Flawed and Fabulous

Natural Hair Chronicles - Hair Loss Recovery

2012-08-10T12:26:00.001-05:00

During pregnancy, like most women, my hair grew and thicken over the many months. Supported by a healthy diet and pre-natal vitamins, my hair is always healthiest during pregnancy.

With the many benefits of pregnancy and childbirth, there are of course some things that aren't so great. One of these things is the post-partum hair shedding. I won't get into all the science and medical jargon in explaining the why and the how this happens.

I'll just say my edges went from this in March...

to this by the end of May.

Typically, the natural shedding process doesn't begin until 2-3 months after giving birth, as your hormones start getting back to normal levels. However, nursing staved off the process for me for a few weeks.

But when it did begin, it was relentless in the dramatic effect it had on my edges. I have to say that with all the other necessary distractions and shift in focus that comes with being a mother and adding another child to our family, the change in my hair seemed to happen overnight. I did notice a significant increase in the number of strands that collected in my comb and my fingers as I cared for my hair, but the final results, I never saw coming.

So now what?...

I doubled down on my hair care regimen.

First, I needed to directly address the issue of my edges. After some research, I purchased a product recommended by Felicia of Loving Your Hair with Natural Care.


*Organic Root Stimulator's Fertilizing Serum Herbal Scalp Formula

(This particular product is for natural hair textures, braids, and weaves.

The Fertilizing Temple Balm is for relaxed, blow-dried, or pressed hair.)

Initially (first 2 weeks), I used the fertilizing serum along my edges twice a day. After this initial period, I made sure to include the serum treatment in my standard hair regimen at least twice a week before bedtime.

In addition to my standard regimen, I upped my deep conditioning sessions from once a month to twice a month. Since my time is limited, I've forgone making my own conditioning mix and now using the Shea Moisture Deep Treatment Masque, as well as the shampoo and conditioner in the product line. I've used these products in the past when I was "newly natural" and got great results.

My hair steamer is still packed away since we just moved into our new home in June. But I stumbled upon the Hair Therapy Wrap I got a couple years ago. It's the perfect fit for my demanding schedule. I can continue multitasking and getting things done while treating my hair. The results don't quite equal that as compared to steaming my hair, but something is better than nothing.

With my hair separated into six sections (2 front, 2 middle, 2 back), I saturate my hair with the Deep Treatment Masque, detangle each section with a wide-tooth comb and modified Denman brush, and then twist each section.

I heat the head wrap up in the microwave for 2 minutes and put on a plastic cap before securing the wrap on my head.

I sport my fancy head gear for 45 minutes to an hour. Hop in the shower. Shampoo, condition, and rinse each section. With my hair still damp, I apply my favorite leave-in conditioner and seal with a bit of my shea butter/coconut oil mix.

If I feel like it, a couple hours before bed, I set my hair in twists in preparation for a fresh twistout in the morning.

This has been my routine over the past six weeks and my hair has responded and rebounded quickly. Check out the difference in my edges...

I'm so pleased with the results. I'll provide another update as my hairline recovers.

Latifah

Keep the Colorado Shooting Victims In your prayers

2012-07-20T16:48:00.001-05:00

Single Mommy Me

2012-07-13T23:01:00.000-05:00

Okay, FML, I'm 32 years old, single, got two baby daddies and …. *sigh*

Yeah, I could have started this post off like, “I am the proud mother of two beautiful boys,”
but I know that most of us “social media” addicts are attracted to the so called “ratchetness” of situations... lol.

I have spent many nights wondering how in the world was this life as a super single mommy was going to work out for me. I haven't had time to even comb my hair today, let alone think about another man, another relationship, another somebody to cook for, entertain, and share space and time with every day. But the fact is, it's only human nature to think about these things.

Sometimes I have ask myself -

Will another man want a woman with my cargo? (I refuse to call my babies “baggage!”)

How will I deal with my sons’ fathers and the new man in my life meeting?

Can I balance being a mommy and dating someone new?

Will I find someone who will accept my sons equally?

Will any man ever be good enough for my sons?

Is marriage for me, at this point in my life?

Can I even trust another man to be in our lives?

Well, today I've decided to get over it! Though those questions will forever be in the back of my mind, I've found that dwelling on them only feeds the fear of change. I made the conscience decision to choose my happiness and the welfare of my sons over being foolishly in love with the idea of being in a relationship.

I think I struggle so much with the notion of being “alone” because of my love and want for the “family life.” I have always had my parents plus some. The fact is that underneath all this "Ya Za-ism" is a nurturing and domestic homebody.

In the case of my sons’ fathers, I want to live out my days without the drama that comes with “forcing” a man to be a Man. That good ole baby mama/baby daddy drama is not in my blood. I keep the stresses as low as possible by losing all expectations of them; so whatever, if ever, and whenever they do anything remotely close to what they should do, I will be amazed.

Not that either of them are bad guys, but some good people are just not meant to be together. I won't waste any energy (at least not in this post) putting them on “blast,” complaining or blaming. I look at them as half of the reason I am blessed with the gorgeous faces I get to look at daily.

So here’s to being single, strong, resilient, happy, open to change, and most of all the best mother that I can be… Here’s to Self-Love!

LOVE,

2012-07-06T20:17:00.001-05:00

Of course, one of our favorite things to do together is shop. This is especially the case when we're on the hunt for accessories.

Accessory shopping is so different from apparel shopping. It's always fun and exciting. No need for a dressing room to haul items to and fro. There's no frustration and anxiety because everything fits. Plus, with the right accessories, any outfit can be transformed, enhanced, and revitalized.

Another important thing for us as working mothers on a budget is controlling cost on non-essential items. And no matter how essential and necessarily needed a pair of earrings or the set of rainbow bangles may seem, they are not a necessity.

So, imagine our excitement when I entered the doors of Charming Charlie. This store specializes in nothing but accessories at affordable prices. Can I say accessories galore!!! Bracelets, rings, necklaces, oh my... Scarves, handbags, shoes, I think I'm gonna die.

