Five Tool Tool - The Sports Blog That Loves You Back

The Sports Snooze

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Thu, 05 Feb 2026 14:32:00 +0000

Google Analytics tells me this site pulls routine traffic, which either means we're embedded in search engine results from longevity, bots love us, or there is some unspoken deep bond between us, Dear Theoretical Reader, and you keep coming back to read outdated takes about things no one still cares about.

Which makes me feel bad when the site lies fallow for extended peiods of time. Nothing has been said about the past Eagles season (it made me sad because it was a wasted opportunity due to one terrible and indefensible hire and retain, and I'm sorry someone egged your house, Mr. Pitullo, but I'm also certain the attack was less predictable and harder to defend than your offense), the current Sixers season (people who think Joel Embiid is fully back don't watch the games / care about defense, but the rest of the team is adorable and please never trade VJ Edgecombe because he's fun to watch and Giannis Is Not), the last Phillies season (postseason baseball is random and the Dodgers should just play intra-squad games until someone convinces them otherwise, because it's starting to feel Globetrottery). There, that ought to sate the bots for a while.

Having exhausted my hot takes for now, I wanted to pivot to the thing that's happening next Sunday that every last sports blogger, regardless of how often they post, should care about: the Superb Owl. (Your spelling my vary.) This year, I am going to spend the game... driving rideshare and, I guess, listening to it on the radio. Here's why.

1) I just don't hate the Patriots, or love the Seahawks, enough. Yes, Patrihate is eternal and Boston Fan can die in a tire fire (pronounced TIE-ARR-FIE-YAH, provided you can somehow do it for a 10-count), but Seattle is run by the scions of people who once ruined a job I liked a lot, and they also once employed Javedeon Clowney, who concussed Carson Wentz into the wasted career he was always going to have, But Still. I don't care very much. I don't think you should either, unless you are from there and can't help yourselves.

2) I am not financially well off, which means that I no longer get to watch sports. In the great number of ways in which we've ruined life, monetizing every single instance of Live Television means that the second that my laundry is out of consideration, I claw down my TV package, which means that I can't watch the game in my house. Even if I did have the scratch for this, I wouldn't, because watching live sports now means I am making the choice to Not Earn During The Game, and, well, no. This also means that while I appreciate the theoretical offer to come watch it at your place, Dear Theoretical Reader, no. I'll be working. Which the poor get to do for triple and quadruple shifts now, because America.

3) I live in a country that should not feel OK about putting our differences aside and sitting down for a communal event. Tens of millions of us voted, and will continue to vote, for a regime that murders innocents, then defames the still warm corpses, and then tells you what you just saw wasn't murder. They are also on record for raping children, while telling you it wasn't rape and they weren't children and what is reality, anyway, we have money and that's all that matters. Go Team. Or, well, not.

4) The event is about how money is all that matters (buy crypto! Use AI and harm humanity and the planet at the behest of oliogarchs! Gamble on anything! This is what it means to live a fully realized life!), and I'm too old and embittered to think that they are going to change their minds and give me some, because that's not how they roll. Also, if they did, I'd probably ruin it by telling them what I think at some point, and they don't like that, neither.

5) The game, as ingrained as it is in me, needs to die. It's concussions and corruption, random chance and stupidity, and it's oh so good and oh so amazing and no game is boring except the ones that don't feed into nerd gambling. And the only thing more tiresome than the game is people telling you why they don't like it and why you shouldn't either, especially if it's your laundry at stake.

So, mostly passing this year, which is to say, listening to it while working, watching the highlights later when it's free, and pretending to have seen the ads and halftime show so that I don't seem like a poor and bitter old man, while being, of course, that.

Enjoy!

Something I can't say on my other blogs, which are about business and ridesharing...

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 03 Nov 2025 18:30:00 +0000

This might go long. Fair warning. I hope it'll be worth it, and if it's not, you'll get your money back.

I grew up as the youngest of three children in a single-parent household. Money was tight. And if I left a light on, a door ajar, a plate with food on it, or a fan or air conditioner on when it wasn't needed, I'd hear about it. And I soon learned not to do that, because it wasted money, and money was not a thing to waste.

To this day, I turn off lights, close doors, and feel like I'm doing the right thing. Because even if money isn't so tight, or the lights are very energy-efficient now, it's still a waste, and waste is pointless. Solve for waste. I'll brook honest disagreement over many things, and it's not as if I've never left anything on by accident or carelessness or sloth since, but if you can turn things off when you are not using them, do. Just the right way to live.

This ethos, while ingrained, doesn't seem as common or correct as I get older. In some cases, that's sensible. Eating too much isn't great for you either. Turning computers on and off too often is a stress that can accelerate obsolescence. Some lights are OK to be left on for security. And so on. Exceptions are made, life is rarely completely binary, adults have to live with nuance. But the core point -- waste not want not -- remains valid.

Now, pivoting, to AI.

There's a commercial that shows up during the football games that I watch. Two guys are on a couch. One is toggling between filters to show the other what they would look like if they were rendered in different animation styles. AI is, of course, used to do it. A brief frisson of entertainment is achieved. Yay, technology. Look what we can do now. The implication being that doing such things is fun, inevitable, irresistible. If you don't do this, you're stuck in the past.

By some estimates, to create that image took as much energy as a full charge of your smartphone. Depending on the complexity of the image, it may have also taken up to a liter and a half of water. And it's not as if you create just the one image. You tweak it and play with it some more.

All so that you could see something that you will likely forget about inside of a minute.

But let's say you really somehow loved that image, and it became something that, through the miracle of capitalism and a sucker being born every minute, you were able to sell. Let's imagine that, given how big of a fan you are of the new technology, you complete this transaction via Bitcoin.

By some estimates, a single Bitcoin transaction uses approximately 16,000 liters of water, enough to fill a backyard swimming pool. As for the electricity used, the average US household uses about 900 kilowatt hours per month. Mining a single Bitcoin comes in around 155,000 kilowatt hours.

And that is why your electric and water bills have been going up. Supply and demand. (Not, as some would have you believe, because someone is in the pocket of Big Solar, Big Wind, or whatever else you don't like being Big.)

Let's go back to the image. Historically, that was someone's job, and one that required a fair amount of talent and craft to get good at. Now? Not so much.

So, to recap, we have a technology that:

1) Ends employment without anything close to a replacement level of jobs.

2) Is being paid for by you and me, via electric and water bills.

3) Produces nothing of substantive value beyond the financial transaction, which

4) Benefits the (already) wealthiest people on the planet, who are not particularly interested in sharing that wealth with you.

You'd think that this might be more of a story, no? You'd think there might be more pushback, more public discussion of the merits of this direction?

Well, no.

And it's in this moment that you can simply state that the media is owned and operated by the same interests that benefit from the wealth transfer. Because those who hope to stay afloat in the coming even worse times want to make sure they are seen as trustworthy and fit to serve the elites. Because pissing off wealthy people now is equivalent to pissing off the police. (I.e., you might have the legal right to do it, but you don't have a legal right to, well, employment.)

But you could, you know, not use AI. So could everyone.

A cynic would say this is the way the world has always been. That standing in the way of technology is right up there with holding back the tides. That there will be winners and losers from this game, the same as any other, and your personal responsibility is to make sure you and yours are provided for. That if you don't use it, you will lose.

Me?

I think about popular uprisings destroying data centers.

Because that's the thing about despots, and income inequality, and kleptocracies, and so many more ills that afflict the human condition.

They seem inevitable. Omnipotent. Pointless to resist.

Until they are very much not.

A small point in re whether you liked who won the championship

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Sat, 15 Feb 2025 00:21:00 +0000

When, exactly, did we need to start caring about what people in other cities thought about a team that wins the championship?

Please, I beg of you, do not become Boston Fan, who needs other people to be happy for them when they are happy, because of Oh How They Have Suffered or Oh We Are The Only Real Fans, or any other bucket of nonsense that gets trotted out whenever the chattering classes have to talk about Not Game, which is all they can ever really talk about.

(But... but... but... What Does It Mean To So And So's Legacy? How dare you watch sports for the simple joy of watching sports, or seeing who won, when you could also be a crap screenwriter pitching a movie no one asked for?)

This week, my Eagles won. I get that a lot of people are happy that the Chiefs lost, and are less OK with the Eagles winning, even though many individual Eagles seem like Fine Enough Humans.

As an Eagles fan, I can tell you that your opinion of my team did not matter last week, does not matter this week, and will not matter next week. I don't watch them because of your like, or dislike, or any other logical reasons.

I watch them because when I was 8, I was told they were Our Team, and that was enough. (Likely the same reason you watch Your Team, of course. There's nothing logical about this, which is why we can still enjoy it occasionally, in a world where anything you enjoy is likely suspect.)

Also, side note: if you did not like the halftime show, who forced you to watch it, and have you pressed charges against them yet?

So, the Eagles won the Super Bowl. I am moved to comment.

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Wed, 12 Feb 2025 03:27:00 +0000

I don't really do the sports blogging very often anymore (obviously), because time and money and money and time. But when the local footballers win the Superb Owl for only the second time, I Am Moved. Let's have at it.

1) The Eagles were underrated because of gambling.

Specifically, nerd gambling, which is to say, fantasy sports. Unless you had Saquon Barkley on your roster this year, and later in the year the defense, you didn't love the Eagles. A heavy running game is going to limit the payouts for many, and QB Jalen Hurts' proclivity in the Tush Push meant that even the Barkley bros were chaffed.

Many people watch football to root for their team, but in the world we live in now, we root more for Our Guys, and broadcast networks follow the advertisers. Rooting for just a team is so, well, old-school.

