Back in the second post of this series, I went into a little more depth about being an Enneagram 2W3. So, today I want to talk about some misconceptions when it comes to Twos because I think that recognizing and addressing these is important to my own Twoness.

“Twos are competitive people. They are always trying to outdo everyone.” (FALSE.) 

I can’t speak for all Twos, but I can say that I’ve been labeled as competitive and that one stung me. First, let me say that if you are a (healthy) competitive person, there is nothing in the world wrong with that. But that is NOT me. My driving motivation is not being in competition with anyone, unless its my own self.  The one and only way I’m trying to be a competitive personality is just trying to keep becoming the best version of me. Okay, fine…I’ll admit that I’m also competitive playing Mario Kart and I will red turtle-shell my own children to get to that finish line first. I also want to beat the time that Waze first gives me when I’m going somewhere. But, honestly? I am not at all what I consider a truly competitive person. In my Twoness, I try to be someone who encourages and cheers on other people, so that doesn’t leave room for competition. I really want to see others happy, healthy and thriving. I truly don’t see other people as my competition in life.

I think that sometimes we Twos get labeled as competitive because we tend to be “get stuff done” kind of people. We see something that needs to be done and we do it. We anticipate a need and we work to meet it. That’s just who we are. And, I think that sometimes we may come across as taking over when people don’t know us well or don’t realize that our core motivation, more often than not, is a genuine desire just to help out and do good. To tie this back to another blog post, I think this is where we have to have discernment and boundaries so that we keep doing the good we are lead to do, but that we are cognizant to try not to step on any toes. We can’t, and shouldn’t even want to, change our nature to help, but we can make sure that we leave room for others to help when situations arise also. We also have to realize that sometimes our motives are just going to be misjudged and we have to let that be in some cases. We can’t change everyone’s perception, but we can always go forward with our own integrity solidly in place.

Do NOT mistake my kindness for flirting.

Okay, this one is personal, but being a woman I have definitely had my kind and outgoing nature mistaken for flirting. And, I really just want to know…what’s up with that?! Do we really live in such a world that if someone shows kindness and is friendly, chatty and helpful, it’s just an automatic assumption that some flirting is going on? GAH! This is just craziness to me.

My entire life, I’ve been friends with girls and guys alike. In fact, for awhile in my 20’s, I actually had more guy friends than girlfriends. I adore my lady friends, but I am the kind of person who is just going to have guy friends too. It’s how I’m wired. So, let me just throw out a public THANK YOU to my guy friends who know that I’m just being me and that I’m totally not flirting when I’m being nice, chatty, etc. I’m just wired to be a people person and I really don’t have any desire to change that. I’m happily married going on 20 years and I’ve been way out of the flirting (with others) game for a very long time. I’m pretty sure I remember how, but I’m also pretty sure that it looks different than how I act in every day life too. So, please do us Twos a favor and let us be kind and friendly without thinking we have a motive that is anything other than being good people. That’s really what we are out here trying to do is just be good humans.

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I do think that more often than not, our motives are clear and we are respected for being exactly who we are. There are just occasions when our Twoness is misconstrued, so I wanted to clear up at least a couple of those. Two friends, have you had these or similar experiences? What are some things that you wish people knew are NOT true about Twos?

Basically, the takeaway I would like this post to have is for all of us to try to see the best in everyone. Not just Twos, of course. At the end of the day, I believe most of us are genuinely out here trying to be our best selves and trying in our own ways to impart good into this world. Let’s encourage that in one another, shall we?

Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly

The post What’s a 2 To Do? Part Five… appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

This week I want to talk about self-care because I know that us Twos aren’t always the greatest at making this happen. Life is busy, we find ourselves immersed in doing all the things, we go and go and give and give and…then…bam… we are just DONE. The point at which we hit the proverbial wall varies for every individual, but I believe that it’s basically inevitable to avoid burnout if we don’t take time for self-care. We all need to rest and recharge. This is where it’s important that we prioritize self-care and it’s also where we remember from last week to have and hold onto healthy boundaries AND to say no when we need to. In order for us to honor being the helper that a Two is by nature, we have to take care of ourselves too. As the saying goes – you cannot pour from an empty cup.

So, first things first…let’s get this stated boldly – SELF-CARE IS NOT SELFISH! 

I promise I’m not yelling above, friends. I’m cheering us on in this! Self-care…is…not…selfish!! If anyone tries to ever make you feel guilty for taking time for yourself, then you know what I’m going to say. Boundaries! The ones who love us and value us will actually want us to be taking the best care of ourselves too. No one who truly appreciates any of us wants to see us depleted. In order to keep shining in our intrinsic nature, we need to be healthy, rested and replenished. So, how can we do this? The honest answer is that there isn’t just one answer. Self-care looks different ways to different people. But, here are some generalized ideas on self-care for Twos.

