Football Burp http://footballburp.com Keeping you footballed up to the eyeballs. Tue, 18 Jun 2013 02:56:27 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://footballburp.comhttp://footballburp.com/images/football-burp-feed.pngFootball BurpFootballBurphttp://feedburner.google.com AUDIO: Joe Kinnear on TalkSport http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/mvivcY5_oL4/ http://footballburp.com/updates/audio-joe-kinnear-on-talksport/#comments Tue, 18 Jun 2013 02:39:28 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10094 Listen to Joe Kinnear on TalkSport after Newcastle’s new Director of Football took part in a telephone interview on the radio station last night (Monday). Sometimes ranting, Kinnear rebutted the negative reaction to his appointment from the “snidey press” and sections of the Newcastle support. Not to worry about him though, apparently it’s: water off [...]

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]]> Joe Kinnear on TalkSport

Kinnear… Interviewed (Image: Mattythewhite)

Listen to Joe Kinnear on TalkSport after Newcastle’s new Director of Football took part in a telephone interview on the radio station last night (Monday).

Sometimes ranting, Kinnear rebutted the negative reaction to his appointment from the “snidey press” and sections of the Newcastle support.

Not to worry about him though, apparently it’s:

water off a duck’s arse

SCROLL DOWN FOR AUDIO

Responding to accusations of a lack of transfer dealing experience, Kinnear talks about his time at Wimbledon when there were:

no budgets no scouts

And also reminds us of some wonderfully vintage names that he bought and sold, including John Scales, Dean Holdsworth, Robbie Earle, Marcus Gayle, Keith Curle and goalkeeper Hans Segers.

Kinnear speaks of having refused to:

dance to the tune of the Geordie media

Apparently he’s meeting Newcastle manager Alan Pardew for lunch later today to discuss the “game-plan” with:

Pards

It is also blatantly clear that he will continue to struggle with the pronunciation of his players’ names this season.

Listen to the full Joe Kinnear on TalkSport interview/rant below:

Want more Kinnear? Check out our round-up of the best Joe Kinnear jokes after his appointment as the Newcastle United Director of Football.

Enjoy AUDIO: Joe Kinnear on TalkSport and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/updates/audio-joe-kinnear-on-talksport/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/updates/audio-joe-kinnear-on-talksport/ VIDEO: Ben Nevis Celtic huddle http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/f_zpgyd78ms/ http://footballburp.com/updates/video-ben-nevis-celtic-huddle/#comments Tue, 18 Jun 2013 02:00:47 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10072 A Ben Nevis Celtic huddle took place on Saturday, after a group of fans got together on top of the British mountain. See the very high huddle, taking place at 4408ft, that was organised by the Celtic Charity in its 125th year to raise funds for their 1254125 campaign. The charity focus on “improving the [...]

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]]> The Ben Nevis Celtic huddle

Celtic fans… Chilly (Image: YouTube/William Mulholland)

A Ben Nevis Celtic huddle took place on Saturday, after a group of fans got together on top of the British mountain.

See the very high huddle, taking place at 4408ft, that was organised by the Celtic Charity in its 125th year to raise funds for their 1254125 campaign.

The charity focus on “improving the lives of the poorest and most vulnerable people all over the world” and the 1254125 campaign challenges participants to raise £125 for the cause.

Watch the Ben Nevis Celtic huddle below:

Thanks to Wikipedia, we know that:

Ben Nevis [or Beinn Nibheis] is the highest mountain in the British Isles. Standing at 1,344 metres (4,409 ft) above sea level, it is located at the western end of the Grampian Mountains in the Lochaber area of the Scottish Highlands, close to the town of Fort William.

… and that:

The mountain is a popular destination attracting an estimated 100,000 ascents a year, around three-quarters of which use the Pony Path from Glen Nevis. The 700-metre (2,300 ft) cliffs of the north face are among the highest in the United Kingdom, providing classic scrambles and rock climbs of all difficulties for climbers and mountaineers. They are also the principal locations in the UK for ice climbing.

The summit, which is the collapsed dome of an ancient volcano, features the ruins of an observatory which was continuously staffed between 1883 and 1904. The meteorological data collected during this period are still important for understanding Scottish mountain weather. C. T. R. Wilson was inspired to invent the cloud chamber after a period spent working at the observatory.

Find out more about the Celtic Charity events planned for the 1254125 campaign.

