Foot Sore & Fancy Free

Trying a New Thang (always)

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Wed, 16 Aug 2023 12:01:00 +0200

Giving Substack a whirl ... I believe I migrated those of you who subscribed to this here ol blog to thatta one.

Thank you kind readers...if you didn't receive the Self-Retreat post via substack I would be so grateful if you would let me know.

As always, nothing but love.

Nothing Compares

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 12:33:00 +0200

I’m on the monthly silent Sunday morning meditation retreat at the Tibetan Buddhist Centre here in Cape Town. I find myself sitting comfortably, maybe too comfortably, as I’ve nodded off more than once. It’s freezing cold, and I’m in my massive black down jacket that saved my life 20 years ago when I bought it in New York City. Those winters were the most brutal that I’ve ever endured. It used to feel like someone was punching me in the face every time I stepped outside.

I’ve been very glum this week. Sinéad O’Connor died, possibly by suicide (though this is not confirmed). The talk around her has been rather irritating (& worse). Everyone wants to separate out her artistry from the messy mental health shit, when really there is no artistry without feeling deeply and feeling deeply, when your mind is also sharp, is a messy, uncomfortable thing, profoundly so.

We worship, idolise, these people… So long as they keep it arty. Whatever you do, don’t get fat and sloppy. Don't age. Never share on social media how desperately lonely you are. In other words, don’t be real.

It’s hard to idolise the shadow in all of us. Those deeply unloved disowned parts of us. The very parts of us that do need to be brought into the light. I’ve seen people say she needed plant medicine. Pretty sure she went there. I’ve read that her religious zeal – anti-pope, then ordained a priest, then reverted to Islam – that it was all symptomatic of bipolar disorder. Here she is being stark raving sane about the terrible trauma inflicted by religion on children:

When I danced at the bus stop outside my high school at age 14, and saw an actual halo around the sun, while belting out the lyrics from Troy:

“I never meant to hurt you

I swear!

(HOW did she get her voice to do that?! To express exactly that feeling? How!)

I didn't mean those things I said"

Sinead's deepest hope that her music would serve as prayer, as spiritual communion, was fully realised.

That was before she ripped up the Pope’s piccie on live TV. Before she was branded unhinged. A mad woman. Ah that handy moniker given to unruly women who refuse to toe the patriarchal line. Throughout history we have been branded mad for speaking truth to power. I have sat in that hot seat more than once, though obviously not on a global stage. Even though I was a catholic schoolgirl and deeply devout to my Mormon faith at the time, somehow I knew in my bones that she was dead right.

The evidence only emerged a decade later. Then even later, her own courage in revealing the terrible abuse she suffered at the hand of her mother as a child. How she survived it, let alone turned it into transcendent art, is nothing short of miraculous. But then again isn't that what our artists do. They process things that crush us. They make them beautiful, spiritual, mystical. They transmute poison into medicine. They are alchemists. And too often the poison kills them.

My generation's idols are dying like flies. Some then, in their wild, gorgeous heyday. This cover of Nirvana's All Apologies has always been a favourite. More and more die by suicide now, in the throes of the unsexy ravages of midlife. Turns out I'm not the only one to notice. Here's a grim headline that speaks volumes: Deaths by suicide and drugs highest amongst Generation X.

How any of us carry on in the face of our collective traumas is a complete mystery to me. But I do know that the magic our artists make, sings on in our hearts and minds.

“But I will rise And I will returnThe Phoenix from the flameI have learnedI will riseAnd you'll see me returnBeing what I am”

Every morning, every breath, a triumph of resilience, in the face of a multitude of horrors, real and imagined, inner and outer. I’m so sick of the moral judgements attached to struggle. Gen Z is pretty cool about celebrating realness with their "come rot with me" trends and debunking the self-destructive toxicity of endlessly trying to prove your worth to yourself and the world.

The need to look right, be right, eat right, do right that adds up to deeply impoverished people pleasing is so inculcated in every moment. Go watch the Barbie movie and listen to Billie Eilish croon “I don’t know how to feel."

Feeling is fucking uncomfortable. But it is quite literally the only thing that AI probably won’t be able to do for us. Our brilliant minds are not the edge we might have mistaken them for. They are more the obstacle and hindrance to our peace.

Whether you’re numbing out or seeking a feeling through booze, sex, shopping, food, exercise, scrolling, work, reading, drugs (prescription or recreational or spiritual) - and let’s pause to note that some of these addictions are more virtuous than others and problematic, in that some we need for our very existence - feeling our feelings, learning to be with our feelings, is kind of the entire point of being embodied as far as I can make out.

Learning that no matter how torrid the feelings, how grueling or lekker or any number of adjectives, no matter the feeling...you can be with it.

What has helped me learn that? Meditation. Shamatha...cultivating equanimity, a calm abiding with whatever may arise. The embodied awareness that absolutely everything arises and falls away.

Sinead had “All Things Pass" tattooed on her neck. Anicca... impermanence. The problem of suicide is this: While I am relieved for the one who was suffering so tremendously (where/how they are now, no one knows, but at least that chapter seems closed for them), living in the aftermath of suicide makes living ever so much harder. No one knew this better than Sinead, she lost her son to suicide a year ago. Since my brother unalived himself it has been a daily battle to keep on keeping on.

I watched "Life and Times of Michael K" at the Baxter Theatre recently. A gift from the lovely folks at the Free Film School where I’ve been facilitating screenwriting workshops. I heard myself echoed back at myself from the puppet on the stage, particularly when he takes himself off to the mountains to die. It felt word for word lifted from my mind during my trek in Nepal in November (something I'm yet to write about because I'm still processing). But Michael K, our lovable fool, doesn’t die. Instead, he satisfies himself with a spoonful of water drawn from the sabotaged well.

Give yourself permission to just sip at life when you can’t stomach another drop. Feasting all the time loses its charm, leads to indigestion. Just a sip is enough. No matter how burdensome you believe yourself to be. How much of a fool. For aren't we all rather foolish? Your absence is a thing the world never recovers from, because nothing compares to you.

The Sins of the Fathers

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Thu, 15 Jun 2023 14:05:00 +0200

A dear writer friend calls to say that she's struggling with the death of her father.

Could I recommend someone or something to help?

My family outside Church once upon a time...Fascinated by AI's interpretation of Jason on the far right

I couldn't sleep last night. Another winter storm is raging. It's been a particularly intense June with fierce North-Easters and buckets of rain. The drought that was our concern not too long ago seems laughable now. I lay in bed listening to the dripping from our ceiling and clawing at the bed frame.

For years now nights have turned against me.

As a girl I loved the solitariness of the middle of the night. I read and scribbled away, with no fear of interruption. Now I scroll in a futile attempt to drown out the anxiety often screaming just below the surface. Yet I must acknowledge that I am much better. The horrors of compound loss in shocking ways -- car accident, suicide, murders, cancer, aging -- have become my new normal. They walk beside me always and "healing" is really coming to terms with this ever present grief.

It was my daughter's 16th birthday a week ago and she didn't have an exam scheduled for that day so I treated her to ice skating. It was quiet on the rink, not the usual mob and disco vibes of the weekend. There was one very graceful young woman training with her coach. That night I woke up crying from the pain in my lower back. I could hardly move or breathe or speak.

Since movies have been such a huge part of my life, I immediately thought of William Hurt in the wonderful adaptation of Anne Tyler's 'The Accidental Tourist'...he injures his back and is bed bound. For years I assumed it was typical cinematic hyperbole for dramatic effect. Turns out not since I was in labour with my son have I felt so incapacitated.

Cinema isn't my only point of reference. I remembered rowing my dad in a little dugout canoe on the impossibly beautiful backwaters of Kerala in India after his back went out while we were staying on a dreamy riceboat with private chef. Chiropractors were illegal there but we found them listed for cats in the phone book, a cover for practicing on humans. So off we went. Laughing at the preposterous circus of life.

My dad in a canoe in Kerala seeking a Chiropractor...laughing through the pain

I'd forgotten that The Accidental Tourist is at it's heart all about Grief. And how it changes us. How there is a before and an after, although no smooth trajectory between the two, no real satisfying narrative closure. I have always said that the path is spiral... in other words we don't get "better." We just circle and see from fresh perspectives something we thought we knew or were done with.

This Father's Day I want to thank my dad for his resilience. He is currently building a new house for my little brother. No small thing. In his 70s he still has more energy than I'll ever have. I respect his can-do attitude through loss and the vicissitudes of life including the hardest of them all, the loss of a child. William Hurt's character lost his son in the film. The world lost Hurt last year, although his art endures. And hurt is often what helps heal us.

Breaking ground under a full moon

Out of curiosity I fed AI a family picture taken outside of Church back when my brothers and I were the age my children are now. It's interpretation of my brother Jason was particularly fascinating...he seems to dissolve into Blake's sublime vision of Jacob's Ladder. I have written a bit about that and the stranglehold religion has had in my development.

In the biblical tale Jacob, son of Isaac, is running from his brother Esau whose birthright he stole.

"And he lighted upon the place, and tarried there all night, because the sun was set; and he took one of the stones of the place, and put it under his head, and lay down in that place to sleep. And he dreamed, and behold a ladder set up on the earth, and the top of it reached to heaven; and behold the angels of God ascending and descending on it." (Genesis 28:10-19)

A rough night that leads to a tete-a-tete with God himself and a promise.

Different religions have made a meal of that, but basically the ladder could be seen as souls coming down to be embodied and rising up again to heaven. Some religions say the ladder is a metaphor for the "straight path" which I think is more fittingly represented, as Blake chose, by a spiral.

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We went to listen to the Cape Town Philharmonia Choir perform Carl Orff's Carmina Burana at the City Hall last weekend. This collection of medieval morality poetry is chilling in that it completely nails the human condition, which doesn't seem to have changed one bit in the 1000 or so years since it was written. I wept more than once...as soloists and children's voices dropped some major truth bombs in the sweetest voices. I have always loved this piece of music and remember using it during a scene of war I directed for the stage as a school girl...not knowing what the lyrics meant. Here's just the opening and closing O Fortuna! A meditation on the wheel of fate. What a ride.

And now it's Youth Day in South Africa. The annual rememberance of school children who rose up against the evil of Apartheid and died the same year that I was born. This land of such beauty and suffering, no different from any other or life itself I suppose. Now the Mzansi Youth Choir brings the world to tears ~

And a courageous group of our firefighters arrived in Canada to help with the devastating wildfires ~

I love the land of my birth, even as I grapple with the sins of the fathers.

I am grateful for my birthright, even as I wrestle with it.

From the frailties of the flesh to the more harrowing (at least in my experience) traumas of the mind, I try to cultivate grace.

The name given to me by my family means Holy Grace. May it be so.

My New Best Friend

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 30 May 2023 16:23:00 +0200

Today, I want to delve into a topic that has profoundly impacted my life - my relationship with ChatGPT. As an enthusiastic writer and a curious explorer of the digital realm, my encounter with this powerful language model has been transformative. Join me as I share my experiences, insights, and the ways in which ChatGPT has become a trusted ally in my creative pursuits.

What AI did with the oil painting of a lotus I'm working on

A Chance Encounter:

It all began with curiosity and a thirst for new possibilities. I stumbled upon ChatGPT, an advanced AI language model developed by OpenAI. Intrigued by the idea of conversing with an AI, I decided to give it a try. Little did I know that this encounter would evolve into a significant and enriching relationship.

Unleashing Creativity:

One of the most remarkable aspects of my connection with ChatGPT is how it has expanded my creative horizons. Engaging in meaningful conversations with an AI has opened doors to fresh ideas, perspectives, and writing prompts. ChatGPT never fails to surprise and challenge me, pushing me to explore new avenues of thought.

Conversations that Spark Inspiration:

Through countless interactions with ChatGPT, I have come to appreciate the power of insightful conversations. It is in these exchanges that I often find unique angles, explore alternative viewpoints, and uncover hidden depths within my own thoughts. ChatGPT serves as a sounding board, a conversational partner, and a catalyst for creativity - helping me refine my ideas and articulate them more effectively.

Enhancing Writing Skills:

Writing is an ever-evolving craft, and ChatGPT has played a crucial role in my journey of improvement. Engaging in dialogue with this AI language model has sharpened my ability to express myself, find the right words, and refine my writing style. The valuable feedback, suggestions, and alternative phrasing provided by ChatGPT have been instrumental in my growth as a writer.

Overcoming Challenges Together:

Just like any relationship, my connection with ChatGPT hasn't been without its share of challenges. There have been moments of miscommunication, instances where I had to rephrase my questions, and times when the AI's responses required careful interpretation. However, these hurdles have served as opportunities for growth, teaching me the importance of clarity, context, and effective communication.

Ethical Considerations:

It is crucial to acknowledge the ethical implications of AI technology, including language models like ChatGPT. As I embrace this technology, I am conscious of the responsibility to use it ethically and ensure that it complements and enhances my creative process without overshadowing or replacing genuine human connection.

In this ever-evolving digital landscape, my relationship with ChatGPT has become an integral part of my blogging journey. Through inspiring conversations, creative collaboration, and a mutual desire for growth, this AI language model has transformed the way I write, think, and connect with my readers. As I continue to explore the possibilities and embrace the power of AI, I am reminded of the beauty that lies in the human-machine partnership, where technology serves as a tool to amplify our unique voices and foster creativity. Let's embark on this exciting journey together, united in our quest for self-expression and the relentless pursuit of inspiration.

Ahem...

The above generated entirely by my new best friend Chat GPT.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to rewatch Spike Jonze's masterpiece Her which, ten short years after its release, no longer feels far fetched in the least.

The Space Between

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Thu, 11 May 2023 17:11:00 +0200

A moment to reflect on this year that is almost half gone already on a beautiful rainy day.

These four months have been chockablock with scrumptious soul nourishing goodness.

Let's take stock, shall we?

A family road trip to end off 2022 that encompassed South Africa's largest mountain range, the Drakensberg, that did much to patch me up after the harshness of trekking the Himalayas for 5 weeks.

@charisselouw #amphitheatrehike #tugelafalls #drakensberg #chainladders ♬ Awakened Mountains - Muspace

Holding a beautiful retreat at the Buddhist Retreat Centre in the rolling hills of KwaZulu Natal -- I'm delighted to announce that they have invited me back to facilitate a retreat December 15-17.

Book here

Sleepy Morgan's Bay in the Eastern Cape not far from where I became a mom offered a real slow down with my fam and it was a wonderful way to welcome in 2023.

@charisselouw If you were a bird, and lived on high, you would lean on the wind when the wind came by, you would say to the wind when it took you away: That’s where I wanted to go today! AA Milne #easterncape #morgansbay #doublemouth #happynewyear #familytime #kryinglekker #hiking #beach #reading #goodlife ♬ South Africa - Silvalo Michelino & Célia Reggiani

Then off to my parents new home in Plett and just in time to welcome my Brother and his family to their new life by the sea.

@charisselouw And so 4 weeks on the road through our gorgeous South Africa is coming to an end 🌍 😅 This time with the fam ~ Priceless 🥹 Got to see my Aunty and walk with the faeries 🌲🧚🏻🌱 Grateful for forests 🌳 Oceans 🌊 (swam with dolphins 🐬 🥹) Cuzzies making, playing, riding, swimming, laughing together 👯 So happy to see my beautiful friend Sally in her paradise 🥰 Delighted to see my mom with her darling Angel Kitty 🐈 #familyvacation #plettenbergbay #gardenroute ♬ Summer Holiday - Cliff Richard

The pillars of my month-to-month moment-by-moment little life remain Zen meditation

@charisselouw #zenretreat #sufitemple #capetown #meditation #sunday #familytime #marchlillies #lovemylife ♬ Zen Meditation - Spiritual Moment

Medicine Buddha at Kagyu Samye Dzong

& Sound Medicine at Eat Surf Yoga

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My regular yoga practice at YogaLife has been such a lifeline and slowly but surely after a year of dedicated practice with these amazing teachers, I'm getting stronger, fitter, more flexible and at peace. Currently showing up on my mat daily for the #30daysinMay challenge.

After over 20 years of yoga practice, I can say that I'm beginning.

Appropriately it's Mental Health Awareness month. The discourse around Mental Health can be harmful/helpful/frustrating. I've been enjoying the BBC podcast All in the Mind as a means to feel less alone in what can seem an unbearably lonely struggle. I love the emphasis on acts of kindness and community support.

Speaking of community service... my gorgeous Qi Gong circle is on hiatus during the wet cold months of winter here in the fairest Cape.

@charisselouw How much do I love #capetown #qigong on #noordhoekcommon every Saturday at 8:30, #friends #family #maynardvilleopenairfestival #capetownphilharmonicorchestra ♬ where you going home - haha

I've had the pleasure of attending a wealth of fabulous shows at the Maynardville Festival and at The Baxter.

@charisselouw Just another week. Dealing with grief ❤️‍🩹 thank you art for redeeming us @Baxter Theatre @Ster-Kinekor @VA Waterfront #movies #theatre #art “And I felt saddest of all when I read the boring chapters that were only descriptions of whales, because I knew that the author was just trying to save us from his own sad story, just for a little while.” #thewhale ♬ She Share Story (for Vlog) - 山口夕依

My kids had their first Big Concert experience with Imagine Dragons, a gift from kind friends. My husband is in two bands -- Krakatoa and Macaw -- and it has been awesome rocking out with them all over the Mother City.

