Forever 17

Emo-poetry

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 06:17:00 +0000

So I've had what many would call too much free time (but I believe there's no such thing). I've come to the point where I'm already well rested, and updated on all my favorite TV series. So now that I'm done with that, I've spent time online and realized I don't have many ideas on what to do besides Youtube and Facebook (but I'm done with that too), so yesterday I remembered a certain poetry site, where I used to upload my "poems". I now call it my emo-poetry because it was written at a time of my life where I was miserable and all that.

Anyway, I started browsing through some of my last poems and they were okay, because they we're post-emo, but then I got to the emo poems, and not only where they sad, pathetic and embarrassing, but they were also BAD, super bad. I've seen worse, but still, I couldn't bear reading them. I can't even believe there was a point of my life when I felt that way, I know I was miserable during some years, but my poems are so cliché that they make my past seem a little bit fake and annoying. I wished I hadn't ruined my painful experiences with those poems, but I remember them being somehow comforting so it's okay, and I remember good times in that poetry community, reading and writing poems, participating in forums. So I guess I don't really regret it, but I'll still pretend it never happened.

I was going to put some of my poetry here, but then realized it's way too embarrassing, so I won't. LOL.

P.S. Sorry if my grammar is bad, but English is actually my second language.

Christmas time

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 23:34:00 +0000

I've just discovered that I'm a little bit obsessed about Glee. I don't know how it happened but I can't stop watching it. Of course, it's not very unusual for me to obsess over TV shows. I watch Law and Order S.V.U. everyday at 7:00 PM, only after watching, Medical Detectives, and The Big Bang Theory (also one of my obsessions). And sometimes House after that. Yeah, that's my usual schedule these days, but to be fair, I never get to watch that much of TV when I'm going to school.

I guess that's what Christmas time usually means to me, it seems boring, but I love it, and almost hate anyone who tries to disrupt it. It also means, cold weather, and that usually leads to making scarves, which is very fun and warm, besides, I'm now learning how to knit some other stuff.

XoXo

Gossip Girl (just kidding, but also one of my obsessions)

P.S. I seriously love Sheldon Cooper.

Friends with benefits

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:41:00 +0000

Joe (not his real name) keeps being stupid.

He has a girlfriend, and he claims he adores her, even though he cheats on her and all that kind of shit. Meanwhile everyone (classmates) says I'm so in love with him, and that I'm a fool because I love him so much, and he completely ignores me. Well, let me tell you something. First of all, I don't like him at all. Sure, there is something between us, and I'm not sure what it is, but I do not love him. Second, he doesn't ignore me at all. He wants me. I wouldn't say so if I didn't know for sure. The things that he does, the things that he says, things that everyone else choose to ignore. Like yesterday, when it was time to go to sleep (because we all stayed at a friend's house), he asked me to sleep with him (and he insisted). Can you believe it? I can, this isn't the first time he says or does something like that. Of course I didn't accept, mainly because I wanted to show him indifference. Accepting this purposal would have made everything worse, it would just confirm to him and everyone else that I do like him. I'm still curious, what would have happened? But it wasn't worth finding out.

What he wants from me is what bothers me. I don't know for a fact what he wants, but I have a pretty good idea. He wants us to be "friends with benefits", and he wants to keep his girlfriend. How can he think I would do that? How can he think he's worth all that?

There's this constant question in my head: If he knew I could like him back, would he choose me? Does he like me that much? That way? I don't even want to find out, I would be risking too much. Besides, if he really wanted me, he would say so, and he wouldn't be with her. Right?

I've never given him reasons to think I like him, but everytime he speaks he seems so sure about it. So, I don't think I should put myself in that position, especially for someone that probably just wants me as that kind of friend, I'm not doing that.

I don't even know why am I doing such a big deal about this. I would never take him seriously, he's completely flawed in ways I can't possibly accept. It's just that, this thing that exists between us, is really there.

But, I won't let the heart win this one.

XoXo

Gaby

Could be good

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 03:38:00 +0000

Life's been good lately. The guy I previously said I couldn't like, called, and we talked for a while. I can't believe he likes me, I can be so boring, believe me. I didn't even try to fill the awkward moments of silence, and I felt so weird having a conversation with him. Surprisingly I found out we do have some things in common. But still...I don't know. Can't even talk about it.

