it’s a stinky planet?” To which my daughter replied, “Like your anus,” and we all burst out laughing. Two points were awarded for comedic timing and the correct use of a homophone.

Following the Viagra conversation earlier this week, I hope we have reached the end of body topics for a while. Tonight I’m going to guide dinner’s conversation toward less turbulent waters.

Thanks to Comcast and ESPN

2015-02-22T16:13:00.000-08:00

To the advertising executives at Comcast and ESPN, I want to give you full credit for forcing me to have the Sexual Education, Level 2.0 discussion with my twin, nine-year-old daughters this week.

During dinner, we were watching the Iowa State basketball game, for whom my cousin, Matt Thomas, plays. At roughly 6:30 p.m., a Viagra advertisement came on. My daughters locked on to the ad - I don't even think they blinked.

After listening to the ad in its entirety, they whispered to each other, then turned to face me. I knew, at that point, there was only one thing to do. I grabbed hold of the edges of the table and prepared for a tag-team cross examination.

Their opening question was, "What is an erection?", which was followed by questions directly from the ad, including, "Have you ever had an erection that lasted four hours?", and "What would you do if you had an erection that lasted four hours?"

I'm at the parenting stage where a question asked gets a real answer, So, the first question was properly answered, the second answer was "No", and the only answer to the third question I could think of was, "Most likely, throw my back out". But, for the third answer, I dove for cover and instead of using the answer I thought up, I asked them, "Do you want dessert?", which ended our Sexual Education, Level 2.0 discussion.

So, Comcast and ESPN ad execs, if you could find a way to fill in the pre-8 p.m. commercial slots with ads other than those that talk about erections, this dad would be grateful. Ads for dessert would work quite well.

Checkup Check Out

2013-09-26T22:17:00.000-07:00

From time to time you experience something in China that you will never forget. I had one of those experiences this week when I went for my annual checkup at the new University of Hong Kong Shenzhen Hospital.

For starters, the medical history form was only in Chinese, which pushed my knowledge of the language to its limit.

After completing the form, I was given a blue, plastic two-ring binder with a checklist of tests to be performed and a pair of white cotton and blue-flowered pajamas to change into. I looked like I had stolen a child's pajamas because they were too short and too tight.

I was directed in and out of a series of examination rooms for the comprehensive physical covering eyesight, hearing, ECG, x-ray, and blood tests. When I entered the internist's room, it became an experience I will never forget.

The internist was a jovial, ruddy-faced bear of a man. We chatted in Chinese and English about my general health and then he asked if he could conduct his exam in English so he could practice. I said, "Sure."

The doctor, with a very heavy Chinese accent, said, "Now I check your nose."

"Now I check your ear."

"Now I check your throat."

"Now you get on bed."

With that one, I gave him a few pointers of how to say that differently in English. The exam continued. Chest, lungs abdomen. It was all going fine.

But then he stood up straight and paused. His ruddy-face went serious and gray, and then he said, "Now I need to check out...(he paused for about two seconds)..."your ass."

I responded as could be expected of a mature, 45-year old man with his blue-flowered pajama top scrunched under his armpits and drawstring pants down around his knees, which is to say that I burst out laughing. Not a little laugh but rather howling laughter, rocking back and forth on the examination table with tears pouring out of my eyes.

When I regained my composure, I told him what he said was not the right thing to say. I explained there were only two conceivable times someone might say, "I need to check out your ass." One being when you are talking dirty to your wife or girlfriend, the other being when you are cruising a gay bar looking for a hookup. Upon hearing my explanation, he burst out laughing and we both had another bout of tear-inducing laughter.

It is said "laughter is the best medicine" and now I know why that is true.

Hit the Beach - a Hong Kong Beach Guide

2013-06-18T06:45:00.000-07:00

[Below is an article I wrote for the Shenzhen Women's International Club's Summer 2013 magazine]

Hit the Beach

School is out, the heat is on and it’s time to head for the beach. Hong Kong, known to most for its skyscrapers and shopping, is also home to many beaches offering a seaside escape minus the plane ride.

