Food Allergy Extraordinaire

The Perfect Mother Myth. Why I am not Carol Brady.

2014-02-27T11:13:00.001-05:00

I grew up in the seventies and early eighties where the examples of motherhood were depicted in shows like The Brady Bunch. All of the families problems were solved in thirty minutes. Carol Brady was never tired or sick and was able to raise six children without ever raising her voice. I regarded my Mom as being just like Carol and knew when I had my own children that I would follow in the footsteps of these perfect women. It wasn't until I had my first son that I realized what I thought was the reality of motherhood was actually a fantasy. Along with the learning curve of being a young first time mother, I also would find myself battling a never ending chronic illness.

I grew up with a mom who never stopped. She was always doing something. From the time her feet hit the floor in morning until those same feet went under the covers at night, she was in motion. I have been told the story of how when I was just two days old my Mom was right back at the elementary school (with me in tow) that my two older siblings attended. She was in charge of the entire spring fair that was taking place just three days later. My Dad worked out of town Monday through Friday my entire childhood so I watched my Mom take care of the three of us all by herself. She seemed unstoppable. I can count the number of times that she was sick in bed on three fingers. Growing up I was under the distinct impression that moms were always busy doing mom things and they were never sick or injured. There was the time when my Mom's thumb was crushed in a car door. Before going to the emergency room, she made sure each of her children were taken care of with our homework done and dinner served. Then and only then did she finally go and have her finger looked at. I had no idea this incident had ever taken place until I was in high school. I guess my Mom learned the art of never stopping from her Mom. For example, I will share the fact that my Grandmother was still taking care of my ailing Grandfather while she herself had broken ribs from her fragile bones giving up. The bar had been set pretty high for me in terms of being a caretaker to all but myself.

I was just twenty years only when I had my first son. The delivery was insanely difficult. I went home from the hospital with a newborn, twenty stitches and a catheter. With all of the endless dedication that I had experienced with my own mother, I plunged deep into being a first time mom. Even stitches and bag used for urine collection strapped to my leg couldn't keep me from staying busy taking care of this precious baby. At that point in my life, it was the single hardest thing I had ever had to do. I was not prepared for what it really took to ensure the health and happiness of another tiny human being. I had grown up witnessing my Mom seamlessly take care of me and my two siblings by herself. She made it look so easy. I never saw her cry, be angry (maybe once with me because I was so sassy) or seem overwhelmed. I told myself to soldier on and stay busy.

Imagine to my utter dismay when my first son was just two years old, I found myself very ill and unable to preform the most basic mommy activities. I spent an entire month unable to leave my bed. My family doctor claimed that I had contracted a very nasty stomach virus and would just have to ride the storm of horrible symptoms out until it passed. My husband and I owned our own business at the time and he would have to leave me at home alone with a very mobile toddler for up to twelve hours at a time. I remember putting my son Ian in bed with me and running the same ghastly video tape (this was back in 1997) that had clowns in it over and over again because it would make him stay still. That memory is seared into my memory because I remember thinking that the situation I was in (having to put my baby in a playpen every five minutes so I could race to the bathroom) had never happened to my Mom. Or...at least if it did happen, she never told me and I certainly don't remember anything this horrible happening to her. If it wasn't enough that I was so ill I was also berating myself for not being strong enough to overcome a simple stomach virus. I wasn't able to move and stay busy with my mommy responsibilities. I should have gone to the emergency room but that would mean that I had something more than just a stomach bug and the ER visit alone would take me away from my job as a mother. I never got over that nasty stomach virus. That simple stomach bug lingered and morphed into a chronic illness. I developed daily aches and pains. Every time I ate, I would feel bloated and nauseous. I also suffered from debilitating migraines. I learned to cope with my ailments but knew that what I was experiencing was not normal. I had been seen by several different doctors and none could figure out why I was still feeling so ill. I felt hopeless and trapped in a body that was wasn't working right but I couldn't let that show on the outside. I had to be strong for those around me even though I was slowly falling apart on the inside. No one knew the extinct of my illness, not even my husband. I didn't want those closest to me to think I was losing my mind so I kept my illness to myself.

When Ian was about four years old, I went on a vegetarian diet. I felt better eating this way but I was always starving. Just feeling that little bit of relief felt like a miracle and I was willing to ignore the constant burning feeling of hunger. About a year into the vegetarian diet my symptoms both mental and physical stabilized enough that my husband and I decided that Ian needed a sibling. I got pregnant very, very quickly. During this second pregnancy, I felt the best I had in five years. I could eat anything I wanted which included meat and so I went off the vegetarian diet. Maybe I had turned the corner with this strange illness that had plagued me for years. My body seemed to know exactly what it needed to provide for this baby growing inside of me. My second birthing experience was nothing like the first. I delivered Luca without one single complication. He was perfect and I was beyond excited to have this baby boy complete our family. I went home with Luca the day after his birth and I felt so good that just two days after he was born, we hosted a birthday party at our house for my Dad. Little did I know that just a few short weeks later my world would come to a crashing halt when once again my health would take a turn for the worse again. All of my previous symptoms came back but this time they showed no mercy. I lost the forty-seven pounds I had gained during my pregnancy in just three weeks. The experts say that the healthy way to lose the “baby weight” is to give your body the same amount of time it took to put the weight on (in my case eight and a half months). I knew that taking care of a newborn and a five year old all while being so ill was going to be difficult. What I didn't know was the amount of stress I put on myself trying to mask the pain I was in constantly from everyone, especially my boys was ultimately making my illness even worse. I had already been to countless doctors trying to find out what was wrong with me. When a doctor looks at you and tells you that there is nothing that he can find that would explain the chronic symptoms you have been having (at this point for four years) you start to believe that it is in your head. I knew I wasn't imagining the bloating, nausea, body aches and migraines. I knew that I was going to have to be the one that finds the answers to my own health problems. It turned out to be a much longer and difficult road than I would have ever imagined.

Days, months and years passed. I found myself trying harder and harder to hide my chronic pain. Mom's aren’t supposed to be sick...at least my Mom wasn't. Mom's are supposed to be active and participate in every single detail of their children's lives, not be stuck in the bathroom or having to lay in a dark room for hours at a time. I was really good about hiding how awful I felt from my boys while they were young but as they got older, it got increasing hard to come up with plausible excuses why we would have to leave somewhere fun because I wasn't feeling good or, why I couldn't leave the house at all. I was going to have to admit to them that I was defective. There is nothing more shattering to a mother's soul than realizing that she is never going to be the mommy she always wanted to be. It was time to level with my boys and tell them the truth. Up and until I had this conversation with them, I had never let myself get upset or cry about my continued health challenges in their presence. It was of the utmost importance that I not allow them to see me at my weakest moments. I wanted to appear strong both mentally and physically for them because that is what I grew up thinking moms were supposed to do.

