I recall vividly my doctor saying, “Amanda, at 42 your chances of conceiving naturally are small, maybe 5 percent [per month]. And then there is the increased risk of genetic abnormalities. But, you are very healthy.” Honestly, I’m the kind of person who just filtered out the first two comments and focused on the positive part .

When my husband and I began early discussions about possibly having a baby after 40 I immediately began researching and doing all I could to give my reproductive system a boost.  For me this included not only the standard vitamin supplements but insuring natural food sources of these powerful vitamins and minerals, as they are more absorbable.

I also made sure to continue with my regular yoga practice and daily meditation as I knew stress reduction was going to be critical for me and my baby.

It became evident to me very early on that I would be going this pregnancy alone in terms of connecting  with other pregnant moms over 40. Although numbers are on the rise, connecting within my community was tough with little specific focus on this demographic.

Another challenge was the lack of research specific to older moms. I was just lumped into the category of “high-risk” (healthy or not) which has a somewhat per-determined path of additional tests and considerations. For example, I was told that having a midwife and a home birth vs. an Obstetrician and a hospital birth was not recommended. There wasn’t research to support it that I was made aware of, it was just “what they storngly recommended”.

At times I felt more like a patient with a sickness than a healthy 42 year old, thriving pregnant woman.

If the conversations that the Informed Choices for Later Motherhood Panel are having were front and center in the media and within the medical community could the pregnancy and birthing experience be different for older moms? Better? I’d bet my last dollar on it.

Why is it so important for these discussions to be going on today? Because the change is happening; the increase in later-life mothers is happening; the questions are being asked. As we would with any other social change or global trend we need to understand the implications so we can support mothers, babies and their families today and into the future.

Donald T Saposnek, Ph.D. Clinical-Child Psychologist at the University of California states “Older mothers have the extra challenge of not being part of the group since they are not yet the norm. We need to figure out how to develop communities to help these moms connect.”

In fact, I felt very much this way and turned to the Internet to connect with older moms. In addition, I began what is now a great passion for me and that is “After Forty Mom”, a site that celebrates motherhood after forty. Here I have found personal therapy in sharing all that I have learned on this journey.  Its also provided the opportunity to advocate for other moms along-side people like Angel LaLiberte.

I always look forward to Mother’s Day. Normally it’s for the homemade cards and promises that my dinner will be made for me (however I fondly say, I always seem to suffer a cleanup that almost makes it more work!) but this year I look forward to the much needed and anticipated debut of INFORMED CHOICES FOR LATER MOTHERS: What Women Should Know About Fertility, Birth and Parenting After 40. I look forward to where this conversation goes and the benefit it will have for me and the growing number of moms over 40, around the world.

Notes for this Blog:

After Forty Mom was birthed when Amanda decided not to return to a 20 year career as a marketing and public relations executive for the tech sector following the birth of her daughter at 43.

She fulfillingly states that being a mom is the best thing that has ever happened to her and being an “after 40 mom” has expanded her sense of purpose and her ability to love and be loved.  And with that, she shares with her readers her experiences through this site in hopes that if you are pregnant, hoping to be, in the process of adoption or have been blessed with a baby at the age of 40 or more that you can come together and share in the joy. www.afterfortymom.com.

It’s the first multidisciplinary panel of doctors and experts to speak candidly on the controversy surrounding later motherhood.
The panel will premiere on MOTHER’S DAY, 13TH MAY 2012 at www.FlowerPowerMom.com —the advocacy website for later mothers—in a short film featuring experts fromreproductive endocrinology, obstetrics, Chinese medicine, clinical-child psychology, adult psychotherapy and bioethics.

In “Informed Choices For Later Mothers”, experts call for change in how we understand and deal with the skyrocketing population of women around the world having children after 40.
WATCH the short 2-minute trailer by clicking on the FPM homepage: www.FlowerPowerMom.com.

For more information, please contact:
Angel LaLiberte, Founder
Informed Choices for Later Mothers at www.FlowerPowerMom.com
Email: editor at flowerpowermom dot com.

By Robert Boostanfar, M.D., FACOG and, Wendy Shubin, MPAS, PA-C, Huntingdon Reproductive Center, CA.

Are you trying to have a baby after forty and seeing all these celebrities pregnant?  So why are you having so much trouble conceiving?

Well, the media is really good at showing us pictures of their beautiful babies, but their story of how they conceived is not always open to the public.   Here are the secrets of conception after forty. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), the chance of conceiving naturally after 40 years of age is only about 5 percent per month.

