FOSTER FAMILY TALK

ADVICE NEEDED: FOSTER CHILD AND LYING

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 16:49:00 +0000

When my husband and I took in our foster daughter, we were not actively seeking to be a foster family. We had known this girl and her family for several years so when the Child Welfare Agency removed this 10 year old girl from her mother's care, the mother requested that we take her in. We were officially named as God Parents so that we could be considered a Relative Foster Family. At that point, we were able to take A. into our home as our foster daughter.

We had no idea what we were in for because we had never looked into, nor studied in any way, what was necessary to be a successful foster family. This 10 year old girl came into our home with all of the usual problems that we have come to understand are common for many foster kids. She saw way too much of the raunchy side of life while she was growing up those first 9 years of her life. She was the "mom" in her family. "Mom" to her little sister and also to her own mom. Then she was sexually abused by one of her mom's boyfriends at age 9. By the time she came to our home, she was a mess.

We took her in thinking we could just take care of her the same as we had taken care of and raised our own 3 biological children. Wrong!!! We quickly learned that this girl that we had taken in and grown to love was not able to think in what we call a "normal" way. She can not process normal day to day reality in the same way we do. Her mom had been severely abused as a young girl and had never bonded to any adult as a child. As a result, she now has what is referred to as "Attachment Disorder". One of the ways people with this disorder learn to cope with life is through constant lieing. Unfortunately, as A. lived with her mom for the first 9 years of her life, she learned how to lie and manipulate just like her mom.

We now do not know when A. is telling us a lie or the truth! We have zero trust in her. She lies about little things and big things. Our fear is that she is only 13 years old. Her teen years are just beginning, which are hard in the best of circumstances. She has already shown extreme interest in boys and in babies. She has asked us what we would do if she came home at age 14, pregnant. What would we do? Would we let her raise the baby? Could she still live with us?

My head spins when I think of what we may be facing in the next few years. We don't feel like we can ever trust her. We don't even leave her alone when we go to the grocery store. I can't see a time when I will ever want her in our house alone, at any age. I fear She will go through our room and personal things. She has already smoked so I imagine she will try that again if given the opportunity. There are just so many ways I can't trust her I can't list them all here. I want so much to just give up and let her move to another foster home. Yet I keep putting it off. I don't know why because I am pretty sure she will not change and our lives are in for some extremely tough times.

Is that selfish of me? I just want my life to return some sense of normalicy. We weren't looking for this, we just stepped in to try and help a family out because we knew them. Now we don't know which way to turn. I am hoping that someone who reads this will have experienced the same feelings and similar experiences that our family has. What can we do about our foster daughter's lieing? What sort of punishments are appropriate for her, that will actually help her to see how damaging her lies are? We have tried several different things but she doesn't seem to learn from anything. She seems to just blow off everything we try to teach her about life. If A. wants to do something, she will do it regardless of whether or not we have already told her not to do it. '

I am really hoping to get a response from someone who has been through fostering a child who lies frequently. We need advice or I fear I am going to give up. If I can't help A., then why is she at our home? She needs to be somewhere where there are people who can get through to her. Is there such a place? Our case worker told us that 75% of all foster homes in our area are considered bad foster homes. That is pretty scary. How can I let A. go when I know the chances of her winding up in a "bad" foster home is so great? Yet, how can I continue on with her in my home when I am so at the end of my tolerance?

Any advice out there?

1st Appearance Not Too Bad After All!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 15:24:00 +0000

The 1st appearance wasn't bad after all. It took approiximately 20 minutes for the judge to read through the list of legal mumbo-jumbo and to set the date for the "answer" appearance. We were told that the foster kids had to be present, but when we got there they were only allowed to be in the court room for about 5 minutes while the judge made sure they were there and then they were told they needed to leave and wait in the hallway. ????? I did not understand that one. But at least the 1st appearance is done and we on our way to the 2nd one which is in about 1 month. It seems like these things take forever. It's been almost 4 years now and these last few steps could take another year to be over with. I need to learn how to take things day by day and just be happy that things seem to be going the right direction. I sure will be glad when this is all finished though!

1st Appearance

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 06:08:00 +0000

Tomorrow is bio mom's "1st appearance". Our case worker told us that the foster kids would not have to be present at this appearance, but the paper work said otherwise. So the kids have to go. I don't understand why. This is new for us so I don't know what to expect. I hope it is short and uneventful. I'm told this is the time when the "dads" can show up (if they are going to.) I hope no dads show up. They have not been in these kids lives for most of four years and in my opinion don't deserve to show up all of a sudden and be given any rights to these kids. I'll just have to hope and pray that our roller coaster ride doesn't decide to begin again tomorrow.

The Beginning Of The End Of The Ride

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 02:04:00 +0000

Well, it is almost time for another stress filled day as court day approaches. We are now well into our 4th year of foster parenting our beautiful foster daughter A. She is now 13 and well on her way to becomming a beautiful young lady. As court day approaches every 6 months, we all hold our breaths because we all know that in the past this moment that comes twice each year always brings with it some unexpected event that often drives A. into a complete panic. You see, as with most foster children, she loves her mom more than life itself, and she would love nothing more than to be able to go home with her siblings and be a family again. But she also knows that this is not going to happen and she simply is not able to process all of her emotions in a healthy way. She has ridden this 4 year roller coaster ride with us over and over again and we all just want to get off and dismantle the ride and figure out how to dispose of it completely.

I wish I could better understand why it is taking the "powers that be" so long to terminate this mom's parental rights. She has been at that magical "24" for a year now and we keep being told that it is only a matter of time before termination papers will be filed. I wonder if anyone but foster families understand how hard it can be on a foster child to be in a state of limbo for this many years? I can't imagine being a child and hoping beyond all hope that something will happen, a miracle perhaps, that will make it possible for that child to go back to her/his biological parent, yet knowing that it will never happen. The struggle of emotions must be so impossibly overwhelming at times! Our foster daugher has told me that at times she feels like she is going crazy. I'm not in her shoes, but as her foster mom, I can understand a bit of what she means. This whole foster system, though badly needed and yet badly understaffed, seems to be a mess and I simply don't understand why the final decision can take years for some, yet last only a few months for others. When a biological parent is so consistently unable to make good decisions that would keep a child safe, and in fact her bad decisions have already resulted in one of her children being very badly hurt by a boy friend, it seems logical that termination would happen quickly so that the children could get past this horrible part of their lives as quickly as possible and get on with their new, safer lives. Especially when the children all have nice, loving, clean, safe, and nurturing foster homes where the families all want to adopt as soon as termination happens.

I guess I have no influence on the length of this roller coaster ride. I can only try to make the ups and downs as level as possible. Who knows, maybe this month will be the one that is finally the beginning of the end of the ride!

TAKE A STAND!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 01:39:00 +0000

Poem by Geoffrey Canada
Posted by Gjenifer Stark on June 17, 2009 at 2:22pm

TAKE A STAND

Maybe before we didn’t know,
That Corey is afraid to goTo school,
the store, to roller skate.
He cries a lot for a boy of eight.
But now we know each day its true
That other girls and boys cry too.
They cry for us to lend a hand.
Time for us to take a stand.
And little Maria’s window screens
Keeps out flies and other things.
But she knows to duck her head,
When she prays each night ‘fore bed.
Because in the window comes some things
That shatter little children-dreams.
For some, the hourglass is out of sand.
Time for us to take a stand.
And Charlie’s deepest, secret wishes,
Is someone to smother him with kisses
And squeeze and hug him tight, so tight,
While he pretends to put up a fight.
Or at least someone to be at home,
Who misses him, he’s so alone.
Who allowed this child-forsaken land?
Look in the mirror and take a stand.
And on the Sabbath, when we pray,
To our God we often say,
“Oh Jesus, Mohammed, Abraham,
I come to better understand,
How to learn to love and give,
And live the life you taught to live.”
In faith we must join hand in hand.
Suffer the children? Take the stand!
And tonight, some child will go to bed,
No food, no place to lay their head.
No hand to hold, no lap to sit,
To give slobbery kisses, from slobbery lips.
So you and I we must succeed
In this crusade, this holy deed,
To say to the children in this land:
Have hope. We’re here. We take a stand!

To view original article click on title of this post.