2) Really good teams win by a lot.

As the Eagles got better and better as the season went on, they started to chill the drama by more than a little, with the final two playoff games having extensive garbage time. The Chiefs were famously about cheating the odds in one-score games, which as the 2023 Eagles showed, works until it really doesn't. Regression to mean and winning without a high margin for error; it's a thing.

3) Line play matters, but only if the disparity is intense.

The best shot given against the Eagles in their playoff run came from the Rams, who used an exceptional effort from their young defensive linemen to keep things disturbingly close. Once the schedule flipped to the Commanders and Chiefs, the trench play became decisive, and so did the games.

4) Most people don't watch line play.

It's not where the ball is, who the networks believes are the stars, and great players can disappear due to double teams. It's not for nothing that the entire Eagles defensive line feasted against the Chiefs *except* for star DT Jalen Carter, who faced constant double teams even while DE Josh Sweat was having the game of his life. The Chiefs were determined to not let the Eagles' best players (Barkley and Carter) beat them. Everyone else did.

5) It didn't matter, but Andy Reid stunk up the joint.

It took three quarters and unparalled offensive catastrophes for Reid to finally stop thinking that five offensive linemen, without a tight end or running back staying back to chip, might be worth trying. Or even a simple rollout, draw, or, gasp, running play.

As an Eagles fan, I really didn't want to see RB Isiah Pacheco get going, like he did in this game two years ago when Andy had a clue, but Reid kept dialing up the same plays -- QB Patrick Mahomes from a shotgun snap, with the directive to find one of five receivers against seven good cover guys, with maybe two of those players (WR Xavier Worthy and TE Travis Kelce) being better than league average.

You don't stop a disastrous pass rush by doing the same damn thing over and over again. You mix in some runs, maybe a jet sweep or two, a run-pass option to keep the defensive end from crashing with abandon, and so on.

What Reid did instead with his Chiefs is what we saw in this town before he was finally dispatched. Stubbornly try to win His Way, instead of A Way. He got trucked.

6) Jake Elliott went back in time.

All year, K Jake Elliott was worrisome, even on his makes. Ball flight was fluttery rather than driven, makes were close to misses, and setbacks came after penalties. The Eagles' special teams had three (!) pre-snap penalties on kicks, and Elliott just shrugged and made the longer ones anyway, and most of his makes were dead solid center, and would have been fine from a lot longer. He also gave the Chiefs few opportunities on kickoffs, which was a problem earlier in the playoffs.

When a team is beating the tar out of another one, little moments like missed field goals allow for hope to arise. Elliott's return to pre-2024 form gave the Chiefs none of that. Good timing to play his best game of the year, and make us hope he'll be fine in 2025 as well.

6) The real Jalen Hurts stood up.

Hurts in the 2023 SB loss was spectaular, with over 300 yards passing spread out among eight different receivers. In the past two years, as doubts about whether he was The One were allowed to spread, he became much more dependent on his throws on a small number of trusted receivers, leading many in town to think that the seconadry options on the roster were unworthy of attention.

The reality of football is that good general managers for stars are also usually good general managers for benchies. WR Jahan Dotson came to life in the Week 18 exhibition against the Giants, and led the Eagles in receiving yards at the end of the first half. For the first time in a long time, the defense had to worry about everyone in a green jersey, and despite a heroic effort in the run game, the Chiefs gave up 40 points. (Albeit with a defensive score and some excellent field position from turnovers.)

If you're looking for the dark cloud, Hurts gets to work with yet another new offensive coordinator next year, so maybe this was a mirage and he'll revert. But he's still young, has a ring and an MVP award, and might be the most resilient player to ever play QB for this team. I like his chances to keep spreading the ball around next year.

7) Nick Sirianni is good at odd things.

Two of the most telling plays in this playoff run came from, of all people, DB Avante Maddox. Eagle Fan was ready to put him on a Mount PassedoverMore with a sad history of burned backs, but even after he lost his job to CB Cooper DeJean, he embraced coaching the kids. In the Rams game, he made a fantastic play on special teams, and against the Chiefs, that's his hands on the fourth down pass break up that ended all Red hopes.

An ordinary coach probably just buries Maddox. The Eagles kept him active, and it's not as if his story was unique. T Tyler Steen lost his job to T Mekhi Becton, then came back in and dominated when he got snaps due to injury. LB Oren Burks allowed the defense to not lose a step when LB Nakobi Dean went down. DE Jalyx Hunt played so well that DE Bryce Huff couldn't get his job back, then became a healthy scratch when DE Brandon Graham returned.

We are used to calling a coach a genius when they make innovative or gutsy play calls, when they become synonymous with new ways of doing things, or when they just exude an aura that can't be questioned. Sirianni does none of these things. He just keeps the team pulling as one, rooting for each other, and developing his talent. That's also coaching.

8) This team isn't going anywhere.

Only a handful of contributing players are on the tail end of their careers. The defense is the youngest in the league. They'll keep DC Vic Fangio and OL coach Jeff Stoutland, who are worth their weight in gold. Owner Jeff Lurie isn't buying another team and getting distracted. The other teams in the division either let their best talent walk, sign all of their stars at the last minute for the most possible money, or have a history of failure and distraction in other sports.

It's football; any snap can produce a career-ending injury that changes a team forever, and the dynamics of a locker room (there's a reason the league is called Jail With Money by players) are eternally fragile. Bet on the field, not the favorite. But still, this organization is just world class.

9) The Eagles are, for the first time in their history, over .500.

This finally occured late in the year. Lifetime now, the Birds have 667 wins, and 665 losses. Three games over .500 in post-season, a game under in the regular.

If you had told me as a young boy that the team that always stunk would become the class of the league in my lifetime, a destination spot for top-tier free agents, and renowned for innovation... well, um, no. Our owners were guys in France and gambling addicts and people who inspired the fan base to fly banners from planes begging to sell the team, and that was only when they weren't threatening to move unless we gave them money. Home games were routinely blacked out. No one wanted to come here, and those who got good, invariably left. You never saw our alumni on broadcasts, in Canton, or the team in the playoffs. Decades went by without linemen in the Pro Bowl. Draft picks were rapists and amateur firemen and workout wonders and so on and so on. The turf hurt people. We always lost. God hated us. There was no God. Etc.

We were told that this was what we deserved because Philly. Even now, the media couldn't wait to share lower ticket prices for this game, predicted lower ratings (nope), the President was going to ruin everything. Nope.

If only we were nicer, cheered harder, didn't care so much, were like all of those Nice People from Other Places. As if every other eastern industrial city doesn't treat it's team exactly the same. You want a nice time where no one cares if the home team wins or loses? Go to a town without history.

It was all, of course, nonsense.

For your franchise to win consistently, you need to have an owner that prioritizes that above capitalism. You need to be more than a little lucky, especially on injuries. You need to embrace new and better; every year, this team gets flack from meatheads who want to see the starters in preseason, or that more hitting in practice will solve anything. You need to learn from mistakes, draft and coach ahead of need, do little things like not cutting Avante Maddox when the world wants to see him frog-marched out of the locker room. As if that doesn't, well, ruin the locker room.

They are not just the best team in franchise history. They are the best franchise in Philadelphia's history.

10) This is the year that winning offensive football forever changed.

There was a reason why Hurts led his team in rushing in this game, in a game his team won. It's because the Chiefs sold out everything to stop Barkley, and because Barkley had gotten them there and kept Hurts fresh, despite all of the Brotherly Shoves. (Guys? Train on snapping this to more people next year. Big tight ends, etc. Save Jalen for when we absolutely need it. Thanks.)

He was fresh because he didn't throw that much, didn't take a million hits, didn't get blind-sided on scrambles. He got a concussion and a finger issue; nothing to the legs. He did that because Barkley ran for over 2500 yards, and even Barkley didn't get worn down, because they didn't give it to him when games were out of line, or to set meaningless records.

Want to win your fantasy league? Enjoy your regular season QBs. They'll light up scoreboards and lead highlight reels, and when the playoffs come and they have to do that in snow and wind and elements and with five months of tread on the tires, they won't. The season is too long now for Passing Uber Alles, with its silent killer of more plays and more big hits from momentum, to keep your roster getting better instead of worse at the end of the year.

For anyone who grew up in the last 25+ years, it's ugly and boring and how can you pick against so and so, he's got a cannon and so on and so on.

You keep on picking the pretty boys, the highlight heroes, the September and October darlings.

The Eagles will keep turning those teams into slurry.

And when the game changes, they'll change first, and keep winning.

God willing, and Jeff Lurie don't die.

I am reasonably certain that Tobias Harris is not...

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Wed, 28 Feb 2024 02:59:00 +0000

the worst player to ever have a significant Sixers career.

I mean, Roy Hinson exists. Shawn Bradley was a thing. Armon Gilliam. Jahlil Okafor. So many others. There have been a large number of terrible players that got extended run, and played enough minutes to make casual fans and misguided general managers make decisions they regret.

But please, folks. We've seen the Tobi Show. The contract has played out. There is nothing more to be gained from watching one more minute of this, from half-hearted contests to inevitable misses on open threes, from no effort non-rebounds to doomed no pass forays to the basket where he's just begging for a bailout from the refs who aren't going to be conned like his team.

I know you can't just release a guy on a max contract, but you can bench him. A lot. I know that this long of a run of Awful Tobi is always followed up by a stretch of Tolerable Tobi, and that Tolerable Tobi never shows up in the playoffs.