For women ages 40 to 44, 29 percent are infertile, compared to only 15 percent of women ages 30 to 34 and 7 percent of women ages 20 to 24.   Not only is it harder to get pregnant after forty, but it is also harder to stay pregnant.  Data from the ASRM suggests that miscarriage rates for women over forty is 34 – 53% compared to their younger counterparts at 10% (20- 24 years old) and 12% (30 – 34 years old).

We all know that 40 is the new 30, however, ovarian function continues to decline with age.  As we age, follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) level tends to rise and we are much more likely to have chromosomally abnormal eggs that results in lower pregnancy rates.  In fact, woman 40 years of age and older have a 1 in 106 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome compared to a woman who is 35 who has a 1 in 378 chance.

It is important to get a full fertility work-up with a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) to find out your individual success rate if you are trying to conceive after 40.  Your work-up will include an ovarian function assessment test, including follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), estradiol and perhaps an Antimullerian Hormone (AMH) level.

FSH is produced by the anterior pituitary gland and binds to receptors on the ovary to produce an egg every month.  As an egg grows your ovary releases estradiol to thicken the uterine lining for implantation and tells your pituitary gland to stop producing FSH.  This is called a negative feedback system.  FSH levels are elevated when your FSH receptors on your ovary no longer bind to FSH thus inhibiting estradiol levels to rise.

AMH is expressed by cells in the ovary during the reproductive years, and controls the formation of eggs by inhibiting excessive follicular recruitment by FSH.  AMH levels start to decline starting at 25 years and will become undetectable at menopause. Your RE will also order a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test to ensure that your fallopian tubes are open and your uterine cavity is normal.

An HSG test is an X-ray test that involves an injection of contrast medium (dye) through the cervix into uterus that flows through the fallopian tubes (if they are open) into the abdominal cavity.   A semen analysis on the male partner will also be required to make sure that the sperm is not impacting conception.

When is it time to entertain the idea of using an egg donor?  Every RE is different in their recommendation for using a donor.  This decision is made based on each patient’s individual needs, such as medical indication and emotional readiness.  If you have a significantly elevated FSH and poor ovarian reserve, then your RE will recommend you to think about using an egg donor.

If you feel you are ready to explore egg donation, your RE will refer you to a number egg donor agencies.  Once connected with an agency, you will be able to read about and view potential donors.  Egg donation is most commonly anonymous, but if you donor is willing; you may choose to meet each other.  You donor will undergo a rigorous screening with your RE to make sure she is healthy and fertile.

Legal contracts need to be signed between you and your donor and your donor must go through a psychological consult, physical exam and blood work.  After all this is completed, you and your donor will need to put on birth control to match up your menstrual cycles to start the process of making eggs and preparing your uterus for an embryo transfer.

It is important to have realistic expectations of how our reproductive function in both men and women perform as we become older.  Twenty to forty percent of women over 40 years of age are able to achieve pregnancy with help of assisted reproductive techniques (ART) using their own eggs.  Sixty to Eighty percent of women over 40 years of age are able achieve pregnancy with the help of ART using donor eggs.

Egg donation increases pregnancy rates and allows women to experience pregnancy and child birth. This process is a journey and ultimately it doesn’t matter how you get to your destination whether it be spontaneous pregnancy, ART, egg donation or adoption.  Best of luck to you and your partner on your journey!

Notes for this blog:

Dr. Boostanfar, MD., F.A.C.O.G., has special interests in assisted reproductive technologies and oocyte donation in women of advanced reproductive age, selective estrogen receptor modulator effects on infertility and extended release gonadotropin therapy for controlled ovarian hyperstimulation.

Currently practicing at HRC Fertility in California, Dr. Boostanfar graduated medical school from the University of Southern California in 1995, completing his residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology in 1999 and his fellowship in the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility in 2002 at the University of Southern California, Los Angeles County Women’s and Children’s Hospital.

He is active in well-known professional organizations, including American Association of Gynecologic Laparoscopists, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, as well as the Pacific Coast Reproductive Society

During Dr. Boostanfar’s time at HRC Fertility, he has made multiple television appearances including Good Morning America, CNN, The Learning Channel as the resident doctor on TLC’s “The Little Couple”, KTLA, CBS and has been featured in People Magazine.

In a million years, I will never regret giving birth to my much-wanted daughter at age 39.  My husband never regretted it either, and he became her father at age 55.

