Forget Regret

Sleepovers

2012-01-26T12:27:00.004-06:00

The girls have been getting along really well lately. It's been so nice to have them being so kind to one another. There is still bickering, of course, but the majority of their days have been spent playing, drawing, laughing together and there have been a fair amount of giggly sleepovers, too.

Errand Boy

2012-01-25T20:08:00.003-06:00

I admit, my depression has left me in a disheveled state. I have been washing my hair far too infrequently and lazing around in pajamas most days. The only reason I get out of the house is for my kids, mostly. Basically I actually leave the house for the kids but end up gaining so much myself from spending time with other people. The things is, I know that I will feel better once I get dressed and get out of the house but that doesn't seem to be enough to make me actually do it. I had to run some errands today and I almost skipped my outing because I didn't want to get ready but I dealt with it and made myself get out. I took Alex with me and he was so good for me. He really is a sweet boy and even though it made my errands take much longer, I was happy to have him tag along with me.

He literally fell right on his nose almost the minute we walked out the front door because it was slippery and he was running with his hands in his pockets which meant that he had nothing to break his fall. It was so sad. He held it together pretty well but cried a little bit. Once he was in the car he was just fine except that he started to fall asleep immediately. He falls asleep in the car so easily now that he doesn't take naps. I have to be careful about when I take him out and I have to do things to keep him awake like roll down the window for a couple of seconds or talk really loudly. He thinks it's pretty funny. Anyway, he fell on his face again later during our trip! This time he screamed and cried for a good five minutes and I finally got him to calm down when I told him we would be riding the elevator. He loves elevators! So then he was just fine.

He's so darn cute I can hardly stand it and he's started talking sooo much lately! It's so fun to hear him talk in four to five word sentences and it just started so suddenly. I've been trying really hard to remember to talk to him a lot and describe things to him and I've been reading a lot and talking about the books more than before. Sometimes it can be hard to remember to do those things. Sometimes I feel like there is so much talking going on between the girls that I don't remember that he needs more interaction. Sometimes I feel silly talking to him when I don't think he understands but I am learning to do it and it is paying off. Today, on the way home from the grocery store, he was so sleepy and I was trying to keep him awake so I asked him if he wanted macaroni and cheese for dinner. He nodded his head sleepily so I asked him "Do you like macaroni and cheese?" again, he nodded his head very slightly and then he looked up, suddenly, and said loud and clear "Um, I LOVE macaroni and cheese!" And he looked so serious when he was saying it.

Then my heart melted... :)

Do Something

2012-01-24T20:33:00.002-06:00

A wise friend shared this with me "Don’t do nothing because you can’t do everything. Do something. Anything!" and so I have been trying to do just that. We've been working on school things. Not a lot but something. More than we were doing anyway. Let's just say we had a long winter break. :) But I've been trying to be intentional about doing things with the kids to help grow their minds and it has been paying off. Having something constructive to do has made things much more mellow around here. I have been in a better mood, not a great mood, but a better mood and I'm working on improving that a little every day. Baby steps, right?

Right.

Learning

2012-01-23T18:36:00.003-06:00

Last week, Jenna was given some homework to do for Girl Scouts. Each girl was to be assigned a notable female figure to learn about and dress as so that the girls could play a "Guess Who I Am" game. Jenna was assigned Sandra Bullock and I was not satisfied with her spending her time learning about an actress. I mean, I think actors are great and I would have no problem with my children wanting to be an actor. However, I think at this critical time in their lives they are already bombarded with celebrities and pop culture and media and I just would rather that she learn about women who have had a significant and beautiful impact in our world.

So, I asked if we could choose someone else. I just wasn't comfortable with the subject she was given. My guidelines were to choose someone the girls would know. I knew, however, that the majority of children Jenna's age would not know who Sandra Bullock was so I decided to just pick someone that I felt was a good role model for my daughter. I chose Temple Grandin because she not only is an amazing female educator, biochemist, writer, and inventor, but she also has Autism.