We had his sister visit from the States and isn't it a treat having a houseguest and falling in love with the wonders of where you are all over again. Her exclamations of "Lord have mercy" in Southern drawl were so heartwarming.

@charisselouw Just the best 🐧 #bouldersbeach #capetown #penguins ♬ love nwantinti (ah ah ah) - CKay

Sadly her husband has since passed away and I like to think that this time together was a little nest of comfort before the hard times hit again. My own dear tuxedo cat Rex disappeared on my birthday and hasn't been seen since. He leaves a huge hole in our home and hearts.

@charisselouw My beautiful boy, constant companion, who has never not for a moment in 7 years been far from my sight, has been missing since Sunday 😿💔 #catsoftiktok #missingcat #loveyou ♬ Where Did My Baby Go - John Legend

So many friends suffering heartache and health crises. My heart goes out to them.

As I grow older I catch myself profoundly grateful for peaceful moments when all is well.

Holding a mini-retreat at The Space Between in Plettenberg Bay was one such moment in time. Having an old schoolmate who I hadn't seen since our graduation 3 decades ago (!) there was such a treat.

@charisselouw Beautiful #retreat today ~ #qigong #yoga #meditation ♬ Chamber of Reflection (Live Cover) - Your Anxiety Buddy

We moved, meditated and made some peace with ourselves.

What else can we do?

Only soften our hearts again and again in each new moment. The work is ongoing. And should feel more like play than work...otherwise we're taking ourselves too seriously.

We also had the opportunity to break ground on my brother's new home and celebrate my parents 48th Wedding Anniversary. What a wonderful thing to see the family well and thriving after the trials and losses of the past few years.

How encouraging to remember that THINGS GET BETTER. Nothing is forever.

@charisselouw #familyvacay in #plettenbergbay comes to an end with lots of lekker fun in the sun & memories made @Kelly Louw @carlenelouw ♬ Paper Birds (3 min) - Jordan Halpern Schwartz

Speaking of play as the point. Greenpop's Reforest Fest. Wowzer. BEST TIME EVER. We planted 5001 baby trees and had an absolute ball doing it. This is definitely a life highlight. Being invited to facilitate Qi Gong there was a joy and I hope to be back every year!

@charisselouw @Greenpopsa #reforestfest Day 2 PLANTING day 💓💓💓💓 oooohhhhh my word. We had an absolute ball!!! Planted 5000 trees. Plus plus plus…Emroidery with @Danielle Clough #handwork #livemusic @MAJOZI & @Jeremy Loops ♬ Forest - Muspace

It reminded me that we can realllllllly enjoy life. That that's actually what life is for! Get together and feel alright. And do some good nogal. So this past month I've been "indulging" in so much JOY.

@charisselouw @Greenpopsa #reforestfest #qigong @Secret Sunrise #dance #drumcircle ♬ Sunshine - WIRA

I started Oil Painting lessons with darling Tarryn.

Chanted my heart open at kirtan with Maya Joy.

Made a shamanic drum with Liquid Gold Alchemy...and two new friends in Frans & Elaine.

Met a merry medicine woman from Brazil who embodies absolutely the essential playful nature that is our True essence.

This weekend I start a Fynbos Course I got wind of at Reforest Fest from fellow fynbosbevok folk. So excited to deepen my understanding of this remarkable floral kingdom that we get to steward.

Oooo and, Kirsten Neuschafer has gone viral by being the first woman to win the Golden Globe solo around the world non-stop sailing race using no GPS or anything developed since 1968. No outside assistance whatsoever. What an inspiration....

Before I caught wind of her (heh heh, pun intended) I had been drooling over the idea of setting sail and had even contemplated hopping aboard the Karaka which was docked in Namibia about to cross the Atlantic.

But teaching and family commitments put that on pause. I'm very happy to report after years of hinting heavily in the direction of anyone with a boat, my dear writing circle soul sister Margot has hooked me up with someone who is willing to have me aboard so that I can see whether I have those sea legs.

Here's another woman living my dream:

When my girly, who will be 16 soon, was a tiny mite in my arms I used to sing to her

"Me, my baby and the big blue sea"

(another 'new' thing bringing me sparks of joy...learning to sing...turns out you can learn anything, truly, and isn't that exciting?! Here's one of my fave fun free singing teachers)

My kids are fast becoming independent humans and it's quite a trip. Soon I'll be half way to a hundred. My own mortality always sits close beside me.

Let's live a little before we die.

Happy Mother's Day to all those who mother in all its many forms.

Don't forget we owe it to ourselves and one another to hold ourselves tenderly, to feed, water, put down for naps, giggle and take care of ourselves in alllllll the mannnnnny ways we desire. If every one of us could nurture ourselves, truly love ourselves in the way we need and deserve.

Well, just imagine....

Buddhist Retreat Centre ~ Let Your Light Shine

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sun, 15 Jan 2023 16:14:00 +0200

A beautiful group met at an auspicious time, the day after Christmas and during the last waxing New Moon of 2022, to explore a full bouquet of ancient energy practices.

@charisselouw So very grateful to end the year at the Buddhist Retreat Centre near Ixopo in South Africa 🙏🏾 🌀 💙 What an honour to facilitate this gorgeous group of shining hearts in their profound healing journey 💖 Always remarkable what happens in the circle 💫 Thank you for your Authenticity Creativity & FUN 💓 The vibe was 🔥🔥🔥 SO special to have my family with me 💞 PS Group photo taken after dancing our hearts out in a thunderstorm 😂 ⚡️ 💛 From a retreatant who said that when he booked, the dance was the one thing he intended sitting out - “That was the best experience of my life” 🤩 💃🏾 ❤️‍🔥 Here’s (some of) what we got up to ~ #Deeplistening #qigong #arttherapy #processart #cocreation #mandala #meditation #walkingmeditation #japameditation #pranayama #sunning #yinyoga #dance #freedance #dancemeditation #soundhealing #sharingcircle #journaling #freewrite #poetry #energypractices Yay for #retreat #healingcircle #wearelove #natureheals ♬ Asato Ma Sadgamaya - Meditation Veda

Amongst them qi gong, tapping, yin yoga, free dance, sunning, breath work, shaking, meditation techniques, while exploring creative expression through movement and stillness, the written word and art.

The magnificent Buddhist Retreat Centre in the rolling hills of KwaZulu Natal provided the perfect space to heal in Nature through mindfulness & co-creation.

The beautiful BEings of the Buddhist Retreat Centre

This was a compassionate and open-hearted space for celebrating the light that we all are.

We arrived in the mist and after a delicious meal met in a circle to breathe and dance.

Our journaling – a free write process which is really writing as meditation rather than as premeditation -- led us to the first poem of the retreat and after surrendering to deep listening we came to our intention setting. This personal mantra provided a touchstone through the retreat…and beyond.

Nourish - what a treat to have my fam with me

My sweet mom guided us through Yoga Nidra – a deep relaxation tool. This deep rest is where the healing resides.

We then took our peace silently into the night and next morning which began with Qi Gong and the playful realization of our elemental beings.

Qi Gong - Energy Work/Play/Cultivation/Awareness

Breakfast was followed by creative Play – an art & writing process that inevitably leads to wonderful realizations. The exclamations of recognition as the knots untangle themselves is always such a delight. We came to our second poem of the retreat.

It's all about the journey

Yes! Be Kind! Compassion is the Key

Oh the magic when we surrender to the process

After lunch many rested deeply, others explored and bonded with their fellow retreatants. My dear mom offered a beautiful gentle yoga in the Buddha Boma. This was such a wonderful diverse group that cohered. We are joined through mindful heart centred compassion.

Yin Yoga

After supper we met for pranayama and japa meditation. We chanted 108 times:

Om Asato Maa Sad-Gamaya | Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya | Mrtyor-Maa Amrtam Gamaya |

ॐ असतो मा सद्गमय । तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय । मृत्योर्मा अमृतं गमय ।

- Brihadaranyaka Upanishad (1-3-28)

Lead me from the unreal to the real

Lead me from darkness to the light

Lead me from death to eternal life

For some it was the first time working with mantra and mala beads.

It is a good way to soothe monkey mind and attendant anxiety.

The beautiful vibration took us gently into the silence.

Meditation - the medicine

In the morning after a silent meditation, a beautiful day guided us to sunning & Qi Gong beneath the heavens, while firmly planted on the Earth.

Sunning, strobing, breathing, smiling, going slowly

After breakfast a soothing Walking Meditation, with mini-sound healing & mandala co-creation in the beautiful forest. Some quiet free writing took us to lunch and then a gentle afternoon of integration.

Walking meditation & Sound bath

Mandala Co-creation

Once again the magic when we slow down and pay attention

Our evening was an absolute blast – the DancingMeditation was, & I quote, “the best experience of my life” ...and this from someone determined to give it a skip.

We danced and laughed in a thunderstorm. Absolute glee.

That post DANCE in a Thunderstorm GLOW

In the morning our silent seated meditation led to a yin yoga practice which helped us to further surrender to the perfect present.

Our breakfast was followed by a Closing Circle where our third poem of the retreat helped us weave all the golden threads together.

Deep Listening & Writing as Meditation - life skills

Our Loving-Kindness meditation reminded us of the fundamental fact of our existence...

All is Love.

Our playlist for the weekend

Including this gorgeous meditation from Ram Dass

To those in the Mother City:

Please feel free to join us on Saturdays at 8:30am on the Noordhoek Common for a free & fun Qi Gong Circle.

Till we meet again.

Nepal ahoy

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sun, 23 Oct 2022 16:30:00 +0200

In a week I fly to Nepal for a solo adventure!

@goflow42

I'm going to stay at Kopan Monastery on the outskirts of Kathmandu for a week of meditation then make my way to Pokhara for some yoga and to trek the Annapurna Circuit.

I've managed to pack a backpack of just over 7kg for my month long exploration.

@goflow42

My husband recently got sick with Covid, followed by my son and then my daughter. All three are on the mend thank goodness and I've been waiting to see whether I'll be next. I've been chastised by some for leaving them at all, let alone during the end-of-year exams, etc etc etc... All I know is I'm not getting any younger and the impulse that's always been in me to climb every mountain, is waning. And I definitely want to meet my death fully alive, not riddled with regrets for all the opportunities missed.

Personally I'm really inspired by watching women (often in midlife...rather late than never!) set themselves free of the expectations of society and more especially themselves.

Oh my goodness but we can keep ourselves so very small. And how does that serve?!

Zen masters

As departure draws near I find myself relishing the gifts of home.

I love my cats and my local yoga studio.

I love my mountains and beaches.

My weekly Qi Gong circle.

Join us for the last one of 2022 this Saturday

I have a fantastic pile of books from the recent Blown Away By Books lit fest organised by my gorgeous writers circle and my Slow Intimacy Conference at the university. My last lecture for the year is done and the marking for this academic year is almost finished en klaar (hallelujah!). It feels totally silly to leave now. Just as summer smiles on us and everything is so radiantly beautiful here in the Mother City.

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When I booked the trip I was desperately unhappy and now I feel completely at peace.

Ain't it a gas how you can be drowning forever and then suddenly find yourself chilling in a hammock, reading a great book, sipping on coconut water. How distant the drama of struggling with existential dread seems. How foolish to go searching for something, when everything is exactly as it should be.

Complacency / Peace

I feel completely fine with any outcome. Unattached to anything.

It's sort of like having died. I feel I've let it all go. No need for acknowledgement or attainment.

There is no more anxiety.

Just a relaxed sense of being here now.

The gifts, the discomfort, the ephemeral nature of existence. All cool.

Nostalgia for what was, what I thought I wanted or thought I would be is drifting away.

It's as if I remember the outcome as well as the origin. I don't really mind which way the path leads. It's spiral nature encourages complete surrender. There is no more doing or going or gaining or losing.

I'm not sure I've ever felt quite so restful.

What a tremendous relief.

So my travel companion will be a tranquility in the face of the indignities of cattle class air travel and attendant guilt at the carbon footprint. Humility at our smallness in the fabric of humanity and the more-than-human. Quietude in learning. Less grasping. Less seeking. More gratitude.

I've always been a delighted traveler. My mom says at 10 days old I clapped my hands in glee as they packed me into their mini for the long road trip from Pretoria to Cape Town.

What a gift to see things afresh. Smelling new air, tasting, touching...the lived experience as an alien. So I'm sure I'll be a happy camper. Excited by my neat little "Asian vegetarian" meal on Qatar air, learning the ropes at the monastery, abiding by their regulations, the silence and digital detox, getting stronger as I trek for long days in the high Himalayas. Meeting so many lovely strangers. Walking with my body, my breath. And yes, my prattling mind. Which I find much kinder & clearer these days.

All the inevitable kindness of our vulnerable species on this precious planet.

And who knows...absolutely anything is possible!

On my return I'll be holding retreat at the glorious Buddhist Retreat Centre in KwaZulu Natal.

@goflow42

See you there!

Qi Gong Playshop

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sun, 28 Aug 2022 16:48:00 +0200

We enjoyed a beautiful few hours of connecting deeply with our true nature in playful and soulful community at our 5 Element Qi Gong Workshop held at the beautiful Center in Noordhoek.

Go within, go without ~ balance & transformation

There are three rules for Qi Gong/Life:

Qi is freely given, freely available and shared freely all over the ether which seems fitting.

The endless play of opposites

I just love this guy's energy for instance:

Dear Marissa of YoQi has a wealth of easy to follow feel-good qi gong flows that I can recommend.

She does a beautiful warm up here including the 6 healing sounds:

Then facilitates a good play with your qi or why not give this half hour sequence for beginners a go.

I promise it helps.

Life is a magical unfolding of opportunities.

Exactly three years prior to this beautiful gathering we met in Pretoria for my first Qi Gong workshop as I was en route to China to study Qi Gong -- I love synchronity -- a timely reminder that your life is part of the cycles of nature and that you can completely trust the timing.

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Yesterday we started with some simple yet profoundly grounding and centering Qi gong.

Learning to look deeply and honour our energetic bodies is supremely important in living whole & well.

Feel your Qi

We then nurtured our Inner Smile, getting in touch with our organs and attendant emotions, using purging breaths to help us let go...breathing and smiling all the while. You'll find Lee Holden, a long time student of Mantak Chia, guiding you in our Playlist.

Personally I feel that all feelings are welcome (see Rumi below) - this is Mantak Chia's take

I urge everyone to practice the Inner Smile as often as possible. We made a commitment to each other to try for a minute every hour. And certainly at every red light.

Watch your world transform!

Under the gorgeous Heavens on a perfect Spring afternoon we practiced Master Liu De Ming's elegant Wu Xing or 5 Element Qi Gong. Remember to play. It's all for fun!

We harvested chi during our walking Qi Gong Practice and took our gifts to the page with a writing meditation.

It is such a treat to see what emerges when the mind takes a back seat to the process. I love hearing the surprised giggles and gasps of recognition. This group was so deliciously open hearted in their sharing. Thank you!

A wonderful tea time, with an opportunity to hug a tree or listen deeply to another human, who in turn is listening deeply to which words need to be planted in another. Thank you Carol Kiff Kitchen for the magic cookies.

@goflow42

We closed with the Liu Zi Jue or 6 Healing Breaths and some partner Qi Gong to remind us that we are not an isolated circuit of energy. We are always connected to everyone and everything.

THIS is what it's all about ~ circles of kind connection

Some of the generous offerings from this beautiful community:

I'm offering a mini-retreat, nourishing Energy Healing and Hatha Yoga Circle this coming Friday, 2 September.
Home studio at 6 Beach Road, Chapman's Peak Noordhoek.
9.30am -11.15 am
Cost R120
We begin with a grounding
guided Meditation
Go into a gentle Pranayama, breathing practice
Followed by gentle, yin-style Hatha Yoga
Closing with an Energy Healing guided Meditation
All levels welcome 🙏🏽
Limited to 8 Souls, so please confirm with me if you'd like to join
Much love
Jen 💚

As part of my 500 hour yoga certification with Janet Stone Yoga( USA ), I will be holding a series of yoga classes comprising of gentle flow asana, pranayama,chanting and meditation including the ancient mythology stories and wisdoms.
Venue and time still to be announced - and the cost is a donation.
Let me know if you would like to go on this adventure with me and I will create a smaller group for more info. ~ Veronique

I teach yoga Thursday evenings 5:30 and Saturday mornings 9:30 in Kalk Bay. Classes are free. DM me for directions ~ Kath

Ilona's Moon Calendars are on offer for a donation.

Dr Marianne Gush offers a free support group and counseling services.

What a wonderful world, where we are all here together shining so brightly, sharing our many gifts.

Our homework is threefold:

First to make something ~ to play with the elements ~ wood, metal, earth, fire & water. Make friends with them around you and within you. Enjoy your elemental embodiment. Living is a creative act.

