Fortunate Accident

home

2010-09-17T00:35:00.002+08:00

And I am in this position again...

Looking for a new place to call HOME.

What defines a "home" anyway?

Watch Me Burn

2010-09-12T21:42:00.002+08:00

"just gonna stand there and here me cry, and that's alright because i love the way you lie..."

Even if the song hits the rhythm in my heart, it doesn't suit well with my current situation. Not that I want anybody in my life to lie to me over and over. But it's the fact that nobody cares to get that close to even lie about something.

And I find it really sad.

Free Hugs Campaign

2010-08-14T19:22:00.003+08:00

There was a viral video in Youtube I've come across some months ago, and after watching it all I ever really wanted to do is go home to Philippines and hug everyone I know.

Juan Mann's campaign, FREE HUGS, of giving away free hugs to strangers is truly an eyebrow-raising kind of thing. But when you look closer, and understand his motives, you'd be wanting somebody to hug you as well.

Last Saturday, at our usual spot, we made it happen here in Singapore. The SPOT gang (Marga, Maron, Tracy and new recruits, Justin and Iya) and I spent another fun night at the bridge with our usual drinks. But at that one night, we made a difference. I hope to believe that we've somehow touched a few hearts and warmed their souls a little bit with the hugs we shared.

Although at first sight, you might be really curious as to what our agenda is, with drinks being passed on every minute and a "Free Hugs" poster waving left to right to passers-by. There's a slight hint of malice you may say, we might be just doing it 'cause we were drunk and we wanted to take the fun into another level. But the moment we all stepped into that position of holding the poster and got our first hug, we all got the feeling of how real it is, losing all the hesitations and just spreading the love.

I lost count on how much people I've hugged that night, I was group hugged, I was even twirled around by an old folk, I was squeezed among my friends and strangers. I was hugged back.

And it was such a warming feeling. Satisfying, I might say. Affirmation? Yes. I was proud of myself and of my friends. Much prouder that we can accept rejection and well wishing them back even.

I was happy to send out a message. That in these crazy times, in this crazy life, we can all be equal and we can always show it with a simple hug. :)

You only listen to what you wanna hear

2010-07-11T22:03:00.002+08:00

It is upsetting to realize (or when it finally sinked in) that you have friends that stay in contact with you because they have nothing more relevant mission in their lives but to USE you. In any possible way they can.

And you know what the cherry on top of that? They go berserk on you when they don't get you to do what they want you to do.

It is so sad that there are some people that will only hear what they want to hear.

Read, rate and earn!

2010-07-02T23:34:00.003+08:00

I have come across this page Readbud through my cousin, who, together with my eldest brother, convinced me to join up lockrz and cloudcrowd and earn money (or PTZ - lockrz).

So far, I've earned a few bucks and made some PTZ and I'm enjoying it.

But I think Readbud is more of my interest since all I need to do is read and rate. The more articles I read and rate (which ratings really dont matter), the more I earn. And if the two of us are close, you'll know that I do love reading.

So if you're up for it... reading and rating will earn you a few extra cents (for those paypal users and online shoppers) Readbud is perfect for you. As it is for me. :)

One day, for sure.

2010-05-03T21:58:00.003+08:00

It suddenly flashed back in my mind how much I wanted to adopt.

I have three main goals in this lifetime:

Adopt a kid. (Even if I have kids of my own.)
Put up a school. (And help someone go to college.)
Build a house for someone. (And that means painting, hammering nails and putting up a door.)

People should stop asking "Why would you want to do that?"... let's focus more on "Why don't I do it too?" or "If I can, why shouldn't I?"

This promise is for myself and for that precious life who deserves all full rights of being loved and taken care of. It's not even because I want to feel good about myself, but because helping others is the only truth in goodness.

I would really love to do all of this. But yea, this means I have to be completely financially, emotionally, and physically stable. I think I have more roads to take before I can reach my lifetime goals. But I will. For sure.

My Mom's words won me a friend today.

2010-04-26T23:00:00.004+08:00

I wonder what my mom would feel if I'd share with her that I won a friend today because of her words she once shared to me. Because even as weird as our relationship seems to be, I do believe in her and the wisdom she may randomly throw and nag at me.

