Today marks the one year anniversary of a young man making a foolish decision.

Young men do that sometimes – they drink too much or get in fights.

Kevin Piskura got in a bar fight April 19th – it is reported that he interfered with police officers trying to arrest his friend. It is reported that the police tried to subdue him and then they tasered him.

He collapsed and they handcuffed him.

Then they noticed he was having trouble breathing.

They rushed him to a hospital.

And five days later he was dead.

I am the parent of 2 sons, I can only imagine what Kevin’s parents went through those five days he fought for his life. I can only imagine how their hearts must ache each and every day.

This coming Thursday will mark the one year anniversary of Kevin’s death – during this year, in North America  alone, 64 more people have died after being tasered.  Some were mentally ill, some on drugs, some foolish – virtually all were unarmed.  The oldest was 54, the youngest was 15. Yes – 15.

Tasers are not non-lethal.  There are safer non-lethal ways to subdue.

Please become informed – urge your legislators to outlaw tasers.

To Kevin’s parents – my thoughts are with you.   I am so sorry for your loss.

340. April 24, 2008: Kevin Piskura, 24, Cincinnati, Ohio
341. April 24, 2008: Dewayne Chatt, 39, Memphis, Tennessee
342. April 27, 2008: Paul Thompson, 24, Greensboro, North Carolina
343. April 28, 2008: Jermaine Ward, 28, Jackson, Tennessee
344. May 4, 2008: Joe Kubat, 21, St. Paul, Minnesota
345. May 6, 2008: James S. Wilson, 22, Alton, Missouri
346. May 28, 2008: Ricardo Manuel Abrahams, 44, Woodland, California
347. May 31, 2008: Robert Ingram, 27, Raceland, Louisiana
348. June 5, 2008: Willie Maye, 43, Birmingham, Alabama
349. June 6, 2008: Donovan Graham, 39, Meriden, Connecticut
350. June 8, 2008: Quintrell T. Brannon, 25, Vincennes, Indiana
351. June 9, 2008: Tony Curtis Bradway, 26, Brooklyn, New York
352. June 23, 2008: Jeffrey Marreel, 36, Norfolk, Ontario
353. June 24, 2008: Ernest Graves, 26, Rockford, Illinois
354. June 27, 2008: Nicholas Cody, 27, Dothan, Alabama
355. July 2, 2008: Isaac Bass, 34, Louisville, Kentucky
356. July 4, 2008: Othello Pierre, 23, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
357. July 8, 2008: Samuel DeBoise, 29, St. Louis, Missouri
358. July 8, 2008: Carlos Vargas, 42, San Bernardino, California
359. July 14, 2008: Marion Wilson Jr., 52, Houston, Texas
360. July 14, 2008: Deshoun Keyon Torrence, 18, Long Beach, California
361. July 22, 2008: Michael Langan, 17, Winnipeg, Manitoba
362. July 23, 2008: Richard Smith, 46, Dallas, Texas
363. July 26, 2008: Anthony Davidson, Statesville, 29, North Carolina
364. August 4, 2008: Jerry Jones, 45, Beaumont, Texas
365. August 4, 2008: Andre Thomas, 37, Swissvale, Pennsylvania
366. August 2, 2008: Lawrence Rosenthal, 54, Hemet, California
367. August 10, 2008: Kiethedric Hines, 31, Rockford, Illinois
368. August 15, 2008: Kenneth Oliver, 45, Miami, Florida
369. August 25, 2008: Ronald Adkisson, 59, Creston, Iowa
370. August 29, 2008: Stanley James Harlan, 23, Moberly, Missouri
371. September 3, 2008: Prince Swayzer, 38, San Jose, California
372. September 3, 2008: Andy Tran, 32, Garden Grove, California
373. September 11, 2008: Roney Wilson, 46, Hillsborough, Florida
374. September 17, 2008: Sean Reilly, 42, Mississauga, Ontario
375. September 19, 2008: Gabriel Bitterman, 23, Lincoln, Nebraska
376. September 25, 2008: Iman Morales, 35, New York, New York
377. September 30, 2008: Frank Frachette, 49, Langley, BC
378. October 1, 2008: Jose Anibal Amaro, 45, Orange County, Florida
379. October 18, 2008: Homer Taylor, 39, Chicago, Illinois
380. October 29, 2008: Trevor Grimolfson, 38, Edmonton, Alberta
381. October 31, 2008: Marlon Oliver Acevedo, 35, Riverside, California
382. November 2, 2008: Gordon Walker Bowe, 30, Calgary, Alberta
383. November 3, 2008: Adren Maurice Turner, 44, Mexia, Texas
384. November 10, 2008: Guy James Fernandez, 42, Santa Rosa, California
385. December 3, 2008: Leroy Hughes, 52, Covington, Kentucky
386. December 9, 2008: Quincy Smith, 24, Minneapolis, Minnesota
387. December 19, 2008: Edwin Rodriguez, 26, San Jose, California
388. December 21, 2008: Nathan Vaughn, 39, Santa Rosa, California
389. December 24, 2008: Unidentified man, 46, Houston, Texas
390. January 9, 2009: Derrick Jones, 17, Martinsville, Virginia
391. January 11, 2009: Rodolfo Lepe, 31, Bakersfield, California
392. January 22, 2009: Roger Redden, 52, Soddy Daisy, Tennessee
393. February 2, 2009: Garrett Jones, 45, Stockton, California
394. February 11, 2009: Richard Lua, 28, San Jose, California
395. February 13, 2009: Rudolph Byrd, Age Unknown, Thomas County, Florida
396. February 13, 2009: Michael Jones, 43, Iberia, Louisiana
397. February 14, 2009: Chenard Kierre Winfield, 32, Los Angeles, California
398. February 28, 2009: Robert Lee Welch, 40, Conroe, Texas
399. March 22, 2009: Brett Elder, 15, Bay City, Michigan
400. March 26, 2009: Marcus D. Moore, 40, Freeport, Illinois
401. April 1, 2009: John J. Meier Jr., 48, Tamarac, Florida
402. April 6, 2009: Ricardo Varela, 41, Fresno, California
403. April 10, 2009: Robert Mitchell, 16, Detroit, Michigan
404. April 16, 2009: Gary A. Decker, 50, Tuscon, Arizona

