For the Joy of It All

Privileges that we take for granted!!

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sun, 20 May 2012 12:36:00 +0000

I have been blessed to have born in a sovereign uncontrolled country, to have the right to study and to speak, a few privileges that I took for granted until I met her the other day.

Toefl was just a day away when she had run into me. She appeared edgy but it was baffling for me to see someone in a dither over a language test, especially a language we have been speaking since childhood. I tried consoling her that it was just a language test and all they test is the ability to convey our messages and comprehend others’ opinions successfully. Besides the level for a housewife isnt that high. It didn’t seem to calm her. She was also worried about her visa.

A little later, I was told that she was jittery owing to her past. She wasn’t as privileged to have normal education in her country. She came from Afghan where she witnessed people being butchered day in and day out. Her school friends were murdered in front of her and she had somehow managed to seek refuge in India just a few days ago. She was worried that she might be deported back to her country if she didn’t find a way to be with her husband in UK and Toefl was a prerequisite for that.

She told me that about a month ago, Taliban poisoned the drinking water in her school. When she saw her school friends dying of drinking the contaminated water, she was scared to death but had gathered enough courage to run away. A picture of a yellow school building with water taps at the other end came to my mind when she described the entire story to me. I could envision many small and middle-aged girls drinking water and falling unconscious within a few minutes. It was so disconcerting to hear the entire episode that I felt dizzy.

Though I have seen a few terrorist attacks, I have never been a victim to any. It also helped that none of the attacks have been detrimental to any of my dear ones. It was for the first time, I heard such a story first-hand. I could feel the blood pressure drop in my veins. But I didn’t know if there was anything I could do to change her past and to help the people currently battling the similar circumstances back in her country.

It was then all the privileges that have been bestowed upon came crashing down on me and led to an anguishing realisation that in some part of the world there are people who do not even have as much as the right to speak up or to get the basic education. There are people who are at someone else’s mercy to get a morsel of food and there isn’t much I can do to help.

Chemistry of Passion

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Thu, 17 May 2012 17:32:00 +0000

Is love just a physical sensation, a soulful reaction to fate, or an emotional connection built by history? What is the difference between lust, love, and like? Loving vs. Being-in-love?

I've been surrounded lately, by engaged friends. They look happy, relieved, worried, fearful, and excited. Some have been playing around like crazy, and then all of a sudden they stumbled upon somebody, and within 20 minutes, POOF! Off the market. Some have been holding back for a long time, and then finally got on their knees to the one they're with because, "it was time".

Then one couple told me, that she actually got down on her knees to him. Really!

So now I'm curious, how do you know it's time? When do you "Just Do It', and when do you hold on - what are you looking for? What is exactly the “Chemistry of Passion”?

Some people operate from lists, some people just Feel Something. What do you think most people do? What lasts longer? Getting someone who is the right choice, or someone you feel a passion for? How do the men choose?

1. He found a lady who fit his checklist - but the lady has a checklist of her own, he could not match both the checklists, so he had to give in.
2. He looked at his life and decided it was time - It wasn’t the time, it was lack of options, as too much of time was spent in understanding the one.
3. She decided to leave, so he got on his knees and proposed -- She was gonna leave any day… now, or after 15 years… so he had to get on his knees… today or maybe sometime in the future.. today seems to be the best day for all planets seem to be aligned.
4. He is in heat every time she comes around - The heat is both ways… he and she cover up the heat generated.
5. His parents and friends liked her - No comments on that
6. She makes him feel good, confident, like he can rule the world - and leaves when he starts ruling… pastures on the other side are always green.
7. He needs her for his business – wow! And I thought it was the other way round.

You spin my head right round right round till I go down on my knees :)

Somebody told me that they must be like the frogs of Sonoran Desert in Arizona. They stay underground 362 days of the year. When it finally rains for three days, they all come out at once - and due to the time limit, the rule is simple. Whatever is larger: leap away from, whatever is smaller: eat and whatever is the same size: mate with.

As per them, males too think in terms of season. There is mating season and then there is the time to plant a tree and father a son/toad/daughter and after a genetically fixed number of further mating seasons, it’s time to move on to greener pastures.

I believe that human beings connect on three levels: mental, emotional and physical.
The proportion of what one needs differs from person to person. Some need more emotional connections, while others fall for intellectual or physical qualities. That is why the process of finding somebody is probably unique. Some might feel comfortable spending a night together and then getting to know each other, while others will prefer to take time and need to get fascinated before the relationship will develop.

I would say lust is a physical desire without any mental or spiritual connection.
Love is a connection on three levels (in your own unique proportion).
Passion is something you feel when the mental and spiritual levels fit perfectly and you really want to belong to that person completely, without any borders, a desire to explore and discover all about that person.
Being in love is a nice feeling of finding some attractive features (need not be physical) in the other one and a wish to know more about that person.

In order to know if somebody is right or wrong for you, I guess you first have to be very sincere with yourselves regarding your own wishes. What do you want? What is important for you? What is the first step to attract your attention? Are you fascinated with the other person’s inner world or his/her looks?

And yes, like Paulo Coelho, I think there can be more than "one". The feelings and emotions evolve and change. I believe it is very important to know yourself very well and be completely sincere with yourself.

How do you know if that is "the one"? I believe you just know it. If it happens during the first minute or after ten years of being together depends largely on your character and your needs.

The best meetings in life in my opinion happen, when you stopped looking... Just enjoy every moment and all that life has in store for you will come your way.

Spring Cleaning

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 10:29:00 +0000

Making room for the new can be healing and therapeutic. Have you ever noticed how calm we feel when we create space in our home and get organized and our mind doesn’t race as much. In a way it’s a death and rebirth process. It works pretty much the same way when we clean out the cob-webs of our minds. How are we to allow new thoughts and ideas to come if we are holding on to the old thoughts?

In Buddhism, they talk a lot about non-attachment. We are creatures of habit and it is easy for us to become attached to things and thoughts. But, this attachment is an illusion. When we can see this, a new sense of freedom is found. Buddhists believe that attachment leads to suffering. Most of us try to grasp or hold onto things and thoughts to have a sense of control in our lives. Ultimately though, by trying to control, we end up losing control.

“Grasping at things can only yield one of the two results: Either the thing you are grasping at disappears, or you yourself disappear. It is only a matter of which occurs first.” Said Goenka once.

Sometimes, letting go is the only way forward!

Get Inspired!

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 16:08:00 +0000

Remember the last time you felt totally inspired by someone or something and in some way? It was a great feeling, wasn't it? And it made life feel a little bit better with that boost in faith.

Yesterday, I enjoyed one of those marvellous revelations of inspiration. And I've been seeing, hearing, or reading something that hits home in such an inspiring way from that point on.

I opened my personal email and a friend told me about having eye problems. She's already blind in one eye, and had some serious surgeries over the past couple of years with other health issues. Not once did she complain in her email -- just chatted as if it was no big deal.

Her philosophy is that patience allows the "cure" to any problem to more quickly manifest, and she looks beyond the present ordeals to the better side of things when all will be well again in life. Not "IF" things will be well and right . . . but "when." And she always focuses on that to be inspired, be happy, and never give up.

