“but, he was trying to help you.”

“but, i’m frustrated.”

“but, you quit.”

“but, i’m tired.”

“but, you know how and y0u can totally do it if you get your mind in the right place.”

“but, i don’t want to.  i need a break!”

“but, you have to do it anyway.  we all have to do stuff when we’re tired, and frustrated, and don’t want to, and just need a break.  if we don’t, we fail.  and we don’t have to fail if we will just set our mind to it on the front end and dig in.  overcoming frustrations and shortcomings is way more rewarding that sitting around crying about how you can’t do it.”

don’t you just love it when
God teaches you something
out of your own mouth?
[*sigh*]

Blake wrote the Marriage of Heaven and Hell. If I have written of their Divorce, this is not because I think myself a fit antagonist for so great a genius, nor even because I feel at all sure that I know what he meant. But in some sense or other the attempt to make that marriage is perennial. The attempt is based on the belief that reality never presents us with an absolutely unavoidable “either-or”; that, granted skill and patience and (above all) time enough, some way of embracing both alternatives can always be found; that mere development or adjustment or refinement will somehow turn evil into good without our being called on for a final and total rejection of anything we should like to retain. This belief I take to be a disastrous error. [...] Even on the biological level life is not like a pool but like a tree. It does not move towards unity but away from it and the creatures grow further apart as they increase in perfection. Good, as it ripens, becomes continually more different not only from evil but from other good.

I do not think that all who choose wrong roads perish; but their rescue consists in being put back on the right road. A wrong sum can be put right: but only by going back till you find the error and working it afresh from that point, never by simply going on. Evil can be undone, but it cannot “develop” into good. Time does not heal it. [...] I believe, to be sure, that any man who reaches Heaven will find that what he abandoned (even in plucking out his right eye) was precisely nothing: that the kernel of what he was really seeking even in his most depraved wishes will be there, beyond expectation, waiting for him in “the High Countries.” In that sense it will be true for those who have completed the journey (and for no others) to say that good is everything and Heaven everywhere. But we, at this end of the road, must not try to anticipate that retrospective vision. If we do, we are likely to embrace the false and disastrous converse and fancy that everything is good and everywhere is Heaven.

C.S. Lewis
“The Great Divorce (Preface)”

what a beautiful picture of how diversely unique the journey towards heaven is for every human.  as unique, in fact, as we are from one another.  our journeys themselves are a such a tangible expression of the scripture,

“God works all things for good to them who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

c.s. lewis’ commentary made me read this scripture with new eyes.  everything is not good and everywhere is not heaven.  there are paths of our own choosing that take us away from God.  but to the person who is seeking God with his whole heart, even in the midst of a rough journey,  good is everything because God has made it so – - even (perhaps, especially) in the most brutal of circumstances or poorest of decisions.  and, heaven is everywhere along our journey – - though sometimes it’s necessary to turn about to see it.  God is faithful to reveal Himself to those who are looking…. wherever they are on their journey.  and only God can say who’s heart is surrendered to the process.

i deeply appreciate these men being willing to put themselves out there directly in the line of fire to bring these things up for examination. perhaps we will learn to communicate and not argue through this process. maybe we’ll come to understand that it’s ok to disagree.  maybe we’ll learn to love each other anyway.  maybe we’ll all start learning something from one another.  and maybe, just maybe, we’ll find out God is much bigger than we all think.

down off my soapbox.
have a great day!

before i left for franklin i felt as if i were sleepwalking. living in a state of subconsciousness. all the pieces were connected but in a non-connected sort of way.  i was just doing, doing, doing…. flitting from task to task numbly being “productive” — a tangible product noticeably absent for all my activity.  then i read, the war of art at the suggestion of mandy’s post.  i’m glad i read it before i left, because as i listened to people talk it was quite evident that everyone in the room had not only read it, but had committed it completely to memory.  it resonated loudly within me. it’s challenge — to bring to discipline the one thing i say that i am not, that i try to ignore, that i work hard to avoid.  THAT — is likely the thing i am.  it went so far to suggest that giving in to resistance of this thing would be like… (wait, let me get this exactly right…)

“If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself. You hurt your children. You hurt me.  You hurt the planet.

You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.

Creative work is not a selfish act or bid for attention on the part of the actor.  It’s a gift to the world and every being in it.  Don’t cheat us of your contribution.  Give us what you’ve got.”

the war of art
by steven pressfield
(page 165 )

ok… um, ouch!

but, what one thing…. really?  only ONE?!?!?!  i mean, i do a lot of stuff.

so, i’m back home, and i’m different, right?  i mean, i’m veraciously attacking all of the arts i hold so dear in random order:  music, design, literature…. it’s great.  but, how can i have so many loves and give them all the attention and discipline they deserve?  they are all a part of me, but it seems impossible foolishness to attempt maintenance on all these muses. surly my family, my work would suffer for such indulgence and i would go out of my ever-lovin’ creative mind.

all of these thoughts are rambling through my brain today as i was un-selectively selecting various volumes of text from the library stacks of our local biblioteca.  i pulled up a comfy chair and looked at the huge pile of books on typography, bookbinding…. writing.  suddenly and all at once i understood.  all of my loves are not unconnected.  they are totally connected. and, they all point back to my one thing.