Enjoy VIDEO: Ben Nevis Celtic huddle and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/updates/video-ben-nevis-celtic-huddle/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/updates/video-ben-nevis-celtic-huddle/ VIDEO: Matze Knop’s José Mourinho interview http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/4pKVnu5AP9E/ http://footballburp.com/updates/video-matze-knop-jose-mourinho-interview/#comments Tue, 18 Jun 2013 02:00:42 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10077 Comedian Matze Knop managed to get a Mourinho interview, while assuming the character of German football legend Franz Beckenbauer or Kultkaiser. The interview takes place in the tunnel after Michael Ballack’s testimonial match earlier this month which pitted the imperious Friends of Ballack (or Ballack & Friends according to some reports) against a World Selection, [...]

Enjoy VIDEO: Matze Knop’s José Mourinho interview and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> Matze Knop Jose Mourinho Interview

Mourinho… Interviewed (Image: YouTube/Matze Knop)

Comedian Matze Knop managed to get a Mourinho interview, while assuming the character of German football legend Franz Beckenbauer or Kultkaiser.

The interview takes place in the tunnel after Michael Ballack’s testimonial match earlier this month which pitted the imperious Friends of Ballack (or Ballack & Friends according to some reports) against a World Selection, managed by José Mourinho himself.

The Special One responds to the questions with an endearing openness and talks about the possibility of coming to Germany (no), why he prefers the weather in England rather than Spain, the secret of his success and much more.

Watch the full Matze Knop José Mourinho interview below:

The testimonial game ended 4-3 to the “world selection”, but it’s hard to tell if Ballack was on the winning team as he scored twice for Friends of Ballack and then switched sides before scoring another.

Take a look at the squads!

World XI: Jens Lehmann, Roman Weidenfeller, Emmanuel Adebayor, Dimitar Berbatov, Ricardo Carvalho, Ferreira da Rosa Emerson, Michael Essien, Lothar Matthäus, Florent Malouda, Philipp Lahm, Pavel Nedved, Pavel Kuka, Andrei Shevchenko, Mehdi Mahdavikia, Didier Drogba

Coach: José Mourinho

Friends of Ballack: René Adler, Pascal Zuberbühler , Torsten Frings, Patrick Glöckner, Dietmar Hamann, Ingo Hertzsch, Carsten Jancker, Ulf Kirsten, Miroslav Klose, Olaf Marschall, Per Mertesacker, Andreas “Zecke” Neuendorf, Oliver Neuville, Hasan Salihamidžic, Bernd Schneider, Michael Schumacher, André Schürrle, Sidney Sam, Alexander Tetzner, Christian Wörns

Coach: Rudi Völler

Enjoy VIDEO: Matze Knop’s José Mourinho interview and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/updates/video-matze-knop-jose-mourinho-interview/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/updates/video-matze-knop-jose-mourinho-interview/ Joe Kinnear appointment so bizarre it merits second story http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/oB8mj2_vVCI/ http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-appointment-so-bizarre-it-merits-second-story/#comments Tue, 18 Jun 2013 02:00:28 +0000 Jonny Abrams http://footballburp.com/?p=10086 Newcastle United’s appointment of Joe Kinnear as director of football is so bizarre that it merits a second consecutive news story, the world has confirmed. In the absence of anything else happening, at all, except that Confederations Cup thing, human beings on Earth have been all atwitter with incredulous dialogue pertaining to the Magpies’ decision [...]

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]]> Wimbledon at Plough Lane

Back to the good old days (Image: Steve Daniels)

Newcastle United’s appointment of Joe Kinnear as director of football is so bizarre that it merits a second consecutive news story, the world has confirmed.

In the absence of anything else happening, at all, except that Confederations Cup thing, human beings on Earth have been all atwitter with incredulous dialogue pertaining to the Magpies’ decision to welcome back someone who’s such a football dinosaur that he once managed a team that doesn’t even exist anymore.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the Toon Army faithful, shirtless, expressed their disapproval at the club’s latest transparent attempt to wind them up into a spluttering Sky Sports News wet dream of a frenzy.

They chorused: “First they sack Bobby Robson for no apparent reason. Then they replace him with Graeme Souness. Then they replace Graeme Souness with Glenn Roeder. Then they replace Glenn Roeder with Sam Allardyce.

“Then they bring Kevin Keegan back from being chryogenically frozen. Ditto Joe Kinnear, who they actually found mounted on a mammoth after taking to a large block of ice with a hairdryer.

