Forks Off The Moment

The World of Firsts: Yummy Edition

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:25:00 +0000

I am weary of the world so I turn to something that is all good.

Hope had her first bit of "real" food this week.

She seemed to enjoy it, there were lots of yummy sounds.

Her Daddy is #1 burper in all the land.

She was a happy girl and wore her oatmeal proudly.

Veterans For Peace

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 14:01:00 +0000

In honor of this day I thought I would let people who know what they're talking about share their voice.

You can read more at VETERANS FOR PEACE

President Barack Obama
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW
Washington, D.C. 20500
October 27, 2009

Dear President Obama,

As veterans of our nation’s wars, we insist you hear our call.

British Prime Minister Stanley Baldwin spoke an unassailable truth when he said, “War would end if the dead could return.” If you believe that is true, Mr. President and Members of the House, you must heed our counsel well: we are the closest anyone can come to that truth the dead would speak. Stop the killing!

Because we personally understand what war truly means, we have written, called and demonstrated repeatedly for an end to the killing in Afghanistan and Iraq. We have protested at and have been arrested in House Office Buildings, the House Gallery, the White House and Congressional offices across the nation. We have pleaded, then demanded, that you stop the suffering in these countries. Although promised prior to the election, no combat brigades have returned from Iraq. And now we can smell the mire of escalation in Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Nevertheless, we cannot cease to appeal to that spark of humanity in your hearts. We know wealthy, powerful interests such as weapons contractors, lobbyists and right-wing broadcasters daily make a deafening noise, trying to drown out the voice that insists, “Stop the killing.” We also know that no matter how quiet the voice of humanity might become, it can never be silenced.

So we lift up to you voices much more eloquent than our own, voices of soldiers who survived the worst fighting human beings have ever experienced, World War One. For nearly 100 years, the wisdom and compassion of their poetry has endured. Their words now stand as one of the world’s most powerful witnesses to the madness of war.

You must hear them.

…And you yourself would mutter when You took the things that once were men, And sped them through that zone of hate To where the dripping surgeons wait; And wonder too if in God's sight War ever, ever can be right.
– From “Foreword” by British ambulance driver, Robert Service

And

…If in some smothering dreams you too could pace Behind the wagon that we flung him in, And watch the white eyes writhing in his face, His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin; If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs, Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues, My friend, you would not tell with such high zest To children ardent for some desperate glory, The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est Pro patria mori.
– From “Dulce et Decorum est” (It is Sweet and Right to Die for Your Country) by British Army Lt. Wilfred Owen, killed a week before the 1918 Armistice.

More than that we cannot say to you, so we will address our former brothers and sisters in arms who are now our brothers and sisters in peace.

Most Sincerely,
Mike Ferner
National President
Veterans For Peace

cc: Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House
Steny H. Hoyer, Majority Leader of the House
John Boehner, Republican Leader of the House
James E. Clyburn, House Majority Whip
Eric Cantor, Republican Whip

Thoughts of Bonnie and Clyde

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 14:02:00 +0000

I pass this car a lot. It's always there.

It sits on the edge of a gas station at a really busy intersection. The kind of intersection that backs up and you have to wait for the light to cycle through at least twice before you get anywhere.

I have made up a million stories about this car. From the mundane - owner needs to sell it to save the gas station. To the sublime - it is the get away car of old time gangsters.

Bonnie and Clyde the next generation.

The other day I noticed ...

... what I decided were bullet holes.

A whole new set of stories to get me through traffic.

A REMAKE of the Bonnie and Clyde story is planned for next year.

The 1967 CLASSIC is one of my favorite movies.

it is official - new jersey IS run by thugs

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 12:47:00 +0000

Imagine Tony Soprano without the good looks, the charm, the humor.

Meet NJ’s new governor. The (not so) honorable Chris Christie.

Here he is with his future defense attorney. Considering that our new governor likes to drive recklessly and then threaten the police Rudy should come in handy.

And here he is looking for his brains.

I can’t say I’m surprised by what the news is calling an “upset”. I am disappointed. My fears about my fellow citizens have come to light – when push comes to shove they only care about their little tiny patch of toxic land.

And there are those intellectual giants who probably thought they were voting for Christ. Or maybe they liked how CC looked on the shiny magical voting box. I met these folks at healthcare town meetings.

Homer Simpson could have won this election – all you had to do was bark as loud as possible about property taxes.

And pander to those who have never lived anywhere but here and never read a newspaper – convince them that NJ has it worse than any other state (not true) and blame it all on a one term governor. It didn’t help that Corzine has the personality of mulch. He couldn’t excite a room full of imprisoned women if he had a vibrator stapled to his head.

Our new governor thinks women do not have the right to chose. He thinks gay people should not be allowed to marry. His children all attend parochial schools and he thinks early childhood education is “babysitting”. He loves insurance companies. He adores big corporations.

He is a match made in the hell that I fear we are all sliding toward.

And the funniest thing of all is that most economists say his proposals to lower taxes won’t work anyway. Most say that Corzine would have kept taxes stable while continuing to save basic services.

I know this because I did my homework. I read both websites and then I checked their claims with third party sources.

My fellow NJ’ers apparently didn’t have the time – they were far too busy screaming at town hall meetings and setting up their little anti-Obama tables outside the post office. Hell, it takes time to draw in the Hitler mustache.

This very same “upset” happened in Virginia. Be proud all ye Christie-ites – you’re slipping closer and closer to the Mason-Dixon Line.

Yo Democrats! Wise up. If your party doesn’t start fighting back the only blue you’ll have is the balls you sadly lack.

As for me and my new governor. I will bestow upon him the same respect Fox News gives the President. I hope he fails. I think he’s a racist. He is absolutely part of a conspiracy to destroy American ideals.

Christie challenged Corzine to “man up and just call me fat” – Corzine didn’t. I will.

You’re fat Chris. A fat liar. A fat bully. A big fat slug in the Garden of this State.