My boys were nine and fifteen when I finally couldn't hide anymore. I sat them down one at a time because the age difference (six years) and explained to each one what was really going on. For Luca, the youngest, I told him “Mommy was sick and didn't know why”. My stomach seems to be upset all the time and I need to eat a special diet (gluten free) to see if it helps. I can't eat the same foods everybody else does but that's okay. I sometimes have headaches that take a long time for them to go away and that's why I can't get out of bed sometimes. Even when I don't feel good, I still love you to pieces. Me being sick has nothing to you and is in no way your fault. Then I started to cry. Not a big ugly cry but a soft trickle of tears running down my cheeks. Luca looked at me and said “I know you don't feel good sometimes but then you feel better and you always take care of me no matter what...so it's okay”. Much to my surprise, Luca already knew that I was sometimes sick (even though in reality I was sick almost everyday). I realized that I had not hidden my chronic illness from him as well as I had thought. When I heard the simple reassuring words “it's okay” from my young son a small portion of my “mommy guilt” ridden heart healed.

For Ian, the oldest, I decided to just ask him if he knew that I was suffering from a chronic illness. I mean, if my nine year old already knew then it would be an insult to Ian's intelligence to think he didn't have a clue to my constant battles with my body. He told me that not only did he know but that he wanted to finish high school and pick a major in college that would allow him to find a cure for my undiagnosed illness. The look in his eyes made me me cry and this time it was a big ol' ugly cry. The look was not of sympathy or pity but of sheer determination to help his Mom who had been ill for as long as he could remember. It was at this moment that I realized that being chronically ill was a subject that was no longer taboo to talk about. I was going to be honest with them from that moment forward. Honesty would be a part of my healing. It had been so important to me that I hide my suffering that I prevented my boys from being part of my healing. In my quest to be as strong as my Mom and my Grandmother seemed to be, I had really caused myself to become physically and mentally weaker from the stress of disguising my health challenges for so many years.

Three years after the conversations with my boys, I was finally diagnosed in June of 2013, with a condition called gastroparesis. The very short definition is that my stomach does not digest food properly. Gastroparesis is a side affect of another condition called dysautonomia. Dysautonomia refers to a disorder of the autonomic nervous system. Some of the automatic functions of my body are dysfunctional. As the name implies, the autonomic nervous system carries out functions without conscious thought. The autonomic nervous system is responsible for heart rhythm, sweat glands, body temperature, involuntary muscle movements, digestion and much more. Although I do not have problems with my heart or muscle movements, I do have problems with my sweat glands, body temperature and most troubling my digestion. I have to eat a very specific diet (no wheat, barley, oats, rye, dairy, eggs, nightshades or shellfish). If I eat anything that my intestines don't approve of, my body begins to pick a fight with itself and the result is an autoimmune reaction. I can feel like I have the flu with body aches and pains, headaches, stomach distress and total exhaustion. It took seventeen years of doctor visits, dozens of tests (blood, urine, upper GI, lower GI, endoscopies, colonoscopies) and sheer determination to finally get an answer. I am very familiar with the saying “Careful what you wish for”. I finally got the answers that I had spent almost two decades searching for. Finding out that my illness can never be cured and only managed was almost too much to bear. As of this present date there is no cure for gastroparesis. My whole adult life I have been in control of everything but my health and now with the certainty that I will never be able to force my body into curing itself was devastating. I am a fixer and I cannot fix me.

Here I am, six months after my diagnosis and still in a state of shock. I have been told by my therapist that I am going through the “stages of grief” and must allow myself this time to except my diagnosis. As I said before, I am a fixer so my brain will not give up on my body. I am still stuck in the first stage...denial. No matter what stage of grief I am in, I am still a mom to two boys. As any mother knows, parenting is a 24/7 job and it waits for no one whether you have an illness or not. As I sit to write this, I think about my seventy-six year old mother-in-law. One day she is decorating her house for the arrival of her children and grand-babies. The next day she went to have a routine colonoscopy and was diagnosed with colon cancer. She had been in pain for months but wanted to get through Thanksgiving and prepare for Christmas. It was so important to her that her house was ready for her family that she ignored her constant discomfort. It doesn't matter how old you are, once a mother, always a mother.

Now that I know my boys understand why I may not feel well, the pressure to keep it a secret has almost completely disappeared. They helped me to realize that my illness is a part of me but it is not who I am. I also learned that I was not as clever as I thought when it came to hiding my ongoing problems from them. My boys are smarter and more perceptive than I gave them credit for. When I was open and honest about my chronic illness, my children accepted me with loving arms. Part of the management of my illness is finding ways to keep a positive outlook every single day. Even when I can't get out of bed until lunch time, I still feel blessed to have the strength to make it through another day. On the days I feel good, I try to make the most of my time. You only get one life and I choose to go to bed praying that when I wake up, it is going to be a good day. Sometimes my prayers are answered and sometimes they are not. I may not be Carol Brady but my boys think that I am their perfect mother and that is all I ever wanted to be.

Pumpkin Muffins with Brown Sugar Pecans (gluten free & egg free)

2014-02-11T21:06:00.002-05:00

Photo Credit: The' N. Pham

Pumpkin Muffins with Brown Sugar Pecans (gluten free, egg free)

Makes: 12 muffins

1 3/4 cup gluten free flour mix (I prefer Pamela's Bread Mix because it DOES NOT already have salt or baking soda/powder in the mix)

1 cup dark brown sugar

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon cinnamon

1 cup pumpkin puree (NOT pumpkin pie filling)

1 teaspoon vanilla or vanilla paste

1/2 cup oil (I use canola)

3 tablespoons maple syrup

3 tablespoons water

1 cup chopped brown sugar pecans (see recipe below)

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Put liners in 12 standard-sized muffin cups.

Make brown sugar pecans.

In a large bowl add flour, sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon. Mix well to combine.

In a small bowl, mix together pumpkin, vanilla, oil, maple syrup and water. Add wet ingredients to dry ingredients and combine (by hand) until just moistened. Batter will be thick. Fold in brown sugar pecans.

Divide batter among muffin cups (each about 3/4 full) and sprinkle chopped brown sugar pecans on top.

Bake until toothpick into the center of a muffin comes out clean, about 25 to 35 minutes. (Please remember that oven temperatures can vary, so pay close attention while muffins are baking.)

Cool in cupcake pan on a cooling rack for five minutes.

Transfer muffins from pan to rack until warm or room temperature.

Note: If you would like muffins to be dairy free, use plain pecans in place of brown sugar pecans.

Brown Sugar Pecans

Makes: 4 cups

1/2 cup butter (one stick)
1 cup brown sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla
4 cups pecans

Place butter in 1 1/2 quart casserole in microwave. Melt (about one minute).

Stir in brown sugar and vanilla. Microwave on high for two minutes. Mix well to combine butter and sugar. Add pecans and mix to coat.

Place pecans on lined cookie sheet and bake at 350F for eight minutes. Allow pecans to cool.

Take one cup of pecans and chop into small pieces for the muffin mix. Store extra in airtight container and try not to eat them all in one day… they are addicting!

Quit your Bitchin' and Stop Eating WHEAT!

