After having consumed so much crap over the years, there are very few films that infuriate me. And TOOFAAN managed to do just that. And not because it is a bad film, no. It's because it is utterly redundant. There is no need for the film. It is about as useful as a relief package announced by Modiji! Zilch. Nada. Anda. You will find streetlights more useful at day time.

What's more frustrating is that 2 men who have made films like Rang De Basanti and Dil Chahta Hai, and who have collaborated to make Bhaag Milkha Bhaag - have got together once again to make this utterly useless film. I am really surprised how this left the desk, let alone get made. I mean, I have no issues with the execution, everything is nice. But it all seems like a copy of a copy of a copy. Even the songs seems lazily put together, without an iota of originality. This boxing bout is about as fresh as a Septuagenarian's bum. 2+ hours of your life wasted watching this non-starter. And it's really baffling why would the crew put so much effort into making this lazy, tired, hollow film. Arrey, there aren't even any comedy scenes or good characters to talk about. Nothing stands out.

I think Farhan one day thought he should get fitter and didn't really want to pay for the transformation. So he simply asked Rakeysh to come up with a script in 2 minutes, sold it to the first streaming house bakra they could find, got loads of money for it and used the money to get beefed up. That's the only logical explanation. To actually get paid to get fitter.

Anyway, this Toofan should actually be called "Thu-Fan". Coz it's like when you spit on a fan and the spit comes right back at you. This film is aiming below the belt, but it lands no punches. It's more of a knock-off than a knock-out. Don't waste your time on this really.

Rating : 2/10

Bollywood is busy tackling tough issues. From Obesity to Impotence, every societal problem is now raw material for a formulaic film. And Ayushmaan is raking in the moolah playing the man who is in the middle of it all. While Bala tackles another stigma, it falls flat on its face in its delivery. It entertains, but leaves you with a really bad taste in your mouth.

As advertised, ‘Bala’ is about a young man’s struggles with baldness. He has always been an insensitive prick, so it’s even tougher for him to accept his fate. And he blames everyone for it, especially his father. In a society that is riddled with biases and that gives undue importance to looks, he laments about his misfortune. While his family and friends may accept him as he is, he cannot accept his own condition. So he tries every trick in the book to get back his lost produce (Ghar ki Kheti)! The problem is compounded when he tricks a girl into marrying him, by covering up his condition under a wig. Will she stay with him? Or will she be as superficial as him? That’s what the movie is about. And in the middle of all of this, lies the biggest problem. A glaring ‘Blackface’ problem.

There are a lot of stigmas in our society and frankly, we are a bit of an insensitive lot. You might say we find joy in other’s misfortune. So if someone is ‘dark skinned’ or ‘short’ or ‘fat’ or ‘bald’, we make a joke about it. The film tries to find a parallel between the bias faced by a ‘dark skinned’ girl and a guy who is going bald. The girl who doesn’t care about her colour, makes him realise that the day you accept your own self, is the day you stop caring about what the world says about you. As Ayushmaan puts it in his final speech ‘It’s all about loving yourself’. Mighty strong message. But it all feels hypocritical when the film itself is guilty of blackfacing its crusader.

Bhumi Pednekar plays the ‘dark skinned’ girl who fights for the right of every girl that is body shamed. So its ironical that she herself has been blackfaced for this role. And her blackface make-up is so distracting, you forget everything else. It is just wrong. There is no justification for it. I don’t know what the entire cast and crew was thinking when they were doing it. The fact that they couldn’t cast a naturally ‘dark skinned’ girl to play the role makes it a lesson in hypocrisy. And it shows just how clueless some people in Bollywood are. Societal issues are just fodder for some quick bucks.

And it’s a shame because this is not a bad film. The ensemble cast does a great job. I absolutely loved Yami as the TikTok star. She is the perfect example of a girl who has nothing but her beauty to fall back on. She knows that and makes best use of it. She is not bad at heart, but she isn’t a hypocrite either. Some of the moments created between her and Ayushmaan are really howlarious.

But for a film giving a message laced in laughter, it’s tough to look past its bald-faced lie. And so when it’s trying to give you a lecture about how shallow our society really is, you just wish it had looked in its own ‘girebaan’. I am sorry, but I just cannot support the film. Such films compound the problem and perpetuate the belief that you need to be a certain colour to act in a film, even if the film is tackling the same problem. Bala really turned out to be Shaitaan ka Saala.

