Foggymess

The Junk err I mean Sun Room

2009-10-11T18:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know, been a while since I sent out the latest House update :) But despite broken wrist and mental burn-out, I have continued working on the house...just quite a bit slower! Have a four day weekend, so am using the time to knock out the last of the projects...or at least enough of it to get the house listed for sale this week!

The sunroom, or back room as I usually call it, has actually been most commonly the junk room for most of the ten years I've lived here.

During the three years I sold books online, it actually was the book room - at one point more than 10,000 books were stored back here! That history actually led to the biggest challenge of this room - filling in ALL those holes in the walls from where I had shelving hung on the walls. I went through an entire container of wood putty and half a container of spackling to get all the holes filled in! Granted, they were small containers, but still!

The first thing was to clear out all the junk and trash that had accummulated in here. Brianna and Mark helped me with hauling off the dog sofa, I

sold the futon (not shown) at one of the yard sales, and cleaned up all the just plain trash. The small window was cracked and broken in a bad wind storm, and I'm having fun (not!) finding glass the right size to fit is, as none of the pre-cut glass available at Home Depot or Lowes is the right size. But I'll get it done.

[caption id="attachment_189" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Sunroom north facing, after clearing out"][/caption]

Despite all the holes in the wall, I expected this room to be the simplest room to make over. The plan was patch the holes, repaint the walls and ceiling, pull out the fugly piece-meal carpeting that was at least 30 years old, paint the floor (it's concrete), and move all my craft stuff in here.

Of course, just like every other room, this room had an unexpected surprise or two...sigh...the big surprise in this room was a humongous crack in the floor. Seriously huge. The floor of this room was actually just a slab, the room was just simply a back patio that was enclosed in 1956 by the owners at the time. When they enclosed it, they installed two huge single-pane picture windows, and reused a storm window as the side window, and built the small window on the north side that is now cracked. They didn't insulate or anything, of course. But they did build the room right over the existing floor, of which a 2-foot by 4-foot section of the south portion had cracked, broken, shifted, and skewed about two inches off the level of the rest of the floor.

OMG, how can anyone build a room on a floor that is OBVIOUSLY broken, without fixing it first!! Sure, I know it wouldn't have been exactly cheap to inject concrete under the broken section, lifting it and releveling it, but to just build right over it without doing ANYTHING at all! They filled the crack in with gravel and sand, and put a very thin layer of morter over it (thin like in less than 1/4", all broken and gone now)! It's amazing to me!

I'm seriously getting sick and tired of finding myself on my hands and knees dealing with floor issues in every single room!!

[caption id="attachment_191" align="alignright" width="300" caption="sunroom south after clearing out - see the crack from hell"][/caption]

Well, of course I can't fix it properly - which would entail injecting concrete under the broken section, lifting it up and leveling it. For starters, it would be outrageously expensive. Then there would be the problem of the wall that is built over it - lifting the slab would lift the wall, causing at best lots of cracks and a big broken window, but would probably damage the roof and knock the south door out of alignment completely.

The next option would have been for me to pour a new floor over the existing floor with self-leveling cement. I seriously considered this, although pricy (about $100-$150 worth of self-leveling cement) it would have corrected the broken slab issue, and would have leveled the entire floor. But self-leveling cement isn't recommended for situations requiring a leveling over an inch - and the slope of this slab is 2-1/2 inches. I then would have had to redo both exterior doors in this room, cutting them about 3/4" shorter than they are and reframing them, because the floor would then be over the threshholds of both doors.

Forget that. Too much work. As it is, the back door will probably need to be replaced as part of the sale of the house, assuming the potential new owner doesn't want a doggy door.

Sigh... I can't fix this problem the most proper way, as it will simply lead to virtual destruction of the room. But I can improve the situation.

So I decided to just patch the crack, and feather it out as much as possible to at least smooth out the juncture between the intact slab and the

[caption id="attachment_193" align="alignleft" width="225" caption="Working on the crack"][/caption]

broken portion of the slab. I'm not worried about the slab sinking or shifting anymore - it obviously hasn't moved since the room was built in 1956. I suspect the crack originally occured during the first ten or twenty years of the house's life. It looks that old. Following the advice of my neighbor Matt, who used to pour concrete foundations and patios for a living, and the advice of Trey, who just simply knows a little bit about everything, I first dug out all the broken crap out of the crack, I then chipped the crack wider, by about an inch, I then poured a layer of resin down the crack, then using repair morter, actually filled in the crack, about 1/2" at a time, letting it dry and cure for about 2 days between each layer. It took nearly two weeks just to repair the crack. Although the slope where the floor is cracked is still obvious, it's a lot less drastic than it was - no one will trip over it now!

No wonder nobody has moved the carpet pieces in this room in decades! I've lived here 10 years and never noticed that the floor was different there either - wow!

I found a gallon of "oops" Behr floor-and-porch paint at Home Depot for $5, tinted the most perfect shade of light blue with just a bare touch of green to it - very 1950s. I love the "oops" paint shelf :) I wish the guys in the paint department made even more tinting mistakes ... I swear almost all the paint in my house is "oops" paint :) Anyway, $5 for a gallon of paint that normally runs around $28 is awesome :) I painted the floor, and used Behr's paint chips ($7.95) to "fleck" the floor to give it some interest, and also to detract from the crack :)

I must admit this room was the most fun to paint :) Whoever last painted it was a total slob - they painted right on the glass, dripped all over the floor. Since I knew I was painting the floor, I didn't care if anything got on the floor. No need for drop clothes! Since I was going to have to

[caption id="attachment_194" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Painting and flecking the floor"][/caption]

scrape 30 or 40 year old paint off the windows anyway, I didn't bother masking them. When I painted the floor, I just poured the paint right on the floor and rolled it out :) Very fun :) I managed not to paint myself into a corner, too :)

Of course, I kept forgetting to CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR! Both dogs and Lassie the Cat all stepped in the wet paint at least once!

When it came time to paint around the windows, I discovered that the caulking around the windows was cracked, brittle, and even missing in some places. I also discovered that one of the picture windows wasn't framed in at all - the caulking was the ONLY thing holding the window in place. I'm stunned the dang thing hasn't fallen right out. Lucky, too. Using some scrap wood, I built a quicky frame around the window, painted it, and after cleaning out what little remained of the existing caulking, I caulked both windows.

I then moved the white cabinet that used to be in the kitchen into this room, and moved all my craft and sewing stuff that was previously strewn around the entire house into this one room. It's all organized now... which is really quite scary :) I even repurposed a bunch of small plastic containers and sorted through all my notions, storing them into containers that are now labeled and stored in the cabinet :)

[caption id="attachment_195" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Organization!"][/caption]

Yes, I said *organized* and *labeled*. Yes, two words not normally used in conjunction with me!

I put all my patterns into a binder. Did the same thing with all my stencils :)

On the other side of the room (not pictured, batteries died in the camera, gotta recharge them!) I put the dog and cat food into to large plastic bins and set them up neatly in the corner. I then hung my aluminum can crusher on the wall next to the back door, and set up three other plastic bins for my recycling - paper, plastic, and aluminum. Looks nice and neat, and is colorful, if I don't say so myself :)

I cleaned all the thermal insulated curtains I had hanging up over the windows, they look much nicer now, but I have not rehung them up. Although they do a remarkable job of keeping this room warmer during the winter and cooler during the summer (the room isn't heated) I decided the room looks much nicer with the sun shining in - it'll show better.

Voila! The notorious junk room is now a multi-purpose craft and recycling room :) As you can see in the pictures, I do still have some craft stuff to finish organizing - that's the pile on the cabinet - and the window still needs to be repaired. I've got all my tools sitting in there right now, those will get stowed back in the garage when I'm done with all this house rehabbing stuff, but it's nice to have the tools in just one place now while I finish up all the work I'm doing on the house.

[caption id="attachment_196" align="aligncenter" width="1024" caption="Just about all done!"][/caption]

Costs:
$5.00 for "oops" floor and porch paint
$7.95 for Behr paint chips
$7.98 for a gallon of white paint for the walls and ceilings
$4.90 for spackling and wood putty
$12.80 for repair mortar, which will also be used to patch some small fine foundation cracks.
Total: $38.63

The Utility Room, Day Three: Good Memories

2009-08-19T01:45:00.000-07:00

I never expected that the smallest room in the house would take so much time, work... and emotion...*sigh*.... Amongst the many things I was dreading in cleaning up the utility/laundry room is Christmas.

Christmas decorations and ornaments, that is. I've got boxes of them, piled up above the basement stair cover in the utility room, and a few sitting on the top stairs to the basement, never actually carried down to store last Christmas.

Like many people, I have a difficult time throwing out faded, worn, and even broken Christmas decorations because every one of them has some sort of sentimental memory involved with it. But I live alone, my 5-foot tall plastic Christmas tree is WAY overloaded, and I don't need 20 square feet of space being taken up by stuff I use only once a year, regardless of how much it may mean to me. Heck, half the time, I only get about 1/3rd of all my stuff actually out and about each year!

So I tackled culling the Christmas stuff by dividing it all into three piles: "Broken and can't be fixed," "In good shape but not sentimentally attached," and "I'm so attached I want to be buried with this." In other words, trash, sell at the next yard sale, or keep. The goal was to get all the tree lighting and ornaments into one big plastic box, and all the other decorations into another box, culling a total of eleven loosely and badly packed, unorganized boxes into only two boxes. A tall order, indeed.

Like much of my house, some of the stuff I have is just plain ridiculous. Why do I have SIX unopened boxes of tinsel, when I *never* use tinsel? I own dogs, they love to eat the stuff, you know the result of that if you are a dog owner!! On the other hand, just looking at the tinsel brought up hysterical memories of Daisy, the dog I grew up with, running around the house with tinsel hanging out of her you-know-where... we kids got such a kick out of that, when we weren't completely grossed out! Thankfully, tinsel isn't made out of poisonous lead anymore...

Onward I traveled through Christmas Memory Lane... boxes of little one-inch round glass ornaments I bought with my first tree in my first apartment when I was 18...all of them, the color coating has fallen off of, most of them, the metal hanger loops have rusted or broken... I've not actually used them in a decade, easily, why do I keep them? Sentimental...but they are trash. Time to make room for new stuff, right?

A sprig of dried, authentic, Misletoe. HAHAHAHahahahahahaha!!!!!! ROFL!!! I've not been kissed in what, two years!?! Right, I'm going to keep THAT - NOT!!

A large amount of static window cling decorations, never used because, well, to use them, requires I clean the windows! Who wants to do that in the cold of December? Oh wait... they cling to the INSIDE of the window...drat, that excuse won't work anymore... I'll keep them. Besides, they don't take much space.

Another item, another rush of memories... A silver, Jade and Onyx pinky ring, handmade by a young Navajo I dated briefly back when I lived in Mesa Verde some 15, 16 years ago...shamefully, I cannot remember his name, but he meant so much to me at the time... the ring is here because I made a ornament out of it some years ago, when the silver became worn so thin it was nearly broken through. I'll keep this.

What the heck was his name?

Miles, literally, miles upon miles of plastic beads, used to decorate the bushes in front of the house I rented in Tallahassee around 1985... some converted to door beads a few years ago, but otherwise never used since... tons of purple garland, now faded pink, purchased in 1989 and used to decorate the huge floor-to-ceiling windows of my studio apartment in Washington, DC...

Quick break to chase Binky around the house, he got a hold of some loose tinsel! Retrieved before consumption, fortunately :)

Continuing on through the boxes... ornaments engraved with my name and the year purchases by my Mom as I grew up, the paper-mache stocking ornament I made together with other travelers far from home, strangers become temporary family spending Christmas together sharing our favorite holiday recipes in a youth hostel in Melbourne, Australia back in 1991...hand-carved wood ornaments made by a roommate in San Franciso... pewter ornaments made by a close friend now long out of touch in Hawaii... it continues on as I examine each item and pile them gut-wrenchingly into the keep, trash or sell pile, as appropriate.

Ahh, I remember now! His name was Eric! I wonder whatever happened to him...

Eventually, right around 3 a.m., I reach my goal of combining and repacking all my sloppily packed Christmas treasures into just two boxes, and in fact, I have some room to spare. I move the sell pile to the front porch, adding it to the ever-growing pile awaiting the next yard sale... my neighbors wonder if my porch will ever be empty again! Each precious treasure is actually packed far more securely than it was before, well padded, awaiting unpacking again in a just a few short months to be displayed proudly like each Christmas before.

The only question remains whether these delicate treasures will be next be unpacked in the house I now live, or a new home, a new home for a new dream, the dream of owning my own home, completely debt-free.

The Utility Room, Day Two: Flooring Dilemna, yet again!

2009-08-18T19:09:00.000-07:00

One of the many small projects that I've needed to deal with since the day I bought my house ten years ago is the broken floor linoleum in the utility room. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure how best to approach the issue. The floor and the door to the back room are at EXACTLY the same level...over time, as the ancient 1950s-era linoleum has swelled with humidity and dried with arid weather, it buckled and was chipped away at by the door. Directly underneath the linoleum is this weird hardboard stuff, kinda like compressed cardboard, probably under that is wood flooring.

Although I know I should just tear the entire floor out, I really don't want to do that...I've had enough issues with tearing out floors in this house!! I can't just simply tile over the bare spot, because I can't match the existing stuff (which is actually kinda nifty looking), and the door would just simply chip away at it again over time. I can't cut the door shorter, because then there will be a gap letting cold air in under it - which would defeat the whole super-energy-efficiency thing I've got going on in this house, what with all that blow-in insulation and other stuff I've done over the years. This house is SUPER efficient - I spent only $190 on heat for the entire winter last year!

Anyway, I thought about simply pulling up all the linoleum, and just painting the hardboard...but that would mean moving the washer and dryer, which is nightmarish, as anyone whose ever moved a washer and dryer before knows. And besides, Lord Only Knows what can of worms I'll open up should I tear into yet more flooring in this house! Besides, painted hardboard ... very cheap looking!

So what I decided is this: remove a small amount of the linoleum - just the traffic area, partly already missing, the rest previously covered with small amount of carpeting by me because it is severely cracked and buckled. Of course, make sure I dispose of it properly so I don't get yelled at by the garbage man again for possible asbestos contamination like I did when I pulled out the old linoleum from the bathroom years ago. It's a small amount, I do have a top-notch respirator mask now, I know how to pack it up and where to bring it to dispose of now, too :)

Then pull the hardboard out in that same traffic area, so the overall floor level is lower. Replace it with some of the leftover stick-on vinyl tiles from the kitchen, and put a metal threshold-thingie along the existing linoleum where the washer and dryer is. The washer and dryer will end up on flooring that is about 1/4" higher than the traffic area of the floor, which actually isn't a bad thing at all. This way, there is no exposed broken linoleum, no door chipping away at the flooring, it'll look clean and maybe even professionally done, and having that black-and-white tiling extended from the kitchen through the laundry room should look pretty nifty, especially with the bright white washer and dryer :)

The Utility Room, Day One: Bad Memories

2009-08-18T18:50:00.000-07:00

The utility/laundry room. I've been dreading this fix-up.

It's not that the room needs a lot of work, it's just that the work that needs to be done is a pain in the ass, and worse, reminds me of an episode in my life I'd rather forget: my electricians.

You see, about 7 years ago, I hired two guys - a father and son - to rewire my entire house. The son was married to one of my best friends, and both he and his father were licensed electricians. I hired them party to help them out, and partly because everyone in town said they were the best.

Besides, they were willing to work here in Calhan, whereas just about every other electrician I called wanted an extra $400-$600 just because I was "outside" their normal working area (Colorado Springs).

Well, as is true with most any major house repair or remodelling job you do...nothing goes the way you plan. In my case, because both the father and son had full-time jobs, they were working on my house during the weekends. Of course, they didn't show up every weekend... what should have taken oh, 3 or 4 weekends at most, stretched into a full year.

Then, the son and my best friend split up. This divorce became worse than the War of the Roses or Kramer vs Kramer - I wish I was exaggerating!! Because the son felt I was "taking sides" because I stayed friends with his now-ex-wife, he and his father dropped my job completely. Simply refused to finish it, leaving me with quite a mess. The entire situation got VERY ugly, and was much the stuff of gossip around my small town...

It's not that the work they did wasn't done well or correctly or to code - it was - the problem was the job was HALF DONE, and no other electrician I called would finish the job. They all wanted to start from scratch, and of course, charge me a premium because I'm so "far away" from their normal work areas (about 35 miles) they all wanted to charge me a premium.

Well, I'd paid the father and son $800, out of an estimated $1700 total cost to rewire the whole house. Best estimate I received from one of the few willing electricians to finish (actually completely redo!) the rewiring was $2340. Since at the time, my business had just failed (to add insult to injury!) it wasn't a price I was able to afford.

So now I'm stuck with a house that has been half rewired. Half the house going to the new circuit breaker box, half the house going to the old.
Which, to be honest, isn't a problem... the electricity works fine, and at the time I bought the house ten years ago, there was only one code issue with the electricity: Part of the house still had the original 1928 knob-and-tube wiring, which meant I could not put insulation into the walls or the attic, was a potential fire hazard, and was a code issue. So when I decided to get that knob-and-tube wiring replaced, I decided to go ahead and just replace the remaining wiring throughout the house, which all dated to the remodeling done in 1958 (but wasn't considered a building code issue).