I would rather watch 40 minutes a night of young athletic guys who might give a damn. I would rather lose with Process Level Churn, because the Process got you some guys who were fun, and Tobi Harris is about as much fun as anal leakage. Also as welcome.

Play Ricky Council the 4th. Play KJ Martin. Play Darius Bazely. Play four guards and see if you can bomb away from three. Play Paul Reed until he fouls out. Do anything but play the Maximum Grifter, the last part of the I Can't Root For This Anymore Sixers from last year (Doc Rivers! James Harden! George Niang!) that is still on the roster.

Sports should be fun. Tobi is anything but that. Enough.

What we've learned from this Eagles season

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Tue, 02 Jan 2024 00:40:00 +0000

The reality of sports is that most seasons do not end when a team is eliminated. If you watch carefully, you can generally see the cracks in a foundation that will spread under pressure, and while humans have the potential for both positive and negative growth, bet on the latter because, well, only one team can win everything every year.

Which is a roundabout way of saying that this year's Eagls team, which has gone from 10-1 and the odds-on favorite to win the Super Bowl to 11-5 and everyone's team that they expect to be out in their first playoff game, has not so much broken my heart as just reminded me of the sad realities of life. These include, but are not limited to:

> Last year's team wasn't as good as you remember. They benefitted from playing one of the easiest schedules in NFL history, then benefitted even more with luck around injuries -- both their own, and of their opponents. (This does not include the injury to 49ers QB Brock Purdy in the NFC Championship Game, since that "luck" was aided and abetted by terrible strategy on the part of the Niners, but I digress.) When the Eagles face good quarterbacks, they generally get roasted. This year, they've faced many more good ones than bad.

> This year's team wasn't great during the 10-1 stretch; they were very, very lucky. Had Washington went for two in the early game, that's likely a loss. Had Kansas City had a competent WR for the open deep ball late, that is as well. Same for the missed communication with Buffalo in overtime that forced a field goal, rather than a touchdown. Because...

> It matters how you win. Truly good teams do it with a margin for error that lets them do things like rotate in backups during low pressure situations (like, say, most of the second halves of Eagles games in 2022), which preseves depth and health, and allows coaches to save novel plays and formations for when they really need them. If every game is a dogfight to the final whistle, it wears a team out. Not just the fans and media.

> This team hasn't been unlucky during their 1-4 stretch. They are just bad. Yes, there have been some howlingly bad officiating calls, some plays not made by players that often make them, and some untimely gaps from injury. That happens to every team in every game. Good teams have margin for error. This team has none. And that's with the best field goal kicker in their history, and an off-the-street punter that has been way better than they had any right to expect.

> This is the worst Eagles defense I've ever seen. Are you patient in your playcalling? Then run the ball, and win, because the edge rushers are spent and undersized, and you can wear them out. Do you have a QB that knows enough to pick on a particular CB? James Bradberry, the worst starter in the league, is here for you, and if he's not around, just go after the inexperienced rookie that's in his place. Would you like to complete a bunch of short and easy throws over the middle? The Eagles employ linebackers no other team would hire, slot corners that are injured and/or long in the tooth, and other people that most teams don't even claim on waivers. Is your offense prone to mistakes that cause long third downs? No worries, this defense is the worst in franchise history at getting off the field in those situations.

The Cardinals, a West Coast team playing a 1PM EST Sunday game on the road, with one of the worst offenses in the league and a 15-point deficit after a fluke pick-6, barely faced a third down during the second half of the game yesterday. You don't see that sort of thing outside of a college team playing a small school cupcake. Maybe not even then. Two weeks after giving up a length of the field game-losing drive to a career backup, three and four weeks after getting boat-raced by actually good offenses. Just the worst defense I've ever seen in this laundry, and that even includes the Open Revolt Chip Kelly era.

> There is a clear and obvious coaching problem. Many of these players excel on special teams (the single part of the team that has improved over last year), so you know they have athletic ability. They've also shown flashes of it in the past, and even if that's just a matter of comparative speed against their washed collegues, it's still a well-regarded team from drafts and free agency. There isn't a single offensive starter, with the possible exception of WR3 or TE2, that is below average. And yet, they do not control games, do not hold or build on leads, do not make halftime adjustments, and have completed a mid-season mid-collapse shakeup at defensive coordinator. Despite having the best won-loss percentage in franchise history and being the toast of the town six weeks ago, there are very good reasons to question the job security of HC Nick Sirianni now. You can't preside over the worst collapse in franchise history without people wondering just why in hell it should change with the same coach.

> They will not win more than two games the rest of this year, and I suspect it will be more like none. At least they won't be at home any more. But even if the play calling suddenly gets a clue (hint: never throw another bubble screen again, attack the middle of the field, stop burning time outs for pointless substitutions, commit to a running game and do it with more than tortoise tempo, tell your QB to throw to open receivers that aren't named Brown, Smith and Goedert), they still can't stop anyone, and even though the offense is talented, they aren't exactly innovative or error-free.

> The Georgia guys aren't performing. Maybe this isn't fair of young players, but DE Nolan Smith has been a rumor all year, LB Nkobe Dean can't stay healthy, and DT Jordan Davis and Jalen Carter haven't made a play in months. If you want to question their heart, their conditioning, their coaching... have at it. Our only hope is that they don't like this taste in their mouth and work harder in the off-season, and that the inevitable coaching shake up works out.

> Depth matters. You can't just decide that linebackers aren't a thing any more and then get surprised when the run defense turns to paper-maiche. If you can't trust RB Rashard Penny to play because he's hopeless at blitz pickup, you cut him and find a RB that can do something for him. Several defensive players have gone from starter to inactive a week later. This is a clown car. Without the effective use of seating.

> This isn't worth our time. I don't know about you, dear reader, but the older I get, the more I'm inclined to pull the chute on a team when I see the cracks. Watching the Seahawk loss, or the Cardinal loss, wasn't all that different than the Cowboy or Niner one; in all of these cases, the known cracks failed and the end of the season can't some soon enough. I'm old enugh to know that I'm going to watch the rest of it, because sunk cost. But I also know I'm going to do it while folding laundry, completing consulting work, and without any kind of emotional commitment... because we know what they are.

Not good enough. At least not this year. And unless major changes are made, not next, either.

Why sports makes me sad now

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Sat, 16 Sep 2023 20:04:00 +0000

The Eagles are 2-0. The Phillies are likely going to the playoffs. The Sixers have the reigning MVP. I have just enough time and scratch to see the games that I really want to see.

So why am I not writing about sports, liking them quite so much, and just dealing with The Sad far too much?

Listicle!

1) Fantasy sports. Let's face it, folks: these have ruined sports irrevocably, and that comes from someone who has played them since you kept stats with a pen and paper and mailed standings to people. But like the dismissed hot water in a pot, a slow degradation is still a degradation. So much coverage of games isn't about game, but numbers -- and, well, bored with it. No one cares about your fantasy team but you, and if your team isn't great, it's just a reason for sad. A reason you can't stop caring about, but really, probably, should, and the main reason for the second item on our list.

2) No one has any patience or faith. The Eagles have gotten very lucky with turnovers, haven't shown good play calling, and are clearly not on the level that they were last year. And at this time last year (because the Minnesota game last year was on a Monday), they weren't either.

The NFL season is too long and too important, and injuries matter more than nearly any other factor. Philly finished their week 2 game with street meat in the secondary against the best WR in the league, but since QB Jalen Hurts is beloved for reasons and not looking like the guy who played the position last year, we're going to pule until we get what we want, as if puling ever, really... gets you what you want. Tiresome. The people gripping about the team this year seem like they are more gripping about their QB1 and WR1 (Hurts and Brown) not playing up to statistical expectations. Beyond tiresome.

3) The Sixers. The end of the last Sixers season didn't just, as usual, make me want to not watch any more of the Sixers. It also made me not want to watch any more of the NBA.

This is a league that's impossible to officiate, where the game looks like statistical analysis of three pointers or dunks has made every other shot obsolete, and superstars routinely game the system to be de facto GMs. It's also one where Boston is better then Philadelphia, and almost always has been, and the team is trying to destroy a neighborhood to build a new and unnecessary arena in a minority residential area, further worsening affordable housing. It's also one that is being held hostage -- again -- by a star player who can't show up in the playoffs and does not want to play for the team. Oh, and they are also owned by people who have became incredibly more wealthy from their relatively incompetent ownership of the team.

Who needs more of this in their lives?

4) Rich people. The older I get, the more I'm convinced that (a) I'm never going to have financial comfort or independence, (b) no one is every going to care about that but me, and (c) rich people really need to be reminded that guillotines exist and should be paramount in their minds, especially if they don't pay their goddamn taxes like, well, all of us in camps A and B. Every owner of a team is a rich person, the vast majority of which come from legacies of wealth, and a legacy of wealth also means your ancestors probably did many people wrong and let you grow up in a world where that kind of thing isn't just expected, but encouraged.

So. I'm spending my time and money watching and writing about the activities of rich and unsympathetic people distracting us all from the very real things that we need to do to prevent the mass deaths of most of the world's population from climate change. And with football, there's also brain trauma and death, while you watch what the comic actor and former NFL player Terry Crews call "prison with money." Go team.

5) The unsympathetic people aren't just the owners. Players often inflict not just politics, but politics based on thougtlessness, narcissicism and grievance on the public and remind me that the freedom to speak one's mind doesn't mean you, well, have one. And I suppose better out than in and it's good to know who the idiots are, but the temptation to join the Shut Up and Play crowd, all while really not wanting to join the Shut Up and Play crowd... who are also, well, terrible.