Jenna is also on the Autism spectrum and I believe it is important for her to know this and to understand it. I want her to understand why she sometimes struggles to come up with the right words or why she gets anxious when there is too much noise. I think it's okay for her to know that these differences are a part of her but that it's not something that she should be afraid of but rather that she has a different and unique way of learning that is actually really interesting! Temple's mother told her "Be proud you are different!" and I want Jenna to understand that "even if you don't do well in school or have a lot of friends, you can still do many things." (Mary Carpenter, Temple Grandin: My Life in Pictures) Though, we have been blessed that Jenna has not had too much trouble in the friend department.

I think Jenna learned a lot about Temple Grandin and she asked me a lot of questions about Autism and why she struggles with certain things. I am so glad that we were able to learn about her together. I think we'll watch the HBO movie about Temple Grandin together sometime soon.

Responsibility

2012-01-22T18:31:00.000-06:00

Today Jenna decided to make dinner and dessert for the family on her own. She has been trying to be more helpful because she knows how stressed I have been. I feel bad for showing that side of my feelings sometimes but then other times I think maybe it's good for her to see that sometimes we get overwhelmed. At the very least it has awakened her compassionate side and led her to put forth a helping hand when needed and that is always a good thing.

She made spaghetti which was noodles and sauce with no meat and she made brownies for dessert. We gave her very high praise and she felt very proud of herself. I think we might have to create a cooking night for her with meals she can create on her own. That would be wonderful for me and foster a sense of independence and responsibility for her. She asked me if I was sad that she was growing up and I told her no, just a little sad that she won't ever be a little girl again. Then she gave me a sympathetic look and hugged me tight.

I do so love that girl.

Taking care of business

2012-01-21T14:32:00.001-06:00

I haven't done much around the house lately. I've managed to keep things running but it seems just barely. I do have the kids help me but sometimes I even get lazy with enforcing that. Lately my life has just completely revolved around caring for the children, worrying about Eric, stressing about money, and generally making mountains out of molehills. The littlest things send me crashing into frustration and drowning in tears. So I have all but abandoned housework, doing only the most necessary things to get by on a daily basis. Okay, honestly, I haven't even done that much. I've pretty much done laundry and had the kids do dishes and picking up. Our home is in a sad state of affairs.

So, today, I have decided to fix that dilemma because, really, who can get anything done when their home is in disorder? Alex is napping and Eric and the girls are at the movie theater so I have made it my mission to get things in order this afternoon. Unfortunately it's a big job and so I won't be able to get it in perfect order (although I don't know if that would be possible regardless of the amount of time I have) but I am planning to at least get it to where I'm not overwhelmed whenever I look around.

My goals for today:

* get things in some semblance of order at home

* fill out my student loan reduced payment paperwork

* crochet 6 rows in the blanket I'm making

* make a plan for school for next week

* make a menu plan for next week

My goals for Sunday:

* Print out any worksheets or other materials needed for school

* Gather any supplies needed for school projects

* vacuum, dust, sweep, and mop the house

* Write out plans for turning the dining room into a school/play/craft room

* Move the bookshelf in from the garage

* Write out a calendar for the week so that appointment and meetings are not forgotten

* crochet 6 rows on the blanket

Grown up conversation can change the world

2012-01-20T12:35:00.002-06:00

We were invited for a play date to my friend, Trina's, house today. I had no idea so many people were going to show up! The kids had a great time playing with all of their friends (13 kids were there) and I enjoyed my time with four other women who share many of my interests and beliefs but also challenge my beliefs and introduce new interests. This kind of collaboration always stimulates my mind and renews my spirit. We are, all of us, uniquely made and I enjoy celebrating the differences between myself and others in my life. :)

Thank you, Trina, for having us over. It was just what I needed to end a pitifully emotional week.

I should really write this stuff down

2012-01-19T12:33:00.002-06:00

I don't remember what happened on Thursday. My days seem to be turning into one big blur. Same ol', same ol'... I should probably at least have a little notepad that I can write on for days when I don't find the time to sit down and blog.

I say that, but I betcha it won't happen. ;)

Hunker down and cry it out

2012-01-18T10:18:00.000-06:00

It's ridiculously cold today. -15 with windchill. We are just cooped up in here and if I didn't have the kids I would probably enjoy it. Hunker down with a good book or some crochet work, watch some movies, drink coffee and hot chocolate, sleep... yeah, lots of sleep would be had. However, I do have kids and they are tired of being cooped up. So instead I just want to cry. I feel like life has just been a big fat whine fest lately and I'm sorry to everyone who has to read my bitter ranting.