Foster Care to Adoption

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 03:04:00 +0000

I have often been asked, "Why did you and your wife become foster parents?". I usually took the easy way out and replied "why not" or "or we had nothing better to do" or if a business customer would ask, I gave a reply something like "we wanted to help kids" trying to impress him.
There was another reason that was a little selfish on our parts. We had a five year old son and we did not want him growing up as an only child. When my wife gave birth to my son, after a troublesome pregnancy, she had a terribly long painful delivery. So much so, she knew it was something she would never be willing to go through again.
We didn't have the financial resources to even consider some of the adoption alternatives. Fortunately, my wife befriended a neighbor who happened to be a foster parent. Until then, we had no idea about foster care or the types of kids that are in the foster care system. We did have a lot of pre-conceived notions. This neighbor had one foster daughter about six years old. Every inaccurate opinion I ever had about foster children, this six year old shattered.
She was cute, polite, friendly, obviously intelligent, and if that wasn't enough, the most talented young gymnast I had ever seen. She gave us a demonstration of hand walking, cartwheels, and numerous other tricks that was amazing.
While we didn't end up with any gymnasts, we were foster parents for dozens and dozens of children and were extremely fortunate enough to be able to adopt seven of them. Becoming a foster parent wasn't difficult. We contacted our local county Department of Social Services. There were interviews, some paperwork, and training classes to attend. Since there was a shortage of families willing to be foster parents at the time (there probably still is) "Social Services" treated any family, who they thought of as a good candidate, extremely well. In fact, the shortage was so acute that we received our first foster care placement even before we were certified.
I would describe what my family has done as the "Greatest Adventure". People skydive, ski, ride motorcycles, etc. for the feeling of adventure and excitement. I only had to come home from work. For a while, when we were active as emergency foster parents, (willing to accept kids on an emergency basis anytime of the day or night) I never knew how many kids would be in the house when I came home (anywhere from 8 -14). I can also tell you that while these kids came to us, usually to be removed from a "problem situation", they were, on the whole, no problem to us. In the end, many kids came and left but there were seven who stayed to be adopted. No vacation, no trip to the amusement park and no success at work could ever compare to the excitement and emotional satisfaction that these kids have brought to my life. Yes, there were some problems, disappointments, and "emotional lows", but, they were minor in comparison to the overall picture.

To view original article, click on title of this post.

I Hope!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 02:08:00 +0000

I guess it's time to post an update on my foster daughter and our lives together. I keep hoping that one day I'm going to be able to celebrate and write a post praising God that this whole mess is finished, at least as far as being connected to the foster care system is concerned, and that A. will finally be adopted and be ours. We have been told for months and months that the paper work for termination is on the paralegal's desk and should be filed any day now. I've stopped listening and quite frankly the case worker has now began to simply shrug her shoulders and tell me that my guess is as good as hers as to what is going on and why things aren't moving along more quickly.

In the meantime, A.'s mind is constantly being messed with by her bio mom and the roller coaster ride that she has been on for the past four years is continuing. One month she wants to be adopted and the next mom visit she wants to go home. Then another mom visit and she wants to be adopted. Then another mom visit and she begins talking like her mom is going to come and "steal her" one day and they are going to run away together. Then she will tell me that she never meant any of what she said and that she really wants to stay with us. She claims her mom just has this way of "torturing" her mind and getting her to go along with whatever her mom wants her to. So, since her mom hates us because she has no access to A. as long as she lives with us (except for the one hour a month visit) she has began to talk to A. about claiming that she is unhappy here and that she wants to move to another home. That was a few weeks ago and at that point I was ready to give it all up and let her go. I was so upset and hurt and angry at the whole system and everyone involved including A. that I got on the phone that same day that A. told me she wanted to leave and I told her case worker that I had had it and we needed somewhere for A. to go until another home could be found for her.

Well, my husband felt the need to step in because I was obviously out of control and couldn't be counted on to make a rational decision at this point. So, he went into her room and had a long talk with her while I was out running errands. When I got back, he told me all that they had talked about and that A. had admitted once again that her mom had gotten to her head and that she did NOT want to leave our home. I had cooled off somewhat by this point (a few days past the original announcement from A.) and I decided to go talk to her myself. We talked for around 2 hours and I got the same story that my husband had and she insisted that she did not want to leave.

I am so worn out. I called our case worker and we had a meeting with her, A.'s counselor and my husband and myself. We were asked if we were willing to keep A. or if they needed to begin looking for a new home. We said, no, we were willing to keep her (we do love her very much) and that we would just keep on going until we just couldn't do it anymore.

A. and me and my husband watched the movie "Losing Isaiah" since all of this happened. It happens that A. has a little brother who lives with another foster family and he reminds us all very much of little Isaiah in the movie. (Check out the DVD carousel on the right side of my blog and you will be able to click on the DVD "Losing Isaiah". If you haven't watched this movie, I recommend it.) We have talked before about how hard it would be on A's little brother to be moved from his foster home after four years and returned to a mom that he has never known as "mom". After watching the movie, A. cried and said that she could see how that would be exactly the same way it would feel if her little brother were to be taken from his foster family and returned to his bio mom. She has struggled with the whole idea of whether or not her mom needs her and her little brother and sister to go back home with their mom based solely on the knowledge that she is their Biological Mom and that is where they all belong. She feels sorry for her mom and can't stand the thought of hurting her by none of them ever living with her again as her children. But this movie opened up some new thoughts in A.'s mind and I could just see the wheels turning behind her eyes.

I'm sure our roller coaster ride is not over, but I hope maybe it will not be as horrible as in the past. The next hearing is in October. Maybe then we can celebrate. Who knows. I guess only God does. I'll leave it in his hands. In the meantime, we will continue to love A. and put up with her poor confused mind. School has started so that will give her something else to think about besides her mom. I hope.

Foster Kids Rule the World

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 23:31:00 +0000

Odd title, isn’t it? But it has been on my mind (and in my face) for about a year now, and in sticking with my promise to be honest about all the facets of fostering/adopting, I thought I ought to share.

When kids are taken into custody by the county (though the removal has to be done by a police officer), they are suddenly and acutely aware of a whole different dimension that exists in our society. It is the dimension where adults take everything a kid says as gospel truth. It is, in a way, a necessity, because you can’t really expect parents to be forthcoming about what has gone on in their home when you have just taken away their kids- especially if they face charges as a result. Still, the initial placement into care and the subsequent physical examination, psychological evaluation, and general ‘kid-glove’ approach of the whole foster care team send a very loud silent message about who is running the show when it comes to foster care. Everyone shows such pity for the kids, often giving them a ‘free pass’ on their behaviors. The kids pick up on this very quickly.

To complicate matters, the people caring for foster kids (i.e. foster parents) have a very limited scope of authority over them. They must get approval from a casework supervisor before having the kids treated at an emergency room (even if it is just for strep throat), are required to follow the county’s determination on education for the child, and cannot discipline the kids unless the disciplinary action is within the county guidelines. As I mentioned before, it is important to maintain the role of birth parents as the authority, because the goal is to send the kids home. It does create, however, an environment where no one is truly in full authority over the kids. The birth parents have say on haircuts and school activities, but can’t even take their kids home at the end of the day. The caseworker sets the visitation schedule and oversees the foster parents, but does not have daily interaction with the kids. The foster parents do the leg work of daily care, but are scrutinized on a constant basis. It gives the kids ultimate control, because all they have to do is play the authority figures against one another.

I have yet to meet a foster kid who did not take advantage of this situation. That is not, however, an indication of the depravity in which they were raised, because not all kids are being abused or neglected. Foster care comes about for many different reasons, and even kids whom you might classify as having a ‘normal’ family life will play the system. The Word says that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, and it is so true. Give that foolishness fuel, and it will manifest in even the best of kids. Sadly, adopting those foster kids does not really change anything. The names on the birth certificate change, and the caseworker is no longer a regular visitor, but the kids have not forgotten the way you as foster parents were under the thumb of the system. They will continue to try and test the boundaries, knowing they have the fall-back of crying wolf to get them out of it if they push too far.

Here is an example: You adopt a child who was the center of attention at home. I mean seriously the center of attention- to lengths I will not disclose here. The child is removed from that home and sent to you along with her siblings. You, not understanding the unspoken rules of the home they lived in, give equal attention to all the children. The golden child becomes enraged and decides to use your lowly status against you. She begins to refuse to eat in an attempt to get attention that is being misdirected to other children. You ignore the behavior, knowing that to engage her is to start down a road you cannot come back from. She continues to refuse to eat, testing to see if you will give in eventually. You hold your ground, knowing that to give in to her now is to set up a life-long meme in her mind of using threat to get what she wants (the threat is getting you in trouble and having all the kids removed from you, and they know this well because every time they see the caseworker she asks if they are happy in your home and if they feel safe). Just when she is about to give up on this method of terrorism, the doctor notices that she is not even registering on the growth chart for her age, and gives you instructions to feed her whatever she will eat. Because you now have the threat of being in trouble with the doctor who can make a call to child services and turn you in for ‘abuse’, you have been put under the heel of a child. Life becomes a living nightmare as you take the child grocery shopping, watching her fill the cart with donuts and chips and cookies, and you scramble to not only pay for a whole different set of food, but to try and keep the other kids in your house from mutiny over the fact that their sister gets to pick and choose and you are making them eat squash and salad and baked potatoes. She is getting that special attention she felt belonged to her after all.

But I haven’t even told you the worst part, yet. There is a double-edged sword when it comes to society and the ‘it takes a village’ mentality. When that child becomes sick from lack of vitamins and fiber, and starts to gain weight to the point of being fat, you are responsible for that as well. Parents in general are walking a tightrope anymore, but it is especially true for foster/adoptive parents whose kids have no loyalty to them and who will manipulate any situation for personal gain. Parents have had their children removed because they are too small and have no muscle tone, and parents have had kids removed for being overweight and unfit. And everyone involved knows that if they come to take the neglected child (because that’s what they classify underweight/overweight kids as) they take ALL of your kids and ask questions later. I’ve had the kids say to me at times ‘if you get in trouble for _____, they’ll take Maggie and Chloë too’. It is a taunt. Sadly, it is very true.