Want to feel kinship with the fan base? Don't listen to sports radio, read the comments, or go to games, because you'll likely be subject to their terrible opinions. You might also have ones of your own, of course.

I know, I know, I'm just being a crank and letting personal issues that have me on tilt from other areas of my life ruin this... but if you had your life to live again and knew all that you knew now, would you choose to be a sports fan? It takes a lot of time, costs a lot of money, and doesn't really give you great bang for your buck. My adult children aren't fans, and I don't care or feel like this has held them back.

So if you wouldn't choose to do it again, why choose to do it now? Because inertia, because structure, because the absence of them wouldn't actually make my life better, or get anyone to take climate change or taxation of the obscenely wealthy more seriously or effectively.

I'm complicit. So are you.

Yay, team!

Not Sports: Speech at my mother's surprise birthday party

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Fri, 08 Sep 2023 04:54:00 +0000

Good evening. I’m Dave, Joyce’s youngest child, and I’m going to do one of my favorite things – talk about my mother. For about 10 minutes. First off, let me congratulate you for being here tonight. My mother does not suffer fools. She may work for them, serve them drinks, deal with them in customer service, and parent them on occasion… but suffer them? No. So, good on you for making it into the room. It’s no small accomplishment.

Look around. No one, except Mom, knows everyone else. That is a testament to just how remarkable, fluid, and *useful* she is. This is a person who has never stopped growing or adding value as a friend, parent, sibling, coworker or neighbor. There is always something more to do, a way to be better, think differently, consider something new. This is what we all get for knowing Joyce. The knowledge that more is possible, more is desirable, and you deserve it. Because you know her, and because you can be like her.

Every child thinks their mom is special, but I have proof. Every time I had a serious relationship that ended… the woman who was leaving asked about my mom. Some still do – decades later. I may or may not have been a good boyfriend, fiancé, or husband… but man alive, did they ever want to keep the mom. That’s because everyone wants more of her in their life. Who among us can say the same?

Why is my mother this way? I have theories. First, that she took exactly what she needed from her parents. Can you tell a story, never settle, and be completely comfortable in your own skin? That’s her father. Can you listen, put your own needs on hold, and make the ones you love know that you care and are rooting for them? That’s her mother. Can you keep moving forward and avoid apologies, complaints, or excuses while keeping what’s really important in focus? That’s my mom. And my role model.

Being a role model can take many forms. One of the more infamous stories of my childhood is sharing a bed with my brother as a small child, and wetting the bed… right into his ear. Which led my brother to, quite understandably, to react with profanity unbecoming of a 12-year-old, leading my mother to investigate… and then fall down laughing when she got the story. Now, think about what she *could* have done. She could have punished my brother, or me, or both of us. She could have taken it out on the entire family for costing her sleep at a time when she probably wasn’t getting any. She could have been consumed with worry about either of us and escalated it. None of that worked as well as laughter. She made a great choice. She usually does.

Something else you should know about my mom – she lets me get away with a lot, including making everything about her right now, because I’m the youngest. And when I was a little kid, we lived in the suburbs with a backyard, which meant we had a place where pets could happen. Whether the pets were random dogs from my grandfather’s job sites, turtles repatriated from the woods, a sado-masochistic rabbit – there were pets. Also, for a summer, a duck that thought it was a rooster. If you want to know how all of these things found themselves in a rented backyard, ask Joyce.

Here’s the point: all of the pets were healthy and well fed. In a house with three kids, with a garden. We had clean dishes without a dishwasher, meals without a microwave, with school lunches packed and laundry done, all from a single parent that worked until the bars closed and beyond. If you are wondering how that happened… you aren’t alone. It happened because she made it happen.

Do a small thought exercise for me. Imagine that every part of you – your physical realities and mental abilities, where you fell in the demographic and gender spectrum, what parts of you work the way they should or how you want them to, etc. – was something you had to pay for in a yearly subscription. How much would you pay to keep what you have? How much would you pay to get an upgrade?

The reason I ask: we are all of us, every one of us who is above the ground, privileged. We live lives with the comforts of kings, with astounding technology in our literal pockets. We live so much longer than we used to. We don’t appreciate it. We are all, actually, privileged. Especially everyone here tonight, because we all know my mom. The best of us share the fruits of our privilege. My mother shares her remarkable work ethic, her standards of living, her attention to detail. She doesn’t make you feel like you owe her, because it’s not about her sacrifice. It’s about her refusal to live without excellence, and her insistence on sharing and providing..

What else did she share and provide? Vacations. Cars. Sports equipment. Books. Fine meals, at home and out. Cable television and home computers and stereo systems and concert tickets and… seriously, Mom, how?

What she has shared didn’t *always* work out. There was the drive back to school in a rented car that we thought would be safer to drive in bad conditions. Nope. Mom and I spun about three full rotations on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, each of us telling the other that it was going to be fine just fine until we finally came to rest on the guardrail, miraculously without serious damage to our car or anyone else… and then just drove the rest of the way. Hours more, in the same storm and black ice. Because, well, we had to.

My mom does what she has to do, and the only person in the world who can tell her what she has to do is… her. You can convince her of a lot in this world, and she has a remarkably open mind, but once a decision is made and there is work to be done, work will be done. And if there is a task that has to be done, and my mother is involved, it gets done. If there’s Joyce, a task, and a wall, it’s a really bad day to be the wall.

About college – my mom didn’t make me go. What she made me do was listen to her when she told me that she didn’t care what I did for a living, so long as I loved it. I loved writing about sports, money be damned. Mom supported that every step of the way, buying groceries and providing transportation, excusing my absences during summers and holidays while I focused on the task, and supporting me as I mailed hundreds of letters, begging for a sports writing job, during a recession. When that failed and I had loans to pay, Mom didn’t make me feel bad about my “wasted” degrees. So, I worked as a temp and made music, and discovered that I loved making music more than writing about sports. Mom showed up at more of those gigs than some of my band mates. Never a word about wasting my life, talents, etc. Same thing through a number of jobs at startups. Never a moment of judgment. Never a word about how I should have gotten a business degree instead or gone back for my masters.

In short, my mother trusts her children to do what’s right for their own lives. She raised grownups. God bless her. There aren’t enough of us around.

One more story. Over 15 years ago, some of her co-workers asked her to join a fantasy football league. Mom had never done any nerd betting before – she focused on the real stuff, which is to say picking teams against the spread – but she went along with them. Then gave me a call to be her co-owner. We crushed the league, so much so that when we got to the championship game, the guy we were playing against asked for a chop before the game. It wasn’t my money, so not my call – but Mom? Flat no. Couldn’t have been prouder. (And yeah, our guys got hurt and we lost. It happens.) Mom pursues excellence. She does not settle for less. Takes her shot, doesn’t whine if it doesn’t go her way. Grown up. Mom later joined my fantasy football league and has her own team. She’s also won it. I haven’t. I tell that to people all the time, because why not brag about my mom?

So, in summation, please join me in raising a glass to one of the best people that any of us will ever know on this, a round number. There will be many, many more, because the world does not want less of her, and she does not want less of it. If, for no other reason, than to keep kicking my ass in fantasy football.

To Joyce!

Hospice Baseball

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Sat, 01 Jul 2023 16:56:00 +0000

Not a well attended hospice for reasons

So, some words about the Oakland A's, how badly MLB has screwed the pooch, and why anyone who is making light of this is a terrible human being who I hope gets the kind of cancer that makes other people point at them and laugh while they die. Because that's kind of what's happening here.

Sports in this country has always been a terrible bargain foisted on people before they were old enough to know better, and if you'd like to draw a corollary between that and religion, I won't stop you. Nearly every new stadium project has been a case of clear theft, and every team that decided to throw games through "load management" or tanking for draft position -- including several that I root for! -- have engaged in grift. T'was ever thus, and if you don't want to pay grifters from time to time, you can't watch sports, now or likely ever. Perhaps in a future where there is promotion and relegation, massive reforms, retributive taxation on the generational wealth that was created by past theft, and so on, you might get there. But you won't.

Or, shorter, we'e all marks, have always been marks, will always be marks. But there are limits.

And that's how we get to the Oakland A's, a baseball team that exists only because MLB requires each franchise to play games, rather than just forfeit them. They are on course to have one of the worst records in modern history, are owned by an owner that has more or less defined moral hazard in our time, and employ only the cheapest players they can find. If any of these players are seen as useful to any other team, they are sent to them straightaway, especially if they might be in the major leagues long enough to earn more than a union-mandated minimum salary. Their stadium is in disrepair because LOL that might cost money, and they will remain this way until they move to some other location.

Some people, somehow, seem to think it's all well and good to blame the city of Oakland for this. They should have engaged in the grift more, you see. They didn't play ball with the current grifter who owns the team. Their fan base is too small, despite the fact that they went to the stadium in disrepair in large numbers when the team was seeming to make an effort to win games.

This is, of course, exactly what happened to Miami not too long ago, and Montreal not very long before that, because (drum roll) it works. If you own a major league team in any sport and aren't going to make an ungodly amount of money when you sell the team to the next mafiaso, you are a freaking unicorn of stupid, but that's besides the point.

So, to the media and fans of other teams who are looking forward to the A's being in a desert city with not enough water in a time of devastating climate change? Third finger, raised, while leaving. Oakland's fans aren't going to become San Francisco Giants fans, despite a lovely stadium existing just 15 traffic-choked miles away, because they no longer see MLB as a manageable grift, but a fatal one. And if you don't think that your local oliogarch would do you like this... well, maybe, though honestly there aren't more than a half dozen owners in all of sports that I would trust to do that, especially when there's money to be made.