I felt inspired by her "attitude of gratitude" when she told me that down times prompt her to remember that there is always someone who has it worse somewhere. So even though this past year has been an emotionally rough one with things that seemed to just keep piling up one on top of the other . . . I realized that it's long past time to stop worrying and just put this in God's hands -- and leave it there! The very determined spirit within me was peeking its welcome presence out and saying, "Hey, did ya forget about me?"

The thing is, sometimes when we decide to put something in God's hands, we end up taking it back without even realizing we are doing it. That's what I've found myself doing over and over again.

I've never really been one to hang on to problems with such unhealthy strength in the way I have this past year. And I decided its time to be strong and determined in healthier ways -- not negative ones that are constantly filled with stress, worry, and "what if."

But there has been a lesson in all of this about how hard we may hang on to the things that are not good for us, which can impact how we handle other things in life that ARE good for us. Worry takes away joy. It serves no good or practical purpose. We all know this, but sometimes we neglect to remember it when we need to remember it most of all.

Little synchronicities appeared to me yesterday in those moments of revelation when I made a conscious decision to truly be me again and to make the choice to be happy every day, even in the face of some not-so-nice things in life. It's as if the Universe gave me a reminder, one after the other in a short amount of time, that this was the choice to stick with. No, of course I won't be happy "about" the bad stuff, but I will focus on everything else that I have to be so thankful for, and I'll search for the lesson that is there for me. It's a healthier, happy, and more productive way to live.

The first synchronicity occurred with my friend's email I mentioned above. REVITALIZE was the first word that came to my mind. Be our authentic selves and be inspired and enthusiastic about life and the goodness that is there, despite any problems that try to convince you otherwise.

The second one came about when I ran across an article "Top Five Regrets of the Dying." This was not a depressing article -- in fact, I found it to be quite inspiring. If you take a moment to read that article by Bronnie Ware, I think you, too, will be inspired to live your life authentically and not worry so much about the little things that don't matter in the long run.

Last but not least, I was lead to one of Ralph Marston's Great Day inspirations about being strong. His website is packed full of inspiration, and I highly recommend it!

Being strong

When times are tough, it’s tough to be positive. Yet that is your most powerful and effective choice.

When you’ve been knocked down, it’s tough to be sure of what to do next. Yet you can be sure that feeling sorry for yourself will make things even worse.

It’s hard to be strong when the challenges seem insurmountable. But the amazingly powerful fact is, you can be strong.

It is precisely because life can be so tough and painful that it can also be so beautiful and fulfilling. Those very challenges that seem so impossible to get through are what set the stage for a life that is magnificent beyond comprehension.

Life can be terribly unfair and difficult and demanding. And yet, against such a background, it is nearly impossible to imagine anything more beautiful and fulfilling than life itself.

Being strong in the face of difficulty is not a matter of training or ability. It is a choice you are free to make in every moment, and a choice that will bring immense value and goodness to your world.

— Ralph Marston

Amnesia

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 13:45:00 +0000

"Dire ethanol emergency here!!” I banged on the counter when we reached the store to pick up the life saving gears. Pooh was getting married and we were celebrating her impending wedding or the counted days of her freedom to put it more rightly.

"Sure! What'll it be ladies... And gentleman", he added when he saw a male friend backing us up. Nash was the other partner in crime.

"A bottle of each, vodka, scotch and beer." Pooh added.

"Anything else?" he asked returning the order.

"Yep! A foot massage would be as great if you could squeeze it in your schedule." I winked.

"Anything shy about you?" She tapped on my shoulder.

"Nope! A little flirt is good for health."

"Yeah! When you're single." Both asserted in unison.

"What is with you people? Flirting has to nothing to do with relationship status." I asserted. "Its all about not crossing the threshold of remorselessness, if one has any that is."

"Ok! Move your ass NOW!" She spanked me... almost ;)

It all seemed perfect. Dark overcast sky, a little nip in the air, booze, snacks, music and two haught women. We certainly missed Punk and Syl, they both were sleeping calmly at their respective snug cozy homes.

I sat comfortably at the back seat and let Pooh do the honors.
"Dude, has nobody ever asked you the secret of hanging out with two hot women at this hour of the night?" I badgered Nash.

"You drunk already," Nash threw it back at me with an evil smile.

"O! In that case, I will reserve this question for a little later."

A few drinks later, I learned that she was not marrying her boyfriend.

"Huh! Why worry about commitment when your parents are there to do that for you?" She said sarcastically but it actually made sense.

I brushed the gravity of the thought aside and said, "It must be the alco talking. No problem. Now that you’ve made the decision, why care."

"I love you babe!" Her voice went pale as she said so. I didnt want to dig any deeper.

"Oye! Senti+mental queen! Thats what friends are for. They dont ask many questions and they always stand by you."

"Let’s raise a toast to your wedding". Nash said in an attempt to lighten her mood.

Then we exaggerated about our upcoming Laddakh trip and how Pooh will miss all the fun.

It was a little later than midnight when I made it to home. As always, mom opened the door and oddly enough, she continued staring at me, which was a little unnerving given the inebriated state I was in. Perhaps, she asked me a question, which I lost apparently.

Just to be sure, I asked her, "What happened ma? Did you say something?”

"Would you like something to eat?" She repeated.

"I'm good ma! You go off to sleep."

I took a cold shower and retired to bed. I slept through the entire morning and ended up working from home. I had not even logged on to the communicator when Nash came at me.

"You at home?"

"Just got up. Hey... you game for the spinster's party for Pooh?"

"After what you did last night, no?"

"Huh? Elaborate."

"You left your dupatta in the back seat of my car."

"Hang on! How is that even remotely possible? I was not wearing one."

"Oh! Then it’s Pooh's."
"Hang on! It is now on my radars. What Pooh's dupatta was doing at the back if she was sitting in the passenger's, eh?"
"Enough fun now! It could have cost me my marriage."

"Heeee!! Drinking does cause amnesia. You should have been careful."

"I would have lost my memory permanently if the cleaner or my wife had found it."

"Dont be such a dumb Nash. You could have said, if you were caught, that you got the dupatta for your wifey and will get the kurti later." I teased him.

"You funny little b***h. I'll drop it at your place in the evening."

"Guess being a b***h is better than a nun, what say?"

"Yea b***h is cool."

Phoneys!

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Mon, 20 Feb 2012 15:49:00 +0000

He was known as 'The Head Turner' for his exceptionally tall frame which was further complemented by his peachy complexion and sharp features. Owing to his job profile, his used to step in one hour prior to the culmination of my shift. Whenever he used to come to me to exchange greetings, I generally used to nod my head without as much as looking at him. It continued for a few days before he protested my indifference. Perhaps I hit his male ego somewhere.

He stood next to me until I looked up at him and asked, "Busy always, huh?"

"Hey! Take no offense. I am usually busy with day end reports which eat up a lot of my time. Is there anything I could help you with?" I defended myself.

"I was wondering if we could have a cup of coffee."

"Good idea, except that I would not have that kind of time on me. But thanks for asking." I politely dismissed.

He hovered around for a couple of days expecting more attention from me but only savoured disappointment. Once, when I was heading towards the exit, he caught me unawares.

"I know you'd never have enough time so I thought why not escort you to the cab and have coffee with you on the way." he said modestly extending a cup of coffee to me.

“You don’t give up, do you?” I replied with a straight-face.

I left that organization after a few days and conveniently forgot about him.