Rating : Let’s just say I am biased and forget about the rating. It’s a good film if you are not enraged by its hypocrisy.

P.S: And for those thinking, why is it OK for a man with hair to play a bald guy… Well, how many men have really suffered because of lack of hair? Really!

​( Let’s see how many clichés you can find in this review )
 
They say that you can’t judge a book by its cover, but Chhichhore is exactly what it promises to be. The Dangal man, Nitesh Tiwari, is back and this time he has a whole lot of old wine in a new bottle. Yes, it’s the same ol’, same ol’ story of guys reminiscing about their college days. I know those days are as sweet as sugar and that rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but smell that rose over and over again, and it starts getting nauseating. That’s exactly how I felt while watching the ‘by the numbers’ tale of Chhichhore. Yes, I had some fun, but by the end of it I was bored.
 
There’s no time like the present, and that’s where the story starts. Sushant and Shraddha are middle-aged and divorced. Their son has just given his entrance exam and wants to really get into the best institution in India. Especially because his parents are ex-students of this institution and the apple doesn’t want to fall far from the tree. As luck would have it, he doesn’t get in, so he decides to fall far from a building instead! ( Now, don’t get your knickers in a twist, this is not a spoiler ) Remember, every cloud has a silver lining. This tragedy gives the hero an opportunity to call up his old mates, who make it to the hospital in the nick of time to reminisce about their college days, when they had the time of their life. And yes, there is a moral to this story. One that saves the life of the bed-ridden boy in the ICU.
 
So we have a bunch of clichéd friends – the dork, the smart small town guy, the sex starved senior, the alcoholic, the mumma’s boy etc etc. We move from one comedy set piece to another ( which are fun to watch while they last. After all, laughter is the best medicine). Flashforward to today. The doctor talks as if the writing is on the wall for the suicidal son ( boring as hell). Flashback. More set pieces. A love interest. Opposites attract. A villainous guy enters scene. His hostel is great, as you know that the grass is always greener on the other side. And he is as fit as a fiddle. All he wants is to win the sports championship.
 
Sushant and his boys are called losers. But they want to change that. All for one and one for all happens! They don’t have talent. So they decide – when life gives you lemon, make lemonade. They come up with a plan to play to their strengths. They basically cheat, coz all is fair in love and war. Flash Forward. Doctor still a grumpy cat. He says it’s just a matter of time. Parents are frightened to death. Flashback. Boys play well. Flashforward. Boy is saved. All’s well that ends well. Moral of the story – Don’t cry over spilt milk. And… what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…. And that you should live without a care in the world, especially about marks! Errr….And that it’s not the result that matters, but the effort you put in... You get the message.. A noble message, given repeatedly over time, but having absolutely no social impact whatsoever. It’s a 2000s cliché, that should be buried now.
 
So all in all, it is an OK watch, with some fresh comedy and all-round decent acting ( Varun Sharma/ Naveen Polishetty are competent, but Sushant overacts. Shraddha is surprisingly restrained) But like I have said over and over again, the movie is riddled with tropes that are done to death. It’s extremely formulaic ( the Raju Hirani formula) with massive melodrama mixed with chaddi based comedy. The first half was fine, but the climax was so predictable and boring, that it really turned me off. This underdog story bites more than it can chew and rather than being an eye-opening piece on the pressures of modern education, it becomes a crash course in clichés.
 
Rating: 5/10 ( Not bad Nitesh. But next time, do something new please)

And yeah, how many clichés did you spot? Comment to let me know... the one who gets it right, wins a hardcopy of 'The dictionary of cliches'..... not :P

The penultimate film by Tarantino is finally here and it is an ode to the Hollywood of the 60s. After having followed its success over the last few months, I could finally go and see why people say that it is Tarantino's most personal film yet. It unquestionably is. Because this is a deep dive into the Hollywood that was. Not from the perspective of the people who made it big, but from the perspective of those who did really good work but didn’t really become superstars. It’s a salute to all the unsung heroes. They didn’t define the era, but they surely made it.
 