But how about their idiot children, or the next mafiaso?

Oakland's hospice could be your own. Choose your actions accordingly.

Seventy Grifters

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 15 May 2023 03:37:00 +0000

So... today's, um, basketball "game."

If you've been conned by a grifter once, that's on the grifter.

If it happens twice, that's maybe on you.

Three times?

You have to start to wonder if you *like* to be taken advantage of.

(By the way, this counts even if Boston goes on to win the championship. You tell me if they do; I'm done with the NBA for awhile. If my playoffs are watching Al Freaking Horford, Jimmy Butler after he got away, Jokic breaking through after he finally didn't win an MVP, and LeBron and the Laker fans for the 9 millionth time... I get it. Lakers-Celtics forever and it's Bill Simmons' world and we're just the idiots stepping on rakes.)

Blow this team up. Fire the coach. Toss the GM. Sell the team to owners that didn't hire all of these people. Play the young guys and lose 60+ games, it's better than this. Hell, move the team to Camden or Seattle for all I care right now.

I have too little time on this planet left to be grifted, over and over, by people who seem to care less about the games than I do. A lot less.

Don't go to their games anymore. Don't watch them on television. Don't give them an arena (dear God in heaven, don't do that). They are bad people, bad faith actors, and they've more or less made me stop liking the NBA. I feel stupid for watching today, and the only saving grace is I stopped watching sooner than usual.

Burn it down, or don't. Find another mark, you asshats. I'm out.

Overdue thoughts on the Sixers

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Thu, 11 May 2023 06:49:00 +0000

Take it down, gentlemen

I haven't posted about sports for a while because money and time and the local sports teams have been doing well without me, but I had a night off and I'm catching up on some things. Here's some thoughts on the Sixers run so far.

> I don't know how to watch a Sixers playoff run when Doc Rivers is the best coach. Brooklyn was clearly overmatched, but Boston has 2 of the 3 best players on the floor, home court advantage and a far more athletic bench. They've turned all of that into a do-or-die road game tonight, mostly because their rookie coach couldn't call a timeout and draw up a play in the last seconds of overtime on Game 4.

> I try not to get into Mo Men Tum and mental gyrations around What It All Means, but if you want to tell the narrative that Boston's guys are Cancun bound, I can't say you are wrong. They are also a .500 team at home in the playoffs, which is an amazing thing to say about a team that less than a week ago was the odds-on favorite to win the Championship.

> Game Five was pure porn for Sixer fans. Tyrese Maxey, the most adorable young player for this team in decades, broke out of a near series-long funk. Tobias Harris had the quinessential Tobias Harris game, where he sabotaged what should have been a big statistical breakout with foul trouble. Joel Embiid had a signature chasedown block, Danuel House came off the bench to provide transition buckets and athletic defense, and James Harden gave them what they needed when they needed it. Even the maddeningly slow half court offense and walk it up sets worked out. PJ Tucker is on the team to dispense Effective Angry Old Man Energy and hustle plays. They have the best won-loss record of any team in the playoffs. If they just get this one. they'll have home court for the rest of the year.

Now, they just have to do it again, at home, in front of a fan base that has seen them come up small in this moment so many times that we're all struggling to believe that this time is the time. I almost didn't want to post, for fear that my silence is the jinx. I haven't wanted to watch Heat-Knicks because it feels like Looking Ahead when they've still achieved, well, nothing.

But they've been the much better team in 7 out of the last 8 quarters, and that's a lot of data. Every game he's played, Embiid has been better. Everyone just played a great game. They're at home. Al Horford suddenly turned into his actual age in the last game. There's only so many times Marcus Smart can grift a ref. Their coach went to Payton Pritchard for an offensive spark in Game 5, as if that was going to work. Their stars keep taking quarters off. They don't seem into it.

Go Sixers.

So, this happened: my first royal flush in a live poker game

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Thu, 11 May 2023 06:21:00 +0000

That's my K-Q suited pairing up so nicely with the board.

It also made me $420, because we've got a side pot set up to reward such things, and it hadn't paid off for over 16 months.

(Details of hand: I raised pre-flop, a small stack went all in, I called for not much more, and everyone at the table didn't see it was a Royal for a few seconds, because once the 4 hit, I had the hand won.)

It's a weird feeling to hit a hand like this in the middle of a tournament, and then just have the, you know, next hand happen because of course that's what happens. Life, and poker, is in progress, and while we stopped for a minute or two to take pictures and say Woo Hoo, there's really nothing more to be said. It happened. Next hand.

Take your big win and your life achievement unlocked and be on your way..

A small but pointed question in re Ja Morant

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 13 Mar 2023 04:09:00 +0000

For those of you who do not follow pro basketball... Ja Morant is the young star point guard for the Memphis Grizzlies. He's one of the 20 to 30 best basketball players on the planet (maybe), and fun as hell to watch due to astounding athleticism.

He's also on personal leave in the aftermath of a leaked video from a strip club where he's seen handling a not terribly large gun. He might not play basketball again this year because of this, and seems to have accepted the idea that he needs therapy, and new ways to spend his time outside of sports. I suspect he's going to lose some endorsements, and Memphis, which had significant playoff hopes this year, may go down without their best player while this all gets sorted out.

Now, I don't particularly have an issue with this, though the unseemliness of media on What It All Means is a bit much. Long-time readers of the blog know my issues of Game and Not Game, as well as an earned suspicion of what Big Mouse sells as content. (Basically, it's got more than a little in common, in terms of reasons to doubt veracity, with Rupert Murdoch-owned properties. Moving on.)

But I do have one very large question...

Why isn't the NRA, and all of the other pro-2nd Amendment absolutists, telling everyone to leave Morant alone? Where are the protestors demanding to know why Morant doesn't have the right to constitutionally carry whatever makes him happy?

Look at that photo on the right again. He's clearly happy.

(crickets)

Why, it's almost as if the 2nd Amendment is only a good and noble right that must be protected above and beyond all measures of sanity and common sense if the carrier of the weapon is... is... is...

Dammit, I forgot what Morant is.

Besides a basketball player.

(crickets)

Justin Verlander? Aaron Rodgers?

Mind taking a Colt 45 into a honkey tonk bar and giving us a data point or two?

Super Bowl: Game Notes

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 13 Feb 2023 03:21:00 +0000

> The NFL decided that the field at the Super Bowl should be painted and slippery as possible. Good move.

> First drive, like every other first drive in this playoff year. QB Jalen Hurts looking better than any other point, and WR Devonta Smith owning. I have no idea how you play defense against this team. It's wonderful.

> Kansas City's offense goes the length of the field, and QB Patrick Mahomes wasn't bothered during any of it. If you want to go back to trashing Jonathan Gannon and thinking the Eagle defense can't stop good QBs, yeah. Sheesh. Oh, and his ankle looks fine. Rut roh.

> A 10-yard penalty on a smoke screen, then a meh rushing play, weak sauce short pass and not enough pass protection. 3 and out against Mahomes is not advised.

> All day for Mahomes, TE Travis Kelce just absurdly open. KC fails on third and short, leading to K Harrison Butker smashing it off the upright from 42 yards. I'll take any stop I can get against this offense.

> Hurts hits WR AJ Brown for an absolute you aren't as good as us play, and it's Eagles 14, Chiefs 7. Wow.

> A three and out as CB James Bradberry cashes in his All-Pro card to get a call. PR Britain Covey isn't as fast as he thinks he is, so.

> Hurts thwarts a 3rd and 8 blitz and converts to WR Zach Pascal. Huge play, great play.

> So far, RB Kenneth Gainwell looks a lot better than nominal RB1 Miles Sanders.

> Eagles self-destruct on the sneak play with an Issac Seumalo, then Hurts fumbles on a bad keep idea for a return touchdown. That's the kind of mistakes that you just can't make against a good team in the playoffs. F***. Tie game.

> On 4th and 5, draw by Hurts, keeps his feet, huge play. Even bigger, drawing an offsides on 4th and 2. Just your standard 75-yard right down your throat drive after the mistake. Eagle Fan chants MVP. 21-14 Green.

> Mahomes can't convert on a scramble and aggravates the ankle injury. Covey with a big return and this game is in a lot of flux. Eagles with timeouts, field position, and the chance to make it a 2-score game.

> Deep ball to Smith, replays, fantastic effort... and ruled a drop after enough time to start a million conspiracy theories. Should not have been changed.

> Hurts runs throw traffic to convert yet another sneak, this one with more damage. Another great play by Brown gets them close, but Gainwell is tackled in bounds to burn the last timeout. K Jake Elliot converts, and it's 24-14 Green, with 22 minutes of time of possession. Eagle Fan has a lot more to like than Chief Fan so far, but we're a long way from done.

> 5-minute knife through butter drive for Kansas City, and if Butker had hit the field goal, this game would be tied despite all of that time of possession. GAHHH.

> Terrible smoke screen, fumble, touchdown. If that isn't overturned, it's the second awful replay call of the game for the Chiefs, and a complete disaster. Overturned. Phew. Huge conversion on 3rd and 6 to TE Dallas Goedert. WR Quez Watkins doesn't pull in a great deep ball. It leads to a delay of game, then on 3rd and 14, it's a sideline ball to Goedert and another moment of where snapping the ball before the other team can challenge is completely subverted. Loving the refs in this game so, so much. It's fun when you don't have to challenge plays; it lets Andy Reid be a much better coach. Ruling stands, improbably.

> A ton of long clock by the Eagles offense in this game; suspect it wasn't all intentional. The drive stalls, Elliot converts, and it's 27-21. Drama. Goddamned drama. This much time of possession, you'd think the running game would have been more effective by now...