Everything is organized according to color. Everything blue is here. Everything green is there. There's red... there's pink... there's hot pink. I found myself spinning in a circle, not knowing where to start. Since I had not planned or budgeted for accessory purchases this month, I stopped and took a step back (Remember, responsibility and accountability). I decided to only get one item each for myself, Mom, and Ya from the sales/clearance section. Just as a sample of what this place has to offer. Something that fit all of our different styles. How much? Let's just saying I got change back from a $20!!!

Can't wait to go back with Mom and Ya!


Butterfly hoop earrings to add to my Butterfly Collection


Earrings and necklace set - colorful and classy for Mom

Fabric flower earrings to accentuate my sister's trendy style

2012-07-05T19:47:00.001-05:00

2012-06-19T15:20:00.000-05:00

Contributors' Pages

Lois

Latifah

@latifahiman

Ya Za

@ya_za

2012-06-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

As an education professional, it is exciting for me to discover new ways to integrate technology into my children's learning and development. The iPad is a wonderful device and platform to enhance teaching and learning in many ways.

Granted, there are some apps that don't live up to my standards in regards to content, interactiveness, learning outcomes, and graphic design. However, there are several noteworthy apps that provide a fun and engaging play-to-learn experience for my toddler.

These apps provide a wealth of entertainment and learning opportunities with each activity. These activities support her language development and enhance her memory and problem solving skills. We enjoy taking time to discover new apps, playing new games, and learning new things.

(Click on the app name to be taken to the App Store page for each app.)

Curious George at the Zoo for iPad

#1 Education App! (April 2012)

Interactive Alphabet - ABC Flash Cards

Voted Best iPad Kids App of the Year 2010 at iLounge

Monkey Preschool Lunchbox

The #1 Preschool Game in the App Store

PBS Kids Video

She can watch her favorite episodes of Caillou via this safe, child-friendly viewing experience. No need to worry about stumbling on altered videos with questionable content on YouTube.

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Road Rally App-isode

This is an interactive Mickey Mouse Clubhouse full-length episode. Completely with interactive activities (counting, problem solving, shapes, and memory skills). And the app is FREE!!!

Easy Bake Treats

All the fun of baking your favorite treats without the mess and clean up!!!

Each of these apps offer an array of activities from finger painting to puzzles to sing-along songs from the three movies.

Highlights of each app include:

Toy Story

Sound effects and character voices

Clips from the original motion picture throughout the read-along experience

Toy Story 2

Visual page index allows her to jump to her favorite part of the story

Toy Story 3

Record my voice reading the story and hear it read back as narration. Can record her voice too!

View select pages in 3D with touch-to-play exploration (required 3D glasses are free and available at Disney stores in the U.S. and Canada)

With ease and confidence, she can maneuver from app to app without the need for constant over-the-shoulder supervision. Allowing a small window of time for me to attend to household tasks, tend to her sister, or just do nothing...

But I'm afraid it won't be long before she will have to put the sharing lessons in action. Her five-month old sister is already curiously engaged and reaching for the iPad and iPhone.

Next... favorite apps for infants! Yes, they do exist.

Latifah

2012-06-11T23:29:00.000-05:00

My two-year old has taken to the iPad and iPhone with relentless curiosity, persistence, and excitement. She spends a couple hours a day on one of these devices, swiping in and out of her apps.

Since buying my iPad (excuse me... her iPad) a couple years ago, I've downloaded over 100 apps for myself and my kids. Here are a few of the apps she loves and spends the most time interacting and engaged in the technology.

I think she would agree with me when I say the Toca Boca apps are by far our favorites. Here is why we love them.

(Click on each app name to be taken to App Store page for each game.)

Toca Doctor

Examine a patient and solve fun puzzles and mini-games that take place in the human body.

Beautiful artwork and fun sounds guides your kids through 21 different puzzles!

Toca Hair Salon

Cut, color, comb and blow-dry lifelike hair on six different cute characters.

Using your fingers you can make any hair style you want! And of course – take a snapshot and save your creations!

Toca House

Help the five friends to do fun chores around a cozy house. Let your kids do the dishes, ironing,...

... sweeping or planting flowers in the garden. Loads of fun with 19 different mini-games!

One of the chores at the Toca House is helping the characters bathe. Using her finger to move the sponge, she scrubs until all the suds are gone.

Toca Kitchen Monster

Someone must have left a window open! Two monsters snuck into the kitchen!! What a mess they’ve made… Well, at least they seem friendly enough.

They look hungry too! Try feeding them and see what they like! your ingredients from the fridge and prepare them in anyway you like. Free exploratory play with food in a new way.

Toca Boca offers a couple game apps that help to promote sharing, taking turns, and group play.

Toca Store

Now you can turn your iPhone or iPad into a Store Play Set – without any of the cleaning up afterwards!
It’s the perfect toy for your kids to play together with you, their siblings or friends.

Toca Tea Party

Invite your friends to a tea party around your iPad! Set the table, choose your favorite cookies and cakes, serve the tea and you’re good to go!

Simply eat and drink with your finger! With Toca Tea Party, you can play together with your kids in a way that stimulates their imagination.

Sometimes nothing can take the place of the hands-on experience of playing tea party. Plastic cherry pie slices, orange slices, empty tea cups and all!

Click here to view and watch videos of all Toca Boca apps!

Each app offers unique educational and learning opportunities. Making learning a fun and rewarding experience while still managing to hold her attention.

Up next in Part 2... a curious monkey, everyone's favorite mouse, and apps that take you to "Infinity and Beyond."

Latifah

Natural Hair Chronicles - "Making It Work"

2012-05-31T15:53:00.000-05:00

Living In Color and Loving My Hair!!!

At the beginning of my natural hair journey, like many, I turned to the Internet and YouTube for inspiration and support in making the transition. The wealth of information was astounding. I don't know why I didn't think to do this before my first attempt was a failure. Thanks to YouTubers and natural hair enthusiasts like Naptural85, NaturalChica, and others, I finally have the knowledge, tools and confidence required to care for and grow health hair naturally.