consider…

• i am a graphic designer; but, my favorite design discipline is typography.  i love how letters look.  i have favorite letters. i’m frustrated by some words that are supposed to describe pretty things like, “nice,” or “hot.” simply because the shape of their letters and the sounds they produce are not as beautiful as their meanings suggest.
• i often think if i ever to get a tattoo… it will be words. they mean so much more than pictures and they are more lovely too.     (  …lovely is a very pretty word.)
• i sing, but i have always wanted to play an instrument.  not so much so i can perform, but so i can write music.
• the most beautiful music i have ever heard has lyrics as deep as the layers of instrumentation they were assigned to accompany.  to me, one without the other is shallow noise.
• on my iphone i have 2 bibles, 2 book readers, 1 dictionary, 1 thesaurus, 3 word games , 1 typography game and 2 creative drawing apps (both of which use typography to create art).  my favorite app is the kindle app… because i always have books with me and i can look up difficult words immediately.  the most commonly used tag in my evernote database is…. typography.
• i have a shower curtain in my house a dear friend gave me.  it has words and their definitions printed all over it.  i love it.  my husband doesn’t get it.  i think it’s beautiful.  i read it each time i go in there.  and, when i finally get around to redecorating my bathroom, it will be my inspiration.
• i have to be careful about buying art for my house.  because if don’t pay attention, there will not be a painting anywhere to be found… only words, or postage stamps, or labels or posters and such.
• my favorite game is scrabble.  i am really good at it.
• most books bore me.  i crave intelligent humor, prose and meaning that i really have to work for.
• i would rather type someone an email than pick up the phone….  a million-zillion times over.
• i really love to help people edit their writing and brainstorm with them about their writing projects.
• i have often thought if i had to change careers, i would like to try my hand at being an editor.
• my bucket list contains: #3: take a year to travel on a book project of photos, poetry and story telling; and, #4: create a font.

and, for all this evidence, writing is the one thing that makes me feel most inadequate. truly, it’s the one thing i resist the most.  i read this post and it all sounds like rambling, unbearably repetitive, in-concise, non-sense.  i have no training.  i barely do it.  i use creative punctuation.  i’m overwhelmed by new ideas.  most times, starting is like trying to will myself to draw breath under water.  i never feel i have access to enough words, or can arrange them in the right order to give my heart the platform it demands.  once i do begin, it’s a lot like giving birth.  it’s painful, it’s hard, and for all my pushing i mostly fear the only way to bring forth my passionately conceived ideas before they perish would be to cut the words right out of me.

[sigh]

….oh, resistance.

“scalpel!”

it’s a non-traditional #recreate11 unpacking for sure
anyone else out there discover their one thing?

desperate and wanting, you are undisciplined!

i’d teach you manners like, “speak when spoken to, and not out of turn.”

or, “sit quietly until summoned to the floor.”

but, suppression is a cruel asphyxiation.

absolution from such polite prison releases a deranged sound.

an unlovely disgorging of heart, mind &  soul.

your unbridled assertions are raw and uncouth.

but, there is awakening on your lips.

an unburdened passion in your articulation.

so, you must speak.

and, i must give you voice.

one perhaps more refined… but not civilized.

is it fear?  is it… ummm — fear?  i can’t think of any other reasons – so, i’m going with fear.

• maybe  i won’t have anything to say;
• maybe what i do say will come out in-concise, uninspired, disinteresting ribblish;
• maybe it will consume me;
• maybe it won’t consume me;
• maybe no one will read;
• maybe someone will read;
• maybe lots of someones will read.

foolishnotions has sat unattended bearing the lame header, definition in progress for a looong time.  i stopped writing for whatever reasons but, i’ve come to find out i need to write. i need to write… for me. it’s what i do. and, i suspect the content i feared had gone so completely askew was less an issue of focus and more of purpose.  i stopped being true to me.

so, i’m back – for love of creativity and expression.  which means i’m not gonna attempt the least little bit of focus or consistency.  so, if you’re a church leader or a triathlete, a designer, photographer, poet or lover of those people you live with (…that’s your family…)  you may find something here to relate to…

————- >> or not.
————————– >> tomorrow.
————————————— >> or, maybe next week.
——————————————————– >> whenever the Spirit blows me.

and, no – i will not use proper capitalization.  the shift key slows me down and capital letters are boring. lowercase letters are simply more beautiful.

and, yes…. i use creative punctuation.

and, i probably will invent a word or eighteen… because there aren’t really enough words in the world to get the job done right.

and, i really, realllly, overuse the word really.   you should really get used to that.

and, i promise i’m gonna try to stop starting my sentences with conjunctions now, because it drives me nuts.

still there?
hello?
that’s alright.  it’s probably better y’all catch on later than sooner.