It’s fair to say that this film would be quite frustrating for a lot of people. It’s a meandering, seemingly meaningless sequence of events that lead up to a crazy ending. There is no head, no tail. It’s not a story with a beginning, a defined tension and a climax that resolves it. It’s just a random sequence of events in the life of a few people. There is a lot of driving around, a lot of old television serials/commercials/comics/books/magazines etc etc and odd peeks into people’s houses or into conversations that seem inconsequential to anything. But then it’s not meant to be a story. It’s meant to be a love letter. A fairytale. A wish. It’s a look back with a sigh! Of Tarantino wishing things would have ended differently.
 
For truly appreciating this film, context is essential. For people who have lived in that era or have read about it or who live in Los Angeles, this would certainly be much more enjoyable. Imagine a film in which you deep dive into the TV world of early 90s in India. With black and white TVs having limited hours of programming - of Buniyaads and Mahabharats. Every reference would come with a sweet pang of nostalgia, won’t it? That’s exactly what context does. And that’s why to appreciate the film it would be essential to read up on this era. It’s essential to know about Sharon Tate and what happened to her. It’s essential to know about the Manson family, Cielo Drive and about Spagetti Westerns! Coz, only then would you know the motivation behind making this film. Only then would you realise, that Once Upon a Time isn’t just a retelling of a time gone by… it’s an attempt to rewrite it in a way that it should have been.
 
So, the film is essentially built around the 2 main characters played by Di Caprio and Pitt. While Leo plays this semi-successful TV actor, Brad plays his stunt double. Leo is a stuttering actor who is on the decline and is struggling to stay relevant. He has great talent, but just doesn’t have that extra bit to make it big. Brad on the other hand chooses to live life without any fuss. He is happy playing the stunt double and really doesn’t have an end game in mind. He is an affable guy who can become utterly violent when the need arises. Leo is also the neighbor of the recently shifted sweethearts – Roman Polanski and Sharon Tate ( played by Margot Robbie). And that’s why their story is fatefully connected to hers’.
 
To say that these 2 legends bring their A-game to the table is an understatement. Their chemistry is crackling, spell binding. Brad oozes Star power in every single frame he is present it. He plays the cool, tough guy with utter ease. And Leo blows you away with his on and off-screen persona. In one particular scene he swings effortlessly between the stuttering, underconfident actor and the on-screen menacing villain he is playing on a show. Just watching that would make you marvel at the control over his craft. 

And talking about craft, Tarantino does a masterclass in dialogues and storytelling yet again. The way he immerses you into the bygone era. The way he builds a divide between the worlds of a current super successful siren ( Sharon Tate) and a has-been TV star ( Leo), even though they are neighbours on Cielo Drive, is masterful. The way he builds tension in a scene where Brad goes to Spahn Movie Ranch ( almost Hitchcockian). And the way only he does Violence! It’s all so beautiful, so effortlessly amazing. While he does go a little overboard in having endless drive sequences with Radio shows playing in the background, it eventually does the job of truly getting you into the mind-space of that era. Knowing Tarantino, he would have chosen to frustrate the audience a little bit, coz he felt it was necessary to get you acclimatized.
 
I couldn’t sleep after the movie. I had to read up on a lot of things. Also, the climax just shook me up coz I knew about Sharon Tate and her fate. I absolutely loved the film. Maybe because I am an unabashed Tarantino fan. But also because of the way he weaves the story together.  The way his entire team meticulously recreates this bygone era. There are so many nuggets of wisdom there. So many things to learn about storytelling. Infact I need to watch it again. But I dunno about you. I would say, if you want to watch it, build a little bit of context. At the very least read up about Tate and the Manson Family. It will help you appreciate the film a little more and explain a lot of things. Tarantino never explains it explicitly. You would have to make that effort, to really appreciate the joys of the glorious past.. of Lost Angeles.
 
Rating: 8/10

If ever there was a movie series that was made just to find creative yet believable ways to kill someone, then this is it. The writers (4 of them including the creator Derek Kolstad) might just be having a ball sitting in a brainstorming room, coming up with insane ‘fatalities’. Yes, it’s like a video game where you discover that the character you control has a new power in every level. And in level 3, our Johnny boy moves from a Pen Fatality to a Book Fatality!  
 
The first 25-30 minutes of John Wick 3 is probably the best piece of cinema made all year. Staggering action set pieces stacked one after the other in a breathless orgy of deaths. Starts with a ‘death by book’, levels up to one of the most amazing ‘death by knife’ sequences in the history of cinema and then takes it up a notch with ‘death by Horse’! By the time John pats a Horse into bucking a bad guy to his death, you have had your money’s worth and can’t believe you have almost 1.5 hours more of this deliciousness.
 