Like I shared in Welcome to Our World, I tend to always put myself in a position where I'm juggling/multitasking to the limit. Case in point, within the last year alone, I've had to juggle finishing my doctorate degree, buying a home (which is still in the renovation process), pregnancy, a pre-tween son, a toddler who's determined to test the limits of the "Terrible Twos," and a host of other everyday life issues.

Needless to say, all these 'round the clock responsibilities greatly dictate my hair care routine. Like most women, much of my time is spent taking care of the needs of others; leaving little time for myself. This is especially the case for my hair.

So, for the past several months, I've been determined to find a hair care routine that fits into my hectic schedule without sacrificing the quality and effectiveness of the care and the health of my hair.

Now, I have my standard go-to ingredients for my homemade products....

Shea butter, coconut oil, castor oil, EVOO, argan oil, jojoba oil, and a host of other natural and essential oils have given my hair so much life.

For the essential everyday moisture my hair requires - WATER!!! and to seal in the moisture, a homemade coconut oil & shea butter mixture

When time permits, I add a few additional ingredients to my bottle. But as long as I get my water in (at least twice a day), I'm good.

Teaching my daughters how to care for their own hair in its natural state is also a priority for me. So whenever I'm moisturizing and sealing, I chase her down and do the same with her hair. She's starting to get use to the routine. Sometimes we have to play a game of "Cat and Mouse."

Twisty Curly

A natural hair care must have - Satin scarf or bonnet

Doing it her way.

Embracing my natural hair in all its kinky curly glory has inspired a whole new layer to my overall style. I'm in love with color and take every opportunity to build on variety in my hair accessories color palette. From hair pins to scarves to headbands, accessorizing is so much fun for me, Mama, Ya, and my girls.

Shop 'til we drop

Still need more color

It's been fun learning new techniques and trying out new styles and accessories. My everyday wear hair and my favorite style is the two-strand twistout. I love it because easy and flexible when it comes to styling. Plus, I've perfected a "Just Gotta Get It Done" version of the style on the days when time is not on my side.

My hair twin.

Color Splash

But when time does permit, when the stars are aligned in my favor, I relish in pampering myself with a weekly hair steamer session. It does so much for my hair. It enhances deep conditioning and infuses my hair with moisture resulting in softer, more manageable hair.

One of the best purchases and investments for my hair care.

Freshly steamed!!! Critical for my hair's recovery from post-partum hair loss around my edges.

And this is why a steaming session is a rarity in my weekly routine. Gotta love 'em.

Just stay calm. Mama's almost done.

Now the juggling act.

Thank you for your patience.

In all our Kinky Curly Fabulous Glory!

Latifah

Working Mothers... Seriously?... Don't Even Get Me Started!!!

2012-04-17T12:09:00.000-05:00

First of all, I can't believe this issue is one, "an issue," and that it is even up for debate. First, it was about whether we, women, have the right to decide if and when we want to have children. Now, it's about how we "mother" when we do have children. I'm not sure how or why my uterus or my "soccer mom" schedule has become fodder for such an irrelevant debate.

To say, "working mom" is redundant. All moms work. To be a mom is to work. And the good ones work damn hard and around-the-clock. So maybe the labels (since our society is obsessed with labeling everything and everybody) to be placed on women in these positions should be "away from home" moms and "at home" moms. Although, no label should be required.

The only difference is the capacity in which we "serve" and perform in our roles as the center of our children's lives during the hours between 9:00 am and 5:00 pm (or whatever our work schedule outside the home maybe).

Every hour spent at home, at the office, in route to here or there; wherever we are, we are working for our children. As a mother, every decision I make and move I take during my "work day" is for the welfare and benefit of my children.

I have three beautiful children and making the decision to return to work outside our home has never gotten any easier. Making the choice to leave my children in the care of someone else is a heart wrenching one when you think about missing the sweetest coos, the uninhibited laughter, and the moments of innocent brilliance my children add to my life. My choice should not be questioned or judged by anyone, especially by those who have no idea of what it takes and how it feels to make this decision.

Every woman is different and, in this country, every woman has a choice. And like most choices and decisions we as women make in our lives (on a daily basis sometimes), choosing to stay at home or work outside the home after having a child is never a decision made lightly, without deep consideration and thought, and lots and lots of soul-searching.

Having done both (at-home and away-from-home), I can say that my children, my family, myself, and our lives are better because I choose to work outside our home. When weighing the pros and cons of returning to work after having each of my children, I realized how my emotional and mental well-being impacted not only the quality of my life, but my children's lives as well. Having an outlet, my profession, separate from my home life in which to channel my personal and intellectual aspirations and goals, provides a balance and "peace of mind" that allows me to mother contently. There may be some that believe being "just a Mom" should provide all the contentment I need to live life fully and happily. However, who established the rule that women were meant to and only capable of serving successfully in one capacity?
Don't get me started...

I refuse to waste precious time wondering if my choice to be an "away from home" mom has damaged, temporary or permanent, my children's lives. I can only focus on filling the time I do have with them with joy, laughter, learning, fun, memory making, and lots of cuddle sleeping.

For my life and their lives, I decided that one of the best things I can do for them as their mother is to teach and show them by example the importance of hard work, dedication, persistence, and integrity. For my girls especially, it is important that I am a role model for all the things a woman can be because of the choices we are able and capable of making for ourselves.

I am a first-generation college graduate plus a Masters and Doctorate. Being able to share this accomplishment with my children and how it benefits our family made all the long days and nights going to class, writing papers, and conducting research worth it. With my youngest still "in tow" as I walked across the stage, I know they will appreciate the importance of this moment when they are older.

Dr. Latifah Cobb

Motherhood is Hard Work Period!

2012-04-17T08:32:00.001-05:00

The current hot topic on stay-at-home moms and working moms is largely a distraction. Anyone who is a mom or knows a mom can quickly put this all into perspective - Mom is a hard job regardless!

For nearly twenty years I was a stay-at-home mom. The job description is a laundry list: Nurse, doctor, surgeon, teacher, cook, playmate, lawmaker, peace keeper, budget officer, counselor, healthcare manager, errand runner, carpool-er, the "Indian and chief" of whatever is going on at any given time. The job requirements are so vast and varied I won't try to list more. A mom is in a constantly evolving state to meet her family's needs. Always on call. No sick days. A vacation with the family usually amounts to extra duties with no extra service pay. Pay - not in dollars because she is priceless, and a well kept secret. Mom is the gravity that keeps it all in orbit.

