Foolish and Funny

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:34:00 +0000

Man: Doctor, Doctor, I keep dreaming about my eyes changing colour!

Doctor: Don't worry - It's just a pigment of your imagination.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 12:33:00 +0000

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 16:01:00 +0000

Why did the chewing gum cross the road?

Because it was stuck to the chicken’s foot.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:59:00 +0000

What do you call a cow that doesn't give milk?

An udder failure

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 07:52:00 +0000

What's the difference between a woman running down the street and a sewing machine?

A sewing machine only has one bobbin.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 08:11:00 +0000

What did the grape say when it got stepped on?

Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 09:21:00 +0000

What happened to the cannibal who came to dinner late?

He got the cold shoulder.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 11:40:00 +0000

What did the hen say when she saw a plate of scrambled eggs?

What a bunch of mixed up kids!

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 07:29:00 +0000

What do you call a cow with only 2 legs?

Lean beef.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 10:31:00 +0000

What do you call a woman lying in the middle of a tennis court?

Annette.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 10:14:00 +0000

A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette".

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 08:02:00 +0000

Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?

To keep his wigwam.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 07:36:00 +0000

Q: What do you call a bullet proof Irishman?

A: Rick O’Shea

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 09:42:00 +0000

"May I take your order?" the waiter asks.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special, sir," he replies. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 08:52:00 +0000

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.

The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club.

"You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 07:48:00 +0000

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do?"

"Let's have a look at him." says the vet. So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"Just because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man.
"No, because he's really heavy," says the vet.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 12:54:00 +0000

What do hippy horses eat?

Hay, man.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 11:26:00 +0000

I have a very nervous guitar playing friend.

He’s always fretting about something.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 07:27:00 +0000

Sean Connery's agent calls him up and says: "Sean, I've got you an audition tomorrow morning about 10ish"

To which Sean replies "Tennish? I don't even have a racquet"

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 09:10:00 +0000

I took a beer bottle to the recycling centre, but they wouldn't take it.

They said: "This is the pint of no return.”

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 29 May 2009 07:29:00 +0000

What do you call a man with a number plate on his head?

Reg

What do you call a man with an odometer on his head?

Miles

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:00:00 +0000

A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.

It was a turtle disaster.

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AND - because it's my BDay tomorrow....here's an old fave:

A man walks into a pub with a salmon under his arm.
He asks the barman, "Do you do fishcakes?
"The barman shakes his head.
"Shame", says the man, "It's his birthday".

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 15 May 2009 04:56:00 +0000

Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because its feet smell.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 08 May 2009 07:14:00 +0000

Did you hear about the terrorist that tried to blow up a picnic?

His efforts were hampered.

Foolish Friday Funny

noreply@blogger.com (MEL) — Fri, 01 May 2009 09:38:00 +0000

Ok, so it’s current....

I gotta say, I'm finding all this talk about Swine Flu pretty boaring.

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I just called the National Swine Flu helpline...
All I got was crackling.