In good news, Eric gets his medicine delivered today and so we're hoping it will help him start to feel better. It's the same medicine he has taken for several years and so it might do nothing but I have nothing if not hope... so I hope.

Friends and Fairytales

2012-01-17T10:11:00.000-06:00

The kids and I went to visit a new friend today. Heather sat and talked to me about gardening and gave me some seeds to work on my own produce garden this summer. The girls, Grace and Abagale, played with the kids and had a good time. Marah and Jenna really liked spending time there and the girls are very sweet.

After our play date we all headed to the library for a workshop about fairy tales. Teressa Wilde read to the kids and then the elements of a fairy tale were discussed. All the kids had the opportunity to write their own fairy tale and the girls really enjoyed it.

Eric had the scope done but nothing was found. The doctor basically recommended that he cut out dairy for a week to see if things improve. I'm really disappointed by the lack of results and I feel like the doctor didn't even really try to figure anything out. A whole week of wait and see which means 2 weeks of no working. This is really hard on us and I'm having a really hard time not falling into a deeply depressed state. It's so frustrating after the high I felt when Eric got this new job. One week of work, one week of feeling like things were getting better, then this happens and I just don't know how to deal with it.

Still Sick

2012-01-16T10:10:00.000-06:00

Eric is still sick. It's just so hard to deal with. Got the results of his tests back today. Appears to be a flare up so he will be going in for a small scope tomorrow. I just want them to find the problem and treat it. :(

4-H Project Expo

2012-01-15T17:24:00.003-06:00

Jenna had her first project fair for 4-H last weekend. It was definitely a learning experience. We had no idea what to expect and we were unclear as to what the project guidelines were and so she left with one of only 3 red ribbons that were given out (the lowest scoring projects of the day) but she knows what to do for next time. Her project ended up being more of a science fair type project and I think that hurt her score a bit. Anyway, here are the pictures of her working on the project and the display at the expo. It was a good experience for her.

Birthday Gifts

2012-01-14T17:01:00.000-06:00

Marah created a little treasure map to help Daddy find his birthday gift that she made for her. He had fun playing along with her game. And the gift? A homemade version of the story of Snow White and the Seven "Dwarfs." Jenna gave him a painting that she had planned to sell but decided to let him have it. ;)

Sorry about the bad quality of these photos. I am too lazy to edit them and my camera is just getting worse and worse I think.

"Is this my present?"

"Dad! Oh my gosh!"

"Dad!! *laughing* No!"

He finally found it!

"Did you wrap this all by yourself?"

"Yes!"

"Wow! You are getting as good as mom!"

"I know!"

I just loved watching her watching him as he read her book.

Unlucky Birthday

2012-01-13T16:59:00.000-06:00

Friday the 13th and it's Eric's birthday. Unlucky, indeed. It's been a week of not feeling well with a Crohn's flare-up which has had him laid up in bed most of the week. C'est la vie.

Library days

2012-01-12T21:22:00.003-06:00

I love library days. New books in the house. Lots of time spent snuggled into sofas and blankets in the midst of reading marathons. I'm gearing up to start FIAR (Five in a Row) and our first book will be Katy's Big Snow.

PS Marah's voice is way too much cuteness. I already mourn the day when it's gone.

I saw this idea

2012-01-12T21:16:00.002-06:00

I read an article in Good Housekeeping today about journaling. I thought it was really interesting and I would like to try to do it but I don't know if I can. I'm too wordy. Oh right, the idea! This lady said that she journals just one sentence a day. Every day. Just one sentence.

So, like I said, I don't think I can do just one sentence EVERY day. Some days will need more words. But I like the idea of not feeling pressured to write a novel every time I post. Not feeling like I HAVE to include photos every time I post. Those things take time and my days are already so full. However I do need to be better about writing things down and really, who is this blog for if not for me? It is mostly for me and my family. I want to print out my blogs in books one of these days and have them as keepsakes for my family. Lately though, I have just been getting worse and worse about posting. Going a month or more at a time without any news is just not the way to keep track of what's going on. So I think I am going to try to make this change. Just one sentence a day. More if I have time or am motivated to do so. No worries about pictures. Post them when I have time. But at least one sentence each day.

