Firstoftwo

Day 2 of the Cleanse

2016-05-10T07:59:00.002-07:00

Yesterday, I started a Candida cleanse. Which means, no sugar, no carbohydrates that are starchy that turn into sugar, no dairy or fermented fluids. What do you ask is left to eat? Not much other than greens. Even fruits are out as they are based in natural sugars. This cleanse is designed to kick my sugar addiction, reduce bloating, jump start digestion and metabolism and generally just make me feel better and lose a bit of weight. So what is day 2 like? So far, I have had a granola bar, it breaks some of the rules as it uses honey to bind it together, but the nuts are great protein and have kept me content for about an hour and a half. I'm feeling kinda tired. That is natural. I have also been doing some physical outdoor work, so my muscles are craving some energy and time to heal. Goal for the day is to make sure I am able to avoid headaches. I heard this has to do with fiber content, so I'm going to be having a rice wrap (the rice component is not on the cleanse list, but I need a binder for the veggies), with spinach and tofu. I had that yesterday as well. It held up. 8 more days to go after this.

Back at it again

2016-05-09T19:31:00.003-07:00

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 5 Years ago I would not have been able to predict where I am now. I am better off spiritually, mentally, but not better off in the areas of work. I have sacrificed quite a bit over the last 5 years, I have also lost some people that I was not expecting as well, and removed some difficult blocks. All of which contributed to my spiritual and mental growth. It was through the worst of times, that I was able to see the light. I am not yet through this journey. Essentially, I would say it started 3 years ago. I made a huge change and with that, many other aspects of my life changed as well. I reached one goal in my life, buying a home. The next goal was to establish some roots in this community, make new friends and grow as a person. It took quite a bit of risk taking but I joined some groups of like minded people that wanted to make a difference in this world. Today I acknowledge those efforts. Today, I see those efforts physically making a statement in my community. And now more than ever, we need community. With the recent fire in Alberta displacing many families, homes, wildlife and ecosystems. We need to rely on the kindness of others to help heal the trauma of this natural event. We are a populated world that is easily displaced when climate related events destroy our homes. Much like our animal friends, we rebuild, we move on, and live on for another day. We forget as "privileged' beings on earth that adaptation to change is imperative to surviving, however we seem to get easily stuck in ruts of our creation when we feel entitled to have things, ownership, debt and power. Our thoughts shouldn't be first going to "how will they replace their things?" or "who will pay their mortgage if the insurance doesn't cover it?", "what will they do for money?". The questions should be "What can I do to help make your life easier right now?", "is your family safe?", "Can I help?". People need love, kindness, charity in these times. Looking at what I am grateful for now, I know that the love, kindness and empathy of others has helped me stay strong on my track. The money has felt so empty of love. Words of encouragement, simple reminders of hope, strength and experience have offered more perspective and care than anything item I have ever received. Money has a place to cover basic necessities of life, however, above just having a roof over my head and food on my plate, Love takes the cake! And it is not something you can buy, but something you earn, you give, and you receive. To all those who give more than they have, I respect and honor you. As one of you, I know that each time you give more than you have, is a time you need to receive some back. I send my love to you. You are awesome, your heart is so big and your hands are an endless form of healing and assistance to others. Keep up the great work, you are appreciated in ways that are not always obvious to see. In the next 5 years, I hope to be even more abundant in love and hope I can share that with the world.

Holy Social Networking

2011-06-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

Never thought I would say this, especially when so young still, but I am behind the times in social networking. Just spent the last hour exploring all new sites (might not be so new, I really don't know). I created accounts with many of them, most can be found at http://about.me/edit/firstoftwo, where you can actively follow all my latest tweets, posts, pictures, and updates as I move through life in the digital world.

Chances are, I most likely won't keep up with all of them, but for SEO, I hope it helps for the site.

I will also do my best to keep you entertained with new products, services and trials of things I get into that relate to what you want to hear about most!

Non Surgical Face Lift

2011-05-25T16:39:00.000-07:00

Today I had another treatment not under the knife. Using some electricity and some heat, the face get more tight and the pours cleaned right out. With some minimal discomfort, your skin can get dramatic results based on your skin condition. Right now, being young, I have minimal problems, but when age increases and the collegian in my skin just melts away, this procedure can be quite handy. Price range.. $100-$500 maybe more depending on how long and what you have done.

Sweet Thing

2011-05-25T04:13:00.000-07:00

A great band that I originally saw in Orillia.. yup people party up there too! Since then, their music has taken off, starting with the Movie "Easy A" as an opening number. Catchy and fun this collective of stylish men are here in Toronto for July 8th in Dundas square! FREE Indie Fridays!

For their no so free event (because the band needs to make some money to live, just like the rest of us), they will be at NXNE - June 13-19 in Toronto. YEAH!

Holistic Detox

2011-02-15T17:48:00.000-08:00

Not sure if everyone has heard of Dr. Joshi's Holistic Detox, but it is a sure natural doozie of a detox. I tried this a few years ago and in my first week, I lost 5 lbs.

Takes a lot of dedication.. especially if you are a foodie like me. But after 5 years and 30lbs, this girl needs to learn a few lessons from the Doc!

The basics!

1) No Dairy - that means all that delicious cheese, egg, milk products (this includes products they are in as well - ie. breads, crackers etc.

2) Nothing white - No white breads, anything made with bleached flour or has been whitened for aesthetics - rice and instant products.

3) No meat - well.. meat is a tricky thing. most vegetarians eat fish, which in my opinion is still meat. The hard core part of this diet there are no red meats, chicken or anything basically treated or fed with products that you don't know about. Fish.. being mostly healthy, are usually not from the ocean, they are bread in fisheries and controlled environments. Often they are also given hormones to help them grow faster thus achieving their purpose to feed the masses. And if you are getting them from uncontrolled environments like the oceans or lake, chances are they are being raised in environments of pesticides, oil products and other pollutants. Makes you think twice about what you are putting in your mouth right?!

4) No sugars - this is part of the white category as well, but refined sugars are in practically everything no a days. Be careful about what juices you drink too.

So what you ask is left to eat?!?!

VEGETABLES!! And lots of them. Some fruits are allowed, honey is the most natural and supported form of sweetener and is encouraged in moderation. This whole system is designed to get you off the crap, reset your system and get you thinking about health and wellness, all in 21 days. As that is how long it takes to break bad habits.

I will say, even if you don't go the whole 21 days, and you gave it your honest best try, congrats! You did something to make yourself more aware about how you are eating, and that is the first step in a longer journey to do what is right for your tummy, health and the environment you live in. Because what we eat comes from somewhere, and since the economy is driven by supply and demand, we should demand some much better options when it comes to our food, how its made and where it comes from.

Try to think of food not as a diet, but as a healthy lifestyle. Don't focus on the results at all, just enjoy the process. It's not easy breaking the cycle down, but I guarantee, you will feel so much better by the time you are through.

I may not be the best person to be preaching. As a emotional eater i break the rules all the time. But I am training myself to be more aware of my choices and my cravings. Keeping a food journal or reciting a motivational line like "I love you (yourself), I will treat you well" will help control those bad influences.

So good luck in your food journey! I am with you every step of the way to help make our world, the people in it, more aware, happier and healthy!

Living now

2011-01-31T18:53:00.000-08:00

I feel so inspired. Having just read the book True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart, I feel empowered.. most of all, I want to love.. in all aspects.

We fail to do this on a daily basis.. not just love other people but ourselves. We barely focus on the moment, realize what we are eating, how good it tastes, general feelings. We are rushed! why? rushing towards death without having experienced a fruitful life of happiness.

To be happy is to be aware that you are happy. This could be why we don't feel it that often, we are just not aware of anything. Just the negative things which often take hold of our thoughts.

soo.. drop all your thoughts...take a deep breath in through your nose...inhale deeply int your stomach pushing it outwards.... now exhale through your mouth. Do you not feel a great sense of relief?!?!

We often sigh when we are overwhelmed or stressed.. could it be we are just not breathing. Sometimes i catch myself thinking "am I breathing?" we are the walking dead. Take a big gulp in of that living fresh air and get yourself grounded in the moment.. you are missing your life!

With my birthday looming... I feel now is more important then ever. Clocks, age, dates, time in general is a brutal and cruel joke we force ourselves to believe in. There is no time! We are endless and continuous, recycled energy in high and low points in various forms. We are lucky enough to have access to it enough to be aware. Discover your awareness of it today.

