Flying by my own wings

Cystic Fibrosis Foundation - Great Strides Campaign 2011

2011-07-20T15:16:00.000-07:00

I am participating in a walk here in Texas in September through the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation's "Great Strides" Campaign.

My reason? I have a nephew, David and a niece, Paige affected by Cystic Fibrosis every day. David turned 7 years old yesterday and Paige will be 5. These are my husband's brother's children. They have three children. After David was diagnosed, my husband's brother and his wife did not expect to have another child with CF, as that is very rare. Well, unfortunately, 2 out of their 3 children are affected by this genetic disease.

Please help me in supporting the CF Foundation in their efforts to find a cure...not only for my nephew and niece, but for all of those with this disease.

The gadget at the top of this post should link you to the donation page.

Thank you,
Destiny

Blog Challenge - Day 11 - A recent photo of me

2011-07-18T23:56:00.000-07:00

This picture is funny to me because of the smirk on MY FACE and because I NEVER EVER wear make-up...

BUT...this day I was dressed for success. Heading out to a job interview. Literally, the last time I recall wearing make-up (prior to this pic a few weeks ago) was my wedding in September '09. Yes, seriously.

But people at my wedding were really impressed I think when they said, "Wow, your make-up is beautiful...who did it?" and I told them I did it myself. Yes, even though I never wear make-up, I know how to do it...lol. See?

Blog Challenge - Day 10 - A photo taken over 10 years ago of me

2011-07-18T23:48:00.000-07:00

Haha, obviously over 10 years ago...

If you can't tell, this is another picture of me...just a tad bit younger. This is my sister holding me. I couldn't resist posting this one - it's one of my favorites...I absolutely adore the way she's looking at me, her new baby sissy. My sister was mentally handicapped, but she definitely knew love...and she loved her sissy from the beginning.

Blog Challenge - Day 9 - A photo I took

2011-07-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

This is a picture I took of our most recent addition, "Benji," while he was in my lap napping...although, in this picture, I caught him smirking...which, of course I just thought was the most adorable thing! My husband actually brought Benji home a week or two before Christmas cause he locked eyes with him in a pet store and couldn't part ways at that point. I think they had some sort of connection. ;-)

Blog Challenge - Day 8 - A photo that makes me sad

2011-07-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

This is the kind of picture for me that makes me happy and sad at the same time. It's not a great photo, cause it's a photo I took of a photo in a frame, if that makes any sense. It's me (left) kissing my sister (right) on the cheek. I think I must have been about 3 or 4 years old in this pic, which would have made her 10 or 11. At this age I didn't even know my sister was different. I guess I really didn't understand that she had some developmental disabilities until I began school. Even then, she was my sister and I spent 21 years of my life trying to be the best little sister I could be. Ask anyone, I was the most protective of my sister and would get angry when people would stare at her in the store because she was different...because she used a wheelchair...because she wasn't what our society considers "normal"...

I miss you, sissy.

Blog Challenge - Day 7 - A photo that makes me HAPPY

2011-07-18T23:16:00.000-07:00

Our cat, "Bobo" loves to sit on his bottom and I've captured him sitting like this multiple times...but this is one of my favorites because he's sitting on the loveseat like he owns it. And he just looks so comfortable! He's our spoiled baby. :-)