[click, "publish"]

there you have it… proof my honey’s spiritual gift is chit chat.  and adam’s, apparently, is pointing out people who need God’s love by hitting them with frisbees.    [ kidding - - about adam    ]

i have an idea…. why don’t we all pair up and go to the park to engage in frisbee hitting and chit chat?  we can win the world for God.  i really think this will work.  once we perfect our methods we can write a study course on how people can implement the program in their cities.  we can win thousands.  we just need to know exactly how adam and ernie pulled it off.

ok, i’m now nervous about lightning bolts… so, let me make my point here.

professional church people (that would include me) spend a lot of time looking for the next new thing.  what’s working?  how can we do our jobs better?  we have a great community.  we learn from each other, we share, we really work hard to grow and learn together, and i think we have the best intentions.  we spend a lot of time looking forward, but what can we learn from our past?  this is what carlos asked of his creative coaching kids.  study the methods of churches long gone and take a good hard look at what they did right.  what was working for them? what can we learn?

i discovered there were a lot of what we would deem “successful” churches before the days of all of our advanced technology and clever marketing ideas.  people got saved, healed and delivered by the thousands long before direct mail, social media and online campuses.  but i didn’t notice the greatest impact coming from the utilization of new technologies, implementation of new methods, or even by using illustrations derived from pop-culture.  i’m sure they used these methods, but their use wasn’t so noteworthy that the history books (ahem… wiki’s) attributed a single mention of such as means to their success.  but, i did find a common thread.  the great revivals i read about all seem to have started much the same way.  with a human, or group of humans, who sacrificed their own ideas, comforts and desires, devoured His Word, got on their faces and sought after Him…..     and you know what?  God showed up.

denominations were born out of some of these great revivals.  denominations (arguably, divisions) for the most part, seem to have been formed when a group of these same humans, who after experiencing a legitimate move of God, over-analyzed it, argued over it, tweaked it, organized a church split and tried to do it better….  when maybe they just should have gotten back on their faces for God’s next big idea.

God never said we had to become an experts on how to change lives…
He already is….

He never asked us to figure everything out then go tell others…
He’s already got that….

He never suggested we come up with new ways, new methods, new technologies to get people to feel loved…
He already loves them…

He said… ask.
He said… seek.
He said… knock.

He said He’d do it.  So, why do we try so hard to figure it all out while we ignore Him?

i’m throwing around the pronoun we very presumptuously.  i mean, me, myself, i, yo, me….  yep, guilty right here. but yeah – - i think you guys can pretty much agree we’re all in this humanity thing together.  and lest you forget, or just don’t know me, all the stuff i just presumed to dismiss is the stuff i do for a living.  i’m not at all suggesting our methods are bad, or our technology useless.  in fact, i still think we have the greatest potential for world change in the history of humanity.  i have no doubt… mostly because God said it’s going to happen.  the formula for success though, and i think there really is one, is this…

God’s creativity is limitless and so is our access to it.  it’s so imperative we learn from our past, get on our faces, seek God’s face until our make-up is running and our eyes are all puffy, make some real sacrifices and start exerting some persistence to hear from Him….

….then lets get up and push some buttons.

i’m so thrilled for my new sister
and the 3 others who met Christ today.
this is what it’s all about.

& i’m quite happy God has me in the wood shed over this issue…
…it means He’s still with me somewhere.

taking 100 photos of my day.  click here for the slide show… updated as each photo is taken.

here’s the rest of the pics. it was a busy day, and we didn’t have anyone to appoint as official photographer this year. matthew and i just grabbed what shots we could in the midst of it all.

chasing eden was amazing. really look forward to seeing this group get signed.

election sure was sooooo much fun. i have mad respect to anyone who can dance and sing, rap – - whatever. shoot, they ran all over the room and didn’t miss a note. i think they must not require breathing.

we brought all of the entertainment inside since the weather man was so sure we were going to get wet. so, it was a little of a challenge getting people in the building. we kept hearing rumors that people thought the music we were pumping outside was recorded. yes, the entertainment was THAT good. so the dance groups mixed it up a little by “stepping” outside to draw people in.

wide shot of carry the wounded. they’re REALLY loud… but really good. they scream alot… they scream alot about loving god. and they’re serious about getting the truth of they’re message out.

i did get to step out and see what was going on outside for a few minutes. from what i could tell, we had a great turn out for what was supposed to be a gusher.

i love that the puppetoons got on the rides with everyone. at one point i even saw the chick-fil-a cow taking a spin on the dizzy dragons. (this is obviously not the cow… you’ll just have to take my word for that)

(ok… the rest of these pics were taken by matthew who manned the outside while i manned inside)

this is matthew…

and this is why he looks so concerned…

jeff and michelle kapusta from lifepoint got out to join us. i saw jeff…. but i didn’t know michelle was there. sorry i missed meeting her. i did however meet jill barbour for the first time. she and her husband brad came too. funny thing… i’ve met brad several times in person. but i recognized jill before i recognized brad. it’s so cool when you meet someone you know from online.

mike, one of my volunteer sound tech’s, manning the bar-b-q

at the end of the day we could not have done it without all of our awesome volunteers.  they were just amazing.  we’re all bananas about them… well, some of us more than others. 

so, there you have it!
wish you all could have been there.
looking forward to doing it again next year!