fly cliché [smoother than chilli's baby hair]

WHY WON'T YOU LET ME BE GREAT?!

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 23:57:00 +0000

Ampro fucking gel. I have been using the shit since I started ~~damaging~~ taking care of my hair in middle school. The overall appeal of it was undeniable at first. It's cheap. You can buy it by the tub and still not spend over $2. That's a fucking steal so enough said, right?

Wrong. You would be better off by spraying your hair with an entire bottle of Pump It Up, sitting under a hooded hair dryer, and then trying to comb through it all with a fine tooth comb. I don't know what type of alcohol / meerkat ass juice / transmission fluid they put in that shit but it will leave your hair dryer than the bottom of Oprah's feet if you're not careful. Or at least that has been my experience with it.

I have pretty dry hair so any product that does the reverse of add much needed moisture to my luxurious creole locks [white girl head swing] leaves me with a brush full of hair that's supposed to be on top of my head. And that's bad, real bad, Michael Jackson.

But that was then and this is now. I almost never wear my hair in a ponytail unless I am going to the gym [and you know that hasn't happened in months, hellur!] or making a quick run to Dollar Tree to purchase chicken ramen. I'm just saying, you already know what the girl behind the counter usually looks like when you go in there, so I don't feel bad at all for a fly away or two. You can see that bitch naked weft track, being in the presence of my sloppy ponytail should make her want to do the Halle Berry.

Lately I have been noticing a lot of nice up-do's that I would like to try out on my ten gallon head but the thought of putting that brown shit on my head gives me the sad Lil' Mama face. Any suggestions?

My Two Cents

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:15:00 +0000

I don't know how to properly set this entry off so I am just going to go in head first and put my personal thoughts and opinions out there. If you have a specific question that you would like to address that I didn't cover get at me in the comment section.

I have been saying that blogging has been getting old to me for a while now, so I can feel where Angel is coming from. I won't say that I know because her opinions/issues may be different from my own, but I do think I have an overall idea where she is coming from. Angel has been very helpful to me in the past on so many levels, so if you think that she isn't down with blogger unity I suggest you think again.

She has given me advice on a lot of things regarding running a site and I am thankful for that. I'm not going to act like I have all the answers about maintaining a blog, so if there is something I have a question about I ask. She would have been well within her rights not to help me out but she isn't like that. People like that are hard to find, both on and offline.

Angel and I have a great understanding about the black celebrity blog scene because we started off around the same time. She is more familiar with blogging since she has been doing it longer, but I believe that was moreso on the personal side of the fence. [If I am not mistaken]

During the time we created our black celebrity focused sites you could easily count on one hand the number of other sites doing the same thing. Literally! Back then the circle was a lot smaller, and that made it easy for us to network with one another and build relationships.

At the time we weren't in it for the money, we were in it for the love. I know that sounds cliche to some of you but that's the honest to God truth. I created my site because I love talking smack and sharing my opinions with my friends. I didn't start utlizing ads until I realized that it could be a business for me! At the time I was in between jobs and the only thing that kept me sane [I am a true Knowles at heart, a bitch must work!] was blogging about celebrity fuckery. It wasn't until I spoke with Felicia from SOHH.com that I realized what potential I had to take my style to the next level and get paid for it.

Back in 2005 things were a lot different. I'm not trying to say it was the land of milk and honey or no shit but it was a much more friendly atmosphere where all the attention was being focused on the reader.

As blogging started becoming more popular [read: people started making $$$] things started to shift, people started getting shady in an attempt to protect their own brand, and folks began to do a lot of foul shit to each other. I'm not going to pretend that I was always cool about things. There was another blogger that I felt was always taking pictures from me without giving credit, so I emailed them and we went back and fourth for a few correspondence. By the time we were done I realized that they meant me nor my site any harm and it was a big misunderstanding. After that I promised myself that instead of being defensive about things I would try to be more of a team player.

And that shit gets hard, I mean really hard. I don't want to put a big ass watermark on pictures but I have to just because a lot of sites do not give proper credit. I am a lazy blogger, so any extra work I have to do as far as messing around in photoshop works my nerves. I would much rather throw that shit up on the page and move along to the next topic, trust me. But I also come to realize that some bloggers don't understand the linking back process, so that's my way of familirizing that ass with it.