Self-Care can look like…

• Saying no when you need to. I’m repeating this, but as a hardcore Two, I feel it in my soul. Sometimes we need to say no because we don’t have any availability. Sometimes we need to say no because we’ve been taken advantage of in some way. Sometimes we need to say no because we are tired and need a break. Sometimes we need to say no because something is just not in our wheelhouse. The bottom line is – sometimes, we just need to say NO. And we need to own that no as the good thing that it can be when we need it. Further, we don’t owe an explanation with the no. Taking care of yourself means recognizing when you have the power of no when you need to alongside the power of yes when you want to.
• Maintaining boundaries. Y’all knew I was going to go with this one next, didn’t you? It’s true though. Please don’t ever feel guilty or wrong for establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries when you need them. The only people who get mad at you for having healthy boundaries are people who want more of your time and energy than you need to give them. Well all need good, healthy boundaries in our lives.
• Quiet time. I like to take time each day to just be quiet. I will often use this time in the evenings to do my Bible study, soak and read in the bathtub and just chill by myself. I have to give it to my family, they get that I need this and they are gracious in giving me that time. That’s not to say they don’t occasionally pop in, but it’s just that they know I need the time and they are great with it. As much of a people person as I am, I still need this quiet time daily.
• Doing something nice for yourself. The opportunities here are endless. Us Twos tend to be givers, so when you think of giving for others, sometimes be sure to give to yourself. Treat yourself to a drive-thru overpriced coffee drink, get that pair of shoes you have had your eye on, go for a massage, enjoy every little second of a hair appointment. The list could go on and on because this varies by person and we all have things that we like. I’m not saying go on a self spending spree every week, but I am saying to treat yourself now and again…just because.
• Get enough sleep. This one is key for me. Not only am I a 2W3, but I am big time over-thinker. For some reason, my mind loves to go into GO mode when it is time to go to sleep. Quiet time before bedtime helps that, as do supplements such as magnesium citrate and L-theanine. When I am well-rested, I feel better and when I feel better, I feel more like me. We need our rest, that’s just a fundamental fact.

Truly, the list of how we can care for ourselves cannot be summed up in one simple blog post. You know what you need, so I encourage you not to backburner that, but to take care of your own needs just like you take care of others, Twos. Others matter, but so do you. Don’t forget that.

Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly

The post What’s a 2 To Do? Part Four… appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

In last week’s post, I took a closer look at my makeup as a 2W3 personality. Today, I’m going to speak to what I think initially looks like a challenge for us Two, but can really be a strength when channeled in a healthy way. That, my friends, is healthy boundaries.

I can only really speak for myself, but I bet it’s true that many of us Twos have a hard time with healthy boundaries sometimes. Both in realizing them in others and establishing them for ourselves. Because we are so…very…driven to help and we very often correlate our value with how well/how often/how efficiently we are helpful to others, we can easily miss boundaries that others have established and we can blur them for ourselves. To be fully healthy in our Twoness, we have GOT to get healthy boundaries down pat, y’all.

So, first let’s talk about recognizing and respecting the healthy boundaries of others…

I might as well jump in headfirst on this one because it’s something I am not sure that I realized for awhile. I think that where I, and many, if not most, other Twos find ourselves in being a helper is that we don’t just try to help with what is immediately known, but we also strive to be intuitive and we tend to try to anticipate so that we can be useful even before someone knows they need it. Obviously, this can be a very good quality. I think that goes without saying. But, where it gets tricky and where Twos become misunderstood in our motivations, I think, is where we go full speed ahead with every good and pure motivation, all the while thinking we are doing good, while we may be stepping on toes.

One example of this is in something that happened to a photographer friend. She has a lovely studio that is outside of her town, not in a neighborhood and not even closely bordered by any other homes.  Because she is a photographer who takes amazingly beautiful and very natural photos, she likes to let the flowers, grass and even weeds in backyard of her studio grow up so that it looks whimsical and authentically natural when she shoots there. It’s basically a meadow and is absolutely LOVELY in its natural form. I would say it’s very deliberately rustic, but not at all rundown –  a very well kept natural setting. Well, twice now, some well-intentioned person has come over and mowed her property. TWICE!! This left her brokenhearted because her beautiful nature-scape got reduced to stubble. What she had waited for, planned on and cultivated got taken down with zero notice and without her desire to have it done. Not to mention that no one had her request or  approval for it to happen. The ones who did it surely just thought they were doing a favor. No malice involved. But, even in their kindness, their actions were misguided. Instead of bringing someone joy that they did this “nice” (to them) thing, it wound up being frustrating and, well…sad. This is the very last thing a Two would ever want to do. We want to make things better for others. Part of what brings us fulfillment is doing something that brings smiles and happiness to someone else. I have also had the experience of having my heart absolutely in the right place, but overstepping just the same. It’s hard when that happens because we really just want to add good to the world and make other people’s lives a little bit better in any way we can, so to miss that mark, is a sucker punch, honestly.

So, how do we go about this? How do we balance our need to help with recognizing healthy boundaries that others have in place? First, I think we have to use our discernment. We have to ask ourselves  if we are truly wanting to help because the person needs help OR are we only feeding our own desire to feel good about what we are doing? I know. That can be a lot. Because, it really IS okay to feel good about ourselves when we help other people. But, that cannot be our sole motivator. If someone doesn’t want or need what we have to offer in any given scenario, then we have to respect that and not decide that we know best and do it anyway. I’m talking to myself as much as anyone. Also? Sometimes people aren’t in a place to articulate the help they NEED and we absolutely should go with our gut when we know they truly have a need that should be met. But, again…discernment. Always respect the wishes of others. As I mentioned in the story above – I am sure that whoever mowed the lawn didn’t do it because they were being mean. First of all, who mows a big lawn out of spite? That’s just work for no personal reward, people. But, seriously…I can all but guarantee that their motivations were good, they just really missed the mark. Unless we KNOW that we KNOW that we KNOW…then we don’t need to rush in and save the day every single time.

(And, because I’m a hardcore Two, I feel the need to encourage other Twos by also saying here that it’s okay to have good intentions. Of course, it is. And your goodness is not invalidated if the intentions miss the mark. It’s just healthy to know and respect boundaries so that our energies go in ways that hit the mark more often than not.)