A few months later, I received an anonymous call. It was him. A little chat revealed that he had also quit shortly after and had moved into aviation. Owing to his looks, he was still being pestered by the female crew members, he shared. I found his conversation amusing because for the first time I came across a man who was harassed by women and who was complaining about it. Then he inquired about my relationship status and my marriage plans. I didn’t want to indulge in all that so I terminated the call.

A few days ago, he showed up at my work and called me from the coffee shop at the ground floor. Some people just never grow up, I murmured. I tried to avoid meeting him but he was adamant. Anyhow, I took the elevator to the ground floor.

He was waiting for me with a bouquet in hands. I made a secret reconnaissance of him. He still looked the same, rather better. Kashmiri-Mohammedans never age, perhaps.

“What brought you’re here?” I asked plainly.

“Hey! Don’t be so mean! I searched for you everywhere and finally got your number from xyz. I was so excited to see you...” He explained.

“I'm glad to see you too but don’t you think a place other than my work would have been better?” I was agitated.

“Sorry about that. I didn’t want to upset you.” He said apologetically, which didn’t show on his face, apparently.

“Hmmm! How have you been? All well back at home?” I inquired.

“Yeah! All well… I got these flowers for you.” He said extending the bouquet to me.

“Oops! I am sorry but… I can’t take them.”

“Why not?”
“You're forgetting... I am at work.” I paused for a moment and then continued, “Why are you chasing me? Its been so many years. Sometimes its good to grow up.”
“I thought it was evident. I like you so much and I want to marry you.”

“Excuse me! That came on rather fast. You trying to sow your wild oats here?” I was flabbergasted.

“Huh?” He said narrowing his brows.

“Never mind.” I shrugged.

“Tell me - will you marry me?”
“Its not possible.”
“Why not? Why are you so indifferent to me?” He was getting impatient.

“I don’t think I owe you any explanation. But don’t you know the answer yourself.”

“No, I don’t. I ask you again, will you marry me?”And he started to kneel down.

His reckless actions had always frightened me. And this was the weirdest thing ever happened to me. People around were starting to notice us.

“Enough! Behave yourself!” I almost screamed. “Listen! I don’t care how many girls you have knelt down before but I am not the kind of woman you could impress by your looks and by such flirtatious actions. I don’t mean to hurt you but I don’t see myself with you.” I spat it out.

“What does that mean? Give me a chance at least.”

“Even if I do, my parents wont. Inter-religion marriage is not something they will ever approve of.”

“I am not asking you to change your religion.”

“Doesn't matter. It happens anyway.”

“Just let me know one month in advance if you ever change your mind.”

“See...that’s precisely why I stayed away from you.” I left leaving the bouquet on the table.

Love is magical indeed!

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 19:03:00 +0000

"Love who you love while you have them. That's all you can do. Let them go when you must. If you know how to love, you'll never run out." Its one of the most beautiful thoughts I came across a while ago, and it has stayed with me since. Love is too magical to cause pain or make you regret. In fact, it's our sense of ownership that leads to suffering. I think love is somewhat like a vacation, relish while it lasts, cherish once its over.

“Love does not cause suffering: what causes it is the sense of ownership, which is love's opposite.” Indeed!

In so many years, I have come to learn that the most difficult times are not the ones in which nobody loved me. But the times my heart was so closed that I didn't love anybody. Or anything, for that matter. Life was grey and without colour. Not only did I feel as if I was nobody's special someone, it worked the other way around. Nothing was special to me too. Not only did that apply to people, I was hard to satisfy in those days. Nothing really touched my heart, so in return I started to be more and more demanding. I thought that my heart would open if the other person did the right thing, said the right thing etc. I forgot that the right thing didn't stand a change, against my closed heart. Because as beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is love. It takes one to know one. When you love, it appears as if all of a sudden you see love everywhere. Love is as much a state of being as a real feeling for another human being. Love colours your world.

Love does funny things to people. Just call the name of their sweetheart and the light literally starts to shine out of their eyes. Is there a more endearing sight?

The courtly love from the old days is a far cry from the dating game nowadays. Nowadays it is almost embarrassing to tell someone you love them. Being true to your heart is not the fashionable thing to do. Better keep your feelings a secret. Better to be indifferent and 'easy going' at the same time. And than trying to detect the true meaning of the 'friend/unfriend' action. Or the 'not calling back' after you have been sleeping together.

In contrast to what we are lead to believe, speaking from the heart, doesn't make you weak. Simply speaking your truth will empower you. It also invites the other person to be true and real. There is nothing shameful in loving someone. It is a gift and it is rare and lovely. And you should be proud of being a person with a heart, with love.

Like a knight in shining armour, wear your love like a price. Be proud of who you love and be proud that you love.

Let your love shine. Wish you all a happy valentines day and a year full of love and laughter!

The Dexter Effect

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 21:09:00 +0000

It's 2 o' clock at night. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is just not right. The eerie silence of the night seems to confirm my fears. I am shaken from my stupor by an incessant feeble sound. This is a metal clinging sound which is emanating from my balcony. It feels as if somebody were inconspicuously trying to unlock the door from the outside. I contemplate stepping out of my quilt and switching on the lights but change my mind. What if he gets alert by the light and runs away. Then I think of picking up a torch, going to my balcony and catching him unawares but I change my mind again. What if he gets furious and slits my throat open by his knife.

I decide to stay back in my bed and think of an alternate to catch the thief or whosoever has dared interrupt my beauty sleep. I fumble for my phone under the pillow then on the mattress around me but find it lying on the bedside table. Dazed, I climb out of my bed, turn my phone on and with the help of the display light, I tiptoe to the window that opens out to the balcony. I lean against the closed window so as to hear the noises more clearly. I hear the same feeble clinging sound of metal as though the thief was trying to unscrew a bolt on the other side of the door. I slide a few steps on my left towards the door and peek through the key hole so as to get an idea of his appearance. I am expecting to see a fat, shabbily dressed man with big dark fear inflicting eyes, bearing a stubble and wild unkempt hair. Clearly, I have never seen a real thief in my life and I am a little excited at the prospects of catching one. But when I peek through the keyhole, I see an empty balcony, bereft of any living being. My mind is in turmoil as I can still hear the same consistent sound coming from the other side of the door.

I brush away my fears and muster the courage to unveil the mystery myself. I gasp a deep breath, calm my quivering nerves and go to my brother's room to arm myself with a cricket bat. I open the door quietly holding the bat in the other arm in an attacking position. And behold, I am presented yet again with an empty balcony filled with the ever persisting metal clinging sound. I look towards my left and then towards my right, but no sign of a living being in sight. Then I look upwards at the ceiling. There is a pair of pigeons pacing up and down at the roof of the air conditioner. I go a little closer and realise that the sound is coming from the claws hitting the metal of the roof of the AC. I laugh out loud.

After savouring the silence of the dark, I return to my room. I gulp down a glass of water and sit in a chair mumbling incoherently to myself, "You watch too many horror movies these days. And stop watching Dexter. It leaves you with disturbing visions and violent thoughts."

In Search of Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:27:00 +0000

I have been trying my hands at poetry for some time, but this is the first time when I could come up with something worth sharing. Presenting my first poem ever, hope you like it.

Wonderwall and Shalinee - Thanks for being an inspiration.
Shailika and Jyoti - Thanks for keeping me motivated.