When I married the man I loved I was fully aware that the 15-year age difference would have consequences down the line.  But what did I care?  I had finally found the perfect person to spend my life with, the man I wanted to father my child.

Though I knew our daughter was coming into the world with older parents, I saw only the positive:  that she was born to two people who loved her, that we were a couple devoted to one another, and that we were at a point (career-wise, financially) that our priorities were straight.

What mattered to us was creating a loving family and all three of us seemed to flourish in it. Though Paul and I were sometimes referred to at parks as our daughter’s grandparents, we found the labels humorous. We never acknowledged what that really portended.

Together we watched our beloved child blossom and enjoyed each phase of her life.  We were also lucky enough to have personalities that melded together.

At our daughter’s graduation from college, we bursted with pride.  We couldn’t believe how lucky we were, look what we’d been blessed with!

And we continued to feel blessed until the fall after that graduation when my husband at age 77 was diagnosed with a terminal cancer.  Our perfect, loving, world was about to unravel.

For three years we watched the painful, steady decline that ended in October of last year.

I had married my husband accepting the devil’s bargain that he would most likely go before me.  I was willing to endure that pain because being with him, married to him, was worth it.

Many of us adopt a positive view of older parenting (especially when we are younger) but now I wonder. It’s a bit pie-in-the-sky, head-in-sand thinking, isn’t it?  It’s not reality-based.  What did I think was going to happen, realistically?  That he would live to 90, 95?  He made it to 80. That’s pretty good, all things considered, isn’t it?

What I had not thought through was the consequences our daughter would face because of our choice to have her at a later age.  I had conveniently overlooked that little tidbit.

In the days that followed Paul’s death, I saw with new clarity what our daughter had truly lost:  a father to guide her as she enters the work world, a father to love her until she finds her own mate and finally a father to walk her down the aisle when she ultimately does.

Yes, any parent can die unexpectedly and at an early age but the odds are not in your favor when you have children late in life. For some reason, many of us don’t want to believe the odds. We don’t want to see the pain we might cause.

If you asked my daughter, she would tell you she doesn’t regret any of it.  That it was worth it to have had the father she did. But these are early days still.  Regret may emerge down the line. How can they not?

Older parents won’t and shouldn’t refrain from having children. But they need to be aware of the not-so-unexpected outcomes they have avoided looking at. Though we may be comfortable with our choices, the reality is that the person who will pays the biggest price is our child.

Notes for this blog:

Madelyn Cain is the award winning author of LAFFIT: Anatomy of a Winner, The Biography of Laffit Pincay Jr. (Affirmed Press) . She is also the author of The Childless Revolution, What It Means to Be Childless Today (Perseus) and  First Time Mothers, Last Chance Babies (New Horizon Press). She holds a Masters degree from the University of Southern California where she was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi Honor Society. She has written for newspapers, magazines, the stage, and for television. Currently she teaches nonfiction writing at the University of Southern California.

In addition to writing and teaching, Ms. Cain lectures on women’s issues and conducts writing seminars at Media Bistro. She has been a guest on Anderson Cooper 360, NPR, CNN, The Diane Rehm Show, The Other Half,  NBC Evening News and more.

This year she was asked to be a judge for the 2012 PEN Awards (Nonfiction) and

a panelist for the 2012 L.A Festival of Books (Writing the Sports Biography) as well as a judge for the Writers’ Program Awards at USC.

