FloriDUH

Monkey on the loose!

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 18:33:32 -0500

Fish and Wildlife got a call saying that an unidentified animal had climbed high into a tree, startling neighbors in a Tampa neighborhood. An an expert climbed up a ladder and got a good look at the animal and determined it was a monkey in the macaque family, reports the St. Petersburg Times. But this is serious monkey business. Monkeys can carry serious diseases. And if the monkey is accustomed to humans it might let a person get close enough to infect them. Authorities now have to make a decision about continuing the search. Until then if you see this critter please remember: no monkeying around More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.

High school imposter has sex with a minor

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 11:40:00 -0500

Anthony M. Avalos, 22, graduated from Okaloosa County's Crestview High School in 2005. He then moved to Yuma, Arizona and went back to being a high school student again. Avalos created a fake birth certificate to register at Kofa High School and Vista Alternative School, which he attented intermittently since September 2008, reports the Northwest Florida Daily News. He says he did this to play basketball in hopes of getting a college scholarship. How did he get caught? A clerk at Kofa High School visited Avalos' Facebook page and discovered that he had posted that he graduated from Crestview High in 2005, reports the Yuma Sun. He went through a lot of hoops to land himself in big trouble. He admitted to having sex several times with a girl he knew was under age 18. Now Avalos is facing three counts of forgery and 11 counts of sexual conduct with a minor. Photo: Anthony M. Avalos / Yuma Sun More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.

Man tries to send flowers to Fort Hood shooter, calls him a "hero"

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 07:00:43 -0500

U.S. Army Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan is accused of killing 13 people and wounding 29 more at Fort Hood military base last week. Dan M. Ross, 61. of Lehigh Acres, was just trying to follow the New Testament and love his enemies. So Ross sent an e-mail to Marvel’s Florist in Killeen, Texas, ordering a $59.95 yellow rose bouquet for Hasan. He ordered a note be included with the flowers reading: “Major Nidal Hasan. Koran 2: 190 - 3. In God’s eye, and those who submit, you are a hero!” Guess that got your attention -- and the FBI's. Ross instructing the flower shop employees to “play stupid” if anyone were to question them. The owner of the flower shop found the email "disturbing" and hand delivered it to the FBI. Ross, who claims to be “the reincarnated Apostle Peter” and “the coming son of man,” said he doesn’t condone the Fort Hood shootings. He believes Hasan has a limited understanding of the Scriptures of God. “God would take that into consideration and say ‘You did the best you can with what you knew,’” Ross said, reports the Naples Daily News. The FBI came to his door. Ross emailed the flower shop directed them to his Web site, www.donutnous.com, and said they did not respect his “US Constitutional rights.” Ross told them after reading it if they look in the mirror, they will know who the enemy is: “It is yourself.” Photo: Still image provided by NBC-2 Lehigh Acres resident Dan M. Ross is interviewed by an NBC-2 reporter in this still image provided by the TV station. Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

She's half-naked and drunk so you know this will end badly

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:22:00 -0500

To be honest, we'd never heard of Niceville before we started this blog. In fact, we'd never heard of Okaloosa County either. And, frankly, sometimes we wish we still hadn't. For certain, we don't want to be a cop in that county. You know why? Well, here's the latest from Niceville. The Okaloosa County cops found Sarah Elizabeth Magallan of Niceville highly intoxicated and partially clothed. Not a good combo. The cops put Magallan in the back of a patrol car to protect her from the cold, which was mighty considerate. Her family was notified but declined to help because she was so drunk, reports the Northwest Florida Daily News. How did Magallan, 21, pay back the nice cops for their concern? She vomited in back of the patrol car and spit on the deputy. Then she argued with another cop and bit him on the right shoulder "without provocation," according to her arrest report. For her grand finale Magallan hit another cop at the sheriff's office who was trying to remove her from the car. Is there anybody sober in Niceville? If so, you're ruining the reputation of Okaloosa County. Photo: Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.