School has been great, I've been loving my second year at med school. I like all my classes and all the doctors, it has all been very good. In the social department, I have my everyday difficulties, I'm just not a social person! But anyway, sometimes things happen, like yesterday. I found out there's a guy that likes me, and I didn't really expect it. I had some thoughts because some things were weird and suspicious, but until yesterday I had no idea. But, guess what? I think I messed it up, just a little. I wanted to fix it today, but I didn't see him, so, hopefully I'll fix things tomorrow. I guess I never learn. But don't worry it wasn't a huge mistake, it was just stupid.

Oh, there's a party on Thursday, it could be good I guess.

XoXo
Gaby

Still felt good in my head

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 03:49:00 +0000

I don't know how to start this post, perhaps I should start with an explanation of why I kind of shutted down my blog, or maybe by telling you what's been happening lately. But, I rather just start with today, and maybe a little bit about yesterday.

Today was alright, I can't complain. Not much happened, Danny called to tell me about last night, and how it all went. Apparently everything went perfectly with her and the guy that she likes, I'm pretty sure that it will turn into something soon, very soon. And everything worked perfectly between Mary and her guy. Yesterday was a good night for both of them.

Danny also told me that a guy from school kept asking her for me, and that he has done that lately, she thinks that he likes me. It's not that new. He liked me before, but it never went anywhere so I concluded he wasn't interested after all, but now I think he might be. It doesn't matter that much cause we don't even speak. So stupid. But anyway, it still felt good in my head, cause that means he thinks about me every now and then.

Last night, I didn't go out with Danny and Mary, cause I went out with other friends. Carol was really excited cause she wanted me to meet a guy, a guy that she believed I was perfect for. It was a complete disaster. It might sound mean but I can't like him, I guess you could say he's not my type. He's just... I can't even say it.

The worst thing was that he did like me, even though I tried to be as boring as I could, and that wasn't hard to do, cause I was really sleepy and tired. But Carol, just called to tell me that he had asked her for my number and she gave it to him, she was really excited, and said I should give him a chance. And I know I should, I would give the same advice to anyone, but it's not as easy to do. Carol kept saying all the nice things he said about me, and that he really really liked me. You know, he's funny and all, but I can't overlook the fact that he's too different from me. The whole thing is really frustrating, cause I can't tell Carol what I really think, and she really doesn't see it the way I do.

XOXO

Gaby

I wanna be the one to walk in the sun...

Fruitless as well

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 04:08:00 +0000

Last time I blogged, I kept complaining about how bored I was, and describing over and over my unproductive summer. By Friday I decided I was going out, anywhere but home. I almost wish I hadn't done anything about it, and had read and entire book in two days instead. But we'll get to that later.

So, just as I was heading up to do something about my boring situation, Danny called, and told me we really had to go out, and have some fun, because she was just as bored as I was. She also gave me a year's worth of gossip (it still brings a smile to my face). So, we talked a lot, gossip and some other things, and I think that whole contact with the outside world, even if it was just through a phone conversation, made me feel really good, or maybe it was the juicy juicy gossip. So, there I was ready to go out and have some real fun. Little did I know that the night would be just a little less pathetic than staying at home. Anyway, Danny thought dancing was the way to go, and I obviously agreed. We invited almost everyone we could, but surprisingly there were only three of us. So, there was the first sign that the night would be a complete... I was about to say disaster, but it wasn't even that, it was just a complete nothing. In spite of this I thought we could definitely rescue the night. Long story short: we went to three different clubs, hoping that one of them would not mind letting in a minor (Danny), or would buy our really crappy story, or her stupid fake ID. Well, the people at the three different clubs were quite clever... We begged, well, Danny did and it didn't work. So, we ended up in a café drinking frappuchino and eating pie. It doesn't seem bad, but it was! I wanted a fun wild night, and there's nothing wild about pie.

