Found Pearls

Visit my new Site

2024-03-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hey folks,

As you might have noticed, updates stopped here a long time ago. That’s because I’ve moved to a new domain! So come visit my new site, where I talk about artwork, fiber and the history of the world.

See you there!

SarazenAnYin.com

How to Talk to Your Kids About Money.

2012-05-31T09:37:00.000-07:00

Man I just love reading the news. I especially like it when I find an article that confirms something I've been thinking. Yeah that might speak to my internal biases, but still... in February I wrote a post about being open with your kids about money matters then this morning I'm scouring the headlines and I find this NPR article on teaching kids about money.

Basically the article confirms that when parents openly discuss money matters with their children, the kids grow into adults that make better choices. Woo! The kids can learn and we have scientific proof.

Ok, ok... great huh? But as I came to the bottom of the story I came down from my validation drunk and noticed a problem. From the article:

"So why do such conversations happen rarely when they are so important? Serido said it may be as difficult to talk to kids about bills and bonds as it often is to talk about the birds and the bees."

Doh! If it is as hard to talk to your kids about money as it is to talk to them about sex...well, oh yeah, we have a problem.

So let's get to work on that. If this is a painful issue for you, you may need to do some personal work first. If you have used money as a yardstick, made mistakes, consider starting off by embracing those failures. Seriously, it hurts to think about it, but once you do it's very liberating! I myself am some embarrassed that I once got sucked into a magazine subscription deal that I couldn't afford and didn't really want, but there it is. I went into further debt and ended up living in my car for a while. Lordy, what was I thinking?! But guess what? I learned from all that! And being open about those mistakes allows me to share what I've learned from that experience with my kids. In the end it's a super win!

So let's be clear. Being able to afford the newest Playstation, or the $500 Nikes, or from my day a Members Only jacket is NOT what makes someone a good parent. Really...let's just allow that notion quietly expire into it's long overdue and much deserved death.

Good. If you've come through all that broaching the subject of money with your kids shouldn't be hard. You can start small if you need to. These are some steps that worked for me.

1. Put money in their hands - Earning it through an allowance, or the windfall of a birthday gift, there is nothing quite like direct experience to teach kids the value of a dollar. Spending it, or losing it can spark conversation. You'll be right there to point out a wallet is a better place for money then lick stuck to their forehead.

2. Take them to the bank - Not just for lollypops, but to help them open a savings account. Introduce them to the banker and let them do the talking.

3. Play money games with them - Monopoly is the old stand by, but there are a ton of other games out there now that target various age levels and can spark some great conversations. I've used Shopping Spree, Payday, Rags to Riches (which sadly seems to be out of production) and Tycoon all to good effect.

4. Explain the news to them - I've had some of the best conversations with the kids when I thought I was minding my own business and catching up on worldly events with Diane Sawyer. They listen way more than you might think they do, and if they ask a question...well boy howdy, that's your big chance!

5. Let them lean over your shoulder - This might be the hardest one because it puts you and all your 400 lattés last month right out there, but it will reap the biggest rewards. Let them see a bill or two. Stack them up and let them see the pile. You don't need to fill them in on the full details of every paycheck, but they should know how it stacks up to the bills you have coming in. Small doses here is important, as is age appropriate info. This is not taking your 2yr old to task for flushing the potty so much it bumped up the water bill. It's providing just enough disclosure that the kids start to have a sense of ownership in the financial health of the household.

It's amazing how kids can rise to the occasion when given the chance. I'm reminded of that every time the 10yr old Amish boy rings me up at his parents market.

In the end kids are going to learn, whether you intend to teach them or not. If you are secretive about money, and judge others by what they have or they don't have kids will learn this. And while it is possible to over come a bad start it is a wicked hard and rocky road.

So come on...you're a parent, a grown up, you're tough right? Get in those parent pants. You can do this. Just do it.

Already done it, or still working on it? Tell us about it!

Photo by VividImageInc

Why Do We Celebrate Heartless Heroes, and What Does That Teach Our Kids?

2012-05-28T18:45:00.001-07:00

Got your beach balls and bathing suits? It's Memorial Day weekend! So starts the the blockbuster movie season. In keeping with the spirit, and because it's still a little too cold here for me to swim, I went out and saw The Avengers yesterday.

It has everything that you'd expect from a big budget superhero movie, big bangs, big trouble, big evil villans trying to take over the world and a troop of one-liner spouting champions who save everyone from certain doom!

It all sounds great, right? I thought so too, but as I sat there ruining my bathing suit figure with too much popcorn and root beer, I was struck by how little difference there seemed to be between the villans and the heroes.

With the possible exception of Captain America, what we see is a team of superheros who succeed through deception, manipulation, brute force and rage. They kill anyone or anything that gets in their way not only without showing fear, but also with the presence to pepper their mid-punch dialogue with zingers.

Now I'm not going to pick too much at The Avengers. It's not like that is the only story with questionable 'heroes'. Movies, TV and fiction are permeated with figures like Don Draper, Nucky Thompson, Gregory House and Katniss Everdeen just to mention a few. And this is not entirely new. Morally ambiguous protagonists have been around since...well...the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Epic of Gilgamesh, even period mythology is filled with presumably good gods behaving badly.

The best of these stories show the consequences of the hero's antisocial tendencies even as they high-light his triumphs. Yet increasing we see stories where the hero is for all intents and purposes a psychopath but any bad behavior is celebrated as long it's in the name of a greater good, ie the end justifies the means.

Now hold on here. It's all well and good to use antiheros to illustrate a point, or drive a particular theme, but what happens when you gloss over those bad things and just leave behind our guy kicking butt by any means necessary to the cheers of a rapt audience? You get what I'm starting to call the 'good' psychopath archetype. Sherlock Holmes is an early example, but today no figure typifies this idea more than TV character Dexter Morgan, a serial killer who only kills other killers.

Dexter is a great show and it explores many of the uncomfortable areas that follow, but they never really tackle the ultimate question of whether such a creature could even exist. Worrying, but I'm still tentatively intrigued.

Lighter fair is where it gets even more troublesome. In movies like The Avengers, Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of the legion of superhero flicks, character development takes a back seat to special effects, plot movement and the next big action sequence. This allows our 'good' psychopathic heroes to save the day without ever facing the music for being otherwise rather crappy team players.

In a world where it is increasingly becoming clear just how much story disrupts our defenses and seeps into our unconscious this is not a good thing. Not long ago I wrote about the toxic myths that encourage narcissistic and psychopathic personalities. If toxic ideals make the roots of bad judgements, story is the vehicle that delivers them.

While I'm not in favor or throwing out a literary tradition that goes back to the start of the written word, I am for responsible story telling, and I believe that a proliferation of 'good' psychopathic heros is painting an skewed picture for our kids.

Fortunately it's relatively easy to do something about this. A good start would be buying into more narratives with heroes you can respect in the morning. I believe we also need to encourage our kids to question both the ethics they see at work in books, TV and movies and the reality of 'good' psychopathic characters.

So in that spirit and in honor of the day, let's remember what some real heroes look like. 60 Minutes featured some great ones on their Sunday broadcast. Here's a few pictures too.

It's a jungle out there folks. It's up to us to take care of the weeds. How did you honor Memorial Day?

Photos courtesy of Brett Jordan, USAG-Humphreys, popofatticus, cozmosis and Skyring

Wrap Up, Things I Learned From Lent

2012-05-17T08:42:00.001-07:00

With the Easter holiday and the start of the soccer season things have been mighty busy in these parts, but hey, what's a little mainlined caffeine among friends? Anyway, I have been wanting to write an update on what I learned from my Lent experiment.

First I've gotta say that all things considered I think it was a great experience. Even though I didn't manage to keep my resolve for the whole 38 days (you didn't think I was going to be perfect did you?), I did significantly reduce my book habit, and I didn't get any yarn at all. All in all I was pretty good at eliminating non-essential spending, and even more import to me was that every time I did get something I thought about it more carefully. I weighted the benefit vs. my desire to maintain my resolve.

