There is a new blog at Your-Japan entitled Advena.

The author is an English girl, and she just moved to Japan.  She’s a bit overwhelmed and stressed out, so if you’re feeling like a good Samaritan, go and lend her a couple of words of support!

Here is a story I originally had in the Firefly Preqel, but I just couldn’t make it relevant to the main idea of the novel.  So, I yanked it out and decided to put it up here.

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One of the benefits of working at one of the most prestigious cinemas in Sydney at that time, was that there were often large movie premieres with lots of famous Australian actors who would walk past, and occasionally drop by the Candy Bar.

One day at the cinema on Candy Bar duty, I was dimly aware of some kind of movie Premiere for “Snow Falling on a Cedar”.  Ironically, it’s a film about a half Japanese guy.  

I was absent-mindedly wiping down the surface of the bench, and 2 men walked over.  I looked up, and they came into focus.  I blinked.  They seemed oddly familiar.  Slowly, John Leguizamo and Ewen McGregor shifted into focus.

I swallowed my surprise, and offered a smile.  Even back then, I admired Ewan as an actor.  As a movie buff, I enjoyed pretty much all of his movies. 

“Hi, how are you guys today?” I asked with an unnecessarily large grin on my face. 

“We’re fine.” replied Ewan and John. 

“Great.  What can I get you?” I asked. 

Ewan scanned the display and the popcorn on offer.  He finally looked at me and said in a light Scottish accent, “Uh, can I have a medium coke, and a medium popcorn please.” 

The sales training kicked in.  I gulped.  I fixed Ewan with my best salesperson smile, and I said, “You know Ewan, for an extra 25 cents, you can make that a large coke.” 

Ewan look at me quizzically, and after a moment of deliberation, he laughed “Hah.  Yeah ok, sure.” 

It was a proud moment of my sales career.  I had upsold Ewan McGregor !  My cinema manager would have been proud.  I fixed his order, and provided him with his food.   Ewan dropped a $10 note on the table, and I gave him his change.

Next up, was John Leguizamo.  He sauntered over, and said in a fast voice, “Yeah hi, hows it going, ok? alright, I’ll have a small popcorn and a small coke.  NO!  Make that a medium popcorn and a small coke.” 

My brow furrowed as I attempted to key in the order.  To cancel an order, you need to press the item button again, and then the cancel button.  If you need to delete an item you entered previously, you must delete everything before that order, just to remove the original item.  This made things difficult when people changed their minds, but when someone is rapid fire attacking you with mind changes, it becomes almost impossible. 

He was continuing, “Nah, I’m just kidding ya!  HAH!  I’ll have some m&m’s.  And a popcorn.  MAKE IT SMALL! And a coke too, of course, small.  I mean large.  I mean medium.” 

I looked up in disbelief, to see he had a wide grin and seemed to be enjoying himself.  I shook my head in disbelieving frustration, and I simply stopped entering orders, and gave him a deadpan look.  

He continued to joke around, and I patiently waited for him to realise I wasn’t playing along, at which point he said, “I’ll just have the same as he did.”  I nodded my head, smiled curtly, and prepared his order. 

“That will be $9.45.” I said, and he looked at me distastefully.  

“You mean I have to pay you money?” he asked incredulously. 

I paused, considering my reply.  “If you would like to have your popcorn and coke, then, uh, yeah.” I said. 

He threw me a crisp $10 note, and gave me the change.  Thanks John, if you’re reading this. 

Everyone,

Thanks for your patience, and thanks very much for all the people who reviewed it and provided helpful comments.

This short novel is freely downloadable, but please donate if you think it’s worth $3.  I have added a permanent link at the top of the page.

I hope you enjoy it!!

The first book, the Firefly in Japan Prequel is finished. I’m waiting to hear back from one last commenter who got an early release. Barring a suggestion to re-write the entire thing, I hope to have it uploaded within a few hours.

Hi there,

Recently, I’ve been spending time working on Firefly The Prequel.  The months leading up to my trip to Japan.

There is a lot of personal stories and stuff in here that hasn’t really been “on-topic” to a Japan Blog, but I think it’s alright under this kind of format.

This is perhaps the longest story I’ve ever written, so I would like some feedback on it before I unleash it.  Once complete, this mini-eBook will be made publicly available as a freely downloadable PDF file with a Creative Commons licensed on a donation basis.   If you enjoy the story, you’re encouraged to donate.

If you would like a preview of the mini-eBook before release, please contact me.  I’ll be giving out 3 copies and asking for reviews. I would also be happy for people to point out inconsistencies, and spelling/grammar errors.

Release date : Expected 1st of September

Please ignore!

Public Service Message :

I’ve spent quite a bit of time and effort making this blog network :

• look good
• very customisable
• integrated with all blogs
• easy to use
• free of spam!

But what we’re missing right now is a whole bunch of people talking about Japan and discussing our shared experiences with this enigmatic country.

So ! If you’re interested in a free account to blog about Japan, please find some more information at this link. Contact me if you have any questions. Hope to see you on Your-Japan!