Sai Kung District Beaches

Two standout beaches in Sai Kung are Tai Long Wan (aka Deep Water Bay) and Trio.

Trio

Trio is a family-friendly beach located south of Sai Kung in Pak Sha Wan with lifeguards and calm surf. The soft, white sands and clean water make this one of the more popular beaches in Sai Kung, but it would not be fair to call this a crowded beach. The beach has maintained a clean water ranking by the Environmental Protection Department of Hong Kong since 1988.

To reach Trio, take the 1A minibus from Choi Hung MTR or 101M minibus from Hang Hau MTR. Disembark at Pak Sha Wan and hire a sampan for a 10-minute journey to the beach. The beach is located on the south coast of the Ma An Shan County Park, which has nice hiking trails.

This 131-meter long beach has toilets, showers, changing rooms and a playground. A snack bar sells basic items, and a public BBQ area is available for visitors who arrive early enough to secure a grill.

Tai Long Wan

Tai Long Wan has a wide beach with beautiful sand and waves big enough to surf. Most popular on weekends with campers and a handful of surfers, weekday visitors are few. Currents can be strong and novice swimmers should avoid the water. The Government of Hong Kong does not gazette the beach, which means no lifeguards are present, and you swim at your own risk.

The hike to Tai Long Wan makes this get-away-from-it-all destination even more rewarding. Bus routes 94 or 96R from Sai Kung town centre go to Pak Tam Au where the hike begins. The beach is located at the end of a 90-minute hike beginning at Pak Tam Au. Trek east along the unpaved second section of the MacLehose Trail towards Ham Tin Beach at Tai Long Wan. During the hike, enjoy the views of Hong Kong’s submerged coastline and shallow sea inlets. As this hike follows a natural trail, it is not suitable for young children in strollers.

Facilities are limited at Tai Long Wan. Pack what you need to eat, drink, and use for the day; be a responsible hiker and pack out what you use too. A simple restaurant at Ham Tin Beach offers basic meals and supplies, including camping and surfboard rentals. Toilets are available.

Hong Kong Island Beaches

Shek O

The most well-known and busiest beach in Hong Kong is Shek O. Located on the south side of Hong Kong Island, it fills up early on weekends and is a people-watching paradise. All types of people in all types of swimming suits with all types of inflatable toys and all types of food and drink make this beach an attraction not to be missed.

Shek O is a full-service beach with toilets, showers, and changing rooms, and is served by lifeguards. Many restaurants and shops are located in the beachside village, which is also worth checking out. The Tin Hau Temple in the village was built in 1891. Tin Hau is an indigenous goddess of the sea who is said to protect fishermen and sailors, and a common temple in South China.

The rocky coastline and cliffs offer tide pooling and scrambling opportunities. Colorful paragliders may be seen overhead as Hong Kong’s only paragliding launch location is from Dragon’s Back just above Shek O. Surfing and windsurfing are popular at Shek O due to the onshore winds.

To reach Shek O, take bus 9 or the red minibus from Shau Kei Wan MTR.

Repulse Bay

Repulse Bay beach is the postcard beach of Hong Kong. Tourists from China pile of out busses to have their pictures taken in front of this beautiful tree-lined bay. The upside for beachgoers is those same tourists jump right back on those buses leaving the beach and bay to those who want to get sand between their toes and saltwater in their hair.

On the southern end of the beach is the Taoist Kwum Yam Shrine with its famed Longevity Bridge and statues of Kwum Yam and Tin Hau.

Like Shek O, Repulse Bay is a full-service beach with toilets, showers, and changing rooms, and is served by lifeguards. Many restaurants and shops are located just off the beach.

To reach Repulse Bay, take a bus from Central (numbers 6, 6A, 6X, 260, or No. 40 minibus), from Causeway Bay and North Point (numbers 63, 65), or from Tsim Sha Tsui (number 973) from a bus stop just east of the Peninsula Hong Kong Hotel.