The things I did end up buying I at least had to square with myself how they would a serve a higher purpose. So what was it that I just couldn't wait for? Pastels, paper and oboe reeds. With all my thinking about what was worth the expense I discovered that what I really wanted was to pursue my artistic aspirations.

That's right. Can you believe it? All I had to do is give up a bad habit and I discovered more of what really mattered to me in life.

I got another great thing from my Lent/Easter experience. Though I have done some spending since the end of Lent, it has been with a whole new purpose. The fiber and yarns I have picked up are no longer about what cool new thing I'm going to make for myself, but are either for projects I plan to do with my kids, or they are for using my talent to make a serious go at a creative career. It may seem like a small distinction, but internally it feels like a major shift. I've also found myself looking for even more ways to give charitably, as well as volunteer. What's not to love about that?

The suffering of Lent allowed me the time to see myself in a new way. Owning my materialism, first by choosing that as my target behavior for Lent, and then voluntarily living without that self-indulgence is changing the way I approach my life. And while I hope that I don't have great hardship in my future, I do think my practice of sacrifice worked. I feel a lot more confident that I could handle it if it did.

Maybe it means I'm a glutton for punishment, but I'm really looking forward to next year's Lent. I'm even planning on starting on time! If we really want to have a better world, with less narcissism and more community...well...I believe you gotta start at home, with yourself, so that's what I'm doing. How about you? Did you practice Lent this year? Why or why not, and if you did, how did it go?

The Creative Journey - Beginnings

2012-05-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

New ideas...they can be as cute as a pile of puppies. All shiny and cuddly you just want pick 'um up play patty cake with those cuddly-wuddly little faces! Whoo doggy!

So last week I wrote about the beginnings of a new project. Well I put in my yarn order, and I got a total score, some odd ends of the finest cashmere from Todd and Duncan. It's gonna suit my needs smashingly! Here it is.

Pretty pretty pale blue!

Fearsome furnace red orange!

Of course the thing about beginnings is that everything is all new and exciting. You're the pioneer starting out cross country in your covered wagon. It isn't until much later, mid to late journey, after you've eaten your horses and are sizing up your neighbor for tonight's dinner, that you discover if you have the resolve to finish.

Fortunately, I know that I have what it takes to finish. I have been knitting for well over half my life now and I've been spinning wool for over a decade. I have faced many a creative crisis with my yarns (he he) and lived to see the end of my journey.... my poor poor neighbors though...

Anyway! What remains to be seen is if I will be able to bring these particular ideas to life, and if after all my years of experience I can make something that my uneaten peers would acknowledge with $$ as a triumph. That's a pretty big if.

What I've observed when it comes to wearable art is that it's value is often discounted. In an age of machine made fabric and desperate overseas labor...well...it's harder than ever to get your fiber talent honored with a paycheck. Much less one you could live off.

On the other hand there are designer clothes.

Boy oh...I don't know if I have what it takes to be the next Valentino or something, much less any idea where to even begin to breaking into that elite club. Yet I like to think that there are a few patrons out there that might be willing to support this artist. I suppose we'll see. However that turns out, IMO the story of creation is a big part of any finished work. Really, would Guernica be the same if it was just the picture? Like many great works, the story itself is intwined with the finished object.

So here begins this story. I'm going to work on it in the off hours from my other stories...my writing. Let's see where it goes. Have you started anything new lately?

PS. No neighbors were actually eaten for this post, but I have watched more zombie movies than a depressed teenage vampire.....*burp*

Photo by flickr's Soggydan

Wanna Get More Liberty? You Have the Power Voter

2012-05-08T08:55:00.002-07:00

Today North Carolina is voting on what constitues a marriage.

How heady, to think that a simple majority can decide such a question for everyone. As voters we have come to enjoy our collective power to dictate what is moral and just to all those simpletons who have the audacity to disagree with our world view.

Love the environment, love animals, love each other, spend your money to fix this problem...no wait...that one...no both...right now! And do it the way I think you should, your ideas, your wisdom, your perspective and your hardship don't matter because I know best how this should be done. This is who we have collectively become.

Does North Carolina have the right to define marriage... Does such a question even matter when we clearly allow them the power? Why have we become a nation of individuals that must validate ourselves through governmental mandate?

We were intended to be a nation that embraced freedom and liberty, a nation that openly allowed the pursuit of happiness by multiple avenues. But what room is there for freedom in a country where everyone perceives himself the monarch of his neighbors choices? Now, in November, and always, how you apply your power matters. It is within our purview to set each other free. What are you going to choose?

Surviving the Creative Life - A New Project

2012-05-07T11:59:00.001-07:00

I don't know what this is going to be yet!

It's been what... a month? Whew! I got two stories finished and sent them out to contest. In rough draft form for a brand new story I now have Chapter 1 finished and Chapter 2 almost finished. And I have two more stories underway for a contest deadline in July. But you know what? It's not enough!

This weekend, after making 18 lemon pies for my church auction and just before racing all over town to catch some of the four soccer games my kids were playing in on Sunday, I took a few hours to go down to the Maryland Sheep and Wool Festival.

Even though I was already exhausted, and looking forward to more running for the rest of the day, I'm glad I went. Why? Well, I'll tell you why. Even though I'm clearly drawn to write, it is a considerable labor. With homeschooling and raising four kids, I must be committed to get in at least some writing (or at least some research) everyday. It is as rewarding as it is challenging, and I hope that I can keep at it until the very end.

However, the creative process involved in getting a story, or even some blog posts, out is sometimes like trying to run an obstacle course half drunk with a blindfold on. You take a number of hits, and fall down a lot before you finally get to a satisfactory end.

Yet, if you have a creative bent you can't help yourself. You'll do it over and over and over again. Really, if you are like me, you know you are compelled. You also know that you must nourish and refresh your creative spirit so that you can continue to endure all the abuse of the missteps and second guesses.

For me that means keeping my hands in many paint pots. In addition to writing, I also cook (of course) spin, knit, sew, draw (poorly) , use pastels (also poorly), and I'm learning to play the oboe (screechily) and if I'm lucky one day the cello (dreamily). So when I find that I'm crashing into a major blockage with one, I shift to another while I wait for inspiration to provide me with the insight I need to finish. Sometimes this can take a while, but doing things this way means I'm never wasting time.

So last week, when I was just minding my own business writing along, I was struck that I could make something really beautiful with my knitting. I've ordered some yarn for this endeavor, and I expect to add some crystal beads to the project as well. I had thought I would probably skip the Sheep and Wool Festival this year, but after being duly inspired, I went down and got even more inspired.

Then as I was coming back with all my ideas, I had another. I can bring my knitting and my writing together! So here I am. This might be a messy ride, but I've decided to blog the creation of several projects. Right now, they are just ideas in my head, and some tufts of wool, either in the mail, or resting on my bedroom floor.

Over the course of the next...well...however long it takes they are going to become at least three works of art, that might even be wearable. Then I'm going to sell them. I hope.

I already know that I'm going to have to improve my spinning skill for one of these projects, and all of them are going to be a major test of both my knitting and design abilities. I expect that I will have to make some side projects along the way just to learn the skills I need to get this bounty out of my head. So hey, why don't you come along with me on this journey. I'm still going to keep going with the writing, I have some deadlines there, and let's see what's possible in the name of making something beautiful. And they should be that, beautiful. Or else...Ack!

This is what I have to work with from the festival:

This might be a sweater?

These are two felted caps I'm going to make with the kids.

I'm not sure about this either, but it might be part of one of the big three I'm currently calling 'The Sun'.

I think this has a very good chance of being part of 'The Sun' as well as part of a sweater I already need to finish.

This is something that I need to finish in order to learn the skills I need to make my ideas real.

So what are you working on? Is there anything lurking in your imagination that you simply must get out?

Get Yourself Moving, Dedicate Your Effort to Something Bigger

2012-04-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Just look at these guys! This picture is from a dedication ceremony at Nasa. I don't know what they are dedicating, maybe a new fire resistant parachute, or a space junk collecting vacuum cleaner. Heck, it could be a new tastee-freeze vending machine. Doesn't matter. What matters is the effort at dedication.