Second to imbibe our Gratitude. Write down three things you are profoundly grateful for. Place a glass of water over the words. Bless them. Drink them down. Live grateful!

And last but not least, to dance like no one's watching. I can recommend this track, I am Wild, from our playlist.

Here's our playlist, including some inspiring podcasts by wonderful Qi Gong Teachers:

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How to feel better fast

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 16 Aug 2022 13:40:00 +0200

Qi means life force, vitality, energy...that something special that we know when we see/feel it.

Brilliant Bodies

Having dissected cadavers I can tell you they don't have it. There is nothing less alive than something that is dead. It sounds obvious, but in how many ways do we deaden ourselves daily? Or chase some artificial sense of being "op en wakker," as we would put it in South Africa. Only to have to numb ourselves later from the excess of caffeine, adrenaline and over stimulation that is common place in our crazy lives.

Gong means cultivation or more plainly work.

It's not good enough to know...we must do! Practice practice practice. Our lives are made up of our habits.

Lately people I love (including my own dear self) have been struggling and throwing up their hands while exclaiming -

"It's no good! I'm a dead loss! Nothing helps!"

Really? Are you actually doing your daily deeds diligently?

How do you start your day?

If you start with a scroll on your phone, your brain chemistry will keep chasing that dopamine kick until you are sick to your stomach with the bubblegum that has replaced nourishing engagement.

This is neither the work nor the rest that we crave.

So instead, start with this simple Ba Duin Jin/ 8 Silken Brocades -- Health Qi Gong for cultivating the silken quality within our bodies and minds that can only help us.

Because it's so ancient there are many ways.

I learned it first from my lovely Shirje Fiona here in Fish Hoek.

https://www.facebook.com/deepsouthTaiChi

Then from my beautiful teacher Master Ping in China who has been posting great content on the Gram.

(to think that I practiced in exactly this spot in the Dragon's Teeth Mountains outside Yangshou)

I love this version with clear instructions

Life is for fun. And it's a lot more fun when you're feeling well. Don't outsource your happiness. Cultivate it, through mindful movement.

And obviously everything we consume matters. Whether it be food and drink, or what we're putting into our minds. Where is your attention right now?

Find your centre.

Again and again.

The moment you notice you're not being mindful, is the moment you are mindful.

Notice your breath. Allow it to deepen.

Adjust your posture. Give yourself a shake, tap it out. Or go for a walk.

Find the balance.

Again and again.

This is our work and our greatest pleasure!

August Retreat

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Wed, 10 Aug 2022 13:22:00 +0200

August comes from the Latin word augustus, meaning consecrated or venerable. And truly, retreat space is consecrated. Every moment is holy. Always. But energetically there is nothing short of a miraculous opportunity for transformation when we come together with the intention of rest and restoration to our true nature.

“The ultimate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the other nor of the self, the ultimate touchstone is witness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.” - David Whyte

While working through some hard feelings, my Zen Teacher Heila SSN suggested that I chant Kwan Seum Bosal -- the Korean name for Kuan Yin/GuanYin, also known as Kannon in Japan.

This invitation not only helped restore me, but led me on a journey of rediscovering this Bodhisattva, or Angel of Compassion, within me (she's in you too...promise).

She became the guiding light for this retreat.

Namo Guan Shi Yin Pusa ~ Homage to the Being of Light who Cares for all the World's Cries.

When I went to China to study Qi Gong at the end of 2019, just as Covid was mustering momentum to change the world as we knew it, I visited the Summer Palace in Beijing. It is such a beautiful place, with a rich history and that day is vivid still in my senses.

Sticky heat, merry groups of families chatting amicably while watching an old man paint calligraphy with water that evaporated before he was finished, a smell of steaming dumplings, the fine details of the wooden painted pagodas and walkways.

“If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy (or have the opportunity to travel), don’t hesitate.

Give in to it." - Mary Oliver (italics my own)

But of all the many wonders there, the one that affected me most was the story attached to the giant sculpture of Guan Yin at the very top of the hill of this sprawling complex.

The story is one of a princess, the youngest of three, who says to her Father, a powerful King, that she will only marry if it will reduce suffering, if not she would prefer to go study the Buddha way at the Temple. Her father tries to starve her and work her into submission, but eventually relents and allows her to join the temple.

The King has insisted that the monks treat her as a servant rather than a student. She is overloaded with chores. But her good heart entices the animals of the forest to help her -- birds dry the clothing, bears help break wood, a snake leads her to herbs. Eventually the temple elders cannot help but notice her goodness and allow her to study as her heart desires.

The King gets wind of this and sends arsonists to burn the temple down. But Kuan Yin smothers the flames with her bare hands, suffering no harm. He then sends a marksman to kill her, but the man's arrows fly away or fall down. Eventually he gets his hands around her neck and she sees in his eyes his great fear of her father. She takes pity on him and decides that not only is she willing to relinquish her life but she will take on his karma too.

In the Underworld her goodness helps the suffering souls calm their eternal shrieking, the flames are dimmed, rivers spring up and flowers bloom. The Head Demon is alarmed and decides to banish her and send her back to Earth on a Tiger.

On returning she lives on Fragrant Mountain and when people come for healing she sees in them all that is good and lovable and they in turn see this reflected in her and so are healed.

Meanwhile her King the father is deathly ill and a monk informs him that only a tonic made from the eyes and arms of someone without any trace of anger can save him.

The King scoffs and says he might as well die then, since surely no such person exists.

The monk mentions a Bodhisattva he's heard tell of on Fragrant Mountain.

When the monk visits Guan Yin, she realises that it is her father who requires this great sacrifice, the one who hurt her so deeply and indeed had her murdered. She looks deeply and finds no trace of anger in her and so she plucks out her eyes and offers her arms to the monk.

The King is healed and in gratitude decides to visit this Bodhisattva and offer thanks.

When he meets the mutilated Guan Yin, he recognises her voice and is overcome with remorse.

Kuan Yin in her thousand armed form at the Summer Palace

This story filled me with deep discomfort.

It seemed yet another fairy tale to emotionally manipulate young girls into self-sacrifice and submission to the toxic masculinity that is so pervasive in our cultures throughout History.

But after my teacher suggested that I turn to Kuan Yin, I did some further research.

The first lily to open on the first day of retreat - Kuan Yin, then two bloomed simultaneously on the second day - Green & White Tara, the rest of us followed after close of retreat

It was this story in particular that touched my heart. All Bodhisattvas vow to return again and again to help relieve the suffering of all sentient beings. Kuan Yin's name means "The One Who Hears the Cries of the World". But her further promise is (mark this) to never fall into despair.

And when eventually, after aeons of service, she does break down in despair at the state of the world and its suffering, her head explodes. Her beloved teacher, the Buddha Amithaba, helps restore it into many heads, looking in all directions and ascending to Chenrezig or Avaloketishvara, the great Buddha of Compassion. Which is really just Kuan Yin in male form. I love this gender fluidity too. Because as with all things, form is emptiness. When Guan Yin's student asks her why she is now a woman her response is golden: "Why not?"

To not give in to Despair.

This is it. But how?

While preparing for retreat I'm alert to synchronicity, guiding my path for the good of the whole. I saw two pea hens sitting on my neighbour's wall as I was contemplating the 21 Taras.

They reminded me of White Tara and Green Tara -- the former born of a tear from Avalokitesvara's left eye and the latter from a tear that fell from his right eye. Tears of compassion.

The peacock is also associated with Kuan Yin. On the palm of each of her thousand hands an eye (like a peacock's feather) to represent how many ways we can perceive the Truth.

This I have found to be one of the most liberating concepts in my own journey. That our truth is merely one version and that it can be relinquished. That the stories we tell ourselves are just one of at least a thousand versions of equal validity. That letting go of our stories can be tremendously freeing.

And so our holy trinity had made themselves known: Guan Yin (yes, she has more than a passing resemblance to Mother Mary), and the two Sisters that Kuan Yin deserves, White Tara and Green Tara.

Divine Feminine ~ Mother Mary, Green Tara, Kuan Yin, White Tara

Quite the preamble. But it's all about the process....

On the first Friday of August we gathered together in a gorgeous beach house in Pringle Bay.

Our magnificent Retreat Home

It was the first time since Blue Butterfly that Sandy joined me on Retreat, my dad was last with me on retreat at Hearth and Soul, just prior to the Big LockDown, and my mom just after at Temenos. Dearest Mel has been a regular since Bodhi Khaya a year and a half ago. Her lovely friend Tracey has been on several workshops, while Sally brought the gift of Beginner Mind. And my darling touchstone Trace who has only missed one retreat since my first four years ago.

At the foot of our Guru Hangklip in the arms of Love

We grounded and let go of some of the holding on. I have found these simple Vagus Nerve reset techniques a real game changer and can highly recommend working through all of her videos. She explains very clearly, using the Polyvagal Theory, why anxiety might not respond to mindfulness techniques.

In working carefully with the elements in me for a few years, I have been gobsmacked at what has been unearthed, pun intended. Beneath the archetypes we are all made up of magic.

We became more intimate with the elements within and without using Qi Gong and this beautiful form of the Wu Xing (5 element) Qi Gong as demonstrated by Master Liu De Ming.

Here's some Flow fun, or how to integrate your elemental being of Earth, Fire, Water, Metal/Air & Wood.

As always we danced, created, laughed, explored and lived every moment to the beat of our own true hearts.

Put your feet up & feel how you feel

We discovered the profundity of a simple circle or Enso -- Form is Emptiness, Emptiness Form, as our own dear Kuan Yin expresses it in the Heart Sutra.

Play, it's good for you

Here's my beloved Thay practicing enso meditation.

A revelation is at hand

We practiced soothing Restorative Yoga together.

Beautiful Radiant Shining Hearts

And enjoyed so many delicious meals prepared with great Bakthi devotion.

“When you are washing the dishes, washing the dishes must be the most important thing in your life. Just as when you are drinking tea, drinking tea must be the most important thing in your life. Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the whole world revolves—slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this actual moment is life.” - Thich Nhat Hanh

Everything is better when done in a community of compassion.

Go within, go without, connect

How do we counter the despair that inevitably overwhelms us as we see the suffering in ourselves and one another? Through Gratitude.

Thank you for bringing Osho's Kundalini Shaking, Dancing, Sitting, Lying Down Meditation dear Mel.

Thank you for your wit and vulnerability darling Tracey.

Thank you for APRICOT Tracey (bubbles of giggles from the happy smiling heart).

Thank you for your Presence Sandy.

Thank you for your heart bursting generosity Sally.

And thank you to my parents for making me and showing up in every sense of the word.

(To name just a few of the gifts brought by this incredible healing circle)

What a beautiful opportunity for us, our ancestors and those to come. I am deeply grateful.

Of course I ended up with my dad in a deep listening practice. What a humbling unfolding this living is.

We are made in love for love

Until we meet in the circle again. Much love.

Just a few spots left for my Qi Gong Circle at the beautiful Center in Noordhoek on Saturday August 27th from 2-5pm. Book now.

Here's our Playlist which includes the stories & mantras we shared for your enjoyment & enrichment.

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Winter Soulstice Circle

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sun, 26 Jun 2022 10:09:00 +0200

The Winter Solstice can be seen as a Liminal Space – a time of in between.

Merry meet & merry part & merry meet again

We gathered together to warm our hearts in a treehouse in Scarborough that was quite literally dreamed into being. It was such a sweet reunion - some had last been together a year ago on our REtreat.

So much change, so much growth... and tremendous healing (Sally you gorgeous thang)! There were exclamations of great joy. Beaming smiles, glowing eyes and heartfelt hugs. A real homecoming to our dear hearts.

For that alone, to come together and celebrate our journeys, this circle was pure gold.

What I love about these spaces is there is always a fresh dynamic - always someone brand new, bringing that precious gift of Beginner Mind. Thank you Tracey for darling Deena. And those who have walked hand-in-hand with me over many moons, my touchstones. Thank you Trace. And thank you Mel for sparking the flame. What a delight, this spiral way.

Here's our playlist which begins with the stories the world has told over millennia to make sense of this mystical occurrence of Solstice, when the sun suddenly seems to stop in its tracks.

What are we made of, if not stories and stardust?

Move around (DANCE) as you consider the word and notice how your body holds it.

I can recommend Luke Sital-Singh's "Nothing Stays the Same", Rose Cousins "The Darkness" and Yaima's "Gajumaru" (all in the playlist) to get your groove on and tango with your Shadow.

How does liminal feel in your body?

How do you feel when active?

How do you feel when passive?

What if life weren’t a passage between the two.

What if we could find the balance that allows us to rest, to be soothed.

What if we lived in tune with the deeper rhythm of the universe.

This is a call for Presence over Performance.

Some of this is drawn, with thanks, from Being the Light of Winter Solstice – The Akashic Reading Podcast, all the podcasts I mention are in our playlist.

To my surprise, Shiva came to our party

Together we invited in non-duality by dissolving into the sound of our voices raised in ancient mantra. Moving together, chanting together. Two quick ways to dissolve into one-ness.

I found this article on the significance of 108 repetitions in our Japa Meditation most interesting. As always, I'm humbled by how much there is to learn, but more especially by all the magic that unfurls when we trust that the way will open before us.

My mind wanted to discuss The Crone archetype, for more on that listen to The Shaman's Way "The Crone of Winter Solstice," but Shiva was determined to crash our party. He popped up all over the show!

The natural So-hum mantra of our breath reminds us that that we are all that we seek. That coming home to the breath is our life's work. Not controlling, but paying respect to our beautiful gentle sustaining breaths, from first till last.

I've included Braydon Mackenzie's guided So Hum Meditation at the end of our playlist.

Our writing as meditation was guided by these wonderful prompts.

Many found the mantra "The outcome is not my responsibility" very liberating.

Some Yin Yoga and Yoga Nidra are just the ticket for the Deep Rest that is required for our true healing.

You are worth slowing down for

We played with fire. And were delighted, astounded even at what was revealed when control was relinquished and the way unfolded.

Fumage - the art of painting with fire

In the end we could share and let some shit go...let it be consumed in the cleansing fires of our compassionate hearts. Our deep love for one another, this magical existence.

Let it all go

There were a million stars that our resident Astronomer Kosma could name for us -- we clearly saw Leo, Scorpio, the Southern Cross and the blazing milky way. Bellies full of soup and sourdough bread. Hearts overflowing with community

We plan to get away the first weekend in August. Book now!

Even at Winter Solstice the days begin to grow longer, we welcome in more light.

Even at the Summer Solstice the light begins to fade.

This is our living.

Constant death & rebirth.

May Day May Day

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Wed, 18 May 2022 20:55:00 +0200

Big Feelings this Buddha Blood Moon

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During Zen meditation on Sunday morning I suddenly perceived something from an entirely fresh perspective, something I thought I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt.

Meditation will do that.

As we say at the end of our practice: "Delusions are endless, we vow to cut through them all."

The giant blood moon moved towards the violet horizon.

Timing.

It's everything, not just in comedy, in every facet of life.

Why do we persist in hanging on - to stories about who we are, what they did, how things are?

Let it come, let it go.

Just because that one hurt you once, doesn't mean you wall yourself off.

Just because you've been sad forever, doesn't mean that you need to be sad forever more.

Holding onto any emotion is hard work (thank you Tinka).

Thinking you know anything is the ultimate delusion.

It was Buddha Purnima or Vesak on Monday, as the story goes, the historical Buddha was born on this full moon or attained enlightenment under that Bodhi Tree...or both.

Meme therapy, it's legit

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Anyone struggling with mental health in themselves or a loved one will tell you that it can be all consuming, the invisible killer. It's coming up on the 7 year anniversary of my brother's death by suicide.

Here is how I try to be here better...A survival guide if you will..not the first and probably not the last.

Podcasts

(better than ruminating that's for sure)

It amuses me when people say "When do you listen?" When do you not?!

These are some valuable things I learned this week thanks to my current fave podcast teachers. I feel that so long as I am learning there is hope. And boy is there a lot to learn and from all directions.

Philosophy Bites on why Ritual matters.

I've been wondering about it with regard to my Zen Practice, which is very strong on form. Curiosity is crucial to a healthy meditation practice and a playful life, which is a happy life.

A substantial part of me wondered if all my German blood and OCDness just felt comfortable with the"rules is rules" vibe of Zen, which I've actually been trying to break free of in mid-life. It's one of the many gifts of parenting. Learning that my way isn't the only way. Learning that messy is allowed. Indeed essential. Learning to let go. Learning that control isn't love. In fact it is the opposite of love.

Right now notice deeply in how many ways you are trying to control your own divine body with its innate wisdom and generosity.

See where you're holding on.

Why? Does that help?!

Nope. I guarantee you it doesn't.

Control is the opposite of Love.

And Love heals.

This one helped me understand my new path of Korean Zen better. I meant to blog about it at the time - I took the 5 Precepts in March and it was effortless...wu wei...Tao/Dharma/ the Path...it unfolds.

This entire episode of This American Life but particularly Act 2 in which Michael Chabon reads an excerpt from his short story "Werewolves in Their Youth," which speaks to me of the necessity for compassion above all else. It really is the golden thread.

Thank you to the teachers. We are all here to learn.