Now, let’s talk about establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries for ourselves…

Two things I want to say right off the bat:

1. It’s okay to say no.
2. You don’t owe an explanation for your no.

Let’s get into this “it’s okay to say no” business because basically any of us Twos will testify that saying NO is not something that really comes natural to us when we get asked to do something. We want to help, we want to be included, we want you to know we care, and we feel value and worth within those things. So, we will say YES even when it feels like we really can’t add one more thing to our lives. We will run ourselves ragged because we do not want to risk rejection. I’m not saying this to make us seem like victims or martyrs, that’s not it at all – it’s just that we are so hardwired to please that we often overextend and forget to take care of our own selves in the process.

But…seriously, Twos…it really IS okay to say no. When we say no to the things we need to say no to, then we are actually freeing up time/energy/availability to the things we want to say yes to. Confession: I am a work in progress on this one, but I’m getting there. I began to find the power of no years ago when I was an elementary school volunteer. Volunteering gives me such a sense of accomplishment and I really do LOVE it. But, there was a point when I was not saying no to anything that was asked of me and I was getting to the point of being frustrated. I finally decided that if I didn’t say no then other people besides me wouldn’t have an opportunity to say yes. So, decided that it was up to me to set my own yes parameters. I can’t even begin to express how much that reduced my stress level AND allowed me to find enjoyment in that volunteering capacity again.  I still have to remind myself to do this, even years into the process, but I’m getting there. And I encourage others to do the same. If you really don’t want to do something or you just can’t, then it’s okay not to.  You are not defined by having to help all the people all the time. You can take a break and still be an amazing human. You can have healthy boundaries and still be a ROCK STAR TWO! Help when you can and when you want to, but when you can’t then all you ever have to say is “No, I can’t do that.” Which brings me to my next point…

You don’t owe an explanation for that no. You just don’t. Take it from a reforming over-explainer…you really don’t owe that much. If you tell someone you can’t do it, that’s all there is to it. The truth is, the ones who really respect and care for you will accept that for what it is because they are going to know that your no isn’t unkind or uncaring, it’s simply a “no” for that very moment.  As much as I hate to say it, the ones who will press you for more details or push you to do something you don’t have time or a desire to do…well, you need healthy boundaries around those people. The people who are genuine within our lives will absolutely respect our established healthy boundaries just like we will do for them. They may be disappointed if we can’t do something they wanted us to do, but their respect will absolutely propel them beyond that. Someone who only wants you to do what they want you to do or only values you for what you offer to them? Not healthy. Establish and maintain those boundaries. Respect must be a two way street, so don’t try to walk it alone because that doesn’t work.

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In order for us to be happy, healthy and genuinely fulfilled, I believe that healthy boundaries are vital. Respecting, establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is important to helping us maintain our intrinsic nature as helpers. The world needs what we have to offer, so I believe that when we do this, we are taking a potential challenge and turning it into a strength!

Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly

The post What’s a 2 To Do? Part Three… appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

I began this series with a quick look at the Enneagram and I’ll give links at the end of this post for those who are interested. Today I’ll be going into more of what it looks like for me to be an Enneagram 2, specifically a 2W3. Everyone is different, so my 2W3 will absolutely seem familiar in some to other 2W3s, but some of my core strengths and challenges might not be exact to others. That’s okay. This is just a look into what makes me my own brand of 2W3 and as you get more familiar with the Enneagram and your specific typing, my hope is that you can use it as a tool to identify your core strengths and challenges in a way that makes you the healthiest and happiest you that you can be.

First of all…what exactly IS an Enneagram 2?

Enneagram 2s are described in a variety of ways, but it basically comes down to being a helper. Other descriptions I’ve seen are “considerate helper”, “supportive advisor”, and “the giver.” In short, in my own words – Enneagram 2s are “come alongside” people.  I won’t generalize here by saying “we”, although I probably could for most 2 characteristics, so I’ll stick to saying “I” so that I’m not pigeonholing the entirety of the Two world based on myself. So, what it looks like for me is that I find fulfilment and derive personal value from being able to identify needs and help people. The way I’m intrinsically wired is that I am basically always trying to anticipate, identify and execute ways that I can help and be of service to others. For me, this perfectly holds hands with my strongest Love Languages which are “Acts of Service” and “Gifts.”

Okay, so…what’s a 2W3?

Enneagram types often have “wings” which are characteristics that “wing over” into a directly adjacent Enneagram type. In other words, as a strong 2, my wings could only be a 1 or a 3. And, I am very much a 2 wing 3 because my strongest driving force is being a helper (2), but that is closely tied into being driven to achieve (3) for me. For me, personally, as a 2W3, I see myself almost as a “best supporting actress.” And I say that because of the word “supporting” rather than “actress” because none of this is driven by anything other than being authentically me.  What I absolutely LOVE is when I can help/support/uplift someone so that they can be their best selves. Even though I’m pretty outgoing, I am NOT a spotlight seeker. I would much rather be off to the side and let someone else enjoy the spotlight. So, when I say “achieve”, that has a different value for me. It’s not at all that I’m trying to be a super star in life, it’s that I’m trying to achieve being my very best and most healthy self. I don’t need top accolades or honors in order to feel successful, but I do absolutely thrive on being appreciated and valued.

What are some core strengths of Enneagram 2s?

• Helpers – as I’ve said before, Twos are commonly referred to as “the helper.” For me, I definitely find this to be spot on because I find that I seek opportunities to help. In my ever so humble opinion, 2s make ideal employees and volunteers because we are driven by the need to help and be of assistance. Generally speaking, we are not the “it’s not my job” types, but are most likely to roll up our sleeves and pitch in when things need to be done. We find value in what we can do to serve others.
• Relational – as 2s, we draw motivation and sustaining energy in building relationships. In other words, we are “people people.” I would say that many twos are most likely extroverts, but there are some introverts among us as well. We value relationships from family to friends to just being kind to everyone we meet.
• Compassionate – I think that one thing that really drives us as 2s is compassion. We have an inner-working that seeks to not only help, but to anticipate needs. We want people to be happy, healthy and secure and we strive to do what we can to make that happen.