I've spent the last few weeks working on some fiction writing I'm trying to get finished before May. There is a contest coming up that I'd like to enter if I can manage to turn the pair of stories I have been wrestling with into something a little better than the bathroom scrawl they currently are. In the process I have discovered that I have a hard time switching between blog writing to fiction.

This has been a great revelation for me because it has given me the chance to evaluate why I have this hang up, and see if there is anything that I can do to improve on it. Which brings me back to the Nasa diggers above.

The hardest thing about any writing, and I suspect that this is true not just of creative pursuits but of any long term project, is finding the resolve to do the work day in and day out. Seriously, it's hard to keep at it when any tangible reward seems a dim glimmer which you are starting to think might in fact be the early stages of retinal detachment. So how do you do it?

Take it away...I just can't look at it anymore.

Fortunately for me I read something a while back that has given me perspective and helped to keep me going. I owe it to Roger Walsh. In the past when I thought of dedication I would think, "Wow, look at those Olympians, they must be really dedicated to practice all those hours on a Stairmaster just for the chance to win a medal." Great, but it doesn't help much does it. There is, however, another way to look at dedication.

In one of the first exercises in Essential Spirituality by Roger Walsh suggests that you dedicate your efforts before you start work. In other words, you do something like those NASA diggers are doing. You stand up and say something along the lines of, "I'm dedicating this floor moping to the memory of Aunt Hilda, God rest her soul, who was a germ-o-phobe."

As you can probably tell by my tongue boring its way through my cheek I thought the whole idea a might silly. Well, I did. Right on up until I started trying it. It was a small change at first. Working on the Nordic Track came a little easier when I thought of myself as doing it for my unborn grand babies, but when I started adding a dedication as a preface to doing laundry, moping, writing, well... not only have those jobs become less onerous to do, but they are also easier to start.

There are a lot of benefits to working in the service of others. Add finishing jobs that seem too big, too hard and so giant you fear they just might take forever to the list.

I'm still not sure how to make the transition between blog and fiction writing easier, but I am dedicating my efforts at both to my kids bellies. And what do you know, here I am. How about you? Where might you benefit from dedicating your work to someone else?

Get a Few More Years by Plugging Into Your Community

2012-03-12T13:08:00.001-07:00

Even though I spent the last week working on some fiction writing, I have been mulling over ways to find the words to review _The Longevity Project_ which I finished up just a little over 2 weeks ago. It is a new release, so if you haven't read it yet I recommend you put it on your short list if you'd like to be around to see your eighth decade or more. The book is as fascinating as it is insightful.

In short it is the sum of the discoveries that have come out of an eighty year long study of individuals chosen in youth for their academic performance. What followed was a lifetime of detailed records of their lives which have now been used to try and discover why some lived to be 80, 90, even over 100 years old, while others winked so much earlier.

Much of what the researchers learned was counter-intuitive, like the importance of worry and how the right stress can be good for you. Even the way that you think has an impact on how long you are likely to live.

My favorite insights came from their discoveries on sociability. Provided you are not running with a hard drinking party crowd, growing your social connections throughout your community may be the single most important thing you can do to improve your health and live a long life. Let's say it again, it's that important, growing your social connections throughout your community may be the single most important thing you can do to improve your health and live a long life.

Now you might be thinking that having people that you can count on when you are having a hard time would be the key to long life, the researchers certainly did. But they were wrong. From page 164 -

"Beyond social network size, the clearest benefit of social relationships came from helping others. Those who helped their friends and neighbors, advising and caring for others tended to live to old age."

It can't be anymore clear than that. Not only does plugging into your community make the world a better place, it will make you live a longer and healthier life. You just have to go out there an do something. Join a club, volunteer, go see if you can help your neighbor mow her lawn, entertain a crying baby in the checkout line. It's all good.

It all reminds me of the poem Around the Corner by Charles Hanson Towne. Back in the forth grade my entire class was forced to memorize it, and that is about the only good thing that came out of that year. If you've not read it, here it is:

Around the corner I have a friend,

In this great city that has no end,

Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,

And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,

For life is a swift and terrible race,

He knows I like him just as well,

As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,

And now we are busy, tired men.

Tired of playing a foolish game,

Tired of trying to make a name.

"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim

Just to show that I'm thinking of him",

But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,

And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,

"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."

And that's what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.

If this poem had been written today, he might have concluded with the narrator dying the next day. You know what's cool though, this does not have to be you. Don't know where to start? I can recommend inviting someone over for dinner, and there is always co-housing if you can swing it, but I have other ideas too. I will get to those in future posts. So...um...what are you waiting for? Take a gamble, try something, and tell us all how it goes!

Get Fresh - You Can Do it Spaghetti Sauce - Great Taste that Builds Community

2012-02-28T15:11:00.002-08:00

It's Lent and I'm still not shopping, so I've gone up to my elbows into another love, cooking.

Spaghetti sauce. Like the lusty moist goodness of North Carolina barbeque, it is one of those foods that lives in a special place of the heart. It is a warm and tender reminder of the comforts of childhood and an excuse for endless fist shaking debates. With good reason too. Done well it can transport us the recesses of our youth, yet it is cheap enough to prepare that serving an army is totally within reason.

Unfortunately like much of our food tradition it has slowly ceded ground to store bought preparations. Instead of cultivating and perfecting our own we wander down the aisles looking for the perfect sauce. If your time is so compressed that it is squeals for mercy when you check the clock, that might be a compromise you must accept. But before you surrender to the check out line, take a look at how easy this tomato-based nirvana is to prepare.

Behold your raw ingredients. Pictured above you will need:

2 Cans of whole tomatoes
4 Cans of crushed or diced tomatoes
3 to 5 Bay leaves
1 large onion
5 cloves of garlic
1/4 C of chopped fresh basil
2 heaping tablespoons of oregano
salt and pepper to taste
a pinch of sugar to cut the acid
2T of oil for cooking

That is your bare bones sauce right there. Cook that up, eat it, love it.....But you can tinker too, and it is still easy!

A selection of some optional ingredients:

2 green bell peppers
1 yellow bell pepper
1 orange bell pepper
1T rosemary
5 Fresh Tomatoes
1C of mushrooms
4 - 6 olives sliced
Italian Sausage
1/4t to 1/2t cayenne pepper
1/2t to 1t crushed red pepper
1 lbs. cooked ground beef

There are plenty more you could add. Experiment and share your journey. For now, let's start cooking.

You are going to need some pots and pans. If you are doing a simple recipe all you really need are two.

In my household there is a radical sect of pepper hating youngsters, so you will note that I use my second pot to cook the offending fruits separately, but in more agreeable household it can serve as your noodle pot.

Start with your onion and garlic. Dice the onion, and chop the garlic fine or smash it in a garlic press. You can also do the bell peppers at this time if that works in your house.

If you are using cast iron, put the skillet on high heat. When it is good and hot add the oil and encourage it to spread over the entire cooking surface before reducing the heat to medium and adding the onions and garlic.

Cook those for about five minutes until the onions are tender and slightly browned. While that is working, prep the canned whole peeled tomatoes by taking out the hard fibrous core. You can also remove the seeds if that's a problem for you. I personally don't bother.

As your onions reach their cook point, add the whole tomatoes. Hold the juice for a few minutes and allow the tomatoes to cook onto the pan. I know this sounds like a horrible burny idea, but what you are trying to do is develop a frond. These cooked on bits will punch up the flavor considerably, but take care not to let them set so long or they will burn and burning is bad. Usually it takes just a few minutes...like 2 or 3 if you were good about keeping most of the juice in the can.

Meanwhile prepare your oregano. When your tomatoes finish up, add the oregano for about 30 seconds, just enough to release the oils.

Then add the juice and the cans of crushed or diced tomatoes and the bay leaves. This is when you want to all your optional seasonings as well, cayenne & red pepper, beef, sausage or rosemary. Pre-cook the beef and the sausage if you want to reduce the grease.