"In Search of Peace"

I have come too far
In search of you
Where nothing else
But my footprints pursue

Everything looks bleak,
Appears hazy from here
Not a tree, not a bird,
Only an empty sphere

There is a shadow at the distance

That beckons of your presence

The warmth of your hands
And the joy of your love
It makes me feel complete
Such is your fragrance

Lend me your shoulder
And let me fall asleep
So that I wake up in your love
And find myself at peace.

Which one for you: Munni, Shiela or Chameli?

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 13:49:00 +0000

What could be more off-putting than beginning your day with a cheesy-sleazy number!

When I woke up, that day, by beautifully warm sunrays spotting directly on my face, I was expecting more from the day. However, when I got ready and boarded the cab to get to the airport, the cabbie turned on the radio and I was greeted by “Chikni Chameli”. I asked the cabbie to turn off the radio immediately.

Whatever happened to healthy entertainment! First, Shakira shakes her hips, then Britney pulls off her clothes and now its Munni, Sheila, and Chameli who have turned into our in-house Shakira’s?? And as I write this, there is another cheesy number that is struggling to grab our attention - Shalu. What I don’t understand is why such numbers are being promoted. Do they provide enough entertainment value that we put our kids growth at stake? Its really depressing that most of the parents don’t even realize the lethal impact such stuff has on their innocent little kids?

Is this kind of music created for adults, I ask? Then don't you think that adults can go anywhere and do whatever pleases because they can make a conscious decision but its the "young kids" who are cognitively and psychologically defenseless. They don’t understand the notion of intent and hence can’t shun away such provocative material because they simply don’t know the definition of provocative. They are amused by anything and everything that is being screened before them.

I remember having been to a friend’s son’s birthday party who was barely seven years old. The kid demanded for “Munni” to be played and all the kids merrily enjoyed dancing to that song. Now, did the children understand what that song was all about? Of course, not. They were only dancing to the beats. Couldnt it have been replaced with any other song?

If your daughter continues to watch such scantily dressed lasses readily being appreciated, then don’t be surprised if she would like to grow up to be a hooker or maybe an item girl. If we don’t want our kids to be inundated with thoughts like “growing up to be a responsible adult is not cool,” then we should provide them with a healthy environment where they could develop their values and ethics. Don’t you think we have enough trash already? Please stop promoting such sexual material and set an example before your kids. Remember, they will follow you and your values.

And you Katrina - I know you can’t act one bit but stop doing such numbers. Don’t you realise they are typecasting you. I know you can do better.

Social Networking

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Fri, 06 Jan 2012 19:44:00 +0000

First of all apologies for not posting lately and warm wishes for the New Year.

“By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation.” I guess this is equally applicable on women as well.

Facebook is a great platform to keep in touch with your old and new friends as well as ex-colleagues. But sometimes it becomes difficult to recall people by their name or by their miniscule profile picture. In such cases, you’re left with two options, either rely on your mutual friends or ask them shamelessly to refresh your memory. I choose both just to be on the safer side.

I did the same when I received that friend request. Looking at the huge list of common friends, I convinced myself that I must have met him briefly but failed to register in my memory. By the way, that happens with me all the time, I keep meeting new people and then conveniently forget them, only to be embarrassed on my subsequent encounter(s). To be honest, my brain considers almost everybody as ‘unimportant’ unless they stand up to tell me how vital their existence could be for my survival.

Anyhow, let’s go back to the topic at hand. He responded that he couldn’t specifically remember when he met me, but it must have been a long time ago. I gave him the benefit of doubt and allowed him to be a part of my friend list, deferring the further interrogation for a later time.

Only a couple of days had gone by when he dropped a message inquiring about my workplace. The message fell on deaf ears. A few days later, he initiated a chat on FB. Here is how it went:

He: Hi, How are you?

I find this question a little stupid. Just by asking this question, you do not become civil and you do not get the right to ask questions about my personal life. Besides, if you’re a stranger to me, I would never tell you if I am not keeping well. Even if I do, will you really be bothered? On the contrary, if you’re a close friend, you wouldn’t need to ask this question because I will tell you myself if I am not keeping well.

Me: Surviving and you?

He: I am good. Where do you work?

Me: I still don’t recall meeting you. When did you work at xyz organization?

He: From 20xx through 20yy.

Me: Oh! I had not even joined in 20yy. Clearly, I’ve never met you.

He: It’s alright. We can know each other now. Where do you work?

Me: I heard once, “Repeating something twice doesn’t mean it will be heard. It merely reeks of desperation.”

He: Oops!!

Me: It feels I am being interviewed. Is it so important for you to know where I work?

He: No, you’re not being interviewed. Let me know ask you more important question then.

Me: ??

He: Are you single?

Me: Excuse me! I thought it was a social networking site.

He: Just asking out of curiosity.

And I thought asking about the marital status was a personal question.

Me: Nope, married with two kids.

He: Wow! You don’t look like.

Me: Yep, looks are deceptive. I belong to the remote areas of Rajasthan so they got me married when I was five. I hope all your questions have been answered. Do you mind if I take your leave now?

He: Just one more.

Me: Shoot.

He: Who is the father to the kids if I may ask?

Me: That’s a sad story. He left me when I was 10. So, I am still searching for the ‘right’ father.

He: I could understand if it was only one kid. You have two, and you’re still looking for a father? By the way, I am good with kids.

Me: O yea! Go find kids for yourself then. Why chatting with me. Let me go find the father.

Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 3

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 18:32:00 +0000

Number of people we have killed in our thoughts since childhood, if we add them up all, we will put dictators like Hitler and Pol Pot to shame!!

Finding Peace

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:29:00 +0000

I have been practicing meditation for a few years. It helps me run away from the rush and chaos of my real life, and gives myself some time to recuperate. It helps me reclaim my peace and bliss when I am done with all the stress, arguments and abuse at my workplace. It works as a healing retreat and repairs my head and heart. It gives me a quiet time to just be with myself and think over my life choices.

I was recently asked which meditation do I practice and when did I start. It brought back the memories of the day when I was introduced to Vipassana about a year ago. It is a 10-day meditation course and is known to be a life changing experience for many. As per the rules of the course, anyone participating in the course has to observe silence throughout the duration of the course. They provide simple vegetarian meals. No outside communication is allowed including cell phones and visitors. You can check out the details and the time table here.

It was certainly not a walk in the park but silence was the most enticing feature because it allowed me some time to be with myself. So I took it up.

On the day of arrival, I completed the formalities and went to deposit my cell phone. However, since the concerned person was not available, I decided to come back later and headed straight to my allotted apartment. Once settled, I deferred my visit to the locker room permanently and switched my phone off. The purpose was anyway to keep away from the external world so it didn’t matter I kept the phone in the locker or in my bag so I decided on the latter.

Before calling it a day, we were taken for an half an hour orientation session followed by a light evening meal. We were then asked to retire to our respective rooms.

The next day began quite early. I was still half asleep and so were many of my inmates. I was still better than the others for I managed to take a shower before getting into the meditation. The technique was pretty simple – one had to observe his/her breathing pattern. The first session lasted for two hours – a little heavy for the beginners and that too at 4am.