What are some challenges of being an Enneagram 2?

Whereas I went sort of general above in strengths, I am going to look at my own set of challenges here because I think that’s pretty specific to each of us whereas I think the core strengths I mentioned are basically overarching to most, if not all, of us 2s.

• Boundaries – I have definitely found that I need to not only respect healthy boundaries, but I need to establish and maintain them as well. As a 2, I’m motivated to help people, which by now is a given, right? But there are times when discernment has to come into the picture because people don’t always want help or aren’t in a position to be able to accept help for one reason or another. So, even if intentions are pure and motivated by genuine love/compassion/concern, I still have to be mindful and careful not to overstep when the situation doesn’t call for my help. Additionally, I have to be aware of not overextending myself because I have that tendency as well. I tend to GIVE GIVE GIVE until I’m depleted, so I have learned that self care is not selfish and that a part of serving and loving others well is to do the same for myself. And, of course, we always have to be careful that we don’t allow ourselves to be taken advantage of because, unfortunately, that is not entirely uncommon either. It’s always okay to serve when we feel a calling, but it’s also okay to step back and preserve ourselves and our time because there is value within that too.
• Realizing Value – One thing I’m learning and working on prioritizing for myself is not putting quite so much emphasis on drawing personal value from what I can do for others. Now, this is a fine line because there IS value in helping others, of course. So, what I’m learning to put forward in my own life is helping and letting that contribute to my personal value when its healthy, but not letting it fully define me. Just to be candid, one area of vulnerability I have and I’m working on is that I tend to feel unvalued after giving a heartfelt opinion and then having it ignored or seemingly not taken into consideration. This has been known to basically gut me and I can’t let it be that way. What I realize I really need to do is offer my opinion freely, when asked, but then if it’s not taken into consideration or implemented, I have to know that it doesn’t take away any value from me as a person. My opinions and feelings are still valid even if they never go beyond me.

How can I be my best and most healthy self as an Enneagram 2?

Basically, what I’m working on in this is realizing my core strengths AND our challenges so that I can work on each. I never want to quit helping people and I always want to be a person who is known to “come alongside” when there is a need. To kick it back to the my teen years, I want to be that “wing beneath your wings” person. I want to be known as a person who loves and genuinely cares for people. I want it to be apparent that relationships matter to me. And I can only be my best and most healthy self if I am taking care of ME also. Us twos tend to back-burner ourselves because we get so caught up in helping that we don’t always remember that the helper needs help too. So, I’m working on prioritizing self-care as well as learning to ask for help when I need it. The saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup” is so true, so my encouragement to other twos is to take care of YOU too. We can go out and help and make a difference for good in this world and the best way to do that is to make sure we are healthy and that our own needs are met. It’s not selfish. Put that on repeat in your mind, please – self care is NOT selfish!

Remind me, how can I find out my Enneagram type?

There are plenty of tests out there and many of them are free. I like “Classical Enneagram” test on Eclectic Energies’ website and have found it to be accurate.  Your Enneagram Coach also has a free assessment online.

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I’ll be doing a deeper dive into my own Enneagram twoness, looking more at strengths and challenges, as this series progresses. I don’t have any set number of blog posts planned, so if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions on what you’d like to see here, please post and let me know.

Be Happy & Healthy, Y’all…
Kelly

Additional Enneagram Resources:

Your Enneagram Coach 

Enneagram Institute

The Road Back to You by Ian Morgan Cron

Annie F Downs – That Sounds Fun Podcast – EnneaSummer Series 

The post What’s a 2 To Do? Part Two… appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

If you’re familiar with the Enneagram, then you’ll at least have an idea what I mean when I refer to myself as “a 2.” More specifically, I’m a 2 wing 3, but I’ll dive more into that later in the series. First, let’s get into some Enneagram basics just to cover the bases.

What IS the Enneagram?

In my own words – essentially, the Enneagram is a personality typing method. We are all born with unique personality types and have traits associated with each type. The Enneagram has nine defined types and every individual fits more solidly into one of these, typically with a “wing” to an adjacent number. (Note: wings are always adjacent, so you can’t be, say a 2 wing 7.) I will provide links at the end of this post so that you can research more if you want to do that.  (For more info, click HERE for Truity’s Enneagram description page. Very Well Mind also has this description page.)

How do I find out my Enneagram number?

There are LOTS of online tests for this. I take free ones because, well…it’s free and why not? You can search and find various tests online too. I found this one from Eclectic Energies to be a good one and it was accurate for me. I recommend the “Classical Enneagram” test on this site.

If you take a test and the results don’t seem at ALL like what you believe yourself to be, take another test on another site. I once took a test that gave me a result as a “1” which is a perfectionist. And, no…that’s not me and I know it. That being said, if it’s not the result you WANT, but is accurate then that’s a learning tool as well. But if you just know it’s obviously inaccurate then I would say take another test elsewhere online.

Why should I know my Enneagram number?

I came late to the Enneagram game. I kept hearing about it and I thought – eh, doesn’t sound like anything for me. I will just admit that sometimes when thing are super popular at any given time, I will avoid them purposefully. I don’t know why, I just do. For instance, I still haven’t seen Hamilton in its entirety because it was just such a rage that I purposefully avoided it during the craze. I caught act one on Disney+, but that was WAY after it was crazy popular for ages. And, yes…I still need to catch act two. I will. Promise. What I’ve seen of it really IS good. I just had to get over myself and my avoidance of things that blow up in popularity.