I always wanted to add a BUNCH of extra outlets, as most rooms only had one outlet, I wanted to install a whole-house surge protector, outdoor lighting, and run power to the garage. The garage had power at one point, but a prior owner pulled it out when a tree knocked the line down and never reinstalled it. I also wanted to install a larger circuit breaker box in anticipation, at the time, of eventually building an extension onto the house. Thought it would be prudent to have that set up at the time, so I wouldn't have to deal with swapping out circuit breaker boxes in the future.

So the father and son electricians did get all of the knob-and-tube wiring replaced, and did a mighty fine job of it, I must admit. They got the front bedroom, which I use as an office, wired with tons of extra outlets, like I wanted. The power lines to the ceiling fans in the office, living room, and master bedroom were all replaced, along with the line to the front porch light. They even replaced and reattached the meter to the side of the house - something that was done completely wrong and missed by my original inspector - and arranged for the electric company to replace the line from the pole to the house (which was actually attached to the gutter - wrong!!)

But... they never finished the wiring in the bathroom, so the new GFCs don't work. They never rewired my bedroom, the back room, the utility room, or the basement, most of which is using 1958 wiring, which is fine, but much of it isn't grounded. Same in the kitchen - some of the wiring is grounded, some is not. They did dig and run the wiring to the garage, but it's not hooked into the circuit breaker or live in any way.
So I sit here living with two different circuit breaker boxes - the old and the new - and part of the house is modern wiring, and part of it is older wiring but not a code issue, and part of the older wiring is not grounded, but isn't considered a code issue unless I actually start to work on it!! The code issue is complicated due to grandfathering of the work the father and son team started on - at the time, no building permits were required - and grandfathering of the existing 1958 wiring... grrr... you get the idea, it's complex.

In a nutshell, the power works fine. It's considered safe, if not necessarily up to modern day standards. It will pass inspection, but having two circuit breaker boxes (plus a third in the garage that isn't attached to anything) will cause questions.

And to make it worse, much as I would love to just tear the whole thing out and get it entirely redone... price quotes now are in the $2500-$3000 range, including redoing work that is ALREADY done, that is ALREADY at code (actually exceeds code), because I can't find an electrician willing to come in and just rewire the parts of the house that are still using the 1958 wiring!! ACK!!! Not that I could afford it... but seriously, to do the rewiring that remains to be done, should be able to be done for less than $1000. Not that I can afford that...but it is something I am prepared to grant as part of the house purchase when someone makes an offer. Meaning, I'm willing to provide cash back to bring the entire electric system up to date at closing. An expensive buyer concesion, but one I've accepted I'll likely have to make... really sticks in my craw, it does.

So anyway, every time I go to do any work in the utility room, I see those two circuit breaker boxes. I see the never-finished damage to the drywall above the circuit breaker box, done when they rewired that whole thing. I see the gaping hole in the floor where the line now (properly) goes, heading to the meter. And I'm reminded of a very ugly, very frustrating, time in my life.

On the other hand, now that I've fixed the wall and floor, I have less reminder of that time in my life!

The Living Room...egads!

2009-08-17T23:44:00.000-07:00

[caption id="attachment_165" align="alignleft" width="150" caption="Living Room, south wall, before."][/caption]

Initially, I thought all I needed to do was declutter, clean, repaint the white walls and ceiling, and even though the carpeting was NOT wall-to-wall, just clean it up.

Well... of course that's not what happened!

First, the easy part: I sold the recliner and couch, which did NOT match and were totally the wrong size for the room, at my yard sale,
and replaced both with a 2-piece used sectional in pretty good condition I got totally for free from the Pikes Peak Community Action Agency. Carl over there was so happy to have someone take it off their hands (taking up a lot of space in the Free pile!) that he arranged for someone to haul it the three blocks to my house! Granted, it took an entire bottle of Febreeze to kill the musty smell
of it, but it looks great, I think, and the dogs LOVE it. Especially Coco, who can still get to her favorite sleeping corner in the house
by simply walking behind it, but Binky can't cause he's too big - so she now has a place which is totally Binky-free! She's quite happy
about that :) Although she wasn't happy about the commotion I made tearing the living room apart, I think I've been forgiven.

All the steam cleaning in the world (and various chemical agents) would not take the black paint stain out of the carpet. I really debated about removing it, because it does help keep the room warm during the winter and it was a pain to get it into the living room to begin with, but at the same time, showing a house with a carpet that is one foot two small on two sides for the room, that doesn't meet up at the kitchen arch, is seriously stained, and frankly, rather tatty looking, just ain't going to work. Next-door-neighbor had given it to me when he replaced the carpeting in his house, his daughter's 2-year-old son was the "artist" who painted on it, and despite that, I really did like having it in there. But it had to go. Removing it was a pain - it's big and heavy - but by cutting it into
smaller pieces, I was able to tackle that job relatively easily.

I knew the wood floors would need some work... they've become pretty worn, but fortunately, they're oiled floors. That means I don't need
to sand and deal with expensive, life-threatening urethanes and all to get it to look good, I just need to get some Tung nut oil and reoil
them. But of course, *NOBODY* stocks traditional Tung oil anymore! All the so-called Tung oil products at Home Depot and Lowes are just
urethane and varnish products with a touch of tung oil in them! I did find an old can of tung oil in the garage, probably dating to the 1950s when the floor was last properly finished, but it only had a small amount left in it. I did use that - it was barely enough to do a very, very light first coat over the floor, which did make a big difference (parts of the floor, especially in the traffic areas, are practically bare), and found a place on the 'net that sells proper, pure Tung oil for about $17 for a half- gallon, which should be more than enough for me to do another coat or two in the living room, and also touch up the office floor when I pull the carpet out of there. I'll order it when I next get paid, and finish the floor then. Some areas will need more than a few coats to get them to even out and match the rest of the floor, but that's okay with me.

[caption id="attachment_169" align="alignright" width="108" caption="Starting to re-oil the floor"][/caption]

There's several reasons I'm sticking with the original wood floor treatment. Tung oil is completely natural - it's the oil from the
Tung nut - and has a very pleasant, somewhat-peanutty, odor. You don't need to wear respirator masks when installing it, and can even handle it with bare hands if you really wanted to. I can't, because I'm still somewhat allergic to nuts, but latex gloves does the trick. An oiled floor, if it becomes damaged, doesn't require you to refinish the entire thing - just sand where the damage is, and then brush some
oil on it till it matches. The oil blends right in to the existing area. The more you oil it, the darker and shinier the finish. You don't need anything special to clean or care for it - can wash the floor with simply water, and should it get worn off (like in the case of my floor), just brush some oil on, and lightly hand buff it, and you're done. Finally, I'm using it because that's what's always been used on the hardwood floors in this house: tung oil. Never a touch of stain, never any harsh chemicals :) Of course, there is one downside: it takes about two days to dry out enough to move furniture back on it and walk on it without sticking, and about a month to fully "cure" (get hard), but I don't mind that.

The walls turned into a nightmare. When I first started to paint them, the existing paint started to peel off!! Apparently the last time this room was painted (which was probably around 1984!), either extremely cheap paint was used, or the surface wasn't prepared right - likely both. I knew I was going to have some problems covering all the yellowed and stained walls, but the existing paint just simply falling off the wall wasn't a problem I was prepared for.

Fortunately, there was a simple solution: TSP, the same stuff I used on the tiles in the kitchen! Ya know, that big box of TSP I bought
about ten years ago for like $4 sure has come in handy more than I can count! I had to scrub all three white walls, AND the ceiling, with
TSP, and even sand some places. Lots of spackling was needed, too, then I could finally paint. It took three days... sigh... I hate
painting ceilings! And parts of the room still need another coat of paint, but that will wait, also, for payday, when I can buy another
gallon :) Still, the walls are nice and white, the ceiling reflects too much light, but it looks good :)

I sold the dresser I was using as a TV stand, and repurposed the wood shelves I used to have in the middle of the kitchen. I stained the
wood shelves with a woodstain mis-tint I picked up at Home Depot for $1.00, and trimmed it in "black leatherette" contact paper. Yes, I really love contact paper :) I did the same to the dvd-stand just left of the door, so it looks like a matched set of furniture now. I removed the shelving behind the door that I had all my "back up copies" of dvds (read that the way you want *grins*), as my realtor has suggested that having piles of "back up" dvds laying around the living room for strangers to comment on may not be a very good idea... They are now boxed up. I pulled out all the wiring I had from the living room to the bedroom and office, and replaced it with a used wireless media networking system I picked up at Goodwill for $7.75 ...that way I still can stream any video or music I want from the living room to the office or bedroom or back to the living room, but no longer have a bunch of wires hanging out all over the place! I unhooked the home theater sound system speakers from the wall, and just have them neatly sitting on the shelves around the tv... do miss the true surround sound of having the speakers placed properly, but it
still sounds good. Besides, wires draped over the windows just isn't very attractive :)

I've only rehung two pictures, although I think the corner behind the sectional looks too bare now, I think it's better than making new
holes in walls I just spent what feels like a year patching to hang more pictures. :) I'm leaving the mural on the arch wall as it is (although I did finish painting the flowers, and cleaned it)... I'll offer to paint over it to whoever buys the house if they want me to. I love it too much to paint over it while the house is still mine :)

So there you have it... Laura's new, nice, clean, neat, ready-to-show, living room. Sure, still a few things to do ... some touch-up paint,
floor needs more oiling, ceiling fan needs cleaning, finish the molding around the front window, and a throw-rug (currently hanging on the fence after being hosed down and cleaned) to lay on the floor, but it's done.

Here's the best part: Total cost: $45.11

Tung Oil, $15.95 with free shipping (will use in office later, too)
Gallon of White Paint, $7.44
Blue wood stain, $1.07
"Black Leatherette" Contact paper, $5.95 (will use in office later, too)
Yet more spackling, $1.95 (I should just break down and buy the big jug)
Two new end tables, from GoodWill, $5 (they were still in the box, unopened! Only one in the picture, the other one will be placed by the door after I finish the floor)
New (used) wireless media streaming center from Goodwill $7.75

Sorry the final photo is kinda warped looking... I'm still getting the hang of the panoramic photo feature :)

It echos, just like the kitchen :)

[caption id="attachment_171" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Living room, done"][/caption]

The Kitchen, Done.

2009-08-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

[caption id="attachment_138" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Backsplash wall before."][/caption]

: Backsplash wall after

Took another two days to replace the 1960's contact paper on the shelves, clear out more stuff from the shelves, figure out a place for the microwave which turned out to be too big to fit under the cabinet left of the sink like I wanted to, but it fit on the right side of the sink, and a few other small things.

Moved a small 1960's era table and two 1970's era chairs from my back room (the junk room) to the kitchen, so now it is a proper eat-in kitchen complete with a walk-in pantry :) I think it will show a lot better when I list the house.

My dogs hate it. Before, I had a carpet runner between the back door and the archway to the living room. Now, it's all clean, slick, shiny vinyl flooring... walking on it is no problem. But if they try to run on it to go scare some poor squirrel out of the backyard, barking all the way, they slip-and-slide and loose all grip on the flooring. It's actually very funny... think a drunk trying to walk on a ice skating rink :) Poor pups!! It's hysterical watching Binkie get halfway across the kitchen, then back up, and go through the living room, office, bathroom, and master bedroom, circling all the way around the house, to get out the back door! I keep telling him if he would just WALK instead of RUN across the floor, he could save himself some time! Coco's like 15 years old, so she pretty much never runs... the floor doesn't challenge her at all, yet she also walks around because she just doesn't like the way it feels on her paws, best I can figure. Lassie the Cat isn't real fond of it either... but Lassie almost never goes through the kitchen anyway, preferring to get out through my bedroom window :) Boy is he going to be pissed when I close that down for the winter!

Reminds me, that's another thing to add to the "to do" list: Fix the doggie door, so it will securely latch.

[caption id="attachment_140" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Pantry wall before"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_148" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Pantry wall after"][/caption]

All told, not including the break one weekend for another yard sale, it took eight days to get the kitchen into shape.

My total expenses were $69.72, for new electrical outlets and light switch, ice maker hookup and water line cap, white paint, PineSol (used the whole bottle!), contact paper, painter's tape, and new door handle for the back door.

The "before" pictures, sigh...scary stuff...be afraid, be very afraid. The "after" photos I made using the very nifty featured called "Make Panoramic Photo" in Vista's "Windows Live Photo Gallery" program. You take a bunch of different photos, and it will "stich" them together, to make a panoramic photo. It actually works quiet good, although some of the alignments are a bit off - honestly, my wall's not split like it shows in a few of these. But I thought they gave a much better idea of the finished kitchen. Well, almost finished... I still have to clean the ceiling, mop & shine the floor, replace a light switch, a few minor things that I'm not worried about right this instance. Anyway, here they are, enjoy!

[caption id="attachment_147" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Orange wall, after."][/caption]

The Kitchen, Days 4 and 5: The Pantry Wall Continued

2009-08-08T10:50:00.000-07:00

These last few days have been spent dealing with the rest of the kitchen floor and finishing the pantry wall. Underneath where the refrigerator was, in front of the pantry door, the floor had buckled due to water damage caused by a mouse chewing through the water line to the ice maker about six years ago. Some water had seeped around the edges of the linoleum in the pantry at the time, causing water to get under the flooring. But I thought at the time that some judicious hole-drilling would minimize that problem, and by drilling holes, most if not all of that inter-floor-layer water would drain to the crawl space and out. Which, in fact, it did.

In and of itself, I wasn't too worried about the buckling, either, since I thought it was just the linoleum flooring that had buckled, and knew over time it would eventually lay back down flat, especially with the heat of the refrigerator on top of it. Well, as I discovered, of course that didn't happen. I cut into the 1980's layer of linoleum, hoping I could just do some trimming of it to get it to lay flat then cover it up with the rest of
the stick-on tiles I had from when I first covered the floor some eight years ago. Well, below the 1980's layer is the 1970's layer of
linoleum, of which below that is a layer of thin plywood, sitting over the 1960's layer of linoleum. (I swear every owner of this house has
added a layer of flooring in the kitchen, myself included!) When the flood of water from the mouse-chewed water line seeped through those holes I drilled in an effort to avoid water spreading between the layers, desiring for it to just drain out, I inadvertently exposed that plywood to the water. It buckled. Bad. No quick cutting and splicing here, damn it. A few screws to "pull" it down to the subfloor won't work, either.

By the way, the main reason I didn't just pull the entire kitchen floor up when I recovered it eight years ago is simple: Linoleum flooring prior to the early 1980s contains asbestos. I already created a hazardous waste situation when I remodeled the bathroom
nearly ten years ago. Back then, not knowing better, I actually pulled all five layers of flooring up in the bathroom, three layers of various linoleum, two subfloors, and a layer of 1950s Tri-Bond plastic tile (man did someone love that stuff ... it was and still is all over this house!)... I'll never forget the panic I caused my garbageman at the time when he saw a trash can full of asbestos-laden, broken-up, loosely piled ancient flooring in the can! (Never had a garbageman knock on my door, red-faced and hysterical, shouting at me, "What the hell are you doing!?!" Granted, he used a much stronger curse word than "hell"...) Somewhere around here I'll have to dig up the warning letter I received from some government agency or another (can't remember which) about proper handling of hazardous waste... never had a garbageman report me to authorities before, either. Don't ask how much of that crap I may have breathed in at the time... I don't know. Fortunately, it was a small bathroom, only 5x6 feet of flooring (five or six layers thick) was removed...

Anyway back to the kitchen floor. I did get lucky, as the buckling ended at the plywood layer. The 1960s and below layer weren't buckled; I would only need to deal with this one area of buckled plywood. Unfortunately, there was no way to just screw the floor down where it was buckled, hoping to suck it down to the subfloor and level it out. This wasn't something that I could just ignore, either, because every time I open the pantry door, it rubs the floor there and almost gets stuck. No way to add my layer of flooring and still open the door! Plus the pantry will be (is now) a high traffic area, so this particular buckle is noticeable, very noticeable.

Fortunately, I happen to own more power tools than most men. A fact that has both weirdly excited and deeply disturbed more than one
boyfriend over the years. Pulled out the handy-dandy RotoZip, cut just the plywood layer out, limiting myself to just the area that was buckled. Placed a few decking screws here and there to reduce the lesser buckling in the area, and went to grab the bucket of self-leveling cement that I know I have out in the Garage of Doom to fill in the hole I just created so the floor isn't 1/4" lower there.

Damn it, the stuff has dried rock-solid... that bucket's been in the garage for at least six years!! It shouldn't have dried out!

Grrr... let's try some thinset mortar. If it's good enough for ceramic tiles, it should be good enough to level out this hole... nope. It has dried solid, too, and it's only 8 or 9 years old! Starting to regret the decision to try to get everything done using only stuff I already have on hand... *sigh*...

Well, I could use spackling paste... nah, that's not a good idea :) Not only would it take a week or longer for a 1/4" thick layer of
spackling paste to dry, it'll crack and crumble under repeated foot traffic.

Ahh hah! The Garage of Doom does contain a solution - silicon caulking!! Fortunately, I've got tubes of the stuff - I stocked up a few years ago when some home improvement store or another went out of business, got it for like 50 cents a tube! (Pack Rat Alert!) Of courses I can't find
the dang caulking gun, I own three of them (don't ask) and can't find a single one... but no worries. It's not like I'm needing this to be
a nice, fine, line. I just tore open the tube and used a putty knife to spread it out, reminding myself it doesn't need to be perfect, just needs to be good. (I may not have inherited my mother's neatness, but I sure did inherit her perfectionism! *grins*) Caulking is flexible and waterproof, so it'll do the trick perfectly. Some bleach on the patches of mold (fortunately, dried and dead mold) that I exposed, and let it all dry overnight.

