The Lanctot Journal

Happy New Year!

2012-01-03T22:55:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year Zach & Sophie! I hope you both have a fun filled, great year and meet new friends! Love Dad xoxo

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2011-12-27T17:27:00.000-05:00

Hi Zach and Sophie,

I hope you had a great Christmas and you had lots to eat! Grandma has something for both of you from Angela and me. I wish I could be there to hug you both and see both of you grow up. It will be 2012 in a few days and its been a long time since I have seen you both. I can only imagine what your thoughts are, what you feel towards me, and how we will meet again in the future.

One day I hope that we can sit down and talk.... until that time..... know that I LOVE YOU BOTH VERY MUCH!

Love Dad

xoxo

love

2011-11-21T20:40:00.001-05:00

Hi Zach & Sophie,

I hope you are doing great. I love you both and miss you very much. Love Dad.

xoxo

Hope you both had a GREAT Halloween!

2011-11-01T14:18:00.001-04:00

Hi Zach & Sophie,

I hope you both had a great and scary Halloween and the Goblin's and Zombie's where you live gave you many treats! I miss you both very much and love you very much!

Love Dad
xoxoxo

Happy Birthday Sophie!

2011-10-01T08:39:00.003-04:00

Happy Birthday Sophie! I hope you had a great Birthday! I love you very much and wish I could give you hugs in person.
Love Dad xoxoxoxoxo

September 30th, 2011

2011-08-31T18:43:00.002-04:00

Finally the heat has arrived here in Middle River and Danika loves to keep cool by being the first one in for a swim. I hope you kids had a great summer and did lots of fun things with Grandma & Grandpa while visiting with them. They showed me some pics of you at Wonderland and at their house, can't believe how mature you both look!! And from what I hear it sounds like you're both happy and enjoying your new life in Kingston. I'm very happy to hear that kids, I know how hard moving & making new friends can be at your ages and even though I would much rather have you in my life every day knowing you have some sort of normalcy in your lives now makes me feel better about what I was forced to do. You won't understand this for a long time but when you get older and can see both sides then perhaps there will be a chance for us to re-connect.

I just wanted to send you a big hug and kiss and all my love from all of us here.
I love and miss you very very much,
Dad xoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxoxoxo :)
Danika, Karma, Stewie and Angela xoxoxoox

Heat Waves & Motorcycles

2011-07-23T16:37:00.001-04:00

Hello Zachary & Sophie,

How are you kids enjoying the summer so far? I hope you are enjoying the heat and managing to stay cool and refreshed as much as possible. I guess that pool you kids have will come in handy now, nothing like summer time swimming to keep you from melting in the hot sun! We don't have a pool but we do have the river across the road with a nice pebble rock beach and Danika just loves playing in the water. Angela usually takes Danika down to the river where they both go for a swim in the early afternoon and since we've been finally getting some of that heat that Ontario was getting it seems to be a daily occurrence... :o)

There have been a lot of motorcycles out here this year and we've been super busy, which is great! There are going to be some write-ups in magazines and online too, so that should bring even more business our way... hard to believe we've come this far in 4 short seasons. It's also hard to believe how long I haven't seen you kids and how much you have grown. I think of you everyday even though you may not think I do... one day, I hope you will be able to understand everything that happened to you both and to me.

Well, I hope you get to do a lot of fun things this summer and spend some time with Grandma Lanctot. Know that I love you and wish you were here with me!!!

Have fun kids!!!

Love Dad xoxoxoxoxxoooxox

Hoping you're well.

2011-07-05T14:37:00.001-04:00

Hi Zach and Sophie,
You've been in my thoughts lately (more than the usual everyday) and I was just wondering if everything's okay? Even Angela had a dream about you kids and she told me you were sad... and she has a very keen sense of intuition or weird psychic ability if that makes sense. Regardless, I wanted to send you some hugs from afar and let you know that whatever it is you're going through I hope you realize that I am here for you, as is Grandma and Grandpa. If you need anything all you have to do is ask. I'm sure your mom will make sure you are taken care of and that if there's something that's bothering you please talk about it and don't keep it inside all bottled up. Also your Grandma Lanctot is a great person to talk if you don't feel like talking to your mom about what's on your mind... she's a good listener and loves you very much as do I!!!
If it was anything serious I'm sure I would here about it. Well I hope you are both in good health and that you are happy wherever you are... I love you and wish you well.