After that, I decided Saturday was definitely going to be different, I wouldn't allow myself to have one more boring night. And I thought maybe I could compromise, but still have a somehow wild night. Then, Val called, inviting me to go to a cabin with some of her friends. She invested almost an hour of her life trying to convince me about it (and some gossip too of course), I just didn't know if it was going to work, because they were her friends and I didn't even know them, and I didn't want to be uncomfortable or bored, and unable to return home freezing in a faraway cabin. After all, she convinced me, and I lied to my mom so I could go. Actually I didn't lie, I didn't need to, cause she asked no questions, she never does. I only asked for a ride, and that was it. I don't know if she would have been okay with letting me go had she known all the details, but I wished she hadn't. So, I went to my friend's house, and we waited a few hours for the other guys to pick us up. The thing kind of got all messed up, and we started to fear that the whole thing wouldn't happen. Ok, I was relieved, this way I could go home. But no, these guys had to make this happen, whatever it took (my time!). So off we went, following an alternative plan, with various steps, each one of them with multiple complications, and a HUGE possibilty of ruin the night. After a while, I started to realize there was something about the whole situation I wasn't understanding, so I asked Val what was the real deal. And she told me they wanted to get weed, and that was what the whole evening was about, and naive me, thought it was all about healthy drinking. She thought that if I knew about it, I wouldn't have accepted to go, so she didn't tell me. So, similar to Friday night, but with some variations, we went all over town searching for weed, and couldn't buy any. Long story short: we went to a different cabin, on a different car, just four of us even though we were six when the adventure started. Alternative plan, remember? The whole night, or what was left of it, cause we spent so much time planning, and driving all around town, ended up being nothing. Familiar with that? Yeah, I thought so. So we arrived our final destination at some hour of the morning, and basically slept after a little shisha and chat. The only thing I remember about this particular chat was my drunk friend telling me that and old fat enemy of mine was thin now, and looked super good (yeah, those were her words, can you believe it?). I hate it when people I hate get thinner, and I know she's not as thin as me, but I don't want to be left behind I have to lose weight, right now. I know that was highly irrelevant, but I needed to get that out. Ok, so, as you can see, Saturday night was fruitless as well.

On Sunday morning I called my mom so she would pick me up at my friend's house, on our way home, she asked me: "You went to the movies?" And I answered: "No". "So what did you do?" "Nothing, nothing really..."

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. About today: I went to H-E-B (one of my favorite places) with my mom, and saw the cutest guy ever, I had forgotten there are cute guys out there, and he looked like the kind of cute I like. Oh, and I'm now reading "La señora de los sueños" by Sara Sefchovich.

Dying already

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 05:54:00 +0000

Today (or should I say yesterday since it's 1:00 am) has been one of my less productive days. I took a shower thinking a classmate would come by to drop a book. Had I known he wouldn't come...

I called my friend to wish her a happy birhday, it was weird, but at least I did it. Just get it out of the way you know. Yeah, I'm that bad with festivities.

A friend called to invite me to a party from school, but I had no intention to go even if I told her I would think about it. I thought I would miss this people (classmates), but I don't. First it was like, I missed school because it was an excuse to see them, but now I think I'm enjoying my time away from them too much. Please, notice how pathetic I am, here I am, telling you how I didn't even want to go to this party cause it would be boring and I didn't want to see this people, yet, anything there would have been more exciting than what I've been doing these days. Really, I've been in my house, sleeping, watching TV, and reading, the whole time by myself. Believe me, I love doing all of these things, and I missed these activities, but I should be out. It's just that...I have no available friends, for whatever reason, there's not much to do. The only thing I've done, is going to the movies (once), and that's not the wild night I need. Don't get me wrong, you know I'm not that wild.

I've just realized, it's been only about a week of vacation. It felt like a month... A week and I'm dying already, I suck at this.

XoXo
Gaby

Various ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:05:00 +0000

Having free time has given me a chance to think about new ways of improving as a person, and various ideas have crossed my mind. For instance, I was thinking about taking swimming lessons. I know how to swim, but I suck. I don't think I even swim, I just float. Besides I would burn calories, and that would not suck at all. Losing weight this summer would make me so happy. Imagine returning to school thinner, without my round face, and with better thighs. Now, that's a nice thought. You should see my face while I think about it. Ok, back on Earth. I don't know if I will do the swimming thing. I have certain concerns, one of them being, are they going to put me with the little kids? I don't really mind, it could be embarrasing, but what concerns me actually is that they'll probably do better than me. Or maybe not.. and I could be the star of the swimming class, for the first time in my life. I would share some of my wisdom with the little ones. Ok, now I'm dreaming again. Wait, what is Gael Garcia suddenly doing in my dream? Oh, yeah, he's in all my dreams.