The next session was at 8am and this one was heavier than the earlier one for its duration was three hours at a stretch. As the day proceeded, I figured that every session was more intense with its duration elongated. By the end of the day, I was actually exhausted observing the inhaling-exhaling process. It wasn’t what I thought it to be. Anyhow, I decided to play along for two reasons. One, quitting wasn't easy and it might create chaos. Two, I didn't want to face my father's fury who was already utterly unhappy at my taking up such a course away from home.

By the end of the third day, I started experiencing severe pain in my back owing to continually sitting on the floor for interminable hours. I requested the management to provide me a chair to keep the situation from worsening. But I was told that it happened in the beginning to many but it usually got better. I was afraid that it was not the case with me.

I waited for another day but I found it extremely difficult to concentrate due to the excruciating pain. I also had difficulty lying in the not-so-soft bed. As they say, “Sleep has to come—one can only go to bed,” I tried inviting the sleep but couldn’t go to sleep. That day, dawned upon me that sleep has to happen and one doesn’t know when it is happening but only realizes in retrospect. In my case, there was no retrospect. Sleep was escaping me yet again. I took up that course to find peace midst the chaos and yet it was the only thing I was missing. I lay awake in my bed until 2am and then got up, reached out to my bag, took out my phone and switched it on. I couldn’t utter a word due to the pin drop silence so I text-ed my brother and asked him to come collect me before I was torn into shreds.

My message made the situation worse. My brother got scared for he thought that I was not safe. I spent next one hour explaining to him that the facility was safe enough in all aspects, only I was not keeping well and they wouldn’t let me out. I also requested him to wait until morning and come up with an excuse to take me home for he couldn’t express that he connected with me in any manner whatsoever.

My brother reached there at 8am and explained to them an emergency at home which warranted my presence. But to his dismay, the manager declined to relay any messages to me for it might cause me disturbance and I might not be able to concentrate then. He smirked at the shallowness of his response and thought that I was anyway not able to concentrate so he better let me go.

Then the manager asked him to testify his identity. Once he did that, the manager demanded to speak with my father to confirm the contingency. When he did that too, the manager again declined to let him connect with me. My brother waited in the sun until 11am before his patience broke. He threatened the manager to call the police if he took another minute to relay the message to me. The manager cowered and requested my brother to mellow down. He then sent somebody to my room and permitted me to leave with my brother.

The moment I stepped out of the campus, I played out music so loud that windows vibrated. I asked my brother to get me a chilled beverage coupled with some spicy snacks. I came back to life realizing that half an hour of meditation was enough to retain my sanity and I didn't need more than that.

Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 2

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 20:41:00 +0000

In the life's journey, nothing gives you more comfort that the illusion that you have created for yourself!!

The World Makes Sense Again!!

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 07:41:00 +0000

Owing to his lewd demeanor, he is the most disgusting man any sane human could ever come across. He looks at every woman lustfully paying absolutely no regard whatsoever to her personality or her sentience. His brain ceases to function and leaves him catatonic only because a woman is in the same room. As such he invariably tries to peek up girls' skirts and goes out of his way to gain a minuscule chance of finally doing the deed.

I am sure that every woman in the corporate world deals with unwelcome and inappropriate advances from a peer, a manager, a senior executive or a client. But no woman talks about these experiences openly for countless reasons. I also had my share of experiences but this man beats them all; for the simple reason that he didn’t mend his ways even when I told him that I wasn’t single. Despite my numerous warnings, he continued pestering me until that day.

Having recovered from the injury, I eventually resumed work after five weeks. Considering the long walk from the parking lot to the main building, one of my friends volunteered to carry my laptop to my desk. It was my first day after the break and it felt so different to walk into the office after such a long time. On the way, I met many of my colleagues, friends and acquaintances and they all showered me with the same compliment. I was looking more beautiful / my face was glowing that is. Honestly it all felt good until… I encountered him.

When I reached my desk, he wasn’t around. I thanked God and sat comfortably at my designated place. My friend also left me. I was setting up my laptop when he walked in. He called out my name aloud from the distance, displayed the widest and evilest grin one could ever imagine, and walked towards me with his arms spread wide open. I stoically looked at him. I also decided to escalate the matter if he talked beyond the realms of professionalism.

He offered me his cup of coffee, which I politely declined, before settling into a chair next to me. He looked at me up and down, thought for a moment with his index finger on his chin and said, "You have put on a pound or two but you look beautiful nonetheless.”

Before I could say anything, he added, “Now don’t strive for size zero, I like you the way you are.”

I was stumped at his dauntlessness. I yelled, “Back off you jerk.”

He responded, “Seems I will have to bring a black Safari (the SUV).”

I went furious. It was actually one of those moments when I pitied his wife and cursed his very existence. I rose from my chair and told him that his attitude had been off limits and it called for a formal complaint. With that, I typed a detailed email to the Head of Human Resource. I didn’t even complete the letter when he began apologizing. His apology appeared only surface deep so I continued with the task at hand but before I could hit the ‘send’ button; he almost knelt down begging for forgiveness. I felt a strong urge to slap him in his face or better yet - smash his teeth but I didn’t have half as much energy so I restrained myself. I asked him to send me a written apology instead for his lewd behavior. He showed reluctance initially but caved in eventually.

I moved next to my AVP and never encountered another comment ever since.

Random Thoughts of A Reluctant Human # 1

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 15:00:00 +0000

Tired of long and lonely walk... but the road still looks famished. It has gorged upon numerous souls but hunger not satiated yet!!

Detour from Life

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 10:25:00 +0000

The captain had turned off the warning sign for the seat belt. The air hostess' mellifluous voice was echoing in the plane as if she was a pianist playing a violin for herself in a gigantic mall. I was travelling, once again, from one town to another, on the auspicious night of Diwali. I had to attend a conference call with one of our US clients and a very important meeting the next morning. I could not summon the courage to inform my parents that at the night of Diwali, their son would be just two hours away taking a call with strangers from a room in a five-star hotel.

I looked down and the brightly lit buildings reminded me of my house back in my hometown. It must be beautifully ornamented with twinkling lights and floating candles, I thought.

"Would you like vegetarian or non-vegetarian?" The air hostess' voice brought me back to the plane.

She questioned again, "Sir would you like vegetarian or non-vegetarian?"

I couldn't respond. I wished if I could place my order at an altitude of 35000 ft. I wanted to eat poori, rajma, curd and some pickle made by my mom.

I asked her, "You didn’t go home on Diwali?"

"Not everybody is as lucky as you are. At least, you will reach your home on Diwali." She replied.

She went away, leaving me thinking what a home felt like. I had stayed in so many hotels in past few years that when I went back to my hotel room, it almost made me feel like home. There wasn't much difference after all. The paintings on the wall kept changing but the bed side lamps were equally beautiful. The same 42" LCD TV and a king sized bed. The breakfast table situated next to the window would ask me every morning what would I have for breakfast. Wasn’t everything the same?

At the time of disembarkation, the air hostess said, "Sir, wish your family a very Happy Diwali!" I switched the phone on and found nine missed calls, six from office and three from home. I called the office first and told them to arrange the call in an hour and a half. Meanwhile, papa called again. "Where are you son? We have been waiting since long."

"I have an important meeting, papa. I am afraid I will not be able to make it this time." Papa went silent. I could hear my family's laughter and the sound of fireworks in the background.

Miles away from the liveliness of my home, my taxi was trudging quietly on a lonesome road. I never realised when I alienated myself from the world. I had been an island for so long that intimacy scared me away. It never dawned upon me that I traversed the globe with a mask on. I was apprehensive of taking the mask off, perhaps was scared of facing myself.