> Third quarter ends with easy running plays for the Chiefs to move the ball into Eagles territory. Not loving the defense at all today; no sacks, no turnovers, not nearly enough disruptive plays. Might need some to close the deal... but, um, nope. Reid totally schools Gannon, Chiefs take their first lead of the game, 28-27. Arizona might want to rethink that job offer; just inexcusable that a defense with this much fresh bodies and talent just never makes the offense uncomfortable.

> A 3 and out, a bad punt by P Arron Siposs, a huge return by Chiefs WR Kadarius Toney, and this game is going away with a quickness. Full blitz, walk in touchdown to an uncovered receiver. Gannon is completely exposed; 3 straight effortless touchdowns. Butker converts. Chiefs 35, Eagles 27, and unless Hurts wants to do everything and then play defense, this one's over.

> 46-yard pass to Smith, sneak, then Hurts smashes his way in for a 2-point conversion. Good lord, what a player. Now if he could only play defense. 35-all.

> Mahomes with the ankle sprints for a huge play. Sure. Why not. I feel like my laundry's best chance is to allow the touchdown quickly, have Kansas City kick the extra point, and expect Hurts to lead the team to another touchdown and 2-point conversion. Hard to win a game without a defense, folks.

> 5-yard marginal flag on 3rd and 9 ends the season. I have no idea why I watch football. Eagle defense tries to give up, but Jerrick MacKinnon is too smart for it, so the game is over. The most talented Eagle team in history loses on refs, defensive coordinator incompetence, and if you wonder why you bother to watch football, I don't blame you at all. Good night.

> Game ends on a pointless incompletion, and that's that. Moving on.

Super Bowl: Not Game Notes

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 13 Feb 2023 03:18:00 +0000

> "Lift Every Voice And Sing" is a dramatically better national anthem. Just switch it.

> Watching Dak Prescott get booed while accepting the Walter Payton Man of the Year charity award? High comedy. I love Eagle Fan, who has clearly turned this into an Eagles home game.

> I also enjoyed Fox cutting to Prescott looking like a hamster in a headlight during Sheryl Lee Ralph singing. Good look, Dak.

> Massive booing of the Chiefs. Muted stupid racist chant.

> Why Fox needed DJ Khaled to do some weird stripper hype intro, we'll never know. America! Love it or be puzzled by it!

> I missed the memo on why we needed three different songs about the country before playing a football game... but once more, Ammerica! Love it or be puzzled by it!

> Eagles head coach Nick Siriani, just weeping like a faucet. Win the game and we'll think that's fine, Nick. Otherwise... SUSPECT.

> Women fly military jets, too! Yay, woke military industrial complex!

> Menopause ads. DAMN WOKE AMURIKA.

> Harold Carmichael, flapping his arms. Yes, it's a home game.

> Eating avocados makes you naked. Don't eat avocados.

> E-Trade wants babies to be promiscuous. That sound you just heard was QAnon rising as one.

> Remy Martin requires me to listen to a weird motivational speech before drinking it. OK.

> Paramount spent 30 seconds on Sylvester Stallone sneezing. Good use of resources.

> I am out of touch. But Rihanna looks like a chaos muppet in that outfit.

> Michelob Ultra wants everyone to remember "Caddyshack." Why?

> Fine concert. Too many people will just remember it for whether or not the black female singer is pregnant. You can see what this says about our priorities.

> Electrified Jeeps cause animals to adopt human dance. This is why you should buy one.

> The biggest and wealthiest scumbags in the world were at the game, and Fox decided we needed to see them. Great.

> I like Pop Corners. I like Breaking Bad. Not sure why this needed mixing. Whatever.

> If I buy an electric truck, my penis won't work. OK.

> People who care about dogs should be eaten by wolves, because beer.

Grease the poles: The Eagles are going to the Super Bowl

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 30 Jan 2023 06:01:00 +0000

So I haven't been filling the sports blog very often for personal reasons, but I have been watching every minute of 2022-2023 Eagles football, obviously. Observations!

> I don't know how to handle a football team that consistently delivers blowouts in playoff games. I'm not sure that anyone does. Usually when you get to this stage, you get a close game. Not so much this team.

> The Eagles have 88 rushing attempts in two playoff games. Porn, people, porn. And in the last two games, why they won't re-sign Miles Sanders, despite him being a very good football player, because Kenneth Gainwell will give them 80% of Miles for 20% of the cost.

> Both games were over in the first half. Most of their wins this year have been like that. Again, just not used to rooting for teams that do this.

> Usually when a football team signs a free agent, it's disappointing. Careers are short, players often are washed when they get to later contracts, and adjusting to new systems often drains the value out of a player. And then there's Hassan Reddick, who is having a pass rushing year that hasn't been seen in this laundry since the days of Peak Reggie White, and you forget all of that.

> When a team just boat races other teams, it has a way of just diminishing the opponent and making things seem easy. You could tell a narrative that this Niners roster was a paper tiger, with the winning streak coming against a lot of ordinary opponents, and that the NFC Championship Game might have been different had Niner QB Brock Purdy not gotten hurt. Which diminishes the defense that, well, injured him with intense pressure. You could also tell a narrative that the Giants were nice enough but frauds, and only got to the second round because the Vikings were also frauds.

But, well, you can only beat the teams you play. The Eagles are 15-1 this year in games started by their QB, and the only game with him where they lost was a fluke turnover fest. They won the division with the best record in football this year.

This isn't a good team in a bad league. This is a dominant team in a great league. And if they can do it one more time, you can put them in a short list for Best Team Ever, Single Season Edition.

> The Super Bowl will be a home game for the Eagles in Arizona. Eagle Nation travels, has more money than Chiefs Fan, and will genuinely terrify the good people of Arizona. Pray for them.

> This will be the deepest Eagle team you ever see, because the QB is an MVP candidate playing on a second round pick contract. Hurts is going to get paid, and there's likely a half dozen starters that won't be here next September. They get a high pick, keep the wideouts, and have the best GM in the game. But it's kind of amazing, and a little poignant, that a team that should be favored to win the Super Bowl by a touchdown is probably already on the downside, and that's without even taking into account the way the league will pillage this coaching staff.

> Having watched Jalen Hurts for the entire year, he's not close to his real self right now. It also hasn't even come close to mattering. And if the offensive and defensive lines do what they did in the last two games, it won't matter then, either. Or do a whole lot to limit his next contract, because when your QB is an MVP candidate, under 24, and has the best work ethic in club history, you sign him. For whatever.

Grease the poles!

Top 10 Ways Sixer Fan Should Mark Ben Simmons' Return

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Tue, 22 Nov 2022 18:47:00 +0000

Ah Yep

10) In anticipation of the "Bricking For Chicken" missed free throw promotion, refrain from eating for the better part of a day, so you don't put on too much weight

9) Turn off all national media, which are going on full They Threw Snowballs At A Drunk In A Santa Suit A Half Century Ago Alert

8) Boo Simmons for the fractions of a second where he has the ball in his hands

7) Check Simmons' social media feeds in mid-game, since he'll likely be updating them then

6) Wear the Simmons gear you haven't burned (as if)

5) Wear the Carson Wentz gear you didn't get to wear last week (and burn that too)

4) Nervously pass up your once in a lifetime chance to boo a useless grifter into oblivion to someone who isn't very prepared, interested, or good at booing

3) React with absolute silence to the inevitable highlight reel that some poor media intern had to compile as a sign of good will, or something

2) Look at James Harden on the bench in street clothes and know that, in your heart, you won this trade even when the Beard is sitting on his ass

1) Hours of uninterrupted rhythmic sing-a-long profanity that stagger the human imagination with its creativity and persistence

The Philly-Houston Sportspocalypse Night: Houston's Leather Edge

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 05:56:00 +0000

Best Jerseys

> Phillies had Meek Mill pump the crowd, take a victory lap on the Phanatic's cycle, and emerge from the dugout wearing the powder blue uniforms of my youth. Everything good at once, honestly.

> They also tied the game after just two pitches, with OF Kyle Schwarber continuing his late playoff locked-in run. They just never got the later hits with men on that they needed.

> The first inning ended on a strikeout and throw out double play as Phillies SS Bryson Stott executed a perfect block, as Philly Fan got back into full throat. They like defense, too.

> Nice game for 2B Jean Segura, who got on several times and actually got a knock with men in scoring position. Jean's probably not going to be with this team too much longer and he's clearly not 100% now, but he's giving everything he's got.

> The Astros did just enough offensively tonight, with weak contact and lucky offense providing a lot of traffic. If you hold a good offense to three runs in a bullpen game with shaky defense, it's really not on your bullpen. I don't know how much longer they can do this, especially with two elimination road games in front of them, but anyone who expected five games of this was lying.

> RHP Connor Brogdon was great tonight, and it says something about Phillies manager Rob Thomson that he didn't just bury this guy when he stunk it up earlier in the post-season. Maybe he didn't have options given how aggro he's been with the starters, but there's no such thing as low leverage innings in a tight World Series game, people.

> The fact that RHP Hector Neris keeps getting big out for the Astros is especially infuriating.

> RHP Seranthony Dominguez gave up a run on a bad play by Marsh, a wild pitch, and a chop. Even hitting into a rundown worked out for them, as it got a defensive swap that paid off for them. Lucky bastards.

> In the 8th, 1B Rhys Hoskins couldn't field a ball cleanly, costing the Phils any chance of cutting off a run at the plate. It would have been a very hard play, but winning World Series games requires hard plays, folks.