This is my goal for 2012. There. I finally made a goal for the new year. :)

Christmas Morning

2011-12-25T10:47:00.003-06:00

Marah has thanked me for her play kitchen stuff about ten times already this morning. She's been trying very hard to share with Alex who seems to be more interested in her toys than with his own. There are puzzle pieces and wooden stacking blocks and candy and wrappers and stickers and tape all over the floor. The breakfast dishes are still on the table because we're all too tired/distracted to deal with them right now. The last of our gifts are being wrapped before we head over to The In-Law's house for the next couple of days. Diapers are being washed. A Christmas Story is being watched. I'm feeling happy but still a bit stressed and trying really hard not to take it out on the kids but sometimes that is hard to do. I keep reminding myself "It's Christmas and it should be fun and I should not stress." I just keep hoping that my crabby stress is outweighed by my joy and love :) and that the kids won't remember me acting so high strung.

Christmas Eve... feeling emotional

2011-12-24T12:05:00.003-06:00

Today is the day before Christmas. The day known as Christmas Eve despite the fact that "eve" is defined by that time when the sun has gone down but whatever. It's also the day that I rush around trying to finish up the 97,000 projects that I started or wanted to start but never got around to. So, here I am, once again trying to make cinnamon rolls and a nice dinner and start and finish a baby blanket and pack for our trip to The In-Laws' and do laundry and keep the house clean and... and... and...

It's a good busy though. The kind of busy that reminds you of all the wonderful blessings in your life. The kind of busy that has you thinking of the memories you are creating for your children and remembering the memories that your own parents created for you. I like this day. So full of anticipation. The children are practically bubbling over with excitement and you just want to roll around in the giddyness, wrap it around you like a blanket and snuggle up with it late into the night. But, instead, you are sitting at your dining table frantically making that blanket you bought the materials for. :)

I've noticed since I woke up that I have been teary and finding every excuse to hold back sobs which means it's the most wonderful "time of the month," too. So I find myself opening Christmas cards with unexpected gifts and crying happy, someone cares about me, tears. This gets me to thinking about all that I have been given this past year by friends and family alike and I can't help but feel overwhelmed with emotion because, really, what would this year have been without these wonderful people? I am truly blessed. My children are blessed by you, too, because you make me happy and a happy mom makes for happy children. So thank you, to all who have given me gifts, of things, of time, of money, of travel, of friendship, and most of all, of love. Life's so much more warm and fuzzy and lovely with you in it.

I've got my cinnamon roll dough started and I'm thinking about how we're going to make it to the Christmas Eve service tonight. Plus I've got dinner in the crock pot, minus the mashed potatoes and rolls, and I have a few more treats I'm hoping to bake and make labels for gifting. Yes, it's all a glorious, last minute, procrastinators dream! Don't you wish you were here? :)

I've got plans for tomorrow, too. SO much to do and so little time left. I'll probably be up most of the night. So, I am signing off!

Random: Words Marah uses that make me smile: saus-a-sege (sausage), neck-er-ize (recognize)

Christmas movies

2011-12-09T00:51:00.003-06:00

It's the time of year for those Christmas movies we love and hold dear! We have a box full of Christmas DVDs that we pull out with the Christmas decorations each November and it is definitely our mission to make sure that no movie is left behind. In our family, movies are one of our favorite forms of entertainment and we try to make each movie night fun and special even if it's not the most extravagant event.

The list of movies we must watch grows longer each year! The thing about Christmas is that people love it so much that the film industry feels the need to capitalize on that obsession by churning out new Christmas movies each year. Some become family favorites and others are best left on the shelves. However, in our family, it seems as if even the not-so-great Christmas movies are enjoyed by all to at least some degree because, after all, Christmas is a magical time of year.

Here is our list of must watch movies and specials:

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

A Christmas Story

Elf

Home Alone

The Santa Clause

Bad Santa (not for the kids)

Mickey's Christmas Carol

How the Grinch Stole Christmas

and pretty much any Disney Christmas cartoons

There are movies that I loved as a kid that I really would like to get on DVD to share with the kids but haven't had the opportunity to buy them yet. Movies like Heidi (I loved the Shirley Temple version) and Miracle on 34th Street. I think my girls would enjoy them. Maybe this year I can get them. We'll see.

