South-Eastbound & Down

Laos: Let's wrap this up...not messing with the pull and pray this time.

2011-09-17T17:26:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the three month delay on this one. After absolutely destroying ourselves in the Hell that is Vang Vieng, we hopped on a bus up north to the beautifully named Laotian town of Luang Prabang.

As we were ready for a break from our rock and roll lifestyle, Luang provided us an opportunity to get in touch with our badass outdoorsy sides. We took an hour long motorbike ride out to a big waterfall. At the base of the waterfall, there were smaller pools with neat activities like the above rope swing. You had to walk across a slippery log to reach the rope swing which was incredibly dangerous, but we did it anyways.

Watch out! Six-pack alert and that guy isn't even flexing.

First ever bear plank (Photo was taken before planking was killed).

In addition to having rope swings, there were some mentally handicapped bears at the base of the waterfall. I didn't really know bears could be mentally challenged, but it was confirmed once it made noises that sounded like this lady:

On our way back from the waterfall, we stopped by a rice paddy farm that was full of bulls. This particular bull was also mentally handicapped because he made a bowl noise (growled?) and came charging at us. Bastard is lucky we decided to drive off before we grabbed him by the horns and went Me, Myself, and Irene on him.

Other fun Luang Prabang activities included getting shaved by mentally challenged barbers and riding around with mentally challenged bikers.

I used to think riding on a motorbike would make anyone look cool

Hey meng, we in Vang Vieng

2011-06-18T04:58:00.000-07:00

After overdosing on chill vibes in Pai, we needed to get back to our party bro lifestyles ASAP. Luckily, our next stop was Vang Vieng, Laos. Vang Vieng is mostly known for a brown river that flows through the town. Normally, a brown river sounds boring and somewhat gross, but this brown river is bordered on both sides by wild bars with slides and rope swings. Lots of people started dying on the rope swings so the strict Laos government spent about 10% of its budget to send a commie down to chop down the rope swings. Now, I would estimate that only about 8% of tourists that visit Vang Vieng die.

Our first night we met some Brit Bro's who were pretty cool. One of them was named Lovedoody or something of the sort. We were planning on taking pictures of every bucket we drank, but you can tell we got confused on whether this was bucket 4 or 5 and the pictures pretty much ended there.

Later, we went to a bar that provided markers to write on yourself. Andy cleverly placed a "509" over his 6 pack. Unfortunately, the marker rubbed off on our sheets, and we later had to pay $30 to reimburse the hotel. $30 could buy a house on the river in Laos, so needless to say we threw a huge fit when we were handed the bill. The old-fashioned Mexican standoff ended with us giving the bellboy a stink eye and forking over the cash.

Here's a picture of the Vang Vieng river and one of the bars. Looks like a crazy time, huh?

We were told that everyone started showing up around 1pm, but when we arrived at 1:30 it was pretty dead. Luckily, we made friends with a homeboy from Idaho who worked at one of the bars. He told us what to do and got us some free drinks. This guy was real cool, too. Not only was he jacked and been partying for 20 days straight, but he had this badass goatee looking thing and was very friendly.

Here's a picture of some Israelis who were staying at our hotel. The Israelis constantly yelled at us "Be Safe!", "It's dangerous!", and "Lifejackets, LIFEJACKETS!". To get to the next bar down the river, you had to either intertube or swim. We decided to swim and talked the Israeli girl into swimming with us after assuring her that Andrew and Max were certified lifeguards. After throwing some sweet front flips into the extremely fast flowing river, we noticed our Israeli friend came up choking on water and missed the bar. Fortunately, Max was able to manhandle the situation and save her from certain death. The Israeli bros were not too happy with us.

Franky being a gnarly guy as usual.

By the time we got to the 4th bar, we started getting a little out of control. I'm going to place all of this blame on our Idahoian friend who was showing us the ropes.

Early in the day, we were somewhat on our own level. We were definitely enjoying ourselves though.

There was a cute little girl who was working as the beer pong ball retriever. Sometimes people would let her shoot for them. She sucked...didn't even see her come close to making a ball.

Finally, DJ Drewsky was allowed to get on the mic and get the crowd going.

Minutes later, all the party bros were gathering together and getting down. That is all the party bros except for Franky.

Franky was too busy doing other cool things like going down water slides...

And laying down the Franky mack of course.

Get out the rye bread and mustard, Grandma, it's grand salami time! Pai oh My! - Dave Niehaus

2011-06-09T00:41:00.001-07:00

"What the People Want" - Andrew

(Kids don't try this one at home)

Current world Ranking #8 see me!

Just a couple tired party bros/ lions another hard day in the life of a back packer

Uber chill party bungalow/ love shack

Do I look cool or what

Loced out nias goin crazy

Yeah I know Curtis!

It seems that people these days are always worried about "things". Cars, computers, clothes, badass DVD collections, basketball cards, etc. But really, these are just "things". We don't need these "things", we need nature, relationships, and a sense of being.

I don't really feel this way, but a stoned guy told me something like this once, and it stuck with me. When we arrived at Pai, we decided to embrace the hippy town's culture of being uber chill at all times. This involved talking slowly, purchasing scrubby rasta colored bracelets, and having discussions about chill activities with fellow chillers.

We spent our days in Pai renting motorbikes and cruising around the hillsides enjoying the scenery. We got our motors running, headed out on the highway, and looked for adventure in whatever came our way.

Our first destination was a multi-leveled waterfall that was flowing with chill vibes. We cooled our steaming hot bodies in the fresh pool areas while butterflies slowly danced above our heads.

There were also some natural waterslides made of jaggedy rocks that dropped into shallow water. We would have gone down head first like the locals, but we stupidly forgot to bring our jeans and t-shirts to go swimming in.

"Hey man, check out this natural water massage chair I found!"