First step in the right direction

2011-01-27T11:09:00.001-08:00

After watching an incredible documentary of the state our planet is in, I felt compelled to take action. By working together, we can all help make a difference. Only as a group can we make a difference that is positive.
The last 100 years represent how well as a community we have negatively influenced our living environment. This can be reversed quickly being actively aware of our actions.
Start with some simple changes around the house
1) Turn down your thermostat when you are not in the house 2) Wear warmer clothing in the house during the winter and use energy efficient devices like ceiling fans to move air in the summer.  3) Use natural cleaning products such as vinegar for cleaning surfaces, floors, and microwaves. Lemon is another efficient ingredient to help disinfect. Baking soda is very useful for taking soap grime off bath tubs and cleaning sinks where there is buildup.
4) Compost! Buy fresh local products in season, be aware of packaging when you buy outside of produce and learn to recycle packaging properly.
5) Reduce consumerism. Buy less! Holidays are created for people to spend money on things they do not need. If you don't need it, don't buy it. If you do need something, think of ways you can buy it used. If something is broken, it can easily be fixed. This will help reduce cost and waste.
6) Donate: donating used items or unwanted items is a great way to clean up your personal environment and help contribute to those who might be in greater need. Donating your time is fulfilling and gives back to your local community. Many groups often have events that require only 2 hours of your time once a month. Being social is an important part of life and helps people in more ways then one.
7) Public transit - walking and cycling: Although public transit is not always reliable to get to destinations quickly, it allows you to travel greater distances, spend less money and lower your carbon footprint.
Cycling - be prepared in the city when cycling, always follow the rules of traffic. I think we have all experienced nearly being run down by a car or cyclist before. Road rules are there to keep people safe. This is an excellent form of exercise and a great way to get quickly around the city.
Walking - the most direct route to anyplace is by walking. Although not time efficient, you get exercise, are more aware of your surroundings, have chances to socially interact with others and contributes no pollution to your environment, plus.. no parking the car or bike or having to pay any fees.

8) Reducing shower time. There is no need for 30 min showers! 5-10 min tops! Showers are a luxury that we take full advantage of to often. Think about water safe soaps and shampoos, also ones that biodegrade. I will post another blog with product names for simple house hold products.

9)Hang clothes to dry (do not use the dryer), wash more dishes instead of washing only a few with a full sink of water, avoid using paper plates, napkins, paper towels, plastic products.

10) Avoid purchasing waterbottles, cases of pop/cans anything that is stored in plastic or metal coated containers. For long periods of time, food can become contaminated with minerals, oils, chemicals and various other types of toxins that poison our system. If produce that is not organically and locally bought, be sure to soak and wash vegetables throughly before cooking.

The right thing

2011-01-25T19:48:00.000-08:00

I have mad respect for men ... real men, who can let a girl down with respect and honesty. For a two month relationship, I can leave feeling completely respected and no hard feelings toward a guy who was honest, to my face, about how he was feeling about things. I think this is the best break up i have every had... or a least a legitimate breakup.

Lets face it, you guys think us girls are way to brittle to handle the truth, i think you are just two weak to face the truth. This guy has one up on you all. Fully willing to admit he has made mistakes in his past about handling it badly, but rectifying those mistakes with the right move. I am glad to have been a well receiver on this to help provide other men (from this guys words) into doing the right thing.

To that guy:

I have loved the time we have spent together and will always remember them as good times. Thank you for treating me with respect in all aspects. You are one of the few gentlemen out there that have the balls, grit and confidence to be real to a woman to the end. Thank you. I'll respect you forever for doing the right thing.

Friends

2011-01-23T06:50:00.000-08:00

The most precious thing to have are friends, friends you can do almost anything with, say anything with and be around as much as possible without feeling you need a break. It takes a long time to find these friends, make them and keep them. But they were totally worth the wait.

To my friends out there, I love you all, glad to have found you and only pray to keep you around as long as possible.

Thank you for all the good times, funny times, hard times and mischievous times. All the best memories are made with you and I am thankful for every single one of them, even the ones that are yet to come.

Nightmares

2011-01-20T20:38:00.000-08:00

Change is inevitable. I have had more and more dreams.. more like nightmares of family and change. Most of the dreams involving family are Tornado based, but lately it has been things, spirits and people trying to hurt them.

Constantly chasing, scheming, assaulting... it's exhausting. What are the meanings behind these dreams. I never have dreamt so much about family in such a short period of time. Sure there is a lot going on with one member of the family, but marriage is always a happy period of time. I don't forsee any issue with it at all, absolutely no doubt they are the correct match for eachother.

Perhaps the view is not so external as internal, perhaps the change has to do with me. I should look deeper within the meaning as to how it applies to myself.

Perhaps tonight will be different.

What the world would be like without bad smells

2010-08-23T05:42:00.001-07:00

Bad smells are like pain, it tells you there is something wrong! There are not to many bad smells that lead to something good.. like really old cheese. It smells really bad but tastes so wonderful. Then there are good smells that lead to things that taste bad... like coffee. Yup, that is right, I am not a coffee drinker. Saves me tones of cash though.

Some of the worst out there for smells are cigarette smells (because they move around, typically occupy the places you love the most like the patios and parks), second worst is sewage smell. Sewage at least is centralized over the culvert grates and sometimes the subway, but with holding your breath for a quick second or to you can avoid them.

So what would the world be like without bad smells? I guess we could all give it a try for a few minutes a day (not creating anything that smells bad). I think people's noses would be a bit happier, we would smile a bit more and enjoy a lot more things without the dreaded scrunched up face and evil looks.

I'd imagine I would skip down the road with no fear of breathing deeply in and exhaling out with the added joy of breathing like that all the time. In yoga, they tell you to breath deeply, that it will help heal you and relax you. I think it's city smell that is preventing us from relaxing like that.

Do your part to keep the world bad smell free :)

2010-08-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

The noise of the city.

Even at 16 floors up downtown, the noise does not stop. It sounds like war zone with the pounding of concrete and the syrons of fire trucks and police cars constantly driving by in front of the building.

I think the reason people are so uptight is because they can never really get any peace. There should be a silence day, where everyone just stops doing noisy things to see if it really makes a difference in people's moods.

I would love to hear the ocean all day, no voices, no construction, no birds, just the ocean. Peace, the sun the sand and take the world in. If there was nothing else out there, all we would hear is nature and I think we can do a bit more with that.

Nature cries out now, floods, fires, earth quakes. As a resident of Earth, we are no longer welcome. We have trashed this house and the land lord wants us out! Shape up or ship out people! We all live together as roommates and as much as we don't get along, we need to live somewhere.

There are much bigger problems out there then the petty bull *$% we deal with on a daily basis. Lets focus on the big stuff this time instead of the small stuff.

That is the end my rant :)

Ghosts - something im working on

2010-06-15T18:44:00.001-07:00

No more ghosts, glimmers of people of the past, I don't need to be haunted and reminded of your faint presence.

I live here, now, in a place where I feel, not fade away.

There isn't much left of what once was, so I can't have you leave to just come back Be real for you, feel something for me, and stay in one place where I can come back to you.

Let my reflection be you, staring into me. Choose to be a ghost then be forced to take leave.

The past

2010-05-25T17:34:00.001-07:00

How much of our past predicts the future. Much of the change that happens in my life that is new has the constant reminders of my past. Why does it seem to poke its ugly head up just as you move onto something exciting and new?

Is it a reminder to not repeat the mistakes of the past? A warning to not try anything new and just live in fear of any type of change? All of life's mistakes are great stories to be shared and hopefully lessons for future decisions. I just hope I don't let the past define my decisions now. Take them into consideration... but don't let it rule the decision.

I think its time to focus on the present. Right now...life is pretty simple. Just how i like it.. but maybe with a bit more passion ;)

Dream - To the end and back and no memory of the journey

2010-01-28T05:55:00.000-08:00

I don't remember what year it is... I am sitting alone in a field, the sky blue, the grass green, birds chirping and a warmth that felt so perfect that I wanted to be there all day. I pulled out a broken camera, something I have always had but never came to the point to replace it. The shutter was gone so i had to press hard on the buttons that were activated when the shutter moved over it.

Through the digital screen I capture the day, as i lowered the camera, only for a second I saw a complete array of destruction and misery. That moment was a thousand words of what could have been or what was to come. The sky was dark, raining a yellow type of substance, the ground and plants were all since wilted away, the ground was soft and muddy and a horrible sound filled the musty old smelling air.

I was back to reality (or what seemed like a perfect world), as i put my camera down i noticed I wasn't alone. There were hundred of people around me, almost like refugees, not tattered or lost, not even aware of survival of all, they just were around me as if dressed for a Sunday picnic out in the field with family. The looks on their faces said it all.. they couldn't remember either. 'How did we get here?'.

As I looked over the crowd something started to take note to me, this location was just outside the town I grew up in... but there were no roads. All the houses were there, but they seemed abandoned and old, the only grey and brown aspect to this perfect sunny field day. There were lots of things that were not adding up and my brain hurt to much to try to put them together with no evidence. I started to stare up into the blue sky, the sun was blinding but warm against my face, the air felt refreshing and there wasn't much of a care in the world at that point. No thought and no worry. At that moment of peace, it was lived to short before hearing a hum of a machine. My eyes opened and as they adjusted, I saw the faint glimmer of a ship in the air. Large and majestic like a Sting Wray it flew past weaving through the air. The hum grew louder and I noticed it was not the ship in the sky but some transport coming from the town.

