Many of the questions that bother me have to do with alienating my children. We work hard every day to make a life for our boys where they feel at ease and comfortable with themselves. We want them to feel like normal kids. We do things like other families do, trying to have as routine a life as possible. We try to put the boys on meds that don't need to be taken during the school day. We try to make sure that the kids have moderately "cool" clothes and shoes. We try to... more]]> 12 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-number-four Wed, 01 Apr 2009 03:19:50 +0000 Renee E Top Ten Lists 23239@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ As we continue the countdown, I'd like to address one of the more interesting questions we've gotten over the course of our journey. "Are those kids going to turn out to be thugs?" Really. I mean it. Really. Maybe we just live in hickville but this was a serious question. It was as if children who have been in care are predisposed to the "thug life". I'm honestly not even sure what was meant by the question. Through more thorough examination we discovered the inquiry had to do with whether or not our new son would wear his pants above or below his behind. Now we ALL know that the... [...] Read more! As we continue the countdown, I'd like to address one of the more interesting questions we've gotten over the course of our journey. "Are those kids going to turn out to be thugs?"

Really. I mean it. Really. Maybe we just live in hickville but this was a serious question. It was as if children who have been in care are predisposed to the "thug life". I'm honestly not even sure what was meant by the question. Through more thorough examination we discovered the inquiry had to do with whether or not our new son would wear his pants above or below his behind.

Now we ALL... more]]> 7 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-number-five Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:00:00 +0000 Renee E Top Ten Lists 23212@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Continuing in the top ten intrusive questions rigmarole, I have another fun statement for you. Time and time again people would begin their insanity with something along the lines of this: "I know this guy who knows a guy whose sister adopted from foster care and..." Off they would plummet into insane stories, all horrible, of kids who had ruined the lives of their parents, their neighbors, and every living thing within a 10 mile radius. Many people were the brilliant masterminds of these types of comments but I must say, my in-laws were the best. They know this one family, ONE family I... [...] Read more! Continuing in the top ten intrusive questions rigmarole, I have another fun statement for you. Time and time again people would begin their insanity with something along the lines of this: "I know this guy who knows a guy whose sister adopted from foster care and..." Off they would plummet into insane stories, all horrible, of kids who had ruined the lives of their parents, their neighbors, and every living thing within a 10 mile radius.

Many people were the brilliant masterminds of these types of comments but I must say, my in-laws were the best. They know this one family, ONE family... more]]> 3 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-number-six Fri, 20 Mar 2009 14:15:00 +0000 Renee E Foster-Adopt General Top Ten Lists 23193@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Number six in my top ten intrusive questions list is actually more of a statement than a question. It comes in many forms but it always comes down to one basic idea: "All that kid needs is a good whoopin'." This lovely little bit of input can come from strangers, relatives, men, and women. It knows no socioeconomic or age boundaries and is not deterred by basic common sense. Maybe it is because we live in the 30-years-behind-the-times State of Kansas or maybe it is just because people have no ability to think before speaking but this statement is so common. So many people believe that... [...] Read more! Number six in my top ten intrusive questions list is actually more of a statement than a question. It comes in many forms but it always comes down to one basic idea: "All that kid needs is a good whoopin'."

This lovely little bit of input can come from strangers, relatives, men, and women. It knows no socioeconomic or age boundaries and is not deterred by basic common sense. Maybe it is because we live in the 30-years-behind-the-times State of Kansas or maybe it is just because people have no ability to think before speaking but this statement is so common.

So many people... more]]> 2 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-number-seven Wed, 18 Mar 2009 14:43:51 +0000 Renee E Foster-Adopt General Top Ten Lists 23177@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Intrusive question number seven is: "I would be so worried about the safety of 'my' children. Aren't you worried about 'those' kids hurting 'your' kids?" Time and time again the stereotype that foster kids are monsters rears its ugly head. I think there are many things that perpetuate this myth. I think the media, as with many other things, over-accentuates the dramatic. Often I read articles about violent, traumatic events happening to a family and the "adopted" child is blamed. Adopted Son Kills Parents. Adopted Child Sets Fire. Adopted Man On Criminal Rampage. Have you ever seen an headline... [...] Read more! Intrusive question number seven is: "I would be so worried about the safety of 'my' children. Aren't you worried about 'those' kids hurting 'your' kids?"

Time and time again the stereotype that foster kids are monsters rears its ugly head. I think there are many things that perpetuate this myth. I think the media, as with many other things, over-accentuates the dramatic. Often I read articles about violent, traumatic events happening to a family and the "adopted" child is blamed. Adopted Son Kills Parents. Adopted Child Sets Fire. Adopted Man On Criminal Rampage. Have you ever seen... more]]> 2 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-number-eight Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:15:00 +0000 Renee E Foster-Adopt General Top Ten Lists About This Blog 23165@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ The next question in my installment of intrusive questions is: "Do you know anything about their 'real' parents?" Hmmmmm. The sticky part of this intrusive question is how one would define the word 'real'. When my kids refer to someone other than me and hubby as their 'real' parents, I make them pinch my arm. Then I ask them if they think I am a 'real' person. They usually respond with the rolling of the eyes and a "Yes Mom, you're real." Point made. Point taken. However, I don't think the pinching thing would work as well with strangers. It might be a bit odd to ask a person in line at... [...] Read more! The next question in my installment of intrusive questions is: "Do you know anything about their 'real' parents?"