Whew! Was that a lot of work? Because you are pretty much done. Allow that to simmer at a lower temperature for 20 to 40 minutes depending on how thick you want your sauce. The longer you allow it to simmer the thicker it will be. As cooked this will be a chunky sauce. Boil your pasta and, salt, pepper and sugar to taste, toss in the basil at the last minute and you are good to go. If, however, you are the smooth sauce sort you will want to fish out the bay leaves and have a go at the remaining bit with a hand held stick blender. You can also dump the lot into a stand blender or food processor and give it a spin.

Pour over your pasta, sprinkle with chopped basil and some fresh mozzarella and you are D, O, N, E, done.

For my part I moved on to my much maligned pepper preparation.

I also sauteed some fresh tomatoes.

Then I chopped the basil and mixed it in just before serving.

Cut it rolled up this way and you get nice skinny strips. You can also take it crosswise from here for a fine chop if you like.

All put together with fresh mozzarella, parsley and plated. There you have it. Shake a little truffle salt on top if you are feeling decadent.

This is a great meal to share, so... you know... why don't you invite someone over? That's how you build community one meal at a time. My next post will detail why that might be the single best thing you can do for good health and long life. So tell me how it goes. Man am I hungry now.

PS. My camera hates steam. Any photographers out there with tips?

Key - T = Tablespoons, t = teaspoons, C = cups

Why You Need Lent, Even if You're Not Christian

2012-02-24T10:43:00.003-08:00

A lot of folks probably know that Tuesday was Mardi Gras. It's long been adopted as a secular excuse to eat green and purple cake and party like a rock star. Big parades, bead throwing and a little flashing, what's not to love? But what about the morning after? I'm sure for some of the same folks that is the more understated, hangover day, best honored kneeling at a porcelain altar, aspirin on standby. But for the religious minded it is Ash Wednesday, or the start of Lent.

If you're not Catholic or Lutheran or Orthodox or any of the other denominations that hold this tradition you might not know that Lent is a ritualized time of sacrifice. That's pretty straight forward, after a bender like Mardi Gras it should be easy logic to at least give up drinking for a while. But can it be something more? I believe that Lent is a tradition that can teach us some powerful lessons if we are willing to take it on.

For now let's forget the religious underpinnings. Many theologies have similar times of restraint, Islam has Ramadan, Buddhism and Hinduism mark like periods, to name a few. While this similarity could be meer chance, you have to wonder how these vastly different faiths all arrived at the same tradition. Are they on to something?

I believe so. I believe these traditions are widespread because they teach us we can survive difficult times and they provide a framework for deeper personal change by encouraging self control.

Over the last few years evidence has been building for the importance of practice in improving and retaining skills. You might first think of that in terms of playing the piano or throwing a better pass with the ole pigskin. But practice can go even deeper than that. When my son started to play hockey, the very first thing that he was taught was how to fall. Outfitted in helmet and pads to the point he looked like the little brother from A Christmas Story, he took to the ice.

There he was taught to fling himself down over and over and over. Seven years later, not only is my son a better skater, but when the situation calls for it he is also a great faller. When a fall is inevitable he can minimize his chance of injury and get back up faster with well practiced technique.

I can't help but wonder why we don't practice this way for real life? I believe that is exactly what Lent is good for. Think of the suffering caused by our recent economic winter, especially the increase in the suicide rate. We owe it to ourselves to do better. We need to practice! Participating in something like Lent, where we take on the pain of sacrifice within the safe confines of a limited 40 period, and we have the support of a group of like minded others, we teach ourselves that we can make it through hard times. When hardship comes our way, we can respond like Harry Potter casting the Patronus to save Sirius Black. We know we can do it, because we have done it before.

Learning the depth of your own strength is a gift that will keep you resilient when times get tough. Every time you practice it you'll get better and better. But that's not the only thing to be learned from times of Lent. Giving up something you love requires self-control. Current cultural standards under cut the importance of this trait by emphasizing rampant consumerism and an attitude of entitlement. Who hasn't noticed the materialism that has infused Christmas? Lent is the anti-Christmas.

Alone we might not be able to change our culture, but if we have the courage we can change ourselves. I have a book habit, so I've decided I'm going to give up extraneous shopping. No books, no yarn, nothing that isn't essential. Looks like I have work to do because I can feel myself wanting to bargin this out already.

So here's a challenge for you. Sacrifice something. Not too crazy, you do need to eat, and not forever, but say for the next 38 days or so. If you can find a group of like minded folks to join you all the better. You can strengthen your ties supporting each other through this practice of hardship. Just one thing. Can you do it? What will it be? Share your journey with a comment.

Whitney Houston - Who Really Deserves Flag Honors Anyway?

2012-02-21T18:13:00.000-08:00

In case you haven't heard, singing legend Whitney Houston passed away on 11 Feb 2012, and she was laid to rest on Sat. the 18th. The outpouring of love an grief has been so great that I almost missed the coverage about one less than overwhelmed dad, John Burri. He was already in mourning for the death of his son Eric Burri, who lost his life in 2005 to an IED while serving in the Middle East.

According to reports, John Burri burned a New Jersey state flag "...to show Gov. Christie how offensive it was," that the flags in his state were lowered to half-staff in honor of the passing of Whitney.

I thought that was a very curious reaction, but it did get me to think. Who do we value, why and how much? To a lesser degree there is also a question letting bygones be bygones. In other words, is it still appropriate to honor someone who has fallen from grace.

Jumping right in to that last question first... if someone has disgraced themselves does it wash away all of their previous good work? As disgraced stars go, the sins of Whitney Houston are pretty mild. Yes she arguably chose poorly in marriage, she developed a nasty drug habit, and she performed poorly at some of her later concerts. Bobbi Christina might disagree, but from the view in penny seats, her crimes were of the self-destructive variety. It's a familiar but sad shadow that hangs over the arts in our culture. Not all succumb, but there is no doubt that it is dangerous to live an artistic life in our society, especially a very public one. So maybe we need to remember her as a cautionary tale rather than a role model. Plenty of other greats in the military, politics and business fit the same mold or worse. Kennedy anyone? For me, no harm, no foul. She paid the price for her mistakes in life, I can forgive her in death. Her artistic achievements though...where do they fit?.

I don't think there is any question that every soldier who has worn a uniform, and certainly all who died in one, each has elevated themselves to a new plane of altruism. We have two holidays, Vetrans day and Memorial day to honor the special place they have in the world. We have countless monuments, not just for various wars, but also for the soldiers themselves. As we should. It is unquestionable that these actions have value, and so do the people willing to perform them. Anyone who risks their life for the benefit of another is a true hero.

But what about art? Does art, and the artists who create it have value? It is a dangerous occupation as we know. But what the heck even is art? Tolstoy believed that art was a form of communication where an emotional link is created between the artist and the viewer. If that's true Whitney Houston's work speaks for itself. After all these years I still can't listen to "I Will Always Love You" or "The Star Spangled Banner" without getting choked up. I don't think I'm the only one either. This is empathy sent through the air and it can reach you anywhere you have a radio, even in space. It won't shield you from a bullet or feed the kids (unless you are Bobbi Christina) or keep you safe from the dark places in your own heart. But it just might provide that hint of connection that gives you hope. Art can even speak when all other voices have been silenced. I believe that has value.

I don't think that everyone should get a day off work to grill hotdogs and honor her memory. I don't think that she should get a statue down on the National Mall, or battleship named after her. But fly the flags of New Jersey at half-staff to honor a fallen woman from their state who once lifted our hearts all the way to heaven? With all due respect, I'm ok with that.

And I can't help but wonder, with a small quiet whisper in my mind, with all the other troubled entertainers we have laid to rest with no fuss over the honor, Clarence Clemons or Michael Jackson or Frank Sinatra or Elvis. Are we having this conversation because she's female? What do you think?

What is Success? 5 Toxic Myths

2012-02-13T12:47:00.002-08:00

Boy was it disappointing to discover that my phone company was doing me wrong. I hope that folks have found my story informative and helpful. It's the kind of thing that I hate doing, yet corporate personhood aside, I believe that we have a duty to call out bad behavior in business, just like we must act to maintain healthy boundaries with other people. So now I'm gonna grab my cultural warrior coat.