Lantau Island

Lantau Island offers several lightly visited beaches, which are worth the trip.

Pui O

The winds blow into this black and yellow sand beach during the summertime, which makes for waves big enough to body surf. Ringed by lush, green mountains of the Chi Ma Wan peninsula and Sunset Peak, the views from this beach and across Pui O Bay are spectacular.

The Lantau trail passes through Pui O. The village of Ham Tin at Chung Hau has a Tin Hau temple built in 1798 during the Ming Dynasty.

A marsh with birds and feral water buffalo just off the beach offer additional sightseeing opportunities. The buffaloes are descents of animals used for farming on Lantau as late as the 1970s. As these are now feral buffaloes, observe them from a distance.

Popular with families, the beach is supervised by lifeguards. Services include toilets, showers, and changing rooms. A snack bar and a public BBQ offer eating options. A campground is available for those who want extend their stay.

To reach Pui O take a ferry from Central to Mui Wo and take bus 1, 2, 3M and 4. Disembark at the Pui O village.

Cheung Sha Beaches

Further down the coast from Pui O are the Upper and Lower Cheung Sha beaches. Because most Lantau beachgoers elect to stop at Silvermine Bay or Pui O (described above), the extra effort to reach the Cheung Sha beaches rewards visitors with sparsely populated stretches of sand surrounded by verdant, jagged mountains. These beaches are two of the longest beaches in Hong Kong.

Lifeguards are present on both beaches. Services include toilets, showers, and changing rooms. For food, a refreshment kiosk and BBQ area are available at the Upper Cheung Sha Beach. Lower Cheung Sha Beach has many nice restaurants just off the sand.

To reach Chueng Sha Beaches, take a ferry from Central to Mui Wo and hop on buses 1, 2, 4 or A35 along the South Lantau Road.

Additional Information

For beach information and water quality updates, visit the Hong Kong Environmental Protection Department's Beach Water Quality website and the GovHK Beaches website.

Information on the Shenzhen Women's International Club visit their website.

A big thanks to ex-Beijinger and editor extraordinaire, Maggie Hicks, who was a huge help whipping this beach guide into shape.

Full Grizzly

2013-06-08T18:03:00.000-07:00

Most Sundays, I take Ollie and Zoe biking along the seaside paths in Shenzhen Bay Park. With its steady breeze and views of Hong Kong's green, undeveloped mountains across the bay, the park is a magnet for families who want to get out of their high-rise apartment blocks, recline on blankets in the grass, kick a soccer ball, and ride bikes or scooters.

The park winds for more than 12 kilometers along the bay, a significant distance, but not enough to support the 12 million people that call Shenzhen home. People emerge from subway exits into the park so tightly packed they resemble a multihued waterfall, one carrying all manner of fruits, drinks and prepackaged junk food. By 10 a.m., parking lots are full and cars are double parked along the frontage road, spilling over onto the shoulder of the nearby Binhai Expressway.

On our last trip to the park, I gave Ollie and Zoe an experience they seldom witness - dad going full grizzly. It happened in the parking lot as I was unloading the car for our late afternoon ride.

The parking lot was about a quarter empty and I pulled into a spot with two open spaces to the right of my car. When you park in China, you always back in. I'm not sure why, it's just what everyone does. I left the passenger door open to block the space to my right and had Ollie and Zoe straddle their bikes between the open passenger door and the back of the car.

As I was getting the last of our gear together a car raced up, stopped abruptly and started backing into the parking space where my daughters were waiting on their bikes.

I went from my typical mild-mannered, Midwestern self to full grizzly.

I thrust my hands straight up in to the air forming a giant "Y" with my body, shouted "Hey" and followed it with a loud, piercing whistle. The driver stopped the car and he, his wife and their young son turned to stare at me with astonished looks through the back window of their BMW sedan.

