foolish fool's eye

music... when it hits you feel no pain...

2022-12-22T18:02:00.001-08:00

Music has always been a constant in my life. Come dive into my world of music...

Missing papa and his music...

2022-12-22T17:15:00.001-08:00

It's been a year or so.... and the feeling of loss doesn't really wane. You just learn to live with it.

2014-01-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

Grant Lee Buffalo "Happiness"

2013-12-22T18:51:00.001-08:00

Happiness is in need hard to come by... when is one trully happy? When it is only fleeting, does it count? Is happiness still happiness even if you felt it for just a second?

Truth is...

2013-09-03T11:57:00.001-07:00

The self-immersed people who does nothing but tear other people's lives in their thoughts and in their words just for the sole purpose of uplifting themselves and succeeding only in placing themselves at the lowest of low in character. A "successful" life only true to their own point of view. You disgust me. So high and mighty, thinking you are better than everyone else "below" you. No one is below anyone nor above. What you don't have you envy from others and what you do have you drag around town and show it off to people who either doesn't care a bit or cares as much as you do... tear it up to pieces too. Envy begets envy. And while you are being enviously basking in a juicy piece of information you found out about someone across the street, you're life is being dissected by the very people you identify with. A liar trusts no one simply because no one can trust him as much as he can trust himself. And an honest person is being called many things... rude, mean or just a plain bad person who doesn't usually have a good choice of words. How do i live in a society that bad choice of words generally means telling the truth? If it hurts it ain't good. Well, i hate to burst everyone's bubble but the truth hurts more often than not coz we don't really wanna hear it from other people. We are so engrossed in proving ourselves that we drag other people down so we can raise our own morals. Fuck morality. It does nothing but make our way of thinking screwed up. An old lady goes to church every Sunday and talks away about other people's lives once she steps out of the church. A good father who is a good provider and a sweet husband goes to someone else's bed before heading home. A good priest fathers a child. A good woman selling her body coz she's got no choice. Morality kills them all. But there is so much more beyond morality. There is life. And what we see isn't always what it seems. But we seem to settle for what we see than go beyond it because we are so scared of the truth. So scared that our own beliefs about what is right and what is wrong morally is being questioned. So scared that we could somehow identify with that truth and our own little world of self-righteousness is being shaken to the core.

And so I realized, life isn't about being morally correct. It is about being right. It is about being honest. It is about not saying anything just for the sake of saying something. Life is about being who and what we are in front of other people no matter how wrong other people sees it. It is about accepting the fact that we make mistakes and knowing we can change for the better. Forgiving and being forgiven. And while I am not being true to myself, I can never be morally correct nor get any closer to it. Coz truth is the only way to be is to acknowledge the fact that I am not really it.

in retrospect...

2013-09-03T02:17:00.001-07:00

time passes by fast. day becomes night so quick even when am just sitting here staring at my computer screen. i feel like i have so much to do but done nothing much really. so i decided to look back and check my past year out... hmmm... i've had trying times with a couple of people. one made me realize i deserve better in this life while hurting me in the process. one made me think twice about that later on. life is just funny you know. you realize something now and one day in the future you find yourself in doubt. you read a book today and realize something then you read the same book after 10 years and you will have a totally different perspective about it. it's like learning different things from the same experience at a different time.

so looking back, i have been through this before... but does that mean i have a different perspective now? different lesson from the same situation at a different time? that's just weird. i am asking myself why i am still in this situation when i claimed years ago that i have learned my lesson and never will i force myself into someone's life when he doesn't want me in it. so i got to thinking, is it the challenge? is it hoping this time is different? or is it that familiar pain that makes things around me so dramatic? drama... drama... drama... a girl cannot live without any drama. even the coldest heart bleeds in the night when the lights are out and everyone's just, well, not around. so what pushes me?

the pain makes me human. coz otherwise i am just a shell waiting to be cracked open and find out there is nothing in there. pain nourishes me. makes me look forward to something better. i believe that when everything's great, there can't be anything else to look forward to, is there? more greatness? that's stupid. each and everyone of us strives to be happy and detest pain when the only way to get there is to go through a lot of it. feel it... bask in it... i am happiest after i have overcome the most hurtful. and as long as it doesn't kill me, it will always make me stronger.

in retrospect... how strong have i become? not strong enough, apparently. am still at it.