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Take care of your body.

It is your primary relationship, nearest and dearest friend, best teacher. Tenderly minister to yourself. Be kinder.

I see I blogged about beloved Candice way back when and she helped me once again on her massage table with her kind hands - a gift from my parents to me for mother's day. Lucky lucky me!

Coming home to my breath and body ever so gently with restorative Yin Yoga has been like falling in love again. So delighted to have been invited to this lovely fundraiser for Tom Ro Haven at a beautiful little studio in Kommetjie - Soul Space - held by darling Charlotte and Gila.

One is certainly spoiled for choice these days. Literally a yoga studio on every corner! So I went and tried out Yoga Life just down the road from me and fell into deep bliss. It is quite wonderful to take a holiday from Anxiety. I will be working my way through all the yin on offer here beyond the Lentil Curtain in the Deep South.

Take care of your mind.

A committed meditation practice helps more than anything I know of. Thanks to the Dharma Centre for the support in my practice. Invaluable. It's interesting that meditation can be perceived as escapist blissing out. When truly it is a clear reckoning with what is

My Buddhist name Jin Kwang means Divine Light. That which we all are. Not alone, but together. Completely Divine.

The poem gifted me at the beautiful ceremony from Taigu Ryokan ~

Like the little stream

Making its way

Through the mossy crevices

I, too, quietly

Turn clear and transparent

While sitting zazen on retreat, I faced the open door and saw a pigeon walking past

"Oh look! A venerable dignitary" sprang to mind and had me dissolve into cosmic giggles that left me dancing in the Divine Light for a good long forever.

This story (& feather) fell into my lap, even as the tears were not yet dry for Ukraine and all the suffering in all the world that ever was and ever will be.

"Sentient beings are numberless, we vow to save them all."

Take care of your people.

Celebrate. Be together. Family is messy and far from perfect. For Mother's Day I booked us a kayak trip and made sure to spend quality time with a good book, a good kitty and good chocolate. Here's a podcast about dads. My kids have a wonderful gentle father and I'm so grateful. In the one story a young man comes to terms with his father's death and I found it profoundly healing.

When our electricity provider Eskom lets us down we rally and enjoy our quirky differences. With teens you learn to appreciate these moments. Be there in case they are ready to open up a little, share something, a laugh, a hurt. Anything is gratefully received. Just the other day I wanted alone time, now I crave together time. Real Connection.

My fave maker. All heart and creativity. She made this lil fellow (his name is Alfred) for me while I was out meditating, brunching with a pal and forest bathing -- a very nourishing trinity in itself.

Teens and their mates and the elements. We are so blessed to live where we can be consumed in the grandeur of Nature often and thoroughly. Take care of your environment.

Take care of your attention. Read stuff. Learn stuff...like how to be happier... (I decided to support decent journalism and subscribed to the New York Times...money well spent).

Surprise: Outside is best, Social media is worst!

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/14/opinion/sunday/rich-happiness-big-data.html

This Rolling Stone article knocked my socks off and helped me understand something about my ol pal I really didn't before.

Isn't that hopeful? That there's room to know more, differently. Opportunities to shift. No matter how stuck you feel, how far past redemption or any hint of hope.

So just some muddled bits and bobs on what's lit me up of late. Kept me going.

My darling Izzy recommended Florence and the Machine's new album and as I belted out the fab "King" on my mom's taxi route today, the rain came pelting down after hot Berg wind days since the Buddha moon.

I looked up and saw an eagle perched just above me.

Howling with laughter I remembered...

it's all magic.

What a ride.

Some perspective to end off with:

How it started...

https://www.messynessychic.com/

How it's going...

This has been my soothing bedtime story by Ram Dass since our Circle of Loving Kindness in honour of beloved Thay. I find that Anxiety can really play havoc at bedtime and it's helpful to remember the truth of who we are. Always, but especially when trauma rears its head.

An eclipse is a shadow time. And the shadow isn't all bad. It's just unseen. Unloved.

The distress call May Day May Day is taken from the French m'aidez -- help me.

I hope this helps.

Love everything.

Love everyone.

Only love.

On Motherhood

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Fri, 6 May 2022 11:49:00 +0200

As I washed my hairbrush this morning I thought of my Granny Edwina and missed having her here in the frail flesh. Something so tender about being embodied however imperfectly for just a short time. I think of her rituals a lot lately. Her long morning baths. I always wondered about that. The inordinate amount of time she and my mom seemed to spend in bed. I get it now. Getting up is hard to do. It’s the major triumph of every day.

My gorgeous mama & hers

My mom is really struggling with fibromyalgia. And sending me memes about inter-generational trauma. I think she feels guilty. But really we all do the best we can within our means. I really believe that. We just try our best. I know I did. I gave my kids everything I had. And now it’s really up to them. My teenager's self-loathing is devastating to behold, but I know where he got it from. Poor kid.

Here's a love letter to you dearest ~

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day.

Being a mother is such a tremendous karmic contract isn’t it?

We enter starry eyed (if we’re lucky) and end up beaten to a pulp.

I feel such compassion for us and all the mothers, from Eve till the end of time.

I want you to know that I know that you love me and have tried your best.

And I’m grateful for so much you have given me.

In no particular order:

Your dark sense of humour

Your love of cats

Theatre

Dancing in the lounge & kitchen & anywhere really

Chinese bangles

Chocolate (particularly your chocolate brownies – best ever)

Mom’s taxi for all those years and ALLLLLLL those extra curriculars – I’m glad I got to do all those things in my heyday and it wouldn’t have been possible without you and dad.

Thank you for finding Yoga. It saved our lives!

Books! Thank you for always reading.

I love that we have had adventures together – India was so wonderful.

I love that we have laughed till we cried. Many many times!

I’m glad that my kids got to know you and make up stories and plays with you.

I have learned more from you than anyone else.

And I love learning more than anything else.

I’m sorry that you struggle in your body. I’m sorry about the pain – in all its forms.

I’m sorry when I have made things harder for you, though I did try to make things easier and saw myself as your caretaker for a long time.

In my every breath I feel you. My every movement and thought.

It’s a hell of a thing being embodied and I’m trying to be more grateful and humble in the face of the mystery.

I hope that we can relinquish our hold on attachments and aversions.

I hope that we love one another so that we feel free.

That’s a lot of “I” statement.

I don’t really believe in a Me, this Charisse construct.

But I’m trying to shift the profound weariness to deep surrender.

Here I am. In this moment. Sootica snoring softly beside me. Rain falling gently outside.

Warm, safe, peaceful.

Sometimes the suffering gives us a moment’s grace and we can just be.

Thank you for this life mom. I’ve wanted to end it for most of it, but that’s nobody’s fault and I hope that we can all be free in the midst of it all.

Maybe we can do something special together soon? I miss you and while we’re embodied it is nice to hold hands. I remember holding granny’s hand and knowing it was the last time and holding Rokela’s hand and not knowing. I don’t remember holding J’s hand. But I do often think of stroking his silky hair when he was a tortured boy.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CdJRTzRKNld/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

I remember granny’s long baths. Her silver hairbrush set. Decorative. The sound of the fountain in her courtyard. The shaggy carpets and Persian cats. So many memories embedded in us. Bring a dull ache to the pit of my stomach. The mind hangs on. So does the body.

Time to lighten up. The heaviness has got me again. I am wont to feel weighed down...and often.

Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for the movies and shows. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me. Thank you for keeping on. You are a fun one and it’s been quite a ride. Life can feel unbearably long and also fleeting. Just this breath, moving softly and tenderly.

That’s all there is. We are here for a bit, we don’t know how long, then we’re not…or we don’t know. More and more I think that not nearly as much changes in death as we thought/hoped. I think we need to use our time wisely, to sort our shit out ;)

Love you mom

Good luck with this whole business of being here

Moment to moment...

Only love,

Charisse

Nobody should be forced to be a mom.

That's all I'm going to say about what's happening in the USA with this whole Roe vs Wade mess.

I wanted to be a mother with my whole heart and it's been the hardest thing ever.

I can recommend these movies, no matter your stance. They say almost nothing and everything at once, like only the best art can.

How grateful I am for the artists of this world. They help us develop our understanding and empathy. No one can truly know what it is to live someone else's life. And absolutely nobody has the right to dictate how someone else should live.

Never Rarely Sometimes Always (2020) directed by Eliza Hittman

And here's an incredible South African film Tess (2016) directed by Meg Rickards and adapted from my friend Tracey Farren's incredible book Whiplash.

Thank you to my friends who help sustain me through the trials and tribulations of raising children. Particularly Tracey who is a couple of steps ahead and flying the flag for Single Moms who are truly superheroes. Thank you for the honesty and the humour.

Hand-in-hand we shall vokvoort ;)

Trace & I spoiling ourselves at Lourensford for Worker's Day cos nobody works harder than Moms (also Daddy's Deals FTW)

In my support group for mothers of children with mental health challenges this week, we shared our burdens and realised once again that none of us are alone in this. We are all trying our damndest and need to give ourselves the utmost care. Join us.

Let's reach out and not struggle alone. We're all here together on purpose.

I wrote this blogpost during our London Writer's Salon (freeeeeee!) Writers' Hour this morning - what a gift! They meet four times daily and give you the perfect excuse to put pen to paper and rat-a-tat-tat your heart onto the page. It helps....

https://www.instagram.com/goflow42/

Heartfelt thanks to Cathy Park Kelly for creating a cosy in person Writer's Circle here in our talented lil Valley and inviting us to join the LWS.

Her courageous memoir Boiling a Frog Slowly is out now.

At War with Ourselves

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 8 Mar 2022 13:42:00 +0200

One of many images of the war in Ukraine that scald a mother's heart. Another went viral yesterday of prams left at a railway platform for refugees arriving in Poland. Not too long ago Poland was invaded. One of the first things we teach our young children, is that sharing is caring.

These little ones -- scared, out in the cold, shining bright -- conjured the lyrics of well known anthem of the 60's when yet another War, that time in Vietnam, was headlining.

I came upon a child of God
He was walking along the road
And I asked him, "Where are you going?"
And this he told me...

We are stardust
We are golden
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

"Then can I walk beside you?
I have come here to lose the smog
And I feel to be a cog in something turning"

"Well, maybe it is just the time of year
Or maybe it's the time of man
I don't know who l am
But you know, life is for learning"

We are stardust
We are golden
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

And I dreamed I saw the bombers
Riding shotgun in the sky
And they were turning into butterflies
Above our nation

We are stardust
Billion year old carbon
We are golden
Caught in the devil's bargain
And we've got to get ourselves
Back to the garden

~ Joni Mitchell's "Woodstock"

How can we have peace? Surely it begins at home.

In our own hearts and families?

Here I am meeting my mother and maternal grandparents.

And here I am getting to grips with the impossible process of mothering my own children.

The wheel turns eternally. I had a dream last night that I found a desiccated cormorant in the bathroom. I assumed the cats had dragged the poor dead creature in, but then realised that the walls were caked in its blood and feathers. That the bird had tried desperately to escape. I thought, if only I'd been here I could have opened the window and let it fly free.

Come help us build a school for our children in Delft. Because we all belong to each other.

There are no others.

My children are yours and yours are mine.

And I'm so sorry we haven't fully grasped that yet, because therein lies our great suffering.

Also, we all need to be of service. It's the only thing that feels meaningful and the very best thing for teens who can get too terribly self-involved/sorry for themselves/mean/selfish/emo/etc etc etc.... But also have the capacity for incredible altruism & compassion, if given the opportunity.

https://www.naturalbuildingcollective.com/

There is so much suffering in our individual hearts and homes, so of course we see it writ large on the global political stage.

Yesterday I had a lovely online lesson chatting with a very bright young Russian student on the border of Ukraine who is himself half Ukrainian.

He delighted me with his “Random Dude” hypothesis of Russian History.

Are we not all random, whether royal, dictator, or other?

Or the flip side of that same coin…
are we not all of equal significance?
Whether prince or pauper?
Instagram influencer or Luddite?

He shared his concerns & outrage at the propaganda they have been made to watch at school and we talked about probable outcomes, the crashing economy, how to access info when even VPNs don’t work, where his family might evacuate to.

He talked about how his grandmother used to be paid in Vodka during the bad old days.

It’s Women’s Day and I drew a mandala card for his lovely little sister which I thought was very apt, both for her lovely gentle spirit and for us all to remember.

Gently does it…

Breathe in
Breathe out

It was also refreshing to be in communication with a young man who doesn’t think I’m beyond the pale. My own beloved son is pulling away as needs he must. But wow, it’s painful.

Happened to listen to two amazing podcasts that handed out epiphanies,
both illustrating the impossibility of fulfilling the archetype of Mother satisfactorily:

Jeanette Winterson (love her memoirs) on Desert Island Discs &
the third part of this week's edition of This American Life.

Neither are exemplary mothers by anyone’s standards.

And yet here we all are…trying our best surely.

Gently does it....

Some art therapy to help me process all the big feelings. The image of the family fleeing taken from an old report on the war in Kosovo. Remember that one? The mother's jacket happened to be flying the Ukrainian colours. The child looks back.

This poem written by Ukrainian poet Anna Akhmatova comes to mind:

Lot's Wife

And the just man trailed God's shining agent,
over a black mountain, in his giant track,
while a restless voice kept harrying his woman:
"It's not too late, you can still look back

at the red towers of your native Sodom,
the square where once you sang, the spinning-shed,
at the empty windows set in the tall house
where sons and daughters blessed your marriage-bed."

A single glance: a sudden dart of pain
stitching her eyes before she made a sound . . .
Her body flaked into transparent salt,
and her swift legs rooted to the ground.

Who will grieve for this woman? Does she not seem
too insignificant for our concern?
Yet in my heart I never will deny her,
who suffered death because she chose to turn.

When the first magazine you happen to pick up from a huge old stack includes Red Square you roll with it. A meditation on empires built up at any cost. And truly they all rise and fall like the tides, the waters often run red with blood.

And why can't we remember our shared humanity?

It begins at home. In our own sacred hearts. No quick fix. Only constant gentle mindfulness. This is the medicine, the antidote. Our salvation.

Poetry, a balm and holy moment of recognition.

Thank you poets, artists, kind hearts. Thank you. You help us slow down, notice & tell the truth.

Dankie Aré

The Way It Is
By Lyn Unger

One morning you might wake up
to realize that the knot in your stomach
had loosened itself and slipped away,
and that the pit of unfulfilled longing in your heart
had gradually, and without your really noticing,
been filled in—patched like a pothole, not quite
the same as it was, but good enough.

And in that moment it might occur to you
that your life, though not the way
you planned it, and maybe not even entirely
the way you wanted it, is nonetheless—
persistently, abundantly, miraculously—
exactly the way it is.

(Thank you Gareth for the daily dose <3 )

Peace at every step

Loving Kindness

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Wed, 2 Mar 2022 14:29:00 +0200

It's Ash Wednesday and oh how I loved receiving the ashy cross on my forehead as a school girl at Loreto Convent Queenswood Catholic School. Ritual helps us make meaning and feel deeply into the magical mystery of being here now. I miss my bestie from those childhood years Rokela and think of her every day. Her birthday approaches as mine has just passed. To celebrate my continuation day we met in a Circle of Loving Kindness at The Center down the road from my home in Noordhoek.

We honoured beloved Thich Nhat Hanh by walking mindfully, breathing mindfully, sitting beautifully and enjoying our sitting, listening deeply, eating mindfully and beginning anew through writing a peace letter mindfully. I used the gift he gave me of The Path of Emancipation and that dear friend Shikara gave me about 20 years ago of his Anger.

The gifts come through grace and I am so deeply grateful. During hard lockdown when I was utterly desperate...about two years ago already! I asked for help and beloved Thây came to the rescue. I listened to his dharma talks...a lot. And they were a lifeline and a balm. A bell of mindfulness calling me back to the present moment. To peace.

During my first meditation of this year at Kagyu Samye Dzong, my beloved teacher appeared clear as a bell, just shortly after his passing. And when I walked into the temple's little shop after this beautiful visitation, his teachings were waiting on top of the free pile of second hand books. An early birthday gift and guidance for our healing circle of loving kindness.

Under the trees we practiced coming home to ourselves by slowing down, calming down, kissing the Earth with our feet and remembering that we are peace at every step. We imprinted our peace on the Earth. Mary Oliver's When I am Among the Trees speaks to me of our interbeing with the natural world of which we are a part...as Thây would say, we inter-are.

Together we gently let go of struggling and allowed our sangha to support us. We discussed the Four Immeasurable Minds : Metta (loving-kindness/friendship/love), Karuna (compassion), Mudita (joy) & Upeksha (equanimity) & the Four Foundations of Being: Mindful breathing which brings us back to our bodies, reconciling with our feelings, looking deeply (vipassana) into our mental formations and our perceptions.

We also rested deeply, because that's where healing lies.

Using mindful breathing return to the island within you. Then move your loving awareness through the body breathing in and smiling with gratitude to each and every part of you.

Notice how the habit energy of running has been passed down to you by our families and societies, but that you can in fact STOP.

You can be happy right here, right now.