Director Chad Stahelski and Keanu Reeves are madmen who have created this amazing world of assassins with a parallel economy, legal system, hospitality network and unimaginable consequences. With every passing chapter you dig deeper into this mysterious world and its functioning. And it’s fascinating, with a potential to get its own series of origin movies and parallel super assassin franchises. E.g. Halle Berry is introduced in this movie as a super-assassin who has now moved into a managerial position. I could totally watch a bad-ass action film based on her character with John Wick making a guest appearance. She matches Keanu kill for kill as they both unleash some amazing gun-fu on a hapless bunch of arse-assins. BTW they can also make a movie on just the bulletproof dogs!
 
If you have seen the first 2 installments, the 3rd one starts exactly where we left off in the 2nd one. It’s the same day, and a delicious bounty has been placed on Wick's head. With every assassin out to kill him, the odds are pretty much even! So what bag of tricks will John unleash to survive? How much beating will he take before he gets back up to whoop ass? Will there still be anyone out there to help him out? To answer these questions you need to see this film. And watch you must. Coz this is not just any other action film. It’s a genre re-defining film like Raid: Redemption. And Chad pays homage to Raid by hiring the 2 best baddies from that franchise to give John Wick a good fight as well.
 
Is it all good? Well, with the bar set so high in the first 30 minutes, the team does a brilliant job of keeping you interested throughout. The Gun fights and the over-the-top deaths are phenomenal, but the penultimate and the ultimate hand to hand combat sequences don’t really seem as great, because Keanu is just not fast enough to make it convincing enough for you to believe that he can beat both the Raid franchise guys at Jiu jitsu, at once. But with just the right dash of comedy, you know it’s all just a big elaborate WTF! So you smile none-the-less and say BABA YEAH-GA...
 
If you love action films, then this is a franchise you must watch. Just be sure that your stomach doesn’t churn every time you see a skull break. The girl sitting beside me could hardly watch anything from between her fingers! She just couldn’t watch. And be ready to believe that John Wick can pull off absolutely anything. He can dodge bullets under water, can do kung-fu with a horse and what not. If it were a Hindi film it would have been called KUCH BHI HOTA HAI and thank god for that!
 
Rating : 7.5/10 

Surraiya ka toh pataa nahi, Acharya is definitely out there to take your Jaan. And he has been at it for years now. He started off with the disastrous Tashan, trumped it with Dhoom 3 and now has made his most sincere attempt yet with this epic monstrosity ‘Thugs of Hindostan’. Someone please file an FIR against him for attempted genocide and put him behind bars for good. And yeah, don’t forget to put YRF on the watchlist for terrorism, coz they increase the funding for Acharya every time he plots a potential apocalypse. Iss baar bach gaye, toh next time they might give him 500 Crores and he might just succeed at doing something even Global Warming hasn’t succeeded at yet.
 
While the best way to survive this thuggery is to stay home, I know you must be twitching to see why is it so bad…. Right? But remember, like in all horror films once you open the door to see where the noise is coming from, you will die!  So here are some handy survival tips.
 
1 – Take a time machine along. And jump 3 hours into the future. 3 hours 30 minutes just to be sure. It’s ok to miss those extra 30 minutes of your life… you won’t regret it.

2 – If you don’t have a time machine, ask this film’s editor to edit your life a bit. He might just cut off a year or two and screw up the continuity, but what the hell atleast you are alive!  

3 – Tell Aamir you will count the cash he made while sleepwalking through this film. You might need 20-30 shows of this film to count it all, but for once in your life you will know how it feels to have 9 zeroes after 1.

4 – There is a Donkey in the film called Nawaab saab. See if you can kidnap it. Even Nawaab saab runs faster than the screenplay!

5 – Fall into the massive plot holes. Yep. Don’t ask why? How? Etc etc. Just fall into them and wait till the movie ends.

6 – Play a game of opening your eyes only when the women characters of the film are speaking. 5 minutes is all you will have to bear. I can’t promise that you will survive Fatima’s horrid attempt at acting and Katrina’s valiant attempt at moving her facial muscles, but if you do then you will definitely be ready for cancer.