In sweeping up all the mirrors shards, I had the opportunity to reflect on why the folks that run AT&T would chose such a course for their business. Perhaps they believe that if they increase profits, they will win the wealth, freedom and respect that will finally make them successful. But there is a big big problem here. Do you see it?

Success...what is it really? Are you sure you know? Since Charles Dickens first wrote Great Expectations it has become a common theme that the things we think mark success don't look so great when we finally see them up close. Funny though. Despite this theme coming up countless time since, even in Adam Sandler movies, we have continued to chase the same illusions only to find the same disappointment and wonder what went wrong.

I believe we need a new definition for success, and we need one bad. But before we get there let's put the troublemakers to bed once and for all.

1) Success is something you can buy. What is the American Dream these days? Big house, fancy car, white picket fence with a few kids and a dog? Notice something here? These are all things that you own. But wait! I hear some folks thinking...the rest might be true, but you don't own your kids. Well, I personally don't think so, but if the results of a cursory web search are any gauge of what people are thinking there does seem to be some confusion on this point. IMO that's the problem right there. When we gauge success by what we own we want to expand the definition of ownership as far as possible. For some people this will include their spouses, their kids and whomever else they can pull into their orbit. This is bad, because it is this kind of thinking that leads to situations like Josh Powell murdering his sons. What should really be troubling is this type of narcissism is on the rise. Still think we should judge our success by what we possess?

2) Success is a place that you can get to. Like the top of a mountain, or the 1000 Places To See Before You Die or that partnership, or the podium where you get to collect your big award or box seats seats at a ball game or first class instead of coach. Status or the equivalent experience has long been a cherished goal of the ambitious. It is closely tied with material success, and in the end about as hollow. When we gauge success by prestige and perks we become isolationist. It's all out Highlander, 'There can be only one!' Which brings me too...

3) Success is winning. Not long ago HBO made a documentary about the legendary rivalry between tennis stars John McEnroe and Björn Borg . Not only is it an entertaining look into a unique point of sports history, but it's a hugely revealing window on the emptiness of winning, and how each of them discovered this same truth only after watching their lives crash and burn. Sure winning can be good, and we need to have some competition to stay healthy overall. But when winning becomes the yardstick by which we judge success then we cannot tolerate failure. There are problems with that, the biggest being that it dooms us to a never-ending cycle of malignant stagnation. Whose up for watching their world crash and burn?

4) Success is about feeling good. We all want to feel good of course, and most of the things above do seem to do just that, at least up until they don't. That's a problem. When we define success as feeling good, we collapse in times of hardship. Even the luckiest among us is going to face challenges in life. Heart break, loss, illness, our secret sex tape being publicly released, none of these things feel good. It's also painful to take a stand. When folks define success as feeling good, not only will they shy away from righting a troubling wrong, but they are also at serious risk for addiction. If you are doing it right, life is going to hurt sometimes.

5) Success makes you better than the rest. The end result of defining success thus is that once a person 'arrives' they sink into the abyss of grandiose thought. Naomi Campbell, Russell Crowe, Alec Baldwin, and countless others represent the narcissistic upshot of this kind of 'success'. But what kind of life is that? When you succumb to narcissism you can't give love, can't receive love, can't feel love, yup just like Voldemort. It's no wonder that the percentage of psychopaths in the US is a whopping 4%. That is one in 25 people! Even more disturbing is that this figure is on the rise too. From The Sociopath Next Door - by Martha Stout...

Apparently, cultural influences play a very important role in the development (or not) of sociopathy in any given population. Few people would disagree that, from the Wild West of the past to the corporate outlaws of the present, American society seems to allow and even encourage me-first attitudes devoted to the pursuit of domination. Robert Hare writes that he believes "our society is moving in the direction of permitting, reinforcing, and in some instances actually valuing some of the traits listed in the Psychopathy Checklist -- traits such as impulsivity, irresponsibility, lack of remorse."

In the end success is one of those things that we each must define for ourselves, and in so doing we will define our culture. However if we don't question what we have been given, what we believe success to be, we are doomed to fall back on the ideals our culture has provided us. But something is rotten here! Our American dream has become the cliched nightmare. We need a new vision. We must do better than an image of success that breeds narcissism and psychopathy, and I believe we can do better. So what do you think? What does success look like to you?

Photo courtesy of Mattox.

WARNING! AT&T Hidden Charge Phone Scam - Unwanted Tips

2012-02-09T21:23:00.003-08:00

It takes a lot to work up my ire, but phone companies have a knack for it. I learned today about a new way that AT&T has discovered to reach into my pocket and loot my wallet and I want to share my tale with everyone. For the last few months one of the household cell phones has been popping up a text that said:

"Lovegenietips Flirting Tips; 3msg/week for $9.99/m T&Cs: lovegenietips.com Msg&data rates may apply. Reply HELP for help, STOP to cancel. PIN 2QRH

Suspecting it was a phishing scam...

we didn't text our 'STOP' message, but waited til the end of the month and checked the online bill. It looked like this:

The total might be heady for some families, but this includes phones for kids and a critical work phone. As you can see, there is no obvious new charge for any 'Love Genie' subscription. Since we have been tweaking our plan over the last few months to account for changes in usage and adding a kid phone we didn't notice the increase in the overall total, so naturally we though, whew!

Fast forward a few months to today and over on Facebook there is an update from a friend about how she noticed that her bill was $20 more than normal. She did some hunting through the .pdf version of her bill she found not one, but two 'subscriptions' to something called 'bullroare'. She had never requested this service. Cue some furious paper searching on my end and low and behold, this was hidden in the printable version of our bill:

More searching at SMS Watch Dog and we discover that we are even more not alone. In fact there are even some folks who got this message and who did type 'STOP' that still found a fat new charge on their AT&T bill. No two ways about it. This is a SCAM. And one that at the very least AT&T is complicit in perpetuating, if not actively directing. Though my kids might have been tricked up, no one in our house knowingly requested this service. My facebook friend doesn't even have kids to frown at warily.

$10 might not be a ton of money to one person, but multiply that by all the folks on AT&T phones. Give the charge just one or two months gone and that number is so big if it was a truck it would be flagged 'wide load'. So, AT&T, you want to explain how you allowed this 'service' to piggyback its way onto your bill? While you are at it why don't you explain why I have to hunt through my bill to find this stuff too.

After calling up we got two months refunded, but the charges go back another 4 months. That's $40. I have four kids who keep my life busy with hockey and soccer and 4H and doctor visits and a thousand other chores and errands that leave me relying on trust that the people and companies I patronize are acting legitimately. AT&T, this is a poor poor show. You've wallowed in the mud, and I want my $40 back.

And you know what... we never got our 3msg/per week love tips, not even one.

UPDATE - These are screen shots from my friend's experience. Her overview was a little more informative.

But the detailed bill shows a double subscription. It's unclear what one 'Bullroare' subscription should get you. A trumpet for falsehoods or a large horned mammal fresh from a testicle thwacking? I shudder to think what you'd get with two. Either way you will get taken for a charge you didn't want if you don't catch this in time.

*UPDATE March 13, 2012 - Got the AT&T bill today and guess what? That's right still being charged for Love Genie Tips. After the first call we learn that we are only getting credited for this month and last month now, which means that AT&T is actually keeping $50 of my money. E-mail has been sent, with a link to this post to the executive of customer service. We'll see what happens now. When will the madness end?

Toe-Curling Flavors #2 - Truffle Butter - Truffle Salt

2012-02-08T12:20:00.002-08:00

Dieters, we must unite! We are under attack by our reptilian past. It wants to dine. It wants to bring that spoon to my lips, pry open my jaw and fill my belly with the nearest, stickiest calorie. I have clamped my mouth shut. I have even covered it with my hand...and some tape... and some magic marker saying 'No'. But it's the second week of February, it's snowing and between you and me that toffee bar and pasta is a heck of a lot closer than bathing suit weather. I need help... I must combat the need for sweet!

Whew! Can I peek my eyes now? The craving has passed, but not without
a little assistance. I have beaten it back with the rarified flavor of truffles. Now I can guess what you're thinking... must be nice to feed myself such luxuries. What's next? A steak covered in gold leaf?

