Fosterhood in NYC

Power nap at the office.

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:23:56 -0400

Power nap at the office.

Definitely some subtle indications that Jacket’s life has been more chaotic than normal. One...

Fri, 25 May 2012 23:23:00 -0400

Definitely some subtle indications that Jacket’s life has been more chaotic than normal. One example, Jacket changed into a nighttime pull-ups early in the day. When I asked her what she was doing she told me she had to pee-pee. WHAT? Go to the toilet! She did but she barely made it. Also, she was in a wet pull-up when I picked her up yesterday. Maybe they ARE homeless now, who knows? Will. Stop. Worrying.

some answers to your questions

Fri, 25 May 2012 12:18:00 -0400

Still not sure what I’m going to tell Jacket’s mom. The ACS worker advise me not to tell her that she visited, if only to preserve our relationship. Jacket’s mom hasn’t told me that ACS is looking for her, I even asked early on and she said no. I am still hoping to say something like “They stopped by looking for Jacket. They saw that she was healthy and fine. You should call them back so it can all be resolved.”

I don’t have Jacket in any legal way (e.g. foster care). Jacket being with me and my home checking out has bought her some time (I think). The ACS worker did say “My supervisor reviewed the file and wants to know if you’re willing to be guardian”. I said yes but I know her mom won’t go for it. Ever since the flood gates of emotions have opened. Everything from panicky-“I can’t do this alone” to guilt-“Maybe I did or said something to cause this to happen” to sadness for Jacket and all of her confusion.

Daycare was a bust today (paperwork issues) and of course it’s the one day this week I have to do a sexuality assessment and I can’t have Jacket in my office while I’m showing 11”x14” [standardized] illustrations of erect penises. I just need to remind myself that I’ve always worked daycare out in the past and I can do it again if I need to.

Maybe riding the scooter this morning in our rush to work and...

Fri, 25 May 2012 10:26:43 -0400

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

Maybe riding the scooter this morning in our rush to work and daycare wasn’t such a good idea after all. We’re a bit rusty in our commuting efficiency.

My sweet, sweet girl.

Fri, 25 May 2012 05:58:33 -0400

My sweet, sweet girl.

Don't try to run away from ACS

Fri, 25 May 2012 05:41:59 -0400

Can’t sleep so, lessons you should write down.

1. Don’t try to run away from ACS

2. Don’t have a strange man call and lie to ACS for you

3. Don’t scream craziness right next to the strange man on the phone with ACS

4. Use *67 before prank calling ACS

5. Don’t say a child doesn’t live where they actually live. The next conclusion becomes the child is homeless.

6. When threatened with the police knocking down your door, don’t ask if they could call you when they’re on their way over.

7. Don’t neglect to tell the person you’re giving your child to that the government is looking for said child.

8. Don’t call and text 45 times while ACS is interviewing the person you’ve entrusted your child with.

———

If Jacket’s mom would have been honest with me, I would have suggested that I come to the house (and the detective if she’s willing at this point) for the interview to support her. That way everything I said would be out in the open. I had a lot of positive things to say and I was able to explain that Jacket’s mom is NOT abandoning her but that she should be rewarded for having a safety plan of sending Jacket to me whenever she needs it. Yes, she only came with a couple of pull-ups but that’s because I have EVERYTHING for Jacket, her mom knows, and I always insist on her not worrying about clothes and such.

Now I have to pretend like I haven’t talked to ACS and it’s a horrible feeling. I’ve worked soooo hard to build trust with Jacket’s mom all year. I hope I salvage our relationship while enabling ACS to make more informed decisions about Jacket’s needs.

check this

Thu, 24 May 2012 20:58:00 -0400

When I asked the ACS case worker how she got my number she said “from your cases”, meaning the previous false allegation of child abuse against me by (assuming) Jacket’s mom.

Can you believe that alllllll of that snorting coke in Macy’s drama actually was what facilitated ACS to reach out to me today, over a year after reunification (unlike in Snap’s case)?

I can only guess that the OSI case worker(s) must have indicated how committed (or over-involved, depending on your perspective) I was.

Lot’s I want to get off my chest but too busy snuggling Jacket.

Not to sound dramatic, but I believe all my investment in this...

Thu, 24 May 2012 17:23:00 -0400

Not to sound dramatic, but I believe all my investment in this craziness paid off in this moment that Jacket wasn’t sent to a stranger’s house, or dragged god knows where tonight.

Call from ACS looking for Jacket. My heart is pounding like crazy in fear. I can already tell this...

Thu, 24 May 2012 16:03:57 -0400

Call from ACS looking for Jacket. My heart is pounding like crazy in fear. I can already tell this is a GOOD, SANE case worker. I essentially said “I have no new concerns” and that Jacket “looks and acts healthy enough to me but I’ll always support someone checking in on them” (I wouldn’t blog about any of this is such was not the case).

Then I got a call from Jacket’s mom asking me to take her for 3 weeks. Still in a car on my way.

"Come get her."

Thu, 24 May 2012 15:08:57 -0400

“Come get her.”

- Jacket’s Mom (on my way)

One Jacket’s masterpieces. I got the confetti art idea...

Thu, 24 May 2012 12:34:53 -0400

One Jacket’s masterpieces. I got the confetti art idea from a card Ara’s daughter, Harriet made.

Lots of phone calls from Jacket’s mom trying to pull me in to building a case against her...