Then you have the time when kids get older and begin to think of themselves as adults. I do not believe in teenage rebellion as a physical phase of life but rather a cultural phenomenon. Too many kids in other countries go through the teenage years without rebellion for it to be a biological change. Instead, we have made kids rulers of their own world when they are not ready to make adult decisions, and the result is a constant struggle between them and the parents who cannot control them yet are still liable for them. This cultural disease we have created is ten times worse in foster/adopted kids because they have nothing to lose. They are fully aware of the fact that you cannot physically make them do anything, and they exploit it. Here’s another example:

Your 13 year old daughter does not want to do anything. I mean literally anything. She says she intended to spend her summer in bed reading. You say no, because not only is that not fair to anyone else, but it is not healthy to stay indoors all the time doing nothing. You try your best ‘member-of-the-family, we need teamwork’ speech, and assign a list of chores for each kid. Because she is the oldest, you have given her the task of mowing the lawn. She doesn’t want to mow the lawn, so she sabotages the job- mowing down your sapling trees, missing large strips of grass, and finally running over a rock which breaks the mower and gets her out of the job completely. So you assign her the job of weeding the garden because, after all, she does eat. Well, you should have known better, because she feigns stupidity and pulls up the plants. OK, fine. Maybe letting her work inside will be better. You ask her to sort the laundry and put it in rooms (we let everyone fold their own, so there wasn’t even folding involved). She puts things in the wrong places on purpose and when you come in to check, there is still a pile of clothes in the living room but she is in bed reading. You are about to blow like Krakatoa at this point, but try diplomacy. You ask her what it is that she would like to do, besides reading, since she is a member of the family and needs to contribute. She says cooking. Well, you can’t just turn her loose in the kitchen because she has no experience, so you leave the outside work to come in and make lunch together. The menu says Salisbury steak and mashed potatoes, so you ask her to start peeling the potatoes. She is clearly miffed, and cuts so much off that the potatoes look like water chestnuts. When you ask, you are informed that she just wanted to stand at the stove and stir. By this point, you’ve had it and inform her that she is not going to tell you what she will and will not do. She starts to throw a tantrum, which scares the baby because why would someone as big as that be acting that way? So you say ‘go throw your fit in the barn where you won’t scare the baby’.

So off she goes to the barn. She is gone all day and doesn’t come back, but you figure she is letting off steam the way she does when she ‘needs to be alone’. Dark falls, and you can see her in the haymow from the yard, but she still will not come home. It’s a stand-off, and again, your common sense says that if you give in, you will be setting her up for a lifetime of believing the way to handle a situation is through threat (that, and your husband demands that you not go get her because she has, in effect, run away from home and has to come back on her own). Lucky for you, your neighbor happens to have just finished her degree in social work and finds your child hanging out the barn window wailing like a baby. Long story short, you get a call that your daughter does not want to come home and that neighbor spends the night debating about whether or not to report you to child services. So guess who has gotten her way as far as lying in bed and reading all summer? Because of the same threat that if we get in trouble, everyone will be taken away. YET, come fall when she has a vitamin D deficiency and we take her to the hospital with a violent flu, we will be responsible.

To view original article click on title of post.

Alyssa Lies - Song by Jason Michael Carroll

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 04:03:00 +0000

Why Being a Foster Care Kid Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to My Dad

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 03:37:00 +0000

If it hadn't been for foster care...my dad wouldn't be the person he is today...
Hard Working...
Honest...
Highly Successful Small Business Owner...
(even "retired" at age 53)
ALMOST MILLIONAIRE. (my Dad always taught me to be HONEST at all times...so I AM)
But if you ask my extremely humble dad...
He'll tell you he's not rich...
rather he'll say "I've been really lucky", or "I didn't do to bad for a poor foster kid who doesn't even have a high school diploma!"
So How Does a 4 Year Old Jewish Boy End Up In Foster Care Shortly After WWII?Sadly, it was because of the sudden death of my Grandpa.
In 1937, one cold, Minnesota winter morning, a man was rushed to a small hospital by his wife. She was worried about his severe stomach pains and vomiting...the kind which seemed to be his whole insides.
It wasn't long before the doctors discovered a bleeding ulcer that erupted shortly after arriving.
The 53 year old husband and father...of 6 young children...was pronounced dead.
My grandma was devastated...and scared to death of raising and feeding 6 children all by herself.
My Dad was only 2 when his father died.
After struggling for close to 2 years, my grandma was forced to put four of her children in foster care because of poverty.
It's been whispered in our family...
that a wealthy cousin proposed to marry my grandma...but she refused.
He had been in a horrible fire and was severely deformed from first degree burns over his entire body.
Bottom line - my Grandma couldn't marry for money...she didn't love him.
To this day, my Dad and his brothers wonder how things might have turned out differently...?
So my dad went into his first foster care home at the age of 4 years old.
He remembers being told by the social workers that he was going to visit a farm with barnyard animals. There was no farm...and no cute farm animals either.
He grew up in 4 different homes over 14 years.
Some Homes Were Better Than Others.
The last home was the worst...and he lived there for 7 years. It was a 20 acre vegetable trucking farm owned by a hard-working German-American couple.
Don't ask me why my Jewish born Dad was sent to live with a bitter German-American couple shortly after WWII!
Must have slipped through the cracks - a mistake.
Any way, this couple worked him every day after school on their farm picking tomatoes and other vegetables...
Almost like a slave. He wasn't allowed any water breaks, so he used to secretly squeeze the juice out of the tomatoes when they weren't looking for something to drink.
He wasn't allowed to use the indoor bathroom (he had to use the outhouse), he was allowed only 1 bath a week with 1 bucketof cold and hot water taken in the basement, he slept in the attic, and he wasn't allowed to use the faucet or eat on the same dishes as the couple.
But my dad does speak highly of the food...his favorite was fried potatoes with baked beans and bacon.
How generous of them to feed their FREE laborer!
One of my Dad's happiest memories was being in the hospital for 3 days for Scarlett fever.
Now, most kids don't talk about liking being sick or being in the hospital!
But my Dad said the nurses were so nice...he took warm baths...and he even got ice cream!
It's hard for me to listen to my Dad's stories...especially since I'm a mother myself.
It makes me admire my Dad all the more for his success...and how he passed on to me THE most valuable lesson ever...
A STRONG WORK ETHIC.
Also the need to give back.
Why My 2 Daughters, Rachel & Maria, Are Named After 2 Foster Care GirlsSo you've heard the not-so-good childhood of my Dad, but that doesn't mean that ALL foster parents are evil.
Far from it.
For example, my Aunt Dorothy.
She raised some 15 foster care kids, along with her own three children, for 20 years.
I got to know quite a few of her "little angels" as she affectionately called them over my years growing up.
She loved and treated them all like one of her own children...and it showed.
My aunt is 80 years old now...and she still gets Christmas cards, birthday cards, phone calls, and visits from her foster kids.
When I was about 9 or 10 years old, she had two sisters near my age that I remember playing with often.
That was when I was really into "Barbie Dolls"...and we played for hours!
I also remember them both having lice and my aunt and my mom shampooing and combing through their hair by the lake we lived on...yuk!
I had almost forgotten these two little girls...when it hit me that I ended up naming both of my two daughters...
Rachel and Maria...their exact same names!
Coincidence?
I don't think so...they had a profound influence on me...and made me feel the need to help others.
4 Kids Under the age of 6...And a 16 Year Old Troubled Teen Girl?My husband says I'll take in every stray puppy who wanders up to our door...and any stray kid too!
That may be true...but I didn't blink an eye when my niece needed me.
She was 16 at the time...running away...drinking and partying...and causing my single parent sister MAJOR breakdowns.
So my niece came to live with us (and all 4 kids) for a year until she got her act straightened out.
It wasn't easy though...we had to put her in drug and alcohol treatment...and many sessions of counseling.
But it was worth every minute, and if I had to do it all over again...I would do exactly the same thing.
My friends and family thought Andy and I were nuts to take in a troubled teen with 4 little kids of our own...
I thought they were nuts to think I would do anything other than take her in!
That's what foster care provides...unconditional love and understanding for kids who need it.
Do you recognize any of these famous people...who were all foster care kids?Marilyn Monroe...
One of the world's most beautiful and famous movie stars of all time...
Eddie Murphy...
A genius comedian who is best known for his appearances on Saturday Night Live and for his movies "Beverly Hills Cop", "Trading Places", and "The Nutty Professor"...
Eleanor Roosevelt...
First lady and married to one of our country's most beloved Presidents...
along with some history-making achievements of her own.
Here Are Some More You May Or May Not Recognize:Tom Monaghan, super-successful businessman and KING of PIZZAS - Dominoes...
Daunte Culpepper, NFL star quarterback...even with the Minnesota Vikings (my home state, don't ya know!)
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Psychologist and Author...
and Dan O’Brien...Olympic Gold Medalist... You Can Read All These Stories and More Here
All of these former foster card kids beat the odds stacked against them...and become highly successful...
Because someone...maybe you, your relative, your friend, or your co-worker...
believed in these kids...
And gave THE GREATEST GIFT EVER...
A home.
Some foster kids needing homes are abused, neglected, or abandoned...right here in the good ole United States.
Can you believe there are over a half million kids in the foster care system right now?
And it's not their fault, they weren't "naughty" or "bad"...to be "put" in foster care.
NOT AT ALL.
If my own Dad, Sandy Smith, can end up being a foster kid...it can happen to your kids too.
And yes, it was tough having the name "Sandy" for a guy...
Luckily, my dad is built like a brick house...so most of the kids didn't dare tease him!
The type of home life you provide for your children has a huge impact on your kids financial success
The reason is because most millionaires come from stable, nurturing homes.
My Dad always told me I could achieve anything that I wanted...if I worked hard and believed in myself.
Shouldn't ALL KIDS be told this?
And have a safe, loving home?
Foster care does this every day.
That's my dream.
And like my Aunt Dorothy, I'm going to hopefully make a difference in kids lives as a foster parent.
Depending on your situation, there are many ways to help...Believe me...the pay off for foster care is way more rewarding that anything you can imagine...
and you'll be setting an excellent example of caring and giving for your kids to follow.
Types of Foster Care:Long term care
Short Term Care
Adult Care
Emergency Care
Pre-Adoption Care
Therapeutic Care
Traditional Care
Post-Adopt Care
On average, foster kids remain in the system for 32 months, and only half return to their parents. You can get more statistical foster care information at the U.S. Government's AFCARS website. You could also contribute to foster care organizations to help with the transition of foster kids into adulthood.
Would you ever expect your 18 year old to be financially on his own?
That's exactly what's expected of foster kids who age out and turn 18 years old.
Sadly, many of them end up homeless, pregnant at an early age, or in prison. So any way you can help makes a HUGE IMPACT.
Basic Requirements of Foster Care usually include:* completion of an application for family home license * background check, criminal history check and finger printing of each adult member of the household * family stability * home inspection and personal interview * character references * minimum age of applicant: 21 * prior to licensure/certification pre-service training
Foster parents receive a partial reimbursement of costs incurred for each child in your care.
You can download information about foster care payment rates from the Casey National Center for Resource Family Support.
So remember, although some kids have come from broken families and homes...ALL can achieve success and happiness...
And Become Millionaires-in-the-Making!
Do you have what it takes to help?