Now, in full grizzly mode, I let loose with a string of new vocabulary words for my daughters. As I aggressively marched, with arms overhead and legs bowed, I unleashed my loudest voice and peppered the air with, "What are you thinking you fucking idiot? Use your goddamn brain and go park somewhere else you dumbass."

As soon as the 'ss' in dumbass trailed off three things happened. First, the driver, urged on by the panicked hand flailing of his wife, dropped the car into drive and sped off. Second, I realized everyone in the parking lot was staring at me and I had just reaffirmed the Chinese stereotype that white, barbarian foreigners easily freak out. Third, I had scared the bejesus out of everyone in earshot, including my daughters, who looked at me with saucer-sized eyes and jaws locked open.

Having committed to full grizzly mode, I lowered my hands to my hips, stepped out into the driving lane of the parking lot and glared at the back bumper of the car until I saw it exit the lot.

I then turned toward Ollie and Zoe, smiled, clapped my hands and said, "OK, put your helmets on and let's go ride." At my clap they actually jumped and their helmets went from hand to head, to shoulder straps clipped in the shortest amount of time I have ever witnessed.

We had a nice ride around the park. Ollie and Zoe did not ask me a single question about what happened, but I did get a few knowing looks from other dads.

Grrrrrrrrr

A Monk and his Betel Nut

2013-04-16T00:45:00.001-07:00

The morning’s rays struggled to reach the valley floor through the Bhutan blue pines and rhododendron trees as we stepped out of our white minibus into the yellow-dirt parking lot. Conversations were clipped between the eight photographers and two guides as thoughts focused on the two-thousand feet of elevation and six-hundred steps to reach Bhutan’s most sacred monastery, Taktsang Pelphug, more commonly known as Tiger’s Nest. Heads down, we checked digital SLR camera settings, cleaned lenses, retied bootlaces, shouldered backpacks and zipped up fleeces to ward off the cool Himalayan air.

The hike to the granite cliff-face hugging Taktsang, located 3,120 meters (10,200 feet) above sea level, occurred on the next to the last day of our ten-day National Geographic Photography Expedition to Bhutan. In the preceding days, we had visited Paro, Thimphu, Punakha and the Phobjikha Valley. Under the guidance of Ira Block, a National Geographic photographer, we shot hundreds of photos per day of Bhutanese citizens, traditional religious dances called tshechus, towering mountains and plunging valleys. (Find my photo set on Flickr.)

The only flat portion of the trail to Taktsang was at the trailhead. From there, the path cut through a stand of blue pines and turned into the mountain near a large red, blue and gold prayer wheel powered by a stream. As the trail switchbacked up the mountain, our group split into small packs with conversations only occurring when we stopped for a water break or to photograph the Paro Valley below.

The well-travelled yellow-dirt and granite path cut along cliff edges and through forests hanging with grey-green Old Man’s Beard lichen. Birds made short flights between pine boughs and rustled rhododendron leaves and twigs on the forest floor in search of food. Footfalls and the wind were the only other sounds.

The penultimate stop before the ravine-crossing steps was at the Taktsang teahouse where we drank black tea and ate sugar-sprinkled crackers, the favorite snack of the trip. The teahouse served meals, had basic bathroom facilities and offered visitors unencumbered views of Taktsang. Refueled and excited, we set out for the short, yet steep, climb up the mountain to the much-discussed steps.

The vantage point from the top of the steps set up postcard-perfect views of Taktsang. We shot hundreds of photos from cliff edges, along the staircase and between fluttering prayer flags. Camera settings and lenses were frequently changed in hopes of capturing just a few good images each of the monastery.

With over one hundred photos on my SD card and several of the other photographers just arriving to shoot the monastery, I turned to Dorji, one of our two Bhutanese guides, and asked if I could across the ravine early in order to meditate in Taktsang.