Pet Pride: Oy! My Nerves

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 21:17:00 +0000

Hi everybody - Siren here.

Mom person made up the title. I don't really say Oy!, it's more like OEEEOW!! but, like most humans, she hears what she wants to hear.

I am so grateful to BOZO for hosting Pet Pride. It's the only place where I can share my troubles.

It has been a rough few days.

First of all Mia (ugh!) has taken up all of Mom persons time. She is on new meds and she is acting odd - as if one could tell the difference - so she is getting a lot of attention.

She puts on her pathetic face ...

and gets everything she wants. I know she's like a million years old but come on already, enough!

The latest thing is that she can't reach everywhere to bathe so she's been getting matty hair and overall funkiness. So now there are more accessories just for her ...

Mom person runs around here wiping and brushing and clipping and serving. It's like a freakin' day at the spa with Mariah Carey.

I feel bad for Mia now and then. I guess I'll get old and feeble one day (NOT) and Mom person will take care of me too.

I try to help. Just last night Mia did a little upchucking and I ran right over to paw at it and move it under the bed. I was even careful to wipe my paws on the bed when I was finished cleaning up. I get the feeling I wasn't appreciated.

Makes me want to ...

Yesterday was some sort of people holiday. It required the persons dressing up like animals and beasts and ringing doorbells. Every time I got settled in for my nap more of them showed up.

Even the "infiltrator" was in on it. She dressed up like a bee and hung out with MY friend Anthony. Anthony is the first child person I ever liked and the first not family person I ever didn't bite - why is the furless wonder hogging in on him?

I was so upset that I needed to cuddle with Mom person's shoes.

I survived the dress up doorbell ringing day and thought that was it. BUT NOOOOO!

Today the uninvited creature with no fur sits center stage with all the goodies Mom person bought her and gets to watch the Jets. She sits there drooling and babbling while her Dad - MY brother - yells at the TV. More commotion ...

She does smell and lick everything in sight. That I can relate to.

Well my nerves are shot. Where are my shoes?

Thanks for listening everybody. It's Jenna's birthday so go on over to PET PRIDE and say Hi.

Happy Halloween

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 00:46:00 +0000

Hope will be a bumble bee for Halloween. She will be attending a 'It's My First Halloween' party in Brooklyn with her cousins. Her Mom's family is very large and there are many, many cousins for Hope to share the day with.

We've been celebrating all week.

First we played 'Nana don't let me slide off the sofa' ...

We played twice with a costume change in between ...

Here we see Hope considering who she will give all her candy to ...

And day dreaming about pumpkins ...

Earlier today Hope traveled to the pumpkin patch in search of the perfect pumpkin ...

Have a wonderful Halloween!

May the Great Pumpkin Shine For You

The Turnpike Series. You Can't Be Torn If You Just Don't Care.

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 05:31:00 +0000

Most of the news outlets are calling the World Series between the NY Yankees and the Philadelphia Phillies The Turnpike Series. I’m not sure where or how they drive but I don’t think you can get to the Bronx from the Turnpike.

As a resident of the lovely Garden State of New Jersey (Lord save me) I’m supposed to be torn about who to root for. Northern NJ is being called Yankee country while Southern NJ is allegedly devoted to Philly. I live in Central NJ – what the hell do I do?

Lucky for me I don’t give a rat’s ass.

I saw an interview today with a man who lives in Princeton. He called his town “the Mason Dixon Line” and went on and on – and on and on – about how “torn” they were over this series. He even claimed that “living through” this series would give people a feeling for how it was to live along the Mason Dixon Line. God Bless America – we don’t know our own geography or history and can turn any horror into trivia.

I used to be a baseball fan. A devoted Yankees fan. I would take my son to dozens of games every season. When money was tight we would sit in the bleachers and get a good (cancer causing) sunburn. My son wouldn’t even blink at the rough language and rowdy ways of the bleacher creatures – he’d seen it all at home.

In richer days we enjoyed box seats and extra hot dogs.

We’d get there as soon as the stadium opened. My son loved batting practice. Dave Winfield once hit a wild one that landed in Jeffrey’s soda cup. Reggie Jackson tipped his hat to Jeff. Goose Gossage kissed my hand. I told him he had beautiful eyes. He asked if I’d like to see what they looked like after a night of drinking and … Goose stopped dead in his tracks when Jeff said “hey, she’s my mother!”

Damn kid always cramped my style …

Now tickets to a game are absurdly expensive. The new stadium feels like a gourmet food court where a ball game just happened to break out. The Yankees annoy the crap out of me – I’m so sick of whiny multi-millionaires who play a kid’s game for a living and take themselves too seriously.

I really don’t know much about the Phillies other than they have Pedro Martinez on their roster so they must suck. I despise Pedro. Ever since he grabbed Don Zimmer’s head in his meaty hands and threw an old man to the ground I have despised Pedro. I never bought into all the Yankee/Red Sox stupidity. People who beat the crap out of each other over a game are just plain asshats but the sight of Pedro can make my blood boil.

I might tune into the games to see what Kate Hudson is wearing.

Or maybe, in a moment of nostalgia, I’ll watch just to hope Pedro gets his ass handed to him.

Plus it’s always entertaining to see them put Mayor Bloomberg into his booster seat.

The Portrait

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 16:35:00 +0000

I have always wanted to visit the National Portrait Gallery at the Smithsonian in DC. I’ve been to DC several times but never made it to the Gallery – usually due to having others with me who couldn’t bear the idea of another museum.

I was browsing articles about the Gallery yesterday when I came upon a new portrait.

The artist’s work won a spot in the gallery after being selected from among 3300 other new portraits. You can read about the competition and the details of this portrait HERE and HERE

This is Army Sgt. Richard Yarosh …

Sgt. Yarosh was injured in Iraq in 2006. The vehicle he was in hit an IED and burst into flames. In addition to the articles above you can also read more about that HERE

What struck me about the portrait was the sense of dignity, quiet dignity.