Firefly

One of my friends is a New Zealander. Let’s call him Gary. Gary is a tall, thin, guy who always seems to be wearing a suit, even on the weekend. He’s also the most inappropriately hilarious person I’ve ever met. Gary’s off-hand comments have the power to stop a roomful of conversations. In fact, I’d have to make a separate “Firefly Black Label” just to discuss some of his best moments.

One Saturday, Gary gave me a call.

“Oi. What ya up to?” he asked, skipping time wasting formalities, such as “hello”.

“Nothing, how come?” I replied.

Gary rattled off the names of a few friends of mine. “We’re all going to a butler party. You should come.” Gary said.

“A what?” I asked, adjusting the phone on my ear to make sure I heard correctly.

“A fucking butler party. There are butlers, and it’s a party.” Gary said slowly, as if he was explaining to a 5 year-old.

“Why would I want to go to a party with butlers?” I asked, half-expecting some kind of trap.

“For a laugh. It’s 2,000 yen and all the piss you can drink. We’re all going to get smashed. See you at Ebisu at 7pm.” Gary said, hanging up.

I stood for a moment, deciding. Gary is an extreme guy, but I always have a blast every time I spend time with him. It’s entertaining watching him and guessing what he’s going to do next. I press the hang-up button out of habit on my phone, walk to my bedroom and pick out an outfit.

An hour and a half later, I arrive at Ebisu station. I look around. My group of friends is easy to spot. 5 gaijin in the sea of Japanese flowing through Ebisu station. I walk over. A couple of minutes later, we’re on our way.

“So… a butler party?” I ask one of my friends.

“Yeah. There are going to be chicks there too, and all-you-can drink alcohol! It’s going to be awesome!” he enthused.

I raised an eyebrow, and we continued walking towards the party. A moment later, we arrived at the elevator. I had a chance to get a glimpse of everyone. Everyone was looking pretty stylish, and Gary was leading the way dressed in an expensive suit. 5 dressed up gaijin invading a butler party in Ebisu.

Gary jumped in the elevator, pressed the Elevator button and flashed us all a grin. “ALL ABOARD TO BUTLER PARTY !!!” he shouted, like some kind of psychotic elevator operator.

We climbed aboard the tiny elevator, and pushed it pretty much to capacity. A few seconds later, the doors opened. We lined up, and paid our money at the door.

As we walked into the party, a tall French Butler said in an obnoxious French accent, “Oh loook! Eet is the backstreet boys.”

What a dick, I thought, as I made my way to the bar. I ordered a red wine, and headed over to talk to my friends.

I looked over at the bar to see Gary ordering a beer. They poured his beer, and handed it to him. He stood on the spot, grinned at the girl behind the counter, raised the beer glass and finished in one gulp. He firmly placed his glass back on the counter.

“More!” he said with an infectious grin.

The bargirl regarded him coolly as she re-filled his beer. He repeated the show. “More!!” he said again.

She re-filled once more, and then pointed over to our group. “Please come back again!” she said in frustrated English.

“Oh don’t you worry about that, love!” He said, scooping up his beer.

He came over to me, and we were chatting for a few minutes, when Gary noticed I didn’t have any of my drink left. Gary peered suspiciously at my empty glass.

“Wheres your drink?” he exclaimed.

“I ran out about 10 seconds ago,” I replied, joining him in looking at my empty glass.

Gary frowned. He scanned the room. About 3 meters away was the French Butler who commented “eet is the backstreet boys!” when we came to the party. Gary’s eyes fixed on the French Backstreet Boy Butler. Gary’s frown deepened, and his eyes narrowed.

“HEEY. BAATLAAAA.” He shouted.

The French Butler stiffened slightly, and slowly turned to face Gary. He looked at Gary with distaste.

“GET OVER HERE.” Gary yelled at the disgruntled butler.

The French Butler walked a few steps over and stood in front of Gary, looking down his nose at both of us.

“Yes… sir?” the French Butler said slowly, through gritted teeth.

“Whats this?” Gary asked, pointing at my empty glass.

“An empty glass.” The Butler replied with a hint of a scowl on his mouth.

“Right. Not much of a fucking BUTLER are YA?” Gary said to the Butler, while wildly gesturing.

The Butler coughed.

“Would you like another drink, sir?” The Butler asked me, doing his best to ignore Gary.

“Uh… yeah.” I said embarrassed that my empty drink was causing this kind of scene. “Another red wine would be great.”

“On your fucking bike then. A red wine. PRONTO. Come on then !” Gary said, shooing away the Butler, who was turning an odd shade of red.

There was a moment of silence between Gary and I.

“Wow.” I said in shock. “That backstreet boys comment must have really pissed you off.”

“What backstreet boys comment?” Gary barked, finishing his beer.

Classic Gary.

If you’ve been to these places in Tokyo, see if you can identify with the disquieting calm like I did.

http://www.pinktentacle.com/2008/08/tokyo-fantasy-images-of-the-apocalypse/