2014-02-10T18:21:00.001-05:00

I was cruising around the bakery/deli section of a local grocery store and standing in front of a display of baked goods was a husband and a wife. I over heard her telling her husband that ever since the doctor told her she had to stop eating wheat she had been obsessing over all of the food she was going to have to give up. She had a box of doughnuts in one hand and a bag of bagels in the other, neither of which was wheat free. I could tell that she was getting really, really antsy trying to find something in the bakery that didn't contain wheat. With a desperate whine in her voice, she said to her husband "These are my favorite (the doughnuts) and you know I can't live without my bagels." Out of his mouth came a very unsympathetic, "Quit your bitchin' and stop eating wheat". I wanted so badly to stop and have an intervention with this very insensitive man. I would have loved to give him a lesson on having compassion and to also explain why it seemed so difficult for his wife to stop eating wheat. I also wanted to tell the wife that this feeling she was having about not being able to "live without her bagels" was actually based on scientific facts. WHEAT IS ADDICTIVE!

When you eat wheat and your body starts to digest the wheat, it makes a "morphine like" substance. This substance attaches itself to the brain's opiate receptors. These receptors control pain and addictive behaviors. This "morphine like" substance causes you to have an almost unnoticeable high.
How many times have you eaten something that tasted so delicious that you actually swooned, squealed with delight and actually felt just a tiny bit high? I can almost bet it was something containing wheat like a fresh Krispy Kreme doughnut, thick crust pizza or an amazing Italian pasta dinner. Each main ingredient being wheat.

Most people do not realize that they are actually addicted to wheat. Why would they? They don't even comprehend that their morning cinnamon and raisin english muffin is actually causing their body to react as if it had been given a very, very small smidge of morphine. Instead of thinking in terms of addiction, they actually think in terms of cravings or even obsessions over their favorite wheat-containing food. It doesn't help that wheat is an appetite stimulant. It will make you want to eat more of everything (not just foods containing wheat).

What happens when someone stops eating wheat? The good news is that after removing wheat from their diet they experience better sleep, reduction of headaches, improved moods & fewer mood swings and improved concentration (just to name a few). I haven't even listed the major benefits for digestive health when someone gives up wheat. That is a whole other post I plan to write.

The bad news about what happens when someone stops eating wheat is that they will most likely go through withdrawals. Just like I mentioned above, when you eat wheat your body creates a substance that allows you to feel good. When your body gets addicted to that "feel good feeling" through foods containing wheat it will command you to keep filling your body full of these foods. When a wheat addicted person stops feeding their body wheat they can feel overly tired, get the dreaded brain fog, have really bad mood swings and possibly experience feelings of depression. Thankfully, these symptoms go away in just a few days to a few short weeks. Don't let these uncomfortable short term symptoms derail you from giving up wheat. The health benefits far out weigh the harmful long term consequences. Evidence is emerging that wheat (an other forms of gluten) are playing a larger role in brain diseases (Alzheimer's) than ever thought possible.

If you need to cut wheat out of your diet for health and/or dietary reasons and are having a really, really hard time giving up your much beloved wheat filled foods, I am not going to say "Quit your bitchin' and stop eating wheat". What I will tell you in a nice, encouraging voice is that giving up any addiction is HARD. It takes courage to admit you have a problem...even if it is only about doughnuts, pizza and pasta. Be kind to yourself when you start your wheat free journey. If what you are telling yourself sounds harsh and negative in your own head, your chances of success will greatly diminish. Treat yourself how you would treat a loved one if they were going through something similar (with kindness and compassion). You may have relapses and that might just be a part of your journey. Ultimately, when you are able to give up wheat you will feel so much better that it will make all of the discomfort totally worth it.

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Gluten Free Baking Tips

2014-02-03T13:49:00.002-05:00

I recently was interviewed for an article about cooking/baking when you have food allergies. At the end of the interview, I was asked to write down tips specific to allergy free baking. I quickly rambled off about five for gluten free baking because that is all the article had room for. Over the last couple of days, I began to write down more tips as I thought of them. Here is the list so far (for gluten free). If you have something to add, please feel free to share.

* Be exact when measuring gluten free flours. Even a little extra can make the recipe not bake correctly.

* Be mindful of recipes that require both butter and salt. If the recipe calls for unsalted butter and salt and all you have is salted butter, you must reduce the salt. Too much salt can ruin a baked real quick.

* Recipes calling for pureed fruit (bananas, pumpkin, sweet potato, applesauce, etc.), yogurt, sour cream and honey will ensure a delicious, moist baked good.

* Using brown sugar instead of refined white sugar helps elevate the flavor profile of a recipe.

* Add more vanilla...the real kind NOT imitation. Use a tablespoon when the recipe calls for a teaspoon.

* Adding chopped nuts, dried fruits, shredded coconut and chocolate chips will add texture and flavor to a recipe.

* Make sure if recipe calls for eggs that they are at room temperature, and if you are using yeast, it needs a warm environment to work.

* Get an oven thermometer. Some of you will be surprised how "off" your oven is. I recently discovered (during baking items for a photo shoot) that my oven was 25 degrees lower than the digital read out said. Gluten free generally takes longer to bake anyway so I was wondering why everything I was baking was taking FOREVER to be done.

* For cookies...chill dough and use parchment paper. Trust me on this. Seems so simple but it makes a huge difference. Gluten free dough tends to spread out super quick and then bake funky. Both of these tips will help tremendously.

* As I mentioned above, it will take longer for your gluten free item to bake. You must keep an eye on your oven. Your baked good may look nicely brown on the edges but still a smidge jiggly in the middle. Either turn oven down by 25 degrees or put aluminum foil around the edges. The center should be firm. If you are fearful of over baking something, then take it out when edges are brown and middle is not all the way firm. It will still bake for a minute or two longer while still in the pan. Taking out a baked good too early may cause your item to be gooey in the center. I can't tell you how many times I have put the gooey middle of something in the toaster oven for a few minutes...still tastes delicious!

* Take baked goods that are baked in pans out ASAP. Place cupcakes, muffins, cakes and loaves of bread on a cooking rack sooner rather than later or they can get soggy.

* Speaking of loaves of bread...use smaller loaf pans and you will find higher rise (for breads recipes using yeast) and a tastier, crispier crust.

* Some gluten free flour blends contain ingredients (whole grains, legumes and nut flours) that are higher in fat content and can spoil more easily than regular flours. Make sure you check the "use by" dates and keep flour in the freezer if possible.

* THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP...You probably have been baking a certain way your whole life (using wheat flour) and you suddenly find yourself having to figure out how to bake gluten free either for you or someone you love. Is the baking process going to be the same? NOT EVEN CLOSE. Trust me though when I say that "practice makes perfect" when it comes to any kind of baking and this is especially true with gluten free recipes. Give up your crazy expectations that you will bake gluten free goodies perfectly the first time. You're going to have some complete bombs. I recently tried to make mini dinner type rolls for hamburger sliders and the results were less than stellar (imagine round dough balls of gluten free jaw breakers). When you do master a recipe, the feeling of accomplishment is truly awesome. Don't give up. Like any talent, gluten free baking takes time to master.

Do you need advice about how to eat gluten free? Please don't go to Reddit to get it...