I was also thinking of starting to jog, or walk, or jog/walk. The weight issue is really bothering me you see. My enormous cheeks are quite a problem. Most of you don't know my face and if you knew, you would say I'm overreacting because my face isn't even round, it's just that my cheeks are so weird and they've always bothered me. So I have to get rid of them, and losing weight is my last hope. The other option would be surgery, but that's a little extreme. So, I'll try losing weight first. I mean, it worked for Hilary Duff. And I know many of you think that she looked better before, but her thin face is my inspiration. At this point I have to say....please, believe me I'm not as pathetic as I sound.

Ok, so those are enough ideas for today. More coming soon, though.

Anyway, in other news. I keep being productive. Today I did laundry and...oh well, that's about it. But it is Sunday, and I took a shower, and that's a big step for me on a Sunday.

Tomorrow's a friend's birthday, I hope I don't forget (I do that a lot). And I hope it's not all weird cause I haven't seen my friends in a while, and they don't really care about me. I don't blame them. I've done some damage. Oh, sometimes I suck.

XoXo
Gaby

Oye niño no tengas miedo. ¿No lo entiendes? Se lo que quiero. Oye niño, tú serás mío, sabes bien que sólo te quiero a tí.

I hate small talk

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:00:00 +0000

I keep being productive these days. Today I went to the dentist, which I hate. I hate the taste of the water there, can't they use regular water?! I hate dentists asking you stuff and expecting you to answer with your mouth open and weird instruments inside. I hate having to do small talk. I hate small talk. I hate people. Ok, ok, I don't hate dentists, they're good, but everything they do is so uncomfortable and painful. Oh yeah, and my teeth hurt, really hurt cause they adjusted my braces. So, I'm in deep horrible pain. Ok, now I'm being a drama queen. I can live with it actually, as long as I don't eat. Anyway, it shouldn't last much. Besides everytime I go to the dentist I tell myself that I'm closer to the perfect smile I've always wanted. I can't wait actually. So, it will be worth it I guess.

You know, having all this time has given me time to miss my school books, yeah, my histology book, and my anatomy book. Those are the ones I miss the most. Maybe the word "missing" isn't right, I just kind of want to grab a book and read a chapter, just to learn stuff I have already forgotten. I mean, I know I'll need it someday. I've been trying to put it off for some days, but I will go and read soon, I can feel it.

So, what else? Still reading "The Historian", and looking forward to reading something new. Still watching Gilmore Girls, the 4th season.

XoXo

Gaby

So I find a reason to shave my legs each single morning. So I count on someone on Friday night to take me dancing and then to church on Sundays.

Productive days

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:24:00 +0000

I know yesterday I said I would try to catch up with all of you guys, but I realized it's quite impossible. Most of you have 20 and something new posts or 10 super long posts. So, I would appreciate if you could just leave a comment with updates you consider important or interesting. Anyway, I'll be reading you. I won't catch up, but I'll be reading what's recently new.

So my days have been quite "productive" lately. I've been doing stuff I've been meaning to do but I hadn't because of school. I've been reading "The Historian", as I said yesterday. I also got rid of some facebook applications. You could say I cleaned a little. I used a nose thingy that...hmm, now what do you call it? I know the name in Spanish, anyway, the point is I made something good for my face, and for my skin, and now my nose is soft and clean. I love it. I can't believe I never tried it before. So what else did I do? Oh, yeah. I finished watching the third season of Gilmore Girls, now I'll watch season 4 and 5, because I recently bought them. So, that should be fun. It's Friday and I'm really hoping to do something, but I'm starting to think maybe I wont't. I've been absent for a while and now it's all weird and my friends kind of don't give a damn about me. I've never been 100% "there", you know. That is one of my flaws.

XoXo
Gaby

If we were a movie, you'd be the right guy. And I'd be the best friend that you'd fall in love with.

I'll try to catch up

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:56:00 +0000

Hello everyone

I'm back. And done with school.

I believe this is my 200th post, but I can't think of anything special to do about it, so I'll just blog the usual.