No this isn't an intentional entry for the upcoming mother's day event. Just like valentines, love and appreciation for our family shouldn't be only be premised in one day of the year because Hallmarks tells us so.

There are days when I want to write a long letter to my parents. Just because.. they deserve it. And they need to know how I truly feel about them rather than my usual snickering while they talk at me. But my pride gets the best of me, delaying the outburst of emotions and thoughts about them by dragging them all at the back of my mind. Thinking I'd get a perfect time to lay it all out to them. When all I know, time can trick us in any second. And God forbid, I am not talking about any second sooner.. not even later. Just hoping NEVER.

In my heart and true deep prayers, I ask the best blessings in life for them. It's just a bit of a shame it's hard to just sit down and tell them.. "I love you."

SMS: "Ma, I made a new friend today.:) and it's because i believed in your words and i was able to share it with her. Not to lose hope and never to give up whatever the circumstances we face today. Thank you. Mahal kita. Totoo. See you in May."

Disappointed I'm a bit like you

2010-04-25T20:15:00.000+08:00

I am in the middle (well, i haven't really started on writing it) of thinking ideas on my lesson plans when Facebook won in trying to disturb me. A former P.E. instructor from way back primary just added me on it like a week ago. I thought she was a batch mate or something, because apparently she got married and her surname differed. Only now did I know that it was her. Then I get to scan her profile and saw another former secondary teacher, whom I used to like, but not so much anymore, don't ask why.. And I was like... "Were they this distracted back when they were doing their lesson plans for our class?" LOL

I couldn't care much if they'd see me now and be proud or not for being another educator just like them. As I looked into pictures of them in schools and excursions and whatnots... I find myself imagining myself walking those red hallways again, thinking how funny that I've always told myself I'll never be like them IF I were to be a teacher. I'd be lying if I say I did fulfill that promise.. but yeah, I just suck like them nonetheless.

Sometimes I do get frustrated at myself because I go way overboard in disciplining the kids. Not in any abusive or violent ways of course. But the way I raise my voice more than enough and at many times is very wrong. Tomorrow, I will probably hug each and everyone of them for like 10 seconds.

And now, I should positively work on my lesson plans or I wont get any hugs and kisses thrown to me by the sup. Yuh.

Just another musing.

2010-04-20T23:58:00.000+08:00

I was about to close two sentences about having flu again, just about the same time as last year, when i find it so very uninteresting. This is such a suck-y flu-y feeling. I never get this sickly before. Hassle.

I cant wait for April to be over and May to move in. I can't wait to go home again and see my friends and family even though last time I got so wasted I was telling everyone that I'd rather end my life than stay any longer in my hometown. I don't know.. it's probably me who has the problem, and not the place.. not even the people. Or I just hang out with the wrong crowd for me. Not that they're bad, but they keep me coming back to re-live the "old grace" in me. I love my hometown. I learned so much from it that I just had to move on. I don't want to get stuck and just be 'okay' for a couple of days or so, then ramble on again drunk on the phone.

I show no faith in myself sometimes. It is very obvious that even if i want to front out to people that I've changed.. truly, nothing's have changed at all. What the hell is wrong? I falter. I fall. I fail. I turned cold.

If I could turn back the earth kind of issues.

2010-04-18T23:29:00.002+08:00

We all live in regrets. I do. For the past 4 years, I think I have been living with a thousand shadows of regret. Waking up with words like "If I just had one more day back then...", and even ending the day with "Because I should have been like this..."

I am in a continuous process of learning and accepting that things happened because it was suppose to happen. According to Peter from Fringe, Dejavu is fate telling you that you are on the right track..that you are where you are supposed to be. So I guess I had to be crossing that hall going to work that morning, because it was what I am meant to be doing. It's not like it's a change-of-life kind of moment. But it's what I needed to feel and realize I was not in the wrong path.

People on the other hand that came and went in my life were suppose to come and go. There were questions answered with that minimal yet meaningful period with them. And I would be lying if I'd think there'd be no new questions that came out from them.

But what carries me through? The point that I am still breathing at this moment, how much itchy my throat is, even with how much the hangover is killing me and that Monday is just another few hours away, life just carries me through. As much as I would attempt myself to go against the flow and go back from years before.. I just can't. Might as well let it me flow through, and put up with the crazy things and people all the while that Life will never once in a second cease to shower.