“Then they appoint a Match of the Day pundit to take us down. Then they ask Dennis Wise to conduct all our transfer business. Then they change the name of the stadium to the F*** the Lot of You Arena.

“Then they sacked Chris Hughton and replaced him with Alan Pardew. Alan Pardew. ALAN PARDEW.”

They added, huddled and shivering: “Alan Pardew…Alan Pardew…Alan Pardew…”

Speaking exclusively to anyone within an eighty-mile radius, Kinnear defiantly called everyone a **** and emptied a string bag of footballs onto the ground in front of him.

He said: “****ing hit it long to Deano and Fash, alright you ****s?

“****ing stick it in the ****ing mixer and **** the **** out of **** **** and ****ing ****.

“Vinnie will take care of the rest.”

Enjoy Joe Kinnear appointment so bizarre it merits second story and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-appointment-so-bizarre-it-merits-second-story/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-appointment-so-bizarre-it-merits-second-story/ The best Joe Kinnear jokes after Newcastle Director of Football appointment http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/7slMCC_tF-8/ http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-joe-kinnear-jokes-after-newcastle-director-of-football-appointment/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 19:58:25 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10082 Newcastle United fans have been left in shock after the announcement that Joe Kinnear will be returning to the club as Director of Football. Working alongside manager Alan Pardew, it’s not quite clear exactly what role he’ll play but is likely to have considerable influence over transfer policy. Whatever happens, it’s sure to be a [...]

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]]> Joe Kinnear, the subject of Joe Kinnear jokes after Newcastle Director of Football appointment

Kinnear… Director of Football jokes (Image: Mattythewhite)

Newcastle United fans have been left in shock after the announcement that Joe Kinnear will be returning to the club as Director of Football.

Working alongside manager Alan Pardew, it’s not quite clear exactly what role he’ll play but is likely to have considerable influence over transfer policy.

Whatever happens, it’s sure to be a bumpy and humorous ride on the Mike Ashley-controlled Newcastle roller-coaster.

Geordie fans have been reacting to the unexpected news on Twitter and we have the best Joe Kinnear jokes for you right here:

Enjoy The best Joe Kinnear jokes after Newcastle Director of Football appointment and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-joe-kinnear-jokes-after-newcastle-director-of-football-appointment/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-joe-kinnear-jokes-after-newcastle-director-of-football-appointment/ Football Tweets of the Weekend: Ferdinand, Lineker, Emmanuel-Thomas and many more! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/OwVCFS0ylhc/ http://footballburp.com/magazine/tweets-of-the-weekend-ferdinand-lineker-emmanuel-thomas-and-many-more/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:00:54 +0000 Jonny Abrams http://footballburp.com/?p=10044 It’s our Weekend Tweets of the Football! No, wait – it’s our Football Tweets of the Weekend! Take it away, footballing weekend tweeters! Father’s Day Gift of the Weekend The sister of Jake Howells, Luton Town My sister's fathers day present to my dad ❤ pic.twitter.com/sieDynLBH6 — jake howells (@jakehowells) June 16, 2013 Point of [...]

Enjoy Football Tweets of the Weekend: Ferdinand, Lineker, Emmanuel-Thomas and many more! and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> Zac Thompson and friends

Zac Thompson and chums may look happy but there’s evil in those eyes (Image: @ZacThompson23)

It’s our Weekend Tweets of the Football!

No, wait – it’s our Football Tweets of the Weekend! Take it away, footballing weekend tweeters!

Father’s Day Gift of the Weekend

The sister of Jake Howells, Luton Town

Point of Order of the Weekend

Gary Lineker, Match of the Day

Public Speaker of the Weekend

Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United

Children of the Corn of the Weekend

Zac Thompson, Leeds United and friends

Queen Mother Impression of the Weekend

John Oster, ex-Everton, Reading and Sunderland

Bon Viveur of the Weekend

Leon Clowes, Wrexham

Art Lover of the Weekend

Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Ipswich Town

Non-Story of the Weekend

Manchester City

Priorities of the Weekend

Moses Ashikodi, Ebbsfleet United and Aaron O’Connor, Newport County

Philosophies of the Weekend

Albert Camus and Harry Redknapp

“Am I Right, Folks?” of the Weekend

James Hurst, Valur

Bird-Spotter of the Weekend

Marco Gabbiadini, ex-Derby County and Sunderland

-itis of the Weekend

Harry Cornick, Bournemouth

Self-Congratulation of the Weekend

Clark Robertson, Aberdeen

Charity Appeal of the Weekend

Lee Peacock, Eastleigh

Legend of the Weekend

George Best

Legend of the Weekend II

Gabriel Zakuani, Peterborough United

Tune in on Friday for our Football Tweets of the Week!