But guess what, truffles might be the high priced fare of pomp and circumstance most of the time, but in today's world there are options that bring this heady fungus down to earth. I give you - truffle butter and truffle salt.

The way I see it, a large part of dieting failure is about depravation. When we say no to ice cream, or cake or soda or whatever that thing is that you know is bad for you but you just don't want to let go, we go to war with ourselves. The body will miss it's old lovely comforts. It will complain that you are being mean and you never do anything nice for it. It will not listen to reason.

But that does not mean that it will not listen period. To get around this stubbornness of the flesh, I have begun to ply my palate with savory delights that tell my body I love it enough to give it a treat. Shhhhh... don't tell... I have tricked my taste buds and my brain. I can't afford to shell out the cash for a whole truffle to slice over my morning eggs today, much less everyday for the next 3 months, but the miracle of the modern food supply system has provided me with cost effective options that pack the aroma punch (which is what truffles are really good for anyway) but go a lot lighter on the pocket book.

In my area Wegmans I discovered truffle butter, for a few dollars cheaper than that there Amazon price. It has lasted for going on 2 months, and has pretty good flavor. See...

Oh god that was good, and it made that once daily piece of bread something really special. Unfortunately I am trying to lower my carbs even further, so I was thrilled to find the truffle salt as an amazon suggestion...they just get me.

The salt is lasting much longer, and it is more flexible. It's good on eggs and salad and pasta if that works for you. It's also good on steamed veggies and I've even added it to soup just as I serve it. While it is vastly more expensive than plain salt, as a treat it is a great deal. I expect this small tub to last well into the summer. No comparable box of chocolates would make it that long, that's for sure.

One cavet on this brand. The lid does not seal, and the heady fragrance of the truffles is diminishing. This is bad because the magic of truffles is not in their flavor or their texture it is in their exquisite scent. Next time I will be trying the Casina Rossa pot. While it does have a slightly higher price, it also has a higher truffle content and a tight seal lid. Are you hungry yet? Tell me how it goes. I love stories!

Playful Crows and Animal Consciousness

2012-02-06T09:23:00.002-08:00

It's been about a year since I started feeding the crows and it has been amazing to see what other people have observed them doing. So far shared toboggan rides and ball games are still a long way off with my crew, but they are showing signs of wanting to communicate. They watch me put out the food from the safety of the trees, but when I'm late coming out in the morning one will stand on the back rail and give me a squawk. Then she'll look in through the glass door at me until I get up. It's not a round of hoops but for these parts, where plenty of folks do their best to chase the crows away, I think it's a pretty good start. I'm looking forward to seeing how they are in the spring when they have new chicks to feed.

And it will be a good time for it. With first ever Conference on Animal Consciousness coming up in
July, this couldn't been a better time to be looking at our animal neighbors with new eyes. In the past year dolphins have been recorded speaking whale in their sleep, prairie dog language has been cracked, and dogs have earned frequent rider status on the subway. Maybe we will soon be ready to admit that we humans don't have the intelligent consciousness market cornered. Does that make us lesser beings? I don't think so. But it does make our world way more amazing!

How about you? What surprising animal behavior have you seen? Are you amazed at their cleverness or sharpening your pitchfork before they declare themselves our new overlords? Do tell!

What are You Teaching Your Kids About Money?

2012-02-02T12:42:00.001-08:00

When I was growing up the only thing that I knew about money was that we didn't have any. Or more specifically, I didn't have any. Other folks did, even a few distant family members, but it was often a source of contention. From a child's vantage point, hidden under the skirts of the dinner table, I quickly came to understand that money could make you more equal when it came to excusing bad behavior, but also secretly reviled, especially if you had the nerve to talk poor-mouth.

As an adult I can now see that it wasn't just me growing up with weird attitudes. Americans have issues with money. We love it, we want it and we hate you if you have it and we don't. But guys...come on...seriously, is this healthy?

Money is a funny thing. We do need it, at least so much as

we have a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. But beyond its function of symbolic trade, it is its own metaphor. And we have allowed its abundance or lack thereof to become bound up in what we believe ourselves to be. Yet ironically most of us know very little about how it works. The economists and accountants of the world are often pictured as heartless little trolls racing through life, abacus in hand, calculating if it's more in their best interest to flip you a quarter or flip you the bird. That's just sad.

I believe that a lot of these unhealthy attitudes come from how we learn the economic rules of the road.

Enter polar bears....So, I was watching a Nova documentary on the arctic... mama bear was walking along the ice. She paused to sniff the air, then she casually strolled over to a spot that looked no different than all the rest of the ice floes. She reared back and slammed her two front paws down hard. She did it again. On the third try she reached down into an open cavity. Her teeth just missed the seal that darted away into the water. As she stepped away and started to move on, baby bear raced up and started pounding the packed snow with his front paws til he flipped end over into the hole. Aside from thinking how darn cute baby polar bears are when they are learning survival skills, it got me to thinking about how we teach our kids the important stuff about human living, like what the heck is money and what should we do with it.

I didn't learn much about money at home. If it was discussed in front of us kids, which was rare, it was only spoken of in hushed tones like that unpleasantness that got the forth grade teacher fired and run out of town or cancer. School wasn't much better. While I did learn to do math all the way into advanced algebra, I was never taught how to budget, or balance a check book, or even that I needed to set priorities for saving and spending. I consider myself lucky to have only been homeless once.

I did end up learning. First through a lot of ugly trial and error, but as I have gotten older through reading and asking questions. I have worked hard to unlearn the worst ideas, and I've made it my goal to help my kids avoid the gaping pitfalls that almost did me in. Not only have I homeschooled them through numerous money learning guides, but I've made it a point to bring money out of the closet and onto the dinner table.

We talk all the time about how much we have, what we'll need to reach our goals and how much we have to spend for our day to day living. We talk a lot about working hard. Like the baby bears kids will watch and learn if you give them the chance.

Not long ago I was at the store with the whole brood. They each raced through the aisles picking up some things, counting their money and then putting them down. When we finally saddled up to the check out they each had a little something to buy and a lot of bills still in their pockets. I must say, I was as proud as a mama polar bear. How goes it in your house? Do you talk about money in front of the children, and if so what do you say?

Being Better #4 - The Problem with Being Limitless

2012-01-27T12:57:00.000-08:00

I have done it! After much hand wringing, wailing indecision and some thoroughly embarrassing hiding under the covers with a tub of peanut butter, I have set a limit! Ok...just a second...give me some air...

Whoa, what happened?

I'm sure you have been there. Most everyone has had someone in your life who presumed too much. Someone who asked for things you didn't really want to give or

trampled over your heart because their upset was soooo much more important than your pesky 'feelings'. It's an awful misery. And what's worse, many women (and a few men) like myself are set up to tolerate such one-sided savageness because we are raised to be 'nice'.

Well, after much anguish I have finally laid down a boundary by clearly stating what I could not and would not tolerate. Then I clearly stated that I would be hopping on the happy train to home if my limits were not respected.

If you are in a situation, especially if there is an issue of addiction involved, this is a useful tool to have in your lifepack. But like any tool, you have to use it for it to work.

This is the part that tripped me up for so long. I have set limits in other situations, but extenuating circumstances held me back until I realized by holding my grievances I was not only allowing myself to be treated poorly, but I was preventing the other person from having the opportunity to grow. We all learn by trial and error, but if we don't suffer the logical consequences for our bad behavior, we keep acting like jerks.

This is how our friends can help break us out of a cognitive dissonance loop, and how we can help them be real, or see if they really have what it takes to be our friend.

This video illustrates the issues well, as does the book below.

Cross your fingers for me, I hope it goes well. It is scary. What did you do today?

Hack Yourself with Your Other Hand

2012-01-23T09:22:00.002-08:00

Which hand do you use the most? You know... the one you use to open doors or to write, or to do that thing that.... yeah, that hand.

I have recently started working my way through How to Train a Wild Elephant: And Other Adventures in Mindfulness, and thus far it has been an adventure with some unexpected benefits which don't have anything to do with either mindfulness or being embarrassed when your mother walks in. They have to do with boosting creativity.