Source: Truth Not Tasers

Five Husbands on Tasers:

Yet Again – Another Taser Death

Taser International’s Legal Clout Takes a Hit

Forget Tupperware – Now You Can Have a Taser Party

Tasers and the Republican National Convention

Widespread Use of Tasers by Law Enforcement Sees Inevitable Rise in Accidental Deaths

Taser Death March Continues – 20 More Since  Kevin Piskura’s Death

Taser v. Tomato

Grim Statistics – Taser Deaths Keep Rising

in time of daffodils(who know

the goal of living is to grow)

forgetting why,remember how

in time of lilacs who proclaim

the aim of waking is to dream,

remember so(forgetting seem)

in time of roses(who amaze

our now and here with paradise)

forgetting if,remember yes

in time of all sweet things beyond

whatever mind may comprehend,

remember seek(forgetting find)

and in a mystery to be

(when time from time shall set us free)

forgetting me,remember me

–e.e. cummings

Yellow Daffodil

Get your twitter mosaic here.

You have no idea the delight of a full shopping cart or sitting across a restaurant table sharing a meal with my son or being able to say yes – those $31 dollar jeans – yes we can get those.

I pay the phone bill, the gas bill, the electric bill and I marvel at how blessed I am to have found a job.

I take nothing for granted, but oh how I enjoy the pleasure of these small things.

It has been (is it possible?) 3 years since I split up with No. 5; he pretty much suffocated my belief in love. For the first time in forever I couldn’t imagine loving anyone again.

Ever.

This was/is a good thing. For the first time in forever I wasn’t turning myself inside out to please someone else for a few crumbs of affection. I never looked back, but neither did I look forward.

A comment on my blog the other day got me thinking about love again. The commenter, a 5 time divorcee, noted that people make comments on the number of experiences, and, I think, wonder why she doesn’t just give up.

I, in essence gave up.

But this video made me wonder – is love still possible – still possible after baggage and bitterness, hard knocks and anger?

Have I given up too soon?

Tip of the hat to Shape+Colour for the link.