To view original article, click on title of post.

Children in Foster Care

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 18:27:00 +0000

The following table shows the number and percent of children in foster care in the United States, according to age, gender, race, and length of stay.

Percent /Number

Total 532,000

Ages
Under 1 year /5%/ 24,290
1–5 years /22 /128,946
6–10 years /24 /116,801
11–15 years /30 /158,290
16–18 years /17 /92,091
19 years and over /2 /10,321

Gender
Male /52 /278,916
Female /48 /252,932

Race/ethnicity
White, non-Hispanic /39% /205,478
Black, non-Hispanic /37 /195,040
Hispanic /17 /89,177
American Indian/Alaskan Native,
non-Hispanic /2 /9,792
Asian, non-Hispanic /1 /3,423
Hawaiian/Pacific Islander,
non-Hispanic /0 /1,465
Unknown/unable to determine /3 /14,432
Two or more races non-Hispanic /2 /12,986

Lengths of stay
Less than 1 month /5 /23,948
1–5 months /18 /94,399
6–11 months /16 /84,707
12–17 months /12 /62,036
18–23 months/ 8 /45,008
24–29 months /7/ 36,236
30–35 months/ 5 /27,196
3–4 years /13 /70,754
5 years or more/ 16 /87,694

(Click on title of post to see original table.)

NOTE: Preliminary FY 2002 estimates as of August 2004. Percentages may not add up to 100% and numbers may not add up to totals due to rounding.
1. Hispanic can be of any race.
Source: U.S. Dept. of Health and Human Services, Admin. for Children and Families, Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System (AFCARS) Report #9. Web: www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cb .

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Thu, 28 May 2009 02:22:00 +0000

It seems so long ago that I was blogging about my foster daughter A. and our hopes that her mom would be found unfit and her parental rights terminated thereby leaving A. available for adoption. A. came to live with us approximately 4 years ago and her mom's case is moving agonizingly slowly! It seems that everybody agrees she is an unfit mom, however she is not the horrible monster that beat her children or abused them savagely. She is a mom who made poor choices in boyfriends and friends in general and put her kids at constant risk which resulted in A. being raped by one of her mom's boyfriends. This man was a registered sex offender at the time and mom knew it. Yet she let him babysit her two little girls.

After waiting an unbelievable number of months before telling anyone what had happened to her daughter, the mom finally did tell the local child welfare agency and the kids were placed in foster care. Since that time, the mom has repeatedly shown that she continues to make poor choices in boy friends and friends. She consistenly finds it necessary to move from place to place as she can't seem to hold onto her money long enough to pay her rent or utilities. She Drives when she does not have a driver's license and the list goes on and on and on. Yet, it seems that the court system is having a hard time making the final decision to terminate her rights. The two oldest girls have verbally stated that they do not want to go back home with mom, that they wanted to stay with their individual foster families. The judge even made the statement at the last hearing that he "could not tell you (addressing the people in the court) when exactly to file, but I do not understand what the hold up is"!

What is the hold up? These kids have been on this roller coaster ride for long enough already. It is time to make a decision and move forward with it. The last I heard was that the termination papers were sitting on the paralegal's desk waiting to be filed. That was months ago and still there has been nothing more done. A. has gone though every emotion possible during these past 4 years. She just finally got to the point where she was saying she did not want to go home anymore because she realized that her mom was not going to change and she knew that her mom could not keep her safe. She told the GAL at court that she wanted to stay with us and be adopted by us. However, now it has been a couple of months since the last hearing and her mom has gotten to A.'s head again and now A. is back to where she is defending her mom and claiming that she wants to go home no matter what. This has been such a nightmare.

I am wondering if anybody else who may read this has had a similar experience. I would like to hear from you if your foster child's parent was found unfit and told that termination papers would be filed, but then month after month went by without anything more happening. I would like to know some of the possible reasons that those papers are being held and not filed. There has to be some explanation. No one will tell any of us foster parents who each have one of this woman's children what the hold up is. I say again - there just has to be some reason these papers are not being filed. Please somebody, enlighten me. The next fitness hearing is in October and quite frankly I do not want to go through the emotional ups and downs that always comes when hearing time gets close. A. is getting bitter about the whole thing and some days she takes it out on us and some days she takes it out on her mom. This needs to be DONE!

Thanks for being patient while I vented. I have been told that our case is not the usual way that things go in the foster system. Most of the time parents are found fit or unfit fairly quickly and papers are filed and the adoption comes pretty quickly after that. Lucky us, we seem to have gotten hold of a real doozy of a mom who is keeping this whole case in confusion.

Enough already! Let's give these poor little kids a break! Life is tough enough. Stop dragging this case on and on. Enough already!

Getting My Life Back Under Control (Hopefully!)

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 26 May 2009 11:59:00 +0000

This is my first entry for quite some time. It just seems like life took over for awhile. But, I am going to try to take it back into my control again. This is the last week of school for my kids and it has been a hectic end to the school year, as usual. Grades have dropped and attitudes seem sort of "I don't care-ish". I'm not sure what happened, but I do know I have to try to fix that before next year begins!

I'll be posting again later today, but right now I need to wake my kids up for school. That, by the way, is something I'd like some advice on when I post later. I'll explain then.

I'll talk to you later!

Foster Child Gains Much From Previous and Present Foster Home

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:56:00 +0000

Happy Birthday Hannah
Posted by : Kelly in Foster Adoption Blog at 08:35 am , 590 words, 40 views Categories: Daily life

Hannah turns 7 today and she’s having a great day. Our family tradition is that you get breakfast in bed on your birthday (somehow I never get it on my birthday) and get to open your gifts while still in bed. What a way for a 7 year old to start the day.Hannah is a far cry from the 4 year old child that I first met. She was an angry little girl who screamed at the top of her lungs for eight hours. She was as oppositional as a child could get. She would not let anyone hug her, she would not cuddle with her mom, she tried to choke her older brother and so on. The little girl I have today is nothing like that. She hugs me every morning when I wake her up, she tells me she loves me several times a day, she asks for cuddle time before she goes to bed and makes me laugh on a regular basis. Her tantrums are age appropriate tantrums.

The thing that I come back to over and over again is that I feel for her previous family. The little girl I have is amazing and brings so much joy to my life. Her previous family deserved this little girl. They worked incredibly hard for her and did everything they possibly could to help her, but she wouldn’t let them. I didn’t do anything amazing to help her, but she let me into her heart. I know that her previous mom is thinking about her today and I know she will be calling Hannah after school to wish her a happy birthday. They still love her and I know this day has got to be hard on them.

They are happy for her that she is doing well and know that she would not have healed in their home, no matter what they did. However, there has still got to be a sense of loss. They DID work hard for her and put all of their hearts into helping her. That impacts your life forever.

Hannah is a better child having lived with them. She did allow herself to learn and gain some things and I don’t take credit for those. This little girl has the most wonderful manners, and I had no part of that whatsoever. She has a beautiful child’s faith in God that was instilled in her before I ever met her. She freely prays for people who are hurt or sick. I love that part of her heart. Hannah would not be the child she is if she had not lived with her previous family. They have helped me to create this amazing little girl.

I cannot fully celebrate with Hannah today. I have a bible study class out of town this weekend. I am surprising Hannah at school to have lunch with her and bringing a treat for her class. Her party is not for a couple of weeks due to scheduling conflicts, but we will enjoy it when it comes. I am happy for my little girl, but at the same time she is growing closer to becoming a young lady and I will lose this part of her. She is my last child (unless God has something up his sleeve) so I know it’s the last time I will go through some of these things. I’m trying to focus on the amazing child she is right now.