Well, actually, as it turns out, it took about three days for the silicon to completely set and dry.

After the silicon dried, I put down the rest of the stick-on floor tile, actually have enough left over that I could retile the floor in the pantry.
I think I'll stew on that for a while... if I cover the pantry floor, there will be NO extra tiles left for future repairs, should any be needed. I think I'll leave it as a future owner option to use that spare tile for the pantry or not.

The kitchen is almost done. I just need to clean up the mess I made doing all this work, clean the ceiling, move the table and chairs in, and it's all done and ready to go. Probably hang some sort of picture on the wall above the table, it's kinda stark looking there. It is so decluttered, it actually ECHOs in here!

The Kitchen, Day 3: The Pantry Wall

2009-08-07T10:38:00.000-07:00

About eight years ago, I moved the refridgerator from next to the oven over to what I call the pantry wall. The so-called pantry is actually a small area under the attic stairs, you can barely see the door behind the fridge. I never used it as a pantry, didn't like the fridge next to the oven (I like to have some counterspace next to a stove for me to clutter up), and needed a place for the microwave and shelving for cookbooks. That's all fine and dandy for me... but it looks, um, well, crowded, to say the least, and makes the kitchen look about four feet smaller than it really is.

So I pulled out the cabinet I'd previously installed, moved the fridge yesterday, and discovered yet more broken, fugly green plastic tile to clean, repair, patch, and cover with the silver stuff. Although you can't really see it in this picture, the wall had been previously painted in several areas three different colors - I could never decide which color I liked best. I'm going to repurpose this cabinet as a dresser in the bedroom later on.

So I patched the holes in the tile and the wall, and put the first coat of paint on the wall. This is my first experience using those new "Low VOC" paints, the ones that are supposedly more "environmentally friendly" because they have "low volatile organic compounds" in them.

First thing I noticed, is definetly a good thing: No smell. I mean like no smell at all. If anything, there is a slight odor best
described as "fresh," if that makes any sense. I was able to paint the first coat on two walls without having to leave the room at all!
Usually I can only paint about half a wall at a time, and take about an hour or so break between painting sessions, thanks to allergies and asthma. Hrm, wonder if that's why I never seem to finish any of my painting projects!

The next thing I noticed is not a good thing: Coverage sucks. Oh my, this stuff goes on like really thin. It pours out of the can
with the same viscosity, the same thickness, that I'm used to with any standard latex paint. But once you start brushing it or rolling it on
the wall, it's THIN. Goes on like water - it doesn't drip (at least no more than latex paint does anyway) - it's just really, really thin
coverage. Just about everything that I am used to a single layer of paint covering up (stains, other paint, small hairline cracks) is
showing right through. I'm going to have to do two coats, for sure.

But I like the stuff :)

Meanwhile, I added a project that wasn't on my original list: Make the so-called pantry an actual, usable, pantry. Would look good to see "walk-in pantry" on the house-for-sale flyers, after all :) I repurposed some of the shelving I used for books in the back room, I cleaned all the dust, and fashioned a cover out of some scrap wood to cover up the bathroom waterpipe access that is on the lower right wall of the pantry.

I discovered when I moved the fridge yesterday that the shut-off for the ice maker water line is broke, so I've got a trip to Home Depot for tomorow to get something to cap it off. Meanwhile, I just kinked the line so it wouldn't flood the kitchen.

The floor under where the fridge and cabinet was is a problem... I do have plenty of spare stick-on floor tile, but the floor's buckled from a prior water leak... I'll have to tackle that tomorow. Great...

Regardless, quite a lot of progress done today.

The Kitchen, Day Two: The Orange Wall

2009-08-06T10:21:00.000-07:00

I'm approaching the kitchen one wall at a time. Yesterday was the backsplash wall, today is the oven wall... meaning, the wall where the oven and my half-size dishwasher are. Also known as the Orange wall :)

I'm also rearranging the appliances, to make room for a table so my kitchen can be a proper "eat-in" kitchen. It always was meant to be, but I never eat in the kitchen, I eat on the couch watching TV like most Americans do! So years ago, I moved the fridge to the pantry wall, installed additional cabinets, tons of shelving, and added a half-size dishwasher. I now have to basically undo everything I did eight-ten years ago, so the kitchen will show better.

Besides, it's cluttered as all hell. Honestly, it's not quite as bad as this photo shows... well, not normally... anyway, I pulled the dishwasher and oven out, and finished laying the floor under where the oven was, a reflooring project I started using 12 inch square stick-on floor tiles but never finished. I also had to replace two floor tiles by the door that had torn up.

Took shelves down, patched holes, resurfaced the wall next to the oven where the tiles had fallen down some years ago...what a BITCH that was!! Ended up having to sand it down and layer it back up with spackling paste in like 20 very thin layers!

Washed the wall :) That orange is brighter now, yes indeedy!

Any ideas on how to clean a ceiling? Mine is, no joke, dusty!! And of course, it being a kitchen, much dusty-steam has settled on the
ceiling. Really don't want to repaint it... although I probably should consider repainting the ceiling solid white *sigh*

Got the fridge pulled away from wall and ready to move into place.

Unfortunately, I couldn't leave the shelves up above the stove like I originally planned... seems my fridge is a bit wider than the original fridge,
and, in fact, wider than I realized... only way to keep the shelves was to move the bracket over about 8 inches towards the cabinets...and
then the door to the cabinet would bump into the edge of the shelves!! Sure, could move the right side bracket, then cut the shelves to fit,
but screw it, too much work :) Keep it open looking this way... hang some picture above the stove, or a big fun 50's-60's style clock (no
doubt I can find something funky at goodwill) over the oven.

Besides, turns out the shelves were too high for the microwave, I couldn't reach it once on the shelf, not being freakishly tall or anything :)

The silver with the orange and the black trim really pops, don't you think?

The Kitchen, Day One

2009-08-05T09:57:00.000-07:00

So there I was in Home Depot, looking at paints, I wanted to find some
more of the primer I used on the kitchen countertop, so I could paint
the kitchen tile, make it look better. It's pretty grungy green,
after all, not to mention there's holes where the insulation was blown
in, mis-matched tiles, cracked tiles, even missing tiles. I found a
box of those god-awful plastic 1950s tiles in the basement, but they
were the frosted green that was originally used in the bathroom, not the matte
lime-ish green that was used in the kitchen. I did use them anyway to
replace the missing tiles and the tiles that had been drilled through
when the insulation was done, plus some of the cracked ones. Of
course, it doesn't match... but still, was better than nothing.

Still, got to thinking, someone walking in considering buying the
house, wouldn't like to see mismatched kitchen tiles... after all, we
DO spend a lot of time in the kitchen!

Anyway, the primer product specifically designed to be used on
formica, ceramic tile, and other super-smooth surfaces, is still being
manufactured. Unfortunately, of course, it's gone drastically up in
price since I bought it oh, nearly 10 years ago! $26 for a single
quart!! Which would be enough - just barely - but I also need to buy
paint, and then the sealer to use after painting, and of course, the
sealer spray is $16.95 a can, and I know I would need at least 3 cans,
having used the stuff on the countertop before... and of course, a
roll of painter's tape at $3.96. Plus paint...I'm looking at $75 or
more just to make the tile look somewhat better in the kitchen!

Sigh.

I asked if they still sell stick-on cover-up tiles... these are
aluminum squares painted different colors, or just brushed aluminum.
I've seen them before on DIY channel... you use 2-way tape to stick
them on. Not elegant, but would look better. I remember looking at
them before, almost bought them before actually. But apparently they
are no longer manufacturered. However, they could special-order me a
new product called "Smart Tile" - it's a vinyl/gell-like tile that
also uses two-way tape or construction glue. And it's thicker, about
1/8", so it'll hide cracks and stuff. He showed me this brochure,
asked how much, and he said $9.95 a box. I was like SOLD!! They look
fantastic, and had all kinds of different styles! Could order them
and be here within 3 days! I then asked him how many boxes do I need
to cover about 24 square feet... I'm figuring probably two or three,
since most ceramic tile comes in 10 or 12 square foot boxes. He then
tells me I would need TWENTY FOUR BOXES.

WHAT?!? That's over $230!!! Apparently they come in a box of FOUR
TILES. Just four! You gotta be kidding me!! I could retile the
entire area with ceramic or some of those cool new glass tiles for
less than $75!! Sure, it'd be a major friggin hassle, requiring some
major demolition pulling all the old tiles off, ripping out the
sheetrock and replacing it with wonderboard substrate, got plenty of
mortar and grout left over from the bathroom... it'd only take me oh,
2 or 3 weeks... but it could be done. Thanks, but no thanks.

So off I go, wandering around home depot, just browsing, kinda getting
a little stressed and a lot bummed out. I really do NOT want to show
the kitchen looking the way it does, the kitchen is SO important when showing
a house. Figured I'd go home and check online for something, some
sort of idea.

And then I came across the perfect idea. Sitting right there on the
shelf, just staring at me, calling my name, "Here is the answer, look
here at me!"

Contact paper.

Not just any contact paper, but METALLIC contact paper. In brushed
stainless steel. $9.95 a 24-square-foot roll. And EXACTLY
one roll left.

Glory Be!

Contact paper. Wonderful, fully-washable, fully-water-proof,
super-thin so no need to replace the countertop trim edge or wall
edging, inexpensive, practically indestructible contact paper.

So off I went to the cashier hugging that precious roll of metallic
brushed stainless steel contact paper, gleefully checked out, got
home, and attacked the kitchen.

Fortunately, I happen to have plenty of TSP (a very weak acid-wash
solution), which is perfect for cleaning the grunge off the tile and
smoothing out the surface just a wee bit. Even though it is more work, I cut the contact
paper into tile-sized squares, so I can better conform to the texture
of the tile (plus makes it easier if a piece needs to be replaced).

I must admit I was a bit nervous when I put the first few squares
on... wasn't sure how it would look, I've always wanted to replace the
tile with stainless steal to keep in that 1950s "Diner" look and
feel of the kitchen. But the nerves were unnecessary. I really like
the way it looks. It went on super-easy, and although there are a
few rough patches because the tile beneath is dinged here and there,
it just actually adds to the character. I'll have to buy another roll next time I go to town, as one roll wasn't quite enough.

I really like the way it looks :)

2009-08-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

Now that I decided to try to sell my house, I really have my work cut out for me. I mean really. I've lived here for ten years, which means I have ten years of clutter to get rid of, ten years of accumulated minor repairs and cleaning and long-delayed painting to do, ten years of projects started but never finished to complete.

It's a huge project, especially if I am to get this house listed within 4 weeks, which is the timeline I've given myself. I want to list it before labor day.

I've never actually sold a house before, but I've seen enough shows on HGTV to know I need to make the house look as good as possible, and to maximize my sales price, I need to get as much actual work done as possible.

To make it even more challenging, as if selling a house isn't a challenge enough, I have zero money to spend and pretty much have to do all the work alone, by myself, while also working as many extra hours as I can to get as much money together as I can to either pay the past-due mortgage payments, or put aside to move once the house is sold. Or foreclosed upon. I will use some of the money from the yard sales towards necessary items for repairing and repainting the house, I figure at best, I'll have about $300 to spend. So a tight budget both time-wise and financially.

On the plus side, it's good exercise :) Anyway, after doing a really hard look around my house, leaving the rose-colored glasses in the trash, here's my list of things to do to get the house ready to sell. Be afraid, be very afraid *grins*

In the kitchen:

Repair broken wall tile - it's "Tri-Bond" plastic tile that was installed in 1958. It's cracked, broken, missing, and just plain grungy. I can't replace it all - I looked into that ten years ago, and it would require pretty much gutting the walls. The plastic tile was mortared directly onto the sheetrock with this rubber stuff, anytime you attempt to remove it, the sheetrock comes off with it. done.

Finish recovering the kitchen floor (started 8 years ago) done.

Replace several out-of-code electrical outlets. The house was wired for electricity in 1928, quite a few of the existing outlets and light switches are the original ones installed in 1928, made from "BakeLite" plastic. Very nifty, very unsafe. Fortunately, most of knob-and-tube wiring was replaced in 1956 (don't ask why they didn't replace the outlets and switches at the same time), I replaced the remaining 1928 wiring in the house about nine years ago.

Install a GFCI

Rearrange appliances done.

Remove shelves, patch walls, repaint done.

Declutter and clean done.

Replace the shelf lining on every cabinet shelf (it's Con-Tact paper installed approximately mid 1960s).

Replace the door handle on back door

Clean the ceiling - since I don't have a proper exhuast fan, dust-laden steam has accumulated on the ceiling.

Figure seven days of work.

Added and done: Put shelves up in pantry to make it a proper pantry.

In the living room:

Get rid of futon that is acting as a couch - it's just too big, looks sloppy done.

Rearrange furniture done.

Patch walls, repaint three walls and the ceiling done.

Remove the almost-room-sized carpet remnant (it's fugly, to say the least, but works for me) done.

Clean and oil the gorgeous 100 year old solid oak flooring that is under that fugly carpet done.

Get rid of the big dresser I have the TV on, repurpose smaller wood shelving as a TV stand. Will look better, take up less space

Remove shelves behind front door currently housing my DVDs done.

Fix front door, it is starting to fall off the hinges (it is original door!)

Finish the front window replacement - replaced the window five years ago, but never finished putting the molding up around it nor did I finish staining, varnishing and painting it.

Rehang the doorbell

Rehang the smoke detector

General cleaning done.

Figure two days actually took 8 days.

In the office/small bedroom:

The house is considered a three bedroom house, however, I converted the small front-facing bedroom to an office. Since I already decluttered in here just before I decided to sell the house, there's not too much to do, fortunately.

Pull the carpet out - carpet in here was installed in 1984, and it's threadbare, to say the least.

Oil the gorgeous solid oak hardwood floors laying beneath that threadbare carpeting

Rehang the original door

Stain the built-in shelves

General cleaning.

Not going to repaint the office, instead, I will offer whoever buys the house the option of my leaving this room as an office (the desk and far wall shelves are all built-in, the desk is just plain gorgeous if I don't say so myself, considering I built it myself!) or converting it back to a bedroom. If the potential buyers want it converted back to a bedroom, I will remove all the built-ins, patch everything, and repaint, before closing.

Figure two days of work

The Bathroom:

I started to remodel the bathroom almost immediately after I bought the house ten years ago. As is, obviously, normal for me, it's a project that was never finished. It is, fortunately, almost done.

Finish hanging the remaining two rows of ceramic tile on the wall

Finish patching where the new wonderboard and the ceiling meet

Grout tile

Grout marble floor

Paint walls, ceiling

Hang remaining molding

Stain the bifold doors

Install locks on bifold doors

Stain threshhold

Hang medicine cabinet

Hang towel rack

Buy and hang mirror

Install the new wall light that I bought a decade ago but never installed :)

GFC was installed by electrician but has never worked properly. Need to get it fixed.

Declutter and general cleaning

Figure three days of work

The Master Bedroom

Rearrange furniture

Get rid of ugly, falling-apart dresser, repurpose the white cabinets I pulled from the kitchen as a dresser

General cleaning and decluttering

Repaint entire room

Check the CO detector - it's ten years old, probably should replace

Install smoke detector

Pretty it up, so it looks more like a bedroom and less like a place I read books and watch TV :)

Figure just one day

The Utility Room:

Remove the broken linoleum flooring, it's all loose and chipped. Then just paint the concrete floor that will be exposed once the linoleum has been removed done.

Clean the walls, if that doesn't do the trick, repaint the room. Total hassle, hope it is not necessary done. Cleaning alone worked.

Replace the lock on the back door

General cleaning and decluttering done.

The Back Room

Get rid of the piece-meal carpeting that is back there. There is a bunch of various shapes and colors of carpet scraps on the floor, all mismatched and loose. done.

TSP the floor, paint the floor (it's concrete)

Patch all the screw holes from the dozens of bookshelves I used to have hung there back when I used the room as a bookstore. Huge project :) done.

Clean, declutter done.

Paint walls, ceiling

Clean windows

Replace glass in small window (broken)

Clean the thermal curtains, consider just removing them for showing house. done.

Figure two days

Added: Fix doggie door so it will latch securely

Added: Fix the HUGE crack in the floor that I discovered when I removed the carpeting.

Added: Recaulk all the windows

Added: Repair/replace south windowsill that has dry-rot.

Added: Repair broken wall panel below south window.

Upstairs:

Upstairs is a large attic that was converted to a large room in 1956, then remodeled/finished in 1978. I actually have barely used the room at all during the ten years I've lived here... it's been kinda the junk room, and occasional spare bedroom for drunk friends needing a place to crash :) However, it was occupied by the ex-boyfriend's 16-year-old son three summers ago, and he did a real number on the room. We let him put a small window air conditioning unit in the window so he could stay cool ... well, he tilted the back of the unit "up" so that the cold air would hit him on the floor... he broke the 40-year-old cast-iron bedframe at one point, so the mattress was laying directly on the floor because I refused to buy a new bedframe. Well, when he moved the AC unit, all the condensation started pouring down the wall and floor, instead of out the back of the unit and outside as the unit was designed. This resulted in some serious water damage - I had to pull out an entire section of wall, floor, and carpeting that still needs to be replaced.

Finish replacing wall sheetrock

Finish replacing carpeting and padding

Repaint as needed

Replace broken glass in window that he broke done.