Here is a real person who had a life before war and who, with an astounding amount of courage and work, has a life after war. Rich has gone through 35 surgeries. He did not look at his own face for 5 months and says it took many more months to feel comfortable enough to show it out in the world.

I really recommend reading the articles I linked. I took great comfort in the comments of those who were viewing the portrait for the first time.

The sacrifices made by soldiers and their families cannot be measured. The challenges faced by anyone who is disfigured or disabled cannot be described.

Those of us who sit on the sidelines of war need to do more. All the bumper stickers and flag waving and peace globes on earth don’t equal volunteering some time at a VA Hospital or helping a military family.

I have had many days lately when I felt I couldn’t face the world. On the next one I will think of this portrait and it will be easier to push forward.

Thank you Sgt. Richard Yarosh

I Know This Look

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 00:23:00 +0000

I appear to be the Queen of the Relapse – just when I thought my head was clear it filled up with toxic waste again. I’m foggy with a chance of bad moods and fits of exhaustion.

Oy!!

The night that Hope was born I saw this expression cross over her face for a moment and a wave of memory feelings came over me. I couldn’t articulate the memories at that moment.

On and off for the past 3 months I kept catching glimpses of this same expression. Actually I felt more than saw the expression.

I have had many moments where Hope reminds me of Jeffrey (her Dad/my son) – she has his lips and nose and she has a joyous, mischievous smile much like his was as a child.

But this expression I occasionally experienced was different. I just could not wrap my mind around it.

Then the other day Hope was playing in her ‘bouncy seat’ and she became annoyed and frustrated by not being able to reach one of the toys that hang from it. I encouraged her to reach and I made ‘Mr. Frog’ spin to capture her attention and I was met with THE EXPRESSION …

I said “Oy, why the stricken look” before I even thought the words and it all came back to me.

This is my expression ...

I remembered my Aunt Pat saying “Oy, why the stricken look” and her calling over to my Mom – “Annie, this child looks like she’s suffering”

I remembered my Mom laughing and saying I always made that face when “things don’t cooperate with her”

The memories just flooded back after that ...

One of my uncles used to say the look broke his heart
Nana used to laugh and tell people to let me be, I was intent on “solving her own puzzle”
I had a teacher who told me the look made her feel like she was torturing me

And there are so many more

I think I still do this look today but of course it’s nearly impossible to evaluate your own expressions.

I guess I’ll have to wait until Hope is old enough to tell me if she recognizes the look.

Here are a few shots of Hope in her ‘bouncy seat’ when she’s not “stricken”

Creepy Old Guy Hates Fat Girls

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 04:30:00 +0000

I haven’t touched the PC since Sunday so it’s going to take me a few days to catch up with everyone.

I miss youse guys.

I have a sinus something/head something/chest has pebbles in it thingie that is kicking my butt. It is making me so wacky that I would swear the brain tumor has moved and is about to kill me but I’m just not that lucky.

I shall recover.

Now – anyone with their priorities in the right order knows that it doesn’t matter how you feel.

All that matters is how you look.

Just ask fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld. Kreepy Karl responded to the news that a popular German fashion magazine was going to replace professional models with “real” women by saying …

"No one wants to see curvy women,"

"You've got fat mothers with their bags of chips sitting in front of the television and saying that thin models are ugly."

"Nobody wants to see a round woman."

As you can clearly see from this recent photo Karl knows what’s beautiful …

Who the hell put Andy Rooney’s head on Michael Jackson’s body?
Does this asshat own a mirror?
Or does his reflection not appear?

Personally I’m sick to death of all this talk about women and their size …
Real or model
0 or 14

It is one more way for women to judge themselves – and each other - too harshly.

I think the criticism of skinny models is as outrageous as the marginalization of larger women.

And long before we women start bashing men and magazines about this crap we need to check ourselves.

I sat with a group of new moms the other day and all they did was obsess over how much baby weight they had gained and now had to lose. And they trash talked those who weren’t there. My favorite comment was …

”She thinks she can lose the weight and keep the boobs. Guess she’ll have to get them done”

WTF?

This is the crap I burned bras and smashed my head against the glass ceiling for?

So we could take giant steps backwards to a place where women hated other women based on their looks.

I’ll need a whole ‘nother post to cover the ‘Cult of Mommy Hood’ that I have become aware of. Good Lord !!!! Cows give birth - quit acting like you discovered the cure for cancer.

But I digress

Women should love themselves for …
Their accomplishments. Their spirit. Their strength. Their whatever it is that makes them special and happy.

Hell - men love themselves if they remember to put the toilet seat down.

And please stop buying into paternalistic ad campaigns.

If you buy Dove products because you think they care about you or your daughter’s self esteem you are so sadly mistaken. Take a look at their parent company Unilever and the other brands they market. Take a look at their ad agency Ogilvy and Mather and see some of the crap they hawk.

The age old marketing trick of first creating a problem so that you can then sell a solution to it.

You want your daughter to have self-esteem? Read a book together. Go to a museum together. Ask her how she feels.

You certainly don’t need to sign a self-esteem pledge while shampooing your hair together.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” Eleanor Roosevelt

and for all those women who feel the need to trash talk other women I add another quote from Ms. Roosevelt …

”Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people”

you can read more about Karl Lagerfeld's statements here

Nana Would Be So Proud

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 04:55:00 +0000

The wonderful irrepressible irreverent joy that is Ron of ’VENT … a series of takes’ has interviewed me.

I hope you’ll take a moment to go over and check it out.

Ron asked some interesting, thought provoking questions. I hope I made him proud with my responses.

I adore Ron. He is exceptionally funny and has a wickedly quick mind. He manages to combine snark and sarcasm with kindness and grace. Not an easy feat.

When Ron leaves you a comment you know you’ve been commented on. He is one of the most genuine and exuberant people I have ever known.

Thanks Ron for making me feel like a star.

I’d also like to take this opportunity to welcome a new blogger to this crazy series of tubes we call the Internet.