Anyway, Christmas movies. They're a fun tradition. We only let the kids watch our Christmas DVDs at Christmastime. This keeps them as a special treat so that they don't get tired of them. I think I get almost as excited as the kids :)

So go pop some corn and buy some special drinks. Make cookies and put on Santa hats while you cozy up with blankets in front of the Christmas tree and watch movies in it's gorgeous glow.

Make each day count!

A Night in Bethlehem

2011-12-08T01:15:00.003-06:00

The girls took part in our church's Christmas program for the first time this year. I'm not even sure what our church has done in the past at Christmas other than the candlelight service for Christmas Eve. This tends to be the time of year when we get caught up in other things and start to taper off on church attendance for awhile. When it gets colder we tend to hibernate. Plus I hate getting the kids ready to go out in the mornings when it's freezing out. It just takes too long!

We do like our church, though, and the kids have come to really enjoy going so we're trying very hard to stick to the habit because it's a good time for us to all spend time together and our pastor is a really great leader who really makes the Word come alive for us. Anyway, let me tell you, I do not envy our Director of Children's Ministry. She has a tough job and it's clear that she really loves it. You would not see me trying to get all these kids to learn these songs and line up and stay on stage and pay attention. Just the idea of it exhausts me! So I really appreciate her and the other workers who spend their time with my children. It means a lot to me.

The girls sang Christmas songs with the other kids and some of the older kids did some scripture readings. It was clear that most of the songs were not practiced enough (I think it would have been good to have the songsheets sent home so that the kids could practice because I had no idea what they would even be singing for the program) but it was still nice to see the kids trying because it's cute when kids don't know the words. It's not cute when adults don't know the words... :)

Christmas... already?!

2011-12-02T08:15:00.005-06:00

Well, I can't believe it is Christmastime again. Time, could you please just slow down a little bit? I have lots to accomplish and you are making it very difficult to do so!

I have so much planned for Christmas this year. I love December. I love making this time of year special for my family. I am blessed to have a husband who loves Christmas (probably even more than I do) and we have fun celebrating traditions brought in from our families growing up as well as introducing new traditions for our own children to pass on one day.

The day after Thanksgiving is when we set up our tree. I believe it is good to keep the holidays separate. Keeping Christmas stuff postponed until after that turkey is consumed helps the kids to appreciate Thanksgiving which seems to becoming nearly an afterthought in this day and age (wow... saying that makes me feel incredibly old LOL).

This year I really wanted to decorate our white tree with simple, colorful, shiny things. Growing up, I always wanted to have a white tree with colorful ball ornaments. We always had a tree full of keepsake ornaments and I loved it, treasured the memories attached to those ornaments, but just wanted to experience a fun but simple tree just once. So, this year I did just that. I bought a bunch of pretty ornaments on clearance at Target last year. I have been admiring them in our garage all year (seriously) and thinking of how lovely they will look on our tree. And, I will say, I do think our tree looks pretty and cute and fun BUT it's not the same.

We didn't pull out each ornament and hear "that's mine!" I didn't look at each one fondly, remembering my childhood, recalling my children as little toddlers, clumsily hanging each one with chubby fingers. So, it has been nice for this year, and I might hang on to these ornaments and maybe one day we'll have a family room AND a living room and we can do a tree in each room. I don't know. We'll see. All I know is that I miss my eclectic, cluttered tree.

So I was a little excited to see that the first activity in our family advent devotional was to make a small heirloom tree. The directions were to use an evergreen branch and decorate it only using ornaments that were handmade by the children, ornaments that have been passed down, and ornaments that held special meaning. So I went out, cut a branch off of our very prickly tree (um, ouch much?!), and stuck it in some water. Then the girls and I picked through our ornament box and chose the most special ornaments and all the handmade ornaments and hung them on our heirloom tree. It was nice to look through that box again and it helped me remember how many special memories are there. Thank you, Mom and Dad, and Grandmere, for all of the beautiful memories in that box. Without you we wouldn't have them.