And if I get to the point of feeling all burnt out.. I'd rather take a breather for awhile and pause. No stepping backwards, just trying to catch the profoundness of that moment, to be able to feel the power that I have come this far. And besides, there's no way out of life. It's either you live, or you die. I'm never gonna be able to answer in a straight sentence if someone asks me my purpose in life. I believe Life itself is the purpose you live.

I'm a whole lot more.

2010-04-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

I’m a slut because i’ll wear shorts and a tank top.
I’m a bitch because i don’t let you push me around.
I’m a liar because i won’t tell you everything.
I’m stupid because sometimes i’m wrong.
I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect.
I’m a whore because i like boys.
I’m annoying because i’m not chill enough.
I’m a loser because i’m not friends with your group.
I’m fake because most of the time i’m happy.
I’m weird because i’m not like you.
I’m controlling because i get mad.
Sometimes i’m clingy because i like being around people.
I’m greedy because i like to be satisfied.
I’m naive because i’m younger than you.
I’m conceited because i’m proud of who i am.
I’m rude because my manners aren’t perfect.
I’m unappreciative because i don’t praise you.

Don’t tell me who i am because i already know.

Yea Yea Yea

2010-04-04T12:29:00.002+08:00

I had my very first workout at the gym yesterday after 3 years. And man i am sore! But it's what you call a good pain, much like uhm.. sex? Yeah.

Lately, it's kind of amazing how few people can make me smile with simple things. And it's dumbfounding how a LOT of people can ruin my mood as well. Prolly those are the reasons I can't sleep well lately. I also haven't found the perfect mixtures of inspirations to get me down to writing blogs again for quite awhile.

So working out, ei? Yea. I'm planning on a beach trip this coming May with a few friends back in Manila. So it would be really nice to have a toned body and enjoy the beach scene the best way one can... in a good looking two-piece suit. Haha :)

I have tons of thoughts, so if you must, please find entertainment in these random blabs.

I had enough, if not too much, share of boredom here in Singapore. That's another reason why I decided to enroll in a gym. Work takes too much of time.. and yea, some facebook applications, that all I want to do most of the time is just sit around and do nothing. But since yesterday, these pain in my neck and legs from working out mean I'm doing SOMETHING. And I'm actually looking forward to more pain... and gaining friends. I asked my agent, over and over again, to introduce me to more Pinoy gym addicts so i'd feel motivated to go back thrice (!) a week. I guess it'd be really fun...

Though I am not saying i'm done tired of meeting up old friends here, but that's just the way I am. I get bored easily.. work, people, stuff.. that's why more or less I haven't had a long term relationships. It's just to put it bluntly... I'm not tripping on the same routine with these people anymore. Yea.

Sometimes I wish I was in love. But I couldn't, EVER, figure out to whom I want to be in love with. Sucky. So.. another Yea on that.

"Bilko" attitude

2010-01-17T22:40:00.002+08:00

We all know how "bilmoko" works.. You point, while you demand. It is always connotes a bad thing. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. It's how you look at what's wanted and who's wanting.

"Bilko" attitude is more of you pointing to something you like, demanding yourself to want it, without even looking into deeper things like importance and relevance in your life. You just gotta have it. Now or someday, it doesn't matter, as long as you'll have it. End of discussion.

Now that I am free from loans, officially that is, my eyes, heart, and mind are going crazy for wanting so many things all at the same time. I remember not so far back that I posted about buying myself a DSLR once I get rid of loans. I'm a month close to fulfilling that want. I haven't got to actually satisfying that need... my mind is off wandering to what's to want next. I'm looking into cars and condominium units. But there's my business venture. I don't know which to prioritize first. Myself now... or my future self. Hahaha :)

Ugh. Stop me.

How to lose friends 101

2010-01-17T16:57:00.001+08:00

It's easy to lose touch...

When someone says hi, you look away.

Effortlessly, you lost.

Happy 2010 to all of us! :)

2010-01-10T10:53:00.003+08:00

It's been a while.. I had a crazy busy December! Friends came in and visit, cousins holiday-ed themselves with me here in SG. Tiring but I'd rather be than be lonely.. :)

So just to kick things off..