My friend Lisa started a blog called ’TWO MILE HIGH’. Her photography is stunning and her knowledge of and dedication to nature is admirable.

She may not post that often at times but whenever she does it will be worth seeing. Right now she has a photo posted that celebrates autumn in a blaze of glorious color.

So stop by and welcome Lisa to the fold.

Pet Pride: Mia and Siren Talk Baby

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:03:00 +0000

Hi everyone! Mia and Siren here ...

We have gotten together to discuss one of the few things we have in common.

The infiltrator ...

We are perplexed by this creature but the persons all seem fascinated. There was all kinds of hoopla going on Friday because it has been here for 3 months now.

We don't get it.

It has no fur.

When you set it down somewhere it just stays there ...

Siren: Well it does look as confused as you do Mia, maybe it's old and feeble and they feel sorry for it.

Mia: Cheap shot Siren! We agreed to get along. It spends a lot of time burrowing into spots and looking deceptively innocent. Sound familiar?

Hey look! We're boring it ...

Well at least it's being quiet. It makes these sounds. Oh my! The sounds. We thought it might have it's tail caught in a blender but it has no tail.

We don't get it.

Mom person calls it Hope - and sweetie, cutie, honey, lollipop, bubs, mush face and on and on. No wonder ...

We don't get it.

Further investigation is needed. For now it seems as perplexed by us as we are by it.

We're going to sleep now. And we have a binky thing too Hope (if that's even your real name) ...

Stop by PET PRIDE and visit all our wonderful friends. They have fur and everything!

"The Only Thing That Separates Us From Animals Is Our Ability To Accessorize"

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 13:39:00 +0000

I love that quote from 'Steel Magnolias'

I’ve always been interested in Madeleine Albright’s story. An immigrant. A woman who blasted away the glass ceiling. A professor. A stateswoman. And a bit of whimsical soul with a wonderful sense of understated humor.

I have to mention that I have not always been enamored of her pro-military stand on many situations but that’s a different post.

Her pin collection has become famous. When I was a child they were called brooches. I remember my Nana had a few that she lovingly attached to her “good sweater”.

Ms. Albright’s pin collection is on display at NYC’s Museum of Arts and Design. You can read about the exhibit HERE

Ms. Albright also has a new book out called ‘Read My Pins’. In her book she explains …

“Former President George H.W. Bush had been known for saying ‘Read my lips.’ I began urging colleagues and reporters to ‘Read my pins,’ ” Albright writes explaining how she began to portray messages through her jewelry.

One of the most famous pins …

… came about after Saddam Hussein called her an “unparalleled serpent”. She began wearing it to all meetings involving Iraq.

After wearing a bee pin to a meeting with Yasser Arafat he sent her a butterfly.

One of my favorites is the zebra pin she wore to stand side by side with Nelson Mandela.

Ms. Albright’s grand daughter doesn’t understand all the fuss over “Grandma Maddie”, according to her “all the Secretary‘s of State have been women, what’s the big deal”.

Pet Pride: If It's Not One Thing, It's Another

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 14:40:00 +0000

Hi everybody. It's me, Mia.

Yes - I'm back. I missed all my PET PRIDE buddies. Especially Bozo. I know he's a dog but he's cool.

Mom person's post below was depressing me so I decided to step in and add some frivolity to the mix. I roll like that.

What the hell am I talking about?

I am as old as dirt! Actually first there was me, then came dirt.

I've been feeling soft towards the Mom person. I have added to her stress level by having a slight setback in my quest to live forever. I hurt my leg and couldn't move around much. I had a terrible time getting up to home base so I stopped eating and well, I was pooping in inappropriate places.

I'm mortified

Mom person got me new meds. She also did this massage thing that really helped. Turned out it was just a sprain. I loved the massage, it really eased the pain. Of course I rewarded the Mom person! I bit her - repeatedly and hard

So. I decided to follow the vet's advice and move around more.

A trip off home base requires some planning.

I must get down. Mom person created steps for me and put a soft blankie down to land on. Thoughtful but of course I go around all that. Where's the challenge? Instead I catapult myself directly toward hardwood. Hey, it's not like I pay the vet bills.

Since I share a home with a punk I need to make sure the coast is clear.

This requires excellent sleuth skills

On this day I was delighted to find that not only was the coast (and hallway) clear but there was new territory to explore.

I'm not going to comment on the shoe choices. Apparently Mom person was a Brooklyn Bimbo Ho in another life. Sad but true. And she hangs on to them the way Joan Rivers hangs on to having a face.

I was really looking forward to exploring this new frontier when ...

I swear I had the vapors and a small stroke and I think I peed myself.

Hey Siren! It's way more fun if you put your head INSIDE the plastic.

Oy!

So This Is How It Went ...

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 02:45:00 +0000

I haven’t posted anything of much substance lately. I haven’t even updated you all on the disability evaluation I ranted about the day before I had to be part of it.

I find myself really needing to stay in the moment. THE moment. Even as I type these first few lines I feel my blood pressure changing and my eyes tearing.

I really appreciate all who commented or e-mailed me asking how the evaluation went. I’m sorry for just leaving things hanging in the air, it’s not my style.

I really don’t know how it went.

The people there were very friendly and professional. Some of the tests made no sense to me but then again much of the healthcare system makes no sense to me. A lot of what I was asked to do or asked about appeared to have no direct relation to my medical condition. Even more seemed to be boiler plate.

I came away feeling that I was nothing more than a cog in a very giant wheel. If I fit into the wheel then I’ll roll on with it. If I don’t then the wheel will simply roll right over me.

The evaluation was more than 2 weeks ago. The doctor told me he was not allowed to provide me with a copy of his report to the insurance company but that the insurance company must give me a copy.

I waited a week and then called to ask for a copy. It took 3 calls to find out they don’t have it yet.

Yesterday I received a letter from the insurance company thanking me for attending the evaluation – this corporate word play used to make me laugh; now it makes me want to throttle someone. A 6 page form accompanied my thank you. The form is basically a shorter version of the initial mind numbing packet I filled out months ago. Except now it’s titled ‘Application for Continuance of Disability Benefits’. WTF!?