I’m 46, a mother of two, and I’m getting married to the father of my children in less than six months. As excited as I am about our upcoming celebration, my life right now is more about preschool and pull-ups than cupcake towers and confetti. And I suspect I’m not alone.
A recently released Pew Research Center study shows that while fewer adults in the United States are getting married overall than in the past, the median age at first marriage has never been higher for brides and grooms. Simultaneously, there’s been a record increase in first-time mothers over 40.
A lot of people still want to get married even if a growing number consider matrimony obsolete, and some of us didn’t get around to prioritizing our personal lives until later in life. As a young journalist covering murders and plane crashes, I assumed I would find love and have a family one day, but I did nothing to make it happen until it seemed I would run out of time.
I thought it would be settled by 35. And I tried. I really tried. I tried to marry men who didn’t want to even live with me, in the same apartment, even in the same state.
Mark, on the other hand, surprised me with a “commitment” ring early in our relationship and then an official proposal long after I expected engagement or marriage. By then, we had nearly eight years and one child under our belt. Undeterred by wind and rain, he pulled out a rose gold engagement band on a mountaintop in Wales as our daughter scampered ahead of us. I accepted.
“Out of order” usually describes a broken parking meter, soda machine, public bathroom or ATM. In my case, and that of a lot of other women in their late 30s and 40s, “out of order” can mean something more complicated and often more positive: Living life in a non-linear way. In a way that dispenses with the traditional order of things (deliberately or not) and creates a life out of what is possible and desirable.
For me, strangely enough, my “out of order” life wound up actually kind of mirroring an orderly one. Mom. Wife. What I expected, then didn’t expect, then got. Go figure.
Not only am I getting married in relationship reverse — met a man, moved in together, had children, getting hitched nine years later — but the way I am doing it decidedly does not involve (for better or worse) elaborate orchestrations of bouquets and tulle.
While my longtime married friends took their children to visit college campuses last summer, I tried on wedding dresses in early pregnancy with a second child, bloated and nauseous with morning sickness. I sent out ‘Save the Dates’ months later after cleaning baby bottles and booked a casual beachside inn between preschool and playdates.
Sure, I would love to have met Mark earlier and planned a remote island honeymoon 20 years ago, instead of putting money in education funds today. I wish, too, that I could have had dear family members who’ve died share our walk down the aisle. But what may seem to some people a clumsy and informal route to marriage feels authentic to me.
I’m enough of an adult now to truly appreciate this longed-for love and romantic enough to indulge in the frivolity of a celebration and wedding dress.
To be sure, we could have gone to city hall. (Mark did that for his first marriage.) But we waited a long time for this. Heck, I waited a long time for this. Mark needed time after his divorce to recover before jumping back on the marital bandwagon and, because I felt secure in our relationship, I agreed.
But why now? Why jump? Why get married and have a wedding after we already have most of the trappings of a lifelong commitment and refer to each other as “husband” and “wife”? When we don’t have enough hours in the day to get the most basic things done, much less plan a wedding? For many reasons, it turns out.
I’ve thought about this and realized that, even as a child of divorce and as feminist and progressive as I consider myself, I have been deeply moved by weddings and civil unions – of straight and gay friends – who stood before their communities and asked friends and family implicitly to partake of their vows.
Mark and I also believe in the power of words and the importance of having a community supporting our relationship and keeping us in their lives in sickness and health. We want to commit to each other in the presence of loved ones who celebrate our long, sometimes tumultuous, journey together as much as we do.
As a Jewish woman and journalist, too, bearing witness to the experience of others is one of my core beliefs and missions. Now, as a bride, I am asking others to bear witness for us.
And lastly, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with our daughters, as little as they are, perhaps remembering a day when their mom and dad had a party to celebrate their love. Even if they recall only dancing in the grass with their grandparents, how I took off my dress to bathe them at the end of the day or how their dad changed diapers all dressed up.
It seems I believe in some traditions despite my untraditional trajectory. As a younger bride, my wedding likely would have been  simple. Now it has to be.
I never visualized choosing bridesmaids from among my friends or my fiance and I flashing a registry price wand at Pottery Barn mixers and espresso makers. I am not a girl who dreamed about food stations and first dances, and yet some dreams will come true: While we’ll miss the older relatives, two young ones — my daughters Emma and Anya — will be with us. And my gown might have spit-up on it by the end of the evening.
Clearly, even if I wanted to host elaborate nuptials, it would be difficult to pull off. Wedding planning takes on a whole different meaning when parenthood precedes the proposal, and it’s not necessarily at the top of my To Do List.
I could be cutting-and-pasting homemade wedding invitations of seashells and calligraphy and tasting chiffon cake with raspberry filling and buttercream frosting. Instead, I am wiping fruit-and-vegetable-combination off my zippered hoodie with one hand while tearing a very ripe diaper off a screaming infant.
To be honest, as the mom of two energetic girls, I’d rather catch a few minutes shut-eye or pick up a good book than create a website or explore table centerpieces. Slender orchids in glass vases or sunflowers in rustic urns? I have no clue. The few times I tried to leisurely flip through bridal magazines were interrupted by a toddler in meltdown mode over a lost Buzz Lightyear doll and by the kerplunk of a baby who had fallen off the bed. (She’s fine and can, apparently, roll to the right as well as the left.)
No, to put it mildly, I have not required “The Busy Brides Bible” or “The Everything Wedding Organizer.” Mark and I knew exactly the small venue where we wanted to get married and booked it, selected and ordered invitations online in a few hours, and asked one friend to be our musician and another to be our photographer. Wedding dress, check. Rabbi, check.
Then back to Real Life: Make Emma’s lunch, take her to a birthday party, bring Anya for her check-up, buy wipes, get groceries, do laundry, make meals for a sick friend, return phone calls….and spend time with my girls, just playing.
Like many of my close friends who married later in life, Mark and I have already made significant commitments to each other — including our daughters and a mortgage — so our decision to marry is a happy one and will certainly confer some legal and financial benefits, but it does not make us what we are.
We do not need to marry to love each other, to have sex, live together, be parents or share a lifetime bond of fidelity and partnership. He is my best friend, and I look forward to saying that out loud at our ceremony. But most of the time, I am more preoccupied with what lies ahead for our children than what lies ahead for us.
It may appear that we’ve done things backwards, but for us, this was the perfect order.