Replace window screens that he knocked out

Replace insulation in the wall where it was water damaged (soaking wet insulation was removed at time of incident)

Replace ceiling light fixture that he broke

Replace smoke detector, it no longer works

Tighten the handrail on the stairs, it's become somewhat loose

Cleaning and decluttering, as needed

Figure five days

The Basement:

The basement is more of a root cellar than a proper basement, it's small, only about 8'x8', enough room for furnace, water heater, and some storage. When the house was built in 1904 or 1910 (not entirely sure, both numbers show on various paperwork) the original foundation was done by rough pouring concrete using dirt berms as a "mold" instead of plywood framing as we do now, which means the interior-facing surface is rough and uneven, with up to a one inch difference in depth. In 1958, the owners at the time had the house lifted and the foundation replaced, and they refaced the interior of that one wall by simply mortaring on another layer of cement, about 3/4" thick. No adhesive used, no lathe, nothing. Over time, that refacing has flaked off, re-exposing the original interior of the wall. The exterior side of the foundation has never been sealed, which was never a problem as we really don't get much rain here... never a problem until this summer. We've had a ridiculous amount of rain this year, the foundation has been seeping water through it into the basement. Not a major problem, as structurally it's still sound, but it means I have work to do.

Call Mark - a structural engineer friend - and have him inspect the foundation, double-check that the water issue this summer hasn't caused any structural issues (I'm sure it hasn't, but having a proper structural inspection won't hurt, and he'll do it for a home-cooked meal!) done. Good news, house is structurally sound!

Seal the exterior of the foundation all around the house

Added: Knock out old, loose mortar in cracks from improper/badly done repair job done probably in the 1950s and remortar the foundation cracks.

Remove the remaining sections of the interior mortar refacing, then reface it properly

Fix broken window

Replace the window well (clean it out too, as it is leaf-cluttered)

Patch hole in heat duct leading to master bedroom

Rehang the duct leading to the office/bedroom that has fallen

Consider painting the floor, or the walls, with sealant (ask Mark about this also)

Fix crack in stairwell (not a structural issue, as it's just stucco) done.

Replace the one wooden step that has cracked (but still sound, just looks bad) done.

Declutter and clean

Figure four days

The Garage of Doom:

Get rid of all the crap left behind by the ex-boyfriend that is still in there done!!!!

Get rid of all my own junk that has accumulated

Get garage door realligned so it closes properly

Fix garage door lock

Figure one day, plus one or two yard sales just for the stuff in here

The Potter's Shed:

Fix broken window

Fix door so it closes properly

Clean and declutter

Figure one day

Added: Repaint around the windows and along the ground, as paint has chipped away due to weather damage.

The Exterior:

High-pressure wash the exterior, clean the windows

Install gutters. I have no gutters. Got quote of $680 for gutters - OUCH! Need to price materials and talk someone into helping me hang the gutters myself.

Fix the one steel siding panel on the front porch that has fallen

Finish the exterior molding of the front window that I replaced

Mow, rake, clean up done.

The privacy fence is falling down. I don't have the money to fix it properly, but need to look into some sort of repairing. Front fence done, still need to do south yard fence.

Figure four days

Well, not too intimidating... I am lucky that I'm such a pack-rat, I have most of the materials and tools already that I need to get this all done. And when I'm being honest with myself, I realize this is all stuff that I would need to do anyway should I continue to live here - or frankly, should have already done!

How the hell I'm going to get it all done by myself with no money in four weeks ... but I'll get it done. Somehow.

Some Battles Are Not Worth Fighting

2009-07-28T05:42:00.000-07:00

Ten years. As of last Wednesday, I have owned my small house in one of the best small towns anywhere in the world for ten years.   Yea, I'm a bit biased, but I love it here. Overall, these have been fantastic years, years of joy and tears, many friends closer to me than family, lots of gossip and secrets, as is true in any small town. I love it here in Calhan, Colorado. Even more, I love my house.

I *love* my house, my home, my sanctuary, my pride, my blessing, my curse.

In about three weeks, I'll be putting a for sale sign up in front of this cozy little place I've called home for the last ten years. It has been, without doubt, the single hardest decision I have ever made in my life. I have ten years of my life invested here, not just in my home, but my community. When I bought this home, I said this was the place for me for the rest of my life, I will never move again, here I draw the line and say "This is home, forever. Here I will live, here I will die."   I had no doubt at all that buying this house was exactly the right decision.

Just as certainly, I have no doubt at all that selling my home is exactly the right decision. My home has become a battle, a battle I cannot win, a battle that just isn't worth fighting anymore.

In a nutshell, I, like many others, have fallen behind on my mortgage. During the months of November 2008 through March 2009, my job cut my hours to the bare-bones, anywhere from 15 to 25 hours a week. At $9.00 an hour, after taxes, I could keep the lights and heat on, or I could pay the mortgage. Like many millions of other Americans, I fell behind. While the hours at my job did increase to an average of 32-35 a week starting in April, and I have managed to pay at least something towards my mortgage every month, I am currently three months behind. $2394.04, to be exact, to cover all the arrears, late fees, and current month.

Here's the reality.

I currently work as a customer service representative for a major credit card company. I'm one of those people ya'll like to yell at when you call the 800-number on the back of that little plastic rectangle you so lovingly maxed out at 21.99% interest and are pissed off because we won't raise your credit limit so you can buy more stuff.

Honestly, 99% of the people who call are super nice, really sweet, and actually, a lot of fun to chat with! But oh man, can that 1% really stress you out! Here's a tip: When you call your credit card company, be sweet. We're a lot more likely to help you, even bend the rules a little if we can, if you are nice and fun to chat with. The sweet ones get that second courtesy late-fee waiver in 12 months. The ones who yell, don't.

Anyway, currently, I average 25-30 hours a week, at $9.00 an hour. My take-home pay is between $725 and $840 a month, after taxes. No benefits. No sick pay. No holiday pay. No insurance. I do get to telecommute, meaning, I work from home, which is awesome, don't get me wrong. I love having strangers yell in my ear while I sit in my bathrobe and slippers :)

I thank God I telecommute, because if I didn't, I would have lost my job back in December when my car broke down. December, also known around here as Hell Month, because it was the month my pay totalled $662 for the month, and my mortgage is $589. December, the month I did not have a Christmas, the month I fell behind on my mortgage. My car still hasn't been repaired, because I cannot come up with the over $700 I need to fix the transmission. Makes it really tough to find a second job when you don't have a way to drive 30 miles to the next closest town, Colorado Springs, which doesn't exactly have much in the way of jobs available anyway.

I'm not a big spender by any stretch of the imagination. I have no credit cards, I have no car loan. My mortgage and my student loans (currently on economic deferment) are my only debts. I have no cell phone, no satellite tv, no cable tv. My electric averages $45 a month, water & sewer $49 (that's the minimum charge), phone $45, internet $35, trash $22 a month, car insurance $35 a month. Phone and internet are required for my job, otherwise I'd probably do without them. I spend about $30 a month on food. Dog, cat, and goldfish food cost me about $20 a month. I do not go out to eat. I do not drink. I haven't been to the movies in three years.   I'm currently getting my asthma medications for free through a pharmaceutical company program. The library is my dearest friend. Although I smoke the occasional cigarette, I haven't actually bought a pack in over a year.   I live cheap, and I always have, even when my business was booming years ago and I was raking in the cash. Savings that are now gone, as I used them to stay alive and in my home when I found myself completely unemployed three years ago, savings wiped out when it took me 18 months to get a job - any job - a job I still work.

I'm incredibly lucky my mortgage company hasn't already started foreclosing on me. They know my situation, I keep talking to them, keep trying to work something out. I sent in the paperwork for one of those new affordable housing loan modifications back in early April, they say it could still be another five or six months before I get an answer. Meanwhile, primarily because of my current income situation, there isn't anything else they can offer to help me. They keep accepting the payments I do send in, which is a minor miracle, truth be told. Everytime I talk to them, they keep asking for the entire arrears yet also say, well, if you can't pay it all, pay whatever you can. In between the words they are obligated to say, reading between the lines, I get the message that as long as I keep paying something, anything, every month, I'm kinda on the low-priority list for foreclosure. Besides, they are in Ohio, I'm in Colorado. If they foreclose on me, they know it'll be 110-125 days before I have to abandon the property, and that is 110-125 days they won't get a penny from me. Add another 60-90 days if I choose to file bankruptcy during that foreclosure time period. Which I probably would, just so I could get more money saved to move elsewhere. At least this way, they keep getting something, and maybe more down the line from me. I am not a religious person at all, but I do pray that I stay out of the gunsights of foreclosure long enough to sell the house. I am grateful that so far, I've been beyond belief lucky I'm not already out on the streets.

It's been one hell of a struggle to keep up with the mortgage these last three years, since my business failed. Even with the loan modification I was granted last July, almost exactly a year ago (you can read about it here), I've not been able to stay on top of it. And in just two years, when the rate adjusts again, I may be really screwed.

I sat down earlier this month, and thought about my options.

Option one: Beg, plead, pray for 40 hours a week. At $9.00 an hour, even if I were to be scheduled a full 40 hours a week, every week, my take-home after taxes is $1036.80. If my job actually gave me that many hours, if I were to put every single earned penny towards the mortgage and pay nothing else, it would take me four months to get caught up. In the meantime, I would lose my electricity, my heat, my water, my phone, my internet service, my trash service, and, of course, somewhere along the line, run out of toilet paper, toothpaste, shampoo, and food to eat. Of course, the moment I lost my electricity, phone, or internet service, I would also lose my job, because I telecommute for my job. Okay, so option one is a no-go.

Option two: Keep doing what I've been doing since March, which is pay a month's mortgage, plus a few dollars extra towards the arrears - most months, which has been $20-$25 a month, while keeping the utilities on. Hope and pray my hours stay at my current average and don't get cut over the winter again like they did last year. It will take me 7.98 years to catch up. Somewhere along the line, hopefully, can get the car repaired, get a second job, or maybe one of the businesses that have closed in my small town over the last 18 months will reopen, and I can get a second job I can walk to. That is a lot of hoping, I know. But hey, it's possible, just not probable within the next few months, much less year. So option two is a long shot.

Option three: Stop paying the mortgage completely, save every penny I earn, and let the bank foreclose, which if I stopped paying them something, would likely happen within two months, another three months before I'm on the street. Probably get around $3500 saved up in that time, not enough to stop the foreclosure since additional arrears would have accrued, but enough to get the car fixed and move into a rental somewhere. Get stuck in rental hell for several years, unable to get a mortgage, difficult to save money for downpayment, but doable. Trash my already ruined credit. Walk away from a home I've lived in for ten years with nothing, at all. Option three is feasible, but unpleasant.

Option four: Sell the house. If I work real hard, get this place spic-and-span, do the various small repairs that are needed, get very very lucky, I might, just might, get somewhere between $100,000 and $110,000. I might, just might, sell it within six months. Houses have always sold slow out here, but at least they are selling. I currently owe $82,000 on the mortgage. After paying the mortgage and realtor, I would pocket somewhere between $12,000 to $21,000. Sell every stick of furniture I own, just about all my possessions, that'll be another $2000-$3000. Take the money, move to Kansas or Nebraska where I can buy a small, cute, nice house for $15,000-$30,000 total, and start all over again from scratch, at age 45.   Buy a house for cash, or for a very very small mortgage. Hell, it probably wouldn't even be a proper mortgage at such a small amount, if I dumped everything I have into the down payment, it'd probably more likely be a property-secured signature loan. I can take my job with me, after all, since I telecommute. Granted, I leave a house I've lived in for ten years, a house I've already dumped around $15,000 into the roof, plumbing, sewer line, electric, insulation, bathroom remodel, appliances, kitchen update, phone wiring, landscaping, and small repairs. A house I put a $22,000 down payment on. A house I love. A community I love, even though all of my very closest friends have all had no choice but to leave either for their jobs or losing their own homes. A community I'm a part of, even though most of the businesses have closed, but will over time open again. Option four means a loss of about half of what I have invested so far, not including all the friggin' interest I've paid on the stupid adjustable rate mortgage I have. Option four means the potential, if miracles do really happen, of a fresh start elsewhere without the pressure of a mortgage I cannot afford, of the potential for freedom. Option four is realistic, and despite the upheaval, smart.

You see, when I bought my house ten years ago, it appraised at $104,000. Almost two years ago, before the housing market really collapsed, it appraised at $115,000.   My house went up in value $11,000 in about 8 years, and right now, it will probably appraise at $105-$110, according to a very good friend of mine at the local bank. Which means in the last year, my house value has lost most of what it took eight years to gain in value. Still, at least I'm not upside down like many others. Reality is, I could live in this house another 20 years, and it will probably never get very much above the $115,000-$130,000 range. Meanwhile, I'll continue to dump huge chunks of my income to interest payments. Screw equity building, it's a fallacy in this circumstance. I can never build enough equity to cover the mortgage interest I'm paying. Never. I would have to sell my house right now for over $150,000 just to cover the more than $95,000 in interest I've already paid over the last ten years, plus the repairs and down payment costs. And it just will get worse: If I wait five years, hoping the market rebounds drastically, I would need to sell my house for more than $180,000 just to cover the interest I've paid, repairs, and down payment. Wait ten years, more than $205,000. Wait twenty years, more than $230,000.

I'm sorry, but the odds of a small, over 100-year old, 1,040 square foot home in a tiny town 30 miles from the nearest Walmart raising that far in value within the next five to ten years are infinitesimal. Possible? Sure, anything's possible. Realistically probable? Unlikely.

Look, don't get me wrong, I knew all this when I bought my home. I knew that I wasn't buying into the next great boom market. I knew that my home, being on the small side, being in a somewhat remote area, would have limited appeal should I ever resell it. I bought it because I wanted to spend the rest of my life here. I bought it because it was affordable. I bought it because I owned my own small business, which was very successful at the time, but didn't want to buy something big and expensive in case things took a turn for the worse, which, as the entire world knows, did indeed happen. I paid $80,800 for it, far below appraised value, because it needed quite a bit of work. You know, that roof I mentioned before, the plumbing, the sewer line. I bought it because it fit me perfectly and I knew I would be happy in it for the rest of my life. And I have been happy, very happy. I just can't afford it.

I know how ridiculous it sounds to say I cannot afford a $589 a month mortgage payment, when others are going bankrupt with $1,500 or more mortgage payments. But truth be told, I can't afford $589 a month anymore. Two years from now, under the terms of my current loan modification, my interest rate will go from the current 5.25% to 7.5%, then the year after that, to prime plus 5.99%, resetting every year, never to go below 7.5%. So even if somehow I managed to get caught up, and to stay caught up, in two years, my mortgage payment is going to go up about $180 a month, if not more, not even including any further increases in my homeowner's insurance or taxes.

What are the odds that I will be in a better job in two years? Probable. Until my car broke down, I was actively looking for a better job. I still keep looking. Are they odds I am willing to play, at the risk of foreclosure between now and then? Can I afford to keep dumping money into the coffers of the mortgage company knowing that I can never recoup all my investment? Seriously, the job and housing market has barely changed here in the last ten years, what are the odds of it changing drastically in the next ten years? And changing enough to make it worthwhile to sit and wait?

So I'm going to sell my house, move someplace where nobody knows me, and start all over again from scratch. Buying furniture at Goodwill. Dishes at yard sales. Meeting people, making friends. Remodeling, repairing, renovating. Everything I did when I bought this house and moved into this community, which I do love even though, frankly, other than my house, there is nothing left here to hold me down. Everyone I deeply care about is gone.

To get my house ready to sell, I've got a ton of work to do. I have ten years of clutter and junk to dispose of - I'll be the yard sale queen of the town this summer! (Earned $206 at the first yard sale last weekend, hopefully the rest will be just as good if not better!) Every room needs to be painted. There is drywall to be repaired. Gutters to be installed, a broken window, a ton of yard work, garage door to rehang, lots of small projects that I started and never finished because I always thought I had time.   Like finishing tiling the kitchen floor, finish replacing the ceiling in the bathroom, finish replacing the window in the living room, hang the molding around the bedroom door I replaced. You get the idea. A good friend who is a realtor gave me a ton of advice, and a long list of things to do to get the house in as good as condition as possible to show it, and do it fast, get it on the market now before the summer ends.

Start over someplace where I can live without a mortgage, or a very minimal one. I love small towns, I love small houses, I love ranching and farming communities. I love the mid-west, the glorious summers and woodstove winters. There are a lot of small towns in the far eastern parts of Colorado, western parts of Kansas, southwestern parts of Nebraska, and various parts of Wyoming that fit the bill, and have housing under $50,000. I'm moving on.

God, I love my house. Goodbye.

Water is a precious commodity, why flush it away?

2009-07-12T04:04:00.000-07:00

Three years ago, I was using an average of 6,200 gallons of water a month for an average water bill cost of about $78. And I live alone.

$78... more than I actually was spending on gasoline every month! That is a lot of water. Enough to fill a 12-foot swimming pool every month. And, as it turns out, most of it I was simply flushing away.

You see, my now-105-year-old house, which didn't even have indoor plumbing until 1958, had one of those old-fashioned big ceramic toilets, the kind that practically makes a roar when you flush it. And flush it I did... I flushed it every time I sat down. Whenever I blew my nose, I threw the tissue in there and flushed it. I flushed Q-tips and cigarette butts. I flushed it a lot.

Using 5.2 gallons of fresh, clean, precious drinking water with every mindless flush. What a waste.

Well, frankly, I rather liked that old toilet... it was big, it was kinda classy looking, with those smooth somewhat-curvy lines of the 1950s to it. It was well-built - the tank cover alone weighed nearly ten pounds! And it had some history - that toilet had been happily flushing away fresh drinkable water for fifty years.