Several phone calls later I finally understand that they want to know how I feel today. Well, didn’t the evaluation determine that? Perhaps I could be given an 800 number to call – I’ll call every freakin’ day and let them know how I’m doing. Hell I’ll call several times a day …

Hi, it’s Dianne – can’t go to the store today, I can’t straighten up.
Good morning, it’s Dianne – I think the tendons are tearing again, ankle is really swollen.
Just calling to say good night, feel free to call me back – I can’t fucking sleep since my torn muscle is in spasms and burning.

I could go on but this is why I don’t dwell on this.

The rage that consumes me is not healthy or helpful. The throbbing in my head makes thinking even more difficult. The tightness in my chest makes me worry about a stroke – after all without health insurance I’ll sit in a hallway somewhere until everyone has nothing better to do.

I really do understand how people go ballistic.

Thankfully I have many things that tether me to a place of being able to stay in the moment. Hope. The cats. My friends – live and internet. My writing.

I am so grateful for my imagination.

I picture myself traveling to Washington and conducting semen CSI like tests on all Congressmen and lobbyists. I then create a chart of who is blowing and screwing who (whom?) and publish it on Huffington.

I travel from town meeting to town meeting and tea party to tea party. I carry with me a giant magic market so I can correct all their illiterate posters. I carry a giant caldron of boiling water so I can steep their fucking heads and make a nice tea. I even have finger sandwiches. We’re nothing if not civilized here in the grand ole USA.

I take insurance execs to the health clinic near the boardwalk. I hold them there at gun point until at least 10 under nourished children with the flu vomit on them.

And my latest – I take a giant statue of Jesus to yet another “Christian” rally where they’re all wearing shirts proclaiming that ‘God hates fags’ and ‘God hates Jews’ and I just stand there with it. Oh – my Jesus is wearing a T-shirt that says ‘I hate hateful assholes’.

Now that’s a Kodak moment.

And on we go.

What Is It?

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 23:31:00 +0000

I took this photo a couple of weeks ago on a really hot day.

The stuff is not ice cream, it's thicker and taking too long to melt.

I started thinking of that old SNL skit - I think it was Bill Murray and Billy Crystal - they'd walk up to things and one would say "what the hell is that?" and the other would respond "I don't know but don't touch it" and this would go on for a bit and then they'd move on
Don't know why but it was hilarious.

What can I say. It's all I got.

It Is Christmas, New Years and The Freakin' Fourth of July!

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 20:40:00 +0000

My Jets beat the New England Patriots - at home!

That has not happened since September, 2000

The Pats have not gone an entire game without scoring a touchdown since 2006.

They did today!

Here we have Tom Brady ...

Oops, that's an infant who wants her bah-bah
So easy to confuse the two
Have to remember - the infant doesn't whine as much

Here we have Tom Brady ...

He has great stats, he has helped the Pats dominate the division ...
blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-blah

He's a diva who thinks he's a gift from the gods

Tommy didn't have a good day

My boys did ...

A huge thanks to the fans who post pics direct from the game to the Fan Zone at newyorkjets.com - I love youse guys

I almost despise the Pats as much as I love the Jets.
Much of that comes from how close we are geographically
Pats fans come to Jets home games and you just want to toss them off the upper deck
I will admit they're not as bad as Buffalo fans
I must remember to tell you all about the brawl I was involved in with the 'Buffalo Bitch' - security had to be called to the ladies room at the Meadowlands

Of course I'm not proud ... hehehehehehe

But I digress

The last drive by the Pats today encapsulates what I despise about them
Within the course of less than 2 minutes of play time they were dominated by the Jets defense and what did they do? ...

They begged for a flag 3 times

Kiss my ass at halftime Patriots

My deep, heartfelt apologies to Hope. Nana promises to be a better sport Hope. Meanwhile keep wearing those magic socks ...

Nana and the New Year

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 12:52:00 +0000

The celebration of Rosh Hashanah, commonly referred to as the Jewish New Year, begins tonight at sundown.

I cherish my memories of Nana and the New Year.

Me: It’s not the new year, the new year is in January.
Nana: It is the new year of the Hebrew calendar and I think you know that.
Me: Shouldn’t there be just one calendar, seems confusing to have two.
Nana: Oh there are more than two. Didn’t you go to Chinatown for Chinese New Year?
Me: I thought that was just a festival with fireworks and costumes.
Nana: Really? That’s what you thought? So the book you read and the report you did for “extra bonus” (she meant extra credit), what was that about?

I’m sure my face was all mushed up at this point and my evil little eyes were gleaming. I loved teasing Nana, she enjoyed it so.

Me: Will you read to me in Russian and Hebrew?
Nana: No, you have no respect.
Me: feigning hurt – But …
Nana: Of course I’ll read to you as long as you try to pronounce the words the right way. We have a deal. You fix my English, I teach Russian and Hebrew and all the Yiddish sayings you love so much.
Me: Fine – still being a pain
Nana: I teach 3 languages, you teach 1. Doesn’t seem fair.
Me: I’ll go get the challah bread.

Challah bread is one of the gifts of the universe. Round, with a golden colored crust and light layers of goodness inside.

Nana: We’ll go together. And we’ll stop at the park to feed the squirrels and birds. I have some old bread ready for them. And some plain nuts.
Me: Is it Jewish Rye?
Nana: Yes, it is Jewish Rye for the birds for the New Year – she is laughing.
Me: And why are we throwing away the plain nuts?
Nana: Because I hate them, they are like eating rocks.
Me: But you can’t eat the salty ones, the doctor …
Nana: You’re not the boss of me – laughing even more

My father did not allow me to go to synagogue with Nana and she would not allow me to defy him or lie to my Mother. So I would walk her there and wait in the park in the back. The sound of the shofar always made me cry a bit – it still does.