In the eighth century, Guru Rinpoche, who is credited for introducing Buddhism to Bhutan, meditated for three months in Taktsang Pelphug (in Bhutanese, “pelphug” means “cave”). Legend states he arrived at Taktsang by flying on the back of a tigress, which was the form taken by Yeshe Tsogyal, one of Rinpoche’s consorts. The cave where he meditated resides behind an embossed, well-worn copper door only open to the public on the 30^th day of the Bhutanese calendar’s fifth month.

As the most sacred site in Bhutan’s Buddhist history, many famous Tibetan saints, including Milarepa, Pha Damapa Sangye, Machig Labdron and Thangton Gyelpo, all made pilgrimage to meditate in Taktsang.

Snowmelt had created a waterfall that misted and cooled the air in the ravine. Those feared six-hundred steps passed quickly – perhaps due to my singular focus on reaching the cave’s antechamber. At the entrance to the monastery, guards required all bags to be stored, and, as with all temples in Bhutan, pictures inside were not allowed.

Before entering the antechamber, I removed my shoes and stepped with sock-covered feet onto the natural granite floor worn smooth by the steps of centuries of pilgrims. The room was empty and Dorji instructed me to sit on a small, round carpet across from the bronze door protecting the sacred cave. The walls of the antechamber were painted with stories from Guru Rinpoche’s teachings and an altar with a fearsome image astride a tigress stood against the back wall.

The antechamber is one of those places, regardless of your religious beliefs, that evokes your spirituality. I took in the Buddhist imagery, noticed the fruits, packets of crackers and cookies left as offerings, inhaled the earthy scents of butter lamps and incense, closed my eyes and focused on my breath.

When I meditate, I do my best to concentrate on my breathing and clear my mind, which, considering everything life throws at you, is not easy to do. Maybe it was the innate spirituality of the place, or the fact that I was at the end of a wonderful journey with interesting photographers travelling through magnificent Bhutan, but at that moment it was easy to concentrate. The sounds of the cascading waterfall entering from the door on my left and rushing mountain wind passing through the window on my right enhanced the peacefulness of the temple.

After a while, I heard soft footfalls of someone entering the antechamber. I peeked and saw the hem of a monk’s maroon robe passing in front of me. He took a seat in the window nook to my right and began chanting quietly. This was a perfect moment. I was meditating in the most intensely spiritual place in Bhutan seated next to a chanting, aged, portly monk.

Surrounded by the sounds of the waterfall, wind and chanting, I returned to concentrate on my breathing. I was focused. I was calm. The worries of my life were subdued. It was mystical.

And then, a loud “tonk” of metal-on-metal ricocheted through the room. Then a scrape; then another tonk. Scape, tonk, scrape, tonk, scape, tonk.

I turned to look at the monk and found him pounding betel nut in a metal cylinder with a metal chisel. Chewing betel nut is common in Bhutan, but lifelong use of the addictive nut and limited dental care can lead to severe teeth decay. With ruined teeth, the only way to consume the nut is in powdered form.

I leaned back on the antechamber wall and chuckled at how my meditation had come to an end. Not because my mind raced after an issue in my own life, but rather because a common ritual in the daily life of a Bhutanese monk roused me. Typically, my meditation either ends by the sound of a Kangsê bell from an app on my phone or because my focus madly dashes between emails, thoughts about my daughters’ missing library books or a niggling body ache. It was reassuring, even in one of the most scared places in the Buddhist world, to experience a connection to every day life.

He poured the brownish-white power into his meaty palm and threw it into his mouth. He chewed, I sat, and other visitors entered to view the antechamber. Even though I was no longer meditating, I found it rewarding to listen to the sounds and appreciate everything that had brought me to Taktsang Pelphug.

I stretched my legs, rubbed my ankles and prepared to rejoin my traveling companions. As I stood up to leave, the monk belched. I turned to my right to look at him and laughed. He caught my eye and laughed too. He then offered me some holy water, which he poured from an embossed double gourd-shaped silver pitcher in to my cupped hands. I lifted the water to my bowed forehead and ran my wet hands over the crown of my head and down the back and sides of my neck. I pressed my hands together in front of my heart, bowed toward to monk and left the temple.