> With the tying run on third, Astros closer Ryan Pressly came on and got CF Brandon Marsh to whiff, and Schwarber to ground out on a play to first that could have easily given the home team the lead. In the ninth, CF Chad McCormick tracked a ball by C JT Realmuto to the wall, lept and held on. Defense, folks. In a Series that's 3-2 with the teams separated by just a single run, defense matters.

> Game Six is Saturday in Houston, with SP Zach Wheeler working with extra rest to see if he can get back his velocity and effectiveness. You can't think much of his chances, but you also can't win a series when you've had one good starting pitcher performance in five games. I don't want to see this team go out quietly, but they also owe us absolutely nothing. Go Phillies.

The Philly-Houston Sportspocalypse Night: Eagles Stay Unbeaten In Workmanlike Win

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Fri, 04 Nov 2022 05:26:00 +0000

Sing The Song

In one of those rare occurrences when an NFL game played second fiddle in sports, the Eagles went to Houston and ground out a 12-point road win on short rest. Here's the takeaways.

> Philly Fan has totally taken over the Texans' home stadium. Jalen Hurts praying on the field doesn't seem like the kind of thing you should televise, but there it is.

> If you were worried about the absence of rookie DT Jordan Davis making this defense susceptible to the run, you were right to worry. Houston rookie RB Dameon Pearce is good, but he's not as good as they made him look.

> Worst game of the year for CB James Bradberry... still ends with a Bradberry pick to clinch it. Nice year he's having.

> Also a pretty bad game for CB3 Avante Maddox. First time this year the Texans scored on their opening drive.

> On some level, a 17 play drive for a touchdown is impressive... and when you are undefeated and facing a 1-5-1 team, maybe closer and longer than it needed to be. They also benefitted from multiple missed calls by the refs, who really didn't have a good night.

> Guys were running wide open all night, whether from poor coverage or good work by the Eagles receivers. It covered for another less than inspiring night of pass blocking, with LT Jordan Mailata having one of his worst games against DE Jerry Hughes. Hughes is a fine player, but Mailata should never be a turnstile.

> A rare game in that the Eagles didn't lead at the half, blow their opponent out in the second quarter, or totally shut down a shaky QB working with third-string WRs. We're clearly deep into style point land for the league's only undefeated team, especially when playing on Terrible Night for Football.

> Nice work by DE Robert Quinn tonight, but the stud of the game was DT Jason Hargraves. He was absolutely impossible for the Texans.

> Weird effort by the running game tonight. Holes were either immense or non-existent, and they weren't really able to put this away late. Very uneven work.

> Looks like they dodged a bullet from DT Fletcher Cox getting not hurt. I don't think Fletch is all that great any more, but he's helping Hargraves stay clean.

> One of the better games for the special teams, with the exception of K Jake Elliot missing the long one at the end of the first half. They weren't exceptional, but they also weren't a clear problem. Encouraging!

> The game turned on a turnover and Hurts finding Brown for a cotton-soft easy score. You could watch a lot of football and not see guys more open than this game.

> If you are an Eagles fan and not in the bag for GM Howie Roseman at this point, I don't know what to do for you. This year is just a festival of his moves paying off, with more of it tonight.

> The more you see of S Kevon Wallace, the less you think he's going to have a decent career. He's never part of positive plays for the defense.

> The Eagles are 8-0 for the first time in their history, and won a road game by 12 when they couldn't stop the run and didn't even seem all that interested in taking care of business. We are well into Style Points Time for these guys, honestly -- and the schedule isn't hard. Focus will be the challenge.

How It's Going: The Phillies Are Two Wins Away From A Parade

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Wed, 02 Nov 2022 06:23:00 +0000

Lots Of This

The best month in Philadelphia sports history continued tonight with a 7-0 Game Three beatdown of the strongly favored Houston Astros. The Phillies went deep a record five times, three times in the first two innings, and the home team got nine shutout innings from their 3rd best starting pitcher and their absolute worst bullpen arms.

You really can't imagine what this crowd is like right now; people are standing and screaming their heads off for hours on end, with seismic booms answering long balls. They are ride or die even when the game is out of reach for the opponent. They are making grown-ass baseball men wonder if anyone's home field advantage has ever been like this. It's just that nuts, honestly -- and in response, the Phillies are undefeated at home in the playoffs this year, with an absurd amount of offense and power.

But wait, there's more. The bullpen, long considered to be suspect at best and owning the highest ERA of any team that made the post-season, hasn't given up a run in the first three games. Right fielder Nick Castellanos, never considered to be a plus defender, keep taking away hits. But the most remarkable thing to me just continues to be Phillies manager Rob Thomson running rings around the other dugout.

Astros SP Lance McCullers Jr. set a dubious record by giving up all of the homers, and if you want to wonder why a manager would squander a plus bullpen in a pivotal game by sticking with a guy who is getting crushed, well... it's another series where Thomson's aggression at changing pitchers was matched by his opponent asleep at the wheel.

All of this, of course, doesn't mean anything if they can't win two out of the next four games, and if they really want to end the town, just win the next two at home, the way you ended the Braves and Padres previously. It's crazy to think it could go down like that, and Houston didn't win 100+ games on looks; momentum can change and this could all go away. But for right now, it's always sunny in Philadelphia -- except when it rains and allows the Phillies to start their preferred Game 3 starter, who then becomes just the second guy to ever wear the laundry and start a playoff game without giving up a run. (Oh, and he's a lefty, and the Astros murder lefties. Just not this one, and just not on this night.)

Two to go...

Eagles - Steelers Takeaways: How Do You Want To Win This Week?

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Sun, 30 Oct 2022 20:05:00 +0000

26 yards per catch in this game

> The Eagles won by 22 points in a game where they played the fourth quarter on auto pilot with back ups. No, seriously.

> No turnovers by the offense again. Deep balls with no turnovers. Hard to beat, people.

> All year, WR AJ Brown has been a cheat code. This week, QB Jalen Hurts decided to see what would happen if you just mashed the same buttons over and over again. Good, Lord. Some of these passes were also such perfect deep balls that if you want to start talking about Hurts winning the MVP, it's no longer without throwing highlights.

> Before this game, Hurts had 6 career passing touchdowns of over 25 yards. Now, he's got 10.

> If you are a Steeler Fan, you knew this was a rebuilding year and that this game, with the Eagles coming off a bye and at home, was going to be damn near impossible. It was. The Steelers showed fight, but also wipeout problems on both lines.

> It says something about your team that you spent most of the game with neither team getting a turnover, and you won by a ton.

> With 9 minutes left to play and a game on Thursday, the Eagles pulled the starters. It didn't seem to make a difference, but also with a short week before going to Houston, it helps.

> The Eagles still haven't trailed in the second half this year. We've just finished all of the games in September and October.

> Nice game from P Arryyn Siposs, but the punt coverage team gave up another successful fake. Lots of First World problems for the league's only undefeated team.

> I don't think they are going to go 17-0 -- I think they are going to rest starters in games that don't matter -- but they are going to be favored in every game. We could also get deep enough into the year to start really thinking about it.

> Sweet moment from CBS to hype Merrill Reese and Mike Quick, with Tony Romo telling people to go listen to them. It's padding, especially because only Eagles Fan was still watching by that point.

> LB TJ Edwards with a great tip to add to the defense's takeaway total. This game was clearly fun for the defense, and it was also gratifying to see them shut down the running game.

> Also nice of QB2 Gardner Minshew to not light it up in garbage time.

Next up is a terrible Houston team in Thursday, with Philly Fan probably already taking over the town for baseball. It'll be a challenge to not believe their press. But not much more than that.

The Phillies Advance: Takeaways

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 24 Oct 2022 08:59:00 +0000

> Bryce Freaking Harper with the game-winning, career-defining, straight from a goddamned movie moment. He's played nearly the entire year hurt and unable to throw a baseball. He struggled down the stretch from coming back from injury too quickly. The career-long narrative -- a gifted player who makes too much money and isn't conducive to a winning atmosphere -- remained part of the idiot sports conversation right up until this afternoon.

And then he launched a ball to left, and watched it leave the yard as if there was no possibility that it wouldn't, despite the rain, gloom, cold and history.

The ball left the field of play.

The stadium and city shook.

And everything changes.

Sports, man. Gotta love sports.

> When a team wins a series 4-1, it should feel like they are just dramatically better... but in a series where the 5th seed loses to the 6th, that's not the sense. What was absolutely striking was the difference in managers. While Padres manager Bob Melvin was keeping LHP Josh Hader fresh for spring training, Phillies' manager Rob Thomson was sawing through his rotation like there was no tomorrow -- because there wasn't. You shouldn't win 4 out of 5 games just because you've got a better manager. That may have just happened.

> With the tying run on second and the winning run on first, Padres centerfielder Trent Grisham faced emergency reliever Ranger Suarez with one out and the chance to reverse a series-long ofer. He chose to try to bunt for a base hit against a pitcher who might be the best fielder for his position in the league. Ranger scooped it out, took the out, and then got weak-hitting catcher Austin Nola to pop out to right. Ballgame. And quite possibly a career-defining moment of WTF for Grisham and the Padres.

> During this entire run, people have talked about Philly Fan's impact on the game... and at 5-0, it's real. I don't know why this town is the only place where everyone is all-in from start to finish, but so be it. The rest of the world is looking at their phones and waiting to react. Philly Fan is cheering like sports fans used to cheer, and maybe more.