Oh yeah, I can't forget that the stay-at-home mom is also the support staff for her husband. A job in and of itself. While being a stay-at-home mom, I often accompanied my husband to social, community and political events. He would introduce me to everyone and inevitably the question would be asked, "So what do YOU do?" I always had to suppress the first response that came to mind, "I do it all!" But I knew at the time these particular groups (politicians, business men, corporate execs, and the like) couldn't relate, so I would smile and say, "I am a facilitator..." Waiting for the "of what" to come, I would try not to burst into laughter.

I re-entered the public workforce 18 years ago. However, I never relinquished my job as Mom. My job responsibilities outside the home have to be blended and balanced with my job at home. At work, no matter how busy I am, my mind is always referencing the "to do" list for my home.

The interesting thing about it all (with all the conjecture about who works and who doesn't work) is the at-home mom skills have made me better at what I do at work. Prime example - my people skills. Working with difficult people, having and showing empathy, having patience and keeping a cool head in stressful situations, meeting deadlines, prioritizing, multitasking and more; all these abilities were built and strengthen during my tenure as a stay-at-home mom. My self-confidence at work comes from doing it all at home (and doing it all well, I might add) with the most demanding people I know and I love. It's because I love them that I am still on the job at work and at home.

I plan to retire from my "away from home" job one day.

But I will be MOM forever...

... and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So the debate is nonsense to me. Mom carries the biggest responsibility of any job, no matter where she is.

I ♥ Pinterest

2012-04-09T11:13:00.000-05:00

Now that I recognize the "Control Freak" within, I've been looking for ways to channel this dominating part of my personality to enhance the positive effects and minimize the negative impact in my life.

First, I had to figure out the root of this trait (The "Why"). Why was the need to control so much more prominent in my life these past few years? Well, most mothers... working mothers... all women, period, can agree that the many "shoes" we wear in our daily lives can sometimes be almost impossible to juggle without a misstep.

There is no such thing as a "to-do" list because most of us have more than just one or a list that has multiple "subcategories." There's a list for the kids (sometimes one per child), one for the house, one for the others who rely on our "expertise," and then finally a list for ourselves (which often remains unchecked).

With all this mental clutter, it can be a daunting tasks to manage all the things we have to do, need to do, and want to do. All the plans we have to make, need to make, and want to make. And on top of that, some things I personally don't have the mind-space or mental capability to figure out how to get everything done in the most efficient time saving manner.

Then came Pinterest...

What is Pinterest?

Pinterest is a Virtual Pinboard.

Pinterest lets you organize and share all the beautiful things you find on the web. People use pinboards to plan their weddings, decorate their homes, and organize their favorite recipes.

Best of all, you can browse pinboards created by other people. Browsing pinboards is a fun way to discover new things and get inspiration from people who share your interests.

For ideas to help with my need to be organized, neat, and put everything and everyone's stuff in our house, I have...

For my need to save money on things I can do myself but not "right brain" enough to think of, I have...

For my need to remind myself of the things I like, need, and/or want for my kids, I have...

For my need to make cooking less of a pain in my busy schedule, I have...

For my need to focus and enhance my sense of style and spark my creativity with limited time and funds to always buy new and high-end, I have...

For my need to have a frame of reference for ideas for design and decor for our new home, I have...

Pinterest is my virtual holding tank for all the things I just can't keep in my brain, but want to have on hand if and when an opening comes up.

Yeah, I know, this new Pinterest habit may be just another manifestation of my Control Freak gene, but at least it's essentially harmless... I hope? Check out my personal pins and boards. You might just get hooked too :-)

Latifah

Control Freak Be Gone

2012-04-03T11:24:00.000-05:00

Baby powder + a curious toddler = THIS!!!

Type A. That's what most people who know me would call me. Being in control of every aspect of my life has been somewhat of an obsession.

After years of trying to engineer every thing and everyone around me (more failure than success), one major thing has been my "wake up call" in realizing the happiness that comes from letting go and not having to control everything - my kids.

Not that I was willing to relinquish and surrender to the reality my children brought to my life, but after years of walking around uptight, on edge, and STRESSED OUT about every aspect of their little lives... something had to give.

I'm quickly learning the difference between raising my kids and controlling my kids' lives. Understanding success comes from failure and life lessons are necessary for them to face the world with confidence, I am learning to let go of things that really don't matter.

So, I'm learning not to freak out and think my son's future is bleak just because he brings home a less than stellar report card. As my hubby reminded me, just because I was a straight A student doesn't mean my son will be or has to be. OMG... he's right. How unfair it is to my son, and myself, to have this expectation. One report card does not equal complete life failure. Get it together, Latifah

So, every day I'm learning to let go and take life as it comes. It's kinda crazy. My kids have made me tighten up but loosen up at the same time.

Still not completely free of my inner control freak, I'm learning to channel my need for order to make sense of my world and the world around me in a way that doesn't make me or those around me CRAZY!!!

Yes, we're flawed. But admitting our flaws and attempting to self-correct, makes us so FABULOUS!!!

Latifah

2012-02-14T16:23:00.001-06:00

2012-01-10T08:34:00.000-06:00

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 3

2011-12-29T20:17:00.001-06:00

A topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR! We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty. In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.

Everything Old is New Again

I feel fortunate to see the natural hair trend of today, being a child of the 50's and 60's, I've seen hair and other trends make a full cycle.

My earliest natural hair memory is of my mother. Her hair was loosely curled, black with grey at the center peak the swirled throughout her hair. My greying pattern began in my late 20's the same way. Other women around me had either hot comb straighten, "nappy" hair, or a combination of both.

As a girl, my hair was usually combed in five "plaits" - one on each side, two in the back, and a big one on the top of my head. They were fasten into place by barrettes or bobbie pins. My hair was thick and "loosely nappy." The only time I was subjected to the hot comb was on Easter or for a special school play. I hated it! Getting your hair hot combed meant you have to sit completely still so you wouldn't "sweat it back." This was torture.