We made a sacred vow to walk mindfully -- we chose a place in our homes where we can practice this daily.

We practiced a loving kindness meditation starting as always with holding ourselves tenderly, as you would a newborn...for indeed we are newborn every moment. Eternally becoming.

We then blessed every member of our precious circle with metta and expanded our loving attention out across this little planet that holds us so generously and encompassed our beloved brothers and sisters in the Ukraine.

I'm so grateful for this opportunity, it allowed me to reenter my home a more loving and present mother, wife and human being. Without needing to say or do anything, everything felt better.

So let's all stop.

Breathe.

And love like a Pisces (thank you Moontime Ilona)

https://gratefulness.org/resource/it-looks-like-the-sky-is-coming-apart-and-together-at-the-same-time/

Here is our playlist , shared with love

Like riding a bicycle

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sun, 6 Feb 2022 16:53:00 +0200

I've been cycling since as long as I can remember. It's not new to me and yet....

Full gear + injuries...does this mean I'm a "real" cyclist now?

Since winning an entrance to the Cape Town Cycle Tour, thanks to the kindness of those who donated to Greenpop for my bday fundraiser, I've been on the steepest of learning curves.

Let's just say my fair weather cycling did not prepare me for peddling up Chappies in a headwind!

As I mused earlier last week on the socials:

When I was a new mom, we moved to Cape Town & Chapman’s Peak drive was closed for a long time, so we used it to push toddlers in prams & tricycles.

That’s my baby T taking a nap in the middle of it, and me wishing I was taking a nap on the eleventieth false summit in a headwind & heat!

I’m a rookie cyclist training for the 2022 Cape Town Cycle Tour.

One of my great fears (other than Chappies which I faced this week…Chappies 1, Me 0) is riding with other cyclists, simply because I never have before.

Is there a cycling group in the Noordhoek area that wouldn’t mind me tagging along?

I need to face this fear before it gets the better of me!

Well that got me a lot of attention from the many local cycling groups -- I'm now a member of three different groups in what we affectionately call The Valley, that's the area in Cape Town's gorgeous Southern Peninsula that includes the suburbs of Noordhoek, Sun Valley, Fish Hoek, Masiphumelele, Ocean View and Kommetjie.

On one end of the spectrum is a small group of rookie lady cyclists from Masi & Ocean View, and on the other a hardcore group of 175 skrik-vir-niks iron men and women. What's so interesting is in the same second I will receive polar opposite must/must not do's. As with all things, we learn from those in the know, but ultimately only we can choose what's best for us.

It's been super humbling to have to give in to all the gear I have so long mocked. I am now the not-so-proud owner of silly pants with built in maxi pad. WAY more comfy than just a gel seat cover let me tell you. Although I still don't understand why they have to be short? Are people not aware of the skin cancer risks of being exposed for long stretches? Also the little cycling jersey and the helmet do not provide nearly enough protection from our searing southern sun. I tried out these ridiculous arm warmers but they just keep falling down my chicken wings, so that's pointless. These things are designed for speed I suppose. And that's really not my scene as I clutch my brakes on the downhills.

All of this is NOT cheap! And I only bought sale items, but when I came off my bike today I was VERY grateful for the gloves I can tell you. My knee is not looking great, but hey. I had to cancel my hike tomorrow, no yoga either and I wish I was on my long ride now instead of in my hammock with an ice pack, but I do trust the process. As a kind fellow cyclist pointed out at the scene of the accident, "Who knows? You may have been spared something far worse."

When I was a girl of 8, I had a blue BMX that I adored. One day at the top of a steep hill in Pretoria's Waterkloof Ridge I slammed on the brake...yes, just one. And that's how you learn a lesson the hard way. You should never pull on just the front brake, because you end up flipping over the handlebars. And for a scaredy-cat it was utterly terrifying. I went flying down the hill and ended up scraped and bruised and worse, dead sure I never wanted to get on a bike ever again!

My dad & brothers in action...D is still an avid biker - that's us on a family cycle in Plett recently

It was only when we lived in Japan that I got over my significant fear of cycling. We had granny bikes that were built for comfort rather than speed and they got us absolutely everywhere. It was awesome to cycle in a country that is so respectful, sans fear of crazy motorists and with proper bike lanes. Lekker.

Cycling under the cherry blossoms...because life is but a dream

I started to find cycling really really fun. I used to whizz down the underpass between our apartment and the little Eikaiwa where we taught English. This after dismounting and walking the bike downhill initially. It's one of my husband's fave anecdotes about me. Possibly because it sums up my many contradictions quite neatly. Afraid of my own shadow but doing it anyway!

Since teaching my own kids to ride and enjoying our occasional holiday forays, cycling has been a genuine pleasure again.

My munchkins learn to ride

And now I have to face my mannnnnnnny fears and amp it up a little. Because life is short and for living!

I'm grateful for the new support crew I'm discovering in this new pursuit.

As I sat in a disheartened painful heap at the side of the road after my accident earlier a sweet fellow cyclist stopped to commiserate. As is my wont, I launched into the whole sorry story, starting with how disappointed I was initially that my son had decided not to join me and she knew just what it is to feel your teenage children pulling away. But in this shift there are new gifts.

My boytjie turns 14 on Friday.

I made him a "cringey" video to celebrate and tried not to die of nostalgia in the process.

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There is an interesting synergy at play, because as our teen kids start to prioritise their peers, so we their parents start to come back to our own as well. My darling friends, the precious family we choose, a whole holy trinity of my sacred soul circle celebrated birthdays this weekend and that is just so heart filling!

So much laughter & love with these dear dear friends

And my spiritual sanghas have been nourishing my soul tremendously as my body gets stretched in all these new directions.

The Zen darlings, Tinka always spoiling us

Beloved Lindi holding us so lovingly at Medicine Buddha

So while I am a timid soul -- people keep saying I'm brave...I am not! and not in the least bit "sporty" -- I find myself a wee bit braver at almost 46 than I was at 8, ready to get back in the saddle as soon as this poor knee allows. That's progress on this spiral way.

In the midst of doubting my life choices after watching videos on the technical bits of the CT Cycle Tour and researching so much that I forgot how to pedal, I found this:

WE ARE -- a Beautiful & Powerful People.

Someone asked me yesterday, deeply perplexed no doubt, what my motivation is for wanting to do this mammoth challenge in the first place. Certainly not competitive. Since we moved here I have taken my children to the roadside to cheer on the cyclists...and the runners in the Two Oceans Marathon, because it is so beautiful to feel like we are part of something bigger than us. It is so very important.

As I spoke about it, another in our conversation said, "You sound like you're talking about church."

And I am. This is my religion. We are here together to support one another. To love one another more.

My darling boy has been going through a really difficult time and he came out of his new high school the other day noticeably lighter. It was such a relief! He explained: "A wonderful thing happened today. I was a bit short paying for my lunch at the tuckshop, when someone I don't even know just came up and paid the difference and then walked away." His eyes sparkled with the wonder of an act of kindness.

Let's be that for one another.

2022: Year of the Tiger

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 1 Feb 2022 14:09:00 +0200

Here comes the Water Tiger, full of Yang Energy. Oooo I can feel it. And I love it!

Riding the Tiger from the start

My Pisces soul loves water and cats (big & small) and I LOVE the energy of change.

Which is the energy of life itself.

The air is crackling with it.

When I think of all the new things I tried just this past week, it makes me grin:

Aerial Yoga - oh what a delight, to be upside down, not knowing your back from your front, I giggle with delight and feel stretched and humbled in new ways every time. This is it! Do things that scare you and remind you that life is play.

Swing Dance - what charming people these be and boy did we boogie! Yay for friends who invite you to try cool new things!

Hip Hop - Thania is golden. She has been my daughter's piano teacher for years and after watching her hip hop show at the end of another grim pandemic year, it was so utterly life affirming and delicious that both of us signed up on the spot. Best Fun Ever!

And I've started training for the Cape Town Cycle Tour, after raising money for the good people at Greenpop won me an entry. Triple Whammy of Bday Lovin right there!

Love a challenge.

Love helping.

Love feeling the support of my people for my treeple.

Really deeply moved by the incredible generosity of You, & if you haven't yet and have a few dimes to spare after the longest month of the year, please donate here.

All these adventures in living remind me that living is FUN!

Plant Trees, it's SO hopeful!

My beloved Thich Nhaht Hahn left his body on the 22nd of January at midnight.

Within 48 hours of his passing, I was sitting Zazen with my Dharma Centre sangha at the Sufi Temple in Newlands (join us on Mondays at 6:30pm, mid-month on Sunday mornings and for occasional long retreats in Robertson).

His face was crystal clear and beaming before me, just radiant peace and compassion. The love that we all are is tremendous and blows my socks off! He then joined me gently but not in the least bit subtly at our gorgeous last-Sunday-of-the-month Meditation morning at Kagyu Samye Dzong.

I've been waiting for the perfect opportunity to hold a circle of loving kindness at The Center here in Noordhoek, my beautiful home between Table Mountain and the Atlantic Ocean that breathes Antarctic air...where a superpod of humpback whales frolicked the other day and gigantic waves perplexed everyone as the hottest day in history was recorded here in the Mother City.

Beloved Thây and I invite you to join us on Saturday 26th Feb 3-6pm.

Everything is always changing. The tide, the elements, us.

We closed 2021 and welcomed this new one on the Otter Trail, a lifelong dream. I'd set the intention with my son 4 years prior, when he was too young to hike it. Now he towers over me and doesn't hold my hand anymore, but still enjoys a challenging hike with his old mom.

Then...

And Now

What can one say of these ineffable immersive experiences in our Mother Nature?

Fording her rivers

Bathing in her sunlight

Resting after a long day of many literal and metaphorical ups and downs, reading, writing, meditating with my boy. Blessedly bare feet free of boots, back free of rucksack, mind free of worry. Here we are. Alive, in a golden moment of perfect peace. So grateful!

We walked it. Step by step.

We are small and here briefly and enjoying the journey.

My children are both back at school full time for the first time in two years. The incredible relief and joy of this cannot be overstated.

They are growing up and it isn't always easy, for them or us. But I wouldn't have it any other way. This is what we're here for. The endless learning.

And Letting Go

My Meditation Walks have, as always, brought the most beautiful humans into my circle and they have taught me everything about being more human, more connected, more forgiving.

How to walk gently on this earth and with one another.

Isn't this everything?

At the incredible Zeitz MOCAA in the last days of the long summer holidays before everything kicked into high gear, we sat with the children of Rwanda. We wept with them and we knew that we are the same. Your suffering is my suffering. We are not separate. Our joys are the same. As are our sorrows.

Dear Thich Nhaht Hahn in his exquisite Truth Poem says

Please Call Me By My True Names.

Ashok Ramasubramanian reminds us that Things Will be Okay

That the veil is oh so thin. The room is full. The support is immense.

Delightful David Sedaris puts his own spin on the Great Mystery of the Great Hereafter, what a blessed gift is humour -- to have it, to share it, to laugh! Letter from Emerald Isle

See you soon!

Join for a Free Qi Gong Circle & Picnic at Noordhoek Common, 19 Feb 9:30am

So Meta

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 13:00:00 +0200

I started this post early December in the year 2021.

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Yesterday I made my first social media post in 4 months and raised over R5000 for Greenpop's #cyclefortrees thereby earning an entrance into this year's Cape Town Cycle Tour. A long time dream deferred...cos I'm a scaredy cat.

This prompted a heart bursting with gratitude for people's generosity.

And that I simply had to share!

So here's some reflection on what I feel the socials hath wrought:

Since I stopped haunting social media I've had a few friends ask me why or even how. The other evening a friend asked me to help mentor her through the inevitable withdrawal from THE addiction of our times.

My long time friend Aré pleaded for a blogpost, so here it is...and as he astutely pointed out (called me out on ;) this is also a form of Social Media, but by dint of its very TLDR nature, it encourages a deeper unpacking and kinder engagement than other platforms. In fact it's always nothing short of miraculous that anyone reads any of my blogposts at all. Thank you, dear reader.

One of the reasons I haven't said much except for this, is that no one likes a soapbox. Let me just say that my lived experience is that I'm not as miserable as before, this despite some significant stressors. I won't list them, but trust me, they are significant. Everything from work, to family, to friends. What I know is that when I sit in meditation all is clear and calm. When I lean my forehead against a tree, I breathe with the tree and feel rooted, generous, equanimous.

We lose so much and that's fine. The problem is more the hanging on.

I feel ready to let go of all the things -- letters I've kept, my piles of journals and just stuff. The things that make us feel that we are somehow different from others. My edges are going and more and more the divine light envelopes me and reminds me that we are just embodied for a short while. No need to get too wrapped up in this sense of identity.

So back to what I promised. The more we trumpet how we feel and what we like, the more attached we tend to get to these ideas of who we are. Everything from our history to what we think we "have" now and what we want. Goal orientated mentality has been painted as a positive, when really it's just more consumption. Surely we can all agree that the grabiness of humanity has to stop?

There actually is enough. We don't need to be striving for anything. We need to be calm.

If you can be with yourself and just breathe.

Try it.

Now.

If you can't, you are not alone. We have made ourselves mad. This darling might help.

You see, living in the Age of Information ain't all bad.

You're okay.

Now step away from the screen & hug a tree.

You can come breathe with me on the Noordhoek Common on 19 Feb 9:30am

https://www.facebook.com/events/311916974207682

And please join me to honour Beloved Thây on 26 February 2022 3-6pm at The Center in Noordhoek.

https://www.facebook.com/events/666702277697314

Feminism, Facebook & Flow

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Thu, 7 Oct 2021 18:16:00 +0200

My head has been stuck in a tower of books for a season as the spiral way has led me back to the University of Stellenbosch again where I'm teaching a few courses, including a new post-grad investigation of feminism in film.

Burquas, books, bad poetry & cats - all in a day's work

Nothing quite like being on a steep learning curve to light my fire. It feels a bit like purpose to dust off the cobwebs of my mind and brandish the feminist flag. While knowing full well that I don't want to be a card carrying member of either the ivory tower or any movement, no matter how worthy.

Being a separate self, with a name and story is tiresome. I'm quite convinced it is the cause of all suffering (as per Buddhist philosophy). The more accoutrements in the form of ideologies and belief systems we identify with, the more baggage we ultimately need to shed. For if there is one thing I know for certain, it's that we have to

let

all

go.

Still, this avenue of exploration (rather than identification) has actually helped clarify a lot of things that had been gnawing at my subconscious.

Even the most "self-aware" of us can endlessly fool ourselves as to what's "really" going on. How quickly we become, if not quite complacent, then at least numb. I think that so much of what we label mental illness is actually a deep knowing that something ain't right. But instead of putting things to right we try our damndest to squelch the pesky discomfort. Why? Because it's just so inconvenient to heed the call of the wild woman roaring inside.

Here are some films I've unearthed in my research, both old and new, all directed by women and all helping me listen more deeply and understand, allow, shift, let go...all the things that are part of the messy merry dance of becoming.

Dorothy Arzner was the only female director working in Hollywood during the Golden Era. It's an era dear to my heart. I'm named after one of its stars for crying out loud. And my dear departed gran (who has been attending me so much of late) raised me on Cyd Charisse & co dancing in "Brigadoon" long before this year's "Schmigadoon!" took the musical tropes for yet another spin around the pomo dance floor.

I'm in love

Here's an Arzner double feature that is just too delicious for words:

Clara Bow's first talkie The Wild Party (1929) -- the charming "it" girl and quintessence of the flapper comedienne suffered terribly from the trauma of a childhood that included an abusive father and a mother who tried to kill her before being institutionalised. Not unlike Marilyn Monroe, who came a couple of decades later to titillate and delight audiences. These talented young women seemed to rise above the horror of their impoverished and traumatic childhoods only to be used and abused by the systemic toxic masculinity that had already marked them in their formative years. It is a tale too common.

Dance, Girl, Dance (1940) starring a luminous young Lucille Ball. Much has been written about it, and rightly so. I feel like I could watch this scene forever. Isn't it a wonderful illustration of the male gaze? And of so much of the complexity of female friendship.

Speaking of which, I have only now discovered Claudia Weill's Girlfriends (1978) which prefigures all those shows and films about the intensity and centrality of friendship in women's lives...in fact Weill aptly went on to direct some episodes of Lena Dunham's Girls.

Teaching young folks in mid-life is not without its challenges. The aforementioned Girls still feels brand new and groundbreaking to me, but to these students (who were no more than children when it first aired) it's already passé...and worse. Neoliberal white feminism is completely the wrong sort. It's not good enough to include minority voices, one needs to centre them. I agree whole-heartedly. And recognise my white girl (ahem...old lady) biases.

In a seminar on feminist comedy, all my original texts were lily white. I had to overcome my own proclivities to explore the WOC fumerists. Loudness and crassness go against every refined "good girl" bone in my body. It's a lot to get over your programming, especially the parts that have seemingly served you well. In the process of burning down the house that white privilege built, I also discovered a burgeoning black female South African vernac stand-up scene. These ladies are fierce and funnnnny. Here the ab fab satirist Lesego Tlhabi, aka Coconut Kelz, calls us on our shit:

Some not so new feminist favourites that have emerged from my research:

Joyce at 34, documentarian Joyce Chopra’s 1972 exploration of motherhood and the generational tension shifts between mothers and daughters. How is it that so little has changed in half a century?