The taxi drew up at the front gates of a grand hotel. A huge swarthy guard with imperial moustache opened the taxi door for me and said, "Welcome back sir. Happy Diwali!" I fumbled around in the back of the car seat. The driver asked, "Sir, are you looking for something?" I said, "Yes, Myself."

The town looked exquisite from my room. I opened my laptop and waited for the phone call. Meanwhile, in an effort to pull up a presentation from 'My Documents', I clicked on 'My Pictures' instead. There was a five-year old 'me' walking down the road holding papa's index finger, my right hand pointed to an ice-cream vendor; everybody eating pop corns by the lake at Nainital; papa driving our first ambassador car; me dressed in a superman's costume for a fancy dress competition, maa-papa standing together with Taj Mahal in the backdrop; maa draped in a beautiful red sari on Karwa-Chauth; papa hugging me on my graduation day.

My phone rang but I could not separate myself from those pictures. I wanted to eat pop corns by the Naini Lake once again. I pined for a break from myself. My phone was ringing feverishly. I was in the car again; I had to rush for an urgent meeting. The vivid recollection of my childhood, my college days, and our family vacations made me restless.

Everybody was having snacks after Diwali Pooja when the door bell rang. Papa opened the door. He didn’t register for a second and then exclaimed, "Oh my God! What a pleasant surprise!" It was me. I had reached home on Diwali... to attend an urgent meeting. I also had to relay the air hostess' message, remember!!

Wish you all a very Happy Diwali!!

My Favourite Pastime

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 12:51:00 +0000

Library is my favourite place. Whenever Dudette is not around to read a story to me, I come here and spend a great deal of time contemplating which book to read...

Then I think a little harder...

Then I take a nap leaving the reading to some other day...

Desperate Measures

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sat, 15 Oct 2011 11:20:00 +0000

The sky was dark and void. The black hooded figure crossed a dark deserted alley which led itself to a dusty, unmetalled road. Flanked on both sides with bushes and shrubs, the road was strewn with pebbles but she didn’t seem to be bothered. It appeared as though her determined steps knew their way forward. The relentless chirp of crickets made the night less still. Far away in the distance, he was targeting her and she could sense it too but it no longer mattered to her? She had to take that risk. She knew he wouldn’t give her much time but she wasn’t scared at all. Though she could feel some moisture on her forehead and at the tip of her nose but it was due to humidity in the air. The undue exhaustion was wearing her down, her knees were wobbling and her heart was sinking, yet she was waiting for him in anticipation.

He had discovered her identity a few months ago. Though she was a vampire but she was better than a human. He had learned that she never traded her soul for blood. Every new moon she needed blood to keep herself alive but she had never preyed on an innocent. The years of practice helped her channel her urges. She would only kill morally bankrupt mortals who slaughtered others for fun and would do so barefacedly over and over again. He adored her for ridding the society off the real monsters.

For the first time when he walked up to her doorsteps, he didn’t say a word, instead handed her an envelope and walked away. The envelope contained a note which read, “Need a friend?” and a few pictures of her in action. It didn’t take her long to understand that like everybody else, her clandestine activities were not a secret to him. He had taken his time to understand her lifestyle and her way of working.

She wondered that despite being a human, he was ready to be with her but letting somebody into her life meant jeopardizing her own existence. Accepting his proposal, on the other hand, ran the risk of exposure. So she decided to explain the perils of this friendship to his own life but he didn’t seem to care.

He brought a little excitement, a breath of fresh air in to her dull life. Ever since she was turned into a vampire, she found herself devoid of any emotions. She never felt a hint of pain or sorrow, nor did her heart feel any joy. She mostly feigned normalcy so as to blend in and to keep from standing out. But he changed everything. He filled her with a strange emotion. She was lost and empty, yet full of everything. She was restless and looking for him everywhere. He was the only one who gratified her urges. She found his occasional appearances intoxicating. Every time he came around, she found herself staring at him from the distance. His fragrance would rejuvenate her senses. He made her realise what she had been missing. She soon figured that he was equally fond of her for he kept watching her but was too proud to bare his feelings.

One night when she was sitting on a chair by the huge glass window in her room, watching the storm roll in, she noticed a shadow wandering around in her lawn. When she reached there, he turned around and went away, leaving his partially burnt cigarette behind.

Six months had gone by but he didn’t show up. Passion had made her face pale ivory. It was the new moon again and the urge was taking control of her. She walked towards the broken bridge where he smoked. But before she could reach there, she was shot with a wooden bullet. He had warned her not to step out that night. Like him, somebody else had figured about her but failed to understand the justness of her actions. He came running for her, knelt down, lifted her head and kept it on his knees. His eyes were moist.

“You shouldn’t have done this? I left you a note not to leave home tonight.”
“I know. But that note meant that you were watching over me. It was the only way for me to find you. Where did you go? I wanted to meet you.”
“By risking your life?”
“It was worth it!!”

I understand...

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 11:07:00 +0000

He flung his blue ball at me but I missed it narrowly. He tried again with the same fervour but I missed it again. I felt bad for letting him down so I apologized to him for my incompetency. I explained that I am unable to run or bend forward due to the fracture. He nodded assuringly but I am sure he couldn’t make head or tails of the conversation for he is too small to understand what ribs are.

Though Frosty is very intelligent but it takes some time for him to get a hang of complex matters. For example, it took me two days to make him understand what part of our house is called kitchen and why he is not welcome in there. It took us further two days to understand when he sits outside the kitchen looking at the ceiling, it means he is hungry. The other day when he licked my feet immediately after I had a bath, I learned that he liked the fragrance (or the taste) of my foot cream. I told him that his licking my feet irritated me but he didn’t get it. So one day, I offered to apply the same cream on his hands but he opted out. I hope you understand now why ‘body structure and ribs’ will be a complex topic for him.

He has seen me sitting in a recliner throughout the day. He has also seen me sleeping, sitting in my bed propped up with pillows. He understands that something is wrong but he doesn’t fully understand the gravity of the problem.

He had come to meet me at the hospital but they didn’t let him in. Perhaps they were afraid that he might catch on some infection since he is still a baby. But he told them that he was not a baby any more and it was his responsibility to check if I was comfortable or if I needed anything. He tried to explain how important it was for him to see me once but they gave him a cold shoulder. So he came back home and waited for me eagerly.

The day I came back home was the happiest day for him. He jumped on me when I entered the house but my father caught him midway and explained to him that I was not strong enough then to hold him for a few days. He nodded but not before telling me that he jump waited jump for jump me jump so jump desperately jump. He was glad that I was home. Jump."

Next time when I went to the doctor for a review, he kept sitting in the balcony until I returned home safely. I asked him if he had become a pessimist or had lost faith in me but he shook his head. Then I asked him why was he jumping then? And if he thought that I would not return home? And if he thanked his stars when he saw me. He didn’t reply, instead he brought me a book and sat next to me for next couple of hours.

That very moment, I realized that this cute little animal doesn't share the same protocol but he certainly understands and cares more than a human being. Perhaps he is closer to God than I can ever be because he can listen to 'His' voice which I tend to ignore sometimes.