Notes for this blog:

Pamela Ferdinand is co-author with Carey Goldberg and Beth Jones of the triple memoir “Three Wishes: A True Story of Good Friends, Crushing Heartbreak, and Astonishing Luck on Our Way to Love and Motherhood,” now out in paperback. (Little, Brown & Co.)

There’s been tons of news lately about how fertility for women declines dramatically after 40.

But, there are alternatives—Chinese Medicine offers hope to women over 40, making it possible to extend that reproductive window of opportunity and slow down the biological clock.

Of course age matters and if you are in your thirties, and wondering if now’s the time to start or expand your family, then I would say don’t wait.

But what if you are one of the millions of women over forty who found love late or only now decided to start or add to their family?

If you are trying to conceive and hearing words from physicians and the media like “advanced maternal age”, “low ovarian reserve,” “high FSH,” and “poor IVF responder”, its sure to strike fear into your heart.

But what seems to be missing from the current dialogue is what you can do to slow down, or even reverse, the aging process in order to reach your full fertility potential. The fact is there are external factors that can impact egg quality over which you have control.

Chinese medicine has always been concerned with how to slow down the aging process and contends that the key to overall health and fertility resides with our ‘Jing’.

You are born with two kinds of Jing: your pre-natal Jing, or essential DNA, that you inherit from your parents and are determined by their health (a good reason to be in the best health possible when you conceive): and you’re post-natal Jing (energy or life-force) that you can maintain through the kind of lifestyle you choose. Chinese medicine stresses the importance of living in a way that nourishes and preserves our post-natal Jing.

The harsh reality is that western society is plagued with all sorts of stressors that consume our Jing and cause us to age prematurely thereby causing our fertility to decline at an accelerated rate.

Factors like processed food, long work hours, toxins, stimulants, lack of sleep and lack of meaningful relationships, all undermine your health and fertility. However, there are numerous ways to nourish and protect your Jing in order to slow down the aging process and improve your fertility potential:

Eat a healthy diet.

A whole food, low glycemic, anti-inflammatory, mostly plant-based, slow carbohydrate diet is best for mom, dad and baby. (http://www.acubalance.ca/files/handouts/Acubalance-Fertility-Diet-4Jan2012.pdf)

Reduce stress.

Reduce your response to stress through meditation, active relaxation, adequate sleep and moderate exercise. (www.mayoclinic.com/health/how-many-hours-of-sleep-are-enough/AN01487)

Choose to Be happy.

Nurture your emotional well-being through healthy supportive relationships. Take time to laugh. According to numerous studies, laughter is the best medicine for health and longevity.  (http://women.webmd.com/guide/give-your-body-boost-with-laughter)

Try Acupuncture.

Increases blood flow to the reproductive organs.

Reduces implantation failure in mice.

Increase IVF pregnancy rates and take home babies.

Reduces the negative effects of stress.

Regulates hormones.

(http://ivfacupuncture.ca/research)

Avoid cigarettes.

A report prepared by the British Medical Association found that women who smoke are twice as likely to be infertile and non-smokers (www.bma.org.uk).

Minimize alcohol.

Alcohol consumption in the week prior to conception was associated with an increased rate of miscarriage (American Journal of Epidemiology Vol 160 No 7 2004 661-667).

Minimize coffee.

The risk of not conceiving for 12 months was 55% higher for women drinking 1 cup of coffee per day (Yale University School of Medicine, Epidemiologic Reviews Vol 14, Page 83).