To view original article, click on title of post.

A Little Boy Gets A New Chance At Love And Happiness

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 12:18:00 +0000

A Boy Named James

Today my heart was touched by a boy named James. James is 1 1/2 years old and has been placed as a foster child with my mother and father-in-law. So far all of Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop's foster children have had sad stories. They were all very young, mostly babies, and they all eventually went back to their parents. James' mother relinquished all of her rights to her son. He will be in foster care until he is adopted. The sad part of his story is that he was removed from a foster home last night. He arrived at my in-laws house at 12:15 a.m. this morning. His papers indicated that due to unfit circumstances it was necessary to remove him from his foster home. What the hell is that? It breaks my heart to hear that foster parents are neglecting the children. Their only doing it for a check. That's just not right. All children deserve a good caring enviroment. It doesn't take much to love a sweet innocent baby.

The best thing that could have happened to him was coming to our family. After Little D's soccer game we went over to meet him. Little D played a magnificent game, he was on offense the entire game, they won 3-1, by the way. I admit it, I'm a soccer mom. I have so much fun at his games.

James was sitting in his highchair when we came in and he was the saddest looking soul I've ever seen. After I let him get used to me awhile, I scooped him up in my arms and smothered him with kisses. He began to smile and trust me a little. As most little ones are, he is ticklish. So, of course, I had to start tickling him. Well, he belted out a laugh so deep that it instantly spread smiles throughout the room. This is when we bonded.

After I put him down, he outstretched his little arms toward me, so I had to pick him back up. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and snuggled into my shoulder. When Mom-Mom tried to take him, he screamed and wouldn't let me go.

I spent an hour with this little boy and probably showed him more love than he has ever had in his life. I'm so happy he is with the family now. He will begin to learn what it feels like to be held and snuggled, clean and warm, safe and sound.

I am Mom-Mom's babysitter because I live the closest, so James will be spending a lot of time at our house hanging out. I hope when this little guy finally gets adopted, it will be to a loving home with people who waited their whole lives to be his parents. Say a little prayer that James' life starts to turn around now before he gets old enough to start remembering his hard times. In the meantime, he'll be safe, loved, and most of all wanted.

This is a post from the blog site: My Random Thoughts And Hells.
To view the original post, click on title of this post.

Grandparents Who Choose To Give Up Their Retirement Years To Raise Their Grandchildren

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 11:38:00 +0000

Grandparents becoming parents again
BY DONNA VICKROY, Staff Writer

It's been said that a mother's work is never done.
No one knows that better than a grandmother thrust back into the throes of parenting.

Candy Meeker's at an age when her life should be her own. Having raised her three children, the Crete woman should be spending her days as she chooses -- lunching with friends, gardening, welcoming the occasional visits of her five grandchildren.
Instead, she is shuffling 5-year-old Camren Morales from school to doctor appointments, from discount stores to grocery stores. She is tucking him at night, wading through piles of paperwork and worrying about how he'll get along with his new classmates.

A former cook, bartender and house cleaner, Meeker is one of 1 million single grandmothers raising their children's children. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 2.4 million families are maintained by grandparents. That's a 19 percent increase since 1990.
"It's hard," Meeker said. "I'm tired."

But she acknowledges she has little choice.
Two years ago, her son Tom, now 27, asked her take the boy in. Estranged from the child's mother, Tom was dealing with issues of his own.
"He didn't want Camren to end up in foster care," Meeker said. "And neither did I."
So she drove to Kansas City, where the boy was living at the time, and brought him back to the south suburbs. He's been here ever since

Financial challenges

Meeker now has custody and guardianship - and a whole new set of responsibilities.
But the energy required to raise a child when you're past your prime is a small challenge compared with the enormous financial burden of feeding, clothing and tending to the medical needs of a young boy.

Linette Kinchen, founder and executive director of Grandfamilies Program of Chicago, said lack of sufficient government aid is one of the biggest hurdles faced by grandparents who once again are diapering or helping with homework on a full-time basis.

Grandparents who are raising a grandchild are eligible to receive around $100 a month per child through The Department of Human Services Child Only grant, Kinchen said. The amount goes up incrementally with each additional grandchild under a grandparent's care, but caps at just under $400 per family per month, she added.
Compare that to the cap-free $444 per child per month a foster parent receives.
"This issue is just coming to light among policymakers," Kinchen said. "It's going to take grandparents coming together, working collectively, to make a change - like they did to get fair senior housing."

The issue has been taken up by the American Association of Retired People. In addition to lobbying on grandparents' behalf, the AARP has joined forces with five other groups to produce fact sheets specific to each state. The sheets include information on programs and resources specific to grandparents who are raising grandchildren. Visit www.grandfactssheets.org.

Kinchen knows first-hand the struggles such grandparents face. She raised three of her own. When she realized few services were available, she started her own help group in her small living room. That was five years ago.
Today, funded by small grants from organizations such as the Chicago Department of Senior Services and the Illinois Department of Aging, Grandfamilies Program of Chicago helps grandparents wade through the legal process and find emotional support. The group sponsors outings and events. It also helps needy grandparents acquire school uniform vouchers and grocery store gift certificates.

Average income among grandparent-maintained households ranges from $19,750 for those with just a grandma to $61,632 for those with two grandparents.
Meeker falls on the low end of the single-parent scale.

Doing the best she can

Since Camren came to live with her, Meeker's tiny mobile home has been crammed with the trappings of a small boy: action figures, books, stripedshirts and flip flops. She longs for a two-bedroom townhouse but know she can't afford much. She gets by on disability and a $102 monthly stipend for Camren.
"They should help grandparents more, especially single ones," she said. "It takes a lot more than a hundred dollars a month and food stamps to raise a child."

Mary Pat Frye, director of the case coordination unit for the Senior Services Department of Will County, said funding starts slowly. An issue, she said, typically needs to be 20 to 30 years in existence, with data to back it up, before government services catch up.
"There are some financial programs for grandparents raising their grandchildren in Will County, but they are very limited," Frye said.
The Senior Services Department can help grandparents investigate those programs, as well as navigate the legal system, she added. For example, she said, a grandparent must have legal custody or guardianship to be able to enroll a child in school.

Despite its challenges, Meeker said she wouldn't think of relinquishing her grandchild to the foster care system.
"My brother and I were adopted after our mother died," she said. "Even though we had a good life, I would not want to do that to my own grandchild."

So she does what most grandparents who are raising their grandchildren do: she manages day by day, hour by hour, sometimes minute by minute.

Camren has anger issues. He's recently been diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. He has a counselor and a psychiatrist.
"It's a lot of work," Meeker said.

Kindness of others

Sometimes, people help her out. Her son will pay for field trips and daycare. Her brother recently bought her a car.
Her son is a salesman for a local alarm company.
"He travels a lot," she said. "He plans to take Camren back in one day, when he's ready, when everything's set up."
Until then, he's Meeker's responsibility.

But any parent knows that raising a child goes well beyond attending to needs alone.
She wants this child to have fun memories, to be included on the playground, to be carefree.
So she does what she can. Meeker and Camren are regulars at local festivals and the Olympia Fields McDonald's, which hosts a free rock 'n' roll night on Wednesdays.

When word came recently that a pair of Nikes might be available for Camren, the news made her day.
A volunteer from Together We Cope, in Tinley Park, called and asked what size shoe Camren wore. She just might have a pair in his size.
"Oh, that's great, just great," she said.

Another friend told her about free karate lessons through the Beecher police department.
"You hate to ask for things, but they're not for me, they're for my grandson," she said.

Although this story is not about fostering, I found it to be very interesting. I just heard a radio program a few days ago about the very of issue of today's aging baby boomers having to take in and raise their grandchildren at a very alarming rate. Some do take in these kids through the foster system, some go on to adopt, some simply take over legal guardianship of their grandkids. It is an admirable effort on the part of grandparents everywhere who undertake this important task of raising a second family. It certainly seems as though the government should be working as hard and quickly as possible to get financial aid to these grandparents. At least with fostering your own relatives, you do receive a little bit more than what the lady in the above story is receiving. I hope everything works out for this lady and other like her, and for the hundereds more grandparents who will shortly find themselves in this same situation. God bless them for loving enough to put their own needs aside in order to help make sure these kids get as normal a life as possible.

To view original article, click on title of post.

There Is Too Much Society Does Not Know About Child Abuse.