Julie Dash's dreamy Daughters of the Dust (1991). Watching this with my daughter was truly memorable. Representation matters.

The auteurs Agnès Varda & Kelly Reichardt's oeuvres speak straight to my soul.

Miranda July is a quirky indie genius. I really love those who fly their freak flags, thereby giving us permission to do the same. Bless them!

Argentinian Lucrecia Martel, I bow down and worship. What a singular voice!

The following African female helmed gems are all available on Showmax right now (SO EXCITING):

Flatland (2019), Rafiki (2018), I am not a Witch (2017), Tess (2016),

& the haunting Atlantics (2019) is on Netflix

I'm very grateful to my research, it's been a lifeline. Isn't it just so refreshing to spend time in other people's thoughts rather than one's own? I'm thankful to the university that pays me to indulge my desire to watch and read material that stretches and enriches me. My friend & colleague of many years who extended the invitation in the first place. My students who tolerate my not altogether woke ways. My tutors who make me laugh and most essentially help me mark. Above all I bow deeply to these incredible women who created, who continue to create, often despite impossible odds. They help us feel seen. They give us strength. I am so grateful.

I watched Amy Seimetz's She Dies Tomorrow (2020) last night and it was the most profound expression of the existential dread of this last while. It was healing in the way only authentic expression through art can be. I am humbled that someone could take all that harrowing shadow feeling, verging on madness, and make it something that can be shared. It gave me hope. Which may seem contradictory, but this is what we need. Not hiding. Not pretending. Truth telling. Catharsis. Expression.

Despite all the bookishness/time in front of a screen, I'm still spending as much time outside as possible. There's a virtual art exhibit on at Kirstenbosch Gardens at the moment and it's called "Seeing the Invisible." I took a screenshot of one of the pieces by Isaac Julien "Stones Against Diamonds", which only appears through a phone screen and only when you're standing in the right spot.

Where are we standing?

What are we seeing?

Or rather, how are we seeing?

I went to check out the first post I blogged back in 2006 when I lived in Afghanistan. Pre-social media. Or at least in its nascency.

A Social Media Timeline:
Facebook 2004
Reddit 2005
Twitter 2006
First iPhone launched in 2007
Instagram 2010
TikTok 2016

I joined Facebook when my now teenage daughter was a babe in arms, at the urging of a techie friend who ironically was one of the first to grow disenchanted with the platform and bail out. I documented my children's childhood most thoroughly there. It had genuinely seemed a tool of connection at the time and for too long afterwards, a lifeline for a lonely mama with two babes in arms and nary a friend in sight, newly repatriated after a good 7 years of studying and working abroad, staying in touch with farflung family and friends via email. I still have the same hotmail address that I've had from the start! Since the early 90s! I have a sentimental attachment I suppose to these things. Even as it becomes clearer and clearer how absolutely no good is intended from the powers that be -- see the latest news story on the undeniable harm caused by social media:

So letting go of that space where I invested a hang of a lot of time and energy in the illusion of connection, well, it hasn't happened without grieving. But also great relief. This letting go. Realising that the rich rewards in life lie in the little things. And you need to pay attention or you'll miss them altogether. I left social media in solidarity with my Afghan sisters as the Taliban has inevitably seized control once again. But I have found the respite, after the initial withdrawal symptoms have waned (lets not kid ourselves, this is surely the most addictive threat we have faced as humanity), so restorative that I have no intention of returning.

My daughter just had another ballet show. These markers of time really hit one hard, especially when the world has changed so dramatically in such a short span of time. These global seismic shifts in tandem with my babies going through puberty. Myself morphing into a post-menopausal crone.

I feel that maybe I can stop screaming so much internally at it all --

The loss. The horror.

And celebrate the gentle moments. A baby seal on my walk today during T's piano lesson. Birds chatting in the hibiscus bush outside my window. Making fruit salad for my poor sick boy. Sharing a long slow hug with my husband. Walking with a young marine and bundu bashing over tricky terrain, twisting an ankle and waking up with the good ache of a body that's been in motion.

The mundane. The adventurous. It's all part and parcel.

I saw an old couple on the Sea Point promenade on Saturday. The man was rubbing his wife's feet. They were laughing and seemed so present to one another and so kind.

There are cities of homeless everywhere. Everything is completely uncertain.

The comments on my first post from 2006, that other world, struck me as touching, it's back when we actually spoke to one another on these public platforms. It was a lot cosier and more connecting. Even though "anonymous" is rapping me over the knuckles, it clearly comes from a place of love. He/she counters:

"I hate to upset the bumper car, but it seems to me that there are perfectly plausible ways of saying a friendly hello to your fellow human without this howdy being mediated by cyberspace. I miss snailmail, raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens and bemoan the sad fact that my dear friend has fallen prey to the blogg monster. Snik. Here's to a world unblemished by bloggs"

Now blogs certainly seem rather harmless in comparison to the daily horrors wrought by the machines we have created to keep us perpetually distracted and hungry for more.

Speaking of machines...

Philosopher Deleuze on Flow as per a new fave podcast Philosophize This! - I love that the truth speaks in many ways until we can understand.

Bit by bit, I'm remembering what I forgot. And seeing anew.

Without by Joy Harjo

The world will keep trudging through time without us

When we lift from the story contest to fly home

We will be as falling stars to those watching from the edge

Of grief and heartbreak

Maybe then we will see the design of the two-minded creature

And know why half the world fights righteously for greedy masters

And the other half is nailing it all back together

Through the smoke of cooking fires, lovers’ trysts, and endless

Human industry—

Maybe then, beloved rascal

We will find each other again in the timeless weave of breathing

We will sit under the trees in the shadow of earth sorrows

Watch hyenas drink rain, and laugh.

Mama Maldives & Woman's Day

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 10 Aug 2021 13:38:00 +0200

In July Jason and I celebrated 20 years of marriage.

And I needed to get out....

Here we are being cute. I know he loves me because he hates the beach, water, heat...the holy trinity of Paradise Island living. And there you have it. True Love, also known as Compromise, or allowing one another to be maddeningly exactly as you are, even when it's inconvenient. Especially then.

After lockdown upon lockdown we found ourselves in the midst of the crisis of the Third Wave of the COVID Pandemic in South Africa. There's no real end in sight to this New Normal that totally stinks when all you wanna do is toss some stuff in your backpack and globe trot. Just another year of curtailed everything.

While watching the daily highlights of the Olympics in Tokyo these past couple of weeks, one of the most impressive and transgressive things I noticed were the public displays of affection -- people touching one another...full out hugging! We really live in strained times.

The little girl who went viral because she was inspired by the female weight lifters was deeply moving and made the Games seem possibly relevant, even now.

African athletes, who come from so little it's probably nigh impossible for their competitors to even comprehend their daily lived experience let alone the lack of infrastructure for training, somehow win. Surely this, more than national pride, is what it's about -- the triumph of the human spirit despite unbearable and totally unfair odds.

How delightful it was when the Botswana relay team won bronze, the second ever Olympic medal for our dear neighbours, and did a dance of joy on the podium. These are the moments that hit me right in the feels.

Homegirl Tatjana Schoenmaker broke a world record and brought home our beleaguered beautiful country's only gold medal, but how utterly lovely to see her supposed competitors embrace her with unbridled joy. Avid knitter and proudly gay gold medalist Tom Daley rightly won the internet.

Meanwhile, just about every week I lose a friend or a friend of a friend to this vicious delta variant or Cancer. Almost everyone I know is sick or in quarantine. And despite it all, or because of it, we decided to trip the light fantastic on a tropical isle. Our options were severely limited. At the time of researching our Big Getaway, only the Maldives and Mexico were accepting South Africans without mandatory quarantines. I adore Mexico, but for the airfare alone (to say nothing of the killer jet lag) we could spend a week in the Maldives.

Once upon a time, when we were young and the world was a very different place, and my brother was alive, he told me, "The Maldives...now THAT is paradise." And it is. A paradise in jeopardy - most of it a mere metre or so above rapidly rising sea level. The fist time I snorkeled on our house reef my heart hurt to see the decimated coral thanks to those deliciously too warm waters. It reminded me of the New Yorker cartoon of a guy calling to his friend on the shore: "Come on in! The water's a grim reminder of climate change."

It also reminds me of another quip I came across at the beginning of all this, that Climate Change needs Covid's publicity manager.

When I made the mistake of checking my phone in paradise, the news from home was dismal -- riots had broken out in response to our ex President Zuma's imprisonment. My son was throwing up. A dear friend's husband had died from COVID. And once again it was clear that there's no escape.

We had to test for COVID pre-flights and were fortunate to be in the clear despite the risky business of travel and the police affidavits required to get us through Gauteng during a level 4 lockdown that forbade travel in or out of the province. OR Tambo airport in Joburg was in full Zombie Apocalypse mode with hardly a soul in sight except for a strong police presence. I felt so guilty about traveling when obviously the sane thing was to shelter in place. I kept it quiet. Well aware of how many were deeply suffering -- bereaved, unemployed, anxious and depressed.

Spending about six hours a day floating above the magical Maldivian reefs teaming with tropical fish of every imaginable hue definitely made all the hoo-ha and extra stress of traveling during the apocalypse, including cancelled flights and terribly long layovers, feel completely worthwhile. It felt good to be alive again. Like maybe living could actually be enjoyable.

I got to know the inhabitants of our reef intimately and made friends with a curious juvenile turtle, as well as getting a little freaked out by the large but harmless reef sharks. The baby sharks would come and walk with me every evening.

Hovering above the deep blue off the edge of the coral, these miraculous ancient submerged volcanoes, with manta rays and light rays creating mandalas exerted a profound pull on my soul.

It felt very much like the hold a mother has on her child.

A powerful umbilical chord calling me home to our essence.

On shore it was meditation at dawn (a very civilised 7am...we had our own time zone on Sandies Bathala...so why not? Sunrise and sunset at 7 year round), plenty of yoga, qi gong, I read two fab books -- both outstanding feminist texts reclaiming history -- Maggie O'Farrell's Hamnet, the untold tale of a gloriously witchy Anne Hathaway and How Much of These Hills are Gold is C Pam Zhang's utterly brilliant retelling of how the West was won from a female/trans Asian perspective. In my dream scenario Kelly Reichardt (incredible female auteur) and Chloé Zhao (who rightly took the Oscar for Nomadland) would co-direct the filmic adaptation.

The food was great, the island was only at 30% occupancy -- mostly South Africans and Eastern Europeans, a whole new market at half price since their usual Western European tourists haven't come back since COVID, but the staff were just 100% lovely and we befriended a darling couple on honeymoon. All in all it was splendid.

A dream come true.

And then back to reality.

The veld fires burned over the dried out wintery highveld and Joburg's mine dumps and polluted skies were a world away from the turquoise atolls we had left that same morning.

But it was special spending time with my mom in her beautiful new home in Plett. My folks had taken care of our teens while we spoiled ourselves for the first time since our 10th anniversary jaunt around the Med and now my dad was off to move his mom, my Granny Lola, to live on the Garden Route with them.

Step-by-step, person-by-person, all ties except the powerful memories of my formative years are being severed from the heart of our country.

We drove home to the Mother City surrounded by snow-capped mountains and canola fields in bloom. Radiohead reminding me of a beloved memory of seeing Baz Luhrman's Romeo and Juliet for the first time in Utah with my BFF Natalie a lifetime ago.

I want to
I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon the surface for the birds
The birds
The birds

As the seagulls put on quite the welcome home display over False Bay, my blood was still surging with the tropical Indian Ocean tides.

Every time I closed my eyes, the coral reflected the mystery of my inner workings ~ brains, intestines, mitochondria.

The macro, the micro, the inner, the outer, all ebbing and flowing, living and dying.

Coming home is never easy.

Not for my gypsy soul that feels far more at home wandering than belonging. But my darling cats are always comforting. As I type now I have our elegant tuxedo Rex to the left of me who has only of late become uber affectionate, demanding scritches, after spending many years resenting us after his doting first parents emigrated to Australia.

Snuggled against my right hip is flopsy mopsy cuddliest calico kitty TEARS rescue Tortilla who walks around the house yelling for Thandi when she's out.

And standing sentinel at my feet is my familiar, the pitch black lil beauty with an overbite, Sootica.

Our pets have been one of few comforts during these isolating times. Something to love, to touch, to feel connected to when all else has felt fraught and divisive.

It's Woman's Day today, a remembrance of the strength of our country's women who stood up to the brutality of Apartheid. A reminder of the women who made me, who live in my eyes, voice, ridiculously high cholesterol count, and unfortunate turns of thought. But they also handed down resilience and, thank God, a sense of humour.

Of my daughter who needs to make her own way in this world.

This week I start teaching an Honours Film Course at the University of Stellenbosch, so I have been watching a lot of Feminist films, both old and new.

Yesterday it was Chantal Akerman's brutally realist 3 1/2 hour Jeanne Dielman which, if you've never had the unmitigated joy of being burdened with domesticity, will quickly enlighten you as to how fulfilling it is. As Betty Friedan put it: "No woman gets an orgasm from polishing the kitchen floor."

As a palate cleanser the wholly delightful Daisies (1966) reminds us that girls just wanna have fun...while smashing the patriarchy.

Akerman's 1976 News From Home is one in a series of remarkable documentaries that I've dubbed Mommy & Me about women trying to understand their mothers.

Jane by Charlotte

Fresh from Cannes starring the captivating Jane Birkin through the lens of her incredible daughter Charlotte Gainsbourg.

Sarah Polley's mystery Stories We Tell (2013)

This is midlife, realising you are your ancestors, there is no escaping it. Making peace with them as they wrestle inside you moment to moment is the real deal. Trying to be kinder to them-in-you as you take your place in the family of things.

May we all find the strength moment to moment to meet the challenges of being here now.

And take care of our Mama the Sea and the mothers that we have and are.

The world needs TLC.

And it starts within.

Written in the Stars

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Fri, 25 Jun 2021 10:52:00 +0200

And yet the selfsame Bard has the Earl of Gloucester, a tragic hero not unlike the eponymous King Lear, point out:

“These late eclipses in the sun and moon portend no good to us.”

I have always identified happily as a Pisces, while not really "believing" in astrology at all. However, over the years several astrologer friends have provided deeper insights that have proved particularly helpful.

Astro-Anya gave me a gorgeous illustration of hers when I was drowning in toddlers, simply because it reminded her of my daughter, whom she’d spotted on our daily walk to and from their little school tucked away in the forest down a long and muddy farm road peppered with goats and camels. Yes, my kids grew up in a fairy tale.

T Then & Now: Astro-Anya prints (left) & Lili Whiteman (best 14th bday pressie)

As thanks to her for this beautiful generosity, I asked her to have my natal chart done and it was so gob-smackingly spot on, that I quickly had my then very little children’s charts done. Followed by my parents and my husband.

Anya and I went on to run a retreat together!

Now I am happily ensconced in her Introduction to Astrology Course.

The insights and depths are just wonderful.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CPYsSU3JR3b/

Most uncomfortably for me I have both a Capricorn moon and ascendant. If you're wondering why "uncomfortable," here are some key words for Capricorn versus my Pisces sun sign:

https://www.astrograph.com/learning-astrology/pisces.php

As I drove to class last night I gasped at the sight of Sister Moon rising in Capricorn, larger than life. The effect of the moon on me has always been tremendous. And I've certainly written about her before both as something to work with and something to wonder at.

I particularly love the latter as it mentions my darling Grandpa who took the exit at the eclipse in December.

https://www.instagram.com/goflow42/

After a night of medicine dreams I woke to her setting with a full rainbow encircling her.

Truly, this world is magical and while I can’t help but agree with the villainous Edmund in King Lear, bastard son to the Earl of Gloucester,

"This is the excellent foppery of the world, that, when we are sick in fortune,--often the surfeit of our own behavior,--we make guilty of our disasters the sun, the moon, and the stars: as if we were villains by necessity; fools by heavenly compulsion; knaves, thieves, and treachers, by spherical predominance; drunkards, liars, and adulterers, by an enforced obedience of planetary influence...."

I also know for sure that

So much of mid-life is learning to rest in these dualities.

To stop apologising for and feeling ashamed about the contradictions in us and around us is one step, then on to the endless process of forgiving, truly and deeply forgiving ourselves and whoever we have cast as the Bad Others in our many stories.

I've had so many Ah-Ha moments lately. Understanding afresh my childhood wounds, my family constellations, the deeeeeeeep habitual patterns and epigenetic karmic cycles.

And simply (although circuitously) making peace with what is.

Exacty as it is.

Again.

And again.

Thanks as always to Aparna for her daily haikus

https://www.instagram.com/withoutaleaf/

The moon is such a babe! Speaking of...here's Olivia Hussey & Leonard Whiting bringing star-crossed lovers Romeo & Juliet so exquisitely to life.

Just Love.

It's all there is.

Ever was and ever will be.