Blog Challenge - Day 6 - 20 Of My Favorite Things

2011-07-13T14:40:00.000-07:00

1. Family - both my own and my husband's
2. Singing - been singing since I was a toddler and I never ever go one day without it
3. Sleeping in on occasion - being without a job has made these "occasions" a little more frequent
4. Baking yummy desserts - for us, family, friends, and I used to bake for co-workers as well
5. My babies - 4 indoor cats
6. Listening to music - all genres, except some of the newer stuff that can hardly be called music
7. GOOD surprises - like when my husband proposed :-)
8. Ice cream - I'm not picky when it comes to ice cream. Ask my hubby...I could eat ice cream daily.
9. Walking around barefoot - if not barefoot, then flip flops when I can get away with it.
10. Flowers - gerber daisies are my favorite. Simple and beautiful.
11. Our sweet neighbors - they always invite us for dinner at their house and the wife even made our wedding cakes (my hubby wanted a guitar for his)
12. Writing - even though lately I haven't been good about keeping up with this blog.
13. Expressing myself
14. Art - I loved going to France when I was in high school and visiting the Louvre.
15. Cool, breezy days - which, here, only occur in Fall
16. Happiness
17. Laughter
18. Western decor - this is how we have our home decorated and I think that's why so many people feel so comfortable visiting us. I hate going into homes where you don't even know if it's okay to sit on the couch or not.
19. Helping others
20. Going on dates with my husband - I think we're going to see the Winnie The Pooh movie coming out on Friday...and maybe dinner? It'll be fun. We're such kids.

Blog Challenge - Day 5 - My Favorite Quote

2011-07-06T15:20:00.000-07:00

"I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged, that's all. Their feathers are just too bright...and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice...but still, the place you live is that much more drab and empty that they're gone."

-Red in the movie "The Shawshank Redemption"

"Alis Volat Propiis" or in English, this Latin phrase means "to fly by one's own wings." I actually have this as a tattoo because it so strongly fits who I am. I've always been independent.

And we have a sign hanging in our house that says this: "If I had my life to do over again, I'd find you sooner so I could love you longer."

Blog Challenge - Day 4 - My Favorite Book

2011-06-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

I know the previous entry was a little lengthy, but since I'm so many days behind on my 30-day blog challenge, maybe I should be a little more brief.

I really enjoyed White Oleander by Janet Fitch, although I can't say the same for the movie based on the novel. Watched it with my husband one day it came on t.v. Pretty boring if you ask me. That seems to be the case for many novels turned into movies.

I also liked A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, even though he's the guy Oprah Winfrey "called out" on her show for essentially lying when he claimed his book was a true story. Turns out he embellished a tad bit. It was a great book, even so.

Blog Challenge - Day 3 - My Favorite T.V. Show

2011-06-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

This one is also a difficult "favorite" for me. Not because I have too many shows to choose from, but more like not enough that I think are that great...definitely not many worthy of being a "favorite," ya know?

I guess lately I've been most "into" shows on Discovery Fit and Health, because they're interesting and sometimes I find myself actually learning something. Other channels on my list would be Travel and History, on occasion.

And, who am I kidding? I love Guy Fieri's Food Network show, "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives." Okay, so I can't leave Paula Deen's, "Paula's Home Cooking" off my list either, because I love to watch her show when I get the chance.

I don't know if anyone else enjoys watching this show, but "Hoarders: Buried Alive" has to be on my list. I think some people may like this show because it's just hard to believe someone can allow their home to get this "out of control." Some people may like it just for the fact that, let's face it, we all like to see someone who is worse than we are. I mean, you might think your house is messy, turn on this show, then comparitively...your house is clean.

I think this show is sad. First, I believe that these "hoarders" suffer from a psychological disorder. There has to be something deeper going on with these people. In fact, in several episodes of this show that I've watched, the "hoarders" have lost someone close to them, and in turn, are attempting to fill the void in their life by collecting stuff.

I know where these people are coming from. Not that I'm a hoarder, but I unfortunately do know what it's like to lose someone close to you. I come from an immediate family of four, meaning, growing up it was my mom, dad, my older sister, and myself. I lived 21 years of my life with this being the case. At that time, almost 7 years ago, my life changed drastically. My sister passed away at the young age of 28 from what the corroners believed to be a brain anuerysm that finally burst. In a moment, my life as I knew it was turned upside-down as my only sibling left this world.

My life changed at that point. In fact, it might even make the most sense to say that I began a new chapter of my life at that point. Or even a new life, if that's even possible. I mean, take everything you've known for the first 21 years of your life and throw it out the window. Start at square one, because life no longer makes sense for you. That's how I felt.

So to these "hoarders," who have lost a family member or spouse...I'm sorry. I know it's hard, but it will get better. There is help for you out there.