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 00:21:00 +0000

The Hidden Child Abuse in Your Community

Much of society is not educated in one very important aspect of child abuse. Yet this one aspect is at the heart of years of undisclosed incest, child porn, child couriers for drugs and other forms of child exploitation. Many children targeted for such activity grow up to be not only victims of long-term child abuse, but also eventually victims and outcasts to their family, friends, and community—including law enforcement.
The children who grow up with the survival mechanism of dissociation are blessed from memory of the abuse at the time it happens…and are plagued with it decades later when the memories may begin to bleed through walls of amnesia. A sizable segment of pedophiles know dissociation inside and out and use it to their advantage. What is better for a pedophile than a child who has no memory of being assaulted repeatedly for years?
The common factor for these child victims is that abuse begins so early in childhood that damage has occurred predominantly by age six and almost always by age nine according to leading experts on childhood dissociation. The extreme of dissociation is where our nation is misinformed and intentionally misled. It was formerly known as multiple personality disorder. The current term is dissociated identity disorder (DID). To those with DID, they are grateful for a childhood where they were saved from such memories.
The media has provided us with incorrect and sensationalized depictions of DID along with propaganda about "false memories" coming from our most wounded victims of child abuse. Why? Because when the child becomes an adult and begins to remember (usually between ages 35 and 45), he or she may recall the abuser(s). We can’t have that now, can we?
Pedophiles know that a dissociated child cannot tell others of the abuse because there is no conscious knowledge of the abuse. Pedophiles take advantage of that dissociation. No one in that evil world of child abuse wants either a child or an adult survivor of dissociated childhood abuse to be believed. Child porn and sex rings prey on children coming into this world as babies and children kidnapped at an early age. They know how to traumatize an infant or young child systematically to cause dissociation, thus ensuring a child who will likely never tell during most of her lifetime. A pedophile is assured of having sex for the victim’s lifetime through child alters as the victim ages, unless or until the victim begins to heal and can pull herself out of a very dangerous environment.
Networks of sophisticated pedophiles exist everywhere. (Sophisticated, for purposes of this article means to have knowledge of how to use dissociation in their favor.) What happens when a dissociated child—a victim of long-term childhood sexual abuse—becomes an adult? These sophisticated pedophiles who are aware of adults still fully dissociated know how to cause a child part to respond. Even more devious is child parts can be called out with a cue (given to the victims by the abusers in a state of terror) for purposes of sexual abuse, trafficking drugs, and other illegal acts without any conscious knowledge on the victim’s part.

And what happens when an adult who might still be a victim of abuse begins to heal and tries to get help from law enforcement? You respond, for instance, to a rape and find an adult woman in a state of panic or terror speaking and behaving as a child. Typical response, unfortunately, is to dismiss the woman as crazy, thus ensuring amnesty to her current abusers as well as punishment for having tried to tell. Using a dissociated child state of an adult is reprehensible rape. We have no word for a pedophile who abuses a dissociated child state of an adult because society has not wanted to know about such things.
A most insidious aspect of organized pedophiles is the extent they will go to change the environment or their own appearance to create a bizarre memory for the person being abused. This also happens with children who have not dissociated. Pedophiles have tactics to make sure that whatever the child reports will not be believed. This includes use of masks, costumes, frightening paraphernalia, animals and reptiles that usually evoke a terror response, and more. A trauma memory encases aspects of the environment in which the abuse occurs. Think about how much this makes sense in a world designed to abuse children. The world would have you believe that survivors of sexual abuse who remember such atrocities as "satanic cults" or other seemingly bizarre or unbelievable scenarios have somehow all been brainwashed or are crazy. It is an intentional guise. It is abuse being ignored on a global basis because of the centuries old deception. It is the dirtiest secret behind child abuse. If we, as a nation, wake up and figure it out, they will no longer have free reign over our children.
If society could set aside the environment remembered for child sexual abuse and focus on the abuse and begin to work with dissociation, the premise on which pedophiles build their porn and sex rings might begin to crumble. It will take all helping arms of a community to come together to begin bringing down the very high and sturdy walls these child predators have been hiding behind. No one wants this in their back yard. The good people of the world do not want it on this planet.
Healing our society needs to start with one community at a time. Why not your community?

T.G. Spencer, M.A. is a psychotherapist who works with trauma and dissociation. She is a member of the International Society for the Study of Trauma & Dissociation and maintains a network of blogs on this topic. Visit knowdissociation.blogspot.com for more information.

The following are very interesting comments posted regarding the above article. To see original article, click on main title of this post.

Grace2288:
The blog http://dirtiestsecret.blogspot.com has more detail about pedophile tactics. The related blog http://believethechildren.blogspot.com profiles a 6 year old boy's disclosure and his double language. A tactic I just recalled is use of opposite terms so the child has a backwards language. This young boy who has been safe for several years is still having problems in school with left, right, up, down, etc. His abuse was under the term "time out". When had visits with the safe parent, he would tell them his bio-mom and/or mom's boyfriend put him in time out. The response would be "They did? What did you do?" So the child was having the message he somehow had done something wrong reinforced each time he tried to tell. It's so deceptive.

defend
The most dangerous pedophile is the one the court forces the child to live with particularly when the protective parent is forbidden from seeing the child. Caregivers, generally parents, killed about 1500 American children each year in America. www.DefendTheChildren.com Children all over are being force to live with abusive and often pedophile parents with the nonabusive, loving and protective parent losing part or all custody because the child was brave enough to report the abuse. It is important to note that when a pedophile gains custody,he or she is still a pedophile==because the pedophile is a parent with custody, that pedophile has the same rights as any other parent and therefore can and does go to your child's school, playground, take picture of children at dance rectials, soccer games etc. Please also note that pedophile often use pecular names for sexual parts such as noodle, frogman, alone with the typical terms for the penis etc. Innocent words like flower, cookie might mean genitalia. Yes, they make the children sound like they are making things up and not creditable. We need to demand that the children her listened to and protected.

MindreaderIV
Excellent. As a therapist, I can concur with this author's comments

nvrhdatckt
Very enlightening and compelling article. I hadn't ever thought about the fact that pedophiles have networks and share knowledge about effective methods to pursue, traumatize and contol their victims. Most people don't realize that children can more or less take themselves out of body when being abused in order to cope. They just take themselves away mentally. Its too bad that this subject isn't talked about more so that victims could receive better help and pedophiles caught. and taken out of circulation. (Permanently) Excellent article.

Just Sitting and Waiting!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:11:00 +0000

I haven't posted any news about my own foster daughter recently, so I thought I would go ahead and catch up on that today.

Our foster daughter, A., is beginning to get more and more nervous and agitated as the date for her mom's final fitness hearing draws closer. This happens everytime one of these hearing get close, but this one is particularly bad because we all expect birth mom's rights to be terminated this time. She just hasn't been able to change the particular aspects about herself and her life that resulted in her kids being taken away in the first place, so everyone is fairly certain about the outcome of the hearing. A. came into our bedroom around 10:00 p.m. the other night, tears running down her face and you could tell she looked like she felt her life was a nightmare. Well, it really has been! Any child who has been taken from their birth parent(s) must feel varying degrees of anquish over the separation. A.'s birth mom emotionally loves all of her children, but she has not been able to care for them and keep them safe. At least A. has started to show signs that she understands why her mom behaves the way that she does. Birth mom is simply a product of her own abusive background which she has never been able to overcome. It is not her fault that she was messed up as a child. However, even people who are "messed up" as children have the responsibility as adults to do whatever they can to "get it together". Especially if they go ahead and make the decision to have a baby, and then another, and then another, and then another. That is where my sypmathy begins to fail me a bit. At some point, it is time for this adult to grow up, get whatever help she may need, and be a decent parent to her kids, or else let them go so that the kids at least have a chance at a normal life with someone else who WILL take care of them properly and love them as their own child.

I get so frustrated when A.'s birth mom continues to act as though she is doing all that the foster care agency has counseled her to do, when in reality she is doing all the wrong things that she has been told NOT to do. This has been hardest on her oldest child, who happens to be our foster daughter. I fight feelings of extreme dislike for A.'s birth mom, trying to keep an amount of compassion within myself, because I know she had a horrible childhood herself. But like I said, she had the choice as an adult to get the help she needed in order to be a functional, loving, nurturing parent to her kids, and she has really blown it.

So, at the moment, we are sitting and waiting for the date of the hearing. It isn't for several more weeks yet. In the meantime, birth mom is facing criminal charges on something that A. does not even know anything about yet. The trial for that case is very soon and I can't even imagine what A. will feel when she learns of this situation. My heart hurts for her; I can't imagine what her heart feels like.

It won't be long before me and my husband will be faced with the final decision of whether or not we want to adopt A. We do want to, but we are also realistic with our knowledge that A. is most likely going to be an extremely challenging teenager. She did not grow up with any boundaries or rules and that has been very hard on her at our house. We argue every week over the fact that all of her friends have cell phones and that she feels she should be allowed to have one. Cell phone? These are 10, 11 and 12 year old kids!!!! What in the world do kids need with cell phones? Giving these kids unlimited access to each other is not a good choice for anybody. And in the case of a foster child, who do you think she will be calling from that cell phone? Yep! Her mom!! Forget it. I don't even want to think about her having one when she is older, but I know we will have to face that when it comes.

So, that is where we are at today. I can't wait until everything has been finalized and we can get on with our lives in a more normal way. Or, will it ever be normal again? I suspicion that we will probably never know life in quite the same way we did before we brought A. into our home. Well, I'm not sure that is all bad - but it certainly is not all good either!

Help A Child - Speak Up When You See Abuse Happening!

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:08:00 +0000

Carolyn Hax: Witnesses didn't aid victim of child abuse
By CAROLYN HAX

Dear Carolyn: My stepfather physically, verbally and emotionally abused me until I fled at 15. His power trip was mostly conducted at home, but sometimes it would happen in public, and sometimes it would happen in front of his loser buddies. The years I lived with him were so hard, but it was vastly worse when someone would see it happening and do nothing. Then, the problem wasn't my stepfather -- the problem was the world.