Enjoy Football Tweets of the Weekend: Ferdinand, Lineker, Emmanuel-Thomas and many more! and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/magazine/tweets-of-the-weekend-ferdinand-lineker-emmanuel-thomas-and-many-more/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/magazine/tweets-of-the-weekend-ferdinand-lineker-emmanuel-thomas-and-many-more/ The best ‘Manchester City scouting database hacked’ jokes http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/evmwU0m4OTw/ http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-manchester-city-scouting-database-hacked-jokes/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:00:52 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10060 We have the best ‘Manchester City scouting database hacked’ jokes for you, right here. Football has been (sort of) rocked by allegations that a rival club have hacked Manchester City’s “scouting database”. But there’s humour to be found in every situation, so here we go: City scouting network hacked lol as if no one has [...]

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]]> One of the best 'Manchester City scouting database hacked' jokes

Hacking… Joke (Image: Twitter/chelsea_wbafc)

We have the best ‘Manchester City scouting database hacked’ jokes for you, right here.

Football has been (sort of) rocked by allegations that a rival club have hacked Manchester City’s “scouting database”.

But there’s humour to be found in every situation, so here we go:

Enjoy The best ‘Manchester City scouting database hacked’ jokes and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-manchester-city-scouting-database-hacked-jokes/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/magazine/the-best-manchester-city-scouting-database-hacked-jokes/ VIDEO: Fans sing through the tears after Independiente relegation http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/BEBKiSGA19I/ http://footballburp.com/updates/video-fans-sing-through-the-tears-after-independiente-relegation/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:00:47 +0000 Tom Joseph http://footballburp.com/?p=10047 The Independiente relegation has finally happened. For the first time in the club’s illustrious 108-year history, Independiente have been relegated from Argentina’s Primera División after a 1-0 loss at home to San Lorenzo on Sunday. Two years ago River Plate were relegated, leading to violent clashes in Buenos Aires in which one fan died. As [...]

Enjoy VIDEO: Fans sing through the tears after Independiente relegation and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> Tearful fans after Independiente relegation

Independiente… Tearful (Image: YouTube/Studio Futbol)

The Independiente relegation has finally happened. For the first time in the club’s illustrious 108-year history, Independiente have been relegated from Argentina’s Primera División after a 1-0 loss at home to San Lorenzo on Sunday.

Two years ago River Plate were relegated, leading to violent clashes in Buenos Aires in which one fan died.

As the result at Independiente’s Estadio Libertadores de América became clear however, desolate fans remained peaceful and sang in support of their team.

Watch the emotional seasons below:

… roughly translated as:

I am well, and I’m screaming I love you to death…

Boca Juniors are now the only Argentine “grande” never to have been relegated.

Manchester City’s Argentinian striker Sergio Agüero expressed his support for the Red Devils:

… roughly translated as:

I said it when it happened to River Plate and reiterate it today. The grandes always come back! Always red in my heart. Today more than ever!

Independiente will now want to repeat River’s feat of becoming B Nacional champions on their first season.

Enjoy VIDEO: Fans sing through the tears after Independiente relegation and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/updates/video-fans-sing-through-the-tears-after-independiente-relegation/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/updates/video-fans-sing-through-the-tears-after-independiente-relegation/ Joe Kinnear makes shock return to mispronouncing French names http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/603RsA4qxCs/ http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-makes-shock-return-to-mispronouncing-french-names/#comments Mon, 17 Jun 2013 02:00:00 +0000 Jonny Abrams http://footballburp.com/?p=10048 Newcastle United have confirmed the appointment of Joe Kinnear as Director of Making a Right Bleedin’ Hash of French Footballers’ Names on a three-year deal. Kinnear, ‘kin ‘ell, was previously employed by the club as media relations officer/first team manager for the 2008-09 season, which ended with the Magpies sinking to a widely chortled-at relegation [...]

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]]> Joe Kinnear

Kinnear… ‘Kin ‘ell

Newcastle United have confirmed the appointment of Joe Kinnear as Director of Making a Right Bleedin’ Hash of French Footballers’ Names on a three-year deal.

