We’re just over a week away from our practically annual Fraternal Order of the Groundhog Weekend and Reduction Proceedings and, as usual, we have a proclamation from the Grandhog to set the tone for the entire weekend:

“O Groundhog, O Groundhog, O Where can you be?

Cheering Urban, our hearts stirrin’, ‘neath the old Buckeye Tree!”

Hear ye hear ye hear ye!

This is the year of the Buckeye National Championship.

Prepare to bask in the afterglow like a fifteen year old after…um… well forget that.  Just be ready to bask.  A lot.

Further, micro theme is the letter ‘O’.  ‘O’ for Ohio State.  ‘O’ for “Oh hell, we beat who?”  ‘O’ for “Oh my God we’ve made it 40 years and it’s still more fun than a box of puppies!”

And ‘O’ because Heather said it should be. And that’s reason enough.

So take that, hoggies, and run with it in your inimitable style.

Can’t wait to see you in the burrow.

XOXO

G-Hog

Let this proclamation — consider it to be the Year of the O — guide us as we prepare to meet at RiverdOg Retreat in Oberlin next weekend.

Questions? MikehOg and HeatherhOg stand ready with answers.

“Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the Hogs of old; seek what they sought.” – Basho.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are pleased to announce the official announcement of 2014’s Fraternal Order of the Groundhog Weekend and Reduction Proceedings, which will take place Jan. 31-Feb. 2 at the lovely Riverdog Retreat near Oberlin, Ohio.

“Sitting quietly doing nothing, spring comes; the Groundhog sees its shadow in itself.” – Eicho

And, as always, we are equally pleased to announce the theme of this year’s gathering, the thing that will guide the totality of the weekend’s festivities: food, dress, activities and, of course, the Reduction Ceremony. As has been the case for the last several years, this year’s theme has been the subject of much discussion and speculation.

This year’s theme is no theme.

The Dali Hogma explains:

The 2014 FOG Reduction is to be the Year of the Non-Theme. It is in keeping with the innermost spirit of the FOG — its significance is its insignificance. To quote Scott Hog, one of our more spiritually enlightened members, “Very Zen, man.” Considering the personalities involved, leaving this thing open-ended is likely to be WAY more interesting. So let your FOG flag fly, follow your heart and let your conscience be your guide — this is the year of whatever you want it to be.

Love to all the Hogs. Can’t wait for us to be together again.

DH

To expound: Make this FOG weekend what you want this FOG weekend to be. Follow your muse. Be the ball. Give it 110 percent. Take it one game at a time. Defense wins championships.

The details:

Dates: From the afternoon of Friday, Jan. 31 until noonish Sunday, Feb. 2. If you can’t make it until Saturday, no worries.

Where: Riverdog Retreat, just west of Oberlin, Ohio. Directions and details are here.

Cost: Don’t be thrown by the rates listed at the Riverdog site; we get an off-season discount. The exact rate will depend on how many of us are attending. Heatherhog will be able to fill us in as soon as we have a headcount.

RSVP: As soon as possible to Heatherhog: jezebel.deux (at) gmail (dot) com; Mikehog: yourcrappyuncle (at) gmail (dot) com; Kellyhog: garrettkb (at) gmail (dot) com.

Food and drink: Bring what you’re drinking. Volunteers to prepare one of the meals (Friday dinner, Saturday lunch, Saturday dinner, Sunday breakfast) are welcome. Assignments for any meals not accounted for will be made at least a week prior to FOG weekend. And yes, there is a grocery and a good liquor/beer shop a short drive away in Oberlin.

Pledges: We have some! The pledges that we know of have been linked to this post. If there are others besides J.B., Suzanne and Becky, LET US KNOW IMMEDIATELY. Pledges and sponsors will receive a mountain of useless information designed to confuse the hell out of them prepare them for Reduction as soon as Mike locates the files he stored on his iMac a very long time ago.

Questions? The three people listed above will do their best to answer.

“When you get to the entrance of the burrow, keep climbing.” – Punxsutawney Phil

We look forward to hearing from you. And seeing you all at Riverdog Jan. 31.

“Our significance is our insignificance.” – Juan Esteban

No, Virginia — there isn’t a FOG weekend in 2012.

I’m sure you’ve figured that out by now — today being Groundhog Day and all — but real life got in the way of scheduling a proper FOG party, whether we were talking about this weekend or sometime in the next six weeks of winter Punxsutawney Phil promised us this morning.

Believe me when I say this is the last conclusion we wanted to reach, but, unfortunately, it was the only realistic outcome this time around.

We hope you have a happy Groundhog Day, and we hope that you’re able to observe the weekend in a fashion that would make all of us proud.

1. The only requirement is participation. Feel free to invent your own dance to fit your own specifications — standing, seated, whatever you feel works best.
2. The dances will be judged by the assembled elders.
3. There will be a fabulous prize* for the winner.

Need some suggestions? Here’s a fairly straightforward demonstration:

This isn’t actually a hula, but you could take some cues from the University of Hawaii’s football team and their pregame haka:

I have no idea what this one is about, but it seems to demonstrate something important:

And then I’d imagine that many of our dances will end up looking like this:

We’ll have hula-appropriate music at a few different tempos available for your use; if you have something specific in mind, feel free to bring it along.

*Prize not actually fabulous.

From the office of the Grandhog:

Aloha hoalohas!

Grandhog Kiwi proclaims that this is the year of AloHog!

Hele mei hoohiwahiwa at the our newest den of iniquity at Mohican in
Loudenville.  Arrive Po’alima* evening and depart Lapule** morning.

Festivities to include all things Hawaiian — grass skirts, leis, boobies in
coconut shell bras, coconuts in general, Hawaiian shirts, a mandatory hula contest, ukuleles, poi, pineapple, Captain Cook, volcanoes, tacky tourists, sand, Spam and that thing where you dance under the stick.

Ed note: That part about the hula contest being mandatory means it is mandatory for all.

Put on a hau’oli face and head for the burrow!

Aloha No Au Ia ‘Oe,

Grandhog Kiwi

*Friday. **Sunday.

But more importantly, we are one week — yes, just one week — away from the deadline for all of y’all to let us know if you’re joining us.

Official records show that outside of the sergeant at arms, the song master, the secretary pro-tem and her lovely and talented bodyguard, only one couple has confirmed their plans to attend.

That means there are a bunch of you — including, ahem, the Grandhog — who have yet to let us know whether you’ll be attending. And we need to know your intentions no later than Jan. 10 — we have reserved cabins at Mohican, and that date will just barely allow us time to cancel cabins we don’t need without significant financial penalty.

So, folks — yes or no, by Jan. 10., to one of the following addresses:

Heatherhog: jezebel.deux (at) gmail (dot) com

Mikehog: yourcrappyuncle (at) gmail (dot) com

Kellyhog: garrettkb (at) gmail (dot) com

And we thank you once again for your support.

We’re going back to Mohican, the weekend of Feb. 4 and 5. It may not be quite as picturesque as it was last year, but we hope to see you there anyway.

Mohican State Park is where the Barefoot Run was born, back on a family vacation weekend with the Pounds and the Ahrens. I though the chances that there would be snow on the ground for the resurrection of the tradition this year would be decent.

And yeah, it snowed a little.

Here’s a quick look at this year’s Run through 15 inches of fluffy white powder. I almost wish I brought my skis…

1) Phil was totally right.

2) Bring boots.