Done at home in the kitchen, heating the comb and curling irons on the gas stove meant no regulated temperature. Too much hair grease, most often White Rose petroleum jelly, and the hair would sizzle like chicken frying in a skillet. You couldn't flinch when you were tagged and holding your ear down to get to the hair behind your ear also put your fingers in peril. After she successfully straighten every strand of hair, my mother would scrub my neck because the grease, sweat and body oil would collect. No black necks allowed.

With my hair straighten, I could wear the ponytails I begged for tied with ribbons. My straight tresses lasted only a few hours because I could never "stay on the porch" to keep from running and playing and sweating back my kinks. My infrequently pressed hair routine lasted throughout my early childhood of the 50's and early 60's.

After my mother passed, my father remarried to a woman who pressed my hair a little better than I was used to, but the home perm was her thing. Now in my teens, the perm was introduced in my household. This was a whole new level of torture because the perms were lye-based. Now we're talking about chemical burn - a packaged conk. It was the same concoction I watched my uncle mix in the kitchen as a child using potatoes and lye.

It brings to mind the scene from Spike Lee's "Malcolm X" where Denzel and Spike get their first "process." The longer you leave it in, the straighter the hair. With the goal being, as Denzel's Malcolm admires his transformation in the mirror, "Looks white don't it?"

After the torture of the perm application process, I had to roll it on hard plastic rollers held in place by boddie pins that heated up (burned again!) while I sat under the dryer to get a set curl. Again the sitting still annoyed me.

The whole process would leave chemical burn patches along my hairline and any tender spots on my scalp. My hair would be matted in these spot and if I was lucky if my hair didn't come out with the scab.

Then in the late 60's and early 70's came the Black Movement which introduced... the Afro! This time brought about more than self-awareness. It ushered in a healthy natural hair revolution.

As excited as I was about wearing hair chemical-free, now my problem was my hair would not kink or curl completely to get the look right. I had a lot straight strands of hair sticking out amongst the kinks. I tried washing my hair with beer and other home remedies, but I could never "rock a Fro!"

During the early 70's, I covered my hair with fashionable scarves and hairpieces while my hair grew out naturally. But by the mid-70's, I was back to the perm/relaxer. The ingredients of the product had somewhat improved but not much, so I only permed my hair every now and then until recently.

I was never comfortable with using any hair other than my own, except for a brief period when my daughter braided my hair with extensions. Once again my problem with braids was being able to sit still long enough to achieve the look.

My last perm/relaxer was December 2010. This wasn't an intentional move but other things in my life became higher on my priority than fooling with my hair. The last thing I had time for was my hair.

Another catalyst for my purposefully accidental transition to natural was witnessing Latifah's transformation with her beautiful natural kinky curls. She makes her own hair care products from all-natural, everyday ingredients, attending natural hair care workshops, and doing her usual due diligence and research to make sure she was able to pass it along to her family.

Finally, there is my granddaughter whose kinky-curly top is beautifully inspiring.

All these influences came at a good time. Aging, chemical processing, flat ironing, and stress were thinning out my hair.

My daughters would twist/bantu knot my hair to create curls to help me transition from relaxed to natural, but I was impatient with the hair that wouldn't curl. I would find myself in the mirror seeking out perm strains and cutting them off, until I just had a mini-fro. Latifah and Ilyasin would chime in, "Mama you're doing too much. You have to be patient. It's not gonna happen overnight."

This month marks one year of being chemical-free and I'm loving it. No more thin, straight, and weaken hair. It's thick, soft, and all mine! No more itchy chemical scalp and it has grown nearly the length of my pre-natural hair.

Natural fits my overall style and lifestyle - the "just roll wit it" me.

- Lois

2011-12-17T20:03:00.000-06:00

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 2

2011-12-17T19:23:00.007-06:00

I hate hair!...

Not just my hair, but the fact that anyone has it on their head.

As you can see my journey did not start off on a high note.

For as long as I can remember I have almost always hated the idea of having to "do"my hair. But it seems my hair journey has been the essence of "do." I have done just about everything you can possibly imagine to my hair. From a jeri curl to bleaching, dyeing, bonding, home relaxers, salon relaxers, burnouts, blowouts, sew-ins, braids, twist, bald fades, texturizers, high-lights, to "going natural"- my poor hair follicles have been through it.

HAIR, Who Cares!!

I recently crowned myself the "Queen of Bad Hair Days." I'm now back at that "in between" stage, trying to make the decision on whether I should relax my hair again or let it grow back into its natural state. It's funny how relaxers convince you that you have the easiest, most manageable hair, but a few weeks later remind you that you can no longer "relax" without having to relax.

Most mornings I wake up and look like Don King. If I forget to tie my hair down, it has a fit. Me and my combs have verbal disagreements. Well, the conversations are usual one sided - me cursing and the comb bending..... its such a painful hassle.

This is what I woke up looking like, yeah I forgot to tie her down.

Wigs ya Digs....

The thing I have come to realize is that my hair is a direct link and reflection of who I am. I am multidimensional, indecisive, ever-changing, artistic, free and can adapt to most any environment.
I kind of look at my hair as a complete accessory. Actually, I wish it was more like a hat or scarf, something I can snatch off right before I go to bed, and throw on when I go out.

Maybe that is where my love for wigs comes from. As a performing artist, I found a little more confidence in wearing wigs. It cuts down on prep time, I never have to wear it the same way, and it brings out my inner diva. Way before we knew who Nikki Minaj was I was rocking purples, blues, reds, and any color that fit my mood.

On the Stage, trust me, the wig was giving me life.

I am actually a little more comfortable in extravagant colorful wigs than in natural hair color wigs and weaves. The purpose of me wearing wigs is not to pretend the hair is mine, but to accent, exaggerate, and elevate my image. I have tried long, short, wavy, straight, and layered natural colored wigs. I like the natural looks, but am more comfortable is a loud, expressive, and unnatural color like "blurple".