But first let me roll back a bit and

explain how I got here.

The book is composed of a series of exercises designed to help you focus on mindfulness, slowing down, all that good stuff, and it's great on that count. I'm loving it. So anyway, for the first exercise they propose a challenge. You are to use your non-dominant hand for all the ordinary tasks you normally do through the day, and it does slow you down, make you think etc. etc.

But, I also discovered this exercise came with a whole other set of revelations that go well beyond the prescribed lesson. I suspect these neat benefits come from the quirky nature of brain itself. For example, you really do have two minds, your brain is divided. Called hemispheres, it is constructed of two sides which split some of the thinking jobs, and all of the work of controlling your body. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body, and so the reverse for the other sides. When it comes to thinking chores it's not quite so clear cut, but our minds do loosely separate some thought processes, with the left half focusing on things like exact math calculation, fact retrieval and the like, with the right hemisphere concentrating more on estimates, adding emotional inflection to speech and understanding context. (So far as we have currently learned.)

Brains are also flexible. As we have see through the struggles of Gabby Giffords, the brain has a tremendous capacity to heal and rewire itself when the need is called for, with healthy brain areas taking up the work that a damaged part used to handle.

Enter the handedness switcheroo. By using my left hand to brush my hair and hold my fork, I was forcing my right brain hemisphere to do work it was not used to doing. As I progressed through the week I found myself with a flood of ideas, for blogging, writing, knitting, even painting and I don't paint. I think I am generally a pretty creative sort (people certainly tell me that I am), but even for me it was a noteworthy uptick. My suspicion is that using my non-dominant hand triggered the development of some new connections, growth if you will.

Is this a scientific assurance? Well of course not, but if I could tearfully beg my way into HHMI I would be all over setting up a lab to study this. Since I'm still working on that (you listening HHMI?), for now I'll share this idea with you. I encourage you to try it for yourself. Notice anything?

Darkness at Noon - Wikipedia, SOPA, PIPA and the Deputizing of the Internet

2012-01-17T15:01:00.000-08:00

As you may have already heard, tomorrow Wikipedia and a number of other sites will go dark. Ok...so, it probably won't happen at noon, nor is it likely to be accompanied by the jingle of spurs or the screams of horses. However, if things go as planned it is likely to have as big an impact as the proverbial old west showdown.

And we should hope so too because there is a lot at stake. The central issue is piracy, be it music, movies or ...books? *sniff* If people want to

continue having big popcorn blockbusters where they can practice their covert kissing skills, then they must pay for these intellectual delights. An incredible amount of work, time and money go into the production of making a film, and the cold hard truth is that none of that would happen if you could no longer make a profit doing it. Gaffers and Best boys have to eat, and producers have to make enough profit to bankroll their next flick. The same goes for music and story craft.

However, and you can see it is a big 'however', the needs of the entertainment industry to make a profit cannot trump our human rights (privacy) or our freedom of speech. That's a no can do. Yet these proposed laws would require companies like Google, Yahoo and Bing to sever links and other Internet giants would have to block sites and police content. That's censorship.

I love Google, but I'm not ready or willing to give them a badge, slap them on a horse and scream posse! It's just not their place. As an aspring pro-writer myself, I know that I could someday lose big by having my work pirated, but it's wrong to use that as an excuse to suck the life out of the whole of the Internet and potentially turn today's law abiding citizens into criminals.

Whether Wikipedia is doing the right thing or not by shutting their business down for a day, such an act is a very bold statement and it should get your attention. The law is a cudgel, and any changes made to the law are going to have the precision of such an instrument. I believe we all have a responsibility to try and protect ourselves from bad laws, and it is much easier to do so before they are passed rather than after. So I encourage everyone to take a moment and learn more about this issue, and if you are so moved, get involved. Call or message your congressman or your Senator and tell them what you think.

By the by Darkness at Noon is a worthy book, and apropo. Check it out!

Many Thanks to Kriss Szkurlatiwski, www.12frames.eu for the photo.

Being Better #3 - Say Hello to Your Inner Demons

2012-01-16T12:35:00.000-08:00

Cognitive dissonance has negative power in our lives because of the lies we tell ourselves.

For a moment think of life as a dinner date. Here we sit. Maybe we still have a half glass red wine dangling dangerously in one hand and one or two empty green bottles at our feet. We talk about about the ways in which the world has given us a raw deal and how things would be so much better if it wasn't for x,y and z holding us down. We may even expound on our own awesomeness and what a crime it is that the world is missing out on our personal greatness.

What we don't want to talk about is

how our beliefs in our own awesomeness might be distorting our vision. Consider the alcoholic. It is an old saw for anyone with a dependency to say to themselves, and anyone that questions their behavior, that they can quit any time that they want. It's a lie of course. Everyone on the outside can see that, but the alcoholic can't because it conflicts with their belief that can control their behavior, and that's the key - belief.

If you want to meet your inner demons examine your beliefs. Now, I'm not talking about religious beliefs, though those can sometimes have a roll in bad behavior, but rather your beliefs about yourself, that you are kind, or moral or smart. In and of themselves such beliefs are not bad, but only so long as they are not absolute. If our vision of ourselves as a kind person, for example, allows for the occasional 'bite your head off' failure we are more likely to maintain a realistic and internally honest picture of ourselves. However say we imagine ourselves as smart, and perhaps we have an unhealthy habit like gambling (not to pick, there are plenty of others), and we believe you can only be 'smart' if you never make a mistake...DANGER DANGER DANGER. What's likely to follow your gambling is an avalanche of justification that allows your mind to handle the two obviously incompatible ideas by keeping one and quashing the other. Not only is this type of thinking the path to ruin, but in extreme forms it is narcissism.

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living. If we take this advice to heart we can begin to reduce the negative aspects of cognitive dissonance in our lives. That's why I have made a commitment to examine my thoughts, consider my beliefs and allow myself the freedom to fail. How about you?

Toe-Curling Flavors #1 - Toasted Sesame Oil

2012-01-09T11:21:00.002-08:00

New series! I spend a lot of my time thinking about how to be a better person, and how to make the world a better place. But other times I just want to enjoy something amazing. In this series I'm going to focus on food. Sweet, savory, biting, briny, bordellos for the taste buds, bring it on! Let's face it, even for the most randy among us, we are all going to eat a heck of a lot more often than we are ever going to have sex. Why not make it a phenomenal experience!

To begin...in an earlier incarnation of my life I worked for about a decade in the restaurant industry, culminating in a stint as a pastry/dessert chef. The most important thing that I learned
, outside of methods to combat the green bottle flu, was that flavors come in palettes. Like a painters colors, certain tastes go together, others don't. Focusing on ingredients, techniques or avenues that may be outside the purview of the average cook, I'm going to share some of what I have learned along that way. Today that means toasted sesame oil.

The work horse of asian cooking with a history as rich as its flavor, simply put, sesame oil is divine. In its many forms, refined, unrefined, light (color), and dark or toasted it can be used for everything from deep frying to the most delicate of salad dressings. My focus today, toasted sesame oil, is best suited to stir-frying, salad dressings, sauces and dips. It's also good with noodles! Yum.

Here lately I've been using it to feed my obsession with japanese restaurant salad dressing. The current version goes like this:

In the blender I dump...

3/4 C of toasted sesame oil

1/2 C of Rice Wine Vinegar

1 and 1/2 T of soy sauce (today was low salt variety, if you want more salt ahead and add some)

2t of honey

2 squirts (or 2T) of tomato paste or ketchup

2t Key Lime juice (I ran out of lemon juice)

1/2 teaspoon of minced garlic

6 cranks of black pepper

On my cutting board I rough chop

A piece of fresh ginger bigger than my thumb

A stalk of celery

and 3/4 C of raw onion

I then dump all of that into the blender too. If the liquid level looks a little low at this point I also add a squirt of water.

Blend that baby until well pureed. Pour off into glass salad dressing bottles and serve over leafy greens...chicken...fish... mercy just drink it straight! It's great.

By the by, you don't need a blender as expensive as the one linked below (I caught a lucky break in getting it), but if you use one a lot I can recommend this one.

