Firing up the Canon

Be Purdy Event!

2011-04-21T12:20:00.000-07:00

April was an exciting month for BePurdy365!

We had our first Gallery Show at Schlegel's Coffee House in Chillicothe, Ohio thanks to my Purdy Partner, Courtney Lewis!

Here are some photos from the show!

Capture my Heart

2011-03-08T12:12:00.000-08:00

I have taken hundreds and hundreds of photos of the last two years, but non has touched my heart so much as this one.

This is a documentation of our a new monthly tradition - painting our baby's home every month to document growth creatively. It's an exciting way to bond with baby and give us a special keepsake.

Enjoy.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 15

2010-11-23T06:40:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for the moments when we set aside our differences.

We have so much to learn from each other in our lives. We owe it to each other to tear down our walls and listen more intently. We have to give more. We have to love harder.

Relationships are one of the biggest components of life. They open our minds, comfort us, motivate us and change us. If we work harder to be kinder and treat people with ultimate respect we will make life easier for everyone.

I'm sorry to anyone I have hurt. I forgive those who have hurt me.
These are the moments after that - where we have the opportunity to make it right and to treat each other well.

Thank you for all of you out there who are trying. I know that I am.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 14

2010-11-22T08:13:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for health and for the awareness to not take it for granted.

I pray for everyone who is struggling with their health right now and I actively try to remember to celebrate my own.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 13

2010-11-21T16:05:00.001-08:00

Today I am thankful for days away from the computer.

Hope you all have enjoyed yours as much as I have mine.

xoxoxox. Night.

Fifteen days of Thanks - Day 12

2010-11-20T15:57:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for Serenity and everything the past 7 plus years has brought to my life.

Trust. Balance. Tears of Joy. Laughter. Commitment. Meaning. Purpose. Excitement. Family. Renewed Holidays. A Home. And most of all Love.

Through her I know more about life and more about myself. Through her I have seen the best in people. And, I have seen within myself an unwavering conviction about what truly matters to me.

I love you, Serenity.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 11

2010-11-19T07:49:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for the periods of time that cement close friendships.

It's the thing that happens early in life when you see someone every day in school...or later in life at work. It's getting to live with someone for a year and sharing meals, late nights and early mornings. It's the people you count on seeing every week at the gym. The people you are lucky enough to share your path with for a piece of time - long enough to let them inside.

I've always been so thankful for the times that open that gate to long, intimate friendships.
The experiences that make comfortable, lifelong friendships possible. The moments that foreshadow dinners and phone calls reserved for catching up. The things you look back on and have to connect over and share for the rest of your life.

So...to the faces and heart warming voices that keep showing back up...I'm thankful for you and the road we took to get here.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 10

2010-11-18T08:06:00.000-08:00

Today I'm thankful for laughter.

It's healing from the inside out. It's contagious. It's healthy. It lets your soul float for a moment.

There's the moments when laughter is inappropriate, like in church, where it elevates to an even higher level and cannot be stopped. The kind that starts just by looking at someone. The kind that you have to stand up just to shake it out.

I'm always amazed when I find someone that my sense of humor is in sync with and we laugh together more than we do anything else.

Or when someone's laugh is so heart warming that I find myself laughing along with them without having any knowledge of why I'm laughing.

Oooh and those moments where I find myself alone, mentally rehashing something that has happened and I start uncontrollably giggling to myself.

Laughter, God it's good.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 9

2010-11-17T07:12:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for changes. To saying yes to something new or unexpected. To opening my arms to everything that I can. To bending with the plans.

Without change there is no forward progress or growth. I appreciate all that I learn from each new thing that enters my life.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 8

2010-11-16T08:51:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for Christmas Music.

Bring it on. Early and often. It warms my soul and melts my heart. It takes me back home and back to childhood. It creates snow with no need for a shovel. It helps me to relive memories and to create them. It tucks me in and brings Santa to my sleep over and over again.

Magic.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 7

2010-11-15T07:37:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for the support of the people around me.

The decisions that we have to make and the things that we have to do aren't always easy.

We are able to get so much more done when we work together and support one another.

The people that stand by my side make my life easier. I think smarter. I act more confidently. I get more done. I push harder when I think I'm ready to give in. I sleep sounder knowing that I'm not alone.