The Roller-coaster Ride

2013-08-26T21:31:00.002-07:00

This is the one crazy ride I am more scared of getting off than getting on.

The hardest thing for me to deal with is rejection but what's harder is dealing with a feeling that you know that is there but can not be. Hoping is one. But knowing is something else. It's like knowing that a fruit is sweet but you can't eat it. It's throwing away something that you haven't even held yet.

I can only string along long enough. And I am not sad about the pain. I am sad about what we could have had but not having the strength to take it. And as tears fall down my face I realize I am not ready to let go... so I'll string along as far as I can. And I am not expecting anything back or anything more than this. I just wanna give it to you. Not because you deserve it but because I just simply want to. So when you tell me my stop is coming soon, it already came too many times. I just chose to push that start button every single time.

So where do we go from here? Nothing is ever certain... but the certainty of nothingness is so palpable I feel like I can touch pain itself.

Nya... Sige pa ta ani?

Press Conference of Pres. Benigno S. Aquino III on the abolishment of PD...

2013-08-22T22:10:00.001-07:00

The pork barrel has always been a big controversy to us all... except of course to those who knows it "first hand". This is a bold move of Pres. Pnoy and i hope and pray that this does do something about corruption in our country and not just a reason for most politicians to find a another way to get some. The posting of projects online and public biddings at Department of Budget and Management and Philippine Government Electronic Procurement System where people can get to see is also a good one. Transparency is key. And if the government can't be anything but transparent then maybe they can earn the full trust and confidence of people like me who have long lost it and just made do with what was there for me.

Kudos for this one Mr. President.

The Government has never been this online and out there before and it just makes me feel that I am important to be able to not just here the news on tv or news from papers and what news authorities put out in public but to be able hear from the government it self. To be able to listen to this speech about PDAF over and over again. To be able to read the speech over and over again from the Official Gazette Am just glad that they are making use of media to give importance to the public.

follow on twitter:
@noynoyaquino and @govph

Shogun feat. Tania Zygar - Find Me (Original Mix)

2013-07-23T07:21:00.001-07:00

I get poignantly lost in every beat that reminds me of you...

Sarah McLachlan - Angel

2013-07-13T12:04:00.001-07:00

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance,
For a break that would make it okay.

There's always some reason
To feel not good enough,
And it's hard, at the end of the day.

I need some distraction,
Oh, beautiful release.
Memories seep from my veins.

Let me be empty,
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight.

[Chorus]
In the arms of the angel,
Fly away from here,
From this dark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you fear.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

So tired of the straight line,
And everywhere you turn,
There's vultures and thieves at your back.

The storm keeps on twisting.
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack.

It don't make no difference,
Escape one last time.
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness,
Oh, this glorious sadness,
That brings me to my knees.

[Chorus]

You're in the arms of the angel,
May you find some comfort here.

hot and humid

2013-05-03T22:06:00.002-07:00

Today it's 33°C with a relative humidity of 66%, courtesy of the weather bug. Oh yeah, it is sunny. Our body sweat's evaporation process makes our body cooler but high humidity prevents the evaporation of our sweat so we are left hot and sticky in this weather. It has been like this for a while and some people have suffered from heat stroke. A 20-27°c temp is our comfort zone and anything higher than that could cause heat illnesses. So what does high heat do to us? The common effects of extreme body heat are we experience mental as well as physical problems like getting grumpy and spaced out and getting really tired and inefficient. And in extreme cases, when body heat rises up to 41°C, this could be a possible heat stroke. It is important that we are aware about the signs because heat stroke requires immediate medical attention since delayed treatment could cause damage to our kidneys, heart and brain. Body temp rising up to 41°C is a main symptom but the person usually faints first before you find out about the temp. Check yourself from time to time if you are experiencing severe headache, if you're not sweating even when it's really hot, if you feel dizzy, if you feel weak or nauseous or vomiting, rapid heartbeat and rapid shallow breathing. If you or any of your family feel a couple or more of these it would be best to get some medical attention.

Prevention is indeed better than cure so what I do and does work for me is keep hydrated and try to stay out of the sun in the middle of the day when it's hottest. I wear light clothes and I also carry around a fan so I can fan myself from time to time. I don't do rigorous stuff when it's really, really hot coz it just increases my body heat. If you have to work out, do it during early morning when the breeze is cooler. Well that's just about what I usually do. Basically just looking after yourself and in the end, it is really you who knows what your body need.