2013-12-13T21:25:00.000-05:00

I'm sure you have heard of the website Reddit. It claims to be "the front page of the internet". You can basically post whatever you want about anything you want. For some bizarre reason, most people write posts just to get "up votes" meaning that readers liked their post. The flip side is that you can also receive "down votes" if the readers don't like what you have posted. The comments people leave after a post are for the most part excruciatingly mean. The other Redditors will "rip you a new one" just for sport. You can post a picture of the cutest baby kitten and someone will come along and, a.) down vote your post or b.) tell you that your kitten is the ugliest feline on the planet. I can't imagine someone posting a picture of their human baby expecting to get a kind response. It will not happen. If you have a gentle, kind soul and are looking for a place to "toughen up", just go on Reddit. Post a comment about how you are looking for a few new friends and would anybody on Reddit be interested. Under the guise of being anonymous, these people (I use that term very loosely) will toughen you up in no time with their horrible comments. I found this all out by mistakenly going on a gluten free forum located somewhere in the bowels of Reddit. It seems the real problem is that posts and comments can be misinterpreted. Ask a simple question in a neutral tone and then you get a virtual slap to the face with their snarky replies. The icing on the cake..the snarky replies actually get up votes. Reddit is not the place to go if you are looking for good advice on how to eat gluten free or anything else for that matter.

What Your Waiter/Waitress Really Thinks About Your Food Allergies

2013-12-01T11:59:00.000-05:00

I had the chance over this Thanksgiving holiday to discuss with a family member (who is a waiter at a very trendy and upscale restaurant) what he really thinks about those of us who have food allergies. He saw me bringing in containers of food that contained my gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nightshade free and shellfish free Thanksgiving dinner. I explained to him that I had prepared my very own feast the day before knowing that there would probably not be anything I could eat at my mother-in-law's house due to my insane amount of food allergies. I even brined and cooked my own organic non-gmo turkey! Here is what he had to say:

Relative: Don't even get me started on the whole "food allergy thing". If one more person orders a meal, then changes the entire way it is prepared and what sides go with it...I am just going to tell them TO GO HOME! We have this lady who orders our grilled chicken strips, green beans and mashed potato dinner. She has the nerve to tell me to relay to the chef that she wants the chicken sauteed only in olive oil (extra virgin if you please), switch the potatoes to broccoli, replace the green beans with a salad (no croutons or cheese) AND make sure the meal is prepared 100% gluten free and is Paleo approved. I mean SERIOUSLY if your dietary needs are that complicated, do me a solid and STAY HOME! I know she doesn't really have food allergies...she just says she does so we will make her food that way she wants it...it totally pisses me off!

(After his rant, he seemed to remember that I was in the room and nervously looked at me and said "Your situation is different because I know for sure that you have food allergies".)

For once in my life, I was speechless. I couldn't decide if he was totally insensitive and clueless or totally justified for being frustrated with such a needy customer. I recently owned a restaurant and we offered gluten free options. We were ready and willing to accommodate those with dietary restrictions...to a certain point. There are only a few restaurants that I will eat at because I know they are able to accommodate my dietary needs without an attitude. But what if a restaurant is up front about not be able to safely accommodate food allergy requests? I personally do not even go into a restaurant that I can't eat at safely. For example, if my other family members want to eat at a seafood restaurant that specializes in fried food (no GF options offered and major cross contamination) then guess what I do? I. Stay. Home.

My relative said that the chef made the meal as specified and he (the waiter) brought the meal out to the table with a smile on his face. He and the chef always make comments about what a "pain in the ass" this customer is (behind her back of course) but they do in fact accommodate her. But what about the rest of us? I can't decide how I feel about the comments made by my relative. I can see both sides of the conversation. Having food allergies, I would like all restaurants to accommodate my dietary restrictions, but I also know how unrealistic that request is due to the fact that I owned a restaurant. I know from personal experience how difficult and expensive it can be to separate a space in your kitchen to ensure safe food preparations.

In the end, it was a very enlightening conversation. I have read the complaints from waiter/waitresses about serving customers with food allergies on other websites. This was the first time that I had an opportunity to speak to a waiter in person and hear his honest opinion.

Gluten Free & Dairy Free Pumpkin Pancakes

2013-11-19T20:41:00.002-05:00

I have been dairy free for the last six months. Believe or not the hardest thing for me to give up was the half & half creamer I put in my hot tea every single morning. I tried different dairy free milks (almond, soy & coconut) but they just were not thick enough to really make my hot tea taste even remotely normal. Then I found So Delicious brand Coconut Milk CREAMER! Ohhh...I was so excited. It was just what I needed to start my day out right...my hot tea with CREAM and sugar!

About two weeks ago, I saw this at my local Whole Foods:

Be still my heart! PUMPKIN SPICE COCONUT MILK! It is a LIMITED EDITION flavor so you must go out ASAP and find it at a local grocery store. Here is my version of the recipe for pumpkin pancakes using So Delicious Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk. The original recipe is printed on the back of the carton of the Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk carton. I chose to make my pancakes gluten free as well.

Gluten Free & Dairy Free Pumpkin Pancakes

Ingredients:

1 & 1/2 cup gluten free flour blend

3 tablespoons sugar

1 teaspoon baking powder

1/2 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

3/4 cup pumpkin puree

1/2 very ripe banana, mashed

1 cup So Delicious Dairy Free Pumpkin Spice Coconut Milk

1 tablespoon vegetable oil (I used Canola Oil)

Extra vegetable oil for pan

OPTIONAL:

1/2 cup chopped walnuts or pecans

**Note** I omitted the ginger and nutmeg that is in the original recipe because the Pumpkin Spice Milk has spices already in it. If you would like a super pumpkin spice tasting pancake you may add 1/4 teaspoon ginger and 1/4 teaspoon of nutmeg when you are mixing the dry ingredients.

Directions:

Whisk dry ingredients together in a medium size bowl and set aside. In another bowl, whisk the wet ingredients together. Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients until just combined (do not over mix). If adding nuts, fold them into the batter and set aside.

Lightly oil a large skillet with the vegetable (or canola) oil and preheat over medium heat. Pour 1/4 cup increments of batter onto to skillet. Cook 2-3 minutes or until edges are lightly brown and firm. Flip and cook an additional 2-3 minutes until golden brown. Top with your favorite syrup...I used real maple.

I could fit three pancakes at a time in my skillet. I used a gluten free flour blend instead of all-purpose

flour. When cooking and baking with gluten free flour, you typically need to cook/bake things longer. I cut the middle of one of the pancakes to make sure it was done before taking off the stove.

Newbie Recipe Writer Seeks Your Advice!

2013-11-11T22:20:00.001-05:00

Super short and sweet blog post tonight. I am knee deep in scrap pieces of paper. I am trying to gather them together for a cookbook. I never thought in a million years that I would be creating recipes much less trying to publish them. Prepping, cooking and baking are one thing but putting that new recipe into written form is another animal all together. I know there are different ways to format and write really good recipes and I am asking you for help.