Today is a big thank you to the people in my life who have my back.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 6

2010-11-14T05:44:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for family dinners.

Delicious food shared over great conversation and familiar laughter. The stories told and retold. Saying yes to second helpings. Glasses of wine. The togetherness that comes not often enough. The way you can't tell it's been weeks. Ordering exactly what she wants just so that you can share. Remembering the people who are no longer here to join us. Feeling as if they are.

It's the people that know you longest that make the flavor of the food run deep.

Family dinners are one thing I cannot live without.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 5

2010-11-13T05:30:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for mornings at home.

Waking up slowly. Making breakfast. The unmistakeable sounds of the start of a day. Laughing. Talking. Home-brewed coffee.

Mornings at home give me time to start my day with the people that mean the most to me. A few extra hours in my pajamas. An energizing start to my day.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 4

2010-11-12T08:28:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for responsibilities. The things I do for others and for myself.

Love. Kids. People. Dogs. Home. My body. My mind. Work. Bills.

Every one of these responsibilities help me to live my life with purpose. I have reasons to get up and go every morning. I give more to my day. And I get more out of my day.

Because of the things I've taken responsibility for I live a more fulfilling life. I recognize that without them I'd be feeling lost and unguided.

Everything that I give myself to gives back to me a meaningful way.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 3

2010-11-11T06:41:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for love. In every form. In every random act of kindness. In every surrender.
In sharing. In giving. In receiving. In glances and gestures. In tears and laughter.

For teaching me to becoming bigger I ever thought I could be.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 2

2010-11-10T08:19:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for fragility. Fragility of life, moments, relationships, ages, and feelings. The awareness that everything has a beginning and an end helps me to live my life putting love first. It helps me to take moments in more deeply and think through decisions.

I'm not afraid to say I'm sorry or to forgive. I'm not afraid to put myself out there. Rejection doesn't scare me into losing time. I'm not afraid to look back and feel the past. I'm know how to move on and how to hang on for dear life. I take each moment seriously, but can laugh through most anything.

Fragility helps me to live in the moment and for that I am thankful every day.

Fifteen Days of Thanks - Day 1

2010-11-09T09:37:00.000-08:00

Today I am thankful for family. For the connections that strengthen with the truth. For traditions and memories. For every call I get that reminds me that we are in this together. For the times that came before the struggle. For the hope of even better times to come. For the acceptance. For the season that brings more time together. For a place to call home that has nothing to do with four walls. For the lines on my face that remind me of his. For the relationships that have nothing to do with bloodlines, but everything to with commitment and family. For time. Years. Faces. Love.

I have been blessed.

Needing a new project

2010-09-23T12:43:00.000-07:00

With my garden withering back into the soil and Bepurdy365 only one week away from the one year mark, I'm trying to figure out what my next creative endeavor should be. I'd like to actually to bring my writing back over here to Firing Up The Canon.

Now I just have to be open to letting the next when in once it presents itself.

What are you doing to stay creative come fall?

The Littlest Things.

2010-08-17T08:22:00.001-07:00

I wanted to share a neat little thing, pun intended, with you.

I had a package of sunflower seeds - mixed variety. They were some of the best sprouters out of my whole seed bunch. I cornered my garden with them; however, I had too many to put into the space so I just let about 9 of the continue to thrive in little pots. I had no idea what would happen, but they remained green and healthy in the pots so I just let time pass. Well, now I know what sunflowers do when they aren't given the room to grow six feet tall with a stem circumference of 3 inches. They grow in the space they are given. They flower just the same, only tiny.

Human nature is no different. If we allow ourselves to live to the fullest we will create beauty within whatever space we are given. We won't complain because we aren't the biggest or handed the most - we will thrive fully with what we have.

It's also a great lesson not to give up on the little things. They have the ability to offer brilliance to our life just like the big things. Celebrate the milestones and appreciate everything you have large and small.

Bloom.

BePurdy365

2010-08-02T12:57:00.001-07:00

I just wanted to take a quick moment to share the fact that BePurdy 365, the daily photo site that I've been sharing with Courtney since October of last year, is now 10 months old. It's a big commitment to get a photo a day posted, but we've going strong and are still aiming to hit our 365 mark. I love this blog in so many ways. If you haven't checked it out - please do. Let us know what you think!

Thank you for sharing in my life.

Life in Transition.