I wish my aunts and uncles had exhibited more respect for Nana’s beliefs and traditions. My grandfather, a Christian, has insisted his children be raised in the Roman Catholic church. He was of the opinion that this would “make them more American”. Nana agreed. I think my grandfather was a source of huge hurt and disappointment to Nana. She had been so young when she married him and then they had fled Russia and then they struggled to just survive in America. I know she loved him and she would not want me to be disrespectful. Even now. I can hear her – “I don’t care how old you are! Some things are do what I say. Period.”

Years and years later one of my uncles embraced Judaism when he married.

I was always uncomfortable with organized religion but I was always fascinated by the history and the traditions. To this day I have a hodge podge of traditions that comfort me and that I believe honor Nana.

We would have New Year’s dinner together. Apples and honey cooked and baked into and onto a million different things. Rich thick cider and sparkling water.

Me: All these fruits and vegetables, I want a hamburger.
Nana: I made you a hamburger.
Me: No way!
Nana: I did, I did.
She would have some little dish covered with her “fancy holiday cloth napkins” and she would offer it across the table.
Me: This is really going to be a hamburger?
Nana: as I removed the napkin – Yes it is schmutz face, made from the tongue of a yak.

Nana’s giggle was music. Tonight at sundown I will close my eyes and hear it, and her Yiddish jokes, and her singing in Russian. I will hear the shofar. I will remember how the cloth napkins always smelled like spices.

I will remember, as I always do, that she was one of the most extraordinary people to have ever lived.

Shana Tova my friends. Be happy, be kind. Accept. Live and Learn.

And, as always, there is Hope …

Patrick Swayze

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:27:00 +0000

1952 - 2009

“I found that dance was key to keeping depression out of my life. When you dance, things just go away, things don't seem so bad. There's no better way to take care of health than through something as joyous and beautiful as dance.” - Patrick Swayze

With his wife Lisa ...

... they were together since 1970.

Patrick was often named sexiest man alive, sexiest actor, sexiest dancer ...

I always thought he was a good guy, a regular guy, a genuine person.

"If you live through the initial stage of fame and get past it, and remember that's not who you are. If you live past that, then you have a hope of maybe learning how to spell the word artist." - Patrick Swayze

Peaceful Journey Patrick

We Were Ready For Some Football

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 13 Sep 2009 21:40:00 +0000

Today was the first Sunday of the NFL season.

My Jets won - granted it was against Houston but a win is a win.

The rookie QB, Mark Sanchez, had a decent game. He calmed down very quickly and ultimately seemed very relaxed and confident ...

Hope was decked out for the opener. She did have some concerns during the first few plays ...

But she was very excited when they scored a touchdown. She was about to throw her hands up in the air in the traditional touchdown sign when Dad threw her up in the air instead.

Hope's outfit is courtesy of Nana. She will model her other Jets outfit later in the season, it was too warm today for the full ensemble.

Every Single Day Heroes

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 13:35:00 +0000

thanks everyone for the support in the prior post. i got back late and was exhausted. today is not the day to dwell on myself. i will update you all later.

I just spoke to my son. He is at work on the streets of lower Manhattan just as he was on the morning of September 11, 2001. He and his co-workers are doing the job of keeping communication lines running in the midst of a memorial service. Just as they kept vital communications running 8 years ago in the midst of an enormous crisis.

This was my son's "office" - he really works on the streets - in manholes, on rooftops, in sub-basements. He was going to return to this building that morning but decided to go straight home. He had worked the night shift of 9/10/2001 and had taken on some overtime the morning of 9/11. He was relieved at the work site by someone who will never come home again.

My son and the rest of the guys on his crew are very emotional today. From September 12, 2001 well into the summer of 2002 they worked side by side with thousands of others to clear and secure the WTC site.

My son became close with many he worked beside and they were all humbled by the strength and resolve of the First Responders ...

My son calls himself "just a phone guy" - much like the way the rest of the workers called themselves - steel guys, Con Ed guys, trucker guys, military guys, construction guys, machinist guys, welder guys, medical guys ...

This was their "office" for 12 to 16 hours a day, day after day after day ...

7 out of 10 first responders, mostly FDNY, are sick today and require long term care and support.

You can read more about that HERE

There are no clear cut statistics on how many of the recovery workers are sick. There is no single place or agency that supports them.

The average salary of a firefighter is $42,000 a year. They ran into burning, crumbling buildings populated by investment brokers making hundred of thousands a year.

The men and women who worked at Ground Zero are now having their shifts cut, their overtime restricted, their very jobs eliminated.

All the memorials and all the sad songs and all the celebrity benefits will not fix what is broken.

What is broken in this country is respect for workers. Value for people who make things.

I agree that we should never forget those who are gone. Yet the harder job is to never forget those who are here ...

Oh Yeah!? Well Prove It Day

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 01:09:00 +0000

So tomorrow is the big day when I get "evaluated" by ...

... the big time doctor for the disability insurance company.

I can't remember the last time I needed to prove I was sick. I think I was 12 and Nana just wasn't hearing "but I have cramps".

I'm not worried about it really. I have truth on my side and we all know that truth is all that matters in this country. Oh wait ...

Well OK, I did what I was supposed to do. I insured myself in case I ever got sick or hurt. It was the responsible thing to do. And we all know that if you act responsibly in this country then ...

Let me try this - surely justice and fair play wins in America.

Oh fuck me, I'm screwed.

I did get the insurance company to pay for transportation. First I had to explain to some office assistant sitting somewhere in Butt Cheeks, Wisconsin that it doesn't matter if Google Maps says it's only 38.7 miles.

This is NJ. I need to travel north and west, the state wasn't built for that. And I need to travel at rush hour ...

And come back home at rush hour.

And it is going to rain - hard and all day ...

Mapquest says it will take 57 minutes to get there, so that of course means 2 hours. If I could sit in and operate a moving vehicle for 2 straight hours, go thru a day of medical tests and then drive home for another 2 hours ...

Well I wouldn't be fucking disabled would I?