Thu, 24 May 2012 08:13:10 -0400

Lots of phone calls from Jacket’s mom trying to pull me in to building a case against her sister. I wish she’d just re-channel that energy and follow through on Jacket swim lessons already.

Text message at 5am from Jacket’s mom asking if I can take her for a few days. I of course...

Wed, 23 May 2012 10:54:54 -0400

Text message at 5am from Jacket’s mom asking if I can take her for a few days. I of course said yes but didn’t hear back. I’m guessing the sisters called 911 on each other during the night… just a guess.

This is going to bite her in the ass

Tue, 22 May 2012 23:56:00 -0400

Jacket’s mom is apparently in a fight with her sister and she has sent the cousins back home. I started receiving not-so-subtle text messages earlier today “Do you think her kids are dirty?” . My replies are always written with the expectation to one day hear them read out loud in court:

“I hadn’t noticed. Are you worried about them?”

The truth is, yes, the cousins are always dirty, but not to the extent that I interpret it as a safety issue. The 5 year-old and 9 year-old do not use utensils (they eat lasagna with their hands despite my protests) and there’s never a consideration to wipe their mouths or wash their hands afterward. With no one running after them to get it done they inevitably have a constant layer of food crust on them. It is what it is. I assume it’s a result of overwhelmed parents and children who have spent important years bounced around between foster homes. It’s sort of like they are feral. I can’t make a judgment on how things are going at this moment in the home. God knows I took Jacket to daycare a sticky gooey mess on occasion. I can already hear the ACS hotline worker saying to Jacket’s mom “Well then give them a bath already. There is no case here to accept.”

Of course, Jacket’s mom is winding tighter and tighter since I’m not engaging in her abuse claim - she’s upped the ante (I’m starting to see how I ended up snorting coke in Macy’s). Now the story is that her sister and brother-in-law [the cousin’s parents] are always on drugs. This is brand new. I’ve interacted with them a few times and I don’t have any reason to suspect they were under the influence. I responded, in anticipation of her*actual* drug addicted sisters returning in place of the little cousins, “It sounds like a good idea to keep Jacket away from people who are struggling with drugs. Jacket is our #1 concern.” It sounds a little condescending but in her state of mind, I don’t think the reminder can hurt.

It's official, I've aged out

Tue, 22 May 2012 10:59:00 -0400

In my “about me” section, I wrote a while back:

“Perhaps I can inspire a new breed of foster parents? A younger (under 35), more educated, urban, adventurous and socially responsible kind?”

I started my foster parent journey when I was 32 and last week I turned 36! I’ve aged-out of my own (and MTVs) demographic. So what does this mean? It’s clear that my Fosterhood journey is far from over as evident by my relationship with Jacket and her family. However, phase 1 of accumulating foster kids is done. I’ve been matched with, and developed a deep bond to two at-risk children (Jacket and Snap). I will forever take them back as foster children and will do my best to love and support them throughout their lifetime. So, I’m replacing the tagline

“Making it hip to be a young foster parent in New York City. Because now you think about it, you know you wanna”

“A new wave of smart, young folk who foster parent with, around, and beyond The System - hipster glasses optional”

Any thoughts?

Only mommy war worth waging...

Tue, 22 May 2012 07:17:00 -0400

Only mommy war worth waging...:

by the way, this is Erika’s (nothankyoubites) most recent blog reincarnation

I turned my back for one second….

Mon, 21 May 2012 22:04:19 -0400

I turned my back for one second….

Some play-doh, insects and dinosaurs from Elia. Elia did you...

Mon, 21 May 2012 11:59:00 -0400

Some play-doh, insects and dinosaurs from Elia. Elia did you take any pictures of the jewelry line we designed for the little creatures?

a wee bit of bitching

Mon, 21 May 2012 09:20:00 -0400

Jacket arrived in a pull-up yesterday. What the fuck? She’s been toilet trained almost 2 years now. Her mom’s explanation was that she gets them half price at BJ’s.

Elia brought Jacket a bag of gifts and while it was originally in Jacket’s hands, her mom guarded the bag and opened it all herself. We were able to play with some of the cool presents, but the other’s Jacket’s mom said were “saved for later”. Ugh.

Must get rid of Syfy channel! Jacket’s mom always finds her way to it and watches (and records on her phone) the most gory horror films. Inevitably she calls the girls over for the murder scenes.

I very casually mentioned that Jacket and her cousins could go to YMCA camp for free and that I could help them fill out the paper work. Jacket’s mom said that she and her sister would have too many doctor’s appointments this summer because they’re getting laser surgery for weight loss (I think she’s being taken advantage of in a fake medical scam for the little money she has).

Although Jacket’s mom warns me 100 times a day not to let Jacket get kidnapped, she showed me a video of her and her cousins jumping around in a moving (very fast) car without their seat belts. I came very close to saying “If Jacket’ dies in a car accident because she’s not wearing a seat belt I will NEVER forgive you.” But I didn’t.

Jacket has a horrible rash/sore on her scalp that I think is due to her hair not being cared for. However, that’s totally judgmental speculation on my end.

Jacket’s mom puts down the cousins constantly in front of them and Jacket. She also talks about her sister wanting to give one away because “she’s so bad”. She’s 5 years old and has been dumped at grandma’s house in another state. Awesome message for former foster kids. Jacket’s really confused about it and keeps asking where her cousin is.

Everything but the puppets. Jacket LOVES to cross off an...

Sun, 20 May 2012 23:05:00 -0400

Everything but the puppets. Jacket LOVES to cross off an activity once it’s over and ask “what’s next”?