The Humble Sayote

2012-11-14T20:01:00.000-08:00

Okay, so am watching Pinoy Master Chef and i dunno why i thought of sayote. They call it mirliton in the US and others also call it Chayote or vegetable pear. So here, we call it sayote. When i was a kid and started learning about vegetables and stuff I had the impression that people didn't give much attention to sayote coz i grew up being told that it doesn't have much nutrients... just water. So with all these trending posts about health benefits of fruits and vegetables, i decided to look this one up and what do you know... turns out, 100g of this vegetable gives us 23% of our daily recommended intake of b-complex vitamin, folates. It is low in calories just 16kcal per 100g and no saturated fats or cholesterol, it's got anti-oxidants and vitamin C, considerable amount of potassium and the rest of the b-complex vitamins. And it is also good in minerals like iron, manganese, phosphorous, copper and zinc.

so much for the humble sayote. The next time i am having or cooking chop suey, i am not going to put you on the sides and ignore you. I make sure i'll eat you. :D

sayote/chayote/mirliton/vegetable pear

a fool to want you...

2012-11-13T22:42:00.000-08:00

i always want what i cannot have. and i always go for the ones who doesn't want me back. mebbe it is true that we accept to love who we "think" we deserve and not those we believe and know in our hearts who is right for us. there is no perfect thing so one doesn't just give up on something that is flawed. we fight for it but unfortunately, fighting too many times gets really tiring and exhausting. so i gez giving up is okay. as long as we give it all we got. just like what i did... so you can call me a fool coz i still want you and i will not be the same without you... but i didn't really have you, didn't i? so that makes me all the more foolish than i already am.

BB and I

2012-02-28T22:19:00.000-08:00

it's weird how we can get so attached to a piece of gadget like a boyfriend. i get grumpy without it and if it suddenly stops working, my world stops spinning for a while. :D i remembered getting to know my phone and it was hard. getting to know the apps, what to do with them, troubleshooting, getting new apps, how to make things work for me... then dealing with the battery life being so short. i had to bring a charger around coz i can't seem to deal with the fact that it could die on me anytime. so what i did is get a led app... assign unique colors to my app notifications and put my phone on silent. it does extend a bit of battery life and it works coz am always looking at my phone anyway. :p lol this is such a random blog post. so this is what happens after a major drunken moment... the soberification process... brings about random ideas... lol

bottom line is i love my BB... please don't leave me... T_T hehehehe

calories and what it means to me

2011-12-05T19:24:00.001-08:00

i didn't really understand calories until i started realizing i've been gobbling up too much of it. and they are all spread out in all the wrong places in my body. i looked at myself in the mirror a month ago and started to see myself differently and that's when it hit me. i need a change.

i am an app addict to start with so my calorie rave came accidentally when i was in one of my app-crazy mode where i scan all free apps available for my phone and download anything that catches my attention. so i came by this calorie app that says i could lose weight by taking control of my calorie intake and this app should help me do just that. i honestly downloaded it out of curiosity. because i am a very curious person. :D and then i started following directions from it and i see now that it is actually working. so i am now very surprised at myself at how i watch what i eat when i normally don't. i eat anything that looks good. i don't wanna sound like a health nut and all coz i do have a serving of my daily alcohol a day, five days a week(coz it's free) and i do have my occasional cigarette(and i mean occasional (; ) but knowing about calories did help me. i lost a bit of wait and am starting to do some workouts and i usually don't care about all that s***.

i don't mean to preach but i gez it is good to share once in a while. maybe what has been good for me might be good for whoever is reading this right now too. all i'm saying is, i gez people need to stop complaining they are fat. do something about it, not because other people's opinions make you do so but because you start to have an opinion about yourself and you are not happy about it. and i don't think we should be thin. we should be healthy.

yeah, i gez that's all i got to say for now.... :D

www.myfitnesspal.com

Fourplay feat. Chaka Khan "Between The Sheets"

2011-07-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

The Crusaders ft Bill Withers " Soul Shadows"

2011-07-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

judging you, judging me...

2011-01-05T17:51:00.000-08:00

In my short lifetime i have realized a lot of things. one is, people love to judge. and we especially love judging misdeeds of others. i keep on trying to figure out why... so i decided to make myself the lab-rat for my little experiment. i had these questions to answer:

what makes me judge someone?
how do i judge them?
what happens after i judge that person?
what good have i got out of it?