When I was modeling, I remember reading Tyra Bank's "Beauty Inside and Out", trying to figure out the shape and dimensions of my face to determine what hair length and styles would work best for me. I couldn't tell if my face was the oval shaped or the long shaped dimension. So I took it upon myself to declare myself an oval shaped, only because the book said any style would work with that shape.

I think I may have a "shape-shifting" head and face, because I have literally tried every style and I would be darned if they didn't work, in my opinion. I guess over the years I have built a confidence in my physical appearance that allows me to explore, accept, rock whatever I feel.

My Naturally UnNatural Self
When it comes to the hair that actually grows from my scalp, I am just as indecisive if not more about style, length, and color. Every since I started actually caring for my own hair I have had a relaxer, so I think relaxing my hair is more of a comfort and habit than anything else. My go to relaxed style is short and sweet. From a classic pixie style to a modern mullet or mohawk, I have spent most my years in this style.

Low and Easy

The easiest way to wear my hair has always been to cut it low and start all over again. No waking up looking like every night was a wild night. I could jump up and go at anytime without all the maintenance. Something about my short hair is empowering. It makes me feel elegant and strong.

Luckily I have a descent size head for a close cut.

I "kink" I can

In 2010, I made an effort in going "natural" along with my big sis and mom. It seemed easy at first, partially because I am use to having low cut hair. Getting use to my tight resistant grade of hair was a struggle but I made it 7 months and then the kinks finally needed to be set free.

I actually liked my natural hair, only thing was it felt a little bit boring. But now as I watch my sister and mom have so much freedom in their natural looks, I am getting that ole natural feeling again.

That's me, the one without the natural hair. Wearing the hat because I couldn't decide what to do with my relaxed hair.

When All Else Fails, Just Cover it Up

So as you can see my journey in hair is never-ending and ever-changing. Until I can make up my mind, which may never happen, there will always be scarves and hats.

Growing up Muslim taught me the art of rocking a stylish and beautiful head dress.

In all I have discovered that all is fair in the game of hair. No telling what I will decide to do with it by the next blog post...

~Ya Za

2011-12-16T12:57:00.002-06:00

F & F "Learning & Loving Me" Series: Women and Our Hair - Part 1

2011-12-02T19:50:00.097-06:00

We are beginning our post series, "Learning & Loving Me," with a topic that plays a major role in the lives of so many women, especially African American women - Our HAIR! We all have struggled on some level with our hair – what it represents in our lives and the role it plays in our sense of self and sense of beauty. In the next several posts, we would like to share our stories and experiences our ups and downs, and our successes and failures with our hair.

The #1 Reason I Decided to “Go Natural”

For years I’ve struggled with my “hair identity.” Since I was a young, I was never one of those girls who could create cute hairstyles and maintain any style for more than a day. I still remember the sweating anxiety during my first hot comb experience and the burn of my first relaxer. From this first time, relaxing my hair was a monthly routine (because my hair was so thick and “unmanageable”) in my life for many years. As I grew older, this didn’t change. I went from a chair in my mom’s kitchen to my stylist’s chair in the salon. Once I found someone who could manage my mane, I was a loyal and frequent client.

As my professional career developed, I experimented with hair extensions, sew-ins, and micro braids looking for more versatility in my styles and sleeker, more sophisticated looks. Styles and looks I could never achieve with my own hair.

My favorite sew-in look even though it stressed and damaged my edges

Micro braids became my go-to signature look much to the detriment of my edges

As the years passed, I missed my own hair and I wished I could wear it out naturally but this idea was really scary. How would I look wearing my kinky hair? How would people react to the change? Would I look as attractive and appealing, not only to others, but also most importantly to myself? I struggled with this dilemma for some time until a couple of years ago.

So what happened? What made me decide to get beyond my fears and doubts? What was my primary reason for deciding to wear my hair out in its kinky curly state?...

... MY DAUGHTER (soon to be daughters).

When my little one was born, my hair was already chemical-free and thoroughly kinky from years of hiding it under sew-ins and braids. After seeing my beautiful little girl and watching her grow over the first few months, I realized the powerful and significant role I played and would continue to play in her life. As she grows older, she would look to me first as an example of womanhood and I would be her initial source and reflective image as she developed her own identity and concepts of beauty.

During her first year, her soft and curly hair gradually transformed to its permanent kinky curly state. At this point it became important for me to make sure she did not grow up experiencing the same identity issues I had regarding my hair. I didn't want her growing up thinking her hair wasn't pretty, not because her hair didn't look like other little girls or women on TV and in magazines, but because when she looked at me she didn't see herself, her hair.

I wore my last sew-in at her 1st birthday party - November 2010

How could I be a model of the unique beauty of our natural hair if when she looked at me she only saw layers of ultra straight and shiny hair that wasn’t mine because my real hair was "hidden" underneath? I don’t want her to experience the paralyzing effects of a hair obsession; hindering her from developing her self-identity independent of her physical appearance. Thus, the beginning of my determination to “let it (my natural hair) all hang out!” It hasn’t been easy. Learning to proper maintain and care for my natural hair has been a fun learning process. More updates to come.

Out and natural for over a year.

Everyday we play with flowers...

Everyday I let her know her natural is so beautiful.

Latifah

Five Lessons Learned from Our Joy-Filled Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T19:44:00.002-06:00

1. Don’t make things harder than they have to be.

Don’t over think the meal. We established our must-haves, what was optional, and went from there. Opting on store-bought desserts this year saved us a lot of grief. When two of the three cooks are preggo, simplification is key. Everything doesn’t have to be perfect. What’s most important is the time shared with family and friends and creating lasting memories. We'll get Mama to make her homemade, from scratch, lemon meringue pie next year.

2. Things go great when we all cooperate.

Animosity and bickering were reduced to a minimum when it came to clean up time. For us, and many families, the pile of dishes, pots and pans, and silverware in the sink and along the counters, plus the disappearing act pulled by some folk after taking their last bite, is enough to make the happiest hostess frown. Previously, we used to leave the majority of the cleaning for the next morning, but that was even more frustrating. So, this year we extended our bonding and laughing time back to the kitchen where the chore of cleaning didn't seem so overwhelming. It went kinda fast, actually.