The rest of the group arrived as I laced up my boots. Everyone had made it. The hike and the dreaded steps were less challenging than expected.

One of the fellow photographers saw me and said, “Wow, you look different. You look like you’ve been to a different place.”

“Yes, I have been,” I replied.

I had been to a different place. I’d been with the waterfall; I’d been with the wind; I’d been in the mystical Taktsang Pelphug in awe-inspiring Bhutan on an amazing photography expedition. And, in a temple on the edge of a granite cliff, I had ventured inside of myself and was brought back out by a monk and his betel nut.

Fondling in Thailand

2011-02-19T06:18:00.001-08:00

In Bangkok over Chinese New Year, we stayed at the Sukhothai Hotel, where Anne and I started our honeymoon in 2002. Returning to your honeymoon destination is, at best, like trying to reheat a soufflé. Returning with your children is like trying to reheat a soufflé in an oven without a flame.

One breakfast, the girls sat on a Thai silk covered bench and Anne told them, “Clean your hands before fondling the upholstery.” That line sums up our stage of parenting. We are beyond saying, “Don’t fondle the upholstery” since saying “Don’t” is a waste of letters on five and a half year olds. We are at least trying to do the right thing by recommending clean hands fondling, which will serve them well throughout their lives.

Ollie and Zoe enjoyed visiting the temples, cruising then sleeping on long-tail boats down the Chao Praya River, zipping around town in Tuk-tuks and being the loudest twosome in the pool. Apologies to the poolside honeymooners and adults trying to read and sleep. No use telling the girls to be quiet. Instead, I had them work on swimming underwater.

I enjoyed answering Ollie and Zoe’s questions as we toured the Grand Palace, sat together in the golden hall of the Emerald Buddha and watched the girls and Anne drop coins in the 108 alms bowls running along the back of the reclining Buddha at Wat Pho.

Anne and I did manage to enjoy couple of quiet cocktails together the last night of our stay at the hotel’s outdoor bar. Ollie and Zoe were asleep on the deep, white cushions after a day of sightseeing and swimming. As we talked, I was reminded how wonderful Anne is. Even though the soufflé did not have a chance to reheat, those romantic ingredients are still there. And, yes, we did clean the girls’ hands with the lemongrass-scented hand towels before they curled up and fondled the upholstery.

"D" is for Disaster, DangDang and a few other Choice Words

2011-01-18T05:49:00.001-08:00

One thing I love about living in China is it is never dull.

Today, started with a shocking China tweet about DangDang's CEO f-bombing, more like f-carpet bombing, Morgan Stanley via his personal Sina Weibo account. Weibo is China's version of Twitter and DangDang is a younger, smaller version of Amazon.

DangDang co-founder and CEO Li Guoqing was very unhappy with way Morgan Stanley priced his company's recent NYSE IPO. This past weekend he had to let all that anger out. Most executives would do it in private, but Mr. Li let more the more than 400 million internet users in China know exactly how he felt about Morgan Stanley. His rant spread like wildfire, was translated into English and picked up by media across the world. Good summaries of the meltdown on TechRice and the Wall Street Journal's China Realtime Report. (Note - plenty of adult words in these summaries.)

By noon today, everyone in my office was talking about Mr. Li's posts and his choice of words. His outburst was not the worst one they had seen in the past few years, but it may be the biggest flamer on Weibo to date.

It will be interesting to see what happens to Mr. Li. In the US, he'd be fired before the end of the week, but in China it's unclear what will happen to him.

Like I said, it is never "D" dull in China.

Visit to the Linden Centre

2011-01-14T21:13:00.002-08:00

Linden Centre at night

To start 2011, we spent five nights at the Linden Centre just north of Dali in Yunnan Province. The blue skies and much warmer temperatures were a nice break from the Siberian winds that punish Beijing from November until May.