Hmmmmm. The sticky part of this intrusive question is how one would define the word 'real'. When my kids refer to someone other than me and hubby as their 'real' parents, I make them pinch my arm. Then I ask them if they think I am a 'real' person. They usually respond with the rolling of the eyes and a "Yes Mom, you're real." Point made. Point taken. However, I don't think the pinching thing would work as well with strangers. It might be a bit odd to ask a person in... more]]> 3 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/top-ten-intrusive-questions-numbers-ten- Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:30:00 +0000 Renee E Top Ten Lists Adoption Awareness 23123@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Top Ten Intrusive Question Number Ten: Can't you have your "own" children? I have never, in my entire life, felt that it was appropriate to ask a complete stranger about their reproductive status. What goes on, or for that matter, doesn't go on in my uterus is my business. Is that not completely apparent? The thing I find most ridiculous about this question is the obvious lack of prior planning when asking this question. I'm assuming it is common knowledge that if a woman is having reproductive issues that she will be at least a little bit upset by the situation. It seems to me that if... [...] Read more! Top Ten Intrusive Question Number Ten: Can't you have your "own" children?

I have never, in my entire life, felt that it was appropriate to ask a complete stranger about their reproductive status. What goes on, or for that matter, doesn't go on in my uterus is my business. Is that not completely apparent?

The thing I find most ridiculous about this question is the obvious lack of prior planning when asking this question. I'm assuming it is common knowledge that if a woman is having reproductive issues that she will be at least a little bit upset by the situation. It seems to... more]]> 3 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/introduction-to-your-new-blogger Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:15:00 +0000 Renee E Foster-Adopt General About This Blog 23108@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ Hello everyone! My name is Renee Eaton and I am one of your brand new bloggers. I am so excited to be here at AdoptionBlogs.com blogging about the amazing journey of foster-adoption. My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful boys, both of whom we found in the foster care system. Our first son, T, was eleven when we first met him and had been waiting nearly ten years for a family to commit to him. He is now twelve and his adoption was finalized eight months ago. Our second son, Z, is nine and has been in our home for two and a half months at this point. We should be... [...] Read more! Hello everyone! My name is Renee Eaton and I am one of your brand new bloggers. I am so excited to be here at AdoptionBlogs.com blogging about the amazing journey of foster-adoption. My husband and I have been blessed with two beautiful boys, both of whom we found in the foster care system. Our first son, T, was eleven when we first met him and had been waiting nearly ten years for a family to commit to him. He is now twelve and his adoption was finalized eight months ago. Our second son, Z, is nine and has been in our home for two and a half months at this point. We should... more]]> 4 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/this-is-good-bye Sun, 02 Nov 2008 22:29:20 +0000 Kelly About This Blog 22983@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ This is not a blog about children saying good-bye to birth families, foster families or adoptive families, although it easily could be. Instead, this is my good-bye. This will be my last blog. I am tired and do not feel that I can fully give you the quality of blogs that you deserve. Hopefully, someone can come in fresh and relay information that I am just too tired to. This does not mean that I am stepping out of things related to foster care and adoption. I continue to work for the Attachment & Trauma Network. I will advocate... [...] Read more!

This is not a blog about children saying good-bye to birth families, foster families or adoptive families, although it easily could be. Instead, this is my good-bye. This will be my last blog.

I am tired and do not feel that I can fully give you the quality of blogs that you deserve. Hopefully, someone can come in fresh and relay information that I am just too tired to.

This does not mean that I am stepping out of things related to foster care and adoption. I continue to work for the Attachment & Trauma Network.... more]]> 2 comments http://fost-adopt.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/the-scarf-project Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:30:43 +0000 Kelly Other ways to help children 22975@http://www.adoptionblogs.com/ This blog is not to “toot my own horn,” but instead to get you thinking about other ways that you can help children. I have talked about my friend, Bonnie, in other blogs. She is a former foster parent, a fellow Lay Academy classmate and is the director of a homeless shelter for women and children. Bonnie and I have shared many stories and tears about our kids and about the moms that we have dealt with both through foster care and now through her work at the shelter. Bonnie has worked in various aspects of social services through the years. She is a dedicated and passionate... [...] Read more!

This blog is not to “toot my own horn,” but instead to get you thinking about other ways that you can help children.

I have talked about my friend, Bonnie, in other blogs. She is a former foster parent, a fellow Lay Academy classmate and is the director of a homeless shelter for women and children.

Bonnie and I have shared many stories and tears about our kids and about the moms that we have dealt with both through foster care and now through her work at the shelter.

Bonnie has worked in various aspects of social services through the years. She... more]]> 1 comment