It became clear that we were engulfed by the chillness of Pai. Even a straight faced, serious man like Andy could not help letting his guard down and enjoying a water massage in his Patagonia swimming trunks. If this isn't evidence enough of how Pai-y we were behaving, we even had a 15 minute talk with two stoney FRENCH guys with terrible breath. Instead of just making frog croaks at French people like we normally do, we gave them a chance to remind us how toady they really are.

Sorry if you get sick of us using the word chill so much in this post, but I can't really think of another word to describe most this stuff. To further up our chill levels, we drank some local Kombucha's (also note the chiller bracelets in the background). If you do not know what a Kombucha is, go spend $4 at Whole Foods for one and prevent yourself from getting cancer.

Here's a panoramic photo Andy shot from a Wat on a hillside. It's a pleasantly quaint valley full of hippies and strange hill people.

Another cool site we came across was the Pai canyon. It involved some dangerous trekking (not joking, we could of died from one slip, but for some reason we weren't acting like our normal pussy selves), but the canyon rewarded us with some breathtaking views. This picture kind of sucks and doesn't do it any justice, but imagine a similar view that's way better.

At the canyon, we maxed out our chill levels by doing some meditating. This lasted for about two minutes before Andy took a loud piss that ruined the serene atmosphere. It was fairly boring anyways.

The best part of the motorbikes was gaining the freedom to get away from the touristy areas and really interact with the locals. We waved at these local fisherman from the top of a bridge.

Just kidding, the best part of renting motorcycles was smashing twenty beers and cruising down the highway at a 100 kilometers per hour. We weren't idiots about it though and kept our helmets near by.

At a different waterfall, we were lucky enough to spot a rare weasel monkey inside a cave. This was just the beginning of our good karma with animals.

One night, we met a loyal dog who we called Jonas that was begging to for us to be his master. Andy informed him that we were going to be very strict, but fair masters.

Jonas ditched his bitch and hung out with us for the next three nights. Boy, was he a party animal. He fought off other dogs, ate hot dogs, and even drank brews with his bros.

Overall, Pai was chill.

Lions and Tigers and Beers...Chiang Mai!

2011-06-03T07:06:00.001-07:00

A two hour flight out of Phuket took us to the largest city in northern Thailand, Chiang Mai. It's still a rather small city, but it's filled with interesting activities for culture enthusiasts like ourselves.

Ohhhh Hello from Chiang Mai

We were lucky enough to find a trust worthy guide named Chan. Not only was he friendlier and less weasely than our former subordinate Meta, but he was also full of neat facts. For instance, "chang" means "elephant" in Thai.

The first place Chan took us was to a temple up in the hills overlooking the city. It provided an excellent opportunity to purchase chiller bracelets. There were also lots of people praying, ringing bells, and conversing with monks.

One evening, we attended another Muay Thai fight event. The fights were a lot less professional than the one we saw in Bangkok (there were seven year olds and girls fighting), but there was one really cool battle royale match where everyone was blindfolded. The chunkster you can see in the back dropped the ref with a nasty right hook. The ref then got up and drop kicked Edmond Honda flat on his face.

The next day, we took a trip out to an elephant park. They are extremely big and eat 500 pounds of food a day! They can also paint, put hats on people, and play shooty hoops. Max's shirt was covered with elephant snot after this photo. It looked a lot like buck snot.

We even did an extreme elephant trek. Everything went smooth until the elephant ran Andrew's head into a metal roof. Luckily, his rock hard head shortened the tear flow to under a minute.

After elephant trekking, we stopped by a snake show. Andrew conquered his ultimate fear of snakes, and only had to run out of the park one time. To be fair, one of the snake masters threw a snake from behind a wall in front of Andrew.

The best part of the snake show was the announcer. He made lots of funny sounds such as "pshhhh watch out!", "psssh ooooohh be careful", and "ohhhh you can die".

This crazy man jumped in a tank with an anaconda and came up with the snake choking him. He was even missing a finger from when he was previously bit.

We continued the animal binge by going to a night safari. Giant giraffes would stick their head in the train looking for big bananas. They're some freaky alien looking things, and it was a somewhat terrifying experience.

Other exotic animals we saw include: zebras, white bengal tigers, white lions, bearded wolf, a liger, yaks, hippopotamus, rhinos, pumas, deer, hyenas, emus, black bear, tribe people, long necks.

No homo.

After all the hard animal watching, we relaxed with some classic Thai massages. Andy realized he had some extra room in his pants and invited Andrew in. Andrew, feeling even naughtier than normal, hopped right in. Two for one happy endings!

Shortly after Andrew saw he reached number 14 in the planking ratings, he one upped himself again with the first ever Jesus plank. Look how happy Johnny B is with this plank!

As if the massage wasn't explosive enough, we visited a hot spring where there were some "natural" geysers. Andrew gave out a very crisp "wooohhhhh!"

Finally, we enjoyed some chill vibes at the Roof Top Bar. Andy, being an incredibly chill never tense dude, shared the chill vibes with some hang loose signs. They offered mushroom shakes, but we stayed away after seeing a slightly older looking man losing his mind while giggin' on the dance floor. Believe it or not, it wasn't Johnny.

Go Plank Yourself Challenge

2011-05-31T04:03:00.001-07:00

In case you missed it, Andrew Scott was ranked #14 in the latest Top US Planker Ratings. To celebrate, we decided to let our readers challenge the newly ranked planker. Post your best planking shot as a comment in this post, and the winner will receive an exclusive fnbros t-shirt!

I realize probably no one will post a comment since no one ever does (haters), so I hope you at least enjoy the photos.

Awwww Phuket

2011-05-27T09:04:00.000-07:00

I know this blog has portrayed our trip as being extremely glamorous and full of non-stop fun. All the partying, beautiful women, and money being thrown in the air have created the fantasy world we now pretend to live in. Unfortunately, our travels have not always been as smooth and glitzy as they may appear. We've been living as travelers, not treating ourselves to the luxurious lifestyle we're accustomed to back in the US. This means residing at places that do not have provide free HBO (occasionally), do not provide free moisturizing lotion, and only have one pillow per bed. Luckily, Max's parents realized we deserved better and met up with us at the J.W. Marriott in Phuket.