I'd have taken 10 extra beatings with a smile if any stranger had ever stopped and communicated, directly or indirectly, that I was right to believe that what was happening was wrong. I can assure you I got those 10 beatings anyway -- they happened all the time and on any pretext -- just without the quiet anesthetic victory that a stranger's concern might have been.

For reasons that are probably obvious, I am enormously conflict-averse as an adult. But I hope so much that if I ever see a child suffering in any of the ways I suffered, I will be able to stand and speak. I hope anyone would.

This happens more often than people realize. Please, be ready to speak up if you ever see a child being abused. You may be the only person in the right place at the right time who would possibly be able to give this child a chance to be removed from their abusive situation. If we don't speak up, who will save these children?

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Haitian Home Remedy Results In Couple Being Found Guilty of Child Abuse

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 21:38:00 +0000

Couple cleared in baby's death but found guilty of abuse
But found guilty of abuse for giving feverish girl vodka
By Jon Burstein South Florida Sun-Sentinel
August 30, 2008

The tearful father looked up, said, "Thank you Jesus," and clutched a Bible to his chest. The mother shut her eyes tight as her tiny frame quivered.

Emotion overcame Mardala Derival, 24, and Mackenson Dantus, 27, as a Broward County jury acquitted them Friday of manslaughter in their 3-month-old daughter's death.

Makeisha died on Valentine's Day 2004 with a blood-alcohol level that authorities said would have been nearly six times the legal limit for a driver. While the Fort Lauderdale couple was found not guilty of killing their daughter, they were found guilty of child abuse for giving vodka to the feverish baby as a Haitian home remedy.

They each could face up to five years in prison when they are sentenced by Circuit Judge Susan Lebow.

Attorneys for Derival and Dantus said the new parents rubbed a little alcohol on the sick baby's face and put two drops of vodka in a bottle mixed with water, sugar and salt. The defense attorneys said authorities used a flawed formula to calculate the baby's blood-alcohol level.

When Makeisha died, she had pneumonia and a bacterial infection, according to a forensic pathologist for the defense.

"It was a real tragedy for them to be held criminally responsible for the death of their own child," said Sandra Perlman, Dantus' attorney. The couple spent nearly 1,000 days in jail awaiting trial. Perlman said that at one point during the two-week trial, Derival collapsed to the floor, sobbing under the defense table, "My baby! My baby!" The jury had to be excused.

The couple hope to soon be reunited with their other child, 4-year-old Christina, who has been living with relatives, said Michael Weinstein, Derival's attorney.

"They are looking forward to hugging their daughter," Weinstein said.

Assistant State Attorney Julie Vogel declined to comment on Friday's verdict. She had argued that the couple recklessly caused their daughter's death by giving her a lethal dose of alcohol.

Jurors — who spent more than 6 1/2 hours deliberating before reaching their decision — declined to discuss their reasoning."We've been through enough," one of the jurors said as they got onto an elevator together.

Is this a case of child abuse? I have learned not to judge too quickly what I read in the news. I do not know these people so I do not know all of the surrounding circumstances that surround this case. while I do not agree with giving an infant alcohol, there are many old home remedies that people use and swear by and which actually work. It just seems to me that if this couple grew up with this vodka mixture as something that was often used to treat this type of illness in babies, then they were not doing anything cruel or abusive to the baby, they were simply doing what they had learned to do to treat an illness. I would hope that no judge would give this couple give years in prison for simply being what they considered to be loving, caring parents to this baby. I would rather think that the parents could use some parenting and basic first aid classes. Unless there is more to this story than what I am reading about on the surface, then this couple has suffered enough and their sentence should be no more than the fact that they will be living the rest of their lives without their child.

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A Couple Fills Their Family With Children And Love

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 00:10:00 +0000

Friends & Neighbors: Terry and Denise Gates

By Lara HayesDalton Daily Citizen

Chelsea Gates, 10, left, tells a story to her siblings Destiny, 13, Andy, 16, both on first row; second row, Kody, 13, Tyler, 6, and Toby, 13, and her parents Denise and Terry at their home in Varnell. None/Misty Watson

Varnell has a couple who have adopted six children. And no, their names aren’t Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt.Terry and Denise Gates met on a blind date set up by a mutual friend in 1988. Denise didn’t really like him at first because he talked too much.“I’m not much of a talker,” she said.Despite her misgivings, Denise said “yes” to a second date and soon the relationship blossomed. They married in 1989 and wanted to start a family immediately. They tried for months with no success and then decided to seek medical help.“I went through so many medical tests and procedures to become pregnant,” said Denise. “Doctors could find no medical reason as to why I could never get pregnant. I prayed all the time to get pregnant and have lots of children. I know now that this wasn’t part of (God’s) plan for me to give birth to a child.”The couple began to consider adoption and discussed getting a child from another country. Denise was on her last try of in-vitro fertilization when they received a phone call in January, 1992, that would change their lives forever.“It was from a friend who knew of two young girls who were pregnant and needing someone to adopt their children because they couldn’t take care of them,” said Denise. “One didn’t work out but after four long months and many ups and downs, Andy — who is my special gift from God — was born in April.”Andy’s adoption was finalized in July, 1992.

As Andy grew, he began to beg for brothers and sisters. Denise and Terry applied for another private adoption and waited ... and waited ... and waited. After eight years they decided the only way they were going to get another child was by becoming foster parents and adopt.“Little did we know that when you become a foster parent, most of the time you don’t get just one,” said Denise. “They come in groups.”Chelsea and Destiny were the first two children they got from the Department of Family and Children Services in 2000. Their brother Kody came from a crisis center a few weeks later. The couple say that the birth parents did nothing they were supposed to do to get their children back so in July, 2003, their parental rights were terminated. The children were then available for adoption.“A decision had to be made if we were going to adopt all of them,” Denise said. “When we decided to adopt again, we were just planning on one more, not three more.”After much prayer and several signs they say were from God directing them, the Gates said yes. The adoption was final in April, 2004.The couple were also still fostering and had become foster parents to Toby and Tyler in 2003. Again, the birth parents neglected their duties and their parental rights were terminated. By that time, Terry and Denise had grown very attached to the two brothers and agreed to adopt them as well. Their adoption was final in 2006.All the children have chores and get an allowance. Homework and chores must be done before Denise arrives home from her job as an administrative assistant at Beaulieu of America. Terry Gates works as a machinist at Lockheed-Martin in Marietta but is currently home recovering from open heart surgery.

All the kids play sports which means a lot of driving all over the county. The family is also very active at their church, Salem Baptist. How do they keep everything straight?“By being very organized and planning as far ahead as possible,” said Denise. “I lay their clothes out for the week. I also have a PDA (personal data assistant) that I punch everything into.”The couple says their church has been a big help, especially recently when Terry was still in the hospital.“They made sure all the kids had a place to go,” said Terry. “And when we have dinners at the church we get the leftovers.”Many of their relatives and the children’s grandparents also help out by buying the children clothes or giving them hand-me-downs.“Financially it’s not easy,” said Denise. “It takes everything we have to do it.”Perhaps the strongest thing that has seen them through is their solid faith in God.“We do a lot of it on faith, and we’ve done a lot with God’s help,” said Terry. “Sometimes we wonder why we did it, but we have no regrets whatsoever.”

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Foster Parents Use Tough Love

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Sun, 31 Aug 2008 02:20:00 +0000

The tough call made by the ones she loved
Grania Litwin, Canwest News Service
Published: Saturday, August 30, 2008

Cora Goodyer was a straight-A student who took part in all kinds of sports and had a perfect attendance record at school until age 13, when she was molested by her sister's best friend.
"That's when my happiness ended," said Goodyer, who dropped out of school in Grade 9.
Since then the young Victoria woman has been addicted to heroin and cocaine, charged with assault, spent months in juvenile detention, rehab and foster homes, been under house arrest, worked in the escort business, had two daughters and lost a set of twins.

So how did she survive?
"I'm alive and sane today because of the tough love of my foster parents and my adoptive mother," said the 23-year-old, who was adopted at birth and whose adoptive parents separated when she was four. "I lived with my [adoptive] mother who was, and still is, mentally ill. I witnessed a lot of drug and alcohol abuse growing up."
She says she learned no coping skills in her unstable home.
"I'd looked up to this guy and when he molested me it was horrible," she said. She reported the offence and he was charged but later acquitted.
Anger festered inside her and she talked about suicide. That's when a friend introduced her to heroin.
"I still remember that first hit. Every failing I'd ever had just disappeared. I felt like a whole new person in a brand new body," she said.

Goodyer was hooked on heroin the second it entered her. "It gave me a sense of belonging," she said. At the same time, she got involved with "some pretty heavy people" and harboured two men who had escaped from prison.
Drugs led to her own criminal record (for death threats and assault) and she was sent to detox at the home of Janet and Mark Guthrie.
It was a turning point.

"I fell in love with them," she said simply. "Detox was hard, very hard. Sometimes I didn't know if it was worth it. The pain of coming off was physical, emotional, horrible dreams, night sweats. I had no family support. Just Janet and Mark, who were strong for me."
When she finished detox, they asked her to become their foster child and she leapt at the idea, stayed clean for a year, returned to school, and enrolled in programs at the Boys and Girls Club.
"It was fantastic," she recalled.
But at 16 she assaulted someone. "Life was kicking me in the butt and I got back on heroin. I tried to hide it from the two people I loved most, but was way under the influence."
One night they said: "We're doing this because we love you," and two policemen rang the doorbell.