Can you share with me what you think makes a great recipe? Do you like when the author gives you a "shopping list" first then lists ingredients in order of use and finally the preparation of ingredients? Do I really need the "shopping list" or does the reader get the "shopping list" from the list of ingredients? Do you like extra information about the recipe...where the idea came from? How important is a photo? Having a color photo for each recipe is very expensive so how do I pick which recipes get pictures (I am working on both sweet & savory recipes that are gluten free, dairy free and egg free).

I would really appreciate your comments and if you have a website that you think I should visit or you have a favorite cookbook, please let me know that too.

~April~

Thanksgiving and The Spiral Ham of Death (a GLUTEN FREE adventure)!

2013-11-10T21:20:00.002-05:00

Photo Credit: honeybaked.com

Ahhhh...it's the most wonderful time of the year. Yeah right...not really if you have food allergies. Everyone else around me can't wait for the holidays because they get to eat their asses off without a care in the world. No cross contamination to worry about and no hidden gluten ingredients to fear. This year for me the holidays mean that I either make an entire Thanksgiving/Christmas meal for myself or I politely eat my gluten free, dairy free, egg free, nightshade free pretzels while everyone else stuffs their faces full of all of my favorite foods that would put me in bed for days if I consumed even a bite.

I haven't decided which route I'm going to take (cook or starve) this year but I wanted to share with you something that ALMOST happened to me last Thanksgiving. I did not know at that time that I shouldn't have been eating dairy or eggs, so I was most concerned (obsessed) with gluten. I had already talked with my MIL about the Thanksgiving menu and made sure that I would have at least a couple things to eat. I was looking forward to turkey, ham, mash taters, sweet taters and corn puddin'. I knew I couldn't have the green bean casserole (made with cream of mushroom soup that contains gluten) and obviously the dinner rolls. I brought with me my own homemade GF gravy and my GF crackers to enjoy my SIL's famous Buffalo Chicken Dip.

It was Thanksgiving day and we were all in the kitchen loading our plates up with the goodies. I noticed that the ham looked different than in had in years past but I didn't put to much thought into it. We all sat down to eat and say the blessing. As I was about to put a bite of ham in my mouth when my MIL commented that this year she decided to buy and bake a spiral ham. I looked down at the piece of ham on my fork and I noticed the brown coating on the outside. I asked her about it and she said "It came with a packet of seasoning and I just added water to make a paste to spread over the ham. Don't worry...it's just brown sugar". No...she didn't just say "Don't worry" 'cause I am about to freak out. I wanted to throw down my fork and run screaming through the house "Danger...Danger...ALERT...ALERT". But what I really did was politely excuse myself back to the kitchen and throw everything off my plate away. I got a new plate and started over again...without the ham.

Just like in gravy mixes, gluten can hide in seasoning packets too. After eating and BEFORE everyone cleaned off their plates into the garbage, I rummaged and found the seasoning packet ingredients. It did indeed contain GLUTEN! It is so important that you think about every single thing that you put into your body BEFORE you consume it when you have food allergies. It is imperative when you eat out either at a restaurant or at someones house that you are able to find out everything about the meal. If you are to uncomfortable to ask, then you better a) bring your own food b) not eat anything you can't verify the ingredients. This might mean upsetting your MIL or getting funky looks from a waiter but this is about your health and you must be your own advocate. Trust me when I say NO ONE else will care as much about a seasoning packet that is just "brown sugar" than you. At the time, I had been eating gluten free for over eleven years and I still almost got "glutened" because I let my guard down.

I was almost killed (or at least my stomach) by a spiral ham, don't let this happen. Don't let "The Spiral Ham of Death" get you.

Note to Self: Never Attempt A Photo of Buttercream Frosting In Direct Sunlight!

2013-11-09T13:43:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of creating gluten free & vegan recipes for my blog and upcoming cookbook. I decided to finally take the time to actually learn how to use my very expensive and hardly used Nikon camera. I called a friend who is a professional and asked if he would give me a few pointers.

Above is my first picture after my first photography lesson. I bartered chocolate ganache (which is a fancy word for fudge) brownies for the hour and a half "how to take pictures of food for a blog" class. The cupcake (gluten free & vegan pumpkin pie) and frosting (also gluten free & vegan butter cream cheese) tasted fantastic but the photo is a hot mess. I mean literally a hot mess...the room where I was trying to take the photo was to warm for the butter cream frosting. As you can see the frosting is screaming "I'm melting" as it is sliding off the cupcake.

This is my second try after I got smart and put the frosting back in the fridge. I let the frosting get a little firmer before I tried icing the cupcake. Taking good pictures of food is so much harder than I thought. Now I know why there is such a job as a "professional food stylist" that assists the photographer. I am learning how to do both jobs along with preparing all of the food loving every minute of it. Hmmm...now all I need is a "taste tester" of my recipes.

Rutabaga Fries Suck!

2013-11-07T11:17:00.001-05:00

***Disclaimer*** I took this picture but I did NOT write the sign. I don't think Miss June or her lovely husband Mr. Jimmy (owners of this little veggie stand) have a dictionary close by...bless their hearts! It is rutabagas not rutabages

I saw this strange lookin' vegetable at a little road side stand and I thought to myself, WTF is a rutabaga? I bought one for a buck and brought this three pounder home. I did what anyone else would do when trying to figure out how in hell to cook this monster...GOOGLE it. Up came a recipe for Rutabaga Oven Fries...hot diggity! I read through all of the reviews and they got me excited! Here are a few:

*These are so good! Taste like a cross between a potato, sweet potato, and a carrot.

*These were really really tasty and smelled wonderful cooking.

*I love rutabaga fries. I coat mine with smoked paprika and sprinkle with kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper.

I was super jazzed to find a replacement for regular french fries because I am supposed to stay away from nightshades (potato, tomato, peppers, eggplant). I followed the directions: Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). Combine rutabaga spears with oil, minced rosemary, garlic, and salt. Toss until evenly coated. Lay rutabaga spears onto a baking sheet, leaving space between for even crisping. Bake until rutabaga fries are cooked through and crisped on the outside, about 30 minutes.

Thirty minutes...I DON'T THINK SO! I ended up having to bake these suckers for over an hour. I also had to keep increasing the heat. I even had my oven on broil trying to attempt to crisp up these "fries". They NEVER got crisp and they ended up tasting like a spear of raw cabbage...NOT A CROSS BETWEEN A POTATO, SWEET POTATO AND A CARROT! Do not...I repeat...DO NOT make rutabaga fries in the oven. They might work fried in oil but I am guessing the taste will still be the same. They leave a bitter funky aftertaste in your mouth.

I am looking for another recipe for rutabagas...one that does not have the words "oven" or "fries" in the title. I want to give this vegetable another chance so let me know if you have a recipe that I can try. I have heard that rutabagas are good in soups and mashed up like potatoes but I am having my doubts. Will your recipe change my mind? I sure hope so.

BEWARE of the Steaming Wands of Cross Contamination at STARBUCKS!!!