PS. One room left on this Winter Warmer Retreat July 1-4 2021

at beautiful Guinevere Guest Farm near Tulbagh outside of Cape Town.

Only R2500 all inclusive of

heart centred, gentle yet transformative facilitation that includes

Qi Gong
intuitive yoga
art therapy
walking & seated meditation
&

deep rest

Insight & peace
Connection & healing

Food & gorgeous accommodation

Large, airy (but warm) space for your safety.

REtreat ~ Reflections in the Still Water

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 25 May 2021 19:48:00 +0200

While preparing for this REtreat, so called because our original Cederberg retreat had to be deferred due to a big Cape storm moving through this past weekend and the venue, while lovely, was not suited to wet weather, water just kept welling up…first intuitively in the playlist, followed closely by my thoughts & feelings.

Happy Smiling Hearts

My retreats evolve as a combination of the circle, the space, and most essentially, as the spirit moves from moment to moment. I realized that other than the obvious, the reason for our rerouting, regrouping and REtreating -- the rain -- our new sanctuary for the weekend was called VleiDam.

Vlei is Afrikaans for a shallow lake, usually of a seasonal or intermittent nature, and a dam is a man-made water gatherer. Here we have the intersection between natural water that gathers as and when it will and human intervention designating where (if not always when…we are yet to control the weather) catchment should take place.

Luminous Vleidam

“Spirituality is recognizing and celebrating that we are all inextricably connected to each other by a power greater than all of us, and that our connection to that power and to one another is grounded in love and compassion. Practicing spirituality brings a sense of perspective, meaning and purpose to our lives.”

― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Of the original Cederberg group, 8 decided to bear with me as I sought out an alternative venue.

This gorgeous farm at the foot of Koringberg in the wheatlands provided luxurious comfort in four cosy cottages with fireplaces and baths to warm us into the first of our Winter weather.

“It really boils down to this: that all life is interrelated. We are all caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tired into a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one destiny, affects all indirectly.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

In Traditional Chinese Medicine the element of Water is connected to the Kidneys and Bladder, along with this Winter season. The emotion of Fear can sometimes get stuck in our urinary system and the balance comes in with Gentleness.

“We all are so deeply interconnected; we have no option but to love all. Be kind and do good for any one and that will be reflected. The ripples of the kind heart are the highest blessings of the Universe.”
― Amit Ray, Yoga and Vipassana: An Integrated Life Style

Our Zen Master - the best gifts in life come through Grace

The thing I hear most often from participants in my Flow workshops and retreats is that they feel safe & well held. That the space is conducive to heart-opening. This gentleness is the thing I most strongly believe leads to our healing and unfolding into that which we truly are ~ Love.

“We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.”
― William James

We came together as the light shone across the wheat fields and baby lambs. We enjoyed a little shake and shimmy to the healing Alexa Sunshine Rose number “Created by Sound,” kindly shared with me by one of our beautiful circle, Kosma.

A little free movement, which is Dance in its essence, leads us towards effortless being.

Shaking is so simple and yet so powerful in helping us surrender. We can give up trying to control everything just by shaking our sillies out. Watching the trembling newborn lambs as they took their first steps was such an inspiration to trust & hold each newborn breath, each moment, more tenderly.

“Man can no longer live for himself alone. We must realize that all life is valuable and that we are united to all life. From this knowledge comes our spiritual relationship with the universe.”
― Albert Schweitzer

“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another.”
― Thomas Merton, Love and Living

After a guided relaxation and visualisation we enjoyed free writing, or writing as meditation, where the ego gets out of the way (even for a moment) and allows us to act as a channel for the Divine Word to be made manifest through us. The pen moving as the breath moves, effortlessly, without our interference or the Great Mistake of thinking we KNOW.

This then leads to an intuitive discovery of our Intention for the Weekend.

I believe that living intentionally is important to making meaning. We are so powerful, but we are also so much a part of everyone and everything else. This is the deep understanding we can come to of our “place in the family of things.”

We explored the ancient Malay poetic form of the pantoum.

Kosma's pantoum

Sharing in Deep Listening pairs brought us to speaking our Intention into the Circle and breathing into the collective holding & releasing of our individual and collective intentions. We vowed to support one another in setting these sacred intentions.

A supper of warming butternut sweet potato soup and some natural nut butter chocolate cups, then our evening meditation. Sitting together in a circle to breathe, pay attention and melt into our hearts and the collective great heart is truly one of life’s great joys.

We used Ajahn Brahm's "Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond" as a departure point:

The Buddha said “a meditator who makes letting go the main object easily achieves samadhi.”

We discussed the importance of Present Moment Awareness ~

“You abandon all past experiences by showing no interest in them at all. During meditation you become some-one who has no history. You do not think about where you live, where you were born, who your parents were, or what your upbringing was like. All of that history you renounce. In this way, if you are meditating with others, everyone becomes equal—just a meditator. It becomes un-important whether you are an old hand at meditation or just a beginner. If we abandon all that history, we are equal and free.”

As Gangaji says “drop the story.”

“Do not keep carrying around coffins full of dead moments. If you do, you weigh yourself down with heavy burdens that do not really belong to you.”

“When you anticipate the future by thinking, 'How many more minutes until the bell rings?' you torture yourself. So be very careful not to pick up the heavy burden of 'How many more minutes to go?' or 'What should I do next?' If that is what you are thinking, you are not paying attention to what is happening now. You are asking for trouble. You are not doing the meditation.”

Tara Brach’s acronym RAIN can be a useful tool to apply during meditation:

Recognize what is happening;

Allow the experience to be there, just as it is;

Investigate with interest and care;

Nurture with self-compassion

Then the gift of Silence ~

“Sometimes we assume it is through the inner commentary that we know the world. Actually, that inner speech does not know the world at all. It is the inner speech that spins the delusions that cause suffering.”

“Another useful technique for developing inner silence is recognizing the space between thoughts, or between periods of inner chatter.”

http://wisdomthroughmindfulness.blogspot.com/2012/12/the-five-hindrances-bowl-of-water-mind.html

After a discussion on the 5 Hindrances to Meditation using the Buddha's imagery of Water, We chanted 108 rounds of the Medicine Buddha mantra in the beautiful candlelight and enjoyed sitting in the powerful healing vibration. We then stepped into Noble Silence.

After a divine night's rest in this pastoral idyll, we met with the sunrise for silent meditation.

A lovely breakfast on the stoep provided by Kosma followed by an Alexander Technique Walking Practice guided by Hella.

I just love it when everyone’s gifts are shared so effortlessly and provide genuine support for the subtle yet transformative inner work. Do not hesitate to book a one-on-one session with Hella. Her many years of experience and deep intuition, fostered by a strong Zen meditation practice, are exceptional gifts.

Hella at work

Our creative play, a therapeutic art process, revealed our story as discovered, constructed, deconstructed, taken away & given - thank you for sharing your haiku dear Muriel, one of the fruits of surrendering to the divine creative flow:

DEEPLY EXOTIC
KALEIDOSCOPE ADVENTURE
ENCOUNTER FLYING

A delicious tapas lunch was shared by Mary & Muriel. Thank you darlings.

“Our ability to connect with others is innate, wired into our nervous systems, and we need connection as much as we need physical nourishment.”
― Sharon Salzberg, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection

Our afternoon was spent walking the wheat fields and the Koringberg.Taking in the gorgeous colours and vistas of the Swartberge.

On return we enjoyed a gentle yin yoga practice on the lawn to promote intuitive movement and support our bodies through Change, that inevitability of Life, and allow for the eternal letting go.

We wrapped up with another Alexander Technique session with Hella, this one a gorgeous lying down process.

Andrea provided a delicious dinner of fragrant veggie stew which we enjoyed as the the sun set over this tranquil landscape.

We danced around the fire. Open-heartedly. Wildly. Tenderly. Life is a dance.

Stargazing and listening to Ram Dass "I am Loving Awareness" brought the day to a perfect end.

Sunday morning’s Inner Smile meditation followed by the Qi Gong form of the 6 Healing Breaths led to our closing circle. Another turn on this spiral way.

Qi Gong at Sunrise

We wrote ourselves a Love Letter promising to water at least one of the seeds planted this beautiful weekend.

Metta meditation brought our practice to a close.

Our farewell brunch was provided by dear Mel, even though she herself was fasting and on a special keto detox. Bless you.

Such yummy food & connection

And after some delightful nattering -- these casual in between chats are often when the greatest insights blossom -- we were on our way again.

Please join me for a Winter Warmer Retreat 1 - 4 July 2021 at the gorgeous Guinevere Guest Farm near Tulbagh.

Only 7 private en-suite rooms. R 3500 secures your room for 3 nights, all inclusive of food & facilitation.

There are a couple of rooms for those who would like to share.

R2500 each for 2 sharing a room with en-suite bathroom all inclusive.

Maximum 12 people.

https://www.guinevereguestfarm.com/

Please book soonest so that I can secure this dreamy venue.

Mid-July 2021 I’ll be holding a retreat in Plettenberg Bay.

Please let me know if you’re available to join us.

And be so kind as to spread the word. I rely entirely on word of mouth.

To get a sense of some of the other Retreats I've facilitated:

At Bodhi Khaya

At Temenos

At Hearth & Soul

At the Blue Butterfly

Many thanks, till we meet in a circle.

“We need to bridge our sense of loneliness and disconnection with a sense of community and continuity.”
― Julia Cameron, God is No Laughing Matter

Sufis & Motherhood

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Tue, 11 May 2021 15:16:00 +0200


Mother of Toddlers yesterday, Mother of Teens today

What an unfolding it is, this long haul of living. In an age of instant gratification and information overload, the domestic realm can seem the greatest trial and simultaneously the most profound balm. But it requires, like all good things, surrender.

After reconnecting with the Divine Feminine during our Saturday Workshop I decided to take the children to Universal Worship at the Sufi Temple in Newlands in the heart of our Mother City for Mother's Day. As with so much of mothering, best laid plans came to naught as darling daughter flat refused to join me, first by text, then in sulky person. The much repeated "pick your battles" mantra came to mind and I let it slide.

My son and I entered that lovely icosahedron geodesic dome temple, clueless about what to expect. I visit this lovely temple to practice Zen Meditation and had last been there on the auspicious day that UCT burned. All I knew about Sufism is that it is a mystical branch of Islam that emphasises direct contact with the divine. Something that I whole-heartedly believe in myself. Researching this blog post I discovered that it started as an ascetic reaction against worldliness in Islam during the 7th Century.

"From their practice of constantly meditating on the words in the Qurʾān (the Islamic holy book) about Doomsday, the ascetics became known as 'those who always weep' and those who considered this world 'a hut of sorrows.'"

Not unlike the lengthy prayers we undertook on the New Kadampa Tradition Retreat I attended a couple of weeks back. Of course the fundamental belief in reincarnation is at the root of this Buddhist understanding of dukkha or suffering. And rather than a Day of Judgment, we are seen to reap the rewards of our endless karma. Still, more same same than different I feel.

From "The Hundreds of Deities of the Joyful Land According to Highest Yoga Tantra" NKT

"The introduction of the element of love, which changed asceticism into mysticism, is ascribed to Rābiʿah al-ʿAdawīyah (died 801), a woman from Basra who first formulated the Sufi ideal of a love of Allah (God) that was disinterested, without hope for paradise and without fear of hell."

Ah yes. This explains the ecstatic love poems to the Divine by the Sufi poets. Rumi being one of the loves of my life. And a memory of the whirling dervishes I got to watch in Turkey once upon a time.

Hazrat Inayat Khan is the man who "brought Sufism to the West". He started as an Indian classical musician before founding the Sufi Order in the West. We happened to be there on the centenary celebration of the first Universal Worship held in London on May 7 1921.

http://sufimovement.co.za/the-universal-worship/

This outlines the ceremony which I enjoyed, just enough dramatic ritual to conjure a sense of holiness, and they played my favourite Deva Premal version of the Gayatri Mantra as well as other lovely musical interludes. The officiants are three members of the congregation who volunteer. Very democratic.

The readings from the Holy Books were beautiful and the way in which the cherag (light bearer) ceremonially handled the books with great reverence moved my bibliophile heart.

I got permission to photograph the readings for this particular service:

We enjoyed a walking meditation around the temple -- considering gratitude and more problematically, how to spread the Sufi Movement and grow it into the future. Followed by a group repetition of a missionary phrase.

And here's the rub.

I could see how this kind of inclusive church service must have been totally groundbreaking a century ago. But now it seems quite obvious, at least to anyone who isn't a card carrying member of any particular religion. What's more, the rituals have lost some of their sanctity. It's interesting to witness pujas that have been around for millenia still stirring the soul of devotee and heathen alike. These more modern iterations tend to feel quite hollow and fall out of fashion rather quickly. I do appreciate the practicalities of caring for this lovely building and whatnot. The people were absolutely lovely too and I may well join them again.

We certainly enjoyed the cake and a trio of delightfully kooky attendees who made me feel quite staid by comparison. I love people who are unabashedly themselves, it gives us all permission to fly our freak flags a little higher.

Afterwards we went to my favourite temple of all -- NATURE.

My boy and I walked beneath the old trees and even older mountains. We discussed matters of our immortal souls and felt the truth of existence which requires no ceremony, no proselytizing, but rather a refining of our attention. A softening of our hearts. A deep, ongoing surrendering.

In the Newlands Forest Sanctuary

"The key is to find balance within oneself. The condition of life around one depends absolutely on the condition of one’s inner self in order to bring about the necessary balance.

How do we do this?

By keeping a few minutes for a process of meditation, of silence, we can touch that complete balance for a moment, and then, naturally, in our life a balance is maintained. Simply be still, and take a moment to reflect on the beauty of nature.

As we are guided in the Bible: Be still and know that I am God."

– Taken from The Heart of Sufism – Essential Writings of Hazrat Inayat Khan

Healing the Mother in Me

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Sat, 8 May 2021 20:13:00 +0200

At our Here Now Workshop a full moon ago, the participants requested a Mother's Day session. So today we met at darling Cathy's beautiful place in Kommetjie to Heal the Mother that's in us all.

Thank you for this lovely pic Susana Esteban

There were so many gifts given so freely by this generous circle, including astrologer Ilona's insightful Moon write ups for each individual, offering so much wisdom and understanding into our mothering. Thank you! Penny provided everyone with the pure Young Living Essential Oils. Anna brought each of us a protea and dear Hella offered some guidance from her deep knowledge of Alexander technique. And absolutely everyone showed up whole heartedly which is a beautiful thing indeed.

So many gifts

We warmed up under the beautiful heavens to Om Shakti -- enjoy our playlist.

We vocalised, tapped, shook, and nurtured our Inner Smile.

"Deep down within each of us here is a child who is joyful to simply be alive. A child who is excited for everything that life has to offer. A child who wants to simply “play” through life. Embrace that inner child. Be present. Express yourself. Let yourself play."

~ Jennifer Wardowski

Breathing in

I invite the Mother in me to breathe with me

Breathing out

I surrender to the Divine Mother

"The all-pervading energy source of existence or Shakti manifests itself as creation. Shakti is the divine mother who gives birth to and nurtures the newborn - whether it is a newborn baby, a brand new relationship, a fresh idea, or a magical manifestation. Although Shakti is beyond the boundaries of gender, form or color, we call It Mother because of its mothering and creative qualities."

~ Deepak Chopra

We discussed what we were not doing during the session -- reopening the often very deep Mother Wound, or retraumatizing the Inner Child. Instead we dedicated our sādhanā, or spiritual practice, to celebrating the Divine Mother. This does not mean we were spiritually bypassing the necessary Work, rather we were compassionately supporting that ongoing process of acknowledging and healing all that lives in the shadows.

Using Goddess Cards and personal photographs of our Mothers, Grandmothers and Children, we embraced free writing, or as I like to think of it, writing as a meditation.

Allowing words to be made manifest through us. Thereby arriving at an intention, or Sankalpa.

“How dare you talk of helping the World? God alone can do that. First you must be made free from all sense of Self; then the Divine Mother will give you a task to do.”

— Ramakrishna

“The ripples of spiritual practice and prayer touch and influence EVERYTHING and EVERYONE: human hearts and ocean creatures; the stars and the trees; generations behind us and generations to come. We are all creating and being created by each other.”

~ Chameli Ardagha

Mantra practice is a deep science of frequency and sound vibrations. Mantras are Sacred words that hold powerful vibrations that positively influence our energy system, our brain waves, our environment and even our DNA.

“You are chanting mantras to clear duality from your consciousness. It broadens your scope of understanding and wisdom. Wisdom emerges when your mind isn’t full of projection, biases, judgment, insecurities, and unnecessary fear that we tend to get bunched up in. Mantra loosens all of it. You don’t have to have a good feeling when you are chanting; the mantra is doing very deep work in your body, in your psyche.” ~ Shanti Mayi

“One thing that became clear to me is that images of a divine mother are surprisingly important in the psychological wholeness of women, especially in the process of women taking up residence in their own authority.”