People around me started to get up and jump and yell that they were saved, that they could go somewhere safe. The transport was something that looked like it was from star wars with the jaw's. Shaped the same way but with window openings and people hanging out of it. The drive was in full view now and used an intercom to convey the message that the convoy was full, no room for anyone else.

The crowd grew angry and rushed the ship. I stood up and pulled my camera out to take pictures of it, not in full belief it was actually there. Through the pictures.. i noticed high school friends of mine. At that moment they saw me to and started yelling my name and waving. I yelled out their names and ran along the convoy. "We will find you again Julie, we will be back here to come get you, we will find you again!"

With disappointment the entire crowd stopped chasing the vehicle and stopped in their tracks, their heads hung low and they went back to their groups. A rush of thoughts were swimming in my mind now. I had to figure out what was going on, we couldn't just stay here, not sure I would want to come back, we must move on.

I started to walk in the direction the convoy was heading, it was out of sight now but to walk away from where I was, i was bound to find out more then staying. Some people noticed I was walking away and stopped me "where do you think you are going?" they asked.. I responded with "anywhere but here, we need to keep moving, there are no answers here".

I could hear the chatter spread through the group and i started to think, did i want this amount of people to be around? What if there were danger out there, would i feel responsible for them all?

A younger man came up to me and said "we don't remember much either, my friend mike over here said something about creatures at night that kill." I could hear worry in his voice, as he grabbed up his friend mike who looked just as scared.. sundown would approach in the next hour or so, and shelter was needed. "we must hurry then" I continued to walk and a large group of people followed. They were all of different ages and cultures, not many children though... that would be an advantage. We walked for a while down a road I always had known to be there then down a highway I remembered that led to a small town not far away. The dark was approaching fast and I could hear a growing murmur in the crowd of people as they starred at the forest beside us. I could see the houses not far in front of me now and started a light jog to get there. The crowd followed my lead and a panic started to set in.

As I approached the houses, they were ransacked with broken glass, old wood and open spaces. Some people were there already, tattered and worn away, sad and beaten, trying to repair what was left of their homes. The first sounds of these creatures were heard in the bush. Like a flock of birds stuck in the branches they were approaching in large numbers.

I ran for one of the houses that looked more closed off, pushing my way through doors and through open walls, i turned around to see behind me that the group was being picked off by the creatures. They were cat like without hair, black skinned, bony, yellow eyes and fearcly fast. I had maybe 5 people behind me join me in this building, all scampering about to save their lives.

I was near a window and felt a paw reach out at me and grab me by the shoulder. it pulled me out and i struggled with the beast, as it scratched at me and tried to bite me. I held it by its neck pushing it away from me but one of my fist wen through its skin and into its body. It's body was soft and hot and I grabbed onto anything I could and pulled away hoping it would die. When i pulled out, i was holding it's heart in my hands, it immediately let out a cry and died just to my side. It wouldn't be long before more would try to get at me so i dropped it and slid back through the window to search out the basement.

I found the basement and the 5 others. I slammed the door behind me and asked one of them to barricade it shut. I ran to another door in the room and opened it to see what was behind it. It was just another small room that was open to outside. I shut the door quietly and held it shut. I motioned to everyone to be quiet now. Two of the people in the room started talking, talking as though it was no big deal and that no one else could hear them. My frustration started to build inside me. My thoughts were evil, could they not see me standing there trying to defend our lives, cut up and covered in blood? Without yelling I wanted to hurt them. It was like in movies I remembered. There was always one loud mouth ass hole who never believed in what was happening that would screw it up for everyone else. I always thought in those movies that if that person died they would have all been better off.. my ethics still held strong though, i couldn't kill them as much as i wanted to. I stared at them and decided my message could be heard better if i through a rock at them. I found on the floor and whipped it at his head. Of course he yelled out in pain and that's when i heard a growl.

It was outside the door now and everyone now spoke up to the people talking. "you asshole, looked what you did!" The creature started banging its head against the door, almost knocking the person away from it. One man stood stiffly terrified of what he knew might come if that door was opened. For some great reason, i had an idea to run out the back door and draw them away. I looked at them all for the last time and opened the door I was blocking and ran. I made all kinds of noise, yelling, swearing and bolting as fast as i could. I heard a scurry of the creatures reconfiguring themselves to come after me. I made it to the side of the house before i tumbled over a hole and fell to the ground. I could see the faces of others stare through open holes about to watch what would happen to me.

At this point i saw something in front of me, a small cigarette looking item but made of plastic. For no known reason i put it in my mouth just as a creature attacked me, we struggled again and i went for his neck, ripping out its heart through its only known weak spot. More creatures arrived around, attacking me one by one.. but i noticed they were erratic in their attack. That is when i realized the plastic thing i had made a high pitch noise, much like a kazoo. I blew hard on it, my eyes shut struggling with a creature on top of me. I felt it weaken and back off of me. Their cries were just as bad as the kazoo noise. I kept blowing and they retreated back further and i chased after them making this awful sound. They backed off completely now into the forest. I looked to the others in the buildings and we all had a mental conversation of what they needed to do.

Every few seconds or so i would blow on the kazoo. I assessed the damage of my wounds and stumbled around outside the grounds of the house. "what now!" i thought.." sunrise", what seems like a matter of minutes turned out to be hours and the sun was now coming up. I approached the front of the house and there was something different there.. larger metal people holding weapons , standing taller then 2 ft of me. The murmur through the people was that these things were aliens.. but from a closer look it was military.

Without thinking and just acting, i stumbled into the crowd of them that was overseeing the damage of the house. "I want to see your general" i said, barely able to stand tall. They turned and surrounded me, much like the creatures. They aimed their guns at me and waited for the instructions. My vision was blurry now, the blood on me was mine mixed with those I killed. Was i dying I wasn't sure, but i was damn tired and eager to learn more about what was going on.

It was after I had left that those that said they would come back for me showed up. They were wearing majestic flowing outfits of brightly coloured silk and sheer materials. Like the coming of the sun, they were here for us all to bring hope and joy back to those who remained.

I put my arms behind me as if expected to be cuffed. Was i dangerous? Why was i so confident. Perhaps it was just not really caring about being dead anymore. I was cuffed and brought out to the front of the group towards where the general was. They spoke in a different language and from what I was reading of body language, I was to be brought with them. We came out to an intersection of roads. The weather had turned to a winter setting and the roads were covered. There were some motioning to other soldiers and a track was activated in the ground. The solders were still on guard as we stepped onto the track and moved towards where the town was. I was cold and felt the stiff pain of winter in my mounds. It was easier for me to focus on the temperature over my actual pain.

The moments that passed were short, we had arrived at a military based, loaded with machinery far more advanced then I have ever known. My thoughts gave way to how long I had been away, had i just woken up in that field from a long dream, where years had passed me by. The next part of my life I was treated as if i was a prisoner, but I had the benefits of learning to fight like them. I received all the same training but was not to be trusted entirely. I slept my nights in a cell and woke up early in the morning to learn more about how to fight. I didn't know what I was being taught to fight, but i excelled in their training of weapons, land maneuvers and weaponry.

The second time I saw the general was at an all military meeting. I was summoned out of my cell to attend but was not made aware of what it was about. Their language was different from regular English, and I was never taught what it was. I merely picked up what i could when i was instructed and observed from others in their interactions. The general started informing everyone about a time that had now came to be, and how the services were needed... as he went on.. his face gave way to a flux of memories that came back. His face was something I knew, something from before.

Then i woke up

Random Pleasures of the day - 2

2010-01-19T17:10:00.001-08:00

A cold water after getting back from the gym.

Random Pleasures of the day - 1

2010-01-19T17:09:00.000-08:00

Warm towel in a cold bathroom getting out of the shower.

The snake and tiger

2009-09-29T06:03:00.001-07:00

I had a few dreams last night but this one was before i woke up.

there was a dance competition out in this field where there was an open barn. But the bar was wrecked with couches, old tables and the flooring was uneven. Knowing my partner and I were the first to go we tried to compromise with the surface for our routine.

After hours of moving furniture around we gave up and started building our set on the grass below. we had people helps us, bring in sand, music and large rocks and shells for the surface (not sure how it would help out the dancing aspect). There was a fabric overlay as well that wouldn't help anything out. it was starting to look more ritual then anything.

We were wearing large tie die type of shirts with long gloves that went past our elbows. The grass around this field where we set up was long almost up to my waist. I was communicating with my partner what i wanted to do for my routine and she asked me "why aren't you doing what we had planned?" Truth was i didn't know what we had planned and how it was going to synchronize.