Let me know how you did it.

2009-12-06T23:05:00.003+08:00

D,

When did it occur to you that you had enough? When did you know that you had enough of me and my craziness?

How were you able to decide to stop and totally give up on trying to reach and help me.. and then move on?

Let me know. Or you can hold my hand just like old times.. tell me to have faith and everything will be okay. Let me know so I can give up on this guy like the way you gave up on me then.

I know it's probably enough... but my heart just can't get it straight.

G

A 'sorry' I never been able to say...

2009-12-05T00:24:00.003+08:00

I can't imagine that only now did I realize that you were my "Boston" song. You were. You are. It doesn't really matter now. But it's you.

Why didn't you push harder than I did pushing you away?

"Regret is for the weak." That's how a friend puts it. Then I am admitting how weak I was then and even now. You were the pavement I was chasing on unconsciously. But you knew... you knew I still needed to build myself up. You were scared but somehow, you hanged on to my most twisted nights, even shared a rainy and drunken night on a friend's balcony. Didn't you know I was scared of how much love you can give?

The chocolate. The early morning wake up call. The look you gave when I shared that song with someone else. The blue jacket you placed on me when I was dead drunk on that hellish night. The earnest message about how much you miss and love my laugh.

You've seen me crazy as hell. You've seen me cry a dozen times and more. We both shared moments of heartbreaks and joy of friendships. I've seen you walked out on me, and especially the speed of running after me.

"In the end we only regret the chances we didn't take, the relationship we were afraid to have and the decisions we waited too long to make." You are one of my failures and yet one of my few pride friendships. But the deepest part of my heart wishes our friendship never ended. Yes, there isn't a formal take on how we lost touch, yet we did. You moved on. I was still stuck for a few more years.

If you ever find yourself back to where we were back then... I am promising that I'll be listening closely. I don't even need whatever love could blossom, if there could have been back then. I just want the chance to let you know how it was special for me that you were there for me. You knew most of my imperfections. It kinda sucked though that you gave up... I made you give up on trying. The blame is all on me. Your time as part of my life came and went.

Sorry that I failed to listen to your heart and take in your actions... Sorry that I made you look like a fool for a thousand times... Sorry that I was too frightened to let you in and hurt you. I am sorry that you never knew I was crying for you that one night you held my hand because you thought I was still crying for him. I am deeply sorry I wasn't able to give myself a chance with you... and you with me. Sorry D. :(

Oh well... You're happy now. I can't be too sorry for that. :)

Chances

2009-12-03T22:23:00.002+08:00

There was a time in my life that I was always too frightened to give myself a chance. What I never realized then is that I'm killing people's chances with me as well. It was never a win-win attitude that I have been showing off for years. I can always blame it to the bad experiences I went through. I can always pinpoint that those heartbreaks and headaches and tears made me what I was back then.

Knowing that a friend is going through the same thing hits me really hard how much disappointment and frustrations I gave people during those times. Them people who thought of helping me and reaching out to me in any ways possible. I just shut them off completely. And now I am going through what my friends went through. And it's depressing. For my friend.. and for myself. I feel bad that I can't get through him.

I just don't want my friend to miss out on a lot of things. One thing is for sure.. I am not my past. but I hope that the person I, somehow, want to be part of my future wouldn't go through what I did.

I am blessed.

2009-12-01T21:42:00.002+08:00

Now that my last payment for the loan I borrowed from my Uncle, all I would think of buying are the things I want like dSLR and a MacBook. But I know those can wait. I can wait. I think, or at least I'll try. Lately I am also wanting an iPhone or a BlackBerry, someone should better hold my ATM and lock it up somewhere I would never find until the 12th or 19th of December or by January.

I just finished reading Mitch Albom's "Have A Little Faith." The clear message of the book for me, as of the moment, is that we all want to stay connected, feel belonged to something, like a community. May it be work.. a social network.. years of random routines with people.. just the same old thing from the past.. to know, to assure myself that I still am connected to something. I belong still somehow.