To get to Phuket, we had to take a ferry ride followed by a 6 hour bus ride. As usual, we could not go anywhere without being harassed by paparazzi. Here's a picture of Andy with a Thai lady who believed he was Ben Affleck. This is a very common occurrence.

After arriving at the resort, Andrew quickly got over his reverse culture shock and acclimated to the resort lifestyle.

As we began feeling refreshed, we decided to begin our mornings with yoga sessions (no homo). At least Andy did, Max and Andrew only woke up early enough for one session. It is still unclear whether Andrew or the other guys were facing the wrong direction in this picture.

Here's a picture of the new chunky Fabio and his parents. Congrats Mom for being blog worthy.

We wanted to give back on this trip by interacting with local children and maybe even volunteering to help teach kids English. We began our philanthropic efforts by waving at some school kids and even giving a few of them thumbs up. I highly recommend volunteering with kids if you ever get a chance, it's extremely rewarding.

Staying on the local topic, Andrew and Renee had some good interaction with our maids as they spent some time making neat towel designs. Just in case you can't tell, there's a bird's nest, a rabbit, a dog, and two swans kissing.

Preview of the Kabrich's Christmas/Chanukah card. Add your address as a comment if you want a copy in December.

Poisonous frog.

Andrew licking a live crab. He's still extremely scared of all creatures, but he was a little drunk and always ready to sacrifice himself for the camera.

Picturesque sunset that Johnny "painted" for his wife. This is a nightly occurrence unless she pisses him off or limits his drink intake for the day.

The highlight of the Phuket stop was definitely renting jet skis. If you haven't been on a jet ski before, you haven't really lived. Here's a shot of Andrew getting his Kenny Powers on.

Andy, Max, and John also spent a day scuba diving. On the way back, they spotted the famous Big Buddha of Phuket in the distance. It is very similar to the giant Jesus statue in Rio de Janeiro as seen on Fast at Furious 5. Again, if you haven't seen this movie, you haven't really lived.

Finally, there were lots of brews enjoyed by bros by the pool. We were finally living the lives we've come to deserve through all our hard work.

Full Moon Party Time!

2011-05-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

America has the Super Bowl, Muslims have their pilgramage to Mecca, party bros in SE Asia have the Full Moon Party. Once I realized that my shots at the NBA were slim, I began focusing all my efforts into being a party bro and a really good dancer. The Full Moon Party provided the stage for us to finally showcase the product of all our hard work. Every month, 20,000 to 30,000 travelers crowd around a small beach on Koh Phangan to celebrate the moon being full. The ocean becomes a toilet, and I'm pretty sure a hand full of people die at each party. Our day began at 4pm when we took a speed boat from the island of Koh Samui to Koh Phangan.

We immediately bonded with some bros from Dubai who were on our speed boat. These boys were ready to party like it was September 11th.

Once we got to Koh Phangan, we took another boat to a beach away from the party to enjoy some serene time before things got crazy. Our friend Molly told us to scope out a bar called Eden to chill out prior to the big party. It was at the far end of an empty beach and looked like a place from Robinson Crusoe (not that I'm a nerd and have read that book, just sounded like the right thing to say).

At Eden, Andrew came across a local green tobacco cigarette that put him in the right state of mind. Even some of the local Thais coughed when smoking this hand rolled cigarette, but for some reason Andrew handled the harshness like a champ.

Once we arrived back at Koh Phangan, the sun had gone down and the wildness had started. Aside from the five stages playing techno and trance music, there were fire jump ropes, fifteen thousand drunk idiots, and one badass fire slide.

Andy was feeling extreme and went down the fire slide without hesitation (Look Betsy, no hands!).

After asserting our dominance as the most extreme Americans on the beach, we got after the body paint (don't mind Max's gut and titties hanging out, he was being a funny guy). Andy and Max also came in clutch with the "Dude, Where's My Car" tats on the upper back. These were a big hit as they got two or maybe even three compliments. Andrew went with a big "OH YEAH PARTY BRO" across the torso. Some British "friends" we bumped into also wrote TEAM DANDO on us and made it sound like it was a cool thing. Unfortunately, they were dicks and it probably meant something homosexual.

Once the body paint and party mind sets were intact, we attacked the dance area like Navy SEAL Team 6. Andrew busted out his 2012 and even his 2013 dance moves. The pinnacle of the dancing came when we ran into one of our Dubai bros on the dance floor. He came at us with stunner shades on, pectorals pumping, and fists raging in all directions but perfectly on beat to the music. While we were immediately impressed with his moves, we immediately fired back by beating the beat up while hopping laterally in sequence. The dance off of the year was on! After about fifteen minutes of intense battle in the sand, our sweaty competition ended in a draw.

The different dance stages had different levels of weirdness. Per our standard procedure, we wanted to get weird and spent most of our time at the weirdest stage on the beach. If you can't tell, we decided to go with an array of bright colored hot boy shorts as our outfits. This was an obvious choice as we did not want to look like pudgy thirteen year old Cholos in baggy cargo shorts.

Here are some of the lesser drunk people at one of the less weird stages.

Here are a bunch of girls who tried really hard to get with us, but we punked them out.

Once every few hours, we would take a break and relax our calf muscles. We could have gone twelve hours straight, but we enjoyed talking to some of the rookies who couldn't handle more than eight whiskey red bull buckets.

Stuntin' in the secret VIP section below the stage.

Here we are still going strong at 3am. The serious work we were doing on the dance floor resulted in most of our body paint being sweated off at this point.

At sunrise, the party was still raging aside from the hundred or so people who were passed out in the sand.

At 6am, we were still hanging in there. Our legs, however, were completely shot. This limited our dancing to head nods and fist pumps.