And it had to go. Whether I liked it or not, it had to go. You see, the company I worked for at the time had just cut all our hours in half, and I needed to find ways to lower my cost of living and fast - despite good earnings, I had next-to-nothing in my savings account, and nothing, not any bill, not any expense, was so sacred it could not be reduced. But at the same time, I really didn't want to change my lifestyle too much - after all, I'm in my forties, I'm kinda set in my ways, I've worked since I was 14, and I deserve to live comfortably, right?

Besides, we were in the middle of a drought, and my town was begging us every month in huge bold letters on our wallet-draining bill to conserve water.

Ya, right... but not at the expense of over, as it turns out, of nearly 2,500 gallons of precious drinking water every single month. I knew the toilet was, without a doubt, responsible for a big chunk of my monthly water bill, and I knew it was time to trade it out for one of those wimpy, whiny, effeminite-looking low-flow toilets. Time to get a toilet that would never flush right the first time, that had no power, no guts, no glory.

Time for me to learn just how wrong I was. Low-flow toilets are actually really cool! And they don't have to be expensive at all!

Off I went to Home Depot and Lowes to go check out ... toilets. I must admit, it was a little embarrasing at first, for some weird reason, to find myself chatting to a man half my age about what I was looking for in a toilet! And very odd when he actually invited me to try them out. No, he didn't mean actually USE the displayed toilets, but just to sit down on them and find one that feels "comfortable and relaxing" - his words! As he put it, "you don't buy a car without test driving it first... think of how much time a day you spend sitting on this thing! They don't call it a throne for no reason at all!"

So I sat down. On just over a dozen different models at two different stores, and found one that felt ... comfortable. Gosh, that sounds so weird when talking about a toilet! But honestly, he was right - I needed to find a model that wasn't too short or tall, that wasn't too narrow or wide, and, most importantly of all, was easy to install, since I was doing this work myself.

Oddly enough, the most expensive models weren't the most comfortable - one of them, the tank cover felt like it was jabbing me in the back. Another one my feet didn't touch the floor when I sat down on it. A third one - the most expensive one actually - cracked when I sat down on it. Talk about embarrassing! Hey, I know I need to lose a good 20 or 30 pounds, but sheesh, break a toilet?? Yikes! The sales clerk at that store assured me that it wasn't my fault, it probably already had several cracks from many, many test drives... I hope he was right.

The model I decided on was made by American Standard, and retailed at the time for $168. I saved $33 by using a 20% coupon I had received by joining Home Depot's garden club (free to join, find more at their website). Hauled the dang thing home, and then experienced the fun of installing it.

Well, actually, I should say the "fun" of UNinstalling the old toilet. Remember, that thing had sat there unmoved for fifty solid years. On the positive side, scraping the caulking away from the base at the floor was easy - most of it just peeled easily away with my hands, it was so aged. The bolts that held it in place were so rusted, I couldn't turn the nut at all to remove it, however, by simply rocking the toilet back and forth a little bit, both bolts just broke. Then I tried to lift the dang thing away.

Not happening. I may be a woman, but I'm pretty strong. I can haul a 50-pound bag of dog food from the car to the kitchen without running out of breath. I managed to haul the new toilet into the house from the car - it wasn't easy, even in a box it's pretty awkward, but I did it. This thing wasn't going anywhere.

Off I went to knock on the door of my ever-patient and tolerant next door neighbor, who I'm sure spends many an hour wondering about what that wild-haired crazy woman next door is up to now. Surprisingly, he didn't blink a bit when I asked him if he and his sons could help me move a toilet. "Sure thing, be right there!"

A few minutes later, my 5x9 foot bathroom crowded with 3 full-grown, well-fed men, myself, and two very curious large dogs wondering what all the fuss was about, my toilet was rocked, jiggled, manhandled, and finally forced, with the use of two crowbars, away from its home of fifty years.

They even carried it out to the backyard for me, to be picked up at a future date by the trashman.

Then they offered to help me put in the new toilet, which I gladly accepted. As one of them got down on his knees to scrap away decades-old gunk, goo, and assorted other items I couldn't identify if I wanted to (how'd a toothbrush get down there?), one of them asked me for the wax ring.

"The what?"

"Wax ring. It's what seals the toilet in place, so no sewer gases leak between the line and the toilet."

"Um... okay... be right back!" and off I ran to the local Ace Hardware to get a wax ring, fuming the whole way, why didn't the sales guy at Home Depot tell me I needed to buy a wax ring??

Fortunately, they are cheap, less than $5. Returning home like a triumphant Cleopatra with wax ring in hand, anticipating the first flush of my new throne, I was met at my own door by one of my neighbor's son's asking me if there were any mounting bolts in the box when I unpacked the toilet.

So, without even entering my house, I headed back out to Ace Hardware to pick up a few bolts, which, fortunately, they did have in stock. And fortunately, they are pretty standardized in size, too.

Just to discover both of his sons now sitting on my front porch, looking kinda grim. Okay, looking really grim. Turns out the clay sewer pipe - this is very old plumbing! - has a rather large crack in it, uncovered by the removal of all that grime and goo. But, with a few simple tools and some sort of adapter and a few other odds and ends, they could cut the pipe off and refit the top portion of it... however, to do so, they would need to tear up my floor a bit, in order to get to it. "It's simple, just a real pain to do, but we can fix it for you."

I'm telling you, I have the best neighbor's in the world. I don't want to think what a plumber would charge me for this... so off I was to Ace Hardware, for the third time in a row, to go get the various supplies needed. I love Ace Hardware. They always have all those weird odd things in stock that you don't even know what they do until you need them! And a quick side-trip to the corner store to pick up a case of beer ... might as well keep the neighbor's happy while they tear apart my bathroom!

About three hours later, and one more trip to Ace Hardware to get a new connector and adapter for the water line, my new throne was ready for use. Like three proud fathers, my neighbors guided me into my own bathroom, grinning ear-to-ear, and said, "Try it out!"

My eyes must have doubled in size, as they all started laughing, "No, no, we mean, just flush it!"

So I did, and it was quiet. I actually sat there staring at the water as it roiled down the drain, not quite believing that something so quiet could flush away a tissue, much less the biologically-reduced remains of a good Mexican dinner. But oddly enough, it seemed to be pretty powerful, only proper usage would decide!

Over the next few days, I decided that this toilet was really cool! It easily did the job it was designed for, with more than enough power to take care of the most abundant biological deposits. And it was so quiet!! My dogs sure seem to like it, as they began to drink out of it, a gross habit they never acquired with the old toilet... must have smelled bad to them.

The real question to be answered was how much water would this new toilet save me? I had to wait for two water bills to get solid numbers, and it was amazing: My usage was down 2,800 gallons of water, my bill was $53, a $25 savings, or $300 a year. This new toilet, even with all the little odds and ends I had to purchase, would pay for itself in less than a year.

I must admit that I have also stopped using the toilet as a garbage pail. Although it took me a few months, I have broken the habit of flushing sneeze-rags, Q-tips, cigarette butts, and various and sundry other non-biological-waste-related objects down my toilet. Sometimes, I even use the "if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down" philosophy.

A few months later, I replaced the shower head, which was probably 20 or 30 years old, and fixed a small leak under my kitchen sink. I also replaced the bathroom sink faucet with one designed to use less water. All told, over the course of seven months, I spent $342 to replace everything, and brought my water usage down to less than 2,000 gallons a month. My bill is now $36 a month - which is the minimum my town charges for water and sewer service. Total savings is $42 a month, $504 a year. Even better, I am saving more than 50,000 gallons of precious drinking water every year.

I love my new toilet :)

$700 Billion Bailout Busts...

2008-09-29T22:09:00.000-07:00

While like many Americans, I was stunned about today's massive 777+ point drop in the Dow Jones, but I can't help but think that it would have happened anyway, even if the big $700 billion-dollar bailout had passed the House today.

Why? Well, if you were watching, the stock was down by more than 230 points before they started voting! Maybe if they passed it the Dow would have dropped less, but it still would have dropped. After the failure of the House to pass the bill, the Federal Reserve started dumping money into the market, and even this didn't slow the plummeting Dow.

While I recognize the necessity of the government doing something to help shore up the economy, this bailout bill wasn't the answer. I sat up late last night reading it - all 160 pages of overly complicated, dense language - and frankly, I really couldn't see how it would have been much help at all. It MIGHT - and that's a big MIGHT - have resulted in a bit of a boost to the economy, would do so at the expense of our already-over-burdened federal budget. I must say that it is one of the 'smarter' bills I've read lately, in that it is obvious that a lot of thought went into it, it's actually pretty balanced, but I just couldn't see how it would have helped all that much.

In other words, to talk like the business people do, I didn't see that the return on investment was worth the investment. There were too many, as usual, loopholes

I actually laughed at the idea of any company agreeing to the idea that executive income over $500,000 a year would NOT be tax-deductible! While that's a great idea, what company is going to agree to that, much less what executive sitting on their million-dollar-a-month paycheck going to agree to that? Or agree to having to pay 20% of any golden parachute to the government, just because their failing company got some help through this bill?

The bill did not address one of the key problems of our entire economy: Our economy is way too dependent upon credit. I heard more than a few talking heads today talking about how credit is the "engine" that drives our economy, but not one of them saying that THAT IS THE PROBLEM.

If you (or me) as an average American has to use credit to buy basic needs, such as food, that's a clear sign that you have a economic problem, whether it is not enough income, too much debt, poor financial decisions, or whatever, if you have to resort to credit to buy the essentials to keep the business of your life afloat, then you have a serious problem. (I'm not talking about emergency situations, like sudden illness, natural disasters, etc). The same absolutely MUST be true for a business: If a business has to resort to credit to pay the essentials of that business - payroll, utilities, etc., - then the business has a serious economic problem.

There is nothing wrong with using credit for large purchases, long-term capital investments, research and development, whether it is a house for a family or a new factory for a business. But your business - whether it is your family or a big corporation - must be able to cover the essentials with the existing income BEFORE you take on additional debt. The problem right now in our economy is too many individuals and business rely on credit for the essentials.

Truth be told, I don't really see that we have that much of a credit crunch. There is plenty of credit available for those who have decent credit scores and enough disposable income to make the payments on that credit. What we DO have is a crunch on EASY credit: Banks and other lenders have decided that it isn't good business to loan money to people and businesses that can't afford to pay it back.

Wow... what a concept!

However, this bill failed for the most obvious reason of all: nobody liked it. Not the average American, not most big businesses. Most importantly, it doesn't do anything to help the economy now, and the only help it provides to the average American is through a presupposed "trickle-down" effect. Meaning, help these few big, bloated, borderline-corrupt companies, and maybe, just maybe, a few average Americans might, just might, be a bit better off than they were before.

I sure as heck didn't see it helping me at all. I'll still be stuck living on barely $1,000 a month, fearing the day three years from now when my mortgage modification expires, praying that somehow, someway, I'll be able to improve my income within the next three years.

For sure, I have no sympathy for those idiots at the head of failing businesses and their multi-million-dollar paychecks...but I do sympathize for those thousands upon thousands of low and barely-middle income workers at those same companies who may lose their jobs when their company fails. You know, those people who slave away making $7 to $25 an hour to keep costs down while a few at the top make millions.

Mortgage Mess... or how I saved my home from foreclosure, at least for now

2008-09-12T18:32:00.000-07:00

As one can see from my prior very-long-winded post about the so-called housing bill, I'm more than a little interested in the how the mortgage industry in our country operates. My own personal experience, which I'll share now, perhaps will help not only illustrate just how screwed up the industry is, but also, how even the smartest of persons can end up with a mortgage nightmare. Maybe it will save a few of you some grief in your own lives.

First off, I purchased my home, my first home, in 1999. I must have spent at least two years researching, learning, and, of course, saving money, to buy my first home. I knew I would have a bit of a credit problem, because at the time, I didn't have any credit! Yes, I am one of those bizaare, sick and twisted people who, at that time age 35, had never had a credit card. In fact, I'd never had a car loan either, or any other type of credit. How very un-American of me... to pay cash for everything, and never buy anything I couldn't afford. I know. Anyway, I did have a credit report, but it was blank, with only my employer (myself, actually, since I was self-employed at the time) and my address. Oddly enough, I did have a credit score - 680, which kind of flabbergasted me since I had no credit history!

I decided that I wanted to buy a house for NO MORE than $120,000, because that way even if my business failed or something happened, the payments would still be (barely) affordable even if I got stuck taking some minimum-wage job. Eventually, I found an adorable house that was my dream, and way below my dream price at only $72,000. It was, in fact, in foreclosure itself, and appraised at $105,000.

So anyway... by January of 1999, I had saved up a little over $23,000 to use as my down payment, took me about 4 years to save up that much. Mind you, I only earning about $32,000 a year at the time, but it is amazing how much you can save up over a few years if you have no credit cards or car loans to pay! Yea, I know... how un-American of me! I contacted my local bank first for a mortgage, but they could not approve me because I had no credit, and suggested I use a mortgage broker, who could use "alternatives" to establish my credit history, such as my utilities and rent. Calling friends and various business associates of mine, I found a mortgage broker who I felt was at least reasonably honest and would be willing to work with me. That mortgage broker was actually quite wonderful, but she, too, had a great deal of difficulty getting me into a mortgage.

This was very frustrating... I had what I'd been told repeatedly was a "good" credit score of 680, I had stable employment - had run my own business by that time for more than 6 years, and a big chunk of change - $23,000 - for a down payment on a house that was selling for only $72,000. I had no late payments on my utilities, my rent, I'd not bounced any checks and had a great history with my bank. I was making about $2,500 a month in income, and the estimated payments on a loan this small were well below the 25% of income that mortgage companies like to keep payments at. I wanted a fixed-rate mortgage for 15 years.

So why, after sending my paperwork to twelve different mortgage companies could my broker not get me a loan? Well, oddly enough, it wasn't because I had no credit history, it was because the loan was too small. Over and over again, my mortgage broker was told to suggest to me to buy a bigger home, use a smaller down payment, or take out some equity to do some work on the house, anything at all, to get the loan OVER $100,000.

Ridiculous. Seriously, ridiculous. I'm trying to buy a house SMART, by buying not only what I could afford, but much LESS than I could afford, I'm trying to buy a house with a huge down payment that I struggled and scrimped and did without for four years to save up, and I'm being told that these are NOT good decisions! What the heck?!? To say that defies logic is an understatement.

Anyway, like I said, my mortgage broker was really wonderful, and not only did she agree with me that this was nutso, but explained - repeatedly - that people who are smart with their money are not profitable to the mortgage lenders, that people who borrow only what they need are even less profitable, etc. In other words, being smart with my money makes me unprofitable which for some bizaare reason, makes me a credit risk.

Grrr... frustrating, to say the least. Anyway, eventually, my mortgage broker got me a loan through Countrywide. Unfortunately, it wasn't the greatest mortgage, but at least it was a mortgage. 30 year term, adjustable rate, fixed at 10% for the first 3 years, then adjustable every year afterwards. Pre-payment penalty if I paid off the loan in the first 3 years. "Non-conforming" loan. Of course, they would NOT let me use all of my savings as down payment, I had to borrow at least $55,000, which I did. My mortgage broker advised me to use the years until the first rate adjustment to establish some "real" credit, and then refinance to a "better" loan. Not great terms, but very affordable at about $540 a month. I managed to pay extra principle every month, too. At the 3 year mark in 2001, my rate adjusted to... 10%! LOL!! because the prime rate was still quite low. But then the prime rate adjusted upwards (the Federal Reserve decided it was smart to raise interest rates because the economy was hot... so let's make the cost of credit more expensive and make everything more expensive... go figure... whatever) but anyway, at the four year mark, I was looking at my mortgage rate jumping to 13%.

Now, for most of us, it would sound like getting an adjustable rate mortgage at 10% is my first mistake. Actually, that wasn't a mistake. Even at 13%, my mortgage payment was only going up $2.40 a month, because I'd paid down so much of the principle - my principle was down to about $41,400. My first mistake was obsessing about the interest rate.

Following the advice of my first mortgage broker, I decided to refinance, so I called her but she was no longer in the business. She referred me to another mortgage broker that she said she trusted and would work well with me. Following the advice of my prior mortgage broker, over the prior four years I'd established some "real" credit, with a few Capital One and other credit cards that I paid off in full every month and a car loan that I used my money market-savings account as security for, so it was at a ridiculously low 4.4% interest rate, with the car payment plus extra on the principle taken automatically out of that same account (and my savings account was earning an average of 5.25%!)

Actually, I paid cash for the car, then went to my bank and took out a $4000 loan on it, put that money into my money-market savings account to pay the loan off. Very smart, I thought :) Regardless, I'd got some credit.

Here is my second mistake: Even though I really researched and taught myself everything I could about credit reports and credit, I assumed that credit scores and credit reporting was based in logic. It's not. Paying your accounts in full monthly doesn't translate into a good credit score. Getting a Sears card, like I did, and using it only once (bought a new stove) then paying it in full that next month and not using it again for the next three years does not translate into a good credit score. And more importantly, not understanding how Capital One reported credit limits really doesn't translate into a good score. Before I started getting credit, my score was 680. When I went to the new mortgage broker, she informed me my credit score was 630. HUH? What? How could my score go down? I had nearly four years of perfect payment history! I had five credit cards total - 3 of them Capital One - and a car loan of $4,000 that after one year, was down to about $1200 balance. This simply wasn't logical to me! But my mortgage broker told me that my "credit utilization" was very high - something like 80% - and that my credit history was "too new" because it was less than 4 years old. The "credit utilization" being so high took, no joke, almost another four years to fix, but was simple: At that time, in fact, until just late last year, Capital One did NOT report credit limits. The credit bureaus, when there is no limit reported, use your balance as your limit in calculating the credit score. So if you have a $100 balance, the score equation assumes your credit limit is $100, and therefore, you are using 100% of your available credit, even if your credit limit is actually $5000, which mine was. Capital One did this as a matter of policy for years, in order to artificially retard their customer's credit scores, making it difficult for them to jump-ship to a better credit card company.