I always like to look at the bigger picture. What made these people begin this lifestyle? When did it get out of hand? What can others do to help them?

I know that when my sister passed away, my parents left her room untouched. They are just now, with my help, going through my sister's things...after almost 7 years...so that I may sell them. But other people aren't fortunate enough to have family members close enough to help them get their lives in order...to sort through the chaos.

Losing my sister was the most difficult part of my life thus far.

I also would like to leave you with this: Things are not always what they seem.

Blog Challenge - Day 2 - My Favorite Movie

2011-06-28T21:59:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is another tough one for me. I'm not good with picking favorites, as you probably can tell. The following are some of my favorite movies, again, in no particular order:

-Shawshank Redemption
-Forrest Gump
-The Blind Side
-Radio
-Up
-Monsters, Inc.

Blog Challenge - Day 1 - My Favorite Song

2011-06-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

I have so many favorite songs and for so many different reasons. In no particular order, here are some:

- "Angel of the Morning" by Juice Newton. This song is definitely on my list, as it's the first song I remember singing as a toddler. My aunt remembers a two (or so) year old Destiny singing this song all the time when she'd come over to visit. Really a little risque for such a youngster...lol...but I've always been mature for my age. My mom says I never wanted to play with other children because I preferred being a part of the adult conversation. I've been told I have an old soul. Sometimes I wonder what exactly that means...

- "A Broken Wing" by Martina McBride. Martina McBride is one of my favorite singers. Everything I've ever heard her sing is the epitome of awesome. Such a powerful voice. I always loved singing this when I'd go to karaoke nights at the bars in my college days.

- "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. Might as well put this on the list, even though I already said I love everything she sings. Many of her songs are about overcoming...beating the odds. Personally, I love songs with deeper meanings. Many songs today are so shallow and boring. I love when people sing about issues that really matter. And I love it even more when you can tell that they're passionate about what they're singing.

- "My Little Girl" by Tim McGraw and made famous in the movie "Flicka," which I have yet to see. My dad is not an emotional man. He rarely shows any emotion...rarely expresses himself. I'll never forget that he gave me this Tim McGraw c.d. for one of my birthdays several years ago with a card that read something like "You'll always be my little girl. I love you." I remember never hearing this song prior to that birthday. I recall listening to it in my truck immediately after my visit with my parents...and balling uncontrollably because of the sentiment. So sweet. Needless to say, this was our "father-daughter" dance at my wedding in 2009.

- "Unchained Melody" by LeAnn Rimes. Yes, I realize she was not the original artist, but I love her voice. I've always been somewhat jealous of her accomplishments. She's living my dream. This song is just so beautiful on so many levels.

- "When I said I do" by Clint Black with his wife, Lisa Hartman Black. This was my first dance with my husband. Beautiful duet by a couple who appear to be so in love.

- "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" by Nirvana. I love Nirvana and this is one of the least well-known songs, I'd say. When people ask my favorite Nirvana song, this is always my reply. The lyrics are different, but I love Kurt Cobain's powerful voice. Nirvana is still one of my all-time favorites.

That should be it for now, even though there are many other songs I could add to this list. I love music. Music has always been able to change my mood. Music plays (no pun intended) a large part in my life.

Do you ever want to run away?

2011-06-14T20:43:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I do. In my worst moments, I can't help but wonder what it'd be like to start a new life where no one knows me. Just up and move away across the state, across the country, across the world maybe...if that's what it took.

My husband and I just got in a fight over something stupid and he went to another room, mumbling something about me getting on his nerves I think.

But then the other part of me says, "Destiny - you can't leave your husband, your animals, your family..."

I have an internal struggle going on, as I have so many other times in my 28 years of life. I wonder if it's just me or if everyone wonders the same things as I do.

The idea intrigues me...of just packing an overnight bag and just driving until my heart tells me to stop. Begin a new life. New name. New me. New city. New surroundings. New people. New friends.

Would it be any different?