There was some commotion behind us as the crowed of other performers started to build. Then some screams. A large yellow snake broke through the concrete wall behind us. It burst through and ravaged the crowd then slithered into the grass where we were. It was hard to see since the grass was so high. But i think it was gone.

After people settled down we were encouraged to get started. My partner in front of me we started with a few waves of arms with our legs bent in a squatting position. I moved into my next move and saw the yellow snake coming back. I put both my arms up to block it like I was in a boxing match and it hit me and bounced off. It circled around and started to come back so i began to run through the long grass. My strides were slow as i pushed through the grass up to the concrete wall. It caught up to me fast and i faced towards it, it clipped me in the arm. I could hear people yell "shoot it shoot it" but not one made any attemps. What was I to do in the pressence of this beast? My arm started to gush as i held it and moved on towards the wall. I got up to it and then a giant tiger appeared, closer to the size of an elephant. It too threatened me. I was stuck between the tiger and the snake now.

Once the snake saw the tiger he saw immediate threat so he attacked the tiger. I was able to run beneath its legs into a concrete alcove. Its fur pressed against the cove sending me flying against the wall. I could hear the roarers and hisses of the two intertwined with one another in front of me. If the tiger would die there I would be trapped. Finally they both moved, wrestling down the hill into the grass. The snake puncturing a venomous bite into the tiger while it grabbed at the snake with its large paws.

I climbed over the embankment and stumbled into the crowd where a few security men came up to me to assess my injury's. "aww just a scratch" one said looking down at my arm. "just at scratch!!! ??? a fucking giant snake bit my arm!" i yelled "your friend is off by helecoper you will have to go by land". I looked at him disgusted by his lack of urgency for my injury. And walked off with the guard.

Tornadoes

2009-09-27T05:45:00.001-07:00

I have spent the entire night fighting off and running away from tornadoes. I was living in new orleans but it was in the same building i live in now. I walked out to my balcony to see the entire horizon with low clouds and pulsing heart beat of bad things to come. Being on the 20th floor of the building I was concern with its age and height that it would not with stand any normal storm little alone any type of tornado.

The first signs of things to come were off in the distance. A small dark cloud started to funnel towards to the ground miles away. I didnt think anything of packing any belongings but to head to the elevator. Great choice without really thinking. This time the elevator got me safely downstairs, next time I would have to take the stairs. I got outside where i started running down the street. That is where i met up with two girls from work. I warned them that a tornado was headed for the city and we must seek shelter below.

They ran with me and we found a garage that was on a slope that went down 3 storeys. IT was open on all sides but it was below the ground so it had to be good. The two girls ran to the very edge were it was open and stood there. I ran to a pole in the middle where a man was working on a car. I told him about the weather and he started packing up immediately. I looked over at the girls and asked "do you stand at the edge of a shelter in the rain and not get wet?" rhetorical of course. They thought about it and ran over to where I was.

I could hear the screams start to mount and heard the weather pick up around us. The howel was coming closure and the ground that i could see near was pushing dirt around in the air. I squinted my eyes so that no dirt could blind me. That is when the first of them hit.

The wind was powerful in its circular motion but not big enough to destroy anything other then cars, tress or people. I felt the pressure around me change and the wind against me enough that i felt a bit of lift. It was too loud to talk now but i could hear the girls scream a bit as the first one blew through the garage. The seconds felt like hours but it went through without our harm. Two more of a slightly larger size would blow through with the same result. The howel of it all seemed deafning like a metal rock concert.

By the time it was done, we were weary and not sure about even leaving. There was talk of going back to my car and leaving the city for better weather or a place to where there might not be to much debree. We gathered our selves up and went in search for my car. Leaving the garage my car should have been in a parking lot behind. i looked around and all i saw was a blue jeep. Similar to my own car this must be it. I got in on what i thought was the drivers side but turned out to be the passenger side. It was designed like a UK car, having the drivers side on the other side. But each side had wheels and an instruction guide. It must have been on of those off roading jeeps. Another weird thing was that the passengers that are suppose to be in the back were in the front. One of the girls was infront of me while the other was in the drivers seat trying to figure out how to drive.

I insisted I would drive but she refused to move, so we got on the move out of hte parking lot. I felt my anxiety build as we left. her driving was slow, and unfocused. She barely looked at the road. Getting through the city would be a brutal drive. I ended up taking things in my own hands and leaving the car at the next red light. I ran to the edge of town and saw over the land that was all prarie like so you could see really far. The skies threatened more torandoes. I looked back at my building and thought it wouldnt hold. I also then thought of my parents and where they were. I gave them a ring on my phone and was able to get a hold of my mom. the connection was terrible but i was able to arrange a meeting place so we could all leave together.

I met them shortly later and they wanted to take me back to my home and reassure me that nothing bad would happen. I warned them over and over I dont want to be here, we should leave but they refused to hear my plee. We got to my floor and it was destroyed. People in their apartments without walls. All the balcony's had been ripped off and stuff scattered about. I thought about what i had on my balcony and it was of no signifigance. Then i thought.. i could probably take stuff if i wanted to now. I went through my drawers and closests and pulled out anything that i felt i might miss or that was of some kind of value. The bag and box started to fill up enough that it was difficult to carry. That is when i heard the howel again.

I was so distracted by what i was doing that the weather changed. IT was headed right for us and we could see it coming. i grabbed onto the sink counter and told me parents to hold on. I thought we were totally doomed this time. I shut my eyes and felt the wind and noise take us over. When i opened them i saw the building sway back and forth, the other buildings seem to be moving behind us now. The building i was in must be falling. But it was falling slowly as if on a rail path over and out of the city. I yelled to others "we are falling, brace for impact". I thought i hope we land well but the odds of that were slim. The buildings past by us as the floor rummbled beneith us and we flew through the city. Were we in the tornado but not spinning, just floating out of the after effects of it. The speed started to pick up now. The ground was coming closer but we were out of town so we would not hit another building it would be all ground.

I braced for what i thought might be the end. The floor of the apartment gave way to dirt and we came crashing and rolling into the ground virtually unharmed. I was staring up at the dark sky exhuasted from all the stress of it all. I was alive though and I looked over to see others were ok.
I s tarted to brush the earth off of me and looked around. We were out in some field in the prarie land out of the city. The city was a few kms from where we were. Far off in the distance more torandoes were touching down and forming. Far enough way it couldn't effect us. But i knew we couldnt spend to much standing around here, we would have to move on.

We found a road not far from where we landed. we walked along at a heavy pace where my aunt and grandmother were buying apples at a farm close by. They offered us a ride and we told our story. We got out to a highway close by and went further out of town. I could see people crowded in a field, small funnels were coming towards them but they were enjoying it like a game. One person would get picked up and the others would hold him down. I thought to myself that weather was nothing to poke fun about. people die, lives are uprooted and all that we know is tossed about.

We pulled over at the outside of it all to watch like an audience. with 15 funnels approaching the city. One was massive, about a 1km wide. I saw it go to a residential area. After being through with it there was nothing left but clear ground. It plowed through like a bulldozer. I felt sad for all those people who might still be there or their lives that are now gone.

After they were all through and the sky was as clear as it has ever been. I felt compelled to return to the city and assess the damage. I headed back in my aunts car, the roads were clear, like no one would be around to use them. The city was destroyed. Like a war zone from a movie, windows were gone, half of buildings, walls gone, some only had a concrete pad left as some sign there was something there...

the rest of the dream drags on from here, that was the jist. there was another where i was at home and the neighbours wouldnt leave and i had to call the cops on them. It got violent to say the least.

Whatever from the rain

2009-09-26T20:06:00.000-07:00

If everything in the world was made to make you happy would you be able to feel it? Would you still want it? Would you know what it would feel like?

You cruise through life with mild experiences and brief moments of euphoria to learn a bit more about yourself, your purpose and your environment. Maybe you are just living. Without a great search for something in this world are you nothing?

Are you empty space without purpose or drive? One task after another that influences other peoples lives but no further advances in your own. Perhaps you are beyond the search or meaning and you are just there to help other search for theirs.

A minion of a greater being or energy. Nothing meant to give back to you, but to give to those who take. You are a power plant that creates it and sends it out to those who abuse and waste their energy. Who is using it for the greater good? Perhaps all our good will lies in hope. Hope for those small moments in life you smile, you laugh and feel bliss for a mere second; a moment that can last a lifetime but it over instantly.

The vampire

2009-08-04T11:09:00.000-07:00

It started out like any tuesday afternoon nap. I was tired and it was about to storm outside. I found a comfortable warm spot on my bed and dozed off.

I found myself in an apartment shared with a girl named susan. She was short with dark short hair and jonted around the apartment talking about her day. I smiled as i listened to her rant on and on about her horrible boss at work while i stared down reading a magazine. She had mentioned something about the time and it totally sunk in I had to be somewhere by 9. "Shit what time is it?" i asked her standing up and then grabbing her arm to look at her watch.