Our little heirloom tree. Right next to our photo wall. How perfect :)

And now I'm crying. Just a little. :) Alrighty, I have so much to do today! Let me show you what I'm working on for my latest customer (please ignore the terrible Blogger jaggy quality):

Like what you see? Check out my Etsy shop and purchase your own custom silhouette just in time for Christmas gifting! CLICKY HERE -----> http://www.etsy.com/shop/ashtinafayelou

I have so many activities planned for December. I am excited to celebrate the birth of Jesus with my family! Please come back and see what we're up to. And leave me a comment telling me about your favorite Christmas traditions.

A Day of Thanksgiving

2011-11-30T00:43:00.005-06:00

We celebrated Thanksgiving with family and good food. Hosting holidays at my house really just makes me happy. Not sure where I get that from! I had lots of wonderful help from my girls this year. They are growing up so much and turning into quite the little chefs. Jenna made the cornbread for our stuffing and basically helped with all of the cleaning. Marah did most of the work on the sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, and mashed potatoes, and helped a lot with making the stuffing. She really enjoys helping out in the kitchen. Jenna always says she wants to help but then ends up bored and wandering off.

I really wanted to play games with the adults after the meal was finished but it seemed like we were all just too tired at that point so we just watched some shows on the TV instead. Marah was really just so excited about the day and kept talking about how she wanted to make everything beautiful and how she was so happy that our family was coming over. It was very sweet. I had the girls make placecards for the table this year and they really enjoyed that. Marah even made the centerpiece for the table. I had to let go of my control issues and let her proudly display her vase full of dollar store flowers. :) It was all very nice and the food was yummy and no one got sick from the turkey and so I consider it a success (food poisoning from undercooked meat that I cooked is one of my biggest fears)!

Sometimes, when you are struggling to make ends meet, when you're dealing with a long run of depression, when your mind keeps wandering to those sweet memories of the time you spent with your family in San Diego, when life just seems to be getting you down, it can be hard to feel thankful. It's sad, really, because I know that I have much to be thankful for. I know that my life is cake when compared with the long-suffering of people in other parts of the world. It's ridiculous to feel like my life is so hard or so dark and depressing. I need only look around me to see all of the beautiful people God has blessed me with. I need only look up to see that roof over my head. I need only look left to see my kitchen sink with clean running water. Hot and cold, at that! I need only walk about 40 feet to get to my bathroom. I am so very blessed. I need to remember that more often.

I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving, too.

Marah puts the topping on the sweet potatoes.

Marah and Uncle Fred peel the potatoes.

All the food is ready for consumption. Please ignore the big brown box that was brought by one of our lovely guests. This ain't no magazine cover, folks!

Grandma's place card made by Marah. The other place cards said Aunt Tera, Uncle Fred, Grandpa, Eric, and Ashley. ;)

The table has been prepared by the girls. Please pay special attention to the beautiful centerpiece.

Jenna was not happy about being told to sit at the "Kid's Table" but I told her it's holiday tradition so deal with it.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-11-16T23:21:00.002-06:00

We miss you, Nana and Papa!

(So. Cal post to follow)

Oops! Halloween :)

2011-11-15T08:45:00.003-06:00

How easy it can be to forget to blog. Or even to just put it off because you have more pressing matters. And so it is that I am blogging about Halloween in the middle of November. I still have my trip to San Diego to blog about. In fact, I still have our family trip to San Diego to blog about! Crazy. Anyway, our Halloween was fun and simple this year. I made the kids use what we had around the house to come up with their costumes, so that we wouldn't have to spend any money, and it worked out great.

I helped Jenna come up with the idea for the Dios de los Muertos costume and we made paper flowers for her hair. Simple with a little bit of edge to it (Jenna always wants a scary costume). Marah knew she wanted to be a bride back in August when she received the play dress from her Aunt Krista. I ripped apart an old costume to make her veil and utilized the skills I picked up while making my sister-in-law, Ai's, veil. I think it turned out pretty cute! We added a lacy shirt under the dress and it ended up looking like it was part of the dress. Very Kate Middleton. :) For Alex's costume I just used his Woody pajama shirt, a red bandana, and a cowboy hat, which I realize is red but is all we had and worked just fine even though the girls said that was Jessie's hat.