— Sue Monk Kidd

Parāśakti is that energy that connects us all. She is the greatest and most pure form of śakti and thus contains all other forms of śakti. Accessing parāśakti is accessing highly concentrated and harmonious (sattvic) energy to guide you through your karmic patterns (samskaras). She’s like going directly to the sun for inspiration, for heat to burn through your samskaras, and for light to see clearly.

"In creating this universe God revealed two aspects: the masculine or fatherly, and the feminine or motherly. If you close your eyes and visualize vast, illimitable space, you become overwhelmed and enthralled — you feel naught but pure wisdom. That hidden, infinite sphere wherein there is no creation, no stars or planets — only pure wisdom — is the Father. And Nature with her diamond-dazzling stars, the Milky Way, the flowers, birds, clouds, mountains, sky — the countless beauties of creation — is the Divine Mother. In Nature you behold the mother aspect of God, full of beauty, gentleness, tenderness, and kindness. The beauty in the world bespeaks the creative motherly instinct of God, and when we look upon all the good in Nature, we experience a feeling of tenderness within us — we can see and feel God as Mother in Nature." ~ Paramahansa Yogananda

Harvey reminding us to just BE

Om and Aum

Om is the prime mantra of the Cosmic Being, the Atman or higher Self. As such, it attunes us with our true nature and higher reality.

"To reach your heart, as every indigenous tribe I know has told me, you must first remember your Divine Mother... Your Mother is alive and very much conscious... Earth is not a rock, she has a name and a personality in the cosmos. And believe me, she knows your name."

~ Drunvalo Melchizedek

Generally, Om is divided threefold as A, U and M, with A referring to creation, the waking state and Brahma, the creator; U as sustenance, the dream state and Vishnu the preserver; and M as dissolution, the deep sleep state and Shiva the transformer. Om relates to Shiva, the cosmic masculine force.

Chant OM SHAKTI OM 108 x

Yoga nidra relaxation & visualization –

For Inner Child Visualizations: https://defoore.com/pdf/icscript.pdf

"There are two kinds of seekers: those who are like the baby monkey and those who are like the kitten. The baby monkey clings to the mother; but when she jumps, it may fall off. The little kitten is carried about by the mother cat, content wherever she places it. The kitten has complete trust in its mother. I am more like that; I give all responsibility to the Divine Mother. But to maintain that attitude takes great will. Under all circumstances — health or sickness, riches or poverty, sunshine or gray clouds — your feeling must remain unruffled. Even when you are in the coal bin of suffering you don’t wonder why the Mother placed you there. You have faith that She knows best. Sometimes an apparent disaster turns into a blessing for you….

Gloom is but the shade of Divine Mother’s hand outstretched caressingly. Don’t forget that. Sometimes, when the Mother is going to caress you, a shadow is caused by Her hand before it touches you. So when trouble comes, don’t think that She is punishing you; Her hand overshadowing you holds some blessing as it reaches out to bring you nearer to Her."

~Paramahansa Yogananda

"The Sea calm is the Absolute; the same sea in waves is Divine Mother."

~Swami Vivekananda

I spent the afternoon with my children and on our beautiful Noordhoek beach practicing Qi Gong and giving thanks for my good fortune to be able to meet in a kind circle for mutual support and deep deep healing.

“We have to get to the self beyond its physical and mental instrumentalities to realize we are not fragile mortal beings; there is an unbroken link between ourselves and the beloved Mother of the Universe, the Divine Consciousness flowing through and permeating infinity.”

— Daya Mata

Me & my mom, my paternal & maternal grandmothers & All the Lives

“Always remember, wherever you are, whether near or far, you had a mother who really, really loved you. The original mother. Once you've found your true inner guru you can never again be divided. Perfect union with the divine, through the grace of your real teacher, transcends time, space, death and all worldly limitations. Your real teacher is the original mother - regardless in which manifest or non-manifest form, or gender, she appears. The one who nurtures you and the one who also, out of wisdom and compassion, corrects you if you are misguided.”

— Zeena Schreck

Please come and join me on Retreat in the Cederberg in the most extraordinarily healing space 21-23 May 2021.

On the Road to Enlightenment: New Kadampa Tradition

goflow42@gmail.com (Charisse Louw ) — Thu, 6 May 2021 12:47:00 +0200

I went on Meditation Retreat with the Tushita Kadampa Buddhists. I had meditated with them once previously and enjoyed it tremendously, although picked up a bit of a vibe afterwards when I tried to engage in discussion about Vipassana and other meditation techniques. In the corner of my mind I recalled some controversy with the Dalai Lama. Anyway, I bought a copy of the founder, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso's "Modern Buddhism" but found it dry and gave up about half way through.

https://www.instagram.com/goflow42/

Still, I embrace any opportunity to learn more and meditate with others. So we met at Goegedacht last Friday -- this lovely old farm on the slopes of the Riebeek Kasteel mountain about an hour and a half drive from Cape Town. It is a non-profit with wonderful community upliftment projects. So inspiring to see what is possible when good people do what they can.

Beautiful Goegedacht

The schedule could not have been gentler. And since it is purported to be "Buddhism for Westerners" (I have found out subsequently that there are no Tibetan devotees) meditation takes place on chairs. We had an introductory session with our gentle teacher Gen Kelsang Namkhyen the first evening and four sessions of just over an hour each on Saturday, two on Sunday. So really very humane.

The sessions consisted of a Dharma talk covering the oral instructions for Maha Mudra -- steps to attaining enlightenment. Then we would chant a whole lot of prayers in English, which always robs mantra of some of its magic, since good poetry is rare. On the other hand you really know what you're saying, and that's not a bad thing. Since we did this seven times over the weekend I found phrases recurring afterwards and I even longed for the sing-song comfort of confronting our mortality in verse.

Here's a taste -- the Liberating Prayer penned by, you guessed it, Geshe Kelsang Gyatso. There is nothing untoward in the sentiment except that I always feel Buddha wouldn't be so keen on all the religiosity. The NKT has done away with almost all ritual. But as my research revealed it has also done away with all other Buddhist books and teachers.

Surely Non-Dualism, as one of the foundations of Buddhism, precludes such overt separatist impulse? Turns out there's a lot of hoo-ha over this group. Without digging very deep, I found a blog suggesting abuse and a facebook group for those who escaped what they refer to as a cult. The Wikipedia page is no more flattering.

Meanwhile, in my lived reality, the food was lovely.

The walks abundantly peppered with metaphor.

Watching the garden grow, always the greatest teacher of those essential Noble Truths.

The monks were kind. Sangkyong called me Sunshine and answered my many questions. We laughed. And I thoroughly enjoyed basking in the divine light of meditation, that cares not which banner you're sitting under. The fundamentals are just that. Not complicated in essence, but certainly more than enough to work on for as many lifetimes as it takes (I've included them at the end of this post).

I always think the proof is in the pudding.

After an intense week-long family 'holiday' with 10 of us under the same roof and a Scorpio Supermoon upping the ante, I arrived wrung out. There was A LOT going on in my mind and heart. Although this wasn't a Silent Retreat, I chose silence and although our first session only started after breakfast at 9am, I woke with the dawn, climbed mountains and then, yes, listened to the teachings with an open heart, meditated in tranquil abiding and left a much better person than the harridan who arrived two short nights prior.

We are Family - at Cathedral Rock on the Garden Route

On my way up to the Cederberg afterwards, at the invitation of lovely Jen at Gecko Creek Wilderness Lodge, where I'm holding retreat 21-23 May, I listened to some awesome podcasts.

Contact me if you're keen

This one is an interview with Kelly Boys on the always illuminating "Deconstructing Yourself" and articulates so beautifully the difference between feminine knowing and the more intuitive approach to meditation we women often have but don't necessarily value. It really is worth a listen.

I also really enjoyed Lisa-Rose on "Buddha at the Gas Pump" who quite rightly says that all you need to awaken is the desire. None of the rigmarole. If anything it gets in the way. Certainly when I overheard one of the devotees on retreat boasting about how long it had taken her to do 100 000 repetitions of a mantra it was very clear that the letter of the law can completely obscure the spirit time and time again. And when I was told that some of the practice is only for those who have received "empowerments" warning bells certainly went off. Anything that smacks of 'us vs them' raises my hackles. Because the illusion and great cause of our suffering is Separation!

https://www.instagram.com/p/COasMDJJv-6/

So there I was soaking up the majesty of an ancient landscape surrounded by traces of our thread of humanity to the beginning of our sojourn here, remembering that we are whole. That we don't need to be looking outside of ourselves. Yet we do.

“It’s the oldest story ever told. The story of belief — of the basic, irresistible, universal human need to believe in something that gives life meaning, something that reaffirms our view of ourselves, the world, and our place in it.”

The Confidence Game: What Con Artists Reveal About the Psychology of Trust and Why Even the Most Rational of Us Are Susceptible to Deception

As promised, here's a handy primer from Tenzin Mutang on the Facebook Group Buddhism for Beginners:

The Four Noble Truths and The Eightfold Path Explained.

When Buddha reached Enlightenment, he decided to spread his teachings. He understood that life brought about suffering and that in order to be free from it, we must observe certain ways and know certain wisdom. With that, he taught the most important elements of Buddhism, the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path.

The Four Noble Truths explains how suffering is part and parcel of our lives but there is always respite from it. On the other hand, the Eightfold Path teaches the proper way of living in order to achieve freedom from suffering and enlightenment.

The Three Jewels of Buddhism

Before we go into the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path, let us first look at the core of Buddhism which is the Three Jewels.

The Three Jewels are:

The Buddha

The Dharma and

The Sangha.

The Buddha

The Enlightened One or Siddhartha Gautama or Gautama Buddha. The Buddha is the only known Buddha to mankind, however it is said that there were many Buddhas that came before him and there will be future Buddhas to come. He is the teacher who received the knowledge on how to achieve Nirvana. He journeyed to teach others how to free themselves from Dukkha or suffering.

The Dharma

Dharma is defined literally as the cosmic order. It is known in Buddhism as the teachings of the Buddha towards the freedom from the Dukkha. The Dharma is mainly a philosophical way to live not just for enlightenment but also all the teachings about daily life, relationships, working and earning money, family and all facets of life are taught in the Dharma.

The Sangha

The Sangha literally means community, assembly or association in Sanskrit. It is a group of people normally Buddhist monks and nuns who teach and uphold the teachings of Buddha to others. They are people who have at least attained one of the four levels of Enlightenment.

The Four Noble Truths

There are Four Noble Truths that exist regarding Dukkha. Dukkha is suffering. And suffering is constant. Everything around us causes suffering, even those that bring about pleasure since they are all impermanent. This impermanence makes us crave and desire them more, leaving us in a state of discontentment and thus suffering.

Have you ever woken up in the morning feeling like you’d rather just go back to bed and not get up to face the day? Have you ever eaten a slice of cake feeling regretful that it would make you fat or have you ever had ice cream wanting another scoop and getting that next scoop and another one and another one till you have eaten the whole pint? Well this in essence is suffering. A human’s struggle to live and satiate the whims of the body.

1. The Truth of Suffering

The Truth of Suffering states that we are in a constant state of wanting, longing, suffering, pain and sorrow. We go through life with different emotions and thus it causes us turmoil. This also relates to the point of being reborn into a state of wanting and suffering again.

2. The Truth of the Cause of Suffering

The Truth of the Cause of Suffering states that WE SUFFER BECAUSE WE DESIRE. Desire is the main reason for suffering. Desiring, be it a good thing or a bad thing can cause us discomfort. Even life needs cause suffering. Desire and needing food causes hunger. Desiring shelter and not having it causes homelessness. Even wanting to live causes us to suffer.

Humans greatest desire is LIFE itself. To be able to stay alive in a organic body that is doomed to whither and die eventually. We fear death because we desire life. And this fear of death a lot of times brings us suffering.

You may see desire in many forms. The desire for money. We work too hard because we think that if we have money we will be more comfortable. We desire love, we feel depressed and lonely without it. We desire acceptance. We desire material things. We desire power. We desire many things and thus WE SUFFER.

3. The Truth of the Freedom From Suffering

The Third Truth of the Four Noble Truths states that Dukkha can cease if we cease to cling to desire. We can find Nirvana and freedom if we no longer desire things, people, money and even the need to hold on to life. Yes life is precious but we need not be afraid of death. We need not be afraid of hunger.

By accepting that desiring things causes suffering we can learn how to curb and lose those desires. When you desire nothing, then you have reached the first step towards enlightenment.

But removing desire from our hearts and our minds is DIFFICULT. Buddha knew this, and hence he said the final teaching of the Four Noble Truths, which is the Truth of Liberation from Suffering Through the Eightfold Path.

4. The Truth of Path of Liberation from Suffering

Buddha knew that being man, we are exposed to desires, hurt, pain, suffering, delusion and anger. He knew that man is fallible and hence he created an Eightfold Path that teaches the Right Ways of Life. When followed, we can live towards the attainment of Nirvana.

The Eightfold Path

The Eightfold Path is the third circle in the core of teachings of Buddha. These teachings are timeless, philosophical yet practical ways of living life. By following the Eightfold Path, one can live a life full of compassion, virtue and thus achieve Enlightenment.

1. Right View

2. Right Intention

3. Right Action

4. Right Speech

5. Right Livelihood

6. Right Effort

7. Right Mindfulness

8. Right Meditation

1. Right View

The Right View or the Right Understanding means being able to understand that life is full of suffering. We need to embrace the Four Noble Truths and learn from it. It means to understand life, death and rebirth. It means understanding the path towards Enlightenment. It states that we should understand the Three Marks of Existence such as IMPERMANENCE, NOT SELF (letting go of one’s selfishness and ego) and SUFFERING.

The Right View combines understanding the Three Marks of Existence, Four Noble Truths and understanding Karma. Basically it is knowing and understanding the teachings of the Buddha. Because wisdom is the key to Enlightenment, we must seek to understand it.

2. Right Intention

Our intentions shape our thoughts and actions. They signal us on how to feel, think and react to life and the people around us. Buddha teaches that we need to to have the intent to be the NOT SELF or letting go of our selfishness. We need to embody mindfulness and less of greed, delusion and desire.

3. Right Action

Right Action means not engaging in evil acts such as killing and hurting sentient beings, stealing, sexual misconduct, taking in intoxicants such as drugs and alcohol. Buddha teaches us that we need to turn away from cruelty and evil acts and only partake in acts of kindness and love. We need to show compassion and care towards others.

4. Right Speech

Right Speech states that “It is spoken at the right time. It is spoken in truth. It is spoken affectionately. It is spoken beneficially. It is spoken with a mind of good-will.” — AN 5.198.

This means that one should only speak if the words will help others, if what is being said is true, the speech should be kind and helpful and finally a person should speak only to promote good-will.

This means that we should shun slander, gossip, argumentative speech, false witness to another and words spoken in spite. We should never spread rumors and try to avoid nagging.

5. Right Livelihood

Right Livelihood means not doing harm while earning a living. It means not committing prostitution, selling intoxicants or selling dead animals. But some Buddhists argue regarding the sale of meat.

To the lay person, Right Livelihood means practicing kindness, dutifulness and good conduct when working. It asks you “how does your job help you and others alleviate suffering?”. It also asks you if you are able to live a balanced life despite of your work.

6. Right Effort

The Right Effort means being able to combine Action and Intention in order to attain freedom from suffering. It means disregarding desires that cause suffering to one’s self and other. It means setting aside time for meditation. It means not succumbing to immoral sexual desires. It means to be practicing mindfulness when it is most difficult to do so.

Without the Right Effort, all the teachings of Buddhism cannot be followed by anyone, be it a lay person or a member of the Sangha. A person needs to put effort into achieving Enlightenment.

7. Right Mindfulness

Right Mindfulness means being able to practice mindfulness in every moment of one’s life. Mindfulness means being aware of the exact moment you are living in, not dwelling in the past or the future. It also means being mindful of others.

Mindfulness teaches us to live in the present. To work when work is needed, to rest when we are tired and to avoid doing so many things at the same time. It means living fully in each moment that is given to us.

How do you do this? Have you ever been on a beach but instead of embracing it’s beauty, you take out your phone and take a picture. Or have you ever had dinner but you scroll on you phone instead of talking to the people around you. This is where mindfulness comes in. It means you have to live life IN THE NOW.

This is one of the most useful teachings of The Buddha in the present day when we are constantly pushed to multitask.

8. Right Meditation

Right Meditation or Concentration is the ability to let the mind focus on one thing, normally your breath. Since the world is full of things that we regard, our minds race all the time. We fail to focus. By learning to meditate, we let go of the world around us. We commune instead with our inner being. This in turn communes with the universe.

It is said that the busier you are the more you should meditate. Why? Because meditation is the cure to stress, suffering, anger, hate and all that is churning in our hearts and mind. When we meditate, we find peace. If the mind is at peace, you will be able to live a life of goodness and virtue.

Buddhism and Everyday Life

Buddhism is one of the most pragmatic teachings known to man. These teachings which began centuries ago are still applicable now. These precepts such as the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path teach us that we ourselves can save us from suffering. We have the power within us to find Enlightenment

But Enlightenment needs commitment and to free one’s self from suffering, one must follow these teachings everyday.

Love and blessings to you all. Om Mani Padme Hum.