Is My Child Being Bullied?

Bully Buster

2012-12-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

Provide Your Child The Needed Help Against Bullying

Most bullies are very careful thinkers and are sensitive to those around them as they are usually able to identify the most like and suitable target before making their move.

They usually pick on individuals who lack assertiveness and radiate a clear aura of fear and uncertainty that immediately presents the ideal picture of being a target.

A good percentage of bullies eventually evolve into fairly normal grownups but yet they are still very much capable of being assertive when the occasion calls for such a display.

However there are the odd few who tend to take things too far and even as adults are unable to act and rationalize things in a civil manner thus becoming a nuisance and a threat to society at large.

The National Youth Violence Prevention Center estimates that 5.7 million children in the United States are involved in bullying each year, either as a victim or perpetrator. As many as 160,000 students skip school every day because they fear bullying, according to The Journal of the American Medical Association.

What is Bullying?

Every parent remembers the bullies from their own school years, the brutish boys or mean girls who could make another child’s life a living hell.

That kids can be mean hasn’t changed. But two things have: the ease and anonymity of the Internet, which has made cyber bullying take off, and high-profile school shootings and suicides that have made it harder for schools and parents to dismiss bullying simply as an unavoidable rite of passage.

In addition, we’ve learned“the long-term effects of school bullying,” says Carlisle, who was bullied himself as a youth. “Many people who were bullied in school have significant difficulty with relationships in adult life and suffer from depression and anxiety.”

Bullying can take several forms, but all tend to involve repeated instances, an imbalance of power, the intent to harm and a threat of future harm.

For Our Kids Parenting and Co-Parenting services addresses these issues and so much more on problems such as:

Physical bullying – From tripping and hair-pulling to punching and stealing money, physical bullying is what many parents commonly think of as bullying.

Verbal bullying – Threatening, taunting, name-calling and slurs all fall in this category.

Relational bullying – This type of bullying, which disrupts peer relationships through gossip, rumors and more, is more common among girls. Being publicly embarrassed, ostracized or shunned can be just as hurtful as physical violence.

Cyber bullying – From threatening e-mails and text messages to embarrassing websites and social-networking posts, the Internet has given bullies a slew of new tricks. And experts fear that the anonymity of cyber bullying means more kids are likely to bully online and to be meaner when they do.

Many parents are asking the question, what is it as a parent I can do to help my child who is being bullied?

Marianne was involved enough with her daughter’s life that she eventually became aware of what was going on. Other parents aren’t as lucky. But experts say that no matter what your circumstances, talking often with your child about school or spending time there yourself as a volunteer are good ways to get a sense of what’s going on.

Here are some suggested strategies:

If you suspect your child may be the victim of a bully, try asking open-ended questions – “What was the best thing that happened today?” “What was the worst?” You can also ask direct questions about bullying, whether it occurs at school and whether your child has witnessed or experienced it. (See 5 Warning Signs that Your Child is Being Bullied) If your child says she’s being bullied, thank her for having the courage to tell you. Be a good listener, tell her it’s not her fault, validate her feelings, and ask her what would help her feel safer.

In our series entitled "The Bully Buster" we will attempt to answer these questions and more. Join us in this journey of discovering new and positive ways you as the parent can help your child deal with this sensitive subject. We welcome you to visit our website at:

http://www.4ourkids.org for additional resources. There you will learn new ideas, as well as proven solutions in helping your children deal with the many problems they are facing at home and school. For the small cost of $7.00 you can order the e-Book called “The Bullying Buster.” This is a great book on how to recognize bullying through signs and symptoms, gender differences, and how to effectively intervene. This book will cover subjects such as:

Bullying Basics
Teach Your Child To Speak To An Adult
Solo Children Are Targets
Can Your Child Benefit From Self Defense Classes
Speak To School Officials
Teach Composure And Confidence
The Importance Of Teaching Your Child Not To Bully

As an added bonus, you will receive a free eBook entitled “Teen Weight Loss.”