We did our trick-or-treating, coming home with a ton of candy (of which all that remains are a bunch of Tootsie Rolls) and then settling in for some good old fashioned Halloween TV. We watched the Garfield Halloween special and Icabod Crane and the Legend of Sleepy Hollow. I love Halloween. It's such a simple concept. Dress up, get candy, eat candy, watch fun shows. There is no pressure to buy gifts, make a fancy meal, put up a ton of decorations (unless you really want to). It's just easy and fun!

Trick-or-Treat!

Jenna received a lot of compliments on her makeup.

Such a beautiful bride.

She knows how to make me laugh!

Recap for last week

Make each day count!

I may love rainbows but...

2011-11-14T20:28:00.006-06:00

I have something I need to get off of my chest. I have struggled in the past with reading certain blogs that seemed to portray family life as happy, beautiful, perfectly lovely, something easily treasured and never looked upon as a burden or a source of frustration. I have read these blogs and wondered 'what am I missing?' and 'why don't I have this life?' I have felt the pang of wistful longing for that storybook life and I have questioned my own purpose, my mission, my place in my family. I have wondered, because of these bloggers, if I am doing something wrong or if I am just abnormally lazy, depressed, whatever...

Then I read posts like this: http://www.preparingthesoil.com/2011/11/11/sunshine-and-rainbows/ and I understand the point being made, I do. I know that they don't want to share all the negativity. They don't want to come across as complaining. I realize that there is a heavy weight placed on the spirit when you are always being fed depressing, sad, dark moments. I get that. I don't want to read a blog that was written by Debbie Downer, either. I love reading the happy posts. I love being inspired to do better because I see others doing fun stuff with their families and I read about them enjoying the everyday blessings. I'm so grateful to the bloggers with their bright and cheery, sunshine and rainbows, beautifully celebrated lives. Their blogs encourage and inspire me.

But, I have to say, I like reading about the hard times, too. And it's not because of some sick need to know that someone else has a messed up life, it's because I know that we are all imperfect and I strongly believe that sharing our imperfections can not only be freeing for us BUT for others as well! I have always felt that God wants us to bring the darkness into light. Isn't that what fellowship is all about? Aren't we supposed to form relationships based on reality? Isn't it important to know that we are not alone in our sinful nature?

Sure, the moments that make us feel good are God sends and He wants us to take the time to express our joy in those moments, but the trials and tribulations of life on Earth are also a part of being human, and in this age of technology and Facebook and blogging and internet friendships the opportunity to find comraderie in real life is becoming smaller and smaller. We are an internet generation and I think that it can be a bit of a hinderance to our relational intimacy, but it also gives us an outlet for getting things out that we don't feel comfortable sharing face to face.

And, really, why don't we feel comfortable sharing? I believe it is because nobody does it. It is very uncommon to hear someone sharing their "dirty little secrets." I think that keeping it to ourselves does our own spirits a deep injustice but I also believe that it does others an injustice. We need to know that people have been where we are. We need to know that there are others out there that we might be able to talk to who have been through what we've been through. If I didn't tell you that my marriage has suffered the deep blows of infidelity would you feel comfortable coming to me with your own issues on this matter? How would you know that my husband and I have worked very hard to overcome these terrible hardships and that I might have some advice for you if you are in the same situation? How would you know if I didn't share that? This is why I strongly believe that God wants us to share. He wants us to bring the darkness to light. Expose yourself and you might be blessed. It's not easy, for me it comes easier than others but it isn't easy for me either. I think it's important though.

Okay, so maybe your family blog isn't the place you feel comfortable exposing your marital problems. I get that. You don't have to go that far. It's a place I choose to go because I feel led by the Holy Spirit to do so. What I'm trying to say is that I want it to be OK to step outside of that perfect box that people feel so pressured to stay in. I want us to feel safe to share when life isn't perfect. I feel blessed by the sharing of these moments. Hearing about or reading about the times when life gets us down, that's what helps us get through our own rough patches. We need to know that we are not alone.

I know it's not for everyone, but I just wanted to throw my own feelings into the mix. I know some people blog the happy moments for a particular reason, and I understand their reasons, but I think it's okay to strike a balance between sharing our happiness and sharing our sadness.

Thanks for reading. :) I'm going through my own rough patch right now that I would really like to blog about but for now I'm just going to say that this blog here, it's about real life and all the ups and downs that go with it.