Anyway, as I was saying, I came late to the game. But, I finally dove in a few years ago and I am so glad I did! finding out my Enneagram type has really helped me recognize where I have strengths and where I could use some help in being healthy within my type. That’s why I’m starting this blog series, actually. Being a 2 means I’m a helper by nature and us 2s can be givers to the extreme. I’m learning how to be my best be my authentic helper self, with a strong side of 3 achievement too, but also stay healthy within that. As we all know, it’s a balance and if I can recognize and work on positive things about my personality traits while working to keep healthy boundaries within that everyone wins, including me.

I believe that everyone could benefit from learning their Enneagram number, but, more importantly, diving into the traits within that number. We are NOT defined by this number, let’s be clear about that. As I mentioned above, I find it helpful to have this insight into how to be both strong and healthy within my personality traits.

If I’m not a 2, what can I get from this blog series?

One hope I have in doing a deeper dive into looking into my two-ness, so to speak, is that I can encourage others to deeper dive into your own personality traits. While I’m guessing some of you out there who are also 2s may resonate a little more strongly with my posts, I also hope that it’ll encourage others as well. Once we identify our personality types via the Enneagram, I genuinely believe it is a powerful tool that can help find your strengths and address challenges within your own number(s) so you can find your happy, healthy space too.

What are some good Enneagram resources?

I admit that I am FAR from an Enneagram expert, so I remain thankful for the multitude of wonderful resources out there to help us learn and understand more. Here are a few resources to check out:

• The Road Back to You  (Disclaimer: I have not yet read this book, but I have heard nothing but GREAT things about it. It’s on my “to read” list.)
• The Enneagram Institute 
• Annie F Downs’ That Sounds Fun Podcast – there is an EnneaSummer series she’s done for the last few summers where she interviews people from every Enneagram number. It’s very enlightening and I highly recommend this series!

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So, here we go, y’all. The blog is officially dusted off and I’ve now committed myself to seeing this series into existence.  I hope you’ll join me here for this journey and, hopefully, discover more about your own awesomeness in the process.

Best,
Kelly

The post What’s a 2 To Do? appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

Last year was to have been Macey’s senior year of high school. It was a year that we had actually looked forward to for a few years because the girls would be in school together one last time with big sis as a senior and little sis as a freshman. Needless to say, the pandemic changed everything. Not only did the girls go virtual for school, but Macey decided to go ahead and wrap up high school in December. The girls’ high school is on the block schedule, which we love for a variety of reasons, and she really just need to get her last few required three credits (plus one elective so she had a full load) done in order to graduate. So, that’s what she did. She had a senior semester rather than a senior year. Naturally, we supported this for her because it was what she wanted and was a good option for her to have.

Macey did early application for college and started getting acceptance notifications in the fall. She made her decision, which was no shock to us, when she got the “big” acceptance notification in November. So, high school wrapped up in December and as of January she was basically in her “gap” between high school and college. I really don’t remember the exact timeline, but we got a postcard at some point for a 4-week summer program at her chosen university sometime earlier this year. This program would allow her to get on campus early living in her dorm with her roommate for the school year and would give her a service learning class AND an academic class with full credit for both in just four weeks. We LOVED this idea for her, so she applied to the program and got in. Not only that, but she wound up getting a scholarship that covered the program fees, plus housing and meals for this summer program. Glory hallelujah, y’all…I mean…really!! 

Rather than having until August for us to get used to having a college kid, we are in the adjustment period now. Macey moved into her dorm just over a week ago, on a Friday. She had orientation and a welcome event for her summer program over that weekend and began classes on Monday. So, after essentially having her home with us a LOT since March 2020 and having a really packed beginning of summer, it was ready…set…GO and she was off to college. Just. Like. That. Seriously, this has been the fastest summer of my LIFE, but it sure has been good.

And, guess what else? Having her be off at college is good too.  People ask us how we are adjusting and the truth is that it’s going well. But don’t you miss her? HECK YES!! Naturally, we miss her being home. But, more than that, we feel unbelievably grateful that she has this amazing opportunity to not only participate in this summer program, but to get to go to college. Macey deserves this! She has worked hard and is a really amazing human, not to mention a wonderful student, so she deserves this opportunity. Also, this is the next step in the next chapter of all of our lives. As parents, we raise them and love them well so that they can go out into the world and make their own way, creating their own good in the world. In order to do that, we have to let them fly.

So, as we let them fly, here are some encouragements for other parents in the same stage of life…