Call to register now at 1- (757) 327-0481. We will be happy to assist you through both education and life experiences. Email us at: forourkids1st@aol.com. Visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org. Need some one on one training? Chat with me at: http://imlive.com/waitingroom1ms.asp?hostnick=AskLinda

Recognizing and Managing Your Child’s Anger

2012-03-20T20:10:00.003-07:00

Yelling. Fighting. Hitting. Tantrums. Biting. Sounds familiar? They are typical behaviors of quick-to-anger children. Often we look for symptoms to show by outside behavior, overlooking intense feelings held on the inside. Unreleased anger and pent-up frustrations can lead to anxiety and even depression. If you are concerned over your child's aggressive behavior, or notice signs of depression, experts suggest that you...

Pay attention. “Kids do notice whether or not adults seem to care about teasing and bullying. If adults don’t seem to care, bullying increases,” says psychologist Michael Thompson, Ph.D., a best-selling author on the social lives of children.
Show your concern.

Let kids know what you’re observing, ask questions, respond to changes in behavior and point out inappropriately aggressive talk and behavior.

Consider the motivation. “What purpose is the bullying serving?” Is this about insecurity? Overexposure to aggressive influences? Are parents or others showing nonverbal approval of these child's toughness"?

Model the values you want to see in your kids. “One of the most powerful and consistent findings in psychology is that children imitate adult role models,” Thompson says. What are your children learning from the way you resolve differences with other adults or with kids? Is your tone bullying when you are mad? Alternatively, do your kids get to see you interact warmly in adult friendships?

For Our Kids Parenting and Co-Parenting Services understand your concerns. Our teen parenting class will provide you with the knowledge, tools and skills needed to parent effectively.

Call to register now at 1- (757) 327-0481. We will be happy to assist you through both education and life experiences. Email us at: forourkids1st@aol.com. Visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org. Need some one on one training? Chat with me at: http://imlive.com/waitingroom1ms.asp?hostnick=AskLinda

Conflict - Caught in the Middle

2012-01-28T18:16:00.001-08:00

Sometimes, there are situations and issues that make co-parenting, difficult or inappropriate. For some, the divorce or separation was accompanied with mental and physical abuse, substance abuse or protective orders and other high conflict issues, and then parallel parenting may be more effective.

For Our Kids Parenting and Co-Parenting Services understand that conflict with the other parent is bound to occur, but it doesn’t have to hurt your kids if you take steps to prevent it. Try to keep all arguments away from your kids, and don’t make negative comments about the other parent to your kids. If you treat communication between yourself and the other parent as a job, then conflict and arguments should be less likely to occur. The other parent may not approach parenting like you, but that doesn’t make their approach wrong – just different. Tolerance of these differences will go a long way toward reducing some of the conflicts, and it will help your child to see that you, and the other parent can still be respectful of each other.

Face the facts, if parents are high conflict, it may be in the best interest of the child to have less back and forth. It may be better to have one parent have the child for school and activities because the parents are too conflicted. The stakes are just too high to let the battle get in the way. Visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org and learn how to co-parent from a distance, when communication with the other co-parent is at “zero levels." Let us give you the parenting skills, parenting tools, resources, along with an easy to understand parenting plan, which will help you and your children during this time of transition.

The first step to implement Parallel Parenting is:

1. Disengage from the other parent

2. Learn to parent independently from the other parent

3. You don't want to rely on the other parent for your
information.

4. Resist telling the other parent how to parent

Bullying – A Growing Problem for Our Kids

2011-10-08T19:05:00.001-07:00

Approximately, half of U.S. students are impacted by bullying each school day. It happens on buses, in the cafeteria, gym, hallways, playground, and classroom. Children are often embarrassed or humiliated about being bullied are unlikely to discuss it with their parents or teachers and generally suffer in silence. Unless parents see the obvious signs such as physical marks, cuts, bruises and scrapes, they tend to think their children are out of danger. The old saying, “silence is golden,” is not always true. Sudden behavioral changes in your child such as not explaining the loss of toys, school supplies, clothing, lunches or money, could be a “loud” sign that there’s a problem.

Research indicates that children will often skip school because they fear being attacked or intimidated by other students. Make no mistake, bullying is an ongoing problem, and chances are that your kid could be next. Now is the time to learn some basic action steps to follow and empower yourself to effectively deal with your child's bullying problems at the school level.