Hugs and Kisses forever,
Dad xoxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Dad riding his new bike

2011-06-13T15:48:00.001-04:00

So last year for our birthdays we bought ourselves new bikes and riding gear. This year Angela got me a new Digital SLR camera. This is me posing in Cheticamp, the photo was taken with my new camera. I'm really liking photography and friends say I'm pretty good at it. Angela will be creating a resume blog for me so I'll send you the link when she's done. Hope your having a great Spring and that it warms up soon! It's been a little chilly this Spring but it's supposed to be a hot summer.

Love you kids!!! Wish you were here.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxxooxox
Dad

Globe and Mail article on PAS

2011-05-17T20:55:00.000-04:00

Farm Living

2011-05-17T13:53:00.004-04:00

Photos by Brooke Oland

Hi Kids, just wanted to share some fun we had on Sunday. Angela and I went to visit our neighbours down the road who have a farm with all kinds of animals. Angela wanted to see the newly born piglets and try to convince me that we should have one as a pet!!! The idea was to buy our own to eat and discuss buying meat directly from the farm but of course that was all over shadowed with the baby pigs, sheep, highland cattle, ducks, geese, chickens, goats... you name it they had it. I've never held a piglet in my arms before and it was really neat. They are very warm and like to snuggle, they smelt like puppy and were very gentle. It took every thing I had to keep one from hiding in Angela's jacket LOL!!! She loves all kinds of animals and she wants us to have a petting farm/ sanctuary but not until we've done some travelling first. It takes a lot of responsibility and once it comes home to us we can't just give it away because we're too busy or don't have time, so when we're older maybe an animal sanctuary could happen, we certainly have the room for it!

It was a real eye opener seeing where our meat comes from and how animals should be treated and respected. I hope you kids have a sense of that respect and responsibility for your own pets and think about the food you eat and where it comes from. I don't think you're ever too young to learn that life is precious whether it be a dog, chicken or a little pig. It felt good holding this tiny little warm body that trusted I wouldn't hurt it. The animals at this farm are treated very well and it was such an honour to sit and have tea with these folks and get to know them and what they do. Hope you enjoyed my little tale.

I love you

xooxoxxx

Dad

Busy season!

2011-05-17T13:30:00.000-04:00

Hi Kids,

How's your Spring going so far? Is it any warmer in Ontario than the weather we're having out here lately? It's been a little chilly (Angela still keeps the wood stove going...LOL!) to say the least but it hasn't stopped us from all the Spring cleaning around the yard and of course getting the bikes on the road. Angela was in Hamilton and Toronto at the end of April and said it was cold there too. She was bringing in new tenants to the Hamilton house. Do you remember our house in Hamilton? I'm sure you do, you both loved that place and especially the art studio Angela had in the attic. It's weird having other people live in your house, it doesn't even seem like it's our place anymore... you go there and it looks the same but as soon as you walk through the door it's different is some way. It's still your house but not your home, I guess that's what I mean. Anyway everything went smoothly and she was able to visit with Grandma and Grandpa. Did you know Grandma is on facebook now too? You can't find her if you just do a search but I'm sure if you asked her she would add you..LOL!!

Anyway, its been really busy for me at my job and of course getting ready for the B&B this summer. We already have some bookings and friends are coming this year from Winnipeg and New Hampshire. Should be fun and very busy at the same time.

I hope you have lots of fun things planned for your summer. School will be over soon for you and fun times will begin. How is your new school? Have you been able to make good friends and/or keep in touch with old ones? Are you still doing a lot of extra activities? Have you been playing guitar or drums? I know, a million questions, right? It's only because I don't know and I love you and care what you're doing!
I hear Sophie is becoming quite the little lady and has her own sense of style now. I think that's great!!!

I love you both so much!!! I hope you're having fun and enjoying your life in Kingston. I'm sure it's a lot of fun there too. Hugs and kisses to you both.

I love you very much!!!!!!
xxoxooxoxxoxoox
Dad :)

Happy Easter!

2011-04-25T20:32:00.000-04:00

Hi Kids,

I hope you had great Easter weekend with lots of chocolates and fun times.
I love you and miss you!

Dad
xoxoxxxoxoxoxoxoxoxx

Hugs

2011-03-31T13:34:00.000-04:00

Hi kids,

How's your Spring in Ontario? We are starting to see the signs of Spring out here finally but we still have quite a bit of snow on the ground. I spoke to Grandma and she told me she had you two for the March Break. That's such good news!!! And you were able to visit Great Grandma too, she loved seeing you I'm sure.

Do you remember Boxing Day parties at Great Grandma's? All the gifts the grand kids would get and then it would be the adult gift exchange. That was fun and you both loved being with your cousins. We still have that big family party but Aunt Karen had it this year since it's just too much for Great Grandma to do now. Those were fun times for all of us and I know you kids loved seeing the whole family.