2013-11-05T19:50:00.001-05:00

I used to start each day off right by poisoning myself. I put half & half in my hot tea (along with a shit ton of sugar) every single morning for the last twenty years. That was until this past June when I found out that I can't consume dairy. It seems that even trace amounts of it make me ill. I also cannot consume gluten, egg, shellfish or nightshades...I know right...major bummer. By the grace of Whole Foods and the So Delicious company, I have found a coconut creamer that makes my mornin' tea taste almost the way it used to when I was sucking down the toxic half & half.

Enter into the mix...Starbucks. I usually only order sweetened ice tea but I received a half off coupon for an espresso beveridge. Hot Damn! I would never pay $5.00 for a tall caramel macchiato but for $2.50, let me just throw caution to the wind and go for it. Back in the day (this means before June 2013) when I would walk on the wild side and order a hot chocolate from SB, it would be with regular milk. I had yet to experiment with any other non-dairy product at SB. So when I went to my local SBux's with my coupon, I ordered a SOY caramel macchiato. I was giddy with excitement when the barista handed over my steaming hot cup of caramel heaven. I sucked that bad boy down and went about my merry way. My merry way turned into a mad dash to the bathroom where my intestines got insanely upset with me (this is my polite way of saying I had a blow out). I spent quite a bit of time promising the Food Allergy God's that if I found out what made me so sick, I would never ingest it again and warn others about this devil food/drink.

That freakin' discounted Starbucks drink was the only thing that I had consumed that I did not make at home. I was 20 days into a 30 day challenge of not eating ANYTHING away from home. My food allergies are severe and if I get sick from eating something I am not supposed to, I am sick for days (feels like I have the flu & stomach virus at the same time). I just couldn't believe a shot of espresso and soy milk could have done this damage. I even watched the girl pour the soy milk from the container. Please don't post comments saying "if you have such severe allergies, you shouldn't be eating or drinking anything outside you home". I get it...I knew better...but that GD coupon had me all "ohhh...I could get a soy drink...it's not dairy so I SHOULD be fine". Sometimes, I really want to just be normal and enjoy a coffee drink like the rest of our sleep deprived society.

When I was finished with the three days of confinement between my bed and the bathroom, I went on a mission to find out what in that drink had made me so ill. I called Starbucks directly and asked if their brand of soy milk contained gluten because I know that some soy milks contain barley malt. The customer service agent said that Starbucks could not guarantee that any of their products were 100 % GF but the soy milk did not APPEAR to have any gluten ingredients.

So, I don't think it was something in the drink but what about how it was prepared? I started stalking different Starbucks around my part of town (one in a Target, one in a Harris Teeter and one corporate). More specifically I have been watching the baristas like a hawk (a very beautiful majestic stealthy hawk) and how they make the coffee drinks...especially the steamed ones. Guess what I found out? Sometimes the baristas DO NOT clean the steaming wands in between drinks. They go from a regular (dairy) caramel macchiato straight to a soy caramel machhiato using the exact same wand. It seems my tall soy caramel macchiato most likely was cross contaminated with regular (dairy) milk.

Another thing I learned is that the Starbucks staff can accidentally (or they are just to busy to clean them properly) mix up the pumps for the different syrups. The rumor on the street is that some syrups contain gluten so just be aware of that if you have severe food allergies. You might not want to take a chance on ANY Starbucks drinks except for maybe a cup of coffee with NOTHING in it.

It totally blows my mind how many other people with food allergies might have gotten sick from cross contamination at a Starbucks. I promised the Food Allergy God's that I would warn others about the devil drink that caused me so much agony but it turns out that it was not the drink but the steaming wand that brought me down. Remember this food allergy "buyer beware" tidbit the next time you feel the need for a caffeine fix.

When GLUTEN FREE is not enough. Do you follow a GF diet and still feel sick?

2013-11-04T12:05:00.000-05:00

When I was told that I most likely had Celiac Disease and needed to cut out gluten from my diet (13 years ago), I did it COLD TURKEY. I never looked back and I didn't do any research on what else I could have done (testing, supplements etc.) to help me heal. This was a HUGE MISTAKE and if I could do it over again, I would do several thinks differently.

One thing that I didn't do that I regret is not getting an endoscopy and colonoscopy FIRST before I started cutting out the gluten . An endoscopy is when a tube is put down your throat and into the small intestine and tissue samples are taken. The samples can show loss of the villi and other characteristics of Celiac Disease or gluten sensitivity. A colonoscopy would have shown any inflammation. It is so important that you get some sort of baseline testing so that you can, a.) see what, if any damage has been done and what steps you can take to heal the damage, b.) in the future see if all of the steps that you took made a difference.

Within weeks of going gluten free I did feel better. I was so sick before I cut gluten out that ANY improvement seemed to be a miracle. And even though I was feeling better, I still was having the same symptoms days, weeks, months and even years later. I was suffering from bloating and fullness after I ate. I was still burping and had major gas constantly. I would have bouts of crazy diarrhea and then full blown constipation. The stomach cramps would send me to the bathroom for hours and the migraines would debilitate me for days. Why was I still feeling this way? It's because I had my GLUTEN FREE BLINDERS on! I was so obsessed with eating gluten free that I failed to recognized that maybe I had other major food allergies or possibly another medical problem. I had already cut out SO MUCH from my diet. I really think I was in denial about how extreme my food allergies really were and that I might be suffering from something else all together. It was just such a major time suck already trying to find things that I could eat, the thought of cutting out anything else was just too overwhelming.

I have suffered many more years of needless agony and caused major damage to my gut because I didn't do an elimination diet of ALL the major allergens FIRST! So, the SECOND thing I would have done differently is make sure to take the food challenge where I would have eliminated the major food allergens (read here for list) out of my diet to find out what else I was allergic too.

As it turns out, I found out this past June that I cannot eat dairy or eggs. I finally took the gluten free blinders off and did the full food elimination diet after an abnormal test result (read about that here). I do have other medical complications (an autoimmune type condition) that hinders my overall health and digestion BUT some of the other symptoms have improved greatly (burping, gas, bloating and constipation). It took almost twenty years to get some answers and a diagnosis.

The THIRD mistake that I made was not doing further research into what medical tests were available as well as holistic options. I really thought that cutting out the gluten was enough. Even though I was able to function, my condition still prohibited me from living a normal life. It took thirteen years for me to finally have medical tests done to narrow down my health issues and start taking supplements to heal my body. Now granted, there was very little information available when I first started the gluten free diet but so much has changed since then. There is a plethora of great information out there. There are books, blogs, websites and support groups that deal with Celiac Disease, gluten intolerance, food allergies, testing for food allergies, supplements and SO MUCH MORE.

I really have no excuse for why I didn't take the time to research my own health except that I let life get in the way. I tried to band-aid my issues with eating strictly gluten free and it was not enough.
Do not make the same mistakes I did. Make sure before you start a food elimination diet you have diagnostics tests done. Commit to cutting out all of the major food allergens during you elimination diet and be your own health advocate. Read everything you can get your hands on about your health condition (whatever it may be). Be open to alternative therapies such as chiropractic care, acupuncture, massage and supplements (just to name a few). Most importantly, if you don't feel good and haven't for a long time, do not stick your head in the sand (like I did). Take charge of your health and do the work towards feeling better.

Why Are My Intestines So Lazy?