Finally, at 8am, we landed back on Koh Samui with our friends from Dubai. Once we arrived back at our hotel around 9, we began our forty hour recovery period. This consisted of only getting out of bed to eat Whoppers, pizza, and ice ceam. Unfortunately, deep sleep was tough to come by as we were staying across the street from a ladyboy cabaret that bumped extremely loud party music late into the night. Although the loud music was terrible, Andrew was able to catch a glimpse of some ladyboy yetties out the hotel room window. He claims they were better than other nats hes come across during his erotic past. He was surprised, but this did not prevent him from yelling "Please turn it the fuck down ladyboys!"

Operation Koh Samui (According to Andy, this is a "Meet the Parents" line)

2011-05-20T05:47:00.000-07:00

Our "fifteen hour" bus ride from Bangkok to Koh Samui turned out to be the twenty hour bus ride from hell. The one positive was that the bus showed a whole season of Weeds to start the trip. The worst part was the bathroom on the bus not draining properly. We were essentially sitting in a bathroom along with forty other people with a toilet that didn't flush.

Luckily, we've gotten accustom to sleeping in uncomfortable situations. Here we are waiting outside at 6:00am for a different bus to take us to a ferry. If it weren't for a group of ten crazy Mexicans we were hanging out with, the ride might have killed us. Nothing makes me happier than a group of stoner Mexicans who constantly yell in Mexican at each other. That's a serious statement.

Once we arrived at Koh Samui, we quickly realized prices were much steeper on the island. For example, stir fried blue crap with Indian curry cost an unbelievable 150 baht ($5). Island jerks.

One great activity on Koh Samui is playing little kids at Connect Four for money. This little girl whooped up on Andy and Andrew before losing her life savings to Max. Unfortunately, they played for double or nothing. She weaseled a win.

Another cool thing happened when we ran into this duo of hookers two nights in a row. Don't get me wrong we see plenty of hookers every night, but we first saw these girls at a Burger King smashing Whoppers. The next night, we spotted them eating at McDonalds across the street! One of them was even eating a Fish Sandwich. How disgusting is that? Understandably, they were embarrassed about being spotted two nights in a row being naughty and didn't want to cooperate with the picture.

The only really nice thing about Koh Samui is the beach. We've been able to catch up on some educational reading and healthy tanning. After the sun went down, we spent our time playing pool, watching Fast and Furious 5 (badass), and perfecting our dancing skills. Needless to say, we are really growing a lot as young adults and making the most of our time abroad.

Here is Andrew doing the first American plank on Koh Samui. As you can tell, Andy was quite amazed and intrigued with his friend's record setting performance (dick).

Here's Andrew prepping for the Full Moon party.

Max's skills were so on point that he was invited to go on the VIP stage. For some reason, no one else decided to join him on stage.

The night ended with Andrew giving an euphoric scream demanding more bass.

Two Nights in Bangkok and the World's Your Oyster Twice (This post kind of sucks if you can't tell already by the title)

2011-05-17T04:17:00.001-07:00

Cue the party tunes:

We took a flight out of Hanoi and landed in Bangkok a few hours later. Luckily, while we were waiting at the airport, we were able to catch the end of the game five Heat/Celtics series where LeBron scored the last ten points of the game to win the series.

Once we got into Bangkok, we checked into this old school budget hotel that tried to be classy by enforcing stupid rules. These rules included not putting your feet on the furniture, not being loud, and not bringing back any hookers. We really only struggled with the feet on the ground rule as we are morally sound gentlemen.

The one advantage to Hotel Stiff was that it had an awesome swimming pool in the back! Check out Andrew in the middle of a back one and a half.

We spent the first night attending a Muay Thai boxing event. The fighters all looked to be under 13 years old, but they could probably all kick our asses. Yea right!

Here's a loser of a fight.

Here's a winner of a fight.

Here's three white guys who were cheering loudly ringside while drinking lots of beers. Andrew was not being creepy with the young Thai boy in front of him despite what this picture portrays. The young boy's brother was fighting while this picture was taken. He lost.

The next night, we met up with our friend Kelly and went out with some of her friends. It was lots of fun. We then hopped on what we were told was a fifteen hour bus ride down south to Koh Samui. It was a short stop off in the heart of Thailand, but two more nights were more than enough.

Here's a bonus shot of Sexy Andy.

We in Hanoi, Boy

2011-05-14T01:10:00.000-07:00

A sixteen hour bus ride took us to our final Vietnamese stop, Hanoi. The bus ride sounds terrible but a combination of Scrabble, friends :), and prescription drug cocktails made the ride almost enjoyable.

Just in case you can't tell from this picture, the food in Hanoi was great. Look at these big boys getting after it.

One night, we got a little weird with it and ate some pigeon, also known as a sky rat. Andy gnawed on the head and found a gushy pink thing in the middle. He tasted it and found it disgusting. He then realized it was the BRAIN!

As a side note, we are all getting progressively dumber as the trip continues (Andrew asked how to spell "thing" this morning). It is likely due to the drinking and lack of protein shakes/lifting tons of weight at the gym. I can honestly say this is the stupidest I've felt in years, and I apologize if the blog posts start to suck.

Here's a crisp shot of the lake in the middle of Hanoi. It was neat.

The best thing about Hanoi was the cheap beer. They call it "fresh beer", and it costs about 20 cents a glass. Sometimes it tastes like a cool Bud Light. Other times, it tastes like warm dog piss.

We had some interesting experiences with the Northern Vietnamese. For those of you who have never seen a movie about the Vietnam war, the US was fighting with Southern Vietnam against the North. So some of these people should clearly hate Americans as we killed their fathers, mothers, cousins, etc. For the most part, everyone was very friendly to us Canadians. They were especially impressed by Andrew's ability to rip a tobacco bong. I don't know how he got so good at that.