Anyway, just saying Hi and I love you and I miss you!!!

Love Dad
xxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxooxxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo :o)

Moving memories.

2011-03-18T17:05:00.000-04:00

Hi kids,

Just wanted to let you know that I love you and I hope you had a great March break. The snow is melting really fast out here and the days are getting longer and warmer. Do you kids remember that little apartment I had in Toronto and we used to make chocolate chips cookies and watch movies in that tiny little living room? I don't why I'm thinking of that memory now but it always bring a smile to my face. That place was so small but you kids were so excited just to be there and spend a night being with your Dad, being silly and playing with Karma... she was only a kitten then. I have a great picture of you Zach with Karma in your arms and grape juice around your lips... it's very funny! Sophie, you were so curious about everything and loved playing Barbie with Angela and chase Karma around. Fun times!

Great memories in our tiny city apartment. Just wanted to share that with you. I'm helping a friend move today and it made me think of you... as always, and our time together. I love you kids!! xoxoxoxoxx

Dad xoxxoxoxoxooxoxo

March break fun!

2011-03-15T12:02:00.001-04:00

Hi Kids,

I hope you're enjoying your March break from school and doing lots of fun things. Maybe you're in Florida right now playing on a beach or at at theme park? Either way I hope that you are getting to do the things you love and that you're making the most of your time off. We have been pretty busy out here and have started making plans for our 4th season of the Cabot Motorcycle Retreat. We have lots to do around the house and in the garage so it's going to be a very busy Spring for us this year once again as well as preparing for our next step in our business venture or should I say adventure! It's all very exciting but it's a lot of work and a whole lot of planning and research. I can't believe it's been almost 4 years since we've been here and since I've seen you kids!!

In many ways the time has flown by me so fast I can barely catch my breath but then I think of you two and all the time lost and it just stops me in my tracks. Zach you're a teenager now and soon you'll be in high school with girls chasing you and getting your drivers license!!! Okay I shouldn't jump ahead because it's making me feel real old right now! LOL!!! And Sophie you're going to be 9 this year!!! My little princess is no longer a baby girl.... WOW! I really hope that you are being treated well and feel loved and want for nothing. The only thing that eases my mind is that Grandma is keeping tabs on you two and I know if she felt that there was something wrong that she and I would intervene, but as Angela has always said "no news is good news" and that's the way I get through it. She told me that she was able to talk to you on your birthday Zach and that she talked to Sophie too. I'm really happy about that and hope that you continue to have a relationship with her, she's your safety net and will always help you no matter what and no questions asked. You can trust her with anything!

Well I just wanted to tell you that I love you very much and miss you!!!
I hope you have a great March break and have lots of fun.

I love you
Dad xoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxxo

My boy is becoming a man!

2011-02-22T18:58:00.000-05:00

Zachary, you will be turning 13 tomorrow! You are becoming a man and I wish I could be there in the flesh with you to celebrate your 13th Birthday. I am however with you in my heart and all my being that cannot be stopped by any one person or document. You are my son, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH and I hope that you have a GREAT 13th Birthday. I can only hope that my former friend Simon treats you well and has learned to become a man himself.

I love you Zach and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

8 out of 8

2011-02-21T20:28:00.001-05:00

http://www.bcfamilylaw.ca/2010/07/13/bc-child-custody-parental-alienation-syndrome/More proof... unfortunately.

FRO tries to destroy another Dad just doing his best.

2011-02-11T12:43:00.003-05:00

click here for story

The Family Responsibility Office were about to seize not only my account but Angela's as well. They have that much power. It was a really scary time in our lives and we couldn't believe that Natasha had it in her to lie to the FRO and come after our accounts even though I have never missed a payment or left my kids without whatever they needed plus extras. My kids have been very fortunate to have the best of everything for the most part and lets face it, there are so many kids out there struggling just to get support for the basics. This was not the case with my kids, they were very fortunate!

It's a very serious issue and I feel for any parent that has to deal with a partner that has that much hate inside of them that they will take you to an organization that practices criminal bullying. Anyone can go to the FRO and claim ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY THEY WANT and it will be enforced immediately without proof. The burden of proof is on the accused not the accuser. Is that not ridiculous?? I can attest to it because it happened to not only to me but my fiance at the time, because we were living together they could seize her house, car and savings, whatever they wanted unless we took the ex to court. Fortunately for us we had someone on the inside of the FRO that was extremely sympathetic to our cause and they did not enforce the accusations for the first six months to give us time to prepare for court. Angela was able to seek legal advice and had a very compelling case against Natasha and the FRO... she was a witness to everything that happened and saw how unfairly the kids and I were being treated in this whole mess.