Pointless Madness

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 12:56:00 +0000

“Did you ever think about life as a metaphor for television?” Chuck Palahniuk.
I think it holds true in modern times since watching television has become the only source of entertainment for most of the families across the globe.

A couple of months ago, I visited one of my newly wedded friends in Mumbai. I was astonished to find how important the television was for their existence. Their typical routine included, having breakfast together with the television, husband leaving for work around 11 am, wife watching the television throughout the day, husband returning home by 10 pm, having dinner together with the television and then watching the television till 2 am. Even my presence could not alter their routine. Clearly, the television was an integral member of their household. In fact, I felt that they married each other because they needed company to watch television. Now, every time I talk to them, I don’t begin my conversation with 'how they are doing' instead, I inquire 'how their television is doing.'

I have been fettered to a bed for a little over a week. No! I am not pregnant, virtually or otherwise!! A few days ago, I managed to escape a fatal accident with a couple of hairline fractures. As a result, I have been grounded until I recover completely. Since I am perennially lying down and my parents have also been complaining about my incessant reading, even in the ICU, I am trying to figure an alternate to entertain myself.

Drawing an inspiration from my friends, I tried dating my television for a couple of days. Thanks to Singapore Grand Prix that helped me get through Sunday. It was Monday, however, that caused me pain. I began my day watching 'Gattaca'.

Now, if you have dated your television, even briefly, you would know that the movies that they broadcast on television are old but not old enough to be branded as 'classic'. So if you are a movie buff like me, you will soon realise that you have already seen most of the movies. Hence if the movie currently being aired was exceptionally good, you may take the pain to watch it again, else you may find yourself fumbling through the labyrinth yet again.

Then, I looked up to different news channels for the next couple of hours but one can do that for so long. Earlier, when I used to come home from work, I used to dedicate one hour to the news and that never seemed like a waste. However, I had to abandon this option as soon as I realised that they repeat the same news every hour.

Then, I called sitcoms and talk shows for my rescue. First of all, deciding on which show to watch wasn’t easy as it occurred to me that the timings for the shows being aired and the shows I watch don’t match. Perhaps this is so because I have been watching most of my favourite shows online and that way, I never needed to bother about the timing at all. I could pick up any show at whatever time it pleased. Eventually, I decided on a show but soon after it dawned upon me that the frequency and the duration of commercials was far more than the duration of the show itself. It turned my experience sour.

Presently I have turned to the tried and tested pastime. Reading books and solving crossword puzzles that is. While I continue to meander through the pointless madness, you have a good time out there.
Cheerio!

Marrying Anybody

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 16:53:00 +0000

'If you don't know what you want," the doorman said, "you end up with a lot you don't.' ~ Chuck Palahniuk

My mom strategically sat next to me and his mom next to my mom so I had to act shy but one can pretend for so long. With my chin slightly down, I managed to look at him through my eyelashes. He was a little low on confidence which led to an instant urge to play a rapid fire round with him but I dropped the idea thinking that he may not survive. It was also a little unnerving to have so many eyes fixed at me. His family's demeanour convinced me that I was the only woman who agreed to give their son a chance and it appeared that they were wondering if I will be generous enough to give a verdict in his favour. I didn’t see that happening though.

Despite the subtle music in the background, his silence was deafening so I opted to lead. All his answers pushed me to laugh and give him a piece of my mind but I had to resist that as well. Such tormenting was the setting.

I had no interest in enquiring about his work profile. I had done my home work. So I began with the most basic and the easiest question:

How do you utilise your spare time?
I sleep.
(How creative!!) Throughout the weekend?
Mostly. Actually during week days, I wake up at 6am and sleep at 11pm. So I catch up on my sleep during weekends.

That was still more than what I sleep but I figured he had no other hobby/passion in his life.

Do you like travelling?
Who doesn’t?

You don’t ask question in response to a question but he seemed oblivious to that.

I know people who prefer to stay indoors. Anyhow, what kinda places you like to travel?
Anywhere.
You mean 'anywhere'. Even to the remote areas of the Southern Sahara Continent.
I didn’t mean that. I would like to go on a world tour. I like beaches.
Why bother the world to see a beach. Go to Goa or Kerala.
Honestly, he didn’t look like the types who love travelling and meet people to experience their culture.

Do you have interest in adventure sports or in general sports for that matter?
I am scared to take risk so adventure sports are definitely not for me. As for sports, I don’t religiously follow any. Just enough to keep conversations with friends and colleagues.
Not even soccer or cricket or tennis or grand prix.
Not really.
Even more interesting!

You don’t know what you're missing on then. I believe if you don’t take risk in life, you aren’t living your life really. But then again, to each his own.

Do you read?
That I do. I read newspapers to keep myself updated on the capital market.
OMG! You're so different.

You mentioned that you have no other hobby than to sleep. My bad!!
I read that much on my phone while travelling to work and I don't count it as 'reading'.

What do you love the most about yourself?
That I want to keep my life uncomplicated.
Wow! That was an intelligent one. You know, generally people like to screw their life. I am sure that’s what keeps them going. After all, you got to have some motivation to get past each day.

That reminds me, what motivates you?
Money.
(How clichéd!!)
Of course, what else can? My bad… again!

Is there anything you expect out of your life? Something you'd like to achieve.
Personally, I want to keep my life uncomplicated. Professionally, I'd like to continue with my current profile.
Again... so challenging!

Why do you want to get married?
For the same reason other people do… its time. My parents want me to settle down now.
By 'its time', you mean, age?
He gave me the “are you a dumb?” look.

I don’t understand the fixation about age when people decide to marry. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and you gotta be physically, emotionally, mentally ready to commit to someone. How can age be a deciding factor?

So will you marry anybody your parents choose for you or you have any expectations from your prospective partner?
She should be friendly.
I am really friendly once you learn to worship me.

I was really impressed by his unique point of view (or lack of it). His life was so simple. Any friendly girl would be fine with him. In fact, I reckon it didn’t even matter to him whether he marries a woman at all, any friendly man would be equally fine with him. All he needed was a partner who was as dead as he was. I guess he never gave it a thought that he was living like a zombie.

He didn’t ask me any question except where I did my schooling. To which I wanted to say that I didn’t go to school at all. In fact, I used to sit outside the window of a classroom.

He could have chucked my questions back at me, if nothing else. I guess he lacked curiosity completely. I found him totally directionless who didn’t know what he wanted from his life. He could travel to anywhere, he was ready to marry anybody, and he had no specific goal in his life.

Instead his father asked if I was rigid about working post marriage.

That was perplexing. That’s a decision a woman should take. Entering into a relationship doesn’t mean I will have to let a part of myself be taken away. Taking on the responsibility of a relationship doesn’t mean one has to give up on doing the things one likes to do. Anyone in a relationship should have the freedom they want. Why will anyone lose their identity to a relationship? One should be honoured as an individual human being and not just as a partner or the "other half" of a relationship.

His mom, who was until now looking at me adorably, asked my mom if I had any physical ailments.
My mom should have asked if their son was suffering from AIDS.
Being a woman, I should be more concerned about his health. I pitied their line of thinking. Guess we are developing in the material sense but not evolving really.

“Hope to see you soon!” He said before leaving.
“Hope as soon as never!” I replied.

I guess it’s about time when my parents should understand that touching their feet, earning a handsome package, possessing good looks and having own property doesn’t qualify a man to be 'my' prospective life partner. It’s more important that he loves 'life', cherishes my chirpiness, is able to hold a meaningful conversation and most importantly appreciates 'me' as a person and doesn’t want just anybody.