One way to address this issue is through early intervention. Hearing about other kids in your child’s school, or reporting of the newspaper or on TV is an excellent way to approach the subject of bullying with your child. If you find out that your child is being bullied, create a plan to help keep him safe. This plan should include:

As much as possible hang out in groups.

Let your school know it you are being bullied at school.

Avoid areas that the bully is known to hang out.

Be aware of his surroundings, especially places that could be trouble, leave that spot and take a different route.

Need more advice on what to do as a parent if bullying escalates and becomes more serious? Email me at forourkids1st@aol.com, and share your thoughts and concerns. I have wonderful suggestions and tools that you can use today. Call us at 1-888-314-0003 or (757) 327-0481, “or visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org.

Single Parenting Tips

2011-06-11T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today, we are going to talk about this place we called home. For some children, this may no longer feel like a haven, a safe and healthy environment. With one parent absent in the home, the home is no longer a house, but a building. A building filled with fear, separation and confusion. It is our job as parents to let them know, that a home is not just a building, because a building can get burned down or destroyed, but instead it’s a place where they can find comfort in knowing that they are loved, cared for, and most important wanted. This can only happen if we as parents provide love, stability and structure to our kids, whether living together as partners, or from separate homes.

If there's a single group of people who are under appreciated more than any other group of people, it has to be single parents. While everyone knows being a parent is hard, being a single parent tends to be even harder. Not only do you have to play the roles of both parents, but you're financially responsible for a set of bills that are usually paid by two incomes. Here are three of the most common problems' single parents struggle with, along with tips and strategies on how to overcome them:

1. The Financial Challenges. When you have two people paying a mortgage of $1,400 or more a month, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. However, when one person is responsible for that kind of monthly payment, it becomes a big deal indeed. If you're having a hard time making your monthly housing payment, try downsizing to a smaller home, or if that's impossible, refinance over a longer period of time (or at a low interest rate, if possible).

Make sure you do what you can to cut your other monthly expenses as well. Clip coupons and shop the sales at your local grocery store, get an all-in-one phone, cable and high-speed Internet plan and try shopping Goodwill stores for your household needs. Believe it or not, Goodwill isn't just about used clothing. Stores donate brand new items to the Goodwill center, and you can get some really helpful household items for very little money. Even inexpensive computers for young children can be found there.

2. Finding Competent Child Care. Many single parents are at the mercy of the childcare opportunities available in their area. No one wants to leave her child in a childcare center that is anything but the best. The problem is that the best is also usually the most expensive. Call the different childcare centers in your area and compare charges and services offered. Ask each one for references and check to see if there are any financial assistance opportunities available like reduced-price lunches.

3. Gender Issues. A mom that is a single parent may have a hard time teaching her sons about the things a dad would normally cover, and a single father may have a hard time discussing female issues with his daughters. If there isn't a parental figure for your child to discuss gender-related issues with, you should enlist the help of a favorite aunt or uncle or a close family friend to act as a "surrogate parent" for your child. It may be easier for your child to open up to this other significant adult.

Need more great tips? Call us at 1-888-314-0003 or (757) 327-0481, “or visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org., and register to attend one of our classes today.

A New Beginning

2011-06-03T17:42:00.001-07:00

Remember the old saying, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?” Well, take it from me, with great resources and effective parenting tools you can. I treasure many of the values taught in my home as a child. Some, I have passed on to my daughter, and I have seen good outcomes. However, I have also passed on some unhealthy lessons, only to find it to be a roadblock, both for me and my daughter.

Many problems no doubt would have been prevented early on with my daughter, if I had better communication skills, or I looked for signs of early depression, as well as behavioral issues.

For active kids of today, you need proven techniques, taught by experts in the field of positive parenting. The methods I have taught to others are the same methods I applied in my home, and it works! (Yes, I learned “new tricks.”)

For Our Kids – Parenting and Co-Parenting classes will help you discover new ways and ideas in parenting and co-parent your children. Our comprehensive program provides real-life parenting solutions you can use today. You like myself, want your children to become well-adjusted, happy and productive from childhood until adults. This can happen if we are open to change, and ready for a new beginning in parenting our kids.

Call us at 1-888-314-0003 or (757) 327-0481, “or visit our website at: www.4ourkids.org.

Linda