The point is... something needs to change with the FRO and they must be accountable for their aggressive and despotic ruling. They do more harm than good!

P.S.

Zach and Sophie, sorry I have posted these articles on your blog but it needs to be known how unfair the "system" can be when it comes to children and loving parents. There are many tragic and unjustified accusations against people who are just trying to do the best they can to be a good parents to their kids. It's important that you are informed of what has happened to us so that history will not repeat itself again!

I love you very much!
xoxoxox
Dad :)

"A shift takes place in the child's mind"

2011-02-10T17:41:00.002-05:00

click on title for article

A sad but telling article of the mental and emotional anguish children go through when custody battles and PAS infiltrate a child's life. I didn't want my kids to go through this and they would have if I kept up the fight with my ex.

One of the last letters from her lawyer was so vile that it was evidence enough for my counsel to recognize that she was prepared to put our kids through a battle that over the course of a decade would leave me homeless and my children completely against me and my family.

I know now in my heart I did the right thing.

Super Bowl with or without the game!

2011-02-07T13:24:00.002-05:00

Hi kids,

Hope you had a great weekend! I'm not sure if follow the Super Bowl or celebrate its festive nature but it can be quite an event for some. I'm not a big sports fan and neither is Angela so we didn't watch the game but we did have a "feed" on Saturday (I'm starting to sound like a Cape Bretoner, feed really means feast).
Super Bowl is usually associated with lots of food and drink and people getting together to watch the game. Even though we don't take part in the game we do take part in the food and drink with friends.

Angela decided to make my favourite Thai coconut chicken soup along with a bunch of other goodies. I made slow cooked ribs and of course there was a home made apple pie for desert. We've become quite the cooks at home since moving out here and since ethnic food is hard to come by we're getting really good at Thai and Indian cooking. Did I tell you there's a new Sushi restaurant in Cape Breton? I know you like sushi... well you told me that once, so I think you would love this place. Angela is a huge fan and says it's the best she's ever tasted and she's been to a lot of places so I guess that means something by Sushi standards.
I really don't like it all that much but I did try the tuna roll and it was really good.

Are you getting a lot of snow where you are? We are now in a winter wonderland! There is about 3 feet of snow on the ground and up to 5 feet depending on where you are on the property. Angela's car got completely covered, you could barely see the top. Last weekend we went coasting (tobogganing) at our friends house, it was fun seeing all these adults going down the hill like they were 8 years old all over again.

I've been thinking of what to get you this year for your birthday Zach. You will be 13 and leaving your childhood behind soon. Hard to believe you will be a teenager!!! How I wish I could be with you and tell you things about being a teen, being a young man really. I wish I was there to guide you and support you, I'm sorry I can't be son. I lost my Dad when I was 12 years old and it was truly horrible... I'd like to tell you about that one day, my experience, what I've learned and what still haunts me about losing my Dad at such a young age. I grew up fast... I had to. That's a topic for another day, I want to focus on the happiness of you becoming a young man and all the wonderful and sometimes confusing things that will bring. So in saying that I have come up with something very special for your birthday. I can't tell you what it is just yet but we think it will be the best thing and that you will appreciate it when you're older.

Hey Sophie, how's my beautiful princess? I can see you growing up to be such a spit fire with all that Lanctot joie de vivre (joy of life) behind those big blue eyes! I love you my little girl!!! You are my world... both of you are!

Well that's all for now, back to work!
I love you and miss you so very much!!!!
Dad
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxxo

What happens when you grow up

2011-01-31T22:47:00.006-05:00

Hi Zachary, I love you!!

Son, this post is for you. I was reminded today of how kids react to certain situations of stress, like divorce, divided loyalty, new partners, moving etc., and in our case being alienated from one another. I've spent considerable time researching PAS (parental alienation syndrome) and recently it has come to my attention how guilt may affect you later in life especially in your formative years. I know there are many emotions that you will naturally go through given our circumstances, the second phase is what I believe you are experiencing now which is total disregard and hatred towards me. Anger, resentment and abandonment issues are all normal reactions to dealing with my absence, as well as alignment with Simon Moon and mom in a campaign of denigration against me is also a typical reaction. These aggressive feelings you may have are unfortunately normal given what you have been subjected to and I want you to know that I understand completely. If it weren't for the network of support I have it would crush me to think of your feelings towards me right now but because I have prepared and understand the cycle of abuse I am able to deal with it in completely different light.