2010-07-26T11:59:00.001-07:00

A small lilac bush sits at back right corner of my lot.

Some time last year the tree stopped blooming and the life inside of it faded.

Early this April, however, I came into the backyard to find the bush bursting with life. Vibrant orange and pale yellow flowers trailed over the branches. Though it had stopped thriving as what it once was - the bush lent its strength and structure to an incoming vine - the beautiful blossoms and sweet, sweet fragrance of the honey suckle.

A month or so passed and as the honey suckle faded back to a subtle green, a morning glory vine eased its way in and began the process of showing its life over the branches. Mornings burst over the bush in a blueish lavender. All uninterrupted by, but supported by the life below.

I've been observing this transition of life for months. So many lives blossoming then receding over the same set of branches. The ease of exchange. The way it can almost happen before your eyes without you even noticing. The way nature comes in to fill the space to keep life beautiful.

Isn't this what living is all about? Allowing yourself to change over time, to embrace new life, the people that come and go, the situations that present themselves. Moving always - forward.

We all have this wonderful opportunity to open our arms wide during periods transition. To surrender ourselves to the changing the life around us. To make room for new love and situations.

When we don't fight hard against nature we can live fully in our skin.

I'm thankful for the bush that surrendered itself to open my eyes to this. It helps me to realize that there has been value in every stage of my life. Each has enabled me to learn and display critical parts of myself, to give and receive the exact love I needed at that time.

Also feature on Seasoned Eats.

In Pictures.

2010-07-13T06:36:00.000-07:00

For every place you cannot be - I'll take you with me in pictures.

On gardening and life.

2010-06-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

The things that grow the fastest don’t always produce the best results.

One thing that playing in my garden has made me aware of is the parallel that can be drawn between all forms of life.

At the beginning of my planting experience I had a crop of kale and a crop of spinach that eagerly rose from the soil before anything else. I thought for sure I’d be harvesting plenty from those two crops. I doted on them, bragged on their successes and… just as my other plants were beginning their growth… I ended up having to dump these early risers in the composter. They went to seed too fast and stayed small.

Today I was at lunch with a close friend of mine and through conversation I was able to see how this notion can too be true of relationships. Often things that seem overly fiery at first erupt prematurely and fade away before they ever reach the level of maturity that make them their very best.

It’s the things that take a little more work at the beginning that have the chance to grow completely nurtured and strong. You take more time to commit to them, you give them a constant stream of nurturing over a longer period of time, you celebrate little moments of growth along the way. They require an investment.

Strong and steady.

It’s these things you get the most from. Just like my little tomato seedlings, eggplant and squash plants that took what seemed like so long to stretch their roots into the soil deep enough to wildly inch toward their tops into the sun.

I feel so proud of the time I’ve put into their growth, much the same as I feel about the friendships and connections that have lasted with me over years and years.

These are the places I share most of my heart. The things I trust enough to grown into. All good things start as seedlings with a 50% chance of taking off - it's really a combination of conditions and what you put into them that most determines how they turn out.

You really do reap what you sow - in every area of your life.

What kinds of possibilities are you nurturing?

On the anniversary of loss.

2010-06-17T12:29:00.000-07:00

A losing contest entry. A winning lifetime.

This entry because I miss her, her voice, her visits, her sayings - her life.

Oh, Honey

“What do you know that’s new,” my great-grandmother, known affectionately as Honey, inquired as I entered the nursing home for the second night that week. The truth was, not much was “new” in my life since the last time I had seen her. Yet, “nothing” didn’t seem to be an adequate answer. Certainly not the answer to give a 93 year old woman living in a cold cell with ails and hours of loneliness. After all, here in front of me was a woman living with the third stranger she’d have for a roommate; the third stranger, after decades in a house with her daughter, granddaughter, grandson, and eventually even her great-granddaughter. The third stranger, when family is what she needed most. So, in that moment I became grown-up and put her reality before mine. I told Honey the details of my day, which contrary to how I felt, proved interesting to her.

Later that night we sat and laughed about how she came to be known as Honey. As a baby, she’d endearingly beckon me, "Honey, smile. Show your teeth. Honey, walk with me." As I grew up and learned to speak, I mimicked her words and called her "Honey" in return. I wanted to do as she did and say as she said. Much of my childhood is recounted to me in stories of moseying beside her. I’d walk and chant her name, Eleanor, and the brand of her hand cream in sequence. “Porcelana. Eleanor. Porcelana. Eleanor,” my toddler tongue practiced, over and over again.