• It’s okay to feel all the emotions, it’s okay to cry when you need to, but it’s also okay to be okay. I think sometimes people expect us parents to fall apart when we drive away and leave our kids at the dorm. And, like I said, if you do – it’s okay. These are some big feelings and dealing with them in whatever way you need to is what everyone should do. But, remember, it’s also okay to be okay. We are truly fortunate to be at this next stage with our children.  So, you adjust, I encourage you to remember that this is truly GOOD. This is what we raised them to do. It’ll be a little sad sometimes and we will miss them, but now is their chance to begin to make their own way. And the best way they can do that is with a strong support system cheering them on every step of the way.
• Remember that as they take flight, some will soar immediately, some will flounder a little bit and then soar, and some may need to come back to the nest for a time before they are truly ready. Not everyone advances in the same way and that’s okay too. We are here to be their guidance, their safe space and their launch pad. Some might need more of a nudge than others and some may just need a bit more time to be well and truly ready. I’m a big believer in not rushing these things. There’s something really good about just knowing when they are READY, whenever that is. If their flight pattern looks different, that’s okay – they will find their way.
• Prep for the dorm room EARLY. And, I think I’m a little “late” in posting this for the fall semester. Trust me, you don’t want to sleep on getting stuff purchased for the dorm room. And you do NOT want to count on the closest Target/Walmart/Bed Bath & Beyond to the college to have everything you need on move-in day. If you haven’t already started prepping, do yourself a favor and to that NOW. I listen to the Big Boo Cast and Melanie Shankle (AKA – Big Mama) shared this link for dorm essentials. That’s a LONG list, y’all, so do with it what you will. I also have a simpler list, so please let me know if you’d like me to share it, but here are a few things that I think are MUST HAVE items besides the basics like bedding.
  • Heavy Duty Moving Bags – these things hold a TON of stuff and are strong! Highly recommend!
  • Door stop – these are SUPER nice to have during move-in time. Also, they can be used to prop open the door to allow dorm-mates to drop by sometimes.
  • Waterproof Backpack Cover – a backpack doesn’t always fit under the umbrella or a rain jacket. A cover is a NICE thing to have to keep books and electronics nice and dry on rainy school days.
  • Bed Shelfie – this is nice to have on the side of the bunk bed so that students have a handy place for their phone, glasses, etc. at night.
  • Hooks to hang backpacks and towels – I really like this one from Walmart because it fit well on the end of the bunk for the backpack.
  • An air purifier is nice to have, in my opinion.
  • Command hooks and strips are essential because they come down easily. One tip I was given and that we used is to put painters tape beneath the Command “anchors” because that helps it adhere easier AND won’t pull up paint.
• Keep in touch. This is going to require finding a balance because, honestly, you don’t want to blow up their phone all day. But, you also don’t want to go radio silent. Send a GIF text to say good night or wish them a happy day. Send a funny meme. Just send a “Hey, I love you” message. They need to know we are still there, but just with a little more of a boundary as they learn to navigate their own way through life.
• Care packages are GOLDEN! I mean, who doesn’t love getting mail or an Amazon package drop? Surprise your college kid with something fun every now and then…just because.
• When you visit, invite the roommate out too. Being a “broke college kid” is a reality for many students. Go the extra mile when you can and take the roommate out to eat. It’ll give you a chance to know the roommate better and will give them a free meal. Win/Win!
• Join FB college parent groups. This has been an incredible source of information for me and a great way to build community.
• Keep their room at home their own. This is just a personal opinion, but I am in favor of leaving their rooms just the way they want them. Clean, of course, no one wants a stinky/smelly room in their house. But, I just mean – let it still be their own room so that they have that comfort zone to come back to on breaks. Especially while they are dorm living. Dorm life is some close quarter living, so when they come home it’s nice to have their own space just the way they have always had it. So, at least that first year, let their room stay their own at home.

For those of us going through this stage right now – we are in this together! High five, y’all! We have all made it this far. We have been through having newborns through potty-training through school and activities and driving and ALLLLLLLLLL of everything that comes with raising kids. It hasn’t always been easy, let’s be honest, but it’s always been worth everything. I have said time and again that every new age and stage is my favorite and this is no exception. I’m only just over a week into this gig, but I am already embracing this new phase of life for all the good within it. I know how fortunate we are to be here and I don’t ever want to take that for granted. I intend to embrace this for every bit of good within it and be thankful every step of the way.

When I see this selfie that Macey graciously sent me on her first day of classes, I can’t be anything but HAPPY for her! This girl has made us so proud every step of the way and I know she will continue to do so. And I also know she can’t fully flourish if she thinks for one second that we are floundering at home. This is a journey for us all and we are blessed to be on it! This time in our lives got here unbelievably faster than I ever thought possible, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

The world is before you, Macey…we love you, we trust you and we know you are going to do amazing things that God has planned for you! Go soar, girl!!

To the rest of you going to college…go get ’em! Go be game changers for the good because our world needs you!

Parents and families…we got this!

Best to all,
Kelly

The post As We Let Them Fly… appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

Awhile back, I started a little feature here called Friday Favorites and I would like to bring that back again. I think it’s fun to share ideas and maybe even be able to try something new that someone recommends. So, I’ll share favorites of mine and I hope you all will comment with some of your favorite things as well.

Since we are still in a “shelter in place”/quarantine situation, I thought it would be a great idea to start with some of my favorite things that bring me joy and/or comfort at home.

It’s only fitting, I think, since this blog IS called Coffee with Kel to feature my coffee faves first. After all, it’s how I begin my day and I always look forward to my warm cups of comfort each and every morning.

McCafe Colombian is honestly one of my favorite coffees of ALL time. I have several different brands on hand at all times and I like all of them, but this one is the one I use the most. I like my coffee to be strong and bold without being bitter and this fits the bill for me.

I don’t have photos of them all, but another favorite are my coffee mugs. I have a sweet little collection of Peanuts gang mugs as well as mugs given to me by family and friends. Love ’em! In fact, I have so many that I have to rotate out seasonally and that’s okay by me.

My favorite things to go in my coffee are organic stevia and Nut Pods creamer. I like this organic stevia from Walmart because the price is right and, to me, it does not have the bitter aftertaste. I know some people don’t care for stevia, but I’ve used this one for ages and really like it. And, I absolutely LOVE Nut Pods creamer. I find it locally at Publix and Kroger or online from Amazon. My favorite flavors are the Original, Cinnamon Swirl, French Vanilla, and Hazelnut. (Cinnamon swirl reminds me of a cinnamon dolce latte, but, really…even better!) This creamer is plant based and has no sugar, so it fits the bill for me in that it’s good and guilt free.

My Kindle is another one of my favorite things. (This is a stock image, not my actual device.) While I will definitely say that nothing beats the feel of a real book in my hands, I’m still a fan of Kindle. I love to read and this device allows me to read and not have to worry about book storage. I have SO many books on my Kindle and never have to worry about finding another space for them around the house. Granted, there are certain books, mostly Charles Martin’s, that I will almost always buy in hardback and keep, but it’s just really nice to have the Kindle and be able to read the books that way.