Andy made great friends with some Vietnamese kids down an alley way. Here they are representing the peace between the US and Vietnam. You can tell by the look on Andy's face that he is very serious and completely wasted. It is called the Andy Blank Face. They shake with their left hands because it is closer to their heart. Apparently, they also fancied Andy for his good looks as they grabbed his ass and gave him kissy lips when we said goodbye.

Here's a photo of Andrew making friends with some eighteen year old British girls. They were some wankers. Supposedly, Andrew did not tell the two outside girls to grope the girl in the middle. We also randomly bumped into a girl Andy and Max went to college with. Go Loggers!

We spent one of the nights on a boat in the beauty that is Halong Bay. We were on a boat with fifteen other guys and one prostitute. The prostitute was with a French toad face guy. Most of our time was spent listening to a couple Aussies talking about hunting hogs and sharing degrading terms we use to call women. The sights were pretty cool too.

Here's a shot of a cave our guide told us was the way to heaven. My Jew soul will be returning there someday.

This is a sunset shot highlighting Dong Rock. It is unclear whether it was named after the currency or because it looks like male genitalia. It's just another one of life's mysteries.

Here's another pleasant sunset shot.

Finally, we went rafting through some extreme class 5 rapids. You can tell by the immense amount of white water and Andy's O face that it was rather intense.

We in Hoi An, Man

2011-05-11T04:25:00.000-07:00

We arrived in Hoi An at 8:00am in the morning and found a three bed VIP hotel for $15 a night. Hoi An is known for its crazy amount of tailors and delicious food. It ended up being one of our favorite stops so far.

Andrew really enjoyed a free cream puff dessert we received that contained a "special filling." Don't worry, he's used to creams on his face. Although Andy also loves white sauces, he fancied a dish called Cao Lo. He ate it at least twice a day.

We also met the Tiger Woods of pool at a bar. He was a chunky little bastard, but the little big guy was damn good with a cue.

The next night we celebrated Cinco de Mayo at a bar. They had a stupid rule where you had to have stuff written on your face (also check out that badass jet ski t-shirt). They didn't have Coronas or tequila, and the Europeans we were hanging out with had never seen a Mexican.

We did have a great time enjoying the night life at Hoi An. So much so, that one night one of us pissed the bed (we will not be providing names). The next night, another one of us pissed the bed! It was a Hoi An miracle! Unfortunately, our room smelled absolutely terrible the next day.

We spent hours everyday at a tailor. We each got a business suit, a party wedding suit, and a lot of shirts. The main tailor loved Andrew and made many grabs at his dong (not the currency).

The beach was about four kilometers outside of town. We would rent bikes for a dollar and ride there after our tailor appointments in the morning. Andrew did lots of radical tricks on the rides that impressed all of the Vietnamese. Max cried a little bit and fell into a construction site minutes after renting the bike the first day. By the third day, he could make it all the way to the beach without being terrified the entire time.

A final great thing about Hoi An was the beautiful sights we were lucky to see. Enjoy some of Andy's top shots!

A river at sunset on our bike ride home from the beach. Beautiful.

A traditional Vietnamese lady relaxing by the beach after a hard day of hassling Westerners.

Two male dogs humping on the beach.

A candid photo of Max enjoying a beer in his hot boys.

A self-portrait of Andy and his beautiful sun-freckled skin.

We in Nha Trang, Meng

2011-05-06T05:23:00.000-07:00

After forty hours away from the beach, we decided we needed to get back as soon as possible. Another five hour bus ride landed us in the town of Nha Trang. Nha Trang is know for its beaches, cheap scuba diving, and crime. We successfully experienced all three. Being a gnarly, extreme bro, Max was scuba certified at the tender age of thirteen. Andy and Andrew were able to get certified in only three days at Nha Trang.

Chill vibes peace sign from Andy and perfect form air guitar from Andrew.

Bros catching some rays in between dives. The wetsuits reeked like piss.

A three-foot long underwater slug was one of a few highlights we saw while diving. Others included eels, weird looking horse fish, and some lion fish (Deuce Bigalow fish).

Here's a picture of the guys with their scuba trainer Fabreezy. Fabreezy was awesome and gave the guys all the answers to their test so they didn't have to do any studying or reading. Sometimes his teachings were a little sensual, but Andy and Andrew were okay with that ;).

Regarding the crime, nearly everyone we met told us about getting something stolen while walking back to their hotel from the bars in Nha Trang. We were told many times to never walk back alone. Of course, on our first night there, we all got drunk and walked home separately. Andrew got his camera stolen while helping a girl look for her purse. Max was attacked by ladies on a bike who grabbed his junk (in a very painful way) while trying to snag his wallet. Luckily, he was able to get away by screaming loudly and running away with Usain Bolt like speed.

Our beautiful fair skin did favor us on a different night. While walking up to a beach party that had a long line full of Vietnamese celebrating their "Victory Day", we were spotted by a white woman working for the bar. She led us into the party without having to pay cover and gave us a VIP table next to the runway. We were given two bottles of vodka and enjoyed a night of traditional Vietnamese modelling and fire dancing. We even participated in a limbo contest in which we were dominated by four foot tall Vietnamese ladies. It was a much needed reminder to how awesome it is to be American.

After a strenuous three days at Nha Trang, we hopped on a twelve hour sleeper bus up north to Hoi Ann. After getting a little fussy about the small beds and it being scary on the upper level, some Aussies were kind enough to give us some Valium to enjoy the ride.

Here's a little bonus footage of Andrew ripping some water guitar. You could never guess from this video that he has no musical talent aside from reciting Birdman lines.

Sorry for the long post, but now it's time to get down on Friday.

Da Lat - The Paris of Vietnam

2011-05-02T05:03:00.000-07:00

The next stop on our trip took us to the intriguing town of Da Lat. The Vietnamese call it "the Paris of Vietnam" as it is supposedly the most romantic place in the country. They even built a replica of the Eiffel Tower that lights up and is a functioning radio tower. We enjoyed the bromance by going on a country tour and trying to limit our yelling at each other.