Zoe and Ollie in horse cart

The Linden Centre is the brilliant concept of an American couple that found and renovated a mansion in the tiny village of Xizhou. Brian and Jeanee are wonderful hosts, making you feel like you are guests in their home rather than guests at a hotel. Guests chat between tables during meals, kids pile into the movie room after dinner, and parents are always within earshot from the well-stocked library and the Wi-Fi enabled bar that separates the mansion’s two courtyards. The verandah at sunset is absolutely peaceful.

Zoe, Craig and Ollie on Cangshan Mountain

Highlights for the girls included watching cormorant fishing on Erhai Lake, taking a gondola up to Cangshan Mountain and going for a short hike, and driving the horse cart that carried us around Xizhou village and to visit temples every afternoon.

We had heard about the Linden Centre for several years, and it was everything we expected it to be.

2010 In Review

2010-12-18T00:44:00.000-08:00

Ollie and Zoe continued their full-day, bilingual kindergarten program at the Montessori School of Beijing, and are happy as the older girls in class. Helping the three and four year-olds builds their confidence and places them at the center of gang of one-meter tall girls with straight bangs on the playground.

Confidence leads to constant question, such as, “Where did I come from?” and lots and lots of “Whys?”. Baking, piano and swimming lessons keep them busy during the week. Coloring, riding their scooters and dreaming about becoming princesses consume the remaining hours of their days.

For Chinese New Year, we went for a beach holiday in Kota Kinabalu, Malaysia. Our week in the sun consisted of swimming, eating and sleeping -- that was it. A wonderful, peaceful holiday.

In March, Craig started a consulting project with Burson-Marsteller, a global public relations, government relations and public affairs agency. In June, Craig converted to full-time with Burson-Marsteller, working with a wide range of technology companies.

In June, Craig took Ollie and Zoe to Mattoon to visit his parents and his sister’s family. It was a full dose of Americana with baseball games, corn, tomatoes and good conversations.

In August, Craig and Anne went on a weeklong trip through Tibet, taking in the Yogurt Festival at the Drepung Monestary in Lhasa, the Horse Festival in Nagchu, and many days surrounded by towering mountains and warm-hearted Buddhists.

In October, Craig’s parents visited Beijing. We went to Xian to see the Terracotta Warriors and eat Xian’s famous noodles. This was Craig’s parents first trip back to Beijing after visiting in May of 1989 during the Tiananmen Square demonstrations. They were stunned by the changes in the city.

Anne’s work has been steady and rewarding, which we are all very thankful for. In the fall, she extended her contract for another two years, which sees us here until Dec 2012.

We will spend Christmas in Beijing. Ollie and Zoe are tuned in to the Christmas frequency and have asked for lots of princess clothing, jewelry and crowns from Santa Claus. Craig tried to sell the idea of a science kit or a skateboard, but was rebuffed. One must try.

We always enjoy hosting friends who visit Beijing. Please consider putting China on your travel plan for 2011.

And Then They Were Five and a Half

2010-12-03T06:07:00.000-08:00

So, ok, it's been a while. Just a bit under five months, but who's counting.

Actually, a lot of you are counting because you email or tell me, "Hey Craig, when are you going to update your blog." Well, here's my answer - today.

Here's what's been going on:

Girls started back to bilingual pre-school in August, and love it. Singing, baking, crafts, letters and Chinese characters.
My parent visited for two great weeks in October. Great dinners and talks, a trip to Xian, and visits to the major and quite a few of the sites we love but ones not on the tourist maps. Ollie and Zoe now call our spare bedroom Granny and Papa's room.
We took a fun weekend roadtrip to Shanhaiguan where the Great Wall enters the ocean. On the way back we had a picnic at the Eastern Qing Tombs. Photos here.
Chis Zender is in China now. Anne and I both enjoy her company.
Anne's work is good and so is mine. Too much work though, but these days too much is way better than not enough.
Georgia turns 10 in a few days. She sleeps in a sunny spot while we run all over Beijing and China for school, work, lessons and good food. She's got the life.