It was well past 9 so i dropped her arm and bolted to my room, grabbed a few things for my purse and slid on some shoes to get out of the house. I stepped out briefly hearing Susan muffled goodbye in the back ground as i slammed the door behind me. The sky was think with humid air and i could feel the electricity of a storm approaching. It was surprisingly dark for 9 but i figured the clouds were blocking most of the light. I reached deep into my purse for keys, fumbled around for a bit then realized the car was on the fritz. So i had to walk. "Damn car," i thought crunching over the gravel of the drive to the road.

The dim of the street light provided just enough light between posts to see the ground on the road. It felt like a horror movie seen as I continued walking. Alone, down a empty road on a dark eerie night, late for my job, barely enough light to see. The type of scene bad things happen to people in. It was upon that thought i heard something stir behind me. I turned around and nothing was there. I continued walking shrugging it off a bit but putting my hand in my purse for the keys. Girls should always do that, keep their keys handy as a weapon just in case.

I didn't hear much else when I finally reached my job. It was at a bar as a waitress. not something I aspired to be but it was good for now. Lucky for me it was a nice place on the lake. Lots of the rich folks came around to drop a few hundred a night on bottle service and some decent food. Then there were the outstanding few that just ordered plates and messed around on teh food, hardly ate anything on it. Just seemed to like to waste beautiful things.

They didn't cuss up to much of a fuss when i got there a tad late. Things were a bit slow because of weather anyway so not much had to be preped. As the night went along, customers came and went, got a bit busy later on when the younger crowd showed up. It was martini after martini, feeding their lust for the drunk feeling, no being aware of anything around them. I was jealous of that feeling, it had been a while that I had left and been in my own place, away from the spoils of life to be in my own world, despite that nasty hangover the next day. And as if someone was reading my thoughts this gentleman of 30 asked to buy me a drink. "sorry sir, not appropriate for me to be drinking while working, i'd be happy to get you another", i spoke to soon because his glass was still full. I smirked and applogized and looked down at the group drinking. I let out a brief sigh. It seemed that sigh was slowed down that he was staring at me intently the whole time it happened. Watching the air push through my neck and out, flexing the muscles and pulsing the blood through my veins.

"you are not from around here, are you?" i said looking more curiously at him. "no" he smirked a bit, it was hardly noticable. " but i am from around.. just not around here".

One of the drunk girls came stumbling down the bard and smashed into his shoulder " hey, so are you buying us more drinks" he pushed her off his suit and away a bit, She returned to her friends.

" so you are finacing this party, be careful of that girl at the end, she gets a bit wild" i said pointing down to a girl i have seen time after time go home with random rich men from the bar.
I turned away to go attend to some other customers, and when i was to return he was gone. I went to my manager and asked if the tab was paid. He said that guy dropped about 2 grand down at the beginning of then night for any drinks. They only went through about a quarter of it all. Hmm i thought.. must be loaded, figures, leaving with that group.

The end of the shift neared and i was desperate to get back home and crawl into bed. Standing on your feet all night just makes you want to put them up all the more. When i got outside the night had not improved. It was now raining, just a bit of light rain to let you know it was soon going to pour down. I started a light jog back home. I heard some guy who was in teh bar earlier cough up a stink and yell at me for something, i just ignored and pulled a hood up over my head to protect me from the weather. On my way back it was a bit clearer now, more so that i could see a group of people smoking by a lamp post. Great i thought, i think i will get harassed either way, if i cross the street or not. I just continued on my pace. As predicted they said some stuff at me, ignoring them got them a bit more pissed that one started to jog after me a bit.

Then out of no where i felt the back of my head get hit hard with something. I fell to the ground instantly, slushing down into the gravel and wet grass of a the ditch. I saw this guy come after my purse and i knew this was going to get ugly. Lucky enough i wasn't totally out of it. Instinct kicked in and i grabbed at his leg and bit him. once he fell I pulled myself up and jumped on top of him punching him in the face at his nose and eyes. Screaming "like that you mother fucker" "how does it feel to be beat on huh" I pounded away while he flailed about beneith me. Once he seemed to stop a bit i thought of the others. I got up and looked around, but not long enough to stay around. I started to run. I felt the warm spot of blood coming from the back of my head.

I was almost home i could see the lights. I reached the end of the drive and started up when i was pushed aside onto the grass and fell again. I looked around and saw nothing. I grabbed at my head to see how bad the bleeding was, it was not enough for stitches but i should get in. I reached the door and opened it and shut it behind me locking it. I felt safe now and releaved i could catch my breath. My heart was racing and i still couldn't remember all the details of what just happened. I dropped my things and headed towards my bedroom turning on a lamp on my way and that is when i saw him. The outline of a tall man standing here. before i could do anthing he was in front of me and pushed me against the wall then onto the floor. I scambled about beneth him but his strength was far superior to my own. Like a helpless aunt beneith a magnafying glass i struggled and then stopped. I felt paralized staring up at this figure, i could't move anymore. I felt his hand at the back of my head feeling around my fresh wound. He played around with the texture of the blood and icould feel no pain from it. Just hear its sticky wetness in his hands and my hair.

And just like that everything slowed. Like a last breath of air into my lungs came in never to escape. I felt life and warmth drain from me, my neck tensing, my eyes staring up into what was the brightest light that faded to dark. My body went limp and the only thing i felt was his wrist grasped in my right hand my nails dug in deep piercing his skin.

I woke up the next day in my bed. I jolted out to find myself in my tank and underwear. I felt all over my head to feel any signs of anything that was from last night but i felt nothing. Could this all have been a dream? Something to real feeling? I looked over at the clock and it past 9 again. Dejavu. I jumped out of bed and looked around the room then out into the living room to find nothing out of place or signs of last night.

Nah this couldn't have been fake. I ran over to my Susans room.. and opend her door.. She wasn't there. I felt starange now. I like i was super energetic. I never feel this good jumping out of bed but i guess it was just the adrenelene of the situation. I went to the kitchen, still bewildered i opened the fridge to get some food. I saw the message light flashing on the phone and listened to some messages. One was from mom, i started to drink back some milk as she went on and on about the newest addition to the family, my neice olivia. She instructed i call her back so i could arrange to see her in person. I skipped over to hear a message from susans boyfirned, hit save and hung up the phone. I returned the carton of milk to the fridge and felt this unsettling feeling in my stomach. "holy shit" i said out load.. and ran for hte bathroom. I threw up the milk i had just had into the toliet. "gezz. i didnt know it was bad i bought it a few days ago" not really thinking anything of it.

I still felt hungry so i went back to the fridge poured myself some water and made a sandwhich. As my usual process goes, i sat in front of the tv while i at some food as there was no dining room table. I turned on my show and started to eat. The same sick feeling came over me. I ran yet again to the bathroom. After finishing i thought.."well this is werid". I thought i might go get dressed and head into town maybe i would feel better later.

I picked a decent enough outfit and fixed myself in the mirror. I look damn good, my face was really clear, my hair was very cooperative and i looked really healthy, a bit pale but i wasn't overly tanned as a person anyway. So off i went, locking the door behind me and giving a scope out of the area before me. It was a clear night, full moon, not stormy it seemed trusworthy. I decided to ride my bike this time instead of walk. When i passed the spot that i thought i got mugged in there were no signs of anything. I never even thought to check in with the news.. maybe even the hospital to see if anything had been reported. So i continued into town and thought since i was down there i would check in on my neice. I rang up my sisters house and as all new mothers, she was still awake, nursing the newborn olivia. After 30 min of being around her, I was done and needed to head out. My hunger was driving me mental an i was getting as cranky as the baby was.

I parked my bike outside of a newstore and picked up a local paper. Nothing was really metioned. There was some kind of story about a murder out of town but no muggings or missing teenage guys or even any strangers in town. When i thought of that i immediately thought of the man at the bar. Could there be a connection, perhaps he was there again tonight. So i ran off to the bar, my manger was shocked i was there on an off night and cracked at me that I could put on a uniform and help out. I looked around the crowed bar, some familiars and regulars and afew irrangulars but not that guy from the other night. A hopeless cause i sat down at the bar to relax a bit. Figuring it wasnt wise to have a drink i swiveled around to star at the crowd. I could hear everyone... it was almost annoying listening to the the fluzzies talk about their hair or nails on a regular basis but now i could hear them all in more detail. I could see individual glaces and smell peoples perfume or even sweat. It was a bit more detail then i was willing to be exposed to.