Here's a creative photo of Andy stunting over the country side.

We stopped by a cricket farm and each ate a cricket. Andy treated himself to three crickets as he enjoyed the soft, mothball tasting insects.

After the cricket farm, we trekked down to the bottom of a waterfall. If you took one wrong step, you could easily fall on your way down. We just barely fussed more than the 70 year old Malaysian couple behind us about how scary and dangerous the hike was.

Above is a photo of Max doing a corny pose in front of an unimportant religious statue. It's not really blog worthy, but check out how Brody Jenneresque that hair is looking. Also note that this is after going in a waterfall and absent of any hair products. Damn!

The next stop was at a pagoda with a giant sitting Buddha in the back. After getting up to the right nipple, Andrew was told that it was not meant to be climbed on.

Later, we stopped by "The Crazy House." It is a large hotel that has a crazy design. It was listed as one of the top ten craziest buildings in the world by some crazy magazine. Andy captured the above panoramic shot from the top of a crazy staircase.

At night, we enjoyed a feast with some other people we met travelling. We ate Vietnamese food Chinese style (sharing entrees) like Americans (ate and drank a ton) and paid Dutch. The total bill for the nine of us was around $40.

After dinner, we went to a karaoke bar. Andy and Andrew belted out a passionate version of "All My Ex's Live in Texas." Our friends liked it so much that they let the guys sing almost half of the song before they switched the song to "Achy Breaky Heart." To cap the night off, we went to a late night club with about fifty people working and ten customers. The dance floor was being dominated by two gay Vietnamese men, but this didn't prevent Andrew from busting out his 2013 dance. This dance consists of him slowly crawling on all fours while turning his head back and forth like a hawk. Romance was in the air.

Mui Ne...It's Kind of Crassssy Man

2011-04-30T08:33:00.000-07:00

After a couple days in the big city of Saigon, we were in need of some beach time. We hopped on a five dollar bus and found ourselves in the beach town of Mui Ne five hours later. A fast talking English man jumped on our bus once we arrived and convinced us to stay at his hostel. Obviously, we booked the VIP bungalow next to the beach as we had millions of dong.

Side note: We are now referring to ourselves as "Kingpackers", not backpackers. As Andrew says, "We do king shit." King shit includes popping bottles to a view of the ocean, sometimes ordering two entrées at dinner, and spending up to $10 per person on a hotel room.

On our third day at Mui Ne, we took a jeep tour to the surrounding areas.

We stopped by a splendid stream valley that had some really nifty rock formations. We saw sedimentary, metamorphic, and even a few igneous rocks!

We also stopped by an ostrich racing farm where Andrew and Max took a lap on a race ostrich. Everyone was amazed by our country boy talents.

Later, we stopped by some sand dunes where you could go sand sledding. It was a lot of fun aside from getting sand in all the worst places, walking back up the dunes, and dealing with the gangster sand Vietnamese kids who charge a whole dollar to rent the sleds.

Here's an action shot of Andrew throwing a double front flip off a sand dune.

The gangster sand kids also had a monkey that did back flips and funny monkey things. He seemed really happy considering he had a metal leash around his neck.

For dinners on Mui Ne, there are about a hundred little street restaurants that serve fresh seafood. Once you pick out your dinner, they scoop out the fish/frog/eel and throw it on the ground. They then bash it over the head until it's immobile. It tasted alright.

At nights, we would go out and get smashed with our new friends (Andrew's patying on some water). This is a picture of us with the homie Jah. Jah is a professional singer from Singapore. One night, we took him to a live music bar where he played jams like "Drive" and "Wonderwall". Chill vibes.

Saigon - Phoget About It!

2011-04-27T08:30:00.000-07:00

We manged to escape Cambodia via a 5 hour bus ride to Saigon, Vietnam. It is a huge city, but it was much cleaner than Cambodia. It also has more motor bikes than any city in the world (by my estimations). After arriving, we immediately were on the hunt for some big dong. Dong is the Vietnamese currency. Once we wrapped our hands around some dongs, we were able to enjoy everything Saigon had to offer.

For our first lunch, we went to a pho restaurant that Bill Clinton went to when he visited the city. The pho was pretty good and comparable to Than Bro's in Seattle. We later found some other pho places that were better and cheaper. Not surprisingly, Bill Clinton made a poor decision with his dong.

Later, we went to the war remnants museum. It had a lot of badass American tanks, war planes, and artillery. As the museum was very anti-American, we walked around with scowls on our faces. Beginning on Friday, the Vietnamese will be celebrating the anniversary of the day that North Vietnam won the war.

Andy and Andrew went to a horse racing track the next day. Thirty seconds before this race started, the horse in stall number one was upside down on its back inside the starting gate. Both the guys successfully wagered 50,000 dong on the winning horse of this race and received a commie payout of 2,000 dong.

The highlight of our Saigon trip came while we got lost in a non-tourist section of the city. While walking down the street, we came across an impromptu cock fight. Needless to say, cocks and dongs were flying everywhere!

Phnom Penh, CamBrodia

2011-04-24T03:05:00.000-07:00

After leaving Siem Reap, we took a 5 hour bus ride into the bustling city of Phnom Penh. It is a terribly poor and dirty city, but it gave us some time to do some good broing out.

Above is a picture of a tuk tuk ride we took from our hotel to the riverfront. If you cannot tell by the picture, our tuk tuk driver was an idiot. Not only did he not know where we were going, but he decided to go the wrong way up a street. At least he was smiling so we felt safe.

Phnom Penh did provide some excellent shopping opportunities. Above are Andrew's purchases. He bought a Lacoste polo, a Louis Vuitton wallet, and some sexy Louis Vuitton undies. All of this was purchased for under $15! I don't know how they can afford to sell these items so cheaply, but we definitely took advantage of the deals. Max purchased a red Lacoste polo for only $5. It is the new summer 2011 edition where the crocodile is swimming and doesn't have legs. It also has an extra large tongue to show how hot it is up in the club.