Unless they are waiting for another blogger to post pictures from the same event or have an incredible hook up, we pay for every single event picture/exclusive candid that is posted - - and its not cheap!

So again, I feel Angel's frustration. You want to know why I don't post certain shit and stay on the fuckery side of the fence? That would be it.

I am going to continue writing about what I think of smaller sites, etc in a couple of hours because I have work at C+D to do but I just wanted to voice my opinion. I'm not taking sides because I still don't know the whole story but I do feel like I can give a little light to the situation.

Got A Plate of Soul Food, Chicken, Rice and Gravy

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 13:56:00 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen, the good old days. I'm only 23 years young but this video takes me back to a much more simpler time. Look at me, all retrospective and shit before noon.

The first time I heard the Soul Food album I was slouched in my auntie's car barely able to decipher the lyrics largely due to the fact that the noise from the trash back replacing the car window was loud as fuck.

I could go on and on about how this record and OutKast's Southernplayalisticadillacmuzik molded my musical tastes but instead I will just insert a blockquote educating the unfortunate souls who have no clue about Goodie Mob:

Goodie Mob's earnest and reverent approach made them one of the more admired groups of their era, and undeniably one of the most respected groups in the often irreverent and scoffed at Dirty South scene, if not the most respected. The Atlanta group's first album, Soul Food (1995), stands as one of the earliest Southern rap albums to emerge on a major label and, along with OutKast's debut, essentially proved that rap was no longer a West and East Coast phenomenon.

Besides being pioneering, Soul Food also stood out for its quality — the album dealt with serious themes and featured an undeniably unique aesthetic, attributed as much to producers Organized Noize as group members Cee-Lo, Khujo, T-Mo, and Big Gipp. Goodie Mob's sincerity continued with Still Standing, their 1998 sophomore album, as did their still-unique sound. By this time, the Dirty South movement had been put in motion and the group suddenly found themselves with a considerable following, most newcomers astounded by Goodie Mob's thoughtfulness relative to their Southern peers. As the '90s came to a close, Goodie Mob's close allegiance to fellow Atlanta rappers OutKast proved noteworthy in the wake of that group's breakthrough with Stankonia. No longer was Goodie Mob a cult phenomenon but rather a mass phenomenon.

Time To Save The World

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:44:00 +0000

. . . Where in the world is all the time?

It's just like me to get all amped over a new project before totally neglecting it after a few weeks. Oops! My bad, partna. I would tell a fly lie like "I've been in and out the bank, bitch" but the truth of the matter is that I've been so busy with my personal life that I haven't had much time to blog outside of C+D. But I'm working on it.

Promise.

Um, Eva?

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:59:00 +0000

. . . well alright then.

FLY CLICHE: RAPPER / "FASHION DESIGNER"

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:57:00 +0000

House of Dereon needs to fall in line with this! Once upon a time in a land far, far away it wasn't cliche to be a rapper with a clothing line. It was actually kind of cool. Now? Not so much. YOUNG BUCK GOT A CLOTHING LINE. THE END.

I'm not going to front, I had a hard ass Wu Wear shirt back in the day. That shit is now resting in peace with my OutKast 'Big Stank' $30 shirt.

For the new year strictly Wu Wear.

FROM THE FRESH CAM CHRONICLES

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 04:04:00 +0000

See what happens when you buy Jordans out of somebody's trunk?

Get familiar with this face, he'll be robbing you in, oh, say 8 years. I'm just playing! The children are the future and shit.

When I say "come and get your cousins" I'm actually talking about MY OWN family. Here's my big cousin looking like Kung Fu Panda.

And this is his brother. How the hell do you fall asleep with the remote control IN your hand?

A true BYOBBCIABYS [bring your own beer and blunts cause I ain't buying you shit] occasion. I'm glad I was there to witness it.

GOOD JOB MR. WILLIAMS

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 23:30:00 +0000

While a hood classic, Belly isn't exactly masterpiece theater type of shit. Yet there were many visually pleasing elements in the film [T-Boz's new growth wasn't one] that made me fall in love with it.

The pieces from Thierry La Goues Soul Series collection featured on Tommy's walls is still dope 10 a decade later.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:44:00 +0000

I need to speak with someone immediately about the following grievances I have over this picture:

The film's title, Kung Fu Dunk
His stylist being on payroll
Again, the film's title, Kung Fu Dunk

WHATCHA KNOW ABOUT ME?