Killer's fish survives 7 months alone in townhouse

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:21:00 -0500

We are so impressed. And with a fish. The little dude is quite the survivor. When employees from Contractor’s Choice and members of the Summer Lake Homeowners Association walked into accused murderer Dannie Baker’s vacant town house, they just expected to find mold, reports the Northwest Florida Daily News. But they found a fish. A fish that had survived seven months without food or clean water. The fish, which appears to be a plecostomus, was overlooked when cops removed other fish and birds from Baker’s home. Josh Olis, an account manager at Contractor’s Choice, will make sure the fish is fed for as long as the company is working in the home. And Olis also gave him a name: Theo. “I think we’re going to accept him into the cleaning family for now,” Olis said. “He’s been living in that tank for so long, surviving off algae. I have so much respect for him, I had to name him.” Name him? Heck, give that fish a medal. And some clean water, please. Photo: Kathy Harrison | Florida Freedom Newspapers SURVIVOR: After seven months without food or water, Danny Baker's fish, believed to be a plecostomus, is still swimming. Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Prime rib arrest: 2 men accused of butchering neighbor's cow

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:06:30 -0500

First, there was a cow escape from a nearby pasture in Golden Gate Estates. Eight missing, to be exact. Then there was a cow murder, discovered by a cop who was trying to track down the missing cows. The carcass was missing its hind legs and a section of its back, reports the Naples Daily News. Bloody drag marks on the road led to Terry Joseph Hartline's driveway. More dragmarks led to Hartline's neighbor, Erik Tillman Smith. When deputies knocked on Smith’s door they found him still wearing bloody clothing. Hartline's wife showed deputies the bloodied clothes her husband was wearing before he went to sleep. Now they're in jail. And they'll have to settle this beef with their neighbor. Photo: CCSO / Naples Daily News Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, some pornaments for your branches?

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 08:13:00 -0500

Happy holidays! Just what you need for your tree. Ornaments that are sexually graphic. And bound to raise some eyebrows. One ornament has two reindeer and another has a couple of snowmen, and all are in...hmmmm.... compromising positions, reports News4Jax.com. The ornaments cost $10 at Spencer's Gifts. There's a warning on the back of the box that says they're not intended for kids. On the box front it says "for adults only." Clint Wilder, the pastor of the Arlington Family Church in Jacksonville, says "These are pornography. They should not be in the eyes of children, and they should not be where children shop." Will Santa decorate your tree with pornaments? Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Making moonshine. You mean that's still illegal?

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:30:00 -0500

So now we're North Caroline...without the mountains. Because moonshine is being made in FloriDUH, more precisely in Polk County where an anonymous tip led undercover detectives to a Bartow home, reports baynews9.com. Oh, and a working moonshine still, reports boynews9.com. Cops seized the still -- and seven jars of moonshine -- at a house on Thomas Jefferson Circle E. The two guys who live there -- 54-year-old Kenneth Wayne Wilkerson and 36-year-old Rockie D. Smith -- said they used the still to make moonshine for their own use. "I knew it was illegal but I wasn't going to sell it. I didn't see no harm in it," Wilkerson said. "The moonshine we made- it was good and like I said, I wish you could have tasted some of it." Detectives said they also admitted to selling moonshine to their friends and coworkers. The men were arrested. With all the cops and feds at the house, the neighbors expected real trouble. "I'm thinking everything from child pornography to drugs," said neighbor Todd Ice, who was actually relieved to find out what the arrest was for. "It's funny (and) it's comical," Ice said. "Who could thought that even in today's age that you'd get in trouble for making moonshine?" PHOTO: Kenneth Wayne Wilkerson Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Everything's running smoothly under the hood, including that snake

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:30:00 -0500

Good thing John Capo saw the snake go toward his Nissan Maxima. He just didn't know the snake was going to fall in love with it. First the boa constrictor rested on the engine. Then it coiled itself around a hose, reports WFTV News. That's when Capo called Corey Hicks of Critter Control. But this was one stubborn boa. They lifted the Maxima up by a jack so the workers could reach the snake. But it wouldn't let go. They turned the car on, but that didn't help either. Finally, two hours later, the boa constrictor let go. If a snake like it that much, doesn't make us yearn to buy a Maxima. Video. Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Cool wedding: guests shoving, fists flying and one stolen gun

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 06:15:00 -0500

Why don't we get invited to weddings to this? We're talking about the nuptials of Tasha C. Johnson and Markeith Brown at the Rusty Pelican Restaurant in Tampa. One guest didn't like the groom tossing bills on the dance floor for kids to gather and said so. The groom and his brother confronted the guest. This led to a shoving match. Then other guests choose sides -- and we don't mean the bride's or the groom's side of the family. One person, supposedly drunk, was knocked or fell to the ground. Some guests told police that a brick was used to knock the man down. Before you knew it, 30 to 40 people were fighting. Officer Mike White was struck several times while separating the crowd. Then the brawl moved outside to a hotel parking lot. Malcom Anthony Hepburn, 30, wasn't a guest. But he reportedly got a cell phone call from someone saying the groom and his brother hit Hepburn's cousin with a brick. Hepburn didn't waste much time. He armed himself with a 40-caliber pistol and drove to the hotel, reports the St. Petersburg Times. Hepburn punched the groom's father, knocking him to the ground before kicking his face and ribs, police said. Even the groom's 74-year-old grandmother was choked by a female who hasn't been identified yet. Cops arrested Hepburn and got the gun, which was stolen, by the way. So, think the couple will live happily ever after? More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.