I'm spending a lot more time on Twitter than I am on my blog. 140 characters is about all I have time for.

Do get in touch if you are coming to Beijing. Always good to see friends.

Look for another update soon. It feels nice to post again.

And then they were five

2010-07-15T07:11:00.001-07:00

Ollie and Zoe turned five last week. It capped of a month of parties, cakes and gifts. On their birthday, we took them out for their favorite meal, Beijing Duck.

We gave the girls pink Razor scooters and they can't ride them enough. The day after her birthday Ollie faked a tummy ache so she could ride her scooter before breakfast.

Zoe was pleased to receive princess clothing to add to her growing collection. For Zoe this is great because she is a princess, and has decided she will be one when she grows up. I have no doubt she will be.

They enjoy dancing and singing, in Chinese or English depending who is in their audience. Anne and I play supporting roles in many of their performances. The Sound of Music's "So Long, Farewell" is a favorite.

The big difference I notice at five is their new scooters enable them to ride away from us. For three years, they've been right beside us. Its fascinating to watch them grow. And, now we reach for six.

A Heaping Spoonful of Americana

2010-06-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

Ollie, Zoe and I traveled to the US last week to stay with my sister and her family and to see my parents. It was full-on family and full-on America - all of it great.

My nephew's kid-pitch baseball team was in the playoffs so we spent three nights at the ballpark. Ollie and Zoe had never seen a baseball game, but did get to run the electronic scoreboard. "B" for ball and "S" for strike and the lights lit up on the outfield scoreboard. Post-game ice cream cones at the original Burger King were a huge hit too.

My niece is a year and a bit older than Ollie and Zoe, so they giggled, squealed and chased each other every waking hour. The used up so much energy by the end of the week they took a four hour nap lined up like pencils in king-sized bed.

Dinner at the Firefly Grill & Restaurant in Effingham was delicious. Always good to eat produce that is picked from an on-site garden.

It was also great to spend time talking to my sister and parents and catching up with friends in Chicago the night before our flight home.

Corn and soybeans in the fields, the smell of cut grass, the 'tink' of a baseball off an aluminum bat, jammed six to a booth at Burger King with ice cream cones, laughing, joking, and the familiar smiles and voices of family and friends have all come back with me to Beijing. Wonderful.

Tiananmen Square, June 4, 2010

2010-06-08T16:51:00.002-07:00

Tiananmen Square, June 4, 2010
Originally uploaded by cadams623.

Last Friday, I went down to Tiananmen Square to check out the scene.

Similar to any other day, Chinese and Western tour groups posed for pictures with Mao's painting on Tiananmen's Gate in the background, entrepreneurial photographers with portable printers hawked their instant photo services to couples, and drink and popsicle vendors did a brisk business in the summer's heat.

All appeared to be normal until I saw bunches of bright red umbrellas. They were not covering people fearful of a tan, rather, they were shading undercover security forces who where there to deal with any form of protest or remembrance.

In the center of the Square, groups of 5-6 men wore matching shirts and shaded themselves with bright red umbrellas. There were blue shirt cells, white shirt cells, and my favorite, the flaming pink shirt cells, a color so bright you could pick them out from the window seat of a transpacific flight.

Down the east edge of Tiananmen Square, larger groups of 10-12 men in matching shirts stood under umbrellas, texting on their mobile phones, waiting for their next break. I walked off the distance between the groups and discovered they were spaced 75m apart. Again, a well thought through component of their undercover plans perfectly complimenting their matching shirts.

Twenty-one years later, June 4th is still a sensitive day. Black-clad SWAT teams guard major intersections across town, the Internet is throttled back so searching and browsing takes longer, and this year, Foursquare, a location based social networking site, was blocked, joining China's list of undesirables, which include Facebook, Twitter, YouTube and many others.

Twenty-one years later, I'll still remember the time I spent in Beijing in late May 1989. I remember the people, the marches, the flags, the excitement and the chaos. It's an experience I will never forget.