7 – As soon as a character is introduced, plunge into your dreams to think of a back story for each one of them and cook up their motivations. Now feel proud of yourself. Even the director didn’t bother to do that.

8 – Whenever a Ship is shown in the film, think of being on the Titanic. Imagine dancing on the deck with the love of your life. It’s Ok if you have 2 left feet. Atleast you won’t look as rigid and lifeless as Amitabh Bachchan in the action sequences or as strung up as Fatima. And your survival rate on Titanic is better. Trust me!

9 – Buy a huge bucket of some crispy caramel popcorn and start stuffing your face with both hands. Concentrate on the sweet flavor. When you are done, invert the empty bucket and place it on your head. Pull it until it covers your eyes. The 220+ bucks you spent on the popcorn is totally worth it.

10 – Watch Katrina Kaif’s moves in Suraiyya Jaan Legi Kya on Youtube. Learn them well. They might be difficult at first as the song is choreographed by Prabhudeva, but try to perfect them. Now use them in the theater to avoid the faaltu dialogues (written by Acharya himself) the character’s throw at you, as brilliantly as Katrina misses the beat in the Surraiya song (really, what was Prabhudeva thinking)!

11 – Start singing Acharya Buss Kar Buss Kar Yaar, Acharya Jaan Lega Kya? … Taras aa gaya, toh bach jaogay. But chances kum hain.

12 – Smuggle some booze in and play a drinking game. Every time a character say ‘Azaad’, have a shot. Be blissfully oblivious of the proceedings 30 minutes into the film. Caution: You will need a lot of booze, coz every 15 minutes of this film tumhaari saari utaar degi!

13 – If you are an Aamir Khan fan, start writing an impassioned letter to him on a tissue you got with your popcorn with the help of the torch light in your phone. Ask him to immediately stop working with YRF, and spend the last few years of his career making films he believes in and not what he enjoys doing. Coz this is a massive mis-step (proudly sitting with legendary films like Mela and Mangal Pandey). I mean, if you credit him for micromanaging relatively smaller budget films with new directors, then you must credit him for this debacle as well. Or was he trying to pull a Salman here and run over theater filled with people on his donkey?

14 – Point your finger towards the screen and shoot the eagle with your imaginary gun. Coz every time it comes on screen, it is a premonition of Amitabh’s body-double doing a stunt or Amitabh hamming some dialogue about Azaadi ( quickly have a shot of that booze while you shoot).

15 – For every scene with VFX, watch a scene of Magadheera( made in 2009 at a budget of 40 crore by Rajamouli) on your mobile and wonder how come Magadheera’s scenes looked better than this film with a 300 Crore budget.

16 – Hope that god gives you as much Vision in the theater as Acharya has for film-making. The extreme myopia might blur the screen enough for you to miss the proceedings!
​
17 – Actually die on the way to the theater.
 
That’s it. Yes. I know I promised 101 ways, but I am just preparing you for things that fall way short of your expectations. Like this film. After all, who knew that the title of the film wasn’t the theme but a warning of the con the producers were gonna play on its audience!
 
Rating – 0.5/5 ( for some joy that Aamir a.k.a. Firangi gives you intermittently i.e. if you are awake enough to witness it) 

Note: This is a PSA - Public Service Announcement - So kindly SHARE THIS as many times as you can. Coz once someone boards this Ship, no S.O.S can save them. They will have to be prepared with these handy survival techniques. 

​Ayushmann Khurana has struck gold. It’s his year suddenly. Smart movie choices have put him in the crosshairs of limelight. While he might still be blinded by the praise for his Andhadhun, he’s got to get ready to get pregnant with yet more praise for his ‘Badhaai Ho’. Well technically, both are not his films, he is just in it – competent as ever. The films belong to the veterans who are showing us how it is done. In Andhadhun it was Tabu and in Badhaai ho it is a string of veterans – lead by the absolute genius of Surekha Sikri.

Surekha Sikri’s skills haven’t been used a lot in films. Yes, her body of work in Television is astounding (The earliest I remember her is from Banegi Apni Baat), but it is sad that Hindi Cinema didn’t exploit her talent enough in her 40-year odd career! Well, at least now we have Badhaai Ho… She is the head of the family here and she leads the way with élan.