I can hardly wait until I need to explain that the car service I chose is just called a Limo Service. Don't worry oh great guardians of CEO profits, they're sending a piece of crap. Maybe it'll be a clunker.

Then again, it would be deliciously delightful to arrive at the medical center in style ...

And on we go.

President Obama's Speech to the Schools

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:15:00 +0000

The full text of President Obama's upcoming speech is below, taken directly from whitehouse.gov. It was released early to hopefully quiet the .... I'm sorry, I don't know what to call the rambles of the illiterate; the shrieks of the insane; the fake outrage of the right wing media; the obvious bigotry; the clear cut hatred; the lack of respect; the pathetic fears of the ignorant; the sinister fake fears of the hateful.

Indoctrinate our children. That's what many of these hysterics say. Indoctrinate them into what? Learning? Self-esteem? Responsibility?

Then there are the ones who say that the President shouldn't talk to their children without them present. What is he? A crack dealer? A pedophile?

I'd love to know how many of these righteous parents ever watched a Presidential address with their children. Any President.

These "parents" - and it saddens me that they are parents - are teaching their children that if you disagree with someone you shouldn't listen to them; if someone is different from you then you should fear them.

Shame on every single parent who forces their child to ignore current events. Shame on every asshat who whipped up the frenzy. Shame on every self serving politician and pundit who further polarizes our country.

It is a sweet and friendly and benign speech.

I wonder how many of these "parents" will read it? I wonder how many of them can read it.

Shameful. This is the kind of single minded, fearful, dark, oppressive crap that happens in countries the USA invades in order to set them free.

One more painful reminder of how much work needs to be done here before we dare act as though we are morally superior to any other country.

Prepared Remarks of President Barack Obama
Back to School Event
Arlington, Virginia
September 8, 2009

The President: Hello everyone – how’s everybody doing today? I’m here with students at Wakefield High School in Arlington, Virginia. And we’ve got students tuning in from all across America, kindergarten through twelfth grade. I’m glad you all could join us today.

I know that for many of you, today is the first day of school. And for those of you in kindergarten, or starting middle or high school, it’s your first day in a new school, so it’s understandable if you’re a little nervous. I imagine there are some seniors out there who are feeling pretty good right now, with just one more year to go. And no matter what grade you’re in, some of you are probably wishing it were still summer, and you could’ve stayed in bed just a little longer this morning.

I know that feeling. When I was young, my family lived in Indonesia for a few years, and my mother didn’t have the money to send me where all the American kids went to school. So she decided to teach me extra lessons herself, Monday through Friday – at 4:30 in the morning.
Now I wasn’t too happy about getting up that early. A lot of times, I’d fall asleep right there at the kitchen table. But whenever I’d complain, my mother would just give me one of those looks and say, "This is no picnic for me either, buster."

So I know some of you are still adjusting to being back at school. But I’m here today because I have something important to discuss with you. I’m here because I want to talk with you about your education and what’s expected of all of you in this new school year.

Now I’ve given a lot of speeches about education. And I’ve talked a lot about responsibility.
I’ve talked about your teachers’ responsibility for inspiring you, and pushing you to learn.
I’ve talked about your parents’ responsibility for making sure you stay on track, and get your homework done, and don’t spend every waking hour in front of the TV or with that Xbox.
I’ve talked a lot about your government’s responsibility for setting high standards, supporting teachers and principals, and turning around schools that aren’t working where students aren’t getting the opportunities they deserve.

But at the end of the day, we can have the most dedicated teachers, the most supportive parents, and the best schools in the world – and none of it will matter unless all of you fulfill your responsibilities. Unless you show up to those schools; pay attention to those teachers; listen to your parents, grandparents and other adults; and put in the hard work it takes to succeed.
And that’s what I want to focus on today: the responsibility each of you has for your education. I want to start with the responsibility you have to yourself.

Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That’s the opportunity an education can provide.

Maybe you could be a good writer – maybe even good enough to write a book or articles in a newspaper – but you might not know it until you write a paper for your English class. Maybe you could be an innovator or an inventor – maybe even good enough to come up with the next iPhone or a new medicine or vaccine – but you might not know it until you do a project for your science class. Maybe you could be a mayor or a Senator or a Supreme Court Justice, but you might not know that until you join student government or the debate team.

And no matter what you want to do with your life – I guarantee that you’ll need an education to do it. You want to be a doctor, or a teacher, or a police officer? You want to be a nurse or an architect, a lawyer or a member of our military? You’re going to need a good education for every single one of those careers. You can’t drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it.

And this isn’t just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country. What you’re learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future.
You’ll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You’ll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You’ll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy.

We need every single one of you to develop your talents, skills and intellect so you can help solve our most difficult problems. If you don’t do that – if you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country.

Now I know it’s not always easy to do well in school. I know a lot of you have challenges in your lives right now that can make it hard to focus on your schoolwork. I get it. I know what that’s like. My father left my family when I was two years old, and I was raised by a single mother who struggled at times to pay the bills and wasn’t always able to give us things the other kids had. There were times when I missed having a father in my life. There were times when I was lonely and felt like I didn’t fit in. So I wasn’t always as focused as I should have been. I did some things I’m not proud of, and got in more trouble than I should have. And my life could have easily taken a turn for the worse. But I was fortunate. I got a lot of second chances and had the opportunity to go to college, and law school, and follow my dreams. My wife, our First Lady Michelle Obama, has a similar story. Neither of her parents had gone to college, and they didn’t have much. But they worked hard, and she worked hard, so that she could go to the best schools in this country.

Some of you might not have those advantages. Maybe you don’t have adults in your life who give you the support that you need. Maybe someone in your family has lost their job, and there’s not enough money to go around. Maybe you live in a neighborhood where you don’t feel safe, or have friends who are pressuring you to do things you know aren’t right.