When I was unemployed I had too much free time.

Waking up each morning, the day stretched out like a cross country drive with no scenery.  Nothing distinguished morning from night.  I functioned on auto-pilot doing the mundane necessary daily tasks until I settled onto the couch where  I became stillness personified. Not the stillness that comes from peace, rather the stillness that comes from fear.

Now, I have no free time.

Waking up each morning I have a drive stretched out that bookmarks morning and night.  In the office the day moves at such a pace I rarely notice anything but the files in front of me.  I fly through the mundane self care tasks of my morning, hit the road (fast) mile after mile until I arrive at work, climb the stairs to my office, where (you know what’s coming)  I sit still. Not the stillness of peace, rather a frenetic Ihavetofinisheverything stillness.

The constant fear of homelessness, of not having food, of not being able to do or go anywhere is easing. But guess what replaces it? The gnawing fear of not being successful enough at work; the fear of not being busy enough at work, fear even in the face of mountains of work.

I love my job; I am beyond grateful to have a job.

I am so stressed by the fact of the job in juxtaposition to the economy and factoring in my age and years left to work and debt and the bills from my hospitalization (BP 240/160) in November (no medical care/no money for docs) and utility bills and car payment bills that my neck is often in spasm and I get migraines.

Seeking balance, I balance my hours and look forward to sleep.  Seeking balance I ask forgiveness of myself, for myself.

It takes time to rebuild a life where poverty has been an issue.

I need time.

“Every mile is two in winter. “~George Herbert

I have a substantial commute to work, and by substantial I mean long. I was not naive, I knew the commute would be tough. First off, I start work at 8 AM, and if you live an hour and fifteen minutes away (under optimal conditions) you have to start your day early, real early.  I am up and on the road before most of my neighbors are stirring.

I have lived in Ohio most of my life, I am well aware of winter.  I have made regular long term commutes to jobs before, but never have I experienced winter driving the likes of which January presented.  Let’s talk about the -10 morning when barely 5 miles into my journey a truck spun out in front of me on I-271, nearly hitting me and leaving me shaking.  I had been on the job less than a month and I didn’t think I could make it to work that day.

And I didn’t.

I ended getting off the freeway and calling my boss, whom I had assured the commute would be “no problem” to tell him I thought it was too dangerous to drive.  Lucky for me, he was understanding.  When we had the 10 (and I swear it was more) inches a week or so later, I persevered and made it in to work.

It took me 2 1/2  hours.

I have new respect for winter driving.

Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain, even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.

Erik H. Erikson

Remember my Zappos post and pledge? In the months between then and now both Zappos and I faced some challenges. I returned my first pair because they weren’t quite perfect and then decided to wait to purchase any other shoes until I was employed. The economic slow down continued to, well, slow down, until even Tony Hsieh and Zappos had to make some tough decisions.

I saw the news of Zappos lay-offs first on Twitter, and since I follow more than a few Zappos folks, it felt very close. I respect the way Zappos handled the lay offs – folks were given severance pay and health benefits for a period of time. It re-affirmed my decision to support Zappos once I was back on my feet (no pun intended).

I sweated unemployment for a full year when in mid-December I got 2 job offers. I started work January 5th and believe me, I am on Cloud 9.

But I haven’t forgotten the experiences of the past year, or my friends at  Zappos.

I needed new boots desperately but had to wait until I got paid or as those of us who live on the edge say “when the eagle flies.” I got paid, set aside for debt repayment, bought my groceries, paid some utilities and gave my friends at Zappos a call.

Well loved, well worn pink Uggs

You know their customer service is always awesome, so my order was processed awesomely and on Tuesday, January 20th as our nation welcomes historic change, so will I!

If you want employers to treat their employees well – whether it is day to day management or when hard choices and lay offs are being made, you need to support the employers who do it right. Value and respect come with a price – the cost of doing buisness ethically and responsibly sometimes means the customer pays more. I let my pocket book do the talking with me – I am discerning where I spend my hard earned dollars.

And I am delighted that I have dollars to spend at Zappos.

By the way Tony – we have to start talking green and sustainability practices over the next year.

Meanwhile I still <3 Zappos.