2013-10-20T20:42:00.000-04:00

Back in June 2013, I had an abnormal test result. The test revealed that I did not digest my food properly. Believe it or not, I was not scheduled to see my doctor again until September. In between the test results and the upcoming appointment, I went on a very specific diet to determine what foods I could and could not eat. Read more about that here: (http://foodallergyextra.blogspot.com/2013/10/in-search-of-answers-june-16th-2013.html). I also did extensive research on what specifically I could be diagnosed with. I would love to say that I was totally prepared for what my doctor would tell me but I wasn't. Nothing prepares you for bad news. NO amount of reading, researching, constant self soothing, incessant talking to loved ones or Xanax can make the not-so-great news coming out of my doctor's mouth bearable.

I finally got to see my doctor in the second week of September. He repeated what I had already known about my test result...that it was abnormal. I had really, really hoped that he would have said that it would be a temporary issue although in my heart I knew he wouldn't. After seventeen years of stomach problems the truth was in the test. My diagnosis was dysautonomia.

Your autonomic nervous system is made up of nerves that control those “automatic” things you need to do to survive. A few of those necessary things include blood pressure, heart rate, sweating, and digestion of your food. Autonomic dysfunction or dysautonomia refers to problems with this autonomic nervous system.

I have several problems with my autonomic nervous system. The one with the most serious complications is gastroparesis and it involves the digestion of food. Gastroparesis is a condition in which the muscles in your stomach don't function normally. Ordinarily, strong muscular contractions propel food through your digestive tract. But with gastroparesis, the muscles in the wall of your stomach work poorly or not at all. This prevents your stomach from emptying properly. Gastroparesis can interfere with digestion, cause nausea, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, problems with blood sugar levels and nutrition. I also have autoimmune reactions to certain foods and chemicals in certain foods which can cause severe migraines and flu like systems that can last for days.

There is no cure for gastroparesis. Making changes to my diet may help me cope with gastroparesis signs and symptoms, but that's not always enough. Gastroparesis medications may offer some relief, but some can cause serious side effects (permanent involuntary muscular contractions and abnormal postures, heart problems and spontaneous lactation)...I will pass on those meds, thank you very much. My doctor recommended that I do not even attempt to take any of the drugs because of the high risk of side effects.
So what's a girl with gastroparesis supposed to do?

Find out what my body will allow me to eat. Currently, I do not eat: wheat, barley, oats, rye, shellfish, nightshades (potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, eggplant), any dairy or eggs. What do I eat...that's a whole other blog post.
Take supplements that help me digest my food, heal my gut tissue, boost my immune system and relieve the autoimmune symptoms.
Plenty of sleep
Reduce stress level
Try not to freak out about having a non-curable condition (see # 4)

I am trying to stay positive but it is extremely difficult. I just want to cry and pout. Maybe just brood like my pet chickens do. I want to stay in bed for days. I want to scream "not fair" like a pissed off toddler. I want to get drunk on margaritas. I want to run away from all of it. Fight or flight...Fight or flight...Fight or flight.

Life is Short. Eat dessert first! (if you make it for me make sure it's gluten free, dairy free and egg free) ...and never, ever let anyone steal your dreams especially an incurable dysfunctional autonomic nervous system!

April

Two Weeks of Sorta Kinda Paleo

2013-10-17T21:22:00.001-04:00

June, 2013

As I mentioned in my blog post (In Search Of Answers June 2013), I had to go on a very strict elimination diet. I was following what is considered a Paleo diet (meat, fish, fowl, vegetables, fruits, roots, tubers and nuts). What? Wait a minute...roots and tubers? Never in my life had I consider that some of the food I was already eating was considered roots and/or tubers. Both words did not sound remotely appetizing. I did some research (that means Google) and little did I know that yams, potatoes and sweet potatoes are tubers. Carrots, beets and turnips are root vegetables. Now I go up to perfect strangers and ask them when was the last time they ate a root or a tuber (not really but that would be hilarious to see what answers I would get).

As luck would have it the beginning of this food elimination diet happened to coincide with a road trip. I started on the diet on a Wednesday and the following Sunday I had to drive my son to his college orientation...a four hour drive away. After dropping him off, I was then driving into the mountains to stay for two days. The house is forty-five minutes away from ANY food store.

I'm used to "going without". I have been going without eating a lot of different things (anything containing gluten, shellfish & nightshades). Now I had to find foods that were also free of eggs, dairy AND could go on the road with me. This meant an emergency trip to Whole Foods. After about two hours of label reading and $100 later, I had one bag of food to take with me. I hadn't had a chance to really study the Paleo way of eating so I just had to go with what I could find. I was really happy that I had a Whole Foods in my area because there is no way I could have gotten enough to eat from Food Lion. I had bags of dried fruit, bags of nuts, raw nut & fruit bars, plantain chips, fruit leather (tastes better than in sounds) and raw coconut macaroons. I bought some fresh fruit to get me through the days before the trip (apples, grapes, bananas & oranges).

We left on a Sunday and headed north into the WORST traffic I have ever been in. A trip that was supposed to take four hours took almost seven. I preceded to eat everything I had bought at Whole Foods during those seven hours. At some point we stopped at an Arbies so that my son could eat lunch. Guess what I ate from Arbies...a "naked" baked potato...no butter, no sour cream, no cheese...NOTHING! Off their entire menu, a freaking potato was the only thing that wouldn't poison me. This diet was not getting off to a great start but I was determined to stick with it. We arrived at the hotel and I was so hungry, I could have eaten the delicate floral patterned comforter. We ended up in the hotel restaurant and the only thing I could eat from their entire menu was a "naked" hamburger...no bun, no cheese. I did ask if they could add some mushrooms and onions but had to explain in my best Spanish (that means numbers 1-6 and please & thank you) thank I would crap in my pants or barf on the table if anything got cross contaminated. They must have gotten the message from me pointing back and forth from my mouth to my ass because I had no embarrassing reactions.

I was able to make it through the two days at the mountain house by finding an awesome grocery store and stocking up with more gluten free, shellfish free, nightshade free, dairy free and egg free food. The biggest challenge with this diet was that most everything I could eat had to be prepared in some way. I had plenty of "snacks" that I didn't have to do anything to (just reach my hand into the bag) but lunch & dinner was a whole other story. The following week and a half before I could start introducing certain grains (rice, corn & soy) back into my diet I TRIED to eat fresh fruits, vegetables, meat, chicken, fish and lots of nuts...more nuts that I have ever eaten in my life. Nuts became my constant companion. I was still working over seventy hours a week so preparing and cooking meals was extremely difficult.

I had became obsessed with hummus and carrots during the two week elimination diet. The Paleo diet does not allow hummus (chickpeas = hummus and chickpeas are legumes not nuts) but as I stated before, I was trying the diet (Paleo) to determine further food allergies. Since I had been eating hummus without experiencing any funky reactions, I decided that I would keep it in my diet. I realized too late that I was a cheater...thankfully in this case there was no need for a divorce.

