Footcrank

The greatest NASCAR prayer EVER. Now autotuned.

2011-09-21T21:35:00.001-07:00

Monday and Thursday Night Lights

2010-09-29T21:20:00.000-07:00

High School football on Friday night, an American tradition.

But there is so much more high school football action throughout the week. There is Monday night, when JV (Junior Varsity) takes the field. And there is the splendor of Thursday night, when the Freshmen square off on the gridiron.

Unfortunately for these young men, all the glory is saved for Friday night. Mondays and Thursdays only seem to attract a few parents into the stands; maybe a girlfriend or two. Most of the stadium remains closed. A stay at home mom might volunteer to open the concession stand, offering only prepacked food items and sodas. Even the cheerleaders (if there are any) seem bored and oblivious to the game or anything else for that matter.

This is a shame. I have seen some awesome action, like a tall goofy kid getting a helmet to the balls. Then there was the overzealous mom who went out on the field, to yell at a kid on the other team, for hitting her kid too hard. And my all time favorite, two Freshmen, in the midst of tackling, manged to yank each others pants off. Those two may have needed to spend more time on fundamentals.

Monday and Thursday night lights, where the real high school football action is.

It ain't over yet!

2010-09-14T19:39:00.000-07:00

I am a long time resident of South Carolina, but have never really been a fan of college sports. In the recent victory the Gamecocks stunned the Ole Miss Rebels 41-13. I work with many people that are graduates of The University of South Carolina. I was accosted by one overzealous fan describing down by down of the victory flailing arms overhead and spitting Levi Garrett juice near my feet. That is why I hate talking to the secretary -- she is so out of control.

So it's great that they won. But it is hard for me to be happy or jump on the bandwagon being that this is only one victory. In my life so many other things have ended in disappointment, and I know the Gamecocks will only break my heart too.

Who won that damn NASCAR race?

2010-09-11T18:54:00.000-07:00

Like most old-school NASCAR fans; attending a race can present a curious problem.

First, I spend at least $65 for a ticket. I usually have to buy at least two; the wife likes to watch 'em go fast herself. Then I end up paying $20 to park. But this is still not the expensive part of the whole race day extravaganza. The liquor store tab is a bitch. Car racing and drinking go hand and hand, like pizza and cheese. If you don't subscribe to that nugget of truth, then I suggest you drive your Honda minivan right past the racetrack and go drink a French bottled water.

So I am down $250 of my hard earned dollars, just to go see a car race.

It is required that I be "drunker than hell" before the green flag waves for the first time. As the race progresses, my blood alcohol levels reach terrifying heights. New friends are made among other patrons in the stands, as well as short term enemies. At a good race, one should use the phrase "I'll whoop your damn ass" at least twice. Thus a hillbilly state of nirvana is reached, fueled by car exhaust and hard liquor.

Then as suddenly as it started the race ends and a hundred thousand drunk bastards attempt to drive like their favorite driver, to their home. Personally, I rely on pure divine intervention to get home.

The next morning I wake up with the roar of 43 eight-cylinder engines still pounding in my brain. Around my third cup of coffee I realize I have no idea who won the damn race. I have to call somebody, who stayed home and watched the race on TV. "Hey man! Who won that damn race?"

Foot to the crank.....

2010-09-10T09:48:00.000-07:00

Other silly sports pics where we found this one.

Seriously, how did this particular footcrank situation happen? Worst case scenario of a white guy trying to victory dance? What do you think? Leave it in the comments.

Wait, the US Open has to break up fights now?

2010-09-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize they were serving knuckle sandwiches and shooters at the US Open!

via Buttermouth

Mercy rule in college football?

2010-09-07T09:25:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm not sayin' a 50-0 win isn't a win. And I'm not sayin' it doesn't help the ego. But golly, we gotta really kick 'em in the crank?

Update: Yes. Yes we do. Foot to the crank is allowed.

Go team go!

2010-09-04T21:03:00.001-07:00

How fast would you run for six figures?