A final few words on the marvels of medical technology: We are fortunate to live in an age where reproductive technology exists. Even with proper diet, exercise and rest some couples will require the use of donor sperm, donor eggs and IVF.

What Chinese medicine can do to help remains the same. Living in a healthy way will optimize sperm and egg quality for your age, as well as improve the uterine environment for implantation and gestation of a healthy baby.

If you find yourself over 40 and wanting a child you can make changes to your lifestyle that slow down the aging process and help you restore your fertility potential. You can take control of your fertility. Start today.

Notes for this blog:

Dr. Lorne Brown, B.Sc, CA, Dr. TCM, FABORM, who is the founder and clinical director of Acubalance Wellness Centre, a Traditional Chinese Medicine clinic dedicated to reproductive health and fertility. www.acubalance.ca

Dr. Brown is a Fellow of the American Board of Reproductive Medicine (ABORM) and a Member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM).

By Dr. Nancy B. Irwin,

“Death,  taxes and childbirth! There’s never a convenient time for any of them!” — Margaret Mitchell

Motherhood past age 40 has increased 241% between 1976 and 1996. However, while we all know that physical complications for a woman are more likely past age 40, the psychological ones tend to greatly diminish. The opposite is true for 20-something mothers.

Speaking as a psychotherapist, I cannot recall even one patient whose mother was in her 40’s when he/she was born and raised, who suffered poor parenting.

I’m a big fan of good things come to those who wait.  Later motherhood is rife with them, and here are my top ten:

1. Patience. We all know this comes with age. Babies and young children, not to mention teens, sense this important aspect of nurturing.
2. Wisdom. Most older mothers have “sown their wild oats” and are solid in their decision to parent at this time.  They don’t mind giving up “clubbing” to babysit their own kids. Further, they’ve made some mistakes and learned from them. This can be an invaluable asset to model to children.
3. Having children later may actually increase the mother’s longevity.  Her desire to have a longer relationship with her children and grandchildren can inspire healthier habits and a more positive mindset about aging.
4. Most midlifers are past the dictates of hormones and can be more responsible. As with the longevity factor mentioned above, some studies have shown that later childbirth can extend the functionality of the reproduction organs as well. Most older mothers are comfortable with their sexuality, and ready for the responsibility of childrearing. They know what is important and what is fulfilling.
5. The natural narcissism of youth wanes with age. Most of us tend to become more generous with age, and this is certainly an important trait for a mother to bear.
6. Older parents are freer from social pressure or expectancy (pun intended). They resisted it in their 20’s, and are more confident about the choice to parent now.  As Margaret Sanger, the founder of Planned Parenthood, said: “Every child should be a wanted child.”
7. Financial security. Most older mothers have a some degree of financial security. Not only can they provide more resources for their children, but also they are freer from what can be overwhelming anxiety and pressure that can accompany financial insecurity.
8. Emotional stability.  Most midlifers have at least workplace as well as social experience; they have generally learned how to manage time, money, relationships, and other life stressors.  Most have seen friend’s raise children and know exactly what to expect. Embracing the responsibility of mothering can provide a much more comfortable and healthier environment for babies and children.  Too, most older parents have career stability, or at least have explored career choices and have expressed that part of themselves.  Previous generations of women did not have this choice, and many resented being parents and/or being married at all.  Children intuit this, and deserve to feel that their parents were absolutely dying to have them.
9. Health and fitness. Many 20’s take health for granted. Older mothers tend to have learned and practice healthier habits. Again, very important characteristics to model for children.
10. Purpose. By the time we hit our 40’s, most of us have embraced a spirituality of some sort, including atheism. We have at least begun to search for meaning and purpose as a human being on this planet, which begets peace of mind.

I believe it is never too late to live a life you love. If, somehow, childbirth/adoption is not a possibility for you, remember that there are plenty of ways to give to children without having your own. Look into volunteer opportunties, teaching, mentoring, starting a business for children, fundraising, etc.

Oprah Winfrey never had her own children, and neither did Mother Theresa.

Notes for this blog:

Dr. Irwin is a doctor of clinical psychology and certified hypnotherapist in private practice in West Los Angeles, California. She is also a public speaker and author of YOU-TURN: CHANGING DIRECTION IN MIDLIFE (Amazon, 2008). 310/235-2882. www.drnancyirwin.com www.makeayou-turn.com www.YouTube/DrNancyIrwin

By Deirdre Fishel, independent filmmaker, writer and director of SPERM DONOR X.