3. Let kids be kids.

We had to overlook some things to fully enjoy the day. Relaxing the rules for a few hours didn't lead to any catastrophes beyond repair. Let them take part in the process as much as possible.

Happy, exhausted, well-fed kids sleep so well at night.

Can you see the sleep in her eyes?

4. "Get somewhere and sit down!"

It’s important to get some rest before the guests arrive. Energy is needed to not only cook, but to eat and to laugh. I personally think my mac and cheese tasted so much better when prepared after my hour power nap. We all got along a lot better after going to our own corners for a little while to recharge and mentally prepare for the main event.

5. Laugh! Laugh! Laugh!

The problems of our lives were forgotten, if only for a moment, when we got lost in the sounds of joy, contentment, and love. A game of cards, a couple rounds of BINGO with the kids, and a simple conversation over dessert was the cherry on top of our imperfectly blended family apple pie.

We're looking forward to another year together and the next Thanksgiving. Giving thanks for every day we have with each other.

Love, Peace, and Craziness... It's who we are!!!

Happy Turkey Day

2011-11-24T21:38:00.003-06:00

Who Said I Had To Let Go?

2011-10-21T10:12:00.009-05:00

There are some things of which I can never have too many - handbags, pjs and journals to name a few. However, (deep breath) I finally resolved to thin out my handbags this past weekend. Very traumatic! With each bag I could see exactly why I bought it, which does not set well with my resolve.

I asked Ilyasin to help me decide which bags to keep and which bags I had to say "goodbye" to forever. She was of some help, but then I thought of a brilliant alternative! I'll say I'm "giving" the bags to her, that way they would remain "in the family" and I could still carry them when the urge hit me. Genius!!! Well, I managed to fill a small box with bags I will part with reluctantly, but they are still sitting in the hallway. They are still sitting there so I am faced with rethinking my decision to let them go. They still call out to me - "But I go so well with your brown boots" and "You can never have too many black handbags." Pray for me...

Now to my journals. When my daughters were babies and preschoolers, I suffered from severe insomnia. I filled those nights with reading, practicing calligraphy, rearranging rooms in the house, drawing, and keeping journals. I found pleasure in my singular activities, even though I would be exhausted by daybreak. I loved the quite hours. Sometimes, I could read a books from cover to cover in one night and write detailed thoughts and observation in my journals. Writing helped me figure things out and release thoughts I did not, could not, or would not share with anyone else.

So, how could I possibly part with the journals already full of a life lived before today? Mostly spiral notebooks I picked up here and there, my journals were nothing special until the first mark was made on the first page. The words, the emotions, the expressions of my life at the time that my pen whisked across each page might one day find themselves in the someone's hands and that things I did not, could not, and would not share then will now be known. Although years have passed, I still don't know if I'm ready for them to be exposed.

As time passed, I began to write brief entries in my journals and reading shorter and fewer books. It seemed the nights had gotten shorter and days filled with much more to do. When my girls were in high school, I re-entered the public workforce. My quiet nights of reading and journal-ling haven't been the same since.

Instinctively, I began collecting beautifully bound journals, a lot of them. I justified it by telling myself I will now have books worthy of my thoughts and future sharing. Well, this weekend I looked at each one and decided, one day things will slow down and I will write again. To my daughters. To my grandchildren. To my husband. And what I have to say to each them will fill volumes.

I couldn't possibly consider putting my hands on these journals that sat untouched and ready for the ink to fill the lines of their pages. I had yet to experience the joy of filling each one with my thoughts. So, I think I will keep my beautiful blank journals for today.

Lois

Getting Our Financial Lives in Order

2011-10-18T11:30:00.006-05:00

I've always considered myself to be a very responsible and diligent person when it comes to money and finances. Sometimes the pressure of paying bills on time, monitoring my credit, saving, investing, and planning for the future can get quite overwhelming and frustrating because I want to make sure I'm making the right move at the right time.

A couple of years ago, I was shopping online at The Limited and clicked on a link for LearnVest.com. I believe at the time I've discovered them, the company was just getting started. LearnVest was started by young woman who wanted to empower women everywhere to take control of their personal finances so that they can afford their dreams. The website offers information, tools, advice, and support for women seeking to "earn well, save well, and spend well."

Since discovering LearnVest.com, I participated in four financial LV Bootcamp Programs (They've recently added a few more. I will definitely check them out.). Their Investment bootcamp really helped me make sense of the confusing world of stocks, mutual funds, and overall investing.

My husband and I were even able to speak directly to an LV Financial Advisor about our current financial situation, buying a new home, and whether to rent or sell our current home. The advise and support we received was very helpful and encouraging. Mom and I both have benefited from taking advantage of the LV-Approved Accounts recommendations.

I highly recommend women of all ages who are seeking to "get their financial life together" to check out LearnVest.com. The tools are so helpful and easy to use and understand. The daily emails are informative and the monthly "to-do" lists keeps you on track and on task. MyLearnVest allows you personalize your financial picture to assist in progressing towards your goals.

And for all of the working professional mothers, like myself, who have a whole 'nother layer(s) of responsibility in managing personal, family, kids and their financial needs and future, there is LV Moms! I LOVE IT!!!

I could go on and on about the many helpful tools and information available, so go check it for yourself. From checking and savings accounts to home ownership to retirement and investing, LearnVest.com is excellent resource and guide to a richer life.

Latifah
(LV member since 2009)

2011-10-07T17:13:00.003-05:00

What's Holding You Back? 9 Ways to Spark a Breakthrough

Whatever your goal, there comes a point when you require a special kind of strategy to jet propel yourself to the next level.

By Lindsy Van Gelder
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the October 2011 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Illustration: Istvan Banyai

Maybe you've hit a motivational wall and need to get back on track. Or maybe it's time to head down another road entirely. But how? What you're looking for is a breakthrough. Here are nine ways to make it happen.