I think the school year was good, I managed to get a few 80's in the end, so that's enough. And I did make it to second year, and that's awesome. I thought I never would. So I'm feeling good, quite good.

Now I have this summer to relax, and that's what I've been doing these days. I've been watching Gilmore Girls, reading "The Historian", playing Neopets (yeah, hmm). And soon I'll be heading to read all of your blogs, I'm sure I've missed a lot, but I'll try to catch up. =)

Anyway, not much to say today, just letting you know everything worked out perfectly (almost).

XoXo

Gaby

Not that bright?

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sun, 11 May 2008 21:25:00 +0000

Life's not good at the moment. I'm doing terribly at school and it's bringing me down. I keep trying (studying really hard) and all I get out of it are 60's or 70's. Maybe I'm just not that bright...?

There's a big chance I won't make it to the second year, and the idea of repeating the first year... I can't even describe the damage that would do to my self-esteem.

I'm starting to believe I can't do this. Maybe this isn't right for me, but I don't know where to go. I don't have another plan. I don't want to drop out, but I really don't want to repeat the first year. I've never felt so stupid, so dumb, so... mediocre.

I'm still trying to get through it all, I'm still studying, and trying to think positive, though it's impossible at this point. All I have are bad grades.

Finals are coming, and I couldn't feel more unprepared.

Anyway, I won't blog for a while I guess.

See you guys later.

XoXo

Gaby

Super long weekend

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sat, 03 May 2008 23:44:00 +0000

My throat hurts, I was finally going out tonight but I guess not anymore. It sucks, I've had this super long weekend (4 days) and I haven't done anything with it. I've been watching Gilmore Girls, sleeping, and now I'm sick, so I won't go out tonight. So lame... I've also been reading "The Historian" by Elizabeth Kostova. I was looking forward to finishing it this weekend, but maybe I won't cause I really have to study for the tests coming next week, starting of with Radiology. I've always failed this subject, so, wish me luck.

The other subjects worrying my poor mind are Histology and Cell Biology. Anatomy isn't that much of a problem anymore, but I hope I do good. Anyway, that's enough of school. Though it should all be about school starting from now cause finals are coming soon, really soon. Besides, there's nothing else going on in my life lately. I just wanted to let you know I'm still alive. So. Good.

XoXo
Gaby

It was me

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 03:16:00 +0000

This time, it was me who messed things up. It was my fault, and it was my loss, not his. And I realized it today cause a friend told me: "Hey, you totally messed up". How clear is that?

I'm so used to being the victim, being the one deserving to cheer up. I never would have known this is way more painful, the guilt is killing me. He would be so happy if he knew what I'm going through. People have hurt me before, and I would be happy to know they're suffering. It sucks, but it's true.

Today I came home and all I wanted was to sleep to "forget" about it (even though I had to study). It worked while I was asleep, but I'm back to feeling guilty and not really knowing what to do with myself. My friend's words keep repeating in my head.

I heard somewhere it was never too late (The O.C. I think), and I know that can be true but it won't do. He's hurt and if I ask for forgiveness, or even try to give an explanation...well, the brightest picture would be he won't hate me anymore, and being really really optimistic, we could be friends. He won't like me again just because I say I really didn't mean it, that it wasn't me being a mean bitch, but being really really stupid and naive. And he has almost every right, and I say almost, because it's true, I really didn't mean it, I'm just so clueless, I don't know how to act, how to behave, I'm shy and proud (a terrible combination, I've learned). I hurt him without even knowing it, without even wanting to, it was completely the opposite. I liked him, or could have liked him, so he read me all wrong. I don't blame him though.

I guess I won't do this mistake again, and I should just forget about the whole thing and forgive myself (cause he won't). I don't know if I should try to fix things, but I probably won't cause I'm afraid he'll be mean. In other words, I'm afraid of getting what I deserve, I've tortured myself enough. Would that make it worse?

XoXo
Gaby

No longer wondering

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:48:00 +0000

I don't know why am I having such a hard time lately, it's stupid how things get to me and make me miserable. My boring life is killing me, life shouldn't be that way, I mean...boring. I feel like it's all being a complete waste. Why not die already? Okay, I exaggerated a little, but sometimes I do feel like that. Some days are tough, I can't even manage to get through them decently.