Guy wearing G-string isn't pretty in pink

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:30:00 -0500

Sorry we don't have a picture of the guy wearing the pink G string. Then again, we just had breakfast, so maybe it's for the better. But there he was-- a 59-year-old dude sunbathing wearing only a G string. In pink. His neighbor in Fort Walton Beach saw him. The man stood up two times and she had a clear view of his exposed butt. She wasn't the only lucky one. The guy's yard isn't enclosed by any fence and is visible from the road, to neighbors and a school bus stop, reports the Northwest Florida Daily News. When the cop pulled up, the man went inside -- thus giving the cop a look at his butt, too. When the cop spoke with him he smelled alcohol on his breath. But it gets worse. Not for the guy, but for the cop. The G-string only covered part of the guy's junk. Photo: guardian.co.uk Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Graffiti artist apologizes but you'll never guess why

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:45:00 -0500

So there the artist was, illegally creating a piece of artwork in bright purple on a white concrete wall at West Oaks Park in Palm Bay. Then something terrible happened. The artist ran out of purple paint. But what a considerate person. The artist scrawled an almost apologetic side-note that read, “ran out of purple,” Palm Bay Police Officer Dan Fisher noted. The “artist” – once caught – faces a criminal mischief charge for the $200 worth of damage left behind, Fisher said. “It may not be the crime of the century but it doesn’t need to go on,” Fisher said of the vandalism, reports Florida Today. Photo: The "artist" appears to have run out of purple paint before completing "Solo." (Dan Fisher, Palm Bay Police Department.) More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.

You don't play this guitar. You swim in it

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:45:00 -0500

So many houses for sale in this housing mess. But how many have a guitar-shaped pool? Aaron Dorfman's does. His 5,108-square-foot abode on the Manatee River in the gated community of Cypress Creek Estates comes with a pool that's something to sing about. The insurance company owner and amateur musician was inspired by a pool he once saw during a party at a rock star's house in Bel Air. He was told Eric Clapton was renting the place, reports the Sarasota Herald Tribune Dorfman built the pool in 2004. But that's not the only interesting feature of this home. The house is decorated with '60s and '70s inspired music themes -- like a bathroom that mirrors Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" album cover. It's not for everyone. Just imagine the size of the pick you'd need. Photo: Aaron Dorfman's Cypress Creek Estates home has a view of the Manatee River and an unusually shaped swimming pool. COURTESY PHOTO / Sarasota Herald Tribune Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

Coeds at sex toy parties doing research raises.....eyebrows

Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:30:00 -0500

We hate it when this happens. Why aren't FloriDUH colleges having coeds go sex toy parties -- in the name of research? We have to look to North Carolina to find something that's so FloriDUH. At prestigious Duke University, coeds are attending Tupperware-like parties featuring erotic toys, lingerie and games, reports the newsobserver.com. http://news.aol.com/article/sex-toy-study-at-duke-raises-some/756004 The women complete surveys about their sexual attitudes before and after the parties. Oh, and they get party discounts, too. You won't be surprised a campus religious leader complained. The director of the Duke Catholic Center says the study doesn't promote relationships. We're not so sure. But for certain, the parties sound like fun. As for viable research...... A spokesman for Duke said the sex-toy party project went through the peer review process. We say college sounds like more fun than when we roamed the ivy-covered halls. What do you say? Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen. More FloriDUH

And the winner is....one gigantic meatball

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 07:30:00 -0500

South Florida recently claimed the largest ball of twine. So we're not happy that folks from Concord, N.H., stole our stardom so fast. They've got the biggest meatball. It weighs in at 222.5 pounds, reports www.wsnbc.msn.com. Matthew Mitnitsky, and his winning meatball. PHOTO: Jim Cole, AP A Guinness Book of World Records official confirmed the big meatball as a record breaker and presented its creator, Matthew Mitnitsky, owner of Nonni's Italian Eatery, with a plaque. The old record of 198.6 pounds was set just over a month ago after Los Angeles-based talk show host Jimmy Kimmel vowed to beat a record set in Mexico. That record — 109 pounds — was set in August. Mitnitsky got involved "to bring the meatball back to the East Coast because that's where it originated." OK, everybody. Dig in! More FloriDUH Update from FloriDUH headquarters: Because the Spam bot is such a pest, it's taking longer for your comments to post. Hang with us. It'll happen.