I have a real affinity for cozy blankets. We have a basket at the end of the sofa for blankets and another one on the hearth. It’s so nice to curl up with a blanket to read, watch tv, take a little snooze…anything! My personal favorite is my Peanuts Gang blanket, but we have no shortage of fuzzy, snuggly blankets in our home and I love it!

Let’s just be candid here – what would a Friday Favorites post during this time even BE without a shout-out for the best PJ pants EVER?! I don’t have an affiliate link with Amazon (yet, maybe ever…who knows), but I’m just telling you, ladies out there, if you want some super comfortable pajama pants – these are the ONES! I have a few pairs and I can honestly say that they rock!

And, lastly, for this edition of Friday Favorite – ahhhhhh, Dr Teal’s epsom salt bath products. I just grabbed some stock photos, but my personal favorites are:

Foaming bath: Calm & Serenity and Sleep Bath
Bath salts: Calm Your Mind, Balance & Calm, and Soothe & Sleep

Those are just the ones I usually have on hand, but I’ve honestly not tried one that I didn’t like. I’m not entirely sure you should use Epsom salts daily, probably not, but when I do use them they are ahhhhhh-mazing!

*****

That is the first “quarantine” edition of the Friday Favorites. These are things are definitely some of my FAVES and also part of maintaining good self care during this very weird (to say the least) time of life. Please share some of YOUR favorite things in the comments too.

Happy Friday,
Kel

The post Friday Favorites – April 10, 2020 appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

I have noticed an uptick in people asking for book recommendations on social media since our time of quarantine began. Granted, since I’m a reader, I’ve always noticed book recommendation request posts, but I definitely see an increase in that in these recent weeks. While I know NONE of us want to be “stuck” any longer than we need to be, I love that so much reading is happening too. So, I want to share several book recommendations with you all, going back over some of my favorites in the last few years as well as some all-time FAVES.

If you know me, it will NOT come as any surprise that I am going to recommend Charles Martin’s books right off the top. I have read every fiction work of his, some more than once, and I love each of his books. Southern fiction is probably my favorite genre to read and Charles Martin’s writing just takes me in right from the get-go and keeps me invested throughout each page of every one of his books. If you haven’t read any of his works yet, I recommend starting with When Crickets Cry. That was the one that got me HOOKED and I have read this one at least twice already. Honestly, you cannot go wrong with any of his novels, I just have a personal affinity for starting with Crickets since it was the first novel of his that captivated me.

Last summer, I discovered Catherine Ryan Hyde and I really like her writing style as well. Since I discovered her books, I have since read several of them and enjoyed them all. Just like with Charles Martin’s books, I really don’t think you can go wrong at any starting point with Catherine Ryan Hyde.  Heaven Adjacent, Say Goodbye for Now, and Take Me With You are three of my favorites of her’s, but I have read several more and enjoyed them all!

Kristin Hannah has also become another favorite of mine. I have read a few of her books and come away loving each one of them. She has a wonderful way with developing characters and story lines. So far I have read, in this order, The Nightingale, Winter Garden, The Great Alone and Firefly Lane by Kristin Hannah. I was immediately immersed in each of these novels and they are each excellent reads on their own merit. Highly recommend and I will definitely be reading more by Kristin Hannah as well.

Another fave of mine is Melanie Shankle. Now, here’s where I admit that I haven’t been a follower of her blog even though I know it’s popular and I’m sure it’s beyond awesome. However, I have read some of her books and LOOOOOOOOOVE them, like – a lot! The first book I read of hers was Nobody’s Cuter than You and I enjoyed it SO much then (a few years ago) that I sent it to several friends to read too. I have since read and really enjoyed It’s All About the Small Things (formerly known as Church of the Small Things), and Everyday Holy. In fact, my best friend Terri and I did the Everyday Holy devotion book together as part of our ongoing daily Bible study that we started back in 2017. And, I currently have her latest, On The Bright Side, on my Kindle ready to be read VERY soon.

In addition to those wonderful reads, here are some more of my favorites that I recommend, in possibly the most random order EVER:

There are LOTS more, trust me, I’m just having to think of all of them all at once for the blog post. I absolutely love to read and always have, so I have years of memories of great books.

What am I reading NOW? At the time of writing this post, I am FINALLY reading A Prayer for Owen Meany. I don’t know what has taken me this long to get into this book and read it, but now is finally the time and I am enjoying it!

Terri and I are also reading “A Woman’s Guide to Reading the Bible in a Year” as well as, of course, the corresponding daily Bible readings that go with it. We started on January 1 of this year and will actually finish a little early because I freely admit that while we did read through Leviticus and Numbers, we powered through and read more chapters per night than the plan recommended. As of when I am writing this post, we have now read through Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy, part of Psalms, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John and Acts so far.

What about YOU…what are you reading these days? I would love to get more book recommendations from you all. And, if you want to see more of my thoughts on what I’ve read, follow my hashtags #KelMelReads2019 and #KelMelReads2020 on IG.

Happy Reading,
Kelly

The post Book Recommendations appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

Today I want to share a recipe for a delicious low carb, sugar free lemon pound cake that I have recently discovered and REALLY like a lot! Since we are trying to cut back on our carbs and sugar intake, this is a PERFECT way to have a dessert without all the guilt. While we do not strictly adhere to a Keto diet, this is also Keto-friendly. As I said when I posted my sour cream pound cake recipe last year, I am a BIG fan of pound cake, so this is a winner for me right now in that it’s delicious, easy and guilt free.

Shout out to Mickey for installing a recipe plug-in for me. You can now print the recipe below – HOORAY!!