The fact that I'm not a social person and my friends are is kind of weird/uncomfortable, and I'm even thinking I should get over my Daria/Emily the Strange phase. Could that be possible? I'll try, I guess.

I'm no longer wondering if there's something wrong with me. I know there's something wrong with me. I just don't know what it is. People don't get me for some reason. I'm not saying I'm so misunderstood. I'm just saying, I don't blend that well with people, and now it's bothering me.

Anyway, I should get going and study or something.

XoXo

Gaby

Casi Divas

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:37:00 +0000

Yesterday I watched "Casi Divas" one of the funniest movies ever. I highly recommend it, I don't know what's the title in English, my guess would be "Almost Divas". Anyway, this movie's about four girls that want to become the next Maria Enamorada, a famous character from a soap opera. So, there's this huge casting, and girls from all Mexico participate.

In the movie they follow closely the lives of these four very different girls. It's interesting to see how the four of them have good reasons for wanting the part, and how different their problems are. You really get to know the girls, they're flaws and virtues. The characters also deal with many problems that do exist in Mexico, like racism, anorexia, and the violence against women. It was a very funny movie, but at the same time deep.

XoXo
Gaby

I am the loser

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 05:08:00 +0000

Remember Big Loser? Turns out I am the loser. I'm okay now but Friday night was tough. I found out he's actually interested in the girl I saw him with. I don't know then, why he called me, but I'm asuming that he did it because he's tremendously stupid and a perfect idiot as I had said once.

I felt so stupid, can you imagine it? I had to pretend I didn't care, but I could feel my stomach filling up with something that wanted to escape in the form of tears. I wanted to cry, not because I was sad, but because I was angry, frustrated, and little bit hurt. But no longer confused. Obviously. But I didn't cry, I couldn't, it wasn't bad enough.

I'm glad I found out, it would have been stupid to keep thinking about him while he was interested in some other girl. Actually, I'm really amazed by how I'm feeling right now, relieved, and fine. Still, it wouldn't hurt for a friend to tell me that I'm way better than that girl. She isn't a bad person, and she's not ugly (that's what bothers me). I don't find her pretty, but guys have some weird taste sometimes. Anyway, the fact that he isn't cute or hot, helped a lot. He's a capricorn though, but he smokes, so....whatever. Everything happens for a reason, right? Wow, did I mention I'm amazed by how well I took it?

What has changed? Less pride left? Pride stronger than ever? LOL

I secretly wish that she doesn't go out with him, not to have him for myself, but for him to have none. Hihihi. He's not a bad person, but he's like any other guy as I said before.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. I know I'm not a loser, but I felt like one, after seeing the huge difference between my previous post and the reality. Tough reality.

Like any other guy

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 06:39:00 +0000

The guy sucks. He's just like any other guy, wanting to feel better with himself making me miserable. A detailed story would be obnoxious, so I'll say it like this: he tried to make me jealous and I fell for it (stupid me) and he noticed, and he loved it, I know he did, and then he tried to let me know that he was still available so I could keep liking him. As if! What an idiot!

I don't know what to do, I want to win in his game. I'll have to be better than him. But how? I'll go ahead and ignore him and show him that he's not important to me, and that I deserve so much better, and that I can have so much better.

My stomach weirdness is gone, but I was nervous all afternoon until I talked with some friends who gave me some advice and made me feel better.

I' m just so angry, I thought he was nice, but he's just a perfect idiot, and I fell for it, that's the worst part.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. Today I visited my high school and it was okay, nothing special actually, as if I never left.

Bugs me

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:01:00 +0000

Remember me asking God to not let me be stupid today? Well, he let me. I saw him today (the guy, not God). Long story short: I think I did say hi. Things were sort of awkward because of me (obviously). Anyway, tomorrow's another day.

In other news.

I can't believe I'm letting stupid little high school things bug me. Friends sometimes bring you down without even noticing, you know. I've never cared about popularity, I even sort of liked being unpopular in high school. It's just that Danny is obsessed with popularity, she's more popular than me, and I really don't care, I didn't care at high school, I won't care now. But she cares and it just bugs me. Just the thought that she might think that I care like she does, bugs me. This and other of Danny's high school's concerns BUG ME. I feel things that I never even felt in high school, cliché things, I won't blog much about it cause I feel like damned Lizzie McGuire, and she wasn't even in high school. Where does that leave me?