After being bumped a few times by peopel trying to get at the bar i wanted to leave. I waved good by to the manager and got outside. here iwas again about to make my way home in the dark. A little bit more roudy of people dropping other off and cabs pulling up and leaving but the same dark scene. I walked around to the side to fetch my bike and someone approached me. he stood afar from me and said "hello" I looked "hi, the entrace to the bar is on that side" i said pointing but still cautious. "i'm not interested in the bar" he didnt really move from his spot. My heart pounded a bit when i turned around to see a bit closer as to who it was. It was when i turned he lunged at me, i moved out of the way in time to run, i ran towards the lake and down to the shore. I could hear him behind me after me. He caught up fast and pushed me down, he was ontop but i managed to roll him over and be ontop of him. I held him down and he failed about a bit and then i went for it. I sank my teeth into his neck and bit him like it was some normal reaction. I could feel his blood in my mouth and for some reason it felt good to taste it. Not salty like it had once tasted when we were kids and sucked on our own wounded finger but sweet and quenching like some amazing drink.

My mind fuzzed and i felt a great surge of power and hazz fill me. It was like being drunk off several martinis. After my hungry disappated i stopped and came to realization what i had done. I immediately let go,droping his limps to the ground and standing up holding my mouth. "what have i done" i thought in complete horror of the situation. I left him there and ran home and it seemed to have only taken seconds. Once i reached my room i looked in the mirror. I my mouth and clothing were covered in blood and news to me i had fangs. Ok this has to be a dream , it has to be, i didnt just kill someone, what the fuck is going on.

I heard at bang at my door.. i was starttled as it seemed so loud. "jules " seh said.. oh it was my roomate Suzan. "ya" i frantly said trying to find a towel. "you need anything at the store, i'm going out for the night but will pick up some stuff tmorrow morning" her voice through the door was like she was sceaming but i knew she wasn't. "no no .. i'm good thanks.. see ya"

I heard her give up and leave the house, drive away until i heard no car sound at all. I sat down and managed to catch my breath yet again and stared at myself.
"good evening" a man said. I spun around to look behind me and there was the man from the bar. "what the fuck?! who the hell are you " i backed up closer to my door and fumbled with the handle slightly but he was now in front of me. easing himself closer into me and until i was pressed against the door with his body. It had been a while since i was this close to a man, little alone a sheer stranger who was randomly in my room, why is this turning me on. My body tingled and buzzed from all the adrenelene.

And without saying words at all i suddenly knew it all. I knew what i was and who he was. This explains everything. Vampire. I always thought it was just a folk lore fear that people had in small towns back in history but apprently it was true. I felt his stare down on me, he was significantly taller then me, wearing a black suit exquistetly tailored. He was dark haired and darked eyed, pale and cold. I didnt feel cold though. i felt warm still. "and that is how you tricked him you see" he whispered in my ear. He smelled around me the blood still fresh on my clothes. "tricked.. who?" i said. "usually its a crime to murder one of our own, but i'll forgive you since your fresh" he moved his hand to my face, and i felt his thumb on my throat along the bottom of my jaw. I killed him.. and..i paused in my thoughts. Vampire. My own. The whole situation was more then i could handle. I felt my breath shorten and my heart race. "he wasn't that important and he was sloppy, i'm surprised you were able to over power him so soon, you hold great promise"

I clued into reality a bit more now and pushed his body away and maneovered around him to my bed where i sat down. "promise? am i your padwon learner now, am i to call you yoda" i was shocked at how snappy i came back with my words. I might get tt like this new me. " i was right about you, and no you dont not need to know my name, you are mine now so you will be doing what i tell you" he walked around like a parent talking to a child or a person owning a dog. I did not like my place here.

I was able to get a better look at him now. He was strong looking, bold shoulders, great stature, strong features, might place him as european but hard to tell. Nice bum to.. " be careful of your thoughts, those are mine as well. In time you will know how to protect them from others but never me". I felt caught like a teenager smoking. What else did he know or could listen to. "you will be able to hear things you never heard before and see things you never saw, you move faster then other people can see and the rumours are true, sunlight is not your friend, tanning in it will be extremely bad for you, may even kill you"

I was't sure if that was a joke i should be laughing at. he was more of a drill sargent type so i figured silence was golden. If he could hear my thoughts anyway there was no use in talking. "Clean up now, you are coming out with me" he said whiping over a clothes bag onto the bed. I wiped the dry blood off my hands and face and opened it. I haven't owned clothes like this before.. they were beauftiful couture like hand beaded dresses, lush materials.

It was moments later i was showering and getting dressed. I still was not able to grasp what had all transpired but i seemed to have no choice in the matter. I pulled the dress overmy head and stood staring at myself in the mirror. I dont think i had looked so amazing i my entire life. It's amazing what a quality 3 thousand dollar dress will make you feel.

I stepped out and he didnt seemed pleased. " i didnt take that long to get ready" i said.
the look he gave me was enough to shut me up. I joined him at the front door where a car was waiting. I gave hima look of bewilderment "we dont turn into bats and fly away or vanish, to apprear normal you must act civilized" he motioned towards the car.

once inside i asked about the girls athe bar the other night "a musing, i was there for a meal but nothing seemed good, girls like those need to be liquored up to taste better" So people had flavours i thought. He went on about the different preferences of people and how they had to be loured away or taken care of. The entire process was like baiting a man to take home for sex. You flirt a little, glamour them a bit, offer them their desires and take your fill of them. But in this case you took their life. Just like hunting an animal.

After months together and learning the trade of being a vampire, time had passed enough I was running out of excuses not to return home. I was now with a group established by the maker, others like me learning their way through. For some reason i had rank over the others and they were under my direction and responsiblity. one included an asian girl named miu miu, she was a pimp for girls and wanna'v's. She provided "samplers" for parties and fun for guests and proven very useful and realible for clean ups. Another was boris, a russian man who i was right into gambling. his usefullness is in casinos, striking up the rich and starting up the parties. His anger is his weakness and strength. With those two around , i was able to get anything I wanted done or anything the maker wanted done. After all those months, his name never revealed. I gave him several other names for fake introductions and it became a silly game on the hunt together.

We would often go to parties as a couple, charm our way and flirt ourselves into new groups drawing people in and seducing them. It was more enjoyable then anything i could have remembered. My old life faded behind me like it had never existed. But there were ties there that would have to be severed to make sure this sherade would continue on without question. It was time for a visit home. I called late one night as i usually did to get hte update, it had been several weeks but it was needed for my return home. But this time it was not excitment that greated me it was mouring. My neice had apparently been taken or kidnapped and no one had any leads. This news had me infuriated and made me want to get to the bottm of it.

I left for the town alone and stayed at downtown hotel. After a sad visit to my family I had to find out what was going on. The police were typically easy to get information from but had no leads. Something didnt seem right baout a baby missing and no one carring. There was some big to do affair with the politcal figures and head of police along with their wives downtown at another hotel. Perhaps i could get some information from there then. I called up miu miu and had her bring out some "talent". Showing up there with girls like that would surely cause a stir and swade some gentlemen into their grasp.

The girls and I arrived, a tad over dressed from the usual country flair of suburban town folks we stood out. Our snears at their lower class "classy" party said enough. We didnt look so welcome. I had the girls get some drinks and smooze around the party taking notes while they talked around. I put my mind out there listening what what i could but only heard unkind words about my crew. Some woman came up to me and seemed to have known me from school "my you have grown since i have seen you last, i am so sorry to hear about your neice, your sister must be devastated" I nodded and agreed and hoped that others were start gathering around to talk about it. This teachers husband was teh mayor, i could see him lean over and listen and saw the sweat on his brow start to bead. He knew something, but how would i get it out of him. Suddenly a crash from behind. One of girls knocked over a table half exposing her breasts to the crowd.

Their reaction was plain from them women "slut " they thought "what a floozy" i heard another one say. The men all gawked as she fixed her self up again, half afaced pressing against their trouser pants, they enjoyed the rare sight of young tits. I nodded athe the women around me and headed towards the chief of police. "so cheif. i have not heard of any new developments on my sisters case, how does a child go missing and no one care?" i asked blatenly. He was shocked at this and not prepared for any response he stuttered a bit when he said "we are working hard miss to come to some leads but nothing is happening" he motioned for his wife to come rescue himself from the situation. At least I knew now he would be easy to break. we also had a card on our side. A police officer that was dying to be converted. He would prove useful. I would have to call upon him for this.

By now it was time to go. I had to be back for a big event and I was already late. He hated when i was late. When i got back he was none to please. "you know how impatient i am when you are required here" he grabbed me by the arm. Usually it was a sexy move in a game we played at parties "the angry couple" but he meant it this time. Some important out of towners were in and time was wasting away. His impression on them was important so i made a call for hte girls to be there later. I introduced myself to the crowd, a group of 5 gentlemen not older looking then 30. Very diverse and by their clothing aged beyond my own makers. They were elders and out ranked anyone i may have met. I appoligized and took my place. One kept his eyes on me, searching around in my mind for answers to his questions. I was lucky i was taught that game long ago to block those people out. This mystery intrigued him.