If you have read this far, you MUST, RIGHT NOW, go get a copy of your credit report. Make sure all of your credit card companies are correctly reporting your credit limit. Capital One supposedly now reports credit limits, thanks to the class-action lawsuit Experian vs Harris, but I have heard from others that some other companies are still not reporting credit limits. Go to annualcreditreport.com - the only official site to get your legally mandated once-a-year free copy of your credit report.

So anyway, through all of that, with many thanks to the new mortgage broker, I learned that credit scores are based far more on how profitable you would be as a customer, not on how good a credit risk you are. A customer who carries a balance and pays only the minimum, or a bit more than the minimum, every month, is considered a better credit risk - a more profitable customer - than one who pays in full each month, and will actually have a higher credit score. No joke. Customers with high credit limits who don't use them, on the other hand, face the double-edge sword of low credit utilization (which raises your credit score) but also the risk factor that you MIGHT use all that credit one day, putting you deeply into debt and making you, therefore, a default risk... go figure.

But anyway, I had credit... and my new mortgage broker jumped through a few hopes to get me into a "good" loan. This leads me to my third mistake: I refinanced a loan I should never have refinanced, even though it was now at 13%. That may sound illogical, but it's not, and you'll see why as I publicly admit to what will end up being the stupidest mistake I ever made in my life: I listened to my mortgage broker. By that, I mean I believed what she said was true.

And here's what she said: She told me the only way I could get a refinance was to take out a bunch of equity in my house and to get that loan through what was then called Ohio Savings Bank, because they were an "A" lender, so I would have an "A" loan, and that would raise my credit score. Furthermore, she recalculated my monthly income based on my combined savings and checking account balances, so that my income would be about $5400 a month (instead of the then-current earnings of about $2100 a month, since business had slowed down over the prior year). Oh, and to use HER appraiser, and accept his appraisal of $146,000 on my house, and take out 80% of the value of my house in the new loan, or $115,000, fixed at 30 years. Even though realistically, my house was at most worth $105,000 based on the local market.

Mind you, I just wanted a straight refi, into a fixed 15 year loan. She couldn't do that, and said that there was no way to refinance only $41,400. Just no way. Nobody loans mortgages less than $80,000, anyway.

Which, of course, as I know now, is bullshit. It is true that it can be difficult to get a small mortgage, but lots of companies do. However, the broker's commission is, of course, a lot smaller, so they are going to push you into the most expensive possible loan they can talk you into. Like me, the idiot, did. But anyway, being the smart person I am, duh!, I jumped at that, and said well then, I'll take out some equity, but write up the mortgage for only $80,000, 15 years.

She calls me back a few days later, says the best "the underwriter" can do is $80,000 for 30 years, adjustable rate of 7.25% fixed for 3 years, adjustable each year after that, and that it won't adjust more than 2%. When I asked about that maximum 2% adjustment, she told me that meant my loan could not adjust more than 2% total, that I was looking at a total maximum rate of 9%, which was still better than my existing loan. And once again, it's an "A" loan, so that's real good for your credit rating, and much better than that 13% interest you're now being raped by.

I thought about it, read everything, showed it to a few friends, I even showed it to another broker who actually said to me it was a "good deal" considering my "low" score of 630 and decided to go for it. $80,000 at 7.25%, I was looking at a payment of about $545 a month, just a few dollars more than I was paying already, so I refinanced. I did catch at closing that the 2% maximum adjustment was actually 2% maximum in any one year, she said that would be fixed later when I got my final loan docs.

Well, it never got fixed. My refinanced mortgage can actually go to a maximum of 13%. And my payment wasn't $545, it was actually $638, because my new loan required an escrow account for my homeowner's insurance and taxes, something my prior loan with Countrywide didn't. I'd been paying my homeowner's insurance and taxes myself every year, out of savings that were earning interest. Now, I was going to have to pay extra on my mortgage each month, to 120% of my total insurance and taxes to the mortgage company where it would sit and not earn ME any interest at all; in other words, not only was I not earning interest on that money, I was also losing out on the interest of another 20% of it - about $300 a year - because I had to have a "float" in my escrow account.

An escrow account, I might add, that has been miscalculated every single year since I refinanced back in 2002. EVERY YEAR, I've had to spend hours on the phone getting my escrow payment adjusted and corrected, because some idiot in some out-sourced company can't do simple math. But I digress, that's a story for another day...

So back to my refinanced loan. Here's my fifth mistake: I should have taken all that equity I took out of the house and put it right back onto the refinanced mortgage immediately, as one big payment. But I didn't, why? Because I, again, followed the advice of my mortgage broker, who said I should put it in my savings and let it earn interest, and that besides, it was good for my credit. Besides, why give it to the mortgage company when it could be earning me interest? And, let's not forget, one of the biggest misunderstandings in income tax history: I'd lose a bunch of my mortgage interest tax deduction! Want to keep that as high as possible, right? Wrong!

You see, if I put that equity I got - which, after all of the closing costs (yes, I was totally screwed over on those, too, overpaid by nearly $3,400!) and other fees into my still-paying 5.25% money-market savings account, I would have earned about $2,100 in interest the first year. TAXABLE interest income, mind you. But here's the math, and it's estimated to keep it simple: My income plus that interest earnings left me paying taxes about $4300, after I used the interest deduction, my tax bill was $3800. I earned $2100 in interest, but only saved $500 in income taxes. HOWEVER... if, for example, I spent that $36000 in equity instead of investing it, my income taxes would have been about $4000 - $300 less - and my tax bill after interest deduction would have been about $3400, about $600 less. So I actually would have saved more in taxes by not investing the money, but my income would have been slightly higher... anyway... no biggie. But the biggie is that by paying around $6000 in interest to my mortgage company, I could saving about $500-$600 a year on my income taxes. I don't know about you... but I can think of much better returns on investments.... spending $6000 to save $600?? Go figure.

Now... if I followed my own gut instinct, did what *I* thought was the "smart" thing to do, I would have put that $36,000 in equity right back on the mortgage. And if I did, I would have only paid $3,433.74 in interest that first year, AND knocked a whopping ten years off of that 30-year mortgage if I never made a single extra principle payment! And, when my rate adjusted at the three year mark, I would have had a REALLY low payment, barely $400, including insurance and taxes, even though my rate jumped to 9.25%! I would have saved more than $12,000 in interest payments just in that first three years!

DUH! I listened to the so-called experts instead of my own logic, my own gut-instinct.

But that's not what I did. I followed the advice of my mortgage broker. Put the money into savings, ended up paying a total of $6,958.80 in interest that first year, and at the end of the year, my mortgage was down to a whopping $78,975.17. As it turns out, I wasn't able to make any extra principle payments at all that year, because my slowing-down business ended up failing complely. In fact, that $638 a month payment was becoming a real struggle to make, but I was making it, although I was having to hit the savings every month a bit to make it. I should have stayed with my old loan...

Now, you might think I should be glad I had that money in savings to help me when things got tough... and to a small extent, I am, but you have to look at it logically: I was using money I borrowed to pay money I borrowed!!! And the bulk of that money was going to INTEREST!! And, like most good Americans, I spent some of that money to help boost the economy...

Just as it seemed like I was catching my breath again, having started another small business (a karaoke company) and going back to school, I hit that three year mark and my rate adjusted to 9.25%. Ouch. Over the next year, I was late every month, but somehow or another, I made every payment. Then at the 4 year mark, it went up to 10%, and I found my self falling behind a month or two, but catching up. Then, finally, in November of 2007, it went down to 9%, and I actually was relieved, because including insurance and taxes, at least I was below the $800 payment mark again.... $797 a month. (After, of course, yet again arguing with them about how they recalculated my equity... but that's another story for another day).

Meanwhile, thanks to Colorado passing a smoking ban, the bars I did karaoke shows at ended up closing due to 40% or greater loss of business. Yea, smoking bans are good for business, NOT! I graduated college in May, but despite finally having a degree, there are few good jobs to find, especially for someone who, by this time, had been self-employed for 15 years. I cannot tell you how many times I went on a job interview just to be told "we don't think you'd be happy having to work under someone else... we're uncomfortable hiring someone used to calling the shots... you're used to earning more money than we are paying..." HOW AGGRAVATING!! I'm like, WHY did you bother calling me in for an interview? I actually did ask that a few times - always got the answer "well, you sounded interesting, and I wanted to meet you" or something along that lines!

Meanwhile... that "good" mortgage had become the proverbial stone around my neck, those credit cards I'd long since either closed or defaulted on, and my precious credit score that I was doing so much to raise, that is oh-so important in this day and age, was now at 570. By March of 2008, I found myself with no more savings at all, no income at all, and no way to pay my mortgage. This time, at least, I did something smart: I called my mortgage company. I let them know what was happening - that the last of my clients had closed their doors, that my business of by then 4 years had failed, and that although I was getting interviews, I was having difficulty finding a job (much less coming up with a new business idea!) Is there anything they could do to help me?

And - no joke - they said to me, "Well, I see you are current right now. We can't do anything until you fall behind."

I swear that is the most illogical thing of our mortgage industry at all: They won't work with you unless you are already behind! I wanted them to work with me NOW, before my credit took yet another hit! But NOoooo... at least the young man I spoke with at Amtrust (Ohio Savings Bank having changed their name a few years ago) did give me some good advice: "Call us on April 2nd, because your next payment is due on April 1st. That way, by calling us on the 2nd, you are then "behind" even though you have until the 15th to make the payment, and ask us to send you the Mortgage Assistance application. Better yet, go to our website and download it now and fill it out, then call us on the 2nd, and fax it to us that same day. Mortgage Assistance can take 30-60 days to process, by starting the process as soon as possible, you can improve your odds of us helping you and also, hopefully only fall one or two months behind, miminimizing damage to your credit."

Well, I did exactly that. On April 2nd, since I still wasn't working, I got the Mortgage Assistance application, filled it out, sent it in, and waited. Meanwhile, my grandfather died, and I received a small inheritance of about $1200, which I used to stop my electric from being turned off, got the water paid, and put some propane in the tank. I also went ahead and made my April mortgage payment, on the 27th of April, which - oddly enough - turned out to be a mistake. Why? Because on April 30th, Loss Mitigation at Amtrust called me and told me they had to deny my request for mortgage assistance because I was NOT behind!! I explained that even though I just got caught up, it was a one-time thing 'cause of my grandfather's death, but that I still needed assistance because I wasn't working and didn't know when I would be working! She then told me to call back after the 1st of May, to get my request reconsidered, since by then, I'd be behind again.

Which I did, call them on May 2nd, asked that they reconsider my mortgage assistance request, and they did and within just two days, called me and told me they had to deny my request, that they could not help me because I was NOT WORKING. They could only help me if I could show some sort of income.

Oh for God's Sake! If I had some income, I wouldn't need help!!! Give me a friggin' break! To make an already way too long story short, I went back and forth with them, multiple phone calls, multiple letters, lots of information about how lousy the real estate mortgage is in my town (more than 10% of the homes here have foreclosed, and not a single home has sold in over 13 months) hoping to convince them that foreclosing on me would leave them with a white elephant, you name it. Finally, when I thought that I better start planning on packing up what little I still owned before they foreclosed, (having resorted to numerous yard sales just to keep food on the table and the lights on), after they'd told me for the "last time" that there was nothing they could do, I got the surprise of my life: Fed-Ex delivered a Loan Modification offer to my door.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. I swear when I opened up that package, I thought it was foreclosure papers. It wasn't. Instead, it was an offer - even though I still hadn't gotten a job - to modify my loan.

In brief, Amtrust offered to lower my interest rate from the current 9% to 5.25% for three years, at year four, it would go to 7%, then after that, it would return to the existing terms. In addition, my now three past-due payments would be added to the principle of my loan along with the unpaid escrow (yes, that means I'll be paying interest on unpaid interest), plus a one-time fee of around $3,900, and my loan term would be extended back out to 30 years from that date (June). My next payment wouldn't be due until August 31st. In other words, to make it simple, it was the equivalent of a quick-and-dirty refinance. My principle balance after all of this would now be... drumroll... $82,300. In other words, I was not only back at 30 years like the last nearly six years since I refinanced never happened, I was now owing MORE than I originally borrowed when I refinanced.

Ouch.

I accepted.

Even though I'm now owing more than I borrowed originally, even though four years from now, I may be facing ridiculous 9%-10% interest rates, for now, for the next three years, I only have to pay $548 a month, including taxes and insurance. I never thought I would actually be grateful to end up much further in debt than I started out at.

And I am grateful to Amtrust for this loan modification. It's reasonable, it's affordable, and I'll keep my house. From what I've heard talking to others who've gotten their loans modified, it's actually a good offer. And, of course, it's VERY profitable to Amtrust. This modification will make them, I estimate, about $38,000 more in interest payments overall, assuming I make no extra principle payments, than they would have already made off of my original loan over the next 30 years.

Sigh... I should never have refinanced.

You see, even though I was looking at 13% interest back in 2002 when I refinanced, that would have only been for a year. It would have gone down to about 11.75 the following year, and within another year or two, would have been back down to 10% - the lowest rate.

You see, despite that high interest, if I never refinanced, I would have PAID OFF that original mortgage in 2010, thanks to all the extra principle I did pay on it the first four years, plus I would have been able to pay extra even when times got tough. Even when times did get tough, I probably wouldn't have needed to hit my savings so hard as I ended up doing.

I don't want to lose my house. I've lived here almost 10 years, and I love my house. I love the small town I live in, my neighbors are great, and I love my house. Yeah, I know, I already said that. I am, however, facing the fact that in a few years, hopefully the housing market will improve, and I may end up having to consider selling my house, or ... God Forbid ... refinancing.

Which is exactly what my lawyer friend said when I showed him the modification offer: "Well, I would suggest you take this offer and then, in three or four years, refinance."

I don't know how, but I managed not to scream at him!

Somehow or another, I feel accepting this loan modification will end up being a mistake. It's not yet - but it will end up being one :) Already, I've found out things I didn't know about modifying my loan. Mind you, I DID have a lawyer look this over! What I didn't know when I modified my loan - and this is NOT in the paperwork! - is that I would no longer be able to pay my mortgage online at the mortgage company's website. Why? Because I'm in a modification program. It is their "policy" to block online payments on their websites for customers in modification. Yes, I'm trying to get them to make an exception for me. That means I must make sure I mail the check early - since mail is now taking upwards of 7-10 days to get anywhere for some bizaare reason or another - or pay it electronically through my own bank's bill pay service, which of course, also takes 7-10 days because my bank, like many others, actually cuts a check and mails it! Or I can pay by phone with the mortgage company, but that costs $15 each time... grrr...

Another thing that is NOT in the modification paperwork is this: Much of my so-called "rights" regarding foreclosure are gone. If I go beyond the 14th of any month in making my payment, I can be considered in default of the modification agreement and they can begin foreclosure immediately. No waiting until you are 2 or 3 months behind. This is NOT in the paperwork. It's not even implied! My lawyer had no clue about this! I would not have known this at all, except on September 2nd, the mortgage company called me to find out where is my payment! I'm like, um, it was due on the 1st, I get paid on the 5th, I've got a grace period until the 14th, but regardless, I'll be paying it on the 5th! And THAT is when I was told that I was technically "in default" and the rest of the nonesense...

So yes, already, I made yet another mistake: I agreed to the modification without asking about all of the unknown, unwritten, non-communicated policies and procedures that apply to the modification that they didn't bother to tell me about and that I would have had no idea I needed to know and/or ask about since they didn't bother to include them in the written modification. Grrrr... so if you modify your loan, be sure to ask what all the policies are about it, how it may or may not affect your rights, etc., even though they aren't included in the documentation.

But anyway, I'm working now... finally got a job back on July 1st. Sure, it's only $9.00 an hour, but at least it's a job until I can work my way up, find another job, or start another business. At least this new job lets me telecommute, so I don't have to waste a bunch of money on expensive gasoline. I just made my September payment, and even managed to pay an extra $20 on principle. By next month, I'll be caught up on all the utility bills I've been terminally behind on all year, and maybe, just maybe, come November or December, I'll be able to finally put a few dollars back into my now-empty savings account.

So here I sit, owning my own home for almost ten years now. A house I bought for $72,000 originally, put $17,000 down on, that I have paid a bit over $66,400 in interest on over the last nearly ten years, that I now currently owe more than $82,000 on.

So that's my mortgage mess. For better or worse. Maybe this will help someone else out there save themselves from some grief.

I wish I put that equity right back onto the mortgage when I refinanced.

I wish I never refinanced.

The Greatest Housing Bill Ever... NOT!

2008-07-27T06:15:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I was so excited to hear that today, Congress passed a bill providing real help for homeowners facing forclosure and serious measures targeting the housing crisis. I knew better than to be excited, because I went through the same thing with last year's FHA mortgage assistance excitement, just to be seriously crushed when I found out I didn't qualify, because my loan had it's first adjustment more than 3 years earlier.