XoXo
Gaby

I can't wait to see you again

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:58:00 +0000

I've found my song.

The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I'm thinking about
Felt like I couldn't breath
You asked what's wrong with me
My best friend Lesley said "Oh she's just being Miley"
The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart it can't rest till then
Woh woh I
I can't wait to see you again

It's "See You Again" by Miley Cyrus. Fits me perfectly these days. What do I mean by "these days"? I mean these stupid vacation days. Tomorrow I'll finally be back at school, and I'm glad, because this gives me a chance to see this guy again, and maybe be cool this time. I hope I don't ruin things as I always do. Please God, don't let me be stupid again.

XoXo
Gaby

P.S. Who would have known that my song would be a Miley Cyrus song?

La Misma Luna

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 02:25:00 +0000

I went to the movies with my mom. We saw "La Misma Luna" (Under the Same Moon). I cried a lot. I've mentioned I cry easily with movies, well, I cried more than usual. If you have a chance go check this movie out, I think you could like it. =)

Oh my... I'll be back to school next Tuesday, it sucks, doesn't it? Actually I'm not sure of how I feel about this. I'm SO bored that school won't do any harm, but I just remembered, school is hard. I haven't read all the things I should have read. And my friends, my friends at school don't get me, to them I'm this huge sort of okay loser they hang with for some strange reason. I shouldn't care, I know. I can't stop being me, even though it would be better if I did. Anyway, this post is bringing me down so I should stop right now.

XoXo
Gaby

We should all have a Theo

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 06:42:00 +0000

I finished reading "Lust for Life", Van Gogh's biography by Irving Stone this morning. I loved it, and I highly recommend it.

Now I can't get enough of Vincent Van Gogh. I want to know it all. This tends to happen to me, with things... new things. Not that Van Gogh is new to me, but reading about his life was different. Now I'm dying to read Letters to Theo, and to see the beautiful Starry Night in the Museum of Modern Art in New York.

This book was both inspiring and interesting, I kept underlining my favorite parts. I never do this by the way, cause I "respect" books way too much, but this time it didn't feel that wrong. It was a beautiful experience, just getting to know the mind of this misunderstood genius. I feel like I know him, but more importantly I feel like I love him, he inspires me. Not only was he a genius but he was a good person, like me. Ok, way more than me.

Many things of Van Gogh's life remain in my mind and I hope they always do. Van Gogh loved painting above all, and that's the only explanation to why he kept painting when it was obviously hard and apparently useless. He was a genius, a crazy genius, yet he suffered because of this. And Theo (his brother), we should all have a Theo in our lives.

"As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed." -Vincent Van Gogh

XoXo
Gaby

Selfish self

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 03:15:00 +0000

I'm proud to say I've finished reading Mal de Amores by Angeles Mastretta. I don't know why, but finishing books has been harder lately. Now I'm reading Lust for Life by Irving Stone, and I'm loving it so far. Mal de Amores was not my kind of novel, I've just accepted that I'm not into romantic novels. I didn't love The Notebook and apparently everyone did but me, because I'm the Grinch or something. So, I'll avoid any romantic novel. What is wrong with me? Doesn't every girl in the planet love romantic novels?

Anyway.

Good news. I already have my driving license, it was surprisingly easy. The weird thing: I'm not done with my driving lessons. It's a long/frustrating story, I planned everything to be over by Friday, but it's Tuesday and I'm still not sure of when I'll be done. Ok, the point is: I'm almost there.

Yesterday I went to the movies with my mom and saw Juno, which I loved. At some point I cried. You know? I cry too much with movies, sometimes I even cry with the movie trailers. A little bit stupid, I know.

After the movie she bought me some make up: a black eye liner and awesome eye shadows. I would post a picture of those beautiful eye shadows but it wouldn't capture their awesomeness. I can't wait to use them, but they're the kind of shadows for parties. And I don't see a party coming soon, so I'm totally dying here, and wearing them on an ordinary day won't do.