Firstly, i judge people because i am either intrigue or envious. intrigue because there is something i wanna know about that person and there is no way of knowing it or i am just too proud or "indifferent" to ask. so i start to make my own judgments about him and come up with my own answers. in short, a way of satisfying my curiosity. now, envious because they have something i do not have or want so badly but unable to get. so i judge them, mostly badly, to justify the "fact" that one cannot get everything but rather one gets what they deserve. so i start thinking of "yes, they have it, but they cannot have that because they have done these..." get the picture? well, i hope you do so we can be of better understanding with each other :D

then, how do i judge them... hmmm... i would usually dissect their lives, cast away most of the good parts(i found out that it feels good to know that you are somehow better than someone even if you know that it's just you making the judgment) and use the bad parts to procure the judgment i needed. that mostly is it. nothing much to it. :D

what happens next is quite peculiar coz i found out that whatever "good" i felt was short-lived. it's like that bag of chips that you'd think you would be satisfied after eating but you just end up wanting more coz you can't get enough of it. or there isn't enough to satisfy me... ever. and then, i would feel bad. because i would realize that what i did was unfair and even if i kept my judgments to myself, it's still bad enough to make false assumptions about someone.

in the end i realized, there isn't anything good about judging other people by how bad they look, how bad they behave around others, how poor their hygiene is or how bad they sound when they talk and so on and so forth. because each and everyone of us have our own little bad things, so in judging others, we judge ourselves. in conclusion, the only good thing i got from all these is knowing that i was doing a bad thing and that i should be changing. how appropriate! it's a new year... time for a new beginning. and also, it's better to really know a person first before you make any assumptions. and if i don't get the chance to know that person, i should let him be. to each his own. :)

from now own i'll leave the judging to the judges... but i will not say never. :D

Cold Feet

2011-01-05T03:07:00.000-08:00

we're on the road, off to a gig @ the city. it has stopped raining but it's cloudy and it's around 24 degrees C. not my kind of temperature. i'd rather sweat than have cold feet.

gloomy world...

2011-01-05T00:53:00.000-08:00

it's been a gloomy weather lately. and nights are especially cold... 24°C. it's probably a warm night for other countries but no not in mine. i could easily say that it is gonna be a sad week since i can't play tennis when i am off and when i am working it's too cold and my voice cracks sometimes. but life is a matter of perspective. since i can't go out and play, i can watch tennis videos and learn techniques from pros :) and since it's too cold to sing outdoors, maybe it's time to use my colorful shawls and scarves :) i can choose to be gloomy like the sky and weep for boring days... but i also have a choice of sunny-ing my day when it gets gloomy by brightening up my smile or i could frown a little brighter(if it's possible) and think of ways to make life productive when it seems like it can't be. and... when i can't go out, i don't have a choice but to stay in with the family. :) good times...

true test of character

2009-09-01T23:30:00.000-07:00

i don't really wanna write about notable people or other people in general. i usually just wanna write about myself and how the people around me affects me. it wouldn't be much for most but just getting things out of my system really helps me go through with life. when i saw the news today and listened to Sen. Mar Roxas declare his decision to not run for president anymore and instead gave way to Sen. Noynoy Aquino. am not trying to be cynical but my desperate mind just cannot be so trusting anymore. how am i suppose to know if it isn't a publicity strategy. they are trying so many things these days. anyway, i have hope and i have faith. i always pray for guidance and for our countries deliverance. and me praying alone could only do so much. so instead of marching around the streets begging to be heard, why don't we just turn to someone who we know could change everything?because all i know and believe now is only God can deliver us. most of these politicians have trained themselves well of being dumb and deaf about what's really going on?they've fatten their pockets with our taxes. they spat at each other then form allegiance with the each other and label it as "unification". who the hell are they fooling? oh yeah, me. i will fall for it and after they have won, i will be complaining for their poor performance, unmet expectations and unkept promises. so i bet i got u all confused by now. am not really gonna say don't vote for him or her or for the whole lot. am simply implying that i am confused about who would pass my character test. it is not very easy knowing people when you can only depend on what you see on tv, what you hear about them and their genes. jaded as it may seem, i've had my share of frustrations for choosing the wrong people. and even though i try so hard not to do it again, i could only say, i am only human. so good luck to me.... and to you who've been bored enough to care to read.