1. Go Public

When Grand Plans linger in the daydream stage, there's always a risk that they'll die there. Going on the record is one way to keep them alive. "If you tell everybody you're running a marathon, you don't want to quit," says Laura Skladzinski, who at 24 briefly held the record as the youngest woman ever to have run marathons in all 50 states. Months before she started her record-breaking quest, Skladzinski launched her blog, 50by25.com, to force herself to press onward. "When you put your goals in front of others, there's accountability," she says—and serious motivation in not wanting to lose face or let yourself down.

2. Join the Club

Whatever your goal you can draw enthusiasm and ideas from like-minded dreamers. Comeback Moms provides advice to women reentering the job market. The Freelancers Union offers meet-ups, Webinars, and job leads for consultants, graphic designers, writers, and other independent contractors. SparkPeople includes free personalized weight loss tools like meal plans and fitness trackers and support from millions of members. Edison Nation links inventors with companies that can turn their ideas into products.

3. Confront the Risks

You might think that projecting certainty will get your loved ones to buy into your goal, but often it's being honest and vulnerable about the stakes that can really activate your support system. When Cynthia (C.J.) Warner, a former BP executive, craved a career change, she sat down with her husband and two teenage kids and candidly shared the potential consequences. They would have to return to the United States from England, where they'd lived for a decade. There would be less money...or even no money for a time. On the plus side, she'd be developing renewable energy. "My kids were captivated," says Warner. "My son said, 'That's so cool, Mom; you've got to do it,' and my husband was supportive, too. So I dove in." Now she is president of Sapphire Energy, a thriving firm that develops fuel made from algae.

4. When in Doubt, DIY

If help isn't forthcoming ask yourself: 'Is there another way to make this happen?' For Amanda Hocking, hundreds of rejection slips initially crushed her hopes of being an author. "Then I realized, if you have a dream, you can't let people tell you no," she says. "I decided to do whatever it took for my books to get out there." So she self-published her novel electronically on amazon.com. The first day, she sold five books; the next day, five more. Hocking kept writing—and publishing. Pricing her books low (some at 99 cents) and releasing frequent new titles helped fuel her fan base. Today she has grossed $2 million and become a best-selling e-author on Amazon. She's poised for stardom in the print world, too: St. Martin's Press offered her a four-book, $2 million deal and bought the rights to her series, The Trylle Trilogy. The first one will be printed in January

5. Rely on the Kindness of Strangers

Biologists Jennifer D. Calkins, PhD, and Jennifer M. Gee, PhD, raised $4,873 to study quails in Mexico. Scott Wilson pulled in nearly $1 million to design a wristband that turns the iPod nano into a watch—and his creation is now sold in Apple stores. Musician Jenny Owen Youngs came up with $38,543 to record an album. Each of these projects owes thanks to Kickstarter, a Web site for creative types. Along with sites like IndieGoGo and RocketHub, Kickstarter allows you to post detailed proposals online and solicit pledges to make them happen.

6. Know Your Strengths

Sometimes Strengths—your ability to speak Spanish or repair gadgets—seem so obvious, they're easy to overlook. After a volunteering trip to a refugee camp in northern Uganda, Hunter Heaney persuaded his friends Anna Gabriel and Chris Holmes to join forces for Ugandan women he'd met, many of whom had been widowed and raped, and had children who had been kidnapped and forced to join militia groups. They knew they wanted to help, but their plan really ignited when Gabriel, the daughter of musician Peter Gabriel, realized she could tap her formidable Rolodex. "I've been surrounded by a network of musicians all my life," she says, "and I realized that was something I could give." So they created the Voice Project, in which famous musicians record a cover song on video, then invite the covered musician to do the same and, well, play it forward. The music video chain now includes Andrew Bird, Billy Bragg, Mike Mills of REM, and Gabriel's father, among others. So far the project has raised $225,000 for the Ugandan women.

7. Spread the Word

When Vicki Abeles realized that the endless homework and standardized-test preparation being forced on her kids was souring them on school, she decided to make a documentary about the problem. With little hope of landing a conventional distributor, the lawyer and mother of three school-age kids screened her film at every church, library, and school that would have her. Viewers told their friends and fellow parents, who requested screenings in their cities. "We developed a supportive community for the film by word of mouth," says Abeles. The rough cut expanded to a feature-length film, Race to Nowhere, that's now been watched by some 750,000 people in thousands of venues across 17 countries. Abeles, who frequently moderates audience discussions afterward, says, "With every screening, the conversation about homework is starting to change."

8. Cultivate Wonder

"Many of the world's inventions don't come from people simply working hard and throwing themselves at a project," says life coach Kathlyn Hendricks, PhD. "They come from wonder—from curiosity and a willingness to be delighted. That is your fuel source and your reservoir, and most people need to practice it at least ten minutes a day." The best way to shake free of your usual thinking patterns, Hendricks adds, is to make the sound hmmm aloud. "It's impossible to criticize yourself when you're making that sound," she says. "Follow it up with a question: 'Hmmm, I wonder what the company logo should look like. Hmmm, I wonder if I need a Web site. Hmmm, I wonder if I can....'" The answers will often launch you into new territory.

9. Embrace Your Critics

Naysayers come with the territory. Baseball lover Justine Siegal endured a lifetime of put-downs. As a 13-year-old, she was told that her coach didn't want her on his all-boy team. At 16 she heard that no man would listen to a woman on a field. "I'm shy but determined," says Siegal, who in 2008 spoke at the Society for American Baseball Research conference. "I stood in front of hundreds of people, mostly men, and asked them what major league baseball was planning to do beyond selling pink jerseys to get girls involved." Soon after, Siegal was hired as an assistant coach by minor league team the Brockton Rox. Then Siegal, a longtime pitcher, reached out to major league managers about going where no woman had gone before: to the pitcher's mound during spring training. Everyone turned her down, but she persisted with in-person pleas. This past spring, Siegal pitched batting practice for the Cleveland Indians. She went on to throw for the Oakland A's, the Tampa Bay Rays, the Houston Astros, the New York Mets, and the St. Louis Cardinals. Sure, it's intimidating. But every time she climbs the mound, she says, "I take all the butterflies and trembling and I just stuff them."

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Making-Your-Ideas-a-Reality-Whats-Holding-You-Back/2#ixzz1a8WqbXbN