Kinnear, ‘kin ‘ell, was previously employed by the club as media relations officer/first team manager for the 2008-09 season, which ended with the Magpies sinking to a widely chortled-at relegation under the stewardship of revolutionary Match of the Day pundit Alan Shearer.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Kinnear said he couldn’t turn down the opportunity of returning to St James’s Park in order to make an absolute pig’s ear of pronouncing the names of players hailing from the unitary semi-presidential republic known as France and the colonial empire of its erstwhile rule, not to mention taking up the managerial hot seat once again when Alan Pardew gets sacked sometime around, ooh, let’s say October.

He roared: “Which one of you is Football Burp? Is it you? You’re a ****.

“By which I mean, of course, that I feel a great deal of excitement when I look at the squad that Graham Carr has assembled here: Yohan Cabrank, Pappy Seesaw, Hatter Ben Arfpint, Yo-Anne Goofro.

“Sylvo Marvello, Cheeky Tiatto, Gabby Orangutan, Massexodo Haidaraobriain, Meddly Abbey, Matty Bedouchey, Gael Biggiesmalls, Dan Gosling.”

“And that Romain Amalfi Coast…Romain Amalvitamintablet…Romain Amaloutofideas…gah, whatsisname?”

He added: “You know. The French one.”

Brian Balsawood, a Newcastle fan from Tynemouth, said: “There’s a joke in ‘ere somewhere! Boom boom!

“Seriously though, like, I’m gutted.”

Enjoy Joe Kinnear makes shock return to mispronouncing French names and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-makes-shock-return-to-mispronouncing-french-names/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/news/joe-kinnear-makes-shock-return-to-mispronouncing-french-names/ Football Tweets of the Week: Ronaldo, Özil, Malouda, Michu and more! http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/FootballBurp/~3/F6jx1dwjuv0/ http://footballburp.com/magazine/football-tweets-of-the-week-ronaldo-ozil-malouda-michu-and-more/#comments Fri, 14 Jun 2013 02:00:34 +0000 Jonny Abrams http://footballburp.com/?p=10036 Like football? Like tweets? Like weeks? See where we’re going with this? It’s…Football Tweets of the Week! Take it away, footballers! “You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get” of the Week Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid and Jack Grealish, Aston Villa All the news about my renewal with Real Madrid are false. — Cristiano Ronaldo (@Cristiano) June [...]

Enjoy Football Tweets of the Week: Ronaldo, Özil, Malouda, Michu and more! and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> Costa Rican pineapple

Pineapple… Costa Rican (Image: @blue_scouse)

Like football? Like tweets? Like weeks?

See where we’re going with this? It’s…Football Tweets of the Week! Take it away, footballers!

“You Don’t Ask, You Don’t Get” of the Week

Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid and Jack Grealish, Aston Villa

Sadly Since Deleted Tweet of the Week

Stan Collymore, ex-Aston Villa, Liverpool and Nottingham Forest

Stan Collymore eggs tweet

Football Burpsays: We saw the picture, and they were.

Competition Winner of the Week

Thomas Myhre, ex-Everton

“Hurry Up and Sign for Another Team, Daddy!” of the Week

Florent Malouda’s daughter

Reading Too Much Into It of the Week

Paul Hayward, Telegraph

Shopper of the Week

Neil Etheridge, Fulham

“The Whacky World of…” of the Week

Michu, Swansea City

Rallying Cry of the Week

Chico Flores, Swansea City

Defiance of the Week

Chloe Macdonald, daughter of Burton Albion’s Alex

TV Critic of the Week

Lee Molyneux, Accrington Stanley

Fruity Tribute of the Week

This guy, to Everton’s Costa Rica international Bryan Oviedo

Wheel of Cundy of the Week

Jason Cundy, ex-Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur

Football Burpsays: Wheeeeel of Cundyyyy!

Disenfranchisement of the Week

Jorell Johnson, Watford youth

Romantic of the Week

Mesut Özil, Real Madrid

History Lesson of the Week

Gabriel Zakuani, Peterborough United

Tune in on Monday for our Football Tweets of the Weekend!

Enjoy Football Tweets of the Week: Ronaldo, Özil, Malouda, Michu and more! and more football news and gossip at Football Burp.

]]> http://footballburp.com/magazine/football-tweets-of-the-week-ronaldo-ozil-malouda-michu-and-more/feed/ 0 http://footballburp.com/magazine/football-tweets-of-the-week-ronaldo-ozil-malouda-michu-and-more/