If you have seen the trailers you know that this is a film about a middle-aged couple who get pregnant. And it brings with it ignominy and oodles of laughter. They suddenly become the ‘Mock of the Town’ and their young boys start hiding from their extended family and friends to hide their shame! Ofcourse, after a bag full of laughs and tears, all ends well and you walk out of the theater beaming.

Is this a perfect film? No. But does it get a whole lot of things right? Yes. And it’s majorly because of the insightful writing. The characters are well thought out and the dialogues are brilliant. The director gets the right people to deliver them and their delivery is pitch perfect. Surekha Sikri is ably supported by fellow TV veteran, Neena Gupta and the delightful Gajraj Rao. Be it the awkwardness of telling his sons about the unwanted pregnancy or the quite pride of still having his manhood intact at such an advanced age, Gajraj Rao is an absolute hoot. And a special mention needs to be made for the sound design of the scenes. The background music is just spectacular and elevates every scene by leaps and bounds. Just watch the scene where Gajraj first finds out that his wife is pregnant, and I promise you the background score lifts that scene so brilliantly that you will have labour pains from all that laughter!

Ayushmann and Sanya play second fiddle to the veterans and they don’t let the veterans down. But it’s the forced strain in their relationship that lets the film down a bit. It is highly unnecessary and I guess it is merely added to increase the length of the film. The film does get a little too soppy in its 3rd and final act, but then Sikri is always there to brighten up the proceedings. Also, the songs are 3rd rate, so that’s a negative. But these are but minor flaws in the entire scheme of things and nothing can help you from having a good time at the theater.

So what are you waiting for? It’s time to get in bed with this film and have a good time! Age no bar, because it leaves everyone equally pregnant with happiness… Go on, check it out at your nearest cinema and watch the veterans rise!

Rating: 3.5/5 – Keep it up Ayushmann. Pick the right scripts and let the veterans shine. And yeah, well done Amit Sharma (director) this is a marked improvement from the disastrous Tevar. You sir have redeemed yourself, now keep it going.

Aah Sriram! Welcome back. With this you’ve finally made up for the catastrophic ‘Agent Vinod’ - a blinding misstep in an otherwise stellar career. Ek Haseena Thi, Johnny Gaddaar, Badlapur are top class films with great wit and scintillating thrills. And most importantly, we need you badly. Because you are one of the rare directors in Bollywood who can make a crazy thriller. And boy is Andhadhun crazy!

Now, a lot of the films drama comes from the insane plot. So guys, I will try not to spill things that you already don’t know from the trailer. It’s about this blind guy who becomes an unwitting witness to a murder. Is he even aware of the murder? Is he involved? Will he be the next target? For that you will have to watch the film. And watch you must.

What I can talk about is everything else, so let’s go. The hero of the film is the sinful writing and the artful execution. The plot, inspired from a short story, is in equal parts rib-tickling and nerve-wracking. The screenplay is tight and rarely wasteful. Everything adds up to the plot or gives it a delicious twist. The first half is an absolute hoot! Haven’t had as much fun in a first half of a film in a long long time – much like Anurag Kashyap’s Gulaal which had a spectacularly powerful first half, but unlike Gulaal Sriram doesn’t completely lose the plot in the second half. Yes, the second half does have some loose ends but you can forgive Sriram for it because you are still having fun. The dialogues are on point and the characters are flavourful. The comedy is in the delightful mix of what is happening, what is being said and who is saying it – it all adds up! The director is never trying too hard for thrills or laughs.

In terms of the performances, though Ayushmann plays blind, Tabu holds all the cards! She shows you why she is such a powerhouse performer with this wicked turn. And it’s not as if she is completely wicked. What makes it even more brilliant is that you believe that she actually wants to be good! Ayushmann is consistent and plays his part perfectly. It might not be a stellar performance, but he rarely puts a foot wrong. Radhika plays a small part but does it with her usual air of casualness. And then there is the coterie of delightful characters played by Anil Dhawan, Ashwini Kalsekar, Manav Vij and Zakir Hussain. They might not be the main ingredients, but they surely add the salt to this lip-smacking buffet.

What could Sriram have done better? Well, the second half is a little stretched and you start wondering where it is headed. It could have been tighter. And considering the main lead is a musician, the music could have been much better. I mean, it works for the film, but you won’t play the tracks separately and enjoy them.