When I look at my life, there are some things I wish I’d done earlier.

I’m now in grad school, so I can teach full time to complement my filmmaking career. But it would’ve been a helluva lot easier doing it without kids.

On the other hand I wish I had gotten a film into Sundance later. I was 32 and, despite my sales rep wanting me to lie that I was 28, I wasn’t ready for the intense pressure of dealing with producers and agents.

But having my twin daughters at 42 was perfect timing.  It wasn’t just that I was able to devote my thirties to my career; but that emotionally I had the time to distance myself from a complex childhood. I felt really ready to devote myself to another human being.

But, as many of us know, good timing is not what you hear when you walk into a fertility clinic at close to 41.  Instead it’s, “What the hell were you thinking waiting so long?  You’re chances have dwindled to nothing!”

As chronicled in my film, Sperm Donor X—despite the fact that I had no actual fertility issues—I was treated as a fertility problem and put onto Clomid.  After only three tries I was put onto 2 cycles of injectibles then IVF.

My story ends amazingly well.  On the sixth try I got pregnant with healthy twin girls.  But, in retrospect, I wonder if part of that success had to do with the calm that came with deciding that would be my last try.  If I didn’t get pregnant that time I would adopt.

What I felt was this really powerful feeling that I would be a mother no matter what. Stress has been proven to reduce chances of pregnancy.  So, I think it’s key to try to de-stress a super stressful situation.

For me, it helped to think about my options. How long could I do this emotionally and financially? Would I do donor egg?  Would I adopt?

Most of the time I was trying, I was dwelling on how crazy I was to have waited so long, fixated on having a fully biological child in a world that was telling me my chances were lessening – which made me feel totally out of control.

Feeling like I would parent, no matter what, put me back in the driver’s seat of my own destiny.  We all know that our percentage chances of getting pregnant in our 40’s are less than in our 20’s or 30’s.   That does not mean we should all be having kids in our 20’s or 30’s.  There are really valid reasons for waiting and it isn’t impossible!

I had my girls at 42, my friend Nina her son at 43, my friend Michele her son at 44.  Not every woman in her 40’s will get pregnant.  Not every woman—regardless of age—will get pregnant, period.  Some will move to donor egg, some will not.

However, feeling good about our choice to have kids later in life—no matter what anyone else says—is the first step, followed by thinking through our options, trying to remain calm and in the moment. After initially stressing, that was my strategy and it worked.

Notes for this blog:

Deirdre Fishel is an independent filmmaker of both dramatic and documentary films. Her documentary, SPERM DONOR X chronicles her and three other diverse women’s journeys to become single mothers via donor sperm.

To learn more about her and her work go to www.spermdonorx.com or www.mindseyeproductions.com.

During the more than twenty years I have worked as an OB/GYN I have guided mothers from the age of thirteen to fifty-three through the process of conception to childbirth. If I haven’t seen it all, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve seen a lot.

As a fifty year-old father of five, with three children having been born during my forties, I have a very personal appreciation for the issues relating to childbirth later in life.

There are some inescapable facts related to later pregnancy that should be noted. Studies suggest that good outcomes can be realized in women over forty-five or even fifty, but that the likelihood of certain complications is much higher. Such complications include higher rate of miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, fetal chromosomal abnormalities, congenital anomalies, placental abnormalities, gestational diabetes, hypertension, cesarean sections, increased risk of preterm deliveries and perinatal mortality.

These are simply facts, and should not be taken as an indictment of, or editorial against, older women becoming pregnant and giving birth.

In fact, older women enjoy certain advantages over their younger counterparts in coping with the stresses and risks associated with childbirth.

Older OB patients are more likely to be well prepared for the experience of pregnancy and childbirth, including all possible outcomes. They are often better informed, financially stable, partnered, and generally wiser about life. This allows them to better deal with the increased risks of later pregnancy, and cope with poor or difficult results when necessary.

Whereas younger patients tend to react to circumstances as they arise, older patients use their knowledge and preparation—in conjunction with their doctor’s guidance—to create and follow a plan for their pregnancy. An older patient’s birthing plan usually includes pain management and informed options for dealing with various contingencies.

Perhaps the greatest advantage that older patients hold over younger mothers-to-be is resiliency. The kind of strength and wisdom unique to mature women is of necessity called upon to prepare, plan, and cope with the added risks of later pregnancy.

For this reason, more older women are experiencing successful pregnancies and the fulfillment they can bring at a vital stage of life.