Cambodia did have some surprisingly good food. The service sometimes fell short of what we're accustomed to, but the above lady was extremely kind.

While feeling a little homesick, we bought some beers to drink by the water to remind us of home. This was the high point of CamBrodia.

Well, at least the highpoint for Andrew and Max. Andy's high point came while eating ice ceam on a tuk tuk. Have you ever seen such pure joy on someone's face?

Culture Post #1 - Khmer Rouge

2011-04-23T05:02:00.000-07:00

While in Penom Penh, we were able to indulge into a portion of Cambodia's disturbing past. To summarize, this dick named Pol Pot came to power around 1975 and turned the country into a communist state.

For the record, I absolutely hate communists. If you simply look at the history of all previous communist regimes, it is clear that is one of the worst ideas of all time. Commies are bastards.

Anyways, believe it or not, the Cambodian communist regime was evil and began killing anyone who was viewed as an opposition of the regime. They went on to brutally murder anyone not of pure Cambodian descent, people with college degrees, and anyone viewed as intelligent enough to know that Pol Pot was a genocidal prick. To save bullets, the victims were killed by bludgeoning (beaten to death with blunt objects, knives, or whatever was available). Then, believe it or not, the country began suffering from famine, shortages of necessities, and not having access to lifesaving medicines. This happens under every commie regime. Finally, the Vietnamese came in and liberated Cambodia in 1979.

A photograph of remains of victims that were bludgeoned to death.

The entrance to one of the buildings of S-21. This was a high school that was converted into a torture chamber/prison for Khmer Rouge opposition. People suspected of having capitalist ideals were taken here to be tortured until they said they were guilty. They were then taken to the "Killing Fields".

Above is the memorial erected at the Killing Fields 15 kilometers outside Penom Penh. The memorial is filled with bones of Khmer Rouge victims that were excavated from the site.

Above are skulls inside the memorial. There are 17 levels of bones inside the building.

As the above sign indicates, this tree was used to execute small children. Executioners would grab the children by their ankles and smash their heads against the tree trunk.

An estimated 1.7 to 2.5 million people were killed during the Khmer Rouge. The effects are still evident throughout Penom Penh today. A final disgusting fact is that Pol Pot died in his sleep in 1998, never having to be found guilty of the heinous crimes he committed. To learn more, here is the Wikipedia link, or contact Andrew Scott. Being so emotionally touched by the historical sites, he purchased a book on the subject and supposedly read it.

Cambodian Vids

2011-04-20T06:58:00.000-07:00

Here are some cultural videos for your enjoyment. The first one is what we saw while our bus was stopped in between Siem Reap and Phnom Penh. ~~It's a little creepy~~ Nevermind, my mom says it's not creepy. The second video is a traditional Cambodian dance we stumbled upon while in Siem Reap. Max is tripping out on the happy pizza.

Angkor What?

2011-04-19T05:39:00.000-07:00

We arrived in the intriguing town of Siem Reap a few nights ago with mixed emotions. We were exhausted from travelling for 8 hours with upset tummies, but the excitement of seeing the beautiful temples of Angkor Wat (along with knowing we would soon be sleeping in a refreshing air-conditioned hotel) gave us the strength to endure the trek. Once we arrived, we met a friendly tuk tuk driver named Meta. Little did we know, he would soon become our untrustworthy chauffeur just two days later.

Despite our long burning desire to begin exploring the ancient ruins, we decided to rest the next day and explore Siem Reap. We found a hip American rock bar where Andrew finally felt at home. After enjoying some $0.50 beers and playing a few games of pool, we tagged up the walls with clever sayings such as "Andrew FUCKING Scott" and "FN Bros 2011."

Later in the night, our adventurous threesome treated ourselves to fish foot massages. For one dollar, we were allowed to put our feet in a tub of water filled with starving fish that eat the dead skin off your feet. Andy creepily enjoyed the experience, while Andrew and Max thought it was "too tickly."

Due to our stomach issues, we decided to stick to a strict diet of pizza and ice ceam until we felt better. That night we ate at a pizzeria named Happy Herb Pizza. We read in the Lonely Planet book that the pizza at this restaurant included a "somewhat illegal ingredient that made visitors feel a little funny." Andrew and Max split a large Hawaiian pizza. While Andrew enjoyed the funny feeling, Max turned into a huge pansy and asked to be tied to Andy so he wouldn't get lost. As we returned to the hotel, the workers and their Cambodian comrades were throwing a party. It was unclear whether this was a celebration of our arrival or for the Cambodian New Year.

The next morning, we were woken up by Slave Meta at 5:00am to finally explore Angkor Wat. In Cambodia, it is known as the 8th Wonder of the World. It is also the largest religious complex in the world.

Here is a picture of Andrew and Meta. Andrew was feeling sick that morning, but Meta was friendly enough to escort him around and let him sleep in the tuk tuk. The relationship was peaking at this point.

Above is a picture of the Tomb Raider temple at Angkor Wat. The name was changed to the Tomb Raider temple because some scenes from the Angelina Jolie movie Tomb Raider were filmed here. It was very neat!

Our relationship with Meta sadly turned sour the next day. After Meta aggressively attempted to tuk tuk us to tourist traps after Angkor Wat, he awoke us the next morning for more soliciting. We continuously said no, but Meta did not understand. That is until Andrew yelled, "META!!! Leave us the fuck alone!"

Our Cambodian friends who worked at our hotel were devastated to see us leave the next morning. In fact, they were so bummed that they tried to make us miss our bus out of the city! Crazy Cambodians...

Happy Thai New Years! Ohhhh Sooo Wet!!!!