So that’s it. Rarely do you get a chance to watch a rib-tickling Bollywood thriller at the cinema. Don’t miss out on this opportunity. Aankh band karke ticket lo and Andhadhun dekh lo.

Rating: 4/5 - Like if you agree.. Comment if you don't!

​It’s 2018 and we still ain’t independent. We are still stuck in the clichés of Hollywood films made 30 years ago.  We keep repeating the formula because it succeeded in Sports based Bollywood films in the recent past. And Gold is a timely reminder that the Sports Genre needs a new lease of life. Otherwise, we will keep getting the same run-of-the-mill stuff even 30 years hence.
  
When I came to know that Reema Kagti was making this film I felt that this would be different. But I guess when you have a star like Akshay Kumar you have to live by the successful formula. There are check boxes and you have to tick them off. So you put in a dash of in-fighting between center-forwards like in Chak de India. Add a slice of lack of teamwork, which magically turns into unity with one inspirational scene like in Chak de India (wish it were that easy in real life). Sprinkle some useless, self-serving, conniving sports officials who try to derail the show, errrm like in Chak de India. Top it off with aggressive cheats in every other team backed by corrupt referees, like in Chak de India. Bring in a special player in the last few matches of the tournament as a surprise package to break man-to-man marking, (come to think of it) again like Chak de India!!! And lest I forget, the National Anthem in the end to make you stand in the theater. Oh… so basically this is the 1948 version of Chak de India, but with men in it…
 
Now that you have heard about the clichés, let me tell you a little about the story. It’s about a man ‘Mr.Tapan Das’ ( Akshay Kumar) who was instrumental in bringing a team of individuals together post-independence and who helped us win our first Olympic Gold in Hockey as Independent India. Yes, it’s about the man and not about the team. I say that because the film focusses more on the man, than the game. It’s amazing how Hockey isn’t the focus in this film, just the setting. And that is epitomized by the ordinary choreography of the actual games and flimsy technique of the actors. Kagti tries to cover it with a lot of closeups of players during games rather than wide shots, but it takes away from the authenticity of it all. What Kagti focuses on instead is the rise, fall, rise again, fall again and ultimate rise of Mr.Tapan Das.
 
This is a little problematic because Mr.Tapan Das is an enigma. No time in spent in actually telling us what makes him a good hockey manager? All we know is that he is the only one in the entire country to be capable enough of bringing together a team. Infact he is the only one who cares! His accent is as enigmatic as him. It becomes heavily Bengali in some scenes and completely disappears in others. He picks up a bottle at the drop of a hat and leaves it as easily. You never connect with him, because you never really get to know him. All we know is that he is extremely important and he is vital to every scene. He is needed to get the team together, he is needed for the funding, he is needed for the entertainment and the songs, he is needed for the inspirational speeches, he is needed for the tactics. Others are just there to serve his goals.  
 
And this is sad because Kagti has a bunch of good actors that are sidelined in the process. A legendary player called Samrat ( Kunal Kapoor) comes to coach the team, but disappears when he is needed the most, defying common sense. The would-be captain of the team, Imtiaz Shah (Vineet Kumar Singh – easily the best actor on display) gets a chance to shine only in a few scenes. The eventual vice-captain of the team Raghuvir Pratap Singh ( Amit Sadh – in great form) is stuck in the clichés and is not allowed to rise above the super talented player who gets all the limelight. And the hidden gem of the team Himmat Singh (Sunny Kaushal – Vicky Kaushal’s talented brother) is again just given a few scenes to really stand out. If Kagti had given Vineet, Amit and Sunny some more importance, this film would truly be GOLD, but because of the super-star syndrome it doesn’t even get on the podium.
 
I know I have panned the film right through but what can I do. The film is everything you would expect in a Jingoistic Independence Day release (sans the Pakistan bashing) and nothing else. It’s a safe film created to mint money. People won’t hate it, but they won’t remember it either. It will bring in the families and become a blockbuster. And that is about it. It adds nothing to this genre or to cinema. Not even a song that is memorable. So go ahead, go for Gold, coz it is a safe watch. It is filled with glitter. But do remember, all that glitters isn’t Gold. And if you much rather taste actual Gold, watch a re-run of Chak de India instead (and imagine what if this film was set in the 1940s).
 
Rating: 2/5 – Kudos to the Art Direction team though. That stands out!