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 03:39:00 +0000

Random Fact #1 - I Love Frequenting Dent In The Wall Night Clubs

You read that right, dent in the wall. Not a hole in the wall. There is a difference you know. No recessed lightning, no plumbing, no problem! Here are a few exclusive photographs from my extensive travels:

The homie Mandella. That's his nickname. Seriously, it is.

After a long night of rolling hard, literally.

You are so engulfed in all that fever you didn't even notice the ceiling, did you?

And yes that's your boy Midget Mac. DU-VAL!

HARD CANDY

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:49:00 +0000

I'm sticking to good old fashion Christianity if Kabbalah does this shit to you.

I've been living amongst dope fiends [1] for 23 years now, so I think I know one when I see one. Madge is looking like she just got holt tah dah wrong stuff. I pray thats not the case. It's all fun and games until you're out there turning tricks in exchange for crush aluminum cans.

[1] And my neighborhood isn't bad at all minus an occasional domestic abuse arrest and random drug sweep, but they haven't had one of those all summer long.

OBAMA, OBAMA!

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 00:59:00 +0000

I mean, at least he's showing an interest in politics.

THREE WORDS

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 22:10:00 +0000

Hybrid box Chevy.

Everybody [and I do mean everybody] knows a Big Gerth type of character who is always bragging on ridunkulous things like reuniting the cast of Family Matters for a television special, having threesomes with Tina Turner and Patti LaBelle, and smoking out with the Smurfs.

PRO NAILS HELL

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:26:00 +0000

Don't talk about my sausage link fangaz now! You know you want them caressing your dog's balls.

As much as I love having my cuticles gutted and then sprayed with acetone every three weeks I've been thinking of giving the ol' acrylic tips a break. The funny thing is whenever I do decide to let my nails breathe I almost immediately miss them.

I've become so accustom to the length that its almost impossible for me to function without them. Sure, I may not be able to swipe my debit card at the gas pump or pick up change from the bottom of my purse without blurting out expletives under my breath but its so hard to text on my SideKick with midget nails.

Why must I cry?

"IF SHE CATCH ME SERVING HARD / IT'S GONE BREAK MY NANA'S HEART..."

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 19:01:00 +0000

Killer Mike - "Grandma's House"

I've never distributed crack [nor would I] from my Granny's crib but if I did this would be my theme song.

BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY, BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE!

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 16:21:00 +0000

I'm sure there are going to be more than a few cats out there who are going to roll their eyes and snap their necks at me like Al Reynolds did Star Jones when she would ask him to take the trash out for saying the following statement but fuck it, you can't please everybody.

I, Freshalina Simmons, love booty music.

Every weekend I go through countless videos on YouTube, singing along with bass classics like "Love In Her Mouth" and jerking my shoulders violently to "Bankhead Bounce" [and for the last time I am not from Atlanta, shit].

I could go in to a long, drawn out story about how my brother and I would sneak and listen to our cousin's Pete Splack Pack cassette tapes and watch Luke's Freak Show on weekends but I will save you the boredom. Here are a couple videos to get you shake your monkey to. Look for another installment later this week!

MY HERO

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 14:41:00 +0000

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a fan of the Gossip but I can get into [you so nasty!] Beth Ditto. There's just something about a woman that makes no apologies for sweating pork juice that makes me want to poke my chest out with pride.

Bust it baby is what I call you.

"AND IMA TALK SHIT UNTIL I'M OUTTA HITS..."

noreply@blogger.com (Fresh) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 13:49:00 +0000

I don't have an alter ego like Clifford or Beyonce, I just suffer from acute boredom.

As much as I try to avoid rehashing the same gossip, news, quotes, pictures, etc. that float around the urban pop culture web daily on Crunk + Disorderly I always seem to fall victim because it is what my readers expect. Sounds a little off I know but trust me, I think I know what to expect from my target audience by now.

C+D is not closing. The Fly Cliche will serve as my personal blog where I will still undoubtedly write about about the entertainment news along with other random subjects. Hopefully you will dig it but if not, eh, kiss my placenta.

Oh, and I swagger jacked the name of this joint from Tony Sparks. You're welcome! You're all welcome!