"I was so mad. I yelled and screamed as they took me away. That was the first time I'd ever been shown tough love. My foster mom was crying. I was screaming, 'How could you do this to me?' "
Given a choice between juvenile detention and drug rehab at Williams Lake, she chose rehab but didn't finish, so was sent back to detention. She begged her parents to get her out, but they said she was there because they loved her. She phoned her adoptive mom and she agreed.
"I've wasted so much time," sighed Goodyer, who wants to be a youth corrections officer one day. "It took me a long time to understand why my foster parents didn't come to get me."

Over the next several years she was in and out of care, back and forth to the Guthries', in trouble with the law. "After a while my foster parents told me I couldn't come home like I'd done twice before." Her response was total denial. She thought she had everything under control, was on top of the world, didn't need anybody.
"I was in a rotten crowd and didn't see a way out," Goodyer said.
She started working for an escort agency, "dipping into coke, met some pretty psychotic guys," and still thought everything was cool -- until the B.C. Ministry of Children and Families took her child away.

"I loved my baby but couldn't support her. It was devastating," she said.
She began using cocaine, spending up to $1,000 a day on the drug and not sleeping for three or four days.
The five-foot-six woman dropped under 100 pounds and developed a hole in her nose from snorting cocaine.
"I thought I looked like a sexy supermodel," she said.

At 19, Goodyer, met Warren Skaalrud, who saw her failings but also the goodness in her. They moved in together and he tried to help her recover, but she started escorting again behind his back. "It's an addiction, too, because you can make $150 in half an hour, sometimes 10 minutes."
He found out, said, "I'm done," and left.
One day she went to see her foster mom. "I told her I want what you and Dad have. She said: 'Go get it then.' "
Goodyer began fighting for her family and health. Her boyfriend returned, and if she wavered, he showed her a picture of her daughter to remind her.

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Couple Has Fostered More Than 50 Children Over Almost 30 Years - Hailed As Super Foster Carers

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 01:44:00 +0000

We’ve given 50 children a home
Aug 26 2008 by Abby Alford, South Wales Echo

A COUPLE who have given a home to more than 50 children who would otherwise “have no-one to love them” have been hailed as super foster carers.
Allan and Bernadette Cotter admit their work with youngsters with challenging behaviour is difficult, but say it is still “the best job in the world”.
“It’s not an easy role, but it’s extremely rewarding and we wouldn’t want to do anything else,” said Allan, 61, of Rumney, Cardiff.
“Without foster carers many vulnerable children would have no-one to love them.”
Allan and Bernadette, who have two grown-up daughters of their own, decided to become foster carers because they are passionate about helping children and young people who, through no fault of their own, have had a difficult start in life.
They have been praised as super foster carers by fostering agency Pathway Care Group for helping children and young people for almost 30 years.
Allan said: “It’s the best job in the world, but we couldn’t do it without the support of our family, friends, neighbours and Pathway Care, they’ve all been fantastic.”
The couple have been caring for twin boys for five years. One of the boys has complex behavioural needs.
“He is very bright and loving, but he suffers from sudden mood changes. He can be happy one minute and frustrated the next,” said Allan.
“It’s vital when looking after children with challenging behaviour to be very calm and in control. You mustn’t react aggressively towards them, even if they’re being antagonistic. Through experience and training we’ve learned how to diffuse volatile situations by talking with the children calmly and listening to them.”
Allan and Bernadette hope telling their story will encourage others to become foster carers.
Cardiff-based Pathway Care is calling on those with a background in social and residential care such as social workers, nurses, teachers, police officers and foster carers to come forward.
Wendy Keiden, director of Pathway Care South East Wales, said: “Allan and Bernadette are inspirational. Fostering youngsters with complex needs is not easy, but they’ve risen to the challenge and helped many disadvantaged children lead more fulfilling lives.
“There’s a shortage in Cardiff of foster carers with the experience and skills to look after foster children with challenging behaviour.

It truly takes special people to take on the care of youngsters who have challenging behaviors. My hat goes off to this couple who for 30 years have taken in kids that most families would find unmanageable. I wish I had that type of personality. But as I have admitted before; When God was passing out patience, I definitely was not sitting in the front row. God bless this couple and may they continue to be able to make a difference in the lives of foster children.

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His Smile Said It All !

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:24:00 +0000

This story comes from a person who is part of the support group - Cafemom.com. I don't know her name or who she is, but I wanted to post it for everyone to read. This story is a story of love, devotion, and commitment. This is what I hope for when/if we get the chance to adopt our foster daughter.

As we were the final family to be called into the judge's chambers yesterday to finalize our adoption, we watched as each of the other five families were called back (one by one) before us. The first family truly made my heart burst with emotion.
It was a large group of about eight adults and no less than five children. Several of the children were of differing races so I think it's be a safe bet to say that this was probably a foster family with children from many different homes- maybe some siblings, but probably not all.
When the attorney call this family's name, a young African American boy of about 11 or so stood up immediately, turned and looked back at the rest of his group, and then headed toward the chambers with the biggest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen. This young man was ready to make this his forever family. And he was so excited, so happy. It just radiated from him! The rest of the family followed behind noisily- lol. This boy never said a word as he headed to the front of the courtroom, but that smile said it all for everyone else in that courtroom.
As the chamber doors were closed behind this first adoptive group, I finally cried. THIS is what fost-adoption is about. THIS is why I love being a foster parent and why we chose to adopt a child from the system. At about 11 years of age, that young boy was aware of whatever he had endured in his biological home. He had been through whatever "the system" had put him through in the name of his best interest. And all he wanted was a safe, happy, relatively normal (LOL) forever family. He had found that and making it official couldn't happen fast enough. Wow.
After about fifteen or twenty minutes, the doors to the judge's chambers opened and out came the newly added-to family. This young black man walked out beside his "new", white dad- still sporting that incredible grin. The dad put his hands around the boy's neck and said, "Well, son...." It was incredible.
Then they took a photo to commemorate the event right there in the front of the courtroom. This preteen, newly adopted young man kissed his new daddy....right on the top of dad's head in the middle of his bald spot.
That's a moment in time I will never, ever forget!

Foster Care - One Child's Personal Experience

fosterfamilytalk@mchsi.com (Diane) — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 21:11:00 +0000

The story below, like my previous post, is another successful foster family story that warms my heart. I often wonder how my own foster daughter feels about living with a family that is not her own. I have known her for quite a few years so I do know her pretty well, but I'm sure there are things that she feels that she does not tell me. It is very reassuring to read a story that reminds me that many children come to think of their new foster homes as happy, safe, loving homes where they feel secure. I do think that my foster daughter does recognize that she is loved and I know she feels safer in our home than she did at her birth mom's, but I also know she misses her mom terribly and is struggling with many feelings. Maybe someday she will be able to tell us that she, like the girl in the story below, has come to understand the differences between her past life with her mom and her present and future life with us and that she feels safe, happy, and loved with us.

Foster Care - In Her Own Words
This story was written by a youth currently in foster care. Her full name has not been used in order to protect her identity and maintain confidentiality.

“I don’t need any suit people pretending to by my parents” were my exact words as I arrived off the plane at the Breslau airport. As I was sitting in a bad position, not knowing exactly what to expect, the 2 suits walked up to me and told me to “butt out” my smoke and get into their car. I looked at my mom, who was with the 2 suits, expecting her to explain what was going on. Seems my mom didn’t really know what was going on either except that the suits were taking me into their custody. By custody, I mean foster care. For the very first time in my life, my mom couldn’t save me.
I have always believed that the “suits”, otherwise known as Family and Children’s Services, were only there to take away kids from good homes and separate them from their brothers and sisters. I thought they just took kids away so they could make money off of people’s taxes. I imagined that foster care would be scary and unpredictable and I was about to find out….
My first two weeks in foster care were like a nightmare. I cried every night and planned my escape. I thought I was in jail, only worse. And then one day I woke up and I wasn’t crying anymore. I began to feel more secure and comfortable and realized that my foster parents didn’t “wear suits”. I slowly began to realize that I was adjusting to my new situation and was starting to feel “ok” with the people I was with.
Now, 4 months later, I realize that I’m not in “jail” and that the “suits” were only trying to help me ( I have a great child service worker) and that my “foster family” cares about me. I know now that the “suits” weren’t trying to make any money off me and that they were just trying to help my mom and I. I have a better relationship with my mom, I’m going to school (wasn’t really doing that much before), working part-time, making new friends and experiencing new things like going to camp. I’m also starting to dream about what I can do in the future. I want to be a Class A Mechanic and the only way that I’m going to get there is by somebody “kicking me in the butt” to go to school. I don’t think any of these things would have happened if the “suits” hadn’t met me at the airport. I think my life would have taken a different turn, spiralling downhill.
I never realized how lucky I was to be put in a foster home that actually felt like a home. I know that there are kids out there that aren’t as lucky as me, and I wish there were more people who would take the time out of their lives to do society a favor and take kids into their homes. If more people would do that then maybe they would realize that the so-called “thugs, hoodlums and punks” that are on our streets are maybe just kids that need you.
Mary T. (Age 16)

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