Time passed and school days replaced my days at Honey’s side. And while I was hitting the books, arthritis was hitting Honey hard in the joints. She became immobilized and spent many years becoming one with the couch. There she found comfort in her favorite views: by day, a three-pane window with a panoramic view of a weeping willow…by night, Wheel-of-Fortune.

It was there, next to her on that couch, where I was truly able to get to know Honey and return the loving attention she gave to me in my youth. We’d spend hours talking about her job at the Cleveland Twist Drill, and how gentlemanly the boys were at the dance hall. Honey was known as the best dancer in town. “People would line up to dance with her,” my grandfather once told me. It was also on that couch where I learned about her marriage and eventual divorce. Listening to the details of her unresolved heartbreak broke my heart. “We never spoke mean to each other, Jamie. Never. I don’t understand,” she’d mourn.

The last exchange I shared with Honey on that couch was in September of 2006. I arrived at her house just in time. “Thank God you are here,” my cousin choked out as she rushed towards the door. Honey’s legs were weaker than ever before and, despite all efforts, they couldn’t get her out of their small bathroom. She was scared and trapped by her own physical weakness. Searching for a solution in earshot of the bathroom door, we discussed calling 911. “I don’t want to go to the hospital, Jamie,” Honey shivered as I poked my head into the bathroom. I knew she didn’t. We all knew she didn’t. She always believed that once she went, she was going there to die. I choked back my tears, tried my best to calm her down and we did eventually get her out of the bathroom. Unfortunately, her struggle didn’t end once we had her safely back on her couch.

Over the course of the week leading up to this bathroom incident my Honey had started to show signs of dementia. She was hallucinating, seeing ants crawling through the living room and getting acquainted with ghosts of her past of as if they had just visited the house. In her intermittent moments of clarity we’d pray that another hallucination wouldn’t steal her from reality. Unfortunately, our prayers went unanswered. The “ants,” once on an occasional tour of duty, were becoming permanent residents. Defeated, we made the call for help. We followed the flashing lights of the ambulance to the hospital. We spent the night inside her room trying to comfort her into understanding: in order to get better, she had to have medical attention. “Help me, Jamie. Take me home,” she’d cry. I was holding in my tears every second of that evening. I couldn’t do what she was pleading. I couldn’t take care of her in the way she wanted. Taking her home wasn’t the grown-up choice.

Honey's hospital stay resulted in a recovery from an infection and an eventual move into a nursing home. She did well with nursing care for almost a year. On rare days during that last year of her life she’d slip back into a dementia-like state and drift into the world of her past. There she’d often “see” her deceased mother standing in front of her. “My mother was here this afternoon. She promised to be back to visit later tonight or tomorrow. I wonder when,” she dreamily pondered. I feared what that visit would mean and always hoped that her mother’s return would be further than a day away. Honey would also take me on long descriptive walks through the streets of her youth: walks canopied with trees, detailed down to their barks, and people she had remembered from the past. I willingly took these adventures with her, trying to soak up whatever details I could from a woman who too soon I would lose.

On June 17th, 2007 it happened. While eating birthday cake for my brother, the phone rang. “The nursing home wants you to call. It doesn’t sound good,” my uncle told Honey’s daughter. Immediately, the phone sunk from her ear and began to dangle, weak in her grip. Rather than calling, we intuitively piled into a chain of cars and made our way to the place we’d have to say goodbye. Before we could get there, Honey passed on. The tears I had choked back on many other occasions in order to be grown-up filled the room in child-like sobs the moment I saw her. She was still. She was quiet. I was not.

I reflect on this day often. The lesson I have learned is this: throughout life we certainly have moments where we grow up, but we are never fully "grown-ups". There will always be moments that leave us vulnerable and affected…as unprepared as our childhood-self experiencing pain for the first time. All we do is the best we can with what we have – and that’s the same thing that we did as children, before life expected us to be grown-up at all.

Where oh where has the Canon girl gone.

2010-06-02T09:52:00.000-07:00

I haven't been over here to write in a while, but that doesn't mean I'm not writing.

If you want to see what I've been up to lately - come visit me at my garden blog.

I'll be back here soon.

:)