2011-04-16T01:30:00.000-07:00

Throughout our extensive planning for the trip, we never managed to notice that the Thai New Year is recognized in the middle of April. The Thai New Year is celebrated by everyone standing in the middle of the street dousing each other with sea water and chalk powder for three days. This was a lot of fun for about 45 minutes, but it made doing a lot of things on the island very difficult. This includes going to get diarrhea pills without getting soaked, taking a backpack anywhere without getting soaked, and getting the hell off of the island. So, we decided to stick around Koh Chang for a few more days and show the Thais how we American boys get down.

We took an all day snorkel cruise that stopped at four different islands. There were lots of colorful fish to be seen, but we preferred to take pictures of ourselves.

Above is an action shot of Max coming down for a smooth landing after throwing a gainer off the top of the snorkel boat.

Please note that the cigarette is "just for show", and Andrew neither smokes nor condones the smoking of cigarettes. Also, the flab on his stomach is solely due to his posture in the picture. His stomach is actually much sexier looking than the above picture portrays.

Three party bros enjoying a few minutes in the shade. Unfortunately, these were the only minutes in the shade, and two of us no longer have skin on our shoulders.

We had to buy some squirt guns and makeshift water bombs in order to protect ourselves from crazy Thais while walking around the island. It was all in good fun until we got drenched in water while on a taxi to get off the island. This resulted in a loud "F U!!!" from Andrew along with the necessary middle finger gesture. I'm sure the Thais knew it wasn't personal...

After getting off the island, we spent a night in the God forsaken town of Trat. The nicest building in the town was a KFC, which we obviously went to for dinner. We then left the next morning and took a 6 hour bus ride to the Cambodian border. The bus ride was pleasant aside from the driver stopping every 4 minutes to let people on/get soda pops/play with his friends who were throwing buckets of water at the bus. Anyways, we are now in the lovely country of Cambodia where everything is paid for in US dollars, and you can rent a slave for as little as $15 a day. Our slave is named Meta.

Alright Laterz Bangkok...Hey Koh Chang

2011-04-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

Bangkok is a little like Vegas. It's a lot of fun for a few nights, but it's really tough to handle for any longer than that. So we decided we needed to reward ourselves with a little relaxing on the island of Koh Chang. We hopped on a bus in Bangkok and took a 5 hour trip to the city of Trat. Here, we took a ferry and arrived on Koh Chang.

Everyone on the island was extremely excited for the party bros to arrive. We haven't run into any Americans yet on the island, but have spent some time with a lot of Swedes and a few Germans.

We spent our first night in the above bungalow on the beach. For the three of us, it cost 360 baht, about 13 US dollars. We definitely got what we paid for. It was full of mosquitoes and geckos, had no air conditioning, and had a salt water shower. Needless to say, it was not ideal for us three American princes. We spent the night at a beach party outside our bungalow where a stage was setup with a DJ playing terrible Euro dance music. We showed all the Euros our smooth American dance moves and had a great time drinking Red Bull whiskey buckets. Then, the morning came and the hangover/no sleep/heat/bug bites kicked in, and we were ready to give up on life.

We got out of bed around 7:00am and got the hell off the above party beach in a desperate search for some air conditioning. We took a cab down to a secluded beach and rented the below bungalow which had AC, Wi-Fi, and a TV. Obviously, we chose the Jeff Gordon number 24 bungalow. We were back to living the good life.

We spent the next couple days relaxing and enjoying the adventures on Koh Chang.

Monkeys fighting over a piece of gum.

Soaking in some scenery and throwing around a coconut like a football.

Eating some spicy Thai food.

And, Andrew got his Easy Rider on by cruising around the island on a moped. I'm still amazed by how badass he looks on one of those things. Andy and Max would have rented them also, but Max didn't have the proper shoes while Andy didn't want to leave Max by himself. It clearly wasn't because Max struggles on a normal bicycle and was too much of a pussy to mob around on a moped.

Rat Tail Party Time!

2011-04-09T04:02:00.000-07:00

5 hours of fun with a rat tail. Apparently, they aren't near as popular in Bangkok as they are in the USA.

Bangkok Day 2: Getting Adjusted

2011-04-07T18:49:00.000-07:00

Andy could not shake the malaria pill side affects and spent the day like this.

After puking up some Burger King, Andrew found a nice plate of spaghetti. Man, this Thai food is great.

We ventured out to Soy Cowboy with our new buddy Scott. He's a wild man. Soy Cowboy is the home to thousands of hookers, hundreds of dirty Europeans, and a few of the coolest street kids in the world.

This is Scott right before he clocked homegirl in the head with a right hook (what a jerk). Just kidding Scotty boy.

Here's Max negotiating a fair deal with a lovely prostitute...just kidding...

Here's just some badass photography.

Now, we are leaving Bangkok and heading out to the beaches of Ko Chang. Definitely ready to escape the Bangkok scene for a while.

Day 1: Bangkok - Nuttier than a PayDay

2011-04-06T01:11:00.000-07:00

Well, it's the second day of the trip and only two of us have been puking our guts out so far. Obviously, Max isn't because his stomach is a thing of beauty. Man, that guy is badass. Our passports are stuck at the Vietnamese embassy for two days, we thought we lost a camera and some cash, and we've only been to Burger King once so far so things are going great. We met up with our friend Kelly who is studying here, and she took us out to a spot called Koh San rRoad where a lot of other Westerners go. We have some really good pictures but could only get a few of them to upload.

Lance Armstrong's got nothing on this guy. Morning calisthenics are clearing producing results. Fn winnin.

Things still going good up to this point. Right before Jonas got a pinner.

Somebody was a little hungy over.

Arrival Confirmed

2011-04-05T01:33:00.001-07:00

We have arrived in Bangkok and survived our first night with just a few issues and cranky fits. After arriving at 1:00 am, we went to our hostel and then went out and drank some beers at a party bus. We ended the night sitting at an outside bar while a 14 year old lady boy danced the night away. We got some foot massages today and are getting ready to hit he town tonight to have more fun with the lady boys.

Party Bus

Happy lady massaging Andrew's feet

Some clearly experienced travelers. Those passports are safe.