Phew!! It was an exhausting experience. Let me grab some rest.

One Phone Call

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 05:51:00 +0000

When I completed my graduation, my father gave me my first mobile phone. He laid down only two rules:

I will take his call no matter where I am or how busy I am.
He should always be aware of my whereabouts. It shouldn’t come to him as a shock/surprise.

That was his way to discipline his children and I must say he did a fab job. I followed these rules, not out of fear, but out of sheer respect, throughout my life. After so many years, I now answer my phone even in deep slumber when I see as much as ‘Papa’ flashing on the screen. The only disadvantage of this rule is that sometimes my brother calls me from my dad’s cell when I don’t answer his calls. Once I took my father’s call at 2 'o' clock at night when I was deep asleep. I had taken a flight to Mumbai a few hours ago and had forgotten to intimate him of my safe arrival. He kept waiting and eventually called at 2am. I realized how difficult it is to be a parent, promised myself of not doing that to him again and went back to sleep.

A few days ago, I repeated the same episode, except that I was not on any flight. I was not even allowed to take any calls when my phone rang. My instructor stared at me and politely announced 'no phone calls please.' When I saw 'Papa calling' on my phone screen, I pressed the green button out of reflex and also dashed out the room telling my instructor that this call was more important than anything else. I informed my father that I was in a class where phone calls were not allowed and that I will be back at home in a couple of hours.

At home around 4pm:

Papa: So who were you talking to when you answered my call?

Me: My instructor.

Papa: Instructor? What for?

Me: I have joined dance classes.

Papa: That’s an interesting development. Why do you need to learn dance? You are a very good dancer yourself!

Me: Maybe but not when it comes to Salsa.

Papa: What is that?

Me: It’s a partner dance form and I have been willing to learn it for a long time.

Papa: Hmmm! What is it like? Can I see what you learnt today?

Me: I don’t think so... I will need a male partner for that. I will show you my video when I learn a complete sequence.

Papa: Why do you want to learn a partner dance?

Now, that was a question I didn’t have an answer for. So my utterly naughty brain thought of poking some fun.

Me: You are aware of the increasing number of divorces. People divorce each other for no significant reason. I don’t want my partner to divorce me just because I don’t know how to dance with his arms around me!!

I controlled my laughter and waited for his reaction.

He appeared puzzled for a moment and then managed to utter a few words.

Papa: Does that really happen? I wonder what this world is up to.

Me: You never know.

Papa: Alright! Wish you luck with Salsa or whatever is that!!

Is love a random act or a planned coincidence?

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 05:52:00 +0000

Recently I read a book that made me think if is it is possible to deliberately decide to love someone with all your heart and hang on to that choice forever or does love catch you unawares?

If love could be planned then perhaps there would be a few less divorces. After all, isn't it love that keeps two people together? Why do we see so many loveless relationships around if it was possible to force yourself to love anybody? Why do people separate after 30 years of togetherness realizing they no longer want to lie to themselves or to the other person?

"Love" is a feeling that gradually develops over a period of time. Sometimes the quest for the perfect love doesn’t let us see the love that is around us - that shouldn’t be allowed to happen. You have to let yourself go with the flow. I don't defend "love at first sight"; love does need time to grow. When you like someone, you do try to get to know them better but that's all you can do. Trying to know someone doesn't guarantee love. You can't force yourself to feel in a certain manner for a particular person. It just happens on its own. I know people who have fallen in love with the person they loathed the most.

About a year ago, a friend of mine proposed me. This person possessed all the qualities of the man I was looking for but I couldn’t bring myself to feel that way about him. The fact that I wouldn’t be able to reciprocate in the same manner made me decline his offer. I couldn't lie to myself. Its then I realized you can’t really decide on loving someone and betray yourself.

If falling in love is a planned coincidence, then perhaps you don’t 'love' that person, instead just pretending to love them. And if you’re pretending, then chances are that your love will not stand the test of time. Over a period, you will be exhausted. You will find their flaws staring back at you. You’d say that you love your partner, but the truth is that you'll only love them for as long as they love you, and act according to your preferences. Hence you will find your so called love for them only surface deep which can turn ugly in a split second. It's called conditional love.

True love, on the other hand, is uplifting and nourishing. It lets you ‘be’. There are no conditions attached with it. That’s why it’s difficult to find. It makes you responsible for someone else’s heart. It makes you intentional in the way you treat them. And it doesn’t offer you an excuse to explain why you are the way you are. It offers you the freedom to be who you are without the fear of losing that person when they look behind the curtain of your life. You no longer need excuses. Love covers your flaws; it doesn’t try to justify them away.

Once love happens, it is entirely up to us whether we want to foster that feeling or shun it away. And that decision is primarily based on various factors like chemistry, values, logic, humour, intelligence, where we are in our lives, and what we want. Of course, we don’t wake up every day intoxicated with the feelings of love but we do choose to 'continue to love' someone, even in their foolishness, ugliness and mistakes. We have to be deliberate.

Also, like chemistry, the ability to love is not constant, it is variable. It fluctuates, depending on where we’re in our life and what we’re struggling with. Sometimes it is easy to love. Sometimes it is extremely difficult. It is entirely up to us whether we want stay aboard the train or jump off. The choice to ‘continue to love’ creates opportunity to hit notes in life that you could never hit alone and THIS is what makes the choice worth it.

Of course true love may hurt you but accepting alternate realities will not give you lasting happiness either.

What do you say?

Follow the Order

noreply@blogger.com (Dudette) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 08:53:00 +0000

When you are pushing 50 and are still unmarried, people are likely to think that you’re either gay or impotent. People look at you with their raised eyebrows, whisper behind your back and invariably badger you with similar type of questions, the answer to which is "Mind your business." The situation worsens when you have to explain your preferences to your parents.

Ever since I turned 45, I stopped visiting any of my married friends so as to avoid any raised brows of their parents. I also asked them not to visit my place so as to not remind my parents about me being a spinster thereby help me avoid being badgered by my parents. But, how long can you avoid the inevitable? They rightly say, what goes up must come down.

Out of nowhere, your childhood friend will surprise you by landing directly at your rooftop all the way from Australia. She will also bring her kids along. You’ll be happy to see her but not so happy to think about the aftermath. At this age, your parents no longer try to hide their feelings. Every married friend of yours makes them feel miserable. You have, however, learned the art to tackle such a situation over a period of time. Here is one such conversation:

Mom: Look at her. She is blessed with two beautiful babies and you… not even married yet. God knows when I will become a grandmother.

Me: Oh ma! You please decide your priorities. You want me to get married or you want to be a grandparent.

Mom: What do you mean by “or”?

Me: He he!! Don’t be such a kid ma!! You know that getting married is a tall order as compared to be a parent, isn’t it?

Mom: But you follow the order.

Me: Ascending or descending?

My mom almost freaks out. ;)

“I anyway brought you Frosty but you adopted him.” I add, “You could have very well decided to be a grandparent considering the difference between mine and Frosty’s age. We all could have lived happily ever after.”

Mom: You’ve gone out of hand. I should have put a leash on you.

Me: It’s too late for that ma. Always better to accept what you have than desiring for what others have.

My mother faints, almost.