In any case, the power is on, The Danchise is back from his hurricane bunker in an undisclosed location out of state, and we’re bringing you a brand new podcast to thank you for your patience. (We’re also doing it because that’s just sort of what we do, but that point is neither here nor there.)

In this week’s episode: Terry Bradshaw is a racist numbnuts, the Chiefs do terrible things because they are terrible and Bill Belichick may or may not be overrated. All that, plus HOUSE, Week 10 picks and Brandon Weeden’s colon! Try not to puke, Lunatics.

Oh, and the podcast will also be up shortly on WebTalkRadio.net, if you prefer that means of retrieval.

The post New Podcast: Week 9 Recap appeared first on Football Ranters.

Beyond the exploits of Misters Sherman and Willis, in this week’s episode we also get into the idiocy of firing the coordinator of your best unit, the ineptitude of a certain quarterback who plays in San Diego, the Stooge-like exploits of special teams in Tampa Bay and what happens when you drive like a derailed freight trains through the streets of Pittsburgh. All that, plus some maybe relevant Week 7 picks! All for you, Lunatics.

The post New Podcast: U MAD BRO? (Week 6 Recap) appeared first on Football Ranters.

“I’m going through and evaluating our football team, both coaches and players. [Firing defensive coordinator Juan Castillo] is one of the moves, and we’ll see where this goes from here.”

-Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles’ head coach

“Sometimes you have to blame yourself. You can’t try and always point the figure at someone else.”

-Asante Samuel, current Atlanta Falcons and former Philadelphia Eagles’ cornerback

PICK SIXES AND TWITTER SMACK!  THAT’S WHAT ASANTE SAMUEL DOES!

But seriously, firing the defensive coordinator of the #12 defense in the NFL when the offense ranks 31st in the NFL is about as cowardly as it gets.  Talk about the epitome of, “well I can’t fire myself, so let’s try this instead!”  Philly fans have a well documented love-hate relationship with Andy Reid, but I’ve always respected the Big Walrus.  Until now, that is.  This move reeks of such ‘cover your ass’ garbage that Andy Reid should be fired for that alone.

The post Quote of the Day: Bonus Two For Tuesday! appeared first on Football Ranters.

-Brandon Spikes, New England Patriots’ Linebacker

Listen man, I feel you.  We’ve all been there.  One moment you’re out at a party, having fun, throwing back a few beers, laughing with your friends.  Next minute: BOOM!  You wake up, there are gays in your bathtub, spiders have eaten your girlfriend and you don’t know which way is up.  All you care about is getting out of there before the gays throw their magic homo-glitter at you and turn you into Wes Welker at the Kentucky Derby.

Seen it a thousand times.  What a tragic story.

The post Quote of the Day appeared first on Football Ranters.

That point is this: we fucked up  not having a podcast last week. I don’t know how, I don’t why and I don’t know who, but it happened. Ranter & I definitely recorded a podcast, but for whatever reason, it did not make it’s way to you, the listeners. For that, you have our apologies.

But also, beyond out apologies, you also have a new podcast, along with last week’s missing episode! Both are below for your listening pleasure, and we’ll continue to post podcasts here going forward, as well as on WebTalkRadio.net. That way we have a backup plan when things go awry…unlike the Kansas City Chiefs, who have only Brady Quinn and a rabbit’s foot keychain.

Enjoy, Lunatics. And forgive us.

The post New Podcast: Week 5 Recap (Plus, That Missing Week 4 Recap Podcast!) appeared first on Football Ranters.

-Mike Shanahan, Washington Redskins’ head coach

“If I made decisions right after a game, I’d fire myself basically every week, amiright haha??”

“But seriously, it’s the only way I get through the day.”

-Non-published Shanahan quotes

The post Quote of the Day appeared first on Football Ranters.

-Mike Tice, Chicago Bears’ offensive coordinator

This after numerous hilarious gifs were posted of the emotastic Jay Cutler running away from Mike Tice at warp speed during Monday night’s game.  I love how this quote makes the 6’7 Tice seem likes he’s the abused spouse of Jay Cutler in a homoerotic sadomasochist relationship.  “Jay and I are good, really!”  “He didn’t mean to hit me in public, it was just an emotional moment!”  “In fact I like that!  Jay smacks my ass and I like it!  No one gets to see that though, because the tapes are private.”  “But seriously, if you want to watch Jay dominate my submissive-catcher ass, just let me know.  We’ve got the tapes.”

The post Quote of the Day appeared first on Football Ranters.

-Leroy Harris, Tennessee Titans’ guard

HATE HATE HATE HATE!  Now this is inspired hate.  I want everyone to look to this as an example of exactly how hating is supposed to be done.  For those that don’t know, Texans’ defensive end JJ Watt leads the NFL in sacks with 7.5.  He is in just his second year in the NFL.  He has been an absolute force from the moment he entered the league.  He even had two sacks in yesterday’s game against the Titans.  Considering the fact that if a defensive player were to average two sacks per game over the course of a season, he would shatter the all time single season sack record (22.5 by Michael Strahan).  On this pace, JJ Watt is demolishing that record.  And yet, Leroy Harris says that Watt isn’t anything special. Awesome.  Just absolutely top-notch hating.  This man went to the Ice-T school of hate.  I bet Leroy Harris hates on oxygen for taking up so much space everywhere.

PS- Incidentally, other things that Leroy Harris believes to be true:

-Japan won World War II except for those two bombs.

-George W. Bush was a great president except for those two wars.

-The Patriots always beat the Giants except for those two Super Bowls.

The post Quote of the Day appeared first on Football Ranters.

-Roger Goodell

Right, which is why the owners have stepped forward to apologize for their role in Refpocalypse 2012 as well.  Oops, no, they sent their lackey Goodell out to do it for them.  Every one of those billionaire shits should apologize to the fans personally.  Basically we should all just demand of the owners what William Wallace demanded of King Longshanks in Braveheart.

Oh yea, and they should give us some of their money too.  That’s a big one.

The post Quote of the Day appeared first on Football Ranters.

Lunatics, if you’re anything like me, your fantasy team is already an atrocious poop stain that has no shot of winning anything. And if so, you’re in luck! Our guest this week is Matt Reinsch from OptimizedFantasySports.com, and he has developed a powerful decision making tool to help you draft better next season. There’s hope for you yet!

Also, as you might expect, we’re going to be talking just a weeeee bit about that embarrassment of a cock block in Seattle, plus You Fucking Suck, HOUSE and our Week 3 picks. Don’t put any money down until you hear this, Lunatics.

Like our podcasts, fantasy rankings, quotes of the day and other arbitrarily vulgar content? To get it faster, check out our various other media channels: Twitter, Facebook, iTunes and our RSS Feed.

The post New Podcast: Simultaneous Ranting (Week 3 Recap) appeared first on Football Ranters.