So I read everything I could on today's "landmark legislation" with both excited hope and a jaundiced eye: Maybe this time, *I* could get some help.

I will warn you right now is a VERY long "I'm on a soapbox!" rant....

First off, this "unprecedented" bill is "regarded as the most significant housing legislation in decades." That's a lot to say, considering it's only going to cost us taxpayers SEVERAL HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS. But hey, if it helps stop people from losing their homes, I'm all for it.

Now, Lord Knows there are a lot of good, hard-working people who may lose their homes this year through no direct fault of their own, the actions of unscrupulous lenders, and various other factors. Sure, quite a few simply made a bad decision buying a house they really couldn't afford. But I can't help thinking: shouldn't the lender said NO?? Hasn't anyone heard of the phrase, "improvident lending?" Hey, they LOVED saying NO to me when I struggled to get a mortgage back in 1999! (That's a long story for another day) Still, the fact of the matter remains that serious and tough actions need to be taken NOW to prevent as many foreclosures as we can, because by doing so, we shore up the entire industry (not that some of them deserve it...), we shore up fast-falling property values, help keep schools open, reduce job losses within the industry and related industries, reduce the risk of more tax-payer funded bank-bailouts, and lots of other "trickle-down" effects, from reduced business failures to solvent municipal water districts.

It is NECESSARY to enact serious help for those facing foreclosure. Absolutely NECESSARY to our economy, it's not just feel-good politics.

So here's what our Congress has decided to do:

Direct $3.9 BILLION to neighborhoods negatively affected by foreclosures to buy forclosed houses, so they can fix them up and resell them.

Gee... now why would a bank have any incentive to MAINTAIN a house they own? They can just let it run down and let the community buy it, I'm assuming at the amount owed and/or current fair market value, which greatly reduces the lender's risk and potential loss but increases the community's cost. While I agree that many neighborhoods are suffering drastically falling property values, (my own neighborhood has suffered an average 36% drop in value - !!!), many towns are suffering blight and increased crime due to empty, boarded-up houses, and lots of other problems due to foreclosures, I cannot help but feel that this is the wrong approach because it could be used to INCREASE foreclosures.

Why would mortgage companies bother working with homeowners to help them work their way out of potential foreclosure, with plans such as loan modifications and forbearance programs, when they can instead foreclose as soon as legally possible knowing that the community can buy the house from them quickly? This money is available, with NO INCENTIVE on the mortgage company to avoid foreclosure.

Frankly, about the only incentive mortgage companies have right now to work WITH homeowners facing foreclosure is the possibility that the home will sit empty, deteriorating and losing value for months, if not years.

Besides, $3.9 BILLION ain't nearly enough.

As far as I can tell, this money places no requirements or responsibilities on the foreclosing lenders. There doesn't seem to be any sort of requirement that they, for example, sell the property at a DISCOUNT to the community. Or that they have made good-faith efforts to work out an agreement with the homeowner BEFORE foreclosing. Or that they subsidize, and/or pay a portion of, the rehabilitation work, which would be less than the amount that they would eventually have had to pay in the form of reduced sales price and/or actual repairs when a buyer eventually came along.

I can see some unscrupulous leaders of some communities using the funds to buy homes, repair the homes, them sell them to favored fellow citizens (council members?) at far below market value...

Why not ear-mark that money and give it to communities to, for example, increase police coverage, cover short-falls in school tax revenues due to reduced populations, or any other option in direct need of the community. By earmarking that money solely to buy foreclosed homes is just opening up a can of worms, from increased foreclosures to potential political corruption.

Regardless, the mortgage industry is now guaranteed that up to $3.9 BILLION dollars work of foreclosed properties can be easily sold without a lick of work on their part and no apparent safeguards against abuse on the part of politicians and other unscrupulous community leaders.

I wonder how the realtors feel about all those potential lost sales commissions ...

Bottom line: This money does NOTHING to help even one homeowners facing foreclosure NOW

The Bill "requires lenders to show how high a borrower's payment could get under the terms of his mortgage. " Um... isn't that already a LAW? You know, like the TRUTH IN LENDING Regulation, amongst other laws and regulations? Maybe I'm wrong...

The bill includes an additional $15 BILLION for the Low-Income housing tax credit and providing a tax credit up to $7,500 for first-time home buyers for houses purchased between April 9, 2008, and April 1, 2009.

Okay, now that sounds good... maybe....

Let's look at the Low Income Housing Tax Credit first.

Now, a little about how it works. Be forewarned, this is way over-simplified. It provides a dollar-for-dollar tax credit to those who build housing, primarily rentals, that agree to set-aside at least 20% of their units for low-income renters. The low-income housing tax credit is a tax credit used overwhelmingly by partnerships, corporations, and investors, and directly reduces their cost (read: increases their profit) of developing (mostly rental) housing.

In these set-aside units, rent cannot exceed 30% of a person's income. There are set income levels. For example, here in El Paso County, the maximum income for a one-person household is $14,300. To put that in perspective, a person making the current Colorado minimum wage of $7.02 an hour, 40 hours a week, 52 hours a year, would earn around $14,600... too much to qualify for one of these rentals. A family/household of 6 persons can have a maximum income of $23,650 for a 6-person household.

Now, why a household that is SIX TIMES larger can only earn about 40% more - less than double - the income of a one-person household defies logic. And we're supposed to be so family-friendly....

So how is this supposed to help homeowners facing foreclosure NOW??? That money won't work it's way into the system for several years, as it's going to mostly directly benefit developers building NEW DEVELOPMENTS, at least a few years away from signing their first leases?

How does this STOP even ONE family from losing their home NOW to foreclosure? All I see is it increases the possibility that more low-income RENTAL units will come available a few years from now...

This will, on the other hand, help those folks over at Fannie Mae, a major developer and investor in rental properties... lots more taxpayer money available for them to subsidize their costs of developing more RENTAL properties ....

Bottom line: Honestly, overall, I believe increasing the low-income housing tax credit is a great idea for future low-income RENTERS, a great idea to encourage increased developments of low-income housing. The problem is it is a lousy idea for homeowners NOW. It does not help a single HOMEOWNER facing foreclosure RIGHT NOW. It does nothing to stabilize the housing market NOW.

Let's take a look at that $7,500 first-time homebuyer credit... wow... that sounds GREAT!! Until you realize that it is a TAX credit. IT IS NOT DOWN-PAYMENT ASSISTANCE.

The credit has to be taken over two years, and is MAXIMUM $7,500, as it adjusts downward for incomes over $70,000 filing separately/$140,000 filing jointly. The credit can ONLY be used by those who bought/are buying a house between April 8, 2008, and April 1, 2009. Gotta love a tax credit that is only good for one year, and ends on April Fool's day... :) (Note: Some reports state it is through April 1st, 2009, others July 1st, 2009... I need to clarify this but will use the April 1 date for now.)

I'm no tax expert... but what about those families who qualify for a mortgage based on their income, but after their standard, child care, mortgage interest, health care, and other income tax deductions end up owing zero taxes? Do they still get to take the credit?

The credit has to be paid back (no interest) over 15 years, and becomes "due" if you sell the home (or it stops being your primary residence) during that 15-year time period. Since most Americans change homes on average every 7 years, people could find themselves with a nasty tax surprise a few years from now when they upgrade or downsize their homes...

If you didn't think filing your taxes was already complicated enough, imagine the fun of calculating how much you have to pay back six or seven years from now, remembering to budget that into the sales price of your home when you resell it, seeing a smaller tax refund every year for the next 15 years because you are paying back a tax credit you barely remember taking...you get the picture.

Frankly, I have a real problem with a tax credit that helps a very limited number of people for a very limited time, that DOES NOT STOP EVEN ONE foreclosure NOW, and is likely open to abuse by some mortgage brokers out there. I can see them finding some way to twist this into a way of boosting your income and/or down payment "on paper" to help you qualify. You know, like the way some college financial aid officer's use the Hope and Lifetime Learning tax credits to increase your income and reduce your financial aid eligibility....

While it is true this could help increase sales of houses until next year, how does this help homeowners facing foreclosure NOW??? How does this help someone who has already lost their home buy another, more affordable home - since if you've owned a home within the last three years, you are NOT a first-time homeowner! And WHY limit this to such a short time period?

The Bill allows some homeowners struggling to make their payments refinance into lower-cost government-backed loans (read: Fannie Mae loans).

The Bill specifically targets those who are upside-down on their mortgages - meaning owe more than the house is worth. Of course, there are some strings attached: You have to show you can AFFORD the new loan, and the current lender has to agree to take a loss on the old loan. I'm assuming the logic behind this is the loss would be less than the lender's cost of foreclosure. This is expected to help about 400,000 homeowners. On top of that, the maximum loan limit will increase to $625,000, and permit Fannie and Freddie to support mortgages on properties priced up to 15% higher than the median price level in some geographical areas.

Okay. Let's put Fannie Mae at risk of losing EVEN MORE money.

For starters, lenders holding mortgages with PMI (primary mortgage insurance) on them have zero reason to agree to take a loss. All they need to do is foreclose and file a claim with the PMI, greatly reducing their loss, if any. I doubt this will help anybody facing foreclosure who is paying PMI with their mortgage.

Secondly, WHY would a bank agree to take a loss, when they know that thanks to the $3.9 BILLION grant, they could just foreclose and sell the house to the community, likely getting back every penny that's owed?? Lenders are loath to work with homeowners as it is; it can be a real struggle to get them to accept a short-sale, now Congress expects banks to jump at the chance to take a loss? Yea, right... did they forget banks have stockholders and high-paid executives to protect?

Seriously, though, this WILL help some people, but just like last year's big homeowner assistance program, it's not going to help many. In fact, thanks to last year's grand plan to save homeowners, Fannie Mae's 2007 Annual Report states they helped 100,000 homeowners "avoid foreclosure OR refinance out of sub-prime loans." The emphasis is mine.

I doubt this is going to help much more than another 50,000-100,000 people, since the requirements on this are more restrictive than last year's program and, in fact, underwriting guidelines have tightened up. And last year, banks weren't required to agree to take a loss.

Although it could also have a "trickle-down" effect, possible slowing down the speed at which property values are dropping.

Still, at least the potential exists that someone can save their home. That is a good thing.

The bill allows the Treasury Department (read: taxpayers!) to lend UNLIMITED amounts of money to Fannie and Freddie, or buy their stock, until the end of the year. Hrm... the Treasury Department has an OPEN checkbook to bail out Fannie and Freddie and keep them afloat?

Gee, I'd like just one page out of that checkbook!

Of course you are thinking it's important to keep Fannie and Freddie solvent. You're right: it is. The problem is there is no onus on Fannie or Freddie to change a thing in exchange for the sweetest line of credit ever offered to any corporation.

I can sum up the real problem with one word: Executives.

-Thomas A. Lund, Executive Vice President of the SINGLE-FAMILY MORTGAGE BUSINESS at Fannie Mae - where the majority of Fannie's losses/potential losses from foreclosures are found - will be compensated about $3.9 MILLION for the year. Plus stock options, of course.....

-Michael J. Williams, Executive Vice President and Chief Operating Officer, will "earn" compensation of around $5.6 MILLION.

-Daniel H. Mudd, President and CEO, will receive compensation of around $12 MILLION this year. For particularly enlightening reading, be sure to read the transcript of an interview with Daniel H. Mudd included in Fannie Mae's Form 8-K, filed with the SEC on July 18th, 2008. Pay attention to his responses to questions regarding executive compensation. http://ccbn.10kwizard.com/xml/download.php?repo=tenk&ipage=5781517&format=PDF

- Beth A. Wilkinson, Executive Vice President-General Counsel and Corporate Secretary. Nice to see a women up there with the big boys. Ms. Wilkinson can expect compensation around $3 MILLION dollars this year.

- Robert J. Levin, Executive Vice President and Chief Business Officer, will "earn" around $7 MILLION this year.

-Peter S. Niculescu, Executive Vice President of Capital Markets, will also "earn" around $3.9 MILLION in compensation for the year.

-Stephen M. Swad, Executive Vice President and Chief Financial Officer, about $3 MILLION.

Just in case you are curious... non-management members of the Board of Directors, you know, the people WHO DETERMINE THE PAY of the executives, receive around $500,000 a year in "cash retainer payments." Let's see... board members, specifically the "Compensation Committee," get $500,000 a year JUST in "cash retainers" then decide how much these executives are worth paying each year, as the company loses BILLIONS this year, as the stock value has plunged, as millions of taxpayers chip in to keep this company afloat....

Hey, next time you need a non-management board member, call me!! I'll do it for a measly $100,000 cash retainer!! :) Heck, I'd probably do it for $40,000! Either way, it'd be a huge raise for me! :)

Anyway, you get the idea. These people are the brains of Fannie Mae. They are the ones who make all the decisions, determine the direction of the company, determine policies, budgets, sales and purchases of business assets. They are the bosses of the bosses.

They are the ones responsible for ensuring the corporation's profitability, much less survival. Frankly, they've done a piss-poor job. If I hear one more time that it's because of the "unexpected" downturn in the housing market, that it's due to an "unexpected" increase in foreclosures, or any other inane comment about how it is the ECONOMY'S fault that Fannie is knee-deep in the mud, I'm going to puke. Seriously.

These are not only the brains of Fannie Mae, they have their fingers on the pulse of the entire housing and mortgage industry! If there is trouble on the wind, these people are going to know it AGES ahead of time, far enough in advance to take preventative action. Besides, the downturn in the industry has been in the news for almost two years, progressively getting worse until all heck broke out this year. To say that "nobody" could have predicted this is beyond ridiculous (see Mudd's interview - seriously, read it, it'll turn your stomach).

Anyway, just those SEVEN people have a combined income of $38.4 MILLION annually. To put that in perspective, that's equivalent to 2,630 full-time minimum-wage earners.

I'm offended by this. Not the fact they got paid so much - big executive paychecks are common - but the fact they are STILL getting paid so much when they've done such an apparently piss-poor job.

I don't know about you, but when my income goes down, my expenses go down. Other than going to Golden Corral to celebrate my finally graduating from college, I've not eaten out in 6 months. I haven't been to the movie theater in 8 months. I haven't rented a movie in 6 months. I've switched from Coca Cola to Kool-aid and just plain water.

I have NOT bought a gallon of milk in THREE MONTHS.

And these "professionals," these EXECUTIVES are pocketing huge bucks for aiding and abeting the near demise of their company, then getting the taxpayers to pay for their mistakes and poor judgement???

When my income goes down, my expenses go down. Lots of corporations follow that same common-sense approach to handling their finances. Why hasn't Fannie Mae?

Whatever happened to the concept that if you make bad decisions that cost the company money, you lose your job! In case you forgot, it's called "pay for performance." You know the concept: If you don't perform, you don't get paid.

Just in case you are curious, here's another really "sound" financial decision on the part of the wonderful leaders of Fannie Mae: They are LOSING MONEY BUT STILL PAYING DIVIDENDS to their stockholders. Sure, it's only 35 cents a share right now... last year it was 40 to 50 cents ... but hey, it's not like they are LOSING MONEY or anything! Only $2.2 BILLION in losses for the first three months of 2008.... Guess they have to compensate the stockholders for the major drop in the value of their shares from last year's $60.00-$70.00 to the current $12.00 a share....

For the record: Fannie Mae paid out $503 million in dividends on "outstanding shares of preferred stock" last year, while losing money. Thanks to an unbelievable complex, 160+ page annual report, I've no clue how much they paid out in common-stock dividends. Easily millions. Maybe tens of millions. Maybe hundreds of millions. And honestly, I don't really know the difference between "preferred" and "common" stock.

Paying dividends to stockholders when you are losing money. That's offensive. Maybe not to the stockholders....

Why the heck is this company, which is losing money and apparently doing NOTHING to balance their budget except borrow MORE money (read: get FURTHER in debt)allowed to borrow UNLIMITED amounts from the Treasury? Hey, have you ever tried to get new credit (or a credit line increase) right after you missed a payment or two on a credit card? Real fun, NOT! But these bozos get to borrow all the money they want....

Here's another word for you: Lobbyists. Fannie (and Freddie) spend big bucks on LOBBYISTS. Tens of millions, easily. Now isn't that special? Borrowing money from the Treasury to pay lobbyists to go to Capital Hill and strike deals with the powers that be to grant you even more tax breaks, unlimited credit lines, and other special treatment.

Grrr...

Don't get me wrong, I do believe that we MUST keep Fannie and Freddie solvent. It is NECESSARY. The ramifications of either of those corporations failing is simply beyond imagining. The negative impact on the overall economy would make the price of oil back-page news. The cost to taxpayers would be immense... easily in the trillions, making the Iraq war seem cheap. I just have a problem with helping these government-backed, private corporations without asking for anything in return, especially in the nature of true reform, sensible compensation, reduced spending, and the application of some simple, plain common-sense business practices, like linking executive pay to corporate performance, cancelling stock dividends, reduced/no spending on lobbyists, etc., until they are profitable again, amongst other things.

I being overly simplistic here, but if they did just these few obvious things, they would easily slow down the bleeding. Who knows... maybe they could even get back in the black.

I wonder if they are using CFLs and low-flow toilets... could save them a ton in utility expenses... :)

The bottom line is Fannie Mae, like most of us, is the cause of most of its own problems.

Before you think the bill is just one big fat pork barrel, it DOES have some funds set-aside to DIRECTLY help homeowners facing foreclosure: $180 million will be made available to help fund pre-foreclosure COUNSELING for homeowners facing foreclosure.