As I am able to, I’ll go edit my recent posts to make them more printer friendly as well. And for his efforts, Mickey has earned some lemon pound cake. I think that’s a fair trade, don’t y’all?   

Be sure to click through to read more…

Low Carb Sugar Free Lemon Pound Cake
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Ingredients

• 4oz cream cheese, softened (regular or 1/3 less fat)
• 4T butter, softened
• 3/4 cup granulated Swerve ( or Truvia)
• 1T lemon extract (or to taste)
• 4 eggs
• 1/4 cup sour cream
• 2 cups Superfine almond flour
• 2 teaspoons double acting, aluminum free baking powder
• 1T lemon zest (the zest of one good sized lemon)
• Juice of one lemon

Preheat your oven to 350-degrees and spray a 6-cup bundt pan* with cooking spray.

Beat cream cheese, butter and Swerve together until light and creamy.

Add the lemon extract, lemon zest and lemon juice; mix well. (I used 1T lemon extract because that extract I have is not really a strong flavor. You may want to adjust according to taste.)

First I zest my lemon on a hand held grater over a small bowl.  

After the lemon is zested, then I juice it. 

This is the juice of one lemon and I used it ALL in my cake since the almond flour is dense. 

Add eggs one at at time, beating well after each addition.

I like to crack my eggs individually into a small bowl first to be sure there is no shell, then pour into the mixer one at a time.

Once the wet ingredients are all well incorporated, then add the superfine almond flour and baking powder

Be sure to level off your cups of almond flour. 

I use heaping, but not OVERLY so, teaspoons of baking powder. 

At this point, you’re going to want to let your batter beat together VERY well. Turn it up and let it really GO for a few minutes so that all of the ingredients are well incorporated and are light/fluffy when combined.

Pour the batter into your greased 6-cup bundt pan.

Be sure you have the right size pan so this recipe works just right. A 6-cup bundt is what you need. 

Bake at 350 for 40 minutes until a toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Fresh from the oven, isn’t it pretty? Don’t worry about the cracks – perfectly normal for pound cake. 

Let the cake sit in the pan about 3-5 minutes after you remove from the oven. I like to take a butter knife and gently run around the edges to be sure I’ll get a good, clean removal. Then, invert onto a plate.

Tada! Even prettier than the other side, right? 

Since I have cake stands, I like to keep mine on those. I just do not put the dome over the top until the cake is fully cooled.

While this isn’t QUITE the same as a good ole southern buttermilk or sour cream pound cake, I fully admit…it’s still REALLY good!

This cake is so good with some berries as an accompaniment. You could also make a low carb /sugar-free whipped cream with heavy whipping cream and powdered Swerve to go over the top.

From my kitchen to yours,
Kel

The post Low Carb Sugar Free Lemon Pound Cake appeared first on Coffee with Kel.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned previously and it’s probably obvious, but I enjoy baking. This quarantine has given me more opportunities to get into the kitchen to prepare meals AND to bake, so I see those as silver linings for sure. Recently I’ve learned to make biscotti and I’m sharing the recipe with you all today. Macey loves to have biscotti with her coffee, so rather than continuing to try to buy it, we have been making it. No shade on “store bought”, but you really can’t beat homemade for quality and taste.

Be sure to click through to read more…

Double Chocolate Biscotti

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Ingredients:

• 1-3/4 cups plus 2 tablespoons All-Purpose Flour (level the measurements)
• 1/4 cup + plus 2 tablespoons Unsweetened Cocoa Powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1 stick butter, softened
• 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
• 2 eggs
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1 cup dark chocolate chips (you could also use semi sweet…whatever you want)

Directions:

• Preheat the oven to 350 and line your baking sheet with parchment paper.
• Cream butter and sugar together until light and fluffy – about a minute or so.
• Add in eggs, one at a time, until well incorporated.
• Mix in vanilla.
• In a separate mixing bowl, add your flour, cocoa powder, baking soda, and salt together. Gradually add this into the mixer with the wet ingredients.
• Add in chocolate chips. I like to fold ours in with a spatula, but you can also just throw them right into the mix in mixer.
• Lightly flour a working surface for your dough. Then scrape the dough together in the mixing bowl with a spatula and move it to your floured surface.
• Lightly dust your dough with flour and also be sure to flour your hands lightly so that the dough doesn’t stick. Work the dough into a ball, adding a bit more flour if you need to in order for it to be workable and not sticky.
• Divide the ball into two pieces.
• Move each piece onto your parchment paper covered baking sheet and form each into “logs” that are about 2″ wide and 3/4″ thick. Be sure to give them space apart on the sheet because they will expand while baking.
• Once you have your “logs” formed, bake at 350 for 35 minutes.
• Once cooked, be sure they are firm to the touch before cutting. I typically cut them immediately, but you can wait a few minutes if you prefer. Just don’t let the biscotti cool too much or it will be more difficult to cut. Cut on the diagonal to form the biscotti. (You can remove from the baking sheet if you like, but I just do mine right on that surface.)
• Turn the cut biscotti on their sides on the baking sheet. Return to the 350 oven for 10 minutes for the second bake.
• Let the biscotti cool about 2 minutes on the baking sheet and then move to wire racks to finish the cooling process.
• Store in a sealed container.

This is the dough made into “logs” on the baking sheet. Macey helps me make it each time.

This is the “logs” after the first bake. They really expand when baking, so give them plenty of space on the baking sheet. 

Biscotti cut on the diagonal before returning to the oven to bake a second time. 

Second bake completed! Be sure to let them sit on the baking sheet about 2 minutes after the second bake. 

Let the biscotti cool completely on wire racks. 

This cookie jar is a perfect storage container for the biscotti. 

Be sure to store in a sealed container and they are good to g

o!

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