I'm so bored by the way, I mean, my reading is great but I really need to get out. And I don't mean the movies or out for dinner, I need loud music and drunk friends, and alcohol, and all those beautiful things.

In other news...

I finally found a friend that shares my frustration, a frustration that has been killing me since quite a long time. I tortured myself thinking I was being crazy for feeling that way, but turns out it is completely human and understandable, still stupid, but at least I know someone feels the same way, and just as me, she really doesn't know how to make things right.

Now you don't know what I'm talking about. I think I explained it before, but it wouldn't make any good for me to mention it once again. They are like the most selfish sentiments ever. And you've already seen too much of my selfish self.

XoXo
Gaby

One peso tip

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 03:11:00 +0000

How many times do I have to say "my life sucks" for it to be over?! Okay, I get it. It doesn't work that way. You know? Today wasn't even a bad day, it was okay...until something ruined it.

I realized I don't have a best friend, I don't even talk with the few friends that could fit in that category. And my friends don't even seem friends, I feel quite insignificant around them. I feel lonely and sad, and it sucks. I want to go to school so badly, just to keep my mind busy. How sad...

My driving lessons will finally be over tomorrow, I think I did well overall. I'll probably get my license on Saturday, and I guess that's good. I still need some practice, cause I'm not that good.

Yesterday I went out with some friends, and it was mostly nice, I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a while, and I told him about my misadventures cause everyone here is sick of hearing them, LOL, just kidding, I don't even talk about my stupid misadventures to my "friends". But I did told him. It was good. The only bad thing about the whole night was that we went to a restaurant, and somehow we ended leaving a one peso tip (which is nothing), and we should have left at least 70 pesos. The weird thing was most of us had left 10 pesos each, but someone didn't pay...and I know who that someone was! And that's why I don't like going to restaurants with him. Not leaving tips is one of the things I hate doing, maybe I was a waitress in another life. Anyway, I couldn't pay 70 pesos by myself just because someone was being cheap. I feel bad for the waiter who was very patient and nice to us. He must have hated us after seeing the tip.

XoXo
Gaby

Left alone with my awful thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Gabriela) — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 06:41:00 +0000

I can't wait for these two weeks of vacation to be over. I know. It's stupid! I keep complaining about how frustrating school is, and now that I have two weeks to rest and have fun, I complain about that too. It's hard to explain, but I like my school life, even if that means bad grades and too much work. I like the people (most of them), and I like having something to do. Maybe a description of my vacation days would help.

You know what I did today? Watch TV. Yeah, Grey's Anatomy, Drake & Josh, Gilmore Girls, Cold Case, That' 70s Show, Hannah Montana, Will & Grace, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Dr. 90210, E! weekly, Lindsay Lohan's E! True Hollywood Story, Friends, and Exposed. And I feel like I missing some.

I know! Too much!

I did do something today though. I had my first driving lessons, and it was okay, I learned a few things I didn't know (and I can't believe I didn't) about driving. Being positive I could say I was okay. I'm concerned about tomorrow though, I will be out on the street, and I know I'm not ready for that. Hopefully, I'll be ready tomorrow, or else that could turn into a rather traumatic experience.

Finally I should probably say something about yesterday.

Yesterday... I was sad, and wasn't there for a friend on her birthday! I never do this, I mean, I always do this but not on birthdays. It used to be my rule: not on birthdays.

It was... bad timing I guess. She called last minute, and it was Sunday, and you may not know this but I don't even shower on Sundays. So, there I was, unshowered, sad, tired, and some other excuses crossed my mind. It's no big deal, I really do believe that, I don't know if it is, but I'm quite certain it's not. So, what if I missed her birthday party? I didn't have a birthday party myself. And a party usually is the same with or without me.

I'm just afraid I'm doing it again, being too tired and sad to be there for my friends. I tend to do this, and I don't even feel like stopping and I know it's wrong. I'm such a horrible person sometimes...

Maybe I'm not in a very happy place and I don't want people to see me. And I don't want to see how okay they are and feel even worse about myself. I know! Selfish!

Maybe I like my school life because it keeps my mind busy, and I don't think about the things I don't have to. Things I think about when I have time (like these two weeks). This thinking is killing me I gotta tell you. And the whole boringness these last days is not helping, I'm left alone with my awful thoughts.

XoXo
Gaby