Yea, that's millions, not billions. To put this in perspective, Fannie Mae paid out $323 million MORE in preferred stock dividends than the Government is setting aside for pre-foreclosure counseling.

Note the key word there: COUNSELING. In this case, that's providing information to homeowners facing foreclosure about their rights and responsibilities. Something that is ALREADY provided through HUD-approved housing counseling agencies, many of which CHARGE homeowners ($25-$75 on average) for advice and, if my own experience is any example, are incapable of doing anything you couldn't do for yourself by simply calling your mortgage company, talking to their loss mitigation department and asking for assistance. Still, if you are facing foreclosure, you SHOULD call one of these HUD-approved housing counselors, because you WILL learn a lot about your RIGHTS.

Never, ever, ever forget one simple fact about the world we live in: NOBODY will protect your rights if you don't. Knowing your rights is ESSENTIAL.

Well, I've vented, ranted, logiced, rambled, and dragged this on much longer than it needed to be. The bottom line is simple: Once again, the government has passed "landmark" legislation that will end up being nothing more than another run-of-the-mill boondoggle. It will help a few thousand people, and maybe, just maybe, it may help stabilize the housing, mortgage and credit market somewhat. But to call this legislation anything other than a major taxpayer-funded corporate salvage job is misleading, to say the least.

If you are facing foreclosure, you MUST read this: http://portal.hud.gov/portal/page?_pageid=33,717348&_dad=portal&_schema=PORTAL Follow the knowledge and advice on that page.

Sources for this rant are: Fannie Mae's 2007 Annual Report http://www.fanniemae.com/ir/pdf/annualreport/2007/2007_annual_report.pdf Yahoo! News Article: "Congress Approves Housing Bill." http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080726/bs_nm/fannie_freddie_dc_30

What's in a Name?

2008-04-17T16:12:00.000-07:00

I love living out here in the "boondocks" of Calhan, Colorado. We've got pretty much everything one needs within walking distance: grocery, small restaurant, Post Office, Town Hall, hardware store, feed store, butcher's, elementary & high school, park, walking trail, even an insurance company! (We used to have a bar and a bowling alley, but the smoking ban killed those. That's another story for another day....) Anyway, here in Calhan, the one thing we don't have is a library. Fortunately, our wonderful Pikes Peak Library District provides us with Bookmobile services twice a week.

Well, that is, they used to. Very soon, Pikes Peak Library District, in their wonderful wisdom, will no longer drive the Bookmobile out to Calhan anymore: From now on, they will be driving the Mobile Library Services um, vehicle? Van? RV? Truck?

Yup. They're changing the name. It's the same old vehicle it's always been, wonderfully stuffed to the brim with books, DVDs, videos, cds, and the absolutely nicest, friendliest, people you've ever met. They will still remember most of our names, even when we forget theirs, they'll still bring out, special-delivery-like, any books you put on hold through your internet account. They'll still make spot-on recommendations, and they'll still take the time to ask how life's treating you. Just like they always have.

Nothing changes except the name.

Mobile Library Services. Wow... what a mouthful. I wonder how much the consultant who came up with that brilliant idea got paid!

When I first moved to Calhan nearly ten years ago, I was thrilled to learn we had a bookmobile. It brought back a flood of some of my most cherished childhood memories. In the small New Jersey town I grew up in, every Wednesday was bookmobile day. Not only did we get out of the classroom for an hour, not only did we get to go and pick out ANYTHING we wanted, they brought special books they picked out just for us!

My mom adored Wednesdays, because it was the one day of the week she didn't have to fight me to wake up in time for school. She'd pop her head into my bedroom and quietly say, "Laura, wake up, it's Bookmobile day!" I'd be out of that bed like a shotgun! Mom never "grounded" me like normal kids... if I got in trouble, she took my library card away. "No bookmobile for you this week, young lady!" It was devastating to me!

For me, seeing the Bookmobile driving down the road was like seeing the ice cream truck. "The Bookmobile is here! The Bookmobile is here!" And I know, first-hand, that many of the young people here in Calhan view the Bookmobile parked in front of our school every Tuesday exactly the same way I did in my youth: as a Special Day, the Bookmobile day.

Bookmobile. What a wonderful word. Regardless if you utilize their services or not, when you hear that word, you have an immediate image in your mind, and maybe even a few warm-and-fuzzy feelings, like I do. Bookmobile. You know exactly what the word means and exactly what it does: It brings books and other library materials to those that need them.

Now, try out the new name in your head: Mobile Library Services um, Mobile. Um, Vehicle. Um, Van... I don't know about you, but Mobile Library Services simply leaves me hanging. I feel like there is not only a word missing, but a meaning. I can just see the teacher's having fun with this at the school: "Hey Kids, don't forget, tomorrow is Mobile Library Services Day!"

Can you imagine the new ice-cream-truck-like mantra? Kids yelling in excitement, "The Mobile Library Services thing is here! The Mobile Library Services thing is here!"

Yeah, right.

I don't understand why Pikes Peak Library District made this silly decision. In the nearly ten years I've been using their services, I've never been able to complain about anything. There's no other public service like it. It's the one public service NO ONE dreads going to, unlike the Driver's License or Vehicle Registration offices! For starters, the employees are always HAPPY!

And honestly, I'm not really complaining now about PPLD, I'm simply questioning: Why change a name that has such a long, gloriously wonderfully emotive history as the Bookmobile? It's the PERFECT name: It's a vehicle that brings you BOOKS! And more, more, more!

You see, Bookmobile day is an OCCASION, especially for those of us living in small, rural communities that simply do not have the financial resources to support a full-fledged library. Mobile Library Services Day... it just doesn't have the same feeling.

I cannot understand why this rush to change something that simply didn't need fixing. PPLD, I beg of you, fire the consultant who convinced you that somehow, for some stupid reason or another, the name Bookmobile was no longer trendy enough. Go back to calling it the Bookmobile.

Or if you really insist on changing a perfectly good name, at least come up with something at a bit more catchy? Oh wait, I forgot... there simply isn't anything catchier than Bookmobile.

I can't wait till Saturday. It's Mobile Library Services Day.

The Cost of Marriage

2008-04-16T02:28:00.000-07:00

Very likely later today, the Colorado senate will be voting on a proposal to raise the cost of a marriage license from $10 to $35. According to The Gazette, Sen. Dave Schultheis, R-Colorado Springs, is against the idea, arguing that the State should do "everything it can to promote marriage and should consider adding the fee to the cost of getting a divorce instead." I say Schultheis is not only wrong, but that the Senate should consider raising the cost of a marriage license higher. Much, much higher.

Colorado, like many states, makes it extremely difficult and expensive to get divorced. Now, I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing, but I do believe the emphasis is in the wrong place. I don't think divorce needs to be made more difficult. I think we need to make it far more difficult to get married.

Why? Because it's cheaper - and simpler - to get married than it is to license my dog. Seriously. If I wanted to get married - and I don't - all I need to do is go pay $10 and sign a short piece of paper. Until not too long ago, you didn't even need to show an ID.

Now, to license my dogs, which I have to do every year, first I have to bring the mutts to the vet, pay for an office visit ($80 for the three mutts), pay for their rabies shots ($54 for the three of them), put the dogs in the car, run back into the vet's to get the rabies certificate I accidentally left on the counter, get the dogs home, go to Town Hall, pay the fees - $12 if dog is neutered/spayed, $25 if not, and an extra $5 if I let the license lapse more than 30 days. Then, I have to wrestle the dog's collars off of them, find the dang wrench to force the loopy metal tag hanger open, take off the old tag, put on the new tag, chase each one of the dogs down and try to get them to stay still long enough to get their collars back on, then sit down on the couch and wish I still drank. Phew!

Trying to replace a lost driver's license is far more complicated. Don't get me started!

Okay, maybe it's not exactly THAT bad, but licensing a dog is a lot more complicated than getting a marriage license. For starters, no shots are required. Blood tests are no longer required. If the police have been called to your house for too much barking, your license may be refused. You get the idea.

But to get married, all you need is $10. Maybe $1.00 in quarters for the parking meter. Then go in front of any judge, magistrate, notary public, public official, official of any church, or even just do it yourself, and you are married. Not including the time it takes to find a parking space in downtown Colorado Springs, you can get the whole thing done in 15 minutes.

No one questions your fitness for marriage. No one gives you a lecture on the proper care and feeding of your spouse, or requires any sort of preventive vaccinations against dangerous diseases. You never have to re-license each other, nor do you have to worry about being refused a license because of too many noise complaints after drunken bouts of glass throwing.

Marriage is a serious, life-altering decision that anyone over the age of 18 is not only legally and easily permitted to do, they are encouraged to do so by much of our cultural underpinnings. You are forever bound to every stupid mistake the other makes for the rest of your life, or until you decide to get divorced. Whichever comes first.

If Schultheis and the State of Colorado are so dang'ed concerned about promoting marriage, they really need to rethink their approach. Making divorce more expensive isn't the answer. Promoting smart decision making about getting married in the first place IS.

If you want to get divorced, not only are you looking at more than $300 in various filing fees, you must attending parenting classes and wait 90 days before you can even think about scheduling a court date.

PARENTING CLASSES when you get DIVORCED? How ridiculous! How about requiring parenting classes BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED!! You know, BEFORE you have the children in the first place?

Oh, I forgot... something like half these people getting married already have children. Duh.

How about a waiting period before you get married? Maybe THAT would cut down the rate of divorce! Slow people down a bit before they make stupid marriage decisions, and maybe, just maybe, you'll cut the divorce rate significantly.

Ultimately, that is the only answer to the divorce rate: Do what you can to promote marrying smart. You know, like criminal background checks. STD tests. Parenting classes. Classes on smart money management and dispute resolution. Give people the information they need for a successful relationship, and maybe, they will be far less likely to divorce later on down the road.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against marriage, even though I personally have never made that mistake. I think marriage is a great institution for those insane enough to believe some guy they met in a bar three months ago and screwed the same night is awesome husband material. I just think there is something wrong with a system that makes it incredibly difficult to open a checking account, get a driver's license, license a dog, register a car, etc., but makes it ridiculously easy to join yourself with another person's bad habits, supposedly for the rest of your life.

So go ahead, Colorado Senate, raise the fee to $35. Better yet, raise it to $300 and institute at least a 30-day waiting period. If the State truly wants to promote marriage, then they need to start taking marriage as seriously as they take licensing a dog. As long as the State views marriage so lightly that it only costs $10 and anyone can do it, how on Earth can they ever expect the People to take it seriously?

Just a harmless whistle....

2008-04-15T00:11:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday night, a friend ruptured my eardrum.

You see, I went back to college five years ago, and to help support myself, I started a small karaoke business. Most Friday and Saturday nights I'm in one small-town bar or another, aiding and abetting the vandalism of many a great hit song. This past Saturday night, at one of my regular gigs, one of my regular singers decided it was too quiet and let out a shrill, high-pitched, extremely loud, excruciatingly painful whistle. You know the kind, with two fingers in the mouth, intended to be heard across football stadiums over 90,000 screaming fans. That kind of loud.

The first time she let out one of her obnoxious sirens, it literally knocked me breathless. I yelled into the microphone, half-jokingly, to quit it, she was making my ears bleed!

In truth, I discovered just a few short minutes later, she really did make one of my ears bleed. My left ear started to ooze a very small amount of blood, mixed with some sort of clear-ish fluid. Still ringing, and a bit numb, the bleeding and oozing stopped very quickly.

But the nightmare was just beginning... about an hour later, she let out another whopper of a whistle. This time, I actually dropped to the floor. My body doubled over, as my left ear screamed with the pain of a butcher's knife repeatedly jamming into it. Unwelcome tears could not be stopped, I could NOT move, my entire body began to shake as the pain just increased.

I swear, I've never felt anything so painful in my life. Not even when I was raped with a broken bottle back in 1989. Not when I broke my arm in New Zealand. Not when I fell more than 80 feet off a cliff face, crushing my kneecap in the process. Not when I had to stitch up that same knee, myself, with no anesthesia and a tent canvas needle! Not when I rolled my SUV three times.

Nothing ever this painful, ever.

I could not move, I could not catch my breath, I could not say a word, for at least five minutes. All I could do was feel the pain, excruciatingly but slowly ebbing. One of my other regulars came over and asked me if I was okay.

Unable to even breath, I managed to eek out the words, "I don't know."

I'm 43, and never once in my life have I ever said those words to the question, "Are you okay?" Like most, I always respond, yea, I'm okay, or at worse, no, but I will be. I honestly didn't know if I was okay or not, all I knew was while the pain was ebbing, a high-pitched shrieking whining noise, mixed with the sound of rushing water, was now all I could hear out of my left ear.

A few minutes later, I managed to sit up, sort-of, hunched over my karaoke system, grab a mic, and call up the next singer. I think someone helped me outside, I'm honestly not sure. I do know that I felt like I wasn't sure which foot was my left and which was my right as I struggled to keep my balance.

Outside, three blessed minutes of absolute quiet. Well, not exactly quiet... my abused left ear was still singing, ringing, and rushing with sounds that simply didn't exist outside my own head. The pain was still there, but now it was more like a dull jackhammer, instead of Jack the Ripper with a meat cleaver in the Library.

Somehow, I managed to finish the night's gig, fortunately, there was less than an hour left in the evening when this occurred. Not once did the offending whistler, someone I've known about three years, someone I considered a friend, come over to see how I was doing. Not once did she apologize, much less say a single word to me. In fact, she sat at the bar bragging about how NO ONE can whistle as loud as her, and how cool everyone thought her whistle was, and she simply couldn't understand how anyone could be annoyed by it. Besides, she was just trying to liven things up...

I drove home, finding myself constantly checking my windows cause it sounded like one of them was open! At home, I took a few Tylenols, and despite the continuing pain, I managed to get to sleep about 6am. Later that day, still feeling some pain, albeit diminished, and still having difficulties with my hearing, I decided to go to the emergency room.

Why do accidents always happen when doctor's offices are closed?

Anyway, the verdict was pretty quick and simple: My left eardrum is ruptured. Or should I say, the tympanic membrane was punctured, a result of extreme acoustic shock.

The doctor gave me a referral to a specialist, told me to avoid all loud noises for the next 2-4 weeks, that it will likely mostly heal on its own but if surgery was necessary, it was a relatively simple procedure to patch the eardrum, and that while it was likely my hearing would eventually fully return, it probably would never be quite the same.

Needless to say, I'm pissed. I'm not just pissed, I'm friggin' sick and tired of OTHER PEOPLE'S IRRESPONSIBILITY causing me physical, financial, and emotional damage! She KNEW her whistle was irritating, to say the least - she was PROUD of how it pissed people off! I'd asked her both nicely and firmly over the prior hour to STOP THE FRIGGIN' WHISTLES!! And this wasn't the first time - I've been through this with her and others in the past! It's a small bar, with solid blank walls that reflect every sound exponentially, especially high-frequency ones.

But she thinks it's fun and funny, and was, in fact, rather put out by the fact that her whistling obviously caused me pain. Friggin' drunks...

She doesn't know yet that she may have permanently damaged my hearing, I'm still too hot to talk about it directly with her, or the others involved that evening (i.e, the ones encouraging and inviting her to whistle). I know if I call her now, I'll just end up blowing up and attacking her with angry words. That won't accomplish anything. And, to be honest, I'm concerned that the owners of the bar may just drop my regular gig if they think there may be some liability issues involved...out of "concern" for me...

I can't afford this. I don't have medical insurance. Thanks to Colorado's smoking ban, my business has plummeted by more than half and there simply aren't any other jobs in the area. My house is a month away from foreclosure, but at least the bank's working with me. A local charity paid half my electric bill last month, and just filling the gas tank of my Ford Focus means I will be eating Ramen Noodles and scrambled eggs for the next three days. I'm just trying to make it to this summer, when I've already got weddings and private parties booked. How to pay not only for the emergency room, much less a specialist, is simply beyond overwhelming. But I'll figure it out. I always do.

Two days since the incident, and although much of my hearing has returned, my ear still aches dully, I'm still experiencing a quiet high-pitched humming sound, and I'm extremely sensitive to loud and/or high pitched sounds. Like the tone the phone makes when a call is waiting - I forgot to put the phone to my right ear earlier while talking to a friend, when someone else called, the 'beep' was like a firecracker in my ear. Outside, the sound of a bird whistle nearly knocked me to my feet again, and I nearly muzzled one of my dogs for barking at the door bell - which also had a painful percussive effect.

My right ear is also noticeably more sensitive, especially to sudden noises, but nothing compared to the left ear.

At least my balance has returned to normal.

I know I need to tell her what she did to me. I know she'll react defensively, somehow blame me for her stupidity ... she'll make some snide comment or another about being a kill-joy, interfering with HER fun. She might eek out a small gee, I'm sorry, but she won't mean it. Regardless of what I say, she will never take responsibility for her actions, not even with a simple apology or a few words of sympathy. Making people feel guilty about their own stupid choices always backfires.

I'm scheduled to see the specialist on Friday. I do not know what the near future holds for my hearing,

I pray for a full recovery. Although I graduate with my Bachelor's degree this May, I've had no luck lining up a "real" job so far. Karaoke and dj'ing gigs keep me alive right now. I've already got three weddings scheduled this summer. Those DO get loud - and I do wear earplugs at them! - but just those three gigs will pay my mortgage for the whole summer! If I can just make it to this summer, I'll be okay.

But how am I supposed to run shows if I cannot tolerate any sort of loud sounds, much less hear what people are saying to me? I can't lose my hearing, I can't lose my living!

Frankly, I'm a little scared.

All from a harmless little whistle...