Also, the one caveat to this recipe is the same one you already know about eating raw onions. Onion breath. The next time I make it I'm planning on sauteing the onion and celery. I'll put an update on this post with the results.

Enjoy down to your toes!

Being Better #2 - Admitting Failure - Why is it So Hard?

2012-01-02T11:46:00.002-08:00

How many times have you caught yourself saying, "I know I was the one driving, but if she hadn't walked out into the road, she never would have been hit. I mean, who just steps into a crosswalk without looking thoroughly? Do you trust those 'walk now' signs? I know I don't."

Mercy. Say I'm an a-hole, just don't say I'm wrong.

Ok, so that was an exaggeration, but it does show how our thinking often goes when we run smack dab into a failure. And why is that? What makes it so hard to just say
, 'I messed up, I blew it, I was wrong'? In a word dissonance.

When you think of the word dissonance, if you are like me you think of the gawd awful sound that comes from a piano when you smash Rachmaninoff, just one more time for several traumatized relatives. Sadly for us, the same thing happens in our brains when we try to hold two incongruent thoughts at the same time, like say 'I'm a good person' and 'I just ran over a lady because I was too busy putting on my lipstick when I should have been driving'. When our brains confront such a choice they typically latch on to the more preferable of the two alternatives. 'I am a good person', easily trumps the competing idea under an avalanche of justification. We call this Cognitive Dissonance.

The bad news, cognitive dissonance is not something we can easily turn off. It may even be hard-wired. Does that mean we are just doomed? Of course not. Difficult does not equal impossible. I believe that we human being are capable not only of changing our behavior, but also of better managing ourselves to account for our blind spots like cognitive dissonance.

As with most worthy ventures it will be a challenge, one I can only begin to address in this blog post. But just in discussing this peccadillo of the mind we have already taken step one. If we want to minimize the negative effects of cognitive dissonance in our lives, first we must acknowledge this vulnerability. Only when we see ourselves as we truly are can we begin to change.

Help That Really Helps - The Charity Problem

2011-12-22T08:25:00.000-08:00

Does anyone out there remember Band Aid? Back when I was growing up their hit single "Do they know it's Christmas?" was a wake up call to all us MTV crazed teens and pre-teens that not only was there a big scary world outside of America, but there were places that were out of the pizza delivery zone. Horrors! Many of us, after recovering our composure with a big handful of chips washed back with a new liter sized bottle of Coke, begged our parents to send a turkey to Africa to feed the starving babies. We were going to save the world!

Fast forward 25 years and what do you know, not only are there still starving babies in Africa and around the world, but we have witnessed even greater horrors like what happened in Darfur. We sent our turkeys and our biggest rock stars delivered them, so what the hell happened?

In a word - failure. But how could that be? It felt so right.

As I blogged about before, if what we really want is to do better, we need to embrace this failure and learn from it.

In the case of Africa part of our failure stemmed from ignoring the underlying conditions that were the root cause of their poverty in the first place. As in most cases those causes were a combination of economic factors and government corruption. Andrew Mwenda detailed the fallacy of solving poverty with aid best, in his TED talk on June 2007:

Like many people who criticize good intentions he took a lot of heat for the things he said, including jail time.

It is hard to accept that our well intentioned giving could have failed to be a help. It is almost too much to bear that it was in fact harmful. Yet if we really want to make a difference we have to take a step back and consider the results. To do otherwise suggests that our giving was entirely a narcissistic venture designed to boost our own self-image and shave our taxes, a truly ugly picture indeed.

So what is a genuinely well intentioned person to do in this season of giving and collecting tax deductions? First be honest with yourself. If you give to any charity you are going to benefit, either in terms of a tax deduction or in terms of an over all positive feeling that you are a good person. Both of these things are OK. In fact it's great that giving makes us feel so good otherwise it would probably happen a whole lot less. The challenge is to prevent those positive feelings from blinding you to the outcome of your giving.

Fortunately the internet is making it increasingly easy to verify those results. The website Admitting Failure deals specifically with non-profit ideas that haven't worked. We can also look to the news, as in the case of donated clothing, to get a more textured picture of how our good intentions are playing out in the world of real economics. And perhaps most saliently we can look at the success stories of the world, like rise of the Chinese economy. Naturally there is some debate as to which factors were the most important in leading to their fantastic turnaround, but there is little doubt that deregulation, privatization and the introduction of the free market played a major part.

Evaluating these factors in terms of my personal giving strategy (which I will explore in more depth in future posts) has led me currently to favor micro-lending sites like Kiva. I do not think that it is the only way to help, but in general terms I think it is the best bet, and yes I said bet. I believe that it is important to think of our charity as a form of investment, and by that I mean it is a gamble, on our own parts and for those we intend to help. It is not a sure thing which also manages to make us a great person. As with all our other investments, if we want them to do well, it behoves us to choose them carefully and keep an eye on them.

Happy Holidays, and Good Hunting for better giving. As always share your stories of success and failure.

Do-It-Yourself Gifts #1

2011-12-19T13:32:00.000-08:00

Or maybe this should be #2 with my post on making vanilla as number 1. Of course my kids would be rolling around laughing at that. 'Two' is apparently the funniest of numbers especially when referenced as #2. Anyway, that's another blog post ...that probably is best read with air freshener.

So here we are in the midst of the holiday season. It's a swamp of shopping, wrapping, delivering. We buy, we give, we return, we regift. It can get so hectic you may catch yourself building fortifications out of ginger bread and candy canes, not that I would know anything about that...*whistle* *whistle*.

I do like giving presents, but you all know, it gets costly to give something to everyone, including your son's cub scout den mom, the UPS guy you are on a first name basis with because of your QVC habit, or that arresting officer who was nice enough to hold your hair back.

This is where I break out the pots and pans. This year my gift of choice was applesauce. It's always the right size. It is easy and quick to make, yet reflects thought and effort. It can be made for a reasonable enough price (especially if you have access to a farmers market that sells apple 'seconds') that even large quantities can be made for a modest outlay. And best of all, if the recipient feels they must regift, they will surely find an eager taker.

Ready yet? Great! The first big question is always, what kind of apple should I get. You want to start with a sweet apple suitable for eating rather than say a tart granny smith, unless you are into that sort of thing. Now with hundreds of varieties on the market it can be hard to choose, but this is the modern age, of course the internet has the answer. Orange Pippin has an alphabetical listing of hundreds of apples. You are sure to find at least one from you local market that would be a good fit.

Got your apples? Good. What you see above is a 1/2 bushel of Nittany apples I got as seconds at a local farmers market. I have also used Jonagold which I like even better. Whatever your apples, cut them in quarters. Then put the pieces in a heavy pot, cores, seeds and all. Enamel cast iron is my favorite, but any big pot will do. It should look something like this:

At this point you should add some additional water. 1/2 Cup is a good figure to start with, but in my case you can see that I over stuffed the pot, so I went up to a full 3/4 of a cup, to allow for some lost vapor before the apples collapse and the lid closes on the pot. So then, put the lid on and turn the heat on high. When the water starts to boil and the lid closes you can turn the heat down to low or simmer and allow to cook until the apples are softened and mushy which should be between half an hour and 45 minutes. Note that I didn't add any sugar. If you are regretting your granny smith choice go ahead and add some, but a good sweet apple shouldn't need the added calories. I know my pants don't for sure. You might also want to add a teaspoon or so of cinnamon, but I'll leave that up to you.

When the apples are throughly cooked down and mushy, remove the lid. If it seems on the watery side let it simmer w/o the lid until it has reduced down to a water level you like. Then it is time to break out the ole food mill. If you don't have one they are worth the $30 or so you'd pay, not only for the apple sause, but for soup, and for those moms with the greatest industry - baby food.

Putting the food mill over a large bowl, fill it with apple mush, and crank away! If you have kids, they love this part.

Scrape the sides down on the food mill as needed. When it is clear the pulp has nothing left to give, scape the bottom of the mill and you are done. Apple sause!

Pack into disposable plastic containers, and sling as needed. Don't forget your Santa hat!