Notes for this blog:

DR. BILL CHUN. Over the past 25 years, Dr Bill Chun has been a practicing OBGYN most recently in a private practice setting in Lawrence, MA.

Dr. Chun’s role as a physician, advisor, coach and caregiver to women has given him unique insight into the challenges women face as they transition into middle age. His career as a physician and his interactions with his patients has driven him to create the Haja for Life social network, an online community designed to harness the power of collaboration to improve the wellness of women over 40.

As founder and Chairman of the Board, Dr Chun oversees the Board of Directors and Technical Advisory Board to ensure the proper governance of the company and to provide the vision for the many online tools, content and programs that members can access free of charge.

Dr. Chun is a graduate of Ohio State University of Medicine and a member of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

It’s a widely held belief that getting pregnant when you’re older is harder.

However, it’s not necessarily so and there’s a lot you can do improve your chances of conceiving naturally. Key factors are diet, lifestyle, stress and mind-set. The food we eat and the thoughts we think directly affect how healthy and fertile we are.

First of all – and this may seem like a no-brainer – to get pregnant the ‘old fashioned way’ you need to be having plenty of sex. Vaginal fluid gets stretchy and transparent, a bit like raw egg white, shortly before ovulation occurs. This is the ideal environment for sperm to survive and swim forwards in. If your periods are weak or irregular try complimentary therapy such as acupuncture, reflexology, fertility massage or herbs (Agnus Cactus or Dong Quai) to help regulate the hormones and get blood flowing.

Then it’s a good idea to look at you and your partner’s diet. Processed food, white flour, fizzy drinks, alcohol, too much non-organic meat, sugar and dairy, especially low-fat dairy are no good for baby-making. All these products produce over-acidity in the body, upsetting its natural alkaline state and the fine hormonal balance needed for healthy conception.

The latest research even shows that the right diet can influence egg quality to avoid miscarriage and Down syndrome because it’s so important how the cells are nourished during fertilisation. Too many toxins will affect both egg and sperm and impair healthy cell division. You should abstain from stimulants such as coffee, alcohol and cigarettes, as they’ve been clearly linked to lower conception rates. Also try to avoid pesticides, environmental toxins, synthetic hormones and water additives.

To highlight these points there are some interesting studies conducted on fertility in the UK. A preconception care programme involving improvements to diet and lifestyle, enabled 89% of couples to give birth, including 81% of those who had suffered infertility for up to ten years. There were no miscarriages in the first test group and less than 3% in the 2nd. Most of the participants in the study were over 33, many were over 40 and some even over 50.

A good detox at least 3 months before you start trying to get pregnant is highly advisable. A week or two of juice fasting is effective but simply eating lots of organic fruit and vegetables and cutting out junk food will help cleanse the body. Make sure you eat lots of live foods (as opposed to processed food) that are nutrient-dense, rich in essential fatty acids and anti-oxidants.

It’s important to get plenty of B vitamins, vitamins A, C and E, folic acid, calcium, iron, magnesium, selenium and zinc. Zinc is vital for men because it’s a mineral found in very high concentrations in sperm.

It’s also important to stay well hydrated and breathe deeply – especially into the sacral area. Breathing in plenty of fresh air will flood the cells with oxygenated blood. Go for walks in nature and practice some low-impact exercise like yoga, tai chi and qi gong. Natural light is also necessary for healthy conception. New studies link lack of vitamin D to infertility in men.

Stress can be a major factor to inhibit pregnancy – especially if getting pregnant has become an obsession. The hormones released by stress, adrenalin and cortisol, are detrimental because they upset the reproductive hormones. There are various ways to combat stress and subconscious anxiety. Try relaxation techniques, yoga, meditation and hypnotherapy.

We’re finally beginning to understand the profound effects belief has on our system. Our health is to a fair extent determined by our thoughts and emotions. By believing you can and will get pregnant when the time is right and trusting this belief means you’re more likely to manifest a pregnancy. And don’t forget the spiritual aspect of bringing a child into the world. Let the love flow and believe in miracles.

Notes for this blog:
Claudia Spahr is a journalist, author and speaker on women’s health who gave birth to her two children after 40. She is the author of Right Time Baby – The Complete Guide to Later Motherhood, published by Hay House UK. www.claudiaspahr.com.

Here’s a link to the Foresight studies:

http://www.foresight-preconception.org.uk/research/research-figues-2002-2009.aspx