The Six Letter Dirty Word

2013-10-16T10:02:00.000-04:00

Most dirty words are four letters but I beg to differ. The dirty word in my house (actually just between my husband and me) is six letters...H-U-M-M-U-S. The mere mention of that word now makes me tense up. Let me set the record straight, I LOVE HUMMUS. Unfortunately, my husband does not love HUMMUS. We ended up having one of the worst arguments over it. It started with a question my husband asked me as we were lying in bed watching "House Hunters" or "Love It or List It" (I can't remember which). Here is my version:

Husband: How long ago did you eat hummus?

Wife: Why?

Husband: Because I can smell it...it's coming out of your pores.

Wife: You know perfectly well that HUMMUS is one of the few foods that I can actually eat. You have told me at least twice before that you can smell the HUMMUS wafting out of my pores. I try not to eat it if you are going to be around but I was starving earlier in the day and you weren't here. I thought it was safe. (blood pressure and pitch of my voice raised <on a scale of 1-10> to a 5)

Husband: So it was earlier in the day that you ate HUMMUS?
(this is when I realized that my husband was trying to calculate how much longer he was going to have to smell my stinking HUMMUS pores...blood pressure and pitch was now at 8)

Wife: You don't get it do you? (blood pressure and pitch was now an 11+) You have no fu*king idea what it's like to be me. You don't know what it's like to only be able to eat like ten things without becoming ill. You sit there and stuff your face with whatever the hell you want and never think twice about me.

Husband: Let me just say to you that I will NEVER, EVER mention that six letter word again...trust me on that!

Wife: WHAT??? That's all you have to say to me...that you won't ask me if I ate HUMMUS? This is so much more than that and you know it!

Husband: Whoa...wait a minute...this isn't just about me saying that you reek for days after you eat HUMMUS?

This argument is when I knew I needed to start my "Food Allergy Extraordinaire" blog again. It really wasn't about the hummus. It was about feeling alone inside of my own head. If you don't have a chronic illness then you have no idea what it is like dealing with a body that is not cooperating. You have no idea what it is like to feel "less than" or "damaged". My husband is a pretty healthy guy. He can eat whatever he wants. We have been married nineteen years and as much as I know he loves me, even he doesn't really know what its like to be me.

I have been trying for the last three months to get back on here but I kept thinking that I needed to start from the very beginning of my trip down "the chronic illness from hell" road. This would mean going back over 17 years when I first got extremely ill. When I was down to eighty-five pounds and so sick I had to sleep sitting on the couch with my knees to my chin (think of a sitting fetal position) for months. I will get to all of that in future posts but for now I just need to write about what I have been through. Sometimes it helps to let it all out. Maybe my journey will sound familiar and you learn something that helps you. Maybe you have been through some of the same things and you can help me. In any case, I glad your here.

My Seventeen Year Stomach Ache and The Search For Answer

2013-10-09T12:28:00.000-04:00

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Please note that I started this blog back in June 2013 but was unable to finish writing and publish this blog post until now...October 2013. Most of you know that many, many things have changed since June of this year and I am now trying to catch you up on what has been going on. I am sick and this is my personal blog about the road to my physical, spiritual and emotional recovery. I am opening my heart to you. Letting you into my "heartspace" means that I will be showing you my vulnerable side. I am willing to share my life with you because my hope is to help others. If anything I write/post/blog about helps you or someone you know, it will be so very worth it. I hope you choose to walk beside me as I walk into the arena.

"Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don't exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever it may be--a new relationship, an important meeting, our creative process, or a difficult family conversation--with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgement and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly." -passage from Brene Brown's new book, Daring Greatly.

Join me as I choice a life of daring greatly.

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June 2013

I don't even know where to begin. There is so much history. I have not felt good in over seventeen years. It has always been my stomach...always. Twelve years ago I started eating gluten free. Three years ago I stopped eating shellfish. Six months ago I stopped eating nightshades (potato, tomato, eggplant & peppers). Now I must stop eating dairy, eggs and all grains. I already do not eat wheat, barley, oats and rye. Now I have cut out corn, rice, soy etc. I will be eating what is considered Paleo (Meat, fish, fowl, vegetables, fruits, roots, tubers and nuts). Why on earth would I do this to myself? It is the last piece of the puzzle in terms of figuring out what foods I am eating that are still making me so sick. I am trying the elimination diet where you cut out the major allergens. It takes a couple of weeks (at least two) to clean out your system.

I am starting this Paleo/Elimination diet because of an abnormal test result. I had to go through a test were I drink a small amount of radioactive water and then my stomach is scanned for forty-five minutes. A normal stomach will empty half the water into the intestines in thirty minutes. I never thought in a million years that the test would come back abnormal. All the other tests I have had came back normal (endoscopy, colonoscopy & blood work). I would explain to people that after I would eat...food seemed to just sit in my stomach until I would start to feel toxic. It turns out, that is exactly what was happening to me. My stomach does not digest solids and liquids properly. There are NOT a lot of options to fix my problem. The medical approach is a DRUG I take forever, a feeding tube or a stomach pacemaker. The holistic approach is a VERY SPECIFIC diet, nutritional supplements and cutting out as much stress in your life as possible. I am choosing the holistic approach which will require me to change A LOT of things in my life. I don't feel like I have a choice right now. I don't want to keep living a life of not feeling good.

So...what is Paleo? Some people call it a cult and other people call it "a diet". There is a very large group of people who consider it a "lifestyle" that goes beyond food. You can google the term Paleo and find out WAY MORE information than I want to personally write about in this post. Here is a link to one of the top experts on Paleo lifestyle. http://robbwolf.com/what-is-the-paleo-diet/. I originally learned about Paleo from a gluten free forum. People kept posting about how crazy the Paleo crowd was. Not only were they very harsh to non-Paleo's but would even turn on there fellow Paleo devotees. There was lots of talk about what food is considered true Paleo (what...no green beans?) and at what degree of a loser you are if you cheat and actually eat a potato. Getting past all of the controversy, what I did notice (that was very positive) from my research is that Paleo = gluten free. I didn't start on the Paleo diet when I first read about it but I kept it in the back of my brain.

I found out about the abnormal test result around noon on June 19th. I walked out of the hospital with the results in my hand and immediately immersed myself in the very restrictive diet. The next step was to get the appropriate foods into my fridge and pantry. So that meant I needed to stock up on fruits, vegetables, lean meats, seafood, nuts & seeds and healthy fats. I have to avoid eating dairy, all grains, processed foods & sugars, legumes, starches and alcohol. The Paleo diet allows you to eat eggs but since I am trying this diet to determine what additional food allergies I have, I am cutting those out too. I have to avoid all the items listed above along with all the other foods I have already cut out.

Let me just say that I am used to only being able to eat certain things but this elimination diet takes my already limited menu to a whole new (restrictive) level. I have learned to live without being able to eat so many different foods in the last twelve years. Somethings are easy to give up while others...not so much. Now I have to give up one of my FAVORITE things in the whole world...CHEESE! Alas, I will morn the death of smoked Gouda, fresh mozzarella, crumbly Mexican cheese and even Kraft "cheese food" slices. It's a sad day in my refrigerator.