I've been under stress lately, both with my husband not having a job and his benefits getting cut off in August AND now me not having a job either. I am not receiving unemployment benefits either, by the way...which I guess is a story for another day I guess. Short version: my previous employer is fighting my claim. I'm going to have to submit an appeal. I've been out of work since I QUIT (yes, I quit on May 20).

I had been working for the same company for four and a half years as a social worker for developmentally disabled adults. Long story short: I got a new supervisor who seemingly wanted to either have me fired or make it so that I'd be so miserable I'd quit. This lady (and I use that term loosely) and I worked together the whole time I was employed with that agency. Prior to my husband's accident, she became my immediate supervisor. I guess it was around May of 2010, which was also immediately before the transition of the program I worked under. So let's just make this clear. In May of 2010 I got a new supervisor and essentially a new position. No raise, just more responsibilities and the expectation to work overtime without compensation.

So things were okay until my husband's accident which was in October of 2010. In December I finally made the decision to utilize some time through the Family and Medical Leave Act so that I could transport my husband to all of his medical appointments. This was paid FMLA, by the way. I had ample sick leave and vacation leave to utilize, so that's what I did. Things had become increasingly difficult with both the transformation of my job duties and my husband's medical necessities (doctor, physical therapist, counselor, specialist, lawyer, etc.) The way I explained things to my supervisor was that I didn't feel I was able to give 100% to either my career OR my husband and that I thought my husband needed me with him. She seemed to understand, but...

Almost immediately upon my return from my utilization of FMLA in early February, my supervisor appeared to be discriminating against me for taking said leave. Expecting more and more from me, but in a roundabout way asking me to work from home nightly without any compensation.

I had never been written up during my term of employment with that agency, which stated previosuly, was four and a half years, but during the last few weeks I worked there, I had two written reprimands which were submitted to the Human Resources Department. Yes, really.

That's not all. Prior to my utilization of FMLA in December, I had spoken to the director of the HR department and informed her of my being discriminated against because of my husband's accident. The director stated that she'd look into it. That never happened. Things just got worse and I was pushed to my limit.

I gave my notice and resigned from my position after four and a half years. My last working day with that company was on April 22, a Friday.

I began my new job after exactly a week to myself on May 2, a Monday. I quit after three weeks of employment there, on May 20...and have been unemployed since that time.

The reason I quit after such a short amount of time, you ask? The job posting I replied to...the job I interviewed for with this company...was so completely different from my actual job once I began employment. And now it's a fight for me to get an unemployment check. I spoke with the workforce commission earlier today again and she read me a statement written by my employer...saying I was insubordinate that day. Funny, I have the conversation recorded and that's not at all what took place. (I have conversations recorded from my employer before that as well. I was taught well. I have always been taught to cover my own ass.)

Anyway, the lady with the workforce commission stated that if I receive a decision letter in the mail that I don't agree with -- she urges me to submit an appeal. Almost in tears, I said, " Yes ma'am, I will. Being a social worker I've had to do that many times for my clients. Now, I need to stand up for myself." And that's so true. I've spent the past 4 1/2 years fighting for those less fortunate than myself. But now that I'm not the most fortunate one, I need to fight for myself. Like I tell so many people, if I don't fight for myself...no one will. Even if I'm standing alone, I'm not the type of person to lay down and die. I've always been a fighter and I'm pretty sure I always will be.

On a similar note regarding employment. I still have not been paid for the three weeks I was employed with that company. I have contacted them daily since my payday, which was supposed to be on May 31...and have yet to receive an adequate explanation as to why my check is two weeks late. I was forced to report this company to the Department of Labor. I anticipate this entire battle will continue to be ugly.

Good thing I am not easily intimidated.

I could use a cash cab right about now.

2011-06-09T16:27:00.000-07:00

So I'm watching "Cash Cab" right now wondering where these cabs were when I needed a ride to my dorm room in college 'cause I was underage drinking on 6th street in Austin?! I could have used the money, but let's be honest - I was probably too drunk to answer most, if not ALL of these questions. I would have most definitely been booted out of the cab after three strikes.