The reason why I am telling you this is because I don't want you to go through that cycle of guilt that you will inevitably feel one day for hating me today, for choosing mom and Simon over me. You will always have me as your father, you will have my support and my unconditional love despite what anyone may tell you or what you may think. I know that you have to do what makes you feel good right now and I also know that one day that may make you feel bad and I wish I could spare you from that, perhaps when we talk you will finally understand that nothing you did contributed or in any way hurt me to the point that I would ever leave you or stop loving you.

Adults do stupid things and I have done my fair share of stupid things in life. Giving your mom full custody was a stupid thing I realize that now.. but I never thought in a million years that she would cut me out of your lives completely. I thought she always had your best interest in mind and at heart but I know now that's just not true. There's nothing I can do about the past I can only change what happens in your future regarding our relationship, so that's why I write this blog and keep telling my story and help others through my experience. And maybe one day when you finally do decide to read this you may not like what you read, you may hate me even more but that too shall pass because in the end you are my son and I know that you love me.

Don't ever regret what you feel today, don't ever feel bad for things you've said about me because none of that matters. All that matters is that I will always love you no matter what and that I will always be there for you even though that seems impossible to imagine right now. I will never give up on you kids, never stop fighting for your right to know me and to finally understand that your Dad never abandoned you, never left you and never, ever stopped thinking of you for a second!

I've attached a couple of websites for you to read through in the hopes that it may explain and help you understand some of the feelings you have and will go through as you mature and become aware of your situation.

I love you very much,
Dad
xoxoox

http://padsupport.wordpress.com/category/parents/

http://www.cspas.ca/

Winter Fun for some...

2011-01-23T21:36:00.002-05:00

Hi Kids,

Hope you're having fun with all the snow you're getting. We've been having a very mild winter so far but it's
starting to get cold now that we're approaching February which is the coldest month in Cape Breton.
We've finally put some studded tires on the jeep and to be honest you really can't survive a winter out here without them even with 4x4 on the truck you still need good tires and studs to get you through the ice. My commute to work isn't that far but the road is very windy with lots of hills and curves so I'm glad to have the studs put on... although in the summer its a great road for the motorcycle!!

While we're enjoying our winter wonderland your Grandma and Grandpa are off to Barbados again to warm up for a month. I spoke to Grandma today and I was very happy to hear that she has had contact with you kids again. I was worried she was going to take legal action there for a while because she wasn't at all pleased with being cut off from you kids last summer and fall. Anyway, all's well now and I hope you get to spend more time with them this year and Aunt Cindy too. It's very important that you have a relationship with Grandma especially when you get older I know you're going to want to be with friends and do your own thing but, remember how much our family loves you and wants to be a part of your lives.
I know it's hard for you Zach, because she is my mom and you hate me right now but don't let that get in the way of your relationship with Grandma, she loves you more than you could ever imagine. She has gone through a lot of hurt too since I've been shut out of your lives, but she's doing the best she can to keep the peace so she can always be a part of you and Sophie's life and to keep you safe no matter what. You can trust her with anything, she will always be there for you as am I no matter what you might think.

Well I think I'll just keep it at that for now, have to go to bed and get ready for a new week. Oh did I tell you I was promoted to General Manager which means I've signed on for another year. So far I'm really enjoying being a part of rejuvenating this theatre, it's a beautiful venue with lots of potential. A friend of mine is producing a rock video and they're going to shoot it at our theatre, should be fun. I'll let you know how it turns out.

In the mean time, never forget how much I love you and miss you both so much!!!!
Have fun in the snow.

I love you
Dad
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

great article

2011-01-07T18:52:00.001-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2010-12-30T22:40:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to write you a quick a note to tell you how much I've missed you and love you.
I hope Santa was good to you and that you had a great Christmas. We just got home from Toronto where we spent the last 2 weeks visiting with our family and friends and everyone sends their love and wishes they could see you and be with you kids. There is so much I want to tell you but I'll have to write it all down after the New Year since we just got home and your Dad is exhausted!

Happy New Year kids!!! I hope 2011 see's you safe and happy with love and peace in your
hearts. I'll write to you in a couple of days and tell you all about our holiday adventures and all the people we saw and things we did.

I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and how that every single day I wish you kids could be with me... If you only knew that now you would be spared so much of the hurt and anger you feel towards me.
Until that day comes I'll just keep writing to you and hope that one day you'll find this blog.

Have Fun bringing in the New Year kids!

Your Dad Always,

xoxoxoxooxxoxooxxoxoxooxoxooooxoxoxoxooxoxxoxxoxoxoxo