I'm away, and it makes it harder. How to stay connected? I depend on Facebook, YM and MSN, Multiply(a daily scan), and Friendster(come on, we all started there! FYI, i check it WHENEVER I can remember)... How else can I stay connected? To my home, to my bedroom... I always face the same side I used to do in my own bed. I clutter my desk just like I used to back in Pinas. To my family, short and simple conversations about money and whatnots at home. To my friends, funny and nonsense talks that never fails to put a smile on my face. To the little things that only Pinas can give me, take whatever alternative/proxy I can have, how much expensive it'll be.

Moving on to the future... I decided to step back from my wants and give in to other's needs. Mama wants to fix the house in QC... done. Papa have told me from the start his plans on our house in Pque... done. Kuya's wish on 3-5 more sets of PCs and PSP Go... done. Those little things that Mia and Pao are wishing... done. All these on the first quarter of next year. I need not to worry cause I still have 9months to get my wants and needs. When you give, you take. ;-)

And through these, I can affirm myself that I stay connected in the best way that I can. See? I am blessed. And that's how I see myself staying connected to God. Thank you Lord.

Clouds over a new dress

2009-11-27T15:51:00.003+08:00

Between the bed and the sheets, we both know it's so easy to be around no one and make each other feel that everything is perfectly good.

If I have to deal my insecurities, I have to depend on how people deal with their own insecurities as well. We are a mess, sometimes it's a beauty, sometimes we just realize it's the kind that keep us down.

Are we right where we want to be? Probably not. Because i don't like how the smell of the old bun stalling on my desk is.

This just feels like I have a new dress on... and it's about to rain. real. hard.

Once I caught a fish alive...

2009-11-24T22:52:00.006+08:00

I can't imagine how old I am whenever I see those young kids and toddlers I grew up with playing around in their own corners, or tagging along with me wherever I go now in their senior HS or about to finish college.

And don't get me starting on how much I wonder about what my students' future looks would be 20 years from now. My playgroup kiddies all finishing up college by then, or dancing the night away during weekends. OH NO. Hahahaha. But it would really be fun to see them all grown up.

I have this particular favorite younger "brother" when I was in my HS years. I've always wanted a younger brother.. well because I don't have one. If I had, I might not wish it that bad.. Hahaha. Their family is specially close to ours, his parents are my folks' friends. We use to go to their vacay house during weekends or the summertime. I love their creek/river and the vast garden that they have. Whenever I come down there with my family, I make sure that Matt is there. He is 7 years younger than me. It is fun to have him around.. asking me to try things and all nature-ish.

The most fond memories I have with him are those when we walked 2miles ON the creek so he could just show me the mini-falls that he brags about, jumping the low cliffs by the creek, looking for those little crabbies and snails and whatnots.. and fishing!

Once we went fishing. He taught me how to fish with a bamboo-made fishrod. 10minutes into it, I caught a fish. I freaked out and called him to help me out (Hahaha I can't stop laughing at this moment how hilarious it got).. when it rained real hard. But we were dead on on trying to hook up the fish. So we counted and pull up hard together, letting the fishline AND the FISH fly over our heads up to the back where it got stuck into the wired fence. I was on my "what to do now?" look when I saw him running back to the gazebo and shouting "Ate Grace!!!!" with his silliest laugh. We never knew what happened to the fish cause we never went back to the fishing pond. We just hoped and laughed that maybe it jumped back by itself and would be alive. Or someone must have caught it for us because the next day we had a fish served up for us.

We lost contact over the years. The last I heard their family migrated to USA. Thank God for Facebook, I again saw him and his brother. I can't believe he's 16 and on his senior year. Who by the way, awfully looks the same as his brother did when Pat was 16.

I wouldn't mind going back to their resthouse in Quezon and jumping off low cliffs, walking and looking for that mini falls, fishing and leaving it to die in open air, or just running around and laughing like crazy... and be a kid again.

Life is stressful. But I thank it for the happy memories and people I've known. Old or young, in my memories, they will always be the one who made me happy. ;-)

Greece: A distant dream?

2009-11-21T18:33:00.009+08:00

There's something about this place that always got me daydreaming and working hard. It may be the ocean.. or the white houses with blue shutters up on hills.. or how people dress so freely with just short summer dresses and a big hat.. or the fact that it's just so far away from all things common to me. Or it could be the gods and goddesses I read back when I was in highschool. I've always wanted to be one. LOL

But seriously, I REALLY do want to go there. That's why when Ate Drea told me some months ago of her plans to travel Europe, I knew I couldn't miss that opportunity. But so much excitement blinded me. I forgot how plans can change... drastically. Thanks to Ate Drea (haha, yes I'm blaming you.) Greece is once again a distant dream for me.