But at the end of the day, the circumstances of your life – what you look like, where you come from, how much money you have, what you’ve got going on at home – that’s no excuse for neglecting your homework or having a bad attitude. That’s no excuse for talking back to your teacher, or cutting class, or dropping out of school. That’s no excuse for not trying.
Where you are right now doesn’t have to determine where you’ll end up. No one’s written your destiny for you. Here in America, you write your own destiny. You make your own future.
That’s what young people like you are doing every day, all across America.

Young people like Jazmin Perez, from Roma, Texas. Jazmin didn’t speak English when she first started school. Hardly anyone in her hometown went to college, and neither of her parents had gone either. But she worked hard, earned good grades, got a scholarship to Brown University, and is now in graduate school, studying public health, on her way to being Dr. Jazmin Perez.

I’m thinking about Andoni Schultz, from Los Altos, California, who’s fought brain cancer since he was three. He’s endured all sorts of treatments and surgeries, one of which affected his memory, so it took him much longer – hundreds of extra hours – to do his schoolwork. But he never fell behind, and he’s headed to college this fall.

And then there’s Shantell Steve, from my hometown of Chicago, Illinois. Even when bouncing from foster home to foster home in the toughest neighborhoods, she managed to get a job at a local health center; start a program to keep young people out of gangs; and she’s on track to graduate high school with honors and go on to college.

Jazmin, Andoni and Shantell aren’t any different from any of you. They faced challenges in their lives just like you do. But they refused to give up. They chose to take responsibility for their education and set goals for themselves. And I expect all of you to do the same.

That’s why today, I’m calling on each of you to set your own goals for your education – and to do everything you can to meet them. Your goal can be something as simple as doing all your homework, paying attention in class, or spending time each day reading a book. Maybe you’ll decide to get involved in an extracurricular activity, or volunteer in your community. Maybe you’ll decide to stand up for kids who are being teased or bullied because of who they are or how they look, because you believe, like I do, that all kids deserve a safe environment to study and learn. Maybe you’ll decide to take better care of yourself so you can be more ready to learn. And along those lines, I hope you’ll all wash your hands a lot, and stay home from school when you don’t feel well, so we can keep people from getting the flu this fall and winter.
Whatever you resolve to do, I want you to commit to it. I want you to really work at it.

I know that sometimes, you get the sense from TV that you can be rich and successful without any hard work -- that your ticket to success is through rapping or basketball or being a reality TV star, when chances are, you’re not going to be any of those things. But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won’t love every subject you study. You won’t click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won’t necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try. That’s OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who’ve had the most failures. JK Rowling’s first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can’t let your failures define you – you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn’t mean you’re a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one’s born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You’re not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don’t hit every note the first time you sing a song. You’ve got to practice. It’s the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it’s good enough to hand in.

Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don’t know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust – a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor – and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you’re struggling, even when you’re discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you – don’t ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country.

The story of America isn’t about people who quit when things got tough. It’s about people who kept going, who tried harder, who loved their country too much to do anything less than their best. It’s the story of students who sat where you sit 250 years ago, and went on to wage a revolution and found this nation. Students who sat where you sit 75 years ago who overcame a Depression and won a world war; who fought for civil rights and put a man on the moon. Students who sat where you sit 20 years ago who founded Google, Twitter and Facebook and changed the way we communicate with each other.

So today, I want to ask you, what’s your contribution going to be? What problems are you going to solve? What discoveries will you make? What will a president who comes here in twenty or fifty or one hundred years say about what all of you did for this country?

Your families, your teachers, and I are doing everything we can to make sure you have the education you need to answer these questions. I’m working hard to fix up your classrooms and get you the books, equipment and computers you need to learn. But you’ve got to do your part too. So I expect you to get serious this year. I expect you to put your best effort into everything you do. I expect great things from each of you. So don’t let us down – don’t let your family or your country or yourself down. Make us all proud. I know you can do it.

Thank you, God bless you, and God bless America.

Two Months of Hope

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 00:15:00 +0000

Today is her big 2 month birthday.

She is becoming quite the fashionista. Here she gleefully models an outfit sent to her by AUNTIE DARYL ...

Then she gets all up in the camera demanding more moisturizer ...

We all know being beautiful can be exhausting ...

So she settles down for a bottle and a nap with Dad ...

Pet Pride: Bad Fur Days

HiHiDi07@aol.com (Dianne) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 19:03:00 +0000

Hello. Mia here. Siren is letting me do a post this week because he thinks it's going to get me into trouble. He's a dolt.

I have a complaint. I don't really want to talk about the Mom person ...

... but I need to get this off my chest. I am very happy here. The Mom person takes really good care of me. The outside world and then the shelter were not easy. Here I have everything I need and lots of extras too.

It's just that the Mom person has a thing about grooming. Look at her instruments of torture ...

Siren thinks it's all very interesting, especially that awful muzzle thing. Mom person says she hates to use it but she doesn't have any more blood to donate. Ha! That's cause I bite her when she clips my claws. Siren just cries. Pussy.

At least the claw clipping is only now and then, usually when I start sticking to everything. Then I scream. Since I'm deaf I forget that others can hear me. How do I know what Mom person is saying? I'm a cat! We are psychic and intuitive and empathetic. You people really need to go back to worshipping us.

Anyway - it's the brushing. Oh dear lord, the brushing.

She says she needs to work on the clumps before they become mats - how the hell am I going to get mats? that makes no sense. Mats are to throw up on. And to leave clumps on ...

Mom person really could make better use of her time by vacuuming, look at all the litter around my perfectly placed clump.

But No! She has to groom me. And I hunker down ...

There are no pictures of the flailing and wailing and the biting and hissing. Let's just say I do realize the scene I'm making. I don't enjoy making a scene except it does scare Siren.

I enjoy that part.

When it's over I sulk for a long time. Mom person tries to pet me and give me treats but I ignore her. They need to learn ya know.

Mom person cleans up. She's always making jokes about having enough fur to make another cat.

Isn't she hilarious? Not!

I bet my pal Bozo over at PET PRIDE doesn't mind grooming, dogs are like that. That's why they're not cats.