It was the time in conversation that they were to be offered. I sent out the selection for them and all were taken to but the one that looked at me. I asked him "they are not your flavour?" i asked
"no" he said looking at them all with mild distaste. "shall i send out for more" as i waved to miu miu he grabbed at my arm "that wont be necessary". he let go allowing me to drop it. I felt my maker was aware of this and his territory seemed threatened. he came over and distracted the gentleman from me. I left the room as per his wishes and waited in our chambre.

Daylight came and he finally returned. He stepped in the door and paused. i looked up and waited for him. "you were well taken" he said, removing his dinner jacket. " it means well to impress them." I felt a beam of pride come over me, it had been a rotten night, i needed somethign to make me feel good. "it's rare i hear you compliment me, something good must have happened for you". I said looking him, he stopped undressing and came over to me and pulled me up. "what good happens to me happens to you" The situation was still shroweded in mystery but this rare occasion that he was in this good of a mood was too good to pass up. " but you were a bit of a whore Ms. Jones" he said. I knew this game to well and decided to play along "a whore?! like you didnt flirt with every single person in the room" i pushed him a bit " i should have divorced you a long time ago", the verbal abuse continued back and forth until we were both rialed up enough to jump eachother. Fake angry sex with him was like anything else i have experienced. He knew just how to rip the clothes off off of me and where to touch that wasn't hurtful but pleasant. His hands roamed about everywhere before going to places where a girl can only say she wants him in her. I wrapped my legs around him allowing him all the way in, every thrust and motion was a wave of pleasure through our bodies. Every feeling heighten, ever sound amplified it was good.

I woke up the next day, focused on my quest for information. Getting a hold of that cop was easy, i had boris pick him up and drive us around. "So you know your responsibility?" I asked twittering around with the edges of my gloves. "yes" he replied. I smiled. His thoughts were to easy to read.

And woke up

Matrix Revised

2009-08-03T05:48:00.000-07:00

I had two dreams last night, this being the second and most recent (fresh in my mind)

It started with being underground at a mall. I was walking around with someone discussing why most of the items in the stores were useless as we were all practically homeless during this epic war that was happening. Thundering noises can be heard as the walls and floors shook. Most people ignored the sounds as they were getting used to them.

There were two floors of transit, both subway related and malfunctioning. With the lack of works/people around I was shocked that they were still moving and practically functioning. I walked downward to the subway on the bottom. It blew past me shaky and noisy wobbling on the tracks. I decided to jump down on the tracks and start walking after it.

This whole place was new to me. The subway cavern gave away to a larger (outdoor ) like space. Caverened in by stone and metal shards, pieces of concrete warn or fallen away from the ceiling. As i walked i started thinking about the war outside, why it was happening, how it was still going on and what the place of the humans were deep below the earth.
I looked behind me to make sure another subway wasn't coming. I heard its shaky loud noise approaching but it was still far behind. I was going to jump onto the next platform now, wander along the corridors aimlessly.

Someone met with up with me when i got upstairs and stopped to look at a woman carrying a baby in a poster. There was no babies around or even young children that i could see. "Why are there no children.?" i asked looking at the person next to me. They looked confused like children was a foreign word. I looked past them to people walking towards me, everyone was teenager or adults, no children.. where were they all or how did we all come to be. Why was the only person who knew about children?

I left the person there and continued walking thinking about all these questions I had. I approached what was now the centre of the city. A large digital map explained there were only 5 cities in the world built 54km wide connected by two subways that circled down the middle. Started to explain a war against machines and aliens and humans. Much of the war continuing was machine to alien based, some humans protecting the territory of the city were still out there fighting.

The cities were deep below the earth, where it was warmer to the center of the earth and energy could be created from the heat to make the city functional. Much of the earth surrounding the city was thick rock, hardly penetrable by any human force, the humans were trapped in a city of their own creation. Much like the war by their own devices.

I turned around now to see the command centre. It was old, technology seemed years behind and it was falling apart. Nothing seemed right about it. "this is not right at all" i said out loud not really thinking any one was listening to me. A man stopped out of curiosity and ask "what is wrong with it?"
I said "It should be all white, the technology here has not been present for years and this hub seems to small to be the central command station for a such a large mass of people". He approached now, a lot more curious that I had something true then something of a rambling. "what did you say" he asked, closer beside me now listening more intently. "i just this just doesn't look like it can control the city, this can't be the right one, i have seen something that is all white, new, with technology and computers far better then this" my own words shocked me . Where did i see this. I was confident I have seen it before.

The man seem to know what I was talking about but didn't want others to know. He grabbed my arm now and said "perhaps you should come with me". I didn't have much of a choice and frankly my curiosity overcame any type of fear i might have.

And as dreams do, i vanished and found myself in the room I was describing pulled in by the mysterious man. The room was all white, had significantly larger space for a massive screen that projected the map of the city, a missing part of the old map was a large lake in the middle the subway must have gone under so no one saw it. The man pointed at the lake and told me the watersource for all live in the city was from that lake, he had a name for it that i still can't remember. My entire walk in the city nothing came close to green grass, sunlight or blue skies, flowers or animal life. But it seemed it existed in this spot.

He turned me around.. we were at the top of a open atrium of life, a large marble patio was just outside the open wall that led down some stairs where there was a bridge over a small stream of water. There was grass.. the first sighting of grass in this underground city. The walls were not concrete they were stone, like a edge of a mountain with cascading vines down the sides and moss. The humidity of the room was refreshing from the cold stank of the subway lines and air.

But something was not all that it seemed in here. The bridge across the water led up to the other half of the atrium where a group of people were sitting like some aristocracy government. A large chair for the emperor or king/queen and smaller guilded chairs for subordinate staff all of which were filled by people wearing elaborate outfits fit for royalty of the 19th century but more modernized with exaggerated collars, detailing and fabrics.

The man took me down the marble stairs and approached the bridge. The people were suddenly aware of my presence, like i was an offering for a slaughter for their dinner that night. I felt no fear at all. i just stared at them. The man urged me to cross.. members of the seated chairs stood up as i crossed their sacred border. The man stayed behind as i continued my way up to the platform in which they were seated. "and your purpose is?" one asked another saying "perhaps she knows to much" another saying "or too little but enough to be here have it end" "what do you know stranger" the empress/queen said hidden a bit in the dark so her face was hidden.

"Your lying to these people" The council of people seemed a bit caught off guard and aggravated by this. "Lying!?And how do we lie to the people?" sarcastic tone but angry this man approached me with a smirk on his face.

"You have an alliance and the war has been over for ages. You keep them down here trapped in a cage of fear so that others can creep the benefits of above, all of those who you deem unfortunate, ill, ignorant you ship down here. That is why there are no children around, no babies or mothers. people walk around aimlessly not questioning anything because of your doing"

Where did this come from I thought? Had I known this all along? What I said pulled the Queen out of the shade and into the light. her face visible now, she seemed familiar but couldn't place her just like the words i spouted out.

A wave of her hand I had the council trying to surround me. I opened both my arms up wide sharply to avoid their grasp and a sonic wave escaped slowly down time. It was like i fully discovered myself and my purpose now. I was here to stop this all..to balance it all out like neo from the matrix. The man that was across the river was not in slow motion, he and his crew could see the whole situation unfold as the council flew slowly in the air and came to rest 20 ft away on the floor.

I walked towards the queen determined to put things right "I am hear to take back what is mine" i said. I grabbed her by the throat fear trembled through her body, and flung her across the floor to the edge of the platform. Things were not slow anymore. Everyone who was dispersed stayed away in fear now. And those across the way were intrigued. I looked over to them "come i will show you what they have held back from you all these years" With the slap of my hands a blue forcefield filled the room circling around the crew and excluding all members of the council. I pushed upwards and we leapt towards the ceiling in the blue orb, crushing through its top into hard rock at break neck speeds. The members of the crew started to grow cold, i looked back and helped them warm up. Around us, ground broke away and we were in open space. The noises were loud and all around us were machines. Some were robot like that stood 100 storeys high, others were flying saucers and more elaborate space ships. we hovered for a bit as i took in the scene. I took the orb to what looked like an older ship. We vanished into it leading the crew and myself into the command centre of it.

The ship was run by humans. Astonished by our arrival so mysteriously into their cabin, they were on guard. "Your war is over I said, this has all been a fraud by your government" They failed to believe me, they had been fighting this war for years and it was as real as they were. I told them to stop firing their guns and no one would shoot at them. They were hardly going to believe me. I said again "if you don't fire your guns they will stop shooting at you, they are design to shoot what is shooting them as a response, they have no idea how to distinguish the difference"

The captain did not want to take the risk. I vanished again to prove a point out into my blue orb and fired away at one of the approaching machines. The fire turned all machine fire at me, as a test they stopped firing.. and then fired once to see if anything would happen. Once they fired someone fired at them.. so they stopped.. it stopped. They were starting to believe me. With one massive explosion of power from the orb, the machines in the area fell to the ground. I returned to the ship.