Anyways, if our travel plans pushed through, I had to get through all those Schengen Visa Requirements. and from what I have googled so far, it's waaaay difficult and too many processes. Plus the money which is the basic and most important part. Man, I do have to save up big time.. and.. and... it's hard! I've got dreams and wants too, you know!? Haha!

So all I could look up to now are just pictures and blog reviews about how GREAT and AMAZING Greece is at iwannagothere.com.

Would somebody sponsor me on this dream? I don't mind going alone. Srsly. You'll have my full attention if you will. ;-)
For more drooling and dreaming of Greece, you can check out this site I came across after googling too much about it: (FYI, these are the spots I want to include in my itinerary if I'd be traveling Greece! And the music just makes me sooo excited! Haha)

courtsey of http://dreamofgreece.com ;-)

Contentment (Noemia photo contest)

2009-11-21T09:01:00.005+08:00

I have just come across this page, Noemia, in facebook. Then I found myself liking all the illustrations posted. Very inspiring and motivating to anybody of all ages.

This is dedicated to all women out there who have stars in their eyes and dreams to achieve. A personal account of a young lady’s day-to-day experiences with different situations and her interactions with people at home, at work and at play. It is about the journey of discovery and revelation.

And I saw that it is holding a photo contest. There's nothing wrong to trying it out. It's very wasy anyways. All I have to do is submit/email a photo entry to noemia.rw@gmail.com that depicts or is somehow illustrates the given quote of the week:

"Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have."

With this, I already thought of this picture in mind, and sent her an entry. I hope she does like it.

This picture was taken last year in Zambales, Philippines. Now I am currently residing in Singapore. For me, life in the Philippines can really be unstable. Having to work here in Singapore to earn more than I want, I have to sacrifice a lot of things I love back in my home country. But it isn't about the money I make or the career I progressed into.. It's the experience and lessons I gain from being away that's motivating me and keeping me sane from being too homesick.

Pictures like this reminds me of how much I have in my life that money isn't involved. A supportive family, happy friends, and a wonderful life here on earth with marvelous sights like sunsets and serene ocean... and how much I am thankful for in this life.

PayPal's Crazy Hour

2009-11-20T20:34:00.002+08:00

WHOA!

Now’s a great time to start shopping with PayPal.

From now until end of December, with every purchase you make using PayPal during any one of the CrazyHours, you may walk away with a prize, including a return trip for 5 to Phuket, Thailand, one year free travel or even the Grand Prize of US$25,000!

Thirteen CrazyHours are taking place on different hours of different days. Remember to check back often to find out when the next CrazyHour is happening.

To participate, all you need to do is shop during that CrazyHour and pay with PayPal - there’s no entry forms to fill, so shop to your heart’s content.

Prices to be won.. are just amazing!!! For more information, check out this site: PayPal Crazy Hour.

Tipid Dauqs Budget Tips

2009-11-20T20:18:00.004+08:00

Tipid Squad, a new blog about Budget Tips, is holding a mini SEO contest for everyone.

Mechanics:
1. Create a post about the contest AND/OR their site’s theme (personal finance/budgetting)
2. Optimize the keywords Tipid Dauqs Budget Tips
3. Your entry must be created between November 20, 2009 and December 18, 2009
4. Link back to their site (http://tipidsquad.com) with title Budget Tips (e.g. Budget Tips).
5. Submit your entry on or before December 18, 2009 by leaving your name, e-mail address, and link of your entry in the comment box.
6. Multiple entries are okay.

Prizes:

1st: P700
2nd: P500
3rd: P300

Plus you can win a free .com or .net domain from Tipid Squad by guessing the names of the squad’s members (First name + Last name or Nickname + Last name). Deadlines for the guessing of the members would be on 12mn of December 25, 2009. For more information, visit Tipid Squad Revelation and Contest post.

If I am in the Philippines, I'd join now, for sure, Php700 will still go a long way for me. Join now! And all of these are for free. ;-)