> On deck after Harper is OF Nick Castellanos, who hit something like .200 for the playoffs, hasn't homered in forever, swings at every first pitch no matter where it is, and didn't hurt San Diego all series. You could have had Hader pitch to Harper; you could have pitched around him and went after this man who didn't rise to the moment all series. If you root for the Padres, you're going to spend the rest of your baseball life seeing this home run and wondering why your team gave him a chance to end your season. I don't envy your lot in life.

> MLB forced this game to continue in untenable rain that could have really gotten people hurt. They got away with it. They got so, so lucky.

> The Padres boast several stud players and a lot of good arms, but they also had a number of hitters that just gave them nothing in this series. They don't stop the running game, and their manager just totally failed in the spotlight in a way that has to bleed the confidence out of their people. They should be fine and there's only a few teams that really are trying to win, but yeesh.

> How happy, honestly, are the broadcast powers to have a major East Coast and top six metro team move on? San Diego is a lovely place to visit. Money, not so much.

> Philly Fan could not love Thomson more, and for a baseball lifer to just go all-in for new ways of thinking that works out is notable. The man they call Topper had nearly a dozen guys close games this year, and had the stones to know where the important outs were. Melvin, not so much. Hader's still available to work the bottom of the ninth, though.

> All credit to San Diego SP Yu Dervish, who gave his team every chance to win on a day where his fastball command just did not exist. The Phillies didn't play a perfect series, especially defensively; they just aren't that kind of team. But when their stars come through, they win. They aren't the best organization in the league, but playoff baseball isn't like that.

> Nothing in sports beats joyous group song. For whatever reason, the Phillies chose "Dancing on My Own", and it's just part of what's made this run special. Keep singing.

> SP Zack Wheeler. 1.78 ERA with a 0.51 WHIP in this postseason, so far. When you make a run like this, your top starter does stuff like this, and he's remembered for it forever. (But not as much as, well, Harper. Dumb money, not so much.)

Eagles - Cowboys: The Blowout That Wasn't

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 17 Oct 2022 16:04:00 +0000

Stop Doing This Quite So Much

> After going up 20-3 in the first half and looking like they didn't belong in the same frame with Dallas, the home team came out flat and gave Dallas hope before coming back to form late. Not playing four quarters hasn't cost them yet, but it's still worrisome.

> Injuries change games, and maybe even seasons. Losing your starting LT and S didn't excuse the change in this game, but it did accentuate it. The way to attack this Eagles defense is with patience in the running game. Dallas added tape to that, but it shouldn't be news.

> Really rough night for the refs, and a female one as well, which is just hard to see and will prompt more misogyny from a country that already overloads on it at the buffet. After discussion, a block in the block isn't a block in the back. That's about as bad as it gets.

> DE Brandon Graham with the hit that causes QB Cooper Rush's third pick and the coup de gras. NBC wanted to sell this as a near miss on a Cowboys touchdown and further drama because rooting for Dallas and a close game is where the money is, but assuming that Rush can air it out long and far enough is a bit of a reach, honestly. He's a telegraphing noodle-armed QB, which is to say, he's a backup for reasons.

> When the Eagles needs to end games, they do it with the ground game and it's downright porny. The fact that they can do that against an elite defense with backup linemen is impressive, but it's also kind of where football is now. Speed is more common than power.

> The Eagles need to stop it with the telegraphed QB power sneak / rugby scrum play. Someone's going to get hurt, and that someone can't get hurt.

> The Dallas defense is for real. Great at pursuit, good at tackling, fast. They didn't really wear down tonight, and they had every reason to. If and when they get an offense, they are a playoff team, but the joy of Dallas is that their general manager is a crazy old man who isn't very good at being a general manager, so they rarely overcome injuries or get better over the course of a season.

> Another joy of hating the Cowboys is that they inevitably hire the village idiot to coach them. Mike McCarthy didn't challenge an obvious first down ball spot mistake, so that he could rush into an ill-advised bootleg on fourth and short deep in his own territory. The fact that this was a game after that still kind of astounds me.

> Would Dallas have won this game with QB Dak Prescott? There's reasons to think it would have been a lot closer -- Rush was telegraphing, bad, and threw three picks in limited attempts, all of which were ill-advised and executed -- but this game shouldn't have been close. They just aren't that good, and the Eagles are.

> The single biggest reason why the Eagles are 6-0 is that their secondary is playing some of the best ball in the history of the laundry. Passes are deflected, picks are made, tackling is usually strong and they make plays when the money is on the table. They also haven't faced a murderer's row of quarterbacks, but this year's schedule doesn't really have one. Besides, the pass rush is good as well, and it makes every QB look worse.

> The Eagles didn't really make their claim to being the best team in the league tonight; only a blowout would have done that, and the offense is still too hit and miss, mostly on their own execution and QB Jalen Hurts being vulnerable to odd man blitzes. It' maddening, because when they are good (like, say, in every second quarter), they are utterly unstoppable and can take their pick of how to beat you with mismatches all over the field. There's going to be a game where they play 3 or 4 quarters at their top level and put up a point a minute, and it won't matter who the opponent is.

But 6-0 is 6-0, and it closed one of the best weekends in the history of Philly sports -- and they get to rest up with a bye. Enjoy it.

> Three unsportsmanlike flags on the Dallas defense tonight, all in the second half. America's team, people. I used to rail against that, but then I used to not be quite so cynical about politics...

The Phillies Discover Their Fandom

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 17 Oct 2022 15:31:00 +0000

These People Are Loud

This week, for the first time in 11 years, Philadelphia hosted playoff baseball and utterly crushed it. After two games of relentless offense, stunning fan volume and perfect weather, Atlanta was dispatched and the men in red moved on.

The wins were remarkable in many respects. Nearly every offensive player had a starring moment. The relievers, long the telltale sign that the Phillies organization wasn't ready for prime time, manned up -- even the ones that had failed before and recently. Phillies manager Rob Thomsen continues to have every decision, even the ones that seem a little questionable when he does them, work out. It's all been an amazing couple of weeks for a team that looked like they'd only make it to the playoffs if the Brewers stunk worse, and would get dispatched with prejudice

If you're an Atlanta fan (they exist?), I have no idea what to tell you. Your young stud players, some of them the envy of all MLB, just didn't show up. You have to love them anyway, even while the rest of the civilized world wonders how, in 2022, you still perform racist pantomimes as a rally event. Seriously. You also just got cheered and booed out of the playoffs while your star outfielder failed to cover an inside the park home run, because running is hard, I guess.

The joy of playoff baseball is that if you get in, anything can happen and usually does... which is why the NLCS will be the 5th seed (San Diego) against the 6th (Philly). Two or three of those games will be in Philadelphia, the only place in the world where baseball is seemingly life and death to a fan base that, up to two and a half weeks ago, had ample evidence that these guys were choke artists.

Life. Amazing thing, isn't it?

Eagles - Cardinals: Good And Lucky Enough

noreply@blogger.com (DMtShooter) — Mon, 10 Oct 2022 04:40:00 +0000

Takeaways from a sloppy win that my laundry somehow gutted out. Perfection isn't always perfect...

> Just because QB Jalen Hurts is very effective in power sneaks does not mean I really want to see him do it a half dozen times a game. It's a long season. This team doesn't win without QB1. Find other things to do there please.

> Up-tempo offense always look really good or really terrible.

> Eagle Fan made this a home game. They do that a lot.

> DE Josh Sweat didn't get a sack today and is very hit or miss, but his raw wheels were shown on a 5 yard loss on a reverse.

> Winning a road game against a talented and desperate opponent when you have multiple offensive linemen go down is impressive. More helpful: the linemen came back and played in the game.

> Best play of the day from Hurts: a 3rd and 13 backbreaker to WR Devonta Smith. Off side, cross field, against pressure, 23 yards and fantastic. The QB didn't have his best day today and lucked out from a near-pick, but he flashes routinely.

> PR Brandon Covey looked more like an NFL player today. Maybe the game's starting to slow down for him.

> The Eagles are the best team in the NFC, playing a major market team with a marquee QB... and we got the D team (Chris Myers! Robert Smith!) as the announcing team. Honestly, Chris Myers could make you nap through any game ever, and Smith's commentary is as nondescript as his name.

This, after two days of Yankee announcers talking about the Yankees during the first Phillies playoff series in 11 years. If you've ever wondered why Philly Fan hates the national media, you haven't been paying attention.

> I don't really understand Arizona. Talent is good, speed is off the charts, and the results and fan base aren't there. They lost a home game they really needed to have against a team that gave them a B- effort, with their franchise QB sliding too early and their front office being unable to find a kicker to make a very manageable field goal. Maybe they'll be fine once WR DeAndre Hopkins is back, but this seems like a place where the coach loses a job soon.

> Better work from P Aaryn Siposs this week, but failing to stop a fake punt is not great.

> How I'd attack the Eagles defense: tempo, running, quick throws. The dirty little secret of the Eagle defense is that they aren't as good against the run as the numbers look.

> The biggest hole in Hurts' game? Deflected balls at the line of scrimmage. Several per game. Not sure how to scheme away from that.

> Did not love the Eagles' offensive play-calling this week. Too many vertical screens, not enough running until late, poor blitz coverage in obvious situations for a blitz, and didn't get the ball to WR AJ Brown enough. Hopefully all fixable.

> For the defense, 17 points on the road is more than good enough, but the tackling and third down performance wasn't up to snuff. I'm never a fan of DE Hassan Reddick dropping into coverage.

> Meanwhile in other games, Dallas won again with QB Cooper Rush and the Giants won in London against the Packers, so suddenly the NFC East is the best division in football. Yeah, I know, just what everyone was predicting.