'Tell your captains to stop firing and regroup, Ill be back with more information".
I took the crew and we were back in the orb outside of the ship now powering through the mess. one by one the machines started turning on themselves as ships powered down from shooting. The war would end itself in no time. I pushed through yet another ceiling of concrete, wires, and stone into the final layer where the sky would be. The last few feet were slow, looking up, I only saw the light, the others shielded their eyes as we pushed through the top. Water.. it was water of an ocean, only 30 metres deep we pushed through that into the sky. The crew ran to the edges, hands against the walls of the orb to see what they only heard of, the sun. Up and up we went until we could see land. We flew across the ocean to see it, plush green lands, not ravaged by war but with years and years of growth, there were animals across the grass plains, and birds in the sky. I saw a outline of a city coming up and felt myself become more determined.

The city was larger then the underground one, plush green rooftops, clean, void of any type of pollution, no cars, just monorail transports. I moved towards the largest building at the centre of the city, knowing that it would be where i had to go. I lowered the orb down and let the crew go to explore. I assured they would be ok and I would find them later. I needed them to prove to their people it was real.

I flew up to the top of the building and entered through the glass at then penthouse level. The room was vast but there was only a leather chair in it facing the corner. my steps echoed off the walls when i walked towards it. "it has begun" i said stopping just behind the chair. The chair swiveled around to reveal a man in his 30s in a suit. He sighed "i suppose it was only a matter of time"
"This world will not know your order any longer, it will be your actions now that will determine your place"

I turned around and started to walk away, then vanished through the glass down to where the crew were scattered about. I picked them up and returned to the captain on the ship. "your ships are instructed to return to the city bring them home" "home ?" he asked

"Home" I smiled.

2009-07-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I posted to here, but it is time to vent a bit.

There are people out there who will do everything for themselves and screw everyone that helped them out. What do you do? You trust in your instincts and the opinions of family and friends.

If you work for major corporations and unions, at least your rights are protected. You may get screwed but you are left with a bit of a nest egg when you left and with a lot less drama and work to follow up on.

So yes, you learn from your mistakes and don't make them again. Most of the time people never deserve a second chance. Learn from other people's mistakes and certainly trust your own intuition.

Things eventually will work out but it will take a bit of work.

Dream 6

2009-02-12T04:18:00.001-08:00

I can't remember the whole thing but I will start from the Hotel.

I was running through the hotel trying not to be seen. Dodging through doors, elevators etc and I was with my friend Karen. We got up to a certain floor to see where we could hide but there ended up being some people up there in a huge fight, not any normal fight but with guns.

I ducked into a few open doored rooms where some people were sleeping. Before dodging into the second open doored room i ran into two men dressed up in hero costumes, one had a sword and was going to fight me, he got it stuck in the wall when he took a slice at me and took off. I grabbed the sword out of the wall and then heard a shuffle down the hall. I urged Karen to go into the next room.

There was a woman sleeping there so we said we were room service and grabbed a cart from the hall. I hide myself in the dark corner as Karen pushed the cart in an talked in a hard to hear accent. The people that were looking for me entered and asked the woman some questions. All were half awake answers that she had ordered room service and she didn't want to be disturbed. The men left and we waited a bit before we left.

Off to the elevator we went, me carrying that sword, we decided the best way to get away was to leave the hotel. So we went to the lobby which was packed full of people. Heading our way through we made it to outside pool area where it seemed to look like spring break. Young male and females everywhere drinking diving into the pool. This is when i realized we were wearing long dresses, one of mine being my zebra print dress.

We started to make our way through the pool and a fight broke out, splashing and kicks and punches knocking people over so we backed out until it finished. We tried again and got all the way across but it happened once more. This time involving me and Karen, a punch was accidentaly thrown by her face and I stopped it. The guy felt threatened so he swung at me, a full fledged fight started now and it was about to get nasty. There was hair grabbing and gut punching and even throat holds. The victor at last was me and i pulled us both out of the pool to move on.

There was a beach now and yet another pool. This beach had another level that was looking over the pool. It was just at the side of where Karen rested at the side of the pool, dangling her legs in. When i came over i dipped into the pool. this is when i took notice that i had a dress on but didn't seem to care. I Could see a florescent yellow bathing suit underneath. I walked over to her and asked if she was ok, before she could udder a work there were some men above us that yelled down.

At first glance I thought i saw george clooney and brad pit, straight from an oceans 11 movie. When they yelled down again it was definitely 90210 crowd. One was specifically trying to get Karens attention. He wanted to ask her out and she responded back with a scenario that if she was going she wasn't going alone and that if she was a treesome (not threesome... treesome lol) there should be someone else for that person.

As they pondered about their response i started to swim around. I felt heavy from the dress and it was almost like i could see myself from above. I dipped down under the water and it felt a bit like drowning. I tried to get above the water but took some water in, but was still able to breathe. When resurfacing fully i got out of the water and looked up at the guys that were there. I think Karen had decided to do something so i just followed her along to where the top part of that ledge tapered down into regular beach. I could see the ocean now. It was fairly gloomy off in the distance but it was sunny and hot where we were.

When i looked back i could see balcony's of people separated by their sex. Females on the left, males on the right. We were taken up there and shown the female side where this tall blond girl named Joceyln was a bit upset. She didnt like the other side, they kept trying to come over and hurt them. I looked back over and saw this pompous looking red head man swinging a red whip type thing made of rubber.. almost like 3 really long dildos together. lol

There was some commotion between the women so there was running through all the floors of their fortress/building. Joceyln i learned was the leader/queen of the women. Each time i ran by her everyone would say your majesty. When things seem to have calmed down i went down to beach level. I could hear some of the men wahooing in the background and saw that a couple down on the each were swimming naked. i continued towards the water and saw a man, fully clothed, coming out of the water walking towards the beach. He looked a lot like vin diesel, bald, large, some tattoos vi sable on his arm.

I wondered to myself where he was coming from. I was at the edge of the water now, kinda staring at him in aww and hit my foot on something hard but it was floating. It looked like a giant brown crystal. Transparent, smoothly cut i picked it up adn it was super light. How i thought, could a rock float in the water. As I examined it the vin diseal character approached looking curiously at the object I had just picked up.

"How could this float" I said spinning it around examining all sides. He then said "it floats because it is hollow" he knocked on it and I heard a hollow sound. It didn't look hollow though. I looked through it and nothing seemed to show it had an inner hollowness to it. Then i saw something I didn't see before. Some engraved writing, it almost looked like a name... something... McClaren.

Just as I saw it, the vin diseal character saw it to. He was far more concerned about it and ripped the crystal from my arms. It was important to him but I wasn't sure why. He grabbed my arm and said "come with me". As i didn't have much choice, he dragged me up to the houses/fortresses. People seemed to quiet as we approached. They sensed danger and intrigue when they saw him and the giant crystal. It was almost like you could hear them say "that must be worth a fortune" their greedy little hearts beating beneath their chests.

We went to the women's side and that is when all hell broke loose. All of the men seemed to jump and pound through the walls coming to attack and get a hold of this crystal. Vin diseal character now let go of me and i started to fend off the attackers. The same ones from last time had it out for me again this time. I felt pain shoot from my left hand up my arm as I was slapped by the red whip thing, another stab a pain on my right leg as someone punched it and pulled me down from a wall i was trying to climb.

I was held back by them and punched one at a time in the gut. I felt tired then, but not in pain, everything around me was super slow motion. The vin diseal guy I saw was fighting off a bunch of people but was getting surrounded. Other girls were also fighting, it was like a lord of a rings battle, not a single space was visible.

The let go of me now, and i fell to the floor, my hair draped over my face and a cool wetness on my arm that was blood. When i could see i saw Joecyln up in arms and restrained. And i knew it wasn't her they were after, it was me. (no reason why, it just came to me)

Their leader appeared, thin, tattooed, dark emo draped hair and steps shaved into the side of his head, tight black jean pants and a chain. I crawled away from them and tried to go unseen. I rolled over an edge to a lower level where i saw the vin diseal guy lying on the floor. He must have been unconscious as he was still breathing. I pushed him a bit to wake him up, he stirred and eyes opened. "come on, we must go" i said urging him to find some strength and get up. he said "you must leave, they will be looking for you soon". And like any typical movie scenes it was all about the rescue and not about saving ourselves. I didn't listen. I urged him again to get up and tried to help. He was now up and i helped him stumble towards a dark corner where he could explain himself further without being detected by the others.

He didn't' have much of an explanation but still repeated I was the one that they were looking for. Somehow the crystal and me had some kind of connection. Suddenly things were silent, and everything around me gave me an eerie feeling.

I was yanked away from the darkness and restrained. There was some struggle but I was punched again in the stomach and then a sharp pain in my neck from a needle point and all went dark. I woke up disorientated rolling around on a floor from side to side. Didn't take long to realize I was on a boat.

That is when i woke up for real (alarm went off)