On another financial related note, my husband and I were in discussion last night after I watched the CMT awards. It's a discussion we've had several times recently. My husband hates that those people (namely singers, actors, professional athletes) make so much money for essentially doing nothing. I understand his gripe, but I keep telling him that I believe he feels that way because he's jealous. I mean, not saying that I'm not jealous as well, but I just know that if we were living that life, we wouldn't have a problem with it. I've never expected to be wealthy. Not to say it wouldn't be nice, because of course it would (are you crazy!?), but I've never expected it. I did not grow up wealthy and neither did he.

Aside from being jealous, these people provide entertainment for all of us regular folk. We're the ones that feed into their wealth, by buying their c.d.'s, going to the theater to watch their latest blockbuster hit, and watching their big playoff games on t.v. He comes back at me by saying the Death Metal music he listens to is not big enough for those artists to be rich, he never buys c.d.'s, etc. I guess so...but we go to the occasional movie just like everyone else. I have purchased c.d.'s for him and taken him to a concert. But neither one of us are big into watching sports.

I can pinpoint the exact moment that this became an issue for my husband. He was in a major motor vehicle accident in October 2010 where he was rear-ended by an 18-wheeler. He was the sole survivor. Unfortunately, both the driver and passenger in the big rig lost their lives that day. Luckily, my husband still has his...along with guilt...they say "survivor's guilt," as he was the only one to walk away that day. Along with this guilt from the accident comes anger. And rightly so. At this point, we're still dealing with worker's compensation, doctors, and lawyers. He's in constant pain.

My husband has always been the bread-winner, ever since we began dating in January 2007. I'm the one with the college degree who is supposed to make the big bucks, but let's face it...in these times, anyone is lucky to have a job at all even with a degree. So, with my husband not being able to work because of his injury, we're living on his check. I guess I failed to mention that I am unfortunately unemployed as well at the moment.

My husband's anger stems from the fact that he's not released to full duty so he can't work, my current unemployed status, and all these people providing "entertainment" for doing essentially nothing will be living the good life. La dolce vita. Ugh. I understand, but there's nothing we can do about this right now. He hasn't been released and I'm actively seeking employment.

I always remind my husband that it's not his fault he was rear-ended by that truck. He says he knows it's not his fault and that he didn't do anything wrong, but I know it still eats him up inside every day. He's pissed because he used to provide for us, but now doesn't have any choice in the matter. I wish there was something I could do to help his pain.

He's the type of guy who will give everything he has to make sure those around him are doing well. He'd do without so that I had enough, the animals had enough, his friends and family had enough...etc. He's the type of guy who will literally give you the shirt off his back. I've never met such a caring, giving person in my whole life until I began dating him. Those of you who began reading me in my Open Diary days in 2001 know that I never wanted to "settle down." I was a wild child who wanted to continue down that self-destructive path...who wanted to party and go out with friends all the time.

This man helped me transform into the woman I am today. This man will always be my better half.

Why do we feel the need to justify ourselves?

2011-06-08T14:57:00.000-07:00

I notice a text received at 7:21a.m. around an hour after it was sent. "Call me." was all it said, but I replied almost two hours after with a one word reply of: "Busy." After I sent that, I wondered why I felt the need to justify myself to this texter or to any other person for that matter. I suppose I should have just ignored the receipt of that message. OR...I could have just said "No." and even that would have sufficed. But in one word, I provide not only a response to their message, which is an implied "No," but I also provided an explanation as to why I couldn't call them by saying "Busy."

I guess I felt the need to justify myself for several reasons: the text was from a family member who is in distress over a child custody battle and I care about and love him.

This is not my first flight

2011-06-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

I used to have a public Open Diary which I began in 2001 in my freshman year of college. Actually, I still have it, but I'd like to delete it once i get started here. I spoke to my husband about transferring some of my old posts over to this site, but after that discussion I think I'll just begin a new chapter. The past should remain just that...the past. I'm looking forward to the future.

Here goes. ;-)